2017 WEEK 12 REVIEW: FUCKING TIES MAN

June 27, 2017June 27, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

maxresdefault1 — Essential to ANNOYING THE BEJEEZUS OUTTA ME

S

WEEK 12 CAME AND WENT AND IT TOOK MY WIN STREAK WITH IT. AND I HAVE NOBODY TO BLAME FOR THAT BUT MYSELF, AND MY TEAM, AND THE MEDIOCRE RESULTS IT PRODUCED. WE CAN DISCUSS WEEK 12 THOUGH I GUESS, I THINK THIS ONE HAS MORE CAPS LOCK THAN USUAL BUT THAT IS LIKELY JUST A FUNCTION OF THAT FUCKINGGGG ANNOYING TIE…….

Rojo’s Renegade Force Win The Battle Of The 4-7s, Move To 5-7, Make Toms River Titans 4-8…Yea That – 9-5-0

MVP: Paul Goldschmidt – Goldschmidt, pretty much alllllllllllllllways Goldschmidt for Rojo’s Renegade Force. Added insult to injury as the Titans (several team names ago) actually traded Goldschmidt away to this team, due to him being injured during the stretch run/playoffs that particular season. But then they won the chip that year so yanno whateva, FLAGS FLY FOREVER. But for narrative’s sake let’s be like SWEET REVENGE FOR PAUL GOLDSCHMIDT or something. 10/24, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .500 OBP

LVP: Byron Buxton – Looks like the Titans went for a little SWEET REVENGE angle of their own by giving Buxton a bunch of ABs against the team that infamously gave up on him. At least for one more week that team was proven right once again. Cuz yea Buxton has been kinda trash this year. 3/17, 1 R, 1 RBI, .263 OBP

RRF Hitter Of Note: Adrian Beltre sighting for what has got to be like the first time for the blog this season, kinda forgot he didn’t retire yet due to that injury keeping him out in the beginning of the year and yada yada he had a solid Week 12 (7/27, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 9 RBIs, .323 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note: And in other news COREY KLUBER with perhaps the prettiest week I have seen all season from a starter, and the “perhaps” isn’t even really necessary here (16 IP, 0 ER, 24 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

Titans Hitter Of Note: Cameron Maybin has evidently been on the Titans roster since June 10th but IF YOU ASK ME it feels like he debuted last week (5/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 2 SBs, .321 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note: DECEIVING LINE here as Michael Pineda only gave up a run over 5.2 IP in his first start of the week, but BAD PINEDA showed up against Texas yesterday (9.2 IP, 8 ER, 11 Ks, 7.45 ERA).

Rojo’s Renegade Force came out with a purpose in Week 12, as they seemingly maintained control of the week from wire to wire on their way to a 9 category victory. It was a battle of 4-7s where both performed better than their records might indicate: RRF lead the league in ERA, TR Titans lead the league in Strikeouts and Doubles. But alas it was the Renegade Force outdueling the Titans in a few key pitching cats (8-6 QS, 1-0 CGs, 2-1 Saves) as well as 5 of 7 offensive cats on their way to a much-needed victory that has them knocking on the door of a 2017 playoff spot. DON’T WRITE THEIR ZANEY HOLDS STRATEGY OFF JUST YET (maybe write it off eventually though). Rojo’s Renegade Force head into Week 13 for a crucial battle with Astoria, fresh off their second win in June. The Toms River Titans will head into Week 13 having lost 3 straight, dropping them from the verge of .500 to the verge of outta playoff contention in 2017.

Next Week aka This Week: Renegade Force v. Isotopes (Another IMPORTANT battle for RRF, a win would tie them with the current 6th seed ‘Topes and a loss would concede the dreaded SSS [season series sweep]), Titans v. MooniniteZ (Not much to say here it is just sad when two brothers must square off in the fantasy realm but also I WILL SHOW NO MERCY OR AT LEAST ATTEMPT TO SHOW NO MERCY)

jonathan-schoop-mlb-baltimore-orioles-oakland-athletics

Barnegat Banana Slugs I Was Gonna Say “Outslug” But Not Even Really Plus I Am Tired Of The Slug Puns But WHATEVER They Defeated The Lacey Township (But Also Temporarily Mexico) BackdoorSliderz – 7-4-3

MVP: Jonathan Schoop – LET’S GIVE J SCHOOP SOME LOVE. J Schoop is currently the 6th ranked 2nd basemen according to ESPN’s ranking system, which I still don’t fully understand but STILL. J Schoop must be playing well is what I am getting at. He played well in Week 12. 9/26, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .433 OBP

LVP: Jeff Hoffman – REALLY NOT GOOD PITCHING JEFF. 3.2 IP, 9 ER, 2 Ks, 22.09 ERA

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Jose Bautista also played very well in Week 12 so even though I was able to keep him outta MVP and even though I think very little of him as a player and person, I guess I have to highlight him here (9/29, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .412 OBP).

Has Trevor Story Kinda Been Trash Though? Yes.

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: MAX SCHERZER what else is new, he got boned out of his no-hitter bid in the 8th in this last one but still ended up with a 0 ER CG loss go figure (8 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

BDSliderz Hitter Of Note: Travis Shaw hit 3 HRs in Week 12 and somehow has 15 HRs on the year and what the fuck man (6/26, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .310 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note: ALSO SOME REALLY NOT GOOD PITCHING TANNER (ROARK) (8.2 IP, 12 ER, 7 Ks, 12.46 ERA).

The Barnegat Banana Slugs took care of business in Week 13, doing justttt enough to dispatch a Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz team helmed by a man too busy falling in love in Mexico to be bothered with things like stopping a 4 week losing streak. While the BDSliderz valiantly got their 12 starts in, these starts didn’t yield much return: 66 Strikeouts, 2 Ws, 6.195 ERA. The Banana Slugs were able to capitalize by pitching slightttly better (79 Ks, 5 Ws, 4.985 ERA) and grabbing a clutch CG from Max Scherzer, and a bunch of I guess clutch Holds in a matchup where the BDSliderz did not appear to have a holds guy of any kind. Barnegat also was slightttttly better at getting on base this week and used that (and a 39-35 RBI advantage, two lowest totals for the league in Week 12) to grab a victory in YET ANOTHER single digit dinger week for them. I would address that more but then that would just RUIN potential Power Rankings and Trade Deadline Preview articles and also I don’t feel like writing shit about shit for this week’s review and you people will just have to deal with that. ANYWHOM. In Week 13 the Banana Slugs will have a tough test on their hands, as they try and stop a 5 week win streak and slide up in the playoff standings. The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz will just be seeking a much-needed victory in hopes of turning this thing around, they’ve lost 5 straight matchups.

Next Week aka This Week: Banana Slugs v. X-Rayz (BIG MATCHUP as the Slugs look to halt an X-Rayz 5 game win streak and pull even with them in the standings and grab a possibly critically important SSS, and I guess maybe alotta matchups are going to look like “big matchups” at this point in the season), BDSliderz v. Morning Wood (Sliderz looking to stop a yuuuuuuge slide and that one just writes itself)

River City Bad Dudes Break The Heart Of Q-Tip City Morning Wood By BeatingThem Even Though Their Offense Was Excellent But Maybe Their Offense Should Have Given Their Pitching A Pep Talk? – 7-5-2

MVP: Giancarlo Stanton – Giancarlo has been such a proficient hitter of dongs lately that the Bad Dudes decided they NO LONGER EVEN NEEDED Bryce Harper to be on his team, and good for him for (temporarily) cuttie ties with that tool. Lobman is a tool too. Shame him forever for that move. I DON’T RECALL DO OVERS BACK WHEN OSCAR TAVERAS WAS ALIVE. 6/25, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .345 OBP

LVP: Justin Bour – Justin Bour is sometimes a real HR slugger but also sometimes he strikes out like 7 times in a week and contributes nothing. Clearly you may have some indication as to which Justin Bour showed up last week, this is the LVP section and all. Plus I fact checked to confirm those 7 Ks. Who does he think he is Keon Broxton? 1/16, 1 R, .167 OBP

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Bryce Harper had 5 RBIs in Week 12 which is whatever I am only bringing this up just to once again say MIKE YOU IDIOT STOP DRUNKENLY STARING AT BRYCE HARPER’S PICTURE ON THE ESPN APP THAT WAY YOU WON’T ACCIDENTALLY DROP HIM YOU FUCKING IDIOT (7/24, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .393 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: Jon Lester continues to be an okay pitcher and I continue to think he can just go and eat a dick (13 IP, 5 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.46 ERA).

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: Carlos Gomez has EMERGED as one of the few bright spots in QTC’s inaugural season’s transaction history, a nice job there stashing him towards the tail end of his DL stint he’s still kinda got it that guy (6/22, 7 Rs, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .333 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: Shout out to Adam Ottavino for throwing like 4 wild pitches in an inning and in the process doing the AM Bonerz ERA NO FAVORS (2 IP, 7 ER, 2 Ks, 1 W, 31.50 ERA).

This one is kinda just sad to look at as the Q-Tip City Morning Wood FINALLY got their shit together on offense and then watched as their pitching completely did not hold up their end of the bargain, leading to their demise. 4 of the 5 cats won by the Morning Wood came on offense, where they finished second for the week in Runs (54) and 2nd for the week in OBP (.3666) and even knocked in 19 HRs. UNFORTUNATELY, the River City Bad Dudes knocked in 21. EQUALLY UNFORTUNATE is how shit-tastic the Morning Wood’s ERA was in Week 12 (6.692), which combined with a useless bullpen that only contributed 1 Save to aid in the downfall. 6 QS and 7 Ws are impressive with that ERA, no doubt, but low Strikeout totals (River City won Ks 83-67) and just generally unfortunate luck allowed the Morning Wood to not win. I am mostly focusing on the Morning Wood because the Bad Dudes recently dropped Bryce Harper so they don’t DESERVE my analysis, clearly they are helmed by a drunken lunatic. That drunken lunatic and his Bad Dudes of River City will be seeking a third straight win in Week 13, as they rebound from a 3 week losing streak that dropped them out of first place. The Q-Tip City Morning Wood will just try and win for the first time since April, although they recently eked out a tie that should have been a win if they didn’t FUCK UP and only start 11. So there’s that.

Next Week aka This Week: Bad Dudes v. OGTFC (BIG MATCHUP which I keep fucking saying, but yea these teams tied last time out so if the OGTFC win they essentially tie River City’s record and hold the playoff seeding tiebreaker andddd if the Bad Dudes win yanno the opposite of all that happens), Morning Wood v. BDSliderz (Battle of the New Guys Whoms Beginners Luck Have Worn Out is what we shall term this, proper English be damned)

s-l1000

Point Loma X-Rayz Pitch Past PAstoria Isotopes For Season High 5th Straight W – 7-5-2

MVP: Jose Ramirez – JOSE WITH THE JROLL, which is certainly good enough for MVP in this particular matchup and is PROBABLY the only JROLL of the week and he SINGLEHANDEDLY won the triples cat for the X-Rayz and this now marks the SECOND STRAIGHT week Jose Ramirez has grabbed himself an MVP O’ The Week award the man is hot folks. CAREER YEARIN IT. Also how in the hell did he only end up with 1 RBI? 11/28, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 1 RBI, 1 SB, .433 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP: Mike Moustakas – Miggy didn’t exactly dominate last week either and I was tempted to give him this award just cuz but Mike Mostsuckass was slightly worse (they both hit precisely one HR though) and that’s a fun name to play around with so he gets it. Sucks to suck. 3/19, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .158 OBP

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note: Daniel Murphy, guy acquired for two pitchers who are no longer with the team he was acquired from (one of them is back on the X-Rayz and DOMINATING), continues to be a very good acquisition for Point Loma (6/20, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .375 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note: The X-Rayz pitched to a pretty ERA in Week 12 and nice W and QS numbers and it was just a solid team effort, but let’s single out Taijuan Walker for an impressive performance in Coors because the Taijuan of old would have given up like 7 homers there (6 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.50 ERA).

‘Topes Hitter Of Note: Gonna skip the Aaron Judge update this week to INSTEAD fill you all in on what Cody Bellinger has been up to, and Cody Bellinger has been up to swatting dingers (10/27, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 5 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .400 OBP).

‘Topes Pitcher Of Note: Mike Leake grabbed 2 QS but also grabbed zero Ws so WAY TO GO RED BIRDS (12 IP, 4 ER, 7 Ks, 2 QS, 3.00 ERA).

ZANEY MATCHUP ALERT. The Point Loma X-Rayz had the fewest Runs and HRs and lowest OBP in the wholeee league in Week 12 but were still able to amass the 3rd-most RBIs and still able to, yanno, win their matchup. That victory was primarily accomplished due to an accomplished performance from the pitching staff, which saw every starter notch either a W or QS or both and ended up stringing together the following line: 86 Ks, 8 QS, 8 Ws, 5 Saves, 3.047 ERA (2nd best ERA in the Backyard last week). That line allowed the X-Rayz to go 4-1-2 in the pitching cats, and then from there it was just the usual formula of winning SBs (11-2) and Triples (2-1) and throwing in a win in Doubles (15-11) to get Point Loma to its 5th straight victory, and a big one over Astoria. The Isotopes once again showed superior power numbers (20 HRs, 55 RBIs) on the backs of their big bopping rookie types (Judge and Bellinger but of course) but alas it was just not enough to carry them to victory this particular week. RAN INTO A HOT OPPONENT what can ya say, when you’re hot you’re hot and you end up winning weird weeks with a sub-.300 OBP and such. Now Point Loma enters Week 13 as hot as anyyyy team has been this season, seeking a 2017 record 6th straight win. The Astoria Isotopes will head to RRF Country and attempt to remain above .500/in possession of a playoff spot.

S

Next Week aka This Week: X-Rayz v. Banana Slugs, Isotopes v. Renegade Force

2017 WEEK 12 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY NABISCO’S LIMITED EDITION FIREWORK OREOS

Nabisco Fireworks Oreos — I have also tried these and they are just like regular oreos with fucking pop rocks in them and I feel cheated THIS WILL BE YOUR LAST SPONSORSHIP GIG NABISCO……

r960-be17d3f10c7e64e824fce812fe6d5652 — Ian Desmond could have played hero against his former team but OOPS I took that from him

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club ONCE AGAIN Kinda Sorta Luck Their Way Into Yet Another Motherfucking Tie, This One With The Manchester MooniniteZ – 5-5-4

MVP: Corey Seager – This SONOFABITCH pretty much did all of his damage against me in one goddamned 3 HR/6 RBI game but still GOOD ENOUGH for MVP. I guess I would have preferred it was a 2 HR game when it was alllll said and done.9/16, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .588 OBP

LVP: Ian Desmond – And it was BECAUSE of this very line that Ian Desmond found himself riding pine on the pivotal Sunday, and then the fucker goes and gets the SB I was trying to stream elsewhere and since my team also had an additional SB that day the Desmond SB would have technically won the week assuming it wasn’t in place of the additional SB which it would not have been. More on that below! 2/20, 1 R, .100 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Unfortunately Justin Turner tried to really have himself a week against me after I believed in him for so long when so many others did not, time heals all wounds though Justin also I hope you pop your hamstring (10/22, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .571 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: And Gerrit Cole was perhaps most pivotal in preserving precious ptie, as he pitched the OGTFC ahead in the QS and ERA cats with his pitching performance of pitching (13 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.38 ERA).

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note: Andrew McCutchen tried to extend a big FU to his former team and probably would have been MVP had the MooniniteZ won like they were supposed to SORRY ANDREW (9/23, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .517 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note: Matt Moore is also a piece of shit for it he simply TOOK CARE OF BUSINESS in a pitcher’s park where he had like a 3.00 ERA on the year against the goddamned Mets on Sunday then we maybe win ERA, but he did not do that (4.1 IP, 5 ER, 5 Ks, 10.38 ERA).

FUCKETY FUCK FUCK. Look I GET IT, yanno? Pretty much every team can play revisionist history after a week is done, and the only reason we even had a chance at a tie is thanks to a super cold Sunday from the OGTFC (3 Runs, 1 2B, 3 RBIs, .267OBP), and again we are kinda lucky we clawed back after a RED FUCKING HOT Thursday from the OGTFC that grabbed them the lead (15 Runs, 6 2Bs, 6 HRs, 14 RBIs, 1 SB, .545OBP) and yada yada yada we can go on and on about this particular matchup (well I can, the rest of you don’t care). But RATHER than write 500 words about my decision to bench Ian Desmond and him subsequently getting an SB that could have combined with a beautiful Keon Broxton Sunday (3/4, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 1 SB) to give me the win, RATHER than write about that let’s quickly recap the 5 OGTFC ties and see how he might have a much worse record right now if we all got our shit together:

WEEK 1: OGTFC TIE 3EF, 5-5-4: This one is simple, a former owner failed to sit Marcel Ozuna for the late game in order to preserve their OBP and the victory and THEREFORE the OGTFC ran into their first luck of the year right out the gate.

OGTFC RECORD: 0-0-1 WHAT OGTFC’S RECORD SHOULDA BEEN: 0-1-0

WEEK 3: OGTFC TIE Banana Slugs, 5-5-4: Uhhh this one was probably a legit tie so this hurts the narrative but had to include it here, so here it is.

OGTFC RECORD: 0-1-2 WHAT OGTFC’S RECORD SHOULDA BEEN: 0-2-1

WEEK 5: OGTFC TIE Bad Dudes, 6-6-2: Prob legit tie, hurts narrative, had to include, here.

OGTFC RECORD: 0-2-3 WHAT OGTFC’S RECORD SHOULDA BEEN: 0-3-2

WEEK 10: OGTFC TIE Morning Wood, 6-6-2: Ahhh now we return to this team being a team of LUCKY BASTARDS, as they stole yet another tie when those rat bastard Bonerz failed to start a 12th starter like a bunch of n00bs. The OGTFC would go on to win Ks by 3, SURELY just about any 12th starter could have gotten QTC 3 or 3+ Ks and ERA was never in doubt so they fucked up

OGTFC RECORD: 3-3-4 WHAT OGTFC’S RECORD SHOULDA BEEN: 3-5-2

WEEK 12: OGTFC TIE MooniniteZ, 5-5-4: This oneeee a bit more of a stretch but the FACT REMAINS that I got a little too cute with the lineup on Sunday and that cuteness cost me the W, shoulda kept Ian Desmond in despite him sucking all week for NARRATIVE’S SAKE.

OGTFC RECORD: 4-3-5 WHAT OGTFC’S RECORD SHOULDA BEEN: 4-6-2

So there you have it, rather than being a weird 4-3-5 team this team shoulda been coulda been a 4-6-2 team aka NOT CURRENTLY IN THE PLAYOFFS (although merely like a game out). We all done goofed and we have to hope that doesn’t end up being something we look back upon sadly when the season is all said and done. There’s still time for the OGTFC to fall out of the playoffs though so whatever. FOR NOW, the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club enter Week 13 on a 4-0-2 stretch over their last 6 so PLAYING FAIRLY WELL even in the absence of Mike Trout. The MooniniteZ enter Week 13 out for revenge after they had their 5 week win streak snapped by this dumb goddamned tie.

Next Week aka This Week: OGTFC v. Bad Dudes, MooniniteZ v. Titans

WEEK 12 INNNNN THE BOOKS, YET ANOTHER TIE FIASCO FOR THE TROUTLESS FISHING CLUB BUT WE MUST MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES. AND RECOGNIZE THAT THE MOONINITEZ REMAIN 1.5 UP FOR FIRST AND ARE VERY MUCH IN CONTROL OF THEIR OWN DESTINY IN A CHASING THAT BYE SENSE OF THE TERM AND SO FUCK Y’ALL, LET’S JUST PUT THIS WEEK BEHIND US SHALL WE?! WE SHALL. THAT IS WHAT WE ARE GONNA DO. I AM STILL IN FIRST PLACE STARING DOWN AT ALL YOU SUCKAS. I GOTTA BOOK A ROUND 1 VACATION OR SOMETHING. ANYWHO WE SHOULD GET SOME JULY POWER RANKINGS COMING UP, POSSIBLY A TRADE DEADLINE PREVIEW ONCE WE GET CLOSER TO THAT THING WHENEVER THE FUCK THAT THING IS. SO ON. SO FORTH. BEST OF LUCK TO ALL EXCEPT MY OPPONENT (MY OWN BROTHER) IN WEEK 13………….

tumblr_mzmsrofazb1to2zrko1_500

TRAAAAAAAADE REVIEW: I HATE THESE BUT ONE OF THESE TRADES DESERVES A TALKING TO, EDITION

June 20, 2017June 20, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

S

Firstly let me just say that the more annoying trades are made the more I absolutely haaaaaaaate trade review, so it may get paired down to like a monthly roundup with a little less talky talky in the future. Frankly it hurts my brain to think about some of these trades that get fired out of a cannon and into the chat and I have spent long sleepless nights pondering what sorts of hideous negotiations might lead to them. The Trade Deadline will likely get hot and heavy and become a good time to bust out some new format but FOR NOW, let us use the old format one last time and yell at Q-Tip City in an effort to get them to stop trading for AT LEAST a few weeks. For the love of god. Brian step in here……

THE FIRST TRADE (6/16):

JF16 traded A.J. Pollock*, Ari CF to RCBD
JF16 traded Franklin Barreto, Oak SS to RCBD
RCBD traded Michael Brantley*, Cle LF to JF16
RCBD traded Amed Rosario, NYM SS to JF16

S

THE TROUT FISHING CLUB RETURN:

RF Michael Brantley – 30 year old Indians LF whom wrecked his shoulder which derailed his 2016 and now he is on the comeback trail a wee bit but still injury prone. That’s who THIS guy is. .360 OBP, 13 2Bs, 5 HRs, 24 Rs, 28 RBIs, 7 SBs in 206 ABs thus far this season. All in all PRETTY SUCCESSFUL COMEBACK after injuries limited him to a mere 11 games in 2016. At one time was a dynamic 20-20 threat, that maybe has knocked down to 15-15 (and indeed he went 15-15 in 2015 LOTTA 15s) if he can stay healthy but the IF is always a bit of a big IF. Shades of Grady Sizemore there. (well at the time that I got around to writing this part or whatever). Same number of HRs in about 30 more ABs last season and that was the most ABs he ever had so it is just a matter of WHERE THINGS GO FROM HERE. Compounding the ABs problem is a somewhat crowded Brewers OF once Ryan Braun returns from injury. But hey Domingo has slightly improved his BB% and his K% and that is more than SOME OTHER BREWERS OFs can say so who knows where he goes from here. Whom. Knows.

So yea he is currently on the DL with a fucking sprained ankle (been there my mannn) but I don’t think that will linger too long but also you never know with this guy…

Low Minors SS Amed Rosario – 21.6 year old BIG TIME PROSPECT but you never really know how much the NY media or the Mets fans in the groupchat inflate that fact now do you. Seemingly pretty good though and definitely the Mets top prospect (#8 overall BA, #3 MLB.com, #8 BP). Bat looks legit which is a concern I have previously voiced over SS prospect types, but yes take a look: .368 OBP, 15 2Bs, 4 3Bs, 7 HRs, 42 Rs, 48 RBIs, 12 SBs in 286 AAA ABs this season, his first taste of AAA. DEFINITELY the guy that someone might most regret parting with in this particular deal. Should have already been up for the Mets but is not up and who knows when they may or may not do it, probably waiting for the exact moment when their fans are most sick of their shit to do it as a desperation move. Could be really really good, CURIOUS PACKAGE to part with him for. Major League Comparison: Carlos Correa yeaaaaa I said it…..

THE BAD DUDES RETURN:

I like JUST discussed this AJ Pollock fucker so let’s just copy and paste that shit:

“CF AJ Pollock – 29.5 year old CF for the DBacks, has been both overrated and underrated a hundred different times by now. .337 OBP, 12 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 2 HRs, 26 Rs, 11 RBIs, 11 SBs in 154 ABs thus far this season. He was never going to be the 20 HR threat that a lot of FOOLS thought he would be after he popped 20 in 2015, that was an outlier season and his cap is probably the mid teens on a good year. Hits way too many grounders to have power numbers, at about 50% this year. BUT a very good base stealer and can score a lot of runs and can probably end up with enough extra base hits in that home stadium to be a realllll fantasy asset, so long as he can stay healthy. That has been tricky throughout his career.”

So yea he is currently on the DL with some combo of groin issues or quad tightness and yea this always happens with him….

Low Minors SS Franklin Barreto – 21.25 year old SS prospect for the Athletics andddd I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT BARRETTO AGAIN. Let’s see what I wrote before:

Franklin Barreto. Barreto is the A’s best prospect according to BA (#40 overall, #52 MLB.com) and is also according to what IIIIIII have heard, more of a future CF than a future middle infielder. Which changes things in fantasy now does it. Barreto hit 10 dingers and swiped 30 bags across 462 AA ABs last season, numbers that would play at CF if that is where his eventual future lies. The speed is for real but, as with most prospects, how the hitting progresses through the higher levels remains to be seen (he did go 6 for 18 with a triple and a homer in 4 AAA games last year so credit for that I guess).

CURRENTLY he sports this line across 64 AAA games: .311 OBP, 10 2Bs, 4 3Bs, 8 HRs, 35 Rs, 32 RBIs, 3 SBs in 270 ABs. Decent pop outta Franklin but is also striking out 30% of the time in AAA which isn’t ideal. CERTAINLY not a prospect on the level of Amed Rosario, that is certainly not the case. Major League Comparison: Rafael Furcal is the alleged throwback comparison I have seen, so for modern day players he getttts Elvis Andrus.

s

As you can probably tell from my tone I feel Amed Rosario was given up a bit tooooo easily in this particular deal. Brantley and Pollock have basically been the same person at different times and are both oft-injured and Brantley arguably plays the more scarce position, so yea I am going to have to side with THE OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB on this one in terms of whom I think got the better end of the deal. Rosario might be a stud in the very very near future and fucking Lobman just up and gives him to the team stocked with studs….THANKS

S

THE SECOND TRADE (6/20):

WOOD traded Kyle Seager, Sea 3B to rmac
rmac traded Carson Fulmer, CWS SP to WOOD

AND ALSO SOME DUMB DRAFT PICKS. I couldn’t care less about those draft picks so I won’t even look ’em up.

THE TITANS RETURN:

3B Kyle Seager – 29.6 year old 3B for the Mariners, a BELOVED FRANCHISE for the Titans some say. And Seager is a pretty good player to boot: .330 OBP, 16 2Bs, 1 3B, 7 HRs, 27 Rs, 41 RBIs, 1 SB in 262 ABs thus far this season. Nothing reallllly to sneeze at there, he is not quite at his HR pace from last season (30 HRs in 2016) but that kinda seems to be a function of some bad luck more than anything. All of the numbers seem in line and he is currently 8th among 3B types in RBIs with lots o’ room for HR improvement in the second half. A NICE LITTLE PLAYER. Not the kind you want to necessarily just up and trade for a shitty High Minors starter, is I guess the bush I am beating around.

THE MORNING WOOD RETURN:

THIS FUCKING GUY BELOW THAT I HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN ABOUT:

“[High Minors] SP Carson Fulmer – 23 year old RHP prospect for the Chicago White Sox, the 8th overall pick in the 2015 Amateur Draft. Got rocked over the course of 11.2 major league relief innings last season (8.49 ERA, 5.98 FIP) but did okay in 4 AAA starts (3.17 FIP) but did less okay in 17 AA starts (4.17 FIP). Control issues have some believing he will never throw enough strikes to start/will end up in a high-leverage bullpen role. Since this is my first prospect of the new streamlined trade analysis I am excited to compare him to a major leaguer, and that major leaguer isssssss: Tony Cingrani . I see a future reliever. ”

TONY CINGRANI AT BEST. Current AAA numbers for Fulmer are as follows: 6-3, 4.41 ERA (5.62 FIP), 46 Ks in 67.1 IP (6.15 K/9). He also walks 4 batters per 9 which ain’t great. He also, again, is a high minors guy. So you are holding this man in a high minors spot…..

LOOK QTC YOU ARE STARTING TO PUSH YOUR FUCKING LUCK HERE. So yes I side with the TOMS RIVER TITANS here. If you wanna trade folks fine, but we are starting to seriously strain the veto system here when you are just giving away guys that were being drafted as a top 5 3B before the season for Carson fucking Fulmer. Sure Kyle Seager isn’t on the same pace he was on last season but he has not regressed to the level where he is an acceptable 1 for 1 swap for Carson fucking Fulmer, and again no I don’t care about those draft picks. These drafts are prettttty new additions to the league so perhaps we haven’t quite established a value for what the picks are worth but I don’t think they are worth whatever they would need to be for this one not to look pretttttty bad for Q-Tip City. Again FULMER IS A HIGH MINORS GUY AND HE IS NOT GOOD. And this now makes a couple suspect deals in a row and let’s just clean this shit up, I would rather see guys outright dropped then sent to teams for trash at leasttttt in the FA pool there is a waiver system to help avoid shady practices. Let’s be better than this going forward, Bonerz.

2017 WEEK 11 REVIEW: OFFENSIVE CARNAGE EDITION

June 20, 2017June 20, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

s

WEEK 11 SAW A REALLLLLLL POWER BOON IN THE BACKYARD (AND AT LEAST ONE JROLL!) AS THREE TEAMS RACKED UP 20+ HOME RUNS, WHICH PROBABLY HASN’T HAPPENED SINCE BACK WHEN EVERYONE WAS ON STEROIDS? I DUNNO FEELS RARE FOR THE BACKYARD. PERHAPS ON A RELATED NOTE, MOST TEAMS ERAS WERE HORRIBLE. PERHAPS ON AN UNRELATED BUT IMPORTANT TO WATCH NOTE, THE FRANCHISES BELONGING TO THE FORMER CO-OWNERS OF THAT DYNASTY I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT ARE RED FUCKING HOT. OR AT LEAST WHAT PASSES FOR RED HOT IN THIS PARTICULARLY TIGHT PLAYOFF RACE OF A SEASON. IN A RELATED NOTE, WE ARE NEARLY TWO THIRDS THROUGH THE REGULAR SEASON. BUT WHATEVER LET’S LOOK AT WEEK 11 FIRST…..

Point Loma X-Rayz DOMINATE The Toms River Titans And They Wanted Me To Point Out Here That Point Loma Is A Nicer Place Than Toms River But Get The Fuck Over Yourselves Most Places Are A Nicer Place Than Toms River We Get It – 12-2-0

MVP: Jose Ramirez – Hooooo boy did Jose Ramirez have himself a fucking week, something he shares in common with several other X-Rayz teammates. But Jose had the best week of em all, I think, based off a cursory glance here and based off his 11 XBH. Plus that’s a lovely t-shirt. 16/31, 9 Rs, EIGHT 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .545 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP: JT Realmuto – On the opposite end of the spectrum you have JT Realmuto and his 1 XBH and his overall DISAPPOINTING week. Was he a “Hitter of Note” last week or something? I feel like this is becoming a thing where I write a guys name for a good thing one week and then the next week they end up sucking. A CURSE. A curse of small sample size variations. 3/17, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .222 OBP

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note: Quite frankly there were lots of them because the X-Rayz offense had themselves a week like they probably haven’t seen in years, at least in the dinger department, but let’s highlight Lorenzo Cain who continues to perform with a certain “fuck you Mikey T” chip on his shoulder (11/24, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, 2 SBs, .519 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note: And then there is Jason Vargas, who continues to perform which is just weird enough on his own THE GUY HAS 10 WINS ALREADY ON A PRETTY BAD TEAM AND SHIT (13 IP, 4 ER, 9 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.77 ERA).

Titans Hitter Of Note: Carlos Correa had a decent week but heeee was nearly the only one, which isn’t ideal (9/23, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .462 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note: Stephen Strasburg failed to turn in a QS in either of his 2 starts last week and the Titans should panic and look to trade him to a willing suitor immediately (10.1 IP, 8 ER, 15 Ks, 1 W, 6.97 ERA).

XRAYZ OFFENSE XPLOSION here gentlemen, as our pals from Point Loma set the Runs record (and handily won that cat 64-39) and tied the Doubles record (and handily won that cat 25-15) for the 2017 season. Matchups with the TR Titans often focus on the pitching side of things but what this one realllllly comes down to is one team having having arguably the strongest offensive showing of the week while the other team had arguably the weakest offensive showing of the week. THAT IS GENERALLY NOT GOING TO GO WELL FOR THE WEAK OFFENSIVE SHOWING TEAM. And that is precisely what happened here, as the Titans conceded all 7 offensive cats to the the X-Rayz on their way to a blowout L. To add insult to injury the pitching staff was all sort of fucked up for TR as well, pitching to 7 Wins (X-Rayz would win the cat 8-7) and 1 CG (one of the two cats the Titans won, the other being Holds [also won with 1]) but also putting up a 6.411 ERA. But enough about what the Titans failed to do, let’s look at what the X-Rayz managed to do: nothing short of their FINEST power week probably of all time, as one of the THREE TEAMS that cleared 20+ HRs in Week 11 (21 for the X-Rayz, tied for 2nd most in the week). The X-Rayz also pitched to a solid 3.857 ERA in a week where most teams struggled to keep it under 5 let alone 4, and all around just an all around impressive performance from Point Loma. Which is what you want to see when you are winning your 4th straight matchup, STILL TRENDING UP. The Point Loma X-Rayz will look to continue trending up when they seek their FIFTH STRAIGHT win in Week 12, the Toms River Titans will look to avoid dropping their third straight as there is getting to be fewer and fewer weeks remaining for those teams looking to make a push into the playoffs. CLEARLY. Cuz that’s how this thing works.

Next Week aka This Week: X-Rayz v. Isotopes (An IMPORTANT battle for playoff positioning kinda, because I guess we will start seeing those sorts of battles at this juncture), Titans v. Renegade Force (An IMPORTANT battle because I may just declare the loser out of the playoff race in next week’s review and advise them to sell all their aging stars and start planning for 2018)

Astoria Isotopes Continue To Slug Their Way To Victories, This One’s Over The Slugs – 10-3-1

MVP: Cody Bellinger – Cody Bellinger is slugggggggggin, MAN is he sluggin’ to start his MLB career here. And MAN am I annoyed that he is doing it for the Isotopes. I have half a mind to offer Arenado for him just to end this madness. 9/27, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .400 OBP

LVP: Josh Donaldson – WEIRDLY EMPTY stat line for JDon, which I don’t think I’ve ever seen out of him. But here it is, a whole lot of NOTHIN but 4 singles and 3 walks. 4/18, .333 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

Isotopes Hitter Of Note: This has been like our usual “let’s check in on Aaron Judge” segment so YEA let’s check in on that guy (7/27, 6 Rs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .412 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Wanted to take the ‘Topes down a peg by checking in on someone that did terrible here but aside from Melancon allowed that Arenado cycle nobody looked allll that bad, so fine look Jose Berrios had a nice start too YAY YOUTHFUL ISOTOPES (8 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.25 ERA).

Slugs Hitter Of Note: In the good news for the Barnegat Banana Slugs Dept. uhhh I guess Jonathon Schoop is having an okay year (9/25, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .433 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?: WHO CARES I dropped Aledmys, partly just to put an end to this madness.

Slugs Pitcher Of Note: And nowwww it is my distinct pleasure to announce that Rick Porcello sucked last week and has sucked and/or been unlucky for most of the year let’s go with sucked fuck him (12 IP, 12 ER, 7 Ks, 9.00 ERA).

These DAMNED ‘Topes and their DAMNED youthful contributions. What can really be said here Judge continues to do Judge things and Bellinger is developing into a realllll monster and there is just EXCITEMENT IN THE AIR in Astoria. Like in the matchup discussed above, the Isotopes did themselves a real solid by going out and sweeping the offensive cats in their Week 11 matchup, not necessarily surprising for a team near the top of most offensive categories taking on a team near the bottom but STILL small sample size yada yada yada clearly Barnegat would have liked to grab an offensive cat or two here. They grabbed none, and they pitched to a league-worst 6.868 ERA (the ‘Topes pitched to a league-second-best 3.687) which didn’t help the QS and Wins categories none and so Astoria took those cats as well. ALOTTA CATS went to Astoria, is what I am saying, cuz they won. Mediocre bullpen work on their part did, however, allow the Barnegat Banana Slugs to win both Saves (2-1) and Holds (4-2) but yanno whatever it happens. This victory gave the Isotopes the Season Series Sweep over the Banana Slugs and allowed them to leapfrog them in the standings, with the Isotopes currently in place as the #5 seed and the Banana Slugs dropping down to the #6 seed. so IMPORTANT PLAYOFF JOCKEYING NOW TAKING PLACE, as early as Week 11. Fun stuff. In Week 12 the Isotopes will be seeking a 3rd straight win, the Banana Slugs will look to get back to getting Ws following a 1-3 stretch over their last 4 that has seen them drop from 4th to 6th in the playoff standings.

Next Week aka This Week: Isotopes v. X-Rayz (Read above for my thoughts on this matchup, WHY DO I EVEN WRITE THIS PART shit gets repetitive CHANGES COMING), Banana Slugs v. BDSliderz (Battle of 5-5-1s, his Dochness looking to stop a 4 week slide)

427b15b86d7e0cf5e20b18acda922eeb — I don’t know how many more times I will get the chance to give EE an MVP so we need to parrot now, wrong team jersey be damned…..

Manchester MooniniteZ Do What The First Place Team Is Supposed To Do When Playing The Last Place Team, Defeat Q-Tip City Morning Wood – 10-4-0

MVP: Edwin Encarnacion – Edwin’s demise has been greatly exaggerated, KINDA LIKE WHAT HAPPENS EVERY YEAR. But yes Edwin had a slow April and yes we were the teensiest tiniest bit worried maybe for a second there but worried no more, over the last 30 days he’s been the best hitter in baseball not named Aaron Judge and in June he’s been the best hitter period. Hi to his haters (Heroy). 9/23, 10 Rs, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .545 OBP

LVP: Brandon Belt – Brandon WHAT HAPPENED HERE? Brandon Belt did not get a hit last week but still did enough to avoid LVP for the week, the Backyard Championship League is wacky like that. Have we settled on BCL as a thing? We need to settle on something as the formal version of “the Backyard” someone fetch me a poll question. 0/16, 1 R, 1 SB, .158 OBP

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note: NOLAN CYCLENADO NOLAN JROLLENADO NOLAN ARENADO whatever you wanna call him, he had one of the greatest cycles of all time Sunday and also had a JROLL in Week 11 and sadly even with all of that I couldn’t vault him over Eazy E for MVP of this matchup (13/33, 4 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .394 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note: Jimmy Nelson earned himself a long leash in the MooniniteZ rotation by FINALLY getting us the CG we craved, we only wanted one we aren’t greedy (14 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 2.45 ERA).

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: The Morning Wood offense finally showed signs of life in Week 11 and Logan Morrison was right at the forefront of that uhhh signage (7/20, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .458 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: And let’s keep thaaaangs positive, QTC started 12 so I don’t need to yell at them so I can instead point out that Carlos Martinez has been very good and very good for them and good for them (6 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

ABOUT. What could be expected when a team that hasn’t won since April takes on a team that hasn’t lost in a month and change. The team that hasn’t lost in a month and change still hasn’t lost, is what happened. Manchester (I guess Q-Tip City is also Manchester HOW CONFUSING) continued their hot streak here, fueled by a 57 R, 21 HR, 66 RBI offensive performance that helped make up for a pretttttty mediocre performance on the pitching portion (Jimmy Nelson Complete Game aside). Q-Tip City actually put up as strong of an offensive performance as they’ve mustered in MANY WEEKS (probably), winning the Doubles cat (20-17) and hitting 14 HRs (their highest total since they hit 17 in their last W in Week 2). But ALAS the MooniniteZ are hot, and their week-leading .3859 OBP helped key a 6 outta 7 cat win on offense that was enough to mask some unpleasantness on the pitching side of things (only 3 QS 3 Ws). Which isn’t to say pitching was all bad, their 77 Strikeouts were good enough and Nelson chipped in a CG and they amassed a league-leading 8 Saves (and even a shitty 4.838 ERA bested QTC’s even shittier 4.909). But whatever, I think we have discussed this matchup enough and we aren’t trying to talk about it so much as be about it, if you catch my drift. The Manchester MooniniteZ will seek to continue to BE ABOUT IT when they look for their SIXTH STRAIGHT WIN in Week 12 (last year the MooniniteZ set the season record with 8 straight TAKE NOTE), the Q-Tip City Morning Wood will look to win again at some point before the season concludes.

Next Week aka This Week: MooniniteZ v. OGTFC (Guy With The Most Championshippy Record In 2017 v. 2016 Champion), Morning Wood v. Bad Dudes (LEAVE IT ALL ON THE COURT QTC what can I really say here….)

img_0257-1024x1024

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Earn A Rare Non-Tie, Squeak Past Rojo’s Renegade Force For The W – 7-6-1

MVP: Anthony Rizzo – Rizzo has actually been the THIRD best hitter in baseball over the past 30 days. Is something I learned. Just now. So yea good on him. ~~10/24, 6 Rs,~~ Realllllllly tried to not give this one to Mookie Betts since I’m on this kick this week of being mean to the Red Sawks but just….couldn’t….do it. He was good and now the Sawks are playing better and it is just a sad thing. 12/31, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .441 OBP

LVP: The All Holds Strategy – This is partly because nobody on the team was that bad and partly because IT IS JUST TRUE. I mean look at this shit, the Fishing Club was actually out there TRYING to pick up holds guys and they could only must one and they also only mustered one save. If you flip the strategy and go all Saves and then just try and stream Holds on the weekend you are better off. I don’t think anybody can deny this. But what do I know I only have the best record over the past 2 years (mehhhh regular season wins mehhhh I’m Mikey T). 0 Saves

OGTFC Hitter Of Note: That goddamned madman Trea Turner stole 4 bases on Sunday to help spark the OGTFC comeback so we are gonna highlight his numbers over the superior numbers of Anthony Rizzo cuz fuck why not (9/33, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 5 SBs, .294 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: How’s about Archie Bradley racking up 2 Ws and a Hold in a mere 3.1 IP IS THAT NOT NOTABLE (3.1 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks, 2 Ws, 1 Hold, 0.00 ERA)?!

RRF Hitter Of Note: Like I said RRF hitters weren’t that bad they just weren’t good enough, but damned if scrappy little Chris Taylor didn’t try his best to pull out this W (7/21, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, 3 SBs, .391 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note: Masahiro Tanaka looked better for one game and then looked bad again but at least K’d 10 and I swear this motherfucker is the only pitcher I talk about for RRF I HAVE WRITTEN TOO MANY OF THESE STARTING TO GET TO ME (10.2 IP, 6 ER, 18 Ks, 1 QS, 5.06 ERA).

Not gonna lie folks, there was a moment where this one looked DESTINED for a tie and I was like oh goddammit not a-fucking-gain. Well it turns out this one turned out farrrrr far worst, as our defending champeen snuck out the win and nobody ever wants the defending champeen to win. The OGTFC got it done in part because they were the THIRD team in Week 11 that was able to notch 20+ HRs, and the OGTFC were the cream of the crop of the league with 22 HRs. Those HRs combined with a strong OBP (.3775) and 9 Ws helped give the OGTFC the cats they needed to make a comeback on Sunday, but the reallllll story here was the Sunday SBs. The Fishing Club racked up 9 RBIs Sunday to 4 RBIs from Rojo’s Renegade Force (OGTFC would win RBIs 54-51) and that part was huge, but eeeeeven huger was the stolen base onslaught that managed them to grab them the lead in that cat. Rojo’s Renegade Force entered Sunday clinging to a 5-4 SB lead but 4 SBs from Trea Turner (and 2 other SBs from other fuckers) later and the OGTFC would end the week with a 10-5 edge in SBs. Andddd when George Springer failed to rack up the 2 doubles or 4 RBIs needed in the Sunday night game (he instead hit a solo HR), the OGTFC ended the week with a 7-6-1 edge overall. In Week 12 the OGTFC will look to STOP THE MOONINITEZ FREIGHT TRAIN and win their second in a row, as they continue to climb up the standings. Rojo’s Renegade Force will seek to avoid a 3rd straight loss that would put a reallll damper on playoff hopes.

S

Next Week aka This Week: OGTFC v. MooniniteZ, RRF v. Titans

2017 WEEK 11 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY NABISCO’S LIMITED EDITION WAFFLES & SYRUP OREOS

River City Bad Dudes (Temporarily?) Right The Ship, Stop Losing Streak At 3, Extend Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Slide To 4 With Sunday Night Victory – 6-5-3

MVP: Rougned Odor – ROUGNED ODOR JROLL. I didn’t properly celebrate the other JROLL from this week so we shall properly celebrate this one. The real MVPs were probably those that contributed in the Sunday night game but whatever we have Sawks bias here at the blog, plus Rougned has been awful so let’s give him a pat on the back and see if that’s just what he needs. He has been so piss poor that I am not going to use his picture however, and will instead use the ACTUAL JROLL himself. Baddddd motherfucker, that guy. 9/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .458 OBP

LVP: Jedd Gyorko – Jedd Gyorko you didn’t do much, you jerko. I dunno someone needs to go here and your OBP sucked more than Bregman’s. 1/11, 2 Rs, .231 OBP

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: TRULY Xander Bogaerts was the MVP of this week, with a 2 dong Sunday night performance that should keep him in River City for a long time, but truly I don’t care about getting these things “right” or whatever so fuck him he goes here and I get to use a thug life Jimmy Rollins pic above (8/30, 3 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .313 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: WELCOME BACK Tyson Ross, you were not as good as Lester but you pitched in a real live game and I want to point it out because you used to be pretty damned good (5.2 IP, 2 ER, 5 Ks, 1 W, 3.18 ERA).

BDSliderz Wood Hitter Of Note: Marcel Ozuna continues to be a bright spot for a MEH offense that certainly misses Freddie Freeman right about now (6/18, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .478 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Good lord did Jacob DeGrom look good last week, prrrrrobably and probably definitely the best he’s looked all season SO THAT IS POSITIVE FOR LACEY (17 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1 CG, 0.53 ERA).

DAMMIT I really wanted this one to end in a tie, we are not anti-tie here we are just anti-OGTFC tie cuz enough is fucking enough. But ANYWAYS, this one had alternately gonna back and forth from a Bad Dudes lead to a BDSliderz lead to a tie to a BDSliderz (may be out of sequence) and thennnnnn we arrived upon Sunday night and the Sunday night game that usually accompanies Sunday night. As the game began the BackdoorSliderz were absolutely clinnnging to a 5-4-5 lead and Lobman had already sent out a bunch of “mehhh ya got me mehhhh good week” type messages in the chat, EVER THE HUMBLE LOSER. But unfortunately the fucking Red Sawks waltzed into the Sunday night game hellbent on spoiling the Bad Dudes loss for all of us. A Xander Bogaerts HR gave the Bad Dudes the lead in that cat (14-13) and gave this matchup a tie, and then combo of Bogaerts and Hanley Ramirez threatened to knot up the Runs category but ultimately fell short (BDSliderz would win Runs 51-50 thanks to a Jose Altuve run). UNFORTUNATELY that wasn’t the only trick the Bad Dudes had up their sleeve, and yes I guess I am now rooting for Lacey Twp in this matchup even though it is already over and I know how it ends. THE FAILURES OF THE ASTROS (special shoutout to Alex Bregman whom gave the BDSliderz nothing both in the Sunday night game and in all other games last week) left the door open for a Craig Kimbrel appearance, with Saves all knotted up at 2, and naturally Kimbrel did what he is good at and nailed the door shut and gave both the hated by me Red Sawks and the hated by everyone Bad Dudes victories. SAD! The Bad Dudes will look to continue righting their ship in Week 12, as a 3 week slide had helped drop them from 1st to 3rd. The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz will head into a CRUCIAL battle with the Barnegat Banana Slugs having lost 4 straight, which has dropped them allllllll the way out of the current playoff picture (a win against Barnegat gets them right back in that bitch however). FUCKING FANTASY BASEBALL FOLKS, tis heating up in the Backyard.

Next Week aka This Week: Bad Dudes v. Morning Wood, BDSliderz v. Banana Slugs

WEEK 11 OVER AKA THE WEEK BEFORE WEEK 12 AKA THE WEEK THAT WILL PUT US OFFICIALLY TWO THIRDS OF THE WAY THROUGH THE SEASON WHEN IT IS OVER. NORMALLY I WOULD SAY WE SHOULD SEE A TRADE DEADLINE IN THE NEAR FUTURE BUT YOU IDIOTS VOTED FOR ONE LIKE A MONTH AND CHANGE FROM NOW SO NONE OF THAT, JUST A LOTTTTTT OF TEAMS JOCKEYING FOR PLAYOFF POSITIONING WHILE WE WATCH FROM OUR IVORY TOWER ON THE MOON……WITH OUR TWO GAME LEAD……WHICH MIGHT AS WELL PUT US ON THE MOON GIVEN THE WAY THE REST OF YOU WILL DEVOUR YOURSELVES IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS. SUCK IT NERDZ.

la0749-2t

Draft Rights: The Next Step

June 19, 2017June 30, 2017 mikelobmanLeave a comment

moncada-robers-595x470 — Who wants the next version of Cuban superstar prospects? You? WELL YOU HAVE YOUR SHOT

– June 19, 2017

And now some Minor League news from your Minor League Coordinator:

Hello “friends”. I’ve been dragging my feet a bit on this, mostly because I’ve been fairly busy with some real life (SAD!) stuff, so I have finally gotten to a computer to do work, and this is what I’ve decided to start with. Without Further ado:

THURSDAY 7/13 Draft Rights Player Draft Guidelines:

Draft start time is TBD
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO. I understand some of you do not really care too much for this process, and you may simply decide to not risk anything and just PASS on your picks. This makes my life easier, and allows this process to move quickly.
Draft will be 3 Rounds – Drafted in a fixed 1-10 fashion (based off of last season’s regular season record)
You may only have (3) draft rights players at a time. This means you must make a decision on your currently owned players prior to drafting.
- If you decide to keep any of your rights players, you will forfeit your picks in the draft in descending order (3,2,1) depending on how many players you keep.
- Deadline for decisions on currently owned players will be Sunday (7/9) prior to the draft at 11:59 pm.
- If you renounce the rights to your draft rights player, they will be available in the draft. If they’re not drafted, they are ineligible to be selected in any form until they show up in the system, or the offseason draft.
- An updated spreadsheet of rights players will be provided.
A spreadsheet with draft order (full with trades and such) will be provided within the next day or so. Maybe even today I don’t know.
Obviously, trades are acceptable for draft rights picks and players. There have already been a few. Picks for the offseason draft are also available to be traded. This is already being tracked, and a spreadsheet will be provided in short order.
Unattached players ARE eligible to be drafted but with the following conditions:
- If a player is drafted in this year’s draft rights draft, they MUST sign with an organization by 7/13/18. If they are not attached to a team by that time, they will be released back into the pool for the next year’s draft.
- This is not negotiable. This is a risk that you take for picking this player. You are being warned.
Again, just a little refresher on the draft rights process:
- If you draft a player, you are obligated to make a decision on his roster status for your team the second he is found to be available in the ESPN player pool.
- You are free to add him or decline and send him back to the player pool.
- If you add this player, you will use your waiver spot. Your waiver spot will be used REGARDLESS of whether we notice a player is on or off waivers at the time.
- If you relinquish the rights to a player, he’s available (via waivers or free agency) to the rest of the league.
- Its simple, really.

Ok, so there may be added questions, but I will help streamline the process as much as I can, once I get any questions or comments. But I think we’re pretty clear on the process, and enjoying just how complex and convoluted we could make this league.

QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? PLAUDITS? Please bring it up on the chat!

Hugs and Kisses,

Mike

TRAAAAAAAAAADE REVIEWWWWWW(S): Apparently I Missed A Bunch Edition

June 16, 2017June 16, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

S

THE FIRST TRADE (6/13):

WOOD traded Jon Lester, ChC SP to RCBD
RCBD traded Domingo Santana, Mil RF to WOOD

S

POLL RESULTS: I don’t know if we’ve been doing polls lately and shame on us for that. NO POLL RESULTS TO BE DISCUSSED.

MY HYPOTHETICAL VOTE: Would go to the Q-Tip City Morning Wood because I hate Jon Lester

THE MORNING WOOD RETURN:

RF Domingo Santana – 24.8 year old Brewers RF working on a wee bit of a breakout. .375 OBP, 11 2Bs, 11 HRs, 38 Rs, 35 RBIs, 6 SBs in 218 ABs thus far this season (well at the time that I got around to writing this part or whatever). Same number of HRs in about 30 more ABs last season and that was the most ABs he ever had so it is just a matter of WHERE THINGS GO FROM HERE. Compounding the ABs problem is a somewhat crowded Brewers OF once Ryan Braun returns from injury. But hey Domingo has slightly improved his BB% and his K% and that is more than SOME OTHER BREWERS OFs can say so who knows where he goes from here. Whom. Knows.

THE BAD DUDES RETURN:

SP Jon Lester – 33.45 year old lefty piece of shit pitcher for the Cubs that can’t throw to first base. 4-4, 3.89 ERA (3.52 FIP), 86 Ks in 83.1 IP (9.29 K/9), 7 QS at time of writing this in the year 2017. Remains an effective fantasy guy, has a team that will win him some games, but fuck him I don’t like him.

S

THE SECOND TRADE (6/14):

LTBS traded A.J. Pollock*, Ari CF to JF16
JF16 traded Eduardo Nunez, SF SS to LTBS
JF16 traded Kevin Maitan, Atl SS to LTBS

MY HYPOTHETICAL VOTE: Would go to the OGTFC due to receiving best player and giving up not much (at this time)

THE OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB RETURN:

CF AJ Pollock – 29.5 year old CF for the DBacks, has been both overrated and underrated a hundred different times by now. .337 OBP, 12 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 2 HRs, 26 Rs, 11 RBIs, 11 SBs in 154 ABs thus far this season. He was never going to be the 20 HR threat that a lot of FOOLS thought he would be after he popped 20 in 2015, that was an outlier season and his cap is probably the mid teens on a good year. Hits way too many grounders to have power numbers, at about 50% this year. BUT a very good base stealer and can score a lot of runs and can probably end up with enough extra base hits in that home stadium to be a realllll fantasy asset, so long as he can stay healthy. That has been tricky throughout his career.

THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

SS/3B/LF Eduardo Nunez – GUY IS ALREADY GONE, lets save the analysis for his final resting place. Poor traded a bunch of times bastard, he’s like an older less domestically abusive Addison Russell…..

Low Minors SS Kevin Maitan – Look the guy is 17 fucking years old, I don’t care how good he might eventually be we could all be dead by then so it won’t really matter. Don’t trade established players for 17 year olds LET US NOT BECOME THAT LEAGUE. I know nothing about him, hear he has some hit tools but he also might not have pubes so whatevz. Major League Comparison: Xander Bogaerts cuz I dunno why not? People that throw Miggy’s name around offend me.

S

THE THIRD TRADE (6/15):

RCBD traded Lazaro Armenteros, Oak LF to LTBS
RCBD traded David Dahl*, Col LF to LTBS
RCBD traded Jacob Faria, TB SP to LTBS
LTBS traded J.P. Crawford, Phi SS to RCBD
LTBS traded Clint Frazier, NYY CF to RCBD
LTBS traded Carlos Carrasco, Cle SP to RCBD

AND A BUNCH OF DRAFT PICKS OR WHATEVER

MY HYPOTHETICAL VOTE: Would go to the Bad Dudes for getting Carlos Carrasco in all this mess and giving up a whole lotta not much, also Clint Frazier ain’t exactly a throw-in.

THE BAD DUDES RETURN:

SP Carlos Carrasco – 30 year old righty for the Indians, and a guy I think I saw pitchin in Clearwater. 6-3, 3.36 ERA (3.56 FIP), 72 Ks in 75 IP (8.64 K/9), 7 QS thus far in 2017. PITCHIN’ WELL. What else can I say. He also pitched quite well last year. I might try and acquire him from the Bad Dudes at some point so lets say as little as possible and move on.

Low Minors CF Clint Frazier – 22.8 year old CF for the Yanks, currently at AAA and acquired in the Andrew Miller trade and they made him cut his beautiful red hair. Yanks 2nd ranked prospect right now (#33 overall BA, #18 overall MLB.com, #16 overall BP). So folks think he can be good, and he has been pretty good at AAA thus far: .353 OBP, 11 HRs, 9 SBs in 59 games. Brewers RF working on a wee bit of a breakout. .375 OBP, 11 2Bs, 11 HRs, 38 Rs, 35 RBIs, 6 SBs in 218 ABs thus far this season (well at the time that I got around to writing this part or whatever). PERHAPS not the type of guy you just throw in a deal, perhaps. Should be up next season at the latest, could be very good and a 20/20 threat and here he is just thrownnn on in here.I HAVE SEEN MIKE TROUT’S NAME MENTIONED AS A COMP EVEN THOUGH THOSE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS. Major League Comparison: Andrew McCutchen because I don’t see color, which version of Cutch it remains to be seen.

Low Minors SS JP Crawford – 22.4 year old AAA SS for the Phillies, slumping HARD but their top prospect according to BA (#19 overall BA, #4 MLB.com, #4 BP). The problem with prospect rankings is we act like defense isn’t a big part of them, and in JP’s case it certainly is. But yea SLUMPING: .194 AVG, .313 OBP, 2 HRs, 2 SBs in 56 AAA games. Might still be good but damned if I ever trust an SS prospect, due to the whole defense being weighted heavily thing. Francisco Lindor worked out though so WHO KNOWS. Major League Comparison: Starlin Castro

THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

CF David Dahl – DAVID DAHL WILL BE HURT FOREVER. When he isn’t hurt he is a power-speed threat, as evidenced by his 7 HRs 5 SBs in 63 games last season. But he will be hurt forever so why wax nostalgic about the past.

Low Minors LF Lazaro Armenteros – AGAIN, this dude was born in like 1999 people. WHO FUCKING KNOWS. Major League Comparison: Yasiel Puig cuz Cuba.

Low Minors SP Jacob Faria – 23.8 year old righty pitcher CURRENTLY UP with the Rays and pitching well. 2-0 with 13 Ks in 12.2 IP, 2 ER thus far in the majors after racking up 12.89 K/9 and putting up a 3.07 ERA (3.20) FIP in AAA. I believe he was the Rays 9th ranked prospect according to Baseball America, AND LOOK I DON’T HAVE THE TIME TO CHECK ALL THE RANKINGS ON ALL YOUR TRADES THIS PARTICULAR WEEK OKAY. I have a job sorta. Major League Comparison: Colin McHugh, Ks WITH MEH VELOCITY BABY.

THE FOURTH TRADE (6/15):

LTBS traded Eduardo Nunez, SF SS to WOOD
LTBS traded Corey Dickerson, TB LF to WOOD
WOOD traded Didi Gregorius, NYY SS to LTBS
WOOD traded Julio Teheran, Atl SP to LTBS

AND MAYBE DRAFT PICKS? I dunno I can’t remember. Almost definitely was draft picks though.

“take some pride in your work Sean mehhhhhh”

THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

SP Julio Teheran – 26.33 year old righty starter for the Braves, oscillates between good and bad seasons and is currently on a bad one. 6-4, 4.86 ERA (5.67 FIP), 57 Ks in 79.2 IP (6.44 K/9), 9 QS in the year 2017. 9 QS HOW IN THE FUCK?! That FIP is so bad that I shouldn’t have to keep writing about this fucking guy in trade reviews, is what I think. So I won’t

SS Didi Gregorius – 27 year old SS for the Yanks, KILLIN IT after returning from the DL. .355 OBP, 10 2Bs, 6 HRs, 23 Rs, 25 RBIs, 1 SB in 174 ABs. Hit 20 HRs last season. Still pretty young and in his athletic prime and whatnot. DEREK JETER WHO. A fairly solid fantasy SS these days is what Didi is, which is why he was on like 3 different teams around the time of this trade.

THE MORNING WOOD RETURN:

Because of what the Morning Wood are doing below here (and certainly NOT because of time constraints) I am not even going to look at their return. And it is a shame cuz I think the world of Corey Dickerson but YOU ERECTIONS ARE PUSHING IT. First 11 starters now this. and Fuck Eduardo Nunez……

THE FIFTH/SIXTH TRADES (6/15):

WOOD traded Troy Tulowitzki, Tor SS to RCBD
RCBD traded J.P. Crawford, Phi SS to WOOD

RRF traded Ariel Miranda, Sea RP to WOOD
WOOD traded Carlos Gonzalez, Col RF to RRF

Yea no nowwwwww you First Boners Of The Day are just fucking pushing it, don’t make the league contemplate the vetoes I would rather see you just drop people. Or yanno SHOP AROUND FOR A HOT MINUTE. I will not review these cuz these are terrible, I touched on JP Crawford above though so ENJOY THAT.

il_570xn-1015915439_46mg

2017 Week 10 Review: BACK FROM BONNAROO TO BULLY THE LEAGUE WITH BITING COMMENTARY BUT NOT REALLY CUZ I AM STILL KINDA TIRED EDITION

June 15, 2017June 15, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

Bonnaroo Body Paint — All hail the body painting tent and its gifts……

WEEK 10 ALLEGEDLY JUST HAPPENED BUT I WAS IN SOME FIELD IN TENNESSEE TRYING TO RADIATE POSITIVITY OR WHATFUCKINGEVER BUT NO MATTER. BOTH THE LEAGUE AND THE MOONINITEZ WENT ON MOSTLY WITHOUT ME AND DID JUST FINE. LETS CHECK AND SEE HOW BOTH THE LEAGUE AND THE MOONINITEZ DID SHALL WE? NO JROLLS AGAIN!

Manchester MooniniteZ MooniMURDER Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz And I Am Rusty On These Things But Yea This One Wasn’t Close – 11-1-2

MVP: Gary Sanchez – El Gary got off to a slow start and then got injured and for a moment I kinda missed Yasmani Grandal but NOW…….now El Gary is back and back to doing his thing. Shall be the best fantasy catcher in the league by season’s end. 9/26, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 13 RBIs, .393 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP: Carlos Santana – ‘Los socked a dinger but that’s about all he socked, other than that he ~~socked~~ sucked. 2/18, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .200 OBP

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note: Joey Votto also had a helluva week in Week 10 but quite frankly so did a good chunk of the team and we can’t name drop em all now can we (11/27, 8 Rs, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .448 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note: When I say a good chunk of the team had a good week I am referring to the hitters, the pitchers were allllll hot garbage and were lead by the rook Dinelson Lamet regressing ALMOST IMMEDIATELY (8 IP, 14 ER, 9 Ks, 15.75 ERA).

BDSliderz Hitter Of Note: Marcell Ozuna gave me hell when this team was under previous ownership and he made a half-assed attempt to give me hell again but WAS NOT NEARLY GOOD ENOUGH sir (9/29, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .333 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Old friend JA Happ returned to baseball in Week 10 and gave Lacey Twp one bad start and then one good start (11.1 IP, 5 ER, 12 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.97 ERA).

Well HOT DAMN the MooniniteZ didn’t need much checking up on from their owner this week, as this will go down as the most impressive victory-whilst-attending-Bonnaroo that this league of old people will ever see (I include myself in the group here doubt I make it back). But yes what can be said here whatttttt…..can be…..said here. Lacey had the fewest Runs in the league in Week 10 while the MooniniteZ tied for the most (ergo MooniniteZ won that cat 59-38). Lacey had the fewest HRs in the league in Week 10 while the MooniniteZ had the most (ergo MooniniteZ won 21-8). Lacey had the fewest RBIs in the league in Week 10, the MooniniteZ had the SECOND most because the Isotopes keep fucking this symmetry up (ergo MooniniteZ won 58-32). The BackdoorSliderz did manage to avoid the shutout by posting a less awful ERA than the MooniniteZ, whom had an awful and league-worst ERA (ergo BDSliderz won 4.765 to 5.444). So there you have it. The suddenly SLUMPING Lacey Twp BDSliderz will look to avoid their fourth straight loss in Week 11, as they have perhaps finally learned what a tough league this can be. The suddenly RED HOT MooniniteZ will be seeking a 5th straight win in Week 11 but I already warned you clowns I probably already started going on a little run here.

Next Week aka This Week: MooniniteZ v. Morning Wood (First Place v. Last Place), BDSliderz v. Bad Dudes (NL RUNNER UP BATTLE)

starlin-castro-mlb-colorado-rockies-new-york-yankees-850x560

Astoria Isotopes Give The River City Bad Dudes A Queens Beatdown Although I Am Not Sure That Is A Real Thing – 8-4-2

MVP: Starlin Castro – Starlin Castro HOW BOUT THIS FUCKIN’ GUY HUH? I really don’t think there’s anything else I want to add on the subject of Starlin Castro right now. He had a real good week though. 10/24, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .440 OBP

LVP: Maikel Franco – Oh Maikel…….you continue to ride the struggle bus sir. Which is EXCELLENT cuz Lobman traded for you. 3/28, 1 RBI, .138 OBP

Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Aaron Judge continues to be a monster for the ‘Topes and the Bombers alike and the man was on base 60 goddamned percent of the time in Week 10 (12/24, 10 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .600 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: And heyyy Edinson Volquez had a nice game against the Pirates and I have already typed out his name more times than I expected to this season, baseball is wacky (7 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Odubel Herrera is a man that I know put together back to back LVP weeks which is impressive but he also hit 6 doubles in this matchup which is also impressive (8/20, 6 Rs, 6 2Bs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .429 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: And heyyyy Craig Kimbrel struck out every batter he faced last week and I will probably always highlight that sort of thing cuz Ks are kewl (2.1 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 2 Saves, 0.00 ERA).

DON’T LET THE 8 CAT WIN FOOL YOU FOLKS, the Isotopes took it to the defending runner-ups in this particular battle, the latest entry in this long-standing alleged rivalry. I say alleged because I have seen the Bad Dudes (under previous names) win playoff games but I have never seen the Isotopes (under previous names) win a damn thing when it counts. But ANYWHO, the Bad Dudes submitted a power outage performance here as they failed to reach double digit HRs for just the second week all year and submitted their lowest total yet with just 8 Dongs. The Isotopes did not have this same problem, as their Dong Cup runneth’d over and they put up 19. The Isotopes are also the ones to fuck up the paragraph I had above by notching an impressive and league best 63 RBIs in Week 10, nearly double the unimpressive and nearly league-worst 36 RBIs posted by River City. The nicest thing I can say about the Bad Dudes is they amassed 7 Saves in Week 10 and that is more than anyone else can say so good for them. In Week 11 the SUDDENLY SLUMPING JUST AS HARD AS LACEY Bad Dudes will also look to avoid a 4th straight loss when they head to Lacey, how beautiful is that shit? One of them will likely end up with a 4th straight loss. Beautiful. Oh and also the Isotopes will look to win their 2nd in a row and climb back above .500 for the first time in a while I think.

Next Week aka This Week: Isotopes v. Banana Slugs (Isotopes goin for the season series sweep with Barnegat), Bad Dudes v. BDSliderz (I kinda wish they could both lose)

Barnegat Banana Slugs Barnebeat The Toms River Titans And I Am Still Kinda Tired So Fuck You Why Do I Even Write These Things At The Top Like This In The First Place – 8-4-2

MVP: Jake Lamb – Jake Lamb is just an RBI MACHINE out there in AZ currently, I believe he currently leads baseball and I recall more than one double digit RBI week on his ledger. 5/21, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, .407 OBP

LVP: Javier Baez – This is a sad juxtaposition with Starlin Castro’s MVP performance above but SOMETIMES THAT IS JUST HOW IT GOES, Baez still has plenty of potential but Week 10 was not necessarily a week where that potential was shown off. Also steal a damn base would ya? 2/20, 1 R, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .182 OBP

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Salvador Perez giving the BSlugs some excellent production out of the catcher position, one has to be worried that it will eventually devolve into a “Was Salvador Perez Better Than Gary Sanchez This Week” segment (10/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .478 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?: NOPE, neither set the world on fire but Aledmys was certainly the better of the 2 in 10.

Current Tally: Trevor Story 5, Aledmys Diaz 5.

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Fuckin Ivan Nova mannnn, I am convinced if he was on the Yankees still he would have a 4.95 ERA right now but he is not on the Yankees and he is actually quite good and quite efficient with the pitches (12 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.25 ERA).

Titans Hitter Of Note: JT Realmuto the TOP RANKED catcher by whatever weird criteria ESPN uses for that ranking system, take that all the haters and losers (7/24, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .320 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note: The Titans tried to pick up a post-hype success story or something with Kevin Gausman and they learned the hard way that he kinda just sucks this particular season (3.1 IP, 7 ER, 18.90 ERA).

Barnegat battered the TR Titans a bit in Week 10, outclassing them on both sides of the coin which is a tough thing to do given TR’s stable of arms. The Banana Slugs had a lower ERA (3.232 v. 3.765), more QS (8 v. 6), more Ws (6 v. 4), and NEARLY more Ks but no they lost that one by one (85 v. 86). The Slugs paired the solid showing from their hurlers with good enough production on offense to take down a Titans squad that put up the second fewest Runs, second fewest HRs, and third fewest RBIs last week. If the Titans are scuffling that hard on offense they need their pitching to carry it home for them and the pitching came up just a bit short in most cats so they were in trouble here. I DUNNO HOW I COULD BETTER ANALYZE THIS ONE. THIS IS ALL WRAPPED UP. But also the Slugs will seek a second straight win when this week is all said and done in order to stay atop the American Division or American League or whatfuckingever we really need to change these names. The Titans will look to avoid a second straight loss as they don’t want to fall too far below .500. Both these teams started 12 pitchers.

Next Week aka This Week: Banana Slugs v. Isotopes (Barnegat goin for the season series split with Astoria), Titans v. X-Rayz (Titans are goin for that season series split)

MLB: Spring Training-Kansas City Royals at Arizona Diamondbacks

X-Rayz Eek Out Close Victory Over Rojo’s Renegade Force, Whom Won Holds – 6-5-3

MVP: Robbie Ray – Robbie Ray STAYS KILLIN IT and Odom trading to get him back after trading him away in the first place may be the move of the year when it is all said and done. Yea I said it. Without Robbie’s two QS minuscule ERA performance this one maybe goes the other way. Apologies to LoCain whom I originally had here before noticing Robbie’s line. 13.1 IP, 1 ER, 23 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.68 ERA

LVP: Michael Fulmer – I just wasn’t sure where to go with the blame on this one so IIIII dunno I guess let’s just blame Fulmer for getting rocked by the Trout-less Angels, a team he should have QS’d against. And that QS would have netted RRF a tie at least and possibly a W if it swung ERA. So bad job Michael. 4.1 IP, 5 ER, 1 K, 10.38 ERA

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note: And additional apologies to LoCain cuz let’s instead note Dee Gordon‘s performance, the guy crammed A LOT into a week where his OBP was ’bout 2 hundo (6/28, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 RBIs, 3 SBs, .207 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Jeff Samardzija also killed it and also was a crucial component to the X-Rayz victory just to a less impressive extent when compared to the above-mentioned Mr. Ray (13.2 IP, 4 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.63 ERA).

RRF Hitter Of Note: For those wondering Paul Goldschmidt remains very good (8/18, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .600 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note: And Masahiro Tanaka remains PRETTY BAD this particular season, because leave it to the Yankees to ruin every Asian pitcher they ever acquire (5 IP, 5 ER, 2 Ks, 9.00 ERA).

The X-Rayyyyzzzzz and Rojo’s Renegade Force battled to the closest matchup that wasn’t undone by FUCKING ELEVEN START BUFFOONERY, I am not going to use this to springboard into calling the Holds Only Strategy buffoonery because that is a dead horse that I have thoroughly beaten and “tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground” like that Florence and The Machine song says. Florence maybe gave the best live performance I’ve ever seen at last year’s Firefly but that’s neither here nor there but yea that gal has moxie. ANYWAYYYYYYS, OF MOST NOTABLE NOTE in this matchup was the X-Rayz playoff style parlaying of a Saturday Rays-As double header into some reallll numbers for the squad. Ryon Healy was added and Steven Souza was added and Evan Longoria and Yonder Alonso were already there and those 4 combined for 7 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 HRs, and 10 RBIs in a matchup that would end up tied in RBIs (40-40). Hell Jerry Blevins was added for the Mets-Braves doubleheader and he provided the X-Rayz with an ultimately useless but still noted here Hold (RRF won Holds 4-1 cuz duh). WORK THOSE DOUBLEHEADERS PEOPLE. That’s really all I wanted to discuss here. The ALSO PRETTY DAMNED HOT Point Loma X-Rayz now find themselves winners of 3 straight and seeking a 4th straight in Week 11, Rojo’s Renegade Force will be aiming to avoid a second straight loss and remain in the playoff picture. Both these teams started 12 pitchers.

S

Next Week aka This Week: X-Rayz v. Titans (X-Rayz are going for that sweep), RRF v. OGTFC (Just whatever you do no more goddamned ties)

2017 WEEK 10 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY ROYAL BLOOD

Royal Blood rocked the hardest shit at Bonnaroo everyone listen to Royal Blood now……..

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Escape With Yet Another Lucky Tie Thanks To Q-Tip City Morning Wood FUCKING THE FUCK UP AND ONLY STARTING 11 GUYS – 6-6-2

MVP: Sean Manaea – Sean Manaea has looked good lately and part of that looking good has included striking out people and he helped the OGTFC notch 3 more strikeouts than their opponent. ALBEIT WITH ONE FUCKING MORE START THAN THEIR FUCKFACE OPPONENT MUSTERED. 13 IP, 4 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.77 ERA

LVP: Shane – GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND START YOUR TWELFTH FUCKING STARTER NEXT FUCKING TIME YOU FUCKING FUCKUP. 11/12 games started ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Mookie Betts was okay I guess but JUST okay (7/30, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .281 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: My boy Daniel Norris also helped get the OGTFC to a point where they had 3 more strikeouts than their opponent, ALBEIT WITH ONE FUCKING MORE START THAN THEIR FUCKFACE OPPONENT MUSTERED (11 IP, 5 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.09 ERA).

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: Justin Upton had 10 RBIs, nice going Justin (9/26, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .346 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: THE FUCKING MISSING FUCKING TWELFTH STARTER (FUCKING NOTHING).

ONLY ONE OF THESE TEAMS STARTED TWELVE FUCKING STARTERS AND BECAUSE OF THAT THEY WERE ABLE TO STEAL YET ANOTHER TIE IN THEIR PATHETIC TITLE DEFENSE BUT THIS ISN’T ABOUT THEM, THIS IS ABOUT THE FUCKING TEAM THAT COULDN’T FUCKING STREAM THREE FUCKING STRIKEOUTS IN ORDER TO FINALLY WIN A GODDAMN MATCHUP FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE FUCKING EARLY FUCKING APRIL. YOU HAD ONE JOB SHANE AND THAT WAS TO PICK ANY PIECE OF SHIT PITCHER OUT THERE ON THE WAIVER WIRE WITH THE ASSUMPTION THAT 85% IF NOT MORE OF THOSE PIECES OF SHIT COULD TOIL THEIR WAY TO THREE OR MORE STRIKEOUTS, CARLOS FUCKING RUIZ JUST STRUCK A GUY OUT AND HIS BATTING MUSIC IS “IN THE AIR TONIGHT” BY PHIL FUCKING COLLINS. OR AT LEAST IT WAS FOR A TIME, JUST LIKE YOUR TEAM FOR A TIME WAS CONSIDERED A THREAT UNTIL YOU GOT ALL FUCKING COCKY AND NOW LOOKATYAS HAVEN’T WON SINCE THE FUCKING ELEVENTEENTH FAST AND THE FURIOUS MOVIE HIT THEATERS OR WHATEVER. AND THIS ONE WAS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT AND NOT EVEN THE FAULT OF THAT PUNY KANSAS CITY ROYALS-ESQUE OFFENSE OF YOURS GODDAMMIT SHANE GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME. There I have successfully reviewed the error.

Next Week aka This Week: OGTFC v. Renegade Force (As the OGTFC continue their quest to shatter whatever ties record may exist), Morning Wood v. MooniniteZ (GOOD FUCKIN LUCK BUDDY)

WE NOW FIND OURSELVES IN WEEK 10.9 PRETTY MUCH WHICH MEANS WE ARE ALMOSTTTTTT AT THE POINT WHERE WE CAN SAY TWO THIRDS OF THE SEASON HAS PASSED, I EXPECT THE LEAGUE TO RESPOND WITH A FLURRY OF TRADES RELATIVE TO YOUR TEAM’S CHANCES TO WIN IT ALL THIS YEAR………AND BE REALISTIC WITH YOURSELVES. REALLY REALISTIC.

oreillyti2

2017 Week 9 REVIEW: HALFWAY HOME

June 5, 2017June 14, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

WEEK 9 in the books which puts us prettttty officially at the halfway point of the season, and OH MY would you look at that the MooniniteZ stand alone at the top. Let’s see how we got here gentlemen, QUICKLY because I have a music festival to catch and I don’t want to stay at work all day and so expect the witty banter to be kept to a minimum …….just gonna come right out now and say there were no JROLLS in Week 9 and that makes me sad……okay on to the review…….

meta — This week everyone gets random word art that I google searched because I just don’t have the TIME to google search yanno, baseball players. I assume that would take longer…

Point Loma X-Rayz Continue The Long Painful Humbling of Q-Tip City Morning Wood With Convincing Victory – 10-2-2

MVP: Elvis Andrus – I dunno how in the fuck Elvis accumulated 10 RBIs last week but TURNS OUT HE DID, and he has 32 RBIs on the season and is now a cleanup hitter or something. 13/25, 7 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 10 RBIs, 4 SBs, .571 OBP

LVP: Frankie Montas – Frankie Montas brought nothing to the table and took several things off of it. 4 IP, 7 ER, 2 Ks, 15.75 ERA

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note: Yonder Alonso is likely the newest success story in the “fly ball revolution” but READ ABOUT IT YOURSELVES (10/24, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Andddd Robbie Ray is on FIYA folks, trying to become more than the NL version of Michael Pineda which used to be a bit of an insult but now is less so (9 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: Hey at least new-ish acquisition JD Martinez looks nice and healthy (7/25, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .308 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: And other new-ish acquisition Julio Teheran gave up 10 runs in 2 starts and still came out of it with 2 Ws which is kinda impressive (11.1 IP, 10 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 7.94 ERA).

THIS ONE WAS NEVER IN DOUBT FOLKS. Keeping that from last week’s review because this one prrrrrrrobably was never in doubt. Q-Tip City is just having trouble putting together a full week, though they can take solace in the fact that they didn’t score the fewest runs in Week 9 (that distinction goes to the Bad Dudes lolz). What they should NOT take solace in is the fact that they put up a team OBP of .2650 which isssss quite bad. Possibly the worst all season but whom has time to check those sorts of things. As for something that was the BEST all season, the X-Rayz notched 18 SBs in Week 9 to beat their previous 2017 record of 17. They were still only 66% of the way to their all time record of 27 SBs howeva, and in an era of dying speed that one may be tough to touch ever again for THEM and pretty much impossible to touch for anyone else. BUT YEA…..not much in doubt here, QTC pitched to an ERA over 6 and uhhh the X-Rayz didn’t and the X-Rayz notched 2 CGs when zero CGs would have got the job done. They’ll try and win their third in a row in Week 10, the Quarter Chubs will try to avoid losing their 8th in a row.

Next Week aka This Week: X-Rayz v. Renegade Force, Morning Wood v. OGTFC

add_more_formatting_to_wordart_text___select_wordart_object

Rojo’s Renegade Force Take Down Multiple Season Offensive Records/The Barnegat Banana Slugs – 8-5-1

MVP: George Springer – The Renegades offense went off this week folks, no way to sugarcoat it, and George Springer was a very big part of that. #analysis. 15/30, 11 Rs, 1 2B, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .531 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP: Salvador Perez – Catching is a difficult job and it takes a toll on a body and we don’t give a shit about that at all for fantasy baseball purposes. 3/21, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .182 OBP

RRF Hitter Of Note: Aaron Hicks has been super good for the Yankees and for fantasy owners alike and DOES IT SHOW THAT I AM MAILING THIS ONE IN (12/27, 4 Rs, 6 2Bs, 10 RBIs, .448 OBP)?

RRF Pitcher Of Note: Ariel Miranda COMPLETE GAME, whatta week for CGs and I still can’t get even one but not complaining just like pointing it out yanno (9 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 1.00 ERA).

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: On the positive side for the B Slugs J Don got a full week of ABs in for the first time in a long time and looked like a man making up for lost time (7/24, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .346 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?: SADLY, yes.

Current Tally: Trevor Story 5, Aledmys Diaz 4.

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Max Scherzer with one of the prettier CGs of the year in Week 9 (9 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 1.00 ERA).

Good LAWD did the RRF offense come out swinging in Week 9, perhaps miffed by the team’s placement as #9 in the June Power Rankings. With an offense that is looking more and more dangerous as the months go by they have a solid argument that they are actually uhhh, I dunno 7th or something. This one was a slobberknocker all around with the teams battling to the top two weekly totals in Doubles (Slugs won 25-24) and RBIs (RRF won 70-57). Just two offenses really clicking and one of those weeks where the Slugs are probably a bit saddened to have drawn the hottest O in the league, as a lesser opponent might have yielded a Barnegat victory. But a lesser opponent is NOT what was in the cards and an Ariel Miranda Sunday CG kinda closed off a lot of routes to potential different results here, both teams pitched fairly well here but I wanted to talk about the offenses and also I don’t want to talk that much at all for I am busy. Rojo’s Renegade Force will look to stay hot and win their 3rd in a row in Week 10, Barnegat will look to avoid losing their 3rd in a row. DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.

Next Week aka This Week: RRF v. X-Rayz, Banana Slugs v. Titans

Manchester MooniniteZ Complete Masterful Season Series Sweep of River City Bad Dudes, Capture Sole Possession Of First Place And The Hearts Of A Nation – 7-4-3

MVP: Andrew McCutchen – This was the first week all season where I didn’t kinda hate Andrew McCutchen a little bit and it only took us 9 weeks to get there. 8/20, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .519 OBP

LVP: Jose Abreu – TOUGH WEEK for Jose, I could have given this to Bryce Harper for being suspended for most of it but nahhh Jose earned this one. 2/23, 2 RBIs, .192 OBP

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note: Justin Smoak had a nice week that would have looked even nicer had I not benched him for a 3 run HR on Friday (6/23, 4 Rs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .346 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note: Jimmy Nelson went toe to toe with Clayton Kershaw on Friday night and nobody can take that from him even though his bullpen took away his W and so short story long I will give him another start for Manchester (8 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 0.00 ERA).

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Domingo Santana did his best to fill in admirably in Bryce’s absence and I would say he did a pretty solid job is what I would say (7/26, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .321 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: Alex Cobb on the other hand, you did poorly and that is something you had in common with several other Bad Dudes pitchers last week (5 IP, 9 ER, 3 Ks, 16.20 ERA).

The Bad Dudes could have used their bad boy Bryce Harper, as the offense here looked LIFELESS for most of the week and by the time they started turning thangs around it was a bit tooooo late. The MooniniteZ jumped out to large leads in Runs (I think the Bad Dudes were in single digits til like Friday), HRs, and RBIs on O and locked up QS and ERA super early on the pitching side. Not long after it was pretty clear Strikeouts and Ws would go to Manchester as well, cuz yanno River City was pitching like shit. POINT IS there was about 7 cats locked up for Manchester by cocktail hour on Saturday and allll the late gains made by River City were not enough to turn around said 7 cats and that was your ball game. I am SURE that was probably your lowest Runs total this season for the Bad Dudes (37) and possibly your lowest RBIs total as well (34), they just didn’t have it in Week 9 on either side of the ball and now they’ve been swept by the MooniniteZ in 2017 and nothing that happens from here on out will be able to change that (I guess a meeting in the playoffs could maybe change it). River City heads to Astoria in Week 10 looking to avoid a third straight loss, while the MooniniteZ host Lacey seeking a 4th straight win (WHICH WOULD BE A 2017 LEAGUE HIGH I AM GUESSING).

Next Week aka This Week: MooniniteZ v. BDSliderz, Bad Dudes v. Isotopes

Toms River Titans Take Season Series Two Oh Over Astoria Isotopes, Win – 7-5-2

MVP: Carlos Correa – The Astros O must have been humming last week because Correa is basically a coin flip here with Springer for MVP of the week, a coin flip that I decided he lost. 11/28, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, .469 OBP

LVP: Jose Quintana – I mean SWEET JESUS JOSE I defended you in spring training and now you’ve made us all look like fools, FOOLS I TELL YOU. Giving you LVP of the week just cuz. 2.2 IP, 7 ER, 4 Ks, 23.63 ERA ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

Titans Hitter Of Note: Miguel Sano stays killin it (8/21, 4 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .435 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note: Andddd the Titans streamed a Ty Blach CG Shutout which is interesting enough, I guess (9 IP, 0 ER, 4 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Aaron Judge ALSO stays killin it for what it is worth (9/26, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .469 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Andddd the ‘Topes streamed a Edinson Volquez CG Shutout which is EQUALLY interesting enough, I guess (9 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

The Titans continue to climb out of the cellar following a victory in one of our closest matchups (in certain areas) and yet another matchup with dueling CGs and yet another loss for Astoria. That sentence barely worked but I am barely trying. THIS ONE upon first glance came down to a bit of strategy by the Titans to sit Javier Baez for the night game, strategy that was then reinforced by the Cubs doing the same thing. The ‘Topes were looking to steal back OBP with some late-day heroics from Mark Reynolds but he went 1/5 which wasn’t good enough for that at all. Not. At. All. Outside of the narrow OBP battle the Titans were able to escape with hard-fought W in HRs (18 to 16), and outside of the offensive side altogether both teams kinda just battled to see who could have the less shitty ERA (Titans won 4.877 to 5.684). They have some nerve pairing those ERAs with dueling CGs, THERE ARE STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA THAT WOULD KILL THEIR OWN MOTHERS FOR A CG. The Toms River Titans travel to Barnegat seeking a 3rd straight victory in Week 10, while the ‘Topes host the Bad Dudes and hope to avoid a 4th straight loss.

s

Next Week aka This Week: Titans v. Banana Slugs, Isotopes v. Bad Dudes

2017 WEEK 9 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY MICROSOFT OFFICE’S WORD ART FEATURE

ssss

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Survive Sunday Night Game For A Change, Defeat Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz – 8-5-1

MVP: Trea Turner – Without Trea’s triple and his many many steals this week the OGTFC probably lose and that is just the FACTS. 10/30, 5 Rs, 1 3B, 3 RBIs, 5 SBs, .355 OBP

LVP: Kyle Hendricks – Way to fail to deliver TWICE Kyle. TWICE. 9 IP, 9 ER, 8 Ks, 9.00 ERA

OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Mookie Betts was okay I guess but JUST okay (7/30, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .281 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: Since nobody on the staff had multiple QS or Ws lets instead highlight the always really good Andrew Miller whom struck out every batter he faced in Week 9 (2.1 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 2 Holds, 0.00 ERA).

BDSliderz Hitter Of Note: Jose Altuve presented as FURTHER PROOF that the Astros offense is v good (13/27, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 1 SB .563 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Marco Estrada pitched poorly finally and as someone that’s bitter about losing him on a waiver claim I feel I should point it out (3.2 IP, 7 ER, 4 Ks, 15.75 ERA).

SUNDAY DEVOID OF MAGIC ALERT. This one ended up as the only matchup with potential Sunday night implications, and those all rested on the shoulders of Kyle Hendricks. A quality start and a victory from Kyle coupled with some 0 fers or at least 0 run fers from the OGTFC Sunday night participants and the BDSliderz might have walked outta there with a victory. but NOT TO BE as Hendricks failed to even make it 5 innings, aka he wouldn’t qualify for either, and the OGTFC Sunday night bats grabbed 4 Runs or so to take back that cat as well (46 to 45) and there you have it an 8-5-1 victory for OceanGate in a week marred only by their owner getting married. We here at the blog would like to wish the new Heroys many years of happiness (if such a thing is even possible in marriage) and hope they enjoy their honeymoon and are using their wedding as an excuse to just ramble on a bit here and not have to actually say anything more about the Week 9 matchup because I don’t feel like it. THE OGTFC WON OKAY, and now they’ve won 3 in a row and all you bastards have just let them off the hook. The OGTFC seek their 4th in a row (AGAIN probably would be the high mark for 2017) in Week 10, the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz will be looking to prevent a different team’s 4th in a row and halt their very first losing streak at 2.

Next Week aka This Week: OGTFC v. Morning Wood, BDSliderz v. MooniniteZ

HALFWAY POINT O’ THE SEASON BEHIND US, BEST OF LUCK TO ALL YOU SUCKERS IN THE SECOND HALF AND SEE YOU ALL ON THE OTHER SIDE (OF WEEK 10, WHICH I WILL LARGELY BE IGNORING)….

mooninites1_by_adult_swim_club

2017 MIDSEASON AWARDS EXTRAVAGANZA – MAYBE CALLED THE MIDSEASON MOONIEZ

June 5, 2017June 5, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

giphy1

tumblr_nndzb0xjoj1tsf68ao1_400

NOTE: I only have so much time to write so many things so I think most of this intro will just be lifted from last year, if it ain’t broke (or I don’t care enough) don’t fix it…..

Oh lord, is it this time of year again already? The time where I debate whether or not the hottest sister category (FOR THE NEWBIES TO THE AWARDS, I have slept with some of the sisters) is needed in the midseason awards and then proceed to criticize everyone else’s team choices while glossing over my own? Sweet sweet ~~topless Parisians~~ Emma Watsons I do believe it is time…..

I’ve been thinking about calling these MOONIEZ or MIDSEASON MOONIEZ or something to that effect but then what if I ultimately decide to change team mascots eventually WHAT THEN? But for now if you want to call them the Midseason MoonieZ feel free….

As always, justifications for awards and will be given randomly or not at all and the actual awards themselves will be fairly random and if you disagree with anything seen here blame the man that gave me a platform this time. Which in this case I think is Lobman. Blame Lobman. And also FOR THE NEWBIES TO THE AWARDS, if I am giving anti-MVPs or something I am not going to pick the guy who sucks the most so much as I am going to pick the guy who wasn’t supposed to suck but does. Just want to give you that little peak behind the curtain. Let’s jump right in shallllllllllllll we? We shall…..

HOTTEST ~~SISTER~~ EX GIRLFRIEND — Linda McWhateverFace (Isotopes). SWITCHING IT UP this time in order to best take a shot at the former commish. Linda McWhateverFace had it alllll gentlemen, from a great rack to a wild side to a great rack to a serious case of drunken touchiness to a great rack to a great rack. And also she had a great rack. Mikey T feel free to present her with this award as I think she will be touched by the gesture and thusly you will end up happily ever after.

honorable mention— Raina (X-Rayz)- I mean she was like 16 at the time but STILL she deserves a mention, Joanie (OGTFC)- I have always loved Joanie I just love her a lot less since I found out she dated Greg, Shannon (Banana Slugs)- this is based solely on the fact that the loss of her devastated Brian for many many years, I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup.

If anyone has any ex girlfriends they feel were unfairly left out of this please feel free to submit their pictures to the group chat……

Now that such silliness is out of the way let us get to the fantasy baseballs……

Wait first let me critique everyone’s wedding ritual performances……

BEST HEROY BACHELOR PARTY PERFORMANCE— MIKEY T (Isotopes): An ABSOLUTE SHOCKER here as I would have thought I would have had to make a specific “Biggest Bachelor Party Wet Blanket” category for this man but T absolutely dazzled, and by that I mean he did a helluva job picking the shuffleboard venue and a helluva job falling in love with the drunkest stripper in all of Brooklyn. I think he also let me spend a $100 bill of his (GRANTED about $80 of it went to his lapdances the rest to singles) and I maybe said I would pay him back for it but I am definitely not going to. Next question.

honorable mention— Me (MooniniteZ)- I think I brought some things to the table, Rojo (RRF)- Rojo lights up any room he walks into.

WORST HEROY BACHELOR PARTY PERFORMANCE— BRIAN (Banana Slugs): NOT entirely unexpected but you would have thought with ALLLLLL I brought to the table that he would have stayed awake for the whole shebang. NOPE, got a little snoozy in Pumps and when I tried to get him a dance anyways the gal told me “I don’t dance for drunk guys” and I had to protest and say “HE IS ALWAYS LIKE THIS AFTER LIKE 8 PM”. Plus I am sure she dances for drunk guys all the time that’s like her job. But I digress…..

dishonorable mention— Heroy (OGTFC)- For that goddamned “JOIN ME……IN MY CABANA” line and for making some girl cry cuz he called her old and for 70 other inappropriate things he said, Odom (X-Rayz)- Don’t even remember you being there my guy, Dochney (BDSliderz)- Don’t even remember you being there my guy.

BEST HEROY WEDDING PERFORMANCE— Heroy (OGTFC)- The man of the hour did not disappoint one bit with his singing and dancing and general revelry. PROPS DUE for his performance of “Roadhouse Blues” and for making it to the beach bar for the “after party” despite having to catch a flight the next day to wherever the fuck he is currently. Saint John? I think Saint John. Congrats you sonofabitch you.

honorable mention— Rojo (RRF)- Just BLEW PAST his drink projections to log like 4 DAR (Drinks Above Replacement) and like 6 drinks total or something reckless like that, also he is very helpful in photo booths.

WORST HEROY WEDDING PERFORMANCE

honorable mention— Brian (OGTFC)- Not to saddle a man with multiple “worst performance” awards BUT when you’re observed nodding off at the ripe ole time of like 7 PM you just have to accept this distinction and move on.

dishonorable mention— Odom (X-Rayz)- Don’t even remember you being there my guy, Dochney (BDSliderz)- Don’t even remember you being there my guy, Shane (Morning Wood)– Don’t even remember you being there my guy.

s
s

Okay now onto actual fantasy baseball stuff I swear…..

BIGGEST FANTASY COMPLAINER— BRIAN (Banana Slugs): LOOK BUDDY EVERYONE HAS INJURIES, COULDN’T EVEN ADD DL SLOTS IF WE WANTED TO. Allz I did was SKIM the transcripts from that evening and it still pained me to do so. If I was commish I would have roster locked you for 4 games.

BUT ALSO WORST INJURY LUCK— Banana Slugs: But also yes Brian and his Banana Slugs of Barnegat have had their boo-boos and I respect the record they have pieced together despite said boo-boos.

honorable mention— BDSliderz- Freeman is out Pollock has been out a bit fuckin Tailon got nut cancer, OGTFC- this team made a late push to grab the Worst Injury Luck crown, what with the best baseball player in the world being on their team and now being out for a bunch of weeks and whatnot (and also Danny Duffy),

BEST “FIRST YEAR PLAYER DRAFT” DRAFT PICK— Eric Thames, Round 2 Pick 20 (X-Rayz): Howz about everyone REFUSING to buy into the Thames hype until Odom and the X-Rayz were all but forced to take him with the last pick in Round 2, and then he goes out there and is like the best hitter in baseball in April (28 Rs, 6 2Bs, 11 HRs, 19 RBIs, .387 OBP). He has cooled down CONSIDERABLY in May but STILL that April my goodness, probably won the X-Rayz some matchups all by his lonesome.

honorable mention: Jason Groome, Round 1 Pick 2 (Titans)- Because it kept him out of Barnegat and that amused me.

WORST “FIRST YEAR PLAYER DRAFT” DRAFT PICK— Joe Kelly, Round 1 Pick 4 (Bad Dudes): And what did the Bad Dudes get out of their top 4 draft pick Joe Kelly? I WILL TELL YOU WHAT, because I looked it up in the active stats. 10.1 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks, 2 Ws, 0.00 ERA. So I mean REALLY he wasn’t half bad, even if he displayed a lack of gumption and a lack of Ks, but the Bad Dudes brought him aboard to get Holds and he got no Holds and then he got a stomach bug or something and that was that. Thank you for your service, Joe Kelly.

dishonorable mention: Grant Dayton, Round 2 Pick 9 (MooniniteZ), Kyle Barraclough, Round 2 Pick 7 (OGTFC), Probably most of these chumps you chumps ended up picking (all you chumps)

BEST NEW OWNER—Shane (Morning Wood): Because Shane lets everyone beat him and that is what a good first year owner should do, terrible team name aside.

WORST NEW OWNER—Dochney (BDSliderz): Because DO THE MATH DOCHNEY. Also Dochney beat a whole bunch of teams. Also because of Dochney I type out “BDSliderz” a lot.

OWNER MOST LIKELY TO DIE BEFORE SEASON’S END— Dochney. Gonna CHANGE DIRECTIONS on this one and go with a guy whose lifestyle I know little about, but a guy whom I know lives in Lacey. All sorts of hazards in Lacey, let’s name a few: Meth lab explosions, murderous drifters, murderous full-time residents, crazed hobos, poorly-produced heroin. BE SAFE OUT THERE DOCH. Also please note that the former owner of this team is essentially dead to all of us, or at least all of us that MATTER.

WORST TEAM NAME—Q-Tip City Morning Wood: Because of this team name I am forced to write “Morning Wood” a whole bunch of times and for a while it was just a picture of Anthony Rizzo kissing a bat even though the team didn’t own Rizzo

dishonorable mention: Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz– TOO WORDY AND LOBMAN IS MAYBE RIGHT ABOUT THE TOO MANY Zs THING, Rojo’s Renegade Force– DROP THE “FORCE” PART

BEST TEAM NAME—Q-Tip City Morning Wood: Because as BAD of a name as it is, it also allows me to write “AM Boners” and “Dawnus Erectus” and “Before Breakfast Boners” and it opens up a whole world of ED puns that I haven’t even gotten to but probably should have by now given this team’s uhhh performance issues.

BEST TEAM LOGO—Barnegat Banana Slugs:

GONNA GIVE IT TO THIS CUTE LITTLE GUY, the X-Rayz logo remains lovely and probably comes in a close 2nd but LOOK HOW CUTE THIS IS.

WORST TEAM LOGO—River City Bad Dudes:

…..stupid. You’re stupid. Bad Dudes is stupid. And Rougned Odor‘s OBP is like equal to Jose Bautista’s batting average right now.

BEST HIGH MINORS PERFORMER— Cody Bellinger (Isotopes): Guy has since gone over his high minors ABs limit but prior to doing so boyyyyy did he put up some numbers. The Dodgers might have even had designs on sending him back down when they first brought him up but now they fucking cannot. (129 ABs) 25 Rs, 6 2Bs, 1 3B, 11 HRs, 29 RBIs, 1 SB, .324 OBP, 1 JROLL

honorable mention— Aaron Judge (Isotopes)– Until he hit his ABs limit now he’s just an excellent uhhh regular guy, Jorge Bonifacio (X-Rayz)- Guy is out there SLUGGIN’ with 7 HRs through 121 ABs, Kyle Freeland/Antonio Senzatela (Banana Slugs)- This Rockies duo both performed ADMIRABLY for the Slugs throughout their time as high minors arms, with Freeland notching 6 QS in 8 starts and Senzatela notching 5 in 8.

WORST HIGH MINORS PERFORMER— Joe Jimenez (OGTFC): My old friend Joe is currently rotting away in the OGTFC minors system as well as the Tigers minors system, but he’s blown his Low Minors eligibility to bits with this line: 4.1 IP, 6 ER, 5 Ks, 12.46 ERA. Wouldn’t be a bad stash at all if he was still Low Minors eligible but here he is, not Low Minors eligible. Plus he got hit pretty hard upon his brief big league exposure and is currently injured or some shit down in the minors so when he returns is anyone’s guess.

dishonorable mention— Grant Dayton (MooniniteZ)– Did NOT work out in terms of a draft pick selection, which we have already covered, Matt Strahm (MooniniteZ)- ONLY HIS APRIL, he has been much better from May on I’m just highlighting my own here to point out that we out here taking risks.

BEST HITTING PERFORMANCE, SINGLE GAME — Anthony Rendon (Titans) (4/30/17): 6-6, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs

honorable mention— Trea Turner (OGTFC) (04/25/17) – 4-6, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 7 RBIs.

BEST PITCHING PERFORMANCE, SINGLE GAME — TIE Robbie Ray (X-Rayz)(5/30/17): 9 IP, 0 ER 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA but also Edinson Volquez (Isotopes)(6/3/17): 9 IP, 0 ER 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA

honorable mention— Max Scherzer (Banana Slugs) (5/31/17) – 9 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA, Stephen Strasburg (Titans) (5/27/17) – 7 IP, 0 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA.

BEST HITTING PERFORMANCE, FULL WEEK— Billy Hamilton (X-Rayz), WEEK 5: Billy Hamilton’s Week 5 goes down as probably the prettiest JROLL I have seen all year and I WOULD KNOW because it came against me. 11 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 9 SBs, .429 OBP

honorable mention— Trea Turner, Week 4 (OGTFC)- 13 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .432 OBP, Ryan Zimmerman, Week 4 (Banana Slugs)- 11 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, .500 OBP.

BEST PITCHING PERFORMANCE, FULL WEEK— Dallas Keuchel (Isotopes), WEEK 4: Mostly because I am not sure anyone else had a two start week in the midst of a CG week, and Dallas did here and it was a good one. 16.2 IP, 3 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 W, 1 CG, 1.62 ERA

honorable mention— Max Scherzer (Banana Slugs) (Week 3)- 15 IP, 3 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 2Ws, 1.80 ERA), Seung-Hwan Oh (OGTFC) (Week 3)- 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 5 Saves, 1.80 ERA.

BEST TRADE— Toms River Titans Trade RF Jackie Bradley Jr. to Rojo’s Renegade Force for C JT Realmuto: I spend so much time analyzing trades on this goddamned site that I don’t want to highlight any of the lopsided deals in “best trade” or “worst trade” I merely wanna talk about the BEAUTIFUL TRADES, and I mean is this one just a BEAUTY ALL THE WAY AROUND OR WHAT? The Titans pick up an excellent fantasy catcher currently near the tops o’ the league in runs scored for catchers (I liked Ryan’s side better) and RRF take a flyer on JBJr maintaining his numbers from 2016, which he didn’t and he was eventually dropped but STILL they gave it a shot. Two teams swapping sensibly folks.

honorable mention— Titans Trade JUpton, CarGo, Daniel Norris to QTC for Sano, Lindor, Harvey– I much prefer the Titans side here but I can see the deal from the other side KINDA, QTC Trade Bumgarner, Franklin Barretto, Addi Russell to the OGTFC for JD Martinez, Teheran, Aaron Sanchez – This one I liked cuz I at FIRST thought I was more on board with the QTC side and then the more I thought about it the more I concluded you don’t trade Bummy at this point in time, the best trades are the ones that make you THINK mannnnn.

WORST TRADE— Barnegat Banana Slugs Trade SP Antonio Senzatela to Q-Tip City Morning Wood for Low Minors 1B Dominic Smith: Again I am not going to go back and pick out the bad SIDES to deals because there have been plenty of bad sides, hell I have been the bad side. Instead I want to focus on trades that were so bad as to be arguably unnecessary, SUCH AS ABOVE. Just the worst trade ever, the entire league is worse for it having happened. In a week in which they were PLAYING no less……

dishonorable mention— QTC Trades High Minors RP Joe Jimenez to the OGTFC for RP Kyle Barraclough, Low Minors 1B Rhys Hoskins– ARGUABLY as unnecessary as the trade above and how dare you turn your back on the Tigers closer of the future Shane, MooniniteZ Trade C Yasmani Grandal to QTC for High Minors 1B Dan Vogelbach– Because just LOOK at what you people made me do since nobody else would take Grandal as a complimentary piece in a deal even though he is a damned fine catcher both real and fantasy, Banana Slugs Trade Low Minors SP Josh Hader to the BDSliderz for High Minors 1B Dan Vogelbach– Because this one is unnecessary AT BEST and at worst it is a hideous (and unnecessary) move by Barnegat and also Vogelbach has been traded just tooooo many fucking times this season.

FIRST HALF ANTI-ROLAIDS RELIEF MAN— Blake Treinen (FORMERLY MooniniteZ): Sad but true, this piece of shit got annointed the Nats closer and I added him instead of another guy AND IT DID NOT WORK OUT AND THAT OTHER GUY HAS DOMINATED AND YOU MAY SEE HIS NAME COME UP REAL SOON (that’s called foreshadowing kids). Treinen only managed to notch 3 Saves and none of them came easy, his current numbers areeee: 24.1 IP, 18 ER, 21 Ks, 3 Saves, 4 Holds, 6.66 ERA CUZ HE IS THE FUCKING DEVIL.

dishonorable mention— Francisco Rodriguez (LAST SPOTTED with QTC)- GHad a closers gig and just COUGHED IT UP and is sitting out in FA land with an ERA a touch below 8, Neftali Feliz (LAST SPOTTED with the BDSliderz)- Same shit, had a closers gig and just THREW IT ALL AWAY and is now sitting in the FA pool with an ERA of 5.25.

FIRST HALF ANTI-CY YOUNG— Kevin Gausman (Bad Dudes): Kevin Gausman has sucked BUT MIKE CAN’T QUIT HIM but never mind HE EVENTUALLY QUIT HIM. 59.1 IP, 39 Ks, 4 QS, 3 Ws, 5.92 ERA

dishonorable mention— Tyler Glasnow (OGTFC)- Glasnow has an INSANELY high WHIP and the only reason I didn’t make him Anti-Cy Young is I am not sure how good he was reasonably expected to be but he has been terrible let me make that abundantly clear, Danny Salazar (Bad Dudes)- He of the 5.40 ERA and the being sent to the bullpen even though Bad Dudes ownership has termed him “awesome”.

FIRST HALF ANTI-MVP— Starling Marte (Banana Slugs): For being a CHEATING CHEATER and getting himself suspended 80 games when he was supposed to be like an arguable top 5 OF. 7 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .288 OBP

dishonorable mention— Carlos Gonzalez (Morning Wood)- HOW YOU ONLY GOT 17 RBIs IN THAT OFFENSE?!, Rougned Odor (Bad Dudes)- NICE .249 OBP BRUH, Byron Buxton (Titans)- NICE .549 OPS BRUH, Kyle Schwarber (RRF)- YOU SHOULDA BEEN TRADED LAST YEAR, Addison Russell (QTC to OGTFC)- YOU SHOULD BE BETTER BY NOW.

FIRST HALF ROLAIDS RELIEF MAN— Greg Holland (Isotopes): FUCKETY FUCK FUCK, on one hand good for Greg Holland but on the other hand I would have rather I just rolled with him due to him being the superior talent rather than grabbing Treinen due to the thinking that the Nationals would get many save opps and the Rockies would get few. The Rockies have gotten PLENTY. 21.2 IP, 3 ER, 30 Ks, 21 Saves, 1.25 ERA

honorable mention— Craig Kimbrel (Bad Dudes)- Kimbrel has probably been the best closer in baseball this season with a 1.07 ERA and a ridiculous 0.47 WHIP but also FUCK HIM for being a Red Sawk now, Andrew Miller (OGTFC)- 13 Holds and 37 Ks and he has only given up a lone run so his ERA sits at 0.33.

FIRST HALF CY YOUNG— Chris Sale (Titans): SAD BUT TRUE. Mostly cuz he has like 20 more Ks than anyone else in baseball right now, but also the sub 3 ERA and double digit QS. 84 IP, 27 ER, 119 Ks, 10 QS, 7 Ws, 2.89 ERA

honorable mention— Max Scherzer (Banana Slugs)- This fella has a pretty good case himself, Clayton Kershaw (Titans)- Because Clayton Kershaw always, Ervin Santana (Morning Wood)- I DON’T GET IT EITHER but the guy has like 2 CGs and 9 QS and 7 Ws and yea WTF, Ivan Nova (Banana Slugs)- For the similar to Santana 9 QS and 2 CGs even though he strikes out less than 5 per 9 which is fucking gross, Zack Greinke (Morning Wood)– SAD BUT TRUE the “not ideal” meme is officially dead.

FIRST HALF MVP— Mike Trout (OGTFC): Fantasy imitates life sometimes and I think Trout has been the best player in both thus far EVEN WITH him missing this last week and EVEN THOUGH he will not be SECOND HALF MVP due to injury and also EVEN THOUGH the OGTFC have struggled a bit….. I shall not blame him for that. 36 Rs, 14 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 16 HRs, 36 RBIs, 10 SBs, .461 OBP

honorable mention— Bryce Harper (Bad Dudes)– Here is your best argument for a non-Trout First Half MVP, Charlie Blackmon (Isotopes)- Although if it were up to me this guy might also garner some votes, Paul Goldschmidt (RRF), Aaron Judge (Isotopes), Eric Thames (X-Rayz)- If this was like First Quarter MVP it would be Thames.

THIS YEAR’S CHAMPIONSHIP FAVORITE— I dunno I think I am going with me (MooniniteZ).

THANK YOU ALL FOR TUNING IN TO THIS YEAR’S MIDSEASON MOONIEZ (All in on the name by the time I finished writing em up). Tune in next year for next year’s version of the midseason awards? Or do I do end of the year awards? Maybe I do some version of end of the year awards I don’t fucking remember. Tune in to whatever the fuck I tell you to tune into. Thank you.

rgljsrg0zctz0wq5rmkl — Pictured: Previous MoonieZ winner T-Pain

2017 June Power Rankings: RIP Chris Cornell Edition

June 1, 2017June 21, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

chriscornell01

So Chris Cornell killed himself and that sucks in alotta ways, and the River City Bad Dudes are seemingly (THOUGH ARGUABLY NOT) atop the Power Rankings at right about the halfway point and that ALSO sucks in alotta ways. WHY NOT COMBINE THE TWO? Presented here are the June Power Rankings as well as my PERSONAL favorite Chris Cornell tracks, which will diverge from THE LAMESTREAM MEDIA a bit maybe. I dunno. These were kinda just thrown together somewhat at random but I’ll stand by it. And I probably will have to lead off with Black Hole Sun though just because…..

s

1- River City Bad Dudes (5-2-1) – There is certainly room to debate this one, with 3 teams sharing identical records at the top and all sorts of “this one beat this one but lost to that one” type bullshit going on BUT…..until last week the Bad Dudes had not lost since Week 1 so I will give them their due. And there should be no shame in having your only two losses come at the hands of the former co-owners behind the greatest dynasty this league ever has seen or ever will see. There should be no shame in that at all. Plus the lone tie for River City came against last year’s champion. So YEA WHATEVER give em the 1 spot. The Bad Dudes have been getting it done with some “good enough” offensive numbers ~~(Runs 3rd, Doubles 2nd, top 5 in pretty much everything else outside of SBs~~ HILARIOUSLY that part was all true when I wrote it but now that the Bad Dudes have been so BAD thus far in Week 9 this is no longer the case, uhhh 4th in Doubles though?), put together on the backs of Bryce Harper and Giancarlo Stanton and even Jose Abreu, and combining those with surprisingly strong across the board pitching stats (Ks 2nd, QS in a large tie for 2nd, CGs 1st, Ws 1st, Saves 1st, ERA ~~4th~~ 6th nvm). Thanks due to Marcus Stroman and recently Eduardo Rodriguez for the successes there, blame due to them still rostering Kevin Gausman as to why they aren’t higher up on ERA (UPDATE: DROPPED). Also Danny Salazar, but OVERALL pitching has been pretty solid. In years past we have seen Lobman get aggressive with attempts to upgrade the pitching staff around the trade deadline, WILL BE INTERESTING to see what he will do if that is an area of strength for this team around that time. First the Bad Dudes need to get past the MooniniteZ in Week 9 here.

TOP CHRIS CORNELL SONG #1: “Black Hole Sun” just because….

This definitely isn’t my favorite Soundgarden song, HELL I probably like some Audioslave songs better than Black Hole Sun, but it is the first Soundgarden song I have ever heard and I have vague memories of watching the music video as like an 8 or 9 year old so here ya go.

2- Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (5-2-1) – Our guy the new guy has as strong a claim to a top spot as anyone in the league, as he took over a somewhat historically weak (CAN I SAY THAT WITHOUT BEING SUED?) franchise (outside that one run to the BCS that doomed their demise in this league) and until last week could make the claim that they never truly lost a matchup (with that whole coming in mid-week against the Bad Dudes caveat, also this sentence has had too many parentheses). That all changed last week, but this team has still been humming along. OFFENSE HEAVY has been the name of the game here (Runs 2nd, Doubles 1st, Triples 3rd, HRs 1st, RBIs 2nd, SBs 3rd, OBP 2nd) with just super strong numbers across the board through those 7 categories. Pitching however has been more of a struggle (Ks 9th, QS 10th, ERA 9th) as the team has struggled to find a balance between that side of the fantasy coin and the other. Don’t wanna turn these rankings into a big trade deadline commentary (ONE OF THOSE MIGHT BE FORTHCOMING IN TIME) but it isn’t that hard to look at this team and see a need to improve on one side and not much of a need on the other. HOWEVA some of those stats were no doubt put together by Freddie Freeman and AJ Pollock, both of whom went down with injuries in mid-May. In their absence Lacey Township will rely upon the likes of Michael Comforto, Marcel Ozuna, and Adam Duvall to pick up the power numbers. I haven’t done the historical research on what championship teams fared best by leaning on (outside of my own DYNASTY which leaned upon, like, bullpen) so we will all just have to watch and wait to see if this team can endure offensive cold streaks, if a move is made, if a move is made simply cuz I implied a move should eventually be made, etc. etc. etc. The BackdoorSliderz are battling the wounded defending champeen OGTFC in Week 9.

TOP CHRIS CORNELL SONG #2: “The Day I Tried To Live”

THIS however might be my favorite Soundgarden song if I was in the business of picking a favorite Soundgarden song. Which I AM NOT. I like some of their songs, but mostly just always thought Cornell’s voice was the shit, so good fucking luck trying some sort of “Sublime With Rome” type stunt here down the line. Soundgarden with Rome would blow.

3- Manchester MooniniteZ (5-2-1) – If anyone wants to bitch about the ultimate rankings here SHUT UP because I should be the one complaining, as I have beaten the “top team” once already and plan to be well on my way to doing it a 2nd time for the season series sweep by the time this hits the presses. And HOW have I beaten the Bad Dudes and a bunch of others you ask? EH tough to say. Ks (1st) and HRs (3rd) have been calling cards sameee as last year, haven’t been too shabby in SBs (4th), and we are currently 2nd in Wins and 3rd in ERA, but outside of that this team has survived and thrived by being middle of the pack in most other categories and BACK OF THE PACK in a few others (such as the all-too-familiar-for-my-franchise Quality Starts category, which I still suck at). If you are looking for a team that has won the most games while seemingly not deserving to win as many games my team might be your pick, tis true. Luck you say? WHAT IF I SAY DESTINY? Whatever it is destiny. Also we plan on hitting our stride and ripping off a win streak (a la 2016’s 8 gamer) any day now. IT MAY HAVE ALREADY STARTED IN FACT. The MooniniteZ have the Bad Dudes on tap in Week 9 but you already knew that.

TOP CHRIS CORNELL SONG #3: “Like A Stone”

So when Audioslave started up I hadn’t thought much about Soundgarden in a while cuz who the fuck would at that point, and this was the first song of theirs that I heard and it kinda reminded me “OH YEA that guy has a kickass voice.” Chris Cornell had a kickass voice. I feel very strongly about that being a fact.

4- Barnegat Banana Slugs (4-3-1) – The Slugs of Barnegat have, TO THEIR CREDIT, performed admirably in 2017 given all the injuries and suspensions FOR CHEATING they have had to deal with. And I would imagine Brian has whined the absolute minimum possible whining for him throughout the matter, or something. Cuz there was definitely some whining. However the Slugs may now find themselves in a nice position as a team right near the top that is either getting injured folks back or very near the point where they will be getting injured folks back; the longer you can tread water through injuries the better you might be once those injuries pass (there will always be injuries). And the Slugs have done far more than tread water in some categories (3rd in Ks, 2nd in ERA, 2nd in Saves) and far less than tread water in other categories (Runs 9th, Doubles 8th, HRs 9th, RBIs 10th, 4th in OBP howeva). For the Slugs the determination going forward will be figuring out how many of their offensive woes are injury-related and how many point to possible issues with roster construction, as the overall numbers point to them being a little lucky in getting to 4 wins in the early going. However a returning Josh Donaldson and an emerging Jake Lamb just might do a lot to polish away some of the ugliness in those places. The Banana Slugs take on Rojo’s Renegade Force in Week 9 and will be annoyed that I failed to note they are like 3rd in Triples or what have you 🙂

TOP CHRIS CORNELL SONG #4: “Sunshower”

NOT GONNA LIE never heard this song until they played it on the radio the morning after he passed, but damned if I don’t find it kinda lovely. Have listened to it a few times since then.

5- Astoria Isotopes (4-4) – Former commish and current guy helming a team that is more competitive than just about anyone expected them to be, LOOK AT T GO. And by T I mean the Astoria Isotopes and by the Astoria Isotopes I guess I largely mean Aaron Judge and Charlie Blackmon. But the Isotopes have been a tough out no doubt about it, combining strong and in some cases LEAGUE LEADING numbers on offense (Runs 4th, Triples 2nd, HRs 2nd [1 behind leader] , RBIs 1st, OBP 3rd)(weirdly last in Doubles) with uhhh a lot of Saves (4th, thank you Greg Holland). The cats I didn’t mention I didn’t mention because they’ve been unremarkable in them, with some blame for pitching woes likely due to the struggles of Jose Quintana and the injury to Cole Hamels and the fact that Jose Berrios is just getting started here. Will be interesting to see where this team is at in a month or two, whether or not the pitching can improve enough to at least compensate for the fact that Judge is (probably) not going to hit 60 HRs. The Astoria Isotopes are taking on the Toms River Titans in Week 9, so yea pitching pitching pitching.

TOP CHRIS CORNELL SONG #5: “Hunger Strike”

“Hunger Strike” had to get in here somewhere and so it goes in with our most musically-inclined league member, MIKEY T. Mikey T plays guitar left-handed like he is a less pretty Kurt Cobain or something. “Hunger Strike” would be nothing without Chris Cornell yelling “HunGRAAYYYYYYYYY” in the background after Eddie Vedder.

6- OceanGate Trout Fishing Club (2-3-3) – THIS PAINS ME, but all of you teams that aren’t my team keep losing to this guy so technically he is in the playoffs right now. Shame on you all. You know who you are. Interestingly enough that part comes from the review I wrote a year ago with the Prince songs and refers to a different team AND YET still relevant for the 6 seed today. You all had a chance to #KeepHeroyWinless and you failed. I know I did my part. And now the OGTFC are currently in the playoffs picture and have certain offensive counting stats to support their ability to rocket up the standings (Doubles 2nd, SBs 2nd, OBP FIRST FOR CRYING OUT LOUD) but maybe not on the defensive end? Can we call it the defensive end? Would be so much easier if I could call pitching “defense.” On the defensive end they are 5th in Saves and 2nd in Holds and that is about the nicest thing I can say. ANYWAYS the good news is Mike Trout just went down for possibly 8 weeks and so did Danny Duffy, although sadly the defending champs dodged a bullet when Gregory Polanco‘s ankle injury turned out to be mild. STILL for the first time in a longgggg time (ever? is it ever? i never know when the hell this league started) we will get to see Greg try and manage a team that DOESN’t have the world’s best baseball player stationed in CF. Will be exciting to see where they are in the July rankings. For now the OGTFC are taking on the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz in Week 9.

TOP CHRIS CORNELL SONG #6: “Be Yourself”

Just a nice motivational song, tied in with the team that APPARENTLY needs some motivation given the way they’ve gone about their 2017 season. Now would be a good time to point out that a lot of Chris Cornell’s looks were kinda painful, particularly from the facial hair perspective, but WHO AMONGST US hasn’t had a bad goatee. I know I have.

7- Point Loma X-Rayz (3-4-1) – TRUST THE PROCESS. The X-Rayz made some noise in spring training when they went out and acquired some power bats but looking at the first half numbers it has kinda been more of the same: 10th in HRs, 9th in RBIs but also 3rd Runs, 2nd Doubles (tied), 1st Triples, 1st SBs. Daniel Murphy has put up great numbers but Chris Davis has underwhelmed, as he currently has one more RBI (UPDATE: 4 MORE RBIS NOW) than Billy Hamilton. And so it is mostly same ole same ole in Odomland, which means relying upon the wheels of Hamilton and others to grab speed cats and runs. On the pitching side the Ks are down from what they were a year ago but this team has been without David Price this entire time; despite that they rank 4th in ERA (plus 3rd in Saves). And SPEAKING of a year ago, at that time the X-Rayz were 4-3-1. Those that were actually in the league at that time know how that ended, with the X-Rayz surging all the way to the top seed in the second half. The formula is mostly the same BUT WILL THE RESULTS BE? Find out starting Week 9, when the X-Rayz host Q-Tip City.

TOP CHRIS CORNELL SONG #7: “Fell On Black Days”

“Fell On Black Days” is a good example of a song that I would think might possibly not be all that good if not for Chris Cornell’s voice. Which is kinda the overarching theme here, his voice was an instrument unto itself and it made some songs that might otherwise be shitty less shitty….or even not shitty at all!

8- Toms River Titans (3-5) – And they AIN’T. DEAD. YET. After starting off 0-4, the Titans have responded by going 3-1 to get right back in the thick of things (everyone is in the thick of things). And I am sure they have been rewarded for their efforts with fewer and fewer annoying trade offers from people seeking pitching upgrades. So YES this team hitched their wagon and continues to hitch their wagon to starting pitching and that has mostly shown in the numbers (QS 1st, Wins 3rd, ERA 1st, a paltry 6th in Strikeouts possibly due to FAILING TO GET YOUR 12) on that side of the fantasy spectrum. Of note is the fact that the Titans are 9th in Saves (with no shot of catching the 8th team) and 3rd in Holds which I am JUST NOW NOTICING, a bit of a Rojo thing going on here and I need to yell about that in future Week Reviews. We can’t have misguided strategy catching on like this. But back to starting pitching uhhh the Noah Syndergaard injury stings a bit and Aaron Nola has missed time but THESE ARE PITCHERS THEY GET INJURED A LOT; speaking of which Carlos Rodon should theoretically make a goddamned start this year so they have that. On the offensive side the Titans have been a bit shakier, 5th in Dongs and SBs and 4th in RBIs but tend to find themselves in the bottom 4 or so in pretty much every other category. Offseason acquisitions Miguel Sano and Francisco Lindor have been great and Anthony Rendon and Carlos Correa have been very good, everyone else MEH. As one of the PRECIOUS FEW owners with multiple titles, Ryan has earned my respect and shall never be counted out by this particular blog provocateur. The Titans take on the ‘Topes in Week 9.

TOP CHRIS CORNELL SONG #8: “Nothing Compares 2 U” Prince Cover

I realized I almost have gotten through this whole list without throwing the Prince cover that everyone kept playing right after he died in here, which NEEDS TO BE DONE since I did a Power Rankings of all Prince songs about a year ago at this time. So that’s why this is in here….

9- Rojo’s Renegade Force (3-5) – Rojo’s Renegade Force. Misguided in name and misguided in strategy, HERE THEY REMAIN. Mostly because I will try my best to keep them 9th in the Power Rankings all season, but also because their record allows me to. Rojo’s Renegade Force is LAST in Saves and FIRST in Holds and I didn’t even have to look those up. Let’s see where else they stand out: an IMPRESSIVE 1st in Runs, HRs 3rd (tied), RBIs 2nd (tied), OBP 5th. RRF got some THUMP to em it would appear, props to Joey Gallo and Nelson Cruz and Paul Goldschmidt and Matt Kemp while he was in Rojoville (since been traded) and now George Springer (was in aforementioned trade). The pitching portion has been a mixed bag (QS 2nd in that 4way tie , CGs 3rd (tied), Ws 4th but also 10th in ERA 8th in Ks). Michael Fulmer has been pretty good but Johnny Cueto has been okay at best and Corey Kluber has been bad and then injured and now returning from injury. So that covers your pitching staff for the most part. And as usual I FORMALLY DENOUNCE the punting Saves strategy and until I see Rojo grab a bye or something that will continue. NOW HE IS CORRUPTING THE TITANS. Rojo’s Renegade Force take on the Barnegat Banana Slugs in Week 9 and will DEFINITELY lose Saves and will POSSIBLY lose Holds if they ain’t careful and/or if Brian gets smart and grabs a few holds guys. Cuz yanno they are always readily available and can be picked up like for the weekend.

TOP CHRIS CORNELL SONG #9: “Cochise”

I am partly trying to annoy the group by putting THREE Audioslave songs on here but also I kinda liked Audioslave and I shall not apologize for it. Soundgarden purists like to put ’em down but I think they had some solid songs. Is what I think.

10- Q-Tip City Morning Wood (2-6) – Oh Shane, our guy the original new guy…. BLAZED into the league with a 2-0 start and it has been depressing to follow along ever since. Six straight losses have hurt the spirits in Q-Tip City but again this is where I need to remind folks, even this SORRY ORGANIZATION is only like a game and a half out of that last playoff spot. Miracles happen every day, Heroy convinced a girl to marry him for example. BACK TO THE MORNING WOOD: LAST in Runs (by FOURTY EIGHT RUNS which is actually kinda fucking impressive), OBP, SBs, Ws. Last in enough things to where you can see why they are currently in last, is what I am saying here. Also 3rd to LAST in ERA. On the positive sides of things uhhh Ks 4th, QS tied for 2nd, FIRST in CGs. So fine pitching AT TIMES at least, lead by a surprisingly effective Zack Greinke and an even MORE surprisingly effective and recently acquired Ervin Santana and an expected to be effective yet also recently acquired Carlos Martinez. As far as hitting goes, a lot of guys have been solid but nobody has been all that great is how I would term it. I like Brandon Belt and Yasmani Grandal a whole bunch and would try to acquire them if I had the spots for them. I will say that. Q-Tip City tries to avoid a 7th straight loss when they head to Point Loma to take on the X-Rayz in Week 9.

TOP CHRIS CORNELL SONG #10: “Ty Cobb”

Not that into this song at all but IT IS NAMED AFTER A BASEBALL PLAYER. And Shane’s team has baseball players on it. So it works.

chrisrip