Backyard Championship League RIGHTS PLAYERS

Updated As Of:  2/14/19

Q-Tip City Morning Wood

Shane

Garden State Warriors

Ryan

Lacey Twp Backdoor Sliderz

Dochney

Springfield Isotopes

Mikey T

North Dover Little Dudes 

Lobman

Rojo’s Resurgence

Rojo

OG Trout Fishing Club

Heroy

Barnegat Light BoWeevils 

Brian

Cattus Island MoonZ

Sean

Loma Portal Gamma Rayz

Odom

Akil Baddoo

(OF)

Andrew Vaughn(1B) 

 

 

Bobby Witt, JR (SS) 

Austin Listi, (OF) 

Trevor Larnach (OF)

   

 

 

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Backyard Championship League RIGHTS PLAYERS

2019 Records And Tracking

2019 SEASON RECORDS

Runs:  54  —  LL (Shane [2])   
Doubles:  21  —  ECK (Ryan [2])  
Triples:  4  —  AI (MikeyT [2]) 
Home Runs:  18  —  IBB (Sean [2])      
RBI’s:  52  —  IBB (Sean [2])  
Stolen Bases:  8  —  PBX (Odom [2]); LL (Shane [2])
OBP:  .388 — LTBS (Doch [Week 2])

Strikeouts:  91  —  BBS (Brian [2])  
Quality Starts:  6  —  HALF THE DAMN LEAGUE   
Complete Games:  1  — AI (MikeyT [2])  
Wins:  7  — ECK (Ryan [2]); IBB (Sean [2])   
Saves:  6  — LTBS (Doch [2])      
Holds:  4  —  RRF (Rojo [2]); AI (MikeyT [2]); IBB (Sean [2])  
ERA:  1.96 — RRF (Rojo [Week 1]) 

ALL-TIME RECORDS

Runs:  71  —  Heroy (2016 [Week 14])
Doubles:  31  —  Lobman (2012 [Week 17])
Triples:  8  —  Brian (2016 [Week 11])
Home Runs:  27  —  Rojo (2017 [Week 18])
RBIs:  81  —  Ryan (2009 [Week 16])
Stolen Bases:  27  —  Odom (2016 [Week 18])
OBP:  .456  —  Lenny (2011 [Week 6])

Strikeouts: 113 — Heroy (2018 [Week 5]
Quality Starts: 12 — Lobman (2016 [Week 2])
Complete Games: 4 — Ryan (2008 [Week 8]), Lenny (2011 [Week 11]), Lobman (2010 [Week 19])*
Wins: 12 — Cliff (2016 [Week 7])
Saves: 11 — Mikey T (2009 [Week 14]), 2016 [Week 5]), Rojo (2010 [Week 1])** , Cliff (2015 [Week 9])***, Shane (2017 [Week 14])****
Holds: 12 — Rojo (2018 [Week 8])
ERA: 1.29 — Odom/Sean (2011 [Week 20])

Note:  Records in extended weeks are limited to rate stats only (OBP and ERA) EXCEPT in the two dumb fucking instances with Saves referenced below (we really need someone to get 12). 

*Includes 1 5IP Rain-Out CG.

**Rojo had 11 Saves on an 8 day week. No pitchers pitched on Day 1.

***Cliff had an illegal roster for one day in Week 9. TYPICAL CLIFF.

****Shane accumulated 11 Saves within the initial 7 Day Period within an extended week.

2019/2020: THE COMPLIANCE WARNING LIST: Rojo’s Renegade Force

2019 Records And Tracking

2019 WEEK TWO REVIEW: “NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR SSSS (SMALL SAMPLE SIZE STUDS) EDITION

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WEEK TWOOOOOO. In the books.  On the negative side of things I’m already reminded how much I hate April. Everyone discussing players performances both good and bad when I just wanna wait for like 100 goddamned at bats or 50 goddamned innings before we all start going nuts (even then it will be unfortunate). But HEY I’m handing out MVPs and LVPs based on weekly samples so I am no hero. And on the positive side of things look how gotdamned adorable that little sign language girl is above? She’s lovely. And the bullshit she’s referring to are April #s. LETS DIG INTO SOME APRIL NUMBERS…

 

 

 

 

 

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HEROY And His Dumb Goddamned Team Names Absolutely Mollywhop Cliff’s Rojo’s Renegade Force  –  10-1-3

 

MVP:  Austin Meadows  –  I absolutely KNEW Meadows was gonna pwn for the Rays this year so I should have tried to acquire him in the offseason because Heroy probably didn’t know like I knew. So yea, I am declaring his hot start for real and quality data worth pointing out, but his and only his.  12/22, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, .630 OBP (THAT FEELS REALLY HIGH)    ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Rojo   Nine starts in a win and I confuse you with Ryan. Nine starts in a loss and I confuse you with Cliff. DO BETTER.  JUST DO BETTER OKAY

 

 

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  I R L Marcell Ozuna made an absolute ass of himself going for that off the wall spring back catch thing but I F W (In Fantasy World) he had 4 dongs and that’s nice for him and for RRF (7/19, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .400 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty :/ —  I dunno the entire team with its dumb fucking name had a real fine week so maybe it’s rude of me to harp on Rojo’s FAILURES but this part is about a Heroy guy’s failures so uhhh, Luris Urias isn’t the next Altuve I lied (1/11, 1 2B, .091 OBP).

 

Key To Matchup:  TAKE YOUR PICK. The Heroy squad took 5 cats on both sides of the ball, I guess they more THOROUGHLY outpitched the RRF (with 10 starts to the Force’s 9) but they also managed like 15 more RBIs despite equal HRs so yanno. Sometimes that’s how the ball bounces and you think the ball is going over the fence so you try and jump off the wall but then it is falling short of the fence so you try to spring off the wall to catch it and in the end you’re just lucky you didn’t break your face.

 

What’s Next (Week 3):  HEROY @ ECK (1-1 @ 0-2)

                   
RRF @ LL (1-1 @ 2-0)

 

 

 

 

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Lakehurst Leviathans TWO AND ZERO ONCE AGAIN, Barnegat Banana Slugs ZERO AND TWO Which Is Also Fun I Guess  –  6-3-5 (weird score ya weirdos)

 

MVP:  Mitch Haniger  –  FIRSTLY DO NOT LOOK AT THE GIF SCROLL PAST THE GIF. Particularly if you are Rojo, worried I’m gonna kill Rojo. Secondly HEY nice work Mitch, your Leviathans lapped the Slugs in Runs by like 21 and you contributed 9 of those so take a bow ya fuck (HOW BOUT THAT Ms O).  9/27, 9 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .345 OBP     

LVP:  Ender Inciarte  ENDER, BUT I HARDLY EVEN KNOW HER?! sorry.  2/17, 1 SB, .167 OBP    

 

 

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  Hey I mean Eddie Rosario did just fine (7/16, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .471 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty :/ —  Shane’s inaugural season should inspire the modesty here but SHOULD THAT FAIL uhhh I dunno Michael Wacha got lit up I guess and he’s a Leviathan regular and also his ERA can remind Shane of his last two seasons so yea (3.2 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 17.18 ERA).

 

Key To Matchup:  BATS. The Leviathans won 5 hitting categories and tied the two they couldn’t win (3Bs and HRs) and that was 5 of your 6 cat wins right there. I dunno I think it’s a nice ADVANTAGE when you have a catcher that can hit like Yasmani Grandal (.600 OBP, 5 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs) can, he’s currently the #1 rated catcher in our league I think I traded him to Shane for Dan Vogelbach WHOM IS ALSO GOOD NOW. But yea Leviathans nice offensive week, Slugs O was a wee flat for the 2nd week in a row (33 Rs, fewest in league once again). COST EM.

 

What’s Next (Week 3):  LL v. RRF (2-0 v. 1-1)

                   
BBS @ IBB (0-2 @ 2-0)

 

 

 

 

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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz T….. (wait I’m not supposed to discuss this matchup and I’m going to take the opportunity not to because lazy)  –  7-5-2

 

 

 

 

JROLLs:  Ronald Acuna Jr. (1, LTBS); Elvis Andrus (1, ECK)  (JROLLs ENDURE)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Island Beach Bears Squeak Past Astoria Isotopes Via Slightly Less Shitty ERA  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Jose Altuve –  I think it’s RATHER FUCKING RUDE how Altuve was clearly dealing with injuries all year last year (he had a lil HBP on the top of the foot that seemed to cause some issues even before the knee) and yet folks this offseason acted like he was totally finished. I AM SURE he remains plenty good. Will have to see where the SBs end up at end of year and I have other concerns BUT it’s April and therefore I will both ignore those and not ignore the HRs and say he’s still the best 2B in fantasy folks.  10/25, 8 Rs, 6 HRs, 10 RBIs, .407 OBP     

LVP:  Kyle Freeland   Really wanted to give this to Sale but Freeland gave up a run an inning over TWO starts and provided no QS or Ws and I DUNNO this is an inexact science. The Bears won by giving up 48 ER in 75 innings and the ‘Topes lost by giving up 49 in 75.2 so TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT KYLE.  10 IP, 10 ER, 8 Ks, 9.00 ERA    ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

 

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  My main man Khris Davis aka Khrush Davis did his best (9/27, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, .333 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty :/ —  Eat a dick Adrian Sampson I DIDN’T WANT YOU (4 IP, 7 ER, 4 Ks, 15.75 ERA).

 

Key To Matchup:  SUNDAY.  I mean I did in fact have the most dongs/RBIs in Week 2 and we DID have a pretty solid lead going prior to the weekend but that allll started evaporating, and it was a coin flip on Sunday. And had I lost I would be blaming the Angels rainout that forced the Bears to stream Adrian Fucking Sampson but I WON and that’s because despite Sampson’s Stinker and German MarquezSunday CG gem we were able to hold onto a slim and hideous ERA victory (5.76 over 5.83).

 

What’s Next (Week 3):  IBB v. BBS (2-0 v. 0-2)

                   
‘Topes @ Bad Dudes (0-2 @ 1-0-1)

 

 

 

 

2019 WEEK 2 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS VERY TASTEFUL VERY SENSUAL VERY SEXY BEARS ALTERNATE LOGO.…

 

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River City Bad Dudes & Pacific Beach X-Rayz Kiss Their Sisters And I Know I’ve Kissed One Of Them And I Assume Like Rojo Or Someone Has Kissed The Other  –  6-6-2

(It’s occurring to me this format somewhat withers (and always has) under a tie scenario so SINCE this is a BBOTW tie let’s do it this way, but I may figure out a way to address ties next time or hell I may not who gives a shit…)

MVP:  Julio Teheran  –  I mean PLENTY of things happened in this matchup I’m sure, as does all matchups, but a thing on Sunday that grabbed the Bad Dudes a tie was suck-ass Teheran throwing a QS so CONGRATS TO YOU JULIO!  6 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA     

LVP:  Jose Ramirez    The X-Rayz did perfectly fine on the batting cats (won 4 outta 7) but still need to point out Jose Ramirez what the fuck are you DOING this season? You’ve been terrible, Jose.  2/26 IP, 1 R, 1 2B, .111 OBP 

 

 

 

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Jose Abreu both kinda sucked and also stole two bases and kinda didn’t, GO FIGURE (2/22, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 1 RBI, 2 SBs, .160 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Carlos Rodon was shit in one start and good in another and even in the shit start he struck out 9 and the Bad Dudes won Ks by 2 so this was important he is of note (10.2 IP, 6 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 5.06 ERA).

 

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  50 total RBIs is a damned fine RBI total and Dansby Swanson somehow contributed NINE of them on FOUR hits, I cannot figure out the math there (4/20, 2 Rs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .261 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Blake Snell is the reason the Dudes needed every one of those Rodon Ks, Blake Snell is good (12 IP, 1 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.75 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

THIS ONE WAS REALLY CLOSE. Which is what I can always get away with saying in a tie I guess, so I am saying it here. X-Rayz took the hitting cats 4-3 (+1 Rs, +4 RBIs) while the Dudes took the pitching cats 3-2-2 (+2 Ks, +1 Save, +2 Ws) but justtttt failed to get there in ERA (X-Rayz take it 3.83 to 3.89). Both teams QS’d in precisely half their starts, the X-Rayz utilized their “very few bats worth keeping” strategy to grab like 47 more ABs than their opponent, and WHEN THE DUST SETTLED we have a tie. What more can I say here really? Uhhh Josh James did the Dudes a real disservice by giving up 4 ER without getting an out. I will say…..that.

Week 3 will see the Bad Dudes hosting the Astoria ‘Topes in that ALWAYS ENTERTAINING matchup, expect some light banter this weekend folks. As for the X-Rayz they are taking on the defending champs and they haven’t lost yet this season and WHO CAN BE SURE if I can say more right now or if I will say more next week (I probably will I was just being lazy this particular time).

What’s Next (Week 3):  Dudes v. ‘Topes (1-0-1 v. 0-2)

                   
X-Rayz @ LTBS (0-1-1 @ 2-0)

 

 

 

 

 

This concludes Week Two Review. Thank you for tuning in for Week Two Review, be sure to privately message me my fuckups OR allude to them in the chat with some really dogshit attempt at “humor” (HEROY) OR ignore them and move on with your lives and I will notice them some other time and quietly update this post. Lotta options. Week 3 of 18 (and then the BYB), GOD FANTASY BASEBALL TAKES FOREVS……

2019 WEEK TWO REVIEW: “NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR SSSS (SMALL SAMPLE SIZE STUDS) EDITION

2019 Week One Review: “Ughhh These Fucking Things Again” Edition

 

 

 

 

TWENTY-NINETEEEEEEEEN. On the positive side of things we are perhaps a mere twenty-something weeks from @Doch no longer being champion. That’s positive. On the unfortunate side of things I will need to crank out yanno AT LEAST one of these before tossing in the towel, and WordPress has this really annoying new format that I don’t feel like figuring out right now, and so on and so forth. LET’S SEE IF WE CAN’T STREAMLINE A BIT MORE HUH (I do not give a shit about your key pitching performances)?

 

 

 

 

Island Beach Bears (YOU HEARD ME) Reluctantly Beat Pacific Beach X-Rayz Because They Respect Them Too Much Not To Try To Do Just That  –  10-2-2

 

MVP:  Rhys Hoskins  –  Bears Ownership (me) was on hand for two separate Phillies games in the extended Week 1, and Rhys dinged dongs in both, but ownership didn’t actually catch either dong with their own eyeballs. Who can pay attention at these goddamned things.  9/26, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 13 RBIs, .514 OBP     

 

LVP:  Kole Calhoun  The whole streaming bats thing may challenge THIS BLOG all year as I’m unsure how many ABs one must log in a week (in an extended week in this case) in order to be called out for sucking. Surely it will cause this many problems or more for the franchises attempting it. But yea fuck it I’ll give it to Calhoun dong be damned.  2/19, 1 R, 1 HR, 2 RBI, .150 OBP

 

JROLLs:  Jonathan Villar (1, IBB); Kolten Wong (1, PLX)

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  We are going to try and UPLIFT in 2019, not all doom and gloom when you lose a matchup (for example, none of this [or anything] really matters). So with that in mind let’s start that off by noting not all doom and gloom for the X-Rayz either. Chris Archer looked pretty solid across two starts for the ‘Rayz (not sure that works), which would be a welcome sight for PB after an up and down 2018 that culminated in a 4.31 ERA (6.61 Mar/April, 2.33 May, 6.45 Aug., 2.70 Sept./Oct.) (11 IP, 3 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.45 ERA).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty :/ —  Garret Hampson came out and just plain suckedddddd, pre-season hype (written by me BUT ALSO BY OTHERS) be damned (0/14, .000 OBP).

 

Key To Matchup:  LATE MATCHUP DONGS/SOLID PITCHING. The Bears offense started out slowly but 12 HRs over the last 3 days, aided by 3 in one game from Gary Sanchez (6 total), helped them run away with things in the Rs and HRs (and I guess OBP) cats (puns about Runs and how the X-Rayz run a lot very much intended). Also the Bears won the pitching cats 6-0-1.

 

What’s Next (Week 2):  Bears @ ‘Topes (1-0 @ 0-1),

                   
X*Rayz v. Bad Dudes (0-1 v. 1-0)

 

 

 

 

 

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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Begin A Quest For The Ever Elusive Back To Back Chips With Easy Defeat Of Whatever Dumb Fucking Name Heroy’s Team Chose To Go By  –  8-4-2

 

MVP:  Cody Bellinger  –  Jesus fuckin’ Christmas Cody Bellinger. Not a great start to the first full year of Life Without Cody, even though I never owned him a full year. But this isn’t about me. But yea FOR FUCKS SAKE MAN hot start/likely 2019’s most ridiculous JROLL, small nod to the extended week but impressive nonetheless.  20/44, 17 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 7 HRs, 18 RBIs, 1 RBI .514 OBP, 1 JROLL     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Willy Adames  Not the hottest of starts for Willy, a player this team has NO DOUBT vastly overrated if anyone’s asked about him in trade talks. Not that I really suspect anyone’s asked about him in trade talks. I swear I am not implying I did I DIDN’T.  1/20, .050 OBP    ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

JROLLs:  Cody Bellinger (1, LTBS)

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  Look I know this is supposed to be #uplifting the losers but I don’t want to sugarcoat this one, as this is something I’ve already expressed in person: GREG YOU AREN’T WITTY ENOUGH TO KEEP CHANGING TEAM NAMES BASED ON MATCHUPS. Lets just not, there, shall we. Also Butt Pirates offends me as a man that wishes he was gay. Also it offends Mikey T. ANYWAYZ Mike Trout remains really good so uh sigh of relief there I guess, perhaps go back to a Trout-based team name for the good of us all (11/28, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .581 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty :/ —  Uhh I dunno Walker Buehler looked fairly pedestrian across two starts, take THAT Doch (8 IP, 6 ER, 4 Ks, 1 W 6.75 ERA).

 

Key To Matchup: BATS. The BDSliderz O was reallllly humming (.387 team OBP) behind Belly and like Domingo Santana (4 HRs, 15 RBIs, 3 SBs) and shit, which ya just hate to see. Really no main contributor had a week I could have thrown in the Fuckup category up there. Heroy’s team/ownership on the other hand FULL of fuckups like Adames and Dozier (2/25) and Eloy Jimenez (0/18) and Heroy (fill this in however you’d like).

 

What’s Next (Week 2):  LTBS v. Kings (1-0 v. 0-1),

                   
HEROY @ RRF (0-1 @ 1-0)

 

 

 

 

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Rojo’s Renegade Force SALT THE SLUGS FORREAL THEY USED CHARLIE MORTON AGAINST THE BARNEGAT BANANA SLUGS AND EMERGED VICTORIOUS  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Charlie Morton Joey Gallo –  Not only did Joey Gallo do his usual thing of drawing walks and hitting dongs and stuff, he also grabbed a teammate’s dong in an outright rejection of Heroy’s hateful team names (see above). And maybe Doch’s. Haven’t decided if I’m going to call Doch a homophobe this season or not (no I probably am). #LoveIsLove.  6/25, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, .441 OBP     

LVP:  Ramon Laureano   For those keeping in track that’s uhhh AT LEAST 0 for 2 on guys I highlighted in team previews that came out and S’d a D. Yanno not that there is anything wrong with that.  2/17, .118 OBP

 

JROLLs:  Ender Inciarte (1, BBS); Whit Merrifield (1, BBS)

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  Not all doom and gloom for the Banana Slugs (definitely some doom and gloom) as Whit Merrifield continues to look EVERY BIT a guy that’s better than Starling Marte that didn’t need to have the best prospect in baseball tossed in with him in order to faciliate a trade for said Starling Marte (fuck you Shane) (11/34, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 3 SBs, .361 OBP, 1 JROLL).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty :/ —  Honestly this is a pretty productive 1/20 and Rojo will definitely not keep a catcher for any considerable length of time but he still gave Yadi 20 ABs and he only got a hit in one of em so YEA Yadier Molina (1/20, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .174 OBP).

 

Key To Matchup:  BANANA SLUG BAT INEPTITUDE. Not even gonna break this bad boy down to the individual level but the facts in this case remain and those facts are:  58 Runs, 14 2Bs, 10 HRs, 49 RBIs, .302 OBPThose were the team numbers for the Slugz batz and all were worst in the Backyard in Week One (Runs they tied with Ocean Gate). And yea, the Renegade Force was better than that and stuff so they won and stuff.

 

What’s Next (Week 2):  RRF v. HEROY (1-0 v. 0-1),

                   
BBS v. LL (0-1 v. 1-0)

 

 

 

 

 

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River City Bad Dudes Outlast East Coast Kings Because Their Pitching Was Bad, Dude (i am so sorry)  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Pete Alonso –  Nice lil debut for this guy, and no I’m not putting him up here because Lobman told me to boost his trade value or something. He just hit a lot of doubles and the Bad Dudes won doubles, is all.  13/34, 6 Rs, 6 2Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, .432 OBP     

LVP:  Eduardo Rodriguez   I’ll shit on a Red Sawk any chance I get and that’s one thing people might not know about me (no they know), so fuck Eduardo Rodriguez and fuck Ben Affleck and fuck the Patriots and fuck “by CHLOE. Fenway” and fuck Bill Simmons and fuck Barstool and fuck you (I’ve left out Matt Damon here and that is deliberate, the Bourne franchise [not counting the Jeremy Renner one {and probably the last one}] is a treasure).  8 IP, 11 ER, 7 Ks, 12.38 ERA

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  Welp Christian Yelich is off to a pretty good start if he’s aiming to do the whole “Improve Upon MVP Season” thing (13/36, 11 Rs, 4 2Bs, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, 1 SB, .489 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty :/ —  Welp Giancarlo Stanton is back to being a (sometimes freak) injury-prone piece of GARBAGE, expect setbacks Dudes fan(s) (2/8, 1 R, .600 OBP).

 

Key To Matchup:  DISAPPOINTING ACES.  I could talk about the Dudes but they talk about themselves enough. The KINGS however, let’s discuss them. Offense actually looked pretty good in the extended week buttttt piss poor starts from alotta #1s or former #1s. Watching Kershaw fade here is like watching someone pass from bone cancer so HE WAS OUT, Paxton was meh Carrasco sub-meh Syndergaard MEH. All three racked up a lot of Ks but to the credit of the Bad Dudes they needed to do more than that and they failed to.  Berrios looked great though (20.2 IP, 5 ER, 21 Ks, 3 QS, 1 W, 2.18 ERA).

 

What’s Next (Week 2):  Bad Dudes @ X-Rayz (1-0 @ 0-1),

                   
ECK @ LTBS (0-1 @ 1-0)

 

 

 

 

2019 WEEK 1 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE BLACK BEAR THAT KILLED SOME “FAMILY HORSE” IN MASSACHUSETTS.…

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https://www.boston.com/news/local-news/2019/04/09/bear-suspected-in-death-of-400-pound-horse-in-massachusetts

(this would work better if the Bears were in the BBOTW and if some other team that I defeated had some sort of horse-based team name but ALAS that ain’t life)

 

 

 

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Lakehurst Leviathans Reach Twenty Percent Of Their Previous All Time Win Total With Victory Over Last Year’s First Loser, The Astoria Isotopes  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Adalberto Mondesi  –  OH ADALBERTO, polarizing figure in the fantasy world. The guy barely got on base in Week One but JROLL‘d anyway and if that’s what he can do with a sub-.300 OBP he should serve the Leviathans just fine. Finer than Carlos Martinez would AMIRITE?!  9/34, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .265 OBP, 1 JROLL     

LVP:  Chris Sale    Fuck it let’s hammer a Sawks pitcher once again. Chris Sale the ‘Topes expected MORE from you, and it really wouldn’t have taken much more (they lost ERA 4.85 to 4.75) so shame on you and fuck you I hope you suck all year 🙂 .  9 IP, 8 ER, 5 Ks, 1 QS, 8.00 ERA 

 

JROLLs:  Adalberto Mondesi (1, LL)

 

Leviathans Hitter Of Note:  OH YEA JD Martinez is still here, can’t forget about that guy he can hit a baseball a bit MOST UNFORTUNATELY (14/42, 5 Rs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .404 OBP).

Leviathans Pitcher Of Note:  GOOD LORD Matthew Boyd what a start sir, I was going to call him “young man” but don’t care enough to look up how old he is ANYONE’S GUESS (6.1 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1.42 ERA).

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Can basically repeat whatever I said for JD up there for my main man Khris Davis, the battle for the best K(C)hris Davis is SO over (10/46, 6 Rs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, .300 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Both ‘Topes Rox SP looked good but let’s shout out to German Marquez for earnin’ that $ FOR NOW (13 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.69 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

What can I sayyyyy really, this was a tight battle that came down to Sunday night which we really love here at THA BLAWG cuz yanno that makes for an easy BBOTW pick. I’m sure a buncha shit happened before Sunday Night Baseball but BY THEN the ‘Topes were seeking runs from Nolan Arenado and Charlie Blackmon and they got one from each but that wasn’t enough NOW WAS IT. A triple would also have done. I dunno I’m sure other stuff happened, Ks and QS and ERA were all fairly close on the other side of the ball but IN THE END the team that never wins many games won a matchup against the team that was in the BCS last season. HOW BOUT THEM APPLES. I’ve learned better since the previously named outfit started out 2-0 that one time only to not. win. another. matchup. that. entire. season. So yea NOTHING TO SEE HERE ON TO WEEK TWO…. 

Week 2 will see this thus far unremarkable Lakehurst franchise taking on the Barnegat franchise, FAMILY FOES. Meanwhile the Isotopes will find themselves looking to avoid 0-2 against yours truly, spoiler alert I intend to send them to 0-2. THE BACKYARD FOLKS.

 

What’s Next (Week 2):  LL @ BBS (1-0 @ 0-1),

                   
‘Topes v. Bears (0-1 v. 1-0)

 

 

 

 

 

This concludes Week One Review. Thank you for tuning to Week One Review, be sure to hit subscribe and follow my “insta” and this review was a nightmare so I reserve the right to adjust this ENTIRELY next time. Once I’m done sending angry emails to WordPress people or whatevs. Whatever. Suck it nerdz.

2019 Week One Review: “Ughhh These Fucking Things Again” Edition

2019’s 10 teams in 10 days: #1 Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz

2018 RECORD:  8-9-1

PROJECTED 2019 RECORD:  11-7, 1st place.  Theseeee fucks, fairly loaded for the present and future so I’m just taking solace in the fact that it’s REALLY hard to win B2B championships in this damn league (don’t get us started on B2B2B).

BEAR MINIMUM BLOVIATION:  Let’s just get this outta the way up top: I’ve given them Acuna, Tatis Jr., and Bellinger. I also blame myself for not holding onto Matt Carpenter (FORTUNATELY that season isn’t happening again)I think Heroy traded them Bregman or whatever. They fell into Soto and Albies and I failed to pry the latter away. LOTTA GOOD PLAYERS on this particular franchise. Haven’t mentioned the pitching yet but they’re in pretty good shape there as well (fingers crossed for the old guys to start showing it). Point is, on paper this is the best roster in the Backyard and it ain’t even particularly close. Therein lies the BEAUTY of H2H, the only team that ever won twice in a row did so with like the 7th best roster so there’s plenty of room for maneuvering and plain old luck (good or bad) to take these guys down in their title defense season. That’s why I can project 7 losses (I mean they lost 9 last year with a similar roster) and that’s why I can sleep at night (I can’t). I probably shouldn’t have given Tatis Jr. back though…

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE STUD HITTER:  RF Domingo Santana – The LAST thing we need is this team to have a little “surprise stud” hitter but unfortunately uhhh there was really no reason for the Brewers to give up on ole’ Domingo the way they did last year and NOW, now he’s got a starting role on the Ms/ButtSliderz. Domingo has already contributed a double, grand slam, and steal in limited/Japanese action and he can probably go 30/15 again easy and all of this is unfortunate.

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE DUD HITTER:  2B Ozzie Albies – SOME GOOD NEWS, folks. After a real hot April Albies was basically average or worse the entire rest of the season (158 wRC+ in April, 67 wRC+ 2nd half). MAYBE HE ISN’T ALL THAT GOOD AFTER ALL! Normally this would make me sad as I genuinely like Albies as a player, but in this case and given this roster I think we need to take what we can get and root for him to be Lacey’s Rougned OdorAs always, fuck Rougned Odor…..

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE STUD PITCHER:  SP Joey Luchesi – I may not respect the majority of Doch’s opinions or his physique or his gay little nephew but I can respect the man’s ability to build a roster, and scooping up Luchesi was a shrewd move. Guy got really hammered by the long ball last season but also had a nice 18.6% K-BB % that really hints at some underlying upside, should he find a way to cure the dong issue. Rumors that he’s been toying with a cutter and DARE I SAY he might provide the BackdoorSliderz with a nice little mid 3s ERA, over a strikeout an inning, diamond in the rough type. Which would be unfortunate but here we are.  

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE DUD PITCHER:  SP Robbie Ray – The good thing about Robbie Ray is he can really implode at any time, when walks get the best of him or the humidor ain’t quite humidor-ing enough (the guy gives up a lot of hard contact). Underlying metrics point to it requiring a bit of luck just to get him to a 3.93 ERA, so with any luck things realllly get away from him and he ends up in the 4.5s and rarely sees a sixth inning.

I realize a lot of this “preview” was me wishing poor performances on BackdoorSliderz personnel but that should be viewed as the ultimate sign of respect, as I consider this team the biggest threat to go back to back that we’ve had since that team that went back to back to back.

THAT’S WHY THEY DON’T PLAY ‘EM ON PAPER OR ON THIS SHAKY FANTASY APP, FOLKS.

Best of luck to none of you.

Image result for bear middle finger

2019’s 10 teams in 10 days: #1 Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz

2019’s 10 teams in 10 days: #2 Astoria Isotopes

 

2018 RECORD:  13-4-1

PROJECTED 2019 RECORD:  9-8-1, 3rd place.  These guys are still gonna ding a lot of dongs, but the pitching is sus and there’s certainly plenty o’ fellas here on the wrong side of the aging curve overall.

 

 

BEAR MINIMUM BLOVIATION:  FINALLY, for I believe the first time since I’ve joined this league, the Astoria Isotopes made some noise in the postseason (BACKYARD BRACKET UNTIL IT STICKS). And they were plenty noisy in securing the all-important-for-future-trash-talk-purposes victory over Lobman and the Bad Dudes, and then they flat out ran out of gas in the BCS against the BDSliderz (more on them tomorrow). Blame an Aaron Judge injury or blame the Bears for loading up Lacey w/ talent if you want but the fact of the matter is the Khris Davis’ and Nolan Arenados just plain sucked on the big stage. The Isotopes will be looking for more out of those guys this year + a healthy Judge + I guess the bare minimum required pitching? The blog expects this team to both hit their fair share and give up their fair share of dongs…… time shall tell where that shakes out when the BYB settles, but I guess we see them at least joining the beautiful dance.

 

 

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE STUD HITTER:  1B Miguel Cabrera – This league has a wholeee lotta fun telling the ‘Topes they should drop Miggy but on the real I think he can still put up a top 10 1B season in an OBP league such as this. So I say he maybe does that one last time, or maybe he just seems on pace for that or something similar and then they can trade him to Shane. Everybody wins.  

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE DUD HITTER:  1B Matt Olson – This one’s a cheapy but we are taking it, with the ole’ hammate bone removal surgery you’ve sidelined Matty O for quite a bit. Worse yet when he returns the power is likely to not return with him, not right away, so now you’ve got Matt Olson Without Power which was the only thing Matt Olson was ever good for anyway. GOT DUD WRITTEN ALL OVER HIM.

 

 

 

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE STUD PITCHER:  SP Dallas Keuchel – I mean my assumption here is that @ some point Keuchel will sign with some sorta contender on a one year deal or some shit and then WHO KNOWS, maybe he racks up a few nice starts or a whole-ass nice season. I think I get to declare ANY positive stats a surprise since he’s currently sitting at home without a team. Nice loophole there.  

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE DUD PITCHER:  SP German Marquez – This format was a terrible terrible mistake and I can’t wait until I’m done with these fucking previews but yea ONCE AGAIN disclaimer, I don’t think Marquez will be unusable or something. I DO think people were going a bit nuts over him based entirely off like 90 something 2nd half innings (1st half FIP 4.44) and I DO also note that this guy pitches in Coors and very much succumbs to its effects (4.74 home ERA). So yea it’s all fun and games owning a Rox pitcher until he’s on a homestand in a two start week during the BYB. Or something. This guy’s a bit of an enigma even without the Coors shit, but best of luck to the ‘Topes and by that I mean worst of luck fuck them. Honorable Mention: Kyle Freelandwho just plain sucks.

2019’s 10 teams in 10 days: #2 Astoria Isotopes

2019’s 10 teams in 10 days: #3 East Coast Kings

Props to Ryan for just redefining his team as “East Coast,” opens up a whole WORLD of possibilities for life relocation

 

 

2018 RECORD:  13-5

PROJECTED 2019 RECORD:  10-8, 2nd place.  This franchise is no stranger to wild swings in their performance year to year, but we actually have them maintaining their grip on the second bye despite taking a significant step back in the overall record. PARITY.

 

 

BEAR MINIMUM BLOVIATION:  The Kings have long been a team whose pitching far outpaced its hitting, in 2019 we think it will be a bit more evenly matched. NOT SURE, however, if that will be due to the pitching taking a step back (as injuries threaten to ruin poor Clayton Kershaw and inevitably come for James Paxton and such) or due to some young hitters coming into their own (mostly referring to like Yoan Moncada and Gleyber Torres, both of whom could still take another leap of two forward). How this team fares likely comes down to the health of the pitching staff and the ability of the offense to absorb or avoid growing pains. Yanno basically exactly what I fucking said already.

 

 

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE STUD HITTER:  RF Jesse Winker – SO GLAD that the ECK picked up Winker so I can wax poetic about this potential OBP GAWD (one that could perhaps grab the torch from current OBP GAWD and teammate Joey Votto). Winker is only 25 and walked more than he struck out across 89 games last season, before dipping to have a wee bit of shoulder surgery. On a shoulder that allegedly has been bothering him for yearrrrs, yearrrrrrrs I tell you. Now on the one hand he might need a little time to work past that particular surgery, on the other hand if he DOES feel 100% now for the first time long time he may have unlocked some extra power. The potential is here for a guy with a .400 OBP and 20+ HRs and yes that plays IN AN OBP LEAGUE. SOmetimes I wonder if people know we are in an OBP league. Someone sign Shin-Soo Choo is what I’m saying.

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE DUD HITTER:  SS Javier Baez – Let’s call this a “dud” versus average draft position, even though this isn’t a league that uses drafts anymore WHICH WAS A MISTAKE. Anyhow, this is not me saying Baez is going to be terrible this is just me pointing out (something that others have surely pointed out all over the interwebs) that Baez probably had a career year in 2018 and his profile screeeeams regression coming. Guy swings at everything, doesn’t take walks, had a quarter of his fly balls leave the ball park which can be tough to repeat, etc. etc. etc. The Kings probably don’t end up terribly DISAPPOINTED in Baez’ performance (though there’s a chance for that) but I think every website that ranks him over Jose Altuve should be shamed. SHAMEEEE.

 

 

 

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE STUD PITCHER:  SP Yu Darvish – I don’t know how to really wield this “surprise” thing clearly but like, I guess what I am saying is I think Yu will get 150 or 160 innings in for 2019 and that would likely come as a surprise to a lot of people. Perhaps I am one of those people. STILL PROJECTING IT. 160 innings with 10+ K/9 and the Kings are in good shape (or they’ve already traded him to fill a hole).

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE DUD PITCHER:  SP James Paxton – We already know that Paxton tends to spend a little time on the ole DL but here’s something we might not know, that I now know: James allowed lefties to slug .495 off him last year. Last year he gave up 1.29 HR/9 and this year he moves to a home stadium with an embarrassment of a right field. Dare I say there’s potential for Paxton to dud a bit even with perfect health; there’s at least some potential here for the ERA to creep up significantly if he doesn’t get the longball issue under control, particularly whilst in the Bronx.

2019’s 10 teams in 10 days: #3 East Coast Kings