2018 Week 18 Review: “Oh Shit We Got Somewhere” Edition

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AND THERE. IS YOUR REGULAR SEASON. Years from now we will be able to talk about the collapse of the Bears and LITTLE ELSE, so yanno. I take pride in that. What lined up as a potentially dramatic Week 18 kinda wasn’t with most matchups kinda deciding themselves quickly. In honor of that brevity I shall keep this brief……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Mission Valley X*Rayz Tie A Rojo’s Renegade Force Team That Should Not Be Allowed To Win Another Game In 2018  –  6-6-2

 

MVP:  Edwin Diaz  –  Edwin Diaz was the most impressive man in this matchup and I do not even care if 5 saves against RRF is entirely unnecessary.  5 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 5 Saves, 1.80 ERA     

LVP:  Evan Gattis    Rare is the week I see a guy fail to reach base even once in 15 ABs so I’m calling it out.  0/15, 1 RBI, .000 OBP                

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  I almost forgot how Nick Markakis is having that career year for whatever fucking reason, and next season he will be unrosterable and lose his spot in the Braves OF and all that fun stuff (12/26, 6 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .448 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Might as well shoutout CC Sabathia for still CHUGGIN ALONG in his 27th season, for he is now on the DL and may chug no longer for all we know (6 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Billy Hamilton finally getting around to the whole stealing bases thing A LITTLE LATE, the rest of his production tends to be a bit unpalatable so you really want your B-Ham up around 40 SBs around this time (7/21, 2 Rs, 2 RBIs, 5 SBs, .333 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Just need to note that Blake Snell was pulled at FORTY SEVEN pitches in this game cuz Rays, really not what one wants in a must-win Week 18 sitch (5 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

BBR1:  RRF v. Sliderz (#4 v. #5)

              X*Rayz @ HOME

 

 

 

 

 

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OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Deny The Q-Tip City Morning Wood A Franchise Record Tying Win Total  –  8-4-2

 

MVP:  Mookie Betts  –  FAREWELL Mookie Betts, for this is yet another season where the OGTFC will not be taking your talents to the Backyard Bracket. The OGTFC love missing the playoffs the way OGTFC ownership loves making 30 year old brides-to-be cry about their age. And strippers. And inappropriate comments in public settings. Also JROLLmaybe I’ll tally these up again who knows  13/29, 10 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 2 SBs, .556 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Evan Longoria    Evan Longoria has pretty much looked old and borderline unrosterable just about every week except Week 17 against the beloved Bears, which, rude.  4/23, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .240 OBP     

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Lets also wave goodbye to Trea Turner because he is another very talented OGTFC player and he deserves better, BLOW IT ALL UP (10/29, 5 Rs, 1 2Bs 1 3B, 2 RBIs, 2 SBs, .406 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  They can keep Zack Godley if they want I guess, Zack had a good week but sometimes has bad weeks (14 IP, 3 ER, 13 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Almost wanted to point out Mitch Haniger because I point out JD Martinez every GOTDAMNED week but yea here’s JD’s line once again, those two are the bright spots on a dark-ish season in Q-Tip City (13/28, 7 Rs, 5 2Bs, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .531 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  And imho they might as well hold onto Dereck Rodriguez cuz I think he looks KINDA GOOD and they’re pitching was KINDA BAD in 2018 (14 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.64 ERA).

 

BBR1:  OGTFC @ GONE FISHIN’

              MW @ HOME THIS HAS BEEN KNOWN SINCE LIKE MAY

 

 

 

 

 

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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Punch Their Ticket To The Dance With Impressive Victory Over Garden State Warriors  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Ronald Acuna Jr.  –  Welllll well well if it isn’t wunderkind Ronald Acuna Jr. waiting til precisely the right point in the season to start mashing dongs. This kid may end up being pretty good, along with all the other BackdoorSliderz kids, and now I am worried I might have helped create a monster going forward. MAGA TRAIN MOTHERFUCKERS.  8/27, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .321 OBP     

LVP:  JT Realmuto    The Warriors sorta lazily made their way into the playoffs, bye already in hand, and even TOP-RANKED FANTASY CATCHER ACCORDING TO ESPN PLAYER RATER JT Realmuto sorta took the week off.  3/21, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .182 OBP

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Matt Carpenter also still hitting dongs in case anyone was wondering, and MAN was this the wrong year to part with Matt Carpenter they even played him at 3B a bunch when they said they wouldn’t I HATE YOU MIKE MATHENY (5/25, 5 Rs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .310 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  When the Mets actually win for Jacob deGrom you just know everything is coming up ButtSliderz (6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  I for one think the Warriors will be just fine when they come out of the bye week and one reason for that is  Francisco Lindor (9/32, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 3 SBs .343 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  And another reason is a shrewd acquisition of a one Carlos Carrasco (13.1 IP, 3 ER, 17 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.03 ERA).

 

BBR1:  Sliderz @ RRF (#5 @ #4)

              Warriors v. BYE (#2 seed)

                 

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 18 BACKYARD CO-BATTLES OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY A BEAR PAIR

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Astoria Isotopes Vulture #1 Seed In All The Backyard Land With Victory Over The Barnegat Banana Slugs, All That Chit Chat In Week 17 Still Looks Annoying  –  8-4-2

 

MVP:  Miguel Andujar  –  AND A CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM. Really annoying that the ‘Topes straight up DROPPED Andujar at one point but then realized the gravity of their error and picked him back up on waivers. That made me sad.  9/28, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .387 OBP

LVP:  Whit Merrifield    The Slugs blew their chance at the bye and they should very much blame Whit Merrifield, ironically.  ONE ASSUMES Vlad Jr. will eventually heal this wound FUCK YOU SHANE.  2/24, .154 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***          

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Paul Dejong SIGHTING, apparently the Isotopes still have Paul DeJong (7/24, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .320 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  They also have a Cole Hamels that looks a wee bit REJUVENATED with the move back to the NL, so that could be helpful potentially (13 IP, 3 2 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.38 ERA).

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Well JESUS (not Aguilar, who had 3 dongs) David Peralta where did this power stroke come from, usually this guy hits an annoying amount of grounders but also a good amount of triples but this year he’s getting that bitch a bit higher in the air (12/27, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .483 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Trevor Bauer was goooood and then took a liner to the ankle so we shall see, he perhaps could have used a bye week to rest up 😉 (12.1 IP, 1 ER, 19 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.73 ERA).

 

CO-BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

In a CARAAAYYYYYZAY “Winner Takes Top Seed Loser Doesn’t Even Get A Bye” matchup the drama just wasn’t….quite…..there, aside from the what’s at stake part. Credit where credit is due to both of these teams but particularly to the Isotopes of Astoria, whom outclassed the Banana Slugs in a few pitching cats that are the Slugs’ bread and butter (or whatever a slug equivalent to bread and butter would be, bananas and banana byproducts?). The Isotopes impressively grabbed both Ks and ERA en route to a 4-2-1 advantage on the pitching cats, and then they handled business on the hitting side as well to the tune of a 4-2-1 once again. Even with a sub-.300 OBP the ‘Topes stuck to their game of dongs and ribbies and the Slugs couldn’t quite keep pace, despite a solid offensive showing for a team that sometimes lacks on that side of the ball. Not sure this one had much drama despite stretching the possibilities into the Sunday night game, I don’t think ‘Topes ownership was livetweeting every second of that game so HOW AM I TO KNOW? How am I…..to know.

In the Backyard Bracket’s First Round the Astoria Isotopes will take a well-deserved break from action as the Backyard’s #1 seed overall. Meanwhile the Barnegat Banana Slugs (#3), for their troubles, have to take on a particularly dangerous #6 seed in the River City Bad Dudes. Yanno the team looking to make it to a fourth straight BCS, that one.

BBR1:  Isotopes v. BYE (#1)

              Slugs v. Bad Dudes (#3 v. #6)

 

 

 

 

 

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River City Bad Dudes Assist Bell Road Bears In TRULY EPIC Collapse, It Has Not Been The Best Of Summers What Can I Say  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Giancarlo Stanton  –  Giancarlo Stanton has stayed healthy for the Bad Dudes and ONE CAN CRAFT AN ARGUMENT had he not they’d miss the playoffs. Because like four teams were within a hair of the last playoff spot so one can craft an argument about just about anything. Is muh point.  8/27, 8 Rs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .424 OBP      

LVP:  Rhys Hoskins    FAR DIFFERENT from his performance ’round this time last year, Rhys let us down in Week 18 and has Sophmore Meh’d. We still very much believe in the skill set.  1/21, 3 Rs, .200 OBP           

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  NATCH Rougned Odor hit a triple and JROLL‘d in the one week in the past like 9 that I couldn’t muster a triple, that won’t fix his ears though (9/30, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .400 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And also Kevin Gausman twirled a gem cuz again NATCH (8 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.13 ERA).

 

Bears Hitter Of Note:  I honestly have nobody to really commend here so let me just say I am confident a healthy Edwin Encarnacion would have hit 11 dongs over the weekend, he never lets me down come playoff time (2/14, 1 R, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .235 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  And for the last time just want to thank Aaron Nola for nearly singlehandedly willing us out of the depths of the league on the QS leaderboard, and for teaching me how to love (a pitcher) again (6 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

CO-BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

And so the reasonnn the Slugs find themselves in a tough Round 1 matchup has a lot to do with a lot of different factors, the final spot in this year’s #BB truly coming down to some crazy tiebreakers and factors and yada yada. One of those factors was certainly an absolute COLLAPSE by the Bell Road Bears, which I cannot die is INTERESTING from a seasonal recap standpoint but also cannot deny not at all giving a shit about. BAD TEAM would have made no noise in the playoffs. The River City Bad Dudes however are poised to make noise, on the strength of a basically wire-to-wire Week 18 victory that gets them back in the dance (which they’ve been in every single time mehhhh). 4-3 advantage in the hitting cats and a 4-2-1 in the pitching stuff, shit pitching and injuries kinda robbing this one of much drama a Freddy Peralta Friday disaster sorta sunk the battleship longgggg before a Tyler Skaggs Saturday disaster had the chance to. And that was all she wrote for a team with numbers that likely should have stuck them with a Bonerz-esque record, and the team with slightly better numbers moves on and grabs the 6 seed. 3 teams from each division in the Backyard Bracket NICE SYMMETRY.

The River City Bad Dudes will enter the Bracket yet again, a 6 seed taking on the 3 seeded Barnegat Banana Slugs. The Bell Road Bears will miss the playoffs for the 2nd time in four seasons, book-ending two straight seasons of 1st round byes that lead to NOTHING and so questioning EVERYTHING about existence (jk I’m fine but feel free to try and trade for all my dudes of value, I want to join the MW @ the bottom SEEMS PEACEFUL DOWN THERE).

 

 

BBR1:  Bad Dudes @ Slugs (#6 v. #3) 

              Bears @ HIBERNATING

 

 

 

 

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EXHAUSTING, just an exhausting regular season. Now I get to (mostly) relax and visit Fangraphs a lot less and some of you can join me on this treat, some of you cannot. ALL OF YOU can feel free to gather your composure and scroll below for the Backyard Bracket Round 1 Preview, should anyone still read these things……

 

 

 

 

 

 

BACKYARD BRACKET ROUND 1 PREVIEW

 

Now that we have looked at how we arrived at this #FieldOfSix, let’s take a look at the matchups that will determine which two teams will advance to Round 2 and a date with our top two seeds aka the fuckers below…..

 

 

FIRST ROUND BYES:   #1  ASTORIA ISOTOPES (13-4-1, .750)

 

 

                                         #2  GARDEN STATE WARRIORS (13-5, .722)      

 

 

 

 

 

 

#3 BARNEGAT BANANA SLUGS (12-6, .667)   VS.     #6 RIVER CITY BAD                                                                                                            DUDES (8-10, .444)

          VS.                       

 

 

The Barnegat Banana Slugs enter the 2018 #BackYardBracket having jusstttttt missed out on a bye, and it kinda stings this year as now they have to face a very capable six-seeded River City Bad Dudes franchise. The Slugs find themselves with the season-long advantage in every pitching cat outside of CGs (3-2 Dudes) and Holds, however the Bad Dudes have the advantage in every hitting cat outside of Steals. These things don’t exactly play out along those lines in a 7 day sample size BUT this will be an interesting matchup nonetheless, damn good pitching vs. pretty good hitting and all of the SSS craziness in play.

One thing working in the Banana Slugs favor is a pretty convincing season series sweep of the Bad Dudes, with a 9-1-4 victory in Week 8 and a 7-5-2 in Week 17. The Bad Dudes will be the first to remind you that the playoffs are a different animal altogether howevs. Also please everyone support local artists and save the Brian skateboarding GIF to your phone for use 4e.

WHAT TO WATCH FOR:  DONGS.  The Slugs will feel good about their advantages on the pitching side of things, most likely, but what would realllllly help ’em, out is a powerful week for the Barnegaters coupled with a bit o’ a dry spell for the Bad Dudes. While River City grabbed a 10-2 RBI lead after Monday’s festivities they only did so on the strength of 1 dong, and everyone knows it is gonna take more dongs than that. Dong dong dong dong dong.

 

 

 

 

 

#4 ROJO’S RENEGADE FORCE (8-7-3, .528)      VS.     #5 LACEY TOWNSHIP                                                                               BACKDOORSLIDERZ (8-9-1, .472)

 

                VS.                 

 

The matchup that was only allowed into existence because the higher seed here acted SOFT in Week 17, I could really end this here but I will continue. IRONICALLY ENOUGH Rojo’s Renegade Force leads the league in the power cats (HRs/RBIs) BUT if we are being honest here the BackdoorSliderz have just been fucking solid pretty much across the board, all cats they hold their own. Also if we are being honest here RRF don’t deserve to win another game this season. MIGHT be why the BackdoorSliderz just put up perhaps the greatest Monday batting line in Backyard Bracket history. Let’s highlight it here:  17 Rs, 4 2Bs, 7 HRs, 20 RBIs, 1 SB, .4366 OBP. In the words of Noob-Noob:

 

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In the regular season the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz won the first meeting between these two teams back in Week 8 (7-5-2). And THEN in Week 17 the Renegade Force started 11 and basically did that thing where dogs roll over as an act of submission, and so these two teams tied (6-6-2). So now you have the matchup that you have, with the BDSliderz taking a 1-0-1 regular season record into battle with these WIMPS.

 

WHAT TO WATCH FOR:  THE WILL OF THE FANTASY GODS. Life is all chaos and it is very unlikely there are “fantasy baseball gods” but also NO LESS LIKELY than any actual “God” so if there IS fantasy baseball gods (no way there’s an actual God) they are displeased with the RRF. And that is why they just got mollywhopped on a Monday in the hitting cats. These Bracket weeks they are long ones so this thing’s far from over, but if the BackdoorSliderz absolutely BLOW THE DOORS OFF this matchup I will certainly try and claim it is divine intervention of some sort. You should NEVER play for the tie, despite how pretty Rachel is.

 

 

 

(RECYCLED CLOSING PARAGRAPH ALERT)  AND SO THE STAGE……….HAS BEEN SET. BUT FOR REAL THIS TIME, THE BACKYARD BRACKET HAS BEEN COMPLETED AND THE BACKYARD CHAMPIONSHIP LEAGUE’S (BCL) 20178 PLAYOFFS ARE UNDERWAY AND WHO WILL MAKE THE BCS (BACKYARD CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES)? I KNOW I HAVE MY GUESSES. APOLOGIES TO THE FOUR LOSERS THREE LOSERS AND ME WHO ARE ALREADY GUARANTEED NOT TO MAKE SAID BCS, YOU HAVE ONLY YOURSELVES AND THE CRUELTY OF FANTASY SPORTS AND RANDOM CHANCE AND LUCK TO BLAME (AND ALSO ROJO AND AROLDIS CHAPMAN IN MY CASE. FUCK Y’ALL EVERYTHING. BYBR1 TUNE IN……………….
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2018 Week 18 Review: “Oh Shit We Got Somewhere” Edition

2018 Week 17 Review: “CRAZY FUCKING SHIT I TELL YA” Edition

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WEEK 17 really set us up for some shit….is what it did. Whether it be the end o’ the Warriors Win Streak or the CONTINUED slide of a Bell Road Bears franchise that has just been a mess of late or losses by two of the like 4 teams vying for that last playoff spot (or two) or RRF playing for a tie like an absolute disgrace. All of that stuff combined to set up a ZANY Week 18. First let’s lightly touch on all of that stuff……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Rojo’s Renegade Force Spit In The Face Of The Fantasy Baseball Gods, Play It Safe In Order To Tie Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz  –  6-6-2

 

MVP:  Justin Verlander  –  Norrrrrmally I don’t like to point out MVPs in tie situations (I mean not normally but at least a couple times this season) but in this scenario, since they deadlocked at 93 Ks (SINCE ROJO SAT HIS TWELFTH STARTER) I will have to point out that Verlander struck out 14 in but one start.  7.2 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.17 ERA      

LVP:  Rojo    BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS MAN.  1 Benched Masahiro     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***           

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  With apologies to the Acuna JROLL I wanna instead note that Matt Carpenter is still having his best season ever at 32.66 years of age because that gives me hope (11/26, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .543 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Another guy that pitched well and racked up Ks was a young fellow by the name of Walker Buehler (12.1 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.19 ERA).

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Nelson Cruz still CRUZIN (sorry) towards yet another 30+ HR campaign at 38 and that also gives me hope, LOVE THESE TWO HITTERS OF NOTE (7/26, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .326 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  HUH that’s weird I coulda sworn Masahiro Tanaka was lined up for two starts in Week 17 HOW PECULIAR (6 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 18:  Sliderz v. Warriors (7-9-1 v. 13-4)

                   RRF @ X*Rayz (8-7-2 @ 7-10)

 

 

 

 

 

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Barnegat Banana Slugs Complete Season Sweep On A River City Bad Dudes Team That Would Have Preferred That They Had Not  –  9-1-4

 

MVP:  Trevor Story  –  GROSS I KNOW, but in the battle of middle-infielders-whom-I-enjoy-trashing-to-their-owners Story had uhhh one more RBI than the other guy. And PERHAPS that made all the difference, one could incorrectly claim.  7/26, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .296 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Jon Lester    Jonny really let the squad down with a two start performance that did no favors for a Bad Dudes team that needed to try and steal ERA.  2/21, 1 R, 1 RBI, .136 OBP           

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Howz about Salvador Perez with a MATCHUP HIGH 3 dongs (7/31, 3 Rs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .250 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Nick Pivetta gave up 6 runs in an inning of work back on the 4th o’ May but since then he’s been v. good again GOOD FOR NICK (12 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  But yea Bryce Harper also hit three (7/25, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .321 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Dylan Covey also TECHNICALLY let the squad down but the Bad Dudes trotted Dylan Covey out sooooo (4.1 IP, 4 ER, 1 K, 8.31 ERA).

 

Week 18:  Slugs @ Isotopes (12-5 @ 12-4-1, CO-BBOTW) 

                   Bad Dudes v. Babadooks (7-10 v. 8-9, CO-BBOTW)

 

 

 

 

 

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Q-Tip City Morning Wood And An On The Bonerz Payroll Aroldis Chapman STUN The Bell Road Bears On Sunday Night  –  8-4-2

 

MVP:  JD Martinez  –  JD Martinez had no business getting up in the 9th inning of that game but SURE ENOUGH he did and sure enough he took down the Bears on the very first pitch, credit to that guy but also fuck that guy THIS WAS KARMIC RETRIBUTION for all the Sunday night games I stole JD is but a tool…..a tool of destiny.  7/23, 4 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .429 OBP

LVP:  Aroldis Chapman    Aroldis Chapman simply needed to close out a goddamned 3 run save and perhaps not give up a run and instead he did the opposite of that and turned what was headed for a 7-7 tie into an 8-4-2 loss. Aroldis Chapman will be traded this offseason.  2 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, 9.00 ERA     

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Didi Gregorius put together his best week since like April I am gonna say, without checking one bit (8/24, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .385 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  And also Rick Porcello you mother….fucker (9 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 1.00 ERA).

 

Bears Hitter Of Note:  Elvis Andrus hit two triples which was very kind of him, even if ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS (10/29, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .345 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  Freddy Peralta wildly efficient enough in Week 17 for me to keep him beyond his High Minors status, we now fully expect him to be wildly inefficient in Week 18 (10 IP, 3 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.70 ERA).

 

Week 18:  MW v. OGTFC (1-7 v. 3-5)

                   Bears @ Bad Dudes (8-9 @ 7-10, CO-BBOTW)

 

 

 

 

 

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OceanGate Trout Fishing Club INEXPLICABLY Keep Their Bracket Hopes Hanging By A Threat, Put Mission Valley X*Rayz In A Need-Help-To-Get-In Scenario  –  7-4-3

 

MVP:  Brian Dozier  –  THE DOZEMAN. Or whatever.  7/19, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .455 OBP     

LVP:  Magnerius Sierra  –  Unfortunately for the X*Rayz the X*Rayz had like three different guys I could have given this one to. Gonna go with Magnerius because he has the funnest name but don’t think I didn’t see you Dee (2/19) and Nicholas (3/21), REAL DISAPPOINTMENTS you two…were….here.  2/16, 1 R, .125 OBP

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Howz bout Willie Calhoun  actually appearing and contributing in a Backyard season, LONG TIME COMIN’ folks (6/18, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 RBIs, .400 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Howz about Zack Godley apparently back to being good after taking most of the season off (7 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Silver linings for X*Rayz fans, they still own Jose Ramirez and he is probably the Backyard’s best player in 2018 (10/22, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 3 SBs, .538 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Sucky linings for both X*Rayz fans and fans of the actual Rays SHAKIN THINGS UP, Ryan Yarbrough struggled to follow the “openers” last week (10.1 IP, 11 ER, 10 Ks, 1 W, 9.58 ERA).

 

Week 18:  OGTFC @ MW (6-9-2 @ 2-15)

                   X*Rayz v. RRF (7-10 v. 8-7-2)

                 

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 17 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY A BEAR THAT DON’T CARE

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Astoria Isotopes Defeat Garden State Warriors, Also Do Not Shut The Fuck Up About The Matchup Deep Into The Wee Hours Of Monday Morning Astoria Isotopes  –  5-4-5

 

MVP:  Khris Davis  –  Khris Davis is absolutely the forgotten man in both the Backyard and all of baseball and I for one am SICK OF IT. I mean HO HUM no biggie he’s just on his way to his third straight 40 HR season, the year before these 40 HR seasons started he had 27 in 121 games. HO HUM. Khris Davis deserves some RESPECT.  7/22, 4 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .407 OBP    

LVP:  Wil Myers    Tough start to the week for Big Wily and then he went on the DL to save face, or due to a legit injury, or something.  1/14, 1 R, .071 OBP          

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Nolan Arenado remains good but I mean EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS (9/30, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .364 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  The ‘Topes went back to their Tylers well and it failed so lets at least point out their failures, AND I LIKE Tyler Skaggs (3.1 IP, 10 ER, 3 Ks, 27.00 ERA).

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  I for one am super happy that Javier Baez finally fucking arrived, damn fine season for Javy B and Cardi B alike (10/24, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .481 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  David Price Gerrit Cole got screwed out of a win on Sunday night a good hour before I got screwed out of a win and GOOD I AM GLAD but also what a shame cuz it helped the ‘Topes (14 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 1.93 ERA).

 

BBOTW “BREAKDOWN”

 

USUALLY I break this thang down with at least some level of detail but since Mikey T wouldn’t shut the fuck up about a matchup that didn’t budge the standings one bit you can just refer back to his running commentary. Isotopes tied the hitting cats 2-2-3 and “won” the pitching cats 3-2-2.

In Week 18 the Astoria Isotopes face the Barnegat Banana Slugs WITH A BYE ON THE LINE, so if he talks a lot about this one at least it will make slightly more sense. In Week 18 the Garden State Warriors take on the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz NOT WITH A BYE ON THE LINE they seemingly locked one up but yea. Certainly the one seed will be on the line and certainly they will have the chance to send the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz to the depths of hell and/or the offseason.

 

 

Week 18:  Isotopes v. Slugs (12-4-1 v. 12-5, CO-BBOTW)

                   Warriors @ Sliderz (13-4 @ 7-9-1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2018 Backyard Regular Season Finale is very much upon us, leading us straight into the 2018 Backyard Bracket. And just about nothing is settled, other than the fact that the Bell Road Bears have been Dumpster Bears of late. Quick rundown of what’s at stake in Week 18 for historical documentation:

 

  • In the first of our unprecedented CO-BACKYARD BATTLE(S) OF THE WEEK, the Astoria Isotopes host the Barnegat Banana Slugs with the winner guaranteed to grab a bye. There’s also the opportunity for one (or both) of them to grab the Backyard Brackets top seed (if the Warriors lose, more on that later) so I guess that was perhaps why ‘Topes ownership was acting all hot and bothered all Sunday evening, but still fuck them.
  • In the second CO-BBOTW, the River City Bad Dudes host a reeling Bell Road Bears franchise in what amounts to a play-in game for the Backyard Bracket. The Bears could get up the 4 seed with a win coupled with a RRF loss, the Bad Dudes seemingly can’t get higher than 5 but their PRECIOUS playoffs streak is at stake in this one.
  • Those top-seeded Garden State Warriors head into Week 18 comfortably locked into a bye BUT uncomfortably still able to lose the top seed, with a loss coupled with an Isotopes win. As discussed that hasn’t mattered since the great McLOdom/Heroy #1 seed vs. #2 seed BCS ties of 2013 BUT yanno, still would like to hold onto top seed I s’pose. This matchup is more important because pretty much every team from the 5 seed to the 9 seed will be watching the fate of the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderza loss for them opening up all sorts of possibilities both above and below.
  • One team looking to cash in on those possibilies is the Mission Valley X*Rayzwho need to defeat Rojo’s Renegade Force and get wins out of the Bears and Warriors in order to grab a spot in the Bracket and have a chance to properly defend their title. The 2017 OGTFC are as of right now the only defending champeen to fail to make the “playoffs” (yuck) the following season. As for Rojo’s Renegade Force, MAYBE THEY WANNA TRY AND WIN FOR A CHANGE as a loss coupled with a Bears win drops them down to the 5 seed on account of the crazy like 4th tiebreaker or whatever WINS. And having a lower seed in Round 1 can bite a team in the ass, as the RRF are aware (they lost to the eventual champion #4 seed OGTFC on a 6-6-2 tie in 2016).
  • And LAST BUT NOT LEAST, even the goddamned matchup with the goddamned 2-15 team has some intrigue. Q-Tip City Morning Wood are looking to match their wins total of 3 from last season, apparently that has some sort of significance to them and I consider that truly admirable. The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club on the other hand are looking for some sort of 2008 Philadelphia Eagles sneak into the playoffs shenanigans. A win over the Bonerz coupled with losses by the X*RayzBackdoorSliderz, and Bad Dudes and RATHER IMPROBABLY the OGTFC are in the Backyard Bracket as your 7-9-2 #6 seed.

 

 

so yea…………..crazy shit man…………………..

 

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2018 Week 17 Review: “CRAZY FUCKING SHIT I TELL YA” Edition

2018 WEEK 16 Review: “First They Came For The Seans, And I Did Not Speak Out” Edition

In Week 16 they came for the Seans on Sunday. Sean Newcomb blew a no-no with two outs and two strikes in the ninth fucking inning, and then learned things were even worse for him because he tweeted as a youth. Also he got disrespected by his fantasy team and benched for said near no-no. Dochney lost an important matchup despite a Saturday night lead. Me lost (but kinda wanted to) but also LOST A LIMB (temporarily allegedly). So yea tough Sunday. Let’s have a look around the league, playoff picture A MESS….…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Help Soil Playoff Picture, Cling To Delusional Dreams, Whoop Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz  –  10-2-2

 

MVP:  Mike Trout  –  Mike Trout is a very talented piece of driftwood, only with less personality than an actual piece of driftwood.  7/19, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 4 SBs, .594 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***        

LVP:  Kyle Seager    Dirty little secret here but uhhhh Kyle Seager has had a down year and fuck him for it.  2/18, .158 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***       

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Trea Turner PROBLEMATIC and also fucking lame JROLL (7/28, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs, .276 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Luis Castillo put it together for one week and perhaps one week only, but I’m rooting for the kid (12.1 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.73 ERA).

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Gregory Polanco LESS PROBLEMATIC JROLL (10/27, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 3 SBs, .414 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Someone please liberate Jacob deGrom from his fresh hell of being unable to buy a fucking win (15 IP, 5 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 3.00 ERA).

 

Week 17:  OGTFC v. X*Rayz (5-9-2 v. 7-9)

                   Sliderz @ RRF (7-9 @ 8-7-1)

 

 

 

 

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Barnegat Banana Slugs Do The Thing That Teams Are Supposed To Do Against The Q-Tip City Morning Wood WHICH I SAY NOW DOT DOT DOT  –  8-4-2

 

MVP:  Jonathan Schoop  –  I honestly nearly forgot Jonathan Schoop was alive. Honest to god. So that is how THAT particular season is going for that particular player, and the Orioles at large. Nice week however.  11/29, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, .379 OBP

LVP:  Ian Happ    Anddd Ian Happ is still alive as well, and I am hesitant to criticize any Bonerz players with a Bonerz matchup staring me in the face. A boner staring me in the face.  4/19, 1 R, 1 2B, .286 OBP     

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Salvador Perez stays giving the Slugs these little weeks where the power is clicking and that is HELPFUL outta the C position, surely they are hoping he saves one for the postseason (12/29, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .452 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Here’s our real story Luis Severino was BAD twice in a row, lets all overreact to it just to trigger an equal and opposite overreaction to our overreaction (9.1 IP, 12 ER, 13 Ks, 11.57 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Yasmani Grandal UNDERRATED DEADLINE TARGET that nobody targeted except me for maybe a sec until I realized he’s in a platoon (7/24, 4 Rs, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .370 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Andddd Rick Porcello was good enough to grab 2 Ws on a Sawks team that just hands those shits out to their pitchers like Halloween candy (11.2 IP, 4 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 3.09 ERA).

 

Week 17:  Slugs v. Bad Dudes (11-5 v. 7-9) 

                   MW @ Bears (1-15 @ 8-8)

 

 

 

 

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Garden State Warriors Have Won Ten In A Row And Everyone Is Just Sort Of GOIN ALONG WITH IT, This One At The Expense Of Rojo’s Renegade Force  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Christian Yelich  –  Christian Yelich is really startin’ to fill out that uniform out there in Milwaukee. Now there’s a guy that looks good in the uniform.  15/29, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .548 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Eric Hosmer    Alternatively you have Eric Hosmer and his mostly EMPTY OBP, do fucking something Eric.  7/22, 2 Rs, .375 OBP          

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Honestly not tooo many HONs here and yet they still cruised to a W and that is the scary part reader, Wil Myers had 5 doubles though (8/24, 1 R, 5 2Bs, 7 RBIs, .333 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  Jose Berrios is still quite damned good and don’t let the smear campaigns of bitter former owners convince you otherwise (11.2 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.31 ERA).

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Paul Goldschmidt is back to mostly being good but WHERE ARE THE STEALS PAUL, cuz they ain’t here (10/29, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .441 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Masahiro Tanaka MasaHERO balled his way to a CG shutout, didn’t help RRF win won’t help the Yanks win the division but still nice to see (9 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 17:  Warriors v. Isotopes (13-3 v. 11-4-1, BBOTW)

                    RRF v. Sliderz (8-7-1 v. 7-9)

 

 

 

 

River City Bad Dudes Kick Astoria Isotopes (And Their Bid For Top Seed) In The Face, With Cleats On  –  6-5-3

 

MVP:  Matt Chapman  –  And so now someeee fuckin how someeee fuckin way the Bad Dudes are threatening to drag their carcasses back into the playoffs, and so it is only fitting that I reward Matt Chapman for a nice performance. Matt Chapman is an LVP STAPLE but this week he was not LVP, he was MVP.  12/26, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .548 OBP     

LVP:  Matt Olson    Alternatively you have the lesser Matt in Matt Olson, a disappointment to himself and anyone that’s ever dared to love him in Week 16. I mean maybe he wasn’t that bad but he also wasn’t that good and I wanted to go with the Matts thing.  5/28, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .281 OBP

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Jose Abreu also a nice lil week (10/28, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .419 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  HUH HOHHHHHH Carlos Rodon sighting, now I have seen it all ladies and ladies (I only write for the ladies I’m like Californication) (15.1 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.35 ERA).

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Khris Davis dinged 5 dongs but the reallll hitter of note is Aaron Judge and his potentially troublesome wrist injury, could SAP the power I say (3/13, 2 Rs, .400 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Tyler Skaggs LITERALLY the only pitcher on the ‘Topes I find interesting now that Tyler Anderson is gone, let’s look at the Skaggs Line (6 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

 

 

Week 17:  Bad Dudes @ Slugs (7-9 @ 11-5)

                    Isotopes @ Warriors (11-4-1 @ 13-3)

                 

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 16 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS FRIGHTENED RABBITS SONG THAT I’M REMINDED OF NOW THAT MY FOOT’S ALL FUCKED (RIP SCOTT HUTCHINSON)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YJNFGc2Xxc

 

 

 

 

 

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Mission Valley X*Rayz STAY ALIVE, Slip Past Reeling Bell Road Bears Franchise  –  6-4-4

 

MVP:  David Fletcher  –  NO IDEA who David Fletcher even is but I mean shit, he helped the X*Rayz win Runs and 2Bs give the man his gold star.  10/26, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs .433 OBP

LVP:  Scott Kingery    UNFORTUNATELY I am far more familiar with Scott Kingery, a poor man’s David Fletcher if you will. Scott Kingery is going to suck precisely until I cut him.  3/18, 1 R, 1 2B, .167 OBP     

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Just wanna point out Jose Ramirez scored 5 runs and stole 3 bases without getting a single goddamned hit, not sure I’ve seen this particular line yet in all my years o’ bloggin’ (0/15, 5 Rs, 3 SBs, .360 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Not gonna CELEBRATE known Problematic Person Sean Newcomb so instead gonna highlight Marco Gonzales, whom danced into and out of danger all Sunday long but preserved the ERA lead that seemed important at the time (6 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.00 ERA).

 

Bears Hitter Of Note:  Rhys Hoskins was certainly eyeballin a matchup MVP but ya gotta win for that Rhys, ya gotta win for that (10/29, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .424 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  And the Bears had realllll difficulty tossing even a single QS in Week 16 and what better way to illustrate that then to point out Aaron Nola did not toss a QS (5 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks, 5.40 ERA).

            

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

WELL PHEW. Not that the Bears don’t want to miss the playoffs but the Bears also didn’t want to formally eliminate the X*Rayz so that was a bit o a bind. But they did not, and this isn’t about them this is about the X*Rayz STAYIN’ ALIVE. They did so by doing just enough overall, 3-3-1 deadlock in the hitting cats but a 3-1-2 advantage in the pitching cats for a sort of ho hum but NEEDED victory. Honestly I don’t think anything was that exciting, ERA hung in the balance a bit on Sunday but not only did the X*Rayz end up slightly more mediocre than the Bears there but they also added 3 Sunday Saves (to 1) to tie that cat. And that was how this one went down. An uninspired review of an uninspired performance.

In Week 17 the Mission Valley X*Rayz will attempt to STAY CLIMBIN’ towards a berth in the #BackyardBracket, they probably need to win out but are certainly aware of that. On the flip side the Bell Road Bears will attempt to halt a season high 3 game losing streak in a matchup with the HILARIOUSLY 1-15 QTC Morning Wood. They do not deserve to have just one win and maybe that sort of thing evens out this week, that would be bad for a Bears team that no longer feels like a safe bet for postseason play. THERE’S ONLY LIKE THREE SAFE BETS FOR POSTSEASON PLAY.

 

Week 17:  X*Rayz @ OGTFC (7-9 @ 5-9-2)

                   Bears v. MW (8-8 v. 1-15)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Bear TOO CLOSE. And we are very close to the conclusion of this particular regular season and the last like THREE playoff spots are all bunched up. What more can you ask for what more can I say. 
2018 WEEK 16 Review: “First They Came For The Seans, And I Did Not Speak Out” Edition

2018 Week 15 Review: “But Three Weeks Left But Still A Few Tickets Left To Punch” Edition

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Truthfully I thought about naming this thing just after “Matt Carpenter Edition” cuz that guy was ALL THE FUCK over me last week. Allllll over me. All over me like Dochney on even the mildest critique of the current presidential administration. Let’s discuss Matt Carpenter and perhaps other things as I see fit….…

 

 

 

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Barnegat Banana Slugs Gravely Injure Mission Valley X*Rayz Playoff Aspirations Like Dicks – 8-4-2

 

MVP: Eddie Rosario I dunno when you count up the things Eddie Rosario seemed to do the most thing, coupled with a nice OBP. And that is a succint way of me explaining Eddie Rosario’s presence in this particular section of the review. 16/43, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 9 RBIs, .426 OBP

LVP: John Hicks Similarly but in the opposite direction, John Hicks did not do many things despite getting more ABs than you would think a non-HM John Hicks should be able to get. 2/17, 1 R, .250 OBP

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Any time you can get double digit RBIs from your catcher position that is uhhh helpful, and Salvador Perez did that thing and with a shit OBP to boot (10/37, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, .282 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Max Scherzezr in two start weeks is a nice thing for the Slugs even when he is shaky by his own lofty standards and it kinda feels redundant for me to have to point that out every time (13 IP, 5 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 3.46 ERA).

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note: One thing is for certain and that thing is that nobody can accuse Jose Ramirez of being to blame in any way for the precarious playoff positioning of the X*Rayz at this juncture also extended week JROLL and a beaut (15/37, 10 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 6 HRs, 13 RBIs, 1 SB, .488 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Shoutout to Chris Archer for actually being good-ish in a start for a gotdamned change (13.2 IP, 7 ER, 23 Ks, 1 QS, 4.61 ERA).

 

Week 16: Banana Slugs @ MW (10-5 @ 1-14),

X*Rayz v. Bears (6-9 v. 8-7, BBOTW cuz must-win time in Mission Valley)

 

 

 

 

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River City Bad Dudes Slip Past An Offensively Potent Yet Mostly Impotent Q-Tip City Morning Wood Franchise – 7-6-1

 

MVP: Carlos Carrasco The Bad Dudes rode pitching to steal the victory here so uhh here’s a guy that pitched pretty well. This shit isn’t rocket science I AM SURE someone else can handle it on occasional occasions. 11.2 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 2.31 ERA

LVP: Rick Porcello Sticking to the theme, the QTCMW lost cuz their pitching failed them and Rick Porcello failed most spectacularly cuz he is a turd. 2 IP, 8 ER, 36.00 ERA

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Manny Machado finally got traded so that is an interesting thing so let’s look at what Manny did during All Star game shitshow week (14/39, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .457 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: Forgot Sean Manaea even existed but LOOGATTHISGUY his WHIP is under 1 that is sexay (16.2 IP, 7 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.78 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: Starling Marte somehow hit 5 HRs during this matchup so THAT is peculiar I guess (15/47, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 5 HRs, 11 RBIs, 3 SBs, .347 OBP).

Morning Pitcher Of Note: Any time you can give up 9 runs in a matchup as a team’s closer I am going to consider that impressive and point it out, kudos to you Cody Allen (4 IP, 9 ER, 5 Ks, 2 Saves, 20.25 ERA).

 

Week 7: Bad Dudes @ Isotopes (6-9 @ 11-3-1)

MW v. Slugs (1-14 v. 10-5)

 

 

 

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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Matt Carpenter The Bell Road Bears To Death Which Is Extra Rude – 8-4-2

 

MVP: Matt Carpenter See above for Matt Carpenter I just donged in six straight games O face. Basically says it all. 15/34, 12 Rs, 4 2Bs, 8 HRs, 12 RBIs, .558 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP: Sean McLaughlin Not really sure who to blame for this one so just gonna blame MYSELF, never a good look agreeing to a start limit and then losing categories that could have possibly flipped had you started more guys and double-crossed the start agreement. Gotta be better than that, Sean #1. Or yanno just start the max every time. 18 starts ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note: Should also point out that Gregory Polanco also homered 5 times for the Buccos (JROLL to boot) cuz I mean what has gotten into the WATER down there in Pittsburgh AMIRITE (11/40, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 5 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .318 OBP)?!

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Should also point out I am annoyed at the OGTFC for giving the ButtSliderz Justin Verlander (18 IP, 5 ER, 29 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.50 ERA).

 

Bears Hitter Of Note: Should also point out Ian Desmond is finally producing some fantasy WAR for this franchise a mere two years or so after the trade that first brought him here that was followed by sending him away but now he is back also yet another suspect-due-to-extra-games JROLL (15/35, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, 3 SBs, .459 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note: Should also point out we’ve been as pleased with Aaron Nola as we have ever been with any pitcher in all our years in this forsaken “Backyard” he is a gem (13 IP, 2 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.38 ERA).

 

Week 16: Sliderz v. OGTFC (7-8 v. 4-9-2)

Bears @ X*Rayz (8-7 @ 6-9, BBOTW)

 

 

 

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Garden State Warriors Roll To NINTH STRAIGHT FUCKING WIN, Defeat OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Who Are Probably Eliminated From The Playoffs But Who Wants To Get Into That Math Right Now – 6-4-4

 

MVP: Christian Yelich CHRISTIAN YELICH SIGHTING/JROLL, he is having a better season than I thought go figure. 20/49, 7 Rs, 6 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 11 RBIs, 2 SBs, .431 OBP

LVP: Trea Turner This feels like LAZY WORK outta Trea Turner by Trea Turner standards and for that I blame management and the pervasive toxic culture within the Fishing Club organization. 5/35, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .189 OBP

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note: Anthony Rendon is a guy that puts together nice weeks sometimes and this was one of those sorts of weeks (12/36, 9 Rs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .385 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note: The Warriors literally have three guys who pitched last week for them now on the DL, joining a bunch of other DL’d guys, but yea so they continue to roll anyway but yea so Noah Syndergaard is obviously your funniest injury here (10 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks, 2 Ws, 1.80 ERA).

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Mookie Betts JROLL, this officially being the jroll that makes me annoyed by all the extended week jrolls I have pointed out to you today dear reader I mean the man came up to bat like 46 times (17/40, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .500 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: In other news the Astros rotation is v good and Gerrit Cole is one of the people in said rotation (11.2 IP, 1 ER, 19 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.77 ERA).

 

Week 16: Warriors v. RRF (12-3 v. 8-6-1)

OGTFC @ Sliderz (4-9-2 @ 7-8)

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 15 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY A BEAR WITH NO HAIR FUCKIN GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

KCRA-TV
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Astoria Isotopes Make The BBOTW Not Really Close, Handle Rojo’s Renegade Force Pretty Easily IMHO – 8-2-4

MVP: Chris SaleChris Sale had a good enough week to where there are assholes writing “Chris Sale might be pitching better than ’99 Pedro” articles so I guess that is good enough to get MVP of the matchup here. 13 IP, 0 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.00 ERA

LVP: Eduardo Nunez I used to enjoy Eduardo but he has been a Sawk for far too long now, ergo fuck Eduardo. 3/17, 1 R, .176 OBP

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Nolan Arenado, good little player that is what I always say about Nolan Arenado (12/34, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, .450 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Not sure whom Tyler Anderson thinks he is twirling three straight gems in Coors but here we are in that particular timeline (12 IP, 3 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2.25 ERA).

 

RRF Hitter Of Note: Shohei Ohtani guy that just DHs sometimes is a no fun Shohei Ohtani and I am going to use my forum here to declare that very thing (4/13, 2 Rs, 3 2Bs, .400 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note: Look at this Lou Trivino fuckin’ guy thoug (8 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks, 4 Holds, 1.13 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

This one was a chance for the Renegade Force to try and chase down a ‘Topes team with its eyes towards a first round bye and uhh, yea they didn’t do that. I am sure they tried though. The Isotopes built up a COMMANDING lead in the Runs cat (75-54) and that lead likely hinted at a team that was performing far better than its opponent offensively, and so it was with the ‘Topes taking the hitting cats 4-1-2. Unfortunately for Force Fanz the ‘Topes also pitched better, a fairly easy win in ERA (3.651 to 5.172) again pointing to a ‘Topes team that either won or tied just about every cat they were expected to (HOLDS ASIDE). So yea Astoria came out on top on that side as well with an identical 4-1-2 margin of victory. And THAT is how you get to an 8-2-4 W, the two teams APPARENTLY not agreeing to any sort of starts limit and the RRF APPARENTLY allowing the Isotopes to even start one additional SP (20-19). Not sure any extra starts on Rojo’s side make enough of a difference anyway but yanno, I have to write something in this part so I am writing that.

In Week 16 the Isotopes return to an always (usually) entertaining rivalry as they host a River City Bad Dudes team attempting to somehow find its way into the back of the Backyard Bracket. Rojo’s Renegade Force, meanwhile, find themselves in a tough matchup @ a winners-of-9-straight Garden State Warriors team; the RRF are looking to stave off anyone coming for their current #4 seed but likely feel like they are in good shape to nab a 2018 playoff berth, AND HELL MAYBE THEY ARE.

 

Week 16: Isotopes v. Bad Dudes (11-3-1 v. 6-9)

RRF @ Warriors (8-6-1 @ 12-3)

 

 

 

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So that was Week 15. And look at this angry fucker. BEARS!
2018 Week 15 Review: “But Three Weeks Left But Still A Few Tickets Left To Punch” Edition

2018 Week 14 Review: “A Playoff Picture Taketh Shape Maybe” Edition

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Do NOT look at this GIF too long it kinda hurts your eyes. Also blah blah blah intro intro fucking intro, gonna skip the intro and throw up the tiebreakers for those that FORGOT and then get right into this thing……

 

 

1st Tiebreaker  –  Head To Head Record  –  Pretty self explanatory, if you won the season series against a team (PERHAPS BY SSS, SEASON SERIES SWEEP) then you obviously own the tiebreaker over a team. So since everyone plays everyone twice that refers to going 2-0 or 1-0-1 against an opponent.

 

2nd Tiebreaker  –  Division Record  –  BEHOLD CURRENT DIVISION RECORDS:

Bachelors:

‘Topes –  5-2

RRF –  2-3

Bears –  4-2

X*Rayz    2-4

BackdoorSliderz –  3-3

 

Mothafuggas

Warriors –    4-3

Banana Slugs –  4-2

Bad Dudes –  4-2

OGTFC –  3-3

Bonerz –  a flaccid 0-5

 

3rd Tiebreaker  –  Wins  –  Less ties this year so this one’s less an issue, let’s hope we don’t even get to it.

UPDATE:  NOW WITH PROPER INFO

 

4th Tiebreaker  –  Total Season Stats As Matchup –  Should mostly make sense, you take the two tied teams and look at who would win if you look at the entire season as one H2H matchup. That will teach you pussies that are afraid to stream to 18 starters in the extended weeks, is what that will do.

 

5th Tiebreaker – Record Last 9 Games  –  Yep we go all the way to 5.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Barnegat Banana Slugs Bounce Back, Past Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Eugenio Suarez  –  Somehow the Reds have scored the 4th most runs in the NL and so also Eugenio Suarez is second in baseball in RBIs. The Banana Slugs are 9th in the Backyard in RBIs and baseball is a majestic and mysterious game, is what it is.  9/21, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .571 OBP      

LVP:  Marcus Stroman    I’ve always thought Marcus Stroman has mostly sucked so I am just going to give this to him, still not really aiming for PEAK ANALYSIS or PEAK NON-TYPOS here. So yea fuck you Marcus Stroman I’ve known about you for years.  4.2 IP, 6 ER, 2 Ks, 11.57 ERA     

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Another unlikely big bopper for the Banana Slugs was Eugenio Suarez is Jesus Aguilar, who is no longer injured in case you haven’t noticed Banana Slugs ownership mention him a thousand times has been hitting dongs [again going off the chat I skim more than participate in] [ADJUSTED FROM WEEK 5] (7/25, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, .367 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Another week down, another week where Max Scherzer was so lights out it is starting to bore me JUST OKAY (13 IP, 7 ER, 12 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.85 ERA).

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Ozzie Albies still did his part, JROLL‘d right into your heart and I feel like it has been a while since one of those so this is “of note” (11/32, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 1 SB, .364 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Robbie Ray u bum (9.1 IP, 10 ER, 14 Ks, 9.64 ERA).

 

Week 15:  Banana Slugs v. X*Rayz (9-5 v. 6-8)

                   Sliderz @ Bears (6-8 @ 8-6)

 

 

 

 

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Astoria Isotopes Do Enough To Beat The Q-Tip City Morning Wood, As Many Have Before Them  –  8-2-4

 

MVP:  Aaron Judge  –  Look at Aaron Judge stealing two bases in a single game. TWO OF EM. ONE GAME. Good for him.  7/24, 6 Rs, 3 HRs, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs, .433 OBP

LVP:  Brandon Crawford    Look at Brandon Crawford regressing a wee bit because he knows he isn’t supposed to hit .300.  2/21, 2 Rs, .208 OBP     

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Charlie Blackmon kinda got back to actually being noticed in a fantasy week, which must be nice for T (9/26, 6 Rs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .357 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  And the ‘Topes said goodbye to TEAM STAPLE Jose Quintana in Week 14, so let us say goodbye to him and his not-good-enough-for-T QS on here as well (6 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.00 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  JD Martinez still collecting ribbies and such (8/19, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .421 OBP).

Morning Pitcher Of Note:  Anddddd Carlos Martinez back on his craft after the slightest of bumpy stretches (13 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.08 ERA).

 

Week 15:  Isotopes @ RRF (10-3-1 @ 8-5, BBOTW) 

                   MW @ Dudes (1-13 @ 5-9)

 

 

 

 

 

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River City Bad Dude Set Sights On Late Postseason Push, Start With Victory Over Mission Valley X*Rayz  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Xander Bogaerts  –  Xander Bogaerts remember this guy? ME NEITHER FUCK HIM.  6/15, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .600 OBP

LVP:  Sean Newcomb    Seansy Newcomb with a POOR two start performance in Week 14, besmirching the good name of the X*Rayz pitching staff and its ERA.  6.1 IP, 10 ER, 5 K, 14.21 ERA 

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Jed Lowrie likely putting the Dudes in a downright conundrum over whether or not they should try and ship him outta town, same as any other team he ever plays for (5/17, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .455 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And shout out to Elieser Hernandez for perhaps putting together what will be the worst start of the year in the Backyard [not researched particularly thoroughly] (2.1 IP, 10 ER, 38.57 ERA).

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  SILVER LININGS ALERT, at least Billy Hamilton finally had a week where he was on base and stealing bases and doing his fucking job which is to steal bases (8/18, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 RBIs, 6 SBs, .500 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Blake Snell not an All Star and therefore not #elite (7.1 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 15:  Bad Dudes v. MW (5-9 v. 1-13)  

                   X*Rayz @ Slugs (6-8 @ 9-5)

                 

 

 

 

 

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Rojo’s Renegade Force Get Sucked Into The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club’s Bullshit, Tie Em  –  6-6-2

 

MVP:  Chris Taylor  –  Really NOBODY should receive such an award but I guess uhhh props to Chris Taylor for triplin’ and homerin’ and shit which helped the RRF eek out the TIE.  9/24, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .423 OBP     

LVP:  Anthony Rizzo    I suppose I shall decide to give the OGTFC an LVP (rather than giving Eric Hosmer LVP which would have been groundbreaking Week Review type shit) because I do in fact blame Heroy for all the ties inflicted upon this league. But yea Hosmer sucked but Rizzo also wasn’t all that good, and for a greater number of ABs than Ahmed Rosario (who always sucks).  3/19, 3 RBIs, .200 OBP

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Nice to see Paul Goldschmidt back to having his shit together after a piss poor uhhhh May (13/29, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .515 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Also nice to see Madison Bumgarner alive and uhhh okay (11.1 IP, 6 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.76 ERA).

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mookie Betts is good at baseball which is a good thing because he is also black so Bahsten would turn on him SO quickly (10/27, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .452 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Justin Verlander is also good at baseball and was traded for his troubles, I don’t know about you guys but I hadn’t even heard he was available (7 IP, 1 2 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 2.57 ERA).

 

Week 15:   RRF v. Isotopes (8-5-1 v. 10-3-1, BBOTW )

                    OGTFC v. Warriors (4-8-2 v. 11-3)

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 14 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY A BEAYER SINGING JOHN MAYER…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Garden State Warriors Mollywhop The Bell Road Bears, Much Like They Have Mollywhopped Pretty Much Everyone Of Late –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Wil Myers  –  The Warriors carried out this mollywhoppin’ with the help of not one but TWO JROLLs but Wil’s was the slightly flashier of the two.  7/20, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .480 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Delino DeShields    TAKE YOUR PICK REALLY, the Bears O came out a little flat in Week 14 (a la a Rex Grossman offense). And unfortunately Delino came aboard and gave me absolutely nothing and I had to set him free which breaks my heart every time but is also a part of life.  1/14, 1 R, .133 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  And here is your second JROLL, this one a career first (I presume) for Yoan Moncada (11/32, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .364 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  AT LEAST USING MY OLD FRIEND Tyson Ross AGAINST ME BACKFIRED (2 IP, 8 ER, 2 Ks, 36.00 ERA).

 

Bears Hitter Of Note:  IN CONTRAST to the slumping Rangers that have inhabited my roster, Shin-Soo Choo gets on base a lot and just generally does a nice job of things (9/20, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .500 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  Also GENERALLY doing a good job is a one Andrew Heaney and we generally thank him for it (14 IP, 6 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.86 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

What can I sayyyyy really, ran into a real GWS BUZZSAW and they have now won 8 in a row ladies and gents. In Week 14 they nearly set the season’s runs record which would have been HARDLY necessary, the Bears O S’d a D and only mustered 5 HRs. So yea CLEAN SWEEP of the hitting cats for the Warriors (7-0) and then they outsaved the Bears by 1 save, so they conceded the pitching cats 1-5-1 and it didn’t even goddamned matter. Neither team pitched great but at least the Bears racked up 107 Ks. AT LEAST THAT.

In Week 15 the Garden State Warriors will go for magic number nineeee on their win streak, taking on the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club on OG turf. The OGTFC are still just a game or so outta the playoffs, I dunno I haven’t checked but they ain’t dead yet I am pretty sure. Speaking of not dead, the Bell Road Bears will host the not-dead Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz and I I think a W would justtttttt about clinch a #BackyardBracket spot for the Bears and make the remaining 3 weeks a couple team race for the 6 seed. I think that’s just about how that would work. Let’s just see what happens.

Week 15:  Warriors @ OGTFC (11-3 @ 4-8-2)

                    Bears v. Sliderz (8-6 v. 6-8)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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COCAINE BEAR SAYS LET’S JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS
2018 Week 14 Review: “A Playoff Picture Taketh Shape Maybe” Edition

2018 Week 13 Review: “Andddd We Are Back” Edition

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GOOD TO BE BACK, WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR PICKING UP THE SLACK DURING MY HIATUS. I am still very very very depressed but the show must go on, perhaps badmouthing some of your player performances will help me heal. And with that, let’s look at Week 13……
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz Deal Yet Another Blow To River City Bad Dudes Playoff Odds  –  8-3-3

 

MVP:  Alex Bregman  –  Alex Bregman was good. And yet HE WILL STILL DIE THE SAME WAY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE WILL SOME DAY DIE. So yanno maybe think about trading him or something.  13/28, 7 Rs, 5 2Bs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, 2 SBs, .516 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Sonny Gray    Sonny Gray sucked and yet in the end he will be reduced to dust and forgotten by time, same as people that didn’t suck (this whole thing may have a bit of a “nihilist Arbys” feel to it I am afraid).  2.1 IP, 6 ER, 23.14 ERA

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Matt Carpenter is good again WHOOP DE FUCKING DOO WORLD, but nah I would certainly take him back whenever Doch is ready to send him back (10/20, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .583 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Actually let’s just streamline this whole “review,” if I don’t add in too much of my own commentary this will get along just fine Zack Greinke was just fine (7 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Addison Russell RBI’d up a storm so good on him (10/25, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .429 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Kevin Gausman exists, weak K numbers and all (14 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).

 

Week 14:  Sliderz v. Slugs (6-7 v. 8-5),

                   Bad Dudes @ X*Rayz (4-9 @ 6-7)

 

 

 

 

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Astoria Isotopes And OceanGate Trout Fishing Club RUIN EVERYTHING, Record League’s First Tie Of 2018  –  5-5-4

 

MVP:  NONE  –  None.

LVP(s):  ‘Topes and OGTFC ownership, respectively    Not trying to name names but yea….     ***LVP(s) OF THE WEEK*** 

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Aaron Judge (7/20, 7 Rs, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .435 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Cole Hamels and this one I especially mean because it feels better to me to point out bad performances because I am flawed in very human ways (10 IP, 11 ER, 12 Ks, 9.90 ERA).

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Mookie Betts (7/20, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HRs, 1 RBI, 1 SB, .519 OBP)

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Kyle Hendricks again yea this feels better (2.2 IP, 6 ER, 1 K, 20.25 ERA).

 

Week 14:  Isotopes v. MW (9-3-1 v. 1-11) 

                   OGTFC @ RRF (4-8-1 @ 8-5)

 

 

 

 

 

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Mission Valley X*Rayz Continue What Has Been An Impressive Follow Up Performance Outta The Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Nicholas Castellanos  –  I really like this player. Good little player, racks up a shit ton of triples in that ball park. Although he didn’t rack up any in Week 13. That is all I have to say.  11/28, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, .452 OBP

LVP:  Dansby Swanson    Dansby switched back to 2017 Dansby for a hot sec here, let’s see if it continues. That guy was fucking awful.  4/29, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .194 OBP 

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Billy Hamilton now goes entire weeks without stealing even a single base, FALL FROM GRACE BILLY HAMILTON (5/20, 3 Rs, 1 RBI, .286 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Blake Snell good LAWD, quick note about Blake I listen to more WFAN than anyone really should and asshole Yankees fans CONSTANTLY call in there and casually mention that the Yankees should just casually offer some slop and pick up Blake Snell as if that is something the Rays would do and these fucking calls from morons make me dislike the common man more than I already did which was already a whole lot (14.1 IP, 1 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.63 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  MOSTLY a one man show out there in QTC, and that one man is JD Martinez (7/23, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .370 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Behold Luke Weaver‘s last Boner start for the foreseeable future (4.2 IP, 8 ER, 5 Ks, 15.43 ERA).

 

Week 14:  X*Rayz v. Bad Dudes (6-7 v. 4-9)

                   MW @ Isotopes (1-12 @ 9-3-1)

 

 

 

 

 

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Bell Road Bears Don’t Beat Rojo’s Renegade Force At Their Own Game (Holds), Do Beat Them  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Rhys Hoskins  –  Rhys Hoskins’ post-fouled-ball-off-face numbers suggest that all struggling hitters should just foul a ball off their own fucking face.  6/27, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .290 OBP     

LVP:  Chris Taylor    Chris Taylor should foul a ball off his own fucking face.  2/15, 1 R, 1 2B, .188 OBP

 

Bears Hitter Of Note:  Ian Desmond contributing on our roster just like he has been doing this entire time ever since we traded for him (6/23, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .261 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  Freddy Peralta I like this guy THUS FAR (12 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.25 ERA).

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Evan Gattis quietly producing in what may be his last year of catcher eligibility for at least a hot minute if not forever (7/26, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .321 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Dylan Covey also produced, just for me and not for Rojo (2.1 IP, 8 ER, 30.86 ERA).

 

Week 14:   Bears @ Warriors (8-5 @ 10-3, BBOTW)

                    RRF v. OGTFC (8-5 v. 4–8-1)

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 13 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY A BEAR PULLING UP A CHAIR

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Garden State Warriors Keep Rolling, Barnegat Banana Slugs Keep Losing, That Is How This One Shook Out  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Javier Baez  –  Javier Baez ABOUT FUCKING TIME. Was starting to think he would never quite vanquish the playing time competitional stylings of a one Ben Zobrist. I think he has done that now though.  14/29, 10 Rs, 6 2Bs, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, .467 OBP

LVP:  Salvador Perez    Catchers can be tricky.  3/24, 1 2B, .125 OBP

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Francisco Lindor is very good, far better than Tim Beckham (7/24, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .370 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  James Paxton is very good and STRANGELY UNINJURED and under no circumstances should the Warriors trade him in a deal involving Tim Beckham (15 IP, 2 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.20 ERA).

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Jesus Aguilar who fucking knows what’s going on here but here it is, he’s up to 19 HRs or something kooky like that (8/19, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .476 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Andddd Charlie Morton really went K-razy last week, he had a lot of strikeouts SOMEONE CHECK THE SPIN RATES (13.2 IP, 2 ER, 24 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.32 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

I think historically this is the point where I break down the matchup throw in a couple jokes some pertinent statistics WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?? Motivation remains low is my point, it’s amazing we’ve gotten this far. The Warriors took all of the hitting cats 7-0 and merely lost the pitching cats 6-0-1 and that is your synopsis, pretty cut and dry. Pretty bad pitching week for a team with a lot of pretty names in their pitchers in the Warriors, pretty bad hitting week for a team that’s definitely not being carried by their hitters in the Barnegat Banana Slugs. Anddd the end result is a SEVENTH STRAIGHT victory for the Garden State Warriors and a defeat for a Barnegat Banana Slugs team that has now lost 4 outta 5. They got a widdle big for their britches methinks.

In Week 14 the Garden State Warriors will go for 8 straight at the expense of me and the Bell Road Bears, Monday was a nice start for them and for that.  At least from a W-L perspective that’s your two best teams over the past two months or so, so that is your BBOTW. The Barnegat Banana Slugs, meanwhile, shall try to right the ship a bit against a Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz team that’s looking to sneak into the back of the Backyard Bracket.

 

Week 14:  Warriors v. Bears (103 v. 8-5)

                   Slugs @ Sliderz (8-5 @ 6-7)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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THERE, another fucking review done by me and me alone. It’s almost like you people don’t even care about the Backyard’s legacy. Get it together. And start keeping an eye on those playoff tiebreakers, perhaps I will even get them on the blog in some fashion at some point for a lil refresher.
2018 Week 13 Review: “Andddd We Are Back” Edition

2018 Week 9 Review: “Halfway Home But Yea Don’t Worry About It” Edition

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AND WITH THAT, we are halfway home. We had a nice Sunday night showdown in our BBOTW that culminated in the Slugs getting SALTED BROCKED to a second loss, we also had the perennial BCS participants falling to a worst-start-ever record. We had all of these things. See those and other things below.……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Rojo’s Renegade Force Hold On To The Night And Hold On To The Memories Of Defeating The Mission Valley X*Rayz In Week 9, Despite Losing Holds  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Chris Taylor  –  Fantasy is a cruel mistress so the guy that did the most damage against the X*Rayz is the guy on the roster the X*Rayz have publicly pined for most. That is sometimes the way it goes sometimes.  8/25, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .379 OBP     

LVP:  Delino DeShields    Delino this HURTS ME to do this to you, but you have been bad sir. Very bad not good at all.  1/25, 1 R, .200 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***           

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Whoa Nellyyyyy, that was lame but nice to see Nelson Cruz back in the good graces of the Week Review (11/27, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .433 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Corey Kluber, still good (6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Marcel Ozuna goes 1-7 for the X*Rayz, gets traded to their opponent for peanuts towards the end of the week, and then proceeds to hit a HR on their bench and then a grand slam not on their bench cuz he’s spiteful (1/7, 1 R, .333 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  BLAKE SNELL HAS ARRIVED and as a casual Rays/X*Rayz supporter I say about goddamned time (11.2 IP, 0 ER, 19 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 10:  RRF v. MW (5-4 v. 1-8)

                  X*Rayz @ Warriors (4-5 @ 6-3)

 

 

 

 

 

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Bell Road Babadooks Wake The Fuck Up For A Week, Send River City Bad Dudes To Third Straight L  –  8-2-4

 

MVP:  Edwin Encarnacion  –  A real fucking DASTARDLY act by Edwin to steal this one out from under Nimmo’s feet but yea, Eazy E is heating up with the average air temp as per usual. We entered Sunday ever so slightly close on the R and HR cats and Edwin helped see to it that was no longer too much of an issue and that, as they say, was that. Dare I say this one’s gonna grab MVP of the week.  11/27, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, .448 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***      

LVP:  Jose Abreu    I mean not the UGLIEST LVP I have ever seen but a slap in the face after I made sure to name drop Jose in the Power Rankings. A slap in the face that I will not forget.  4/24, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 RBIs, .208 OBP           

 

Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  But yea also Brandon Nimmo was giving that CASUAL MET FAN of a Bad Dudes owner the biz all week as well (9/32, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 3 SBs, .410 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Kenley Jansen still ain’t really Kenley but I at least want to note a slight improvement in results, not outta the woods though folks (4.1 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks, 3 Saves, 2.08 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Andrew McCutchen with a MEH kinda JROLL, might have been significant or something if the Bad Dudes won or something (8/24, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .346 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  The Bad Dudes may have “won” ERA and Ks and stuff but most of their mains sucked (just less than mine overall), Carlos Carrasco sucked the worst (3.2 IP, 6 ER, 2 Ks, 14.73 ERA).

 

Week 10:  Babadooks v. Slugs (5-4 v. 7-2, BBOTW cuz I was mean to him in the chat) 

                   Bad Dudes v. OGTFC (3-6 v. 4-5)

 

 

 

 

 

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OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Flop Around And Past The Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  7-4-3

 

MVP:  Brian Dozier  –  Brian Dozier is one of those guys I’ve always wanted to acquire since back in the CLIFF days and never really got around to it and now I am sure I will get him when he is like 34. And actually, even typing that sentence out terrified me because now I fear a flood of bad trade offers from the OGTFC headed my way. But hopefully his FINE Week 9 will prevent that from happening.  10/31, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .417 OBP

LVP:  Brandon Belt    Brandon Belt has been damn near the best Boner but now he has ABANDONED THEM in their time of need, and also abandoned his appendix.  3/14, 2 Rs, .267 OBP     

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mike Trout, also still good ALSO JROLL (9/28, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .367 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Justin Verlander has a 0.72 WHIP right now and THAT, my friends……that is pretty disgusting (12.2 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.13 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  JD Martinez remains a bright spot in an otherwise dark season in Q-Tip City (7/25, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB .357 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  OH but also Mike Foltynewicz BREAKIN’ OUT, see things are looking up already chin up you guys (9 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Week 10:  OGTFC @ Bad Dudes (4-5 v. 3-6)

                   MW @ RRD (1-8 @ 5-4)

 

 

 

 

 

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Garden State Warriors Give It To The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Andrew Benintendi  –  I hate crediting Red Sawks, PARTICULARLY youthful Red Sawks (I would be fine giving Pedroia an MVP at this point), so here is Andrew Benintendi he is pretty solid he had a JROLL his hair is pretty feathery fuck him.  11/29, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .438 OBP     

LVP:  Travis Shaw    Travis Shaw is by most accounts, or at least by my account, better than he rightfully should be. But he was not that in Week 9, in Week 9 he was more in line with what I expect out of him. Could be the ex-Red Sawk thing.  3/20, 1 R, .292 OBP

 

Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Francisco Lindor just casually putting up .500 OBP weeks, and I will never forgive the scouting community for sending mixed messages about his bat (11/25, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  In a week where the Warriors shipped out Dylan Bundy they quickly grabbed his possible replacement in my old friend Vince Velasquez, a SIMILARLY SUSPECT hurler I don’t trust either of ’em (12 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.25 ERA).

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Nice little week out of Teoscar Hernandez, a guy who both intrigues me and worries me as a potential trade target (cuz maybe he is just Dominican Randal Grichuk)(6/19, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, .350 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Poor Jacob deGrom, pitchin’ lights out over his last three starts but the Mets can’t buy him a W (14 IP, 2 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 1.29 ERA).

 

Week 10:  Warriors v. X*Rayz (6-3 v. 4-5)

                   Sliderz @ Isotopes (3-6 @ 7-2)

                 

 

 

 

 

2018 WEEK 9 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY BROCK FARMS

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Astoria Isotopes Take Down The Barnegat Banana Slugs As Was The Will Of The Fantasy Gods  –  6-5-3

 

MVP:  Nolan Arenado and/or Brock Holt  –  I am not ACTUALLY gonna give it to Brock Holt you see, it was indeed his dagger of a triple late Sunday night that did the Slugs in but REALLY they did themselves in when they debated baseball’s win rules. Or when they debated baseball’s save rules. Or when they got TOO BIG FOR THEIR MAY BRITCHES. But anyways Nolan Arenado is having a typically excellent season, just no longer for me 😦 .  9/26, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .414 OBP

LVP:  Charlie Morton    YOU BLEW IT ON SUNDAY NIGHT CHARLIE. Nice Ks though.  11.1 IP, 9 ER, 17 Ks, 1 QS, 7.15 ERA          

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Mean Jean Segura, the Isotopes had 5 triples for the second week in a row and Segura didn’t have any either week so really this sentence doesn’t tie into him at all (9/23, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 SBs, .429 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  And Gio Gonzalez just CONTINUES to do this to me despite me INSISTING nay DEMANDING he cuts the shit before he makes the All Star game or something (14.2 IP, 3 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.84 ERA).

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Eddie Rosario SURELY would have grabbed that MVP if Salt didn’t let the Slugs down SHIT I just realized I missed a pun opportunity here (13/30, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .528 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Ohhhh Michael Wacha, your penchant for taking no-hitters into the 9th is a tragic one and also I think you are the same pitcher from last year NOT BUYIN’ YOU (14.2 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.61 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

SELDOM IS IT that I actually pay enough attention on a Sunday to be able to give a decent recap of the EVENTS of the BBOTW but on this particular Sunday, I dunno I paid a little bit of attention plus the NBA Finals kept me awake so I got the insights. So basically the Slugs and the ‘Topes had an epic battle for first place in the land allllll week,  one that culminated in a Sunday brouhaha. The ‘Topes had a pretty sizable advantage in the offensive cats earlier in the week that DISAPPEARED with a big Saturday out of Barnegat (9 Rs, 9 2Bs, 3 HRs, 13 RBIs) coupled with a wee Saturday outta Astoria (3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 RBI). so STAGE SET for Sunday. Eventually you are getting down to it and you got your couple pitching cats up for grabs right (with the Slugs also with a chance to grab HRs or some shit), Michael Wacha THREATENS a critical CG in a no hit bid but loses it in the 9th. Ouch #1 for the Banana Slugs. Ouch #1 for the Isotopes comes via an Eddie Rosario 3 HR day (thus leading to the HR closeness), the last of the HRs also giving the Banana Slugs a W and a 6-5 edge in that cat. Ouch #2 for the Banana Slugs arrives when the Padres RALLY to grab Tyson Ross a W, thusly knotting Ws at 6-6. Also around this time is likely Ouch #3 for Barnegat, a Chaz Roe hold that TIES the holds cat @ 2-2 and gives the Isotopes a 6-5-3 advantage overall. So then yea SUNDAY NIGHT GAME and it is coming down to Charlie Morton versus those pesky Sawks, if Charlie can QS/W the Slugs take the W and first place overall and if he just gets one they end up with a tie and first place overall. But what they really end up with is Charlie LABORING to get into the 5th, a win looking less and less likely but a QS still very much on the table. But NO the Fantasy Gods were reading Brian’s horrific musings on wins rules and combined that with his horrific understanding of saves rules to decide no, no this cannot stand. Morton unravels in the 5th culminating in a Brock Holt 2 RBI triple while Brian’s satellite feed is down. A rare act of mercy from merciless gods. ‘Topes win, ‘Topes in first via H2H tiebreaker.

In Week 10 Astoria looks to KEEP ROLLIN’ when they host the Lacey contingent, neither of these teams have a multiple game streak to speak of. The Banana Slugs, meanwhile, will hope to regroup at the expense of the Babadooks. The Babadooks have won 3 straight but only the last win had any sort of impressiveness to it, really, when ya look at ’em. THAT ONE is your BBOTW because I really lead the charge on the ribbing on the wins thing and now surely Brian has vengeance in his heart.

Week 10:  Isotopes v. Sliderz (7-2 v. 3-6)

                 Slugs @ Babadooks (7-2 @ 5-4, BBOTW)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Yes, Yes We Are….. 
2018 Week 9 Review: “Halfway Home But Yea Don’t Worry About It” Edition