and congratulate the Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz for winning an IMPRESSIVE and NEARLY UNPRECEDENTED 2.5 BCS Titles in a row. 0.5 BCS Titles from tying the all-time in-a-row record with a chance to overtake that in a theoretical 2021 season that we will theoretically be having in the Backyard. It is absolutely impressive what the Lacey contingent has accomplished in their first 2.5 seasons. Even though it came via a tie (thanks to a SIX inning 5 ER CG, no less) to an “8th seed” team that shouldn’t have been allowed in the Bracket. Even though that was how it all went down. The Backdoor Sliderz are clearly the best roster in the Backyard and somehow that’s allowed them to win 2.5 titles in a row, which is I dunno good I guess. It’s like having pocket aces and not getting fucked on the river or something, I guess? 2.5 hands in a row. And there’s nothing I can say here that can change that. And to attempt to say more would be to have to write more words and I’ve already planned a BUNCHA words for the finale down there so let’s just MOVE ON, BRIEFLY TOUCH ON THE BCS MATCHUP, BRIEFLY TOUCH ON THIS BLOG’S UNCERTAIN FUTURE, WORK IN SOME MORE CAPS LOCK AND PARENTHESES AND BE DONE WITH THE 2020 FANTASY BASEBALL SEASON. Sounds like an excellent plan. (ONWARD…..)
#8 Astoria Isotopes
DEFEATED VIA TIEBREAKBER BY THE PIECES OF SHIT BELOW THIS SENTENCE…
#6 Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz
[BRACKET MVP — Freddie Freeman] (he did alotta good stuff the whole Backyard Bracket go look it up if you don’t believe me)
Aaron Nola grabbed a hideous 6 inning “CG”…..the Braves kept on fucking hitting…..5 gents with 5 RBIs (Freeman, Soto, Albies, Bregman, Will Smith for some reason) and 4 gents with 4 RBIs (BrandonLowe, Tatis Jr., Teoscar Hernandez, Maikel Franco) and boom you’ve out-RBI’d the ‘Topes bats with only 9 gents…..24 Ks outta deGrom…..
WHAT WENT WRONG —Isotopes
Aaron Nola grabbed a hideous 6 inning “CG”…..sub-40 Rs & RBIs isn’t a GREAT sign of your team offense clicking, I guess, I dunno…..6 SBs is enough to win a lot of weeks but NOT THIS WEEK, cuz yanno the LTBS had 10 and all…..pretty bleh K numbers if you ask me…..
This one was ULTIMATELY a valiant-ish effort from the ‘Topes, but with Arenado out the offense could not keep pace with the……Braves basically. A 3 Save Sunday scored them the tie and makes that disgusting CG a hard pill to swallow, but hey these things happen. Next time find a disgusting CG of your own.
What’s next for the league or whatfuckingever? I imagine it will continue and I imagine I will continue to be in it. Which is okay I guess. Either way on that one, tbh, but what I’m really interested in opining about is what’s next for this horrifically named blog.
When I started this blog in 2015 I wante….jkjkjk I didn’t start this fucking thing, Mike did. Hence the ridiculous name. I think there was another wordpress named “Backyard Views” or “Views From The Backyard” or some shit and it was just filled with bad poetry, and honestly I prefer that one. ANYWHO, BEHOLD Mike’s first post:
“Oh hey guys.
This site is here to continue with the overwhelming information stream that we already have for our fantasy baseball page, and life in general. I’ve been thinking about making this for a while, mostly to track some of the happenings on the site, and really to give everyone a forum to post, well, anything they want really. Mainly we will focus this thing on the fantasy baseball page, but hey, go nuts with whatever you’d like.
Please note: This will be a good storage site for all of our favorite stories, rankings, T’d Up episodes, Trade Block discussions, etc.
There’s also an app, so maybe it’ll be good. I’ll check it out and let you know.
Feel free to make an account and post something. Ya know.
Wow wouldjya look at that Mike was even sort of ENCOURAGING poetry to be posted on here, is how I read that. Can’t believe Brian continues to let that opportunity go to waste.
ANYWHO when I look at that post now there’s a picture of an enlarged prostate just below it (“Urologist: Enlarged Prostate? Do This Immediately (Try Tonight), and that feels pretty fucking fitting here. This thing has gotten a bit longgggg in the tooth, as have I, and we’ve grown together…..me and this thing. Both for the worse. I’m FAR TOO indispensable a County employee to continue to hastily bang out reviews whilst @ work, and also FAR TOO busy being fucking cool (or napping or drinking or something) when not @ work so it’s tough to say…..what the future holds…..for this blog. Also, if I’m being perfectly honest WordPress’ new format fucking sucks a spiky one. I am DISGUSTED by the spacing on these latter posts of mine and I have no plans to learn how to properly format these things, and the blog deserves better. Deserves better spacing. Deserves better effort all around.
There’s a temptation to Viking Funeral this thing but also that sorta defeats the purpose of whatever it was I was attempting to do this year, by putting out shitty reviews of the Backyard Bracket and such. So it stands as some sort of historical record. And PERHAPS there’s some sort of collaborative effort to reclaim its glory as something capable of making an owner quit the league, but the key word there is “collaborative” and you’re all lazy fucks so uhhhh….yea. BASICALLY I’m just saying this thing might get pretty dusty in the 2021 fantasy season (I guess we are gonna have one of those?) and this is me making peace with that. If this is my last post my only regret is not saying meaner things about Dochney in it. Cuz
both me writing up another one of these and this RECYCLED BCS matchup from two years ago, but we shall get to that in due time. Probably a lot quicker than it usually takes to get to that. Anywho ONCE AGAIN I am here to do my due diligence and put together something I plan on nobody reading. Just to capture a moment in time yanno? This must be what it is like to be a “Soundcloud rapper”…..welp we are down to our final two and it’s a familiar final two, with one of them being VERY familiar to the BCS as of late. So that’s…..I don’t want to call it an “accomplishment” but that’s something. It’d be more of an accomplishment if you fuckers ponied up and added a small cash prize to this slog, like I suggested years ago (particularly now that you’re all “degenerate gamblers,” but I digress. Let’s see how we got here, ONWARD…..
#2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club
#8 Astoria Isotopes
WHAT WENT RIGHT — TOPES:
A couple of schmucks (Wainwright & Minor) put together those cute 7 IP CGs and those ended up being the difference, really…..4 measley SBs were enough to win that cat by 1…..the Fishing Club had a sub-40 RBI week which I’ve now decided is some sort of arbitrary cutoff for good vs. bad RBI weeks…..probably most importantly on the offense side was DJ LeMahieu being a man possessed (9 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .516 OBP)
WHAT WENT WRONG —Fishing Club
None of their schmucks were able to throw 7 IP CGs…..only 3 SBs from a team that used to steal more bases, LOOKIN AT YOU Trea Turner…..sub-40 RBIs and sub-30 Rs aren’t great….. on 10 HRs feels a little light…..a few fellas (Sano, Solak, Grossman) put up some ugly OBP numbers to drag down the team OBP, below the other team’s OBP…..somehow tied in QS even though they put up a 2.73 ERA and the ‘Topes put up a 4.41…..
#4 Barnegat Banana Slugs
#6 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz
WHAT WENT RIGHT — LTBS
The Braves offense was once again fairly murderous…..got 7 RBIs outta Keston Hiura somehow…..got the victory in the Ks cat even with deGrom exiting his start early…..but chyea those Braves have just been murder for like a month…..
WHAT WENT WRONG —Slugs
They failed to grab a 2nd (and then ideally 3rd) Hold and they ran into a Butt Sliderz offense that was HAWT, that’s pretty much it folks…..OBP and RBIs were a little low (you can sort of blame Adalberto& Vladitofor both) but why nitpick…..
#6 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz
#8 Astoria Isotopes
It’s 2018 all over again folks, only THIS TIME the world is a smidge more hell-ish. Which I think is reflected here. The LTBS are the 6 seed once again but THIS TIME they’re facing a ‘Topes team that was the 8th seed and has no business being here, and also THIS TIME it is Doch’s 3rd straight BCS appearance and threatens to be his 3rd straight title (if he wins this sentence will be altered to delegitimize said title don’t worry). GUESS WE WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS OR WHATEVER
GUYS™ TO WATCH:
BATS BATTLE —DJ LeMahieu (‘Topes) vs. Freddie Freeman (LTBS)
It’s the BCS so it’s going to come down to BEST vs. BEST and in this case we are referring to the two best hitters since the calendar hit September 1, and that’s been Freeman and LeMahieu for the whole LEAGUE if the “score” thing is to be believed. Unfortunately Acuna Jr. is third in that metric and I don’t know how he isn’t second, that metric is a bit of a mystery (also fellow ATL/LTBS Adam Duvall is 5th which just shows you how ridiculous those dumb Braves have been) so the ‘Topes will have to contend with THAT. But yea DJ will need to stay hawt and then maybe the ‘Topes hope law of averages cools down the Braves O a bit.
ARMED CONFLICT — German Marquez(‘Topes)vs.Jacob deGrom(LTBS)
SOMEHOW the two Coors pitchers are the ‘Topes best QS options, they both go twice this week but Marquez is the one that provides a bunch more Ks and ALSO the one that’s already went and given them a QS on Monday. They will seek another this weekend and ideally two from his counterpart (KYLE FREELAND, not sure why I was treating him as if he was in WITSEC). For the Butt Sliderz, they’ll get deGrom twice this week and he’s already gotten things popped off with a 7 IP 2 ER 14 K performance Monday evening. Thank GOODNESS that wasn’t a doubleheader or else the ‘Topes would have really been smartin’. But yea the LTBS are about as set up as they could as for in the finale between two deGrom starts and two from Aaron Nola INCLUDING a doubleheader start this very evening (ahem….. CG alert). So maybe I should have gone with Nola. And if I wrote this before that 14K game I probably would have but I didn’t and now I’ve written too much to go back and change it. Let’s move on.
Those who don’t learn from history are something something something, let the history teachers finish that one. But yea I would be a FOOL to not expect the LTBS to continue their run, and I am no fool, so that is what I expect them to do. Shall start writing the post that dismisses this as a legit 3peat now. Backdoor Sliderz WIN IT ALL AGAIN, 8-6
Stress enough, how little interest I have in pretending to care about the outcomes of these fucking things. AND YET…I feel I must capture them in time on the internet, until the Earth is swallowed up by the sun or we delete the blog or whatever. Maybe I’m just sour about incorrectly predicting 3 outta the 4 matchups. But NO I think I’m just over “blogging” as an art form. But so YEA this thing is on hospice, nobody should even read this, we are just going to bang it out for reasons unclear to even myself. ONWARD…..
#1 River City Fightin’ Margs
#8 Astoria Isotopes
WHAT WENT RIGHT — TOPES:
3 Dongs for Matt Olson…..got some triples and the other team did not get any…..6 QS despite a fairly MEH 4.41 ERA…..6 Holds to grab that cat in a particularly contested Holds matchup…..just seemed to do justttt enough to grab cats or tie cats where the Margs put up solid numbers (SBs comes to mind, tied 8-8)…..
WHAT WENT WRONG —Margs
39 RBIs on 10 HRs feels a little light…..a few fellas (Sano, Solak, Grossman) put up some ugly OBP numbers to drag down the team OBP, below the other team’s OBP…..somehow tied in QS even though they put up a 2.73 ERA and the ‘Topes put up a 4.41…..
#2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club
#7 Rojo’s Renegade Force
WHAT WENT RIGHT — OGFC
Two CGs and only ONE of them was the bullshit 7 IP variety (Gerrit Cole), Luis Castillomanned up and went the full 9…..managed to tie in 4 cats (2Bs, HRs, QS, Ws)…..got triples when the opponent didn’t get triples…..2 QS outta Kyle Hendricks…..all of a sudden the RRF were a team that DIDN’t get any Holds…..
WHAT WENT WRONG —RRF
Apparently they abandoned the Holds strategy at some point…..Alec Mills‘ 9 inning no-hitter wasn’t allowed to count for 2 CGs…..they only got to 11 starts which may have made ALL THE DIFFERENCE (but no probably not)(but close)…..
#3 Island Beach Bears
#6 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz
WHAT WENT RIGHT — LTBS
The Braves offense was absolutely murderous for most of the week (7 Rs, 3 HRs, 13 RBIs, .571 OBP for Freddie Freeman, for example)…..some inconsistent rookie pitchers were fairly consistent (2.94 team ERA)…..bullpen contributed 3 Ws (and the team had NINE total)…..lots o’ Ks…..
WHAT WENT WRONG —Bears
All attempts to use the bullpens on doubleheaders imploded in their face with shitty relievers blowing Hold opps…..ostensibly good relievers also blew leads (6 ER in 2.1 IP for Kenley Jansen)…..Nicholas Castellanos stopped being good a few months ago (.192 OBP)…..
#4 Barnegat Banana Slugs
#5 East Coast
WHAT WENT RIGHT — Slugs
MOST things, the offense was really cookin’ with 62 RBIs despite a so-so (but good enough to win the cat) .326 OBP…..9 Ws and 97 Ks outta the staff is really good…..getting 9 RBIs outta Alec Bohm is really good…..getting EIGHT out of Adalberto Mondesi (14 total for the year now) is really good…..Adalberto also out-stole the opponent 6 to 4, which is really good…..they hit more triples than their opponent…..they just did really good, good job…..
WHAT WENT WRONG —East Coast
uhhhh paltry K numbers…..mediocre RBI total despite an above-mediocre R total…..a few sub-.300 OBP fellas (Baez, Correa, Hoskins, Happ, McMahon) dragged down the bunch a bit too much…..starting Rick Porcello maybe cost them the ERA cat…..
ROUND TWO PREVIEW
#2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club
#8 Astoria Isotopes
CHILDHOOD FRIENDS BATTLE (I think?) Both of these losers are the idiots that allowed the LTBS to win these past two years (I think?) and now one of them may be tasked with allowing him to do it again. Hard to root for either of these teams but especially hard to root for that city slicker fuck whose too good to SLUM IT in NJ for his friend’s children’s birthday parties. So fuck him go Fishing Club (I think?)
GUYS™ TO WATCH:
BATS BATTLE — Josh Bell (OGFC) vs. DJ LeMahieu (‘Topes)
This is entirely based on what’s already happening, which is DJ is on fucking fire (6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .571 OBP). So uhhhh yea, Josh Bell should try to close the gap a bit in the 1B battle. Is my analysis. I am truly phoning this in so what do you want from me, me.
Shane Bieber could realllllly do the Fishing Club a solid by grabbing a LEGIT CG, like a man, against the Tigers. And that is because the ‘Topes already got a helluva start out of their old friend Mike Minor (7 IP “CG” shutout dub with 8 Ks) to give them a commanding 2-0 lead in the all of a sudden juicy CGs category (cuz of these aforementioned doubleheaders), so that was helpful. And they’ll hope he gives them another solid start on Sunday.
The CGs give the Isotopes a nice early leg up but I’m going to suggest here that the Fishing Club prevails because fuck Mikey T I haven’t seen the guy in 8 months. Fishing Club advances, 7.5-6.5
#4 Barnegat Banana Slugs
#6 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz
WELL I didn’t do my part (which I shouldn’t have been expected to quite frankly, haven’t won a playoff matchup in yearrrrrrrrz) so it’s now up to Barnegat to hault the Backdoor Sliderz march towards a third straight championship (which I’d then have to unfortunately note as illegitimate. If the Slugs have an offensive showing like they did in Round 1 I wouldn’t put it past them. If the Braves keep acting like Murderers Row that gets trickier. There’s also PITCHING in these fantasy baseball weeks. So we’ll see how the pitching goes I guess.
GUYS™ TO WATCH:
BATS BATTLE — Luke Voit (BBS) vs. Freddie Freeman (LTBS)
Luke Voit is still powering the Slugs offense (3 HRs, 8 RBIs already this week) so this matchup makes ALL THE SENSE. Last week Freddie Freeman was an absolute murderer so if Voit can outpace him this week that’d be nice. Real nice for the Slugs.
ARMED CONFLICT — Trevor Bauer(BBS) vs.Aaron Nola (LTBS)
Trevor Bauer is in many ways a person that shouldn’t be allowed to use the internet but BOY can he pitch this season, and the Slugs will get two starts out of him and the first one was a beaut (12 Ks). Another double digit K perfromance would be a nice boost. Speaking of double digit K performances, Aaron Nola has 4 of them this year including 10 in each of his last two starts. So he can be a real sonuvabitch like that. GOOD ARMED CONFLICT HERE.
This is one part noting the LTBS are good, one part wanting to annoy the Slugs, and one part acknowledging my prediction is more of a curse than anything. LTBS advances 9-5
THERE ANOTHER ONE ETCHED INTO THE PYRAMIDS OF HISTORY. OR SOMETHING.
Because I refuse to acknowledge the “Wild Card Weekend” as actual ~playoffs~ there was a win-less team in there for fucks sake. Also because this “preview” is late enough already so put two and two together. This is going to be appropriately half-assed because it’s been a half-assed sort of year and also I AM LOCKED IN. So let’s get this shit over with…..
#1 River City Fightin’ Margs
#8 Astoria (LIARS) Isotopes
FINALLY a sense of normalcy in a broken world. In fact I was at Margs HQ POOLSIDE the other day and I do believe ownership implied the Margs winning this matchup might save lives or something? Aanywho the Margs returned to prominence in a big way by rebounding from an out-of-the-bracket finish in the ’19 season to the top seed in this weird gotdamned ’20 season. Their reward is a date with the team from Astoria that we all know full fucking well no longer resides in Astoria. If I can work in the POINTS SYSTEM early here uhhh the Margs lead the league at 101.5 points and the ‘Topes were 7th at 71.5 points and that is perhaps why the Margs had 5 more wins. They’ll look for another win against a longtime playoff foe in their first taste of Fantrax Bracket Action.
GUYS™ TO WATCH
BATS BATTLE — Manny Machado (Margs) vs. Nolan Arenado (‘Topes)
As these two Handsome Hot Corner Hotties go, often their teams’ respective offenses tend to follow. Last year it was Machado struggling to a pretty mediocre 108 wRC+ (LOOK IT UP) while Arenado was his same old self (plus a career high BA and OBP), but this “year” (all 40 fucking games of it) it’s Arenado that is struggling (88 wRC+) while Machado is hitting arguably the best he ever has (career high 149 wRC+, I’m just going to make all of these wRC+ get fucking used to it).
ARMED CONFLICT — Corbin Burnes(Margs) vs. Tyler Mahle (‘Topes)
The late start on this preview allowed me to sort of cheat but I SWEAR I selected Burnes vs. Mahle prior to their starts. Okay prior to Burnes’ start. And my thinking there was as follows: ‘Topes get a two start week out of a weirdly high-strikeout Tyler Mahle, so if you’re the Margs you’re hoping for somebody to at least MATCH Mahle’s Monday output (a 7 inning QS with 3 ER and 10 Ks). And then you hope the next Mahle start is dogshit, which is certainly possible (cuz it’s still Tyle Mahle). ANYWHO Burnes was able to do that on Wednesday afternoon and then some (7 inning QS/W with 0 ER and 11 Ks). So that’s what you want to see. If you’re the Margs. In your Armed Conflict®.
The River City franchise has longggg been a tough out in the first round. Which is what this is. Margs over ‘Topes, 8.5-5.5
#2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club
#7 Rojo’s Renegade Force
The Ocean Gate Fishing Club enter this year’s dance as the #2 seed, but I mean that’s a game away from nearly being the #5 seed so WHO GIVES A FUCK. The POINTS SYSTEM paints a rosier picture however, as they easily clock in at 2nd place with 97.5 POINTS which is 8 POINTS higher than the #3. Higher points are better here. And on the flip side you have the Renegade Force which had 66 points, which is a very low total, but not so low that they were gunning for a seed in the top 6 (aka THE ACTUAL PLAYOFFS YOU CLOWNS) til just about the bitter end. They came up a bit short, but they also got to face that guy Guy who just put together the sort of season we burned Cliff at the stake for. So now the RRF are cursed to continue on, in a matchup with Heroy that’s pretty rivalry-free as best I can tell. Which is a shame because Rojo has said lots of terrible things to me about Heroy’s wife and child and I’ve just never told Heroy about them. So I blame myself here.
GUYS™ TO WATCH:
BATS BATTLE — Mike Trout (OGFC) vs. Kyle Tucker (RRF)
On paper this “battle” feels sort of ridiculous, Mike Trout is the best plaer in baseball and Kyle Tucker is not. But look under the hood and Kyle Tucker has been all SORTS of valuable this year, mostly because the Astros gave him whatever Magic Triples Elixir they gave to Evan Gattis that one year. So Kyle has 6 of them triples on the year and another one (or two) in this matchup would be HELPFUL. Or HURTFUL if you subscribe to the theory that Rojo wants no part of winning this week. Which I do. So it’s HURTFUL.
ARMED CONFLICT — Zac Gallen(OGFC)vs.Hyun Jin Ryu(RRF)
This Zac Gallen character is all of a sudden a bonafide STUD, which is unfortunate because Heroy owns him and he will squander the talent. And then you have Hyun Jin Ryu who was pretty excellent last year, and had regression written all over him as he moved over to the AL East, but has managed to be pretty darn good this year as well. And both of these fellas get two starts this week and GUESS WHAT both of their first starts came on Monday and neither did a great job. So let’s see if they do a better job next time. That may help dictate things yanno?
My prediction is that Rojo’s will to lose outshines Heroy’s will to fuck up. Fishing Club advances, 9.5-4.5
#3 Island Beach Bears
#6 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz
In many ways, this matchup is for the VERY SOUL of the Backyard. The Island Beach Bears, the reluctant voice of this league/probably his generation (just hasn’t written a book yet) versus the Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz, B2B BCS Champ and league VILLIAN. Nobody has ever won 3 in a row aside from that time I won 3 in a row (or 1.5 in a row if you guys want to be fags about it)(Heroy probably does) and DAMNED if I don’t intend to defend my honor, and Odom’s honor. And the league’s honor. For it is all we all have. The PROBLEM is the Backdoor Sliderz are likely a much better 6 seed than their first go-round as the 6 seed in their league debut, what with their 87.5 POINTS and their top 3 or so dynasty players and whatnot. The Bears on the other hand grabbed the #3 seed despite only amassing 73 POINTS (last I checked, these things change quick it seems) and despite an 0-3 start. They won 5 straight after that start, dropped one, and then won two more to close out the season so that should demonstrate SOME ability to win SOME matchups SOMETIMES. Here’s to hoping this is one of those times. Once again the league’s very soul is at stake you should all be rooting for me.
GUYS™ TO WATCH:
BATS BATTLE — Tim Anderson (Bears) vs. Fernando Tatis Jr. (LTBS)
Fernando Tatis Jr. has turned out to be the crown jewel of the worst trade I’ve ever made (little known fact, I remember a certain text from Odom that was like “it’s Altuve mehhhh” so I blame him a bit) as he’s been ridiculous this season. And just as sadly he’s also ridiculously enjoyable to watch. I LIVE for grand slam dongs on 3-0 counts in blowout games. So it’s a struggle. So it is of small consolation, but consolation all the same, to roster an equally ~fun~ shortstop of our own in TA. His hitting profile leaves a ridiculous floor but he’s ACTUALLY managed to sort of hold his own in the actual stats portion of this battle as well. NO REALLY LOOK AT THE FULL STATS:
Anderson (32 GP, 136 ABs): .353/.390/.596 (167 wRC+), 35 Rs, 10 2Bs, 1 3B, 7 HRs, 15 RBIs, 5 SBs
ADMIT IT, closer than you’d think……and that shall likely need to remain the same this week.
ARMED CONFLICT — Sixto Sanchez(Bears) vs. Jacob deGrom (LTBS)
Certain members of the Backyard loveeeee posting shit about their young pitchers in the GC and for that reason you should all be THANKING me. Sixto Sanchez has been the best young pitcher out there and it hasn’t been particularly close and I shudder to think what the chat would be right now if he was on certain rosters. 25-2 K-BB PEOPLE. ANYWHO the Bears will have him for two starts this week, first one went swell (6 scoreless, QS/W, 6 Ks) and they’ll gladly take a repeat performance over the weekend. And even WITH that repeat performance the hope is that adds up to a few more Ks than deGrom racks up in his one start (13.13 Ks/9). Jacob racks up alotta Ks and throws the ball really hard. But Sixto throws it pretty hard too 😉
PREDICTION: This league has been terrorized by the Butt Sliderz for FAR TOO LONG. Like one entire year, where they terrorized the entire league and only lost once (to me). And then the previous year where they snuck into the 6th seed and won the championship like bastards. And then now here they are, 6th seed a-fucking-gain. YES they’ve won the championship two years in a row. But doing it three years in a row is really hard. So… BEARS SLAY THE DRAGON, 8-6
#4 Barnegat Banana Slugs
#5 East Coast
This one’s the long-winded chat post replete with *laugh crying emoji* versus the occasional GIF dropped into the chat out of nowhere. The guy I would never ever pick to win the championship because it’s more fun not to versus the guy I picked to win the championship but not because we are related. The Slugs are probably a tad peeved to have fallen all the way down to the 4 seed, with their 90.5 POINTS and all. But that’s life in the NFL and also life in a strange 11 “matchup” season. Fortunately their counterparts can empathize, as the East Coast franchise was in first place last time I wrote about this godforsaken fucking league and here they’re the 5th seed. But it’s the Backyard Bracket Baybay (I know because James Paxton is hurt) so both of you buck up.
GUYS™ TO WATCH:
BATS BATTLE — Luke Voit (BBS) vs. Nelson Cruz (EC)
SURE I could have made this about MI “stars” like Story & Lindor but uhhh I didn’t fucking wanna, so I didn’t. This one’s gonna be about the BIG BOPPERS. THE DONG DADDIEZ. THESE TWO GUYS. Luke Voit has managed to maintain the GAINZ from last year, in fact he’s increased his slugging percentage from .468 in ’19 to .SIXOHFOUR in ’20. Which is pretty dang good. But a number that’s better than that number is .SIX EIGHTY FIVE and that’s what Nelson Cruz is slugging these days, tops in the majors (Trout in 2nd at .671). Nelson is ageless and Luke is singlehandedly holding the Yankees offense together with glue and masking tape, and both of these boppers operate out of their respective teams Utility spots and I think it will be important for one of them to hit better than the other one this round. Cruz with the early advantage in Dongs 2-1, due to Doubleheader Dongs. But PLENTY OF ABs TO GO (which is why it’s okay for this preview to come out now)(go fuck yourselves)
ARMED CONFLICT — Max Scherzer(BBS) vs.Sonny Gray (EC)
If the Slugs were gonna set their rotation they’d likely set it for Mad Max to get two starts this week and that is PRECISELYwhat they’re getting. And Max has already given them one great start (7 scoreless, QS/W, 8 Ks) and you gotta figure he’s fixing to give them another one on Sunday. Maybe. So if you’re ~East Coast~ you’re going to need one of your best K guys to come out and match that sorta performance and the PROBLEM with Sonny is his last start came on 9/1 and he got 2 outs and gave up 6 runs. So then they skipped him once through the rotation. So now East Coast fans have to hope that mental refresher pays dividends and he comes out guns blazing Thursday.
Can’t back off that Pre-Season Prediction now baybay, East Coast advances 7.5-6.5
OUR LONG BACKYARDONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER. A few weeks ago the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz were some sort of undefeated unstoppable juggernaut (likely influenced by some wholly unsustainable BABIPs but I digress), their heel of an asshole of an owner had taken over the blog with promises of timely content and copious wrestling references, and things looked bleaked folks. Fast forward a few weeks and there has been very little content (FRAUD), and the BackdoorSliderz have finally tasted defeat in the 2019 Backyard season (FRAUD), and now I have returned to write about it in longform while also restoring Jimmy Rollins to his rightful JROLL throne. If you’re threatening an undefeated season culminating in a second straight championship we are forced to take you seriously because that THREATENS the 3PO greatest team of all time narrative. And that allows you a little leeway within the blogosphere. But now you’re just some fraud that’s got a first round bye that’s got to HOPE AND PRAY their team’s insanely good fortunes aren’t running out all at once at the worst possible time. Better to be .450 BABIPing in August and not April, folks. To be fair they also have insanely good players BUT you also have to yanno, HOPE AND PRAY those guys don’t slump or get injured. I see vulnerability in the Lacey’s beady little eyes…..
Oh yea there’s also some other matchups that happened, the X-Rayz finally bulk reliever’d their way to the Ks record, etc. etc. etc. all will be covered BUT FIRST…..
East Coast Kings Perhaps Permanently Pummel Playoff Plans Pertaining Towards The Barnegat Banana Slugs (Probably?) – 12-2-0
MVP: Nelson Cruz – Honestly I forgot the Kings even HAD Nelson Cruz (been kinda outta the review game for a minute) but LOVE IT LOVE HIM love the energy, he’s my second favorite Old Man Masher in baseball (see opening GIF for #1).12/29, 10 Rs, 1 2B, 7 HRs, 13 RBIs, .485 OBP
LVP:Yasiel Puig – Yasiel just didn’t contribute much stuff this week, and that’s about as much analysis as I intend to give here. On the Yasiel front. 4/21, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, .292 OBP
JROLLs: Francisco Lindor (2, ECK)
HRs. The poor Banana Slugs likely mashed as hard as they’ve mashed all season (7th in HRs) but it still wasn’t enough against a locked in Kings squad, and they lost the HRs cat 25-17. That means 8 more runs for the Kings (the won Rs 60-48), at least 8 more and obviously more than 8 more RBIs for the Kings (they won RBIs 70-57), perhaps a slight OBP bump (the won OBP .363 to .357). Put it all together and you have two teams that had impressive offenses in Week 16 but yanno, one was more impressive. And so that one….won.
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: Haven’t talked pitching in a Kings matchup so let’s do that, shout out to a weirdly dominant streamed Steven MatzCG shutout for the Kings. Also shout out to the fact that mayyybe just maybe Trevor Bauer isn’t the super-established ace Trevor Bauer likely thinks he is. I consider him a super-established whiny little bitch, however…
What’s Next (Week 17): ECF v. LL (9-7 v. 6-10)
RRF@ AI (7-8-1 @ 7-9)
Pacific Beach X-Rayz Rack Up A Shit Ton Of Strikeouts, Also Do Other Things Well In Big Beatdown of Astoria Isotopes – 10-1-3
MVP: Jose Ramirez – JOSE RAMIREZ SIGHTING. The X-Rayz have turned around an ugly start to the season but Jose has mostly been an afterthought even during said turnaround. That is up until July; 9 HRs in a month that has seen the X-Rayz go 3-0. If J-Ram keeps it going into the #BackyardBracket this team can make noise folks.12/30, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, 2 SBs, .441 OBP
LVP:Mike Moustakas – More like Mike MOSTSUCKASS, AMIRITE? I hate that I’m dignifying that bad name joke, and also this was a real toss up between Mike and Khris (2/22, 2 RBIs), but ultimately we are going with Moustakas and with that shitty name joke and that is just how things are. 1/15, 1 R, .182 OBP
Strikeouts. In a week where the X-Rayz set a new and rather tough to top record in the Ks department, I guess I have to go with Ks here. Ever the Innovator Odom has really taken a shine to this whole “bulk reliever” craze because of course he has, but it’s worth noting the EFFECTS here. The ‘Topes rocked a 9.513 K per 9 in Week 16, better than the X-Rayz 9.217, but WHAT’S THAT MATTER when the latter team tosses 116.2 innings to your 84.2, THIRTY TWO MORE INNINGS THROWN on the Pacific Beach side. And that’s how you set a Ks record and win the cat 119-89, and that’s how you grab 11 wins, and usually there’s a risk of ERA ruin but the ‘Topes managed to suck more (X-Rayz won ERA 4.71 to 5.53), and that’s how you get your doors relatively blown off (also only hitting like 6 HRs doesn’t help) and get leapfrogged in the Backyard Bracket Standings.
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: Eight bulk relievers used by the X-Rayz in Week 16, not sure what his usual is but SEEMS LIKE A LOT… ‘Topes were league-worst in Wk 16 in Runs, HRs, RBIs and I guess that’s just what happens when Khris Davis is slumping HARD… Also a real rollercoaster of a season for Astoria, whom started out 0-5 then won 7 in a row and have now lost 4 in a row…
What’s Next (Week 17): PBX v. BBS (6-7-3 v. 5-10-1)
AIv. RRF (7-9 v. 7-8-1)
River City Bad Dudes Best A Super Invested Definitely Started Twelve Pitchers* Rojo’s Renegade Force Squad – 9-4-1
*one was an opener but beggars can’t be choosers
MVP: Miguel Sano – Miguel Sano is a fat turd (whoever had “turd” twice in Blog Bingo gets a prize) who strikes out too much and is probably a piece of shit, BUT he’s mashing taters this season and mashed some taters in Week 16 and I guess that’sa ll the MVP of the week part cares about. Nice tie-in to the River City Mashers hidden in this paragraph, FAN SERVICE for longtime Backyard fans. The Doch Blog never delivered this sort of stuff, or any sort of stuff really. A totally Weak and Low Energy blogger. ANYWHO YEA MIGUEL SANO. 9/27, 6 Rs, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .379 OBP
LVP:Masahiro Tanaka – I mean, FOR FUCKS SAKE Masahiro. You get LVP of the Week cuz I’m not sure I’ve seen that many runs given up in quite some time. And it was against the Red Sawks so SHAME ON HIM. 3.1 IP, 12 ER, 4 Ks, 32.40 ERA ***LVP OF THE WEEK***
Holds. You lost AT YOUR OWN GAME ROJO. The Bad Dudes won Holds 4-1and that isn’t necessarily why they won the MATCHUP (the .342 to .311 OBP disparity probably more damning) but it IS necessarily all I want to talk about here cuz this matchup bores me.
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: Renegade Force perhaps making league history as the first team to knowingly (I think) start an “opener,” THIS LEAGUE JUST GETS WACKIER AND WACKIER…
MVP: Didi Gregorius – Both Didi and JD Martinez did real work in Week 16 (pretend Judge is JD in the GIF above) but Didi did slightly better work and fuck the sawks and so on and so forth.11/26, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 13 RBIs, .448 OBP
LVP:Francisco Mejia – On the opposite end of the spectrum, Mejia did the very opposite of work and contributed nothing but a few base hits and no wonder this goddamned owner always harrasses me about Gary Sanchez. 4/16, .294 OBP
JROLLs: Trea Turner (2, OGFC) ; Adam Eaton (1, LL)
Triples. This matchup was tiiiiiiiight all over the place man, but it’s always an unfortunate circumstance when your team musters more than one three-bagger and still loses the cat. And that was the case here so lets highlight Heroy sadness, two triples (AND ONE JROLL) out of the OGFC and they get bested by a Leviathans team that put up four despite the absence of Adalberto. Tough break kiddo. Other tough breaks include 1 “point” losses in SBs, QS, and Holds but this paragraph was about the triples so we are gonna STICK TO THE TRIPLES.
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: The Leviathans had 69 RBIs (nice.)… ALSO, with this victory the Leviathans have more wins in Year 3 than they had in Years 1 and 2 COMBINED (double nice.)(#TrustTheProcess)…
What’s Next (Week 17): LL @ ECK (6-10 @ 9-7)
OGFCv. IBB (8-7-1 v. 6-9-1)
2019 WEEK 16 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE 1985 CHICAGO BEARS’ WEEK 13 DEFEAT
Island Beach Bears Accomplish Everything They Needed To In 2019 Season, Slay The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Beast Fucking Finally (they are now allowed to go win the championship or whatever I guess*) – 7-6-1
*jkjk we root against any and all back-to-back chamPEEN challengers ’round here, fuck them I want ’em bounced in Round 2..
MVP: Edwin Encarnacion – Were there better performers in Week 16 both on the Bears and on other teams? I mean yea PROBABLY (definitely). But this was another performance in a long line of CLUTCH PLAYOFF PERFORMANCES (as far as I’m concerned I just won the playoffs) wherein Encarnacion, win or loss, gave us a heroic effort. In this case we needed doubles and he HEROICALLY contributed FIVE, 45% of his total heading into Week 16. Good. Man. 11/32, 6 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .400 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK/PROBABLY YEAR***
LVP:Alex Bregman – Bad week outta Breggy and a quiet week outta a few other ButtSliderz Starz in Week 16, it’s almost like that’s how baseball is supposed to work as opposed to having EVERYTHING GO YOUR WAY ALL YEAR LONG. Suck it, turds. 1/17, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .238 OBP
Bears Hitter Of Note: Jonathan Villarheard rumors of other owners BALKING at requested returns (probably justifiably so) when those owners came asking about himand so he went out and had himself a week on them basepaths (10/33, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 5 SBs, .361 OBP).
Bears Pitcher Of Note: When you trade away all of your other good pitchers you’re left with one good pitcher and then that good pitcher likely ends up your pitcher “of note” in these winning situations, and his name is Mike Clevinger (14 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.57 ERA).
BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note: Lets all point at Cody Bellinger and laugh because he DIDN’T absolutely bludgeon me in Week 16 and perhaps he isn’t Barry Bonds, which would be nice for me and my trade psyche (he’s still really good and young and I regret that trade and that trade only)(I’ll still trade any mothafucka)(4/18, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .333 OBP).
BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note: And just for FAIR and BALANCED reporting of the FACTS I’ll not do the thing where I try and single out a bad performance here… Robbie Ray had double digit Ks in back-to-back starts so good for him, STILL LOST LOSER (12 IP, 5 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.75 ERA).
How many words does one owe history? When will enough be written about our triumphs in WWII, about the moon landing, about the moments that DEFINED civilization? Can enough words ever be written? I posit that they cannot, which is why this blog will fail regardless of how long I write about one of the greatest regular season victories (if not THE greatest) in Backyard history (and I intend to write a buncha words and they won’t even be particularly interesting but THE WORD COUNT, oh the word count). Sure teams have gone on some runs, won some games in a row, even won some championships in a row 😉 . But has there ever been a team that remained undefeated this late into one of our regular seasons? No seriously I am asking. And IF SO, could that team have possibly been helmed by a more despicable owner than the one that currently presides over the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz? This one I can answer myself: no, for that would be impossible.
Comeuppance has been a long time coming for this team, a talented unit to be fair but one that also has been hashtag BLESSED with some lucky bounces in its day. I think they beat the Banana Slugs in a week when they had like a .270-something OBP, I think Fernando Tatis Jr.and Keston Hiura have had UNSUSTAINABLE BABIPs to begin their respective careers, I think this had to happen the way it happened. At the hands of your fearless, really at this point less-than-part-time, blogger (and perhaps part-time lover) because only HE would then chronicle the great moment in glorious detail. And only HE, thanks to his own human failings, would be able to perfectly set up a Sunday Night Scenario that quite frankly I didn’t see enough applause for the in chat. Edwin Encarnacion is a BACKYARD TREASURE and he deserves your respect. Perhaps no player is more synonymous with their respective franchise, and obviously no player more perfectly epitomizes the GLORY DAYZ of back-to-back-to-back championships for this (once proud, now multiple times renamed) franchise, and now he has basically delivered a fourth championship. Feels like I’ve won the championship this season. You’re all free to keep playing and do the whole “Backyard Bracket” thing but yanno…..whatever.
There was a time when I planned to break down each day of this HISTORIC VICTORY FOR THE ISLAND BEACH BEARS, but holy shit that sounds exhausting and its difficult enough to piece together the play-by-play just from Sunday. So yea with that caveat in place lets now get fucking pumped up and lets fucking LETS BREAK DOWN THIS HISTORIC MATCHUP’S HISTORIC SUNDAY, SHALL WE?! FUCK YEA LETS:
DAY 7 (Sunday, 7.28.19 Anno Domini)
The Island Beach Bears enter day 7 of their battle WEARY and sensing defeat. Things were lookin’ kinda solid with the BackdoorSliderz offense scuffling, and then Saturday they uhh unscuffled. Categories as of Sunday AM were as follows (not because I think anyone wants to read this shit, but because I want to pump up this word count to up the obnoxious):
Runs – Bears lead 53 to 38
Doubles – Sliderz lead 14 to 12
Triples – Bears lead 2 to 0
HRs – Bears lead 11 to 9
RBIs – Sliderz lead 44 to 37
OBP – Sliderz comfortably ahead just take my word for it
SBs – Bears lead 7 to 4
Ks – Bears lead 80 to 69 (nice.)
QS – Bears lead 9 to 5
CGs – Bears haven’t had one all goddamned year, surprised the ButtSliderz didn’t grab one but yea this ended up 0-0
Ws – Tied 6 to 6
Saves – Sliderz lead 4 to 1
Holds – Bears lead 5 to 1
ERA – Sliderz lead like 2 something to 3 something
BEARS LEADING 7-5-2
This lead, this lead is a mirage and the Bears know it. For what you DON’T see up there, though certainly I had the room to note it, is the Bears have maxed out their starts by Sunday AM (and amassed a measly 80 Ks doing so) while the BackdoorSliderz would be trotting out four arms for the final day: Kyle Gibson, Robbie Ray, Walker Buehler, and AARON NOLA. The last arm is of obvious added significance, it’s an arm that already logged a start for the Bears earlier in the week and an arm they then traded away because dynasty is boring make some trades you pussies. It is also an arm that what was SUPPOSED TO BE starting only once in Week 16, was sort of important to me to avoid facing my sweet sweet Aaron in 2019. Alas he ended up getting bumped up to Sunday, and Lacey ownership did what Lacey ownership does best: paid lip service to sitting him as some sort of courtesy or signaling of their high moral fiber but MERELY A SIGNAL, they were never gonna sit him WERE THEY (Bears ownership wouldn’t have wanted that, but also was drinking at the time of the initial message so didn’t really offer that opinion clearly one way or the other, so could Doch have even KNOWN what I wanted? Has he ever known what anyone else ever wanted? Has he failed to please everyone in his life?)?! ANYWHOM, ultimately Nola got the nod and that was the right move I wouldn’t have wanted a bullet left in the chamber.
SO, and stay with me now, what we have at this point is the Bears BASICALLY expecting Ks and Ws to go to Lacey, with a possibility of them going 4-4 in QS and tying that up as well….. things seemed bleak to say the least. As I alluded, the BackdoorSliderz had already used a 16 run/4 double/5 HR/15 RBI/.460 OBP Saturday to overtake OBP and generally signal the end times for the Bears upset chances. Or so we thought :))))))))))))))) It would require a good amount of good Lacey pitchers pitching poorly for the Bears to retake the ERA lead, and we had already done everything in our power to try and grab more Ks or more Ws or whatever by signing a buncha shitty SP-eligible relievers and treating it like BCS Sunday. And so at this point Bears ownership was on the beach not paying much mind to these sorts of longshot hypotheticals, is what I’m saying.
FAST FORWARD to late afternoon and suddenly the BackdoorSliderz pitching staff has managed to blow the ERA lead by pitching jusssttttt poorly enough, suddenly the Bears are told they’re clinging to a 7-6-1advantage, and even more suddenly they must reckon with all of those fucking random SP relievers they brought in to try and grab additional pitching stats. Pretty quickly it was assumed by Bears ownership, QUITE CORRECTLY (because they’re actually super smart and stuff), that those shitty relievers were shitty for a reason and so they would fuck said Bears and return said ERA lead and the overall lead with it probably upon their first opportunity…. almost instantaneously Colin McHughdid just that. Around the same time just GENERAL LIFE LIVING, the sort of thing Rojo has tried to tell us all about from high atop the mountains, prevents Bears ownership (me) from subbing out a resting Nicholas Castellanosfor a not-resting Hunter Renfroe. By the time of this realization the DEFINITELY EXPECTED Luis Perdomo earned runs have also crossed the plate and we’ve officially written off ERA (evidently we shouldn’t have we only lost 3.90 to 3.86, I would have been haunted by Josh Tomlinif things broke poorly), now turning the attention to catching the evil LTBS RBIs and/or 2Bs while also defending a slim lead in HRs.
This is gripping stuff, one would imagine, if both owners were both scowling MLBTV and furiously refreshing computer screens to follow along. And in fact for the sake of this blog post we are going to say that Doch definitely was doing precisely that, in some sad little Lacey cave like the ones people used to pretend Bin Laden was hiding in. There’s some parallels there. At some point we know the LTBS closed the HR gap to one (thanks to Soto or Confortoor Santana or one of those fucks, but this isn’t their story) and at some other point we now know Marcus Semien and Danny Santana have homered to give the #DongsCat it’s final margin of victory for the Bears. Small margin, small total overall but it’s not the size that counts. So ALL GOOD ON THE HRs, hooray for the good guys. RBIs inched close (another size pun in here somewhere), some thanks due to Travis D’Arnaud for contributing 7 RBIs for the IBB while only bequeathing 2 RBIs for the LTBS (he’s filled in admirably for Gary Sanchez), but ultimately despite our best efforts bad things sometimes happen to good people and good things sometimes happen to bad people (see Doch’s 2018 season) and so we couldn’t close the gap there. And by “best efforts” I mean we couldn’t close the gap because Hunter Renfroe hit a grand slam on the fucking bench, with plenty of space for him in our not-being-used RF slot.
SO RBIs weren’t working out and its down to doubles to slay the beast. Ozzie Albies knocked the lone Sunday double for Lacey, the very excellent Danny Santana and Jonathan Villar and Travis D’Arnaud chipped in their own two-baggers for Island Beach (left out a “two-bagger” joke about Dorothy here), and by the time the dust had settled we arrived at a very unsatisfying 6-6-2 tie heading into Sunday Night Sawks-Yanks. This could not stand, however….
SUNDAY NIGHT SAWKS-YANKS (7.28.19 Anno Domini)
The Yankee-loathing Lacey outfit has no participants in the Sunday night game, the Bears have ❤ Edwin Encarnacion ❤ and Aaron Hicks. The Bears need one double or 4 RBIs to finally hand the BackdoorSliderz a much-needed loss in 2019, and the presence of Edwin in this equation has them quietly CONFIDENT….. so confident they are not watching the game one bit, and are going to Mellow Mushroom. I think I’m back from Mellow by the time Edwin evidently smokes a single in the top of the 5th…..
….that moves Hicks to 3rd and no farther, so yea running out of innings but WE ARE FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE. STILL. I think at this point I’m “watching a documentary” on PFAS, Edwin would not betray this organization.
In the 7th inning, we get what we need and by “we” I mean THE LEAGUE AS A WHOLE needed:
Encarnación doubled to left center, Hicks to third.
Print that out and smoke it folks, I’m giving you PITCH TYPE and everything here. I will also note the double was hit off of Bad Dudes RELIEVER PHENOM EXTRAORDINAIRE Darwinzon Hernandez.
Bears win 7-6-1
Bears win self-proclaimed “last week they give a shit about winning”
Undefeated season for the ButtSliderz is off the table, which is a bit of a relief I think we can all agree
Bears now have to keep giving a shit until formally eliminated from playoffs (TAKE NOTE ROJO), which isn’t a relief per se but is still FINE ITS FINE we can pay attention to a fantasy baseball league while still existing in the world (TAKE NOTE LOBMAN, OR MAYBE ROJO, I am forgetting the gripes at this point)….
The league is saved and you’re all fucking welcome
Look I know this one was a bit of a coin flip in several spots and we just have easily could have allowed the LTBS to escape with yet another win and they’re still the current favorites (though clearly I think we’ve exposed some kinks in the armor, not gonna tell anyone what they are it’s a big secret) for that OTHER champeenship still to be awarded. I know all these things. But I also know that this shit needed to end and so Edwin ended it, and so nobody ever ask me if he was available to trade for ever again. Notta one of youz. ANYWAYZ Week 17 has the Bears still in the bracket hunt weirdly enough, so they’re gonna head to Ocean Gate and try and beat those jackasses. And if they don’t at least they beat this jackass. This jackass and his ButtSliderz take on the River City Bad Dudes in our Backyard Battle Of The Week.
MVP: Alex Bregman – YEA YEA YEA Acuna Jr. was the best player of the entire postseason run or yada yada but Alex Bregman was the best hitter in the BCS and that is what we do here. We award the best player in the particular series. 12/27, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 13 HRs, 9 RBIs, .500 OBP
LVP:Nolan Arenado– SAD. Sad for me to do this to Nolan. But even his late attempts to salvage some respectability can’t erase the fact that he started out 0-18 in this series. NO CLUTCH. Nolan Gorman will be the better Nolan within three years. 3/25, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .148 OBP
BackdoorSliderZ Hitter Of Note:Juan Soto was the second best hitter in this series and this doesn’t at all mean that Acuna Jr. wasn’t excellent as well and all of this should annoy all of us what happened here (11/23, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, .538 OBP).
BackdoorSliderZ Pitcher Of Note: Death, taxes, and Jacob deGrom having an excellent start for the ButtSliderZ with the Mets failing to get him a W (8 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1.13 ERA).
Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Almost nobody on the Isotopes seemed all that interested in winning this particular championship but I want to shout out Miguel Andujar he seemed like he was trying, EVEN DREW SOME WALKS (7/26, 7 Rs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .345 OBP).
Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: I guess I have to point out German Marquezbecause even though this was against the suck-ass Padres it was impressive and now the ‘Topes will probably keep him into next season but also start him at Coors (5.50 ERA) because they lack a discerning fantasy eye (8 IP, 2 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 2.25 ERA).
ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS: FIRSTLY before I even get into an attempt to break this one down let me just say, fine fucking work by both participants/the commish in their media days. For the first time maybe ever I was kinda sad I don’t have instagram because I too would have liked to shit talk the father of Mikey T. But yea great job everyone involved, way to really STEER US into the social media revolution Odom. Maybe I will start Tindering.
ON TO THE MATCHUP………….. This felt less in doubt then it actually was, a bit of a wire to wire performance by the BackdoorSliderz but CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF as Sunday opened it was still there for the taking for the ‘Topes. Unfortunately the big bats of the Isotopes all kinda shrunk simultaneously and the pitching didn’t do enough and I am still not talking about the BackdoorSliderz much THEY WERE FINE. 6-1 cat advantage on the hitting side with mostly ho-hum numbers (.3705 OBP and 19 2Bs play just about anywhere I will concede that) and a 4-2-1 advantage on the pitching side en route to a tidy 10-3-1 championship victory. A CARAYYYYZAY SIX bullpen victories for the Lacey folk to really demoralize an Isotopes squad that pitched okay at times (7 QS) but just okay (4.008 ERA). German Marquezwas masterful in his start for the ‘Topes I will have to concede that. But Walker Buehlerwas masterful pretty much all postseason for Lacey, he is yet another really good really young player they have TROUBLING SIGN.
In the end, it is a good thing that it is ridiculously hard to win back to back titles in this league. Nigh impossible now. So there’s solace in that.
WHAT IS NEXT FOR THE LEAGUE
iiiiii don’t fucking know. Probably more social media hullaballoo. At least I’m probably done changing team names, Brian will be pleased.
MUCH like this monkey, I am mostly depleted with these motherfucking reviews. FORTUNATELY the commish has done a fantastic job with the BCS Media Guide and Media Day and such so I don’t feel too strong of a need to get all crazy with the BCS Previews and such. I shouldn’t feel too strong a need to do any of this shit, but that is between me and the therapist I don’t have but perhaps need. FOR NOW let us review the failures of two teams contrasted with the non-failures (for now) of the other two teams…..
MVP: Gregory Polanco – Just a real balanced effort from the BackdoorSliderz in Round 2, and when that happens you end up in a weird limbo and before you know it Gregory Polanco is your MVP due to a ROUND TWO JROLL. Which I respect. Props to G-Po. 9/23, 5 Rs, 2 2B, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .483 OBP
LVP:JT Realmuto– In this round we highlight the failures of the losers (and in the LVP section we always do that so seems redundant to even point it out), and despite your two steals from the C position you were a bit of a failure JT. Just a bit. 1/18, 1 R, 1 RBI, 2 SBs, .217 OBP
BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note: Probably need to highlight Ronald Acuna Jr. who CONTINUES to hit the ball very very well, although he fell off Rhys‘ historic pace from last season’s X*Rayz title run by which all other rookie playoff performances shall still be measured SEE BELOW after the stats(8/28, 2 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, 1 SB, .394 OBP):
Acuna Jr. Rounds 1-2: .475ish OBP, 18 Rs, 3 2Bs, 6 HRs, 11 RBIs, 4 SBs
BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Anddd now back to the present day, where Jameson Tailon displayed a ball of steel in his fine Round 2 performance in a tricky road matchup with the Brew Crew (6 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).
Warriors (……..) Hitter Of Note: ELSEWHERE in disappointing hitter news, the Warriors would have needed a far stronger week outta Francisco Lindor if they wanted to cool down the Sliderz (6/32, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .217 OBP).
Warriors (……….) Pitcher Of Note: ELSEWHERE in disappointing Indians players performances, Carlos Carrasco boned things up (on the road @ Fenway in his defense) when he was needed most (3.2 IP, 5 ER, 6 Ks, 12.27 ERA).
ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS: WHAT CAN YA SAY, the Backyard Playoffs are all about getting hot at the right time and the BackdoorSliderz be h-o-t. Acuna Jr. didn’t QUITE maintain his insane pace from Round 1 but he has remained uhhh productive as one might say, and the BackdoorSliderz followed a Round 1 SHUTOUT with a Round 2 balanced performance that saw them pitching to a sub 2 ERA and 99 Ks and all that good stuff. The Warriors, on the other hand, founded on their pitching but dealing with injuries all season long, pitched to an ERA ’round 4. Throw in a few uninspired hitting performances on the Warriors side and you have a 5-1-1 advantage on each side of the coin for Lacey, leading to their overall 10-2-2 victory. GREAT overall numbers on the pitching side for the BackdoorSliderz (99 Ks, 8 QS, 7 Ws, 7 Saves) and a solid .3666 OBP, MEDIOCRE numbers across the goddamn board for the Warriors (I guess you can argue 2 3Bs and 6 SBs are okay). WHAT CAN YA SAY.
MVP: Charlie Blackmon – FINALLY some signs of life from a one Charlie Blackmon, who contributed an R2 JROLL of his own. So yanno thematically it kinda made the most sense to give him MVP here as well, particularly with triples ending up as important as they ended up (Naztee having the only one in the matchup). 8/22, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs, .391 OBP **MVP OF ROUND TWO**
LVP:Miguel Sano – The man who MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE tried to force himself upon a photographer in a mall (#BelieveWomen #MeToo) sucked in Round 2, which MAY OR MAY NOT be karmic comeuppance for his misdeeds. Although in all likelihood neither are related in any way, small sample size/life is meaningless chaos/Sano has sucked in plenty of weeks. Way to hit a dinger though ya dingus. 2/22, 1 R, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, .125 OBP
Isotopes Hitter Of Note:Khris DavisUNDERRATED MLB SLUGGER that he is with a quiet 3 HRs because everything he does is quieted by a racist MLB that’s the narrative I am going with here (6/29, 3 Rs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .281 OBP).
Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Howz about Zach Wheeler dominating the Bad Dudes and their casual Mets fan ownership, there’s some sorta storyline to run with there I just know it but instead lets look at Cole Hamels and a critical CG (9 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 1.00 ERA).
Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Not AJ Pollock‘s best work imho (3/19, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 4 RBIs, .182 OBP).
Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: Samesies for a Nathan Eovaldithat was given TWO STARTS for the Bad Dudes, and failed in both (9.1 IP, 9 ER, 7 Ks, 8.68 ERA).
ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS: SO CLOSE YET SO FAR, for the Bad Dudes in their quest for a fourth straight BCS appearance (and yanno to maybe win one again for a change). FINALLY, for the Astoria Isotopes franchise that seemingly hadn’t won a playoff game since Rent hit theaters which is also Isotopes ownership’s favorite movie FUN FACT there. And it all came down to those goddamned quirky “specialty” categories of ours so to speak, the ones that often work behind the scenes to swing a matchup. Here they were front and center: A single triple and a somewhat improbable Cole HamelsCG ultimately gave the ‘Topes the 6-5-3 victory, the Bad Dudes getting the same (or more probably getting two triples) would have flipped the matchup in the other direction. The Isotopes barely make due on the hitting cats going 2-4-1 but make up for it with superior pitching (4-1-2) due to superior looking #s (100 Ks, 9 QS). The Bad Dudes eek out 8 Wins on a mere 4 QS and probably would have felt pretty good about their bullpen numbers typically (5 Saves 4 Holds) but NOT TO BE as the ‘Topes matched them pen for pen, peen for peen. Clearly I don’t have much to say here, tough break for the Bad Dudes and lets pretend I ended it on “peen for peen.” Here I’ll end it on peen for peen.riples Bad Dudes +1, HRs MooniniteZ +1, RBIs TIED, Strikeouts Bad Dudes +1, QS Bad Dudes +1, Wins Bad Dudes +1, Holds Bad Dudes +1.
BACKYARD CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES PREVIEW
AND SO IT IS FINALLY UPON US, after months of annoying trade offers and transactions and complaining about trade offers and transactions and number of DL spots and whether or not people need to adhere to agreed upon start limits in the long weeks and so on and so forth man I am already burnt out on the fantasy front BUT FIRST…..we have a Backyard Championship Series to play out y’all. ALL OF THAT STUFF WAS FROM LAST YEAR BUT STILL APPLIES. This year’s BCS features a first ever #1 v. #5 matchup, a 1 seed has never lost in the BCS yada yada for more of this type info please refer to Odom’s excellent Media Guide somewhere below here. For now I’ll do my quick preview thing and get the fuck outta here.
#1 ASTORIA ISOTOPES VS. #5 LACEY TOWNSHIP BACKDOORSLIDERZ
Let’s do it corer by corner once again, IN THE HIGHER SEEDED CORNER we have the Astoria Isotopes. Riding high after finally performing at a level worthy of all the bullshit braggery about “regular season win totals” (a note for the millionth time, championships are all that matter), Isotopes ownership looks to take home their second championship overall and first since fucking forever. This team drafted behind other top teams for much of the season before winning their final two regular season matchups AGAINST THOSE SAME OTHER TOP TEAMS, and with that impressive feat they scored an impressive top seed. They’ve since followed that up with an impressive win over a Bad Dudes team that has been REALLY GOOD at making the BCS, but they didn’t this year so here the ‘Topes are. They’re lead by Nolan Arenado and KHRIS DAVIS on the hitting side and trying to accomplish all of this with Aaron Judgeall set to miss the entire BCS postseason like the LOW ENERGY superstar that he is. On the pitching side the Isotopes are piecing things the fuck together, lead by an absolutely rejuvenated Cole Hamels and Zack Wheeler duet. Both would make for a better story if anyone actually wanted to root for the Astoria franchise, I s’pose.
In the other corner we have the #5 Seeded Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, looking to cap off their FIRST FULL SEASON (second overall) with a BCS title. Which would be positively Sean/Odom-esque if not for the fact that we won it in our “taking over for shitty previous ownership” inaugural debut so never mind nothing like that at all. Lacey Township probably needed a convergence of all sorts of factors to even MAKE the Backyard Bracket (because both of the back 2 seeds kinda did this season) but once they’ve gotten here they’ve made the most of it, absolutely wiping the floor with Rojo’s Renegade Force en route to a Round 1 shutout and following that up with an impressive win over a very-good (if also very injury prone) 2 seed. Now Lacey finds themselves in their first ever BCS, lead by YOUTH on the hitting side (Acuna Jr., Soto, Bellinger, Albis, Bregman) and also lead by a slightly older man named Matt Carpenter whom is their best player (Freddie Freeman is also good). On the pitching side it’s a really solid stable featuring more youth (Buehler, Tailon, Kopech all a fuckin’ sudden) and really really good/really really established aces (Verlander, deGrom, Greinke). As the asshole tasked with doing a lot of the reviews and the Power Rankings and all that shit I will say that the BackdoorSliderz were sort of the most across-the-board dangerous franchise in 2018, did everything pretty well on both sides of the (base)ball. They also made some super smart trades to pick off Verlander and Greinke in separate deals, and to pick off all of my team’s youthful talent both at the beginning of the season and at the deadline. I will also say that all-season consistency MEANS LITTLE in a 7-day sample. The BackdoorSliderz are playing well currently but the fact of the matter is they are going to need to continue to do so to take down the top seed.
These two teams met twice in the regular season, as all teams are wont to do, and LO AND BEHOLD the BackdoorSliderz took down the top seed twice. First with an 8-5-1 victory in Week 1 and then an even more emphatic 11-1-2 throttling in Week 10, Lacey is the only team to have swept Astoria in 2018 and that should provide a certain level of confidence heading into this BCS Battle. That being said, beating a team as good as the ‘Topes three times in a season is hard, I would imagine. And that being said that is what will need to happen here if His Dochness is to grab himself his first champeenship. And that being said I have no idea whom people should root for here, I am particularly torn as I have CRAFTED both of these franchises in somewhat significant ways.
WHAT TO WATCH FOR: ROY CANDIDATE PRODUCTION. For the BackdoorSliderz they will likely go as far as their two phenomenal NL ROY candidates can take them (Ronald Acuna Jr. / Juan Soto) but do not sleep on the Isotopes AL ROY candidate, Miguel Andujar. A big week outta him just might propel the Isotopes O to grab a few necessary hitting cats in a tough matchup with a tough 5 seed. History is on the side of the 1 seed, history is also bullshit. SO TUNE IN.
Bad Dudes Salt the Slugs 7-6-1 to eliminate the greatest team that has ever lost in the first round in Backyard history (#Slugfacts)
Tough call because of solid performances all around for the Bad Dudes on an offense that saw big numbers this week, including them tying the doubles record in a single week with 31. This is the very first week I have the honor to choose an MVP, the pressure is on, do I give it to Stanton (.452 OBP, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 Runs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB)? Do I give it to Abreu (.444 OBP, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 Runs, 9 RBIs)? Or will I give it to Bryce Harper (.379 OBP, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 Runs, 8 RBIs)? All well deserving individuals for the honor, hell, even Odor (9 RBIs), Chapman (5 2Bs, 5 Runs) and Treinen (3 IP, 7 Ks, 1 W, 2 Saves) deserve some recognition.
After putting a lot of thought into this, we are going to give MVP honors to the New York Mets this week. They played spoiler a few times for the Slugs during the week, including the Sunday night showdown against Pivetta and Phillies. They also beat the Yankees on Monday, knocking Slug ace Luis Severino out after 4 innings in which he gave up 4 earned. Just 1 victory against the lowly Mets would have been enough to get the Slugs into the second round. But the Mets burned the Slugs GM for turning his back on them as a fan.
Slugs GM Brian Smith
Did Brian overmanage his team in the playoffs? It is going to be a question he will have to live with years from now. What could have been? It was proclaimed early in the year that this was his year, his team was the best, and overall, he is smarter and a better person than everyone else in league (he may not have said that last piece but he probably thinks it). He did leave Gomber, a guy he traded for at the deadline, on his bench out of fear. What did Gomber do from the bench you ask? Oh well he just went out there and pitched great against the Nationals (6 IP, 0 earned, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W). If you recall from the above paragraph, Brian needed just 1 more win to get himself into the second round. That one win was sitting on his bench the entire time right in front of him. It was like that nerdy girl in high school that you did not realize was actually very beautiful once she takes off her glasses and lets her hair down. That girl went on to blossom into a beautiful strong young woman. She was right there in front of you the entire time and you never noticed Brian.
In all reality, it probably would have been Roark or Bucholz not getting a stream start if Gomber was in the lineup Wednesday for the slugs. They each picked up quality starts and W’s as well. But that is not as dramatic for the sake of the blog. So, Brian, you blew it, LVP of the week. You sir, are your own worst enemy. Cue the guitar rift from My Own Worst Enemy by the classic 90s one hit wonder band, Lit. (for the record I owned 2 Lit CDs in my youth, I was 10)
RCBD Hitter of Note
Jose Abreu (.444 OBP, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 R, 9 RBI)
A lot of guys had good weeks for the Bad Dudes offense, special shout out to my boy Jed Lowrie who had 6 RBIs on 13 at bats. Abreu just seemed like the right pick here. Most RBIs on the Bad Dudes, who put up 66 RBIs this week.
RCBD Pitcher of Note
Dakota Hudson (2 IP, 0.00 ERA 2 Ks, 1 W, 2 H)
Nobody really stood out on the Bad Dudes staff. Sure, Jake Arrieta had a good game, and Lobman’s boy Treinen had a few saves and a win. But when it came down to it, the Slugs could not manage a hold, and fell 1-win shy of winning the matchup this week. SP eligible high minors reliever going out there and making a difference in what became 2 important categories this week. Hudson’s 2 holds were the only 2 of the matchup and the 1 win was absolutely a difference maker.
I was uninspired by the Slugs hitters this week, so we will give this honor to Whit Merrifield because whatever why not. This could have easily gone to Trevor Story (.423 OBP, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 R, 3 RBIs, 2 SB), but I was uninspired by his 3 RBIs. Good job Whit, see you back in a backyard lineup next season.
BBS Pitcher of Note
Max Scherzer (6 IP, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W)
Usual Max Scherzer line there. 1 start week for Max, and he did his job. The same cannot be said for Luis Severino and Nick Pivetta. They each had a 2-start week and all they had to do was beat that small market team in New York just once between the both of them. But the Mets’ offense decided to show up this week and ruin what was supposed to be Brian’s year.
Lobman is turning into the Buffalo Bills of the Backyard. He wiggled his way into the Backyard playoffs with the 6th seed and we may all pay for it. Lobman’s offense is starting to click at the absolute best time for the Bad Dudes. The Bad Dudes outslugged the Slugs and won the offensive categories 5-1-1. Perhaps having a better offense is more important when it comes to playoff time in the Backyard. The aces on the Slugs only had 1 night in some cases to influence the matchup and it proved to not be enough.
On the other hand, I thought Brian had the best team ever, what happened? This is at least what we were all lead to believe by the Slugs leader himself for most of the regular season. There must be some sort of conspiracy to why the best team ever lost in the first round of the Backyard Playoffs. How can a team that is so good possibly lose in the first round? Was it because of aliens? Is the Illuminati to blame? Is the entire world out to get Brian? Is this all a dream and Brian really won, but I am writing a fake blog post from a dream coma? Brian removed himself from the chat so we perhaps may never know! With Alex Jones out of work, one might think the Backyard should consider employing him to get to the bottom of this conspiracy. We must find out why the government turned the frogs gay! And perhaps they did the same to the slugs, it just went unnoticed until now. Were the frogs being gay just a false flag to bring down the Barnegat Banana Slugs!? Maybe the Curse of Charlie Morton was real after all! One must now think; will the curse carry over to 2019 for the Slugs?
The once fearless Slugs leader, who was not afraid to announce this as his banner season as early as week 6, turned into a shell of himself. One could smell the fear the Slugs started to have towards the Bad Dudes by mid-week when Muncy and Schoop were both waived in a desperate attempt to beat the Bad Dudes. I would like to point out that Muncy was part of the same trade that brought Gomber over, who Brian benched. Was it mentioned yet that the Gomber win on the bench would’ve been a difference maker in this matchup?
Lobman will go on to face the number 1 seeded Isotopes in the battle of the Mikes.
Brian will hopefully end his radio silence on Backyard Live to take his lumps for the cockiness he had in the beginning of the season, or at least give us a rant on why he was screwed over, or why we should have more DL spots, or we shouldn’t police our minors so no one risks losing anyone. But hey at least he still has Vlad Jr….. unless the Curse of Charlie Morton gets to him next.
Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz just barely squeeze past the Renegades 14-0-0
Ronald Acuna Jr. (.559 OBP, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 11 R, 9 RBIs, 3 SB)
Acuna Matada Mother Fuckers! This 20-year-old prodigy broke out in a big way over the last few weeks. He really started the week off hot Monday and Tuesday, contributing to Rojo getting buried early on according to some in Backyard Live (looking at Odom). Whether you believed he was buried that early on or not, Rojo had an uphill battle this week after only the first 2 days of the playoffs. Acuna had 4 HRs and 7 R, and all 9 of his RBIs by the end of Tuesday night alone. What kind of week could this kid have had if Jose Urena didn’t act like a coward and throw at Acuna’s elbow, knocking the young man out of the game Wednesday and cooling him off slightly in the process. Fuck Jose Urena!
Rojo mismanaged his team early on in the week if you ask me. For a team that is built on flexibility and the “line changes” he does daily, there is no reason that he should be with empty spots in his lineup. On quite a few occasions this week he was starting a guy in his lineup that was not in his real-life team’s lineup for that day. I am not talking about just on light days when there aren’t a lot of games, but on days where every team is playing, he would have guys in his lineup that were riding pine. I actually counted up the amount of times he started a guy that was not starting in his team’s actual lineup, Rojo did this 16 times throughout the week. He did this 3 days in a row with Joc Pederson alone. This is not a good job on a team that is seemingly built on flexibility. Maybe he was too busy worrying about what relievers to stream instead of making sure he had a complete lineup for the day, and this is a bad job my friend. I believe there is some sort of playoff winless streak going on here, so better luck next year.
This ginger proved you don’t need a soul to hit. Good job brother, keep up the good work.
LTBS Pitcher of Note
Jacob deGrom (15.2 IP, 2 ER, 1.15 ERA, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 2 W, 1 CG)
This guy is awesome. Degrominant in the 2-start week. He finally received some run support in those 2 starts and that equals 2 victories for deGrom, including a CG. One of the best pitchers in baseball right here, and deserves some serious recognition for the Cy Young Award.
Goldy is pretty good by the way, in case someone wasn’t aware out there. He was constantly on base this week, but ultimately it did not matter for a Renegades team that failed to win a single category.
Klubot is good, I’m sure other Sean has written extensively about him in the past so you’re going to have to keep scrolling to see more info on Kluber.
Well for one I was very fortunate during double headers this week. Was also very fortunate that Rojo was not attentive enough to his lineup, which was the storyline to this matchup. 16 TIMES THIS WEEK HE HAD A PLAYER IN HIS LINEUP THAT WAS NOT IN HIS REAL-LIFE LINEUP! It is going to be difficult to win no matter who you are when that is happening. You’re missing out on potentially 50 at bats just by not checking lineups. The Backdoor Sliderz had 44 more at bats than the Renegades this week, and the Sliderz did not roster a catcher for a single day during the week. Rojo, who has made 450 moves this season, needed to make more moves to just ensure he is running a full lineup nightly. Joc Pederson was benched 3 days in a row but Rojo ran him out his lineup for all 3 of those days. I also question if Hosmer is rosterable as well. But I digress and will manage my own team, which is moving on to round 2 for the first time in franchise history.
The BabySliderz jumped out to a real hot start this week and never looked back. They will now look ahead to the number 2 seed Garden State Warriors led by R Mac. Also of note, this is the 4th week in a row that Dochney will be facing a Ryan.
Round 2 Preview
Astoria Isotopes (1 Seed) Vs. River City Bad Dudes (6 Seed)
The Topes took over the number 1 seed by beating the Slugs in the final week of the season. The Topes are led by some star power, but 2 of their biggest stars are currently on the DL. Being without Judge and Sale are both a big blow for the Topes.
The Bad Dudes on the other hand have been red hot over the last month, and they have some big names on the offensive side of the ball themselves. They looked like an absolute offensive monster in round 1 of the playoffs. The Topes may have some big names, but are they enough to hold off the scorching Bad Dudes without the Pride of the Topes (Judge)?
The season series was split between these 2. The Bad Dudes won in Week 16 (6-5-3), while the Topes won in Week 7 (7-6-1)
PreDOCHtion: Bad Dudes take down the Topes to advance to yet another BCS Finals.
Garden State Warriors (2 Seed) host the Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz (5Seed)
Week 18 rematch for our other Backyard Round 2 playoff matchup. R Mac could have secured the 1 seed and eliminated the Baby Sliderz from the playoffs with a Week 18 win, but was unable to do so and now Dochney will be looking to make the Warriors pay for letting him in the playoffs.
The Warriors perhaps have the best team in the league. Dominate pitching staff when healthy and have very exciting young talent in Lindor, Correa, Gleyber, Baez, and Benintendi. But this team is not the healthiest at this point in the season. Darvish, Strasburg, Paxton, and Doolittle all sit on the DL for the Warriors, while the Sliderz are looking relatively healthy (KNOCK ON WOOD). Strasburg may be back Wednesday for a start, but it is very likely R Mac will not have the other 3 for the remainder of the playoffs.
The Sliderz will lean on their youth to get them into the Backyard finals. Hoping Acuna and Carpenter are not feeling any effects from being hit by pitches in scary spots last week. There is also a highly anticipated Backyard debut for Michael Kopech, who will have a 2-start week to get his feet wet in the Backyard.
Season Series was split between these 2. Warriors won the Week 9 matchup (9-4-1). Sliderz won Week 18 (8-5-1).
PreDOCHtion: Backdoor Sliderz win because I am being biased. No hard evidence to support the predochtion, screw you all!
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THE FIELD OF FOUR AND FOLLOWING THAT WE WILL BE AT A FIELD OF TWO AND WHOEVER WINS THAT ONE WILL BE OUR 20178 CHAMPION AND AT LEAST IT ISN’T THE TROUT FISHING CLUB BARNEGAT BANANA SLUGS AMIRITE? NOW IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME I HAVE A MATCHUP TO TURN AROUND OR POSSIBLY NOT TURN AROUND LIFE TO LIVE… HOPING TO SEE SOME MORE PEP IN THE TEAM’S STEP GOING FORWARD IN 2019 THOUGH GOTTA BE HONEST. BYBR2 TUNE IN……………….
Wilson Contreras (Bad Dudes), Week 6: 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 1 SB AND ALSO IS A CATCHER
UGLIEST JROLL OF THE SEASON:
Whatever Dustin Fowler did ‘cuz it was Dustin Fowler (Week 7)
AND NOW, YOUR 2018 JROLL AWARD WINNER…….
YEA UNFORTUNATELY IT IS MOOKIE BETTS. The Sawks hater in me hopes this curses him for 2019 because last year’s JROLLwinner, Charlie Blackmon, did not have a SINGLE JROLL in 2018. But yes came down to Betts vs. Albies vs. Polanco and uh see chart below:
Mookie Betts: 89
Ozzie Albies: 69 (nice.)
Gregory Polanco: 57
Makes it pretty clear sadly, so CONGRATS TO MOOKIE BETTS. Now if only management could get you into the Backyard Bracket more. If. Only.
Consider this a bit of a Troll For Champions, as I’m sure everyone feels like their team was the best championship team OF ALL TIME and mostly everyone there is wrong. It is also a bit of a troll because I am doing VERY LITTLE research here. So finally, as a labor of love, and since we finally have 10 league champions, I will rank them all. The last troll article had some rules let’s get some more rules in here.
FIRST RULE, is more of a statement and that statement is I don’t have access to any league pages before like 2013. So really I am the worst possible person to compile a top ten. HERE IT IS ANYWAYS.
Previous season result MATTERS, in the obvious ways you will expect it to matter. aka teams that win multiple years in a row should obviously be PRAISED BY ALL.
Regular season stats matter A BIT, particularly since I only have that to go off of for a couple of seasons.
But playoff run also matters, particularly since I only happen to know the playoff runs for a couple of seasons. Alright let’s get to it, I don’t even think I needed to list rules but I copy and pasted the top from last time for some reason ANYWAYS HERE WE GO…
2017 – POINT LOMA X*RAYZ: 10-6-2
Notable Performers: Jose Ramirez, Dee Gordon, Billy Hamilton, Elvis Andrus, Daniel Murphy, Chris Archer, Robbie Ray, Jeff Samardzija, Edwin Diaz, Dellin Betances
Why They’re Number Ten: BECAUSE THEIR BCS #NimmoGate CONTROVERSY NEARLY RUINED US ALL. I love this particular roster and was a big fan of their playoff run, but lets face it the BCS uhhh “incident” was a bit o’ a shitshow. And since that shitshow was mostly due to a terrible rule established by this team’s OWN OWNER that kinda seals their fate as the number ten here. Which doesn’t at all take away from the fact that Odom has taken home the chip (or co-taken co-home) in 4 of 7 seasons in the league which is plenty fucking impressive. And I thank him for Rhys Hoskins in a roundabout way (assuming Rhys works out).
2011 – JIMBO’S VULCAN DEATH GRIP: 9-11
Notable Performers: Mike Napoli, Elvis Andrus, Michael Young, Carlos Gonzalez (half the season), Hanley Ramirez (the other half), Joe Mauer (the other half but also always hurt), CC Sabathia (half the season), Cole Hamels (the other half), an erratic Ubaldo Jimenez, David Robertson
(special thanks to Odom for helping me remember some guys)
Why They’re Number Nine: REGULAR SEASON RECORD is what does this team no favors. Despite a fan favorite name and an impressive championship in their eventual inaugural season as owners, the facts are the facts and the facts are this is the only team to ever win a championship with a sub-.500 regular season record. I am also going to claim this team INVENTED THE BLOCKBUSTER, because this thing is full of wild claims without sources. A midseason deal sent That record CC and CarGo to the WVU Bombers or whatfuckingever for Mauer, Hanley Ramirez, and Cole Hamels and those three would be staples on the team for YEARS TO COME. Mauer would go on to homer in a first round matchup against WVU which was amusing because he hit all of 3 HRs that season. But YEA THE RECORD, the record gave the doubters plenty of fuel with which to doubt. DOUBT THAT WOULD PROVE FOOLISH. clearly it was a star, t from humble beginnings for the Odom/Sean dynasty to be.
2009 – SCARLET KNIGHTS: 15-7
Notable Performers: JASON BAY, Brian Wilson ALLEGEDLY for the latter half, Miguel Cabrera, Prince Fielder, Robinson Cano, Jorge Posada, Travis Hafner maybe?, Vernon Wells maybe?, Miguel Tejada maybe?, Dustin Pedroia for part of the season? Some other closers? I dunno how the fuck should I know…
Why They’re Number Eight: PRE-COMPETITIVE ERA. Because while a 15-7 record is nothing to sneeze at, they played in the pre-competitive era free of minor league systems and excessive numbers of keepers and so on and so forth. Also their BCS victory came at the hands of a notable idiot with a 12-10 record, unlike the next 15-7 team on the list that defeated a fellow 15-7er to capture a crown. FUN FACT: I won the fantasy football championship this season thanks to a one CJ2K. So that is a fun fact.
2010 – TOMS RIVER TAKEOVER: 15-7
Notable Performers: CLAYTON KERSHAW I AM SURE, Roy Halladay and his NINE CGs I am sure, Justin Upton, Jon Lester, Juan Pierre?, injury-hampered Justin Morneau? injury-hampered J-ROLLLLLLLL, Dan Uggla?, Tim Hudson?, hopefully kept Kelly Johnson through the tough times cuz 2010 was his masterpiece?
Why They’re Number Seven: SUPERIOR BCS MATCHUP. AGAIN this comes in the era of a bunch of shitty owners shitting around, BUT this particular 15-7 squad edges the previous due to a seemingly more challenging BCS matchup. No idea who really made up this roster (heavy speculation based on ’08 draft above), but I DO see they dropped a ridiculous 81 RBIs (still the all-time record) and 70 Runs on their poor Week 16 opponent. So I suspect they had some strong offensive players. Feel pretty confident in this guess.
2016 – OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB: 11-7-2
Notable Performers: Mike Trout, Kris Bryant, Anthony Rizzo, Mookie Betts, Todd Frazier, Trea Turner, Ian Desmond, Corey Seager, Jose Fernandez, Francisco Rodriguez
Why They’re Number SIX: GENERAL ROSTER TALENT. This team had done such an excellent job of SQUANDERING their elite talent for years that I campaigned a few times for them to change their name to the LessWithMores, but in 2016 they finally got it done. They entered the playoffs as the #4 seed and advanced out of the first round via a tie with the #5 seed but BY GOD, they still got it done. Mostly unimpressive playoff performance aside. They got it done. Good for them. I rank them this highly simply because they got it done in THE COMPETITIVE ERA and also because their roster was good enough to likely beat pretty much any other team on this list (provided they weren’t MISMANAGED INTO THE GROUND).
2015 – RIVER CITY CUBAN MISSILES: 12-6-2
Notable Performers: Anthony Rizzo, Jose Abreu, Manny Machado, Bryce Harper, Chris Davis, Jose Bautista, Jon Lester, Garrett Richards, Jacob DeGrom, Zach Britton
Why They’re Number Five: POSTSEASON DOMINANCE. The interesting thing to ME here is I’ve been able to look at a few “roster summaries” here and this one appears to be one of the more unimpressive ones stats-wise (pitching especially) AND YET can’t deny this postseason performance. Not only did the Cuban Missiles grab the #1 seed, but they won their two playoff matchups by a combined score of 23-3-2. I dunno that feels like it may be some kind of record. The Missiles defeated team rmac 11-1-2 in the second round and the fresh on the scene Barnegat Banana Slugs 12-2 in the BCS, effectively steamrolling the competition in a way that needs to be acknowledged here. And it has been acknowledged. So now lets move on.
2008 – RIVER CITY MASHERS: 19-3
Notable Performers: I mean NO IDEA one might think, because I am blocked from accessing these old rosters. BUT, I can piece together the probable notable performers from a recap of the league’s first draft and so here they are – Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran, David Wright ‘scuseeee me, Mark Teixeira, Adam Dunn, Jhonny Peralta, Raul Ibanez, Roy Oswalt, Brad Lidge
Why They’re Number Four: HELLUVA RECORD. Truthfully this team may have earned the right to be higher (NOT MUCH HIGHER) but I just wasn’t involved back then and I just do not know what to tell you. But yea, 19-3 is a nice fucking record and a little league history blurb from the blog tells me they whomped Cliff in the BCS (11-2-1) after narrowly edging out Ryan’s “Tar Heels” in the second round (7-6-1 on a .3812 to .3810 OBP advantage) and good on them. Looks like a damn fine year. Way to go Mashers.
2012 – TAMPA BAY TWO-TIME TWO-TIME (strange name): 11-9
Notable Performers: FUCKING AARON HILL (everybody look up Aaron Hill’s 2012 please, he had two cycles that year, thank you), Edwin Encarnacion, Hanley Ramirez, Joe Mauer, Nick Swisher, Cole Hamels, an erratic Tim Lincecum, Craig Kimbrel, Kenley Jansen,David Robertson
Why They’re Number Three: BECAUSE WE WENT BACK TO FUCKING BACK. Has yet to be repeated, is a very tough thing to do I believe time has told. Our second championship team merely flipped the record from our first championship team (from 9-11 to 11-9) but put together a solid postseason run and grabbed their second in a row AND THAT IS IMPRESSIVE. Allllll the years previous and alllll the years since that hasn’t been done (not counting our third in a row), so that needs to be rewarded with this particular ranking.
2014 – PINE LAKE SWINGMEN: 16-3-1
Notable Performers: Carlos Gomez, Paul Goldschmidt, Justin Upton, Adrian Gonzalez, Anthony Rendon, Dee Gordon, Clayton Kershaw, Felix Hernandez, Sonny Gray, Greg Holland (team was fucking stacked though I should more or less list the whole offense)
Why They’re Number Two: This team impressed the shit outta me because of their SUB 100 MOVE SEASON. Also the team was stacked and set multiple season records including Runs, HRs, and Strikeouts (Ks being an all time record to this very day). But back to the moves, maybe this wasn’t always the case but in the modern era here movement is life; all serious competitors routinely hit triple digits with their moves in-season. The Pine Lake Swingmen of 2014 only needed 98 moves to grab the #2 seed in the regular season (13-6 record, 3Peat Offendaz #1 at 14-7) and then march through the playoffs on the way to Ryan’s 2nd championship in five seasons. OF COURSE one will never know what might have happened if this team ran into the 3Peat Offendaz in the championship, as the 3PO lost to a 4 seed of questionable character in a strangely lazy 2nd round performance. The 3PO would have beat the #3 seed though, I think we all know that. ANYWAYS REALLY IMPRESSIVE YEAR BY THE 2014 PINE LAKE SWINGMEN, very nearly the most impressive of all time.
AND NUMBER 1, WHICH SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN IN DOUBT….
2013 – TOMS RIVER 3PEAT OFFENDAZ (clearly named post-parade): 16-3-1
Why They’re Number One: SEEMS PRETTY CLEAR TO ME. This is the first and probably the last 3peat team this league ever saw, it started off 2-3 before winning a remarkable 14 in a row, it defeated a 16-4 #2 seed Angels in the TROUTfield via a TIE in the BCS (also defeated the TROUTfield in both regular season meetings). In case there is strangely still any doubts about this as your top team o all time, they defeated the River City Mashers in the 2nd round THIRTEEN-ZERO-ONE. I could write a thousand words about this particular season but trying this new brevity thing.
So there you have it folks, no real surprise about the particular TEAM in the top spot but….
HAHA TOOK THAT STRAIGHT FROM THE LAST TROLL SERIES POST. But yea, shouldn’t be a surprise. Feel free to try and educate me about the teams from the years of softer competition because I am sure that would be a fun and educational GroupMe conversation for the league but yea. Really this whole thing was written just to point out how impressive that 3peat season was/how impressive that 98 move season of Ryan’s was. Mission. Accomplished.