Week 15 Review—You all have weak streams edition

The Stream Storm has passed and I am disappointed in the efforts of each and every one of you….

Week 15 came and went with a bunch of people not going BALLS TO THE WALL on the streaming pitchers front, and make their little agreements and limiting their streamers out of fear…..and that fear is why America is in the toilet right now.  And it is also why I keep winning and (some of you) keep losing, or at least not winning as often and as consecutively as I keep winning.  Whatever let’s just get to the review….. 

Main Street MooniniteZ pretty much wrap up a win on like Thursday at the expense of the River City Cuban Missiles –  9-4-1

MVP:  Joey Votto– I reallllly wanted to give this to Ryan Schimpf.  Yes the SAME Ryan Schimpf that Mikey T was disgusted to see included in a deal for AJ Ramos.  Since his callup on July 1st Ryan Schimpf leads baseball in slugging percentage.  Schimpf hit 3 HRs while in my lineup and had another 2 and a triple while on my bench.  Unfortunately Votto had the better numbers partly due to never being benched, and these are those.  15/29, 11 runs 1 double 3HRs 8RBIs 1SB and a fuckinnnn’ .650 OBP.

LVP:  Bryce Harper – It is with great joy that I present Bryce Harper with an LVP.  I hope this humbles that young man.  4/31, 3 runs 1HR 3RBIs 2SB .243 OBP.

HOW MANY STARTERS GOT STARTED??:  MooniniteZ 21  😦          Missiles 24  🙂

In the first week post All Star break, this was our biggest beatdown folks.  Lobman’s Cuban Missiles ran into an unstoppable force, a force that hasn’t lost a matchup since mid-May, and that force is me.  SO YEA not much to say here, the Missiles can take pride in being the only team that managed to get to 24 starts I guess?  WHICH AIN’T EASY, which I know because I wanted to as well, but at a certain point you just need to start planning towards next week (for me that point probably should have came on like Thursday).  The Missiles kinda just played poorly for the entire week.  But enough about how bad they were, let’s talk about how good some MooniniteZ guys were:  RYAN SCHIMPF hit homers whenever in the lineup, Votto got on base 65% of the time, Shoemaker threw a 13K CG shutout, Encarnacion hit 4 HRs, MAX KEPLER hit 2 doubles 2 triples 2 HRs, etc. etc. etc.  Okay two more pitchers of note and then we can move on:  Lance McCullers in two starts (13.1IP, 2ER, 18Ks 1QS 1W) and Robbie Ray in two spot starts (12IP, 3ER, 17Ks 1QS 1W).  It’s those types of performances that allowed the MooniniteZ to narrowly edge the Missiles in Ks despite having 3 less starters.  And then of course they won a bunch of other categories.  For the Cuban Missiles, Hanley Ramirez hit well (5HRs 12 RBIs) and Verlander (15IP, 2ER, 19Ks 2QS 1 W) and Gausman (13.2IP, 2ER, 13Ks 2QS 1W) pitched well across 4 starts.  Everyone else should be ashamed of themselves, Mike in particular.  Who cares fuck Mike.  #WCFM

Next Week aka This Week:  MooniniteZ v. Resurgence (BATTLE FOR 1ST AND/OR 2ND PLACE), Missiles v. Slugs (IF LOBMAN WINS THAT OTHER BATTLE IS THE BATTLE FOR FIRST).

That stick is HOT

Barnegat Banana Slugs vandalize the abandoned building that is the Whitestone Bulldogs –  10-3-1

MVP: Trevor Story – Ugh.  He continues to make it difficult to get Brian riled up by suggesting he is due for regression.  I mean I am sure his batting average balls in play (BABIP) was SUPER high last week but still, I guess he is good.  He hit 6 balls out of the park so those weren’t “in play”.  13/30, 13 runs 1 double 6HRs 12RBIs 2SB .541 OBP.

LVP:  Neil Walker but also Cliff – Neil Walker sucked fairly hard.  Also Cliff’s roster management sucks the hardest.  2/27, 2 runs 1HR 3RBIs .138 OBP for Neil.  ONLY TWO RELIEVERS for Cliff.

HOW MANY STARTERS GOT STARTED??:  Slugs 18  :((          Bulldogs 16  :(((

Not gonna lie, The Runner Up Curse ™ really has its work cut out for it at this point.  A dominant showing in an extended week has the Banana Slugs in excellent position to make the playoffs this year, which will allow the souls of Heroy’s failed 2nd place teams to finally rest.  Brian’s Banana Slugs of Barnegat would have actually set several all-time records if this were a regular week, BUT IT WASN’T so they don’t count.  But I will list them in the season records just so I can stop having to update some of the season records.  Brian’s team scored 73 runs, ripped 30 doubles, knocked in 75RBIs, and saved 11 games and none of this was even remotely needed against Cliff’s sad monument to the Mets sputtering offense.  For the Slugs, the STORY on the batters side apart from STORY just may have been Tyler Naquin (10/28, 6 runs 4 doubles 3HRs 8RBIs .419 OBP).  Jonathan Schoop is also either good for an XBH or a strikeout these days (.220 OBP and 9 hits, but 4 were doubles 3 were HRs) and Starling Marte is just generally good (4SBs, .405 OBP).  The Slugs pitching staff managed 11 QS in 18 tries, lead by Max Scherzer as usual (14IP, 3ER, 17Ks 2QS) and Jason Hammel which is less usual (11IP, 3ER, 11Ks 1QS 2Ws).  If you were trying to be positive towards the Bulldogs (AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT?) you could point towards their 8Ws and 2.65 ERA across 16 starts, with plenty of credit due to Jon Gray (14IP, 1ER, 16Ks 2QS 1W) and Doug Fister (2Ws, 2.25ERA).  If you were trying to be negative towards the Bulldogs it’s most amusing/appropriate to just list out the struggles of the Mets hitters (Neil Walker 2/27, Nimmo 1/7, Reyes 9/38, Cespedes 5/20).  Conforto actually went 4 for 7 but that doesn’t fit my narrative so fuck him.  The most important thing to note here is that, while I haven’t checked, I suspect Cliff is just starting these Mets that only play a few times a week and giving no fucks to the times they don’t play.  Also he has only 2 relievers.   BOUT SUMS IT UP.


I’ll bet he’s the type of guy that just fuckin’ HATES helmet hair

Pine Lake Punchouts Fracture The Skull of the Springfield Isotopes Season With A Vicious Left Hook  – 8-6-0

MVP: Christian Yelich – This one came down to runs and RBIs and young Christian Yelich gave Ryan the most of any player in each.  16/42, 10 runs 3 double 3HRs 9RBIs .413 OBP.

LVP:  Chris Davis – Chris Davis absolutely DISAPPEARED last week, evidently.  Finding out things like this whilst doing the reviews makes it all worth it.  2/24, 1 run 1 double 1 RBI .214 OBP.  Lolz.

HOW MANY STARTERS GOT STARTED??:  Punchouts 14  :((((          Isotopes 14  :((((                           (a PATHETIC agreed upon figure…..)

This matchup came down to Sunday, from what I could tell.  So that is something.  I dunno it was really hot out there during the Baseball HOF induction ceremony.  Anyways this appears to have been a close one, with T taking OBP by .005 and Ryan taking runs and RBIs by 2 and 4 respectively.  Batters of note for the Punchouts include the aforementioned Yelich and the two young ‘Stros studs, Carlos Correa (5 runs, 6 doubles 1HR 9RBIs 2SBs .487 OBP) and George Springer (9 runs, 3 doubles 2HRs 7RBIs .368 OBP).  The Punchouts were no doubt energized by complete games from Adam Wainwright and Kendall Graveman, and I am unsure which of those two I find more surprising.  The rest of the Punchouts pitching staff managed to keep it mostly together, save for a bad Strasburg start here a shitty King Felix performance there.  This resulted in 10QS 10Ws and a 3.02 team ERA for the Punchouts, easily besting the 6QS 6Ws 4.05 team ERA of the ‘Topes.  PITCHING WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS, is at least the thinking that prior to the start of the season had Ryan’s squad pegged by some as the top team.  But it has not all been roses for the team from Pine Lake, leaving Ryan 5 weeks to right the ship and claw his way into the playoffs.  For the Springfield Isotopes, their claws will need to be a bit sharper as this loss leaves them a full 2 games out of the 6th seed.  No doubt the whispers that team owner Mikey T should sell off some pieces got louder after this week, no doubt I was at least one person half whispering/half typing in all caps about it.  WILL THEY OR WON’T THEY SELL?  I do not know, what I do know is that a few of their hitters had solid weeks (4HRs for Napoli, 10 runs for Pedroia, 10RBIs for Piscotty, 2 doubles 2 triples 3HRs for Longo, 2 doubles 2 triples 1HR for Freeman) and Cole Hamels (13.1IP, 0ER, 11Ks 1QS 2Ws) and Colin McHugh (12IP, 2ER, 16Ks 2QS 2Ws) pitched really well.  I know that.  BUT THAT WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH.  And now here we are. (SELL!)


David Robertson is not on either team AND YET he saved Rojo’s ass AND YET look at how much of a tool he is in this picture

Rojo’s Resurgence Eke Out A Tie With The Bad Drake Puns – 7-7-0

MVP:  David Robertson – Blew a save on Sunday that spoiled a Quintana win and gave Rojo the tie.

LVP:  David Robertson – Blew a save on Sunday that spoiled a Quintana win and cost Connor the win.  PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING.  This was a teachable moment for you all.

HOW MANY STARTERS GOT STARTED??:  Resurgence 21  😦         BDP 21  😦

Rojo you lucky bastard (yanno aside from all the health issues and stuff).  Late Sunday Jose Quintana seemed destined to clinch a W for the Bad Drake Puns, by getting a W which would tie the Resurgence in Ws.  And then, just as he had come through for Yankees Fan Rojo time and time again, David Robertson came through for Fantasy Team Owner Rojo by blowing Quintana’s win and allowing Rojo to eke out a (PITIFUL) tie to Connor.  In Rojo’s defense the BDP had a strong week:  Jose Altuve continued to march towards the real life and fantasy MVP awards (8 runs, 2 doubles 1 triple 3HRs 9RBIs 2SB .575 OBP) and Albert Pujols continued to uhhhh have power (4HRs 12RBIs) and the Puns put up 5 triples, a .346 OBP and NINETEEN steals.  So those are solid numbers across the board.  Helping the Resurgence keep pace on the batting side were the 6HRs from Matt Kemp, 4HRs from Ian Kinsler, and 2HRs a piece from Adrian Beltre, Paul Goldschmidt, and Nelly Cruz.  The true help for Rojo came on the pitching side however, where the Resurgence won 5 of the 7 categories.  Which is even more impressive when you point out that they PUNT SAVES EVERY WEEK AND CONTINUE TO THINK THAT IS AN OKAY IDEA.  Yu Darvish continues to work on raising his pitch count, and he struck out 20 batters in 10 innings.  The Resurgence also got two great starts from Kluber (16Ks 2QS), Cueto (14Ks 1QS), Tanaka (11Ks, 2QS 1W) and Steven Wright (13Ks, 2QS 2Ws) and all of a sudden I am noticing the Resurgence pitching staff looks pretty strong.  Yanno aside from the whole punting closers thing.  For Connor’s pitching staff Kyle Kendrick (10Ks, 2QS 2Ws), Carlos Carrasco (9Ks, 2QS 2Ws), and Jose Quintana (11Ks, 2QS 1W) were all impressive.  But that lack of that 2nd W for Jose Quintana loomed large.  But also who cares, fuck Connor.  #WCFC 

Next Week aka This Week:  Resurgence v. MooniniteZ (CAN ROJO STOP THE MOONINITEZ WIN STREAK? [no]), BDP v. X-Rayz (CAN CONNOR MAKE A PUSH INTO THE PLAYOFFS? [no]).


So Cal Holistic Health, where our motto is- “420, or whatever” “*uncontrollable giggling*”

Howie the OG

Point Loma X-Rayz Snatch A Late Victory From The Jaws Of A Tie, Defeat The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club – 7-4-3

MVP:  Billy Hamilton – Howie Kendrick may have had the late Sunday heroics but it was Billy Hamilton doing most of the heavy lifting this week.  And by “heavy lifting” I mean he was running around like a got damned madman.  14/39, 10 runs 10SBs .405 OBP.  Not an extra base hit or an RBI to be found and still dominated.

LVP:  Mike Mayers – The Cardinals started this random asshole on Sunday night and he proceeded to give up 9 runs in 1.1 innings, giving Odom’s X-Rayz alllll the HRs and runs they needed to take this matchup.  Alex Reyes would have done better.

HOW MANY STARTERS GOT STARTED??:  X-Rayz 18  :((         Fishing Club 18  :((

Another week, another X-Rayz matchup coming down to the wire that X-Rayz owner Mike Odom goes out of his way to declare the most competitive matchup in league history and blah blah blah.  BY THE WAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL ODOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Michael Odom will be celebrating his 30th birthday on 7/27 and we all wish him well in his endeavors as a 30 year old.  Welcome to the club.

ANYWHO, soon-to-be 30 year old Mike Odom battled current 30 year old Greg Heroy in a COMPETITIVE matchup that seemed possibly headed towards a tie entering the last game o’ the week.  Heroy could steal a win with a steal from Corey Seager and Odom had a chance if he was able to get a couple of runs and/or HRs out of Adrian Gonzalez, Howie Kendrick, Jedd Gyorko, and Yadier Molina.  ODOM GOT PRECISELY THAT, thanks in no small part to the Cardinals starting some terrible guy named Mike Mayers.  REALLY Heroy can make a case that he lost because Carlos Martinez had to be a bitch and require additional rest.  Really that is what happened here.  Aside from the Sunday excitement, the most interesting aspect of this matchup was watching the absolute WAR (not to be confused with wins above replacement) to win the steals category.  The Point Loma X-Rayz, typically a lock to win steals in most of their matchups, found themselves down to the Fishing Club most of the week.  However Billy Hamilton and co. helped them close ground day after day, and with zero steals on Sunday from the Fishing Club and two steals on Sunday by Billy and Charlie (Blackmon) the X-Rayz were able to STEAL………..the win in that category.  18 to 17.  Here’s all of your stealers of multiple bases, since again that was kinda the most interesting cat:  TEN for Billy Hamilton 2 for Blackmon 2 for Segura on the X-Rayz side, 3 for Trea Turner (and 1 on the bench on Sunday) 3 for Kris Bryant 2 for Trout 2 for Kipnis 2 for Jankowski on the Fishing side.  As for pitching, both sides pitched well and deserve a tip of the hat but the X-Rayz pitched well-er pretty much across the board so they deserve a larger hat to be tipped.  117Ks, 11QS 9Ws 8 saves 7 holds and a 2.79 team ERA for the X-Rayz, really showcasing balance across the board there.  105 Ks, 11QS 7Ws 3 saves 6 holds 3.42 ERA for the Fishing Club across their agreed upon 18 start limit.  WHICH IS FOR SISSIES.  ANYWHO those pitching numbers for Heroy would have been competitive with just about anybody, but against a strong week for the X-Rayz they came up a little short.  And I am all analyzed out.  X-Rayz pitcher of note:  Anthony Desclafani (14IP, 5ER 11Ks 2QS 2Ws 3.21 ERA).  Fishing Club pitcher of note:  Jose Fernandez (13.1IP, 4ER 21Ks 2QS 1W 2.70 ERA).

Next Week aka This Week:  X-Rayz v. Bad Drake Puns (THIS REVIEWER IS TEAM ODOM ON THIS ONE), Fishing Club v. Isotopes (THIS REVIEWER IS MORE OR LESS INDIFFERENT ON THIS ONE).

WEEK 16 IS UPON US.  5 matchups left, a lot of teams still in the mix for them playoff spots (and a few other teams perhaps in denial).  I believe this is the last week for trading so everyone needs to figure out if they are a wolf or a sheep…..


Week 15 Review—You all have weak streams edition

Week 14 Review- The Calm Before the Streaming Pitchers Storm Edition





Those clouds represent the number of pitchers any team could THEORETICALLY start this week. Smart money is on the 3 time champions to champion the “streaming everyone and anyone movement”. #JohnLambsMatter




When the dust settled after WEEK 14 the Backyard found a weeeee bit of separation between the potential playoff participants and the potential playoff non-participants…. and also there was one tie.  I stress the “weeee” part because really the playoffs remain in play for everyone except Cliff, and that’s only because Cliff has a laissez-faire attitude towards this league BUT WHY BEAT A DEAD HORSE THERE.  Week 15 is far more exciting with UNLIMITED STREAMING PITCHERS POTENTIAL but alas, Week 15 hasn’t happened yet so I have to talk about Week 14 instead.  Let’s talk about it…..




Pictured: The man who should have replaced the Captain.
The Main Street MooniniteZ Defeat the Whitestone Bulldogs WHICH SHOULD HAVE COME TO THE SURPISE OF NO ONE –  8-6-0

MVP:  Eduardo Nunez– Let’s give a little shout out to this guy, who saw this coming from THIS GUY AMIRITE?  Nobody that’s who.  Eduardo Nunez has been a little stud this season.  And very quietly, there are six players in baseball with 20+ steals and the MooniniteZ roster 3 of them.  Eduardo is one of those 3, in case that was unclear.  9/27, 4 runs 2 doubles 1HR 6RBIs 3SBs .367 OBP.

LVP:  Cliff – Not only does Cliff employ a bullpen consisting of two closers and that is it, but he also couldn’t even suck properly and managed to remove his 13th starter at the 11th hour.  When I become commissioner and throw him out of the league I am just going to tell him he started 13 this week and I doubt he even remembers otherwise.  The end is nigh, Clifford.

We should just go ahead and get this one out of the way first.  Don’t let the score fool you this matchup was never really in doubt, as Cliff’s puny bullpen had the MooniniteZ confident from day 1.  Also the fact that the MooniniteZ had won 4 straight going into the matchup and cannot fucking be stopped, and the Bulldogs had lost 4 straight and cannot fucking be started.  So yea now those numbers are both at 5 straight cuz that is how math works.  Truth be told the MooniniteZ didn’t hit all that great, one can only assume because they didn’t have to.  Amassing 3 triples (Arenado, Leonys Martin, Aledmys Diaz) and 9 SBs (3 from Nunez, 2 from Rajai Davis) gave the MooniniteZ the only categories they would really need when facing such a fatally flawed roster.  And fatally flawed it was.  Cliff’s lack of bullpen allows most teams an easy opportunity to grab 2 categories off of a team that can’t really afford to give away 2 categories, while also costing him opportunities to add Ks.  DOES IT EVEN MATTER THOUGH?  DOES HE EVEN GET TO 12 STARTS HALF THE TIME?  Whom knows.  For the MooniniteZ, James Paxton got boned out of a CG in Week 14 as the Mariners pulled him after he was at 78 pitches through 8 innings.  Steve Cishek promptly blew the game.  Feels like something worth mentioning.  For the Bulldogs, I should probably note that Madison Bumgarner had a dominant week (15IP, 0ER, 20Ks, 2QS, 1CG, 1W).  But it doesn’t even really matter, though.  Someone get Cliff to trade Bumgarner he deserves better.

Next Week aka This Week:  ME v. Lobman (OH BOY), Cliff v. Brian (OH WHO GIVES A SHIT).



Pictured: Josh Donaldson relaxing at home.


Barnegat Banana Slugs Go All Great Tiger on the Pine Lake Punchouts Ass –  9-3-2

MVP: Josh Donaldson – THIS GUY is really rounding into form eh?  He is.  He most certainly is.  If only he hadn’t waited until like age 27 to be so very good, the HOF just might be taking note.  BUT IT ISN’T.  9/24, 7 runs 1 double 3HRs 7RBIs .516 OBP.

LVP:  Ryan Braun – Thanks for fucking nothin’ Ryan Braun.  2/16, 1 steal .176 OBP.  That is literally it.

The Runner Up Curse ™ continues to lure Brian into a false sense of security that at this point strikes me as cruel more than anything.  This time, the curse’s great deception came at the expense of 2014 league champion Ryan and his Pine Lake Punchouts, whom have struggled and insert boxing metaphors and such.  One likely needs to look no further than the fact that the Banana Slugs hit 19 HRs, as this is a category that affects all other categories and do not let Odom tell you otherwise.  the Banana Slugs (3HRs a piece from Ortiz, Donaldson, and Brad Miller somehow….2HRs a piece from Story and Forsythe)  outslugged the Punchouts (3HRs from Nick Castellanos, nobody else had more than 1) 19-12 and this helped them take runs and RBIs in the matchup as well.  Combined that with a solid 9SBs and .367 OBP and the Punchouts would have to have pitched REALLY well to have a puncher’s chance here.  A 4.44 ERA says they pitched MEH, as has been the case of late.  Closer inspection reveals that great work by several pitchers (Mike Leake, Wainwright, Strasburg, and Chen all with 7IP 1ER performances) was undone by the terrible work of a few (4ER in 3.1IP for Fiers, 5ER in 5IP for Rodon, 8ER in 5IP for Chris Sale somehow).  The Banana Slugs were able to absorb a pair of poor performances from John Lackey (10ER in 12IP) on the strength of some excellent work out of their other two-start pitchers (Scherzer 13IP 1ER 16Ks 2QS 1W, Tyler Anderson 12IP 5ER 8Ks QS 1W).  Throw all that shit together and you have a week where the Banana Slugs put up a 3.68ERA and grab narrow victories in the Ks and holds cats, with a less narrow victory in the saves cat (Slugs won 6-3).  TOO MANY CATS for Brian became a problem for Ryan in the fantasy world, too many cats for Joanna a problem for Ryan in the real world.  Life is cruel.



Pictured: Brian. Also horrible stereotypes


Pictured: A painting of Trout Fishing Club Founding Father Gregory F. Lesswithmore. (the F stands for Fuchface)


OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Tie Rojo’s Resurgence in the Loss Column by Handing Rojo’s Resurgence a Loss – 9-5-0

MVP: Jason Kipnis – GET YOU SOME JASON KIPNIS.  Sidenote:  It feels like Jason Kipnis has been on Heroy’s team for 11 years.  11/27, 10 runs 4 doubles 3HRs 3RBIs .467 OBP.

LVP:  Danny Espinosa – Rojo attempted to hitch his wagon to a smoking hot bat and the fantasy gods decided that was petty and the bat INSTANTLY cooled.  4/20, 1 run 1SB .238 OBP and thattttt is it.

In a battle that Rojo’s Resurgence would reallllly have liked to take heading into the All Star Break, the Trout Fishing Club was not having it.  Not having none of it.  The Resurgence didn’t need much help in order to desurge themselves, putting up a mere 8HRs and 35RBIs for the week.  But the Fishing Club just wanted to leave no stone unturned and so they went out and set THE ALL TIME LEAGUE RECORD for runs (71) while also dropping in 17HRs and an impressive .422 OBP (and a weirdly low 45RBIs).  Gregory F. Lesswithmore would be proud.  A quick scan of the runs for the week shows Kipnis chipping in 10, 9 a piece for Trout and Kris Bryant, 7 for Rizzo, and a whole bunch of guys with 5 and 4 and such you get the point LOTTA RUNS.  By contrast Rojo’s Resurgence put up 52 runs, which is probably a perfectly acceptable amount of runs but looks very puny here in comparison.  Apologies to Rojo.  If you want to blame HRs SURE BLAME THOSE, Kipnis had 3 for the OGTFC while McCutchen, Posey, Bryant, Frazier, and Polanco each had 2.  And a few other guys had one or whatever.  For the Resurgence, only noted bad man Nelly Cruz had multiple HRs with 2.  And a few other guys had one or whatever.  If you scroll past Heroy’s historic offense in Week 14, HEY THINGS DON’T LOOK HALF BAD FOR THE RESURGENCE.  Heroy’s pitching was actually rather horrible on the starting pitching front (5.90 ERA, 2QS) and Rojo’s Resurgers were able to win every category affected in any way by starting pitching as a result.  BUT….but….the OGTFC was able to add insult to injury by besting A TEAM ONLY EQUIPPED TO WIN HOLDS 5 to 4.  Embarrassing.  Get a closer or two ya clown.




Pictured: An arm wrestling contest over Marilyn Monroe or something.

River City Cuban Missiles Barely Avoid Losing To Connor Not Unlike the Way the World Barely Avoided Nuclear War During the Cuban Missile Crisis – 6-4-4

MVP:  Giancarlo Stanton – HE LIVEEESSS.  Also he had a swell performance in last night’s Home Run Derby.  9/23, 6 runs 1 double 5HRs 10RBIs .462 OBP.

LVP:  Ender Inciarte – Ender edges out Alex Gordon for this award although both blew dicks about equally and both are better served NOT being on anyone’s fantasy team because fantasy cares not for their defense.  4/26 2 runs 1 double 1 HR 1 RBI .186 OBP.

In a battle where it’s hard for this reviewer to decide whom he would even want to lose more, I guess the guy he would want to lose less won.  I guess.  Lobman really took it to Connor this week by not only winning their matchup but also EXPOSING Connor’s sad sad Twitter feed of fantasy baseball sadness.  That was a fun find.  Mike and Connor battled a battle of mehpic proportions on the batting side, with Connor easily taking steals and kinda easily taking doubles and narrowly taking runs and Mike easily taking RBIs and kinda easily taking OBP and narrowly taking triples.  They each hit 15 HRs, a respectable total to be fair.  For the Bad Drake Puns it was 4 a piece from Mark Trumbo and Maikel Franco and 2 a piece from Carlos Santana and Marcus Semien.  For the Cuban Missiles it was one from like a bunch of dudes, and then 2 from Bryce Harper and then 5 from Giancarlo Stanton.  Where the Missiles really pulled away in this matchup, if you can say they ever really pulled away which you can’t, was in starting pitching.  The Missiles rotation finally looked slightly formidable (really like FINALLY Mike) on the way to 103 Ks (most in the league this season), 6QS 6Ws and a 3.31 ERA.  Kenta Maeda (11IP 5ER 18Ks 1QS 1W) and Carlos Martinez (12IP 4ER 18Ks 1QS 1W) each had a helluva week, I guess, in their own ways, for the Missiles.  Connor’s collection of starters was for the most part nipping at the heels however, putting up a 3.43 ERA with 4QS and 7Ws of their own.  Both bullpens battled to a valiant draw, with 5 saves and 4 holds for each squad.  Lobman continues to benefit from minors eligible holds grabbers, Connor continues to go with the fucking Astros guys.  Whatever.  As always, who cares fuck Mike.  #WCFM




THE T-Mobile “we doubled our coverage blah blah blah” PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP T-MOBILE……matchup of the week

Please just shut the fuck up, T-Mobile….
Pictured: A literal bullpen.

Springield Isotopes Double the Amount of Ties in the Point Loma X-Rayz Record by Tying Them in Doubles (and other things) – 6-6-2

MVP:  Mike Napoli – I am as shocked as you are.  8/21, 8 runs 1 double 2HRs 8RBIs .581 OBP.

LVP:  Khris Davis – I was going to blame Jean Segura for not being able to hit one teensy tiny fucking double in that Sunday night game but Bummy was dealing and all so….Khris Davis gets the award.  Khris Davis you had one job and it was to hit HRs and you failed.  4/28, 2 runs 1 double ZERO HRs 2RBIs .172 OBP.

Odom and Mikey T engaged in SOME SORTA BULLPLEN BATTLE.  Allegedly.  I dunno I see the Isotopes winning the bullpen cats clearly (saves 5 to 1, holds 4 to 2 SO WHAT THE FUCK)….. we are just gonna have to take their word for it there, I guess.  But in terms of most interesting matchup this was the only one that involved claims that one participant was hiding from the chat and the only one that was still not yet decided during the Sunday night game so BOOM…..T-Mobile game of the week thing.  As is customary, the X-Rayz won the matchups triples and SBs categories while losing the matchups HRs and RBIs categories.  Nothing to see here. The X-Rayz got 3 steals from Billy Hamilton and 2 a piece from Andrus, Segura, and Blackmon and YADDA YADDA YADDA the ‘Topes didn’t steal a single goddamn base anyways.  What the ‘Topes DID do was manage to put up a .357 OBP in a matchup that pitted the team’s with the two worst OBPs in the league for the season?  I think?  I think.  The ‘Topes also managed to narrowly defeat the X-Rayz 46-43 in the runs category, and I swear Mike Napoli was kinda directly responsible for both of these things.  Crazy world man.  Starting pitching was tight for both sides once you look past the ugly 5.06 ERA for the Isotopes, easily bested by a nice and neat 3.64 from the X-Rayz.  Both teams managed 8QS, which kinda makes Mikey T’s ERA confusing, and the X-Rayz were able to narrowly grab the wins cat by an 8 to 7 margin.  I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the X-Rayz got a complete game from that terrible Zach Eflin guy, and that terrible David Price was replaced by good David Price for at least one week (16IP 3ER 20Ks 2QS 1W).  Over on the Isotopes side terrible Dallas Keuchel was replaced by good Dallas Keuchel (13IP 3ER 11Ks 2QS 1W) but even he couldn’t help save an ERA slapped around by relievers (4ER in 1IP for McGee, 3ER in 0.1IP for Daniel Hudson) and starters (5ER in 4.1IP for Hamels, 7ER in 4IP for Martin Perez, 5ER in 3IP for Lester) alike.  Mikey T did however somefuckinghow get two hold from Matt Bowman though.  So that is something.  In the end the Point Loma X-Rayz had one last shot to win this thing outright, in the form of needing a Jean Segura double to break a 15-15 tie in that category.  Jean Segura has 18 doubles on the season, which is a solid number.  But Madison Bumgarner was prettttty fucking untouchable against the DBacks last Sunday night, pitching a 1 hit shutout with 14Ks.  That one hit was a single by Jake Lamb and not a double by Jean Segura.  End scene.




So that, was Week 14.  Week 15 promises all sorts of intrigue, as it kinda already had a trade or two and ESPN’s whacky 24 start limit and such.  I enjoy Week 15.  And I hope you all do too.  And I hope THE SELLERS REALIZE THEY ARE SELLERS.  I will close with a scene from a terrible movie titled “Along Came Polly” to drive this point home…..


Claude -  It's like the story of the hippo.  
"Leuban" (how the French guy says "Reuben") -  I'm not familiar with that story.
Claude - The hippopotamus, he is not born
going, "Cool bean, I am a hippo."
No way, José.
So he tried to paint the stripe on himself
to be like the zebra, but he fool no one.
And then he tried to put the spot
on his skin to be like the leopard,
but everyone know he is a hippo.
So at certain point,
he look himself in the mirror,
and he just say,
"Hey, I am a hippopotamus,
and there is nothing I can do about it."
And as soon as he accepts this,
he live life happy. 
Happy as a Hippo.

You understand?





Week 14 Review- The Calm Before the Streaming Pitchers Storm Edition

Week 15 Power Rankings– All Star Edition


FIRST…..a programming note.  Following this Power Rankings, all future Power Rankings shall be posted only at the beginning of each month, sort of a post-“insert previous month” Power Rankings format from now until the heat death of the universe.  So your next rankings will be August 1st-ish, your final rankings September 1st-ish.  This is partly (mostly) out of laziness BUT ALSO partly because I think adjusting the Power Rankings after every week is sort of silly.  And the last thing this “blog” needs is silliness…I mean you could argue power rankings in general are sort of silly but STILL.  We strive for professionalism and truth.

Without further ado, your All Star Power Rankings.  Each team’s All Stars listed after their stupid team names and stupid records.

1-  Rojo’s Resurgence (9-5)

ALL STARS  (5):   Paul Goldschmidt, Johnny Cueto, Corey Kluber, Eric Hosmer, Steven Wright.

2-  Barnegat Banana Slugs (9-5) 

ALL STARS  (8):   Max Scherzer, Starling Marte, Adam Duvall, Jake Arrieta, Josh Donaldson, David Ortiz, Brad Brach, Zach Britton.

3-  Main Street MooniniteZ (8-5-1) 

ALL STARS  (12):   Matt Carpenter, Nolan Arenado, Aledmys Diaz, Kenley Jansen, Ben Zobrist, Dexter Fowler, Edwin Encarnacion, Eduardo Nunez, Michael Saunders, Andrew Miller, Alex Colome, Kelvin Herrera (Addison Russell and AJ Ramos in spirit).

4- Ocean Gate Trout Fishing Club (7-5-2)

ALL STARS  (12):   Buster Posey, Anthony Rizzo, Kris Bryant, Corey Seager, Jose Fernandez, Julio Teheran, Fernando Rodney, Ian Desmond, Mookie Betts, Aaron Sanchez, Marco Estrada, Mike Trout.

5-  Point Loma X-Rayz (7-5-2) 

ALL STARS  (3):   Wade Davis, Dellin Betances, Craig Kimbrel (Wil Myers in spirit).

6-  River City Cuban Missiles (6-5-3) 

ALL STARS  (3):   Bryce Harper, Manny Machado, Xander Bogaerts (Aaron Sanchez in spirit).

7-  Bad Drake Puns (6-7-1) 

ALL STARS  (7):   Wil Myers, Drew Pomeranz, Jonathan Lucroy, Mark Melancon, Jose Quintana, Jose Altuve, Mark Trumbo.

8- Springfield Isotopes (4-7-3)

ALL STARS  (5):  Wilson Ramos, Jon Lester, Miguel Cabrera, Robinson Cano, Cole Hamels.

9-  Pine Lake Punchouts (5-9) 

ALL STARS  (7):   Clayton Kershaw, Marcel Ozuna, Carlos Gonzalez, Brandon Belt, Chris Sale, Will Harris, Matt Wieters……who hasn’t had a turn with Matt Wieters though…..that little slut.

10-  Whitestone Bulldogs (3-11) 

ALL STARS  (11):   Daniel Murphy, Yoenis Cespedes, Noah Syndergaard, Jeurys Familia, Bartolo Colon as a joke, Addison Russell (THIEF), Madison Bumgarner, Jay Bruce, Salvador Perez, Danny Salazar, Francisco Lindor.

Enjoy the All Star festivities and the brief fantasy break and then the TEN DAY WEEK 15 MATCHUP and observe our digital dongs, everybody…..
Week 15 Power Rankings– All Star Edition

Week 14 Power Rankings- Sean Creates a Trade Block Edition


WEEK 14…….the perfect time to start overanalyzing everyone’s season long stats even though all rosters have gone through numerous changes throughout the year (well maybe not Cliff’s roster) and will continue to do so, rendering season to date stats kinda arbitrary.  quickly and efficiently present the Power Rankings while also quickly and efficiently looking at every team’s current roster and identifying their best player (this season only), worst player (mainstays from this season only, minors players excluded), and best trade targets (what I deem to be “realistic options” only, TRADING IS ENCOURAGED!).  SO YEA LET’S DO THAT ANYWAYS…….

1-  Rojo’s Resurgence (9-4)

BEST PLAYER:  Paul Goldschmidt, although my main man Nelly Cruz is giving him a run for his money.

WORST PLAYER:    Carlos Gomez, much to Matt Kemp’s delight.  Also DROP GIO ROJO.  Honorable mention Gio.

BEST TRADE TARGETS:  Kelvin Herrera should Rojo ever fucking diversify a bit, Michael Fulmer should Rojo worry about his innings limit.

2-  Barnegat Banana Slugs (8-5) 

BEST PLAYER:  Josh Donaldson

WORST PLAYER:  Trevor Story once he regresses to the mean.

BEST TRADE TARGETS:  Adrian Gonzalez, Logan Forsythe, Joc Pederson should Brian finally be willing to give up, Sonny Gray if you hate yourself.

3-  Main Street MooniniteZ (7-5-1) 

BEST PLAYER:  Edwin Encarnacion

WORST PLAYER:  Raisel Iglesias and his kicked out of the rotation ass.

BEST TRADE TARGETS:  Raisel Iglesias and his kicked out of the rotation ass, Seung Hwan Oh, AJ Ramos, Vincent Velasquez, Lance McCullers, Rajai Davis, Orlando Arcia, Alex Reyes, Ben Zobrist (basically I just used this as my trading block, SOME OF THESE GUYS ARE MORE REALISTIC THAN OTHERS.)

4-  Point Loma X-Rayz (7-5-1)

BEST PLAYER:    MAYBE Jean Segura.  I shit you not.  Also maybe Charlie Blackmon.

WORST PLAYER:  Dee Gordon because cheating is wrong and he can’t be DL’d.

BEST TRADE TARGETS:  Wade Davis should he avoid TJ surgery, Jose Ramirez should Odom be willing to sell high.

5-  Ocean Gate Trout Fishing Club (6-5-2) 

BEST PLAYER:    THIS YEAR I think it’s Kris Bryant currently.

WORST PLAYER:  Jake Odorizzi.  Has Heroy been holding onto Jake Odorizzi for the entire year?!  I feel like he has.  Why is anyone’s guess.

BEST TRADE TARGETS:  Aaron Sanchez, everyone is always trading that guy.  Fernando Rodney if you’re into holds.  Taijuan Walker if you’re into never-fully-reached potential.

6-  River City Cuban Missiles (5-5-3) 

BEST PLAYER:    Manny Machado

WORST PLAYER:  Yasiel Puig, fuck that guy.

BEST TRADE TARGETS:  Edwin Diaz and Matt Bush and don’t let him tell you he doesn’t want to negotiate for these players just DO IT.  Also uhhh Carlos Martinez or Michael Wacha if you are into that sort of thing.  Sure.

7-  Bad Drake Puns (6-6-1) 

BEST PLAYER:  Jose Altuve.

WORST PLAYER:    Ender Inciarte.  Particularly when he plays him through his injuries.

BEST TRADE TARGETS:  I don’t know whatever Mikey T makes him trade to him.  THEORETICALLY Carlos Carrasco, Drew Pomeranz, Carlos Santana, Albert Pujols.

8-  Pine Lake Jumpmen (5-8)

BEST PLAYER:  Clayton Kershaw

WORST PLAYER:  Adam Washedupwright.  (In all honesty worst players are often not half bad.)

BEST TRADE TARGETS:  Anthony Rendon, Odubel Herrera, Christian Yelich, CarGo, Carlos Rodon.

9-  Springfield Isotopes (4-7-2) 


WORST PLAYER:  Dallas Keuchel.  And/or Prince Fielder.

BEST TRADE TARGETS:  DAVID MOTHERFUCKING PHELPS.  Also Evan Longoria.  Also anyone really, this team should be selling it all.  SELL IT ALLLLLLL.

10-  Whitestone Bulldogs (3-10) 

BEST PLAYER:    Daniel Murphy

WORST PLAYER:  Michael Brantley in a sense.  In a sense, it is Michael Brantley.  In another sense it is “Inattention”.

BEST TRADE TARGETS:  Not applicable (Cliff will never check the offers anyways.)


Week 14 Power Rankings- Sean Creates a Trade Block Edition

Week 13 Review—No Upsets For Old Men Edition

I’ve only seen about 6 minutes of this movie….


 Week 13 saw exactly zero matchups where a team with the worse record prevailed, although in a way one team with a worse record prevailed with a last-gasp miracle tie.  Let’s discuss that and other things……



Quite frankly I am just tired of putting up Altuve pictures. And also YEA WHY DOES NO ONE CARE?


Bad Drake Puns  Put Down the Whitestone Bulldogs Because They Have Stopped Eating (d’aww sad) –  12-1-1

MVP:  Albert Pujols– I could easily give this to Altuve again but SO TIRED OF THAT.  So lets give one to Albert.  And may Connor never win again so I don’t have to make these judgment calls any more.  9/21, 3 runs 4 doubles 1HR 8RBIs 1SB .519 OBP.

LVP:  CLIFF – Cliff forever.  Cliff is down to two relievers in his arsenal, which is the kind of thing you have to do sometimes in order to maximize your kept starters and all.  Cliff had 9 starts in Week 13.

Cliff mannnnn.  Fucking Cliff.  Cliff has now adopted the TWO RELIEVER strategy first pioneered by NOBODY BECAUSE NOBODY IN THIS LEAGUE WOULD ACTUALLY ATTEMPT TO COMPETE WITH ONLY TWO SHITTY CLOSERS.  I would have a lot more to say about this subject were I not playing the Bulldogs this week and planning on taking advantage of the thin bullpen.  So let’s move on.  Cliff lost last week, what else.  Is new.  This one wasn’t remotely close, and ironically I am complaining about the bullpen and it actually won saves 5-2.  So that’s something to be proud of, I suppose.  I really don’t want to talk about either of these teams so I will be brief here.  Solid power numbers from Connor’s squad (3HRs from a one Marcus Semien and 2 a piece from Santana, Franco, Trumbo, and Wil Myers) helped them to an impressive 61 RBIs, far more than one would need to beat Cliff theoretically.  Decent pitching across the board (2Ws from Iwakuma, a 7.1IP 1ER 14K GEM from Carrasco) helped the BDP to 9Ws, 85Ks, and a 3.02 team ERA.  Not tooooo shabby, and really an embarrassment of riches considering the Bulldogs only started 9 pitchers in Week 13.  They have not earned my analysis but they have earned the ass whooping I plan on giving them in Week 14.  Hopefully.  Yanno anything can happen week to week though.  Fucking Cliff though……





Barnegat Banana Slugs Slug the Springfield Isotopes Right In Their Stupid Mouths –  7-4-3

MVP:  Josh Donaldson – This guy, this guy is still a very good player.  Who woulda thunk it.  Let me also use this space to point out that Trevor Story was a MERE 0-5 last week.  Hopefully this will get Brian to say his name less.  Donaldson’s numbers:  12/31, 11 runs 1 double 1 triple 3HRs 9RBIs 1SB .513 OBP.

LVP:  Jung Ho Kang – This is unfortunate, given the big Jung Hooooo fan that I am, but he didn’t give the ‘Topes much in Week 13.  I think he missed a game or 2 and he might as well have missed the rest.  2/14, 2 runs .333 OBP and thatttt is it folks.  (PS- AND ALSO HE HAS PROBABLY RAPED SOMEONE.)

Oh the ‘Topes.  Mikey T remains firmly in stage 1 of the seven stages of grief about this roster of his, AND THAT STAGE IS DENIAL.  I think.  I think it’s “shock and denial” but just calling it denial works better for these purposes.  ANYWAYS everyone continues to wait for Mikey T to reach stage 3 and get on with the bargaining, and SLEEPY EYES Brian’s Banana Slugs did their part in moving them along towards this process.  The Slugs of Barnegat at least FELT in control this entire time, although a glance at the final scorecard says this matchup was a bit closer than that.  Partly the ‘Topes were undone by two TERRIBLE pitching performances from their co-aces on Sunday (Hamels 5ER 3Ks in 4IP, Lester a whopping 8ER in a very unwhopping 1.1IP with 2Ks).  They reallllly could have used some quality starts and some Ks there.  And boy did they not get them, on that particular day.  Banana Slugs pitching also mostly sucked but managed to suck slightly less than Isotopes pitching, which can happen in these sorts of matchups.  And did.  Happen.  ON THE OFFENSIVE SIDE, a narrow victory in runs was no doubt helped by 11 runs from Josh Donaldson, whom is talented.  And as such, he also chipped in 3 HRs to help lead the Slugs to a 13-9 victory in HRs (credit also due to Jake Lamb whom had FOUR and Brian McCann whom also had 3).  And so yea, that means the Isotopes managed single digit HRs and they paired those with 38RBIs and that lack of production combined with ineffective pitching equals yet another loss for the Unstable Isotopes of Springfield.  SELL SELL SELL.    fine I will highlight some positives:  Chris Davis hit 3HRs and Piscotty had a nice week (5 runs, 1 double, 2HRs 5RBIs 1SB .417 OBP).  And Lorenzo Cain landed on the DL.  Wait that last one is likely a bad thing.  SELL SELL SELL. This stock.

Next Week aka This Week:  SLEEPY EYES BRIAN v. Punchouts (DOES RYAN’S TEAM NAME SURVIVE THE WEEK?  Also The Runner Up Curse ™? ), Isotopes v. X-Rayz (DOES ODOM HURT MIKEY T’S FEELING IN THE GROUPCHAT?).



The Toronto Blue Jays defeat the Atlanta Braves 9-3.
It is going to be SO HORRIBLE when this man signs with the Red Sox……so very horrible…….

Main Street MooniniteZ KO the newly-named Pine Lake Punchouts – 7-4-3

MVP:  Edwin Encarnacion – Edwin Encarnacion leads baseball in RBIs by a wide margin.  That’s all I got.  9/24, 9 runs 3 double 3HRs 10RBIs .467 OBP.

LVP:  Justin Upton – Justin Upton possibly leads baseball in fans disappointed, possibly by a comfortable margin.  That’s all I got.  6/26, 2 runs 2 doubles 4RBIs .231 OBP.

The oft-renamed baseball gentlemens from Pine Lake kept this one closer than it could have been.  The men from over on Main Street put together perhaps their gaudiest numbers of the year, take a look at these folks:  64 runs, 26 doubles, 21HRs, 60RBIs, 6SBs, .353OBP, 102Ks, 8Ws, 8QS, 2.66 ERA.  SO YEA that was most of the categories right there, and many of those numbers were quite good.  And to the credit of the now Pine Lake Punchouts, they freaking out-RBI’d a team that had 60RBIs and ran a .379OBP.  Quite frankly the Punchouts likely would have smashed just about any other team this week but THAT ISN’T HOW IT WORKS, and they came up a bit short on the pitching end and the HR end against a team that pitched and HR’d rather well.  For the MooniniteZ, 3HRs a piece from 3 different players (Danny Espinosa, Votto, and Encarnacion) and 2HRs a piece from 4 different players (Max Kepler, Zobrist, Rajai Davis WHOM HIT FOR THE CYCLE SATURDAY, and Melvin Upton Jr.) helped pump up the RBI numbers.  And yet, Ryan’s squad was not impressed and put up SIXTY FOUR of their own:  9 from Correa, 8 from CarGo, 7 from Baez, 6 from Russell Martin, 6 from Brandon Belt, 5 from Rendon, 4 from Upton, 3 from a couple of folks, 2 from Choo, 1 from Yelich and JBJ, 0 from Braun BOOM countdown completed.  So yea that was most of them.  Pitching-wise, on the MooniniteZ side Danny Duffy threw 2 gems (16.2IP, 4ER 16Ks 2Ws 2QS) and Velasquez threw 1.8 gems (11IP, 2ER, 14Ks, 2Ws 1QS) and yea generally just about everyone pitched well for Sean’s (MY) squad.  Hence the 102 Ks and 2.66 ERA and such.  For the Punchouts really the story of the season has been weathering the storm that has swirled around their pitching staff, where injuries and ineffectiveness have made this team’s declared strength less strong.  Wainwright did okay I guess (12IP, 6ER, 12Ks, 1W 1QS), but ICK…… a Clayton Kershaw injury is a very bad no good terrible thing for a team that has struggled to pitch up to its potential even with him in the lineup.  PRESSURE PACKED POSTSEASON PUSH FOR PINE LAKE.




Brandon Crawford is still good AND I AM HAPPY FOR HIM AND WISH HIM WELL….

Rojo’s Resurgence Can In Fact Hold This, Defeat the Point Loma X-Rayz – 8-3-3

MVP:  Brandon Crawford – 9/23, 5 runs 1 double 1 triple 2HRs 9RBIs .464 OBP.  The X-Rayz only mustered one triple for a change and Brandon Crawford saw to it to MATCH THAT TRIPLE.

LVP:  Tom Koehler – I am choosing Tom Koehler to be representative of Odom’s pitching strategy of late, as a whole.  It has relied heavily on spot starts and too often those have been the WRONG spot starts.  Tom Koehler was one of those wrong spot starts.  3IP 5ER 2Ks.

In Week 13’s most intriguing matchup from a standings perspective, the Point Loma X-Rayz took their shot at Rojo’s (regular season) crown.  Took their shot and MISSED.  An offense featuring perhaps more balance than Odom has ever worked with before lead to some balance offensive numbers, however that was NOT ENOUGH as Odom’s pitching staff o’ spot starts continued to sputter.  3QS 2Ws and a 5.29 ERA are just not going to get it done most weeks, ladies and gentlemen.  And a 4 holds week, while lovely, was no match for Rojo’s FIVE holds week.  So in that category Odom lost by 1 hold is what I am saying.  The X-Rayz have essentially been holding onto two pitchers of late, Chris Archer and David Price, and in 3 starts in Week 13 those two combined for zero quality starts and zero wins and it has just been that kinda season for them.  The Resurgence only pitched to a 4.20 team ERA which is kinda MEH, but paired that figure with a very solid 93Ks and perhaps even very solider 8Ws.  Double digit Ks from Kluber Kazmir and Fulmer (really wish that last one was a K name, also kinda wish I didn’t drop Michael Fulmer) helped Rojo’s Resurgence out-K a team that is came into Week 13 second overall in strikeout.  And for good measure the Resurgence even tied the X-Rayz in saves (with 1), as a week chock full of bad luck and a commitment to making a run at winning holds conspired to screw Odom’s X-Rayz on both fronts.  On the batting the baseball side, a pair of HRs a piece from 5 different Resurgers (Cruz, Crawford, Beltre, Kinsler, and V-Mart) helped Rojo easily take the HR and runs categories against an Odom squad that achieved some balance but not many runs (43, second lowest total in Week 13).  The X-Rayz were their typically excellent selves in the SB department with 10 total (2 a piece from Jose Ramirez, Charlie Blackmon, and Billy Hamilton but of course), but in the end that just wasn’t enough.  WHAT MORE CAN BE SAID REALLY.


Pictured: Rojo







You’re gonna like the fact that technically neither Heroy nor Lobman won last week……. I guarantee it.

This absolute triples THREAT

River City Cuban Missiles Miraculously Tie OceanGate Trout Fishing Club – 6-6-2

MVP:  Giancarlo Stanton – I am not even going to look at his numbers for the rest of the matchup, Giancarlo is your MVP for hitting a line drive in the 8th inning on Sunday night that hung up there jusssst enough to get D’Arnaud to dive.  YEA CHASE D’ARNAUD.  See below.

LVP:  Chase D’Arnaud – I had previously attributed this play to Nick Markakis, apologies to Nick Markakis.  TURNS OUT it was Chase D’Arnaud that made that fateful dive for a Giancarlo Stanton line drive in the 8th inning of the Sunday night game.  D’Arnaud missed that ball, Stanton ended up with the matchup tying triple, and D’Arnaud ends up the LVP of a fantasy matchup even though nobody would dare roster him.

What a doozy here.  The 11th hour Giancarlo Stanton triple that was discussed in some detail above absolutely STOLE a tie for the River City Cuban Missiles, in a matchup they really had no business tying.  Like at all.  Lobman’s squad, that at least in name resembles our defending champions, put up a puny 37 runs and 10HRs (2HRs from Odor, 2 from Harper, 3 from Tulo somehow) but managed to scrape their way to a tie by amassing 8 Sunday RBIs to the Fishing Club’s 5 Sunday RBIs and winning that category 42 to 41.  The Fishing Club had every other offensive category wrapped up and put up an impressive 61 runs and 19 HRs, including FIVE HRs from Kris Bryant and 3 from his life partner Anthony Rizzo.  And really that looked like enough, as Heroy’s team entered the Sunday night game up 1-0 in triples and a triples threat Giancarlo ain’t.  The Cuban Missiles had an Adam Conley CG in play for a bit but eventually he departed the game and the outcome of this matchup seemed alllll but certain at that point.  But then all that stuff happened (I am probably the only one who was bothering to watch that game I WAS DOGSITTING).  If Heroy wants to blame other stuff aside from that stuff he can look to the pitching side of this battle, where the Cuban Missiles grabbed 5 of their 6 winning categories.  A perfectly solid 91 Ks, 7Ws, 7QS, 4.19 ERA performance from the Missiles easily bested a perfectly mediocre to bad 77Ks, 4Ws, 3QS, 4.83 ERA performance from the OceanGate OnlyGetItDoneOnPapers.  Heroy’s hurlers DID manage to win saves 6 to 2 in this matchup, but lost holds 5 to 1 on the strength of a little revelation by the name of Edwin Diaz (4IP, 10Ks, 4 holds all by his cot damned self).  One can craft an argument that Edwin Diaz was the unsung hero of this matchup and that’s precisely what I am doing here.  Argument crafted.  BUT FOR REALZ this came down to Giancarlo Stanton hitting a miraculous triple that was really a single that Travis D’Arnaud’s brother misplayed.  That’s life in The Backyard.







I think AT LEAST one of these lame “we made the playoffs every year mehhhhh” streaks is gonna end this year, but that is also none of my business. As the children say.
Week 13 Review—No Upsets For Old Men Edition