Sean’s Hot Takes

BACKYARDBRACKET 2021: BCS REVIEW MOSTLY BECAUSE I WON THE FUCKER

AnActualBear, , , , , , Leave a comment

FIRSTLY LET ME BE “FAIR”…

and “balanced” and once again congratulate the Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz for their many years and half-years of success. Which are now over. Because I fucking WON which shouldn’t be too much of a surprise to you cretons, I’ve done so a buncha times since I’ve been in this god forsaken league. To the point that my victory season may be the very thing that brings the Backyard to its knees. Well it was already on its knees so it’s more likeeee this may be thing that murders it once and for all. The very thought of the blog wielding the championship would have, years ago, been a truly terrifying prospect. Just week after week of me tooting my own horn throughout a probably unsuccessful title defense but ALAS the world has changed. I’ve grown bored with the blog and likely with fantasy sports as a whole so INSTEAD, instead what you’re getting is a ~review~ for historical preservation purposes but one where I likely keep referencing how I don’t want to write these things anymore over and over. One thing I’ll just add once is as far as I’m concerned this league should have been a $20 buy in years ago and so ULTIMATELY, for the rest of my life I’m going to feel like each and every one of you owe me $20. So think about THAT next time you try and criticize me, you bastards. And now withour further adieu, onnnn with the review thingie……..

#1 LAKEHURST LEVIATHANS

DEFEATED 8.5 – 5.5 BY THE TRULY INSPIRATIONAL CHAMPEENS…

#2 ISLAND BEACH BEARS

8.5 – 5.5

[BRACKET MVP — Salvador Perez [LL] (12 Rs, 9 HRs, 22 RBIs, .414 OBP) *Please note this was all for naught BUT, had the Leviathans won the whole shebang, they would have had Salvy’s HR tear to thank in many ways. Interestingly the LL’s backup C (Yasmani Grandal) also went off over the course of their playoff run (12/22, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 15 RBIs, friggin .633 OBP) but again, history gets to be written by the victors so history shall forget the really great work by these Lakehurst catchers OH WELL…..

MVP:  Jeimer Candelario  –  Didn’t really see this one coming BUT Jeimer put up the finest numbers of anyone in the BCS and that’s how this works so take your crown JC. 10/27, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .433 OBP     **MVP OF BCS OBVIOUSLY**                

LVP: Matt Manning  –  Mr. Manning did the Leviathans no favors, with the ugliest ERA in an overall ugly ERA battle between these two teams.  3.2 IP, 8 ER, 1 K, 19.64 ERA **LVP OF BCS OBVIOUSLY**     

Bears Hitter Of Note:  Akil Baddoo was kicked to the curb by the Slugs, perhaps at a time when he was being heavily platooned, and he’s still being pretty steadily platooned, but WHATEVS the Bears were moreee than happy to pick him up Baddoo is a Baddood (sry)(6/20, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .417 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  Blake Snell suckeddddd for a large portion of the year but conveniently turned it the fuck on come playoff time and that is appreciated (7 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

Leviathans Hitter Of Note:  This is truly the first I’m learning that Jorge Polanco has 27 HRs this season, and well two of them came in the BCS matchup (7/22, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .360 OBP).

Leviathans Pitcher Of Note:  A one Matthew Boyd had the second-worst ERA for the Leviathans and really I just want to note that the 3 Tigers starters they trotted out gave them ERAs of 10.80, 11.25, & 19.64 GO ROOT FOR THE CLEVELAND GUARDIANS INSTEAD SHANE (4 IP, 5 ER, 6 Ks, 11.25 ERA).

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  I WON AND YOU ALL LOST AND I WON… Because I was involved in this one (moreso because I WON this one), and because it’s been so longgg since the thrilling matchup nobody paid attention to (I was going to write something weeks ago but yanno, didn’t, so now I’m just doing it for historical documentation) I’m going to cover it OLD SKOOL STYLE, the way I covered it back when I gave more of my time to the blog and back when my good friend and former co-owner Mike Odom won his first solo championship. Which means covering it day by fucking day…….

2021 BCS DAILY BREAKDOWN…

Monday – Bears: 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .286 OBP—13 IP, 13 Ks, 5.54 ERA, 3 S, 1 H Leviathans: 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, .240 OBP—14 IP, 10 Ks, 5.14 ERA, 1 W, 1 S, 1 H

Prettttttty BLEH start for both storied franchises (the Leviathans stories are mostly about how bad they were in the earlier years of their existence but STILL, stories…) as both teams failed to crack .300 OBP and both teams pitched like shit. The latter would become a pattern. On the bright side of things all 4 of the Bears RP-type spots contributed, 3 Saves and 1 Hold on a Monday as an early sign of the solid Bear Bullpennin’ to come.

Tuesday –  Bears: 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .358 OBP—14.2 IP, 20 Ks, 1.84 ERA, 1 QS, 2 W, 2 S, 1 H Leviathans: 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .321 OBP—12 IP, 13 Ks, 9.00 ERA, 1 S

Tuesday saw the Bears put together the most complete pitching line prrrrobably of the whole matchup, which again had absolutely terrible pitching. But Blake Snell was a beacon of bright light all playoffs for the Bears and he did good work here, and the Bears notched a Win a Save and a Hold out of their 3 SP-eligible relievers. Bullpens win championships.

Wednesday – Bears: 16 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 3B, 5 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .574 OBP—4 IP, 6 Ks, 2.25 ERA, 2 S, 1 H Leviathans: 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .358 OBP—10.1 IP, 13 Ks, 1.74 ERA, 1 QS, 2 W, 1 S

The best offensive day for either team came on Wednesday and belonged to the Bears, whomst ~at this point~ were feeling pretttttttty good about their chances as they had managed to pull away in several offensive categories. a 3B and HR from Max Muncy and a 4 R, 2 HR, 6 RBI performance from Nick Castellanos helped spark a Bears offense that hummed along to a .574 OBP and I am sure Shane was displeased with this day. Despite the fact that the Leviathans quietly had a fine offensive showing themselves, as well as their best pitching day, but none of this is really about them now is it.

Thursday – Bears: 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HR, 9 RBIs, .289 OBP—8.1 IP, 12 Ks, 1.08 ERA, 1 QS, 1 H Leviathans: 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .442 OBP—3.2 IP, 1 K, 19.64 ERA

A light-ish Thursday that saw the Bears go another +2 in the HR category, while grabbing their second and LAST quality start (a QS total that would be matched by the Leviathans, again this shit was ugly). The matchup felt pretttttty well at hand from the Island Beach perspective if you were to stop things right here. Shoutout to Matt Manning for doing his best to sink Lakehurst’s ERA once and for all and forever.

Friday – Leviathans: 12 Rs, 2 2Bs, 7 HRs, 12 RBIs, .411 OBP—9.2 IP, 11 Ks, 5.59 ERA, 1 S Bears: 9 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .309 OBP—11.2 IP, 9 Ks, 10.03 ERA, 1 W, 1 S, 1 H

Friday rolled around and WHOAAAAA signs of life from the Leviathans. Without earlier in the week padding the margins this 7 HR barrage from Lakehurst might have been a devastating start to the weekend for the Bears, and while certainly not a welcome sight they emerged from Friday night still on top. An additional triple helped sooth matters, and the pattern continued of grabbing bullpen stats in the midst of an awful ERA week. But credit where credit is due for the Leviathans offense, they went bonkers on Friday evening due in part to that Nolan Arenado guy they stole and his 2 HRs. WHERE is the criminal investigation into that trade, I ask you all….

Saturday – Leviathans: 12 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, 1 SB, .586 OBP—22.1 IP, 19 Ks, 6.45 ERA, 1 W, 1 Hold Bears: 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .358 OBP—13.2 IP, 18 Ks, 8.56 ERA, 2 W

Saturday came and went with another ONSLAUGHT from the Leviathans bats, with the Bears chipping in a solid day in a lesser performance just to maintain a bit of a freakin leaddddd here. Things looked far less in the bag heading into Sunday, again a testament to a Lakehurst squad that showed a bit o’ heart in their weekend performance. 2 HRs out of Salvy Perez that dong-hitting madman of an old man catcher, I dunno what the fuck THAT was out of him but I don’t like it. Witchcraft.

Sunday – Leviathans: 10 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .373 OBP—8.1 IP, 4 Ks, 3.24 ERA, 1 QS, 1 W, Bears: 7 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, .304 OBP—9.2 IP, 7 Ks, 9.31 ERA

Sunday was oneeee lastttt day of the Leviathans bats outclassing the Bears bats and like the entire weekend before it amounted to the Bears holding on to just enough cats….

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to sneak away with the victory. VALIANT comeback attempt by Lakehurst but they were ultimately undone by the cruel hands of fate, falling too far behind mid-week, etc. etc. etc. If this series had gone another two days or so the Leviathans might have completed the comeback but that isn’t how this series work I AM YOUR CHAMPEEN EMPEROR BOW BEFORE ME YOU PEASANTS. Ahem.

AND SO IN THE END…….In the end the X*Rayz Bears BLOG finally completes its destiny. While it probably would have been better for ~the Backyard~ and for humanity if Shane’s hard work as League Commish and guy that had to turn around a terrible team (to be fair a lot of that was of his own creation) was rewarded with a championship, that’s not what the fuck happened now is it. And I can confidently say that was a karma thing for this Arenado trade, a trade that may TORPEDO THE WHOLE LEAGUE AS WE KNOW IT. But it’s not about the #1 seed Lakehurst Leviathans, who engaged in shady trade dealings with owners that may not even be real people, it’s about the #2 seed Island Beach Bears that took them the fuck out and it’s about me typing this thing up like A MONTH after the fact just to clear it from my “things I was maybe going to get around to doing” schedule even though I am typing into the fucking void right now. It’s been real, void.

For the X*Rayz Bears this marks their franchise’s FIRST CHAMPIONSHIP and their owner’s FOURTH OVERALL championship, his first since the Great Dynasty Split of whatever year that was……that split occurred prior to the 2015 season, is when that was. Let the record show Mr. Odom Me has now stood atop the Backyard Mountain at the conclusion of 4 of 7 14 seasons in the Backyard, folks. Let’s Go To The Bear Parade.

Let's Go To The Bear Parade: Molly McIntyre: 9780997730524: Amazon.com: Books

WHAT’S NEXT, OR WHAT’S IT ALL MEAN, OR WHATNOT

First let’s just re-run what I wrote the last time I thought I was done writing these things up…..

What’s next for the league or whatfuckingever? I imagine it will continue and I imagine I will continue to be in it. Which is okay I guess. Either way on that one, tbh, but what I’m really interested in opining about is what’s next for this horrifically named blog.

When I started this blog in 2015 I wante….jkjkjk I didn’t start this fucking thing, Mike did. Hence the ridiculous name. I think there was another wordpress named “Backyard Views” or “Views From The Backyard” or some shit and it was just filled with bad poetry, and honestly I prefer that one. ANYWHO, BEHOLD Mike’s first post:

“Oh hey guys.

This site is here to continue with the overwhelming information stream that we already have for our fantasy baseball page, and life in general. I’ve been thinking about making this for a while, mostly to track some of the happenings on the site, and really to give everyone a forum to post, well, anything they want really. Mainly we will focus this thing on the fantasy baseball page, but hey, go nuts with whatever you’d like.

Please note: This will be a good storage site for all of our favorite stories, rankings, T’d Up episodes, Trade Block discussions, etc.

There’s also an app, so maybe it’ll be good. I’ll check it out and let you know.

Feel free to make an account and post something. Ya know.

Lobman”

Wow wouldjya look at that Mike was even sort of ENCOURAGING poetry to be posted on here, is how I read that. Can’t believe Brian continues to let that opportunity go to waste.

ANYWHO when I look at that post now there’s a picture of an enlarged prostate just below it (“Urologist: Enlarged Prostate? Do This Immediately (Try Tonight), and that feels pretty fucking fitting here. This thing has gotten a bit longgggg in the tooth, as have I, and we’ve grown together…..me and this thing. Both for the worse. I’m FAR TOO indispensable a County employee to continue to hastily bang out reviews whilst @ work, and also FAR TOO busy being fucking cool (or napping or drinking or something) when not @ work so it’s tough to say…..what the future holds…..for this blog. Also, if I’m being perfectly honest WordPress’ new format fucking sucks a spiky one. I am DISGUSTED by the spacing on these latter posts of mine and I have no plans to learn how to properly format these things, and the blog deserves better. Deserves better spacing. Deserves better effort all around.

There’s a temptation to Viking Funeral this thing but also that sorta defeats the purpose of whatever it was I was attempting to do this year, by putting out shitty reviews of the Backyard Bracket and such. So it stands as some sort of historical record. And PERHAPS there’s some sort of collaborative effort to reclaim its glory as something capable of making an owner quit the league, but the key word there is “collaborative” and you’re all lazy fucks so uhhhh….yea. BASICALLY I’m just saying this thing might get pretty dusty in the 2021 fantasy season (I guess we are gonna have one of those?) and this is me making peace with that. If this is my last post my only regret is not saying meaner things about Dochney in it. Cuz

FUCK

THAT

GUY

STILL HOLDS UP, I gotta say. And I feel like it was something I was comfortable leaving asmy last blog post and then I just haddddd to go and win the next season and so naturally I needed to make sure that was properly documented in the internet’s permanent ink and so here were are. For those reasons I don’t want to write over top of it too much but I’ll just add, beyond all that stuff above, I just need to add that I that I reserve the right to stick to my occasionally-voiced vow to retire if I won the championship in 2021. Because I won the championship in 2021. And so I can quit if I want to and nobody can stop me.

AND EVEN IF I do not retire in 2022, that is if there is even a league to not retire from, this…..blog……must…..end. At least the part of it where I write this stuff up, it seems like Shane was keeping up with the weekly records pretty solidly which is commendable because he works like 7 jobs and has like eleventeen kids so I don’t think I should be complaining about having less time at work to write these things up (I mostly refuse to consider doing it on *actual free time* but it’s like DOES SHANE EVEN HAVE THAT?!). But yea really I want to blame WordPress’ wonky piece-of-shit new writing format for the slow decline and eventual death of this blow these days. Put THAT on their conscience yanno? I SHAN’T wrestle with this buggy bullshit any longer.

It’s hard to write this thing coherently when I give so little of a shit about this post and it’s hard to not close this with a nod to Kurt Cobain’s suicide letter and it’s better to burn out than fade away. And this thing has sorta been doing a bit of both of those things over the past two-ish years (much like our planet), hence me quarter-assedly writing a post that I will not like “advertise” in a Backyard chat I do not exactly check up on regularly (just about never, clearly, but let it be known I appreciate you all IRL but these MOBILE PHONES mannnn…..they’re the devil I tell you….not sure if anyone’s suggested this yet). So it’s time to hang up the ole’ typewriter gang, and maybe down the line examine why I use so many parentheseseses when I get the time. This is perhaps the most hideous post I’ve ever posted and I think that’s the best way to sign off. Rock and roll can never die.

YOUR 2021 CHAMPEEN (and don’t you chumps fucking forget it)(see here’s the parentheses thing again, they have no business being featured in this many sentences and I kind of do it in texts and at work at times and it’s like WHAT IS THIS ABOUT REALLY?),

The Island Beach Bears

This was beautiful work Brian gotta say….
Less beautiful but still appreciated…

#BEARFOREVER ❤
BACKYARDBRACKET 2021: BCS REVIEW MOSTLY BECAUSE I WON THE FUCKER

2018 Power Rankings: June Edition

AnActualBearLeave a comment

Image result for june

 

SHIT that is a classy image. Really hoping they made a classy July image as well. We will find out in July. ANYWHO once again I write up Power Rankings for no real reason, none really at all. Just to keep this blog on life support a bit longer I suppose. Let’s see how these things look…..

(All stats through June 1st or 2nd or something….)

 

 

1- Barnegat Banana Slugs (7-1)

Ahhh the age old question, is it better to pitch excellent or hit excellently in the Backyard? I am not even going to pretend like I am about to pull up some historical numbers on this, but the fact is the Banana Slugs have had an excellent pitching staff while the 2nd ranked team has out-hit them in just about every category (save for steals). We aren’t talking about the second team yet so let us check the numbers for the Slugs:  Runs 6th, Doubles 10th, Triples 10th, HRs 9th, RBIs 10th, SBs 2nd, OBP 9th, Strikeouts 2nd, QS 1st, CG 2nd, Wins 1st, Saves 6th, Holds 8th, ERA 1st, MOVES 8th. First thing you might notice here NOT A GREAT OFFENSE for the Slugs, I believe for the second year in a row they’ve been lagging in the power department and Josh Donaldson‘s inability to stay healthy can’t help there. Great work on the base stealing for this unit however, largely thanks to Ender Inciarte and Whit Merrifield. Second thing you should notice though is REALLY FINE PITCHING, and that continues to be lead by Scherzer and Severino and Morton and Corbin and Bauer and even a little bit Michael Wacha sadly. ALSO, Seranthony Dominguez is a beast so there’s that. So the Slugs continue to do very well with the pitching staff, and if you’re a fan of theirs you hope everybody is still healthy in August and if you are not a fan of theirs you note that pitchers get hurt a lot (everyone likely falls into this latter category). ALSO NOTE the Slugs are currently in a battle with our 2nd ranked team in Week 9, if they lose they’ll have the same record and this ranking looks murkier. leader of the dong pack has been Charlie Blackmon but Aaron Judge, Khris Davis, and even Mike Moustakas and if you can fucking believe it Paul DeJong have been socking dingers for the outfit from Astoria. Nolan Arenado has barely gotten warmed up and has barely needed to. You’ve also got Chris Sale being his typical self and Gio Gonzalez STILL insisting on being good and now even JA Happ has come on board and gotten into the act, the act of being old and good and on the Astoria Isotopes. Add all that up and you have the current top team in the land. Darkest timeline.

 

 

2-  Astoria Isotopes (6-2)

The Isotopes fail to hold onto the top ranking for a second month in a row, perhaps partly because I didn’t want to give them the top ranking for the second month in a row but ALSO partly because yanno they have one more loss than the team above. And I am being a slave to the records somewhat for some reason. THE NUMBERS:  Runs 1st, Doubles 3rd, Triples t-1st, HRs 2nd, RBIs 1st, SBs 7th, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 5th, QS t-9th, CGs t-6th, Wins t-5th, Saves 9th, Holds 3rd, ERA 7th, MOVES 5th. The ‘Topes are no longer top dog with the HRs but they are a close second and still have Charlie Blackmon, Aaron Judge, Khris Davis, Nolan Arenado, THEY ARE FINE on the hitting side do not worry about them. Pitching-wise you’re lead by Chris Sale and Dallas Keuchel and riding goddamned Gio Gonzalez and Tyson Ross. The ‘Topes very much have enough on that side of the ball, and remain a the premiere offense, and if I wait another day or so here maybe they are tied for best record and then have a better case at #1 overall. Which is why these rankings cannot wait a day.

 

 

3-  Garden State Warriors (5-3)

The Garden State Warriors dusted off after a 2-0 start became a 2-2 start and now they are 5-3 and looking like a team poised to be 6-3 and looking generally dangerous. Let’s see if the general numbers back up my general feelings there:  Runs 7th, Doubles 4th, Triples t-1st, HRs 5th, RBIs 3rd, SBs 3rd, OBP 5th, Strikeouts 1st, QS 3rd, CGs 1st, Wins t-8th, Saves 2nd, Holds 8th, ERA 3rd, MOVES t-9th. OH YES ABSOLUTELY, these numbers actually were way better than I even expected as the Warriors have some sneaky balance across the board here. Clayton Kershaw may be dead and that is really sad if that is the case, and Noah Syndergaard and Yu Darvish are on the DL and Strasburg just had some forearm cramps but NEVERTHELESS the Warriors persist. If they’re getting all their pitcher DL stints out of the way now and still winning that is good, and also Gleyber Torres is good and so is every goddamn other middle infielder on this team, they are all extremely good. And Austin Meadows looks legit and so do the Warriors, pitcher injury bug be damned.

 

 

4- Rojo’s Renegade Force (4-4)

TYPICAL RENEGADE FORCE FASHION, take a 3-1 start and then up and go 1-3 immediately after to negate it. I am too frustrated with this team, as a fan, to possibly write any more up top here. Show the numbers:  Runs 5th, Doubles 2nd, Triples t-4th, HRs t-3rd, RBIs 4th, SBs 10th, OBP 7th, Strikeouts t-9th, QS t-3rd, CGs t-4th, Wins 2nd, Saves 10th, Holds 1st, ERA 8th, MOVES 3rd. So I mean still solid numbers, but demonstrating some of the slippage that would correspond with the record slippage perhaps? Perhaps. At least they have holds all to themselves once again. CONCERNING (mildly) = Paul Goldschmidt, ENCOURAGING = Scooter Gennett. CONCERNING = Injuries to Ryu and Cueto and ineffectiveness off and on from Tanaka (although perhaps not much new there), ENCOURAGING = Kluber still being Kluber and Bumgarner returning Tuesday and Ohtani actually looking pretty goddamned excellent. This is a glass half full or glass half empty franchise through and through.

 

 

5-  Mission Valley X*Rayz (4-4) 

Just as I dig into the PRs (NOT Puerto Ricans how dare you) the X*Rayz start shifting into their wackiest shift yets, with a zaney rotation of a real cast of characters. It wasn’t always this way but is this way now, let’s see how the guys now plus the guys before are faring:  Runs 9th, Doubles 9th, Triples t-4th, HRs 10th, RBIs 8th, SBs 1st, OBP 8th, Strikeouts 7th, QS 5th, CGs t-6th, Wins 4th, Saves 1st, Holds 10th, ERA 4th, MOVES 1st. SO the typical speed is there, but with a not excellent OBP the runs have not been the way they were last season. SEASON IS YOUNG however, or at least merely halfway, so Billy Hamilton has time to learn how to get on base so they maybe start hitting him 9th. And the weird thing is this team is getting EXCELLENT OBP performances out of Nicholas Castellanos, Andrelton Simmons, and Odubel Herrera  as well as the typical overall excellence of Jose Ramirez. SO I wouldn’t be surprised if the Runs numbers among others trend up with a core of good OBP performers. Pitching staff is a whole other thing, maybe Dylan Bundy gets it together and maybe Archer and Happ maintain or improve while Newcomb Snell and Mikolas avoid heavy regression. And maybe these things happen a different way, who knows.

 

 

6-  River City Bad Dudes (3-5) 

The River City Bad Dudes potentialllyyyyyyyyy starting at a REAL situation. A situation they haven’t stared at in any recent first half that I can remember. But first that requires me to close out a week and that hasn’t at all happened yet so that is all I want to say for now. The Bad Dudes bullet points:  Runs 8th, Doubles 5th, Triples t-4th, HRs 1st, RBIs 2nd, SBs 8th, OBP 5th, Strikeouts 8th, QS t-6th, CGs 3rd, Wins 3rd, Saves 3rd, Holds 6th, ERA 10th, MOVES 2nd. First in HRs 2nd in RBIs but EIGHTH in runs doesn’t really add up, and being last in ERA isn’t a great spot to find yourself in. But of course I will never consider this team truly in trouble until it is eliminated from the season, Bryce Harper and Manny Machado remain and Wilson Contreras and Jose Abreu are having fine seasons and Giancarlo PROBABLY improves. Improving the pitching may take some maneuvering from this owner but he’s a pretty skilled maneuverer, which he shall need to be cuz yea nobody looks great on this particular staff. But also fuck him save any improvements until Week 10.

 

 

7-  OceanGate Trout Fishing Club (3-5)

Theseeee turds again, “rebounding” from a 1-3 start to go like 2-2 or whatever. LOOK OUT FOLKS. K the numbers:  Runs 2nd, Doubles 6th, Triples 3rd, HRs 7th, RBIs 9th, SBs 4th, OBP 1st, Strikeouts 3rd, QS 2nd, CGs t-4th, Wins 10th, Saves 5th, Holds 5th, ERA 6th, MOVES 6th.  So the OGTFC been a bit unlucky with the pitching Ws and a bit unlucky with the Corey Seager injury (and Mookie Betts recently landing on the DL) but also fuck them they still have Mike Trout and Kris Bryant so boo fucking hoo. They also have Justin Verlander and Gerrit Cole pitching disgustingly well and Josh Hader being the best reliever in baseball so yea SAVE YOUR TEARS AMERICA. This team is always a threat but also always a threat to somehow underperform, everyone else lumped into this .500-ish playoff race should be hoping for the latter.

 

 

8- Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (3-5) 

The lads down in Lacey are hoping to once again dance in the Backyard’s postseason dance, and SURE that is still possible like I said everyone is kinda .500ish (apologies to those that aren’t) but the BackdoorSliderz are very much in that mix of shit and having some uneven showings. Let’s see if the numbers could possibly illustrate “uneven showings” whatever that means:  Runs 3rd, Doubles 1st, Triples t-7th, HRs 6th, RBIs 5th, SBs 7th, OBP 3rd, Strikeouts 6th, QS t-6th, CGs t-6th, Wins t-8th, Saves 8th, Holds 2nd, ERA 2nd, MOVES 7th. I mean I would say it KINDA represents uneven, some uneven stuff in there but also some mostly middle of the pack type stuff things could trend either direction anything is possible the possibilities are beautiful. The BackdoorSliderz offense continues to go the way of its Braves and baby Braves, yes their PRECIOUS Ronald Acuna is up (currently injured) and Freddie Freeman is great and Ozzie Albies SOMEHOW EVEN GREATER. Jose Altuve and Travis Shaw and Alex Bregman all quite good, the rest of the offense UNEVEN. Pitching staff appears to be a work in progress but a work with the potential to be PRETTY GOOD, Jacob deGrom has been great as has been yet another rookie stud in Walker Buehler and now Joe Musgrove and Ross Stripling might also be good?! Time will tell there, but there’s potential in the BackdoorSliderz. No potential in Dochney though fuck that guy.

 

 

9- Bell Road Babadooks (4-4)  

IF IT ISN’T THESE UNDERPERFORMING PIECES OF SHIT ONCE AGAIN. The amusing part is we are both underperforming and overperforming, as once I unveil these numbers many folks might be asking how we are sitting at .500 rather than a few below. I would argue something about GRIT and knowing how to get just enough right in a matchup and something something something it would all be largely bullshit. NUMBERS UNVEILED:  Runs 10th, Doubles 6th, Triples t-7th, HRs 8th, RBIs 7th, SBs 9th, OBP 10th, Strikeouts 4th, QS t-9th, CGs t-6th, Wins t-5th, Saves 4th, Holds 7th, ERA 9th, MOVES 4th. YEP there we are, with Cody Bellinger Joey Votto I DUNNO IT FEELS LIKE EVERYBODY kinda underperforming, Rhys Hoskins both underperforming and fouling balls off his own face. The nicest thing I can say about this team is it has Brandon Nimmo and Edwin Encarnacion is known for heating up once summer rolls around. So we got…..that. Also Mike Clevinger has been very good and Aaron Nola is very good. But yes this team is worse than several of the teams with better records, at least through the first half of the season (to both).

 

 

10-  Q-Tip City Morning Wood (1-7)

Goddammit Shane, I reallllly wanted to keep the Bonerz outta 10th place once again because they probably have numbers that don’t deserve this but the MAIN number is the 1 win. Only having 1 win is bad. Other numbers include:  Runs 4th, Doubles 8th, Triples 7th, HRs t-3rd, RBIs 6th, SBs 5th, OBP 4th, Strikeouts 10th, QS 8th, CGs t-6th, Wins t-5th, Saves 7th, Holds 9th, ERA 5th, MOVES t-9th. Still some pretty solid numbers mixed in here but AS ALWAYS the Morning Wood knowing how to do alllll the right things if “the right things” means losing the matchup. Didi Gregorius cooled down fucking immensely, Brandon Belt just burst his appendix or some shit, an absolute monster these days, Lorenzo Cain Mitch Haniger JD Martinez remain very good this year but FOR WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT SERVE. Jack Flaherty and Mike Foltynewicz are killing it I will give them credit, on the pitching side of things, but yea. Welcome home, AM Bonerz.

 

 

 

 

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Thus concludes the June Power Rankings. In conclusion, this is the conclusion.

2018 Power Rankings: June Edition

TRAAAADE REVIEW: BACK WITH A VENGEANCE/WITH ME WORKSHOPPING FOR A NEW FORMAT

AnActualBearLeave a comment

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Thinking this will just be my official “TRADE REVIEW” picture going forward……even in situations where I do in fact see players that I want…..such as this one

NEW FORMAT

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We here at the blog are all about typing less and copy and pasting more, ERGO I am just going to rip the trades straight from the ESPN page’s mouth (insert deal with it dog or deal with it owl or deal with it Briana here).

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WOOD traded Addison Russell, ChC SS to JF16
WOOD traded Franklin Barreto, Oak SS to JF16
WOOD traded Madison Bumgarner*, SF SP to JF16
JF16 traded J.D. Martinez, Det RF to WOOD
JF16 traded Aaron Sanchez, Tor SP to WOOD
JF16 traded Julio Teheran, Atl SP to WOOD

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POLL RESULTS:   5-2 SAY THE MORNING WOOD “WON” THE TRADE

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MY VOTE:  I am pro Morning Wood (weird sentence) I am pro Fishing Club despite my poll vote (anti fishing)

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ANALYSIS:

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WELL…..a good bit to unpack here. You have an injured yet top 5 pitcher trading hands, traded by a team that is not necessarily in the thick of the race (BECAUSE IT IS ONLY WEEK 7) to the point where you can see them needing to acquire pitching NOW RIGHT NOW. You have a scuffling yet supremely talented shortstop being acquired by a team looking at him as more of a future piece, because that team is winless and feeling like acquiring future pieces, but again IT IS WEEK 7 and nobody is really running away with playoff spots quite yet. You also have some other guys. I can sit here and run through all of their stats and maybe I will get back to that in future trades but in this trade I just want to defend my vote change in opinion from my vote. JD Martinez > Addison Russell, at least for this season, I feel fairly comfortable in that. More power better OBP yada yada. However Addi could possibly blossom more into his power, possibly improve his approach at the plate, THE MAN IS ONLY 23 and last year he put up 21 HRs 95 RBIs and chipped in a modest 5 SBs. This year has been a bit messy yes, and everyone is right to point out that he hasn’t proven all that much just yet. But there have been certain encouraging signs in his swing profile (namely, swinging at less pitches outside of the zone) and again he is 23 and also he is in the best lineup in baseball. I don’t think it would be all that surprising if he put together a monster 2nd half and if he does so he is doing it at a more premium position for the OGTFC. They also pick up Franklin Barreto and uhhh, whatever let’s find what I wrote about him months ago:

Barreto is the A’s best prospect according to BA (#40 overall, #52 MLB.com) and is also according to what IIIIIII have heard, more of a future CF than a future middle infielder.  Which changes things in fantasy now does it.  Barreto hit 10 dingers and swiped 30 bags across 462 AA ABs last season, numbers that would play at CF if that is where his eventual future lies.  The speed is for real but, as with most prospects, how the hitting progresses through the higher levels remains to be seen (he did go 6 for 18 with a triple and a homer in 4 AAA games last year so credit for that I guess).

If Barreto ends up useful then GREAT that helps bridge the gap with Martinez and Addi currently, but my hypothesis is that maybe Addi ends up bridging it all on his own in which case this won’t even matter.

So now we have Aaron Sanchez and Julio Teheran for an injured Madison Bumgarner. Obviously this entirely hinges on Bummy coming back and being the same Bummy, I guess preferably this season but at that point it might not matter for the Fishing Club anyways ( 😉 ). The point is Q-Tip City didn’t want to wait around on Bummy and dealt him in the best package they felt they could get and that is FINE. However I am going to point out that healthy Bummy is the best player in this deal and if he gives OceanGate top 5 performance for years to come they won’t be sad about parting with any of the players involved in this deal. Sanchez was excellent last season but has taken a few steps back in the early going (even if the ERA doesn’t show it) BUT he has only thrown 18 innings to this point so judgments withheld. Teheran has been up and down his whole career and is VERY MUCH down currently, borderline unrosterable at the moment and I’m not sure his track record gives him the benefit of the doubt as a guy you need to hold. He isn’t quite 27 so there is time for him to turn it around, just not sure he should be on a roster until he does for he is most certainly pitching the worst he ever has in the early going in 2017.

So THERE IT IS, a long winded review that Heroy definitely did not pay me to write. When I wanted to write something shorter. Remind me to go back to that weird haiku stats review thing going forward. This was. A mistake. But so is trading Bumgarner when he’s hurt? That is my thesis.

 

 

TRAAAADE REVIEW: BACK WITH A VENGEANCE/WITH ME WORKSHOPPING FOR A NEW FORMAT

10 Teams In 10 Days: #1 OceanGate Trout Fishing Club

AnActualBearLeave a comment

This thing sucks…..

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KNOW YOUR OWNER!:  HEROY! And really what can be said here without coming off as overly mean just because he won last year and that’s how these things have to be. Heroy is a pretty alright guy and he enjoys getting drunk and making the comments of a man that isn’t getting married any fucking day now. So that covers the personal bits. And the teams that Heroy’s presided over have for years been at or near the top of the league in terms of talent, so that’s something for him to be proud of. He should be less proud of being unable to get out of his own goddamned way long enough to ever win the championship, but HEY last year he did precisely that. And he returns a team that has the most talent in alllll the league and that is unfortunate. Fortunately he will also be getting married mid-season so the marriage hangover/curse should keep us from having to endure back to back titles, is what I am going with here. BEST OF LUCK TO GREGORY IN THE UPCOMING SEASON!

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KEY ADDITIONS!:  SP Danny Duffy, SP Sean Manaea, RP Andrew Miller, RP Ken Giles, CF Dexter Fowler, 3B/SS Eduardo Nunez

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KEY SUBTRACTIONS!:  LF/CF Ian Desmond, CF Andrew McCutchen,  RP Francisco Rodriguez, RONALD ACUNA EVENTUALLY MARK MY WORDS

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THE HITTERS!:  Really no way around this people:  Heroy’s lineup is fuckingggg loaded. Glance around at “average draft position” bullshit for example and just look at sayyyyy the top 10 hitters, and the OGTFC has like 5 of em (Mike Trout, Mookie Betts, Kris Bryant, Trea Turner, Anthony Rizzo). Perhaps you can argue the Turner love is a bit premature but the rest of those guys are pure studs, and MOST LIKELY Turner is as well and could end up with some sort of ridiculous 15 HR / 40-50 SB season in 2017. Expand the list to the top 20 hitters and you have to add in Dodgers stud Corey Seager, move a bit farther down to sayyyy top 30 and you have to throw in top catcher Buster Posey. The lineup also features Gregory Polanco and Alex Bregman, both of which can be considered good bets to break out in 2017 (Polanco already has a bit, with 22 HRs in 2016, but there’s room for growth).Then the OGTFC surrounds all these studs with guys who would be considered bigger studs on other teams like Jason Kipnis and Todd Frazier (36 HRs 16 SBs in 2016), here these two almost function as “solid contributors.” The lineup also boasts a tried and true solid fantasy contributor in Dexter Fowler, and a soon-to be eligible a 3B/SS that popped (an unsustainable) 16 HRs and stole (a slightly more sustainable but still unsustainable) 40 SBs (Eduardo Nunez). So yes…..no holes to be found here. Which is unfortunate.

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THE ROTATION!:  Ahhh finally something I can attempt to critique. I posted a troll article about the Ocean Gate (stylized due to character limits as OceanGate) rotation that basically pointed out that it’s a lot of young pitchers that haven’t necessarily settled into their major league careers just yet, and FORTUNATELY that still remains the case and we can all root together for none of these kids (Gerrit Cole, Tyler Glasnow, Sean Manaea, Jose De Leon, Dylan Bundy, etc.) to put it together in 2017. If a few of them do watch out, and to be honest guys like Manaea and Cole likely already have and I’m just being an optimist here. Outside of the kids with their questions there’s an even BETTER kid with questions in Aaron Sanchez, a guy who was approaching ace levels in 2016 and can very possibly improve in 2017. Then there’s arms like Kenta Maeda and Julio Teheran, arguable top 25 fantasy hurlers arms that can probably go comfortably in either direction and I for one hope they go in the worse direction. Garrett Richards is returning from a partially torn UCL in which he did NOT elect to have TJ surgery so, standard injury concerns plus a good bit more,  but prior to the injury he was pretty good so logic dictates there’s a chance he can be pretty good again. And then there is Danny Duffy, whom I think is great and is probably the staff ace here and I wish him all the success in the world going forward. I wish nothing but a lack of success on the rest of this rotation though, because I will not stand for repeat champions.

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THE BULLPEN!:  In yet ANOTHER unfortunate development, Heroy put together a pretty little ‘pen here. Andrew Miller came over in the February BLOCKBUSTER with the MooniniteZ and he is the best holds guy in alllll of fantasy, his only downfall would be Francona’s bring him in at any time of the game bullshit and/or ending up a bit overworked. FAMOUSLY FIRST ROUND DRAFTED Ken Giles has left the idiot team that drafted him in the first round and now finds himself on the defending champs, he had a prettttty down year in 2016 but has the talent to strongly rebound in 2017 and hold the Astros closer gig for the whole damn year for a change. Also expected to hold a closers gig for the whole damn year is FINAL BOSS Seung Hwan Oh, who will be doing the damn thing for the Cardinals and WHOM was great last year for them and WHOM can be expected to be pretty good again. The OGTFC round out a damn fine bullpen with BEARCLAW Kyle Barraclough, high Ks high walks setup man for the Marlins. The Marlins seemingly hate AJ Ramos so Barraclough could potentially see save ops down the road, but he is probably behind stupid Brad Ziegler in the pecking order there. Bottom line is he struck out 113 in 72.2 IP last season so he’s a great source of Ks and a very smart “first year player draft” pickup by Gregory. An UNFORTUNATELY GOOD bullpen here, gents. You would have hoped they would have fucked up in the bullpen department given all them good hitters.

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THE OUTLOOK!:  Look it is really really hard to repeat as champions in a league as competitive as this league happens to be. I mean I WOULD KNOW I DID IT THREE YEARS IN A ROW. And all that. But it would silly not to admit that this team has the best shot of doing it since the Sean/Odom dynasty of yesteryears. Those teams never looked as potentially dominant in spring training as the OGTFC do currently, boasting elite hitters across the board with more popping up every season (lookin at you Trea Turner and maybe you Alex Bregman) because life is unfair. Take solace in the fact that fantasy baseball is a lot like poker where you can have the best hand and still lose, it is a lot. like. that. But anyways despite that comfort the Trout Fishing Club look well-positioned to be the first defending champ to grab the 1 seed ohhhh since the Sean/Odom dynasty did it. Twice in a row.

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SEAN’S PREDICTION!:  12-5-1, 1st place.

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What you will notice here, if you look at the entirety of my predictions, is that I predict this season to be RIDICULOUSLY tight 1 through 7 or 8 (I also probably don’t have the math working out with regards to wins and losses but who gives a shit, I think the ties line up maybe?).  The OGTFC remain the best team on paper, perhaps even by a sizable margin, but that was probably the case heading into last year and they finished 4th.  This year I think they take the top spot, in their quest for a repeat, but the shorter schedule and the fact that everyone plays everyone else exactly twice and the increased minors system can alllll come together to make this the tightest jockeying for playoff positioning this leauge league has may have ever seen.  LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!

10 Teams In 10 Days: #1 OceanGate Trout Fishing Club

10 Teams In 10 Days: #2 River City Bad Dudes

mikelobmanLeave a comment

Bad Dudes
This fuckin’ guy…..

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KNOW YOUR OWNER!:  Lobman! That motherfucker. I sort of view Lobman as the matriarch of this particular group, only because it’s fun to call him a (hairy) woman. And UNFORTUNATELY personal attacks aside he is a strong competitor year in and year out, and this year should be no different. In his spare time Lobman enjoys losing like a lot of weight and exchanging Jeeps for newer Jeeps every. fucking. year. MAYBE LOOK INTO A HYBRID VEHICLE? You burgeoning vegetarian piece of shit. BEST OF LUCK TO DICKHEAD LOBMAN IN THE UPCOMING SEASON! (Also please note this post says “by Mike Lobman” because Lobman CLEARLY tried to get in here and interfere with my hard-hitting #analysis and bungle it up all to shit. SAD! And also TYPICAL LOBMAN! But yea, that didn’t happen so this post remains un-compromised unfiltered truth haymakers right into your fucking facehole.)

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KEY ADDITIONS!:  SP Danny Salazar, RP Wade Davis, RP Craig Kimbrel, SP/RP Joe Kelly, SP Steven Matz maybe, LF Michael Brantley maybe but probably not

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KEY SUBTRACTIONS!:  Their Cuban identity, SS Troy Tulowitzki I guess maybe

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THE HITTERS!:  The Bad Dudes have a core lineup that can compete with anyone. There I said it. The prize jewel I GUESS would be Bryce Harper, the guy who had the best season since Bonds in 2015 and then came back down to Earth a bit in 2016 but made sure to steal 21 bags just to try and make up the difference for fantasy owners. He will be very good for a very long time and should remain in Lobman’s clutches forever. Equally entrenched is Manny Machado , whom is also really really good, and the Orioles keep gifting him with SS eligibility which certainly helps his standing…. let’s call himmm a top 10 bat. Giancarlo Stanton is here and if he ever stayed healthy who knows how many goddamn HRs he could hit, he hit a HR in the WBC that had a 117.3 mph exit velocity. Which is ridiculous. And now with less September in our fantasy seasons (Giancarlo loves missing September games) the Bad Dudes should benefit. Jose Abreu is a very good fantasy 1B, Rougned Odor is a great fantasy 2B (33 HRs in spite of a sub .300 OBP in 2016), Hanley Ramirez and Xander Bogaerts are two very productive fuckfaces, YOU GET THE IDEA. Oh and also Nomar Mazara, David Dahl, and Wilson Contreras are all young players with the potential to be quite good quite soon. River City is in good shape on the hitting side of things is what I am saying. Save for their currently messy utility situation and Yuli Gurriel, who is old and shittier than several of the third base options currently just sitting there in the FA pool.

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THE ROTATION!:  This rotation, this rotation has received a nice little face lift this offseason. It is not without questions but it also holds promise. The title of staff ace would seem to go to young Cards righty Carlos Martinez, fresh off a 20 QS 2016. He is joined by other young pitchers who have the possibility to be great and the possibility to have “young pitcher” type struggles, such as AL East arms Kevin Gausman and Marcus Stroman. Sonny Gray will be back and Lobman will hope he doesn’t suck again, as will Jameson Taillon whom I love and not just cuz he is named like the whiskey. JAMESON TAILLON SHALL BE GREAT. But those aren’t the new additions I alluded to, the new additions are Danny Salazar  (Lobman’s beloved) and Steven Matz whom were acquired in Shane’s “new owner fire sale” and “new owner quest to get rid of the 80 Mets on his team,” respectively. And hey maybe Tyson Ross makes an epic comeback in 2017, which would be poetic as he helped the Cuban Missiles (RIP) capture the chip in 2015. Since this is Lobman’s team/my Week 1 opponent I can’t end any section without critiquing it, so let me just add the OVERALL LIST here has as much performance risk as any rotation in the league. Really C-Mart is the only guy I would fully trust here. PS fuck Stroman, he’s a midget and he will have average numbers across the board because he is average.

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THE BULLPEN!:  The Bad Dudes BP is quietly solid as we head into the 2017 season, perhaps not as FLASHY as some other bullpens with higher ceilings but with a very very high floor. As long as Wade Davis avoids arm issues he will be a great addition to River City, racking up saves and strikeouts for baseball’s best team. Roberto Osuna has shown himself to be a capable closer in his 1.5 seasons in the role, one with a 97 mph fastball. Which is helpful. Francisco Rodriguez should remain a capable veteran closer for at least a while longer, ALTHOUGH (cue critique) father time is clearly coming for him and if his peripherals continue to dip and he loses effectiveness there’s arms in the Tigers system waiting for the job (but just one really, it belongs to Joe Jimenez). With a 22% K rate in 2016 K-Rod is K-Rod no more is what I am trying to inform you people. Lobman went and got Craig Kimbrel which totally ruined my critique, Kimbrel is good and will rack up saves and approach 100 Ks if healthy AND YEA WE GET IT. And so now TO END ON ANOTHER POSITIVE NOTE, the ever-competent (there’s that word again) Lobman made a quietly excellent pick in our “first year player draft” and brought in Joe Kelly, SP eligible Red Sawx reliever. Kelly could very well end up being very valuable in 2017, injuries in the Sawx pen already have him lined up as Kimbrel’s top setup man to begin the season and that is a role he can thrive in all year long. A real smart draft pick from a real smart owner. Now to reverse course and END ON A NEGATIVE NOTE, if you are trying to maximize the value of an SP-eligible reliever you really need your 4 relief spots filled up and the Bad Dudes at press time only have the 3 guys above. So they should remedy that because they are better than this NOPE that sonofabitch went ahead and grabbed high minors eligible RP Dan Altavilla, a guy most of us have probably never heard of that looks set up to open as the Mariners top setup man. FUCK do I ever hate it when Lobman does something smart with his roster (at least he still has Yulieski).

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THE OUTLOOK!:  TO THEIR DESERVING CREDIT the Bad Dudes added some solid rotational pieces this offseason, all without giving up much of anything of value (the loss of their cuban identity probably their biggest offseason subtraction). That could bode well for a team that FAMOUSLY had to put together a flurry of deadline trades (trading their dignity among other pieces) just to grab a few arms for their title run in 2015. They followed that title up with yet another run to the championship round, as a 6 seed no less, and this team has enough talent and managerial competence to become only the 2nd team ever to appear in 3 straight championships. OF COURSE the first team to do so won all 3 of those but yanno…..I’m sure you are all aware of that. Anyways the Bad Dudes should be a handful again in 2017, they have shown they know how to win and have a strong core. Blind affinity for Yuli Gurriel will be their downfall, I hope, because I have spent the better part of this preview putting that (old) man down.

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SEAN’S PREDICTION!:  11-6-1, 3rd place.

10 Teams In 10 Days: #2 River City Bad Dudes

10 Teams In 10 Days: #3 Point Loma X-Rayz

AnActualBearLeave a comment

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KNOW YOUR OWNER!:  COMMISSIONER ODOM! Odom enjoys marijuana and the speed categories and is our new hero, whom has come to rescue us from the dark ages of the Turtora Dictatorship. Odom has made a habit now for two years running of compiling a roster RIPE for underestimating and then shoving it in the faces of all the folks that predict him to miss the playoffs. By making the playoffs. Still no playoff victories for either former co-owner of the greatest dynasty this league will ever see, but that feels RIPE for the changing. Will the commish’s newfound obligations to the league take a toll on his management style? Only time shall tell. But no. RIPE. BEST OF LUCK TO THE COMMISH IN THE UPCOMING SEASON! RIPE!

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KEY ADDITIONS!:  1B Daniel Murphy, 3B Evan Longoria, RP Edwin Diaz, SP Matt Moore, LF Eric Thames maybe, LF/CF DELINO DESHIELDS, CF Victor Robles maybe eventually

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KEY SUBTRACTIONS!:  SS Jean Segura, SP Jon Lester, SP Robbie Ray, CF Keon Broxton 😉 , LF Khris Davis, CF Manuel Margot maybe eventually or this year

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THE HITTERS!:  SOMEWHAT UNDERWHELMING UPON FIRST GLANCE, as per usual. Justttt the way Odom likes it. Your best hitter here is one of the most recent additions, the alternative lifestyle intolerant Daniel Murphy. Murphy just came off of a MONSTER season which I discussed a bit elsewhere on this site, and he’s very capable of putting together another top 20ish top 25ish fantasy hitter type season. GREAT GET for the X-Rayz there. Another solid get is Evan Longoria, who has seemingly altered his approach a bit to maximize power. His acquisition showed a nice willingness to address team weaknesses, and for that the X-Rayz should be commended. Also helping to flip that perceived power weakness, almost singlehandedly, will be Chris Davis and hopefully if KBO numbers are to be believed Eric Thames. That about covers your power. The speed side of things remains the X-Rayz bread and butter, with Billy Hamilton and Dee Gordon back and now joined by potential 2017 breakout candidates Jose Peraza and DELINO DESHIELDS. Jose Ramirez should also chip in his fair share of SBs, Ben Zobrist should chip in a little bit of absolutely everything, and HEY look at that the offense already looks a lot better than initially perceived. Fuckin’ magic eye Odom strikes again.

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THE ROTATION!:  LOOKING RATHER THIN, here. David Price is arguably the best pitcher on the staff and he will be out at least initially, whom knows if that elbow leads to headaches for the entire season or beyond. The reason I say “arguably” for Price is due to young buck Chris Archer, a bad man coming off a somewhat unlucky season in 2016. He should be due for some solid positive regression. BEYOND THAT THOUGH ehhhhhh. Tanner Roark is coming off of a really impressive 2016 and is probably due for a bit of R word, Matt Moore is coming off a fairly impressive campaign and might be even better with a full year at the friendly and HR-suppressing confines of AT&T but who can be too sure with that guy. And then you have Taijuan Walker and Steven Wright (UPDATE:  he gone), neither of whom I am very sure will even make it to Opening Day on this roster let alone be actually good fantasy pitchers (Taijuan probably the safer bet to still be on the team when this posts, and I can’t even tell which is the safer bet to not suck).

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THE BULLPEN!:  Simply put this is your best 4 man bullpen in the Backyard. Aroldis Chapman is either the best closer in baseball or the 2nd best depending on your feelings on a one Kenley Jansen, he will be great for the Yankees and strike out a lot of guys and throw the ball really fast and all of that good stuff. Setting him up will be Dellin Betances, arguably the most valuable holds guy in fantasy and at worst #2 behind former bullpen buddy Andrew Miller. Edwin Diaz was acquired this offseason WHICH IS ALMOST UNFAIR, considering the X-Rayz barely had to dip their toes into a 3-way deal to get him and considering he is filthy. He could very well leap into top 3 fantasy closer conversation by year’s end, is arguably top 5 now. And if you ask me you can say the sameeee damn thing for Kelvin Herrera, whom has been pitching behind Wade Davis for years but probably has the better stuff. He will get a chance to show that this year in KC. I spent the X-Rayz bullpen section talking about how they have the best bullpen but also namedropping other good bullpen arms and that felt right. Zach Britton. He is also a good bullpen guy. The X-Rayz have the best in the Backyard though, it is decided.

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THE OUTLOOK!:  AS USUAL you have to sort of squint to see the value in a lot of the X-Rayz roster and AS USUAL I am not going to bet against them finding ways to mix and match and make it work. Last season they were picked to finish dead last in some fake news preseason polls and they finished the regular season dead first, so yanno. It is possible the X-Rayz may have made one move too many and I never would advise someone heading into the season with only 5 healthy starters, BUT I think the X-Rayz will be able to rely upon guile and the oleeee speed formula to return to the playoffs once again in 2017.

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SEAN’S PREDICTION!:  10-6-2, 4th place. But if they up and grab a bye again I FOR ONE will not act surprised.

10 Teams In 10 Days: #3 Point Loma X-Rayz

10 Teams in 10 Days: #5 Barnegat Banana Slugs

AnActualBearLeave a comment

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KNOW YOUR OWNER!:  B SMITH THA REALEST!  Brian enjoys fashion and a good midlife crisis. B Smith first joined this storied (pun not intended) league in 2013, I think, and in just 2 short years he had taken his rag tag band of Banana Slugs to the championship round. And now I am realizing the 6th seed has appeared in/lost the last two championship matchups, with the 5th seed losing in 2014. WEIRD. Anyways, Brian approaches fantasy with the soul of a poet, and it is that unique style that both aids his process and occasionally infuriates potential trade partners.  Ever the educator, I have no doubts that he will spend 2017 seeking to optimize his roster while occasionally lecturing other owners on why they are being stupid for not letting him optimize the Banana Slugs roster with their players. And for that and for other reasons I love this fuckin’ guy. BEST OF LUCK TO THIS FUCKIN’ GUY IN THE UPCOMING SEASON!

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KEY ADDITIONS!:  SP Jon Gray, SS Dansby Swanson, RP Cody Allen, RP AJ Ramos, RP Koda Glover (maybe), just a bunch of RPs really

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KEY SUBTRACTIONS!:  DH David Ortiz, RP Edwin Diaz, CF Odubel Herrera

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THE HITTERS!:  Look the Slugs can hit a bit. Nobody is saying the Slugs can’t hit, they can hit a bit. BUT JUST A BIT. Josh Donaldson remains the cream of the crop here, SURE he likely isn’t as good as Nolan Arenado and definitely isn’t as young but he remains really really good, top 10 or 15 or so in fantasy however you slice it. Trevor Story was insanely good in his big league debut in 2016 and should remain really really good, even with the dreaded R word headed his way (IT IS REGRESSION, THE R WORD IS REGRESSION). Adam Eaton is an underrated fantasy asset for his triples alone, and could be pretty great if the Nationals cut out the cute shit and bat him in the top 2 in the lineup. Jose Bautista probably has another year in him, but maybe not. The OVERALL TONE here though, I must say, upon viewing, to me, is Donaldson Story and a whole bunch of meh. Dansby Swanson ‘s ceiling is like Brandon Crawford, people.

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THE PITCHERS!:  Look the Slugs can pitcha bit. Nobody is saying the Slugs can’t pitch, they can pitch a bit. BUT JUST A BIT. And a large part of that is owned to a one Max Scherzer, for my money the second best pitcher in fantasy (and real) baseball. Mad Max is extremely good and should remain so, wimpy spring training finger issues aside. And there’s other good stuff here as well, Jake Arrieta supposedly had a “down year” last year but that’s only because his 2015 was so ridiculously good. He was still really really good in 2016 (3.10 ERA, 190 Ks in 197.1 IP, 17 QS, 18 Ws) so people are silly. Rich Hill can be every bit as great as some of these top guys on a per inning basis, it is just a matter of how many inning you’ll get him for. Jon Gray is the first Rox pitcher SINCE UBALDO that I would actually like to own (and have owned), and Robert Gsellman has excellent hair and if given the chance to amass some innings for the Amazins he could be pretty special. AND THEN, there is Rick Porcello. Porcello is terribly overrated (undeserved Cy Young awards will do that to you) and I expect his 2017 fall back to Earth to be a long one. Let’s move on.

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THE BULLPEN!:  Look the Slugs can ‘pen a bit. Nobody is saying the Slugs can’t ‘pen, they can ‘pen a bit. BUT JUST A BIT. And actually this is the aspect of the Slugs that has impressed your previewer the most; the Banana Slugs have quietly put together a very strong bullpen. Zach Britton is the game’s best closer once you get past the Kenleys and Aroldii of the world and I expect that to continue in 2017, and Cody Allen is his own team’s second best reliever but also the second best reliever on the Banana Slugs of Barnegat here. He too shall remain a good source of saves and a great source of Ks in 2017. AJ Ramos may have a dubious leash but when he’s on and avoiding the walks he flashes dominance, a nice high K closer in a fantasy world that rewards such closers. But the REAL GEM is Matt Strahm, SP-eligible and high minors-eligible young stud for the Royals that has a real shot at grabbing a setup role alongside Joakim Soria. Strahm could be an absolute beast in the bullpen for both the Royals and the Slugs, and I badly want him and am sad to not own him. So this is depressing so let’s keep going. There’s a bunch of other options here and not all of them will be staying but whichever one pans out (or is chosen) will likely be a good one. Cam Bedrosian looks like the closer for the Angels and can be a good one, Koda Glover MIGHT get the shot in Washington if not on Opening Day then a few months down the line, and Addison Reed will close while Familia serves his suspension time for being an ABUSER. Oh and there’s Brad Brach, excellent holds guy and a strikeout artist in his own right. So no matter where Brian goes here he is in good shape, and by the time this posts I will probably have to come back and cross out the guys that are gone. My money says he keeps Brach and Glover (he’s high minors) but the rest go away. TIME SHALL TELL.

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THE OUTLOOK!:  Look the Slugs can win a bit. Nobody is saying the Slugs can’t win, they can win a bit. BUT JUST A BIT. SURE a lot of this format was just for trolling purposes but also it is what I BELIEVE in my HEART. The Banana Slugs can seemingly do everything well without doing anything great, and when you bake in some regression for guys like Trevor Story, Jake Lamb, BRAD MILLER, et al. you have a recipe for a team that will be less effective than its 2016 counterpart, WHICH HAPPENS. Perhaps there’s some positive regression in other areas to offset (I just love talking about regression with Brian’s team) with guys like Jose Bautista, but I refuse to say that because age-ism. He will be hurt and shit. And the Banana Slugs will likely be good enough to make a run at the final one or two playoff spots, and shit.

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SEAN’S PREDICTION!:  10-8, 6th place.

10 Teams in 10 Days: #5 Barnegat Banana Slugs

10 Teams in 10 Days # 6: Rojo’s Resurgence

AnActualBearLeave a comment

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KNOW YOUR OWNER!:  ROJO!  Lovable fan favorite Rojo.  Resurgence fans may be all but out of patience heading into 2017, given their quiet offseason and their quiet 2016 in-season.  The double R dominated headlines and power rankings in last year’s first half, before slowly losing their grip on the #1 seed and STUBBORNLY refusing to consider making a deal to stay at or near the top.  All of this inaction culminated in a slide alllllll the way down to the #5 seed and a predictable first round exit (albeit in a close battle that ended in tie with the eventual champions, YA COULDA EASILY BEEN THE #4 SEED ROJO). Rojo enjoys Tinder and being able to turn his neck in both directions without debilitating pain. BEST OF LUCK TO ROJO IN THE UPCOMING SEASON!

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KEY ADDITIONS!:  The INDISPENSABLE CF Jackie Bradley Jr., Kyle Schwarber in his return to health, Ozzie Albies maybe eventually

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KEY SUBTRACTIONS!:  Kyle Schwarber’s catcher eligibility, the magic of a new name and logo

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THE HITTERS!:  Rojo’s Resurgence will be trotting out essentially the EXACT same lineup that slowly lost their grip on that #1 seed last year, sans Jarrod Dyson but plus Kyle Schwarber and Jackie Bradley Jr. And Schwarber can certainly make a difference (he GOT DAMNED better), when healthy in 2015 he gave the Cubs 16 HRs in 232 ABs (and another 5 in 27 postseason ABs). Schwarber will be attempting to keep pace with Resurgence teammates like Nelson Cruz (he of 3 straight 40 HR seasons) and Matt Kemp (he of an UNEXPECTED 35 HRs in 2016), although I for one wouldn’t count on such a HR output from Kemp again. Cruz is probably still good for it. JBJ comes over in the MUCH DEBATED deal with the Punchouts, he was hideous in 2014 but much improved in 2015 and last season. Where his true talent lies it is tough to tell, he probably won’t rattle off 29 game hit streaks every season but should be a solid fantasy contributor. Elsewhere there is ageless wonder Adrian Beltre, who is supposed to retire at some goddamned point but will likely be productive up until the day he does. Ian Kinsler makes for a solid 2B in fantasy even as he possibly begins changing his swing to sell out for power. And OH YEA Paul Goldschmidt, best player on the Resurgence arguably the best 1B in all of fantasy. He is good. And Joc Pederson is supposed to be great, he has been good but can improve if he picks up the SB pace or improves the plate discipline. Overall there is plenty of solids, and a few greats, in this lineup but also plenty of room for regression amongst the vets. Also Chris Owings is currently starting which probably shouldn’t even be allowed.

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THE ROTATION!:  QUIETLY SOLID! The quartet of Yu Darvish, Mashahiro Tanaka, Corey Kluber, and Johnny Cueto has the potential to be the finest trio of pitchers outside of Pine Lake, and the finest foursome if Tanaka’s health can hold up. Beyond that there’s also the youthful promise of Tigers righty Michael Fulmer (2016 AL ROY) and Dodgers southpaw Julio Urias, and beyond that there is NOTHING. I think. But still this is one of the more impressive rotations in the wholeee Backyard, particularly if Fulmer continues to hone his craft and Urias progresses and Tanaka’s arm continues to stay attached.

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THE BULLPEN!:  Ahhhh the most infamous bullpen in the entire league, THE HOLDSPEN one might call it if one was unimaginative.  Resurgence owner, Rojo, has been trotting out this strategy for a few seasons now and it will continue in 2017 and likely beyond. Perhaps purely out of spite at this point. Hector Neris is the best pitcher in this pen, and is SO GOOD in fact that he probably ends up the Phillies closer sooner rather than later. At which point I guess the RR are supposed to drop him or something. Joining him in this ode to hold are Will Harris from the Astros and for some reason Edubray Ramos from the Phillies. I guess because he is minors eligible? And that is it, not even a 4th holds guy to be found thus far. WHATTA MESS.

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THE OUTLOOK!:  When I look at this team I see 3-5 impressive starting pitchers and 1-3 impressive offensive pieces, and the rest just has a feeling of MEH. This is the same roster that started out 8-2 last year, however, now with the added benefit of Schwarber and Jackie Bradley Jr. So perhaps they can start out equally hot or perhaps they are equally as inconsistent as the double R was in the second half last season. Perhaps the reality lies somewhere in the middle. It certainly isn’t a roster that jumps out at you.

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SEAN’S PREDICTION!:  8-9-1, 9th place.  I am of the thinking that all of this inaction will lead to the Resurgence’s worst season in Resurgence team name history, forcing a midseason name change.  And POSSIBLY an abandonment of that silly goddamned holds guys only strategy, which will in my humble opinion cost him in a few matchups (everyone knows if you are going to use that strategy it should be in the other direction, saves guys only.  Anyone can grab a holds guy to stream over a weekend.  BUT I GUESS I WILL JUST MANAGE MY OWN DAMN TEAM).

 

10 Teams in 10 Days # 6: Rojo’s Resurgence

10 Teams in 10 Days: #7 Q-Tip City Morning Wood

AnActualBearLeave a comment

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KNOW YOUR OWNER!:  SHANE! Is the owner of this particular team. And it is interesting that I am going with a “Know Your Owner” section because NOBODY REALLY FUCKING KNOWS HIM. Apparently Brian does. I don’t even know WHAT Shane enjoys, siring kids apparently maybe? And apparently “Uncle Keith” is his father-in-law I think? And for that we all owe him our condolences. Perhaps him and Lobman and Ryan can swap father-in-law war stories. ANYWHOM, Shane seems like a good dude to me and has already shown himself not afraid to mix it up in the trade markets and take whatever public judgment goes with that, in this particular league. How he goes about his business in-season remains to be seen but it is literally impossible to contribute less than Cliff did, probably. BEST OF LUCK TO THE FUCKIN’ NEW GUY IN THE UPCOMING SEASON!

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KEY ADDITIONS!:  Shane! ,  RF Carlos Gonzalez, LF Justin Upton, CF Odubel Herrera, 1B Brandon Belt, C Yasmani Grandal, SP Zack Greinke and SP Felix Hernandez maybe but probably not

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KEY SUBTRACTIONS!:  Cliff (realizing now that key subtractions should be substractions that may negatively affect the team, and Cliff.  Ain’t.  That.), 2B Daniel Murphy, SS Francisco Lindor, SP Jon Gray, SP Steven Matz, SP Noah Syndergaard, RP Cody Allen

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THE HITTERS!:  A quick glance at the offense shows an offense SELLIN’ OUT for power, perhaps at OBP’s expense. (Notoriously inflated) ESPN projections have all but 2 of the MW’s current starters hitting 20+ HRs, and all but two of the MW’s starters having an OBP above let’s sayyyy .345 (the two above being Kyle Seager and Brandon Belt). The OF boasts a trio of damn fine power bats (Justin Upton, Yoenis Cespedes, Carlos Gonzalez) and the infield has Brian Dozier and the OBP-league underrated Brandon Belt and REALLY GOOD CATCHER Yasmani Grandal. BUT….there are some holes or question marks or question mark shaped holes. Jay Bruce the Mets may not even want, Hunter Renfroe who knows what you get out of him (homers….probably a few homers), Addison Russell could and should take a big step forward and also could not, Troy Tulowitzki always injured only getting older, Mike Moustakas MEH. Certainly this isn’t a bad offense but it is an offense that has recently parted with some talent and when you take it in as a whole it feeeeeeels, slightly underwhelming (IMHO). MAYBE IF THEY TRADED THOR FOR A BETTER FIRST BASEMEN.

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THE ROTATION!:  NO THOR. They do not have Thor. What they do have is top 5 SP Madison Bumgarner, so where they used to have 2 in the top 5 they now have one. They also have Jon Lester whoooo I dunno, I guess he’s maybe top 10. I’ve never cared for the fella but he had a fine 2016 (2.44 ERA, 8.75 K/9, 26 QS, 2 CG). So yes he is good too. THE REST? Tough to say. Jeff Samardzija and Zack “not ideal velocity” Greinke were once both pretty good, whether they are now is up for debate. Jordan Zimmerman probably just isn’t that good, Robbie Ray misses a lot of bats but also gets hit fucking HARD, Jharel Cotton and Daniel Norris are both young and may both be on the verge of breakouts but YOUNG PITCHING AMIRITE. IAMRITE. This staff has more of those question mark shaped holes.

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THE BULLPEN!:  FINALLY something resembling a full bullpen…..although a shaky one at best, one that would have looked better had it not parted with Cody Allen. Ryan Madson came back in that deal and he’s old and shaky, could easily be replaced in Oakland or end up injured once again. Jeurys Familia lead alllll of baseball in saves last year but also was up there in domestic violence incidents, so he’s gonna miss some time to start the season. How much time he misses remains to be seen but he won’t be there on Opening Day which I am SURE the morning glorys are aware of. Nate Jones is actually a very solid holds guy that could very possibly EVEN turn into a saves guy if the White Sox wake the fuck up and trade D-Rob for whatever they can get. Alex Colome was once a great SP-eligible closer but now he will return to just being a pretty great closer, assuming the Rays don’t fuck around. They shouldn’t, he should be fine. 

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THE OUTLOOK!:  It was clear this offseason that Shane and the Morning Wood wanted to show themselves as open and willing to make deals, and that is commendable. The question now will be if there was one (or two or three) deals too many this particular offseason, as some of the returns looked questionable compared to the costs and several very talented fantasy baseball players left town. Tough to know what kind of day to day management Shane will have, but this is a league where missing an opportunity to stream a spot start can cost you a matchup and upon first glance the Morning Wood roster would appear to have little room for error. In season maneuvers can shift outlooks for any team but right now this team appears to be the one with the greatest number of question mark shaped holes.

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SEAN’S PREDICTION!:  7-11, 10th place.  It is a tough league to break into WHAT CAN I SAY.  There have, however, been several instances of first year owners making quite a splash in this league and that factor can’t be denied.  For now, with nothing to go off of but a casual glance at the AM Boners roster, I have to forecast them to finish last in Year 1 as they start the long journey of correcting Cliff’s Metsophilic roster.

10 Teams in 10 Days: #7 Q-Tip City Morning Wood

10 Teams in 10 Days: #8 Pine Lake Punchouts (Now Toms River Titans)

AnActualBearLeave a comment

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They have since been re-branded the “Toms River Titans” rendering this BEAUTIFUL GIF useless. Shame on them….. 

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KNOW YOUR OWNER!:  RYAN! Oh how the mighty have fallen.  Now three years removed from one of the more impressive championship seasons in this league’s history (dominant numbers with under 100 moves IN A MOVES ERA FOLKS), Ryan’s Punchouts hit rock bottom (theoretically) in 2016. Once mathematically eliminated the Punchouts started looking towards 2017, which may have cost them a few 2016 wins (which in turn may have cost them the playoffs earlier in the season), but now 2017 is upon us. Ryan enjoys spacing out his appearances within group functions and hoarding all of the good starting pitchers. Ryan is also now about 5 months removed from having a child, and WHO KNOWS if that has any effect on anything whatsoever, but the reality remains that the two guys that had a child in 2016 didn’t win in 2016 and the one guy that already has children also didn’t win.  #stats  #analysis  BEST OF LUCK TO RYAN IN THE UPCOMING SEASON!

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KEY ADDITIONS!:  SS Francisco Lindor, C JT REALMUTO, SP Noah Syndergaard 

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KEY SUBTRACTIONS!:  RF Carlos Gonzalez, LF Justin Upton, CF JACKIE BRADLEY JR., 1B Brandon Belt, SP Carlos Rodon if this “biceps tightness” goes the way I THINK IT JUST MIGHT GO

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THE HITTERS!:  And here is where I point out that mayyyyybe Ryan and the Punchouts actually acquired the best available player this offseason, particularly in a dynasty format, Francisco Lindor. Personally I am still waiting for the power to go away but it HASN’T YET:  15 HRs last season (although the ISO and slugging percentage both dropped a bit). Lindor should continue to be a stud, not that the Punchouts were hurting for one at SS as they already own Carlos Correa (36 doubles, 20 HRs, 13 SBs, .361 OBP in ’16).  Outside of the shortstop position, however, this infield has questions. Questions like can Nick Castellanos continue to evolve as a hitter? Can Anthony Rendon stay healthy two years in a row? Will the Punchouts find a first baseman (as of writing this they had none)? Can JT Realmuto SHOVE IT in the face of all of his many one scrawny detractors? Less questions in the OF, BUT STILL QUESTIONS, starting with the question of which of the surplus ends up cut by Opening Day. Andrew Benintendi is the top prospect in baseball according to some, according to others it is the Punchouts other prospect Yoan Moncada. Ryan Braun had a renaissance of sorts in 2016 (30 HRs 16 SBs) and has been a mainstay in Ryan’s lineup for several seasons now, will be interesting to see if he is traded by either the Punchouts and/or Brewers in 2017. Miguel Sano has questions about strikeouts but his power is not in question, Byron Buxton looks to continue to put it all together after struggling all season in ’16 before finding his groove in September. George Springer and Christian Yelich  are what they are at this point, which is very good and VERY SIMILAR players (with Springer having more pop). In summary, plenty of questions on offense but also plenty of standouts.

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THE ROTATION!:  Where there are no questions, however, is with this pitching staff.  It is undoubtedly the class of the league, with really only the risk of injuries to hold it back (and again that is something pretty much all pitchers come with to some degree). List your top 5 fantasy SPs and the Punchouts likely have three of them with Clayton Kershaw (1), Chris Sale (5), and Noah Syndergaard (3 or 4). Not too far below these three is Stephen Strasburg, a pitcher good enough to be in that top 5 if he can for once in his fucking life avoid injury for a full season. A bit further down, and with similar injury risks, you would find Matt Harvey. A list of high upside young SPs would include Aaron Nola (another injury risk) and Carlos Rodon and the Punchouts have both of those guys as well. After those names it gets a bit murkier, as the Punchouts STILL have more pitchers for some reason (an aging Adam Wainwright and a volatile but potentially dominant Michael Pineda) but the point is the Punchouts pitching staff is ridiculously deep. If they avoid injury they can probably carry this team by themselves, although the same thing was said last preseason. This staff has gotten better though, somehow

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THE BULLPEN!:  This bullpen offends me eeeeeeven more than the 3EF bullpen, as it comprises only two individuals right now (surely either some pitching or some outfielders will need to be swapped out if the PP want to compete in relief categories). David Robertson is a solid closer that will deliver good Ks and will save some games, possibly more than anticipated now if he ends up dealt to the Nats or some other contending team. Sam Dyson is FAR LESS solid, as his so-so skills will put his job in jeopardy if he slips up even a little bit. These two will not win you any relief categories by themselves, ADDITIONAL ASSEMBLY REQUIRED.

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THE OUTLOOK!:  This time last year the Punchouts were being declared the league’s best team on the strength of the league’s best rotation, and they once again have ridiculous starting pitching. Starting pitching can be scary to rely on with the always looming threat of injury, and the Punchouts have added a few new injury risks to the rotation (even Syndergaard has “oh no biggie” bone spurs apparently), but if health is maintained the pitching is flat out scary for any opponent. The surplus also presents ample opportunities to sell for extra offense should the Punchouts find the need, and I think after facing some bad luck last season the Punchouts will have enough firepower to return to the postseason in a tight year. First they need to get more goddamned relievers though.

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SEAN’S PREDICTION!:  11-7-1, 5th place.

10 Teams in 10 Days: #8 Pine Lake Punchouts (Now Toms River Titans)