THE HALFWAY POINT IS NIGH. First I need to “discuss” Week 8 in my own succinct way but yea, we are almost into June and almost at the official halfway point of the regular season. Week 8 saw one matchup go down to just about the last ABs of Sunday night baseball (mine, as is customary) and also saw one team now finding itself ALONE atop the standings (the Slugs, which isn’t necessarily customary but isn’t necessarily not customary either [#2 seed in 2017]). Let’s see how all that went down, again SUCCINCTLY……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Stop Three Game SLIDE, Defeat Rojo’s Renegade Force  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Jose Altuve  –  Jose Altuve has actually taken a bit of flack from Lacey ownership in the early goings (could the picture above be an indication as to why?! YOU DECIDE..) but he is still pretty damn good don’t kid yourselves, and was probably at his best all season in Week 8. 50% of his season steals total and 25% of his season HR total and a JROLL.  12/28, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 3 SBs, .448 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***       

LVP:  Eric Hosmer  –  Flip sideeee of the coin we have Eric Hosmer, who has had a surprisingly effective season but who the hell really knows how effective he really shall be. Certainly the Padres don’t given the contract they threw at him. But yea Hosmer wasn’t really any good in Week 8.  4/23, 1 R, .240 OBP    

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Here’s another good Astro in the BDSliderz possession, Alex Bregman (7/25, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 2 SBs, .438 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And THE YOUNG Walker Buehler lookin’ pretttyyyy good in the early going (14 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Scooter Gennett I still do not get what the FUCK there (12/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .519 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  And the RRF got a Daniel Mengden CGshutout, ALL FOR NAUGHT but impressive nonetheless (9 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 9:  Sliderz @ Warriors (3-5 @ 5-3)

                RRF v.  X*Rayz (4-4 v. 4-4)

 

 

 

 

 

Barnegat Banana Slugs Bash River City Bad Dudes Brains In Kinda Sorta  –  9-1-4

 

MVP:  Eugenio Suarez  –  Eugenio is currently THIRD in baseball in RBIs despite having like at least 50 less ABs than most other guys on that list. Which on one hand kinda points to how arbitrary RBIs can sometimes be (the Reds aren’t exactly offensive juggernauts) but on the other hand makes me kinda sad as a one time owner let’s move on.  6/22, 2 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .346 OBP

LVP:  Matt Chapman  –  Matt Chapman’s line makes me sad for different reasons, as that guy just LOVES putting up weeks like this. Loves it.  2/21, 1 R, 1 RBI, .136 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***      

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Howz about Salvador Perez with a MATCHUP HIGH 3 dongs (7/31, 3 Rs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .250 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Nick Pivetta gave up 6 runs in an inning of work back on the 4th o’ May but since then he’s been v. good again GOOD FOR NICK (12 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  But yea Bryce Harper also hit three (7/25, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .321 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Sonny Gray sucks there I said it, KEEP YOUR Ks (3.2 IP, 5 ER, 7 Ks, 12.27 ERA).

 

Week 9:  Slugs v. Isotopes (7-1 v. 6-2, BBOTW) 

                 Bad Dudes @ Babadooks (3-5 @ 4-4)

 

 

 

 

 

Bellcrest Park Babadooks Sunday Night Squeeeeeeze Past The Q-Tip City Morning Wood As We Are Wont To Do  –  4-3-7

 

MVP:  Brandon Nimmo  –  Look the stats were ugly in this one, kinda across the board. But somebody had to win (or tie) and somebody did and we will NOT apologize for that. But we will have a kinda hard time picking an MVP, so just gonna use this space to point out BRANDON NIMMO (of last year’s BCS infamy) has been the Mets best hitter and I demand they start him most of the time the rest of the way.  5/14, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .438 OBP

LVP:  JD Martinez  –  JD Martinez with the (relative) power shortage last week and good fuck him.  2/19, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .190 OBP     

 

Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  Ronald Guzman was the ONLY MAN in this matchup to hit multiple dongs, like I said it was ugly (3/6, 2 Rs, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, .625 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Kenta Maeda went out there and dominated the Rockies last week and now this week he gets pulled with injury 5 outs in and now is dropped and that is life in the league (6.2 IP, 0 ER, 12 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Lorenzo Cain I will say did his relative best in this one, but they could have used a 3B Lorenzo (11/24, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 1 SB .536 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Also could have used Zack Greinke escaping with a W in one of his two starts either one really (12 IP, 6 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 4.50 ERA).

 

Week 9:  Babadooks v. Bad Dudes (4-4 v. 3-5)

                 MW @ OGTFC (1-7 @ 3-5)

 

 

 

 

 

Garden State Warriors Gleyber The Astoria Isotopes To Death/A Second Loss  –  10-2-2

 

MVP:  Gleyber Torres  –  You already knew.  7/18, 5 Rs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .450 OBP     

LVP:  Yolmer Sanchez  –  This is mostly to point out the the poor Isotopes (jk fuck ’em) got FIVE triples and it still wasn’t good enough to win the triples cat. For the Warriors also notched 5. Yolmer notched one Yolmer is a prolific three bagger bagger.  4/19, 1 3B, 1 RBI, 1 SB, .211 OBP

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Austin Meadows JROLL, it only took the Pirates like a hundred years to finally promote him no biggie (10/22, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 2 SBs, .435 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  Anddd Jose Berrios also gave the ‘Topes a bit of the business, for fantasy poetic justice is the best poetic justice (15.1 IP, 4 ER, 17 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.35 ERA).

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Silver linings would be that Aaron Judge is still mostly v good (7/20, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Anddd Chris Sale got lit up on Sunday, for fantasy poetic justice is the best poetic justice (12 IP, 7 ER, 17 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 5.25 ERA).

 

Week 9:  Warriors v. Sliderz (5-3 v. 3-5)

                 Isotopes @ Slugs (6-2 @ 7-1, BBOTW)

                 

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 8 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY NAME-CALLING

 

 

 

 

Mission Valley X*Rayz Overcome OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Name-Calling, And Trout, In Victory  –  9-5-0

 

MVP:  Miles Mikolas  –  Mission Valley got this one done with pitching folks, leaving me NO CHOICE but to give this to a guy that once ate a live lizard on video and also once threw a CG (last week). I’m not thrilled with it either but here we are. Nature is brutal. Man even brutal-er.  15 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 2.40 ERA    

LVP:  Josh Bell  –  Josh Bell, inversely, remains relatively disappointing this season.  4/20, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .261 OBP          

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Jose Ramirez remains a treasure, what more can I say here (6/22, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .429 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  JA Happ very strong last week as well, no word yet on whether or not he’s eaten a lizard before (13.2 IP, 4 ER, 13 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.63 ERA).

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mike Trout back to being rather good, I am sure he has put that whole hitless streak behind him (8/20, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 2 SBs, .556 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  And Gerrit Cole blah blah something something (13 IP, 5 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.46 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

This one wasn’t NEARLY as competitive as the bitchfest in the chat that one day over misinterpreted comments LEAKED from private conversation roughly 5 months ago (or whenever). But yea, TECHNICALLY was still kinda in play on Sunday but the X*Rayz never seemed to sweat this one out all that much in part due to uncharacteristically EXCELLENT pitching numbers:  97 Ks, 10 QS, 1 CG, 5 Ws, 8 Saves, 1.730 ERA. That gave Mission Valley a 6-1 advantage in pitching cats, from there it’s as simple as not fucking up too hard in hitting cats. And not fuck up too hard they did, going 3-4 in those guys for their final 9-5 advantage. Credit the X*Rayz pitching staff for really getting it done in Week 8, credit the OGTFC staff for not exactly making it close on that side o’ the ball (5.143 ERA). And that dear readers is how the BLOOD FEUD shook out.

In Week 9 Mission Valley will head to the Land Of The Hold to take on Rojo’s Renegade Force, they just set the all-time holds record the X*Rayz have the fewest holds in the league I have a good guesstimate on how that cat will shake out. The OGTFC, meanwhile, will be looking to lick their wounds at the expense of our lovable 10th place team out there in “Q-Tip City.” SHOULD BE A GOOD ONE, or something.

 

Week 9:  X*Rayz @ RRF (4-4 @ 4-4)

                OGTFC v. MW (3-5 v. 1-7)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week 8 Is Done Move On People….. 

WHAT’S IN THE FUCKING BOX SCORES?! Is what he means. Week seven felt a lot like Se7en in that I felt like it rained every goddamn day. Same as Se7en. And then Sunday ended with sunshine, same as Se7en. And when it ended we ended up with some teams NARROWLY escaping the Sunday night game with victories (‘Topes, ‘Dooks) and some teams NARROWLY falling short (‘Dudes, ‘Rayz) and now we have a league with more teams below .500 than above. As Above So Below. Let’s look at the boooooooox scores or at least my version of such fuckery……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Trounce Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Whom Slide All The Way Down To Ninth Place  –  10-2-2

 

MVP:  Mookie Betts  –  TROUNCE is a strong word but a 10 cat win is a pretty good-sized win in this parity-filled league, and that is what we had here and Mookie Betts helped in a bunch of areas. As per usual. Pretty annoying that the OGTFC have him I’ll say that much.  12/41, 6 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 4 SBs, .424 OBP      

LVP:  Jaime Garcia  –  I tell ya what most people mostly did their job for the ButtSliderz in Week 7 and sometimes that mostly happens and you still lost 10 cats. Wouldn’t say anybody was all that “good” but nobody was “bad” enough to make this an easy choice so really it just made my job harder and I resent that. Jaime Garcia had the worst ERA and is now on the DL as punishment.  3.2 IP, 6 ER, 3 Ks, 14.73 ERA      

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  I guess CJ Cron is good this year but nobody let me know that CJ Cron was good this year so I am a bit taken aback, THE RAYS DO IT AGAIN (8/30, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .333 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Justin Verlander with the CG shutout, I forget what I did when I got rid of him but I clearly did not get value back but also fuck him stay outta Robbie Cano‘s business man (9 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Ozzie Albies bravely JROLLing aboard a sinking ship, no they’re probably fine but Ozzie is BETTER than fine I want him (9/23, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .462 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And heyyyy they let Jacob deGrom pitch beyond the first inning this week, good things seem to follow when they do that (7 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).

 

Week 8:  OGTFC @ X*Rayz (3-4 @ 3-4, BBOTW cuz that cute chat fight),

                 Sliderz v. RRF (2-4 v. 4-3)

 

 

 

 

Barnegat Banana Slugs Bully The Q-Tip City Morning Wood Because Family Means Nothing (Doubly True For Family Via Marriage)  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Nick Pivetta  –  A pretty SUBDUED effort for the Slugs in Week 7, seemingly knowing exactly what they needed to do to get the W and just uhhh doing that. So without any real standouts on O let’s just give this to Nick Pivetta, a guy a couple of different teams took a turn with earlier this season and then I had him last and he pissed me off and so I dropped him and now him and Wacha will likely put up fine and full seasons for the Slugs. Which is bullshit. The pickoff attempt above is funny howevz.  7 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA

LVP:  Ryon Healy  –  Ryon Healy was HOT I think for a second there but he has course corrected if you will. Also Ryon is a tremendously stupid way to spell Ryan.  2/23, 1 R, 1 2B, .125 OBP     

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Yasiel Puig with 75% of his 2018 dongs in Week 7, do the math at home kids (5/18, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .409 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  In the interest of FAIR AND BALANCED REPORTING I do need to point out while Trevor Bauer DOES need to stop using the Twitter, he also decided he wanted to play for $6,420,969.69 this year and is giving away the difference between that number and the $6,525,000 he settled on to various charities and those are both good things (8 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  The poor Bonerz probably deserve a better record than they have and certainly no blame could be placed upon Haniger (.640 OBP) or Brandon Belt last week or this season, blame the cruelties of math (12/27, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 11 RBIs, .500 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  CAN’T BLAME Jack Flaherty, that kid can pitch and I do believe I threw him into a deal for fucking JP Crawford (13.1 IP, 2 ER, 16 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.35 ERA).

 

Week 8:  Slugs @ Bad Dudes (6-1 @ 3-4) 

                 MW v. Babadooks (1-6 v. 3-4)

 

 

 

 

 

Bellcrest Park Babadooks Sneak By Mission Valley X*Rayz Via Sunday Night ShitOBP Showdown  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Cesar Hernandez  –  In a week that came down to a battle of really bad OBPs and which OBP would be less bad (partly cuz McCullers couldn’t strike out one more guy LIKE A MAN), I must give this to the man that did the most for my putrid OBP. Cesar has a great eye and see above for him drawing a 5 ball walk in 2015.  8/21, 7 Rs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, 2 SBs .435 OBP

LVP:  Franmil Reyes  –  Franmil with the REYROLL, sometimes I don’t like highlighting High Minors guys because they are more or less FREE ABs but it was either this or highlight Ozuna‘s ugly week and I don’t want to affect X*Rayz trade negotiations.  1/14, .071 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK*** 

 

Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  How about the High Minors Stylings of a One Johnny Field in Week 7, generic The Show players can get hot in one week sample sizes too folks (6/15, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .438 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Lance McCullers could have cost me a W by falling a K short of what was needed on Sunday night but he didn’t and also he helped us get to PERHAPS A TEAM RECORD 9 QS (13 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.38 ERA).

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Jose Martinez appears to be over that sandy vagina that plagued him earlier in the year (10/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .444 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  And JA Happ carved up a pretty HAPP-less 😉 Mets lineup the one day, congrats to Jerry Arnold (7 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 8:  Babadooks @ MW (3-4 @ 1-6)

                 X*Rayz v. OGTFC (3-4 v. 3-4, BBOTW)

 

 

 

 

 

Garden State Warriors Humble Thy (Rojo’s) Renegade Force, For Being Humble Is The Way Of The Warrior Or Something Or Something  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Andrew Benintendi  –  I mean sureee the Warriors mostly accomplished this one on the pitching side (won 6 pitching cats, 3 hitting cats) but pitchers are boring fuck them. If I am choosing to highlight a Sawk over the pitching then I must really feel strongly about not wanting to put a pitcher here. And that is what I am doing. Nobody said these all make perfect sense.  12/27, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .484 OBP     

LVP:  Paul Goldschmidt  –  Startin’ to become a bit worrisome here Paul. Paul is having an off year. This isn’t the LVP-est of lines but it isn’t great and for a guy (that used to be?) as great as Goldschmidt DISGRACEFUL. He is currently hitting .201 on the year.  4/23, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .208 OBP

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  JT Realmuto not caring enough about the Marlins (heavy speculation) to risk his health “stealing bases” is what stood in the way of a JT JR in W7 (6/17, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .421 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  The Warriors threw a 2018 RECORD TWO complete games in Week 7, and they were both identical lines so this is James Paxton but could just as easily be David Price (9 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 2.00 ERA).

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  I mean at least Eric Hosmer is ALL OVER the basepaths for SD/RRF (7/23, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .385 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Jordan Hicks just threw like the four fastest pitches of the season or whatever which, yea notable, BUT really I want to point out he throws that heat yet only has struck out NINE batters in 22 IP which sickens me the (1 IP, 3 ER, 1 W, 27.00 ERA).

 

Week 8:  Warriors @ Isotopes (4-3 @ 6-1)

                 RRF @ Sliderz (4-3 @ 2-5)

                 

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 7 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS BRAD PITT QUOTE ABOUT BRIAN SMITH DANTE ALIGHIERI (HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN <3)

 

 

 

 

Astoria Isotopes Avoid Tie With River City Bad Dudes Because Carlos Carrasco Couldn’t Get One More Fucking Batter Out  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Jean Segura  –  The Isotopes with NOT ONE but TWO JROLLs in Week 7 so I shall grab the prettier one here. I mean the other one was fucking Dustin Fowler people.  12/29, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 4 SBs, .419 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Rougned Odor  –  Rougned Odor remains absolute murder on team OBP, also remains on pace to be fondly remembered as the worst hitter to ever hit 30+ HRs.  3/24, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 RBIs, .160 OBP          

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Just to point out how QUICKLY fortunes can change for a previous week’s matchup MVP, Aaron Judge couldn’t muster a hit in Week 7 look upon that REYROLL (0/15, .167 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Jose Quintana with one good start and one shit start in Week 7 but nobody else did anything too standout one way or the other so GOOD ENOUGH (11.2 IP, 6 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.63 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  If you’re a Dudes fan (gay) looking for silver linings here uhhhhh Matt Chapman appeared to look good at the plate (gay) for the first time in a while (10/23, 7 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, .519 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Carlos Carrasco is a very good pitcher but also got pulled at 106 pitches with 1 out to go on Sunday night in order to secure a CG L and a Bad Dudes tie HOW UNFORTUNATE FOR THEM (14.1 IP, 6 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 3.77 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

SUNDAYS CAN BE CRUEL TO US ALL (well not me I’ve kinda won off the last two of them but still). Sunday nights even crueler. What was a mostly in-the-bag seeming victory for the Astoria Isotopes (due in part to a not great offensive showing for the River City Bad Dudes) became close, as matchups sometimes become close, late into Sunday evening. And then IMPROBABLY the Dudes stood one out away (and one avoidance of Tito playing the “matchups’ [poorly]) from grabbing a CG loss from Carloss Carrasco, one that would have made this matchup a 7-7-0 tie. That wasn’t what happened cuz Tito brought in Tyler Olson (promptly gave up a run scoring ground rule double) and with that this one ended up a 7-6-1 ‘Topes victory. ‘Topes leaned heavily on the hitters side, going 6-1 in those cats and 1-5-1 in the hitting cats. It was the lowest HR output of the year (10) for the Backyard’s best HR team but that was plenty enough compared to the Bad Dudes, who put up the second lowest total of the week. Bad Dudes outpitch the Astoria outfit but get little-to-nothing on offense and that’s your breakdown folks, PRETTY MUCH WHAT HAPPENED. I feel satisfied with this one.

In Week 8 the Isotopes will take on the pitching-heavy Warriors and would likely take the same result as above if they can get it. Meanwhile, the Bad Dudes do battle with the Banana Slugs in a matchup that would MAYBE have been BBOTW if not for that brief little Heroy-Odom spat that tickled me pink last week. So oh fucking well.

 

Week 8:  Isotopes v. Warriors (6-1 v. 4-3)

                Bad Dudes v. Slugs (3-4 v. 6-1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week 7 down. Week 8 to follow. June Power Rankings To Follow Some Time After That. 

Wellllll it is just what it goddamned says really, Week 6 is behind us and so we are now officially one third of the way through the regular season. The good news for the teams that are SCUFFLING is there’s still two thirds of a season to turn it all around. The good news for the team’s that are technically in the playoffs right now is they just need to hang onto their MEAGER spots for another 12 games. Maybe less if you can really run ahead of things and clinch early. This season we may have some early clinchers. Anywho onto the Week 6 box scores and breakdowns and bullshit. Out of respect for Dochney’s fresh political perspective I will try not and mention that fucking BRUTAL Sunday night defeat too much. He is saved by me picking BBOTW in advance, is what happened here……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barnegat Banana Slugs Beat Mission Valley X*Rayz In Battle Of Biggest Stat Pointer Outers  –  9-3-2

 

MVP:  Trevor Story  –  Look nobody hates Trevor Story more than I do, I mean I hate him with every fiber of my being. And why do I hate him? I do not even know it just became my gimmick at some point. But yea he had a good week. But fuck him.  7/19, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, .480 OBP     

LVP:  Jarlin Garcia  –  Honestly nobody really had a standout bad week per se, Jarlin’s aside. Billy Hamilton has been a weird asshole this year but even he had a 3B and HR on the week, and stole 3 bags during a Sunday benching (no official steals for him though). So yea, Jarlin gets this just by virtue of being the worst overall but how much it mattered into the bottom line is questionable. X*Rayz just lost a tough one.  4 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 15.75 ERA      

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Eugenio Suarez, he was very good again and now I am forced to stare at my roster and figure out who I decided to drop him for (10/29, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .355 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  And who in the world is this fuckin’ guy this Fernando Romero fuckin’ guy with the strikeouts and whatnot, either he was good enough or Sev was good enough SOMEONE was good enough for me to not reprint a Scherzer line here (11 IP, 1 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.82 ERA).

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  He has been going out of his way to show me his numbers so HERE feast your eyes upon Odubel Herrera‘s somewhat improbably nastiness, guy’s gonna be an All Star and shit and he spent the first month bouncing around the Backyard (10/19, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .640 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Sean Newcomb with the NASTINESS himself, nastiness that at least Lobman (and probably me a little) has been waiting on for a while now (12 IP, 0 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 7:  Banana Slugs v. MW (5-1 v. 1-5),

                 X*Rayz @ Babadooks (3-3 @ 2-4)

 

 

 

 

River City Bad Dudes MurderPunch The Q-Tip City Morning Wood And They Are The Sole Arbiters Of Last Place Once Again  –  12-1-1

 

MVP:  Wilson Contreras  –  HOW ABOUT this Wilson Contreras JROLL, a most peculiar feat for a catcher and something I would only possibly expect out of JT Realmuto. And I would be wrong cuz Wilson Contreras just had himself one. And a two triple JROLL at that. Continue to feel yourself, Wilson.  11/23, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Didi Gregorius  –  SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS for Didi Gregorius, as he went from being perhaps the hottest hitter in baseball to a guy that barely mustered a .100 OBP last week. FORTUNATELY for the Yankees it doesn’t seem like they need him to rake in order to win. UNFORTUNATELY for the Bonerz they probably do.  1/27, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, 1 SB .103 OBP     

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Manny Machado stays crushing baseballs, maybe the Yanks or the Bonerz (HAHA) can get him to replace Didi (10/27, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .433 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Also Carlos Carrasco pitched himself a fucking gem, and I really like him a lot (9 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 2.00 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  A positive for the Wood was a nice little week from Justin Upton, although a negative might be this served only to remind them Justin Upton is no longer a Tiger (9/25, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .407 OBP).

Morning Pitcher Of Note:  A second negative would be that Carlos Martinez hit the DL with some sort of lat thing (5 IP, 2 ER, 2 Ks, 3.60 ERA).

 

Week 7:  Bad Dudes v. Isotopes (3-3 v. 5-1, BBOTW) 

                 MW @ Slugs (1-5 @ 5-1)

 

 

 

 

 

Bellcrest Park Babadooks STUN The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Late Through A Comedy Of Tragedies And Really Tragedy Makes The Best Comedy And Really No Amount Of Summary Could Do It Justice So There Won’t Be Much Summary  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Joey Votto  –  ULTIMATELY this one came down to a .3363 to .3362 OBP advantage for the Babadooks. Which isn’t entirely true, this also came down to (in no particular order):  Archie Bradley‘s lack of strikeout stuff, Jacob deGrom‘s lack of grit and/or Mickey Callaway’s lack of faith in him, Dave Martinez’s lack of understanding of pitch counts and the dangers of going to a bullpen too early, the weather’s lack of cooperation with this year’s MLB schedule, etc. etc. etc. BUT ALSO it came down to OBP, so I am just going to lazily give this to the guy with the best OBP over the most ABs and that is usually Joey Votto (Please also note Gary Sanchez had a .478 over 15 ABs but who can do wants to do the math with this shit).  7/25, 5 Rs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 1 SB .438 OBP

LVP:  Archie Bradley  –  You could point to some of the issues lightly referenced above but perhaps the BIGGEST issue is Archie couldn’t muster one fucking K on Sunday night, and also couldn’t must one fucking K in 2 other appearances, and also hasn’t mustered one fucking K in his last 5 appearances. Came back to bite the ButtSliderz.  3 IP, 2 ER, 1 Hold, 6.00 ERA 

 

Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  I am sure Kyle Seager will come up with his typical Kyle Seager-y numbers this season and I will just have to compare those to Eugenio’s numbers at year’s end to see just how badly I may have miscalculated that position battle (7/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .393 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  And Aaron Nola continues to be the light of my life in terms of fantasy baseball pitching staff guys, now 7 straight QS (13 IP, 2 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.38 ERA).

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  I took note very early on in this matchup of the fact that Carlos Santana was absolutely killing me, which is just as annoying as it sounds (8/25, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 14 RBIs, .346 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Jeremy Hellickson probably earned himself at least one more inning on Sunday night, but DIDN’T GET IT and that is the sort of thing Doch should write Dave Martinez angry hate mail about for the rest of time (11.2 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.77 ERA).

 

Week 7:  Babadooks v. X*Rayz (2-4 v. 3-3)

                 Sliderz @ OGTFC (2-4 @ 2-4)

 

 

 

 

 

 

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Put On An OBP And Run Scoring Clinic In Narrow Victory Over Garden State Warriors OceanGate Trout Fishing Club  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Trea Turner  –  This one turned from a tie to an OGTFC victory on a Trea Turner Sunday night game 5th inning dong, so why not give Trea MVP. That is how we are doing things this week, gents.  6/25, 8 Rs, 3 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .406 OBP     

LVP:  Ryan Braun  –  Ryan Braun nobody likes you because you lied about the steroids pee test thing and broke A-Rod’s heart (both A-Rods, probably).  2/19, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 RBI, .182 OBP

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  As mentioned above the Fishing Club but on an OBP/Rs clinic and nearly broke both all-time records and Kris Bryant was a rather large part of that (7/20, 11 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .536 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  And now just to knock Greggers down a bit let’s point out another person his team needed to drop weeks ago but hasn’t, Danny Duffy (8.2 IP, 10 ER, 7 Ks, 1 W, 10.38 ERA).

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Even in narrow defeat, Francisco Lindor refuses to cool the fuck down even one bit (12/20, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .652 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  I feel like Stephen Strasburg is a bit of a forgotten ace for the team with a bunch of aces but he is PLENTY GOOD, maybe with all of the other aces dropping like flies that will become more apparent (13.2 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.63 ERA).

 

Week 7:   OGTFC v. Sliderz (2-4 v. 2-4)

                 Warriors @ RRF (3-3 @ 4-2)

                 

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 6 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS PIZZA PIE THAT IS MISSING A THIRD CUZ I AM REALLY IN THE WEEDS WITH THESE “ONE THIRD” PICTURES

 

 

 

 

Astoria Isotopes Bests Rojo’s Renegade Force In Potential BCS Previ Just Kidding I Kid  –  9-3-2

 

MVP:  Aaron Judge  –  *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji*.  9/23, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, .533 OBP

LVP:  Joey Gallo  –  Joey Gallo’s line was too similar to the same line that got Matt Chapman LVP of the week last week so…..LVP of the week.  1/21, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .130 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Robinson Cano dontcha know he hit the DL with a broken hand, if you didn’t know well that is why I am fucking noting it in my patented “of note” section (7/23, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .346 OBP).  [AMENDMENT:  He was also BEING A CHEATING CHEATER all this time which may be the more pressing issue for the Isotopes and their “legacy”.]

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Dallas Keuchel, long-time fan favorite of whatever fans the Isotopes have, with a nice two start week (15 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.60 ERA).

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Scooter Gennett, PERHAPS IMPROBABLY, still being a very good hitter (13/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .591 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  It takes a special sort of team effort for a team to put up a 6.361 team ERA, even so and with all due respect to Ian Kennedy (9 ER in 4 IP) we will be highlighting Jason Hammel here (3.2 IP, 9 ER, 1 K, 22.09 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

This one was likely billed as a battle between the two HEAVYWEIGHTS of the Backyard, or at the very least a battle between the top two teams from the first edition of the 2018 Power Rankings. IN SOME WAYS it would have likely lived up to said billing, as the matchup was closer than the final score might indicate. In other ways I am disappointed. ANYWHO, the ‘Topes take this one by getting things done on both side of the coin with a 4-2-1 advantage for batters and a 5-1-1 advantage for pitchers. The batters side stayed close, the two teams tying in dongs and the ‘Topes taking two baggers by a mere….two. The pitchers side not so much, as the Renegade Force pitched to a very unintimidating 6.361 ERA that betrayed the intimidation of their team name.  You can blame all the bums they spot started but you CANNOT blame Shohei Ohtani (1.42) or Corey Kluber (2.08, 2 starts) so at least there is that. The Isotopes, on the other hand, pitched to a respectable 3.544 ERA, credit due to Dallas Keuchel (0.60, 2 starts) and Chris Sale (3.00) and really just about anyone that wasn’t David Robertson (27.00) or JA Happ  (18.90) or Drew Steckenrider (54.00) or Trevor Williams (7.20). And with that superior pitching (at least out of most of the starters) came superior #s in QS and FAR superior #s in Ws and Ks and there you have it that’s a big part of this matchup’s final outcome. Who needs to name names on the offenses NOT I.

In Week 7 the Isotopes head into a BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK showdown with a playful nemesis of theirs, the River City Bad Dudes. I only really ever see the Bad Dudes winning playoff matchups but apparently this is still some sort of “rivalry”? Something to do with the Backyard’s dead-ball era. Also in Week 7, the Renegade Force head into a still-tough matchup against the wounded Garden State Warriors (Sano, Moncada, Darvish, Kershaw all on the DL).

 

Week 7:  Isotopes @ Bad Dudes (5-1 @ 3-3, BBOTW)

                RRF v. Warriors (4-2 v. 3-3)

 

 

 

 

 

 

So there was Week 6. Two Thirds To Go. One Dook Down Two Dooks To Go, If You Will.

BIG NEWS outta Week 5 and that is a new STRIKEOUT KING, improbably it is Greg Heroy and his mighty (mighty strugglin’) OceanGate Trout Fishing Club. Week 5 saw the OGTFC set a new Ks record at 113. It also saw two other teams over 100 Ks, lotta Ks going around these days. It also saw the three 3-1 teams all win and the three 1-3 teams all lose, creating further separation as we head into Week 6. Let us get to the “box scores” (my version) of those various wins and losses……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barnegat Banana Slugs Cruise Past Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz Behind Rarest Of Power Displays  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Eddie Rosario  –  The Banana Slugs have not exactly been the premier power team in the Backyard in 2018 BUT ALL THAT CHANGED in Week 5, lead by Eddie Rosario of all people. I for one am happy to see Eddie keeping up his 2017 pace, although I cannot quite figure out why I should care either way. DAMN FINE WEEK EDWARD.  13/30, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, 2 SBs, .452 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Michael Comforto  –  Jose Altuve seemed to be catching a lot of heat in the chat (I skimmed it so I could have the context wrong) but it was COMFORTO that REYROLL’D across four games in Week 5. And that is good enough for me.  0/12, .077 OBP      

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Another unlikely big bopper for the Banana Slugs was Eugenio Suarez, who is no longer injured in case you haven’t noticed Banana Slugs ownership mention him a thousand times [again going off the chat I skim more than participate in] (4/20, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .346 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Another week down, another week where Max Scherzer was so lights out it is starting to bore me (12.2 IP, 3 ER, 23 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.13 ERA).

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Nobody was particularly good but nobody was too bad either so let’s just highlight Ronald Acuna‘s line in these circumstances going foward (7/27, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .259 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Walker Buehler was throwing a no-hitter and got pulled anyways and that is just fucking RUDE and that is why you are failing as a team, Dodgers (6 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 6:  Banana Slugs @ X*Rayz (4-1 @ 3-2),

                 Sliderz v. Babadooks (2-3 v. 1-4)

 

 

 

 

Astoria Isotopes Make Fairly Quick Work Of The Q-Tip City Morning Wood I Imagine  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Nolan Arenado  –  ‘Nadooooo finally has awoken, seemingly for the first time since that ballyhoo above cost him 5 games. You know you think he is having a quiet season and you look up and he’s got 8 HRs and 21 RBIs and I guess this is just what it is like to not own Nolan Arenado. ;(  8/25, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .393 OBP

LVP:  Eduardo Nunez  –  Eduardo just CONTINUES to carve out meaningful ABs for both the Bonerz and the Red Sawks and I don’t know which one is more surprising. Bonerz I guess. Lot more options out there in the fantasy world versus up there in Bahsten.  4/22, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .182 OBP     

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Charlie Blackmon stays doing things that are good that the Isotopes appreciate him doing I would imagine (7/21, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 2 SBs, .517 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Same sentence as above but replace Chuck Naztee with Chris Sale (14 IP, 2 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  JD Martinez has been good and that’s a shame because I really wanted him to struggle with the Sawks for no apparent reason just cuz yanno, fuck them (12/29, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .469 OBP).

Morning Pitcher Of Note:  Anddddd Jacob Faria continues to work towards pulling his ERA out of the early season hole he put his ERA into (13.1 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 0.68 ERA).

 

Week 6:  Isotopes v. RRF (4-1 v. 4-1, BBOTW) 

                 MW v. Bad Dudes (1-4 v. 2-3)

 

 

 

 

 

Garden State Warriors Defeat Bellcrest Park Babadooks With A Weird Score Because The Babadooks Can’t Catch A Fucking Break But Also And Mostly Because They Cannot Score Runs  –  6-2-6

 

MVP:  Francisco Lindor  –  Every time I seem to write about Lindor I seem to use that banner picture above that MLB.com will one day sue the blog over. And also every time the Warriors win Lindor seems to be involved. I am still confused as to how a supposed “glove-first” SS prospect is actually really good at hitting dongs, but here we are and he hit a bunch of dongs against us on the way to SEVENTEEN hits. Fucker.  17/40, 11 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .439 OBP

LVP:  Nick Pivetta  –  I could blame some of the kid hitters but REALLY that would be my fault for trotting out the kid hitters through struggles and struggles and struggles, so instead I’ll blame Pivetta. If Pivetta could have pitched like a man perhaps we could have broken some of those ties in the QS and W categories. And still lost but at least loss with less goddamned ties.  1 IP, 6 ER, 1 K, 54.00 ERA 

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Let’s use this space to highlight some of the bad news in Warriors World, first off Yoan Moncada hit the DL with a hammy (7/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 SBs, .346 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  Second uhh off Clayton Kershaw once again hitting the DL, this time with bicep tendinitis and he joins Yu Darvish who is on the DL with like a cold or something (6 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 3.00 ERA).

 

Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  Might as well celebrate Edwin Encarnacion for doing a bit of damage all in one game basically, THANKS Edwin thanks a bunch it made no difference next time do it for multiple games (9/30, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .344 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Poor Aaron Nola trying to valiantly prop up my historically-terrible-at-QS team by tossing a QS in five straight (7.1 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 6:  Warriors v. OGTFC (3-2 v. 1-4)

                 Babadooks @ BackdoorSliderz (1-4 @ 2-3)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rojo’s Renegade Force Keep Rolling/Turning Over Half Their Roster At A Time, Beat Oceangate Trout Fishing Club  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Eric Hosmer  –  How about Eric Hosmer simply FILLING UP the stat sheet in Week 5, take THAT all you naysayers that said the Padres gave him a terrible contract. But no still probably a terrible contract. Nice Week 5 production, howevz.  8/22, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .462 OBP     

LVP:  Amed Rosario  –  Amed Rosario stays bringing nothing to the table.  4/20, 1 R, 1 RBI, .200 OBP

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  I would be remiss if I didn’t note the Renegade Force won this one despite Paul Goldschmidt being absolutely TERRIBLE (1/25, 1 R, .172 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Adam Ottavino has been filthy this year and I just want to note that cuz yanno, whatever (4 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 Save, 2 Holds, 0.00 ERA).

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  JUST HAFTA NOTE I don’t think I have ever seen Trea Turner get on base so many times and NOT steal a base, the OGTFC ended up only stealing one bag as a team and could have realllly used at least one more (8/23, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, .444 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  OH YEA nearly forgot to mention the reviews thematic thread, which is simply noting that the OGTFC set the Ks record in Week 5 so good for them so Justin Verlander was a big help there (14 IP, 1 ER, 22 Ks, 2 QS, 0.64 ERA).

 

Week 6:   RRF @ Isotopes (4-1 @ 4-1, BBOTW )

                 OGTFC @ Warriors (1-4 @ 3-2)

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 5 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE

^ For Heroy only, Shane and I are dealing with our lot in (fantasy) life JUST FINE…..

 

 

 

Mission Valley X*Rayz See To It That Recent Championship History Repeats Itself, Defeat River City Bad Dudes In 2017 BCS Rematch  –  7-4-3

 

MVP:  Jose Ramirez  –  Jose Ramirez continues to be the little engine that drive the X*Rayz O and thank goodness for that. The X*Rayz tied in Runs won 2Bs won SBs won OBP and damned if Jose didn’t do his part in each of those cats. Jose good.  11/30, 9 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .457 OBP

LVP:  Matt Chapman  –  Matt Chapman with the REYROLL beneath the bright lights of the BBOTW stage. That gets you LVP of the week good sir.  1/21, .130 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  How about the POWER STROKE outta my main man Delino Deshields, we wish him all the very best (12/30, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 3 SBs, .438 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Chris Archer finally pitched like Chris Archer for a week for a change (13 IP, 3 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2.08 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  I was just thinking to myself where in the fuck have all the JROLLs gone and lo and behold, AJ Pollock JROLL (11/26, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .448 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And POOR Kevin Gausman finally starting to get his shit together and goes 9 shutout innings against the A’s and ends up with a no decision, tough break for River City there (9 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, 0.00 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

Any discussion of this matchup really needs to START (and perhaps end) with a discussion of the X*Rayz Thursday light day performance. I don’t know or care what the matchup was at prior to this day, because on this day the X*Rayz really worked magic and it helped them keep a somewhat important tie in the all-important Runs cat. First let’s look at what the Bad Dudes did with their light Thursday, a pretty standard light Thursday line:  10/45, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .314 OBP. Nothing to write home about but certainly nothing to sneeze about. HOWEVER the X*Rayz countered with this bad boy:  28/55, TWENTY TWO RUNS, 6 2Bs, 4 HRs, 17 RBIs, 3 SBs, .578 OBP. That line amounted to basically HALF the total runs for the team (45) in Week 5, which helped them tie the 45 put up by River City. That line helped keep a healthy margin of victory for OBP (X*Rayz would win .3743 to .3295). That line helped the X*Rayz keep RBIs close (jk Bad Dudes won that cat by 17). Point is that Thursday onslaught was impressive and without it whom knows where the matchup ends up. Even if it didn’t affect it that much I am going to claim it was demoralizing or some vague concept like that. Overall the offensive cats would end up at a 3-3-1 deadlock, so the real margin of victory here was a 4-1-2 owning of the pitching cats by Mission Valley; the X*Rayz easily won ERA 2.761 to 4.679 but would win QS Ws and Saves by 1 each, lose Ks, tie in Holds and CGs. So really a very narrow margin of victory on the pitching side which I should probably detail but that ruins the Thursday offense narrative, and really that was likely the most interesting thing that happened in this matchup, so yea that is all I am giving you. Yangervis Solarte was the big shot on Thursday, going 8/10, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .818 OBP in a doubleheader. So yep. Thursday. Thursday Thursday Thursday.

 

 

In Week 6 the X*Rayz head to Barnegat to take on the Banana Slugs in what will SURELY be a hotly contested battle both on the fantasy diamond and in the chat. These two teams lead the league in randomly pointing out their random players performances, so things could get ugly. The Bad Dudes, on the other hand, will head to Q-Tip City in hopes that a date with last year’s last place will be the perfect prescription to STOP THE BLEEDING (the Dudes have lost two straight or whatever).

 

Week 6:  X*Rayz v. Slugs (3-2 v. 4-1)

                Bad Dudes @ MW (2-3 @ 1-4)

 

 

 

 

 

 

So there was Week FUCKING 5, the Babadooks continue to lose but also continue to churn out quality content and that is respectable. So respectable that surely the fantasy gods will look kindly upon it and start letting them score some fucking runs. Also other teams are doing good well also other teams are doing okay also other teams are doing bad poorly. And that is the season thus far, STAY TUNED FOR MORE.

Week 4 came and went and with it a weeeee bit of separation in the standings, as three teams move to a PITIFUL 1-3 and 3 teams move to a RESPECTABLE 3-1. And then there’s like 4 .500 ball clubs. Let’s recap it lickety split style since nobody else picked up the slack……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz Beat Up River City Bad Dudes To Punish Them For Being Bad Dudes  –  8-3-3

 

MVP:  Ozzie Albies  –  Of COURSE I am going to give it to Ozzie Albies, I am in love with Ozzie Albies and often think about how I failed to obtain him last season. Also he had a nice week, perfectly MVP acceptable. Ozzie Albies ladies and gentlemen.  8/30, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .324 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Chris Stratton  –  BAD START, Chris Stratton. You know what you did. Although compliments on striking out three of the four guys you managed to get out.  1.1 IP, 6 ER, 3 Ks, 40.50 ERA

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Should note that Ronald Acuna debuted and already had a bunch of XBH but should also note a fellow Brave had himself a JROLL and that Brave is Freddie Freeman and he is really good (11/31, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .412 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Walker Buehler debut week everybody, he seems to have done a pretty good job good for him (10 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks, 1 W, 1.80 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Poor Bryce Harper seems like he just CANNOT get pitched to these days (3/18, 3 Rs, 1 SB, .444 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Anddd shoutout to Garrett Richards for flying into River City on Friday and then getting shelled in his team debut on Saturday (1.2 IP, 5 ER, 2 Ks, 27.00 ERA).

 

Week 5:  Sliderz @ Slugs (2-2 @ 3-1),

                Bad Dudes v. X*Rayz (2-2 v. 2-2, BBOTW ‘cuz championship rematch)

 

 

 

 

Astoria Isotopes Hit And Hold And Defeat OceanGate Trout Fishing Club  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Miguel Cabrera  –  Back from beyond the grave, old man Cabrera had such a nice week that it gave him bicep tightness and he sat out the first game of Week 5. So that is a fine Week 4.  8/19, 4 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .476 OBP

LVP:  Amed Rosario  –  Ahmed mustered one run which saved him from a REYROLL which is a real shame because that would have been apt. An apt comparison, that might have made.  4/20, 1 R, .238 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK*** 

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Don’t really know who in the fuck Jean Segura thinks he has with 8 RBI weeks but here we are (9/28, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .355 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  And continuing with the ‘Topes trope of old men contributors JA Happ had himself a week what has gotten into that guy (14 IP, 3 ER, 19 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Anthony Rizzo has been BAD this year, really quite bad, and damned if I don’t want to point it out right here (4/22, 2 Rs, 3 RBIs, .250 OBP Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 4 RBIs, .478 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  But Gerrit Cole has been good this year, really quite good (13.2 IP, 5 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 3.29 ERA).

 

Week 5:  Isotopes @ MW (3-1 @ 1-3) 

                OGTFC v. RRF (1-3 v. 2-2)

 

 

 

 

 

Mission Valley X*Rayz Finally Get Back To Their Single Digit HR Fundamentals But Keep The RBI Gains, Gain Victory Over Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Andrelton Simmons  –  Andrelton Simmons STILL OUT HERE HITTIN’. Let’s hear it for the late bloomers. Last year was like his “offensive breakout” when he ended with a 102 wRC+ and THIS YEAR, well this year he’s improved in pretty much every metric and currently sits there with a wRC+ of 140. Do I think he is a true talent 140 hitter no I do not but even like 115ish 120ish with that glove would be fuggin sexy. And for fantasy purposes uhhh would also work. Let’s hear it for good Aprils that I may be reading too much into.  5/11, 3 Rs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .455 OBP

LVP:  Dansby Swanson  –  Dansby switched back to 2017 Dansby for a hot sec here, let’s see if it continues. That guy was fucking awful.  4/29, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .194 OBP 

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Delino DeShields returned to action and accounted for half the team’s steals and I would just like to welcome him back, WELCOME BACK DELINO (7/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 SBs, .346 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Certainly OF NOTE would be Luis Castillo disappointing once again and then the X*Rayz dropping his ass like a bad habit, future ace potential be damned (1 IP, 5 ER, 45.00 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  I tell ya what Didi Gregorius is on fucking fire, would be interesting to see if the Bonerz would consider selling high to one of these Yankee lovers and/or me (10/28, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .419 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  And Rick Porcello has great numbers thus far in 2018 which, I mean, gross (14.2 IP, 6 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 3.68 ERA).

 

Week 5:  X*Rayz v. Bad Dudes (2-2 v. 2-2, BBOTW)

                MW v. Isotopes (1-3 v. 3-1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rojo’s Renegade Force Beat Bellcrest Park Babadooks By Like A Centimeter, Fantasy Is A Game Of cm  –  6-5-3

 

MVP:  Scooter Gennett  –  Of all the ways to lose a close fantasy week, to do so at the hands of SCOOTER fucking CONSTANTLY coming up with the big hits feels like one of the saddest. Fuck this guy.  11/28, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .452 OBP     

LVP:  Scott Kingery  –  Scott Kingery has been giving me nothing pretty much ever since ‘Topes week and that makes me sad.  2/14, 1 R, .143 OBP

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Oh yea need to mention the other vaunted RRF hitter that kept killing us, none other than Nick Markakis (10/27, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .500 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Masahiro Tanaka had a nice week WAY TO GO MASAHIRO I STILL REMEMBER PEARL HARBOR (the movie)(it was bad) (12.2 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.42 ERA).

 

Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  And the shame of it all was that Joey Votto was actually looking like he’s rounding into form here and NOTHING to show for it in Week 4 (9/25, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .543 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Vince Velasquez only got the start because I didn’t realize Caleb Smith got pushed back a day because they didn’t fucking announce it til like 4:30 on Saturday while I was galavanting/dying around Boston and the short of it is if I started Smith and not VINCE WHO IS DEAD TO ME maybe or probably I win this matchup but yanno not to get into it I just think it is kinda funny (4 IP, 6 ER, 4 Ks, 13.50 ERA).

 

Week 5:   RRF @ OGTFC (3-1 @ 1-3)

                 Babadooks v. Warriors (1-3 v. 2-2)

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 4 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY PEPTO BISMOL CHEWABLES

 

 

 

 

Barnegat Banana Slugs Slime Their Way Past The Garden State Warriors Like The Slimey Slimesters They Are, Rostering Trevor Bauer And Such  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Ender Inciarte  –  In Week 5 Ender Inciarte stole more bases than Billy Hamilton has stolen all season. Now partly that is because Billy is hitting pretty poorly even by his standards but NEVERTHELESS that is very impressive, and this was by far the most SBs in a given week that I recall coming across this particular season, and that is good enough for matchup MVP. Braves bats out here HOT.  12/33, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 RBIs, 6 SBs, .400 OBP

LVP:  Christian Yelich  –  Christian Yelich you sir are better than this. Although how good you are I have never quite determined. Lotta grounders outta you.  3/23, 1 R, 1 RBI, .192 OBP

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Through four weeks Tommy Pham remains able to see things, check back again next week (9/22, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .480 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Jon Gray finally put together the nasty type start he is capable of putting together, at home and everything (6 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Warriors fans can at least be all amped about Yoan Moncada being all legit, 2 legit 2 quit even (13/25, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .405 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  And James Paxton, perhaps the AL version of Jon Gray right now, also had a start worthy of his talents but he’s at least had a couple of other ones like that but he has also had pretty bad ones so yea (6 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 3.00 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

Well the lone matchup of 2-1s had to end with someone ending up 3-1, and it did. It also could have ended up with two teams at 2-1-1 but it didn’t. It ended up with a 3-1 team and that team is the Barnegat Banana Slugs. The Slugs used speed and a superior RBI advantage (43-27) to slip on by the Garden State Warriors, with this matchup playing tight til a Sunday that saw the Warriors amass ZERO XBH and ZERO RBIs. That didn’t help. But this one was relatively close all the way through, six cats decided by a spread of 1 and Ks decided by a spread of 2 (Warriors actually took that one 79 to 77). Slugs win the offensive cats 5-2 and the Warriors may have felt a little unlucky only mustering 27 RBIs off their 9 HRs, compared to the 43 RBIs off 10 HRs for Barnegat. Barnegat actually loses on the pitching side 3-2-3, but an uncharacteristically poor pitching showing signals some troubles for the Warriors as they won an ugly ERA battle 4.792 to 5.824. Even with the uglier ERA the Slugs were able to grab one more QS and one more W than the Warriors and in this week that proved to be the difference. Special blame goes to Jose Berrios (2 outta 2 shit starts), Stephen Strasburg (1 outta 1 shit starts), Dylan Bundy (1 outta 1 shit starts), and David Price (1 outta 1 shit starts). All good pitchers, all picked the same week to suck. Hell even Clayton Kershaw had the nerve to only go 5 innings. And special uhh opposite of shame (glory?) goes to Michael Wacha, as I have decided that his QS/W combo was the eventual winner. Really it was technically more like Corbin‘s but whatfuckingever, Slugs win. And in that, we all lose.

In Week 5 the Banana Slugs will take on their ideological enemies in the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, SHOULD BE A GOOD ONE. The Warriors meanwhile will welcome a non-BBOTW when they head to Bellcrest Park for a brotherly battle with the Babadooks.

 

Week 5:  Slugs v. Sliderz (3-1 v. 2-2)

                Warriors @ Babadooks (2-2 @ 1-3)

 

 

 

 

 

 

So there was your Week goddamn 4 folks, a few teams created a little separation a few teams now feeling a bit nervous BACKYARD IS IN THE AIR. Expect the May Power Rankings momentarily, they will depress me but I shall do them all the same. And until next time. And hopefully next time somebody else writes this shit. I will complain every week until that happens JUST YOU WATCH.