and “balanced” and once again congratulate the Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz for their many years and half-years of success. Which are now over. Because I fucking WON which shouldn’t be too much of a surprise to you cretons, I’ve done so a buncha times since I’ve been in this god forsaken league. To the point that my victory season may be the very thing that brings the Backyard to its knees. Well it was already on its knees so it’s more likeeee this may be thing that murders it once and for all. The very thought of the blog wielding the championship would have, years ago, been a truly terrifying prospect. Just week after week of me tooting my own horn throughout a probably unsuccessful title defense but ALAS the world has changed. I’ve grown bored with the blog and likely with fantasy sports as a whole so INSTEAD, instead what you’re getting is a ~review~ for historical preservation purposes but one where I likely keep referencing how I don’t want to write these things anymore over and over. One thing I’ll just add once is as far as I’m concerned this league should have been a $20 buy in years ago and so ULTIMATELY, for the rest of my life I’m going to feel like each and every one of you owe me $20. So think about THAT next time you try and criticize me, you bastards. And now withour further adieu, onnnn with the review thingie……..




8.5 – 5.5

[BRACKET MVP — Salvador Perez [LL] (12 Rs, 9 HRs, 22 RBIs, .414 OBP) *Please note this was all for naught BUT, had the Leviathans won the whole shebang, they would have had Salvy’s HR tear to thank in many ways. Interestingly the LL’s backup C (Yasmani Grandal) also went off over the course of their playoff run (12/22, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 15 RBIs, friggin .633 OBP) but again, history gets to be written by the victors so history shall forget the really great work by these Lakehurst catchers OH WELL…..

MVP:  Jeimer Candelario  –  Didn’t really see this one coming BUT Jeimer put up the finest numbers of anyone in the BCS and that’s how this works so take your crown JC. 10/27, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .433 OBP     **MVP OF BCS OBVIOUSLY**                

LVP: Matt Manning    Mr. Manning did the Leviathans no favors, with the ugliest ERA in an overall ugly ERA battle between these two teams.  3.2 IP, 8 ER, 1 K, 19.64 ERA **LVP OF BCS OBVIOUSLY**     

Bears Hitter Of Note:  Akil Baddoo was kicked to the curb by the Slugs, perhaps at a time when he was being heavily platooned, and he’s still being pretty steadily platooned, but WHATEVS the Bears were moreee than happy to pick him up Baddoo is a Baddood (sry)(6/20, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .417 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  Blake Snell suckeddddd for a large portion of the year but conveniently turned it the fuck on come playoff time and that is appreciated (7 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

Leviathans Hitter Of Note:  This is truly the first I’m learning that Jorge Polanco has 27 HRs this season, and well two of them came in the BCS matchup (7/22, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .360 OBP).

Leviathans Pitcher Of Note:  A one Matthew Boyd had the second-worst ERA for the Leviathans and really I just want to note that the 3 Tigers starters they trotted out gave them ERAs of 10.80, 11.25, & 19.64 GO ROOT FOR THE CLEVELAND GUARDIANS INSTEAD SHANE (4 IP, 5 ER, 6 Ks, 11.25 ERA).

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  I WON AND YOU ALL LOST AND I WON… Because I was involved in this one (moreso because I WON this one), and because it’s been so longgg since the thrilling matchup nobody paid attention to (I was going to write something weeks ago but yanno, didn’t, so now I’m just doing it for historical documentation) I’m going to cover it OLD SKOOL STYLE, the way I covered it back when I gave more of my time to the blog and back when my good friend and former co-owner Mike Odom won his first solo championship. Which means covering it day by fucking day…….


Monday – Bears: 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .286 OBP13 IP, 13 Ks, 5.54 ERA, 3 S, 1 H Leviathans: 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, .240 OBP14 IP, 10 Ks, 5.14 ERA, 1 W, 1 S, 1 H

Prettttttty BLEH start for both storied franchises (the Leviathans stories are mostly about how bad they were in the earlier years of their existence but STILL, stories…) as both teams failed to crack .300 OBP and both teams pitched like shit. The latter would become a pattern. On the bright side of things all 4 of the Bears RP-type spots contributed, 3 Saves and 1 Hold on a Monday as an early sign of the solid Bear Bullpennin’ to come.

Tuesday –  Bears: 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .358 OBP14.2 IP, 20 Ks, 1.84 ERA, 1 QS, 2 W, 2 S, 1 H Leviathans: 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .321 OBP12 IP, 13 Ks, 9.00 ERA, 1 S

Tuesday saw the Bears put together the most complete pitching line prrrrobably of the whole matchup, which again had absolutely terrible pitching. But Blake Snell was a beacon of bright light all playoffs for the Bears and he did good work here, and the Bears notched a Win a Save and a Hold out of their 3 SP-eligible relievers. Bullpens win championships.

Wednesday – Bears: 16 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 3B, 5 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .574 OBP4 IP, 6 Ks, 2.25 ERA, 2 S, 1 H Leviathans: 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .358 OBP10.1 IP, 13 Ks, 1.74 ERA, 1 QS, 2 W, 1 S

The best offensive day for either team came on Wednesday and belonged to the Bears, whomst ~at this point~ were feeling pretttttttty good about their chances as they had managed to pull away in several offensive categories. a 3B and HR from Max Muncy and a 4 R, 2 HR, 6 RBI performance from Nick Castellanos helped spark a Bears offense that hummed along to a .574 OBP and I am sure Shane was displeased with this day. Despite the fact that the Leviathans quietly had a fine offensive showing themselves, as well as their best pitching day, but none of this is really about them now is it.

Thursday – Bears: 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HR, 9 RBIs, .289 OBP8.1 IP, 12 Ks, 1.08 ERA, 1 QS, 1 H Leviathans: 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .442 OBP3.2 IP, 1 K, 19.64 ERA

A light-ish Thursday that saw the Bears go another +2 in the HR category, while grabbing their second and LAST quality start (a QS total that would be matched by the Leviathans, again this shit was ugly). The matchup felt pretttttty well at hand from the Island Beach perspective if you were to stop things right here. Shoutout to Matt Manning for doing his best to sink Lakehurst’s ERA once and for all and forever.

Friday – Leviathans: 12 Rs, 2 2Bs, 7 HRs, 12 RBIs, .411 OBP9.2 IP, 11 Ks, 5.59 ERA, 1 S Bears: 9 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .309 OBP11.2 IP, 9 Ks, 10.03 ERA, 1 W, 1 S, 1 H

Friday rolled around and WHOAAAAA signs of life from the Leviathans. Without earlier in the week padding the margins this 7 HR barrage from Lakehurst might have been a devastating start to the weekend for the Bears, and while certainly not a welcome sight they emerged from Friday night still on top. An additional triple helped sooth matters, and the pattern continued of grabbing bullpen stats in the midst of an awful ERA week. But credit where credit is due for the Leviathans offense, they went bonkers on Friday evening due in part to that Nolan Arenado guy they stole and his 2 HRs. WHERE is the criminal investigation into that trade, I ask you all….

Saturday – Leviathans: 12 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, 1 SB, .586 OBP22.1 IP, 19 Ks, 6.45 ERA, 1 W, 1 Hold Bears: 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .358 OBP13.2 IP, 18 Ks, 8.56 ERA, 2 W

Saturday came and went with another ONSLAUGHT from the Leviathans bats, with the Bears chipping in a solid day in a lesser performance just to maintain a bit of a freakin leaddddd here. Things looked far less in the bag heading into Sunday, again a testament to a Lakehurst squad that showed a bit o’ heart in their weekend performance. 2 HRs out of Salvy Perez that dong-hitting madman of an old man catcher, I dunno what the fuck THAT was out of him but I don’t like it. Witchcraft.

Sunday – Leviathans: 10 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .373 OBP8.1 IP, 4 Ks, 3.24 ERA, 1 QS, 1 W, Bears: 7 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, .304 OBP9.2 IP, 7 Ks, 9.31 ERA

Sunday was oneeee lastttt day of the Leviathans bats outclassing the Bears bats and like the entire weekend before it amounted to the Bears holding on to just enough cats…. Pussy Magnet Costume : Clothing, Shoes & Jewelry

to sneak away with the victory. VALIANT comeback attempt by Lakehurst but they were ultimately undone by the cruel hands of fate, falling too far behind mid-week, etc. etc. etc. If this series had gone another two days or so the Leviathans might have completed the comeback but that isn’t how this series work I AM YOUR CHAMPEEN EMPEROR BOW BEFORE ME YOU PEASANTS. Ahem.

AND SO IN THE END…….In the end the X*Rayz Bears BLOG finally completes its destiny. While it probably would have been better for ~the Backyard~ and for humanity if Shane’s hard work as League Commish and guy that had to turn around a terrible team (to be fair a lot of that was of his own creation) was rewarded with a championship, that’s not what the fuck happened now is it. And I can confidently say that was a karma thing for this Arenado trade, a trade that may TORPEDO THE WHOLE LEAGUE AS WE KNOW IT. But it’s not about the #1 seed Lakehurst Leviathans, who engaged in shady trade dealings with owners that may not even be real people, it’s about the #2 seed Island Beach Bears that took them the fuck out and it’s about me typing this thing up like A MONTH after the fact just to clear it from my “things I was maybe going to get around to doing” schedule even though I am typing into the fucking void right now. It’s been real, void.

For the X*Rayz Bears this marks their franchise’s FIRST CHAMPIONSHIP and their owner’s FOURTH OVERALL championship, his first since the Great Dynasty Split of whatever year that was……that split occurred prior to the 2015 season, is when that was. Let the record show Mr. Odom Me has now stood atop the Backyard Mountain at the conclusion of 4 of 7 14 seasons in the Backyard, folks. Let’s Go To The Bear Parade.

Let's Go To The Bear Parade: Molly McIntyre: 9780997730524:  Books


First let’s just re-run what I wrote the last time I thought I was done writing these things up…..

What’s next for the league or whatfuckingever? I imagine it will continue and I imagine I will continue to be in it. Which is okay I guess. Either way on that one, tbh, but what I’m really interested in opining about is what’s next for this horrifically named blog.

When I started this blog in 2015 I wante….jkjkjk I didn’t start this fucking thing, Mike did. Hence the ridiculous name. I think there was another wordpress named “Backyard Views” or “Views From The Backyard” or some shit and it was just filled with bad poetry, and honestly I prefer that one. ANYWHO, BEHOLD Mike’s first post:

“Oh hey guys.

This site is here to continue with the overwhelming information stream that we already have for our fantasy baseball page, and life in general. I’ve been thinking about making this for a while, mostly to track some of the happenings on the site, and really to give everyone a forum to post, well, anything they want really. Mainly we will focus this thing on the fantasy baseball page, but hey, go nuts with whatever you’d like.

Please note: This will be a good storage site for all of our favorite stories, rankings, T’d Up episodes, Trade Block discussions, etc.

There’s also an app, so maybe it’ll be good. I’ll check it out and let you know.

Feel free to make an account and post something. Ya know.


Wow wouldjya look at that Mike was even sort of ENCOURAGING poetry to be posted on here, is how I read that. Can’t believe Brian continues to let that opportunity go to waste.

ANYWHO when I look at that post now there’s a picture of an enlarged prostate just below it (“Urologist: Enlarged Prostate? Do This Immediately (Try Tonight), and that feels pretty fucking fitting here. This thing has gotten a bit longgggg in the tooth, as have I, and we’ve grown together… and this thing. Both for the worse. I’m FAR TOO indispensable a County employee to continue to hastily bang out reviews whilst @ work, and also FAR TOO busy being fucking cool (or napping or drinking or something) when not @ work so it’s tough to say…..what the future holds…..for this blog. Also, if I’m being perfectly honest WordPress’ new format fucking sucks a spiky one. I am DISGUSTED by the spacing on these latter posts of mine and I have no plans to learn how to properly format these things, and the blog deserves better. Deserves better spacing. Deserves better effort all around.

There’s a temptation to Viking Funeral this thing but also that sorta defeats the purpose of whatever it was I was attempting to do this year, by putting out shitty reviews of the Backyard Bracket and such. So it stands as some sort of historical record. And PERHAPS there’s some sort of collaborative effort to reclaim its glory as something capable of making an owner quit the league, but the key word there is “collaborative” and you’re all lazy fucks so uhhhh….yea. BASICALLY I’m just saying this thing might get pretty dusty in the 2021 fantasy season (I guess we are gonna have one of those?) and this is me making peace with that. If this is my last post my only regret is not saying meaner things about Dochney in it. Cuz




STILL HOLDS UP, I gotta say. And I feel like it was something I was comfortable leaving asmy last blog post and then I just haddddd to go and win the next season and so naturally I needed to make sure that was properly documented in the internet’s permanent ink and so here were are. For those reasons I don’t want to write over top of it too much but I’ll just add, beyond all that stuff above, I just need to add that I that I reserve the right to stick to my occasionally-voiced vow to retire if I won the championship in 2021. Because I won the championship in 2021. And so I can quit if I want to and nobody can stop me.

AND EVEN IF I do not retire in 2022, that is if there is even a league to not retire from, this………must…..end. At least the part of it where I write this stuff up, it seems like Shane was keeping up with the weekly records pretty solidly which is commendable because he works like 7 jobs and has like eleventeen kids so I don’t think I should be complaining about having less time at work to write these things up (I mostly refuse to consider doing it on *actual free time* but it’s like DOES SHANE EVEN HAVE THAT?!). But yea really I want to blame WordPress’ wonky piece-of-shit new writing format for the slow decline and eventual death of this blow these days. Put THAT on their conscience yanno? I SHAN’T wrestle with this buggy bullshit any longer.

It’s hard to write this thing coherently when I give so little of a shit about this post and it’s hard to not close this with a nod to Kurt Cobain’s suicide letter and it’s better to burn out than fade away. And this thing has sorta been doing a bit of both of those things over the past two-ish years (much like our planet), hence me quarter-assedly writing a post that I will not like “advertise” in a Backyard chat I do not exactly check up on regularly (just about never, clearly, but let it be known I appreciate you all IRL but these MOBILE PHONES mannnn…..they’re the devil I tell you….not sure if anyone’s suggested this yet). So it’s time to hang up the ole’ typewriter gang, and maybe down the line examine why I use so many parentheseseses when I get the time. This is perhaps the most hideous post I’ve ever posted and I think that’s the best way to sign off. Rock and roll can never die.

YOUR 2021 CHAMPEEN (and don’t you chumps fucking forget it)(see here’s the parentheses thing again, they have no business being featured in this many sentences and I kind of do it in texts and at work at times and it’s like WHAT IS THIS ABOUT REALLY?),

The Island Beach Bears

This was beautiful work Brian gotta say….
Less beautiful but still appreciated…




and congratulate the Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz for winning an IMPRESSIVE and NEARLY UNPRECEDENTED 2.5 BCS Titles in a row. 0.5 BCS Titles from tying the all-time in-a-row record with a chance to overtake that in a theoretical 2021 season that we will theoretically be having in the Backyard. It is absolutely impressive what the Lacey contingent has accomplished in their first 2.5 seasons. Even though it came via a tie (thanks to a SIX inning 5 ER CG, no less) to an “8th seed” team that shouldn’t have been allowed in the Bracket. Even though that was how it all went down. The Backdoor Sliderz are clearly the best roster in the Backyard and somehow that’s allowed them to win 2.5 titles in a row, which is I dunno good I guess. It’s like having pocket aces and not getting fucked on the river or something, I guess? 2.5 hands in a row. And there’s nothing I can say here that can change that. And to attempt to say more would be to have to write more words and I’ve already planned a BUNCHA words for the finale down there so let’s just MOVE ON, BRIEFLY TOUCH ON THE BCS MATCHUP, BRIEFLY TOUCH ON THIS BLOG’S UNCERTAIN FUTURE, WORK IN SOME MORE CAPS LOCK AND PARENTHESES AND BE DONE WITH THE 2020 FANTASY BASEBALL SEASON. Sounds like an excellent plan. (ONWARD…..)

#8 Astoria Isotopes


#6 Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz


[BRACKET MVP — Freddie Freeman] (he did alotta good stuff the whole Backyard Bracket go look it up if you don’t believe me)

BCS MVP — Juan Soto (6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 3 SBs, .571 OBP

BCS LVP — Paul DeJong (2 Rs, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .200 OBP

WHAT WENT RIGHT — Backdoor Sliderz:

Aaron Nola grabbed a hideous 6 inning “CG”…..the Braves kept on fucking hitting…..5 gents with 5 RBIs (Freeman, Soto, Albies, Bregman, Will Smith for some reason) and 4 gents with 4 RBIs (Brandon Lowe, Tatis Jr., Teoscar Hernandez, Maikel Franco) and boom you’ve out-RBI’d the ‘Topes bats with only 9 gents…..24 Ks outta deGrom…..


Aaron Nola grabbed a hideous 6 inning “CG”…..sub-40 Rs & RBIs isn’t a GREAT sign of your team offense clicking, I guess, I dunno…..6 SBs is enough to win a lot of weeks but NOT THIS WEEK, cuz yanno the LTBS had 10 and all…..pretty bleh K numbers if you ask me…..

This one was ULTIMATELY a valiant-ish effort from the ‘Topes, but with Arenado out the offense could not keep pace with the……Braves basically. A 3 Save Sunday scored them the tie and makes that disgusting CG a hard pill to swallow, but hey these things happen. Next time find a disgusting CG of your own.


What’s next for the league or whatfuckingever? I imagine it will continue and I imagine I will continue to be in it. Which is okay I guess. Either way on that one, tbh, but what I’m really interested in opining about is what’s next for this horrifically named blog.

When I started this blog in 2015 I wante….jkjkjk I didn’t start this fucking thing, Mike did. Hence the ridiculous name. I think there was another wordpress named “Backyard Views” or “Views From The Backyard” or some shit and it was just filled with bad poetry, and honestly I prefer that one. ANYWHO, BEHOLD Mike’s first post:

“Oh hey guys.

This site is here to continue with the overwhelming information stream that we already have for our fantasy baseball page, and life in general. I’ve been thinking about making this for a while, mostly to track some of the happenings on the site, and really to give everyone a forum to post, well, anything they want really. Mainly we will focus this thing on the fantasy baseball page, but hey, go nuts with whatever you’d like.

Please note: This will be a good storage site for all of our favorite stories, rankings, T’d Up episodes, Trade Block discussions, etc.

There’s also an app, so maybe it’ll be good. I’ll check it out and let you know.

Feel free to make an account and post something. Ya know.


Wow wouldjya look at that Mike was even sort of ENCOURAGING poetry to be posted on here, is how I read that. Can’t believe Brian continues to let that opportunity go to waste.

ANYWHO when I look at that post now there’s a picture of an enlarged prostate just below it (“Urologist: Enlarged Prostate? Do This Immediately (Try Tonight), and that feels pretty fucking fitting here. This thing has gotten a bit longgggg in the tooth, as have I, and we’ve grown together… and this thing. Both for the worse. I’m FAR TOO indispensable a County employee to continue to hastily bang out reviews whilst @ work, and also FAR TOO busy being fucking cool (or napping or drinking or something) when not @ work so it’s tough to say…..what the future holds…..for this blog. Also, if I’m being perfectly honest WordPress’ new format fucking sucks a spiky one. I am DISGUSTED by the spacing on these latter posts of mine and I have no plans to learn how to properly format these things, and the blog deserves better. Deserves better spacing. Deserves better effort all around.

There’s a temptation to Viking Funeral this thing but also that sorta defeats the purpose of whatever it was I was attempting to do this year, by putting out shitty reviews of the Backyard Bracket and such. So it stands as some sort of historical record. And PERHAPS there’s some sort of collaborative effort to reclaim its glory as something capable of making an owner quit the league, but the key word there is “collaborative” and you’re all lazy fucks so uhhhh….yea. BASICALLY I’m just saying this thing might get pretty dusty in the 2021 fantasy season (I guess we are gonna have one of those?) and this is me making peace with that. If this is my last post my only regret is not saying meaner things about Dochney in it. Cuz




#BlogForever #BearForever




both me writing up another one of these and this RECYCLED BCS matchup from two years ago, but we shall get to that in due time. Probably a lot quicker than it usually takes to get to that. Anywho ONCE AGAIN I am here to do my due diligence and put together something I plan on nobody reading. Just to capture a moment in time yanno? This must be what it is like to be a “Soundcloud rapper”…..welp we are down to our final two and it’s a familiar final two, with one of them being VERY familiar to the BCS as of late. So that’s…..I don’t want to call it an “accomplishment” but that’s something. It’d be more of an accomplishment if you fuckers ponied up and added a small cash prize to this slog, like I suggested years ago (particularly now that you’re all “degenerate gamblers,” but I digress. Let’s see how we got here, ONWARD…..

#2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club


#8 Astoria Isotopes



A couple of schmucks (Wainwright & Minor) put together those cute 7 IP CGs and those ended up being the difference, really…..4 measley SBs were enough to win that cat by 1…..the Fishing Club had a sub-40 RBI week which I’ve now decided is some sort of arbitrary cutoff for good vs. bad RBI weeks…..probably most importantly on the offense side was DJ LeMahieu being a man possessed (9 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .516 OBP)

WHAT WENT WRONG — Fishing Club

None of their schmucks were able to throw 7 IP CGs…..only 3 SBs from a team that used to steal more bases, LOOKIN AT YOU Trea Turner…..sub-40 RBIs and sub-30 Rs aren’t great….. on 10 HRs feels a little light…..a few fellas (Sano, Solak, Grossman) put up some ugly OBP numbers to drag down the team OBP, below the other team’s OBP…..somehow tied in QS even though they put up a 2.73 ERA and the ‘Topes put up a 4.41…..

#4 Barnegat Banana Slugs


#6 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz



The Braves offense was once again fairly murderous… 7 RBIs outta Keston Hiura somehow… the victory in the Ks cat even with deGrom exiting his start early…..but chyea those Braves have just been murder for like a month…..


They failed to grab a 2nd (and then ideally 3rd) Hold and they ran into a Butt Sliderz offense that was HAWT, that’s pretty much it folks…..OBP and RBIs were a little low (you can sort of blame Adalberto & Vladito for both) but why nitpick…..


#6 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz


#8 Astoria Isotopes


It’s 2018 all over again folks, only THIS TIME the world is a smidge more hell-ish. Which I think is reflected here. The LTBS are the 6 seed once again but THIS TIME they’re facing a ‘Topes team that was the 8th seed and has no business being here, and also THIS TIME it is Doch’s 3rd straight BCS appearance and threatens to be his 3rd straight title (if he wins this sentence will be altered to delegitimize said title don’t worry). GUESS WE WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS OR WHATEVER


BATS BATTLE — DJ LeMahieu (‘Topes) vs. Freddie Freeman (LTBS)

It’s the BCS so it’s going to come down to BEST vs. BEST and in this case we are referring to the two best hitters since the calendar hit September 1, and that’s been Freeman and LeMahieu for the whole LEAGUE if the “score” thing is to be believed. Unfortunately Acuna Jr. is third in that metric and I don’t know how he isn’t second, that metric is a bit of a mystery (also fellow ATL/LTBS Adam Duvall is 5th which just shows you how ridiculous those dumb Braves have been) so the ‘Topes will have to contend with THAT. But yea DJ will need to stay hawt and then maybe the ‘Topes hope law of averages cools down the Braves O a bit.

ARMED CONFLICT — German Marquez (‘Topes) vs. Jacob deGrom (LTBS)

SOMEHOW the two Coors pitchers are the ‘Topes best QS options, they both go twice this week but Marquez is the one that provides a bunch more Ks and ALSO the one that’s already went and given them a QS on Monday. They will seek another this weekend and ideally two from his counterpart (KYLE FREELAND, not sure why I was treating him as if he was in WITSEC). For the Butt Sliderz, they’ll get deGrom twice this week and he’s already gotten things popped off with a 7 IP 2 ER 14 K performance Monday evening. Thank GOODNESS that wasn’t a doubleheader or else the ‘Topes would have really been smartin’. But yea the LTBS are about as set up as they could as for in the finale between two deGrom starts and two from Aaron Nola INCLUDING a doubleheader start this very evening (ahem….. CG alert). So maybe I should have gone with Nola. And if I wrote this before that 14K game I probably would have but I didn’t and now I’ve written too much to go back and change it. Let’s move on.


Those who don’t learn from history are something something something, let the history teachers finish that one. But yea I would be a FOOL to not expect the LTBS to continue their run, and I am no fool, so that is what I expect them to do. Shall start writing the post that dismisses this as a legit 3peat now. Backdoor Sliderz WIN IT ALL AGAIN, 8-6




Stress enough, how little interest I have in pretending to care about the outcomes of these fucking things. AND YET…I feel I must capture them in time on the internet, until the Earth is swallowed up by the sun or we delete the blog or whatever. Maybe I’m just sour about incorrectly predicting 3 outta the 4 matchups. But NO I think I’m just over “blogging” as an art form. But so YEA this thing is on hospice, nobody should even read this, we are just going to bang it out for reasons unclear to even myself. ONWARD…..

#1 River City Fightin’ Margs


#8 Astoria Isotopes



3 Dongs for Matt Olson… some triples and the other team did not get any…..6 QS despite a fairly MEH 4.41 ERA…..6 Holds to grab that cat in a particularly contested Holds matchup…..just seemed to do justttt enough to grab cats or tie cats where the Margs put up solid numbers (SBs comes to mind, tied 8-8)…..


39 RBIs on 10 HRs feels a little light…..a few fellas (Sano, Solak, Grossman) put up some ugly OBP numbers to drag down the team OBP, below the other team’s OBP…..somehow tied in QS even though they put up a 2.73 ERA and the ‘Topes put up a 4.41…..

#2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club


#7 Rojo’s Renegade Force



Two CGs and only ONE of them was the bullshit 7 IP variety (Gerrit Cole), Luis Castillo manned up and went the full 9…..managed to tie in 4 cats (2Bs, HRs, QS, Ws)… triples when the opponent didn’t get triples…..2 QS outta Kyle Hendricks…..all of a sudden the RRF were a team that DIDN’t get any Holds…..


Apparently they abandoned the Holds strategy at some point…..Alec Mills‘ 9 inning no-hitter wasn’t allowed to count for 2 CGs…..they only got to 11 starts which may have made ALL THE DIFFERENCE (but no probably not)(but close)…..

#3 Island Beach Bears


#6 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz



The Braves offense was absolutely murderous for most of the week (7 Rs, 3 HRs, 13 RBIs, .571 OBP for Freddie Freeman, for example)…..some inconsistent rookie pitchers were fairly consistent (2.94 team ERA)…..bullpen contributed 3 Ws (and the team had NINE total)…..lots o’ Ks…..


All attempts to use the bullpens on doubleheaders imploded in their face with shitty relievers blowing Hold opps…..ostensibly good relievers also blew leads (6 ER in 2.1 IP for Kenley Jansen)…..Nicholas Castellanos stopped being good a few months ago (.192 OBP)…..

#4 Barnegat Banana Slugs


#5 East Coast



MOST things, the offense was really cookin’ with 62 RBIs despite a so-so (but good enough to win the cat) .326 OBP…..9 Ws and 97 Ks outta the staff is really good…..getting 9 RBIs outta Alec Bohm is really good…..getting EIGHT out of Adalberto Mondesi (14 total for the year now) is really good…..Adalberto also out-stole the opponent 6 to 4, which is really good…..they hit more triples than their opponent…..they just did really good, good job…..


uhhhh paltry K numbers…..mediocre RBI total despite an above-mediocre R total…..a few sub-.300 OBP fellas (Baez, Correa, Hoskins, Happ, McMahon) dragged down the bunch a bit too much…..starting Rick Porcello maybe cost them the ERA cat…..


#2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club


#8 Astoria Isotopes


CHILDHOOD FRIENDS BATTLE (I think?) Both of these losers are the idiots that allowed the LTBS to win these past two years (I think?) and now one of them may be tasked with allowing him to do it again. Hard to root for either of these teams but especially hard to root for that city slicker fuck whose too good to SLUM IT in NJ for his friend’s children’s birthday parties. So fuck him go Fishing Club (I think?)


BATS BATTLE — Josh Bell (OGFC) vs. DJ LeMahieu (‘Topes)

This is entirely based on what’s already happening, which is DJ is on fucking fire (6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .571 OBP). So uhhhh yea, Josh Bell should try to close the gap a bit in the 1B battle. Is my analysis. I am truly phoning this in so what do you want from me, me.

ARMED CONFLICT — Shane Bieber (OGFC) vs. Mike Minor (‘Topes)

Shane Bieber could realllllly do the Fishing Club a solid by grabbing a LEGIT CG, like a man, against the Tigers. And that is because the ‘Topes already got a helluva start out of their old friend Mike Minor (7 IP “CG” shutout dub with 8 Ks) to give them a commanding 2-0 lead in the all of a sudden juicy CGs category (cuz of these aforementioned doubleheaders), so that was helpful. And they’ll hope he gives them another solid start on Sunday.


The CGs give the Isotopes a nice early leg up but I’m going to suggest here that the Fishing Club prevails because fuck Mikey T I haven’t seen the guy in 8 months. Fishing Club advances, 7.5-6.5

#4 Barnegat Banana Slugs


#6 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz


WELL I didn’t do my part (which I shouldn’t have been expected to quite frankly, haven’t won a playoff matchup in yearrrrrrrrz) so it’s now up to Barnegat to hault the Backdoor Sliderz march towards a third straight championship (which I’d then have to unfortunately note as illegitimate. If the Slugs have an offensive showing like they did in Round 1 I wouldn’t put it past them. If the Braves keep acting like Murderers Row that gets trickier. There’s also PITCHING in these fantasy baseball weeks. So we’ll see how the pitching goes I guess.


BATS BATTLE — Luke Voit (BBS) vs. Freddie Freeman (LTBS)

Luke Voit is still powering the Slugs offense (3 HRs, 8 RBIs already this week) so this matchup makes ALL THE SENSE. Last week Freddie Freeman was an absolute murderer so if Voit can outpace him this week that’d be nice. Real nice for the Slugs.

ARMED CONFLICT — Trevor Bauer (BBS) vs. Aaron Nola (LTBS)

Trevor Bauer is in many ways a person that shouldn’t be allowed to use the internet but BOY can he pitch this season, and the Slugs will get two starts out of him and the first one was a beaut (12 Ks). Another double digit K perfromance would be a nice boost. Speaking of double digit K performances, Aaron Nola has 4 of them this year including 10 in each of his last two starts. So he can be a real sonuvabitch like that. GOOD ARMED CONFLICT HERE.


This is one part noting the LTBS are good, one part wanting to annoy the Slugs, and one part acknowledging my prediction is more of a curse than anything. LTBS advances 9-5




That blurry outline of a thing is what it’s allllll about folks (trophy’s actual location currently unknown?)

That’s right “OPENING ROUND”

Because I refuse to acknowledge the “Wild Card Weekend” as actual ~playoffs~ there was a win-less team in there for fucks sake. Also because this “preview” is late enough already so put two and two together. This is going to be appropriately half-assed because it’s been a half-assed sort of year and also I AM LOCKED IN. So let’s get this shit over with…..

#1 River City Fightin’ Margs


#8 Astoria (LIARS) Isotopes


FINALLY a sense of normalcy in a broken world. In fact I was at Margs HQ POOLSIDE the other day and I do believe ownership implied the Margs winning this matchup might save lives or something? Aanywho the Margs returned to prominence in a big way by rebounding from an out-of-the-bracket finish in the ’19 season to the top seed in this weird gotdamned ’20 season. Their reward is a date with the team from Astoria that we all know full fucking well no longer resides in Astoria. If I can work in the POINTS SYSTEM early here uhhh the Margs lead the league at 101.5 points and the ‘Topes were 7th at 71.5 points and that is perhaps why the Margs had 5 more wins. They’ll look for another win against a longtime playoff foe in their first taste of Fantrax Bracket Action.


BATS BATTLE — Manny Machado (Margs) vs. Nolan Arenado (‘Topes)

As these two Handsome Hot Corner Hotties go, often their teams’ respective offenses tend to follow. Last year it was Machado struggling to a pretty mediocre 108 wRC+ (LOOK IT UP) while Arenado was his same old self (plus a career high BA and OBP), but this “year” (all 40 fucking games of it) it’s Arenado that is struggling (88 wRC+) while Machado is hitting arguably the best he ever has (career high 149 wRC+, I’m just going to make all of these wRC+ get fucking used to it).

ARMED CONFLICT — Corbin Burnes (Margs) vs. Tyler Mahle (‘Topes)

The late start on this preview allowed me to sort of cheat but I SWEAR I selected Burnes vs. Mahle prior to their starts. Okay prior to Burnes’ start. And my thinking there was as follows: ‘Topes get a two start week out of a weirdly high-strikeout Tyler Mahle, so if you’re the Margs you’re hoping for somebody to at least MATCH Mahle’s Monday output (a 7 inning QS with 3 ER and 10 Ks). And then you hope the next Mahle start is dogshit, which is certainly possible (cuz it’s still Tyle Mahle). ANYWHO Burnes was able to do that on Wednesday afternoon and then some (7 inning QS/W with 0 ER and 11 Ks). So that’s what you want to see. If you’re the Margs. In your Armed Conflict®.


The River City franchise has longggg been a tough out in the first round. Which is what this is. Margs over ‘Topes, 8.5-5.5

#2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club

yanno what Brian worked really hard on logos so you’re getting your old logos you FUCKS

#7 Rojo’s Renegade Force


The Ocean Gate Fishing Club enter this year’s dance as the #2 seed, but I mean that’s a game away from nearly being the #5 seed so WHO GIVES A FUCK. The POINTS SYSTEM paints a rosier picture however, as they easily clock in at 2nd place with 97.5 POINTS which is 8 POINTS higher than the #3. Higher points are better here. And on the flip side you have the Renegade Force which had 66 points, which is a very low total, but not so low that they were gunning for a seed in the top 6 (aka THE ACTUAL PLAYOFFS YOU CLOWNS) til just about the bitter end. They came up a bit short, but they also got to face that guy Guy who just put together the sort of season we burned Cliff at the stake for. So now the RRF are cursed to continue on, in a matchup with Heroy that’s pretty rivalry-free as best I can tell. Which is a shame because Rojo has said lots of terrible things to me about Heroy’s wife and child and I’ve just never told Heroy about them. So I blame myself here.


BATS BATTLE — Mike Trout (OGFC) vs. Kyle Tucker (RRF)

On paper this “battle” feels sort of ridiculous, Mike Trout is the best plaer in baseball and Kyle Tucker is not. But look under the hood and Kyle Tucker has been all SORTS of valuable this year, mostly because the Astros gave him whatever Magic Triples Elixir they gave to Evan Gattis that one year. So Kyle has 6 of them triples on the year and another one (or two) in this matchup would be HELPFUL. Or HURTFUL if you subscribe to the theory that Rojo wants no part of winning this week. Which I do. So it’s HURTFUL.

ARMED CONFLICT — Zac Gallen (OGFC) vs. Hyun Jin Ryu (RRF)

This Zac Gallen character is all of a sudden a bonafide STUD, which is unfortunate because Heroy owns him and he will squander the talent. And then you have Hyun Jin Ryu who was pretty excellent last year, and had regression written all over him as he moved over to the AL East, but has managed to be pretty darn good this year as well. And both of these fellas get two starts this week and GUESS WHAT both of their first starts came on Monday and neither did a great job. So let’s see if they do a better job next time. That may help dictate things yanno?


My prediction is that Rojo’s will to lose outshines Heroy’s will to fuck up. Fishing Club advances, 9.5-4.5

#3 Island Beach Bears


#6 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz

This is the second fuck alluded to below Heroy’s logo…


In many ways, this matchup is for the VERY SOUL of the Backyard. The Island Beach Bears, the reluctant voice of this league/probably his generation (just hasn’t written a book yet) versus the Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz, B2B BCS Champ and league VILLIAN. Nobody has ever won 3 in a row aside from that time I won 3 in a row (or 1.5 in a row if you guys want to be fags about it)(Heroy probably does) and DAMNED if I don’t intend to defend my honor, and Odom’s honor. And the league’s honor. For it is all we all have. The PROBLEM is the Backdoor Sliderz are likely a much better 6 seed than their first go-round as the 6 seed in their league debut, what with their 87.5 POINTS and their top 3 or so dynasty players and whatnot. The Bears on the other hand grabbed the #3 seed despite only amassing 73 POINTS (last I checked, these things change quick it seems) and despite an 0-3 start. They won 5 straight after that start, dropped one, and then won two more to close out the season so that should demonstrate SOME ability to win SOME matchups SOMETIMES. Here’s to hoping this is one of those times. Once again the league’s very soul is at stake you should all be rooting for me.


BATS BATTLE — Tim Anderson (Bears) vs. Fernando Tatis Jr. (LTBS)

Fernando Tatis Jr. has turned out to be the crown jewel of the worst trade I’ve ever made (little known fact, I remember a certain text from Odom that was like “it’s Altuve mehhhh” so I blame him a bit) as he’s been ridiculous this season. And just as sadly he’s also ridiculously enjoyable to watch. I LIVE for grand slam dongs on 3-0 counts in blowout games. So it’s a struggle. So it is of small consolation, but consolation all the same, to roster an equally ~fun~ shortstop of our own in TA. His hitting profile leaves a ridiculous floor but he’s ACTUALLY managed to sort of hold his own in the actual stats portion of this battle as well. NO REALLY LOOK AT THE FULL STATS:

Tatis (44 GP, 171 ABs): .310/.407/.655 (180 wRC+), 45 Rs, 10 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 15 HRs, 39 RBIs, 8 SBs

Anderson (32 GP, 136 ABs): .353/.390/.596 (167 wRC+), 35 Rs, 10 2Bs, 1 3B, 7 HRs, 15 RBIs, 5 SBs

ADMIT IT, closer than you’d think……and that shall likely need to remain the same this week.

ARMED CONFLICT — Sixto Sanchez (Bears) vs. Jacob deGrom (LTBS)

Certain members of the Backyard loveeeee posting shit about their young pitchers in the GC and for that reason you should all be THANKING me. Sixto Sanchez has been the best young pitcher out there and it hasn’t been particularly close and I shudder to think what the chat would be right now if he was on certain rosters. 25-2 K-BB PEOPLE. ANYWHO the Bears will have him for two starts this week, first one went swell (6 scoreless, QS/W, 6 Ks) and they’ll gladly take a repeat performance over the weekend. And even WITH that repeat performance the hope is that adds up to a few more Ks than deGrom racks up in his one start (13.13 Ks/9). Jacob racks up alotta Ks and throws the ball really hard. But Sixto throws it pretty hard too 😉

PREDICTION: This league has been terrorized by the Butt Sliderz for FAR TOO LONG. Like one entire year, where they terrorized the entire league and only lost once (to me). And then the previous year where they snuck into the 6th seed and won the championship like bastards. And then now here they are, 6th seed a-fucking-gain. YES they’ve won the championship two years in a row. But doing it three years in a row is really hard. So… BEARS SLAY THE DRAGON, 8-6

#4 Barnegat Banana Slugs


#5 East Coast

close enough…


This one’s the long-winded chat post replete with *laugh crying emoji* versus the occasional GIF dropped into the chat out of nowhere. The guy I would never ever pick to win the championship because it’s more fun not to versus the guy I picked to win the championship but not because we are related. The Slugs are probably a tad peeved to have fallen all the way down to the 4 seed, with their 90.5 POINTS and all. But that’s life in the NFL and also life in a strange 11 “matchup” season. Fortunately their counterparts can empathize, as the East Coast franchise was in first place last time I wrote about this godforsaken fucking league and here they’re the 5th seed. But it’s the Backyard Bracket Baybay (I know because James Paxton is hurt) so both of you buck up.


BATS BATTLE — Luke Voit (BBS) vs. Nelson Cruz (EC)

SURE I could have made this about MI “stars” like Story & Lindor but uhhh I didn’t fucking wanna, so I didn’t. This one’s gonna be about the BIG BOPPERS. THE DONG DADDIEZ. THESE TWO GUYS. Luke Voit has managed to maintain the GAINZ from last year, in fact he’s increased his slugging percentage from .468 in ’19 to .SIXOHFOUR in ’20. Which is pretty dang good. But a number that’s better than that number is .SIX EIGHTY FIVE and that’s what Nelson Cruz is slugging these days, tops in the majors (Trout in 2nd at .671). Nelson is ageless and Luke is singlehandedly holding the Yankees offense together with glue and masking tape, and both of these boppers operate out of their respective teams Utility spots and I think it will be important for one of them to hit better than the other one this round. Cruz with the early advantage in Dongs 2-1, due to Doubleheader Dongs. But PLENTY OF ABs TO GO (which is why it’s okay for this preview to come out now)(go fuck yourselves)

ARMED CONFLICT — Max Scherzer (BBS) vs. Sonny Gray (EC)

If the Slugs were gonna set their rotation they’d likely set it for Mad Max to get two starts this week and that is PRECISELY what they’re getting. And Max has already given them one great start (7 scoreless, QS/W, 8 Ks) and you gotta figure he’s fixing to give them another one on Sunday. Maybe. So if you’re ~East Coast~ you’re going to need one of your best K guys to come out and match that sorta performance and the PROBLEM with Sonny is his last start came on 9/1 and he got 2 outs and gave up 6 runs. So then they skipped him once through the rotation. So now East Coast fans have to hope that mental refresher pays dividends and he comes out guns blazing Thursday.


Can’t back off that Pre-Season Prediction now baybay, East Coast advances 7.5-6.5


2019 Week 16 Review: “Return of Rollins, Return of Key Cat, Exposing of Doch As Fraud” Edition

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Amazing that he was able to celebrate like this and still had the time to leg out a decisive double…




OUR LONG BACKYARDONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER. A few weeks ago the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz were some sort of undefeated unstoppable juggernaut (likely influenced by some wholly unsustainable BABIPs but I digress), their heel of an asshole of an owner had taken over the blog with promises of timely content and copious wrestling references, and things looked bleaked folks. Fast forward a few weeks and there has been very little content (FRAUD), and the BackdoorSliderz have finally tasted defeat in the 2019 Backyard season (FRAUD), and now I have returned to write about it in longform while also restoring Jimmy Rollins to his rightful JROLL throne. If you’re threatening an undefeated season culminating in a second straight championship we are forced to take you seriously because that THREATENS the 3PO greatest team of all time narrative. And that allows you a little leeway within the blogosphere. But now you’re just some fraud that’s got a first round bye that’s got to HOPE AND PRAY their team’s insanely good fortunes aren’t running out all at once at the worst possible time. Better to be .450 BABIPing in August and not April, folks. To be fair they also have insanely good players BUT you also have to yanno, HOPE AND PRAY those guys don’t slump or get injured. I see vulnerability in the Lacey’s beady little eyes…..

Oh yea there’s also some other matchups that happened, the X-Rayz finally bulk reliever’d their way to the Ks record, etc. etc. etc. all will be covered BUT FIRST…..




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For you, His Dochness…..






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East Coast Kings Perhaps Permanently Pummel Playoff Plans Pertaining Towards The Barnegat Banana Slugs (Probably?)  –  12-2-0


MVP:  Nelson Cruz  –  Honestly I forgot the Kings even HAD Nelson Cruz (been kinda outta the review game for a minute) but LOVE IT LOVE HIM love the energy, he’s my second favorite Old Man Masher in baseball (see opening GIF for #1).  12/29, 10 Rs, 1 2B, 7 HRs, 13 RBIs, .485 OBP     


LVP:  Yasiel Puig    Yasiel just didn’t contribute much stuff this week, and that’s about as much analysis as I intend to give here. On the Yasiel front.  4/21, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, .292 OBP        


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JROLLs:  Francisco Lindor (2, ECK)





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HRs. The poor Banana Slugs likely mashed as hard as they’ve mashed all season (7th in HRs) but it still wasn’t enough against a locked in Kings squad, and they lost the HRs cat 25-17. That means 8 more runs for the Kings (the won Rs 60-48), at least 8 more and obviously more than 8 more RBIs for the Kings (they won RBIs 70-57), perhaps a slight OBP bump (the won OBP .363 to .357). Put it all together and you have two teams that had impressive offenses in Week 16 but yanno, one was more impressive. And so that one….won.



Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  Haven’t talked pitching in a Kings matchup so let’s do that, shout out to a weirdly dominant streamed Steven Matz CG shutout for the Kings. Also shout out to the fact that mayyybe just maybe Trevor Bauer isn’t the super-established ace Trevor Bauer likely thinks he is. I consider him a super-established whiny little bitch, however…


What’s Next (Week 17):  ECF v. LL (9-7 v. 6-10)

   RRF @ AI (7-8-1 @ 7-9)







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Pacific Beach X-Rayz Rack Up A Shit Ton Of Strikeouts, Also Do Other Things Well In Big Beatdown of Astoria Isotopes  –  10-1-3


MVP:  Jose Ramirez  –  JOSE RAMIREZ SIGHTING. The X-Rayz have turned around an ugly start to the season but Jose has mostly been an afterthought even during said turnaround. That is up until July; 9 HRs in a month that has seen the X-Rayz go 3-0. If J-Ram keeps it going into the #BackyardBracket this team can make noise folks.  12/30, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, 2 SBs, .441 OBP     


LVP:  Mike Moustakas    More like Mike MOSTSUCKASS, AMIRITE? I hate that I’m dignifying that bad name joke, and also this was a real toss up between Mike and Khris (2/22, 2 RBIs), but ultimately we are going with Moustakas and with that shitty name joke and that is just how things are.  1/15, 1 R, .182 OBP    




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Strikeouts. In a week where the X-Rayz set a new and rather tough to top record in the Ks department, I guess I have to go with Ks here. Ever the Innovator Odom has really taken a shine to this whole “bulk reliever” craze because of course he has, but it’s worth noting the EFFECTS here. The ‘Topes rocked a 9.513 K per 9 in Week 16, better than the X-Rayz 9.217, but WHAT’S THAT MATTER when the latter team tosses 116.2 innings to your 84.2, THIRTY TWO MORE INNINGS THROWN on the Pacific Beach side. And that’s how you set a Ks record and win the cat 119-89, and that’s how you grab 11 wins, and usually there’s a risk of ERA ruin but the ‘Topes managed to suck more (X-Rayz won ERA 4.71 to 5.53), and that’s how you get your doors relatively blown off (also only hitting like 6 HRs doesn’t help) and get leapfrogged in the Backyard Bracket Standings.



Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  Eight bulk relievers used by the X-Rayz in Week 16, not sure what his usual is but SEEMS LIKE A LOT… ‘Topes were league-worst in Wk 16 in Runs, HRs, RBIs and I guess that’s just what happens when Khris Davis is slumping HARD… Also a real rollercoaster of a season for Astoria, whom started out 0-5 then won 7 in a row and have now lost 4 in a row…


What’s Next (Week 17):  PBX v. BBS (6-7-3 v. 5-10-1)

   AI v. RRF (7-9 v. 7-8-1)







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River City Bad Dudes Best A Super Invested Definitely Started Twelve Pitchers* Rojo’s Renegade Force Squad  –  9-4-1

*one was an opener but beggars can’t be choosers


MVP:  Miguel Sano  –  Miguel Sano is a fat turd (whoever had “turd” twice in Blog Bingo gets a prize) who strikes out too much and is probably a piece of shit, BUT he’s mashing taters this season and mashed some taters in Week 16 and I guess that’sa ll the MVP of the week part cares about. Nice tie-in to the River City Mashers hidden in this paragraph, FAN SERVICE for longtime Backyard fans. The Doch Blog never delivered this sort of stuff, or any sort of stuff really. A totally Weak and Low Energy blogger. ANYWHO YEA MIGUEL SANO.   9/27, 6 Rs, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .379 OBP     


LVP:  Masahiro Tanaka    I mean, FOR FUCKS SAKE Masahiro. You get LVP of the Week cuz I’m not sure I’ve seen that many runs given up in quite some time. And it was against the Red Sawks so SHAME ON HIM.  3.1 IP, 12 ER, 4 Ks, 32.40 ERA    ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     





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Holds. You lost AT YOUR OWN GAME ROJO. The Bad Dudes won Holds 4-1 and that isn’t necessarily why they won the MATCHUP (the .342 to .311 OBP disparity probably more damning) but it IS necessarily all I want to talk about here cuz this matchup bores me.



Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  Renegade Force perhaps making league history as the first team to knowingly (I think) start an “opener,” THIS LEAGUE JUST GETS WACKIER AND WACKIER…


What’s Next (Week 17):  RCBD @ LTBS (6-7-3 @ 15-1) *BBOTW*

   RRF @ AI (7-8-1 @ 7-9)






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Lakehurst Leviations Continue DREAM SEASON, Notch Sixth Win At Ocean Gate Fishing Club’s Expense  –  9-5-0


MVP:  Didi Gregorius  –  Both Didi and JD Martinez did real work in Week 16 (pretend Judge is JD in the GIF above) but Didi did slightly better work and fuck the sawks and so on and so forth.  11/26, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 13 RBIs, .448 OBP     


LVP:  Francisco Mejia    On the opposite end of the spectrum, Mejia did the very opposite of work and contributed nothing but a few base hits and no wonder this goddamned owner always harrasses me about Gary Sanchez.  4/16, .294 OBP    


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JROLLs:  Trea Turner (2, OGFC) ; Adam Eaton (1, LL)





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Triples. This matchup was tiiiiiiiight all over the place man, but it’s always an unfortunate circumstance when your team musters more than one three-bagger and still loses the cat. And that was the case here so lets highlight Heroy sadness, two triples (AND ONE JROLL) out of the OGFC and they get bested by a Leviathans team that put up four despite the absence of Adalberto. Tough break kiddo. Other tough breaks include 1 “point” losses in SBs, QS, and Holds but this paragraph was about the triples so we are gonna STICK TO THE TRIPLES.



Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  The Leviathans had 69 RBIs (nice.)… ALSO, with this victory the Leviathans have more wins in Year 3 than they had in Years 1 and 2 COMBINED (double nice.)(#TrustTheProcess)…


What’s Next (Week 17):  LL @ ECK (6-10 @ 9-7)

   OGFC v. IBB (8-7-1 v. 6-9-1)







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Island Beach Bears Accomplish Everything They Needed To In 2019 Season, Slay The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Beast Fucking Finally (they are now allowed to go win the championship or whatever I guess*)  –  7-6-1

*jkjk we root against any and all back-to-back chamPEEN challengers ’round here, fuck them I want ’em bounced in Round 2..



MVP:  Edwin Encarnacion  –  Were there better performers in Week 16 both on the Bears and on other teams? I mean yea PROBABLY (definitely). But this was another performance in a long line of CLUTCH PLAYOFF PERFORMANCES (as far as I’m concerned I just won the playoffs) wherein Encarnacion, win or loss, gave us a heroic effort. In this case we needed doubles and he HEROICALLY contributed FIVE, 45% of his total heading into Week 16. Good. Man.  11/32, 6 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .400 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK/PROBABLY YEAR***    


LVP:  Alex Bregman    Bad week outta Breggy and a quiet week outta a few other ButtSliderz Starz in Week 16, it’s almost like that’s how baseball is supposed to work as opposed to having EVERYTHING GO YOUR WAY ALL YEAR LONG. Suck it, turds.  1/17, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .238 OBP          




Bears Hitter Of Note:  Jonathan Villar heard rumors of other owners BALKING at requested returns (probably justifiably so) when those owners came asking about himand so he went out and had himself a week on them basepaths (10/33, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 5 SBs, .361 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  When you trade away all of your other good pitchers you’re left with one good pitcher and then that good pitcher likely ends up your pitcher “of note” in these winning situations, and his name is Mike Clevinger (14 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.57 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Lets all point at Cody Bellinger and laugh because he DIDN’T absolutely bludgeon me in Week 16 and perhaps he isn’t Barry Bonds, which would be nice for me and my trade psyche (he’s still really good and young and I regret that trade and that trade only)(I’ll still trade any mothafucka)(4/18, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .333 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And just for FAIR and BALANCED reporting of the FACTS I’ll not do the thing where I try and single out a bad performance here… Robbie Ray had double digit Ks in back-to-back starts so good for him, STILL LOST LOSER (12 IP, 5 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.75 ERA).




How many words does one owe history? When will enough be written about our triumphs in WWII, about the moon landing, about the moments that DEFINED civilization? Can enough words ever be written? I posit that they cannot, which is why this blog will fail regardless of how long I write about one of the greatest regular season victories (if not THE greatest) in Backyard history (and I intend to write a buncha words and they won’t even be particularly interesting but THE WORD COUNT, oh the word count). Sure teams have gone on some runs, won some games in a row, even won some championships in a row 😉 . But has there ever been a team that remained undefeated this late into one of our regular seasons? No seriously I am asking. And IF SO, could that team have possibly been helmed by a more despicable owner than the one that currently presides over the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz? This one I can answer myself:  no, for that would be impossible.

Comeuppance has been a long time coming for this team, a talented unit to be fair but one that also has been hashtag BLESSED with some lucky bounces in its day. I think they beat the Banana Slugs in a week when they had like a .270-something OBP, I think Fernando Tatis Jr. and Keston Hiura have had UNSUSTAINABLE BABIPs to begin their respective careers, I think this had to happen the way it happened. At the hands of your fearless, really at this point less-than-part-time, blogger (and perhaps part-time lover) because only HE would then chronicle the great moment in glorious detail. And only HE, thanks to his own human failings, would be able to perfectly set up a Sunday Night Scenario that quite frankly I didn’t see enough applause for the in chat. Edwin Encarnacion is a BACKYARD TREASURE and he deserves your respect. Perhaps no player is more synonymous with their respective franchise, and obviously no player more perfectly epitomizes the GLORY DAYZ of back-to-back-to-back championships for this (once proud, now multiple times renamed) franchise, and now he has basically delivered a fourth championship. Feels like I’ve won the championship this season. You’re all free to keep playing and do the whole “Backyard Bracket” thing but yanno…..whatever.

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There was a time when I planned to break down each day of this HISTORIC VICTORY FOR THE ISLAND BEACH BEARS, but holy shit that sounds exhausting and its difficult enough to piece together the play-by-play just from Sunday. So yea with that caveat in place lets now get fucking pumped up and lets fucking LETS BREAK DOWN THIS HISTORIC MATCHUP’S HISTORIC SUNDAY, SHALL WE?! FUCK YEA LETS:

DAY 7 (Sunday, 7.28.19 Anno Domini)

The Island Beach Bears enter day 7 of their battle WEARY and sensing defeat. Things were lookin’ kinda solid with the BackdoorSliderz offense scuffling, and then Saturday they uhh unscuffled. Categories as of Sunday AM were as follows (not because I think anyone wants to read this shit, but because I want to pump up this word count to up the obnoxious):

Runs – Bears lead 53 to 38

Doubles – Sliderz lead 14 to 12

Triples – Bears lead 2 to 0

HRs – Bears lead 11 to 9

RBIs – Sliderz lead 44 to 37

OBP – Sliderz comfortably ahead just take my word for it

SBs – Bears lead 7 to 4


Ks – Bears lead 80 to 69 (nice.)

QS – Bears lead 9 to 5

CGs – Bears haven’t had one all goddamned year, surprised the ButtSliderz didn’t grab one but yea this ended up 0-0

Ws – Tied 6 to 6

Saves – Sliderz lead 4 to 1

Holds – Bears lead 5 to 1

ERA – Sliderz lead like 2 something to 3 something



This lead, this lead is a mirage and the Bears know it. For what you DON’T see up there, though certainly I had the room to note it, is the Bears have maxed out their starts by Sunday AM (and amassed a measly 80 Ks doing so) while the BackdoorSliderz would be trotting out four arms for the final day:  Kyle Gibson, Robbie Ray, Walker Buehler, and AARON NOLA. The last arm is of obvious added significance, it’s an arm that already logged a start for the Bears earlier in the week and an arm they then traded away because dynasty is boring make some trades you pussies. It is also an arm that what was SUPPOSED TO BE starting only once in Week 16, was sort of important to me to avoid facing my sweet sweet Aaron in 2019. Alas he ended up getting bumped up to Sunday, and Lacey ownership did what Lacey ownership does best:  paid lip service to sitting him as some sort of courtesy or signaling of their high moral fiber but MERELY A SIGNAL, they were never gonna sit him WERE THEY (Bears ownership wouldn’t have wanted that, but also was drinking at the time of the initial message so didn’t really offer that opinion clearly one way or the other, so could Doch have even KNOWN what I wanted? Has he ever known what anyone else ever wanted? Has he failed to please everyone in his life?)?! ANYWHOM, ultimately Nola got the nod and that was the right move I wouldn’t have wanted a bullet left in the chamber.

SO, and stay with me now, what we have at this point is the Bears BASICALLY expecting Ks and Ws to go to Lacey, with a possibility of them going 4-4 in QS and tying that up as well….. things seemed bleak to say the least. As I alluded, the BackdoorSliderz had already used a 16 run/4 double/5 HR/15 RBI/.460 OBP Saturday to overtake OBP and generally signal the end times for the Bears upset chances. Or so we thought :))))))))))))))) It would require a good amount of good Lacey pitchers pitching poorly for the Bears to retake the ERA lead, and we had already done everything in our power to try and grab more Ks or more Ws or whatever by signing a buncha shitty SP-eligible relievers and treating it like BCS Sunday. And so at this point Bears ownership was on the beach not paying much mind to these sorts of longshot hypotheticals, is what I’m saying.

FAST FORWARD to late afternoon and suddenly the BackdoorSliderz pitching staff has managed to blow the ERA lead by pitching jusssttttt poorly enough, suddenly the Bears are told they’re clinging to a 7-6-1 advantage, and even more suddenly they must reckon with all of those fucking random SP relievers they brought in to try and grab additional pitching stats. Pretty quickly it was assumed by Bears ownership, QUITE CORRECTLY (because they’re actually super smart and stuff), that those shitty relievers were shitty for a reason and so they would fuck said Bears and return said ERA lead and the overall lead with it probably upon their first opportunity…. almost instantaneously Colin McHugh did just that. Around the same time just GENERAL LIFE LIVING, the sort of thing Rojo has tried to tell us all about from high atop the mountains, prevents Bears ownership (me) from subbing out a resting Nicholas Castellanos for a not-resting Hunter Renfroe. By the time of this realization the DEFINITELY EXPECTED Luis Perdomo earned runs have also crossed the plate and we’ve officially written off ERA (evidently we shouldn’t have we only lost 3.90 to 3.86, I would have been haunted by Josh Tomlin if things broke poorly), now turning the attention to catching the evil LTBS RBIs and/or 2Bs while also defending a slim lead in HRs.

This is gripping stuff, one would imagine, if both owners were both scowling MLBTV and furiously refreshing computer screens to follow along. And in fact for the sake of this blog post we are going to say that Doch definitely was doing precisely that, in some sad little Lacey cave like the ones people used to pretend Bin Laden was hiding in. There’s some parallels there. At some point we know the LTBS closed the HR gap to one (thanks to Soto or Conforto or Santana or one of those fucks, but this isn’t their story) and at some other point we now know Marcus Semien and Danny Santana have homered to give the #DongsCat it’s final margin of victory for the Bears. Small margin, small total overall but it’s not the size that counts. So ALL GOOD ON THE HRs, hooray for the good guys. RBIs inched close (another size pun in here somewhere), some thanks due to Travis D’Arnaud for contributing 7 RBIs for the IBB while only bequeathing 2 RBIs for the LTBS (he’s filled in admirably for Gary Sanchez), but ultimately despite our best efforts bad things sometimes happen to good people and good things sometimes happen to bad people (see Doch’s 2018 season) and so we couldn’t close the gap there. And by “best efforts” I mean we couldn’t close the gap because Hunter Renfroe hit a grand slam on the fucking bench, with plenty of space for him in our not-being-used RF slot.

SO RBIs weren’t working out and its down to doubles to slay the beast. Ozzie Albies knocked the lone Sunday double for Lacey, the very excellent Danny Santana and Jonathan Villar and Travis D’Arnaud chipped in their own two-baggers for Island Beach (left out a “two-bagger” joke about Dorothy here), and by the time the dust had settled we arrived at a very unsatisfying 6-6-2 tie heading into Sunday Night Sawks-Yanks. This could not stand, however….

SUNDAY NIGHT SAWKS-YANKS (7.28.19 Anno Domini)

The Yankee-loathing Lacey outfit has no participants in the Sunday night game, the Bears have ❤ Edwin Encarnacion ❤ and Aaron Hicks. The Bears need one double or 4 RBIs to finally hand the BackdoorSliderz a much-needed loss in 2019, and the presence of Edwin in this equation has them quietly CONFIDENT….. so confident they are not watching the game one bit, and are going to Mellow Mushroom. I think I’m back from Mellow by the time Edwin evidently smokes a single in the top of the 5th…..

….that moves Hicks to 3rd and no farther, so yea running out of innings but WE ARE FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE. STILL. I think at this point I’m “watching a documentary” on PFAS, Edwin would not betray this organization.

In the 7th inning, we get what we need and by “we” I mean THE LEAGUE AS A WHOLE needed:


Encarnación doubled to left center, Hicks to third.
Double Slider 82


Print that out and smoke it folks, I’m giving you PITCH TYPE and everything here. I will also note the double was hit off of Bad Dudes RELIEVER PHENOM EXTRAORDINAIRE Darwinzon Hernandez.


Bears win 7-6-1

Bears win self-proclaimed “last week they give a shit about winning”

Undefeated season for the ButtSliderz is off the table, which is a bit of a relief I think we can all agree

Bears now have to keep giving a shit until formally eliminated from playoffs (TAKE NOTE ROJO), which isn’t a relief per se but is still FINE ITS FINE we can pay attention to a fantasy baseball league while still existing in the world (TAKE NOTE LOBMAN, OR MAYBE ROJO, I am forgetting the gripes at this point)….

The league is saved and you’re all fucking welcome

Look I know this one was a bit of a coin flip in several spots and we just have easily could have allowed the LTBS to escape with yet another win and they’re still the current favorites (though clearly I think we’ve exposed some kinks in the armor, not gonna tell anyone what they are it’s a big secret) for that OTHER champeenship still to be awarded. I know all these things. But I also know that this shit needed to end and so Edwin ended it, and so nobody ever ask me if he was available to trade for ever again. Notta one of youz. ANYWAYZ Week 17 has the Bears still in the bracket hunt weirdly enough, so they’re gonna head to Ocean Gate and try and beat those jackasses. And if they don’t at least they beat this jackass. This jackass and his ButtSliderz take on the River City Bad Dudes in our Backyard Battle Of The Week.


What’s Next (Week 17):  IBB @ OGFC (6-9-1 @ 8-7-1)

LTBS v. RCBD (16-1 v. 6-7-3) *BBOTW*









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Had to get one more in ^ 


2019 Week 16 Review: “Return of Rollins, Return of Key Cat, Exposing of Doch As Fraud” Edition


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Since I’m “not allowed” to use the Doch pic (nor do I have any intention of ever looking at it again) this will have to do. Pretty similar tbh

Oh dear God what have I done. ME specifically, whom is probably most responsible for the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz ending up our 2018 champeens. Far more responsible than their owner, that’s pretty much a definite. I spent all offseason and some of the season arming this franchise with talent for the foreseeable future and now they won the championship and now Doch will likely be insufferable. That is the bad news. The GOOD NEWS is I waited a long time to write this review and it won’t be nearly as detailed as last year’s review and I hope that eats at Doch the same way Doch eats at everything. Saddens Doch the same way he is saddened by Caffrey’s burning down (just one more Lacey burnout really).


Look I think it is no secret that I often just do reviews as a template off of preview reviews. To the point that some reviews probably have stats from previous reviews tucked in em, LIL EASTER EGGS if you will. I can assure you this will not be a template of last year’s BCS review, however, because I did not pay any attention to this year’s BCS and paid all the attention to last year’s because it was Odom vs. Lobman.
In conclusion this intro had really nothing to do with the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz. Congrats to them. But also fuck them. And fuck Caffrey’s. 















Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Complete A Complete Postseason Performance, Defeat The Top-Seeded (First Time That Has Ever Happened In The BCS Way To Go You Failures) Astoria Isotopes  –  10-3-1


MVP:  Alex Bregman  –  YEA YEA YEA Acuna Jr. was the best player of the entire postseason run or yada yada but Alex Bregman was the best hitter in the BCS and that is what we do here. We award the best player in the particular series.  12/27, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 13 HRs, 9 RBIs, .500 OBP                     

LVP:  Nolan Arenado    SAD. Sad for me to do this to Nolan. But even his late attempts to salvage some respectability can’t erase the fact that he started out 0-18 in this series. NO CLUTCH. Nolan Gorman will be the better Nolan within three years.  3/25, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .148 OBP          


BackdoorSliderZ Hitter Of Note:  Juan Soto was the second best hitter in this series and this doesn’t at all mean that Acuna Jr. wasn’t excellent as well and all of this should annoy all of us what happened here (11/23, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, .538 OBP).

BackdoorSliderZ Pitcher Of Note:  Death, taxes, and Jacob deGrom having an excellent start for the ButtSliderZ with the Mets failing to get him a W (8 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1.13 ERA).


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Almost nobody on the Isotopes seemed all that interested in winning this particular championship but I want to shout out Miguel Andujar he seemed like he was trying, EVEN DREW SOME WALKS (7/26, 7 Rs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .345 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  I guess I have to point out German Marquez because even though this was against the suck-ass Padres it was impressive and now the ‘Topes will probably keep him into next season but also start him at Coors (5.50 ERA) because they lack a discerning fantasy eye (8 IP, 2 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 2.25 ERA).


ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  FIRSTLY before I even get into an attempt to break this one down let me just say, fine fucking work by both participants/the commish in their media days. For the first time maybe ever I was kinda sad I don’t have instagram because I too would have liked to shit talk the father of Mikey T. But yea great job everyone involved, way to really STEER US into the social media revolution Odom. Maybe I will start Tindering.

ON TO THE MATCHUP………….. This felt less in doubt then it actually was, a bit of a wire to wire performance by the BackdoorSliderz but CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF as Sunday opened it was still there for the taking for the ‘Topes. Unfortunately the big bats of the Isotopes all kinda shrunk simultaneously and the pitching didn’t do enough and I am still not talking about the BackdoorSliderz much THEY WERE FINE. 6-1 cat advantage on the hitting side with mostly ho-hum numbers (.3705 OBP and 19 2Bs play just about anywhere I will concede that) and a 4-2-1 advantage on the pitching side en route to a tidy 10-3-1 championship victory. A CARAYYYYZAY SIX bullpen victories for the Lacey folk to really demoralize an Isotopes squad that pitched okay at times (7 QS) but just okay (4.008 ERA). German Marquez was masterful in his start for the ‘Topes I will have to concede that. But Walker Buehler was masterful pretty much all postseason for Lacey, he is yet another really good really young player they have TROUBLING SIGN.

In the end, it is a good thing that it is ridiculously hard to win back to back titles in this league. Nigh impossible now. So there’s solace in that.








iiiiii don’t fucking know. Probably more social media hullaballoo. At least I’m probably done changing team names, Brian will be pleased.




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Caffrey's Massive Fire Is Still Under Investigation: Lacey Chief-0


2018 “Road To The BCS”: Round 2 Review/BRIEF BCS Preview

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MUCH like this monkey, I am mostly depleted with these motherfucking reviews. FORTUNATELY the commish has done a fantastic job with the BCS Media Guide and Media Day and such so I don’t feel too strong of a need to get all crazy with the BCS Previews and such. I shouldn’t feel too strong a need to do any of this shit, but that is between me and the therapist I don’t have but perhaps need. FOR NOW let us review the failures of two teams contrasted with the non-failures (for now) of the other two teams…..













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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz STAY HOT At Precisely The Time You Want To Be Hot, Take Down Second Seeded Garden State Warriors (AKA ….. …….)  –  10-2-2


MVP:  Gregory Polanco  –  Just a real balanced effort from the BackdoorSliderz in Round 2, and when that happens you end up in a weird limbo and before you know it Gregory Polanco is your MVP due to a ROUND TWO JROLL. Which I respect. Props to G-Po.  9/23, 5 Rs, 2 2B, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .483 OBP           

LVP: JT Realmuto    In this round we highlight the failures of the losers (and in the LVP section we always do that so seems redundant to even point it out), and despite your two steals from the C position you were a bit of a failure JT. Just a bit.  1/18, 1 R, 1 RBI, 2 SBs, .217 OBP      


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Probably need to highlight Ronald Acuna Jr. who CONTINUES to hit the ball very very well, although he fell off Rhyshistoric pace from last season’s X*Rayz title run by which all other rookie playoff performances shall still be measured SEE BELOW after the stats (8/28, 2 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, 1 SB, .394 OBP):

Acuna Jr. Rounds 1-2:  .475ish OBP, 18 Rs, 3 2Bs, 6 HRs, 11 RBIs, 4 SBs

Hoskins Round 2:  10/26, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 6 HRs, 15 RBIs, .448 OBP

Hoskins Rounds 1-2:  .4560-.465ish OBP, 14 Rs, 1 2B, 10 HRs, 21 RBIs            

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Anddd now back to the present day, where Jameson Tailon displayed a ball of steel in his fine Round 2 performance in a tricky road matchup with the Brew Crew (6 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).


Warriors (……..) Hitter Of Note:  ELSEWHERE in disappointing hitter news, the Warriors would have needed a far stronger week outta Francisco Lindor if they wanted to cool down the Sliderz (6/32, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .217 OBP).

Warriors (……….) Pitcher Of Note:  ELSEWHERE in disappointing Indians players performances, Carlos Carrasco boned things up (on the road @ Fenway in his defense) when he was needed most (3.2 IP, 5 ER, 6 Ks, 12.27 ERA).


ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  WHAT CAN YA SAY, the Backyard Playoffs are all about getting hot at the right time and the BackdoorSliderz be h-o-t. Acuna Jr. didn’t QUITE maintain his insane pace from Round 1 but he has remained uhhh productive as one might say, and the BackdoorSliderz followed a Round 1 SHUTOUT with a Round 2 balanced performance that saw them pitching to a sub 2 ERA and 99 Ks and all that good stuff. The Warriors, on the other hand, founded on their pitching but dealing with injuries all season long, pitched to an ERA ’round 4. Throw in a few uninspired hitting performances on the Warriors side and you have a 5-1-1 advantage on each side of the coin for Lacey, leading to their overall 10-2-2 victory. GREAT overall numbers on the pitching side for the BackdoorSliderz (99 Ks, 8 QS, 7 Ws, 7 Saves) and a solid .3666 OBP, MEDIOCRE numbers across the goddamn board for the Warriors (I guess you can argue 2 3Bs and 6 SBs are okay). WHAT CAN YA SAY.









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Astoria Isotopes FINALLY Win A Playoff Matchup In The Live Ball Era, Deny River City Bad Dudes A Fourth Straight BCS Appearance  –  6-5-3


MVP:  Charlie Blackmon  –  FINALLY some signs of life from a one Charlie Blackmon, who contributed an R2 JROLL of his own. So yanno thematically it kinda made the most sense to give him MVP here as well, particularly with triples ending up as important as they ended up (Naztee having the only one in the matchup).  8/22, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs, .391 OBP     **MVP OF ROUND TWO**     

LVP:  Miguel Sano    The man who MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE tried to force himself upon a photographer in a mall (#BelieveWomen #MeToo) sucked in Round 2, which MAY OR MAY NOT be karmic comeuppance for his misdeeds. Although in all likelihood neither are related in any way, small sample size/life is meaningless chaos/Sano has sucked in plenty of weeks. Way to hit a dinger though ya dingus.  2/22, 1 R, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, .125 OBP


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Khris Davis UNDERRATED MLB SLUGGER that he is with a quiet 3 HRs because everything he does is quieted by a racist MLB that’s the narrative I am going with here (6/29, 3 Rs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .281 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Howz about Zach Wheeler dominating the Bad Dudes and their casual Mets fan ownership, there’s some sorta storyline to run with there I just know it but instead lets look at Cole Hamels and a critical CG (9 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 1.00 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Not AJ Pollock‘s best work imho (3/19, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 4 RBIs, .182 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Samesies for a Nathan Eovaldi that was given TWO STARTS for the Bad Dudes, and failed in both (9.1 IP, 9 ER, 7 Ks, 8.68 ERA).


ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  SO CLOSE YET SO FAR, for the Bad Dudes in their quest for a fourth straight BCS appearance (and yanno to maybe win one again for a change). FINALLY, for the Astoria Isotopes franchise that seemingly hadn’t won a playoff game since Rent hit theaters which is also Isotopes ownership’s favorite movie FUN FACT there. And it all came down to those goddamned quirky “specialty” categories of ours so to speak, the ones that often work behind the scenes to swing a matchup. Here they were front and center:  A single triple and a somewhat improbable Cole Hamels CG ultimately gave the ‘Topes the 6-5-3 victory, the Bad Dudes getting the same (or more probably getting two triples) would have flipped the matchup in the other direction. The Isotopes barely make due on the hitting cats going 2-4-1 but make up for it with superior pitching (4-1-2) due to superior looking #s (100 Ks, 9 QS). The Bad Dudes eek out 8 Wins on a mere 4 QS and probably would have felt pretty good about their bullpen numbers typically (5 Saves 4 Holds) but NOT TO BE as the ‘Topes matched them pen for pen, peen for peen. Clearly I don’t have much to say here, tough break for the Bad Dudes and lets pretend I ended it on “peen for peen.” Here I’ll end it on peen for peen.riples Bad Dudes +1, HRs MooniniteZ +1, RBIs TIED, Strikeouts Bad Dudes +1, QS Bad Dudes +1, Wins Bad Dudes +1, Holds Bad Dudes +1.










AND SO IT IS FINALLY UPON US, after months of annoying trade offers and transactions and complaining about trade offers and transactions and number of DL spots and whether or not people need to adhere to agreed upon start limits in the long weeks and so on and so forth man I am already burnt out on the fantasy front BUT FIRST…..we have a Backyard Championship Series to play out y’all.   ALL OF THAT STUFF WAS FROM LAST YEAR BUT STILL APPLIES. This year’s BCS features a first ever #1 v. #5 matchup, a 1 seed has never lost in the BCS yada yada for more of this type info please refer to Odom’s excellent Media Guide somewhere below here. For now I’ll do my quick preview thing and get the fuck outta here.





#1 ASTORIA ISOTOPES                        VS.  #5 LACEY TOWNSHIP                                                                                                                                                                                                BACKDOORSLIDERZ








Let’s do it corer by corner once again, IN THE HIGHER SEEDED CORNER we have the Astoria Isotopes. Riding high after finally performing at a level worthy of all the bullshit braggery about “regular season win totals” (a note for the millionth time, championships are all that matter), Isotopes ownership looks to take home their second championship overall and first since fucking forever. This team drafted behind other top teams for much of the season before winning their final two regular season matchups AGAINST THOSE SAME OTHER TOP TEAMS, and with that impressive feat they scored an impressive top seed. They’ve since followed that up with an impressive win over a Bad Dudes team that has been REALLY GOOD at making the BCS, but they didn’t this year so here the ‘Topes are. They’re lead by Nolan Arenado and KHRIS DAVIS on the hitting side and trying to accomplish all of this with Aaron Judge all set to miss the entire BCS postseason like the LOW ENERGY superstar that he is. On the pitching side the Isotopes are piecing things the fuck together, lead by an absolutely rejuvenated Cole Hamels and Zack Wheeler duet. Both would make for a better story if anyone actually wanted to root for the Astoria franchise, I s’pose.

In the other corner we have the #5 Seeded Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, looking to cap off their  FIRST FULL SEASON (second overall) with a BCS title. Which would be positively Sean/Odom-esque if not for the fact that we won it in our “taking over for shitty previous ownership” inaugural debut so never mind nothing like that at all. Lacey Township probably needed a convergence of all sorts of factors to even MAKE the Backyard Bracket (because both of the back 2 seeds kinda did this season) but once they’ve gotten here they’ve made the most of it, absolutely wiping the floor with Rojo’s Renegade Force en route to a Round 1 shutout and following that up with an impressive win over a very-good (if also very injury prone) 2 seed. Now Lacey finds themselves in their first ever BCS, lead by YOUTH on the hitting side (Acuna Jr., Soto, Bellinger, Albis, Bregman) and also lead by a slightly older man named Matt Carpenter whom is their best player (Freddie Freeman is also good).  On the pitching side it’s a really solid stable featuring more youth (Buehler, Tailon, Kopech all a fuckin’ sudden) and really really good/really really established aces (Verlander, deGrom, Greinke). As the asshole tasked with doing a lot of the reviews and the Power Rankings and all that shit I will say that the BackdoorSliderz were sort of the most across-the-board dangerous franchise in 2018, did everything pretty well on both sides of the (base)ball. They also made some super smart trades to pick off Verlander and Greinke in separate deals, and to pick off all of my team’s youthful talent both at the beginning of the season and at the deadline. I will also say that all-season consistency MEANS LITTLE in a 7-day sample. The BackdoorSliderz are playing well currently but the fact of the matter is they are going to need to continue to do so to take down the top seed.

These two teams met twice in the regular season, as all teams are wont to do, and LO AND BEHOLD the BackdoorSliderz took down the top seed twice. First with an 8-5-1 victory in Week 1 and then an even more emphatic 11-1-2 throttling in Week 10, Lacey is the only team to have swept Astoria in 2018 and that should provide a certain level of confidence heading into this BCS Battle. That being said, beating a team as good as the ‘Topes three times in a season is hard, I would imagine. And that being said that is what will need to happen here if His Dochness is to grab himself his first champeenship. And that being said I have no idea whom people should root for here, I am particularly torn as I have CRAFTED both of these franchises in somewhat significant ways.

WHAT TO WATCH FOR:  ROY CANDIDATE PRODUCTION. For the BackdoorSliderz they will likely go as far as their two phenomenal NL ROY candidates can take them (Ronald Acuna Jr. / Juan Soto) but do not sleep on the Isotopes AL ROY candidate, Miguel Andujar. A big week outta him just might propel the Isotopes O to grab a few necessary hitting cats in a tough matchup with a tough 5 seed. History is on the side of the 1 seed, history is also bullshit. SO TUNE IN.







Image result for golden bear jackMay A True Champion Bear Inspire You Both…..
2018 “Road To The BCS”: Round 2 Review/BRIEF BCS Preview

2018 Backyard Bracket/”Road To The BCS” Round 1 Review/Round 2 Preview



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Editor’s Note:  A REAL TREAT FOR BLOG FANS, as you do not have to read yours truly for this round. It only feels right that Doch would be rewarded for his HISTORIC 14-0 annihilation of a Round 1 opponent that shall remain nameless for at least another couple of lines, so I am giving him the highest honor I can bestow:  the opportunity to write up a review that properly encapsulates the ass whoopin. Take it away Mr. Dochtober…..







Round 1 in Review: #Dochtake Edition











 Bad Dudes Salt the Slugs 7-6-1 to eliminate the greatest team that has ever lost in the first round in Backyard history (#Slugfacts)



Tough call because of solid performances all around for the Bad Dudes on an offense that saw big numbers this week, including them tying the doubles record in a single week with 31.  This is the very first week I have the honor to choose an MVP, the pressure is on, do I give it to Stanton (.452 OBP, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 Runs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB)?  Do I give it to Abreu (.444 OBP, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 Runs, 9 RBIs)?  Or will I give it to Bryce Harper (.379 OBP, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 Runs, 8 RBIs)?  All well deserving individuals for the honor, hell, even Odor (9 RBIs), Chapman (5 2Bs, 5 Runs) and Treinen (3 IP, 7 Ks, 1 W, 2 Saves) deserve some recognition.


After putting a lot of thought into this, we are going to give MVP honors to the New York Mets this week.  They played spoiler a few times for the Slugs during the week, including the Sunday night showdown against Pivetta and Phillies.  They also beat the Yankees on Monday, knocking Slug ace Luis Severino out after 4 innings in which he gave up 4 earned.  Just 1 victory against the lowly Mets would have been enough to get the Slugs into the second round.  But the Mets burned the Slugs GM for turning his back on them as a fan.



Slugs GM Brian Smith


Did Brian overmanage his team in the playoffs?  It is going to be a question he will have to live with years from now.  What could have been?  It was proclaimed early in the year that this was his year, his team was the best, and overall, he is smarter and a better person than everyone else in league (he may not have said that last piece but he probably thinks it).  He did leave Gomber, a guy he traded for at the deadline, on his bench out of fear.  What did Gomber do from the bench you ask?  Oh well he just went out there and pitched great against the Nationals (6 IP, 0 earned, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W).  If you recall from the above paragraph, Brian needed just 1 more win to get himself into the second round.  That one win was sitting on his bench the entire time right in front of him.  It was like that nerdy girl in high school that you did not realize was actually very beautiful once she takes off her glasses and lets her hair down.  That girl went on to blossom into a beautiful strong young woman.  She was right there in front of you the entire time and you never noticed Brian.


In all reality, it probably would have been Roark or Bucholz not getting a stream start if Gomber was in the lineup Wednesday for the slugs.  They each picked up quality starts and W’s as well.  But that is not as dramatic for the sake of the blog.  So, Brian, you blew it, LVP of the week.  You sir, are your own worst enemy.  Cue the guitar rift from My Own Worst Enemy by the classic 90s one hit wonder band, Lit.  (for the record I owned 2 Lit CDs in my youth, I was 10)



RCBD Hitter of Note

Jose Abreu (.444 OBP, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 R, 9 RBI)

A lot of guys had good weeks for the Bad Dudes offense, special shout out to my boy Jed Lowrie who had 6 RBIs on 13 at bats.  Abreu just seemed like the right pick here.  Most RBIs on the Bad Dudes, who put up 66 RBIs this week.


RCBD Pitcher of Note

Dakota Hudson (2 IP, 0.00 ERA 2 Ks, 1 W, 2 H)

Nobody really stood out on the Bad Dudes staff.  Sure, Jake Arrieta had a good game, and Lobman’s boy Treinen had a few saves and a win.  But when it came down to it, the Slugs could not manage a hold, and fell 1-win shy of winning the matchup this week.  SP eligible high minors reliever going out there and making a difference in what became 2 important categories this week.  Hudson’s 2 holds were the only 2 of the matchup and the 1 win was absolutely a difference maker.



BBS Hitter of Note

Whit Merrifield (.500 OBP, 1 2B, 1 HR, 4 R, 6 RBIs, 2 SB)

I was uninspired by the Slugs hitters this week, so we will give this honor to Whit Merrifield because whatever why not.  This could have easily gone to Trevor Story (.423 OBP, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 R, 3 RBIs, 2 SB), but I was uninspired by his 3 RBIs.  Good job Whit, see you back in a backyard lineup next season.


BBS Pitcher of Note

Max Scherzer (6 IP, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W)

Usual Max Scherzer line there.  1 start week for Max, and he did his job.  The same cannot be said for Luis Severino and Nick Pivetta.  They each had a 2-start week and all they had to do was beat that small market team in New York just once between the both of them.  But the Mets’ offense decided to show up this week and ruin what was supposed to be Brian’s year.



Matchup Notes


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Lobman is turning into the Buffalo Bills of the Backyard.  He wiggled his way into the Backyard playoffs with the 6th seed and we may all pay for it.  Lobman’s offense is starting to click at the absolute best time for the Bad Dudes.  The Bad Dudes outslugged the Slugs and won the offensive categories 5-1-1.  Perhaps having a better offense is more important when it comes to playoff time in the Backyard.  The aces on the Slugs only had 1 night in some cases to influence the matchup and it proved to not be enough.


On the other hand, I thought Brian had the best team ever, what happened?  This is at least what we were all lead to believe by the Slugs leader himself for most of the regular season.  There must be some sort of conspiracy to why the best team ever lost in the first round of the Backyard Playoffs.  How can a team that is so good possibly lose in the first round?  Was it because of aliens?  Is the Illuminati to blame?  Is the entire world out to get Brian?  Is this all a dream and Brian really won, but I am writing a fake blog post from a dream coma?  Brian removed himself from the chat so we perhaps may never know!  With Alex Jones out of work, one might think the Backyard should consider employing him to get to the bottom of this conspiracy.  We must find out why the government turned the frogs gay!  And perhaps they did the same to the slugs, it just went unnoticed until now.  Were the frogs being gay just a false flag to bring down the Barnegat Banana Slugs!?  Maybe the Curse of Charlie Morton was real after all!  One must now think; will the curse carry over to 2019 for the Slugs?


The once fearless Slugs leader, who was not afraid to announce this as his banner season as early as week 6, turned into a shell of himself.  One could smell the fear the Slugs started to have towards the Bad Dudes by mid-week when Muncy and Schoop were both waived in a desperate attempt to beat the Bad Dudes.  I would like to point out that Muncy was part of the same trade that brought Gomber over, who Brian benched.  Was it mentioned yet that the Gomber win on the bench would’ve been a difference maker in this matchup?


Lobman will go on to face the number 1 seeded Isotopes in the battle of the Mikes.


Brian will hopefully end his radio silence on Backyard Live to take his lumps for the cockiness he had in the beginning of the season, or at least give us a rant on why he was screwed over, or why we should have more DL spots, or we shouldn’t police our minors so no one risks losing anyone.  But hey at least he still has Vlad Jr….. unless the Curse of Charlie Morton gets to him next.









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Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz just barely squeeze past the Renegades 14-0-0




Ronald Acuna Jr.  (.559 OBP, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 11 R, 9 RBIs, 3 SB)

Acuna Matada Mother Fuckers!  This 20-year-old prodigy broke out in a big way over the last few weeks.  He really started the week off hot Monday and Tuesday, contributing to Rojo getting buried early on according to some in Backyard Live (looking at Odom).  Whether you believed he was buried that early on or not, Rojo had an uphill battle this week after only the first 2 days of the playoffs.   Acuna had 4 HRs and 7 R, and all 9 of his RBIs by the end of Tuesday night alone.  What kind of week could this kid have had if Jose Urena didn’t act like a coward and throw at Acuna’s elbow, knocking the young man out of the game Wednesday and cooling him off slightly in the process.  Fuck Jose Urena!




Rojo mismanaged his team early on in the week if you ask me.  For a team that is built on flexibility and the “line changes” he does daily, there is no reason that he should be with empty spots in his lineup.  On quite a few occasions this week he was starting a guy in his lineup that was not in his real-life team’s lineup for that day.  I am not talking about just on light days when there aren’t a lot of games, but on days where every team is playing, he would have guys in his lineup that were riding pine.  I actually counted up the amount of times he started a guy that was not starting in his team’s actual lineup, Rojo did this 16 times throughout the week.  He did this 3 days in a row with Joc Pederson alone.  This is not a good job on a team that is seemingly built on flexibility.  Maybe he was too busy worrying about what relievers to stream instead of making sure he had a complete lineup for the day, and this is a bad job my friend.  I believe there is some sort of playoff winless streak going on here, so better luck next year.



LTBS Hitter of Note

Justin Turner (.567 OBP, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 Runs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB)

This ginger proved you don’t need a soul to hit.  Good job brother, keep up the good work.


LTBS Pitcher of Note

Jacob deGrom (15.2 IP, 2 ER, 1.15 ERA, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 2 W, 1 CG)

This guy is awesome.  Degrominant in the 2-start week.  He finally received some run support in those 2 starts and that equals 2 victories for deGrom, including a CG.  One of the best pitchers in baseball right here, and deserves some serious recognition for the Cy Young Award.



RRF Hitter of Note

Paul Goldschmidt (.607 OBP, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 5 R, 7 RBIs, 1 SB)

Goldy is pretty good by the way, in case someone wasn’t aware out there.  He was constantly on base this week, but ultimately it did not matter for a Renegades team that failed to win a single category.


RRF Pitcher of Note 

Corey Kluber (7 IP, 1 ER, 1.29 ERA, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W)

Klubot is good, I’m sure other Sean has written extensively about him in the past so you’re going to have to keep scrolling to see more info on Kluber.



Matchup Notes

Well for one I was very fortunate during double headers this week.  Was also very fortunate that Rojo was not attentive enough to his lineup, which was the storyline to this matchup.  16 TIMES THIS WEEK HE HAD A PLAYER IN HIS LINEUP THAT WAS NOT IN HIS REAL-LIFE LINEUP!  It is going to be difficult to win no matter who you are when that is happening.  You’re missing out on potentially 50 at bats just by not checking lineups.  The Backdoor Sliderz had 44 more at bats than the Renegades this week, and the Sliderz did not roster a catcher for a single day during the week.  Rojo, who has made 450 moves this season, needed to make more moves to just ensure he is running a full lineup nightly.  Joc Pederson was benched 3 days in a row but Rojo ran him out his lineup for all 3 of those days.  I also question if Hosmer is rosterable as well.  But I digress and will manage my own team, which is moving on to round 2 for the first time in franchise history.

The BabySliderz jumped out to a real hot start this week and never looked back.  They will now look ahead to the number 2 seed Garden State Warriors led by R Mac.  Also of note, this is the 4th week in a row that Dochney will be facing a Ryan.









Round 2 Preview








Astoria Isotopes (1 Seed) Vs. River City Bad Dudes (6 Seed)

The Topes took over the number 1 seed by beating the Slugs in the final week of the season.  The Topes are led by some star power, but 2 of their biggest stars are currently on the DL.  Being without Judge and Sale are both a big blow for the Topes.

The Bad Dudes on the other hand have been red hot over the last month, and they have some big names on the offensive side of the ball themselves.  They looked like an absolute offensive monster in round 1 of the playoffs.  The Topes may have some big names, but are they enough to hold off the scorching Bad Dudes without the Pride of the Topes (Judge)?

The season series was split between these 2.  The Bad Dudes won in Week 16 (6-5-3), while the Topes won in Week 7 (7-6-1)

PreDOCHtion: Bad Dudes take down the Topes to advance to yet another BCS Finals.








Garden State Warriors (2 Seed) host the Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz (5 Seed)

Week 18 rematch for our other Backyard Round 2 playoff matchup.  R Mac could have secured the 1 seed and eliminated the Baby Sliderz from the playoffs with a Week 18 win, but was unable to do so and now Dochney will be looking to make the Warriors pay for letting him in the playoffs.

The Warriors perhaps have the best team in the league.  Dominate pitching staff when healthy and have very exciting young talent in Lindor, Correa, Gleyber, Baez, and Benintendi.  But this team is not the healthiest at this point in the season.  Darvish, Strasburg, Paxton, and Doolittle all sit on the DL for the Warriors, while the Sliderz are looking relatively healthy (KNOCK ON WOOD).  Strasburg may be back Wednesday for a start, but it is very likely R Mac will not have the other 3 for the remainder of the playoffs.

The Sliderz will lean on their youth to get them into the Backyard finals.  Hoping Acuna and Carpenter are not feeling any effects from being hit by pitches in scary spots last week.  There is also a highly anticipated Backyard debut for Michael Kopech, who will have a 2-start week to get his feet wet in the Backyard.

Season Series was split between these 2.  Warriors won the Week 9 matchup (9-4-1).  Sliderz won Week 18 (8-5-1).

PreDOCHtion: Backdoor Sliderz win because I am being biased.  No hard evidence to support the predochtion, screw you all!











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2018 Backyard Bracket/”Road To The BCS” Round 1 Review/Round 2 Preview

















Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz:  9 (Ozzie Albies x3Gregory Polanco x3Freddie Freeman, Jose Altuve, Carlos Gonzalesfor some reason)

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club:  6  (Mookie Betts x3, Trea Turner x2, Mike Trout)

River City Bad Dudes:  5 (AJ Pollockx2, Wilson Contreras, Manny Machado, Andrew McCutchen)

Garden State Warriors:  4 (Andrew Benintendi, Austin Meadows, Christian Yelich, Yoan Moncada)

Astoria Isotopes:  3 (Jean SeguraYolmer Sanchez, DUSTIN FOWLER)

Point Loma X-Rayz:  2 (Jose Ramirez x2)

Barnegat Banana Slugs:  1  (Trevor Story)

Bell Road Bears:  1  (Ian Desmond)

Q-Tip City Morning Wood:  1  (Starling Marte)






Wilson Contreras (Bad Dudes), Week 6:  3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 1 SB AND ALSO IS A CATCHER





Whatever Dustin Fowler did ‘cuz it was Dustin Fowler (Week 7)























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YEA UNFORTUNATELY IT IS MOOKIE BETTS. The Sawks hater in me hopes this curses him for 2019 because last year’s JROLLwinner, Charlie Blackmon, did not have a SINGLE JROLL in 2018. But yes came down to Betts vs. Albies vs. Polanco and uh see chart below:



Mookie Betts:  89

Ozzie Albies:  69 (nice.)

Gregory Polanco:  57


Makes it pretty clear sadly, so CONGRATS TO MOOKIE BETTS. Now if only management could get you into the Backyard Bracket more. If. Only.



passive aggressive fin





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