2017 Week 18 Review: The Dust Has Settled Edition (NOW WITH ROUND ONE PREVIEW!)

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AND THUS CONCLUDES THE REGULAR SEASON. THIS ONE WAS PERHAPS THE WACKIEST SEASON YET, WITH ONLY TWO TEAMS OUT OF CONTENTION AS WE HEADED INTO WEEK 18. NOT TOO SUUREEEE THAT HAS EVER BEEN THE CASE. BUT WHEN IT IS ALL SAID AND DONE THERE CAN ONLY BE SIX HEADED TO THE BACKYARD BRACKET (UGLY PROTOTYPE ABOVE, BELOW THE GIF OF SPIDERMAN FIGHTING DUST SURELY YOU SEE IT) AND IT TOOK A WHOLE LOTTA WEEK 18 MADNESS (INCLUDING YET ANOTHER SUNDAY NIGHT HEARTBREAKER) TO GET TO THAT SIX SO LET US ILLUMINATE MORE SPECIFICALLY HOW WE GOT TO THAT SIX..……

 

 

 

 

 

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The NEWLY CHRISTENED Bellcrest Park MooniniteZ Defeat The Toms River Titans And Nobody Cared Here So Let Us Just Get This One Out Of The Way Now  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Eddie Rosario  –  Neither team gave a shit, but THIS GUY was picked up just to prepare for a Round 2 Monday night doubleheader and he is out here SLUGGIN’. So fuck it maybe he stays around after that even, baseball is a funny game.  12/27, 10 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .484 OBP      

LVP:  JT Realmuto    Nobody gave a shit here, but perhaps JT gave the least shit of all?  2/21, 1 R, 1 RBI, .200 OBP     

 

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  Again neither team gave a shit, but here look at this Joey Votto walked 12 times last week (8/22, 10 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .588 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  Anddd naturally James Paxton went and got hurt and now the BPMZ’s two best pitchers will miss the entire playoffs in all likelihood EXCELLENT (6.1 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.26 ERA).

 

Titans Hitter Of Note:  They didn’t give a shit here, but as the Titans look ahead to 2018 they can take solace in the fact that Andrew Benintendi will probably be pretty good that Red Sawks fuck (10/22, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 2 SBs, .458 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  And maybe Eduardo Rodriguez, a different Red Sawks fuck, will also be pretty good which would give the Titans yet another pitching piece that could be argued to be excessive at this point (6 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 0.00 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  This one had no bearing on the playoff picture and neither team paid much attention so I don’t think there’s much to say here, other than to note that both of these teams had PRETTY STRONG offensive numbers and both of these teams only started 5 pitchers. Although it SHOULD BE NOTED that the MooniniteZ racked up 60 Ks with only 5 starts so yanno, it is possible the strikeout record might have been in play if they kept something close to that pace. But WITH SO MANY PITCHING INJURIES HOW WOULD I EVEN FIND 12 STARTS. Anywho the Titans put up solid hitting stats in their 2017 swan song (49 Rs, 19 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 16 HRs, 42 RBIs, 7 SBs, .3469 OBP) but the MooniniteZ put up slightly better numbers in some spots (53 Rs, 19 HRs, 43 RBIs, .3828 OBP) and got a whole bunch of Saves (10) and there is your difference. In Round 1 BOTH THESE TEAMS will be on vacation, in Round 2 the #1 seed Bellcrest Park MooniniteZ  will return from vacation to take on the winner of the uhhhh 4 v. 5 First Round Matchup or whatever. The Titans will remain on vacation, but they will be remembered. Hopefully they change their team name in 2018 so I can avoid these Remember The Titans puns because otherwise I just can’t fucking help myself sometimes.

 

Next Week aka This Week:  MooniniteZ vs. BYE, Titans @ DONE FOR THE YEAR

 

 

 

 

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Point Loma X-Rayz Deliver The Final Sting To the Q-Tip City Morning Wood Season  –  6-4-4

 

MVP:  Jose Pirela  –  Jose Pirela out here SHININ’ for the X-Rayz’ home town team, and also for the X-Rayz. This particular week.  10/24, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .533 OBP     

LVP:  Logan Morrison    LoMo you could have contributed more than 5 measly singles and 1 measly RBI but you didn’t and that is why you are here.  5/21, 1 RBI, .2611 OBP         

 

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Gotta shout out to Yadier Molina here cuz he’s like 94 years old in catcher years and still getting it done both at and behind the plate (6/26, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .259 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Not alotta standouts for the X-Rayz on this side of the ball in Week 18 but uhhh Chris Devenski got 2 Holds with only one inning of work so let us make note…..of that (1 IP, 0 ER, 1 K, 2 Holds, 0.00 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  I am gonna highlight my favorite Morning Wood pickup and that is a one Whit Merrifield, everyone knows they either rostered him or considered rostering him and then just threw him back in the pond and now LOOK AT EM he might rather improbably be a guy I wanna trade for him already (10/32, 3 Rs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .324 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  And let us also highlight the work of Carlos Martinez which has been plenty solid for this sinking ship all season say that 5x fast (14 IP, 5 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 3.21 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  What can weeee discuss here? Let’s see, the X-Rayz lead the league in steals in Week 18 and that prompted me to look back and see how many times they DIDN’T lead the league in steals and turns out they didn’t lead the league in steals 6 times in teh 18 weeks. So a 66.6% league-leading steal numbers percentage. Not too shabby. In other news the Bonerz had the fewests Runs in the league in Week 18 (35) and that is something that probably happened AT LEAST 66.6% of the time, they also tied for the fewest RBIs (36) and that is probably something that happened fairly frequently as well. TOUGH INAUGURAL SEASON for QTC is what I am saying here. That being said they did ride some decentish pitching numbers to a near upset here, but in the end it fell short and mercifully their season comes to a close. We will give them the first year to sort of mold their roster and learn the league ins and outs, hell even the MooniniteZ sucked in their expansion year, but NEXT YEAR I WANT LESS HEAD SCRATCHING TRADES. As for the X-Rayz, they wrap up a PRETTY IMPRESSIVE third straight double digit win season (an EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE sixth straight if you go back to the dynasty dayz) and wrap up the #3 seed and for their troubles they draw the guy from Lacey that they HANDPICKED for the league. Did they handpick their own doom? Tune in this week to find out.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   #3 X-Rayz vs. #6 BDSliderz (The Commish takes on THE MAN HE BROUGHT INTO THE LEAGUE, write your own storylines accordingly, Morning Wood vs. THE LONG COLD OFFSEASON

 

 

 

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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Slide On Into The Playoffs With An Impressive Victory Over The Barnegat Banana Slugs  –  9-2-3

 

MVP:  Justin Turner  –  Justin Turner is having himself a HELL of a fucking season, and I once owned this guy and I just straight up dropped him AND THAT SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN A MISTAKE AND EVERYTHING IS ALL ABOUT ME ALWAYS.  7/23, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .346 OBP      ***MVP OF THE WEEK***         

LVP:  Trevor Story    Same old Story. Which is that Trevor Story isn’t that good. IT ISN’T A “DOWN YEAR” IT IS A FLAWED APPROACH SEE ALSO RYAN SCHIMPF.  1/13, .250 OBP         

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Michael Conforto is another BackdoorSlider swingin’ a hot bat at justttttttt the right time o’ year it seems, all of his hits last week left the yard (4/21, 6 Rs, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, .370 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And Aaron Nola continues to do quite a good job of uhhh preventing others from swinging a hot bat (7 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  As Brian has noted the continuing correction of Josh Donaldson‘s numbers continues, he isn’t nearly as old as he looked earlier in the season folks (8/20, 4 Rs, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, .538 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  DO NOT LOOK NOW but Jake Arrieta looks good again, I sure as shit would take him all my pitchers are dead or dying (12.1 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.19 ERA).

 

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  OH YEA THIS MATCHUP HAPPENED TOO. This is perhaps the only typo if you will that I have ever regretted because Doch really DOES deserve some discussion and some credit for coming to play in Week 18 and doing what he needed to do to set his team up for a possibly playoff berth. A berth they would eventually realize when all the rest of the chips fell where they may. BUT FIRST the BackdoorSliderz needed to take care of their own business AND TAKE CARE OF IT THEY DID:  17 Rs, 46 RBIs, .3593 OBP, 95 Ks, 10 Ws, 2.531 ERA. These are all excellent numbers folks, and all good enough for category Ws in this one, and it was 1 uhhh “point” if you will losses in QS and Saves that served as the only real blemishes on the week for Lacey Township.  Just a real solid performance in a must-win week, highlighted by a 9 R 6 HR 14 RBI Sunday to come from behind in a lot of these categories, as the Banana Slugs seemingly had already started their bye week at that point. So yes for the Banana Slugs, they stop their “non-losing” streak at 6 but they remain the #2 seed and in possession of the all-important First Round Bye (as well as an always impressive double digit win season). That sentence I just typed means the Banana Slugs will be on vacation in the #BackYardBracket’s first round, biding their time and whatnot. The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz ON THE OTHER HAND head to Point Loma for a showdown with an old friend that abandoned them, and abandoned us all really, for the sunshine of the west coast. Should be a doozy of a matchup.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   BDSliderz @ X-Rayz (“Oh thanks for inviting me into your little fantasy baseball league NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY”)Banana Slugs vs. The Sweet Taste Of A First Round Bye

 

 

 

 

 

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Astoria Isotopes Punch Their Ticket To The Postseason At The Expense Of The Team They Will Now Play In Round One (River City Bad Dudes)  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Odubel Herrera  –  HOWZ ABOUT A JROLL FROM A PHILADELPHIA PHILLY WHAT A SWEET WEEK 18 TREAT. I had no idea that Odubel was on the ‘Topes and have no idea that his performance was back from the grave. Perhaps I should get re-acquainted with my possible Round 2 opponents at some point.  10/22, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 2 SBs, .538 OBP          

LVP:  Rougned Odor    Oh Rougned, what have you become? A marginal player whom will probably rebound next year but whom has negative value this year, is what you have become.  2/15, 1 2B, .188 OBP         

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Khris Davis nearly had himself a JROLL as well but couldn’t man the fuck up and get himself a steal, EVEN THOUGH HE IS BLACK @gaheroy (6/21, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .423 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  I think lots of people should have probably grabbed Sean Doolittle when they had the chance and now he’s out here putting up 3 Save weeks and whatnot (4 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks, 3 Saves, 0.00 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  THE BIG NEWS really from this past week was that Bryce Harper done fucked his knee up and is very likely out for our entire fantasy playoffs, so the Bad Dudes will now have to try and win a championship without the guy that CARRIED THEM to their last one (5/15, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, .368 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  BUT MAYBE Ervin Santana CAN CARRY THEM THROUGH THIS YEAR, I am thinking a string of CGs or something (11 IP, 4 ER, 12 Ks, 1 QS, 3.27 ERA).

 

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  Credit where credit is due here, the ‘Topes needed to win to get in here and they did their job. Not only that but they did said job against the team they would be pretty much guaranteed to face in Round 1…..so yanno now they’ll face in Round 1. BUT IN WEEK 18 this was all about the ‘Topes outslugging the Bad Dudes, and also a good bit about the Bad Dudes just having a Bad Offensive Week, and also a good bit about the Bad Dudes coping with the psychological trauma of a Saturday Bryce Harper Bad Injury. River City posted the week’s worst OBP (.2988) and second fewest Runs (39) and despite some solid pitchin’ and pen numbers (96 Ks, 3.544 ERA, 5 Saves, 3 Holds) the sagging offense was all the window the ‘Topes needed in a somewhat-typical-for-them strong offensive week (57 Runs, 18 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 18 HRs, 8 SBs, and a league-leading .4065 OBP). Astoria would take 6 of 7 hitting cats and would sneak by with one more QS (7 to 6) and one more Win (5 to 4) than their opponents and that is your spread folks. Astoria now returns to the playoffs after a one year hiatus with their most dangerous offense PROBABLY OF ALL TIME in tow, and they will be taking on the same goddamned team they just took on we literally just talked about it. For the River City Bad Dudes they will be hoping the third time is the charm (FOURTH TIME if you count the Wiffleball HR Derby), as they suffered a Season Series Sweep at the hands of the Astoria Isotopes (and a humiliating derby loss at the hands of their owner). But again the key story here is the Bad Dudes will have to do it alllll without their star player, he of the 197 wRC+ back in Lobman’s 2015 championship season.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   WE ARE RUNNING THIS ONE BACK, #4 Bad Dudes vs. #5 Isotopes (disregard what ESPN says regarding seeding)

 

 

 

 

 

 

2017 WEEK 18 GAME OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY A DIFFERENT GAME OF THE WEEK THINGIE

 

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They make lots of these things……

 

 

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But hey at least Rafael Devers got Rojo the all-time HRs record?

 

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Rip Out The Heart of Rojo’s Renegade Force And For Their Troubles Now Both Of Them Are Staying Home For The Playoffs  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Brian Dozier  –  THE DOZE MAN did all he could to try and drag this undeserving team into the playoffs. BOY he woulda been fun to watch on a playoff team, just to see if he could replicate last season’s 2nd half. But oh well I guess. Also JROLL.   13/34, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .417 OBP

LVP:  Mike Foltynewicz    Really if someone is to be blamed here it is Folty for this Friday performance that FUCKED the Renegade Force, keep in mind they narrowly lost both Ks and ERA.  2.2 IP, 6 ER, 1 K, 20.25 ERA     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

OGTGC Hitter Of Note:  Kris Bryant is an excellent hitter who will NOT be featured in this year’s #BackYardBracket and he had a ridiculous OBP last week (14/23, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, .679 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Sean Manaea got fucking ROCKED, ESPN described it with “may be the worst fantasy start of the year by any pitcher” so I guess that is noteworthy (0.1 IP, 6 ER, 0 Ks, 162.00 ERA).

 

RRF Wood Hitter Of Note:  Nelson Cruz is an excellent hitter who will NOT be featured in this year’s #BackYardBracket and he is a beloved former player of mine and I wish him well in the twilight of his career (10/23, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .440 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Corey Kluber is a fucking PHENOMENAL pitcher who nearly carried the RRF to the playoffs all by himself and he will NOT be featured in this year’s #Backyard Bracket and he should have garnered at least one “Dy Young” vote as he’s been pretty unreal in the second half here (16 IP, 4 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1 CG, 2.25 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  OH WHAT A FUCKING PAINFUL ONE for Renegade Force Fanz worldwide. They had this one, they had this one within their grasp and then they choked it all away. And to a team that was simply using the last week to get to an unholy 6-6-6 record and ALSO miss the playoffs, no less. I could talk about numbers here but numbers and charts and figures CANNOT QUANTIFY HEARTBREAK, and I am both heartbroken to see the Renegade Force miss the playoffs and also kinda happy cuz they might have been tough and DEFINITELY happy that the OGTFC also missed the playoffs. Yet again there will be no back to back champion, Odom and I will have our quiet champagne toast at some point in the near future and Mercury Morris will probably show up to that one as well. Let the record show we will also have a quiet champagne toast if anyone ever goes back to back because we know they will probably never go back to back to back that is really difficult. But where was I? BRANDON FUCKING KINTZLER, that is where I was. Sure Jordan Montgomery could have maybe gone a bit deeper in the Sunday night game and grabbed 2 more Ks (OGTF won the cat 73-72) but I mean also give the guy a fucking break he took a batting practice liner to the head Saturday and he was facing the Red Sox. But it was Brandon Kintzler’s appearance late Sunday night and the subsequent 1 K he got in it that would prove the fatal difference here. That combined with that SHITTY Folty start discussed above also combined with Rafael Devers not being in the Sunday night starting lineup to open up the possibility of the miracle SB (2-2). And YES, Devers did come in late and take Chapman deep and with that Rojo’s Renegade Force are now the sole owner of the ALL TIME HOME RUN RECORD for a week. SMALL CONSOLATION TO RRF FANS WORLDWIDE, as they continue to await their first championship.

 

Next Week aka This Week: BOTH OF YOU ARE HOME, GO HOME BOTH OF YOU

 

 

 

OH BUT THERE IS MORE……..ROUND ONE PREVIEW HERE WE GO…..

 

 

 

 

 

ROUND 1 PREVIEW

 

Now that we have looked at how we arrived at this #FieldOfSix, let’s take a look at the matchups that will determine which two teams will advance to Round 2 to take on the top 2 seeds…..

 

 

FIRST ROUND BYES:   #1  BELLCREST PARK MOONINITEZ     

 

 

 

                                         #2  BARNEGAT BANANA SLUGS         

 

 

 

 

 

 

#3 POINT LOMA X-RAYZ     VS.     #6 LACEY TWP BACKDOORSLIDERZ

            VS.                        

 

 

The Point Loma X-Rayz enter the 2017 #BackYardBracket AS POSSIBLE CHAMPIONSHIP FAVORITES if group chat polling is to be believed, but first they’ll have to take out the new guy (and new guys have had some luck or success or whatever you want to call it in their playoff debuts in the past). Both of these teams would qualify as dangerous if they are to advance to the next round, the X-Rayz earn that title with their typical formula of speed speed and speed and the BackdoorSliderz earn that title with a more well-rounded attack. The season-long numbers back this up; the X-Rayz are leading the league in Triples and Stolen Bases (also 2nd in Runs) but laggards in the HR and RBI categories, and the BackdoorSliderz slotting into the top 5 in all offensive categories. Interestingly enough both teams have pitched to a near-equal ERA, X-Rayz slightly ahead 3.971 to 3.997, showing just how far the Lacey pitching staff has come in recent weeks (they were definitely towards the bottom in previous installments of the Power Rankings in that particular CAT). The rest of the pitching numbers tend to fall in the X-Rayz favor, they are the #3 seed here after all, so Lacey Township will certainly want to stream carefully if they are to try and pull off the oleeee 6 over 3 upset here.

These two teams split their season series, with the BackdoorSliderz winning in Week 6 (7-3-4) and the Point Loma X-Rayz taking their Week 15 matchup (7-6-1). The winner here moves on to take on the #2 seed Barnegat Banana Slugs; the Slugs are 2-0 this season against the X-Rayz and 1-1 against Lacey Township.

WHAT TO WATCH FOR:  POWER NUMBERS.  Everyone knows they are likely in for an L in the SBs cat when they head to Point Loma, and it can be a bit of a dangerous trap for teams to try and alter their roster to stay competitive there. But it can be even worse if teams have a bit of a power outage that coincides with a power boon in Point Loma, as you really want to make sure you take the HR and RBI categories at a minimum when taking on this team. Watch the power numbers early to see if the X-Rayz are keeping pace with the BackdoorSliderz in these cats, it could signal some reallll trouble for Doch if one of those categories goes to Point Loma.

 

 

 

 

 

#4 RIVER CITY BAD DUDES     VS.     #5 ASTORIA ISOTOPES

 

     

Bad Dudes            VS.                 

 

The Week 18 matchup so nice we are playing it twice, or whatever, as the Astoria Isotopes now have to suffer the INDIGNITY of marching into Round 1 as the lower seed against the team they just handily defeated in Week 18. And the Isotopes will be marching in with a dominant offense:  3rd in Runs this season, 2nd in HRs and RBIs, really good at pretty much everything except stealing bases and hitting two-baggers for some reason. But they’ll be facing a pretty powerful offense in itself (ALBEIT GRAVELY WOUNDED) in the higher-seeded Bad Dudes:  3rd in HRs and 3rd in RBIs, just one RBI back of the ‘Topes there. River City might not be as strong, at least season-long rankings wise, as Astoria in some other offensive categories but they may very well make up for it on the other side of the coin:  2nd in Ks3rd in QS and Ws1st in Saves. MUCH LIKE the 3v6 matchup this one features a more well-rounded lower seed offensively (again just due to a very unscientific review of season-long numbers that is full of holes if you really think about it) but stronger pitching just about across the board from the higher seed (the ‘Topes do boast 2 more Wins and 2 more Holds than the RCBD but that is all they got on ’em). WHAT THAT MEANS I do not know, I do not know what any of this means. I think again the key here might be the power categories, as both of these teams probably generally expect to win those two (hence being 2nd and 3rd in them both, respectively) AND YET ONLY ONE CAN WIN EACH CAT. OR THEY CAN TIE.

In the regular season the 5th seed here took BOTH matchups, beating the Bad Dudes back in Week 10 (8-4-2) and then again like two days ago in Week 18 (8-5-1). The winner here gets a date with the top-seeded MooniniteZ, and INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH the 5th-seeded Isotopes boast the only current owner to have beaten the BPMZ this season and he did it twice. The River City Bad Dudes lost both of their matchups with the MooniniteZ, and actually boast a record of something like 3-7 against all of the playoff teams I think, so they can suck on that.

 

WHAT TO WATCH FOR:  LOBMAN’S DELICIOUS TEARS OVER THE BRYCE HARPER INJURY. Bryce Harper is very good we all know that. And what SOME OF US KNOW (or have decided) is that this franchise’s last title was entirely a product of Bryce’s epic 2015 season, in the same way that your author’s lone fantasy football championship coincided with CJ2K. The Isotopes already boost a formidable offense and it is no doubt a devastating blow for the Bad Dudes to be without their Baddest Dude in this matchup, so look out for the waterworks if things aren’t going the 4 seeds way in this one come sayyyyy Saturday evening-ish. It is easy to get dehydrated in the thin Colorado air and Lobman will be at a serious risk if he is losing water through his tears. Is all I am saying.

 

 

 

 

AND SO THE STAGE……….HAS BEEN SET. BUT FOR REAL THIS TIME, THE BACKYARD BRACKET HAS BEEN COMPLETED AND THE BACKYARD CHAMPIONSHIP LEAGUE’S (BCL) 2017 PLAYOFFS ARE UNDERWAY AND WHO WILL MAKE THE BCS (BACKYARD CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES)? I KNOW I HAVE MY GUESSES. APOLOGIES TO THE FOUR LOSERS WHO ARE ALREADY GUARANTEED NOT TO MAKE SAID BCS, YOU HAVE ONLY YOURSELVES AND THE CRUELTY OF FANTASY SPORTS AND RANDOM CHANCE AND LUCK TO BLAME. FUCK Y’ALL. BYBR1 TUNE IN……………….

 

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2017 Week 18 Review: The Dust Has Settled Edition (NOW WITH ROUND ONE PREVIEW!)

2017 Week 17 Review: Some Clarity and Some More Confusion Edition

Credit to Mike Odom on the beautiful artwork here…..

 

 

WEEK 17 CAME AND WENT AND AFTERWARDS WE HAVE OUR FIRST FOUR SEEDS ALL LOCKED UP HERE:  THE MOONINITEZ WILL REMAIN THE #1 SEED, WHICH IS WHERE THEY HAVE BEEN SINCE ROUGHLY THE BEGINNING OF JUNE. THEY WILL BE JOINED IN THE FIRST ROUND BYE…..BY…. THE BARNEGAT BANANA SLUGS, A TEAM THAT SAW THEIR IMPRESSIVE 5 GAME WIN STREAK SNAPPED (see below) BUT ALSO A TEAM THAT HASN’T LOST SINCE LIKE MID-JUNE (SO LIKE A 6 WEEK NON-LOSING STREAK, SEE BELOW I TOLD YOU ALREADY!). BEHIND THESE TWO ARE THE POINT LOMA X-RAYZ AND RIVER CITY BAD DUDES JOSTLING FOR THE 3 AND 4 SEEDS, AND BEHIND THOSE TWO ARE FOUR TEAMS BATTLING FOR THE FINAL TWO SPOTS. LET’S LOOK BELOW AND SEE HOW WE GOT TO THIS POINT……

 

(Editor’s Note:  All the stuff I have said about the Bad Dudes having clinched the 4th at worst is a lie because he is a disappointment, TURNS OUT he can drop lower if the ‘Topes take em to town the way they took em to town in that HR Derby…..)

 

 

 

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Point Loma X-Rayz MOLLYWOP the River City Bad Dudes, Grab Third Place, Drop Said Bad Dudes To Fourth Place  –  10-4-0

 

MVP:  Elvis Andrus  –  A slew of solid performances from the X-Rayz bats but Elvis went out and swatted 7 DOUBLES on the way to a .500 OBP and that helped the X-Rayz set the season record for doubles and that shall be commended herein.  14/29, 3 Rs, 7 2Bs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .500 OBP      

LVP:  Xander Bogaerts    Sure you stole a base and hit a two bagger and scored twice but what ELSE did you really do Xander? And also fuck you ya dirty Red Sawk.  5/21, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 1 SB, .273 OBP     

 

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Lorenzo Cain CONTINUES to put up his best season since that season that I used to flip him and a draft pick for Joey Votto (10/24, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 RBIs, 4 SBs, .440 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Anddd the shark man Jeff Samardzija continues his up and down season, has rebounded nicely in his past 3 starts after getting rocked twice in a row by the lowly Padres (14.1 IP, 6 ER, 8 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 3.77 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  I had a hard time deciding amongst the bad performers for Lobman’s LVP so let’s ignore Wilson Contrera’s 5 HRs/13 RBIs to highlight Rougned Odor‘s continuing efforts to chase down Alcides Escobar for baseball’s worst OBP (5/29, 4 Rs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .172 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  On the positives end Ervin Santana tossed up YET ANOTHER CG, the Bad Dudes will be rather pleased with themselves if he can repeat the feat in the playoffs (9 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 2.00 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  Don’t let this score fool you this one was a bit more lopsided than it even appears, as the Bad Dudes offense waited til Sunday to get going and the X-Rayz offense was fairly solid throughout (except for RBIs, where they failed to clear the 40+ plateau I have taken a liking to mentioning). But yes a bit of a wire to wire beatdown by Point Loma, en route to scoring 8 more Runs than any other team in the league and hitting 9 more Doubles than any other team. The X-Rayz also displayed downright PROWESS with their bullpen numbers, 8 Saves 4 Holds, and used their bullpen and their speedsters to go a tidy 5-2 on each side of the CAT COIN. The Bad Dudes actually had a strong power showing in 17, 19 HRs 54 RBIs, accounting for the two cats they took there. And with this impressive victory, the 2nd most impressive victory against Lobman this week (the first being Mikey T’s captivating performance to steal the HR Derby crown #BelieveTheSleeve), the X-Rayz swap placed with the Bad Dudes and slot into 3rd place in the Backyard Bracket. The X-Rayz simply need to beat the 10th place Morning Wood in Week 18 to hold onto that position (a Bad Dudes loss would accomplish the same) and MORE IMPORTANTLY slot on the opposite side of the oleeee Backyard Bracket from yours truly. For the River City Bad Dudes, they head into Week 18 having already clinched the 4 seed I THINK needing a win to hold onto the 4 seed at worst and also to attempt to knock out their HR Derby nemesis and his Astoria Isotopes.

 

Next Week aka This Week:  X-Rayz @ Morning Wood (#3 v. #10)Bad Dudes vs. Isotopes (#4 v. # GOD KNOWS anywhere from 5-8) 

 

 

 

 

 

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OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Defeat The Astoria Isotopes And Are Now Threatening To Make The Playoffs With A Number of the Beast Record  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Mike Trout  –  Mike Trout is back to being Mike Trout, he’s so insanely good that I keep avoiding putting his picture up for these things. HE IS LIKE THE PROPHET MUHAMMAD IN THAT WAY.  10/22, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .571 OBP     

LVP:  Patrick Corbin    The ‘Topes got saddled with the bad Patrick Corbin start in Week 17. And yes I am only giving him this so I can give him an MVP later on (SPOILER ALERT).  3 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 21.00 ERA         

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Yasiel Puig one of a few different trade deadline acquisitions that came through for the OGTFC this week (Dozier 3 HRs, Verlander SEE BELOW) so they are really getting some bang for their buck at least (6/20, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, 1 SBs, .417 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Justin Verlander looked absolutely cooked at a few different points this season but now here we are in early August and he’s rattled off 4 straight QS and 5 outta his last 6 (7 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.57 ERA).

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Heyyyy Cody Bellinger, nearly forgot about this guy ever since he ever so slightly slowed down his HR pace (6/25, 5 Rs, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .269 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Cole Hamels has been pretty good this year TAKE NOTE PEOPLE, I’ll always be a fan (15 IP, 3 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 1.80 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  GOOD GOD we are nearing the Mark of the Beast playoffs scenario we have all feared, as the OGTFC continue to stumble their way towards somehow sneaking into the fuckin’ dance here despite a hideous affront to nature of a record (2-3-3 over their last 8). And worst of all PLAYING PRETTY WELL, as they managed to outslug this season’s top sluggling team (albeit on a bit of a down week for the ‘Topes) and managed to pitch rather effectively (85 Ks, 8 QS, 5 Ws, 5 Saves, 3 Holds, 3.012 ERA, 2nd best mark of the week in ERA and t-2nd best mark for QS and Holds) which hasn’t exactly been a calling card for their titular defensular season. Their one blemish this week was their RBI total, they had the fewest runs batted in for Week 17 but I doubt they much give a shit about that. And for the ‘Topes this is yet another week that fell short of their usually lofty slugging standards; while 13 HRs 40 RBIs certainly aren’t anything to sneeze at, they speak to a team a bit out of rhythm down the stretch here. The Isotopes season-long numbers certainly paint the picture of a team that can’t exactly pitch itself to victory and that showed itself to be the case here, with a Cole Hamels CG representing their only cat win on the pitching side of things (also tied in Wins). The Isotopes could have used this one to possibly climb up the bracket and put the nail in the OGTFC coffin but INSTEAD they now find themselves currently listed as the 7th seed, AND THE OGTFC ARE VERY MUCH ALIVE. The Fishing Club arrive at Week 18 with a huuuuuge matchup awaiting them, a battle with Rojo’s Renegade Force. The Astoria Isotopes find themselves in a huge matchup pretty much only for them though, when they take on the River City Bad Dudes and attempt to beat the Bad Dudes brass twice in 8 days (THE FIRST TIME BEING THAT SENSATIONAL HR DERBY VICTORY).

 

Next Week aka This Week:   OGTFC vs. RRF (WHO KNOWS THEY ARE BOTH FIGHTING FOR THEIR PLAYOFF LIVES I THINK CURRENTLY THEY ARE LISTED AS EIGHTH AND FIFTH), Isotopes vs. Bad Dudes (#4 v. likeeee #7 or something, this is all kinda confusing currently)

 

 

 

 

 

MLB: Colorado Rockies at Arizona Diamondbacks
Rojo’s Renegade Force Defeat Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, Continue To Control Their Own Playoff Destiny Win And They Are In  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Paul Goldschmidt  –  Pauly G is arrrrrrguably the top player in fantasy this particular season but also that is maybe Charlie Blackmon but also maybe we should just wait for THE PLAYER RATER AWARDS (be forewarned those things go a bit nuts with their love of the SB, I AM JUST SAYIN’).  6/21, 7 Rs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .400 OBP      ***MVP OF THE WEEK***         

LVP:  Joey Gallo    Not muchhh outta Gallo in Week 16, as he continues to straddle that .200 or so batting average line all goddamned season.  3/14, 2 RBIs, .313 OBP         

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Apologies to Joey Gallo and his 5 HR/10 RBI week but Chris Taylor JROLL EVERYBODY (8/25, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .370 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Corey Kluber continues his ass kickery (9 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 1.00 ERA).

 

BDSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Also ALEX BREGMAN JROLL EVERYBODY and a BEAUT but also too bad you lost no MVP consideration for you (10/26, 7 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 9 RBIs, 3 SBs, .452 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  The Phillies can’t seem to get Aaron Nola a W but he is still good again and ’twas a good pickup for the BDSliderz and good good good (13 IP, 4 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 2.77 ERA).

 

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  In perhaps the most important battle of Week 17 for playoffs type stuff, and the most important battle to date in 2017 for each of these teams cuz that is kinda how this works the battles get more important as time goes on…..anyways…..I forget where I was, but Rojo’s Renegade Force won a MUST WIN here and gained the important Season Series Sweep over the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz. Is what happened here. The Renegade Force continued their strong play of late (4-1-1 in their last 6) and as a result they continue to control their own destiny. This latest victory was achieved through strong power numbers (20 HRs, 63 RBIs both tops in the league for the week) and good enough pitching (particularly the Klubez CG) and just basically holding on for dear life on Sunday as Lacey attempted to mount a bit of a comeback, lead by a pitching staff that rattled off 3 QS but 0 Wins (BDSliderz would win QS 9-8, lose Wins 7-4). An Alex Bregman triple helped the LTBS tie that cat but couldn’t get them to tie the week, but GOT A JROLL so yanno……maybe that is what matters most here. Rojo’s Renegade Force knows their work is not done, however, as they now head into another must win when they take on last year’s champs in Week 18. The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz also find themselves in a can’t lose scenario when they host the Barnegat Banana Slugs, who already have their position in the Backyard Bracket set in stone. So it will be interesting to see how they play that one, LEAGUE INTEGRITY AND ALL.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   RRF @ OGTFC (oh whatfuckingever just wait a week it will sort itself out)BDSliderz vs. Banana Slugs (OhWhatFuckingEver v. #2)

 

 

 

 

 

Boston Red Sox's Eduardo Nunez celebrates as he arrives home after hitting a home run off Chicago White Sox's Mike Pelfrey in the first inning Sunday, Aug. 6, 2017, in Boston. (AP Photo/Steven Senne)
BY GOD IT HAS HAPPENED THE Q-TIP CITY MORNING WOOD HAVE WON ANOTHER GAME, Defeating the Toms River Titans With An Assist From Said Titans Not Giving A Shit  –  6-4-4

 

MVP:  Eduardo Nunez  –  GOD THIS IS SO WEIRD giving the Morning Wood an MVP. And weirdly enough, that MVP is also Eduardo Nunez. Weird weird weird.  11/28, 4 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 9 RBIs, 2 SBs, .393 OBP      ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** CUZ I MEAN THIS IS A MORNING WOOD VICTORY HERE        

LVP:  Manuel Margot    Manny Margot getting the extended tryout with the Titans as they look for possible 2018 pieces, and he wasn’t all that great I guess but WAS OKAY.  3/14, 2 RBIs, .313 OBP         

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  GOD THIS IS SO WEIRD having their team go first, but yes Justin Upton also helped contribute to this historic week (7/25, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .267 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  They had a debut from their team’s future (Erick Fedde) that I could note but instead I want to note Jacob Faria who CONTINUES to be real good for the Rays, so good that I’ll probably try and acquire him with yet another overpay to the QTC this very off-season (6 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1.50 ERA).

 

Titans Hitter Of Note:  Tim Beckham, another guy getting himself a tryout for the Titans, HAD HIMSELF A WEEK with 14 gotdamned hits great time to finally give up on him Tampa (14/24, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .600 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  Chris Sale got hit the hardest he’s been hit all season and, as with all Red Sawks, good fuck him (5 IP, 5 ER, 7 Ks, 12.60 ERA).

 

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  WHAT CAN REALLY BE SAID HERE?! The last time the Morning Wood won a game Richard Nixon was president. That isn’t true but I wish it was, particularly considering the ineptitude of the current administration. But lets not get all political this is about the AM Bonerz triumph, a triumph they maybe couldn’t have risen to (hehe) without the help of the Titans (only started 7, probably paid little to not attention to the proceedings, etc. etc.) but A TRIUMPH NONETHELEAD. The Morning Wood rose to the occasion (hehe) in what was possibly their last decent chance at a win in the 2017 season by posting PRETTY GOOD across the board numbers that would have given plenty of teams some trouble, I’ll highlight the category wins here:   49 Runs, 18 Doubles, 19 HRs, 48 RBIs, 86 Ks, 6 Saves. High quality numbers, certainly good enough to beat a Titans franchise that is in a bit of a tryouts phase at best here. The Titans only started 7 AND I HOPE THEY REALIZE the symbolism, failing to start 12 in a few other matchups is maybe the reason they aren’t in this jumbled mess of a playoff picture to begin with. Chew on THAT Ryan. Anyways, both of these teams will play other teams in Week 18 and what they do in those games will not matter. Actually this isn’t entirely true, the Morning Wood can look to possibly knock the X-Rayz down to 4th and grab their SECOND 2 game win streak of the year and their first since the first two weeks of the goddamned year. So that is something to play for. The Toms River Titans take on the already-clinched-first-place Manchester MooniniteZ and FORTUNATELY that is the case because 1) I didn’t really want to have to participate in Week 18 I was looking ahead to 20 already and 2) We might have seen a meltdown if the Titans didn’t start 12 and gave us the 1 seed. Not gonna name names. Fortunately none of that will be the case and now it is debatable if these two teams will even COMBINE for 12 starts. BUT WE ARE OFF THE RAILS HERE, AGAIN THIS IS ALL ABOUT THE Q-TIP CITY MORNING WOOD, CONGRATULATIONS ON WIN NUMBER THREE Q-TIP CITY MORNING WOOD.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   Morning Wood vs. X-Rayz (#10 v. #3)Titans @ MooniniteZ (#9 v. #1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

2017 WEEK 17 GAME OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS KEWL GAME OF THE WEEK THING AGAIN

 

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Manchester MooniniteZ Take Lead And Then Surrender Lead And Then Tie The Barnegat Banana Slugs, Clinching The #1 Seed In The Process  –  6-6-2

 

MVP:  Patrick Corbin  –  Patrick Corbin pulled a realllll fucking magic trick that ended up being the difference this week, as by the time late Sunday rolled around a lot of Ks were needed and a QS was needed in order for the MooniniteZ to salvage a tie and he delivered BOTH. The magical part is he actually gave up 6 Runs and we just got enough luck with the way the errors worked out to grab the QS and grab the tie, which is swell.  6 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 4.50 ERA

LVP:  Trevor Story    VINDICATION I TELL YOU!  3/18, 1 R, 1 SB, .211 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  Joey Votto is good, currently has a .469 second half OBP second only to Paul Goldschmidt who is better (9/19, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .583 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  Jimmy Nelson has quietly been dealing and even though he gets NO RESPECK around these parts I have been happy to have him aboard, save it for Round 2 Jimmy (14 IP, 3 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).

 

Banana Slugs Wood Hitter Of Note:  Josh Donaldson for like the first time all season kinda looking a bit like himself, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER SAVE IT FOR ROUND TWO J-DON (6/21, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .429 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  And in other good news for the Slugs, Luis Severino he a beast (11.2 IP, 2 ER, 17 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 1.54 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  WELL THAT SETTLES THAT. The Manchester (or whatever they are eventually named) MooniniteZ will be your #1 seed, and by virtue of tying this one rather than winning or losing this one the Barnegat Banana Slugs are locked in as your #2. This one was a helluva battle folks, I know ‘cuz I was there. Runs bounced back and forth all weekend (da Slugs would pull away Sunday and win this Cat 40-37) and upon briefly grabbing the lead due to Matt Carpenter triple Manchester ended up RELINQUISHING said lead after 3 Sunday Holds came pouring outta the Barnegat bullpen. This put the MooniniteZ in a sitch where they basically needed 6 Ks and a QS from Patrick Corbin just to eke out a tie, and as you may have read above they got 10 Ks and a QS and BOOM ballgame (Kenley would add 3 Ks later as Kenley sometimes does). Despite losing a chance at the #1 seed the Slugs have to be feeling pretty okay with a tie here, as they clinch a bye and now get to sit back and relax in the Backyard Championship League’s First Round and really the 1 seed vs. 2 seed thing might only matter if they end up tying the MooniniteZ again in the BCS and LET US NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES HERE. For now, both these teams will be at their leisure for the next two weeks. TECHNICALLY the Manchester MooniniteZ will be playing the 9th place Titans in Week 18 and maybe they want to set some sort of win percentage record for the new 18 game format but also maybe they don’t give a shit either way. The Barnegat Banana Slugs have a more interesting matchup, as they take on a Lacey Twp team that really would like to win in order to get themselves into the Backyard’s Big Dance. The Banana Slugs can ruin that, and the Banana Slugs still have a 6 week uhhh not losing streak and can tie the season high streak of 7 (set by ME) with a tie or a win. If that sort of thing matters, not sure it does. Pretty sure it doesn’t. The point is the Slugs MooniniteZ and X-Rayz all have had 5 week winning streaks and of those three the Slugs have lost uhhh least recently. But they also didn’t beat me this season. ALMOST NONE OF YOU DID (yet). So….. nana nana boo boo.

 

Next Week aka This Week: MooniniteZ vs. Titans (#1 v. #9), Banana Slugs @ BDSliderz (#2 v. # WhoFuckingKnowsAtThisJuncture)

 

 

 

 

AND SO THE STAGE……….HAS BEEN SET. TOP 4 SEEDS ALL BUT FIGURED OUT, ALTHOUGH THE X-RAYZ CAN STILL SURRENDER THE THREE SEED IF THE BONERZ SOMEHOW WIN TWO WEEKS IN A ROW (HIGHLY UNLIKELY). AND THEN YOU HAVE FOUR TEAMS BATTLING IT OUT FOR THE FINAL TWO PLAYOFF SPOTS. TRULY BEAUTIFUL. ALMOST AS BEAUTIFUL AND DOWN TO THE WIRE AS MIKEY T’S THRILLING WIFFLE BALL HR DERBY VICTORY. TUNE INTO WEEK 18 FOR SIMILAR THRILLS AND CHILLS AND LESS ELBOW INJURIES, AS WE WILL BE SITTING THIS ONE OUT AS WELL (AND ROUND 1, SITTING THAT ONE OUT TOO)
😉

 

 

 

 

athf_the20moon20rules201
Now officially #1
2017 Week 17 Review: Some Clarity and Some More Confusion Edition

2017 WEEK 16 REVIEW: THE NL STRIKES BACK (KINDA) EDITION (AGAIN, DO NOT WANT TO ENCOURAGE THE NAMES HERE JUST WORKING WITH WHAT WE’VE GOT CURRENTLY)

 

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WEEK 16 SAW THE NL KINDA GET BACK ON ITS GAME, WITH THE ONLY NL TEAM TO LOSE BEING THE MORNING WOOD BECAUSE DUH. IT ALSO SAW THE MATCHUPS BREAKING IN A WAY THAT MIGHT MAKE FOR MAXIMUM CARNAGE IN WEEK 18. SO MUCH SO THAT I AM NOT SURE I WILL BE ABLE TO FOLLOW IT WHEN I SUMMARIZE THE MATCHUPS BELOW, BUT I WILL TRY I GUESS. AND THEN WE WILL HAVE TO GET PAST WEEK 17 FIRST. BIG MATCHUPS ALL AROUND FROM HERE ON OUT, FIRST LET US DISCUSS 16……

 

 

 

 

 

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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Defeat Astoria Isotopes, And I Will Be Listing These Scores In A Serious Manner To Reflect The Seriousness Of The Current BCL Playoffs Situation  –  10-2-2

 

MVP:  Carlos Santana  –  After disappointing with the HR numbers pretty much all season and being publicly put on the trade block by Lacey Twp at least a couple of times, Santana responds with a 4 HR week in an important late season matchup. KOOKY GAME, this fantasy baseball.  Marcel Ozuna –  No wait this is Ozuna once again, THE SANTANA PICTURE STAYS THOUGH.  8/27, 6 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 10 RBIs, .387 OBP      

LVP:  Wil Myers    Myers with a very poor performance (presumably) RIGHT around the time that the Isotopes were furiously shopping him at the deadline. I have no idea if they actually were but I feel like they could have been, things I’ve seen in the chat etc. etc. Anyways Myers didn’t do good here.  2/17, 1 R, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .200 OBP     

 

BDSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Carlos Santana (9/26, 9 Rs, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .469 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Jacob DeGrom continues to delight his fantasy owner, as his fantasy owner is also a sad saddddd Mets fan (14 IP, 4 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.57 ERA).

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  VERY DOWN WEEK for the ‘Topes but at least Mike Moustakas is still hitting the ball very well (5/21, 4 Rs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .250 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Also German Marquez continues to pitch very well on all these different times that the ‘Topes have added and then dropped him (7 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.57 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  I mean sure I listed the score in a serious manner up above but make no mistake LACEY REALLY DID A FUCKING NUMBER ON THE ‘TOPES, who picked an inopportune time to forget that chicks dig the long ball. This was the first time the ‘Topes didn’t have double digit HRs SINCE WEEK ONE folks, which is somewhat impressive. Equally impressive is the across the board offensive domination seen from the BackdoorSliderz in this one:  53 Rs, 23 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 17 HRs, 49 RBIs, 7 SBs, .3517 OBP. Very strong numbers across the board there, and the proof of that lies in the fact that the ‘Topes weren’t able to top any of ’em. The bats went quiet in Astoria that night. And by “that night” I mean for 7 consecutive days and nights. Fewest Runs in the league for Astoria in Week 16 (30) also worst OBP (.3013), also shitty RBIs (35) total . OH WELL. Going forward, Lacey Twp. lands in uhhh Rojoville for a YUGE matchup with the Renegade Force. A loss to RRF and Rojo gains the pivotal season series sweep so A GAME TO WATCH. Oh and the Isotopes are hosting the OGTFC and looking to put the nail in their 2016 coffin. BEST MAN SCHMEST SCHMAN.

Next Week aka This Week:  BDSliderz @ RRF (#5 v. #7)Isotopes vs. OGTFC (#6 v. #8) 

 

 

 

andrewmccutchen1280_nvvret76_4w7t9w8p
Manchester MooniniteZ Defeat Rojo’s Renegade Force  –  9-3-2

 

MVP:  Andrew McCutchen  –  Cutch was on his way to a solid but unspectacular week until Sunday rolled around, and on Sunday he PUT THE RRF TO BED with a 3 HR performance.  6/21, 7 Rs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .400 OBP      ***MVP OF THE WEEK***         

LVP:  Joey Gallo    Not muchhh outta Gallo in Week 16, as he continues to straddle that .200 or so batting average line all goddamned season.  3/14, 2 RBIs, .313 OBP         

 

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  Steven Souza finally putting together a season that can make the Rays feel a wee bit better about that terrible deal he came over in (7/25, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 3 SBs, .400 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  James Paxton seems to be back to business and this is good news considering how not back to business McCullers has been AND NOW HE IS ON THE DL OH KEWL (13 IP, 0 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.00 ERA).

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  A tough week for the RRF offense and Kyle Schwarber tried his hardest to help and ended up traded for his troubles (5/11, 2 Rs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .538 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Jesus I didn’t even know about this one til now, but HAVE YOURSEL A GAME Masahiro Tanaka (8 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.13 ERA).

 

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  And with that, THE SOON TO BE RELOCATED (as long as Rojo stops disappointing me, you brought this loss upon yourself) MANCHESTER MOONINITEZ clinch a bye in this year’s playoffs. So it’s like winning twice, cuz fuck Manchester and fuck Rojo for dillydallying on getting me outta there. And also quite frankly it’s going to be really hard for the MooniniteZ to drop the #1 seed but let’s leave that intact for drama’s sake. This victory was achieved by AS USUAL playing RRF tough in the Holds cat and FOR A CHANGE AT LEAST LATELY pitching well (99 Ks, 8 Ws, 3.012 ERA after posting a 5.629 ERA in Week 15). And even with the 4-1-2 edge in the pitching cats this one came down to the weekend with many an offensive cat up for grabs. But from Friday through Sunday the Mooninitez did 22 Rs 9 HRs 21 RBIs, (thanks Cutch), and the Renegade Force did 17 Rs 3 HRs 19 RBIs and that’s how The Bye Was Bought folks. In Week 17 the MooniniteZ will look to halt a SEASON HIGH win streak in Barnegat while at the same time clinching the #1 seed, so the work is not done. Rojo’s Renegade Force will need to rebound in a must-win battle against the BackdoorSliderz, a win gets them the all important SSS. EVERY MATCHUP IS IMPORTANT WEEK 17 IS FUN.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   MooniniteZ @ Banana Slugs (#1 v. #2), RRF vs. BDSliderz (#8 v. #5)

 

 

New York Mets v Washington Nationals

 

Barnegat Banana Slugs Defeat Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Ryan Zimmerman  –  The Zimm Mannnnn does it once again, as he continues the renaissance season that continues to help the Slugs continue to win. Continually.  7/20, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .381 OBP      

LVP:  Logan Morrison    Logan Morrison I would say YA BLEW IT but yanno, I am not sure how invested anyone is in the Morning Wood season at this point. So carry on.  1/12, 1 RBI, .154 OBP     

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Johnny fucking Schoop  keeps Schoopin along, a really damn fine season for this guy (6/22, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .370 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Jon Gray did pretttty good in Week 16 despite no wins to show for it, particularly in his visit to Washington to take on that tricky Nats offense (12 IP, 5 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 3.75 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  In the brightest news maybe ever received in Q-Tip City HEY LOOK JD Martinez seemed to like his new digs last week (7/30, 7 Rs, 5 HRs, 12 RBIs, .281 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  And also Zack Greinke did SO GOOD that the Morning Wood must be convinced these good times shall last forever and he was not traded and I guess now he is the (baby) face of this franchise (15 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.80 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  I mean I really just don’t know how many times I can write about the Pre-Noon Erections losing another week, but let’s give it a go. THE BARNEGAT BANANA SLUGS ARE ON FIRE FOLKS, seemingly playing their best baseball right around the best time in the year to do so. This one makes it 5 straight and while I am sure there was times it maybe seemed in doubt, to me it was probably never really in doubt. The Slugs pitched a gem with 8 QS 8 Ws (tied for league high) and a 2.641 ERA (league high). The Bonerz had a 5.090 ERA. The Slugs failed to reach the 40 RBI plateau that I declared a thing but so did a bunch of other teams in Week 16, the Bonerz actually were pretty good in that department with 49 RBIs. All in all just too uneven a performance from Q-Tip City to grab that elusive third win, especially from a team as locked in as Barnegat. The Banana Slugs will look to set a 2016 league high with a sixth straight win in Week 17, one that could set them up for the possibility of the #1 seed and would certainly go a long way towards securing at least one of the two byes for their team. AS I STATED ABOVE I always figured Barnegat would get their 5th straight win and am prepared for the challenge thusly. As for the last-place Morning Wood, they take on the second-to-last place Titans in Week 17. OKAY SO NOT EVERY MATCHUP IS IMPORTANT, THIS IS THE ONLY ONE THOUGH.

 

Next Week aka This Week:  Banana Slugs vs. MooniniteZ ( #2 v. #1), Morning Wood @ Titans (#10 v. #9)

 

 

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River City Bad Dudes Defeat Toms River Titans  –  8-3-3

 

MVP:  Yoenis Cespedes  –  Yo did a littttttle bit of everything in Week 16, everything THAT IS except steal a base. A week without JROLLS is a sad week indeed. NO JROLL HERE.  9/27, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .379 OBP

LVP:  Cam Bedrosian    Cam Bedrosian BAD BULLPEN WORK. VERY BAD BULLPEN WORK.  1.1 IP, 6 ER, 1 Ks, 40.50 ERA     

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Rougned Odor out here trying to pull up his shit-tastic OBP one week at a time (8/24, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .385 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Craig Kimbrel recorded 7 of his 8 outs in Week 16 via the strikeout LETS MAKE A NOTE OF IT (2.2 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 Save, 0.00 ERA).

 

Titans Hitter Of Note:  Christian Yelich had a reallllll good week in a losing effor (10/29, 9 Rs, 5 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .406 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  Yu Darvishon the other hand,  got himself massacred by the Marlins (3.2 IP, 10 ER, 5 Ks, 24.55 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  What could have been, if the Titans weren’t so banged up and didn’t hand other teams free wins earlier in the season which makes their current games all but meaningless. What could have. been. The Titans limped into Week 16 with aces hitting the DL left and right, and in the end I am going to credit that for the Bad Dudes razor-thin 4.537 to 4.539 ERA victory. BUT THE BAD DUDES ALSO WON OTHER CATEGORIES, let us not sell them short. They won Saves 7-3, Saves being a strong point for this team all season and continuing despite their Osuna for Herrera swap (Herrera had 4 Saves last week for the Royals are HOT). And the Bad Dudes put up a real solid offensive line, just reallll solid:  49 Runs (tied for 3rd best of the week), 21 2Bs (best in week), 2 3Bs, 17 HRs (tied for best in week), 51 RBIs (2nd best in week), .3582 OBP. The steals still lagged behind, with only 2, but the Bad Dudes were able to go 6-1 on the offensive side and with the Titans pitching staff a-hurtin that was more than good enough. STEAL MORE BASES THOUGH DUDES. With this win behind them the Bad Dudes move on to a SOMEWHAT BIG Week 17 matchup with Point Loma, a mere half game separating the two teams. With this loss behind them the Titans are basically in the same spot they were in already, they now take on the 10th place team and maybe give that team a glimmering hope of a 3rd win before the year is done. MAYBE. I mean like only if they don’t really pay attention due to it not mattering for anyone if they pay attention.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   Bad Dudes @ X-Rayz (#3 v. #4), Titans vs. Morning Wood (#9 v. #10) 

 

 

 

 

2017 WEEK 16 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS KEWL GAME OF THE WEEK THING THAT I JUST STOLE OFF GOOGLE IMAGES….MAYBE I NEED TO CHANGE THIS TO GAME OF THE WEEK. 2017 WEEK 16 GAME OF THE WEEK

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CHECK OUT THE FLAAAAAAAMEEES

 

 

MLB: San Diego Padres at Los Angeles Dodgers

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Tie Point Loma X-Rayz  –  5-5-4

 

MVP:  Corey Seager  –  ‘Twas a bottom o’ the 11th double from Seager that tied this matchup up and gave the OGTFC YET ANOTHER TIE and so he is your MVP here. Curse you, Corey Seager. Curse you.  11/25, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .481 OBP

LVP:  Mark Trumbo    Mark Trumbo was abominable. No its ands or buts about it. And then yesterday he got put on the DL. BET THE X-RAYZ WISH IT WAS LAST MONDAY AMIRITE?!  1/21, .091 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Anthony Rizzo nearrrrrly pulled off the JROLL BUT HE DIDN’T, and he also skipped Sunday’s game with a sore back (7/19, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .571 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  And Gerrit Cole had another one of those lovely two start weeks that he’s been mixing in this season, I certainly recall one against my squad (13 IP, 3 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.08 ERA).

 

X-Rayz Wood Hitter Of Note:  Lorenzo Cain so closeeeee to the JROLL but he was too high and mighty to steal a base last week, there were no JROLLS is what I have been trying to tell you people (11/28, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .414 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  And also Luis Castillo has been pretty fucking lights out thus far, I kinda wish I acquired him as we all should at the moment (13 IP, 4 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.77 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  I didn’t break character above to describe the tie with more colorful language but MAN I probably should have, this one was a fucking tough one for X-Rayz fans as the OGTFC once again escape with a tie they have no business escaping with. To do it the needed ELEVEN INNINGS outta the Sunday night game, with Yasiel Puig delivering a crushing RBI (both for Giants and X-Rayz fans) in the 9th to bring this matchup to 6-5-3 and then Corey Seager delivering the DAGGER DOUBLE in the bottom of the goddamned 11th to bring this matchup to 5-5-4 and bring OceanGate another god forsaken tie in their god forsaken season. And LET US ADDRESS THE ASIAN IN THE ROOM, the X-Rayz did indeed choose to sit Ryu in this game in order to protect a slim ERA lead (the X-Rayz won 3.746-3.780) and this did indeed cost them the W when Ryu went out and threw 7 shutout with 7 Ks (the X-Rayz lost Ks 77-74) but I mean c’mon…..Hyun-Jin Ryu we are talking about here. He could have just as easily given up like 5 ER in 4 IP with 2 Ks and I don’t think anybody would have been tooooo shocked, the X-Rayz still won this thing without the extra innings. AND they both were lucky it was even this close, as these were the two lowest RBI totals for the week (the OGTFC won 34-33) and they were also in like a 4 way tie for 2nd fewest HRs (11). So yea, sad that the OGTFC still have a pulse here but thems the breaks. The OGTFC will take their faint pulse to Astoria this week and they reallllly can’t afford a loss, probably can’t even afford one of those ties THEY LOVE SO FUCKING MUCH. The Point Loma X-Rayz will host the River City Bad Dudes in a pivotal game for playoff positioning; the X-Rayz haven’t quite locked up a playoff berth just yet and would be well served to try and win this one to steer them towards winning out (they get the 10th place Morning Wood in Week 18), something that could put them in that 2nd Bye if things break right. DRAMA EVERYWHERE.

Next Week aka This Week: OGTFC @ Isotopes (#8 v. #6), X-Rayz vs. Bad Dudes (#4 v. #3)

 

 

 

 

TWOOOO WEEKS TO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. THE #1 SEED CURRENTLY NOT QUITE ON THE LINE BUT VAGUELY ON THE LINE AND ALSO CAPABLE OF BEING CLINCHED THIS WEEK. A BUNCH OF OTHER THINGS THAT MAY HAPPEN WITH THE STANDINGS. STAY GLUED TO YOUR SEATS AND YOUR ROSTER LOCK TIMES EVERYBODY.

 

 

 

 

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2017 WEEK 16 REVIEW: THE NL STRIKES BACK (KINDA) EDITION (AGAIN, DO NOT WANT TO ENCOURAGE THE NAMES HERE JUST WORKING WITH WHAT WE’VE GOT CURRENTLY)

2017 Week 15 Review: ATTACK OF THE AL EDITION (not that I want to encourage naming the leagues AL and NL, I encourage renaming them every goddamned year)

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Week 15 saw the AL SWEEEEEEEP the matchups, which is unfortunate. It also saw the league get all bunched the fuck up, as the 3-5 seeds all currently share the same record and ditto for the 6th and 7th seeds. So we are currently relying on our zaneeeeeey tiebreakers to sort out that mess, like I told you people earlier division matchups should have mattered to you more at the time. And now here we are with your division records being what they are. Go back and pull up the Week 13 review if you wanna see ’em. While you are doing that I will review this stupid goddamned Week 15…..

 

 

 

 

 

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Rojo’s Renegade Force Roll Over Q-Tip City Morning Wood, As Many Have Before Them As Some Probably Will After Them  –  11-2-1

 

MVP:  Adam Jones  –  Adam Jones HOLY SHIT YOU ARE STILL PLAYING?! Adam Jones is still playing and he had himself a very solid week. Let us use this moment to check in on his numbers against lefties this year. Adam Jones is slashing .242/.306/.394 against lefties this season, not great but MUCH BETTER than last year. Way to go Adam.  13/31, 11 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .455 OBP      ***MVP OF THE WEEK***     

LVP:  Jeff Hoffman    I dunno who is ever to blame here? We can just blame Jeff Hoffman and move on, I mean THIS WAS A GUY that was a return in the Brian Dozier trade and here he is just dropped now following his Week 15 start. It is almost like that wasn’t a good trade or something.  3 IP, 7 ER, 2 Ks, 21.00 ERA     

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Chris Taylor JROLL, who the fuck even isssss this guy AMIRITE (13/24, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .542 OBP)?!

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Just need to keep pointing out that Corey Kluber is fucking onnnnnn one and has been for the past like 2 months at least (7.2 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.17 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Whit Merrifield had a damn fine Week 15 and is having a damn fine season and that is kinda weird as well AMIRITE (9/23, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .483 OBP)?!

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Felipe Rivero had 3 Saves last week but mostly I just want to shout him out cuz as of writing this he’s sitting on a 0.70 ERA and 0.70 WHIP and that is both impressive and interesting AMIRITE (3.1 IP, 0 ER, 4 Ks, 3 Saves, 0.00 ERA)?!

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  Just HOW did this result occur you ask? Glad you asked. GOOD ENOUGH numbers for RRF defeated piss poor numbers for QTC. That is how. The Bonerz put up the worst totals for the week in Runs, HRsRBIs, and Strikeouts and uhhhh the Renegade Force did better than them in other stuff too. The Bonerz did put up an impressive 7 Saves from their trio of solid savers but yanno, this is also the matchup where 7 Saves is pretty much 5 or 6 Saves too many. A MORE COMPETITIVE FRANCHISE might have not even had enough closers active in the week to amass such a Saves total. What I am saying is that I am playing the Renegade Force this week and I will use less than 3 closers probably the whole time. Is what I am saying. After two straight 11 category victories (and a record of 3-0-1 in their last 4) Rojo’s Renegade Force find themselves in the playoffs as the #6, they now head to Manchester to take on the top-seeded MooniniteZ. As for the Q-Tip City Morning Wood, they still haven’t won since starting out 2-0. KINDA IMPRESSIVE AT THIS POINT. I do not foresee another victory for them and they are in need of wholesale changes if they want to win a 3rd game next season.

 

Next Week aka This Week:  RRF v. MooniniteZ (#6 or #7 v. #1), Morning Wood v. Banana Slugs (#10 v. #2) 

 

 

 

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Toms River Titans Take It To OceanGate Trout Fishing Club  –  10-3-1

 

MVP:  Michael Wacha  –  Whoaaaaa Michael Wacha has been good, which might help to keep the Titans pitching stats all nice and pretty as they endure ace injury after ace injury after ace injury no just two ace injuries at the moment. OH but also Syndergaard and Pineda but I don’t want to declare Pineda an ace so just the two fresh ace injuries and then Noah. We can all barely remember when the Titans traded for Noah. But ANYWAYS yea Wacha was good in one of his 2 starts last week.  15 IP, 5 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 3.00 ERA    

LVP:  Ian Happ    Rookies gonna rookie sometimes.  4/18, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .222 OBP         

 

Titans Hitter Of Note:  Miguel Sano has been good everyone take note he is officially good now (7/24, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .333 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  UPDATE to the aces injured stuff, Stephen Strasburg is probably fine and he had one great start last week and might have had another if not for a pesky stiff forearm (9 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.00 ERA).

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  I dunno Mike Trout was okay but by Trout standards he sucked so it was just THAT KINDA WEEK out there in the OG (4/17, 5 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .381 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Tanner Roark finally put together a nice start for a goddamned change (7 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.57 ERA).

 

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  And this sad championship defense saddddddly rolls on, as the OGTFC suffer a very bad loss at a very bad point in the season to the 9th ranked Titans. This one knocked the OGTFC out of the playoffs, for the time being, and also deprived us all of getting to see an ugly yet symmetrical 5-5-5 record. Not much went well for the Trout Fishing Club, as they swatted their way to a tied-for-worst-in-Week-15 8 HRs and scored a would-have-been-worst-if-not-for-Bonerz 35 Runs. The Titans did better in these categories and also pitched to a pretty 2.403 ERA, which helped them grab a 5-2 advantage on the pitching side of things. For the Titans the playoffs may be a longshot, in fact they may be mathematically impossible given all of the different matchups and yada yada, but they can at least play spoiler for a bit. They will look to do just that in Week 16. AND FOR THE FISHING CLUB, they will continue to try and be the first team in I dunno a while to win the title and then fail to make the playoffs the following season. And now that I look it up it has never happened. So there you go. THE OGTFC CHASING HISTORY.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   Titans v. Bad Dudes (#9 v. #5 or #4 or #3)OGTFC v. X-Rayz (#8 v. #3 or #4)

 

 

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Astoria Isotopes HALT THE NON-LOSING STREAK OF THE Manchester MooniniteZ SAD!  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Charlie Blackmon  –  Fucking Charlie Blackmon killing it for THE THIRD WEEK IN THE ROW, goddamn this guy. He’s good though and I am a fan but also fuck him for this one.  12/22, 12 Rs, 1 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .571 OBP      

LVP:  Chris Owings    Chris Owings YOU GAVE ME NOTHING. Thanks for pretty much nothing, Chris Owings.  2/22, 1 R, 1 2B, .091 OBP     

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Mark Reynolds also did a number on me, fucking Rockies homestands for ya (6/22, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .333 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  How about German Marquez giving the ‘Topes two excellent Coors starts with 9Ks a piece, IMPRESSIVE WORK for German and he gets dropped for his troubles (13.2 IP, 5 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 3.29 ERA).

 

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  Keon Broxton went 0-9 and kept getting sat for Brett Phillips and now he is demoted to AAA and I am REALLY QUITE SAD ABOUT IT (0/9, .100 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  Also Lance McCullers has failed to get through the 5th inning 3 starts in a row but THIS IS FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE WE ARE FINE (9.1 IP, 10 ER, 8 Ks, 9.64 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  I just do not really wanna talk about this one all that much. But if I were to repeat the theme from a matchup from above and ask just HOW this one turned out this way the answer would be DONGS. All the dongs. This one was neck and neck heading into the last 2 days of the matchup, MooniniteZ may have had a narrow edge even, and then the Isotopes just up and socked 13 HRs and knocked in 18 Runs over those final two days. The ‘Topes tied their season record with 24 HRs and would have actually exceeded it had they not sat Paul DeJong on Sunday night, in fact they sat a bunch of players just to preserve their margin of victory but I said I wouldn’t criticize it and I WON’T. Smart managing from a tough team, which is what I will call this team because it features the only current owner to have defeated my team in 2017. Speaking of my team, they pitched like shit in Week 15. NOT ALOTTA QUALITY AS USUAL (3 QS, 5.629 ERA), and the Isotopes also pitched pretty poorly but at least had some Wins to show for it and that’s how all of this went down. The Isotopes will now head to Lacey having won 2 straight, in one of the more important matchups in a time where all matchups are fairly important. The MooniniteZ have had their NON-LOSING STREAK snapped at 8 and will now have to take on a tough-in-every-category-but-Saves RRF squad. I think our “Magic Number” is kinda like ONE to clinch a bye if not the outright #1 seed but that is too math-y to talk about right now check back after I grab this next dub.

 

Next Week aka This Week:  Isotopes v. BDSliderz ( #4 or #3 v. #7 or #6), MooniniteZ v. RRF (#1 v. #6 or #7)

 

 

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Barnegat Banana Slugs Cheat Again And Win Again, This Time Defeating The River City Bad Dudes  –  8-4-1

 

MVP:  Jonathon Schoop  –  Jonathon Schoop had a lot of RBIs.  13/30, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 16 RBIs, .438 OBP

LVP:  Nomar Mazara    As suggested by Lobman himself, and BOY was he right on this one.  0/21, .192 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Jake Lamb had a lot of RBIs but not as many RBIs as Jonathon Schoop (6/19, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 5 SBs, .294 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Brent Suter with a CHEATING QUALITY START OF LIES on Saturday (10.2 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 2.53 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  On the bright side of the Bad Dudes News AJ Pollock looked good last week so he can overhype (fake word) and overrate him in the chat or whatever, he will probably do something like that (9/22, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 3 SBs, .409 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Jon Lester was good twice last week and I hate that I am always writing his name on this thing, only the worst people spell it J-o-n (15 IP, 3 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.80 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  Once again displaying a “win at any cost especially if that cost is merely cheating a little bit attitude”, the Banana Slugs continued their assault on the standings and on integrity with yet another tainted W that rockets them up to the #2 seed with really the ONLY decent shot I see of dethroning the #1. Brent Suter tossed a quality start on Saturday, and I feel oddly compelled to point out Starling Marte‘s stats for reasons I can’t fully articulate: 9/27, 6 Rs, 2 RBIs, 3 SBs, .379 OBP. Not a bad week, on the base paths at least, for the recently-returned cheater.  Nor for the Banana Slugs team as a whole, as they posted an impressive 65 Runs and 69 RBIs and I think 60+ in those two categories is just flat out tough to beat. And maybe that is why the Bad Dudes flat out failed to beat em. The Bad Dudes can take solace in a league-best 91 Ks, one better than the X-Rayz and two better than the Titans and they are the only one of these three teams that didn’t win last week FUN WITH NUMBERS. ANYWHOM, the streaking/rule-straddling Banana Slugs now arrive in Q-Tip City having won four straight, one W away from tying the season high 5 week win streaks of the former 3PO. The River City Bad Dudes, on the other hand, head into Week 16 having stumbled a bit (2 straight losses, 3-5 over their last 8). And uhhh yea that’s where these two teams are at.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   Banana Slugs v. Morning Wood (#2 v. #10), Bad Dudes v. Titans (#5 or #4 or #3 v. #9) 

 

 

 

 

2017 WEEK 15 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE CGI GREAT WHITE SHARK THAT WHOOPED MICHAEL PHELPS’ ASS IN A RACE LAST NIGHT

MLB: Boston Red Sox at Baltimore Orioles
Point Loma X-Rayz Grab Crucial Victory (Via Grichuk) Over Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Trey Mancini  –  NICE LITTLE WEEK for Trey Mancini and he deserves more respect than he was given from this rude ass league following his trade to the X-Rayz on the 10th of July. Shame on all of you.8/26, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .357 OBP

LVP:  Jonathon Lucroy    Jonathon Lucroy what has BECOME of you this year, last year you were somethin’ special.  1/19, 1 2B, 1 R, .182 OBP

 

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Billy Hamilton got back to being a fantasy asset this week, after scuffling a bit here and there, and I say good for Billy (10/26, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 2 RBIs, 4 SBs, .370 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  And also BRAD PEACOCK, everyone should be paying more attention to Brad Peacock he’s going deep into games now and everything (7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).

 

BDSliderz Wood Hitter Of Note:  Michael Comforto is back to slugging after taking the month of June off from slugging (12/28, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, .484 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And also JULIO TEHERAN with two strong starts in which the Braves failed to find him any goddamned run support (12.1 IP, 5 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 3.65 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  RANDAL GRICHUK nearly grabbed himself MVP on this one despite being a worthless FA. That is how this one shook out. Truth be told it went well down to the wire, with the BackdoorSliderz grabbing the temporary tie thanks to an IMPROBABLE 9th inning Matt Adams dong that allowed Freddie Freeman to score the 40th run for Lacey Twp. However the X-Rayz still had a one Yadi Molina in the Sunday night game and he promptly singled to lead off that game’s 2nd inning and then Grichuk promptly put one in the seats, giving the X-Rayz their matchup-winning 41st Run. This one was equally close in the RBIs cat with both teams posting sub-40 RBI weeks, which is a new line I just decided to denote a serviceable or good RBI week vs. a not that serviceable or bad RBI week. Anyways the X-Rayz won the not that serviceable RBI week 37-36, credit due to Mancini and weirdly Andrelton Simmons and even weirdlier Nick Williams. GRABBING PRODUCTION WHEREVER THEY CAN. With the victory the X-Rayz improved to 6-2 over their last 8, and they will now head to OceanGate and attempt to put a nail or two in a coffin. With the loss the BackdoorSliderz slide out of the playoffs, at least temporarily, as they’ve now gone 2-6 over their last 8 in a bit of a reverse Odom. They will take on a REALLY TOUGH Astoria team in Week 16, toughest I’ve faced I’ll say that much.

 

Next Week aka This Week:  X-Rayz v. OGTFC (#3 or #4 v. #8)BDSliderz v. Isotopes (#7 or #6 v. #4 or #3)

 

 

 

 

WEEK 15 OVER AND TRADE DEADLINE THIS SATURDAY AT NOON. THAT IS PROBABLY THE ONLY NEWS WORTH NOTING HERE. I REPEAT AGAIN TRADE DEADLINE THIS SATURDAY AT NOON. ALSO THREE WEEKS LEFT FOR ONE OF YOU FUCKS TO TRY AND PULL OFF SOME SORT OF MIRACLE AND STEAL MY #1 SEED.

 

 

 

 

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2017 Week 15 Review: ATTACK OF THE AL EDITION (not that I want to encourage naming the leagues AL and NL, I encourage renaming them every goddamned year)

2017 Week 14 Review: With Team By Team All Star Tally For Some Reason

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WE HERE AT THE BLOG LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN TO ADD SOME USELESS SHIT IN WITH THE REVIEWS IN ORDER TO MAKE THEM APPEAR LONGER AND MORE IN-DEPTH THAN THEY PROBABLY ARE. SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE IS HOW MANY ALL STARS EACH TEAM IN THE OLE BACKYARD ENDED UP WITH…..

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OH BUT FIRST LET ME NOTE A TRADE WAS MADE:

RCBD traded Willie Calhoun, LAD 2B to JF16
RCBD traded Bud Norris, LAA RP to JF16
JF16 traded Archie Bradley, Ari SP to RCBD
JF16 traded Stephen Gonsalves, Min SP to RCBD

This trade was already well-covered in the chat, I think Odom is angry or something? Calhoun is maybe fat? I’ll do a Calhoun comp since Gonslaves lasted about 2 minutes on the Bad Dudes roster. Willie Calhoun Major League Comparison:  RONNIE BELLIARD for the old timers, Jhonny Peralta for current timers. This was fun.

Okay now onto the All-Stars

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1-  Manchester MooniniteZ (9-2-3)

ALL STARS  (8):   Nolan Arenado, Justin Smoak, Joey Votto, Gary Sanchez, Lance McCullers Jr., Kenley Jansen, Josh Harrison, Alex Wood.

 

2-  River City Bad Dudes (8-5-1) 

ALL STARS  (4):   Bryce Harper, Giancarlo Stanton, Wade Davis, Craig Kimbrel

 

3-  Barnegat Banana Slugs (8-5-1) 

ALL STARS  (8):   Max Scherzer, Ryan Zimmerman, Salvador Perez, Luis Severino, Jonathan Schoop, Jake Lamb, DJ LeMahieu, Ender Inciarte.

 

4-  Point Loma X-Rayz (7-5-2)

ALL STARS  (8):   Jose Ramirez, Dellin Betances, Jason Vargas, Daniel Murphy, Robbie Ray, Yadier Molina, Roberto Osuna, Chris Devenski.

 

5-  Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (4-7-3)

ALL STARS  (5):  Jose Altuve, Yonder Alonso, Marcel Ozuna, Corey Knebel, Michael Conforto.

 

6-  Astoria Isotopes (6-5-3) 

ALL STARS  (9 NOPE 8):   Charlie Blackmon, Cody Bellinger, Greg Holland, Aaron Judge, Starlin Castro (UPDATE: DROPPED), Dallas Keuchel, Mike Moustakas, Jason Vargas, Brandon Kintzler.

 

7-  OceanGate Trout Fishing Club (7-5-2) 

ALL STARS  (7):   Mike Trout, Mookie Betts, Andrew Miller, Michael Brantley, Buster Posey, Corey Seager, Justin Turner.

 

8- Rojo’s Renegade Force (6-7-1) 

ALL STARS  (6):   George Springer, Corey Kluber, Michael Fulmer, Nelson Cruz, Paul Goldschmidt, Zack Cozart.

 

9-  Toms River Titans (5-9) 

ALL STARS  (7):   Carlos Correa, Francisco Lindor, Miguel Sano, Yu Darvish, Chris Sale, Clayton Kershaw, Stephen Strasburg.

 

10-  Q-Tip City Morning Wood (3-11) 

ALL STARS  (5):   Corey Dickerson, Ervin Santana, Carlos Martinez, Zack Greinke, Justin Upton.

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SO……..I mean there is all your All Stars. KINDA BALANCED. For reference last year the OGTFC and the MooniniteZ were tied with the most selections at 12, followed by the Bulldogs at 11. Two teams (X-Rayz and Cuban Missiles) had only 3 selections. Now that this particular brand of article fluff is out of the way let’s look at what went down in Week 14, as we then look ahead to the FINAL FOUR……weeks. Of the regular season.

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Rojo’s Renegade Force Batter River City Bad Dudes, Build Bridge Toward Back End of Backyard Playoff Bracket  –  11-1-2

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MVP:  Scooter Gennett  –  FUCKING SCOOTER GENNETT making an appearance in the MVP sections. He has 16 HRs this season and is stealing Jose Peraza‘s job. Baseball is magical.  11/29, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .455 OBP     

LVP:  Chris Davis    The Renegade Force CRUSHED the Bad Dudes here and ironically enough I am partly blaming CRUSH Davis himself, because he arrived towards the tail end of the matchup and he did NOT provide the spark needed to uhhh get less crushed. And I mean most of the rest of the team didn’t perform that terribly (a few pitchers but SUCH IS LIFE when trying to get to 24 starts).  1/11, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .167 OBP     

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RRF Hitter Of Note:  Nelson Cruz also had himself a week, allllll hail Nelly Cruz (9/31, 5 Rs, 5 HRs, 12 RBIs, .353 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Michael Fulmer with the EXTREMELY RARE 3 QS 3 W week, but I ask where are the strikeouts Michael (22 IP, 6 ER, 9 Ks, 3 QS, 3 Ws, 2.45 ERA).

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Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Giancarlo Stanton may have gotten knocked out of the first round of the HR derby in his home stadium, but at least he gets a “Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note” shoutout here (12/38, 10 Rs, 3 2Bs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, .409 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Sonny Gray was Sonny Okay last week (I am sorry) so this means that both the Athletics and the Bad Dudes should just trade him immediately (12 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.50 ERA).

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STATEMENT GAME for the Renegade Force, as they raided River City and stomped out the Bad Dudes and declared “HEY we kinda wanna make the playoffs too” in Week 14. And HEY maybe they will, and if they do they just might point to this week as a lil bit of a catalyst just a lil bit. RRF continues to be the cream of the crop when it comes to power numbers in the BCL, which may or may not be a thing, and that was unfortunate news for the Bad Dudes whom put together very strong power numbers themselves in the extended week. NOT STRONG ENOUGH, as they would come to find out. Normally I would maybe spare a sentence or two about how the different categories were won by the Renegade Force but in this case it’s just easier to point out what the Bad Dudes won: Saves, they won Saves because RRF don’t have any closers. Also both teams tied with a strong 4 Triples and both teams failed to record a CG, and that is how you score this massacre. BOTH TEAMS STARTED 24, amicably, so good on them. Rojo’s Renegade Force will look to continue to build momentum towards a ticket to the playoffs when they take on the Q-Tip City Morning Wood, aka the BOTTOM FEEDER OF THE LEAGUE, in Week 15. Nice. For the Bad Dudes they must now head to Barnegat for a PIVOTAL battle between dueling 8-5-1 records, with the #2 Seed and 2nd first round bye on the line. Exciting.

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Next Week aka This Week:  RRF v. Morning Wood (#8 v. #10), Bad Dudes v. Banana Slugs (#3 v. #2 OR #2 v. #3 KINDA JUMBLED, the result of this one should un-jumble) 

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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Pummel Toms River Titans, Parade Back Into Playoff Picture  –  11-2-1

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MVP:  Jose Altuve  –  Altuve remains really good on an offense that is absolutely ridiculous right now and yea…….DOCH REALLY LUCKED OUT WITH THIS ONE. Not sure what the rest of the roster looked like at the time but I know it had Altuve and that ain’t bad.  20/36, 12 Rs, 4 2Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, 3 SBs, .610 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***  

LVP:  Tyler Chatwood    Does having 3 extra games allow players sucking enough time to corect their numbers so that they are less sucky? I ASK BECAUSE I keep having a tough time assigning an LVP here. So anyways I’ll just give it to Tyler Chatwood in this case, since he got one out and gave up 4 runs. And that out was NOT via strikeout. So not good at all.  0.1 IP, 4 ER, 108.00 OBP         

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BDSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Freddie Freeman returned and PROMPTLY picked up right the fuck where he left off, even played some third base (11/34, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .378 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Jacob Degrom, a bright light in yet another not particularly well luminated Mets season (15 IP, 5 ER, 16 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 3.00 ERA).

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Titans Hitter Of Note:  I for one am happy to see that Anthony Rendon is back, even if I don’t particularly trust him and would probably trade him if I was Head Titan (14/28, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .600 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  I like how whenever people get the chance they try and annoint someone else the best pitcher in baseball but NO IT IS CLAYTON KERSHAW AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE CLAYTON KERSHAW (16 IP, 2 ER, 24 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1 CG, 1.13 ERA).

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And just like that Lacey Township is back in the dance, as a dominant victory over the TR Titans in Week 14 vaults them all the way up to the 5th seed or the 4th seed who can tell it will be clear later. A pretty solid victory here pretty much across the board for the BDSliderz, as a superior OBP and a Clayton Kershaw CG were the only things preventing the TR Titans from getting swept across all cats. Lacey Township would end up starting 18 to the 16 starts used by the TR Titans. but this one was well out of reach for TR so the blog shall not fault them for not pressing for extra hurlers. The BDSliderz ended up TIED for the most Doubles in Week 14 (there was some talk about an “8 day record” that will NOT be acknowledge beyond this parenthesis) and actually pitched to the only sub-3 ERA of the week (2.813), an impressive feat considering the extra starts involved. Oh and they scored the most Runs in the week, with 83. For the Titans this just amounted to a bit of a tough draw, as their offensive numbers were fairly competitive but just not good enough against a really strong performance from those backwoods hicks down in Lacey. ANYWHO, the BackdoorSliderz head into Week 15 having won 2 straight after losing the previous 5 and they have a yuuuuuge matchup with the Point Loma X-Rayz on tap. The Toms River Titans will limp into battle with the OGTFC, and they would need a ton of help to sniff a playoff spot (if it is even possible I suspect it might not be with the way teams play each other yada yada) as they now stand 3 back from the 6th seed with 4 to play. SAD CIRCUMSTANCES as the two-time champs look destined to miss the playoffs for the second season in a row; there’s probably some story arc here about how maybe pitching DOESN’T win championships in the BCL but now is not the time for eulogizing.

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Next Week aka This Week:   BDSliderz v. X-Rayz (#5 v. #4 or #4 v. #5 WHOM KNOWS but this matchup will clear this shit up), Titans v. OGTFC (#9 v. #7)

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Colorado Rockies v Arizona Diamondbacks

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Astoria Isotopes Push Past Q-Tip City Morning Wood, Possibly Positioning Themselves For Playoffs Push  –  7-6-1

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MVP:  Charlie Blackmon  –  CHARLIE out here rocking a JROLL on the extended week and doing big thangs and doing them so well that I was able to just reuse a picture that I used last week or some shit. DO YOUR THANGS CHARLIE.  16/42, 10 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, 3 SBs, .422 OBP      

LVP:  Mitch Haniger    MITCH out here doing more or less the opposite of what I talked about Charlie doing up there, but to his credit both of his hits were of the extra base variety. ONE WAS EVEN A DONG. Not sure Mitch Haniger arrived the way everyone claimed he was going to arrive but yanno, whatever, still might be time for that to happen…. or whatever.  2/18, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .158 OBP     

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Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Cody Bellinger hit for the cycle on that one day but NO we are going to note Paul Dejong cuz I mean who the fuck is he even (12/28, 5 Rs, 6 2Bs, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .448 OBP)?

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Cole Hamels is BACK, I almost forgot he was in baseball for a moment there (15.1 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 Ws, 0.00 ERA).

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Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Jay Bruce seems to be doing decent, SURELY both the Mets and the Morning Wood should trade him and SURELY they will both fuck that trade up (11/34, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, .343 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  GODDAMMIT Ervin Santana once again threw a complete game, why must he keep doing this he’s not even good WHAT DOES HE WANT (15 IP, 4 ER, 8 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 2.40 ERA)?!

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The Astoria Isotopes drew the team that hasn’t won since Week 2 in Week 14 and TO THEIR CREDIT, nearly lost to em. However they did not so this is a less enjoyable write up to write….up. The ‘Topes managed to squeak by here in part due to a few helpful Triples, in part due to their typical HR prowess, and in part due to the impressive ability of the Bonerz to NOT score Runs (Topes won that cat 76-53, second lowest total for the week was 65 out in OceanGate). QTC REALLY GOOD AT NOT SCORING RUNS. The Erectionz actually pitched pretty solidly (11 QS, 1 CG) and Doubled pretty solidly (36) and EVEN got awarded an 8 day tie of the Saves record when they reached 11 (ended up with 12). But yanno, they still haven’t won since Week 2. With the victory the Astoria Isotopes managed to hang onto the #6 Seed, they now continue their tour of the Manchester teams when they take on the #1 Seed in Week 15. With the loss the 2017 version of the Morning Wood remain HOPELESS, but yanno there’s always 2018. And maybe they don’t do terribly at the trade deadline and maybe they win one more before the year closes out. Fantasy, not unlike life, is full of possibilities.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Isotopes v. MooniniteZ (#6 v. #1), Morning Wood v. RRF (#10 v. #8)

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Barnegat Banana Slugs BETRAY BOND OF BROTHERHOOD (that is implied with any gentlemen’s agreement) BY BEATING OceanGate Trout Fishing Club BEHIND BLOATED BATCH OF STARTS  –  7-6-1

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MVP:  Rick Porcello  –   And Jorge saves the day. And ended up dropped for his troubles anyways. But yea without De La Rosa’s 0.1 IP hold on Sunday afternoon coupled with a blown hold from the guy below, without those two events this would have been a loss for the MooniniteZ. Instead it was another dumb tie REJOICE.  3.1 IP, 1 ER, 1 K, 1 Hold, 2.70 ERA        

LVP:  HONOR  –  Honor was not very valuable in this matchup.     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***       

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Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  NOT DESERVED

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  NOT DESERVED

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OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  NOT DESERVED

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  NOT DESERVED

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While I DID once again at least bang out MVP/LVP and all that shit for this matchup, I will ALSO once again refuse to really discuss it. Let’s cue up what I wrote the lastttt time the Slugs got all salty in the chat and just make a few slight edits:

The sad part is I want to give the Banana Slugs a bunch of credit here for overcoming injuries time and again this season, but that has been slightly overshadowed by what was by all accounts an embarrassing display in the chat on Friday evening afternoon I think? following a decision made by Slugs management and Slugs management alone to go back on some agreed upon number of starts because they felt they were uhhh tricked into it? Coerced in some way? They just didn’t wanna anymore? WHATEVER the case the issue was never really about a LEAGUE PERMITTED number of starts or whatever, the chat logs clearly showed that (bad) idea was scrapped pretty quickly and everyone is free to start as many as ESPN allows in a given week EVEN IF they agree to a lesser number. I mean I can reach an agreement to only start 6 this week should I choose to. And then I can also choose to start a bunch of extra starters the last day and BETRAY that trust. But I mean that’s probably a bad look and I would have to be understanding of that being a bad look. Is what I think. the news of an Adam Eaton injury. Every team deals with injuries and the # of DL spots has been JUST FINE for many seasons now and until I see evidence of 10 day DL abuse (which could only be seen after a full season and not just after a fucking April) I don’t believe there should be any talk of additional DL spots. Punishment for whining is that I only talk about the whining and not about the matchup and there was whining on both sides here. CONGRATS ON THE VICTORY TO THE BARNEGAT BANANA SLUGS THOUGH.

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Next Week aka This Week:   Banana Slugs v. Bad Dudes (#2 v. #3 or #3 v. #2 FUCK IF I KNOW but this matchup should sort it out), OGTFC v. Titans (#7 v. #9)

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2017 WEEK 14 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY ALLITERATION

 

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MLB: Milwaukee Brewers at Chicago Cubs
Manchester MooniniteZ Pinch Past Point Loma X-Rayz, Presently Poised To Pounce On Preliminary Round Bye  –  7-6-1

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MVP:  Jimmy Nelson  –  Let’s give this one to JIMMAYYYYY for supplying me with a bunch of Ks and some QS and some Ws, sure he needed 3 starts to do it but STILL. Jimmy Nelson has actually been really good since the calendar hit May and isn’t given enough credit for it, SUB 3 ERA every month that wasn’t April. All hail the unlikely breakout of Jimmy Nelson.  18.2 IP, 5 ER, 23 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.41 ERA

LVP:  Cameron Maybin    Maybin came on board for the extended weekend and got himself a cute little angels in the outfield GIF in the chat and everything and he came in and gave NOTHING and took away from OBP, not good Cameron.  0/11, .154 OBP    

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MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  Andrew McCutchen was the BIG OLEEEE run scorer in a week where the MooniniteZ only won the Run cat by 1 so uhhh way to go Andrew (15/40, 10 Rs, 4 2Bs, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .444 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  Alex Wood is Alex GOOD (so sorry again), but no really Alex Wood has been pretty fucking unreal is what I am trying to tell you people (13 IP, 0 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.00 ERA).

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X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Jose Ramirez had himself a JROLL but Daniel Murphy had himself a(n extended) WEEK, well I guess they both had themselves a(n extended) week but Murphy lead the league in RBIs (15/31, 7 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 HRs, 16 RBIs, .500 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  David Price FAILED in his bid to get a week-tying CG on Sunday night but he has been very very good and seems to have recovered nicely from all that ailed him earlier in the season (20 IP, 2 ER, 22 Ks, 3 QS, 2 Ws, 0.90 ERA).

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The MooniniteZ and X-Rayz nearrrrrrrrrly battled to a second tie in Week 14, which would have been the 3rd straight tie for the MooniniteZ, and quite frankly the MooniniteZ were rooting for it. UNFORTUNATELY by the time the Sunday night game rolled around that was only possible with a David Price QS/CG OR a QS and a Whichever Yankees Reliever Save, and then even more unfortunately Price came out dealing so it quickly became apparent the Yankees W probably wasn’t happening. And then most unfortunately Price ended up at 107 pitches through 8 and the Sawks understandably went to Kimbrel in the 9th, and so here we are. A CLOSE BATTLE through and through as 5 cats came down to a differential of and OBP came down to a differential of uhhhh .0045 (notably the MooniniteZ would win Runs 70-69 and OBP .3239-.3194). The X-Rayz would impressively rack up 60 RBIs with only 14 HRs, but ’twas not enough to best the 67 RBIs (22 HRs) from the MM.  Woulda preferred a tie (and then the necessary seeding) that set up some sort of winner takes all in the championship game but BEST-LAID PLANS OF MICE AND MEN and all that….the Manchester MooniniteZ haven’t lost since Week 6 but they snapped a 2 week tie-streak with this one, they’ll head to Astoria to take on THE ONLY ACTIVE OWNER TO HAVE BEATEN THEM in 2017. The Point Loma X-Rayz will seek to halt a two week losing streak in a rather important battle with the new guy they brought into this very league. Exciting.

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Next Week aka This Week:  MooniniteZ v. Isotopes (#1 v. #6)X-Rayz v. BDSliderz (#4 v. #5 or #5 v. #4 but WHATEVER this matchup should sort this out)

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ON TO WEEK 15. PLAYOFF POSITIONING IS GETTING TIGHTTTTTTTT (FOR EVERYONE THAT ISN’T ME….AND LIKE, THE MORNING WOOD…..AND LIKE THE TITANS) AND WE ALSO HAVE A TRADE DEADLINE COMING UP AROUND THE BEND. SO EVERY SINGLE MOVE EACH OF YOU FUCKERS MAKES FROM THIS POINT ON CAN AND WILL BE HEAVILY SCRUTINIZED IN THE CHAT, SOMETIMES. WORK THEM PHONES FOLKS………….

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2017 Week 14 Review: With Team By Team All Star Tally For Some Reason

2017 Week 13 Review: NOW WITH QUICK PLAYOFF TIEBREAKERS CLARIFICATION AND DIVISION RECORDS!

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WEEK 13 JUST HAPPENED AND IT WILL BE DISCUSSED BUT FIRST…….FIRST NOW FEELS LIKE A GOOD TIME TO ONCE AND FOR ALL CLARIFY THE PLAYOFF TIEBREAKER SITUATION. SINCE THERE SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN A BIT OF CONFUSION FROM THE TOP ONNNNNN DOWN. SO SEE BELOW FOR THE PLAYOFF TIEBREAKERS AS DECIDED BY THE COMMISSIONER AS RELAYED TO YOU BY ME…….

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1st Tiebreaker  –  Head To Head Record  –  Pretty self explanatory, if you won the season series against a team (PERHAPS BY SSS, SEASON SERIES SWEEP) then you obviously own the tiebreaker over a team. So since everyone plays everyone twice that refers to going 2-0 or 1-0-1 against an opponent.

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2nd Tiebreaker  –  Division Record  –  A FANCY NEW WRINKLE, pretty sure nobody is thinking about the divisions at alllll right now but once we get to week 18 all of you are going to all of a sudden remember there are divisions and scramble to check your division records. FORTUNATELY I have taken the liberty of tallying those up, as all division matchups are now over weirdly enough. WOMP WOMP. The Manchester MooniniteZ went 6-1-1 against their division in 2017, CHECK YOUR OWN RECORDS BELOW!

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3rd Tiebreaker  –  Wins  –  This one seems especially poignant considering the many many ties of the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club but YEA, if two teams have the same win percentage and one team has more actual WINS then that team will have the 3rd tiebreaker, assuming you have to get all the way down to the third tiebreaker. Dear god I hope we never have to get past the 3rd tiebreaker. FANCY NEW WRINKLE, pretty sure nobody is thinking about the divisions at alllll right now but once we get to week 18 all of you are going to all of a sudden remember there are divisions and scramble to check your division records. WOMP WOMP. The Manchester MooniniteZ went 6-1-1 against their division in 2017, CHECK YOUR OWN RECORDS NOW!

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4th Tiebreaker  –  Record Last 9 Games  –  BUT IF WE DO have to go to the rare air of the 4th tiebreaker, the team that put together a better second half will be the team that owns said tiebreaker. Championships aren’t won in April folks.

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NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, YOUR 2017 DIVISION RECORDS

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AMERICAN LEAGUE

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Barnegat Banana Slugs:  5-3

Point Loma X-Rayz:  5-3

Astoria Isotopes:  4-3-1

Rojo’s Renegade Force:  3-4-1

Toms River Titans:  2-6

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NATIONAL LEAGUE

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Manchester MooniniteZ:  6-1-1

River City Bad Dudes:  5-2-1

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz:  3-4-1

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club:  1-3-4  (you jackass you)

Q-Tip City Morning Wood:  1-6-1

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Okayyyy that’s that, those looking for possible drama here can LOOK NOT FURTHER than….  Please direct all inquiries to the Commish, now let’s SOMEWHAT SUCCINCTLY review some shit…..

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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Use a Slumpbuster To Bust Slump, And That Slumpbuster’s Name Is Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  12-1-1

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MVP:  Adam Duvall  –  HAVE YOURSELF A WEEK MR. DUVALL. I can barely tell Duvall and Scott Schebler apart aside from the fact that I own one of them and not the other. Last week I would have preferred to own Adam here.  9/24, 6 Rs, 5 2Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, 1 SB, .393 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***       

LVP:  Mitch Haniger    Apparently Mitch recently (recently enough) made his triumphant return from injury, not sure how it is going OVERALL but last week it didn’t go well.  1/15, .067 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***       

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BDSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Carlos Santana I believe has been publicly shopped in the chat once or twice but I think he’s a pretty solid player and DESERVES MORE, the HR pace is certainly well down from 2016 however (8/25, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .414 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Two excellent 7 IP starts outta Rich Hill and nary a blister to be found WHAT SORT OF WORLD IS THIS (14 IP, 3 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).

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Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Jedd Gyorko valiantly joining Q-Tip City and vowing to go down with the ship (7/22, 3 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .448 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  While Zack Greinke softly sings Dido’s “White Flag” in the background (12 IP, 3 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 2.25 ERA).

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Another week passes, another week where I have to review a Morning Wood loss. WHAT CAN BE SAID at this point? What I can say here is that Lacey Township came in having lost 5 straight matchups and so a date with the Erectionz was just what the doctor ordered here, as was a league-best 57 RBI performance from the squad. And yea this oneeee wasn’t particularly close overall, CLEARLY. JD Martinez and Brandon Belt each hit a Triple and nobody on the BDSliderz hit a triple and that is how you get your 1 category for the Morning Wood. Also there were no complete games, and that is how you get your tie. Also HRs was decently close (15-12) as was Wins (5-4) as was Holds (1-0). So REALLY a couple things break another way here and the Morning Wood are looking at sayyyyyy an 8-5-1 loss instead of this one, or something. For Lacey Twp this victory gets them back in fine position to challenge for the final 2 or 3 playoff spots, as they are now tied in record with both the 5th and 6th seeds and at least temporarily have the tiebreaker edge over the 5th (but not the 6th, SEE HOW CONFUSING THIS SHIT GETS?). The BackdoorSliderz will take on the Toms River Titans in Week 14, seeking a win because at this point everyone should just be seeking wins. And at all other points I guess, but NOW MORE THAN EVER. The Q-Tip City Morning Wood will play the Astoria Isotopes as they continue to play out their briefly up and then very much down inaugural season. Maybe they can pull off a surprise victory somewhere and play spoiler, but Vegas does NOT currently have them winning another game.

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Next Week aka This Week:  BDSliderz v. Isotopes (7 v. 9), Morning Wood v. Isotopes (10 v. 6) 

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Astoria Isotopes Fall Short Of All Time HR Record, Fall Short Of Victory, Still Manage Tie With Rojo’s Renegade Force  –  6-6-2

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MVP:  Khris Davis  –  Khris Davis is officially the best Khris or Chris Davis in baseball currently FACT CHECK IT IF YOU MUST. I personally have always been a fan. So congrats on this presitigous award, Khris. And I am referring to “Best KChris Davis” not this MVP bullshit.  6/19, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP    

LVP:  Brandon Crawford    Brandon Crawford YOU SIR, were dropped this morning for a reason.  1/14, 1 RBI, .071 OBP         

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Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Robinson Canoooo dontcha knowwww, frankly I am just excited to not have to write about Judge or Bellinger for one goddamned week (7/20, 4 Rs, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .381 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  And while we are at it, Jose Berrios REGRESSED slightly so lets make a note of that here as well (11.1 IP, 9 ER, 12 Ks, 7.15 ERA).

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RRF Hitter Of Note:  George Springer continues to be prolific and just a nice little pickup for RRF (9/24, 7 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .444 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  And also Corey Kluber continues to be rather good (8 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.13 ERA).

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The Isotopes continue to display superior power numbers compared to every other team in the league, however in Week 13 alllll that power amounted to a tie with RRF. Astoria set a 2017 record for HRs (24, 2 shy of tying the all-time record) and went 5-2 in the offensive categories, however on the pitching side they weren’t able to get it done and ended up only winning the (usually inevitable against RRF) Saves category. Rojo’s Renegade Force came prepared to do a bit of pitching in Week 13 (92 Ks and a 3.513 ERA, both 3rd best in the league last week) which combined with an underwhelming performance from the Isotopes staff to give them enough categories to deadlock everything at 6-6-2, so maybe FOR ONE WEEK it looked like a sensible strategy to punt Saves and win Holds. But no it still doesn’t look sensible when I am looking at it here. Never. Mind. This one had a decent chance for drama with the Isotopes rostering Michael Taylor in the late game and needing only a Double to tie that category and take back the victory. However Taylor did not get it done, and probably should be dropped for his failures, and Rojo’s Renegade Force won Doubles 13-12 and the tie was preserved. Going forward the Astoria Isotopes remain in the playoffs while Rojo’s Renegade Force remain just outside of them; the ‘Topes will take on the Morning Wood in a Week 14 matchup that I am sure they welcome, while the Renegade Force will take on the Bad Dudes in a Week 14 matchup they probably don’t necessarily welcome but NEVERTHELESS this is the league now everyone plays everyone twice do work son (RIP Big Black ;( ).

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Next Week aka This Week:   Isotopes v. Morning Wood (6 v. 10), RRF v. Bad Dudes (8 v. I guess 2 currently?)

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Cleveland Indians v Chicago White Sox

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River City Bad Dudes Don’t Tie OceanGate Trout Fishing Club, They In Fact Beat Them  –  7-5-2

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MVP:  Jose Abreu  –  JOSE ABREU SIGHTING. For perhaps like the first time since that time he was called out on the Twitters by the Boners.  10/30, 3 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .355 OBP      

LVP:  Addison Russell    Addy got on base a lot in Week 13 but it was just an EMPTY getting on base, which this blog never respects.  4/15, 1 R, .353 OBP     

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Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Bryce Harper is still very good but at least I have been finding ways to stop putting his dumb pictures up on here (9/26, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .469 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Carlos Carrasco STRUGGLED in his Bad Dudes debut but then rebounded with a nice game on Saturday, at least we will always have the first game (10.1 IP, 9 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 7.84 ERA).

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OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mookie Betts good LAWD did he have himself a week, but mostly he just had himself a Sunday (14/29, 10 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, 3 SBs, .556 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  In a matchup where ERA was fairly important Gerritt Cole came in and screwed everything up and also I am still mad at him for his 2-start performance against the MooniniteZ so fuck him (5.1 IP, 7 ER, 7 Ks, 11.81 ERA).

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The Bad Dudes are heating up at the right time, this time knocking off the defending champs in Week 13 on their way to a 3rd straight victory. This victory was accomplished with solid power and solid pitching, as River City seemingly sacrificed some contact (league worst .2940 OBP) in exchange for socking some dongs (19, second most in the league) and socking justttt enough Doubles to steal the cat (18-17). Going into the Sunday night game OceanGate still had their sights set on a win, as a clean inning from Seung Hwan Oh could have flipped the ERA cat and given the OGTFC the WIN. However Oh did not see the field last night (and I mean clean innings aren’t guaranteed with him this season) anddd also Bryce Harper added a double, and with that a 6-5-3 victory grew to 7-5-2 and that is where it stayed. The Fishing Club didn’t pitch poorly so much as the Bad Dudes simply pitched better, with narrow losses coming in every category but Saves (5-4) for the OGTFC. I mean at least they didn’t fucking tie again.  The River City Bad Dudes will take this win and move right along, taking on Rojo’s Renegade Force in Week 14 and seeking a 4th straight victory. The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club will take this loss and fucking like it. And also they take on the Banana Slugs in Week 14.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Bad Dudes v. RRF (Presumed #2 v. #8), OGTFC v. Banana Slugs(#5 v. #3 I think? GOD THESE ARE HARD)

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Thank you for your service Jorge
Manchester MooniniteZ Tie Toms River Titans Thanks To Timely Hold  –  6-6-2

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MVP:  Jorge De La Rosa  –   And Jorge saves the day. And ended up dropped for his troubles anyways. But yea without De La Rosa’s 0.1 IP hold on Sunday afternoon coupled with a blown hold from the guy below, without those two events this would have been a loss for the MooniniteZ. Instead it was another dumb tie REJOICE.  3.1 IP, 1 ER, 1 K, 1 Hold, 2.70 ERA        

LVP:  Jose Leclerc  –  And Jose blows it. Leclerc came in on Sunday with the chance to acquire a hold that would put this one out of reach, but instead he gave up a 2 out 2 run HR to Yolmer Sanchez of all people and that left the door open jussstttt enough to pull into an eventual tie.  3.1 IP,  2 ER, 4 Ks, 1 Hold, 5.40 ERA   

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MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  Votto had himself a .630 OBP last week and 3 HRs but I am going to INSTEAD note Chris Owings for having 2 more doubles than Joey it turned out we needed every single double we got  is really good (9/26, 6 Rs, 5 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .440 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  Andddd fortunately James Paxton finally looked a bit better and a bit closer to the form he was working with prior to hitting the DL for most of May (13.1 IP, 4 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.70 ERA).

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Titans Hitter Of Note:  Carlos Correa remains the brightest bulb on offense for them Titans, NICE LITTLE SHORTSTOP they have here (12/24, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .556 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:   And also Chris Sale is very good (13.1 IP, 1 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.68 ERA).

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JORGE DE LA ROSA MY LORD AND FORMERLY OWNED BUT NOT CURRENTLY OWNED SAVIOR. De La Rosa bails out the MooniniteZ to salvage a tie in a week where the power just fuckinggg disappeared for Manchester:  8 HRs 33 RBIs, both second worst in the week from a team that is second best overall in those categories. Helping mitigate the damage was a .400+ OBP (2nd week in a row the MooniniteZ lead the league in OBP) and jusssttt enough Doubles to escape with a tie against a tough-pitching Titans squad. And to that end this matchup went in a not entirely unexpected direction, with Saves as the only pitching cat the MooniniteZ could win (mostly due to David Robertson almost never receiving save opportunities) against the best pitching staff (but 2nd worst uhhh Saving staff) in the league. The Titans were able to capitalize on the MooniniteZ power outage by winning HRs and RBIs, but in the end this one came down to the Holds situation detailed above and the MooniniteZ simply SURVIVING Anthony Rendon‘s presence in the Sunday night game. The TR Titans hit an impressive 8 Doubles on Sunday to leave them just two from tying Manchester with Matt Carpenter (MooniniteZ) and Rendon (Titans) still in play, however Rendon was only able to muster MERELY one double and with that the MooniniteZ would win the category 22-21. Manchester remains the only team that hasn’t lost SINCE LIKE MID-MAY, however they are coming off two straight ties as they head into a battle with the Point Loma X-Rayz in Week 14 (a battle that will feature an extreme amount of starting pitchers used on both sides, can’t warn everyone enough about this). The Toms River Titans face Lacey Township as pretty much all of their weeks are borderline must-wins if they want to sneak into the back end of the playoffs, the door remains open but maybe only just by a sliver here.

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Next Week aka This Week:   MooniniteZ v. X-Rayz (#1 v. #4 I GUESS), Titans v. BDSliderz (#9 v. #7)

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2017 WEEK 13 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY PLAYOFF SEEDING CONFUSION

 

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Barnegat Banana Slugs Use Bad Bullpens And Bad Man To End Point Loma X-Rayz Win Streak  –  6-5-3

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MVP:  Max Scherzer  –  I don’t watch Max Scherzer starts too often cuz why would I but I tuned in on Sunday night and good god when he is on there’s nobody better than him. Clayton Kershaw is still the best pitcher in baseball and maybe the best ever but Scherzer is right behind him for best in baseball if you ask this guy, which nobody has done, but here I am stating opinions anyways. But yea my point is Max Scherzer is fucking filthy.  13 IP, 1 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.69 ERA

LVP:  Jose Peraza    Peraza contributed pretty much nothing here and the X-Rayz could have realllllly used just like one steal outta this fucker.  5/24, 1 RBI, .208 OBP    

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Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Gardyyyy put together a nice little week and we here at the blog love Brett Gardner so this will be properly acknowledged (8/28, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .344 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  And Jim Johnson took one for the team by SMARTLY blowing a save Sunday evening in order to get an opportunity to grab the W in order to set the Banana Slugs up to grab the W, surely that is what happened there (4 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks, 1 W, 3 Saves, 2.25 ERA).

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X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Elvis Andrus is out here hitting all kinds of dongs and I have no idea what to make of it (12/30, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, 2 SBs, .438 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  A LOT of members of the bullpen fucked up and allowed all sorts of runs and sadly Dellin Betances was the worst offender (1.2 IP, 6 ER, 2 Ks, 1 Hold, 32.40 ERA).

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TOUGH WEEK if you’re an X-Rayz fan or owner, as the team watched their bullpen slowly murder their ERA which in fact dropped them from 1st to 2nd in the league in ERA if memory serves me correct. I believe the final tally here wasss 18 ER in 6.2 IP, which one can learn if one reads the chat transcripts and notes Odom VOICING DISPLEASURE about the whole situation. To add insult to bullpen injury here, it was a blown save for the Banana Slugs that opened the door for them to steal a W out of the jaws of a tie here (see above). Once Jim Johnson did his thing and once Mad Max was spotted 2-0 lead (then 5-0 after 3) this thing was allllll but decided, sadly, if you’re an X-Rayz fan or whatevs. Also sadly for the X-Rayz was a bit of a speed outage, 7 SBs might be good for most squads but for the X-Rayz that is a DOWN WEEK and that down week allowed the Slugs to grab a crucial tie in that cat. Barnegat was able to use that tie and superior pitching #s, particularly in the bullpen and with Strikeouts to eke this one out. Also the battle of the bottom two for HRs and RBis played out the way you would think it would by the numbers, with the X-Rayz taking HRs and the Slugs taking RBIs. Props to thoseeee very Slugs for once again finding their way to victory despite single digit HRs (7, fewest in Week 13) and a sub-.300 OBP (2nd worst in week 14), I DUNNO HOW THEY’VE DRAGGED THEIR WAY TO 7 Ws BUT THEY HAVE. And now they are pretty entrenched in the playoff field and have a legit shot at a possible bye as well, all while enduring injuries and power outages and suspensions and everything else. IMPRESSIVE PERFORMANCE thus far.  Barnegat will travel to OceanGate seeking a 3rd straight win and firmer footing in the standings, while the X-Rayz head to Manchester to take on the top-ranked MooniniteZ and attempt to avenge the loss of their 5 week win streak. FIRST PLACE ON THE LINE there kinda maybe? Should be a realllll mess of a week folks.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Banana Slugs v. OGTFC (#3 v. #5), X-Rayz v. MooniniteZ (#4 v. #1)

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ON TO WEEK 14. USUALLY I HAVE A LOT TO SAY DOWN HERE BUT AT THIS POINT I KINDA DON’T, IT’S PRACTICALLY A HOLIDAY! CONTINUE TO EXPECT A TRADE DEADLINE PREVIEW IN THE NEAR FUTURE, PARTICULARLY ONCE I CHECK AND SEE EXACTLY WHEN THAT THING IS SUPPOSED TO BE. AND CONTINUE TO LOOK UP AND SEE THE MOONINITEZ IN FIRST PLACE. THANK YOU………….

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2017 Week 13 Review: NOW WITH QUICK PLAYOFF TIEBREAKERS CLARIFICATION AND DIVISION RECORDS!

2017 WEEK 12 REVIEW: FUCKING TIES MAN

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Essential to ANNOYING THE BEJEEZUS OUTTA ME

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WEEK 12 CAME AND WENT AND IT TOOK MY WIN STREAK WITH IT. AND I HAVE NOBODY TO BLAME FOR THAT BUT MYSELF, AND MY TEAM, AND THE MEDIOCRE RESULTS IT PRODUCED. WE CAN DISCUSS WEEK 12 THOUGH I GUESS, I THINK THIS ONE HAS MORE CAPS LOCK THAN USUAL BUT THAT IS LIKELY JUST A FUNCTION OF THAT FUCKINGGGG ANNOYING TIE…….

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Rojo’s Renegade Force Win The Battle Of The 4-7s, Move To 5-7, Make Toms River Titans 4-8…Yea That  –  9-5-0

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MVP:  Paul Goldschmidt  –  Goldschmidt, pretty much alllllllllllllllways Goldschmidt for Rojo’s Renegade Force. Added insult to injury as the Titans (several team names ago) actually traded Goldschmidt away to this team, due to him being injured during the stretch run/playoffs that particular season. But then they won the chip that year so yanno whateva, FLAGS FLY FOREVER. But for narrative’s sake let’s be like SWEET REVENGE FOR PAUL GOLDSCHMIDT or something.  10/24, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .500 OBP      

LVP:  Byron Buxton    Looks like the Titans went for a little SWEET REVENGE angle of their own by giving Buxton a bunch of ABs against the team that infamously gave up on him. At least for one more week that team was proven right once again.  Cuz yea Buxton has been kinda trash this year.  3/17, 1 R, 1 RBI, .263 OBP      

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RRF Hitter Of Note:  Adrian Beltre sighting for what has got to be like the first time for the blog this season, kinda forgot he didn’t retire yet due to that injury keeping him out in the beginning of the year and yada yada he had a solid Week 12 (7/27, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 9 RBIs, .323 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  And in other news COREY KLUBER with perhaps the prettiest week I have seen all season from a starter, and the “perhaps” isn’t even really necessary here (16 IP, 0 ER, 24 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

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Titans Hitter Of Note:  Cameron Maybin has evidently been on the Titans roster since June 10th but IF YOU ASK ME it feels like he debuted last week (5/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 2 SBs, .321 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  DECEIVING LINE here as Michael Pineda only gave up a run over 5.2 IP in his first start of the week, but BAD PINEDA showed up against Texas yesterday (9.2 IP, 8 ER, 11 Ks, 7.45 ERA).

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Rojo’s Renegade Force came out with a purpose in Week 12, as they seemingly maintained control of the week from wire to wire on their way to a 9 category victory. It was a battle of 4-7s where both performed better than their records might indicate:  RRF lead the league in ERA, TR Titans lead the league in Strikeouts and Doubles. But alas it was the Renegade Force outdueling the Titans in a few key pitching cats (8-6 QS, 1-0 CGs, 2-1 Saves) as well as 5 of 7 offensive cats on their way to a much-needed victory that has them knocking on the door of a 2017 playoff spot. DON’T WRITE THEIR ZANEY HOLDS STRATEGY OFF JUST YET (maybe write it off eventually though). Rojo’s Renegade Force head into Week 13 for a crucial battle with Astoria, fresh off their second win in June. The Toms River Titans will head into Week 13 having lost 3 straight, dropping them from the verge of .500 to the verge of outta playoff contention in 2017.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Renegade Force v. Isotopes (Another IMPORTANT battle for RRF, a win would tie them with the current 6th seed ‘Topes and a loss would concede the dreaded SSS [season series sweep]), Titans v. MooniniteZ (Not much to say here it is just sad when two brothers must square off in the fantasy realm but also I WILL SHOW NO MERCY OR AT LEAST ATTEMPT TO SHOW NO MERCY) 

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Barnegat Banana Slugs I Was Gonna Say “Outslug” But Not Even Really Plus I Am Tired Of The Slug Puns But WHATEVER They Defeated The Lacey Township (But Also Temporarily Mexico) BackdoorSliderz  –  7-4-3

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MVP:  Jonathan Schoop  –  LET’S GIVE J SCHOOP SOME LOVE. J Schoop is currently the 6th ranked 2nd basemen according to ESPN’s ranking system, which I still don’t fully understand but STILL. J Schoop must be playing well is what I am getting at. He played well in Week 12.  9/26, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .433 OBP    

LVP:  Jeff Hoffman    REALLY NOT GOOD PITCHING JEFF.  3.2 IP, 9 ER, 2 Ks, 22.09 ERA         

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Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Jose Bautista also played very well in Week 12 so even though I was able to keep him outta MVP and even though I think very little of him as a player and person, I guess I have to highlight him here (9/29, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .412 OBP).

Has Trevor Story Kinda Been Trash Though?  Yes.

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  MAX SCHERZER what else is new, he got boned out of his no-hitter bid in the 8th in this last one but still ended up with a 0 ER CG loss go figure (8 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

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BDSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Travis Shaw hit 3 HRs in Week 12 and somehow has 15 HRs on the year and what the fuck man (6/26, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .310 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  ALSO SOME REALLY NOT GOOD PITCHING TANNER (ROARK) (8.2 IP, 12 ER, 7 Ks, 12.46 ERA).

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The Barnegat Banana Slugs took care of business in Week 13, doing justttt enough to dispatch a Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz team helmed by a man too busy falling in love in Mexico to be bothered with things like stopping a 4 week losing streak. While the BDSliderz valiantly got their 12 starts in, these starts didn’t yield much return:  66 Strikeouts, 2 Ws, 6.195 ERA. The Banana Slugs were able to capitalize by pitching slightttly better (79 Ks, 5 Ws, 4.985 ERA) and grabbing a clutch CG from Max Scherzer, and a bunch of I guess clutch Holds in a matchup where the BDSliderz did not appear to have a holds guy of any kind. Barnegat also was slightttttly better at getting on base this week and used that (and a 39-35 RBI advantage, two lowest totals for the league in Week 12) to grab a victory in YET ANOTHER single digit dinger week for them. I would address that more but then that would just RUIN potential Power Rankings and Trade Deadline Preview articles and also I don’t feel like writing shit about shit for this week’s review and you people will just have to deal with that. ANYWHOM. In Week 13 the Banana Slugs will have a tough test on their hands, as they try and stop a 5 week win streak and slide up in the playoff standings. The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz will just be seeking a much-needed victory in hopes of turning this thing around, they’ve lost 5 straight matchups.

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Next Week aka This Week:   Banana Slugs v. X-Rayz (BIG MATCHUP as the Slugs look to halt an X-Rayz 5 game win streak and pull even with them in the standings and grab a possibly critically important SSS, and I guess maybe alotta matchups are going to look like “big matchups” at this point in the season), BDSliderz v. Morning Wood (Sliderz looking to stop a yuuuuuuge slide and that one just writes itself)

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River City Bad Dudes Break The Heart Of Q-Tip City Morning Wood By BeatingThem Even Though Their Offense Was Excellent But Maybe Their Offense Should Have Given Their Pitching A Pep Talk?   –  7-5-2

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MVP:  Giancarlo Stanton  –  Giancarlo has been such a proficient hitter of dongs lately that the Bad Dudes decided they NO LONGER EVEN NEEDED Bryce Harper to be on his team, and good for him for (temporarily) cuttie ties with that tool. Lobman is a tool too. Shame him forever for that move. I DON’T RECALL DO OVERS BACK WHEN OSCAR TAVERAS WAS ALIVE.  6/25, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .345 OBP      

LVP:  Justin Bour    Justin Bour is sometimes a real HR slugger but also sometimes he strikes out like 7 times in a week and contributes nothing. Clearly you may have some indication as to which Justin Bour showed up last week, this is the LVP section and all. Plus I fact checked to confirm those 7 Ks. Who does he think he is Keon Broxton?  1/16, 1 R, .167 OBP     

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Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Bryce Harper had 5 RBIs in Week 12 which is whatever I am only bringing this up just to once again say MIKE YOU IDIOT STOP DRUNKENLY STARING AT BRYCE HARPER’S PICTURE ON THE ESPN APP THAT WAY YOU WON’T ACCIDENTALLY DROP HIM YOU FUCKING IDIOT (7/24, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .393 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Jon Lester continues to be an okay pitcher and I continue to think he can just go and eat a dick (13 IP, 5 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.46 ERA).

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Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Carlos Gomez has EMERGED as one of the few bright spots in QTC’s inaugural season’s transaction history, a nice job there stashing him towards the tail end of his DL stint he’s still kinda got it that guy (6/22, 7 Rs, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .333 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Shout out to Adam Ottavino for throwing like 4 wild pitches in an inning and in the process doing the AM Bonerz ERA NO FAVORS (2 IP, 7 ER, 2 Ks, 1 W, 31.50 ERA).

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This one is kinda just sad to look at as the Q-Tip City Morning Wood FINALLY got their shit together on offense and then watched as their pitching completely did not hold up their end of the bargain, leading to their demise. 4 of the 5 cats won by the Morning Wood came on offense, where they finished second for the week in Runs (54) and 2nd for the week in OBP (.3666) and even knocked in 19 HRs. UNFORTUNATELY, the River City Bad Dudes knocked in 21. EQUALLY UNFORTUNATE is how shit-tastic the Morning Wood’s ERA was in Week 12 (6.692), which combined with a useless bullpen that only contributed 1 Save to aid in the downfall. 6 QS and 7 Ws are impressive with that ERA, no doubt, but low Strikeout totals (River City won Ks 83-67) and just generally unfortunate luck allowed the Morning Wood to not win. I am mostly focusing on the Morning Wood because the Bad Dudes recently dropped Bryce Harper so they don’t DESERVE my analysis, clearly they are helmed by a drunken lunatic. That drunken lunatic and his Bad Dudes of River City will be seeking a third straight win in Week 13, as they rebound from a 3 week losing streak that dropped them out of first place. The Q-Tip City Morning Wood will just try and win for the first time since April, although they recently eked out a tie that should have been a win if they didn’t FUCK UP and only start 11. So there’s that.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Bad Dudes v. OGTFC (BIG MATCHUP which I keep fucking saying, but yea these teams tied last time out so if the OGTFC win they essentially tie River City’s record and hold the playoff seeding tiebreaker andddd if the Bad Dudes win yanno the opposite of all that happens), Morning Wood v. BDSliderz (Battle of the New Guys Whoms Beginners Luck Have Worn Out is what we shall term this, proper English be damned)

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Point Loma X-Rayz Pitch Past PAstoria Isotopes For Season High 5th Straight W  –  7-5-2

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MVP:  Jose Ramirez  –   JOSE WITH THE JROLL, which is certainly good enough for MVP in this particular matchup and is PROBABLY the only JROLL of the week and he SINGLEHANDEDLY won the triples cat for the X-Rayz and this now marks the SECOND STRAIGHT week Jose Ramirez has grabbed himself an MVP O’ The Week award the man is hot folks.  CAREER YEARIN IT. Also how in the hell did he only end up with 1 RBI?  11/28, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 1 RBI, 1 SB, .433 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***     

LVP:  Mike Moustakas  –  Miggy didn’t exactly dominate last week either and I was tempted to give him this award just cuz but Mike Mostsuckass was slightly worse (they both hit precisely one HR though) and that’s a fun name to play around with so he gets it. Sucks to suck.  3/19,  1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .158 OBP    

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X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Daniel Murphy, guy acquired for two pitchers who are no longer with the team he was acquired from (one of them is back on the X-Rayz and DOMINATING), continues to be a very good acquisition for Point Loma (6/20, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .375 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  The X-Rayz pitched to a pretty ERA in Week 12 and nice W and QS numbers and it was just a solid team effort, but let’s single out Taijuan Walker for an impressive performance in Coors because the Taijuan of old would have given up like 7 homers there (6 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.50 ERA).

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‘Topes Hitter Of Note:  Gonna skip the Aaron Judge update this week to INSTEAD fill you all in on what Cody Bellinger has been up to, and Cody Bellinger has been up to swatting dingers (10/27, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 5 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .400 OBP).

‘Topes Pitcher Of Note:   Mike Leake grabbed 2 QS but also grabbed zero Ws so WAY TO GO RED BIRDS (12 IP, 4 ER, 7 Ks, 2 QS, 3.00 ERA).

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ZANEY MATCHUP ALERT. The Point Loma X-Rayz had the fewest Runs and HRs and lowest OBP in the wholeee league in Week 12 but were still able to amass the 3rd-most RBIs and still able to, yanno, win their matchup. That victory was primarily accomplished due to an accomplished performance from the pitching staff, which saw every starter notch either a or QS or both and ended up stringing together the following line:  86 Ks, 8 QS, 8 Ws, 5 Saves, 3.047 ERA (2nd best ERA in the Backyard last week). That line allowed the X-Rayz to go 4-1-2 in the pitching cats, and then from there it was just the usual formula of winning SBs (11-2) and Triples (2-1) and throwing in a win in Doubles (15-11) to get Point Loma to its 5th straight victory, and a big one over Astoria. The Isotopes once again showed superior power numbers (20 HRs, 55 RBIs) on the backs of their big bopping rookie types (Judge and Bellinger but of course) but alas it was just not enough to carry them to victory this particular week. RAN INTO A HOT OPPONENT what can ya say, when you’re hot you’re hot and you end up winning weird weeks with a sub-.300 OBP and such. Now Point Loma enters Week 13 as hot as anyyyy team has been this season, seeking a 2017 record 6th straight win. The Astoria Isotopes will head to RRF Country and attempt to remain above .500/in possession of a playoff spot.

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Next Week aka This Week:   X-Rayz v. Banana Slugs, Isotopes v. Renegade Force

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2017 WEEK 12 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY NABISCO’S LIMITED EDITION FIREWORK OREOS

 

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Nabisco Fireworks OreosI have also tried these and they are just like regular oreos with fucking pop rocks in them and I feel cheated THIS WILL BE YOUR LAST SPONSORSHIP GIG NABISCO……

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Ian Desmond could have played hero against his former team but OOPS I took that from him
OceanGate Trout Fishing Club ONCE AGAIN Kinda Sorta Luck Their Way Into Yet Another Motherfucking Tie, This One With The Manchester MooniniteZ  –  5-5-4

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MVP:  Corey Seager  –  This SONOFABITCH pretty much did all of his damage against me in one goddamned 3 HR/6 RBI game but still GOOD ENOUGH for MVP. I guess I would have preferred it was a 2 HR game when it was alllll said and done.9/16, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .588 OBP

LVP:  Ian Desmond    And it was BECAUSE of this very line that Ian Desmond found himself riding pine on the pivotal Sunday, and then the fucker goes and gets the SB I was trying to stream elsewhere and since my team also had an additional SB that day the Desmond SB would have technically won the week assuming it wasn’t in place of the additional SB which it would not have been. More on that below!  2/20, 1 R, .100 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     

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OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Unfortunately Justin Turner tried to really have himself a week against me after I believed in him for so long when so many others did not, time heals all wounds though Justin also I hope you pop your hamstring (10/22, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .571 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  And Gerrit Cole was perhaps most pivotal in preserving precious ptie, as he pitched the OGTFC ahead in the QS and ERA cats with his pitching performance of pitching (13 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.38 ERA).

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MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  Andrew McCutchen tried to extend a big FU to his former team and probably would have been MVP had the MooniniteZ won like they were supposed to SORRY ANDREW (9/23, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .517 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  Matt Moore is also a piece of shit for it he simply TOOK CARE OF BUSINESS in a pitcher’s park where he had like a 3.00 ERA on the year against the goddamned Mets on Sunday then we maybe win ERA, but he did not do that (4.1 IP, 5 ER, 5 Ks, 10.38 ERA).

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FUCKETY FUCK FUCK. Look I GET IT, yanno? Pretty much every team can play revisionist history after a week is done, and the only reason we even had a chance at a tie is thanks to a super cold Sunday from the OGTFC (3 Runs, 1 2B, 3 RBIs, .267OBP), and again we are kinda lucky we clawed back after a RED FUCKING HOT Thursday from the OGTFC that grabbed them the lead (15 Runs, 6 2Bs, 6 HRs, 14 RBIs, 1 SB, .545OBP)  and yada yada yada we can go on and on about this particular matchup (well I can, the rest of you don’t care). But RATHER than write 500 words about my decision to bench Ian Desmond and him subsequently getting an SB that could have combined with a beautiful Keon Broxton Sunday (3/4, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 1 SB) to give me the win, RATHER than write about that let’s quickly recap the 5 OGTFC ties and see how he might have a much worse record right now if we all got our shit together:

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WEEK 1:  OGTFC TIE 3EF, 5-5-4:  This one is simple, a former owner failed to sit Marcel Ozuna for the late game in order to preserve their OBP and the victory and THEREFORE the OGTFC ran into their first luck of the year right out the gate.

OGTFC RECORD:  0-0-1      WHAT OGTFC’S RECORD SHOULDA BEEN:  0-1-0

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WEEK 3:  OGTFC TIE Banana Slugs, 5-5-4:  Uhhh this one was probably a legit tie so this hurts the narrative but had to include it here, so here it is.

OGTFC RECORD:  0-1-2      WHAT OGTFC’S RECORD SHOULDA BEEN:  0-2-1

WEEK 5:  OGTFC TIE Bad Dudes, 6-6-2:  Prob legit tie, hurts narrative, had to include, here.

OGTFC RECORD:  0-2-3      WHAT OGTFC’S RECORD SHOULDA BEEN:  0-3-2

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WEEK 10:  OGTFC TIE Morning Wood, 6-6-2:  Ahhh now we return to this team being a team of LUCKY BASTARDS, as they stole yet another tie when those rat bastard Bonerz failed to start a 12th starter like a bunch of n00bs. The OGTFC would go on to win Ks by 3, SURELY just about any 12th starter could have gotten QTC 3 or 3+ Ks and ERA was never in doubt so they fucked up

OGTFC RECORD:  3-3-4      WHAT OGTFC’S RECORD SHOULDA BEEN:  3-5-2

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WEEK 12:  OGTFC TIE MooniniteZ, 5-5-4:  This oneeee a bit more of a stretch but the FACT REMAINS that I got a little too cute with the lineup on Sunday and that cuteness cost me the W, shoulda kept Ian Desmond in despite him sucking all week for NARRATIVE’S SAKE.

OGTFC RECORD:  4-3-5      WHAT OGTFC’S RECORD SHOULDA BEEN:  4-6-2

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So there you have it, rather than being a weird 4-3-5 team this team shoulda been coulda been a 4-6-2 team aka NOT CURRENTLY IN THE PLAYOFFS (although merely like a game out). We all done goofed and we have to hope that doesn’t end up being something we look back upon sadly when the season is all said and done. There’s still time for the OGTFC to fall out of the playoffs though so whatever. FOR NOW, the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club enter Week 13 on a 4-0-2 stretch over their last 6 so PLAYING FAIRLY WELL even in the absence of Mike Trout. The MooniniteZ enter Week 13 out for revenge after they had their 5 week win streak snapped by this dumb goddamned tie.

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Next Week aka This Week:  OGTFC v. Bad Dudes, MooniniteZ v. Titans

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WEEK 12 INNNNN THE BOOKS, YET ANOTHER TIE FIASCO FOR THE TROUTLESS FISHING CLUB BUT WE MUST MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES. AND RECOGNIZE THAT THE MOONINITEZ REMAIN 1.5 UP FOR FIRST AND ARE VERY MUCH IN CONTROL OF THEIR OWN DESTINY IN A CHASING THAT BYE SENSE OF THE TERM AND SO FUCK Y’ALL, LET’S JUST PUT THIS WEEK BEHIND US SHALL WE?! WE SHALL. THAT IS WHAT WE ARE GONNA DO. I AM STILL IN FIRST PLACE STARING DOWN AT ALL YOU SUCKAS. I GOTTA BOOK A ROUND 1 VACATION OR SOMETHING. ANYWHO WE SHOULD GET SOME JULY POWER RANKINGS COMING UP, POSSIBLY A TRADE DEADLINE PREVIEW ONCE WE GET CLOSER TO THAT THING WHENEVER THE FUCK THAT THING IS. SO ON. SO FORTH. BEST OF LUCK TO ALL EXCEPT MY OPPONENT (MY OWN BROTHER) IN WEEK 13………….

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2017 WEEK 12 REVIEW: FUCKING TIES MAN