2018 TROLL SERIES VOLUME 2: FINALLY IT CAN BE DONE, THE DEFINITIVE TOP 10 BACKYARD CHAMPIONS OF ALL TIME

February 25, 2018August 16, 2019 AnActualBearLeave a comment

Where will last year’s X*Rayz rank (asterisk and all)? I WILL DECIDE AND ONLY ME

Consider this a bit of a Troll For Champions, as I’m sure everyone feels like their team was the best championship team OF ALL TIME and mostly everyone there is wrong. It is also a bit of a troll because I am doing VERY LITTLE research here. So finally, as a labor of love, and since we finally have 10 league champions, I will rank them all. The last troll article had some rules let’s get some more rules in here.

The Rules:

FIRST RULE, is more of a statement and that statement is I don’t have access to any league pages before like 2013. So really I am the worst possible person to compile a top ten. HERE IT IS ANYWAYS.
Previous season result MATTERS, in the obvious ways you will expect it to matter. aka teams that win multiple years in a row should obviously be PRAISED BY ALL.
Regular season stats matter A BIT, particularly since I only have that to go off of for a couple of seasons.
But playoff run also matters, particularly since I only happen to know the playoff runs for a couple of seasons. Alright let’s get to it, I don’t even think I needed to list rules but I copy and pasted the top from last time for some reason ANYWAYS HERE WE GO…

NUMBER 10

**2017 – POINT LOMA X*RAYZ: 10-6-2**

Notable Performers: Jose Ramirez, Dee Gordon, Billy Hamilton, Elvis Andrus, Daniel Murphy, Chris Archer, Robbie Ray, Jeff Samardzija, Edwin Diaz, Dellin Betances

Why They’re Number Ten: BECAUSE THEIR BCS #NimmoGate CONTROVERSY NEARLY RUINED US ALL. I love this particular roster and was a big fan of their playoff run, but lets face it the BCS uhhh “incident” was a bit o’ a shitshow. And since that shitshow was mostly due to a terrible rule established by this team’s OWN OWNER that kinda seals their fate as the number ten here. Which doesn’t at all take away from the fact that Odom has taken home the chip (or co-taken co-home) in 4 of 7 seasons in the league which is plenty fucking impressive. And I thank him for Rhys Hoskins in a roundabout way (assuming Rhys works out).

NUMBER 9

2011 – JIMBO’S VULCAN DEATH GRIP: 9-11

Notable Performers: Mike Napoli, Elvis Andrus, Michael Young, Carlos Gonzalez (half the season), Hanley Ramirez (the other half), Joe Mauer (the other half but also always hurt), CC Sabathia (half the season), Cole Hamels (the other half), an erratic Ubaldo Jimenez, David Robertson

(special thanks to Odom for helping me remember some guys)

Why They’re Number Nine: REGULAR SEASON RECORD is what does this team no favors. Despite a fan favorite name and an impressive championship in their eventual inaugural season as owners, the facts are the facts and the facts are this is the only team to ever win a championship with a sub-.500 regular season record. I am also going to claim this team INVENTED THE BLOCKBUSTER, because this thing is full of wild claims without sources. A midseason deal sent That record CC and CarGo to the WVU Bombers or whatfuckingever for Mauer, Hanley Ramirez, and Cole Hamels and those three would be staples on the team for YEARS TO COME. Mauer would go on to homer in a first round matchup against WVU which was amusing because he hit all of 3 HRs that season. But YEA THE RECORD, the record gave the doubters plenty of fuel with which to doubt. DOUBT THAT WOULD PROVE FOOLISH. clearly it was a star, t from humble beginnings for the Odom/Sean dynasty to be.

NUMBER 8

Image result for brian wilson 2009

2009 – SCARLET KNIGHTS: 15-7

Notable Performers: JASON BAY, Brian Wilson ALLEGEDLY for the latter half, Miguel Cabrera, Prince Fielder, Robinson Cano, Jorge Posada, Travis Hafner maybe?, Vernon Wells maybe?, Miguel Tejada maybe?, Dustin Pedroia for part of the season? Some other closers? I dunno how the fuck should I know…

Why They’re Number Eight: PRE-COMPETITIVE ERA. Because while a 15-7 record is nothing to sneeze at, they played in the pre-competitive era free of minor league systems and excessive numbers of keepers and so on and so forth. Also their BCS victory came at the hands of a notable idiot with a 12-10 record, unlike the next 15-7 team on the list that defeated a fellow 15-7er to capture a crown. FUN FACT: I won the fantasy football championship this season thanks to a one CJ2K. So that is a fun fact.

NUMBER 7

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2010 – TOMS RIVER TAKEOVER: 15-7

Notable Performers: CLAYTON KERSHAW I AM SURE, Roy Halladay and his NINE CGs I am sure, Justin Upton, Jon Lester, Juan Pierre?, injury-hampered Justin Morneau? injury-hampered J-ROLLLLLLLL, Dan Uggla?, Tim Hudson?, hopefully kept Kelly Johnson through the tough times cuz 2010 was his masterpiece?

Why They’re Number Seven: SUPERIOR BCS MATCHUP. AGAIN this comes in the era of a bunch of shitty owners shitting around, BUT this particular 15-7 squad edges the previous due to a seemingly more challenging BCS matchup. No idea who really made up this roster (heavy speculation based on ’08 draft above), but I DO see they dropped a ridiculous 81 RBIs (still the all-time record) and 70 Runs on their poor Week 16 opponent. So I suspect they had some strong offensive players. Feel pretty confident in this guess.

NUMBER 6

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2016 – OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB: 11-7-2

Notable Performers: Mike Trout, Kris Bryant, Anthony Rizzo, Mookie Betts, Todd Frazier, Trea Turner, Ian Desmond, Corey Seager, Jose Fernandez, Francisco Rodriguez

Why They’re Number SIX: GENERAL ROSTER TALENT. This team had done such an excellent job of SQUANDERING their elite talent for years that I campaigned a few times for them to change their name to the LessWithMores, but in 2016 they finally got it done. They entered the playoffs as the #4 seed and advanced out of the first round via a tie with the #5 seed but BY GOD, they still got it done. Mostly unimpressive playoff performance aside. They got it done. Good for them. I rank them this highly simply because they got it done in THE COMPETITIVE ERA and also because their roster was good enough to likely beat pretty much any other team on this list (provided they weren’t MISMANAGED INTO THE GROUND).

NUMBER 5

2015 – RIVER CITY CUBAN MISSILES: 12-6-2

Notable Performers: Anthony Rizzo, Jose Abreu, Manny Machado, Bryce Harper, Chris Davis, Jose Bautista, Jon Lester, Garrett Richards, Jacob DeGrom, Zach Britton

Why They’re Number Five: POSTSEASON DOMINANCE. The interesting thing to ME here is I’ve been able to look at a few “roster summaries” here and this one appears to be one of the more unimpressive ones stats-wise (pitching especially) AND YET can’t deny this postseason performance. Not only did the Cuban Missiles grab the #1 seed, but they won their two playoff matchups by a combined score of 23-3-2. I dunno that feels like it may be some kind of record. The Missiles defeated team rmac 11-1-2 in the second round and the fresh on the scene Barnegat Banana Slugs 12-2 in the BCS, effectively steamrolling the competition in a way that needs to be acknowledged here. And it has been acknowledged. So now lets move on.

NUMBER 4

2008 – RIVER CITY MASHERS: 19-3

Notable Performers: I mean NO IDEA one might think, because I am blocked from accessing these old rosters. BUT, I can piece together the probable notable performers from a recap of the league’s first draft and so here they are – Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran, David Wright ‘scuseeee me, Mark Teixeira, Adam Dunn, Jhonny Peralta, Raul Ibanez, Roy Oswalt, Brad Lidge

Why They’re Number Four: HELLUVA RECORD. Truthfully this team may have earned the right to be higher (NOT MUCH HIGHER) but I just wasn’t involved back then and I just do not know what to tell you. But yea, 19-3 is a nice fucking record and a little league history blurb from the blog tells me they whomped Cliff in the BCS (11-2-1) after narrowly edging out Ryan’s “Tar Heels” in the second round (7-6-1 on a .3812 to .3810 OBP advantage) and good on them. Looks like a damn fine year. Way to go Mashers.

NUMBER 3

Image result for edwin encarnacion dinner

2012 – TAMPA BAY TWO-TIME TWO-TIME (strange name): 11-9

Notable Performers: FUCKING AARON HILL (everybody look up Aaron Hill’s 2012 please, he had two cycles that year, thank you), Edwin Encarnacion, Hanley Ramirez, Joe Mauer, Nick Swisher, Cole Hamels, an erratic Tim Lincecum, Craig Kimbrel, Kenley Jansen,David Robertson

Why They’re Number Three: BECAUSE WE WENT BACK TO FUCKING BACK. Has yet to be repeated, is a very tough thing to do I believe time has told. Our second championship team merely flipped the record from our first championship team (from 9-11 to 11-9) but put together a solid postseason run and grabbed their second in a row AND THAT IS IMPRESSIVE. Allllll the years previous and alllll the years since that hasn’t been done (not counting our third in a row), so that needs to be rewarded with this particular ranking.

NUMBER 2

Image result for griffey swingman logo

2014 – PINE LAKE SWINGMEN: 16-3-1

Notable Performers: Carlos Gomez, Paul Goldschmidt, Justin Upton, Adrian Gonzalez, Anthony Rendon, Dee Gordon, Clayton Kershaw, Felix Hernandez, Sonny Gray, Greg Holland (team was fucking stacked though I should more or less list the whole offense)

Why They’re Number Two: This team impressed the shit outta me because of their SUB 100 MOVE SEASON. Also the team was stacked and set multiple season records including Runs, HRs, and Strikeouts (Ks being an all time record to this very day). But back to the moves, maybe this wasn’t always the case but in the modern era here movement is life; all serious competitors routinely hit triple digits with their moves in-season. The Pine Lake Swingmen of 2014 only needed 98 moves to grab the #2 seed in the regular season (13-6 record, 3Peat Offendaz #1 at 14-7) and then march through the playoffs on the way to Ryan’s 2nd championship in five seasons. OF COURSE one will never know what might have happened if this team ran into the 3Peat Offendaz in the championship, as the 3PO lost to a 4 seed of questionable character in a strangely lazy 2nd round performance. The 3PO would have beat the #3 seed though, I think we all know that. ANYWAYS REALLY IMPRESSIVE YEAR BY THE 2014 PINE LAKE SWINGMEN, very nearly the most impressive of all time.

AND NUMBER 1, WHICH SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN IN DOUBT….

Image result for three peat

2013 – TOMS RIVER 3PEAT OFFENDAZ (clearly named post-parade): 16-3-1

Notable Performers: Edwin Encarnacion, Josh Donaldson, Hanley Ramirez, Brett Gardner, Matt Carpenter, Cole Hamels, Anibal Sanchez, Mariano Rivera, Craig Kimbrel, Aroldis Chapman

Why They’re Number One: SEEMS PRETTY CLEAR TO ME. This is the first and probably the last 3peat team this league ever saw, it started off 2-3 before winning a remarkable 14 in a row, it defeated a 16-4 #2 seed Angels in the TROUTfield via a TIE in the BCS (also defeated the TROUTfield in both regular season meetings). In case there is strangely still any doubts about this as your top team o all time, they defeated the River City Mashers in the 2nd round THIRTEEN-ZERO-ONE. I could write a thousand words about this particular season but trying this new brevity thing.

So there you have it folks, no real surprise about the particular TEAM in the top spot but….

HAHA TOOK THAT STRAIGHT FROM THE LAST TROLL SERIES POST. But yea, shouldn’t be a surprise. Feel free to try and educate me about the teams from the years of softer competition because I am sure that would be a fun and educational GroupMe conversation for the league but yea. Really this whole thing was written just to point out how impressive that 3peat season was/how impressive that 98 move season of Ryan’s was. Mission. Accomplished.

News GIF

2018 Troll Series: Volume 1…..well maybe the only volume

February 25, 2018February 26, 2018 AnActualBearLeave a comment

The 2017 Troll Series happened and it was a beautiful thing and posts were written about just about every team in the league BUT, now it is 2018 and I don’t want that many troll posts. So the challenge became, how does one devise a troll post that covers every gotdamned team in the league all it once. And the answer was simple: TROLL WITH TRUTH. These days the harshest league-wide judgment is reserved for declaring a winner of each and every fucking trade that goes through the league office, no matter how insignificant it may be. So in keeping with that theme, I now present to you TOP TEN WORST TRADES OF 2017. Albeit with some rules so each team gets properly roasted.

The Rules:

I will be picking each team’s worst individual trade and then ranking those trades from least terrible to most terrible. Ergo every team shall have their worst trade in my humble and correct opinion broadcasted here (as well as some of their dishonorable mentions). Otherwise this might just be 10 morning boner trades and who wants to look at that.
For the most part I am trying to avoid hindsight. Hindsight may be 20/20 but so is my foresight.
For the most part (FOR THE MOST PART) I will try and avoid prospect trades, unless it is something truly egregious. Because prospects don’t do shit until they actually do shit. Sometimes you can disagree with a team’s valuation of their own prospect (i.e. what they gave the guy up for) but STILL that guy could end up going for a drive in the DR or something and never producing for his new club. Although to cite that sort of thing I would be violating the avoiding hindsight rule above. Alright let’s just get to the thing…

BUT BEFORE I DO…… a few potential 2018 Troll Posts that probably never see the light of day cuz I am too lazy to write them:

“Why Trevor Story Is Probably Still Overrated”
“Preaching How Unbiased You Are Because You Won’t Call An Insane Presidency Insane Doesn’t Make You Advanced, Also Maitan Is A Bust”
“Adam Duvall And Jay Bruce Are Basically The Same Person, Both Are Shittier Than Scott Schebler”
“It Is Truly Impressive To Roster 2017 Charlie Blackmon and 2017 Aaron Judge And Only Manage A 6 Seed (Barely)”
“Shane Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Trade Without League Approval”
“Why The 1990-1993 Buffalo Bills Are A Better Team Than The Bad Dudes”

etc. etc. etc. Okay now onto the “bad trades” “list”:

NUMBER 10

The Trade:

T traded Cody Bellinger, LAD 1B to MOON
T traded Scott Kingery, Phi 2B to MOON
T traded Rhys Hoskins, Phi 1B to MOON
MOON traded Nolan Arenado, Col 3B to T

What Went Wrong: CODY BELLINGER IS LIKE A TOP 10 DYNASTY PLAYER RIGHT NOW AND HOSKINS IS PROBABLY TOP 50 AND RISING AND KINGERY IS GONNA BE A GREAT POWER/SPEED 2B YOU JUST WATCH AND FUCK YOUUUUU ‘TOPES. I didn’t say this was all gonna be super logical. I am sure Nolan will do fine.

Isotopes Dishonorable Mention: Trading Kimbrel for Gleyber, that felt like a prospect overpay (my prospect rule doesn’t necessarily extend to Dishonorable Mention, also I am sure I am going to break it any moment now).

NUMBER 9

The Trade:

RRF traded J.T. Realmuto, Mia C to rmac
rmac traded Jackie Bradley Jr., Bos CF to RRF

What Went Wrong: Rojo gave up the GREAT J.T. Realmuto (our league’s top catcher in 2017 according to ESPN Player Rater) for suckass Jackie Bradley Jr. (24th best CF according to ESPN Player Rater) is WHAT WENT WRONG. I dunno getting the RRF to trade is like fucking pulling teeth it seems.

RRF Dishonorable Mention: I dunno they traded away Ozzie Albies once, ALBIES IS GREAT NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TRADED HIM.

NUMBER 8

The Trade:

RRF traded Matt Kemp, LAD RF to rmac
RRF traded Yu Darvish, FA SP to rmac
rmac traded George Springer, Hou RF to RRF
rmac traded Yasiel Puig, LAD RF to RRF
rmac traded Rafael Devers, Bos 3B to RRF

What Went Wrong: This is a tough one because the then-Punchouts-now-Warriors DID get top talent back in Yu Darvish, but they may have finally pushed their Pitching First agenda too far on this one. Springer is a stud Puig remains a useful piece and Devers, despite being a filthy Red Sawk, projects to be a well above average fantasy asset as soon as this season. For a team that had plenty of pitching even without Yu, Yu gotta think this was giving up too much.

Now-named Warriors Dishonorable Mention: I dunno man their 2017 ledger is pretty clean otherwise.

NUMBER 7

The Trade:

BBS traded Josh Hader, Mil SP to LTBS
LTBS traded Daniel Vogelbach, Sea 1B to BBS

What Went Wrong: Anddd here it is, PROSPECT TRADE. The rule is meaningless. LORD this one looks bad, kinda makes me want to put it ahead of the next one but the next one was part of that ill-received championship offense teardown so let’s leave that there. But EW. We all know how Lobman’s Shark saga went. He had to sit there and watch him be terrible for most of the goddamned year before finally (mercifully) giving up on him prior to the playoffs, which lead to unethical PTBNL deals and un-saavy deals for Tyson Ross and hey what do yanno I am basically summarizing this whole goddamned list. Chris Archer went on to be really really good for Odom (cuz Ryan traded him for Strasburg, FAR MORE DEFENSIBLE) in 2015, before being more like just okay last year, but this year he will probably be good again next year. Carlos Rodon will maybe be really really good any day now or maybe he will just be like Francisco Liriano, but in any case those two good to great pitchers for that one awful Shark year that did not work out one bit.

Slugs Dishonorable Mention: Trading Antonio Senzatela for Dominic Smith was a bad trade because I was forced to mention it on this website.

NUMBER 6

The Trade:

LTBS traded A.J. Pollock, Ari CF to SAD!
SAD! traded Eduardo Nunez, FA SS to LTBS
SAD! traded Kevin Maitan, Atl SS to LTBS

What Went Wrong: Poor AJ Pollock always getting tossed around this league, but yea TOO MUCH PROSPECT HUMPING for Doch in his first year of business. Maitan has already lost his luster and Nunez is Nunez, I don’t blame team SAD! for making this one 100 times out of 100. FUN FACT: SAD! also traded Ronald Acuna to acquire Nunez. SAD!

(Edit: Apparently Doch got a draft pick in this trade and thinks I give a shit. While I WILL enjoy the player he acquired with said draft pick, I don’t give a shit about draft picks and everybody knows that. For all I know he could have used it on Mike fucking Zunino or something.)

BackdoorSliderz Dishonorable Mention: The haul given up to get Acuna is probably a weeee bit of an overpay, especially because ONCE AGAIN Fernando Tatis Jr. is going to the be the top prospect next year. Gimme the SS over the OF any day, “generational talent” OF be damned.

NUMBER 5

The Trade:

T traded Matt Moore, Tex SP to XYZ
T traded Tyler Naquin, Cle CF to XYZ
XYZ traded Khris Davis, Oak LF to T

What Went Wrong: The X*Rayz are always fast and furious traders and with that you are gonna have a few missteps, I certainly believe they “win” more than they “lose” with these things. HOWEVER Moore kinda sucks and Naquin kinda sucks and Khris Davis kinda just socks dongs year afer year after year.

X*Rayz Dishonorable Mention: Didn’t love them trading Ozzie Albies (who is great) for fuggin Hernan Perez and Steven Wright (neither are great), didn’t love giving up a stock as high as it will ever be Matt Olson for Jorge Mateo (though I now love Mateo)

NUMBER 4

The Trade:

MOON traded Andrew McCutchen, SF CF to rmac
MOON traded James Paxton, Sea SP to rmac
rmac traded Kyle Seager, Sea 3B to MOON
rmac traded Tim Beckham, Bal SS to MOON
rmac traded Michael Wacha, StL RP to MOON

What Went Wrong: YEESH what was I doing here. I know I was trying to purge everyone that failed me in my playoff matchup so I believe at one point I wanted just to straight up McCutchen for Kyle Seager, and yet somehow I end up accepting a proposal where I just THROW IN James Paxton for fucking Michael Wacha and Tim Beckham. That is a tough one to make sense of.

Babadooks Dishonorable Mention: Trading Victor Robles (and Roman Quinn) for Keon Broxton doesn’t look very good right about now, one could also say I’ve given up a few prospects a bit freely but SO WHAT.

NUMBER 3

The Trade:

MOON traded Eduardo Nunez, FA SS to SAD!
SAD! traded Ronald Acuna, Atl CF to MOON

What Went Wrong: HINDSIGHT TRADE. Because rules are meant to be broken. Obviously this one looks more horrible now than it did then but I DID MY RESEARCH and knew what I was getting, the Trout Fishing Club shoulda done theirs.

Fishing Club Dishonorable Mention: While we are doing hindsight trades they also traded Albies for AJ Reed, also traded Rhys Hoskins as part of a PACKAGE for Joe Jimenez. Also trading Buster Posey for Josh Bell and Clint Frazier doesn’t look great now that the Fishing Club literally don’t have a fucking catcher.

NUMBER 2

The Trade:

T traded Trevor Rosenthal, STL RP to RCBD
RCBD traded Freddie Freeman, Atl 1B to LTBS

What Went Wrong: OH WAS THIS FROM 2016? I DO NOT CARE BECAUSE I AM STILL NOT OVER IT. Because it is from 2016 (and because the Morning Wood are more prolific in their missteps) I will leave this one at #2, but it remains so colossally fucking awful that I want it on a 2017 worst trades list even if it wasn’t actually from 2017. Shame on everyone that stood by and watched it happen.

Bad Dudes Dishonorable Mention: AS FOR 2017 TRADES, Carlos Martinez Mitch Haniger & Vlad Guerrero Jr. for Yoenis Cespedes & Jharel Cotton feels like it hasn’t aged great. Also he traded Dylan Bundy for Francisco Rodriguez last February and K-Rod is so olddddd and Bundy is (still) full of promise (maybe).

NUMBER 1

The Trade:

WOOD traded Noah Syndergaard, NYM SP to rmac
WOOD traded Carson Fulmer, CWS SP to rmac
rmac traded Brandon Belt, SF 1B to WOOD
rmac traded Felix Hernandez, Sea SP to WOOD

What Went Wrong: AND A FULL PIVOT BACK TO THE “NO HINDSIGHT” RULE. Just to make this “column” if you will as frustrating of a read as possible. Obviously Syndergaard got injured last year and gave rmac little to nothing but AT THE TIME of trade he was coming off a prettttty brilliant 2016 and the Morning wood still parted with him for fucking Brandon Belt and a washed up King Felix. Also 24 hours earlier I offered Joey Votto for Syndergaard and it was declined about 15 minutes before this trade was processed. So yea. But really this isn’t about picking any one QTCMW trade, pick your own personal favorite and put it in here. If it wasn’t for me handing this guy catchers for free and good prospects I don’t know where he would be (in the same spot I guess).

Morning Wood Dishonorable Mention: God IS THERE A CHARACTER LIMIT FOR DISHONORABLE MENTION? Packing Sano and Lindor (and Harvey but whatever) in a trade was bad, acquiring Robbie Ray from Odom and then trading him BACK to Odom 1.5 months later for Christian Arroyo Jorge Bonifacio & Chris Tillman was bad (MY GOD WHAT WAS THIS), trading Whit Merrifield for Starling Marte but inexplicably throwing in Vlad Jr. was bad, Kyle Seager for Carson Fulmer was bad (had already traded away Fulmer above, you see), Gleyber Torres for K-Rod and Frankie Montas I wouldn’t term good, ditto for Brent Honeywell for Ender Inciarte, and at this point maybe I am just being too hard on the ole’ erections but still yea just do a bit better going forward please.

So there you have it folks, no real surprise about the particular TEAM in the top spot but really I want to commend the league. For this troll post was harder to write than I thought it was gonna be, most teams make mostly sound decisions in the trade game (hiccups can happen). LOOKING FORWARD TO TRADING WITH YOU ALL THIS SEASON, if I feel like it, which I may at some point but also may not. You can always trade with Odom at least.

babadook-06

10 Players Rival GMs Will Lowkey Be Keeping One Eye On

February 17, 2018February 17, 2018 Michael OdomOdomTop10Leave a comment

The Backyard Fantasy Baseball League has become a year round spectacle, with all 10 GMs trapped in our lil GroupMe bubble (despite what Mikey T thinks, yes all 10) for 365 days of the year. With all that coverage comes intense scrutiny for every move, add/drop, or blockbuster trade you make. The GroupMe chat will usually pick a winner and loser of each trade, and then tear into the loser. The blog soon follows to kick the losing GM while they are down (DESERVEDLY SO). Much like modern day social media, however, the initial reaction can sometimes be uneducated and misguided. Each GM has their reasoning and rationale for their decisions, and it all fits into the big picture of their team. Having said that, there is no denying that we each covet our core players and most of our team overall. The loss of a beloved fan favorite, face of the farm, or super-role player is more painful than any comment that can come from a group chat. Today we rundown the departed players that each GM will secretly be keeping tabs on in team headquarters.

Mission Valley X-Rayz: 2B Daniel Murphy (traded to Q-Tip City in 2017 offseason)

What they miss: It seems like the champagne shower was still drying on the X-Rayz locker room floor when news broke that they had traded Daniel Murphy to Q-Tip City. GM Mike Odom is known for being aggressive with his moves and sold an aging piece for a bounty of young talent and picks. Management felt Murphy was at peak trade value, coming off an age 32 season that saw him start in the All Star Game. But as the X-Rayz head into 2018 expecting nothing less than a repeat, there is no denying the gaping hole left in the middle of the lineup with the departure of Murphy’s 23 HRs, 43 doubles, and .384 OBP.

X-Rayz biggest fear: Murphy makes it back for Opening Day and shows no signs of slowing down, continuing to show his great OBP while mashing 20+ dongs and 40+ doubles once again. This is actually what is expected from X-Rayz management out of Murphy in 2018, it’s 2019 and beyond they are worried about. Always trying to be one step ahead, Mike Odom may be kicking himself if a title defense falls short due to a lackluster offense while Murphy rakes in 2018.

Lacey BackdoorSliderz: Shohei Ohtani, P/OF (Passed on by BDS in 2017 ASB Draft at picks #1 & #3)

What they miss: Lacey never actually owned Ohtani. After making several pre-ASB Draft trades , they controlled the top of the board and had not one but two shots at the dual position international superstar. Fearing there would be issues with his US arrival, GM Sean Dochney passed on Ohtani at #1 and #3 overall for Hunter Greene and Juan Soto. Ohtani fell to the Renegades at #6, and is now going to be the first ever positional player/pitcher in ESPN’s system.

BackdoorSliderz biggest fear: Ohtani not only matches but exceeds the hype, becoming a legitimate positional player as well as legitimate pitcher. Watching Ohtani become the first player ever to register a stat in more than 7 categories in one season under the Backyard scoring format as a Renegade will be a tough piece of sushi for Dochney to swallow.

Astoria Isotopes: Rhys Hoskins 1B/OF (acquired via waivers then traded to Bellcrest)

What they miss: NOTHING because the man never suited up for Astoria. Following the X-Rayz BCS finals minor league violation debacle, Isotopes GM Mikey T’s patience was rewarded as he snatched up nuclear hot bat Rhys Hoskins. Deciding not to buy into the hype, T ended up flipping Rhys in a package with Cody Bellinger and Scott Kingery to acquire superstar 3B Nolan Arenado. Assuming they did their research, one must think Astoria views Hoskins as just as a guy and not a potential superstar in the making.

Isotopes biggest fear: We all know what Cody Bellinger can be (he has shown us) and Scott Kingery is still just a lottery ticket, but there is no denying the power potential Rhys Hoskins showed in his brief major league time during 2017. Everyone is aware of Arenado’s monster credentials (reigning Backyard MVP), elite ability (120 HRs in last 3 years), and dream home park (Coors, duhz), Astoria may have overpaid for their soon to be 27 year old 3B. If Hoskins continues to improve and becomes a 30/100 25 year old with IF/OF eligibility, it will pain Mikey T to watch a Phillies game for the foreseeable future.

Rojo’s Renegades: Kyle Schwarber, OF (traded to Ocean Gate before 2017 in-season deadline)

What they miss: Not much to miss here outside of one thing: massive upside. Schwarber has been a nightmare for GM Ryan “Rojo” Johnson since being acquired in a trade, suffering a brutal injury, losing his C eligibility, and having a miserable 2017 at the plate. With all that said, Rojo clearly had big hopes for Schwarbs, and the Cubs themselves did as well. After being fast tracked to the majors, the mega potential still looms beneath the ugly blemishes on his resumé.

Renegades biggest fear: Despite winning this trade in most people’s opinion, any slight regression by Madison Bumgarner combined with a monster and sustained power explosion by Schwarber could swing this trade back into OGTFC’s favor. Rojo invested a lot of time and assets into Schwarber, as well as other projects such as Joey Gallo and Julio Urias. Traditionally clutching his projects tight, watching Schwarber become a 30 HR guy with any sort of solid OBP will be devastating to Rojo’s trade morale for years to come.

Bellcrest Babadooks: Ronald Acuña, OF (traded to Lacey in 2017 offseason)

What they miss: Acuña never stepped foot on a Backyard major league level field for the Babadooks, so the team isn’t missing much. After being mined from the waiver wire depths early on in the season by GM Sean McLaughlin, the Braves OF skyrocketed up prospect boards and is sitting atop most currently. Forever the prospect pessimist, Sean opted to do what Mikey T also did when he found something valuable on the side of the road: post it on Backyard’s version of eBay. The Babadooks got a young stud arm in Aaron Nola, a top prospect in his own right in Fernando Tatis Jr., and wild card Jonathan Villar in exchange for the top prospect in baseball. And as they say in the Simpsons:

Babadooks biggest fear: Nowhere is it published that Nola will become Kershaw-esque and Tatis Jr. is highly touted but isn’t breaking any scouting grading systems currently. If Acuña matches or exceeds the massive hype he’s receiving, oh boy. The BackdoorSliderz will have a superstar to build around for a decade to come, while Bellcrest faithful will look longingly at Acuña from afar. Daydreams of a Bellinger/Acuña combo dancing in their head as they watch Villar sit for the 4th day in a row.

Barnegat Banana Slugs: Jake Arrieta, SP (Traded to River City in 2017 offseason)

What to miss: A LOT. There was a lot GM Brian Smith likes about Jake the Snake. Here is a short list

His beard
His intensity
His fastball
His eyes
His muscles
The fact that he didn’t need PEDs to succeed
His monster 2015 season

So while you could argue Starling Marte could make this spot, I could argue he BROKE BRIAN’S HEART with that suspension. So Arrieta it is here.

Banana Slugs biggest fear: Jake finally gets signed, has a chip on his shoulder, and replicates his 2015 performance while wearing a Bad Dudes uniform.

Ocean Gate Trout Fishing Club: Brendan Rodgers, SS (traded to Lacey before 2017 trade deadline)

What they miss: Ocean Gate still boasts a stocked farm system even after this trade, so Rodgers isn’t necessarily a huge loss CURRENTLY. The fact that he was traded along with Justin Turner for Brian Dozier in a dynasty league leaves the door open on this deal. Did the OGTFC overpay? Will they regret moving Rodgers?

Ocean Gate’s biggest fear: Heroy is going to claim he fears nothing, and hell with his deep farm he can overcome this scenario. But you can’t question it will sting if Rodgers becomes a premiere 2B and or SS with 20+/80+ a season while Dozier fizzles out by 2020. The Coors factor is the icing on the cake in this scenario.

Toms River Titans: Rafael Devers, 3B (traded to Renegades during 2017 season)

What they miss: The Titans already miss the scintillating potential, as well as the 10 HRs and 30 RBIs hit by Devers in the majors last year. For a GM that is renowned for his shrewd moves, Ryan McLaughlin sure took a bath when he sent BOTH George Springer and Rafael Devers outta town to acquire Yu Darvish (other garnish was involved). Springer is a superstar and we won’t even go into that, but Devers becoming a star in his own right would be the ultimate slap in the face to Ryan.

Titans biggest fear: Devers emerges as an elite power hitter out of the 3B position for a decade or so, while Springer continues to be a dominant bat. Yu Darvish fades away into the sunset with lackluster seasons after 2020, leaving the Titans to watch the duo they traded away combine for 60+/200+ for years to come.

Q-Tip City Morning Wood: Vladimir Guerrero Jr., 3B (traded to Banana Slugs in 2017 offseason)

What they miss: Oh not much only the first 80 grade ever given out for a prospect’s hit tool. 😮 After coming in dead last for the 2017 season, the Morning Wood traded both their top draft picks and their top prospect. An interesting decision for a team trying to mold for the future, and all the pressure in the world (well, I guess only Q-Tip City) is on Starling Marte. While many have criticized GM Shane McCann’s moves, there is no denying the additions of Marte and Murphy make for a better 2018 product on field.

Morning Wood biggest fear: Vlad Jr. becomes the second coming of Vlad but with a better batter’s eye. Guerrero dominates and becomes a top 1-5 player in baseball, giving the Banana Slugs a superduperstar to build around until roughly the time Shane’s kid’s have graduated college.

River City Bad Dudes: Gleyber Torres, SS(traded to Isotopes before 2017 season)

What they miss: Nothing, considering he was acquired only so he could be flipped again for Craig Kimbrel. But what if Mikey T held up rival GM Mike Lobman for more loot, and left Torres stranded in anti-Yankees country River City? The backlash against T at the time would have been extreme, and Lobman would have been livid when Torres tore his UCL. But fast forward to today, and Bad Dudes 2B Rougie Odor had a miserable 2017, leading to questions about his future with the team. And the anti-Yankees stigma died the instant Giancarlo Stanton donned the pinstripes. So, after failing to win the title with Kimbrel’s elite 2017, we now turn our attention to Torres in an attempt to give this trade a final grade.

Bad Dudes biggest fear: It isn’t a fear as much as a “woulda shoulda coulda”, considering Lobman never intended to keep Torres but he would likely be very happy to have him today. If Torres goes on to become a superstar and bats in front of Stanton while Kimbrel slowly erodes, this trade will be an easy evaluation.