Strikeouts: 113 — ECK(Ryan) ; PBX(Odom) **ALL-TIME RECORD (tie)** Quality Starts: 11 — BBS(Brian) ; LTBS(Doch) Complete Games: 1 — Literally every team except for the Bears… Wins: 12 — PBX(Odom) **ALL-TIME RECORD (tie)** Saves: 9 — PBX(Odom) Holds: 7 — AI(MikeyT) ERA: 1.96 — RRF (Rojo)
2019 and/or ALL TIME SEASON LOWS YOU SUCK
Note: It is 2019 and the world is as bleak as ever. WITH THAT IN MIND, gonna start tracking the bleak Backyard #s as well. Same rules as the records likely apply here but that’s for me to figure out.
Runs: 29 — LTBS(Doch) Doubles: 6 — IBB(Sean) ; RRF(Rojo) Triples: 0 — I’m sure a buncha folks throughout BY history Home Runs: 4 — PBX(Odom) RBI’s: 23 — LL(Shane) Stolen Bases: 0 — I’m sure a buncha folks throughout BY history OBP: .254 — BBS(Brian)
Strikeouts: 57 (12) — LL(Shane) Quality Starts: 1 (10) — IBB(Sean) Complete Games: 0 — I’m sure a buncha folks throughout BY history Wins: 0 — PERHAPS a few folks throughout BY history but also BBS(Brian) Saves: 0 — I’m sure a buncha folks Rojo throughout recent BY history Holds: 0 — I’m sure a buncha folks throughout BY history ERA: 7.64 (12) — IBB(Sean)
RECAP BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE NEW AND IMPROVED BLOG ADMINISTRATION!!!
Week 11 is in the books and the Backyard Blog is getting a
much-needed facelift. It is about time
the people get what they want. For weeks
people have been complaining about lazy writing and the journalistic integrity
of the blog with all the biased writing that has been going on. By popular demand, our last blog editor has
been fired and replaced by a reputable journalist who has experience in
providing the type of writing this blog has been lacking.
Before we get to the Week 11 recap, we must address another
issue with the blog. Many people around
the league have been complaining about the name of the weekly recognition that goes
to a hitter who fills every stat category.
This has been called the J-Roll for years, but everyone knows that this
name was just not any good for this recognition. This has been especially true considering the
on-field issues that Jimmy Rollins has had, those issues mainly consist
of him playing for the Phillies and being guilty by association of being half
the double play tandem with Chase Utley for so many years. This blog holds itself in more respect now
and will not be associated with a man who would make slides so dirty that they
end a man’s career like Utley has in the past.
Sorry Jimmy, I am sure you are a nice enough guy, but the prestigious
stat filler recognition has a black eye because of your association with a guy
So, without further ado.…. I present to you……
We are breaking down the walls here at the blog, so drink it
in maaaaaaaaan. You know what happens to
people who do not like the new name for those who get a run, RBI, double,
triple, home run, and steal throughout the week? You know what happens to those who are not
down with Jericho? THEY MAKE THE LIST!
Jericho is the perfect namesake for the new prestigious recognition. The Ayatollah of Rock-n-Rolla has
accomplished so much in his life and is a role model to all. Jericho is recognized by many as the G.O.A.T. He was the first ever Undisputed WWF
Champion, held the WCW World Championship twice, the World Heavyweight
Championship three times, the Intercontinental Championship a record nine
times, he’s a Tag Team Champion, United States Champion, WCW Cruiserweight
Champion and World Television Champion.
He is the man of 1,004 holds, a Triple Crown Champion and Grand Slam
Champion. The Alpha has authored New
York Times Bestseller books as well as have roles in legendary films such as
MacGruber. He has had success wherever
he goes including the music industry with his band Fozzy, who’s song Judas has
reached as high as 7th on the US hard rock charts. This man truly is a jack of all trades and is
the new gold standard of filling the stat sheet in a given week in the
The Backyard is Jericho!
Now that we have the long overdue renaming to the Jericho
out of the way, let’s get down to recapping Week 11.
Pacific Beach X-Rays and River City Bad Dudes are kissing their sisters with
another tie this week at a score of 6-6-2
This is the second time these teams have tied each other
this season. This may a Backyard first,
certainly the first time it has happened in the AD era. Pretty solid weeks all around from both teams
except for ERAs. Odom had yet another
100 plus k week on the back of his bulkers.
He throws a lot of volume out there with his no light day’s mentality. Sometimes ERA will suffer but no denying he
racks up the counting stats. Also,
Mallex Smith (2 home runs this week) is a power hitter now, maybe the greatest
power hitter of our generation, only time will tell.
Shout out to my man David Dahl as he racked up a Jericho for
the Bad Dudes (7 Runs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 8 RBI, 1 SB, .452 OBP)
MVP of this matchup could have easily gone to Manny Machado
for the Bad Dudes (11 runs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .500 OBP). Those 11 runs are impressive, but the Bad
Dudes lost the run category 63-56.
Losing that category plus losing the home run category by 1 dinger while
Kingery had 1 more home run than Machado this week solidifies the MVP of the
matchup for Kingery. Kingery sure is
making the best of his time in centerfield for the Phillies with Herrera being
out having his off-field issues. He was
a stolen base shy of getting the ever-prestigious Jericho. Kingery will probably be dropped by Odom the
next game he doesn’t start if he is still even on this team by the time of this
writing. Who can keep up with Odom’s
roster and his Rays Ways philosophy? A
philosophy that is built on riding hot players and they picked a good time to
ride with Kingery.
Ewin Diaz (XYZ) – 3 IP, 4 ER, 2 Ks, 1 SV, 12.00 ERA
There were players with much higher ERAs on both teams, but
Edwin is LVP this week because Odom lost the saves category by 1 and Diaz blew
a save for the Mets on Thursday. If that
save isn’t blown, Odom wins the matchup instead of the tie. There might be people more deserving of the
LVP award, but I am also a little bitter about that blown save myself. Edwin,
get it together, because old man Cano stinks and you’re the prize of that
XYZ (2-6-3) vs LTBS (11-0) *****MATCHUP OF THE WEEK*****
RCBD (3-5-3) vs T (6-5)
Banana Slugs (3-7-1) outlast the Lakehurst Leviathans (4-7) 7-5-2
This was a close matchup with about 8 categories that could
have easily swung in the opposite direction.
Runs were separated by 1, RBI by 2, Steals by 1, and tied in
doubles. I’m sure there was some Sunday anxieties
being expressed in the chat that I may have missed. Brian was able to hold on though with his
pitching leading the way winning the pitching categories 5-1-1. Some of the offensive categories really came
down to the wire.
Trevor Bauer (BBS) – 16.2 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 CG, 1 W,
This was one hell of a 2-start week for Trevor Bauer that
the previous blog administrator may have ignored because of personal biases
against Bauer. The Sunday CG shutout
against the Tigers was a major factor in the victory for the Slugs this week,
which is why he gets the MVP over guys like Scherzer, Story, or even the surprise
Jericho from Trey Mancini
Leviathans Pitching Staff – they stunk
6.78 ERA is not very good for the week. That team down in Barnegat are known for
their pitching over their hitting but they were not completely lights out this
week when compared to their standards.
Slugs only had a 4.50 ERA, which is very beatable in a given week, but
they still won the pitching categories 5-1-1.
Credit to the Slugs for their 90 Ks which will always be solid, but the
Leviathans pitching needed to show up more and steal a category or 2 here to
give themselves a chance. I’ll highlight
the Sunday stream of Ariel Jurado who gave up 7 runs against the Reds in 3
innings without recording a single K.
Trey Mancini (LAKE)
BBS (3-7-1) vs BEARS (4-6-1)
LAKE (4-7) vs RRF (6-4-1)
Isotopes pitch slap Island Beach Bears 10-2-2
At one point on Sunday I am pretty sure I saw the Bears
being shut out. This matchup was by far
the most lopsided of the week. Isotopes
stay the second hottest team in the league with their 6th straight
victory after their 0-5 start. T told
that Island Beach sweathog to keep the noise down while he took his robe off to
show all the ladies what a real man is supposed to look like. I wish I could think of more Rick Rude quotes
for T at this time, but that is going to have to do for now. Win again next week and you get some more
Rick Rude love T.
Chuck was scorching hot this week and was a steal away from
the Jericho. I’ll say he led the Topes
to victory, but in all reality, T could have left Blackmon’s spot in his lineup
open all week and still would have won with ease. Only runs would have flipped in the Bears
favor without Blackmon in the lineup, while triples and home runs would have
been tied. That just shows how much the
Topes dominated the Bears this week.
Shout out to the resurgent Hunter Pence as well. Don’t feel like going back and listing his
stats but trust me when I say he was good this week and fantasy relevant
again. Early leader for comeback player
of the year.
Joc Pederson (IBB) – 0/15, 1 BB, .063 OBP
Ummmmm yea, ugly week for Joc. At least he made a nice catch, I think that
was this week anyway but could have been last week. ‘Nuff said, moving on.
T (6-5) vs RCBD (3-5-3)
BEARS (4-6-1) vs BBS (3-7-1)
Renegade Force with the clean victory over Ocean Gate Fishing Club 6-3-5
The Renegade Force did not have to cheat to earn this
victory. They also started 12 pitchers
this week which is a nice change of pace for this squad. The Renegade force were led by their hitting as
they received 4 out of their 6 category wins from the hitters on the
squad. There were 3 Jericho’s in this
matchup between Ohtani, Trea Turner, and Mookie Betts. I wonder if the Fishing Club watched the
season finale of Wicked Tuna last night.
If he didn’t, let’s just say I will be more then disappointed and be
requesting he change his name yet again, because it stinks and Wicked Tuna
rocks. The Fishing Club did get a
combined 8 home runs out of the trio of rookies Alvarez, Senzel, and
Jimenez. Something to watch out for
moving forward as these guys all look legit.
Brendan Rodgers on the other hand can’t buy any consistent playing time
out in Colorado.
Did Eric Freaking Hosmer just have 12 RBI this week? I was about to give this honor to Ohtani for
his Jericho, or to one of the 3 pitchers Rojo had that had themselves nice
little 2 start weeks. But Hosmer gets it
because a 12 RBI week is impressive for anyone.
I’ll tell you guys what that was the quietest 12 RBI week I have ever
seen. The San Diego first baseman only
had 3 extra base hits and none of them left the yard. It was well documented in the chat the
scoring that was going on in the San Diego and Colorado series, so perhaps I
shouldn’t be so surprised. Hosmer is a
man who I thought got overpaid by San Diego and a guy I thought should be
bouncing around the waiver wire in fantasy circuits, but perhaps ROJO knows
something I don’t. Either way, there is
no denying his 12 RBIs were huge in the contest that was neck and neck in that
category. 1 2
Not a good week for a guy who has been on the block for the
Fishing Club. This Fishing Club narrowly
lost out in runs and RBI this week and could have used anything from
Meadows. This award could have also gone
to Amed Rosario, who Heroy still insists is good and worth a roster spot when
just about every Mets fan in the league (only 2 at this point) disagrees with
that assessment. Nobody wants Rosario to
be good more than me, but I am afraid he just isn’t. The Fishing Club offense is still very good
even with the blackhole known as Rosario in the lineup every day. Oh, and uh yea back to LVP Meadows, you’ll
bounce back I’m sure, no doubt you’re better than Rosario.
OGFC (5-5-1) vs ECK (6-5)
RRF (6-4-1) vs LAKE (4-7)
favorite underdogs from Lacey put up another gritty win against the East Coast
The good guys of the league from Lacey keep on trucking as
they were able to overcome adversity once again for another victory, improving
their record to 11-0. This makes 16
straight victories dating back to the infamous ROJO tie late last season. The man behind the team in Lacey does
everything right and should be looked at as a role model to the rest of the
league. A league that should aspire to
be more like him when they grow up, even though he is the youngest member of
the Backyard. He is charitable, humble, charismatic,
handsome, and overall just a terrific guy.
Women want him and men want to be him.
The chat could not be happier that such an outstanding person keeps
pulling out victories in the Backyard.
But there’s more to life then the Backyard, and the chat wishes nothing
but the best in life to that handsome devil down in Lacey. He deserves it for his hard work and
dedication day in and day out.
Oh, yea there was a matchup here…. Huge performance by Ketel Marte and his 5-homer week for the Kings. Marte now has like 20 home runs or some shit which doesn’t seem right. Freeman keeps raking, Bellinger keeps hitting homers, Tatis Jr had a Jericho and Verlander keeps defying father time. Backdoor Sliderz were 2 RBIs away from the 60/60 club this week. The Kings were also impressive with their 64 runs, but fell a little short this week.
This one almost went to Tatis Jr with his 3 3Bs while
picking up a Jericho, but the RBIs separated Albies from Tatis this week. Albies was a 3-bagger shy of a Jericho
himself, which is often the stat that eludes the Jericho hopefuls out
there. The Braves are one of the hottest
teams in baseball currently, which is good for the Backdoor Sliderz who roster
about a third of their lineup.
David Price (ECK) – 1.1 IP, 6 ER, 2 Ks, 40.50 ERA
Not a good start at home against Texas for Price. Paxton was also disappointing for the Kings
this week, but nothing looks uglier than an ERA north of 40! Price still is pitching well this year with
his 71 Ks and 3.52 ERA even after his horrific start. He’ll bounce back, if his elbow doesn’t flare
up again, which seems to happen every year.
Tatis Jr (LTBS)
LTBS (11-0) vs XYZ (2-6-3) ****MATCHUP OF THE WEEK*****
Dochney’s matchups will stay matchup of the week until he is
ECK (6-5) vs OGFC (5-5-1)
And that’s all folks.
Thanks for tuning in to check out the highly anticipated debut of the new
blog administration. Unlike the old
guard, we will be taking notes and suggestions from fans out there to continue
improving the blog for everyone to enjoy.
Hope you have enjoyed your read and good luck in your matchups.
YEA I DON’T really have much to say here. My team continues to be bad, there’s that OTHER TEAM that continues to be good, uhhhh everyone that won in 10 did so fairly breezily. Yea that’s all I got. It is called Quick Hitters people. ON TO Week 10 Quick Hitters…
WEEK 10 QUICK RESULTS:
BackdoorSliderz (TEN AND OH) 11-3-0 over Fishing Club (5-4-1)
Renegade Force (5-4-1) 10-2-2 over Banana Slugs (2-7-1)
X-Rayz (2-6-2) 10-3-1 over Bears (4-5-1)
Kings (6-4) 9-1-4 over Bad Dudes (3-5-2)
Isotopes (5-5) 11-2-1 over Leviathans (4-6)
WEEK 10 QUICK NOTES:
Pretty much alllll massacres in Week 10. The Kings were the only winners not to take double digit cats, and they weren’t exactly engaged in a nailbiter (9-4-1).
A NEW ALL-TIME RECORD for two-baggers set by the Fishing Club (32), but even with that fortune those schmucks couldn’t defeat that team that’s also defeated everyone else in the league thus far. A team The Blog officially Does Not Respect.
In other record news the X-Rayz tied the all-time Wins record whilst CLOBBERING me and my Bears. So that’s somethin’ to note. Shout out to Adrian Sampsonfor his 7 K CG, partly cuz I was told to and partly cuz he’s weirdly good all of a sudden? news, being halfway through the season also means our evil defending champeen
And SINCE I’m shouting out records shout out to the Banana Slugs for a truly abysmal offensive showing, a (possibly all time but possibly not but definitely in my eyes) record low .254 OBP. Gross stuff.
Also the ‘Topes have now won 5 straight after losing their first five so that’s uhhh QUITE THE TURNAROUND. There’s possibly another team with a stronger win streak but who really gives a fuck, about that…..or about ANYTHING, when you really think about it.
AND LO, I have more to write this week. And so I shall write it right now. And it shall be right. We gotta get to the June Power Rankings but ALSO I should get some Mid-Season Awards in here but ALSO I don’t feel like predicting which owner will die before the season ends (Doch) or which team will win the championship (maybe Doch’s) or whom has the hottest relative (definite not Doch) and all that shit. Awards shall be all business because I am a mature, non-pretentious, adult man. Let’s do those real quick:
(All stats through 06/03/19 I think….)
FIRST HALF ROY: Pete Alonso (RCBD) – 56/213, 34 Rs, 12 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 19 HRs, 44 RBIs, .335 OBP
honorable mention: Chris Paddack (BBS)
FIRST HALF ROLAIDS RELIEVER OF THE YEAR: Kirby Yates (BBS) – 26 IP, 3 ER, 45 Ks, 22 Saves (0 BS), 1.04 ERA
honorable mention: Roberto Osuna (LTBS)
FIRST HALF IMMODIUM BEDSHITTER RELIEVER OF THE YEAR: Craig Kimbrel (ECK) – HE’S JUST SITTIN’ THERE…
honorable mention: Pedro Strop (RCBD/PBX/AI/RCBD/LL)
FIRST HALF LVP (Pitcher): Mike Foltyniewicz (LL) – 38.1 IP, 26 ER, 32 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 6.10 ERA
honorable mention: Corey Kluber (RRF)
FIRST HALF MVP (Pitcher): Justin Verlander (LTBS) – 87.1 IP, 22 ER, 103 Ks, 11 QS, 9 Ws, 2.27 ERA
honorable mention: Christian Yelich (ECK), Adalberto Mondesi (LL)
AND LO, there’s your MIDSEASON AWARDS. They are a better effort than last season because last season’s MIDSEASON AWARDSwas just a bunch of pictures of a dead dog so at least I’ve improved since then. We must always strive to be a bit better than our last shitty attempt at something. Write that down. And ON TO THE JULY POWER RANKINGS:
NEW FEATURES ALERT: Shall be noting Top Hitter First Half MVP and Top PitcherFirst Half LVP (never mind ESPN kinda kills LVP with no active stats #TeamFantrax) for each squad, one for Hitters and Pitchers which is generous of me because I don’t want to stare at your fucking teams for too long I have other things to stare at (projected starters because half my bats sit against lefties). AGAIN shall be withholding my unnecessary commentary for the teams I currently deem outta the top 6 and thus undeserving of said commentary. Deal with it dog.gif…
#1 – Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (9-0)
So I s’pose they’ve won a couple more coin flips since I last called them lucky fucks for winning a few coin flips, and by THAT I mean they’ve mostly rolled through ever since. Let’s see the numbers: Runs 1st, Doubles 6th, Triples 9th, HRs 2nd, RBIs 2nd, SBs 5th, OBP 1st, Strikeouts 2nd, QS 2nd, CG t-1st, Wins 1st, Saves 3rd, Holds t-8th, ERA 1st, MOVES 3rd. PRETTY DOMINANT GODDAMN LINE THERE (through 9 weeks), one that certainly backs up the flawless record and one that can be thrown in Doch’s face whenever he creeps into your DMs talkin’ all sorts of “always room for improvement” nonsense. There isn’t much room for improvement here, on either side. The staff is anchored by Verlander but getting great #s from Greinkeand deGrom, Buehler is rounding into form, Osuna probably did that shit but all three closers (Holland, Colome) have sub-1 ERAs and double digit Saves (lets just round up with Holland, the passage of time is an illusion). So all of this is unfortunate. The offense discussion can basically begin and end with Cody Bellingerso THAT is what I am going to do. This league wasn’t around for Bonds so the only thing that compares to this was Bryce Harper‘s bonkers 2015 season, whom’s first 2.5 months were sorta similar actually (18 HRs, 42 Rs, 43 RBIs) but still cannot….quite….compare…..to….this: 50 Rs, 13 2Bs, 1 3B, 20 HRs, 52 RBIs, 7 SBs, .462 OBP. The most dominant first 9 weeks The Backyard has ever seen I’m quite certain. WHO WOULDA THUNK IT.
So yea this team is CLEARLY the team to beat, don’t feel like I need to point that out but here we are once again. Fuck them, though.
First Half Team MVP (Pitcher): Justin Verlander (87.1 IP, 22 ER, 103 Ks, 11 QS, 9 Ws, 2.27 ERA)
#2 – Ocean Gate Fishing Club (5-3-1)
Well well well…..IF IT ISN’T, the team I’ve claimed should re-brand as the “LessWithMores”….yanno doing a little bit. At least enough of a little bit to claim the 2nd bye if the BYBracket broke today. Show me the rankings: Runs 7th, Doubles 2nd, Triples t-4th, HRs 5th, RBIs 6th, SBs 4th, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 4th, QS t-3rd, CG t-3rd, Wins 6th, Saves 2nd, Holds t-8th, ERA 2nd, MOVES 10th. The offense is weirdly low in Runs and middle of the pack in most other things, I say weirdly because they STILL carry the two best fantasy hitters on the planet (maybe two of the three now, see above) in Mike Troutand Mookie Betts. Even rosier, their dynamic Cubs duo (Rizzo/Bryant) is back to actually being pretty goddamned dynamic after a few up and down campaigns. Josh Bell and Austin Meadows are all of a sudden both awesome and YANNO WHAT now I am mad at these underachievers once again let’s switch to pitching. Pitching is in many ways what sets this team apart from previous Fishing Clubs, as they now have a BUNCHA legit young arms (Glasnow RIP for now but also Luis Castillo, Shane Bieber, Max Fried, Griffin Canning) to pair with Gerrit Coleand a mildly resurgent ColeHamels and a perhaps even more resurgent Kyle Hendricks. If this team makes some noise this season (and they can start by stopping this ButtSliderz win streak) the resurgent pitching will be behind it, methinks.
I still don’t know how this franchise hasn’t won multiple championships, would require some sort of blog DEEP DIVE, and maybe one day I get to that (very very unlikely) but for now yanno….there’s worse teams to bet on this season (the Banana Slugs).
First Half Team MVP (Hitter): Mike Trout (57/188, 43 Rs, 14 2Bs, 14 HRs, 37 RBIs, 7 SBs, .468 OBP)
First Half Team MVP (Pitcher): Gerrit Cole (77.2 IP, 34 ER, 116 Ks, 9 QS, 5 Ws, 3.94 ERA)
#3 – East Coast Kings (5-4)
APROPOS that I just kinda sorta gushed about a pitching staff for the #2 in the rankings (get it? cuz Greg is a piece of shit) and we now arrive on the team that spent years YEARRRS I TELL YOU as the gold standard pitching staff in the Backyard. Almost to a fault. Well this year they’ve fallen off that a bit, father time being undefeated and all. Well here’s the #s: Runs 6th, Doubles t-4th, Triples t-6th, HRs 3rd, RBIs 3rd, SBs 2nd, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 7th, QS t-3rd, CG t-3rd, Wins 5th, Saves 7th, Holds 9th, ERA 4th, MOVES 8th.Hey good thing Yelich is out here absolutely raking huh? Cuz the pitching, while still good, ain’t what it once was. But the hitting has been pretttttttty special, lead by the NL MVP in a world where Cody Bellinger doesn’t exist and by weirdly excellent middle infielders (Gleyber Torres, Ketel Marte, Javier Baez but a lil more expected outta him). Much like the Ravens at the height of the Joe Flacco offense, THE SCRIPT HAS FLIPPED and now hitting is carrying the pitching (really bad reference that offense was terrible). Which isn’t to say that pitching has been TERRIBLE, just perhaps not tops in the leage no mo’. Kershaw Paxton & Price (the world’s sorest law firm) are still good when healthy, Stephen Strasburghas been good in general and THUS FAR healthy. But Darvish is toast, Carrasco was unlucky and now has mono or something, Syndergaard has been a bit unlucky but also a bit worse than he’s ever been (HE IS HARVEYING). Mix that all together with a LAZY bullpen that’s carried by Brad Hand and you have a pitching staff that is vulnerable, which is a shame because the offense doesn’t appear to be.
All in all the East Coast Kings display a balance most teams can merely dream about, so don’t let some negativity over pitcher health make you think I don’t think this team can win it all cuz I do think that so you shouldn’t think I don’t think that I don’t want you thinking that I think that you think that I don’t think they can. I believe in this team more often than not, even when they miss the playoffs and win like 5 games so….yea.
First Half Team MVP (Hitter): Christian Yelich (60/192, 46 Rs, 8 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 22 HRs, 49 RBIs, 12 SBs, .425 OBP, 1 JROLL)
First Half Team MVP (Pitcher): Stephen Strasburg (79 IP, 28 ER, 98 Ks, 8 QS, 5 Ws, 3.19 ERA)
#4 – River City Bad Dudes (4-4-1)
WHAT can I really say about the Dudes this time? They’re always in it, their offense has been great despite some great players being injured, blah blee blah blee blee blew. STATS ME: Runs 2nd, Doubles 1st, Triples 8th, HRs 1st, RBIs 1st, SBs 10th, OBP 7th, Strikeouts 6th, QS 5th, CG t-5th, Wins 3rd, Saves 6th, Holds 7th, ERA 7th, MOVES 2nd. So yea just LOOK at that offense. Actually look at everything. Actually there’s a case they should probably have more wins but they don’t and fuck Mike. All those bombs and RBIs are coming with a hurt Stanton and a hurt Pollock (if these are shocking to Dudes ownership that says more about them than anything, though) and also a bit of a ho-hum campaign from Manny Machado. But Pete Alonso ain’t hurt and Matt Chapman ain’t hurt and Xander Bogaerts is having a helluva year and Bryce Harper hasn’t been ho-hum okay he’s actually been a little bit ho-hum. The pitching rankings are actually most impressive here because I don’t find a single pitcher of theirs impressive. Won’t even talk about them. Marcus Stroman is trash.
ALL IN ALL there is some nice numbers in River City and they probably find a way to make it into the playoffs and after that WHOM KNOWS, like all of these teams on this list it’s more about how everyone is playing in August than how everyone played in May. Also it looks like there will be no Banana Slugs for them to knock out, so that may be a motivational problem.
First Half Team MVP (Hitter): Pete Alonso (56/213, 34 Rs, 12 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 19 HRs, 44 RBIs, .335 OBP)
First Half Team MVP (Pitcher): Marcus Stroman(76 IP, 24 ER, 59 Ks, 8 QS, 3 Ws, 2.84 ERA)
#5- Rojo’s Renegade Force (4-4-1)
This is one of my FAVORITE rosters in all the Backyard, partly because #FORCE ownership declared in pre-season they would trade their roster for any other roster in the leauge. And now look at em, ACTUALLY KINDA GOOD! Here take a look see: Runs 3rd, Doubles 10th, Triples 10th, HRs 4th, RBIs 5th, SBs 8th, OBP 4th, Strikeouts 10th, QS t-7th, CG t-5th, Wins t-9th, Saves 9th, Holds 3rd, ERA 3rd, MOVES 7th.Weirdly low energy stuff on the doubles and triples markets but everything else looks fairly lovely to this guy, fair reader. Marcell Ozuna has been downright great and Gallo and Springer were great and are now injured and I believe they can be great again. And Devers just seems to benefit from being a Red Sawk and Goldy should be better and they’re FINALLY getting something out of Victor Robles(i traded him to Rojo 9 seasons ago). KEWT lil offense. And KEWT that they have Hyun-Jin Ryu out there dominating and Charlie Morton being very serviceable and are working through it a bit despite a rough year from Corey Kluber and a seemingly aging Bumgarner and meh Tanaka. Alright the pitching may actually be a problem. But AT LEAST they have SP-eligible Diego Castillo out there getting Saves, THE RRF ARE NOT LAST IN THE LEAGUE IN SAVES NOR ARE THEY FIRST IN THE LEAGUE IN HOLDS.
THE RRF ARE NOT LAST IN THE LEAGUE IN SAVES NOR ARE THEY FIRST IN THE LEAGUE IN HOLDS. This isn’t a typo I just wanted to hit on that point again. Apart from that though, the pitching could ultimately end up being a problem. Also fuck this guy for taking my childhood home away?
First Half Team MVP (Hitter): Marcell Ozuna (53/216, 42 Rs, 12 2Bs, 16 HRs, 51 RBIs, 4 SBs, .324 OBP)
First Half Team MVP (Pitcher): Hyun-Jin Ryu (73 IP, 12 ER, 69 Ks, 9 QS, 1 CG, 8 Ws, 1.48 ERA)
#6 – Astoria Isotopes (4-5)
UGH, these PIECES OF SHIT that sort of prevented me from writing about the Lakehurst Leviathans because I had this weird code about trying to accurately nail down Power Rankings and also this new weird rule to prevent me having to write 5000 word opuses about your stupid little teams and their stupid little rosters. The 2018 FIRST LOSERS were well on their way to an epic run at the once-fabled BCS curse and now they’ve won 4 in a row and I just don’t know. Their numbers, please: Runs 5th, Doubles 7th, Triples 1st, HRs 7th, RBIs 9th, SBs 9th, OBP 6th, Strikeouts 5th, QS 9th, CG t-5th, Wins 7th, Saves 8th, Holds 2nd, ERA 8th, MOVES 5th. So Nolan Arenado is obviously someone that is very good that can anchor an offense (not BELLINGER GOOD, but good) so obviously that helps. What also helps is fucking Eduardo Escobar consistently begging me to give him MVP o’ the week honors. Eddy Escobar, forreal. So that’s good and fine, and Khris Daviswill ultimately be good and fine, and they’ll be getting Blackmon back soon after a quick lil DL sting and Aaron Judge back soon and he has missed FOREVER. So those are important pieces that could dictate a matchup or two in the ‘Topes future. Also important will be Chris Sale continuing to shake off an awful April, German Marquezuhhh idk avoiding pitching at home somehow? Zach Wheeler finding dat positive regression would also be nice for Astoria, as would Wade Miley avoiding the LIKELY SIGNIFICANT NEGATIVE REGRESSION. It will likely be somewhat significant. But idk I’ve seen like Ervin Santana and Jason Vargas avoid it for long stretches so idk mannnnn. Also the ‘Topes were smart enough to be the team that finally picked up Ryan Pressly setup man extraordinaire so that is good. Also the ‘Topes currently have two SP eligible relievers (Gant & Romo) in their RP slots while they await Robertson & Betances returns like fucking puds. So that is bad.
I could see this team coming out the gates now and losing another 5 in a row and I could also see them winning another 4 in a row. Definitely one or the other though. so WHO KNOWS.
YANNO WHAT like all things in this blog I’ve just been slapping shit together and I’ve decided I am far too busy to be writing long Week Reviews, so THE WEEK REVIEW IS DEAD. Long live the Week Review. It’s a shame I only got like one or two weeks in with those adorable little cat key pictures but here we are.
ANYWAYZ welcome to WEEKLY QUICK HITTERS, where I quickly(ish) recap the week that was and also try and find speedy players with uniform #s corresponding to the week that….was. One for one in that department. Week 9 in the books, month of MAY also in the books, so there will be a June Power Rankings at some point this week and possibly a brief midseason awards baked into THAT but yanno… I’m not gonna live my life on these deadlines mannnnn *angrily strums acoustic guitar* Also the JROLLbobblehead has been recovered so expect that to be awarded to the team rostering the 2019 JROLL AWARD winner… again at this point these things, and my entire existence, are mostly about tracking those increasingly elusive (but a little less so this week) JROLLs…..
WEEK 9 QUICK RESULTS:
Bears (4-4-1) 7-6-1 over Kings (5-4)
X-Rayz (1-6-2) 9-4-1 over Leviathans (4-5)
Bad Dudes (3-4-2) 6-6-2 TIE Fishing Club (5-3-1)
Isotopes (4-5) 6-3-5 over Banana Slugs (2-6-1)
BackdoorSliderz (9-0) 9-4-1 over Renegade Force (4-4-1)
WEEK 9 QUICK NOTES:
Officially halfway through the Backyard regular season, so why not have a quick gander at the #BackyardBracket IF IT STARTED TODAY: #1 BackdoorSliderz & #2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club would have your two byes, #4 Rojo’s Renegade Force would host #5 Island Beach Bears, and #3 East Coast Kings would host the SIXTH SEED LAKEHURST LEVIATHANS.
That’s right, if the season ended today Shane would be in the playoffs folks. Granted that’s based off victories over the ‘Topes and ‘Dudes and granted they all currently have the same win percentage and granted they all have to play again, still a real accomplishment for an owner that was typically all but Gone Fishin’ by now.
In sadder news, being halfway through the season also means our evil defending champeen has now gone one turn through ye ole’ schedule unscatched. Not UNPRECEDENTED per se (Ryan’s squad last year won 10 in a row, league historians may recall a certain dynasty that won 14 straight then tied in the last week of the regular season then steamrolled through the playoffs on the way to their 3rd straight championship, etc. etc. etc.) BUT perhaps a record for most wins to start a season, who fucking knows. Sounds about right. Will just make it sweeter when they DON’T win back-to-back championships AMIRITE?! (*Groupme pulling at collar emoji*)
In other intriguing news the Astoria Isotopes have come ROARING BACK after an 0-5 start, could also be some sort of historical bullshit should they make the Bracket I DON’T KNOW MAN I haven’t been in the league since inception. But we are getting ahead of ourselves. But the Astoria Isotopes have won 4 straight after starting 0-5 and so that, is of note, I guess.
Also the Pacific Beach X-Rayz won their first matchup of 2019. Congrats to the Pacific Beach X-Rayz and their delightful ownership group (one individual).
LIKE I SAID there may be some sort of more review-y review type format for Weeks 7-9 woven into June Power Rankings but in the mean time just want to keep the basic league results available. Call it QUICK NOTES call it BASIC RESULTS don’t even read it, I don’t give a shit. Just don’t want to lose track of the JROLLs tbh…
FUCK THIS WEEK MANNNNNN. Not only did I NOT un-undefeat the evil Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, it also was just kinda a “meh” performance where we just generally did a little bit worse in all facets. Except for Doubles. A TRULY PATHETIC SIX DOUBLES.
In protest of the absolute bullshit that was Week 7’s results for my specific fantasy team, as well as in protest of ESPN’s epic-ally phoned-in performance this season….I am epic-ally phoning in this fucking review. And probably not even calling in for Week 8 or Week 9. EXPECT AN INTERESTING POWER RANKINGS beginning o’ June where I seek to combine 3 weeks of reviews into one June Power Rankings post in order to avoid yanno, reviewing this bullshit. Few quick news and notes prior to that:
Week 7 Very Basic Results:
LTBS (7-0, FUCK) over IBB (3-3-1),
LL (4-3, A NEW SEASON RECORD CONGRATS SHANE) over HEROY (4-3 and MERCIFULLY converted back to the OGTFC [never thought I would miss that name] after learning that fantasy baseball, as in life, is just random chaos your name means nothing)
‘Topes (2-5) over PBX (0-5-2)
ECK (4-3) over BBS (1-5-1)
RRF (4-3) over RCBD (3-3-1)
Week 7 MVP OF THE WEEK:
8/27, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .321 OBP
Week 7 LVP OF THE WEEK:
0/11, 1 RBI, .083 OBP
Week 7 JROLLs:
Only ONE as these are a dying art, and that one came from:
WEEK SIX has come and gone. And I am FOCUSED AS LASER! Not on this review, I have no fucking desire to write this and I am actually planning on really just quarter-assing my way through it. But going to claim this is because this is DOCH WEEK, laser focused on Doch Week….but maybe it’s just cuz I don’t feel like writing this shit? But also CUZ THIS IS DOCH WEEK. Focused as laser!
If I defeat the dreaded BackdoorSliderz in the WEEK SEVEN BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK I promise I’ll write 5,000 words on it…..
River City Bad Dudes Roll Past Island Beach Bears, Who Were Obviously Just Looking Ahead To DOCH WEEK – 11-2-1
MVP: Kyle Gibson – Kyle Gibson above is me looking at my streaming luck of late. Look man absolutely NO ONE had an impressive week here, except for Andujar and the Bears starting staff and that was the “impressively bad” sort of impressive. So Bogaertswas okay (7 Rs, .379 OBP) but more importantly for the Dudes Kyle Gibson and whomever the fuck else they threw out there pitched pretty nicely. NOT THAT MUCH WAS REQUIRED OF THEM.6 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA
LVP:Miguel Andujar – NAWT the finest of debuts for Miggy Andujar, I will say that much. Given the amount of ABs and the sheer nothingness done with them this may be your LVP of the YEAR. 1/27, .037 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK/PROBABLY YEAR***
PITCHING STUFF. This one was never as close as some of the #s may have implied it was (on the hitting side of thingz), and that is because the Bears pitching was ONCE AGAIN terrible (a MARK OF THE BEAST ERA, which leads to losses in other KEYCATS as one can probably infer). Credit to the Dudes for pitching pretty well, but yea nobody pitched worse than these assholes last week. I shall cut them all. I should also add the only thing sadder than the Bears starting pitching this season/this week was the way Lobman kept checking the fucking box score even though the matchup was in the bag PROBABLY since like Thursday but definitely before we even got to Citi Field. Just be PRESENT IN THE MOMENT, Mike. Especially if in that moment you are dancing on top of a ledge in a gay bar….
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: I should also add the only thing sadder than the Bears starting pitching this season/this week was the way Lobman kept checking the fucking box score even though the matchup was in the bag PROBABLY since like Thursday but definitely before we even got to Citi Field… Just be PRESENT IN THE MOMENT, Mike… Especially if in that moment you are dancing on top of a ledge in a gay bar… what else WHAT, ELSE… Uhh only two hitters per team with multi-HR weeks and by multi-HR I mean 2 HR (Alonso & Reyes for the Dudes, Encarnacion & Tim Anderson for the Bears)…
What’s Next (Week 7): RCBD v. RRF (3-2-1 v. 3-2-1)
IBB @ LTBS (3-2-1 @ 6-0, BBOTW)
Astoria Isotopes FINALLY Grab A Fucking Win, Unfortunately At The Expense Of The East Coast Kings Rather Than At The Expense Of Some Piece Of Shit’s Team (Like Lacey) – 8-6-0
MVP: Charlie Blackmon – If I wanted to just get this review done quickly (and I do) I would cop out here by saying Blackmon did his best Yelichimpression (half his hits for the week left the yard) and Yelich did his best Blackmon impression and that’s that. ‘Nado was also good but yea, gooder job by Charlie I guess. 8/20, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .520 OBP
LVP:Miguel Cabrera – Nobody was particularly BAD for the Kings, and there was certainly worse Miggys during this particular week, but Miggy was just kinda MEH in a nice opportunity to avenge his own POORLY HANDLED release (no respect). 26/22, 1 R, 2 RBIs, .333 OBP
QS. It tends to be tricky to OUTCLASS the Kings in certain pitching cats, particularly on a week when they pitch to a 2.72 ERA, but the ‘Topes were able to do just that in escaping with a 7-6 QS victory. The Isotopes were no slouched with their hurlers (3.40 ERA, 95 Ks) but still only went 3-4 on the pitching cats, so yea. FLIP THIS ONE and you have a disgusting tie
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: This was the first time all season that the Kings lost with an ERA under 5, interestingly enough… This was also the first time all season that the Isotopes won, in case that wasn’t covered… The Kings had the lowest RBI output but highest SB output in Week 9, somewhat of a classic X-Rayz formula…
What’s Next (Week 7): ‘Topes @ PBX (1-5 @ 0-4-2)
ECK v. BBS (3-3 v. 1-4-1)
Heroy’s Weird Ode To My Brother Of A Team Wins Beats The Barnegat Banana Slugs, Somebody Cue Up A Losing Streak For This Idiot So He Adopts An Actual Team Name – 7-5-2
MVP: Kris Bryant – KRIS BRYANT. Still out here, let’s give him his first MVP of the week since like 2017 (probably) never mind forgot bout Springer. 8/25, 9 Rs, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, .485 OBP
LVP:Christian Walker– “2019 Luke Voit” (I’m sure someone has said it) kinda followed Luke towards RELATIVE mediocrity in Week 6 (he did make his one XBH count I will give him that), which is a shame cuz the rest of the Slugs O was pretty toight. 3/22, 1 R, 1 3B, .269 OBP
OBP. This one likely stings a bit for the Slugs because on both sides of the ball they BASICALLY performed as well as they have all season. Yet they were matched up with an opponent that was performing just a bit better in enough categories. And that’s basically how you win or lose a week. ANYHOW this was exemplified best in OBP, where the Slugs would usually feel pretty good about their performance but were no match for a firing-on-all-cylinders uhh Heroy outfit (HEROY won .402-.351).
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: These were your top two Run totals in Week 6… Team Heroy was one of 4 teams in Week 6 to cross the 100K threshold (Bad Dudes, X-Rayz, BackdoorSliderz are your other 3)… Eugenio Suarezscored 10 Rs for the Slugs, which is NOTABLE I GUESS I dunno… phonin’ this one in remember…
What’s Next (Week 7): HEROY v. LL (4-2 v. 3-3)
BBS @ ECK (1-4-1 @ 3-3)
Pacific Beach X-Rayz Harness The Power Of Sharon Johnson To Tie The Pride Of Sharon Johnson’s Team, Rojo’s Renegade Force – 7-7-0
MVP: MOTHERS EVERYWHERE but specifically Sharon Johnson – ALLEGEDLY Mothers Day festivities are to blame for the Renegade Force being unable to get two extra starters (both of whom threw what would be matchup-winning QS) into their lineup. No word on what Sharon ordered or how that explains the other two starts the RRF failed to put forth (8/12 starts is only kewl if you win, kids). I respect both Mr. and Mrs. J too much to do something with the “stats” section here, as we all know I could…
LVP:Rojo– So tired of having to give this good friend and okay realtor LVP, and yet here it is happening for like the GOD KNOWS HOW MANY-eth time. Amateur effort. If it was against an opponent I actually enjoy seeing lose this would have been a longer paragraph. 1 Absent-minded Brunch (I’ll bet he didn’t pay)
QS. I’m honed in on the Mothers Day EXCUSE here but really the RRF only started EIGHT this week and starting any one of those extra 4 and having any one of them pitch a QS gets them a W (including the 2 QS thrown on Sunday by Ryuand Tanaka). What kinda MONSTER doesn’t set those 2 into his Sunday lineup like the day before or whatfuckingever?! Someone call Kevin Johnson (or Rachel <3) and see if he wants to take this outfit over. Anywhom the X-Rayz won QS 7-6 despite going a very pretty 0-2 in QS attempts on Sunday (Snell 5.2, 2 ER, 12 Ks Corbin Martin 5.1, 1 ER, 9 Ks), tie preserved.
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: Rojo your indifference here was both an inspiration (particularly when juxtaposed with some other owners) and a slap in the face of the very INSTITUTION of the Backyard and this carefully-crafted blog and it will be stamped out so help me god (jk I’m just speeding through this and didn’t know what else to write… ps George Springer (14/27, 10 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, .563 OBP) was the actual ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** (maybe shared with Sharon)…
What’s Next (Week 7): PBX v. ‘Topes (0-4-2 v. 1-5)
RRF @ RCBD (3-2-1 @ 3-2-1)
2019 WEEK SIX BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS CLEVELAND ZOO BABY SLOTH BEAR NAMING CONTEST (that I feel is going somewhat poorly)
Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Easily Beat Lakewood Leviathans But Were Also No Doubt Looking Ahead To HUGE Matchup With Island Beach Bears In Week 7 – 11-2-1
MVP: Justin Turner – YEA, for all their sexy youthful talent and all their bluster fucking Justin Turner. 9/21, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .455 OBP
LVP:Carlos Santana – Carlos is usually an OBP STALWART so he let the fam down herecan’t be the same Robinson Cano the ‘Topes keep dangling in trade talks CAN IT?!?! 4/26, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .214 OBP
BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note: You know you’re rolling the fuck along when fucking Justin Turner and Gregory Polancoare the ones pacing your offense in an easy victory of a week (9/20, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .500 OBP).
BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note: To further illustrate that point, behold Lacey Twp’s SECOND streamed Zach Eflin CG (9 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).
Leviathans Hitter Of Note: The Leviathans may be backsliding a bit, perhaps falling into their old ways, but HEY at least Alex Gordon isn’t falling into his old ways (he tends to suck) he’s been a pretty solid hitter thus far (7/20, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .381 OBP).
Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: This is just so I can make a mental note to myself to try and trade for Matt Boydhe’s been swell (6 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).
Who give a fuck what happened this week, WEEK SEVEN IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
In Week 7 the undefeated Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz will take on THE MAN THEY THREATENED TO PUNCH IN THE FACE, and his Island Beach Bears. In what will surely be (possibly be) the most chat participation you get out of me all season. As I must defend my honor and my right, as a ‘Murrican, to be “pretentious” and “passive-aggressive.” This was where I should have had a photoshopped image of Doch as Odor and me as Bautista but we can add that in w/ post edits once Brian gets around to it. The blog is big on post edits now.
Also Shane is playing someone I’m sure, that’s how this league works we all keep playing people until it’s over….
What’s Next (Week 7): LTBS v. IBB (6-0 v. 3-2-1, BBOTW)
LL@ HEROY (3-3 @ 4-2)
Week Six Review, HALF-ASSED by me so I can focus on defeating FRAUDNEY. Works enough for me.