TRAAAAAAAADE REVIEW: I HATE THESE BUT ONE OF THESE TRADES DESERVES A TALKING TO, EDITION

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Firstly let me just say that the more annoying trades are made the more I absolutely haaaaaaaate trade review, so it may get paired down to like a monthly roundup with a little less talky talky in the future. Frankly it hurts my brain to think about some of these trades that get fired out of a cannon and into the chat and I have spent long sleepless nights pondering what sorts of hideous negotiations might lead to them. The Trade Deadline will likely get hot and heavy and become a good time to bust out some new format but FOR NOW, let us use the old format one last time and yell at Q-Tip City in an effort to get them to stop trading for AT LEAST a few weeks. For the love of god. Brian step in here……

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THE FIRST TRADE (6/16):

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JF16 traded A.J. Pollock*, Ari CF to RCBD
JF16 traded Franklin Barreto, Oak SS to RCBD
RCBD traded Michael Brantley*, Cle LF to JF16
RCBD traded Amed Rosario, NYM SS to JF16

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THE TROUT FISHING CLUB RETURN:

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RF Michael Brantley – 30 year old Indians LF whom wrecked his shoulder which derailed his 2016 and now he is on the comeback trail a wee bit but still injury prone. That’s who THIS guy is. .360 OBP, 13 2Bs, 5 HRs, 24 Rs, 28 RBIs, 7 SBs in 206 ABs thus far this season. All in all PRETTY SUCCESSFUL COMEBACK after injuries limited him to a mere 11 games in 2016. At one time was a dynamic 20-20 threat, that maybe has knocked down to 15-15 (and indeed he went 15-15 in 2015 LOTTA 15s) if he can stay healthy but the IF is always a bit of a big IF. Shades of Grady Sizemore there. (well at the time that I got around to writing this part or whatever). Same number of HRs in about 30 more ABs last season and that was the most ABs he ever had so it is just a matter of WHERE THINGS GO FROM HERE. Compounding the ABs problem is a somewhat crowded Brewers OF once Ryan Braun returns from injury. But hey Domingo has slightly improved his BB% and his K% and that is more than SOME OTHER BREWERS OFs can say so who knows where he goes from here. Whom. Knows.

So yea he is currently on the DL with a fucking sprained ankle (been there my mannn) but I don’t think that will linger too long but also you never know with this guy…

Low Minors SS Amed Rosario – 21.6 year old BIG TIME PROSPECT but you never really know how much the NY media or the Mets fans in the groupchat inflate that fact now do you. Seemingly pretty good though and definitely the Mets top prospect (#8 overall BA, #3 MLB.com, #8 BP). Bat looks legit which is a concern I have previously voiced over SS prospect types, but yes take a look:  .368 OBP, 15 2Bs, 4 3Bs, 7 HRs, 42 Rs, 48 RBIs, 12 SBs in 286 AAA ABs this season, his first taste of AAA. DEFINITELY the guy that someone might most regret parting with in this particular deal. Should have already been up for the Mets but is not up and who knows when they may or may not do it, probably waiting for the exact moment when their fans are most sick of their shit to do it as a desperation move. Could be really really good, CURIOUS PACKAGE to part with him for.  Major League Comparison: Carlos Correa yeaaaaa I said it…..

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THE BAD DUDES RETURN:

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I like JUST discussed this AJ Pollock fucker so let’s just copy and paste that shit:

“CF AJ Pollock – 29.5 year old CF for the DBacks, has been both overrated and underrated a hundred different times by now.  .337 OBP, 12 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 2 HRs, 26 Rs, 11 RBIs, 11 SBs in 154 ABs thus far this season. He was never going to be the 20 HR threat that a lot of FOOLS thought he would be after he popped 20 in 2015, that was an outlier season and his cap is probably the mid teens on a good year. Hits way too many grounders to have power numbers, at about 50% this year. BUT a very good base stealer and can score a lot of runs and can probably end up with enough extra base hits in that home stadium to be a realllll fantasy asset, so long as he can stay healthy. That has been tricky throughout his career.”

So yea he is currently on the DL with some combo of groin issues or quad tightness and yea this always happens with him….

Low Minors SS Franklin Barreto  –  21.25 year old SS prospect for the Athletics andddd I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT BARRETTO AGAIN. Let’s see what I wrote before:

Franklin Barreto.  Barreto is the A’s best prospect according to BA (#40 overall, #52 MLB.com) and is also according to what IIIIIII have heard, more of a future CF than a future middle infielder.  Which changes things in fantasy now does it.  Barreto hit 10 dingers and swiped 30 bags across 462 AA ABs last season, numbers that would play at CF if that is where his eventual future lies.  The speed is for real but, as with most prospects, how the hitting progresses through the higher levels remains to be seen (he did go 6 for 18 with a triple and a homer in 4 AAA games last year so credit for that I guess).

CURRENTLY he sports this line across 64 AAA games:  .311 OBP, 10 2Bs, 4 3Bs, 8 HRs, 35 Rs, 32 RBIs, 3 SBs in 270 ABs. Decent pop outta Franklin but is also striking out 30% of the time in AAA which isn’t ideal. CERTAINLY not a prospect on the level of Amed Rosario, that is certainly not the case. Major League Comparison:  Rafael Furcal is the alleged throwback comparison I have seen, so for modern day players he getttts Elvis Andrus.  

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As you can probably tell from my tone I feel Amed Rosario was given up a bit tooooo easily in this particular deal. Brantley and Pollock have basically been the same person at different times and are both oft-injured and Brantley arguably plays the more scarce position, so yea I am going to have to side with THE OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB on this one in terms of whom I think got the better end of the deal. Rosario might be a stud in the very very near future and fucking Lobman just up and gives him to the team stocked with studs….THANKS

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THE SECOND TRADE (6/20):

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WOOD traded Kyle Seager, Sea 3B to rmac
rmac traded Carson Fulmer, CWS SP to WOOD

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AND ALSO SOME DUMB DRAFT PICKS. I couldn’t care less about those draft picks so I won’t even look ’em up.

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THE TITANS RETURN:

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3B Kyle Seager  –  29.6 year old 3B for the Mariners, a BELOVED FRANCHISE for the Titans some say. And Seager is a pretty good player to boot:  .330 OBP, 16 2Bs, 1 3B, 7 HRs, 27 Rs, 41 RBIs, 1 SB in 262 ABs thus far this season. Nothing reallllly to sneeze at there, he is not quite at his HR pace from last season (30 HRs in 2016) but that kinda seems to be a function of some bad luck more than anything. All of the numbers seem in line and he is currently 8th among 3B types in RBIs with lots o’ room for HR improvement in the second half. A NICE LITTLE PLAYER. Not the kind you want to necessarily just up and trade for a shitty High Minors starter, is I guess the bush I am beating around.

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THE MORNING WOOD RETURN:

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THIS FUCKING GUY BELOW THAT I HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN ABOUT:

“[High Minors] SP Carson Fulmer – 23 year old RHP prospect for the Chicago White Sox, the 8th overall pick in the 2015 Amateur Draft.  Got rocked over the course of 11.2 major league relief innings last season (8.49 ERA, 5.98 FIP) but did okay in 4 AAA starts (3.17 FIP) but did less okay in 17 AA starts (4.17 FIP).  Control issues have some believing he will never throw enough strikes to start/will end up in a high-leverage bullpen role.  Since this is my first prospect of the new streamlined trade analysis I am excited to compare him to a major leaguer, and that major leaguer isssssss:  Tony Cingrani .  I see a future reliever. ”

TONY CINGRANI AT BEST. Current AAA numbers for Fulmer are as follows:  6-3, 4.41 ERA (5.62 FIP), 46 Ks in 67.1 IP (6.15 K/9). He also walks 4 batters per 9 which ain’t great. He also, again, is a high minors guy. So you are holding this man in a high minors spot…..

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LOOK QTC YOU ARE STARTING TO PUSH YOUR FUCKING LUCK HERE. So yes I side with the TOMS RIVER TITANS here. If you wanna trade folks fine, but we are starting to seriously strain the veto system here when you are just giving away guys that were being drafted as a top 5 3B before the season for Carson fucking Fulmer. Sure Kyle Seager isn’t on the same pace he was on last season but he has not regressed to the level where he is an acceptable 1 for 1 swap for Carson fucking Fulmer, and again no I don’t care about those draft picks. These drafts are prettttty new additions to the league so perhaps we haven’t quite established a value for what the picks are worth but I don’t think they are worth whatever they would need to be for this one not to look pretttttty bad for Q-Tip City. Again FULMER IS A HIGH MINORS GUY AND HE IS NOT GOOD. And this now makes a couple suspect deals in a row and let’s just clean this shit up, I would rather see guys outright dropped then sent to teams for trash at leasttttt in the FA pool there is a waiver system to help avoid shady practices. Let’s be better than this going forward, Bonerz.

TRAAAAAAAADE REVIEW: I HATE THESE BUT ONE OF THESE TRADES DESERVES A TALKING TO, EDITION

TRAAAAAAAAAADE REVIEWWWWWW(S): Apparently I Missed A Bunch Edition

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This is for the VAST MAJORITY of the trades that have plagued The Ides Of June here…..

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THE FIRST TRADE (6/13):

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WOOD traded Jon Lester, ChC SP to RCBD
RCBD traded Domingo Santana, Mil RF to WOOD

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POLL RESULTS:  I don’t know if we’ve been doing polls lately and shame on us for that. NO POLL RESULTS TO BE DISCUSSED.

MY HYPOTHETICAL VOTE:  Would go to the Q-Tip City Morning Wood because I hate Jon Lester

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THE MORNING WOOD RETURN:

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RF Domingo Santana – 24.8 year old Brewers RF working on a wee bit of a breakout.  .375 OBP, 11 2Bs, 11 HRs, 38 Rs, 35 RBIs, 6 SBs in 218 ABs thus far this season (well at the time that I got around to writing this part or whatever). Same number of HRs in about 30 more ABs last season and that was the most ABs he ever had so it is just a matter of WHERE THINGS GO FROM HERE. Compounding the ABs problem is a somewhat crowded Brewers OF once Ryan Braun returns from injury. But hey Domingo has slightly improved his BB% and his K% and that is more than SOME OTHER BREWERS OFs can say so who knows where he goes from here. Whom. Knows.

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THE BAD DUDES RETURN:

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SP Jon Lester – 33.45 year old lefty piece of shit pitcher for the Cubs that can’t throw to first base. 4-4, 3.89 ERA (3.52 FIP), 86 Ks in 83.1 IP (9.29 K/9), 7 QS at time of writing this in the year 2017. Remains an effective fantasy guy, has a team that will win him some games, but fuck him I don’t like him.

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THE SECOND TRADE (6/14):

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LTBS traded A.J. Pollock*, Ari CF to JF16
JF16 traded Eduardo Nunez, SF SS to LTBS
JF16 traded Kevin Maitan, Atl SS to LTBS

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MY HYPOTHETICAL VOTE:  Would go to the OGTFC due to receiving best player and giving up not much (at this time)

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THE OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB RETURN:

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CF AJ Pollock – 29.5 year old CF for the DBacks, has been both overrated and underrated a hundred different times by now.  .337 OBP, 12 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 2 HRs, 26 Rs, 11 RBIs, 11 SBs in 154 ABs thus far this season. He was never going to be the 20 HR threat that a lot of FOOLS thought he would be after he popped 20 in 2015, that was an outlier season and his cap is probably the mid teens on a good year. Hits way too many grounders to have power numbers, at about 50% this year. BUT a very good base stealer and can score a lot of runs and can probably end up with enough extra base hits in that home stadium to be a realllll fantasy asset, so long as he can stay healthy. That has been tricky throughout his career.

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THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

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SS/3B/LF Eduardo Nunez  –  GUY IS ALREADY GONE, lets save the analysis for his final resting place. Poor traded a bunch of times bastard, he’s like an older less domestically abusive Addison Russell…..

Low Minors SS Kevin Maitan – Look the guy is 17 fucking years old, I don’t care how good he might eventually be we could all be dead by then so it won’t really matter. Don’t trade established players for 17 year olds LET US NOT BECOME THAT LEAGUE. I know nothing about him, hear he has some hit tools but he also might not have pubes so whatevz. Major League Comparison:  Xander Bogaerts cuz I dunno why not? People that throw Miggy’s name around offend me. 

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THE THIRD TRADE (6/15):

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RCBD traded Lazaro Armenteros, Oak LF to LTBS
RCBD traded David Dahl*, Col LF to LTBS
RCBD traded Jacob Faria, TB SP to LTBS
LTBS traded J.P. Crawford, Phi SS to RCBD
LTBS traded Clint Frazier, NYY CF to RCBD
LTBS traded Carlos Carrasco, Cle SP to RCBD

AND A BUNCH OF DRAFT PICKS OR WHATEVER

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MY HYPOTHETICAL VOTE:  Would go to the Bad Dudes for getting Carlos Carrasco in all this mess and giving up a whole lotta not much, also Clint Frazier ain’t exactly a throw-in.

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THE BAD DUDES RETURN:

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SP Carlos Carrasco – 30 year old righty for the Indians, and a guy I think I saw pitchin in Clearwater. 6-3, 3.36 ERA (3.56 FIP), 72 Ks in 75 IP (8.64 K/9), 7 QS thus far in 2017. PITCHIN’ WELL. What else can I say. He also pitched quite well last year. I might try and acquire him from the Bad Dudes at some point so lets say as little as possible and move on.

Low Minors CF Clint Frazier – 22.8 year old CF for the Yanks, currently at AAA and acquired in the Andrew Miller trade and they made him cut his beautiful red hair. Yanks 2nd ranked prospect right now (#33 overall BA, #18 overall MLB.com, #16 overall BP). So folks think he can be good, and he has been pretty good at AAA thus far: .353 OBP, 11 HRs, 9 SBs in 59 games. Brewers RF working on a wee bit of a breakout.  .375 OBP, 11 2Bs, 11 HRs, 38 Rs, 35 RBIs, 6 SBs in 218 ABs thus far this season (well at the time that I got around to writing this part or whatever). PERHAPS not the type of guy you just throw in a deal, perhaps. Should be up next season at the latest, could be very good and a 20/20 threat and here he is just thrownnn on in here.I HAVE SEEN MIKE TROUT’S NAME MENTIONED AS A COMP EVEN THOUGH THOSE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS. Major League Comparison:  Andrew McCutchen because I don’t see color, which version of Cutch it remains to be seen.

Low Minors SS JP Crawford – 22.4 year old AAA SS for the Phillies, slumping HARD but their top prospect according to BA (#19 overall BA, #4 MLB.com, #4 BP). The problem with prospect rankings is we act like defense isn’t a big part of them, and in JP’s case it certainly is. But yea SLUMPING:  .194 AVG, .313 OBP, 2 HRs, 2 SBs in 56 AAA games. Might still be good but damned if I ever trust an SS prospect, due to the whole defense being weighted heavily thing. Francisco Lindor worked out though so WHO KNOWS.  Major League Comparison:  Starlin Castro

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THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

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CF David Dahl  –  DAVID DAHL WILL BE HURT FOREVER. When he isn’t hurt he is a power-speed threat, as evidenced by his 7 HRs 5 SBs in 63 games last season. But he will be hurt forever so why wax nostalgic about the past.

Low Minors LF Lazaro Armenteros  –  AGAIN, this dude was born in like 1999 people. WHO FUCKING KNOWS. Major League Comparison:  Yasiel Puig cuz Cuba. 

Low Minors SP Jacob Faria  –  23.8 year old righty pitcher CURRENTLY UP with the Rays and pitching well. 2-0 with 13 Ks in 12.2 IP, 2 ER thus far in the majors after racking up 12.89 K/9 and putting up a 3.07 ERA (3.20) FIP in AAA. I believe he was the Rays 9th ranked prospect according to Baseball America, AND LOOK I DON’T HAVE THE TIME TO CHECK ALL THE RANKINGS ON ALL YOUR TRADES THIS PARTICULAR WEEK OKAY. I have a job sorta. Major League Comparison:  Colin McHugh, Ks WITH MEH VELOCITY BABY. 

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THE FOURTH TRADE (6/15):

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LTBS traded Eduardo Nunez, SF SS to WOOD
LTBS traded Corey Dickerson, TB LF to WOOD
WOOD traded Didi Gregorius, NYY SS to LTBS
WOOD traded Julio Teheran, Atl SP to LTBS

AND MAYBE DRAFT PICKS? I dunno I can’t remember. Almost definitely was draft picks though.

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“take some pride in your work Sean mehhhhhh”

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THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

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SP Julio Teheran – 26.33 year old righty starter for the Braves, oscillates between good and bad seasons and is currently on a bad one. 6-4, 4.86 ERA (5.67 FIP), 57 Ks in 79.2 IP (6.44 K/9), 9 QS in the year 2017. 9 QS HOW IN THE FUCK?! That FIP is so bad that I shouldn’t have to keep writing about this fucking guy in trade reviews, is what I think. So I won’t

SS Didi Gregorius – 27 year old SS for the Yanks, KILLIN IT after returning from the DL.  .355 OBP, 10 2Bs, 6 HRs, 23 Rs, 25 RBIs, 1 SB in 174 ABs. Hit 20 HRs last season. Still pretty young and in his athletic prime and whatnot. DEREK JETER WHO. A fairly solid fantasy SS these days is what Didi is, which is why he was on like 3 different teams around the time of this trade.

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THE MORNING WOOD RETURN:

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Because of what the Morning Wood are doing below here (and certainly NOT because of time constraints) I am not even going to look at their return. And it is a shame cuz I think the world of Corey Dickerson but YOU ERECTIONS ARE PUSHING IT. First 11 starters now this. and Fuck Eduardo Nunez……

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THE FIFTH/SIXTH TRADES (6/15):

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WOOD traded Troy Tulowitzki, Tor SS to RCBD
RCBD traded J.P. Crawford, Phi SS to WOOD

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RRF traded Ariel Miranda, Sea RP to WOOD
WOOD traded Carlos Gonzalez, Col RF to RRF

 

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Yea no nowwwwww you First Boners Of The Day are just fucking pushing it, don’t make the league contemplate the vetoes I would rather see you just drop people. Or yanno SHOP AROUND FOR A HOT MINUTE. I will not review these cuz these are terrible, I touched on JP Crawford above though so ENJOY THAT.

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TRAAAAAAAAAADE REVIEWWWWWW(S): Apparently I Missed A Bunch Edition

TRADE REVIEW(S) KINDA: BACK TO WHAT WORKS

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This is more for that first trade than that second trade, I want plenty of things from the second one…

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THE FIRST TRADE THAT I SAID I WON’T REVIEW:

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WOOD traded Dominic Smith, NYM 1B to BBS
BBS traded Antonio Senzatela, Col SP to WOOD

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POLL RESULTS:  Did people actually vote on this thing? TURNS OUT THEY DID. 3-3 which is the proper way to vote here, we all lost for it happening.

AGAIN……I will not review this travesty.

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THE SECOND TRADE THAT I WILL ACTUALLY REVIEW:

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RRF traded Matt Kemp, Atl RF to rmac
RRF traded Yu Darvish, Tex SP to rmac
rmac traded George Springer, Hou RF to RRF
rmac traded Yasiel Puig, LAD RF to RRF
rmac traded Rafael Devers, Bos 3B to RRF

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POLL RESULTS:  5-4 Say RRF “Won” The Trade

MY VOTE:  Went to the Toms River Titans

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Let’s go back to what works here……

THE RENEGADE FORCE RETURN:

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RF/CF George Springer – 27.66 year old RF for the Astros, and a HELLUVA young player. .318 OBP, 7 2Bs, 9 HRs, 28 Rs, 24 RBIs in 158 ABs thus far this season. 29 HRs last season with a .359 OBP, has really been maximizing HR output given his low fly ball rate. Pulling the ball just about 50% of the time this season, which might further maximize HR output but can also lead to him rolling over more grounders hence a lower OBP. NITPICKING here though, he is an excellent OF with eligibility at 2 spots and will likely continue to be excellent for the forseeable future.

RF Yasiel Puig – 26.4 year old HEADACHE/RF for the Dodgers, about 3 years removed from his last standout season. .320 OBP, 4 2Bs, 8 HRs, 21 Rs, 24 RBIs, 5 SBs across 149 ABs thus far in 2017. The steals and HRs uptick has to be considered encouraging, as Puig ended up with 11 HRs and 5 SBs in 334 ABs last season. Not a bad buy low candidate but also not a sure thing to be any better than some of the pieces already present amongst the Renegade Force (Aaron Hicks, Aaron Altherr, some other Aaron). There’s a reason the Cuban Missiles turned their back on the face of their franchise folks.

3B Rafael Devers – 20.5 year old Dominican prospect 3B in the Sawks system, their best non-Benintendi prospect according to Baseball America and everyone else (#18 overall BA, #14 MLB.com, #13 BP). Already has 7 dingers in 128 ABs in his first taste of AA this season. “Elite bat speed” as I hear it, and raw power that should play even when he is forced to transition to first base. As I also hear it. The comp I kept seeing due to the nature of the swing is Robinson Cano (RUDE). Soooo….. Major League Comparison:  Robinson Cano ASSUMING HE PUTS IT ALL TOGETHER WHICH IS ALWAYS A BIG ASSUMPTION FUCK THE RED SOX.

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THE TITANS RETURN:

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SP Yu Darvish – 30.75 year old righty pitcher for the Rangers, and likely the “best player in this deal” so if that is how you judge all trades stop here. “But but but George Springer is really good too!” YEA I KNOW I JUST FIND YU SLIGHTLY BETTER AND GOOD PITCHING IS GETTING HARD TO COME BY. Ahem. 5-2, 2.83 ERA (3.80 FIP), 68 Ks in 63.2 IP (9.61 K/9), 7 QS thus far. The FIP says there will be ERA regression mostly because the walks have ticked up a bit and the BABIP is down, but contact wise everything else looks pretty much in line with the sameee Yu as always. If he stays healthy he should give top 10 #s to the Titans, who already have plenty of pitchers that should give top 10 numbersgood BUT THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING, as Taillon has been through just about every injury imaginable so he has been working his way back a bit. This year he’s given up 2 ER in 20 IP and I expect a helluva year, he’s not 0.90 ERA good but he is very good.  I SUSPECT the Bad Dudes put him out there as available but credit to the OTD for picking him up and instantly improving a rotation in need of it.

RF Matt Kemp – 32.66 year old RF for the Braves who feels about 10 years older than this and whom I have always been an outspoken critic. FUCKING .378 OBP currently which is something else, 13 2Bs, 8 HRs, 21 Rs, 25 RBIs, across 135 2017 ABs. Look what can I say here, the guy is hitting the ball pretty well. He has a .404 BABIP which is fourth highest in all of baseball and almost certain to drop, taking a lot of OBP with it. BUT he is also hitting the ball rather hard and seems relatively healthy. A healthy Kemp likely outperforms a healthy Puig YEA I SAID IT. Who knows what the Braves plan on doing with him but for now he is raking to the point that you can’t just call him a throw in, which is unfortunate because now it seems like I was only criticizing him when he was on Rojo’s team. HEY MATT KEMP IS GREAT NOW EVERYONE USE A FIRST ROUND PICK ON HIM IF YOU GET THE CHANCE.

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RETURN SEAN LIKES MORE:

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TITANS! I already cast my vote above. I don’t need to justify this for you. The fact of the matter is in spring training Yu and Georgey boy would likely have been drafted right around the same time, so it comes down to personal preference and maybe how you see Darvish aging there. I can certainly see the argument for both sides and I s’pose if Devers becomes A GUY it could swing more in the RRF’s favor but right now I see the Titans added another top 10 arm and if you are going to commit to a gimmick this is how you wanna do it. The loss of Springer hurts, the loss of Devers might eventually hurt, but Puig is so MEH that I would rather have Matt Kemp. And I hate Matt Kemp. Or something.

TRADE REVIEW(S) KINDA: BACK TO WHAT WORKS

TRAAAADE REVIEW: BACK WITH A VENGEANCE/WITH ME WORKSHOPPING FOR A NEW FORMAT

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Thinking this will just be my official “TRADE REVIEW” picture going forward……even in situations where I do in fact see players that I want…..such as this one

NEW FORMAT

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We here at the blog are all about typing less and copy and pasting more, ERGO I am just going to rip the trades straight from the ESPN page’s mouth (insert deal with it dog or deal with it owl or deal with it Briana here).

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WOOD traded Addison Russell, ChC SS to JF16
WOOD traded Franklin Barreto, Oak SS to JF16
WOOD traded Madison Bumgarner*, SF SP to JF16
JF16 traded J.D. Martinez, Det RF to WOOD
JF16 traded Aaron Sanchez, Tor SP to WOOD
JF16 traded Julio Teheran, Atl SP to WOOD

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POLL RESULTS:   5-2 SAY THE MORNING WOOD “WON” THE TRADE

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MY VOTE:  I am pro Morning Wood (weird sentence) I am pro Fishing Club despite my poll vote (anti fishing)

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ANALYSIS:

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WELL…..a good bit to unpack here. You have an injured yet top 5 pitcher trading hands, traded by a team that is not necessarily in the thick of the race (BECAUSE IT IS ONLY WEEK 7) to the point where you can see them needing to acquire pitching NOW RIGHT NOW. You have a scuffling yet supremely talented shortstop being acquired by a team looking at him as more of a future piece, because that team is winless and feeling like acquiring future pieces, but again IT IS WEEK 7 and nobody is really running away with playoff spots quite yet. You also have some other guys. I can sit here and run through all of their stats and maybe I will get back to that in future trades but in this trade I just want to defend my vote change in opinion from my vote. JD Martinez > Addison Russell, at least for this season, I feel fairly comfortable in that. More power better OBP yada yada. However Addi could possibly blossom more into his power, possibly improve his approach at the plate, THE MAN IS ONLY 23 and last year he put up 21 HRs 95 RBIs and chipped in a modest 5 SBs. This year has been a bit messy yes, and everyone is right to point out that he hasn’t proven all that much just yet. But there have been certain encouraging signs in his swing profile (namely, swinging at less pitches outside of the zone) and again he is 23 and also he is in the best lineup in baseball. I don’t think it would be all that surprising if he put together a monster 2nd half and if he does so he is doing it at a more premium position for the OGTFC. They also pick up Franklin Barreto and uhhh, whatever let’s find what I wrote about him months ago:

Barreto is the A’s best prospect according to BA (#40 overall, #52 MLB.com) and is also according to what IIIIIII have heard, more of a future CF than a future middle infielder.  Which changes things in fantasy now does it.  Barreto hit 10 dingers and swiped 30 bags across 462 AA ABs last season, numbers that would play at CF if that is where his eventual future lies.  The speed is for real but, as with most prospects, how the hitting progresses through the higher levels remains to be seen (he did go 6 for 18 with a triple and a homer in 4 AAA games last year so credit for that I guess).

If Barreto ends up useful then GREAT that helps bridge the gap with Martinez and Addi currently, but my hypothesis is that maybe Addi ends up bridging it all on his own in which case this won’t even matter.

So now we have Aaron Sanchez and Julio Teheran for an injured Madison Bumgarner. Obviously this entirely hinges on Bummy coming back and being the same Bummy, I guess preferably this season but at that point it might not matter for the Fishing Club anyways ( 😉 ). The point is Q-Tip City didn’t want to wait around on Bummy and dealt him in the best package they felt they could get and that is FINE. However I am going to point out that healthy Bummy is the best player in this deal and if he gives OceanGate top 5 performance for years to come they won’t be sad about parting with any of the players involved in this deal. Sanchez was excellent last season but has taken a few steps back in the early going (even if the ERA doesn’t show it) BUT he has only thrown 18 innings to this point so judgments withheld. Teheran has been up and down his whole career and is VERY MUCH down currently, borderline unrosterable at the moment and I’m not sure his track record gives him the benefit of the doubt as a guy you need to hold. He isn’t quite 27 so there is time for him to turn it around, just not sure he should be on a roster until he does for he is most certainly pitching the worst he ever has in the early going in 2017.

So THERE IT IS, a long winded review that Heroy definitely did not pay me to write. When I wanted to write something shorter. Remind me to go back to that weird haiku stats review thing going forward. This was. A mistake. But so is trading Bumgarner when he’s hurt? That is my thesis.

 

 

TRAAAADE REVIEW: BACK WITH A VENGEANCE/WITH ME WORKSHOPPING FOR A NEW FORMAT

2017 Week 6 Review: AND ALSO (A Weak) TRADE REVIEW, HOW CARAAAAAAZAY

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2017 WEEK SIX HAPPENED, AND I HAVE EVERY INTENTION OF REVIEWING IT. BUT FIRST SOME TRADE REVIEWS. SOME ANNOYING TRADES ALSO HAPPENED. THEY WILL BE REVIEWED SUCCINCTLY IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS REVIEW IN AN UNPRESIDENTED MOVE. 

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WOOD traded Joe Jimenez, Det RP to JF16
JF16 traded Kyle Barraclough, Mia RP to WOOD
JF16 traded Rhys Hoskins, Phi 1B to WOOD

I literally have nothing to say about this. Barraclouch has walked 14 guys in 16 innings, I will say that much. Joe Jimenez might eventually be good but he’s pretty lame as a high minors guy at the moment. Rhys Hoskins has a fun name. I prefer the Joe Jimenez side ergo I prefer the OGTFC side. 

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WOOD traded Yoenis Cespedes*, NYM LF to RCBD
WOOD traded Jharel Cotton, Oak SP to RCBD
RCBD traded Vladimir Guerrero Jr., Tor RF to WOOD
RCBD traded Mitch Haniger*, Sea CF to WOOD
RCBD traded Carlos Martinez, StL SP to WOOD

In a better week this trade would likely be deserving of deeper analysis because SOME BIG PIECES changing hands here, but this isn’t a better week this is a busy week and trade reviews are starting to bore me and this is what you get. I think polls judging trades in the chat thing will be a nice new wrinkle though. Maybe that will reinvigorate me. ANYWHO I like the Morning Wood side better here, Cotton got sent the fuck down and C-Mart is an established top 20 or so arm and Haniger is seeming like a guy and Vlad Jr. WHO KNOWS maybe one day he is a guy. And all of that is a pretty big haul for Yoenis and a very-lost-looking-at-last-look Jharel Cotton.

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WOOD traded Yonder Alonso, Oak 1B to XYZ
XYZ traded Ervin Santana, Min SP to WOOD

What is to say here, Ervin Santana is the luckiest pitcher in baseball and due for some serious regression but so is Yonder I am sure. I like Yonder more. THEREFORE I PREFER THE X-RAYZ SIDE.

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Allllllrighty now onto the (vegan) meat and (vegan) potatoes of this post, THE REVIEW YOU HAVE ALL AWAITED WITH BATED BREATH

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Pictured: Paul Goldschmidt making a poo.

Rojo’s Renegade Force Kick A Team While It’s Down Like True Renegades, Defeat Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  8-4-2

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MVP:  Paul Goldschmidt  –  Goldy is such a quiet stud that sometimes you kinda forget he is even in the league and then I look up and he fucking has 10 HRs 10 SBs already. Whatta stud.  7/23, 6 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .485 OBP     

LVP:  Eugenio Suarez    Eugenio Suarez Eugenio Sucked….ez.  4/26, 1 SB .214 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

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Renegade Force Hitter Of Note:  I suppose this should go to the only other guy that managed multiple dongs on the RRF roster and that guy was Joey Gallo (3/19, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .360 OBP).

Renegade Force Pitcher Of Note:  Alex Wood pitched an absolute gem at Coors and I for one feel that should be commended in this here blog type thing (6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

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Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Yasmani Grandal with some inspired hitting, JUST LIKE I TOLD ALL OF YOU HE WOULD PROVIDE HERE HE IS PROVIDING IT (13/22, 3 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .625 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Zack Greinke has been good and truthfully we probably all owe him an apology for turning him into a “NOT IDEAL” meme, or at least Lobman and I do (8 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.13 ERA).

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RENEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADES. I don’t want to be too complimentary because I am currently engaged in battle with the RRF and they put a helluva Monday on me, but they have a bit of a rag tag misfits of fantasy baseball thing going and I LIKE IT. The RRF give currently give no fucks about throwing ABs to any old schmo and some of those schmos showed up in Week 6 (and again now in Week 7), the Tommy Phams and Ryan Schimpfs of the world. The RRF mixed and matched their way to 55 Runs and a .370 OBP, nearly doubling the boners and their 30 Runs. Aside from a 9-5 edge in QS for the RRF, who went a perfect 9 for 9 before coming undone on Sunday, everything stayed relatively close with just too many cats going narrowly in Rojo’s favor. OF NOTE would be Eric Hosmer pulling 3 SBs out of his ass to help the RRF take that category 7-3. Alright so I guess that one wasn’t that close either. OTHER ONES THOUGH. Close. SHANE SHOULD BE SUFFICIENTLY HUMBLED AT THIS POINT. And so he will look to snap a FOUR GAME losing streak in Week 7; the Renegades will look to beat me and win their second straight and that is just rude of them.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Renegade Force v. MooniniteZ (The RRF vs. both their biggest fan and biggest detractor, for it just pains me to see this holds strategy still in existence CONFORM OR DIE ROJO), Morning Wood v. Banana Slugs (Morning Wood surely desperate to stop the slide here, or about as desperate as one can be 1/3 through the season).

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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Continue Their Winning Ways, Show No Loyalty, Defeat Point Loma X-Rayz  –  7-3-4

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MVP:  Michael Conforto  –  Conforto continues to defy the will of the baseball gods by being on the Mets and not sucking, surely a lightning bolt will strike him down soon. Until that happens he will probably look pretty good.  8/21, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .458 OBP

LVP:  Jose Ramirez    Odom and I just had a discussion about how sexy Jose Ramirez has been and then I have to uncover THIS today? I feel cheap.  4/22, 3 Rs, .217 OBP

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BDSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Alex Bregman with the least impressive JROLL of the season BUT A JROLL IS STILL A JROLL (5/23, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .250 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  On the one hand  Jacob DeGrom had 18 Ks in 12 innings but on the other hand he had a 5.25 ERA but still THAT FIRST HAND THOUGH (12 IP, 7 ER, 18 Ks, 1 QS, 5.25 ERA).

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X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Brandon Drury have yourself a week, WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS CHRIS OWINGS (9/20, 3 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .476 OBP)?

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Robbie Ray had a chance to put up 20 Ks in a 2 start week and instead he put up 10 Ks which is only 1 more K than the runs he allowed so that is a bit disappointing I guess (9 IP, 9 ER, 10 Ks, 9.00 ERA).

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The dude out in Lacey done done it again, and he can now present the argument that he has yet to lose on a full week in the Backyard.  HE SHOULDN’T though because that’s a recipe for being humbled by the Backyard Gods and we have already seen what they are capable of (cough AM erections cough). But enough about erections, this one was actually a bit closer than the final score might indicate or maybe it was precisely as close as indicated HENCE the 4 ties. Lacey used superior power and superior strikeouts to take down THE MAN WHO BROUGHT THEM INTO THIS MESS, not that anyone should be thanked for such things. So yea I’m okay with it. The two squads battled to a 51-51 tie in Runs and that number would have been enough to defeat everyone except the Renegade Force in Week 6 but that is life in the NFL. Eric Thames came back down to earth a bit for the X-Rayz but yanno that has to happen from time to time this is a game of order. Jedd Gyorko (6 RBIs) and Jonathan Villar (5 RBIs) had fine weeks for the BackdoorSliderz but yanno Villar was due to turn it around a bit and whom knows what Gyorko’s deal is, that man has never been better. And the league has arguably never been better, so expect no easy weeks from here on out. Lacey will look to make it FOUR STRAIGHT in Week 7 while the X-Rayz will look to climb back to .500 and remain in the murky hurky jurky playoff picture.

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Next Week aka This Week:   BDSliderz v. Isotopes (MATCHUP OF THE WEEK if I were still picking matchup of the weeks ahead of time, which I am not), X-Rayz v. OGTFC (Here’s to hoping Heroy’s magical winless season continues).

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Gettin real tired of this guy’s face….

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River City Bad Dudes Continue Their Winning Ways, Batter The Battered Barnegat Banana Slugs  –  7-3-4

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MVP:  Bryce Harper  –  Getting tired of writing this dude’s name in here so blah blah blah pretty hair blah blah, putting an emoji symbol on your bat is stupid. Also why hasn’t he stolen a base yet? NO GRIT that’s why.  10/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .481 OBP 

LVP:  Jake Arrieta    Hey Jake Arrieta hasn’t been too good huh?  9.2 IP, 9 Rs, 8 Ks, 8.38 ERA

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Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Oh you mean ASIDE from Harper, uhhh I dunno Xander Bogaerts looked decent but fuck him (8/24, 1 R, 4 2Bs, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs, .407 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And also Marcus Stroman continues to be fairly impressive as far as midgets pitchers go (12 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

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Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  SIGNS OF LIFE FROM JOSE BAUTISTA EVERYONE, guy even swiped a bag (5/22, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .393 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?:  NOPE and now he is all banged up, I think Aledmys wins any injury weeks by default so this thing is prepared to swing the other way….

Current Tally: Trevor Story 3, Aledmys Diaz 3.

But Also Was Trevor Story Better Than Chris Owings This Week?:  DOUBLE NOPE

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Max Scherzer definitely got boned on the Ws front in Week 6, which may partly explain the Slugs only racking up 3 Ws total (14 IP, 5 ER, 19 Ks, 2 QS, 3.21 ERA).

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BATTLE OF THE OLLLLLE HALF STOMACHS. Or something. And the one that makes himself sweet potato tacos and all this other healthy shit won the battle and I don’t want to read anything into it BUT……it happened. Read into it what you may (the Slugs need to eat more salad or else their entire team will hit the DL). Truthfully the Slugs battled valiantly in areas in this one, 8 QS and a .362 OBP are nothing to sneeze at. But pairing all those quality starts with a 4.46 ERA is a bit odd, and the hermaphroditic slugs from Barnegat also posted the lowest HR and RBI totals for Week 6. Meaning the Bad Dudes needed only modest totals in those categories, which is precicely what they got. The Dudes also did a much better job getting Ws with their QS (8 QS, 9 Ws for River City versus 8 QS, 3 Ws for the Slugs), and combined that with a good enough 78 Ks and a certainly good enough 3.74 ERA and THAT IS BASICALLY YOUR MATCHUP FOLKS. Praise due to the Bad Dudes for innings maximization, as they had plenty of guys get sorta blown up and gave up 36 ER total but did it in 86.2 IP. The Banana Slugs gave up 3 more runs in 8 fewer innings, finishing 4 Ks short of River City’s total. The Slugs will seek better results in Week 7, while the Bad Dudes seek to continue their NON-LOSING ways as they have not lost since Week 1. Best of luck to neither of them.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Bad Dudes v. Titans (Da Dudes looking to keep a firm grip on a first round bye, Da Titans looking to win their 3rd in a row after an 0-4 start), Banana Slugs v. Morning Wood (Battle o’ the in-laws).

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Cincinnati Reds v Colorado Rockies
Astoria Isotopes FLAT OUT ESCAPE With A W, Narrowly Defeat The Manchester MooniniteZ  –  6-5-3

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MVP:  Charlie Blackmon  –  This sonofabitch and his two triples. Sonofabitch.  6/21, 5 Rs, 2 3Bs, 1 SB, .348 OBP

LVP:  Edwin Encarnacion    This sonofabitch and his empty OBP, KEEP YOUR EMPTY OBP. I still love him though.  3/20, 2 Rs, .370 OBP   

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Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Cody Bellinger continues to fuck shit up which is annoying cuz it is like THE ONEEE TIME T has stumbled into a top prospect, I have no evidence to support this but I believe it to be true (7/27, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .375 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Greg Holland has also been a bit of a destroyer of worlds and it is high time I acknowledge it in here, fittingly in the week I faced him since I dropped him for Blake fucking Treinen (3 IP,  ER, 6 Ks, 3 Saves, 0.00 ERA).

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MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  At least I get to proudly display a Keon Broxton JROLL, FIRST OF MANY FOLKS (10/25, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .423 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  Somehow Trevor Cahill seems to be a guy somehow (11.1 IP, 3 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.38 ERA).

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Thissssss fucking matchup. THE SEQUEL. This time it was the MooniniteZ seeking to salvage a tie in the Sunday night game, and for the briefest of moments they had just that as Gary Sanchez crossed home in the bottom of the 9th to give the MooniniteZ a 39-38 edge in the runs column. UNFORTUNATELY the man that knocked him in (Starlin Castro) was on the ‘Topes, and even more unfortunately he strolled into second on fielder’s indifference, and most unfortunately yet another ‘Tope (Aaron Judgethen knocked him in, re-tying the Rs category and sealing the L for the MMz. Castro scored thrice that DAY due to the doubleheader but I am not mad, just disappointed. Truthfully the MooniniteZ DESERVED IT for coming in as the only other team failing to reach double digit dongs, although they finally hit a few with a few on base to give them a 2nd-to-only-the-OGTFC (more on them below) 46 RBIs in Week 6. Manchester was just one hold or one SB or one run or one triple short of tying this thing up, although it also could have easily been farther out of reach with Manchester edging Astoria in OBP .3372 to .3355. And to add insult to injury we came up JUST SHORT of the Ks record once again, recording a season-high (but not all-time high) 107 Ks. BUT I DIGRESS. Ultimately this one came down to the Yanks-Astros double header, as both Judge and Castro homered in the early game and Sanchez only played in the evening game. For those and other reasons the MooniniteZ head into Week 7 trying to avoid their first losing streak, while the Isotopes head into Week 7 seeking another W in a surprisingly effective early season campaign. Probably cuz they are filled with Yankees and the Yankees have been surprisingly effective. JUST PUT THAT TOGETHER ON THE SPOT.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Isotopes v. BDSliderz (A formidable test for the better-record-than-we-had-hoped-for-at-this-juncture Isotopes), MooniniteZ v. Renegade Force (ALREADY GOT COLLECTIVELY JROLLED BY THE RRF ON MONDAY THAT’S KEWL)

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2017 WEEK 6 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE 1982 BALTIMORE COLTS

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The Toms River Titans Keep The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Winless And At This Point This Is Getting Pretty Funny  –  7-6-1

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MVP:  Carlos Correa  –  I don’t know if the Carlos Correa talk that I caught a glimpse of in the chat was in response to him having a good week or what but CARLOS CORREA IS GOOD. Let us all agree that he is good. No need for debate on that.  10/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .519 OBP   ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Tyler Glasnow    And perhaps Tyler Glasnow is……bad? Maybe he isn’t bad but he is bad for now. A WHIP over 2 sure ain’t good and that is what he had when I wrote this so…..bad (2.08).  2.1 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 27.00 ERA 

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Titans Hitter Of Note:  George Springer also had a nice little week so my deductive reasoning tells me the Astros had a nice little week, at least from a scoring runs perspective and I mean whom here is even paying attention to actual baseball team records aside from you sad Mets fans (7/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .393 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  Alex Wood pitched a pretty nice game at Pitt as well, and HOW ABOUT THAT 2 Pitcher of Note shoutouts to Alex Wood for 2 different teams in the same week and now he is on a third team and that team is my team (5 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

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OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mookie Betts had a fine week but now it has all been spoiled by Greg saying that “the mookman has delivered” thing the other day (9/24, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .483 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  THE COVETED Kyle Barraclough with a nice debut for the Fishing Club (0.1 IP, 4 ER, 108.00 ERA).

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Another week, another non-win for the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club. At this point I am comfortable admitting that I will be making Greg’s matchup the matchup of the week so long as he keeps not winning them so let’s keep ’em coming gentlemen. This week’s fiasco for the Fishing Club ended much like most of the other fiascos, with heartbreak arriving late on a Sunday evening. I am trying to piece this together forensically and it APPEARS what had happened was Anthony Rendon scored two runs in the Sunday evening game to give the Titans the edge in the runs category and thus the victory, BEAUTIFUL in that this game wouldn’t even be an evening game if not for the doubleheader situation the Nats and Phillies found themselves in. So now it seems like the fantasy gods are just toying with Greg. If not for the whole losing thing the OGTFC looked pretty good in this one, with a week-leading 20 HRs and 55 RBIs and 7 Saves. All great numbers, all not good enough for the W (as usual).  For the Titans, they were able to pull this one out with guts and guile and good pitching. Narrow victories in the Runs and Doubles categories were good enough thanks to the Titans hurlers ability to strike out guys while also limiting runs while also throwing a complete game while also collecting Wins while also grabbing a Hold here and there (84 Ks, 3.81 ERA, 1 CG, 7 Ws, 3 Holds, NO SAVES weirdly enough who does he think he is Rojo?). Obviously not all of those things happened in the same game, but all of those things happened and all of those things were better than OceanGate’s things in those categories (OceanGate did win QS 8-7, so congrats there?). IN THE END, as in all previous ends, the Trout Fishing Club move along to Week 7 sans their first victory. Meanwhile the Toms River Titans have won 2 straight heading into a big time battle with the Bad Dudes that share their same town (and neighborhood) but stylize it as River City #Geography #ShitLooksLikeManchesterToMeThough. All would be wise not to sleep on the Titans, feel free to sleep on the Trout Fishing Club fuck them and their terrible title defense.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Titans v. Bad Dudes (Would be a big early season W for the Titans here), OGTFC v. X-Rayz (Guy that probably uses the term “colored person” on his best days vs. a colored person).

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WE ARE NOW THIRTY THREE PERCENT THROUGH THE 2017 REGULAR SEASON. PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF IT. WE NOW BRING YOU TO WEEK 7, ALREADY VERY MUCH IN PROGRESS….
2017 Week 6 Review: AND ALSO (A Weak) TRADE REVIEW, HOW CARAAAAAAZAY

TRADE REVIEW: THIS TRADE BORES ME TO TEARS EDITION

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QUITE FRANKLY I am TOO BUSY today to spend too much time on a trade this shitty and uninspiring, a trade this uninspiring deserves an uninspiring review and that is what it will get…..

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THE TRADE:

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The Point Loma X-Rayz trade [High Minors] RF Jorge Bonifacio, SP Chris Tillman, and [High Minors] SS Christian Arroyo  to the Q-Tip City Morning Wood for SP Robbie Ray.

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THE X-RAYZ RETURN:

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SP Robbie Ray – I already wrote about this guy when Odom traded him away the first time, let us look in on what I had to say:

SP Robbie Ray – 25 year old NL version of Michael Pineda.  Pitches in a HR friendly home park (1.20 HR/9 @ Home, 1.27 HR/9 @ Away) which might offset some of the advantages of getting to pitch to pitchers a bunch of times. 8-15, 4.90 ERA, 218 Ks in 174.1 IP (A SUPER SEXY 11.25 K/9), 10 QS in 2016.  Needs to get more than two fucking pitches and cut down on the HRs, but if he does so watch out because the Ks are elite.

Ray is off to a pretty solid start with 11.41 K/9 and a 3.42 ERA (3.86 FIP), but he’s also walking more batters than ever and giving up an even more insane amount of hard contact than usual (45.6% “Hard Percentage”). In other words, “fixed” he is not.

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THE MORNING WOOD RETURN:

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A BUNCH O BUMS

[High Minors] RF Jorge Bonifacio – 23.8 year old outfielder for the Royals, the #9 prospect in their organization and I am gonna go out on a limb and say you won’t find him on any top overall prospect lists. .351 OBP, 22 2Bs, 6 3Bs, 19 HRs, 82 Rs, 86 RBIs, 6 SBs across 495 AAA ABs in 2016. Those numbers look good but I do not necessarily think he is any good. Currently up with the Royals now and has 1 HR in 18 ABs so I DUNNO MAYBE I AM WRONG (probably not wrong). Major League Comparison:  Some non-starter OF type, how about RIGHTY TYLER COLLINS?

SP Chris Tillman – 29 year old mediocre hurler for the Baltimore Orioles. 16-6, 3.77 ERA (4.23 FIP), 140 Ks in 172 IP (7.33 K/9), 16 QS in 2016. Currently rehabbing an injury but when he returns he shall NOT go 16-6 because that is the sort of W-L that good pitchers put up and he is okay at best.  7.5 K/9 is probably his absolute ceiling and that disgusts me.

[High Minors] SS Christian Arroyo – 21.8 year old infielder for the Giants, the #2 prospect in their organization according to Baseball America but another guy you won’t find amongst the top overall prospects list cuz HE AIN’T. .316 OBP, 36 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 57 Rs, 49 RBIs, 1 SB across 474 AA ABs in 2016. Was mashing over like 65 AAA ABs to start 2017 and got the call up, but those were not believable ABs and this is not a believable fantasy asset. Probably ends up sent down before he crosses the 130 AB threshold and probably ends up dropped before that MOVING ON. Oh yea, Major League Comparison:  Adeiny Hechavarria, but slower. 

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RETURN SEAN LIKES MORE:

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X-RAYZ? The X-Rayz in all likelihood got the only serviceable player in this deal, and even that guy is so potentially volatile that I wouldn’t trade much of anything for him. Which is what the X-Rayz went out and did so GOOD ON THEM. I would have rather Shane just dropped Robbie Ray and spared this review from us all.

TRADE REVIEW: THIS TRADE BORES ME TO TEARS EDITION

TRADE REVIEW: THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ MAKE SOME BACK ALLEY DEALS

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TRADE #1:

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The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz trade [High Minors] 1B Dan Vogelbach to the Barnegat Banana Slugs for [Low Minors] SP Josh Hader.

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THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

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[Low Minors] SP Josh Hader – 23 year old lefty starter for the Brewers, 60 grade hair with a 40 grade goofy face. Brewers 2nd ranked prospect according to Baseball America (#33 overall BA, #38 MLB.com, #19 Baseball Prospectus). Anddd I’m realizing now I’ve already written shit about these people because we trade prospects a lot. 1-7, 5.22 ERA (3.81 FIP), 88 Ks in 69 (nice) IP (11.48 K/9) in AAA in 2016. ROUGH GO OF IT. Fared much better in AA, 0.95 ERA (2.14 FIP) and 11.53 K/9 across 57 IP. Allegedly has a funky arm slot WHICH IS FUN. Also has occasional issues with control, and those issues are rearing their ugly head in 2017 with 14 BBs across 20 IP. Fastball Slider Changeup. The fastball can hit around 95 MPH and if you’re a lefty and can hit around 95 MPH YA GOTTA SHOT. The prospect rankings hint at the potential and if he gets the control in order there’s a good chance he debuts in 2017 at the major league level.  Major League Comparison:  NOT CHRIS SALE. How about taller Brandon Finnegan.

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THE BANANA SLUGS RETURN:

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[High Minors] 1B Dan Vogelbach – 24.33 year old fat sonofabitch of a “first basemen” for the Seattle Mariners, came over in the Mike Montgomery trade that single-handedly propelled the Cubs to a World Series victory. .410 ish OBP, 25 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 23 HRs, 79 Rs, 96 RBIs, across 459 ABs between the Cubs/Ms AAA affiliates in 2016. So yes he has established himself as a AAAA slugger BUT SO DID SHELLEY DUNCAN. I have no idea how he hit those two triples but they are likely interesting to watch. Has shown nothing across 23 major league plate appearances, but that is just 23 major league plate appearances. The book on him says he can end up as a league average ish DH, first base is probably not in his long term future cuz of the fatness and all. Could end up a .270ish or .270+, 18 or 18+ HR bat, could end up sucking throughout his High Minors eligibility and ending up dropped before it even expires.  Major League Comparison:  Billy Butler? Homeless Man’s Kyle Schwarber? Someone Else Fat?

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RETURN SEAN LIKES MORE:

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BACKDOORSLIDERZ. Both these guys have potential to contribute I just think Hader has potential to contribute MORE, eclipsing his Brandon Finnegan comparison. Vogelbach will probably be stuck being compared to a fat guy and may struggle to hit enough to stick around beyond his minors eligibility.

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TRADE #2:

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The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz trade RF JD Martinez and [Low Minors] 3B Nick Senzel to the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club for 3B Alex Bregman and [High Minors] SP Jose De Leon.

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THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

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3B Alex Bregman – 23 year old ‘Stros 3B that was the apple of everyone’s eye last season, and now the OGTFC just THROW HIM AWAY. .313 OBP, 13 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 8 HRs, 31 Rs, 34 RBIs, 2 SBs across 201 ABs in 2016. Looking solid in the early going in 2017, upped his OBP to .366 by trimming the K% 8 points and upping the BB% 4 points. Guy was suuuuuuper hyped prior to last season and can very much deliver on that hype to the tune of being the best player in this deal by far (though he hasn’t passed JD just yet). Still feels young enough that I can give a Major League Comparison:  BUT I WON’T. HE IS HIS OWN MAN NOW. I THINK HE WILL BE VERY VERY GOOD.

[High Minors] SP Jose De Leon – I wrote about this guy back when I traded him in like February, LETS CHECK IN ON WHAT I HAD TO SAY THEN:

Jose De Leon:   Jose De Leon is the piece here with the widest range of possible outcomes, for he is a 24 year old SP that dominated the minor leagues for several years and then struggled mightily across 17 major league innings in 2016.  If he blossoms into a true major league strikeout artist, for the Rays no less, the MooniniteZ will be sad to have parted with him (particularly with the recent Alex Reyes NATIONAL TRAGEDY).  If he never PUTS IT ALL TOGETHER (like the rest of Heroy’s rotation, see Troll Series Vol. 2 for details) well then he was kinda just a throw-in anyways.  I still think he can be a really solid fantasy starter, he can also end up some version of like a poor man’s Francisco Liriano (<3) or worse.  The point is I don’t think the Fishing Club will lose sleep over it if Jose never amounts to nothing, but as a loose supporter of Rays baseball I hope that is not at all the case.

De Leon is the Rays 2nd ranked prospect according to Baseball America (# 29 overall BA, #30 MLB.com, #38 BP). 7-1, 2.61 ERA (3.23 FIP), 111 Ks in 86.1 IP (11.57 K/9) AAA innings in 2016. Got smacked around across 17 IP in his major league cup of coffee, 6.35 ERA (6.97 FIP). But that is just 17 IP. Major League Comparison: STILL Francisco Liriano

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THE TROUT FISHING CLUB RETURN:

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RF JD Martinez – 29.75 year old slugger for the Tigers. .344 OBP, 33 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 38 HRs, 93 Rs, 102 RBIs, 1 SBs over 596 ABs in 2016. Perhaps the godfather of this whole “uppercut swing plane improved launch angle yada fucking yada” movement that everyone and their mother is trying out these days. But a legit power bat when healthy, which he currently isn’t, but he should be back soon and it was just a foot injury so not necessarily something one would be concerned about affecting his power output. Once healthy he possibly becomes the biggest HR threat the OGTFC has, or yanno top 3 or top 5 or whatever because they have a lot of good bats. Fuck them, though.

[Low Minors] 3B Nick Senzel – 21.75 year old top prospect for the Cincinnati Reds (#9 BA, #24 MLB.com, #20 BP). .415 OBP, 23 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 7 HRs, 38 Rs, 36 RBIs, 15 SBs over 210 A ball ABs in 2016. I know I just said up there Bregman might be the best player in this deal but SENZEL MIGHT ALSO BE. The steals are intriguing but he isn’t exactly a burner, however the hit tool is projected to be well above average. Ceiling isn’t necessarily considered to be as high as Bregman’s was and still is, but he could hit for a good average with high teens HRs and provide a bit extra on the base paths at the peak of his powers. Which would make for just a really swell fantasy baseball package. Major League Comparison: Anthony Rendon

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RETURN SEAN LIKES MORE:

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OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB. THIS ONE WAS SUPER CLOSE. And maybe I just don’t want to declare His Dochness the winner in every goddamned trade he makes right off the bat, but I really like this trade for both parties and damn near wanted to call it a draw. What it comes down to is JD being PROBABLY the best piece in the deal RIGHT NOW , with the addition of Senzel possibly making up for any sting if and when Bregman is raking by the end of the year. JD gives the OGTFC a slightly improved chance at a repeat and flags fly forever.

TRADE REVIEW: THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ MAKE SOME BACK ALLEY DEALS