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THE FIRST TRADE (6/13):

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WOOD traded Jon Lester, ChC SP to RCBD
RCBD traded Domingo Santana, Mil RF to WOOD

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POLL RESULTS:  I don’t know if we’ve been doing polls lately and shame on us for that. NO POLL RESULTS TO BE DISCUSSED.

MY HYPOTHETICAL VOTE:  Would go to the Q-Tip City Morning Wood because I hate Jon Lester

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THE MORNING WOOD RETURN:

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RF Domingo Santana – 24.8 year old Brewers RF working on a wee bit of a breakout.  .375 OBP, 11 2Bs, 11 HRs, 38 Rs, 35 RBIs, 6 SBs in 218 ABs thus far this season (well at the time that I got around to writing this part or whatever). Same number of HRs in about 30 more ABs last season and that was the most ABs he ever had so it is just a matter of WHERE THINGS GO FROM HERE. Compounding the ABs problem is a somewhat crowded Brewers OF once Ryan Braun returns from injury. But hey Domingo has slightly improved his BB% and his K% and that is more than SOME OTHER BREWERS OFs can say so who knows where he goes from here. Whom. Knows.

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THE BAD DUDES RETURN:

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SP Jon Lester – 33.45 year old lefty piece of shit pitcher for the Cubs that can’t throw to first base. 4-4, 3.89 ERA (3.52 FIP), 86 Ks in 83.1 IP (9.29 K/9), 7 QS at time of writing this in the year 2017. Remains an effective fantasy guy, has a team that will win him some games, but fuck him I don’t like him.

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THE SECOND TRADE (6/14):

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LTBS traded A.J. Pollock*, Ari CF to JF16
JF16 traded Eduardo Nunez, SF SS to LTBS
JF16 traded Kevin Maitan, Atl SS to LTBS

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MY HYPOTHETICAL VOTE:  Would go to the OGTFC due to receiving best player and giving up not much (at this time)

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THE OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB RETURN:

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CF AJ Pollock – 29.5 year old CF for the DBacks, has been both overrated and underrated a hundred different times by now.  .337 OBP, 12 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 2 HRs, 26 Rs, 11 RBIs, 11 SBs in 154 ABs thus far this season. He was never going to be the 20 HR threat that a lot of FOOLS thought he would be after he popped 20 in 2015, that was an outlier season and his cap is probably the mid teens on a good year. Hits way too many grounders to have power numbers, at about 50% this year. BUT a very good base stealer and can score a lot of runs and can probably end up with enough extra base hits in that home stadium to be a realllll fantasy asset, so long as he can stay healthy. That has been tricky throughout his career.

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THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

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SS/3B/LF Eduardo Nunez  –  GUY IS ALREADY GONE, lets save the analysis for his final resting place. Poor traded a bunch of times bastard, he’s like an older less domestically abusive Addison Russell…..

Low Minors SS Kevin Maitan – Look the guy is 17 fucking years old, I don’t care how good he might eventually be we could all be dead by then so it won’t really matter. Don’t trade established players for 17 year olds LET US NOT BECOME THAT LEAGUE. I know nothing about him, hear he has some hit tools but he also might not have pubes so whatevz. Major League Comparison:  Xander Bogaerts cuz I dunno why not? People that throw Miggy’s name around offend me. 

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THE THIRD TRADE (6/15):

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RCBD traded Lazaro Armenteros, Oak LF to LTBS
RCBD traded David Dahl*, Col LF to LTBS
RCBD traded Jacob Faria, TB SP to LTBS
LTBS traded J.P. Crawford, Phi SS to RCBD
LTBS traded Clint Frazier, NYY CF to RCBD
LTBS traded Carlos Carrasco, Cle SP to RCBD

AND A BUNCH OF DRAFT PICKS OR WHATEVER

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MY HYPOTHETICAL VOTE:  Would go to the Bad Dudes for getting Carlos Carrasco in all this mess and giving up a whole lotta not much, also Clint Frazier ain’t exactly a throw-in.

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THE BAD DUDES RETURN:

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SP Carlos Carrasco – 30 year old righty for the Indians, and a guy I think I saw pitchin in Clearwater. 6-3, 3.36 ERA (3.56 FIP), 72 Ks in 75 IP (8.64 K/9), 7 QS thus far in 2017. PITCHIN’ WELL. What else can I say. He also pitched quite well last year. I might try and acquire him from the Bad Dudes at some point so lets say as little as possible and move on.

Low Minors CF Clint Frazier – 22.8 year old CF for the Yanks, currently at AAA and acquired in the Andrew Miller trade and they made him cut his beautiful red hair. Yanks 2nd ranked prospect right now (#33 overall BA, #18 overall MLB.com, #16 overall BP). So folks think he can be good, and he has been pretty good at AAA thus far: .353 OBP, 11 HRs, 9 SBs in 59 games. Brewers RF working on a wee bit of a breakout.  .375 OBP, 11 2Bs, 11 HRs, 38 Rs, 35 RBIs, 6 SBs in 218 ABs thus far this season (well at the time that I got around to writing this part or whatever). PERHAPS not the type of guy you just throw in a deal, perhaps. Should be up next season at the latest, could be very good and a 20/20 threat and here he is just thrownnn on in here.I HAVE SEEN MIKE TROUT’S NAME MENTIONED AS A COMP EVEN THOUGH THOSE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS. Major League Comparison:  Andrew McCutchen because I don’t see color, which version of Cutch it remains to be seen.

Low Minors SS JP Crawford – 22.4 year old AAA SS for the Phillies, slumping HARD but their top prospect according to BA (#19 overall BA, #4 MLB.com, #4 BP). The problem with prospect rankings is we act like defense isn’t a big part of them, and in JP’s case it certainly is. But yea SLUMPING:  .194 AVG, .313 OBP, 2 HRs, 2 SBs in 56 AAA games. Might still be good but damned if I ever trust an SS prospect, due to the whole defense being weighted heavily thing. Francisco Lindor worked out though so WHO KNOWS.  Major League Comparison:  Starlin Castro

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THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

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CF David Dahl  –  DAVID DAHL WILL BE HURT FOREVER. When he isn’t hurt he is a power-speed threat, as evidenced by his 7 HRs 5 SBs in 63 games last season. But he will be hurt forever so why wax nostalgic about the past.

Low Minors LF Lazaro Armenteros  –  AGAIN, this dude was born in like 1999 people. WHO FUCKING KNOWS. Major League Comparison:  Yasiel Puig cuz Cuba. 

Low Minors SP Jacob Faria  –  23.8 year old righty pitcher CURRENTLY UP with the Rays and pitching well. 2-0 with 13 Ks in 12.2 IP, 2 ER thus far in the majors after racking up 12.89 K/9 and putting up a 3.07 ERA (3.20) FIP in AAA. I believe he was the Rays 9th ranked prospect according to Baseball America, AND LOOK I DON’T HAVE THE TIME TO CHECK ALL THE RANKINGS ON ALL YOUR TRADES THIS PARTICULAR WEEK OKAY. I have a job sorta. Major League Comparison:  Colin McHugh, Ks WITH MEH VELOCITY BABY. 

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THE FOURTH TRADE (6/15):

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LTBS traded Eduardo Nunez, SF SS to WOOD
LTBS traded Corey Dickerson, TB LF to WOOD
WOOD traded Didi Gregorius, NYY SS to LTBS
WOOD traded Julio Teheran, Atl SP to LTBS

AND MAYBE DRAFT PICKS? I dunno I can’t remember. Almost definitely was draft picks though.

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“take some pride in your work Sean mehhhhhh”

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THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

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SP Julio Teheran – 26.33 year old righty starter for the Braves, oscillates between good and bad seasons and is currently on a bad one. 6-4, 4.86 ERA (5.67 FIP), 57 Ks in 79.2 IP (6.44 K/9), 9 QS in the year 2017. 9 QS HOW IN THE FUCK?! That FIP is so bad that I shouldn’t have to keep writing about this fucking guy in trade reviews, is what I think. So I won’t

SS Didi Gregorius – 27 year old SS for the Yanks, KILLIN IT after returning from the DL.  .355 OBP, 10 2Bs, 6 HRs, 23 Rs, 25 RBIs, 1 SB in 174 ABs. Hit 20 HRs last season. Still pretty young and in his athletic prime and whatnot. DEREK JETER WHO. A fairly solid fantasy SS these days is what Didi is, which is why he was on like 3 different teams around the time of this trade.

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THE MORNING WOOD RETURN:

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Because of what the Morning Wood are doing below here (and certainly NOT because of time constraints) I am not even going to look at their return. And it is a shame cuz I think the world of Corey Dickerson but YOU ERECTIONS ARE PUSHING IT. First 11 starters now this. and Fuck Eduardo Nunez……

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THE FIFTH/SIXTH TRADES (6/15):

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WOOD traded Troy Tulowitzki, Tor SS to RCBD
RCBD traded J.P. Crawford, Phi SS to WOOD

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RRF traded Ariel Miranda, Sea RP to WOOD
WOOD traded Carlos Gonzalez, Col RF to RRF

 

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Yea no nowwwwww you First Boners Of The Day are just fucking pushing it, don’t make the league contemplate the vetoes I would rather see you just drop people. Or yanno SHOP AROUND FOR A HOT MINUTE. I will not review these cuz these are terrible, I touched on JP Crawford above though so ENJOY THAT.

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