2018 Week 9 Review: “Halfway Home But Yea Don’t Worry About It” Edition

Image result for halfway home gif
AND WITH THAT, we are halfway home. We had a nice Sunday night showdown in our BBOTW that culminated in the Slugs getting SALTED BROCKED to a second loss, we also had the perennial BCS participants falling to a worst-start-ever record. We had all of these things. See those and other things below.……














Image result for chris taylor gif


Rojo’s Renegade Force Hold On To The Night And Hold On To The Memories Of Defeating The Mission Valley X*Rayz In Week 9, Despite Losing Holds  –  7-6-1


MVP:  Chris Taylor  –  Fantasy is a cruel mistress so the guy that did the most damage against the X*Rayz is the guy on the roster the X*Rayz have publicly pined for most. That is sometimes the way it goes sometimes.  8/25, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .379 OBP     

LVP:  Delino DeShields    Delino this HURTS ME to do this to you, but you have been bad sir. Very bad not good at all.  1/25, 1 R, .200 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***           


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Whoa Nellyyyyy, that was lame but nice to see Nelson Cruz back in the good graces of the Week Review (11/27, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .433 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Corey Kluber, still good (6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Marcel Ozuna goes 1-7 for the X*Rayz, gets traded to their opponent for peanuts towards the end of the week, and then proceeds to hit a HR on their bench and then a grand slam not on their bench cuz he’s spiteful (1/7, 1 R, .333 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  BLAKE SNELL HAS ARRIVED and as a casual Rays/X*Rayz supporter I say about goddamned time (11.2 IP, 0 ER, 19 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 10:  RRF v. MW (5-4 v. 1-8)

                  X*Rayz @ Warriors (4-5 @ 6-3)






Image result for edwin encarnacion gif
Bell Road Babadooks Wake The Fuck Up For A Week, Send River City Bad Dudes To Third Straight L  –  8-2-4


MVP:  Edwin Encarnacion  –  A real fucking DASTARDLY act by Edwin to steal this one out from under Nimmo’s feet but yea, Eazy E is heating up with the average air temp as per usual. We entered Sunday ever so slightly close on the R and HR cats and Edwin helped see to it that was no longer too much of an issue and that, as they say, was that. Dare I say this one’s gonna grab MVP of the week.  11/27, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, .448 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***      

LVP:  Jose Abreu    I mean not the UGLIEST LVP I have ever seen but a slap in the face after I made sure to name drop Jose in the Power Rankings. A slap in the face that I will not forget.  4/24, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 RBIs, .208 OBP           


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  But yea also Brandon Nimmo was giving that CASUAL MET FAN of a Bad Dudes owner the biz all week as well (9/32, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 3 SBs, .410 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Kenley Jansen still ain’t really Kenley but I at least want to note a slight improvement in results, not outta the woods though folks (4.1 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks, 3 Saves, 2.08 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Andrew McCutchen with a MEH kinda JROLL, might have been significant or something if the Bad Dudes won or something (8/24, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .346 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  The Bad Dudes may have “won” ERA and Ks and stuff but most of their mains sucked (just less than mine overall), Carlos Carrasco sucked the worst (3.2 IP, 6 ER, 2 Ks, 14.73 ERA).


Week 10:  Babadooks v. Slugs (5-4 v. 7-2, BBOTW cuz I was mean to him in the chat) 

                   Bad Dudes v. OGTFC (3-6 v. 4-5)






Image result for brian dozier gif
OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Flop Around And Past The Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  7-4-3


MVP:  Brian Dozier  –  Brian Dozier is one of those guys I’ve always wanted to acquire since back in the CLIFF days and never really got around to it and now I am sure I will get him when he is like 34. And actually, even typing that sentence out terrified me because now I fear a flood of bad trade offers from the OGTFC headed my way. But hopefully his FINE Week 9 will prevent that from happening.  10/31, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .417 OBP

LVP:  Brandon Belt    Brandon Belt has been damn near the best Boner but now he has ABANDONED THEM in their time of need, and also abandoned his appendix.  3/14, 2 Rs, .267 OBP     


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mike Trout, also still good ALSO JROLL (9/28, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .367 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Justin Verlander has a 0.72 WHIP right now and THAT, my friends……that is pretty disgusting (12.2 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.13 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  JD Martinez remains a bright spot in an otherwise dark season in Q-Tip City (7/25, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB .357 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  OH but also Mike Foltynewicz BREAKIN’ OUT, see things are looking up already chin up you guys (9 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 10:  OGTFC @ Bad Dudes (4-5 v. 3-6)

                   MW @ RRD (1-8 @ 5-4)






Related image

Garden State Warriors Give It To The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz  –  9-4-1


MVP:  Andrew Benintendi  –  I hate crediting Red Sawks, PARTICULARLY youthful Red Sawks (I would be fine giving Pedroia an MVP at this point), so here is Andrew Benintendi he is pretty solid he had a JROLL his hair is pretty feathery fuck him.  11/29, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .438 OBP     

LVP:  Travis Shaw    Travis Shaw is by most accounts, or at least by my account, better than he rightfully should be. But he was not that in Week 9, in Week 9 he was more in line with what I expect out of him. Could be the ex-Red Sawk thing.  3/20, 1 R, .292 OBP


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Francisco Lindor just casually putting up .500 OBP weeks, and I will never forgive the scouting community for sending mixed messages about his bat (11/25, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  In a week where the Warriors shipped out Dylan Bundy they quickly grabbed his possible replacement in my old friend Vince Velasquez, a SIMILARLY SUSPECT hurler I don’t trust either of ’em (12 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.25 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Nice little week out of Teoscar Hernandez, a guy who both intrigues me and worries me as a potential trade target (cuz maybe he is just Dominican Randal Grichuk)(6/19, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, .350 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Poor Jacob deGrom, pitchin’ lights out over his last three starts but the Mets can’t buy him a W (14 IP, 2 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 1.29 ERA).


Week 10:  Warriors v. X*Rayz (6-3 v. 4-5)

                   Sliderz @ Isotopes (3-6 @ 7-2)







Image result for brock farms





Image result for brock holt gif
Astoria Isotopes Take Down The Barnegat Banana Slugs As Was The Will Of The Fantasy Gods  –  6-5-3


MVP:  Nolan Arenado and/or Brock Holt  –  I am not ACTUALLY gonna give it to Brock Holt you see, it was indeed his dagger of a triple late Sunday night that did the Slugs in but REALLY they did themselves in when they debated baseball’s win rules. Or when they debated baseball’s save rules. Or when they got TOO BIG FOR THEIR MAY BRITCHES. But anyways Nolan Arenado is having a typically excellent season, just no longer for me 😦 .  9/26, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .414 OBP

LVP:  Charlie Morton    YOU BLEW IT ON SUNDAY NIGHT CHARLIE. Nice Ks though.  11.1 IP, 9 ER, 17 Ks, 1 QS, 7.15 ERA          


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Mean Jean Segura, the Isotopes had 5 triples for the second week in a row and Segura didn’t have any either week so really this sentence doesn’t tie into him at all (9/23, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 SBs, .429 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  And Gio Gonzalez just CONTINUES to do this to me despite me INSISTING nay DEMANDING he cuts the shit before he makes the All Star game or something (14.2 IP, 3 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.84 ERA).


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Eddie Rosario SURELY would have grabbed that MVP if Salt didn’t let the Slugs down SHIT I just realized I missed a pun opportunity here (13/30, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .528 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Ohhhh Michael Wacha, your penchant for taking no-hitters into the 9th is a tragic one and also I think you are the same pitcher from last year NOT BUYIN’ YOU (14.2 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.61 ERA).




SELDOM IS IT that I actually pay enough attention on a Sunday to be able to give a decent recap of the EVENTS of the BBOTW but on this particular Sunday, I dunno I paid a little bit of attention plus the NBA Finals kept me awake so I got the insights. So basically the Slugs and the ‘Topes had an epic battle for first place in the land allllll week,  one that culminated in a Sunday brouhaha. The ‘Topes had a pretty sizable advantage in the offensive cats earlier in the week that DISAPPEARED with a big Saturday out of Barnegat (9 Rs, 9 2Bs, 3 HRs, 13 RBIs) coupled with a wee Saturday outta Astoria (3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 RBI). so STAGE SET for Sunday. Eventually you are getting down to it and you got your couple pitching cats up for grabs right (with the Slugs also with a chance to grab HRs or some shit), Michael Wacha THREATENS a critical CG in a no hit bid but loses it in the 9th. Ouch #1 for the Banana Slugs. Ouch #1 for the Isotopes comes via an Eddie Rosario 3 HR day (thus leading to the HR closeness), the last of the HRs also giving the Banana Slugs a W and a 6-5 edge in that cat. Ouch #2 for the Banana Slugs arrives when the Padres RALLY to grab Tyson Ross a W, thusly knotting Ws at 6-6. Also around this time is likely Ouch #3 for Barnegat, a Chaz Roe hold that TIES the holds cat @ 2-2 and gives the Isotopes a 6-5-3 advantage overall. So then yea SUNDAY NIGHT GAME and it is coming down to Charlie Morton versus those pesky Sawks, if Charlie can QS/W the Slugs take the W and first place overall and if he just gets one they end up with a tie and first place overall. But what they really end up with is Charlie LABORING to get into the 5th, a win looking less and less likely but a QS still very much on the table. But NO the Fantasy Gods were reading Brian’s horrific musings on wins rules and combined that with his horrific understanding of saves rules to decide no, no this cannot stand. Morton unravels in the 5th culminating in a Brock Holt 2 RBI triple while Brian’s satellite feed is down. A rare act of mercy from merciless gods. ‘Topes win, ‘Topes in first via H2H tiebreaker.

In Week 10 Astoria looks to KEEP ROLLIN’ when they host the Lacey contingent, neither of these teams have a multiple game streak to speak of. The Banana Slugs, meanwhile, will hope to regroup at the expense of the Babadooks. The Babadooks have won 3 straight but only the last win had any sort of impressiveness to it, really, when ya look at ’em. THAT ONE is your BBOTW because I really lead the charge on the ribbing on the wins thing and now surely Brian has vengeance in his heart.

Week 10:  Isotopes v. Sliderz (7-2 v. 3-6)

                 Slugs @ Babadooks (7-2 @ 5-4, BBOTW)







Image result for halfway there gif
Yes, Yes We Are….. 
2018 Week 9 Review: “Halfway Home But Yea Don’t Worry About It” Edition

2018 Week 8 Review: “Count…down To Halfway Point Of Season” Edition

Image result for eight gif
THE HALFWAY POINT IS NIGH. First I need to “discuss” Week 8 in my own succinct way but yea, we are almost into June and almost at the official halfway point of the regular season. Week 8 saw one matchup go down to just about the last ABs of Sunday night baseball (mine, as is customary) and also saw one team now finding itself ALONE atop the standings (the Slugs, which isn’t necessarily customary but isn’t necessarily not customary either [#2 seed in 2017]). Let’s see how all that went down, again SUCCINCTLY……














Image result for altuve white house gif


Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Stop Three Game SLIDE, Defeat Rojo’s Renegade Force  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Jose Altuve  –  Jose Altuve has actually taken a bit of flack from Lacey ownership in the early goings (could the picture above be an indication as to why?! YOU DECIDE..) but he is still pretty damn good don’t kid yourselves, and was probably at his best all season in Week 8. 50% of his season steals total and 25% of his season HR total and a JROLL.  12/28, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 3 SBs, .448 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***       

LVP:  Eric Hosmer    Flip sideeee of the coin we have Eric Hosmer, who has had a surprisingly effective season but who the hell really knows how effective he really shall be. Certainly the Padres don’t given the contract they threw at him. But yea Hosmer wasn’t really any good in Week 8.  4/23, 1 R, .240 OBP    


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Here’s another good Astro in the BDSliderz possession, Alex Bregman (7/25, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 2 SBs, .438 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And THE YOUNG Walker Buehler lookin’ pretttyyyy good in the early going (14 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Scooter Gennett I still do not get what the FUCK there (12/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .519 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  And the RRF got a Daniel Mengden CGshutout, ALL FOR NAUGHT but impressive nonetheless (9 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 9:  Sliderz @ Warriors (3-5 @ 5-3)

                RRF v.  X*Rayz (4-4 v. 4-4)






Image result for eugenio suarez
Barnegat Banana Slugs Bash River City Bad Dudes Brains In Kinda Sorta  –  9-1-4


MVP:  Eugenio Suarez  –  Eugenio is currently THIRD in baseball in RBIs despite having like at least 50 less ABs than most other guys on that list. Which on one hand kinda points to how arbitrary RBIs can sometimes be (the Reds aren’t exactly offensive juggernauts) but on the other hand makes me kinda sad as a one time owner let’s move on.  6/22, 2 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .346 OBP

LVP:  Matt Chapman    Matt Chapman’s line makes me sad for different reasons, as that guy just LOVES putting up weeks like this. Loves it.  2/21, 1 R, 1 RBI, .136 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***      


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Howz about Salvador Perez with a MATCHUP HIGH 3 dongs (7/31, 3 Rs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .250 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Nick Pivetta gave up 6 runs in an inning of work back on the 4th o’ May but since then he’s been v. good again GOOD FOR NICK (12 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  But yea Bryce Harper also hit three (7/25, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .321 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Sonny Gray sucks there I said it, KEEP YOUR Ks (3.2 IP, 5 ER, 7 Ks, 12.27 ERA).


Week 9:  Slugs v. Isotopes (7-1 v. 6-2, BBOTW) 

                 Bad Dudes @ Babadooks (3-5 @ 4-4)






Image result for brandon nimmo gif
Bellcrest Park Babadooks Sunday Night Squeeeeeeze Past The Q-Tip City Morning Wood As We Are Wont To Do  –  4-3-7


MVP:  Brandon Nimmo  –  Look the stats were ugly in this one, kinda across the board. But somebody had to win (or tie) and somebody did and we will NOT apologize for that. But we will have a kinda hard time picking an MVP, so just gonna use this space to point out BRANDON NIMMO (of last year’s BCS infamy) has been the Mets best hitter and I demand they start him most of the time the rest of the way.  5/14, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .438 OBP

LVP:  JD Martinez    JD Martinez with the (relative) power shortage last week and good fuck him.  2/19, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .190 OBP     


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  Ronald Guzman was the ONLY MAN in this matchup to hit multiple dongs, like I said it was ugly (3/6, 2 Rs, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, .625 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Kenta Maeda went out there and dominated the Rockies last week and now this week he gets pulled with injury 5 outs in and now is dropped and that is life in the league (6.2 IP, 0 ER, 12 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Lorenzo Cain I will say did his relative best in this one, but they could have used a 3B Lorenzo (11/24, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 1 SB .536 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Also could have used Zack Greinke escaping with a W in one of his two starts either one really (12 IP, 6 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 4.50 ERA).


Week 9:  Babadooks v. Bad Dudes (4-4 v. 3-5)

                 MW @ OGTFC (1-7 @ 3-5)






Image result for gleyber torres gif

Garden State Warriors Gleyber The Astoria Isotopes To Death/A Second Loss  –  10-2-2


MVP:  Gleyber Torres  –  You already knew.  7/18, 5 Rs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .450 OBP     

LVP:  Yolmer Sanchez    This is mostly to point out the the poor Isotopes (jk fuck ’em) got FIVE triples and it still wasn’t good enough to win the triples cat. For the Warriors also notched 5. Yolmer notched one Yolmer is a prolific three bagger bagger.  4/19, 1 3B, 1 RBI, 1 SB, .211 OBP


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Austin Meadows JROLL, it only took the Pirates like a hundred years to finally promote him no biggie (10/22, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 2 SBs, .435 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  Anddd Jose Berrios also gave the ‘Topes a bit of the business, for fantasy poetic justice is the best poetic justice (15.1 IP, 4 ER, 17 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.35 ERA).


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Silver linings would be that Aaron Judge is still mostly v good (7/20, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Anddd Chris Sale got lit up on Sunday, for fantasy poetic justice is the best poetic justice (12 IP, 7 ER, 17 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 5.25 ERA).


Week 9:  Warriors v. Sliderz (5-3 v. 3-5)

                 Isotopes @ Slugs (6-2 @ 7-1, BBOTW)







Image result for campaign to end name calling





Image result for miles mikolas gif
Mission Valley X*Rayz Overcome OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Name-Calling, And Trout, In Victory  –  9-5-0


MVP:  Miles Mikolas  –  Mission Valley got this one done with pitching folks, leaving me NO CHOICE but to give this to a guy that once ate a live lizard on video and also once threw a CG (last week). I’m not thrilled with it either but here we are. Nature is brutal. Man even brutal-er.  15 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 2.40 ERA    

LVP:  Josh Bell    Josh Bell, inversely, remains relatively disappointing this season.  4/20, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .261 OBP          


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Jose Ramirez remains a treasure, what more can I say here (6/22, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 SBs, 1 SB, .429 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  JA Happ very strong last week as well, no word yet on whether or not he’s eaten a lizard before (13.2 IP, 4 ER, 13 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.63 ERA).


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mike Trout back to being rather good, I am sure he has put that whole hitless streak behind him (8/20, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 2 SBs, .556 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  And Gerrit Cole blah blah something something (13 IP, 5 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.46 ERA).




This one wasn’t NEARLY as competitive as the bitchfest in the chat that one day over misinterpreted comments LEAKED from private conversation roughly 5 months ago (or whenever). But yea, TECHNICALLY was still kinda in play on Sunday but the X*Rayz never seemed to sweat this one out all that much in part due to uncharacteristically EXCELLENT pitching numbers:  97 Ks, 10 QS, 1 CG, 5 Ws, 8 Saves, 1.730 ERA. That gave Mission Valley a 6-1 advantage in pitching cats, from there it’s as simple as not fucking up too hard in hitting cats. And not fuck up too hard they did, going 3-4 in those guys for their final 9-5 advantage. Credit the X*Rayz pitching staff for really getting it done in Week 8, credit the OGTFC staff for not exactly making it close on that side o’ the ball (5.143 ERA). And that dear readers is how the BLOOD FEUD shook out.

In Week 9 Mission Valley will head to the Land Of The Hold to take on Rojo’s Renegade Force, they just set the all-time holds record the X*Rayz have the fewest holds in the league I have a good guesstimate on how that cat will shake out. The OGTFC, meanwhile, will be looking to lick their wounds at the expense of our lovable 10th place team out there in “Q-Tip City.” SHOULD BE A GOOD ONE, or something.


Week 9:  X*Rayz @ RRF (4-4 @ 4-4)

                OGTFC v. MW (3-5 v. 1-7)







Image result for eight gif
Week 8 Is Done Move On People….. 
2018 Week 8 Review: “Count…down To Halfway Point Of Season” Edition

2018 Week 7 Review: “Se7en” Edition

Related image
WHAT’S IN THE FUCKING BOX SCORES?! Is what he means. Week seven felt a lot like Se7en in that I felt like it rained every goddamn day. Same as Se7en. And then Sunday ended with sunshine, same as Se7en. And when it ended we ended up with some teams NARROWLY escaping the Sunday night game with victories (‘Topes, ‘Dooks) and some teams NARROWLY falling short (‘Dudes, ‘Rayz) and now we have a league with more teams below .500 than above. As Above So Below. Let’s look at the boooooooox scores or at least my version of such fuckery……















Image result for mookie betts gif


OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Trounce Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Whom Slide All The Way Down To Ninth Place  –  10-2-2


MVP:  Mookie Betts  –  TROUNCE is a strong word but a 10 cat win is a pretty good-sized win in this parity-filled league, and that is what we had here and Mookie Betts helped in a bunch of areas. As per usual. Pretty annoying that the OGTFC have him I’ll say that much.  12/41, 6 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 4 SBs, .424 OBP      

LVP:  Jaime Garcia    I tell ya what most people mostly did their job for the ButtSliderz in Week 7 and sometimes that mostly happens and you still lost 10 cats. Wouldn’t say anybody was all that “good” but nobody was “bad” enough to make this an easy choice so really it just made my job harder and I resent that. Jaime Garcia had the worst ERA and is now on the DL as punishment.  3.2 IP, 6 ER, 3 Ks, 14.73 ERA      


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  I guess CJ Cron is good this year but nobody let me know that CJ Cron was good this year so I am a bit taken aback, THE RAYS DO IT AGAIN (8/30, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .333 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Justin Verlander with the CG shutout, I forget what I did when I got rid of him but I clearly did not get value back but also fuck him stay outta Robbie Cano‘s business man (9 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Ozzie Albies bravely JROLLing aboard a sinking ship, no they’re probably fine but Ozzie is BETTER than fine I want him (9/23, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .462 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And heyyyy they let Jacob deGrom pitch beyond the first inning this week, good things seem to follow when they do that (7 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).


Week 8:  OGTFC @ X*Rayz (3-4 @ 3-4, BBOTW cuz that cute chat fight),

                 Sliderz v. RRF (2-4 v. 4-3)





Image result for nick pivetta gif
Barnegat Banana Slugs Bully The Q-Tip City Morning Wood Because Family Means Nothing (Doubly True For Family Via Marriage)  –  9-4-1


MVP:  Nick Pivetta  –  A pretty SUBDUED effort for the Slugs in Week 7, seemingly knowing exactly what they needed to do to get the W and just uhhh doing that. So without any real standouts on O let’s just give this to Nick Pivetta, a guy a couple of different teams took a turn with earlier this season and then I had him last and he pissed me off and so I dropped him and now him and Wacha will likely put up fine and full seasons for the Slugs. Which is bullshit. The pickoff attempt above is funny howevz.  7 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA

LVP:  Ryon Healy    Ryon Healy was HOT I think for a second there but he has course corrected if you will. Also Ryon is a tremendously stupid way to spell Ryan.  2/23, 1 R, 1 2B, .125 OBP     


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Yasiel Puig with 75% of his 2018 dongs in Week 7, do the math at home kids (5/18, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .409 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  In the interest of FAIR AND BALANCED REPORTING I do need to point out while Trevor Bauer DOES need to stop using the Twitter, he also decided he wanted to play for $6,420,969.69 this year and is giving away the difference between that number and the $6,525,000 he settled on to various charities and those are both good things (8 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  The poor Bonerz probably deserve a better record than they have and certainly no blame could be placed upon Haniger (.640 OBP) or Brandon Belt last week or this season, blame the cruelties of math (12/27, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 11 RBIs, .500 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  CAN’T BLAME Jack Flaherty, that kid can pitch and I do believe I threw him into a deal for fucking JP Crawford (13.1 IP, 2 ER, 16 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.35 ERA).


Week 8:  Slugs @ Bad Dudes (6-1 @ 3-4) 

                 MW v. Babadooks (1-6 v. 3-4)






Image result for cesar hernandez gif
Bellcrest Park Babadooks Sneak By Mission Valley X*Rayz Via Sunday Night ShitOBP Showdown  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Cesar Hernandez  –  In a week that came down to a battle of really bad OBPs and which OBP would be less bad (partly cuz McCullers couldn’t strike out one more guy LIKE A MAN), I must give this to the man that did the most for my putrid OBP. Cesar has a great eye and see above for him drawing a 5 ball walk in 2015.  8/21, 7 Rs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, 2 SBs .435 OBP

LVP:  Franmil Reyes    Franmil with the REYROLL, sometimes I don’t like highlighting High Minors guys because they are more or less FREE ABs but it was either this or highlight Ozuna‘s ugly week and I don’t want to affect X*Rayz trade negotiations.  1/14, .071 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK*** 


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  How about the High Minors Stylings of a One Johnny Field in Week 7, generic The Show players can get hot in one week sample sizes too folks (6/15, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .438 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Lance McCullers could have cost me a W by falling a K short of what was needed on Sunday night but he didn’t and also he helped us get to PERHAPS A TEAM RECORD 9 QS (13 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.38 ERA).


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Jose Martinez appears to be over that sandy vagina that plagued him earlier in the year (10/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .444 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  And JA Happ carved up a pretty HAPP-less 😉 Mets lineup the one day, congrats to Jerry Arnold (7 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 8:  Babadooks @ MW (3-4 @ 1-6)

                 X*Rayz v. OGTFC (3-4 v. 3-4, BBOTW)






Image result for benintendi gif

Garden State Warriors Humble Thy (Rojo’s) Renegade Force, For Being Humble Is The Way Of The Warrior Or Something Or Something  –  9-4-1


MVP:  Andrew Benintendi  –  I mean sureee the Warriors mostly accomplished this one on the pitching side (won 6 pitching cats, 3 hitting cats) but pitchers are boring fuck them. If I am choosing to highlight a Sawk over the pitching then I must really feel strongly about not wanting to put a pitcher here. And that is what I am doing. Nobody said these all make perfect sense.  12/27, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .484 OBP     

LVP:  Paul Goldschmidt    Startin’ to become a bit worrisome here Paul. Paul is having an off year. This isn’t the LVP-est of lines but it isn’t great and for a guy (that used to be?) as great as Goldschmidt DISGRACEFUL. He is currently hitting .201 on the year.  4/23, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .208 OBP


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  JT Realmuto not caring enough about the Marlins (heavy speculation) to risk his health “stealing bases” is what stood in the way of a JT JR in W7 (6/17, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .421 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  The Warriors threw a 2018 RECORD TWO complete games in Week 7, and they were both identical lines so this is James Paxton but could just as easily be David Price (9 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 2.00 ERA).


RRF Hitter Of Note:  I mean at least Eric Hosmer is ALL OVER the basepaths for SD/RRF (7/23, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .385 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Jordan Hicks just threw like the four fastest pitches of the season or whatever which, yea notable, BUT really I want to point out he throws that heat yet only has struck out NINE batters in 22 IP which sickens me the (1 IP, 3 ER, 1 W, 27.00 ERA).


Week 8:  Warriors @ Isotopes (4-3 @ 6-1)

                 RRF @ Sliderz (4-3 @ 2-5)







Related image





Image result for jean segura gif
Astoria Isotopes Avoid Tie With River City Bad Dudes Because Carlos Carrasco Couldn’t Get One More Fucking Batter Out  –  7-6-1


MVP:  Jean Segura  –  The Isotopes with NOT ONE but TWO JROLLs in Week 7 so I shall grab the prettier one here. I mean the other one was fucking Dustin Fowler people.  12/29, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 4 SBs, .419 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Rougned Odor    Rougned Odor remains absolute murder on team OBP, also remains on pace to be fondly remembered as the worst hitter to ever hit 30+ HRs.  3/24, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 RBIs, .160 OBP          


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Just to point out how QUICKLY fortunes can change for a previous week’s matchup MVP, Aaron Judge couldn’t muster a hit in Week 7 look upon that REYROLL (0/15, .167 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Jose Quintana with one good start and one shit start in Week 7 but nobody else did anything too standout one way or the other so GOOD ENOUGH (11.2 IP, 6 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.63 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  If you’re a Dudes fan (gay) looking for silver linings here uhhhhh Matt Chapman appeared to look good at the plate (gay) for the first time in a while (10/23, 7 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, .519 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Carlos Carrasco is a very good pitcher but also got pulled at 106 pitches with 1 out to go on Sunday night in order to secure a CG L and a Bad Dudes tie HOW UNFORTUNATE FOR THEM (14.1 IP, 6 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 3.77 ERA).




SUNDAYS CAN BE CRUEL TO US ALL (well not me I’ve kinda won off the last two of them but still). Sunday nights even crueler. What was a mostly in-the-bag seeming victory for the Astoria Isotopes (due in part to a not great offensive showing for the River City Bad Dudes) became close, as matchups sometimes become close, late into Sunday evening. And then IMPROBABLY the Dudes stood one out away (and one avoidance of Tito playing the “matchups’ [poorly]) from grabbing a CG loss from Carloss Carrasco, one that would have made this matchup a 7-7-0 tie. That wasn’t what happened cuz Tito brought in Tyler Olson (promptly gave up a run scoring ground rule double) and with that this one ended up a 7-6-1 ‘Topes victory. ‘Topes leaned heavily on the hitters side, going 6-1 in those cats and 1-5-1 in the hitting cats. It was the lowest HR output of the year (10) for the Backyard’s best HR team but that was plenty enough compared to the Bad Dudes, who put up the second lowest total of the week. Bad Dudes outpitch the Astoria outfit but get little-to-nothing on offense and that’s your breakdown folks, PRETTY MUCH WHAT HAPPENED. I feel satisfied with this one.

In Week 8 the Isotopes will take on the pitching-heavy Warriors and would likely take the same result as above if they can get it. Meanwhile, the Bad Dudes do battle with the Banana Slugs in a matchup that would MAYBE have been BBOTW if not for that brief little Heroy-Odom spat that tickled me pink last week. So oh fucking well.


Week 8:  Isotopes v. Warriors (6-1 v. 4-3)

                Bad Dudes v. Slugs (3-4 v. 6-1)







Image result for babadook
Week 7 down. Week 8 to follow. June Power Rankings To Follow Some Time After That. 
2018 Week 7 Review: “Se7en” Edition

2018 Week 6 Review: “One Third Through” Edition

Image result for one third
Wellllll it is just what it goddamned says really, Week 6 is behind us and so we are now officially one third of the way through the regular season. The good news for the teams that are SCUFFLING is there’s still two thirds of a season to turn it all around. The good news for the team’s that are technically in the playoffs right now is they just need to hang onto their MEAGER spots for another 12 games. Maybe less if you can really run ahead of things and clinch early. This season we may have some early clinchers. Anywho onto the Week 6 box scores and breakdowns and bullshit. Out of respect for Dochney’s fresh political perspective I will try not and mention that fucking BRUTAL Sunday night defeat too much. He is saved by me picking BBOTW in advance, is what happened here……















Image result for trevor story strikeout gif


Barnegat Banana Slugs Beat Mission Valley X*Rayz In Battle Of Biggest Stat Pointer Outers  –  9-3-2


MVP:  Trevor Story  –  Look nobody hates Trevor Story more than I do, I mean I hate him with every fiber of my being. And why do I hate him? I do not even know it just became my gimmick at some point. But yea he had a good week. But fuck him.  7/19, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, .480 OBP     

LVP:  Jarlin Garcia    Honestly nobody really had a standout bad week per se, Jarlin’s aside. Billy Hamilton has been a weird asshole this year but even he had a 3B and HR on the week, and stole 3 bags during a Sunday benching (no official steals for him though). So yea, Jarlin gets this just by virtue of being the worst overall but how much it mattered into the bottom line is questionable. X*Rayz just lost a tough one.  4 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 15.75 ERA      


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Eugenio Suarez, he was very good again and now I am forced to stare at my roster and figure out who I decided to drop him for (10/29, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .355 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  And who in the world is this fuckin’ guy this Fernando Romero fuckin’ guy with the strikeouts and whatnot, either he was good enough or Sev was good enough SOMEONE was good enough for me to not reprint a Scherzer line here (11 IP, 1 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.82 ERA).


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  He has been going out of his way to show me his numbers so HERE feast your eyes upon Odubel Herrera‘s somewhat improbably nastiness, guy’s gonna be an All Star and shit and he spent the first month bouncing around the Backyard (10/19, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .640 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Sean Newcomb with the NASTINESS himself, nastiness that at least Lobman (and probably me a little) has been waiting on for a while now (12 IP, 0 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.00 ERA).


Week 7:  Banana Slugs v. MW (5-1 @ 1-5),

                 X*Rayz @ Babadooks (3-3 v. 2-4)





Image result for wilson contreras gif
River City Bad Dudes MurderPunch The Q-Tip City Morning Wood And They Are The Sole Arbiters Of Last Place Once Again  –  12-1-1


MVP:  Wilson Contreras  –  HOW ABOUT this Wilson Contreras JROLL, a most peculiar feat for a catcher and something I would only possibly expect out of JT Realmuto. And I would be wrong cuz Wilson Contreras just had himself one. And a two triple JROLL at that. Continue to feel yourself, Wilson.  11/23, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Didi Gregorius    SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS for Didi Gregorius, as he went from being perhaps the hottest hitter in baseball to a guy that barely mustered a .100 OBP last week. FORTUNATELY for the Yankees it doesn’t seem like they need him to rake in order to win. UNFORTUNATELY for the Bonerz they probably do.  1/27, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, 1 SB .103 OBP     


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Manny Machado stays crushing baseballs, maybe the Yanks or the Bonerz (HAHA) can get him to replace Didi (10/27, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .433 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Also Carlos Carrasco pitched himself a fucking gem, and I really like him a lot (9 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 2.00 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  A positive for the Wood was a nice little week from Justin Upton, although a negative might be this served only to remind them Justin Upton is no longer a Tiger (9/25, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .407 OBP).

Morning Pitcher Of Note:  A second negative would be that Carlos Martinez hit the DL with some sort of lat thing (5 IP, 2 ER, 2 Ks, 3.60 ERA).


Week 7:  Bad Dudes v. Isotopes (3-3 v. 5-1, BBOTW) 

                 MW @ Slugs (1-5 v. 5-1)






Image result for votto gif
Bellcrest Park Babadooks STUN The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Late Through A Comedy Of Tragedies And Really Tragedy Makes The Best Comedy And Really No Amount Of Summary Could Do It Justice So There Won’t Be Much Summary  –  7-6-1


MVP:  Joey Votto  –  ULTIMATELY this one came down to a .3363 to .3362 OBP advantage for the Babadooks. Which isn’t entirely true, this also came down to (in no particular order):  Archie Bradley‘s lack of strikeout stuff, Jacob deGrom‘s lack of grit and/or Mickey Callaway’s lack of faith in him, Dave Martinez’s lack of understanding of pitch counts and the dangers of going to a bullpen too early, the weather’s lack of cooperation with this year’s MLB schedule, etc. etc. etc. BUT ALSO it came down to OBP, so I am just going to lazily give this to the guy with the best OBP over the most ABs and that is usually Joey Votto (Please also note Gary Sanchez had a .478 over 15 ABs but who can do wants to do the math with this shit).  7/25, 5 Rs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 1 SB .438 OBP

LVP:  Archie Bradley    You could point to some of the issues lightly referenced above but perhaps the BIGGEST issue is Archie couldn’t muster one fucking K on Sunday night, and also couldn’t must one fucking K in 2 other appearances, and also hasn’t mustered one fucking K in his last 5 appearances. Came back to bite the ButtSliderz.  3 IP, 2 ER, 1 Hold, 6.00 ERA 


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  I am sure Kyle Seager will come up with his typical Kyle Seager-y numbers this season and I will just have to compare those to Eugenio’s numbers at year’s end to see just how badly I may have miscalculated that position battle (7/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .393 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  And Aaron Nola continues to be the light of my life in terms of fantasy baseball pitching staff guys, now 7 straight QS (13 IP, 2 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.38 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  I took note very early on in this matchup of the fact that Carlos Santana was absolutely killing me, which is just as annoying as it sounds (8/25, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 14 RBIs, .346 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Jeremy Hellickson probably earned himself at least one more inning on Sunday night, but DIDN’T GET IT and that is the sort of thing Doch should write Dave Martinez angry hate mail about for the rest of time (11.2 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.77 ERA).


Week 7:  Babadooks v. X*Rayz (2-4 v. 3-3)

                 Sliderz @ OGTFC (2-4 @ 2-4)






Image result for trea turner gif


OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Put On An OBP And Run Scoring Clinic In Narrow Victory Over Garden State Warriors OceanGate Trout Fishing Club  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Trea Turner  –  This one turned from a tie to an OGTFC victory on a Trea Turner Sunday night game 5th inning dong, so why not give Trea MVP. That is how we are doing things this week, gents.  6/25, 8 Rs, 3 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .406 OBP     

LVP:  Ryan Braun    Ryan Braun nobody likes you because you lied about the steroids pee test thing and broke A-Rod’s heart (both A-Rods, probably).  2/19, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 RBI, .182 OBP


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  As mentioned above the Fishing Club but on an OBP/Rs clinic and nearly broke both all-time records and Kris Bryant was a rather large part of that (7/20, 11 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .536 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  And now just to knock Greggers down a bit let’s point out another person his team needed to drop weeks ago but hasn’t, Danny Duffy (8.2 IP, 10 ER, 7 Ks, 1 W, 10.38 ERA).


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Even in narrow defeat, Francisco Lindor refuses to cool the fuck down even one bit (12/20, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .652 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  I feel like Stephen Strasburg is a bit of a forgotten ace for the team with a bunch of aces but he is PLENTY GOOD, maybe with all of the other aces dropping like flies that will become more apparent (13.2 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.63 ERA).


Week 7:   OGTFC v. Sliderz (2-4 v. 2-4)

                 Warriors @ RRF (3-3 @ 4-2)







Image result for pizza one third





Image result for aaron judge gif
Astoria Isotopes Bests Rojo’s Renegade Force In Potential BCS Previ Just Kidding I Kid  –  9-3-2


MVP:  Aaron Judge  –  *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji* *gavel emoji*.  9/23, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, .533 OBP

LVP:  Joey Gallo    Joey Gallo’s line was too similar to the same line that got Matt Chapman LVP of the week last week so…..LVP of the week.  1/21, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .130 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Robinson Cano dontcha know he hit the DL with a broken hand, if you didn’t know well that is why I am fucking noting it in my patented “of note” section (7/23, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .346 OBP).  [AMENDMENT:  He was also BEING A CHEATING CHEATER all this time which may be the more pressing issue for the Isotopes and their “legacy”.]

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Dallas Keuchel, long-time fan favorite of whatever fans the Isotopes have, with a nice two start week (15 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.60 ERA).


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Scooter Gennett, PERHAPS IMPROBABLY, still being a very good hitter (13/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .591 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  It takes a special sort of team effort for a team to put up a 6.361 team ERA, even so and with all due respect to Ian Kennedy (9 ER in 4 IP) we will be highlighting Jason Hammel here (3.2 IP, 9 ER, 1 K, 22.09 ERA).




This one was likely billed as a battle between the two HEAVYWEIGHTS of the Backyard, or at the very least a battle between the top two teams from the first edition of the 2018 Power Rankings. IN SOME WAYS it would have likely lived up to said billing, as the matchup was closer than the final score might indicate. In other ways I am disappointed. ANYWHO, the ‘Topes take this one by getting things done on both side of the coin with a 4-2-1 advantage for batters and a 5-1-1 advantage for pitchers. The batters side stayed close, the two teams tying in dongs and the ‘Topes taking two baggers by a mere….two. The pitchers side not so much, as the Renegade Force pitched to a very unintimidating 6.361 ERA that betrayed the intimidation of their team name.  You can blame all the bums they spot started but you CANNOT blame Shohei Ohtani (1.42) or Corey Kluber (2.08, 2 starts) so at least there is that. The Isotopes, on the other hand, pitched to a respectable 3.544 ERA, credit due to Dallas Keuchel (0.60, 2 starts) and Chris Sale (3.00) and really just about anyone that wasn’t David Robertson (27.00) or JA Happ  (18.90) or Drew Steckenrider (54.00) or Trevor Williams (7.20). And with that superior pitching (at least out of most of the starters) came superior #s in QS and FAR superior #s in Ws and Ks and there you have it that’s a big part of this matchup’s final outcome. Who needs to name names on the offenses NOT I.

In Week 7 the Isotopes head into a BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK showdown with a playful nemesis of theirs, the River City Bad Dudes. I only really ever see the Bad Dudes winning playoff matchups but apparently this is still some sort of “rivalry”? Something to do with the Backyard’s dead-ball era. Also in Week 7, the Renegade Force head into a still-tough matchup against the wounded Garden State Warriors (Sano, Moncada, Darvish, Kershaw all on the DL).


Week 7:  Isotopes @ Bad Dudes (5-1 @ 3-3, BBOTW)

                RRF v. Warriors (4-2 v. 3-3)







Image result for three babadooks
So there was Week 6. Two Thirds To Go. One Dook Down Two Dooks To Go, If You Will.
2018 Week 6 Review: “One Third Through” Edition


Image result for stanton strikeout gif
BIG NEWS outta Week 5 and that is a new STRIKEOUT KING, improbably it is Greg Heroy and his mighty (mighty strugglin’) OceanGate Trout Fishing Club. Week 5 saw the OGTFC set a new Ks record at 113. It also saw two other teams over 100 Ks, lotta Ks going around these days. It also saw the three 3-1 teams all win and the three 1-3 teams all lose, creating further separation as we head into Week 6. Let us get to the “box scores” (my version) of those various wins and losses……















Image result for eddie rosario


Barnegat Banana Slugs Cruise Past Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz Behind Rarest Of Power Displays  –  9-4-1


MVP:  Eddie Rosario  –  The Banana Slugs have not exactly been the premier power team in the Backyard in 2018 BUT ALL THAT CHANGED in Week 5, lead by Eddie Rosario of all people. I for one am happy to see Eddie keeping up his 2017 pace, although I cannot quite figure out why I should care either way. DAMN FINE WEEK EDWARD.  13/30, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, 2 SBs, .452 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Michael Comforto    Jose Altuve seemed to be catching a lot of heat in the chat (I skimmed it so I could have the context wrong) but it was COMFORTO that REYROLL’D across four games in Week 5. And that is good enough for me.  0/12, .077 OBP      


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Another unlikely big bopper for the Banana Slugs was Eugenio Suarez, who is no longer injured in case you haven’t noticed Banana Slugs ownership mention him a thousand times [again going off the chat I skim more than participate in] (4/20, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .346 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Another week down, another week where Max Scherzer was so lights out it is starting to bore me (12.2 IP, 3 ER, 23 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.13 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Nobody was particularly good but nobody was too bad either so let’s just highlight Ronald Acuna‘s line in these circumstances going foward (7/27, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .259 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Walker Buehler was throwing a no-hitter and got pulled anyways and that is just fucking RUDE and that is why you are failing as a team, Dodgers (6 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 6:  Banana Slugs @ X*Rayz (4-1 @ 3-2),

                 Sliderz v. Babadooks (2-3 v. 1-4)





Image result for nolan arenado
Astoria Isotopes Make Fairly Quick Work Of The Q-Tip City Morning Wood I Imagine  –  8-5-1


MVP:  Nolan Arenado  –  ‘Nadooooo finally has awoken, seemingly for the first time since that ballyhoo above cost him 5 games. You know you think he is having a quiet season and you look up and he’s got 8 HRs and 21 RBIs and I guess this is just what it is like to not own Nolan Arenado. ;(  8/25, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .393 OBP

LVP:  Eduardo Nunez    Eduardo just CONTINUES to carve out meaningful ABs for both the Bonerz and the Red Sawks and I don’t know which one is more surprising. Bonerz I guess. Lot more options out there in the fantasy world versus up there in Bahsten.  4/22, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .182 OBP     


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Charlie Blackmon stays doing things that are good that the Isotopes appreciate him doing I would imagine (7/21, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 2 SBs, .517 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Same sentence as above but replace Chuck Naztee with Chris Sale (14 IP, 2 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  JD Martinez has been good and that’s a shame because I really wanted him to struggle with the Sawks for no apparent reason just cuz yanno, fuck them (12/29, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .469 OBP).

Morning Pitcher Of Note:  Anddddd Jacob Faria continues to work towards pulling his ERA out of the early season hole he put his ERA into (13.1 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 0.68 ERA).


Week 6:  Isotopes v. RRF (4-1 v. 4-1, BBOTW) 

                 MW v. Bad Dudes (1-4 v. 2-3)






Image result for francisco lindor
Garden State Warriors Defeat Bellcrest Park Babadooks With A Weird Score Because The Babadooks Can’t Catch A Fucking Break But Also And Mostly Because They Cannot Score Runs  –  6-2-6


MVP:  Francisco Lindor  –  Every time I seem to write about Lindor I seem to use that banner picture above that MLB.com will one day sue the blog over. And also every time the Warriors win Lindor seems to be involved. I am still confused as to how a supposed “glove-first” SS prospect is actually really good at hitting dongs, but here we are and he hit a bunch of dongs against us on the way to SEVENTEEN hits. Fucker.  17/40, 11 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .439 OBP

LVP:  Nick Pivetta    I could blame some of the kid hitters but REALLY that would be my fault for trotting out the kid hitters through struggles and struggles and struggles, so instead I’ll blame Pivetta. If Pivetta could have pitched like a man perhaps we could have broken some of those ties in the QS and W categories. And still lost but at least loss with less goddamned ties.  1 IP, 6 ER, 1 K, 54.00 ERA 


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Let’s use this space to highlight some of the bad news in Warriors World, first off Yoan Moncada hit the DL with a hammy (7/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 SBs, .346 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  Second uhh off Clayton Kershaw once again hitting the DL, this time with bicep tendinitis and he joins Yu Darvish who is on the DL with like a cold or something (6 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 3.00 ERA).


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  Might as well celebrate Edwin Encarnacion for doing a bit of damage all in one game basically, THANKS Edwin thanks a bunch it made no difference next time do it for multiple games (9/30, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .344 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Poor Aaron Nola trying to valiantly prop up my historically-terrible-at-QS team by tossing a QS in five straight (7.1 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 6:  Warriors v. OGTFC (3-2 v. 1-4)

                 Babadooks @ BackdoorSliderz (1-4 @ 2-3)






Image result for eric hosmer


Rojo’s Renegade Force Keep Rolling/Turning Over Half Their Roster At A Time, Beat Oceangate Trout Fishing Club  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Eric Hosmer  –  How about Eric Hosmer simply FILLING UP the stat sheet in Week 5, take THAT all you naysayers that said the Padres gave him a terrible contract. But no still probably a terrible contract. Nice Week 5 production, howevz.  8/22, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .462 OBP     

LVP:  Amed Rosario    Amed Rosario stays bringing nothing to the table.  4/20, 1 R, 1 RBI, .200 OBP


RRF Hitter Of Note:  I would be remiss if I didn’t note the Renegade Force won this one despite Paul Goldschmidt being absolutely TERRIBLE (1/25, 1 R, .172 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Adam Ottavino has been filthy this year and I just want to note that cuz yanno, whatever (4 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 Save, 2 Holds, 0.00 ERA).


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  JUST HAFTA NOTE I don’t think I have ever seen Trea Turner get on base so many times and NOT steal a base, the OGTFC ended up only stealing one bag as a team and could have realllly used at least one more (8/23, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, .444 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  OH YEA nearly forgot to mention the reviews thematic thread, which is simply noting that the OGTFC set the Ks record in Week 5 so good for them so Justin Verlander was a big help there (14 IP, 1 ER, 22 Ks, 2 QS, 0.64 ERA).


Week 6:   RRF @ Isotopes (4-1 @ 4-1, BBOTW )

                 OGTFC @ Warriors (1-4 @ 3-2)






Image result for suicide hotline

^ For Heroy only, Shane and I are dealing with our lot in (fantasy) life JUST FINE…..




Image result for jose ramirez
Mission Valley X*Rayz See To It That Recent Championship History Repeats Itself, Defeat River City Bad Dudes In 2017 BCS Rematch  –  7-4-3


MVP:  Jose Ramirez  –  Jose Ramirez continues to be the little engine that drive the X*Rayz O and thank goodness for that. The X*Rayz tied in Runs won 2Bs won SBs won OBP and damned if Jose didn’t do his part in each of those cats. Jose good.  11/30, 9 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .457 OBP

LVP:  Matt Chapman    Matt Chapman with the REYROLL beneath the bright lights of the BBOTW stage. That gets you LVP of the week good sir.  1/21, .130 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  How about the POWER STROKE outta my main man Delino Deshields, we wish him all the very best (12/30, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 3 SBs, .438 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Chris Archer finally pitched like Chris Archer for a week for a change (13 IP, 3 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2.08 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  I was just thinking to myself where in the fuck have all the JROLLs gone and lo and behold, AJ Pollock JROLL (11/26, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .448 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And POOR Kevin Gausman finally starting to get his shit together and goes 9 shutout innings against the A’s and ends up with a no decision, tough break for River City there (9 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, 0.00 ERA).




Any discussion of this matchup really needs to START (and perhaps end) with a discussion of the X*Rayz Thursday light day performance. I don’t know or care what the matchup was at prior to this day, because on this day the X*Rayz really worked magic and it helped them keep a somewhat important tie in the all-important Runs cat. First let’s look at what the Bad Dudes did with their light Thursday, a pretty standard light Thursday line:  10/45, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .314 OBP. Nothing to write home about but certainly nothing to sneeze about. HOWEVER the X*Rayz countered with this bad boy:  28/55, TWENTY TWO RUNS, 6 2Bs, 4 HRs, 17 RBIs, 3 SBs, .578 OBP. That line amounted to basically HALF the total runs for the team (45) in Week 5, which helped them tie the 45 put up by River City. That line helped keep a healthy margin of victory for OBP (X*Rayz would win .3743 to .3295). That line helped the X*Rayz keep RBIs close (jk Bad Dudes won that cat by 17). Point is that Thursday onslaught was impressive and without it whom knows where the matchup ends up. Even if it didn’t affect it that much I am going to claim it was demoralizing or some vague concept like that. Overall the offensive cats would end up at a 3-3-1 deadlock, so the real margin of victory here was a 4-1-2 owning of the pitching cats by Mission Valley; the X*Rayz easily won ERA 2.761 to 4.679 but would win QS Ws and Saves by 1 each, lose Ks, tie in Holds and CGs. So really a very narrow margin of victory on the pitching side which I should probably detail but that ruins the Thursday offense narrative, and really that was likely the most interesting thing that happened in this matchup, so yea that is all I am giving you. Yangervis Solarte was the big shot on Thursday, going 8/10, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .818 OBP in a doubleheader. So yep. Thursday. Thursday Thursday Thursday.



In Week 6 the X*Rayz head to Barnegat to take on the Banana Slugs in what will SURELY be a hotly contested battle both on the fantasy diamond and in the chat. These two teams lead the league in randomly pointing out their random players performances, so things could get ugly. The Bad Dudes, on the other hand, will head to Q-Tip City in hopes that a date with last year’s last place will be the perfect prescription to STOP THE BLEEDING (the Dudes have lost two straight or whatever).


Week 6:  X*Rayz v. Slugs (3-2 v. 4-1)

                Bad Dudes @ MW (2-3 @ 1-4)







Image result for babadook sucks
So there was Week FUCKING 5, the Babadooks continue to lose but also continue to churn out quality content and that is respectable. So respectable that surely the fantasy gods will look kindly upon it and start letting them score some fucking runs. Also other teams are doing good well also other teams are doing okay also other teams are doing bad poorly. And that is the season thus far, STAY TUNED FOR MORE.


Image result for separation anxiety
Week 4 came and went and with it a weeeee bit of separation in the standings, as three teams move to a PITIFUL 1-3 and 3 teams move to a RESPECTABLE 3-1. And then there’s like 4 .500 ball clubs. Let’s recap it lickety split style since nobody else picked up the slack……









Image result for ozzie albies


Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz Beat Up River City Bad Dudes To Punish Them For Being Bad Dudes  –  8-3-8


MVP:  Ozzie Albies  –  Of COURSE I am going to give it to Ozzie Albies, I am in love with Ozzie Albies and often think about how I failed to obtain him last season. Also he had a nice week, perfectly MVP acceptable. Ozzie Albies ladies and gentlemen.  8/30, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .324 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Chris Stratton    BAD START, Chris Stratton. You know what you did. Although compliments on striking out three of the four guys you managed to get out.  1.1 IP, 6 ER, 3 Ks, 40.50 ERA


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Should note that Ronald Acuna debuted and already had a bunch of XBH but should also note a fellow Brave had himself a JROLL and that Brave is Freddie Freeman and he is really good (11/31, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .412 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Walker Buehler debut week everybody, he seems to have done a pretty good job good for him (10 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks, 1 W, 1.80 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Poor Bryce Harper seems like he just CANNOT get pitched to these days (3/18, 3 Rs, 1 SB, .444 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Anddd shoutout to Garrett Richards for flying into River City on Friday and then getting shelled in his team debut on Saturday (1.2 IP, 5 ER, 2 Ks, 27.00 ERA).


Week 5:  Sliderz @ Slugs (2-2 @ 3-1),

                Bad Dudes v. X*Rayz (2-2 v. 2-2, BBOTW ‘cuz championship rematch)





Image result for miguel cabrera
Astoria Isotopes Hit And Hold And Defeat OceanGate Trout Fishing Club  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Miguel Cabrera  –  Back from beyond the grave, old man Cabrera had such a nice week that it gave him bicep tightness and he sat out the first game of Week 5. So that is a fine Week 4.  8/19, 4 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .476 OBP

LVP:  Amed Rosario    Ahmed mustered one run which saved him from a REYROLL which is a real shame because that would have been apt. An apt comparison, that might have made.  4/20, 1 R, .238 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK*** 


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Don’t really know who in the fuck Jean Segura thinks he has with 8 RBI weeks but here we are (9/28, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .355 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  And continuing with the ‘Topes trope of old men contributors JA Happ had himself a week what has gotten into that guy (14 IP, 3 ER, 19 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Anthony Rizzo has been BAD this year, really quite bad, and damned if I don’t want to point it out right here (4/22, 2 Rs, 3 RBIs, .250 OBP Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 4 RBIs, .478 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  But Gerrit Cole has been good this year, really quite good (13.2 IP, 5 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 3.29 ERA).


Week 5:  Isotopes @ MW (3-1 @ 1-3) 

                OGTFC v. RRF (1-3 v. 2-2)






Image result for andrelton simmons
Mission Valley X*Rayz Finally Get Back To Their Single Digit HR Fundamentals But Keep The RBI Gains, Gain Victory Over Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Andrelton Simmons  –  Andrelton Simmons STILL OUT HERE HITTIN’. Let’s hear it for the late bloomers. Last year was like his “offensive breakout” when he ended with a 102 wRC+ and THIS YEAR, well this year he’s improved in pretty much every metric and currently sits there with a wRC+ of 140. Do I think he is a true talent 140 hitter no I do not but even like 115ish 120ish with that glove would be fuggin sexy. And for fantasy purposes uhhh would also work. Let’s hear it for good Aprils that I may be reading too much into.  5/11, 3 Rs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .455 OBP

LVP:  Dansby Swanson    Dansby switched back to 2017 Dansby for a hot sec here, let’s see if it continues. That guy was fucking awful.  4/29, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .194 OBP 


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Delino DeShields returned to action and accounted for half the team’s steals and I would just like to welcome him back, WELCOME BACK DELINO (7/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 SBs, .346 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Certainly OF NOTE would be Luis Castillo disappointing once again and then the X*Rayz dropping his ass like a bad habit, future ace potential be damned (1 IP, 5 ER, 45.00 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  I tell ya what Didi Gregorius is on fucking fire, would be interesting to see if the Bonerz would consider selling high to one of these Yankee lovers and/or me (10/28, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .419 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  And Rick Porcello has great numbers thus far in 2018 which, I mean, gross (14.2 IP, 6 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 3.68 ERA).


Week 5:  X*Rayz v. Bad Dudes (2-2 v. 2-2, BBOTW)

                MW v. Isotopes (1-3 v. 3-1)






Image result for scooter gennett


Rojo’s Renegade Force Beat Bellcrest Park Babadooks By Like A Centimeter, Fantasy Is A Game Of cm  –  6-5-3


MVP:  Scooter Gennett  –  Of all the ways to lose a close fantasy week, to do so at the hands of SCOOTER fucking CONSTANTLY coming up with the big hits feels like one of the saddest. Fuck this guy.  11/28, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .452 OBP     

LVP:  Scott Kingery    Scott Kingery has been giving me nothing pretty much ever since ‘Topes week and that makes me sad.  2/14, 1 R, .143 OBP


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Oh yea need to mention the other vaunted RRF hitter that kept killing us, none other than Nick Markakis (10/27, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .500 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Masahiro Tanaka had a nice week WAY TO GO MASAHIRO I STILL REMEMBER PEARL HARBOR (the movie)(it was bad) (12.2 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.42 ERA).


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  And the shame of it all was that Joey Votto was actually looking like he’s rounding into form here and NOTHING to show for it in Week 4 (9/25, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .543 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Vince Velasquez only got the start because I didn’t realize Caleb Smith got pushed back a day because they didn’t fucking announce it til like 4:30 on Saturday while I was galavanting/dying around Boston and the short of it is if I started Smith and not VINCE WHO IS DEAD TO ME maybe or probably I win this matchup but yanno not to get into it I just think it is kinda funny (4 IP, 6 ER, 4 Ks, 13.50 ERA).


Week 5:   RRF @ OGTFC (3-1 @ 1-3)

                 Babadooks v. Warriors (1-3 v. 2-2)






Pepto-Bismol Tablets





Image result for ender inciarte
Barnegat Banana Slugs Slime Their Way Past The Garden State Warriors Like The Slimey Slimesters They Are, Rostering Trevor Bauer And Such  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Ender Inciarte  –  In Week 5 Ender Inciarte stole more bases than Billy Hamilton has stolen all season. Now partly that is because Billy is hitting pretty poorly even by his standards but NEVERTHELESS that is very impressive, and this was by far the most SBs in a given week that I recall coming across this particular season, and that is good enough for matchup MVP. Braves bats out here HOT.  12/33, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 RBIs, 6 SBs, .400 OBP

LVP:  Christian Yelich    Christian Yelich you sir are better than this. Although how good you are I have never quite determined. Lotta grounders outta you.  3/23, 1 R, 1 RBI, .192 OBP


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Through four weeks Tommy Pham remains able to see things, check back again next week (9/22, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .480 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Jon Gray finally put together the nasty type start he is capable of putting together, at home and everything (6 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Warriors fans can at least be all amped about Yoan Moncada being all legit, 2 legit 2 quit even (13/25, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .405 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  And James Paxton, perhaps the AL version of Jon Gray right now, also had a start worthy of his talents but he’s at least had a couple of other ones like that but he has also had pretty bad ones so yea (6 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 3.00 ERA).




Well the lone matchup of 2-1s had to end with someone ending up 3-1, and it did. It also could have ended up with two teams at 2-1-1 but it didn’t. It ended up with a 3-1 team and that team is the Barnegat Banana Slugs. The Slugs used speed and a superior RBI advantage (43-27) to slip on by the Garden State Warriors, with this matchup playing tight til a Sunday that saw the Warriors amass ZERO XBH and ZERO RBIs. That didn’t help. But this one was relatively close all the way through, six cats decided by a spread of 1 and Ks decided by a spread of 2 (Warriors actually took that one 79 to 77). Slugs win the offensive cats 5-2 and the Warriors may have felt a little unlucky only mustering 27 RBIs off their 9 HRs, compared to the 43 RBIs off 10 HRs for Barnegat. Barnegat actually loses on the pitching side 3-2-3, but an uncharacteristically poor pitching showing signals some troubles for the Warriors as they won an ugly ERA battle 4.792 to 5.824. Even with the uglier ERA the Slugs were able to grab one more QS and one more W than the Warriors and in this week that proved to be the difference. Special blame goes to Jose Berrios (2 outta 2 shit starts), Stephen Strasburg (1 outta 1 shit starts), Dylan Bundy (1 outta 1 shit starts), and David Price (1 outta 1 shit starts). All good pitchers, all picked the same week to suck. Hell even Clayton Kershaw had the nerve to only go 5 innings. And special uhh opposite of shame (glory?) goes to Michael Wacha, as I have decided that his QS/W combo was the eventual winner. Really it was technically more like Corbin‘s but whatfuckingever, Slugs win. And in that, we all lose.

In Week 5 the Banana Slugs will take on their ideological enemies in the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, SHOULD BE A GOOD ONE. The Warriors meanwhile will welcome a non-BBOTW when they head to Bellcrest Park for a brotherly battle with the Babadooks.


Week 5:  Slugs v. Sliderz (3-1 v. 2-2)

                Warriors @ Babadooks (2-2 @ 1-3)







Image result for babadook
So there was your Week goddamn 4 folks, a few teams created a little separation a few teams now feeling a bit nervous BACKYARD IS IN THE AIR. Expect the May Power Rankings momentarily, they will depress me but I shall do them all the same. And until next time. And hopefully next time somebody else writes this shit. I will complain every week until that happens JUST YOU WATCH.

2018 Week 3 Review: No Winless, No Lossless, No Ties Edition

Related image


Week 3 concluded and uhhh IT IS JUST WHAT THE TITLE SAYS. The two 0-2 teams heading into the week won and are thusly 1-2. The two 2-0 teams heading into the week lost and are thusly 2-1. This leaves us with 5 teams at 2-1 and 5 teams at 1-2, MATH. Let’s keep the no ties going, ties are the worst. Also MY GAWD it is Week 3 and I am just realizing I haven’t been assigning MVP Of The Week and LVP Of The Week, so that will now be fixed both retroactively and going forward. And now let’s see how all the teams got their respective records as we recap Week 3……Image result for 3 gif







Image result for yasmani grandal


Q-Tip City Morning Wood Slide On By Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz  –  7-3-4


MVP:  Yasmani Grandal  –  The QTCMW put up a season-best .3844 OBP in this one and this guy helped that a good bit, and also I have just always dreamed of the day that I could highlight Yasmani Grandal for the Bonerz since I just GAVE HIM AWAY to him for like Dan Vogelbach or something. The truth of the matter is most of the MW offense was cruising last week so not really any wrong answers here. But this is real nice production out of the C spot. So it goes to him.  8/24, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 11 RBIs, .448 OBP

LVP:  Domingo Santana    NO WONDER I was asked if I still had interest in Domingo. No. Wonder.  0/16, 2 Rs, .158 OBP


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  A real fine showing from Lorenzo Cain as he continues to be solid ever since he was freed from the ‘Topes roster (8/21, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  How bout Julio Teheran all of a sudden being good again for a hot sec here all of a sudden (13 IP, 1 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.69 ERA) (nice).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Seems like the Brew Crew had some fine hitting last week, if we are just going off Cain and Travis Shaw here (17/19, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .600 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Kinda wish I was asked about Blake Snell instead because he looks like he might have something cookin’ here, cookin’ with gas (13.1 IP, 2 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.35 ERA). (UPDATE: Andddd now he is an X*Ray)


Week 4:  MW  @ X*Rayz (1-2 @ 1-2),

                Sliderz v. Bad Dudes (1-2 v. 2-1)





Image result for mccullers gif
Bellcrest Park Babadooks Pitch Past OceanGate Trout Fishing Club  –  8-3-3


MVP:  Lance McCullers  –  The Babadooks swept the pitching cats 7-0 and ALSO I will take every opportunity I can to search for a Lance McCullers GIF so HERE IT IS. Really I wanted to find a nasty pitch movement one but this one works better. Lance was quality last week but he probably remains a roller coaster. The highs are really pretty though.  13 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.38 ERA

LVP:  A Tie Between Andrew Triggs And Lucas Giolito And Gregory Heroy    Is it better to give up 6 ER in 1.1 IP or 9 ER in 2 IP? That is the question I pose to you the readers. Because both end up giving you an ERA of 40.50.  Triggs:  1.1 IP, 6 ER, 40.50 ERA  Giolito:  2 IP, 9 ER, 1 K, 40.50 ERA  Heroy:  -6 mWAR for letting Giolito start/keep his roster spot.     ***LVP(s) OF THE WEEK***


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  Rhys Hoskins was better but I wanna give a shoutout to Lewis Brinson instead and hope it motivates him to keep it going against non-Milwaukee opponents, and to maybe STOP STRIKING OUT SO FUCKING MUCH (3/12, 3 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .308 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Also can’t celebrate this Week 3 victory without celebrating the life of Mike Clevinger and that sweet sweet Saturday CG shutout he gave us (9 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mookie Betts, it unfortunately must be noted, is on a bit o’ a tear and thankfully the Sawks rewarded it with a Sunday day off (8/20, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 4 RBIs, .478 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  I mean I guess a postive is Josh Hader is becoming a nice bullpen weapon, I guess (5 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 2 Saves, 0.00 ERA).


Week 4:  Babadooks @ RRF (1-2 @ 2-1) 

                OGTFC @ Isotopes (1-2 @ 2-1)






Image result for paul dejong
Astoria Isotopes Hit The Shit Outta The Ball, Record Many Dongs, Defeat The Mission Valley X*Rayz  –  10-3-1


MVP:  Paul DeJong  –  The Isotopes donged 20 dongs which is a pretty high number and also knocked in 73 which is a RATHER high number and interestingly enough nobody had more than 3 dongs, and nobody had dougle digit RBIs or anything (8 was the high man). But that high man was also Moose and fuck him no way I am giving him two MVPs in a row. So DeJong DeGetsit.  6/20, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .364 OBP

LVP:  Ian Desmond    Ian Desmond continues to be SO DISAPPOINTING, as a guy that went to Colorado and decided to start hitting groundballs and groundballs only (fucking 72.7% GB rate this season, 62.7% last season). I know this from firsthand experience clearly. Fuck that guy.  0/15, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .118 OBP 


‘Topes Hitter Of Note:  I guess I can note Mike Moustakas here though, the dick (10/33, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .324 OBP).

‘Topes Pitcher Of Note:  The ‘Topes also grabbed a Dallas Keuchel CG for good and unnecessary measure, I hope the universe takes away a CG from him in a matchup when he needs it more and that is how it works (14 IP, 3 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  One thing you can say after 3 is that the defending champs have TO THIS POINT been managing some solid pop, and thank god part of that is Jose Ramirez getting back to being a beast (9/22, 4 Rs, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .480 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Let’s highlight Chris Archer finally mustering a QS in his fifth start of the gotdamned season, cuz get it together Chris (6.2 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks, 1 QS, 2.70 ERA).


Week 4:  Isotopes v. OGTFC (2-1 v. 1-2)

                X*Rayz v. MW (1-2 v. 1-2)






Image result for patrick corbin


Barnegat Banana Slugs Hand Rojo’s Renegade Force Their First L, Because Parity  –  8-5-1


MVP:  Patrick Corbin  –  Patrick Corbin out here dominating and I did NOT see this coming. You could say he has been a real FORCE. See what I did there. But yea Corbin put up a monnnnnster two start week, what more can I say that Brian probably hasn’t already said. See line here.  15 IP, 2 ER, 19 Ks, 2 QS, 1 CG, 2 Ws, 1.20 ERA     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Zack Cozart    I feel like last week I may have declared that Cozart was proving his ’17 wasn’t a fluke but now I have decided that you have REGRESSED sir, based off this particular week long sample size. Or maybe it was Scooter Gennett, who can fucking keep track of these white one year wonders on the RRF. But Zack was bad in Week 3 is what I am saying.  1/17, 1 RBI, .158 OBP


Slugs Hitter Of Note:  It is with great trepidation that I announce that Trevor Story had himself a JROLL last week 😦  (9/20, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 2 SBs, .560 OBP).

Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  I’ll tell you who was also a FORCE, Luis Severino was also a force as the Slugs got some sexy two-start weeks outta two of their hurlers I have noted them both pay attention (13 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.69 ERA) (Nice).


RRF Hitter Of Note:  George Springer was good in Week 3 but I can’t really figure out a way to compare Springer to Yu Darvish week to week (Yu Darvish was bad in Week 3) and why can’t we just move on from trades anyways (I am part of the problem) so Springer was good and that is all that matters right now (9/28, 10 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .412 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Hey quick FYI, old ass Johnny Cueto has only given up 1 ER all season (13 IP, 0 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 4:   Slugs @ Warriors (2-1 @ 2-1, BBOTW )

                 RRF v. Babadooks (2-1 v. 1-2)






Related image





Image result for manny machado
River City Bad Dudes Also Take Down A Previously Undefeated, The Garden State Warriors, BECAUSE NOBODY GETS TO HAVE A NICE WIN STREAK UNTIL I HAVE ONE–  9-5-0


MVP:  Manny Machado  –  MANNY HAVE YOU A WEEK. Manny was somewhat not great for stretches of 2017 but last week he was great, and in 2018 he has been great. And he is a great player. The Yankees should look to acquire this young fella.  11/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 8 RBIs, .560 OBP

LVP:  Yu Darvish    I dunno I guess it has to be Yu, the Warriors got outclassed in the pitching department which is rare BUT HAPPENS and SOMEONE SHOULD BE HELD RESPONSIBLE and I guess it can be Yu Darvish. A couple guys didn’t have great batting lines but none so egregiously bad that they stood out, even Sano made one of his two hits leave the yard. So yea, Yu get what Yu deserve Yu.  4.2 IP, 5 ER, 4 Ks, 9.54 ERA


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  It’s amusing how often I look at a box score and realize I gave a guy the LVP the week before and now he out here balling, ALMOST AS IF OVERREACTING TO SMALL SAMPLES IS SILLY OR SOMETHING, but yea to that point Nomar Mazara didn’t get any counting stats in Week 2 but got some in Week 3 (8/24, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .385 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Sean Manaea no hit the Red Sawks fuck yeaaaaaaa, I believe I questioned Manaea’s ability to put it together when the Dudes traded for him and I apologize Sean (9 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  On the bright side, Warriors fans, Javier Baez that mothafucka has arrived (12/25, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, .480 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  And I guess I am just gonna sit here and point out Dylan Bundy lines all season long cuz it just seems SILLY to me that the Warriors just picked him up off waivers last August like they even needed him and he’s out here pitching better than anyone else on the staff (6 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).




This one got BBOTW because Ryan and Lobman are FRIENDS TURNED FOES. Jk they are still just friends, but it seemed like two strong teams and they both put up fairly strong numbers. I believe this matchup like most matchups was up for grabs Saturday and Sunday however, Saturday things went a little topsy turvy for the Warriors. Neededing a strong pitching day, kinda their thing yanno, they pitched to a 6.55 ERA across four starts (Stephen Strasburg the only QS, Paxton, Darvish, and a random Kyle Gibson appearance all dragging down the ERA [to be fair Kyle was the best of those three]). Meanwhile on the Bad Dudes side of things you have Sean Manaea no hitting the Red Sox which did NOT do Garden State any favors. Sunday there was still a pulse but it would require a lotta dongs, an ERA correction, and some saves for the Warriors and they really got none of the three. Their 2 Sunday HRs were matched by Manny Machado all by his lonesome. Overall both teams looked tough but the Bad Dudes eded the Warriors 4-3  in the hitting cats, and more impressively took care of business in the pitching cats to the tune of 5-2. The CG helps, and it seems like the Ws and QS were not quite falling for the Warriors in Week 3, but give the Dudes credit as they grabbed 8 a piece in those cats and out-ERA’d the team that still leads the league in ERA. Also the CG helps, as those always do. I love those things as a cat even though I tend to never get them. But this isn’t about me.

In Week 4 the Bad Dudes head down to Ocean County’s DEEP SOUTH to take on the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, Lacey has lost two straight after winning their 2018 opener. Meanwhile the Garden State Warriors will grab BBOTW status once again when they host the Barnegat Banana Slugs, the only matchup pitting two of the five 2-1 teams against one another.


Week 4:  Bad Dudes @ Sliderz (2-1 @ 1-2)

                Warriors v. Slugs (2-1 v. 2-1, BBOTW)







Related image
So that was Week 3 Review, once again not completed on a Monday. And while we are on this particular subject lemme just say I can all but guarantee I won’t be able to get a week 4 review done in a timely fashion, next week I think I am avoiding the office til like Friday or something. So that could be tricky. Or yanno have someone else write it, I really can’t make these things any simpler. REALLY CAN’T. On to Week 4, let’s make everyone 2-2 that we can possibly make 2-2. 



2018 Week 3 Review: No Winless, No Lossless, No Ties Edition