Week 3 concluded and uhhh IT IS JUST WHAT THE TITLE SAYS. The two 0-2 teams heading into the week won and are thusly 1-2. The two 2-0 teams heading into the week lost and are thusly 2-1. This leaves us with 5 teams at 2-1 and 5 teams at 1-2, MATH. Let’s keep the no ties going, ties are the worst. Also MY GAWD it is Week 3 and I am just realizing I haven’t been assigning MVP Of The Week and LVP Of The Week, so that will now be fixed both retroactively and going forward. And now let’s see how all the teams got their respective records as we recap Week 3……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Q-Tip City Morning Wood Slide On By Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz  –  7-3-4

 

MVP:  Yasmani Grandal  –  The QTCMW put up a season-best .3844 OBP in this one and this guy helped that a good bit, and also I have just always dreamed of the day that I could highlight Yasmani Grandal for the Bonerz since I just GAVE HIM AWAY to him for like Dan Vogelbach or something. The truth of the matter is most of the MW offense was cruising last week so not really any wrong answers here. But this is real nice production out of the C spot. So it goes to him.  8/24, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 11 RBIs, .448 OBP

LVP:  Domingo Santana  –  NO WONDER I was asked if I still had interest in Domingo. No. Wonder.  0/16, 2 Rs, .158 OBP

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  A real fine showing from Lorenzo Cain as he continues to be solid ever since he was freed from the ‘Topes roster (8/21, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  How bout Julio Teheran all of a sudden being good again for a hot sec here all of a sudden (13 IP, 1 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.69 ERA) (nice).

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Seems like the Brew Crew had some fine hitting last week, if we are just going off Cain and Travis Shaw here (17/19, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .600 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Kinda wish I was asked about Blake Snell instead because he looks like he might have something cookin’ here, cookin’ with gas (13.1 IP, 2 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.35 ERA). (UPDATE: Andddd now he is an X*Ray)

 

Week 4:  MW  @ X*Rayz (1-2 @ 1-2),

                Sliderz v. Bad Dudes (1-2 v. 2-1)

 

 

 

 

Bellcrest Park Babadooks Pitch Past OceanGate Trout Fishing Club  –  8-3-3

 

MVP:  Lance McCullers  –  The Babadooks swept the pitching cats 7-0 and ALSO I will take every opportunity I can to search for a Lance McCullers GIF so HERE IT IS. Really I wanted to find a nasty pitch movement one but this one works better. Lance was quality last week but he probably remains a roller coaster. The highs are really pretty though.  13 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.38 ERA

LVP:  A Tie Between Andrew Triggs And Lucas Giolito And Gregory Heroy  –  Is it better to give up 6 ER in 1.1 IP or 9 ER in 2 IP? That is the question I pose to you the readers. Because both end up giving you an ERA of 40.50.  Triggs:  1.1 IP, 6 ER, 40.50 ERA  Giolito:  2 IP, 9 ER, 1 K, 40.50 ERA  Heroy:  -6 mWAR for letting Giolito start/keep his roster spot.     ***LVP(s) OF THE WEEK***

 

Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  Rhys Hoskins was better but I wanna give a shoutout to Lewis Brinson instead and hope it motivates him to keep it going against non-Milwaukee opponents, and to maybe STOP STRIKING OUT SO FUCKING MUCH (3/12, 3 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .308 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Also can’t celebrate this Week 3 victory without celebrating the life of Mike Clevinger and that sweet sweet Saturday CG shutout he gave us (9 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mookie Betts, it unfortunately must be noted, is on a bit o’ a tear and thankfully the Sawks rewarded it with a Sunday day off (8/20, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 4 RBIs, .478 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  I mean I guess a postive is Josh Hader is becoming a nice bullpen weapon, I guess (5 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 2 Saves, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 4:  Babadooks @ RRF (1-2 @ 2-1) 

                OGTFC @ Isotopes (1-2 @ 2-1)

 

 

 

 

 

Astoria Isotopes Hit The Shit Outta The Ball, Record Many Dongs, Defeat The Mission Valley X*Rayz  –  10-3-1

 

MVP:  Paul DeJong  –  The Isotopes donged 20 dongs which is a pretty high number and also knocked in 73 which is a RATHER high number and interestingly enough nobody had more than 3 dongs, and nobody had dougle digit RBIs or anything (8 was the high man). But that high man was also Moose and fuck him no way I am giving him two MVPs in a row. So DeJong DeGetsit.  6/20, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .364 OBP

LVP:  Ian Desmond  –  Ian Desmond continues to be SO DISAPPOINTING, as a guy that went to Colorado and decided to start hitting groundballs and groundballs only (fucking 72.7% GB rate this season, 62.7% last season). I know this from firsthand experience clearly. Fuck that guy.  0/15, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .118 OBP 

 

‘Topes Hitter Of Note:  I guess I can note Mike Moustakas here though, the dick (10/33, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .324 OBP).

‘Topes Pitcher Of Note:  The ‘Topes also grabbed a Dallas Keuchel CG for good and unnecessary measure, I hope the universe takes away a CG from him in a matchup when he needs it more and that is how it works (14 IP, 3 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  One thing you can say after 3 is that the defending champs have TO THIS POINT been managing some solid pop, and thank god part of that is Jose Ramirez getting back to being a beast (9/22, 4 Rs, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .480 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Let’s highlight Chris Archer finally mustering a QS in his fifth start of the gotdamned season, cuz get it together Chris (6.2 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks, 1 QS, 2.70 ERA).

 

Week 4:  Isotopes v. OGTFC (2-1 v. 1-2)

                X*Rayz v. MW (1-2 v. 1-2)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barnegat Banana Slugs Hand Rojo’s Renegade Force Their First L, Because Parity  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Patrick Corbin  –  Patrick Corbin out here dominating and I did NOT see this coming. You could say he has been a real FORCE. See what I did there. But yea Corbin put up a monnnnnster two start week, what more can I say that Brian probably hasn’t already said. See line here.  15 IP, 2 ER, 19 Ks, 2 QS, 1 CG, 2 Ws, 1.20 ERA     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Zack Cozart  –  I feel like last week I may have declared that Cozart was proving his ’17 wasn’t a fluke but now I have decided that you have REGRESSED sir, based off this particular week long sample size. Or maybe it was Scooter Gennett, who can fucking keep track of these white one year wonders on the RRF. But Zack was bad in Week 3 is what I am saying.  1/17, 1 RBI, .158 OBP

 

Slugs Hitter Of Note:  It is with great trepidation that I announce that Trevor Story had himself a JROLL last week 😦  (9/20, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 2 SBs, .560 OBP).

Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  I’ll tell you who was also a FORCE, Luis Severino was also a force as the Slugs got some sexy two-start weeks outta two of their hurlers I have noted them both pay attention (13 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.69 ERA) (Nice).

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  George Springer was good in Week 3 but I can’t really figure out a way to compare Springer to Yu Darvish week to week (Yu Darvish was bad in Week 3) and why can’t we just move on from trades anyways (I am part of the problem) so Springer was good and that is all that matters right now (9/28, 10 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .412 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Hey quick FYI, old ass Johnny Cueto has only given up 1 ER all season (13 IP, 0 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 4:   Slugs @ Warriors (2-1 @ 2-1, BBOTW )

                 RRF v. Babadooks (2-1 v. 1-2)

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 3 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY MARIJUANA

 

 

 

 

River City Bad Dudes Also Take Down A Previously Undefeated, The Garden State Warriors, BECAUSE NOBODY GETS TO HAVE A NICE WIN STREAK UNTIL I HAVE ONE–  9-5-0

 

MVP:  Manny Machado  –  MANNY HAVE YOU A WEEK. Manny was somewhat not great for stretches of 2017 but last week he was great, and in 2018 he has been great. And he is a great player. The Yankees should look to acquire this young fella.  11/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 8 RBIs, .560 OBP

LVP:  Yu Darvish  –  I dunno I guess it has to be Yu, the Warriors got outclassed in the pitching department which is rare BUT HAPPENS and SOMEONE SHOULD BE HELD RESPONSIBLE and I guess it can be Yu Darvish. A couple guys didn’t have great batting lines but none so egregiously bad that they stood out, even Sano made one of his two hits leave the yard. So yea, Yu get what Yu deserve Yu.  4.2 IP, 5 ER, 4 Ks, 9.54 ERA

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  It’s amusing how often I look at a box score and realize I gave a guy the LVP the week before and now he out here balling, ALMOST AS IF OVERREACTING TO SMALL SAMPLES IS SILLY OR SOMETHING, but yea to that point Nomar Mazara didn’t get any counting stats in Week 2 but got some in Week 3 (8/24, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .385 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Sean Manaea no hit the Red Sawks fuck yeaaaaaaa, I believe I questioned Manaea’s ability to put it together when the Dudes traded for him and I apologize Sean (9 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  On the bright side, Warriors fans, Javier Baez that mothafucka has arrived (12/25, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, .480 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  And I guess I am just gonna sit here and point out Dylan Bundy lines all season long cuz it just seems SILLY to me that the Warriors just picked him up off waivers last August like they even needed him and he’s out here pitching better than anyone else on the staff (6 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

This one got BBOTW because Ryan and Lobman are FRIENDS TURNED FOES. Jk they are still just friends, but it seemed like two strong teams and they both put up fairly strong numbers. I believe this matchup like most matchups was up for grabs Saturday and Sunday however, Saturday things went a little topsy turvy for the Warriors. Neededing a strong pitching day, kinda their thing yanno, they pitched to a 6.55 ERA across four starts (Stephen Strasburg the only QS, Paxton, Darvish, and a random Kyle Gibson appearance all dragging down the ERA [to be fair Kyle was the best of those three]). Meanwhile on the Bad Dudes side of things you have Sean Manaea no hitting the Red Sox which did NOT do Garden State any favors. Sunday there was still a pulse but it would require a lotta dongs, an ERA correction, and some saves for the Warriors and they really got none of the three. Their 2 Sunday HRs were matched by Manny Machado all by his lonesome. Overall both teams looked tough but the Bad Dudes eded the Warriors 4-3  in the hitting cats, and more impressively took care of business in the pitching cats to the tune of 5-2. The CG helps, and it seems like the Ws and QS were not quite falling for the Warriors in Week 3, but give the Dudes credit as they grabbed 8 a piece in those cats and out-ERA’d the team that still leads the league in ERA. Also the CG helps, as those always do. I love those things as a cat even though I tend to never get them. But this isn’t about me.

In Week 4 the Bad Dudes head down to Ocean County’s DEEP SOUTH to take on the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, Lacey has lost two straight after winning their 2018 opener. Meanwhile the Garden State Warriors will grab BBOTW status once again when they host the Barnegat Banana Slugs, the only matchup pitting two of the five 2-1 teams against one another.

 

Week 4:  Bad Dudes @ Sliderz (2-1 @ 1-2)

                Warriors v. Slugs (2-1 v. 2-1, BBOTW)

 

 

 

 

 

 

So that was Week 3 Review, once again not completed on a Monday. And while we are on this particular subject lemme just say I can all but guarantee I won’t be able to get a week 4 review done in a timely fashion, next week I think I am avoiding the office til like Friday or something. So that could be tricky. Or yanno have someone else write it, I really can’t make these things any simpler. REALLY CAN’T. On to Week 4, let’s make everyone 2-2 that we can possibly make 2-2. 

 

 

 

We are a mereeee two weeks in and we have two undefeateds, two haven’t won yets, and a bunch of 1-1s. SOME MAY CALL THIS PARITY. I call it the illusion of parity. I say that even though I had a projected final standings where everyone was within like a game or two of each other. So I am a hypocrite. But yea let’s give it a few weeks before drawing conclusions. But yea let’s also see how we fared in our first “normal” week of action (note: was not at all normal, rainouts are a B).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mission Valley X*Rayz Humble The Very Team They Hyped, Defeat Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz  –  7-3-4

 

MVP:  Jose “EVERYTHING HURTS!!!” Martinez  –  The X*Rayz managed to pull off the old “win without anyone having a particularly good week on your ENTIRE TEAM” trick which always makes these MVPs a bit dicey. Nobody hit more than 2 dongs, only two guys scored more than 5 runs, nobody pitched all that lights out. BUT Jose Martinez whined his way to a .500+ OBP and a team-high 7 RBIs so he is your MVP here.  9/22, 2 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .519 OBP

LVP:  Jose Altuve  –  Altuve is getting dinged here because of EXPECTATIONS, because again nobody on the BdSliderz was particularly AWFUL in this defeat. But Jose did not do much of anything except for a few empty singles and a pair of walks and he is EXPECTED to do more, as he goes so goes the Lacey Twp. The team not the town, the town cannot be salvaged at this point.  7/23, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .385 OBP

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Nice lil week from Billy Hamilton, HIT A DINGER EVEN, and yea if he could get on base a third of the time all the time who even KNOWS how many bags he could steal (5/26, 6 Rs, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 3 SBs, .333 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Miles Mikolas did kinda okay last week and he looks kinda okay, but maybe just okay and maybe just kinda (13.1 IP, 5 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.38 ERA).

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Even in defeat, the BdSliderz can take comfort knowing that Ozzie Albies is a beast (10/23, 6 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .458 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And also Blake Snell SHOWING SIGNS OF LIFE, didn’t even walk a guy in this start which is perhaps a first for him (6 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

 

Week 3:  X*Rayz v. ‘Topes (1-1 v. 1-1),

                 Sliderz @ MW (1-1 @ 0-2)

 

 

 

 

Garden State Warriors Win A Sneaky Close Pitching Duel Versus The Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  8-4-2

 

MVP:  Javier Baez  –  Javy Baez out here FINALLY DOIN SOMETHING, only 5 hits but four of them left the yard and the 5th went for two bases. This matchup was actually rather tight on both sides of the ball so the Warriors ended up needed every last R and every last RBI outta this man. Cuz they won each of those cats by 1. #analysis.  5/20, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, 1 SB, .286 OBP

LVP:  Brandon Belt  –  And given the tightness of said offensive cats, Brandon Belt’s big empty OBP week did the QTCMW no favors and helped SPOIL a week in which they really held their own on the pitching side against the vaunted Warriors staff. But yea, offense and stuff.  3/16, 1 R, 1 RBI, .364 OBP

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Andrew Benintendi BITCHED OUT of a possible JROLL by not socking a dinger, like the Red Sawks bitch he is, but yea still a nice weekt (9/21, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  Don’t want to alarm anyone but Dylan Bundy is showing some signs of acehood, this is also where I should note that if the Warriors hadn’t got their 12th start cancelled a few times they would have likely topped the all-time Ks record that was set by them way back in 2014 (12.2 IP, 3 ER, 16 Ks, 1 QS, 2.13 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  JD Martinez had himself a nice little week and one can surmise from these hitters of note that the Red Sawks offense is doing alright right about now (8/25, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 9 RBIs, .333 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  The poor Morning Wood staff DID THE DAMN THING just to try and keep pace with the Warriors and ended up losing ERA anyways (2.498 to 2.520), but yea nobody for the Bonerz did the damn thing more than Carlos Martinez (13 IP, 1 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.69 ERA). (Nice.)

 

Week 3:  Warriors @ Bad Dudes (2-0 @ 1-1, BBOTW ‘cuz I said so) 

                MW v. Sliderz (0-2 v. 1-1)

 

 

 

 

 

Rojo’s Renegade Force Roll Past River City Bad Dudes, Threaten Once Again To Have A Great First Of The Schedule At A Minimum  –  8-6-0

 

MVP:  Paul Goldschmidt  –  The Renegade Force offense was the best offense in the first week where I actually tally offensive stats, so they are rewarded with a bunch of 2018 records that will likely be broken any week now. But FOR NOW they are all over that offensive record board and Mr. Goldschmidt obviously had a hand in that, as he tends to do.  10/24, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .462 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Nomar Mazara  –  PRETTY UNINSPIRED STUFF outta Nomar Mazara, has me thinking about what to name it when a guy gets a bunch of ABs but ends up with no counting stats. Perhaps a REYROLL in honor of Rey Ordonez’s counting stat inept rookie season(/career)? We will consider it.  6/21, .286 OBP and das it

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Chris Taylor socked 100% of his total 2018 dingers and knocked in 75% of his total 2018 RBIs in Week 2, so heating up folks let’s see if he’s still got it (6/22, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .304 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Corey Kluber is v good (8 IP, 0 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  AJ Pollock managed to lead the Bad Dudes in HRs (tied with Chapman) and RBIs while also having a bad OBP and only 3 hits, so THAT IS INTERESTING MAYBE (3/20, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .182 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And at least, the Bad Dudes have found themselves a Jacob Junis to roster for at least another start or two (11.2 IP, 4 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.09 ERA).

 

Week 3: RRF @ Slugs (2-0 @ 1-1)

                Bad Dudes v. Warriors (1-1 v. 2-0, BBOTW)

 

 

 

 

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Salt The Slugs, Defeat the Barnegat Banana Slugs, Also I Really Need To Stop Using This Line In These  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Mookie Betts  –  Mookie Betts had a helluva line while only taking one AB on Saturday and zero ABs on Sunday cuz his footsy wootsy hurtsy wurtsys. so AGAIN, I think the Sawks offense is cooking with gas right now. Firing on all cylinders. Etc. etc. etc. Here’s to hoping they all slump simultaneously as well.  6/18, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .409 

LVP:  Ender Inciarte  –  I mean on the one hand here Ender gave em 2 steals, I MEAN WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ENDER. Probably for Ender to get on base a bit more and score a few runs, I guess.  1/17, 2 SBs, .158 OBP

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mike Trout remains really good at baseball, to the point that I am kinda bored of him (8/23, 6 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .467 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  For some reason I always feel like Justin Verlander just had that year where his ERA was like 4.50 two years ago but then I look up and it was actually four years ago and he is actually really good again, our simple and incorrect concept of time is funny like that (15 IP, 1 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.60 ERA).

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Howz about DJ LeMahieu with the POWER STROKE, he’s up to 5 HRs when he had 8 all of last season and someone needs to go check if he’s been fucking around with that launch angle swing change balleyhoo (10/30, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .355 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Max Scherzer also remains really really good at the kind of baseball he is supposed to be good at, at this point there’s really no line I could read for his week that would shock me with its nastiness he’s the best pitcher in the Backyard folks (16 IP, 2 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 1 CG, 2 Ws, 1.13 ERA).

 

Week 3:   OGTFC v. Babadooks (1-1 v. 0-2)

                 Slugs v. RRF (1-1 v. 2-0)

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 2 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY YARDS BREWING COMPANY

 

 

 

 

Astoria Isotopes Get The Best of The Bellcrest Park Babadooks Once Again, Dammit All To Hell  –  9-2-3

 

MVP:  Mike Moustakas  –  SICKENINGLY the douche above, I guess giving himself moose horns (?), is the guy that killed me the most in this matchup. Followed closely by the HR GAWD Khris Davis, but yea Moose was all over the Babadooks this week in a depressing matchup where we couldn’t close the gaps we needed to close and come out of it looking like we got beat worse than we probably got beat. So fuck Mike Moustakas.  11/25, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .440 OBP

LVP:  Edwin Encarnacion  –  SICKENINGLY have to give this one to Edwin, which always pains me, but he is the guy from my own team that killed me most in this matchup. Followed closely by Lewis Brinson whom is attempting to play himself onto the waiver wire once his eligibility is up. And yanno not counting all the pitchers that got bombed. But yea I think I still have to give this to Edwin 😦 HE REYROLL’D IT.  1/17, .158 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  I could point out Khris Davis‘s 4 HRs and 7 RBIs but I would rather point out Nolan Arenado did nothing except rip that one triple and get suspended WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO THAT GUY the Isotopes locker room culture is out of control (3/15, 1 2B, 1 3B, .333 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Two starts from Chris Sale was really all the ‘Topes needed to blow past the MEAGER K numbers from the Babadooks, and also enough to keep their terrible ERA less terrible than mine (11 IP, 2 ER, 16 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.64 ERA).

 

Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  The only joy that I could really take from this matchup was the fact that the throw-in guy from the Arenado trade, Scott Kingery, guy ‘Topes management knew next to nothing about, had the best week of all the players involved in said deal (8/26, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, .321 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  ALL THE PITCHERS SUCKED, and Alex Wood you’re a dick as well, but I guess from an ERA standpoint Lance McCullers sucked most (3.2 IP, 8 ER, 6 Ks, 19.64 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

This one got BBOTW status as a rivalry game of sorts, the ‘Topes having handed us two of the 3 regular season losses we amassed in 2017 and EVEN SO we still ended up trading them Nolan Arenado. So this was the week where the spoils from the ‘Nado trade came back to batter the Isotopes and uhhhh KINGERY WAS GOOD, Rhys Hoskins WAS OKAY, Cody Bellinger WASN’T TERRIBLE. But none of that mattered because pitching was awful and the team hit its way to a sub .300 OBP and that is just never a good thing. BUT LETS TOUCH ON THE PITCHING THING REAL QUICK. Things were looking kinda sorta okay for the Babadooks heading into Wednesday and then on Wednesday they surrendered 18 ER in 9.1 IP. That stung, and even with ‘Topes pitching sucking a bit themselves the Babadooks never really recovered from that day. Maybe even entered Sunday with a chance to recover but just to extinguish hope quickly Zack Godley went out and gave up 5 in 4 innings. So yea this review was all about us and our failures, SOME PRETTY BAD STARTS FROM SOME PRETTY GOOD PITCHERS IMHO. The Isotopes got a bad start of their own from Jose Quintana but Sale propped up the staff enough, the bats hit enough dingers, Jean Segura and Nado each chipped in three baggers, and when it’s all said and done the Babadooks franchise loses their third straight to the ‘Topes and this one looked pretty ugly. I WANT REVENNNNNNNGE.

In Week 3 the Isotopes will head to Mission Valley looking to take down the defending champions; each team rebounded from a Week 1 defeat to win in Week 2. And on the BCPB side the ‘Dooks will be looking to avoid an ugly 0-3 start when they take on the KINGS of the ugly start, the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club (whom are coming off a nice victory against Barnegat, can’t deny them that).

 

Week 3:  Isotopes @ X*Rayz (1-1 @ 1-1)

                Babadooks @ OGTFC (0-2 @ 1-1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

So that was Week 2 Review, TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR WEEK 3 REVIEW. Power Rankings won’t arrive until after Week 4 review, which is a reminder that the season is young and I see no contenders for nothin’ quite yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before we begin I would like to welcome everyone back to the Backyard blog’s WEEK REVIEWWWWWWS. And welcome you all to the 2018 SEASONNNNNNNN. Give yourselves a round of applause. COUPLE OF QUICK CHANGES:

• I am tired of fucking writing about your sometimes uninteresting matchups. Also I want to streamline this format so any old schmuck could review a week if they are feeling randy. So these reviews will be pretty box score-y EXCEPT for the BBOTW.
• ON THAT NOTE. Only a true coward would pick his “Backyard Battle of the Week” (NEWER SNAPPIER NAME) after the week has ended and quite frankly I am disgusted with you all for letting me get away with it for this long. From now on that shit gets picked ahead of time, based on personal preference of the review writer. And then that shit is the only shit that gets thoroughly reviewed with paragraphs and stuff.

 

 

Some other news and notes….

• POWER RANKINGS, I’ve decided those don’t make much sense early in the season. You could argue you already sorta have my preseason Power Rankings with my projected standings, which is what I am arguing right now. Beyond that the first batch is scheduled for beginning of May, followed by rankings top o’ the month for June July and August. So I guess I’ve STREAMLINED that to 4 editions of Power Rankings per season. If anyone is really itching for them in April here feel free to write your own.
• ONE LAST NOTE AND THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ONE:  MONEY. We all like it, and this league needs to start bringing some in so I can hire someone to proofread things I am too lazy to. Jk that wouldn’t be what it is for BUT I am hereby proposing a $20 buy-in for the Backyard, starting this season, to be paid to the champeen and runner-up and whatnot via Venmo or some shit at the end of the season. I think I’ve already gotten soft verbals from like 7 of you or so, the cash breakdown would be as follows:

$140 –  BCS Champ

$40 – BCS Runner-up

$20-  Trophy Maintenance (aka to pay for the little plaque thingie to be                          added each year).

Think about it folks, talk about it amongst yourselves, I think it is a fine idea because the trophy should be paid for each year, but I know change is hard so fully prepared for this idea to go nowhere. But it is a good one. 

 

 

 

ALRIGHT I think we are all caught up here let’s get on with this shit. Just to show how zaaaneeeey these changes have become I am just reviewing Week 1 in a random order that I prefer. I reserve the right to review future weeks based on margin of victory though, as was customary in simpler times….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barnegat Banana Slugs Take Control Of Matchup Pretty Much By Wednesday, Batter The Bellcrest Park Babadooks In Notoriously Unpredictive Week 1 Matchup  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Patrick Corbin  –  Patrick Corbin gave the MooniniteZ 12 quality innings in 2017 and in 2018 he came out and gave the Babadooks the fucking BUSINESS. Gotta like what you’re seeing from Patrick Corbin thus far, he’s throwing his slider 45% of the time cuz fuck a fastball.  13 IP, 2 ER, 20 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws,  1.38 ERA

LVP:  Joey Votto  –  When your team scores the fewest runs/knocks the fewest dongs in the week SOMEONE MUST BE BLAMED so I blame Votto, who somehow scored ZERO times (and pretty much did nothing) in 31 ABs and even more horrifyingly only managed one walk.  7/31, 2 RBIs, .265 OBP

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  The Slugs scored the second most runs in all the land in Week 1 and some credit has to go to Brett Gardner there as he’s already up to 10 (10/42, 10 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .347 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  The Slugs also EASILY put together the best ERA in all of the Backyard, and narrowly tossed the most Ks, thanks to your Corbins and your Charlie Morton and such and such (12 IP, 0 ER, 13 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.00 ERA).

 

Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  All Smoaks aside Rhys Hoskins was one of the few batters to actually show up for the Babadooks in Week 1 (11/25, 6 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .559 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  And then on the pitching side of things Alex Wood and his piss poor velocity accounted for 40% of our total QS EVERYTHING IS FINE THOUGH WE ARE FINE (14 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 1.93 ERA).

 

Week 2:  Slugs v. OGTFC (2017’s #2 v. 2017’s #7),

                Babadooks @ ‘Topes (2017’s #1 @ 2017’s #6, BBOTW CUZ ‘NADO TRADE)

 

 

 

 

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Reinforce Odom’s Prediction FOR NOW With Solid Victory Over Astoria Isotopes  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Freddie Freeman  –  Freddie Freeman remains really good, not sureeee what else to say about that. I say this is the year he ends up as the top rated fantasy 1B. Cuz yanno Rhys Hoskins will probably be seen as an LF and all that.  11/30, 10 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, .558 OBP

LVP:  Miguel Andujar  –  The Yanks rook only had 17 ABs for the ‘Topes but LET US BLAME HIM ANYWAYS, as they were mostly unproductive ABs and mostly the ‘Topes had a very good offensive week.  2/17, 1 R, 2 RBIs, .167 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  The BdSliderz put together not one but TWO JROLL this week, so many that I almost made the picture up top J-Roll to anger him, but yea one was “Carlos Eduardo Gonzalez” so we all know the one I am gonna highlight is Ozzie Albies tha god (10/41, 9 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .262 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Jameson Taillon have yourself a WEEK young man, who needs two balls anyways (14.1 IP, 2 ER, 16 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 2 Ws, 1.26 ERA).

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  The ‘Topes DID lead the league in runs in Week 1 so that’s uhhh something to build on, Charlie Blackmon right in the mix as per usual (10/36, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .366 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Cole Hamels had a sorta fascinating week, racking up 23 Ks across two starts but also failing to rack up any QS and pitching to an ERA of 5 or so (16 IP, 9 ER, 23 Ks, 1 W, 5.06 ERA).

 

Week 2:   Sliderz v. X*Rayz (2017’s #5 v. 2017’s #3/CHAMPEEN)

                ‘Topes v. Babadooks (2017’s #1 @ 2017’s #6, BBOTW)

 

 

 

 

 

River City Bad Dudes Bully The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club On Both Sides Of The Ball, Win  –  8-4-2

 

MVP:  AJ Pollock  –  AJ POLLOCK JROLL! A fine lookin’ JROLL at that. All of a sudden JROLLs are in large supply around here, not sure how I will feel about this if it continues. But for Week 1 we will just enjoy the JROLLs and blame the extra game or two or whatever.  12/35, 7 Rs, 6 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 3 SBs, .425 OBP

LVP:  Anthony Rizzo  –  Pretty weak effort for Anthony Rizzo by Rizzoian standards, and I always knew I didn’t like his face and this just proves why or something.  3/28, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .219 OBP

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Here’s another hitter that hit good for the Bad Dudes, and truthfully he should be matchup MVP cuz he hit six goddamned HRs, but I am so tired of Google image searching Bryce Harper pics for these things so I am giving myself a pass for Week 1 (10/29, 10 Rs, 6 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .535 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And Sean Manaea had a nice little week on the bump, and who knows how many times I will be able to say that going forward (15.2 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.15 ERA).

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mookie Lynn Betts performed well in Week 1 but yes this is also just an excuse to write out that name (12/33, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 2 SBs, .475 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  And also Gerrit Cole, he did not struggle with his initial jaunt into the American League and then of course he didn’t struggle yet again when he got the Padres at home (14 IP, 1 ER, 22 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.64 ERA).

 

Week 2:  Bad Dudes v. RRF (2017’s #4/runner-up:( v. 2017’s #8)

                OGTFC @ Slugs (2017’s #7 @ 2017’s #2)

 

 

 

 

Rojo’s Renegade Force Rally To Snatch Victory From The Jaws Of A Tie, Defeat Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Shohei Ohtani  –  Let’s allll get used to seeing this guy’s MUG every time the Renegade Force grab a victory, particularly in weeks like this when he logs two starts and also two dongs for them. Will be interesting to see if the RRF learn how to properly work him into the lineup, as they left a 3 run jack on the bench due to a little uncertainty adapting to this newfangled weapon. Despite that Ohtani looked really good on the mound and really good at the dish and logged 2 QS, 2 Ws, and 2 HRs for Rojo and NOBODY HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE IN THIS LEAGUE. Historical stuff, you guys.  4/14, 2 Rs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .333 OBP  OH BUT ALSO  13 IP, 3 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.08 ERA     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Julio Teheran  –  Julio got off to a fairly poor start to 2018, to the point where the Bonerz probably wish he just lined up for one start in Week 1 rather than two.  8 IP, 9 ER, 5 Ks, 10.13 ERA

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Zack Cozart had himself a fine week as he attempts to remove the “surprising” tag from his surprising 2017 season, the blog appreciates that he did not steal a base as that would have been one too many Rollinses for this week IMHO (11/44, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .313 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  And also in the non-Ohtani Asian pitchers market Masahiro Tanaka had a lovely little week, I’ve always been a fan but only really went as far as offering like Matt Carpenter for him so here we are (12.1 IP, 4 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.92 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT, fucking 2 more JROLLS that I didn’t even notice til the exact moment I wrote this sentence but one was StarMar and the other is Yankee legend DIDIIIIIII who had himself a fucking WEEK (12/32, 10 Rs, 6 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, 2 SBs, .524 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Jacob Faria also had himself a fucking week but in the bad way, this is across two starts folks (5.2 IP, 9 ER, 2 Ks, 14.29 ERA).

 

Week 2:   RRF @ Bad Dudes (2017’s #8 @ 2017’s #4/runner-up:( )

                 MW @ Warriors (2017’s #10 @ 2017’s #9)

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 1 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY BALLAST POINT’S GRAPEFRUIT SCULPIN

 

 

 

 

Golden State Warriors Battle Mission Valley X*Rayz Back And Forth On A Sunday, End Up Grabbing The W Over The Defendings  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Miguel Sano  – Fresh off the non-suspension for that time he off that time where he DIDN’T attempt to assault that young girl in that mall or whatever (I think he probably did it but what do I know), Miguel Sano has opened the season not suspended and has made the most of that non-suspension. I am not going to write anything more and pretend that is out of some moral high ground but really I just don’t know what else to add.  8/27, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .405 OBP

LVP:  Orlando Arcia  –  TOUGH START to the Orlando Arcia Era in Mission Valley as he looked to establish himself as a replacement for Elvis Andrus. Early returns weren’t terribly encouraging.  1/11, 2 Rs, .231 OBP

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Christian Yelich had a solid week but I am mostly pointing him out cuz he hit the oleeee 10 day DL, along with Wil Myers, so the Warriors will have their offensive flexibility tested a wee bit in their Week 2 matchup (10/26, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .407 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  The Warriors’ 136 total Ks were actually THIRD this week behind 137 from the ‘Topes and 138 from the Slugs, so that is nice and tidy Jose Berrios had a huge CG I could talk about but I would rather note that Clayton Kershaw started three times and got fucked out of three Ws by the ailing Dodgers offense (19 IP, 4 ER, 19 Ks, 3 QS, 1.89 ERA).

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  FORTUNATELY for the X*Rayz re: Arcia, another SS rose to the occasion and early returns were far more encouraging for that one and his name is Tim Anderson and he had a friend die once (8/29, 7 Rs, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 5 SBs, .364 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Luis Castillo got off to a litttttle bit of a suspect start for everybody’s darling breakout pick, but one of those starts was against the Nats so give that a little bit of a pass and really I think this middle names thing is the far more suspect situation in the early going here (CUZ IT IS REALLY EARLY PEOPLE) (10 IP, 10 ER, 9 Ks, 9.00 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

I picked this one prior to the week beginning due to it featuring our defending champ and TURNS OUT this may have been the week’s best matchup, as there were a few lead changes on Sunday owing to a razor-thin OBP margin for much of the afternoon. Truth be told I hinted the X*Rayz might be dead in the water MUCH EARLIER in the week and they rallied and rallied good over the weekend, on the backs of identical 2 HR/7 RBI Friday and Saturdays and uhhh OTHER STUFF. But in spite of their best efforts they were unable to overcome that dastardly Jose Berrios CG, and the narrow OBP lead faltered (with the Warriors demonstrating some ACTUAL MANAGING for a change with their benching of Rendon in the night game). The 14-14 deadlock in HRs has to sting for Mission Valley, typically a light-on-HRs type squad, as does the always insulting to injury loss of the triples cat despite multiple 3Bs (3-2), but in the end this one came down to the Warriors demonstrating their usually strong pitching and the depleted staff of the X*Rayz failing to keep up. And that Berrios CG. Can’t overstate how big that was because I kinda understate it by not giving him Pitcher of Note or MVP or nuttin.

In Week 2 the Warriors will look to ACTUALLY MANAGE their way to another win versus last year’s dead last Woke Up With A Boner Squad, despite two star bats set to miss all or most of the matchup (Wil Myers & Christian Yelich). The X*Rayz, meanwhile, head to Lacey Township hoping to avoid a Heroyian 0-2 start to their title defense campaign.

 

Week 2:  Warriors v. MW (2017’s #9 v. 2017’s #10)

                X*Rayz @ Sliderz (2017’s #3/CHAMPEEN @ 2017’s #5)