*……by witch i mean bitch, perhaps it autocorrected cuz i’m doing this BY PHONE

SPECIAL REPORT from Seattle….

Fucks sake, it’s been nearly a year since I wrote one of these things and boyyyy do I not miss it and boyyy do I regret attempting this on a phone but it’s happening now and BOYYYY WHATTA YEAR it has been. ~Backyard~ bitching is probably near an ATH, I can’t quite quantify that because I’ve all but stopped looking at the chat (honestly how much covid content can you fucking cram in there MIKE). Overall engagement with the league seemingly ebbing and flowing team by team, to the point where Rojo and I didn’t find out Mikey T had quit until like 3 weeks later (Rojo has since also quit). And yet….the league….trudges on. Have there been some great storylines? MAYBE. Mikey T quitting like the undersized little leaguer he’s always been is kinda fun, Shane’s worst to first routine is nice to see. Brian getting trounced in the playoffs ALWAYS a welcome sight. Have there been some trades? I think so. Our noble commissioner really wouldn’t want me digging too deep into this Nolan Arenado fiasco I know that much. Am I now in the BCS and writing this just to take some cheapshots at all of you LOSERS that aren’t? Almost certainly. Let’s recap the year as concisely as possible shall we? Cuz I’ve got an “Underground Tour” in like 90 mins….

THE 2021 SEASON ….. What can I say about this season that hasn’t already been said? Literally anything, because the blog has withered and died like so many of our hopes and dreams. Shane valiantly attempted a Power Rankings 5 weeks in, and it’s possible the Weekly and All Time Records are somewhat accurate, but other than that we got not a lot. The Power Rankings DO show the two eventual BCS-bound squads in the top 3 so that’s a nice time capsule. The Margs at number one but we SAW how they went out now didn’t we (I beat them. is how.) Ultimately this whole thing is like a nice time capsule now isn’t it. Let’s do some quick hits:

Favorite 2021 Backyard Storyline: LAKEHURST LEVIATHANS

Hard not to get at least a lil bit misty-eyed about the slow buildup of the Lakehurst Leviathans run to the numero uno seed here. This is a team that was 3-8 in that sham of a 2020 season but also 6-12 in ‘19, 2-16 in ‘18, 3-14-1 in ‘17. SHANE HAS ALWAYS BEEN REALLY BAD AT THIS. And now for the first time he’s really been pretty good at this, this season, and it’s just a shame people haven’t been more supportive of that. The Leviathans have gotten a helluva rookie year out of Jonathan India and StarMar has stolen a buncha bags and Zack Wheeler has been really good and aside from that I’m not sure how they’ve done it folks. When Shane lost (so very often) he didn’t lose the lesson, I guess. THE DALAI LAMA LOOK HIM UP

Runner-Up Fave Story: All the quittings. So longggg suckerrrrrs (also maybe save a seat on the bus outta here for me and my trophy)

Runner-Up to the Runner-Up Fave Story: Doch’s reign of terror finally coming to an end. It was a great 2.5 season run Doch, but go fuck yourself. Truly.

2021 BACKYARD AWARDS (poorly researched):

MVP: Shohei Ohtani (Bashers) – He’s been ridiculous and I enjoyed the idea of him languishing away on Rojo’s team, surrounded by empty roster slots.

Cy Young: Adam Wainwright (‘Topes) – Could very easily also give this to Ohtani but SOMEHOW Wainwright has been really good and twirled 3 CGs and so TECHNICALLY the rating system has him higher. And let’s let the old guy have it. And look how these two guys are on teams with new ownership, THIS LEAGUE IS GONNA DO JUST FINE.

ROY: Jonathan India (Leviathans) – I mean I just ASSUME, they’re in the BCS after all.

PLAYOFFS REVIEW AND BCS PREVIEW

I wouldn’t want to spend too much time devoted to the LOSERS of these earlier rounds cuz really this is all about me and Shane. But the earlier rounds had to happen first so let’s have at it…

ROUND ONE REVIEW

The Leviathans and Bears sat back with their byes and watched the Banana Slugs get absolutely TROUNCED by the league’s reigning champeens, 10.5 – 3.5. Chalk this up as another season when the Slugs SURELY felt they had a top team but were surely wrong. The Margs and OGFC played a far tighter one, ending in a 7-7 draw when uhhh Bradley Zimmer or some shit couldn’t do enough in the Sunday night game (to be fair it sounds like a lot was being asked of him). Margs move on as the higher seed and we are on to the semis….

ROUND TWO REVIEW

Here’s where it gets fun you guys. First let’s get it out of the way, yea yea I stomped out the Fightin Margs and GOOD fuck them. If i were to say something nice I would say it’s impressive that Mike’s squad always seems to get at least one dub in the playoffs and that shows some genuine uhhh fantasy baseball team constructing chops? (not something you’d want to put on a Tinder profile) But also a few of those playoff victories have come at my own expense and so….yanno….fuck them.

MORE FUN THAN THAT was the Lakehurst Leviathans defeating the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz HANDILY, 11.5-2.5. Again I remind you, while Doch was on his 2.5 year reign of terror as back-to-back-to-halfback champion of this league Shane’s squad was putting together last place-type finishes and just looking generally bad. And now it’s 2021 and the world is irreparably damaged and the Leviathans are ROLLIN BAYBAY. As for Doch, what can I really say about him that hasn’t already been said no matter how horrible. Things that even the people he thinks “love” him (if such a creature could truly warrant love) say behind his back, and often. Ultimately the BDSliderz put together one truly dominant season in 2019 but managed to sandwich championships around that season as the 6 seed in both the 2018 and the (barely worth actually counting) 2020 seasons and that is something that he can cling to on cold and lonely nights (of which I’m sure there are many). The injury bug may have bit a bit too hard this season, or maybe he got LUCKY to sneak into the playoffs in 2018 and then LUCKY to find a trade partner so willing to build up his fellow Sean’s roster. Or maybe it’s alway a bit of a luck/skill hybrid where it’s tough to tell which had more to do with it. Like poker or drunk driving. ANYWHO rest in piss, Butt Sliderz (plz note: IRL I find Doch to be a generally pleasant young man his stupid stacked team just needed to stop winning, and now it has, and now we can begin to heal our relationship and I think I see some great things in our future 🙂 )

BCS PREVIEW

And so now we have the #1 seed Lakehurst Leviathans (14-4) vs. the #2 seed Island Beach Bears (12-4-2) for allll the marbles. Wheeler vs. Musgrove. India vs. Semien. etc. etc. you get the idea. For Shane, he’s seeking to fully complete the turnaround and enter an exclusive group of Backyard champeens. For myself, it’s the seeking of a FOURTH championship (absolutely nobody disputes this) but the first without my POC PIC. A victory for Shane invites added and unneeded scrutiny into the Commish’s EXTREMELY SUSPECT Nolan Arenado trade. A victory for myself invites the possibility I choose to “retire on top” (don’t worry I could also choose to “retire in shame” if I lose it’s an option either way). One thing is for certain and that’s this: Surely everyone will be watching this matchup closely, edge of their seats nail-biting type stuff, and surely this “blog post” won’t be chock full of errors and weird formatting issues despite being written on an iPhone, and surely I’m going to think of a nice way to wrap this thing up just in case it’s the last post I ev