MIDSEASON(ish) AWARDS ARE BACK RIOT IN THE STREETS

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The people are excited about the return of these prestigious awards…..

Oh lord, is it this time of year again already? The time where I debate whether or not the hottest sister category is needed in the midseason awards and then proceed to criticize everyone else’s team choices while glossing over my own?  Sweet sweet topless Parisians I do believe it is time…..

As always, justifications will be given randomly and if you disagree with anything seen here blame the system that has been created.  A system where I keep posting things solely to amuse myself/avoid doing actual work at work, without any dissenting opinions in sight.  A BEAUTIFUL SYSTEM.  ‘Murrica

HOTTEST SISTER—  Rachel Johnson (Roj0).  Time to restore the crown to its rightful owner.  Granted Rachel and I haven’t spoken in a stretch, but all this time in Hawai’i has to have done wonders for her base tan.  If anyone sees this that knows her, tell her to call me next time she’s in town.

Now that that is out of the way……

wait one more……

UGLIEST FETUS— Emily Emilie (EXCUSE THE FUCK OUTTA ME) Grace” (Lobman).  I think it was eventually clarified that what appeared to be the demon head wasn’t actually a demon head but……still…..

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Artist’s rendering

Okay now onto actual fantasy baseball stuff…..

BEST KEEPER— David Ortiz (Brian).  GOD this one was painful.  But to give credit to someone for just keeping an obviously great player seems silly, so instead I decided to give credit to the fringiest keeper that really panned out well.  And unfortunately that motherfucker is Dominican Shrek Equivalent David Ortiz.  Lord only knows what this dude is on but he leads the league in extra base hits (31 doubles, 18HRs, ONE TRIPLE EVEN) and Brian kept his 40 year old position-less ass and is reaping the benefits.  Fuck the Sawks forevah.

WORST KEEPER— Corey Dickerson (Rojo).  Really SO MANY acceptable choices here but in my humble opinion Rojo bailed a lot of us out by keeping a fringey Corey Dickerson, immediately trading him for Tim Anderson, and then nearly immediately dropping said Tim Anderson.  I was going to make a point here about how Corey Dickerson ain’t even half bad but now I checked and he has a .258 OBP.  And he was a huge injury risk.  BAD JOB ROJO.  But congrats on still being in first place.

dishonorable mention:  Francisco Liriano (Sean), James Shields (Odom), Marcus Stroman (Mikey T), Prince Fielder (Mikey T), I am sure I can go on and on but WHY.

BEST DRAFT PICK— Marcus Semien, 27th Rd (Connor).   As usual the trick here is to sort of start from the bottom and see who delivered the best value down there and UNFORTUNATELY I now have to give Connor credit for drafting the shortstop you all failed to.  I felt set at the shorstop position (SHOULDN’T HAVE) but I knew Semien was going to produce for someone, and 15 HRs out of the SS position in that round is solid value.

honorable mention:  Daniel Murphy (25th, Cliff), Seung Hwan Oh (27th, Sean), Victor Martinez (28th, Sean whom did not keep him for very long), Logan Forsythe (29th, Sean who promptly traded him)….. you should get the picture by now.  MOVING ON.

WORST DRAFT PICK— Ken Giles, FIRST ROUND (Connor).  Everything to be said has already been said, about this one.  For the record this was a terrible pick even if Ken Giles was going to be the Astros closer all year.

OWNER MOST LIKELY TO DIE BEFORE SEASON’S END— Odom.  California is not to be trusted and marijuana is a gateway drug.  And Rojo is more alive than ever.

BEST TEAM NAME—

WAS THERE EVER ANY DOUBT.  Rojo pairs his new name with a nice clean classy logo, and his new name has lots of puns potential, and his new name only gets funnier should his team falter in any way.  A whole lot to love here.

WORST TEAM NAME— Bad Drake Puns (Connor).  The name would actually be better if it was “Bad Drake Puns”.  In which case I would have considered giving this award to Ryan.  But until my demands are met it is Connor.

BEST TEAM LOGO—

FINALLY SOME TRACTION ON THE LOGO’S FRONT.  Alotta credit due to Brian on this I am sure (like all the credit).  But sadly Brian does not get credited for the award AWARD GOES TO ODOM.  But this thing is just a fucking beaut…..

WORST TEAM LOGO—  Connor’s stupid Altuve picture.  Mostly cuz I HAVE CHECKED and there are just much better dancey Altuve pictures out there.  Do your goddamned research Connor….

BEST ROOKIE— Trevor Story (Brian).  Duh.

BEST HITTING PERFORMANCE— Kris Bryant (Heroy)(6/27/16):  5-5, 4 runs 2 doubles 3HRs 6RBIs.

BEST PITCHING PERFORMANCE— Vince Velasquez (Sean)(4/14/16):  9IP, 0ER 16Ks CG W.  SURE Scherzer had himself a 20 K CG W but that game also came with 2ER, and I for one would not trade 2Ks for an ER in any matchup.  ERA IS SERIOUS FANTASY BUSINESS.

BEST TRADE— Odom trades Stephen Piscotty and Ben Zobrist to Sean for Brad Miller and Aroldis Chapman.  JUST A GOOD TRADE AMONGST FRIENDS.  Stephen Piscotty eventually turns into Alex Colome for the MooniniteZ in another JUST A GOOD TRADE AMONGST FRIENDS scenario (Piscotty to Mikey T for Colome).

honorable mention— The Mikey T side of the Freeman for Rosenthal trade, the Brian side of the DeShields and Boxberger for Eaton and Forsythe.

WORST TRADE— Lobman trades Freddie Freeman for Trevor fucking Rosenthal.  The MooniniteZ fully admit that their trade with Brian for Delino DeShields and their trade with Ryan for Raisel Iglesias (Iglesias and Brad Miller for Carlos Rodon) have not at all gone as planned but AT THE TIME OF THE TRADES they were certainly defensible.  I don’t want to hear it with you people about Iglesias vs. Rodon check the preseason rankings cot dammit.  All of this is to say that at the time those trades were okay, but NOBODY should have considered Freeman for Rosenthal a good trade or a fair trade or allowable trade.  Mikey T stole one here.  I was too busy raving at the time to point out the obvious.

dishonorable mention— The trades I alluded to up there, those gross Odom-Rojo trades (Dickerson for Tim Anderson, Buxton for Bundy).

FIRST HALF (ish) ANTI-MVP— Prince Fielder (Mikey T).  THIS GUY, Ryan unloaded to Mikey T for a first or second rounder or whatever.  And I am sure Mikey T expected a lot of power from this particular keeper.  And instead Fielder is finally up to an unimpressive 7 HRs (3 total in April and May).  He has often been found on the ‘Topes bench and I believe occasionally been found on the Rangers bench, losing playing time to the likes of Jurickson fucking Profar of all people.

dishonorable mention— Carlos Gomez (Rojo), Michael Conforto (Cliff), Billy Burns (Connor).

FIRST HALF (ish) ANTI-CY YOUNG— Dallas Keuchel (Mikey T).  2.48 ERA and a 20-8 record last year, 5.13 ERA and a 5-9 record this year.  TOUGH BREAK FOR THE ‘TOPES.

dishonorable mention— Adam Wainwright (Ryan), David Price (Odom), Chris Archer (Odom), Michael Pineda (Sean), Yordano Ventura (All sorts of people, mostly Lobman).

FIRST HALF (ish) MVP— Jose Altuve (Connor).  THIS PAINS ME, but Altuve is the best fantasy asset going right now in this league.  60 runs 24 doubles 2 triples 13HRs 46RBIs 21SBs .432 OBP.  Fucking yeeeeesh.

honorable mention— Kris Bryant (Heroy), Nolan Arenado (Sean), Josh Donaldson (Brian), David Ortiz (Brian)

FIRST HALF (ish) CY YOUNG— Clayton Kershaw (Ryan).  It’s probably always Kershaw.

THIS YEAR’S CHAMPIONSHIP FAVORITE— I have no fucking idea people.  Not Cliff.

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That is a wrap. Now I need a cigarette.
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MIDSEASON(ish) AWARDS ARE BACK RIOT IN THE STREETS

Week 13 Power Rankings – Jeff Baker’s Dozen Edition

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In 2013 this smirky fuck hit 11 HRs in 74 games (with a .360 OBP) for the Rangers……

 

WEEK 13…….the perfect time to start overanalyzing everyone’s season long stats even though all rosters have gone through numerous changes throughout the year (well maybe not Cliff’s roster) and will continue to do so, rendering season to date stats kinda arbitrary.  SO YEA LET’S DO THAT ANYWAYS…….

 

 

 

1-  Rojo’s Resurgence (8-4)

Reason or Reasons for HOPE:  I know I just claimed I was going all in on season stats but in the case of Resurgence their reason for hope is just that HEY, maybe it’s just their year.  Rojo’s Resurgence are middle of the pack AT BEST in most of their stats, except for RBIs where they are 2 behind the lead with 578, and holds where they are easily in first cuz Rojo is an asshole like that.  FIVE SAVES ALL YEAR.  But in spite of a lot of middle of the pack counting stats the Resurgence remains in first….

Reason or Reasons for DESPAIR:  FOR NOW.  Rojo’s biggest reason for despair is likely the fact that his first place lead ain’t all that comfortable, with a wholeeee slew of teams 2 games back or less.  If a couple of matchups start not breaking their way, the Resurgence may have to making some tough decisions on struggling stars (See:  Gomez, Carlos) and/or overrated players (See:  Kemp, Matt).

 

2-  Point Loma X-Rayz (7-4-1) 

Reason or Reasons for HOPE:  #TrustTheProcess.  Odom’s management style is very unique and he is capable of adjusting his roster to fit his needs at any given time.  Generally those needs are A NEED FOR SPEED.  And speed optimization has the X-Rayz first in triples and stolen bases.  A strong bullpen and high K pitchers have the X-Rayz second in the league in strikeouts, as one of only 3 teams in the league over 1000 Ks at this point in the season.

Reason or Reasons for DESPAIR:  There are, however, some underlying causes for concern.  Earlier versions of the X-Rayz roster performed predictably poorly (SAY THAT FIVE TIMES FAST) in the power numbers and you can see a shift in the roster reflecting that fact.  The team is also easily last in OBP, which is a shame because that means Mikey T isn’t.  Struggling aces David Price and Chris Archer, as well as a strategy that relies entirely on streamers outside of those two (now that old man Rich Hill is on the DL) have lead to the X-Rayz producing the second worst ERA in the league, one of three teams with an ERA over 4.

 

3-  Barnegat Banana Slugs (7-5) 

Reason or Reasons for HOPE:  EXTRA BASE PROFICIENCY.  Trevor Story, Adam Eaton (ugh), and the rest of the gang helped Brian’s BS set the all-time record for triples in a week, and on the year the Banana Slugs are second to only the X-Rayz in that category.  Couple that with their first place ranking in doubles and 4th place ranking in HRs and you have a team doing a REALLY good job of trying to convince people they aren’t going to collapse.

Reason or Reasons for DESPAIR:  The Runner Up Curse ™   The Runner Up Curse ™   The Runner Up Curse ™   The Runner Up Curse ™   The Runner Up Curse ™   The Runner Up Curse ™   The Runner Up Curse ™   The Runner Up Curse ™   The Runner Up Curse ™  The Runner Up Curse ™……..   also a few guys are banged up.  Likely as a result of the first part.

 

4-  Main Street MooniniteZ (6-5-1)

Reason or Reasons for HOPE:  A revamping of the rotation around Week 9 and Week 10….farewell Francisco ;(   …..has lead to more consistency on the ERA and QS fronts while allowing the MooniniteZ to continue to lead the league in strikeouts.  Consistency for QS in this case means avoiding having less than 5.  Nobody should start 12 and end up with like 3 QS but OH IT’S HAPPENED.  Also the MooniniteZ have the second most runs scored in the league, about 30 runs ahead of the team behind them (which would be the Cuban Missiles).

Reason or Reasons for DESPAIR:  Unfortunate injuries have been unfortunate all season long, with the 15 day DL most recently claiming Dexter Fowler and SP-eligible closer Alex Colome.  Also Aledmys Diaz broke his face.  Additionally high K guys sometimes come at a cost and that cost is the whole quality start issue.  For the second straight year this franchise is establishing the floor for least quality starts in this league, which is an icky feeling.

 

5-  Ocean Gate Trout Fishing Club (6-5-1) 

Reason or Reasons for HOPE:  The Trout Fishing Club has scored the most runs in the league by like A LOT.  634 runs scored at the time of writing this with the next closest team at 585.  Also they have Mike Trout and two good young Cubs and that fuckface Mookie Betts.  Which probably factors into the whole “alotta runs scored” thing.  The OCTFC are also first in HRs at 180 and first in RBIs at 580.  Also they are second in ERA and I haven’t even touched on pitchers.  SO A LOT TO LIKE HERE.  Maybe they should even be ranked fourth.  But fuck them.

Reason or Reasons for DESPAIR:  HISTORY.  Heroy has a long and storied track record of either failing in the championship game or, yanno, failing a bit earlier than that.  I believe in history.  Also Andrew McCutchen is all up on that struggle bus.

 

6-  River City Cuban Missiles (5-5-2) 

Reason or Reasons for HOPE:  Championship experience.  Mike is one of a handful of multiple time champions (joining Ryan and THE ODOM/SEAN DYNASTY THAT NEARLY RENDERED THIS LEAGUE A POINTLESS EXERCISE FOR YOU ALL) and our most recent champion, so he knows a thing or two about a thing or two and about making noise come playoff time.  Also the Cuban Missiles are 2nd in HRs, 3rd in RBIs.  So there’s still some pop there despite Lobman desperately trying to trade away all his pop.  Machado, Odor, Stanton, Harper, Adam Jones these are names of very good players and they are all on the Cuban Missiles.

Reason or Reasons for DESPAIR:  A championship hangover and/or impending baby so team sucks syndrome.  WHO KNOWS where Lobman’s head is at these days.  Could be on his future spawn.  Could be on his new grill.  And WHO KNOWS where it was at with some of the trades he has made this season.  Rosenthal for Freeman was so bad the league should have stepped in, and one could argue there was far too much tinkering done with the championship roster in the offseason.  Chris Davis and Anthony Rizzo would be helpful these days.  Also Jose Abreu has regressed a bit.  And speaking of that Bryce Harper hasn’t been quite as godlike this year and MAYBE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN PLANNED FOR.  Perhaps we will look back on the Cuban Missiles 2015 championship in the same way we look upon that time I won the football league when Chris Johnson had 2000 yards.  REMEMBER THE FOOTBALL LEAGUE?  Let’s bring it back.

 

7-  Bad Drake Puns (5-6-1) 

Reason or Reasons for HOPE:  Steals and solid pitching I GUESS.  The BDP have maybe stolen a few pages from the Odom playbook by committing their roster to high stolen base guys.  This is not unlike the hit film Bring It On, where white cheerleaders rip off black cheerleaders and steal their uhh cheering routines.  I think.  In fact this is EXACTLY like that.  Connor’s squad also leads the league in quality starts and is 4th in ERA, which is unfortunate.  Connor’s squad also has Jose Altuve, which is unfortunate.

Reason or Reasons for DESPAIR:  RECENT HISTORY.  Club *wanking motion* has lost 3 in a row, and that is what we refer to in the industry as a downward trend.

 

8-  Pine Lake Jumpmen (5-7)

Reason or Reasons for HOPE:  The pitching staff.  Clayton Kershaw remains capable of changing a matchup with a CG in any given week, and he’s just really really good in general.  In case you haven’t heard.  Also Chris Sale can be dominant for large stretches (like entire seasons) and if a few of the injured guys return and return to form this team is still capable of putting together beautiful pitching weeks.  Also it has Carlos Correa, a dickhole named Jackie Bradley Jr., and a forever underrated Brandon Belt doing underrated Brandon Belt things.

Reason or Reasons for DESPAIR:  The pitching staff.  This was projected to be Pine Lake’s biggest strength coming into the year, and since then injuries and ineffectiveness have taken a lot of the shine off.  Stephen Strasburg continues to be a delicate flower and is on the DL, Felix Hernandez is also on the DL and I believe his fastball tops out at 86 mph these days.  Wainwright has been rather bad and Rodon is rather inconsistent, as young pitchers will be.  Also the impending baby thing

 

9-  Springfield Isotopes (4-6-2) 

Reason or Reasons for HOPE:  BEAT ROJO’S RESURGENCE LAST WEEK.  Also a couple of shrewd roster moves over the course of the past few months.  Getting Chris Davis and Freddie Freeman from Lobman and Lorenzo Cain and Stephen Piscotty from yours truly gives the ‘Topes some solid core players and/or some solid trade bait, although everyone knows David Phelps is the juiciest asset on this squad.  Also not all aspects of all trades have worked out because they never do (shout out to Marcus Stroman and SECOND ROUND PICK Starlin Castro).

Reason or Reasons for DESPAIR:  PLENTY OF THINGS.  League-worst ERA lead by the struggle bus driver Dallas Kuechel, second-worst OBP lead by a most of the year unusable Prince Fielder.  Also that victory over Rojo last week was a lot more about Rojo’s team performing terribly than it was about the ‘Topes playing well.  The ‘Topes were still mostly terrible.

 

10-  Whitestone Bulldogs (3-9) 

Reason or Reasons for HOPE:  Not applicable.  No that’s a bit harsh.  The Bulldogs lost some tough matchups and they lead the league in ERA.  There.

Reason or Reasons for DESPAIR:  They also lead the league in not really giving a shit about the league, having made only 55 “moves” on the year.  And what you end up with there is the team that is last in runs, last in doubles, second to last in RBIs, and last in Ks.  And also the team that is MOST OBLIVIOUS to the league’s holds movement.

 

 

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Just cuz….

 

Week 13 Power Rankings – Jeff Baker’s Dozen Edition

Week 12 Review – REMEMBER REVIEWS?! The Review

REVIEWS!!!!!  REMEMBER REVIEWS?!  Let’s do one of those….. 

 

 

 

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Pictured: I don’t even fuckin’ know man…..
OceanGate Trouth Fishing Club Gut the Whitestone Bulldogs like they are the Whitestone Mackarel or something –  9-4-1

MVP:  Mike Trout– I GUESS Mike Trout gets this, more or less by default.  But let the record show that I expect a lot from that guy so this kinda week should be like his floor.  12/29, 6 runs 1 triple 2HRs 5RBIs .452 OBP.

LVP:  Salvador Perez – Not what you want out of your catcher position in any given week.  A position that nobody wants much from to begin with.  2/17, 1 run 1 double 1RBI .200 OBP.

WHAT can be said here really.  Cliff and his Bulldogs continue to lose matchups despite somewhat decent counting stats, and Heroy’s Fishing Club continues to win matchups despite Heroy being at the helm.  The Fishing Club pitched to a 5.60 ERA despite a solid 81 Ks and an equally solid 8 saves (zero holds, YOU’VE CHANGED HEROY).  Jose Fernandez had a heavy hand in the Ks but no hand in the terrible ERA.  Trout technically gets MVP for the week even though for a Trout week that was kinda MEH.  15 HRs and a .361 team OBP for Team Heroy simply too much for Team Cliff, they put up a still respectable 13 HRs and .333 OBP.  Andrew McCutchen hit 2HRs while still kinda sucking but it’s only fun to talk about that in weeks where Heroy loses.  So let’s move on.

Next Week aka This Week:  Heroy v. Lobman (INTERESTING MATCHUP), Cliff v. Connor (OUR BI-ANNUAL WHO GIVES A SHIT MATCHUP).

 

 

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Pictured: Carlos Correa and/or what it would look like if Derek Jeter fucked that girl from Lilo and Stitch and they had a baby (Lilo? Her name is probably Lilo. Also she’s probably below the age of consent. Also she’s a cartoon).

Pine Lake Jumpmen SHUT DOWN THE CLUB (Club Bad Drake Puns, that is) –  9-5-0

MVP: Carlos Correa – I think the picture caption already said more than enough about this guy.  8/24, 6 runs 4 doubles 3HRs 9RBIs .407 OBP.

LVP:  Drew Smyly – There was once a time when the only thing stopping me from trying to trade for this guy was my desire to not trade with Connor.  Now his stats are also stopping me.  12 IP 12 ER  no QS no Ws FIGURE OUT THE ERA FOR YOURSELVES.

In the week’s other matchup involving a league outsider whom is only in the league to highlight our alarmingly whittled down circle of friends, that outsider lost to Ryan.  I think that was a good sentence.  ANYWHO, despite the 9-5 final score this matchup was horrifically close in pretty much every category except, like, doubles and holds.  Ryan won wins, saves, quality starts, and triples by 1 each, runs by 3, RBIs by 2, and edged out an ERA victory 4.13 to 4.44.  So really what I am trying to get across here is we are all blessed to have had Connor lose last week, assuming we are all in agreement that we like Connor losing.  I KNOW I DO.  Correa, Ozuna (3HRs), and Upton (2HRs 2SBs) deserve our gratitude.  Semien (2HRs 7RBIs .440 OBP), and Altuve (always Altuve, 3HRs 5RBIs .444 OBP) turned in solid efforts in defeat.  Pitching on both sides was good not great AND I ONLY DISCUSS GREATNESS HERE.  Well Sale (15IP 3ER 16Ks 2Ws 2QS) was pretty great in 2 starts for the Jumpmen.  Smyly was pretty terrible in 2 starts for the Bad Drake Puns.  For the sake of simplicity lets call that the difference.

Next Week aka This Week:  Ryan’s Jumpmens v. My MooniniteZ (BROTHERLY BLOOD FEUD THAT IS ACTUALLY RATHER CIVIL), Connor v. Cliff (SEE ABOVE FOR NOTE ABOUT NOT GIVING A SHIT).

 

 

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Have yourself a week you bearded beautiful bastard
Point Loma X-Rayz Defeat the Cuban Missiles yadda yadda yadda something about Cuban immigrants (couldn’t think of anything too punny,SAD!) – 8-4-2

MVP: Charlie Blackmon – THE BLACKMON IS BACK MON.  I mean kinda, he doesn’t really steal bases anymore.  If you enjoyed that joke I will be setting up a PayPal account for tips.  14/33, 9 runs 1 double 5HRs 9RBIs .472 OBP.

LVP:  Nomar Mazara – Could have just given this to Lobman himself again but I wanted to highlight that Mazara doesn’t really doooo anything anymore.  He had like 3 runs and an RBI BUT WHERE ARE THE EXTRA BASE HITS NOMAR?

In a battle between two people named Mike whom I prefer to address by their last name, Mike O defeated Mike L.  Surely this really chapped Mike L’s ass but HE HAS ONLY HIMSELF TO BLAME.  One does not just tinker with a championship roster and expect no consequences.  And that tinkered with roster managed to lose 8 categories to the ever-tinkering Mike Odom and his X-Rayz, a lot of them by decent margins despite this matchup staying close through a good portion of Sunday.  X-Rayz fans may mark Week 12 as a fundamental change in the roster construction, as Odom pledged to introduce more power in the lineup and ended up posting its best power numbers of the season (14 HRs, 52 RBIs).  I don’t know where we stand on triples as a power category but the X-Rayz usually have their fair share of those as a function of their speed, and add 5 more to the tally.  Blackmon, Justin Bour (3 HRs 9RBIs), and Tim fucking Anderson somehow (3HRs) keyed the power surge for the X-Rayz and helped the X-Rayz capture the runs and RBIs cats.  Though to be fair Lobman technically tied in HRs, helped by 3HRs from that fucking bum Hanley Ramirez and 2 a piece from Giancarlo Stanton, Tulo, and Adam Jones.  Tying Odom’s team in HRs signals trouble however, and TROUBLE IT WAS.  I don’t even want to talk about the pitching, both teams kinda sucked.  The Cuban Missiles won ERA 4.93 to 5.38 for example.  The Cuban Missiles also had 7 saves, IMPRESSIVE considering they traded Freddie fucking Freeman for Trevor goddamn Rosenthal and the latter sucks and is now out of the closing gig.  As always, who cares fuck Mike.  #WCFM

Next Week aka This Week:  Odom’s X-Rayz v. Rojo’s Resurgence (SOMEHOW FIRST PLACE IS ON THE LINE HERE), Missiles v. Fishing Club fishermen people (I GUESS THIS MATCHUP STILL FEELS AT LEAST VAGUELY INTERESTING).

 

 

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Pictured: The greatest Carpenter since Jesus

Main Street MooniniteZ Salt Da Slugs – 7-4-3

MVP:  Matt Carpenter – Matty Carpenter is heating up, folks.  Absolutely not available via trade.  7/24, 7 runs 2 doubles 1 triple 3HRs 5RBIs .414 OBP.

LVP:  Brian’s Pitching Staff – But more importantly Brian’s complaining.  “Wahhhhhh my good pitchers don’t throw quality starts every single time they pitch wahhhhhhh”.  That is you Brian.  That is how you sound.

The Runner Up Curse ™?  I am contractually obligated to bring that up at least once when discussing the Banana Slugs, win lose or draw.  And now that it’s out of the way, lets keep minorly hinting at it.  A truly CURSED week from the Banana Slugs pitching staff allowed the MooniniteZ to steal a few categories despite an up and down performance from their retooled rotation.  Winning quality starts 6-5 and wins 3-2 is nothing to write home about, but this team owner STANDS BEHIND his strong 88 Ks and 3.45 ERA.  that ERA could have been a full 2 runs higher and still held against Brian’s plagued pitching staff, although the Slugs can take solace in a balanced RP performance that garnered 4 saves and 5 holds.  5 holds ain’t bad!  On offense the hexed hitters of the Banana Slugs had a down week if one is able to look past the .380 OBP (and the 53 runs.  and the 18 doubles.  those numbers ain’t bad.  A mere 9HRs and 29RBIs was not the production Brian was starting to feel like he was accustomed to.  Perhaps he will blame injuries.  Perhaps it was a cursed comeuppance.  Matt Carpenter and Aledmys Diaz (3 doubles, 2 HRs, 8RBIs, .586 OBP) care not for these excuses.  Everyone pray for Aledmys Diaz’s beautiful face.

Next Week aka This Week:  MooniniteZ v. Jumpmen (WE ARE RELATED), Slugs v. ‘Topes (THEY AREN’T RELATED BUT BOTH SHARE A LOVE OF FASHIONABLE NECKWEAR).

 

 

THE GLAAD [CONSENSUAL!] ANAL PLOWING OF THE WEEK

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The best part about this picture is that I took it from this website called “conservativepost” that was REALLY unhappy about these flags flying everywhere because apparently it is the gays that are intolerant of the Christians.

 

 

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Pictured: Trevor Bauer for some COT DAMN reason…..

 

Springield Isotopes Make Both Love and War on Rojo’s Resurgence, Win – 7-5-2

MVP:  Trevor Bauer – T’s ‘Topes won quality starts by 1 QS and Trevor’s CG was the qualitiest of the QS.  10 K CG (1 ER), that was also a win.  Which should be obvious.

LVP:  The Resurgence Bullpen – I know that when one loses to Mikey T one must think “SOMEONE MUST BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!” (well I beat Mikey T twice this year so I don’t really KNOW know but I can assume).  But in this case it was really Rojo’s bullpen collectively giving up a bunch of runs and sodomizing his ERA (lotta sodomy going around in this GOTW).  I tallied the numbers, sorta, and it was like TWENTY SIX earned runs given up by the bullpen.  In 28.2 innings or some shit.

In a show of solidarity with the gay community, the Springfield Isotopes did gay stuff on Rojo’s Resurgence.  In a matchup where Rojo is probably feeling most violated by his own bullpen, the Isotopes did just enough and the Resurgence did just a little less.  The plethora of runs allowed by the Resurgence bullpen allowed T’s ‘Topes to win ERA despite an ugly 4.78 ERA, and a narrow OBP edge prior to the Sunday night game (.337 to .334) allowed T to sit Jung Hooooooo and with him sit down any chance of the Resurgence escaping a bad week with a tie.  And it was a bad week, single digit HRs and doubles and a paltry 36 runs that actually bested a paltrier (hideous word) 30 runs from the Springfield Isotopes.  You may surmise from my tone here that I am being unnecessarily harsh on the ‘Topes in an attempt to discredit their victory and you would be right, because 30 runs and 30 RBIs would be the lowest outputs week-wide if not for the Banana Slugs 29 RBI team performance and because I like rooting against Mikey T for the fuck of it.  If you want to commend the mighty 11 HRs of the Isotopes, credit is due to the 3 ‘Topes batters that mustered 2 HRs a piece (Jung Hooooo, Miggy, and Chris Davis).  If you want to commend any hitters on the Resurgence YOU SHOULDN’T BECAUSE THEY LOST TO A SINKING ISOTOPES SQUAD.  But Nelson Cruz had a nice week (3HRs 5RBIs) and is in fact having a nice season and I miss him.  On the pitching side of the coin shame goes to the Resurgence bullpen and to one of Cueto’s 2 starts, which one I don’t care to look up.  Steven Wright continues to be good and that continues to annoy me (13.2 IP 3 ER 10Ks 1QS).  On the flip side of that coin the Isotopes got the standard good Jon Lester start (7IP 7Ks 1QS) and an EXCELLENT Trevor Bauer CG spot start.  Those that like to boo the commissioner just for the fuck of it can take solace in the fact that Trevor Bauer was dropped before that start even began and now resides with Mikey T’s Week 13 opponent.

Next Week aka This Week:  ‘Topes v. Slugs (BOW TIES VERSUS NECK TIES, I AM TEAM TIE BAR), Resurgence v. X-Rayz (TWO TEAMS WE ALL PROBABLY STILL DON’T TAKE SERIOUSLY BATTLING FOR FIRST PLACE).

 

 

 

WE ARE AT WEEK 13.  EVERYONE SHOULD BE IN REBUILD MODE…

 

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Trade us all of your feeble earthly assets….
Week 12 Review – REMEMBER REVIEWS?! The Review

(Post)Week 11 Power Rankings- THIS BLOG HAS GONE TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET EDITION

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I don’t even know where we last left off in these goddamn things.  I mean I do ‘cuz I can scroll down.  But the point is, we are like 3 weeks behind and DAMNED if I am going to live in the past and review all of those things.  I’ll take part of the blame here because for a time I was too preoccupied googling Molly fruit punch recipes or something.  But we all know the majority of the blame goes to Mike Lobman’s eating disorder.  In light of these events I decided to just jump right in with some  Power Rankings that shall briefly touch on where we last left our heroes, where they are currently, and where they are going.  Note:  This league is pretty much devoid of heroes.  Much like the beginning of the Dark Knight Rises.  Rojo is the hero we deserve but not the one we need right now.

TO THE POWER RANKINGS…..

1-  Rojo’s Resurgence (8-3)

Where We Last Left Them:  In our last Power Rankings, posted towards the latter portions of Week 7, Rojo and his Resurgence was sitting pretty at 5-2 and #1 in our rankings/hearts.

Where They Are Now:  Rojo’s Resurgence remains prettily seated, having gone 3-1 since the Power Rankings last posted to remain in the #1 spot in said power rankings.  Unfortunately, nobody likes a team that continues to do well so he is no longer #1 in our hearts.  He has been replaced by gays or alligators or something, I forget.  THE WORLD IS CHAOS.

Where They Are Headed:  ALL THE WAY TO TITLETOWN.  No I don’t at all feel comfortable saying that.  But all the way to the playoffs?  He probably will make the playoffs.  Barring epic collapse.

2-  Barnegat Banana Slugs (7-4) 

     Where We Last Left Them:  In our last rankings, Resident  “Runner Up CURSE ™” Bearer Brian Smith (and his curse) were third (4-3).  And this is an exact science so truly they were the third best team in the league at that time.  No more no less.

     Where They Are Now:  CURRENTLY the Slugs from Barnegat have slid their slimey way up to a spot in our rankings, having equaled the Resurgence with a 3-1 record since, like, the Thursday of Week 7.  A really meaningless and arbitrary point to split the season at but damned if it won’t be used for the rest of this thing, because that’s just where we are at with this “blog” right now.  Whereas the Resurgence is coming off a Week 11 loss, the Slugs have won 3 straight to close the gap and diminish Rojo’s accomplishments.  They only one back of first place, folks.

     Where They Are Headed:  ALL THE WAY TO……out of the playoffs.  You are still cursed sir.  Them is the breaks.

3-  Point Loma X-Rayz (6-4-1) 

Where We Last Left Them:  Way back when our West Coast affiliate was ranked fifth, sporting a 3-3-1 record.

Where They Are Now:  APPARENTLY EVERYONE HAS GONE 3-1 SINCE WEEK 7.  Seems mathematically impossible but here we are.  Odom’s 3-1 and has won his last two matchups and has moved up two power spots in the power rankings sponsored by powerade as a result.

Where They Are Headed:  Honestly who the fuck knows with this one.  Personally I consider Mike Odom far too wiley to miss the playoffs this year, he will drop his entire team to fill it with probable pitchers before that happens.  So book him down for a trip why not.

4-  River City Cuban Missiles (5-4-2) 

     Where We Last Left Them:  LAST TIME, the Cuban Missiles were a disappointing 4th in their season-long disappointing defense of their disappointing championship last year.  They were 3-2-2.

     Where They Are Now:  SAME SPOT, after a (disappointing) 2-2 stretch.  Disappointing is in parentheses back there because a beatdown of the first place Resurgence totally redeemed Lobman’s Latinos, possibly saving their season.  In Week 11.  Yep

     Where They Are Headed:  Some place disappointing.  I am sure they will throw a few nice BBQs though.

5-  Ocean Gate Trout Fishing Club (5-5-1) 

Where We Last Left Them:  IN HAPPIER TIMES!  Back in Week 7 it was decided that Heroy’s squads 4-3 record was the most impressive 4-3 record and for that reason they were ranked second.  Feels like a half-remembered dream.

Where They Are Now:  Because now the Fishing Club has run into its share of turbulent waters, going 1-2-1 over their past 4 to drop down to 5-5-1.  As usual the troops from Ocean Gate have the talent to climb the rankings in the future weeks, even if Andrew McCutchen apparently isn’t good anymore (he is probably still somewhat good).

Where They Are Headed:  NOT TO TITLETOWN.  Because Andrew McCutchen isn’t good anymore.  See I contradicted myself there.  It’s occurring to me that I have really nothing to say for these “where they are headed” parts, as my prediction days are supposed to be behind me and all.  And also cuz I don’t feel like saying much.  So let’s move on.

6-  Main Street MooniniteZ (5-5-1) 

     Where We Last Left Them:  ‘Twas dark dark times back in Week 7.75, as the MooniniteZ were playing uninspired fantasy baseball and sitting at 3-4.  For this they were ranked 9th.

     Where They Are Now:  A LITTLE BETTER!  A retooling of the pitching staff and a dropping of some disappointing keepers have made the Main Streeters (slightly) more competitive and a 2-1-1 stretch has them in a confusing 7th place in the standings.  I BEAT THE BAD DRAKE PUNS TWICE AND TIED HEROY.

     Where They Are Headed:  Evidently towards some sort of playoffs tiebreaker screwjob.  Back to divisions I say.

7-  Bad Drake Puns (5-5-1) 

Where We Last Left Them:  At 4-3, with an unfortunate winning record that unfortunately forced me to rank them sixth.

Where They Are Now:  NOW I CAN RANK THEM SEVENTH.  Feels much better.  Still not great by any means, really as a league you want your Bad Drake Puns below .500.  But it’s on the team’s below them on this week’s power rankings to get their shit together first and foremost.

Where They Are Headed:  Nowhere great until they fix their weird obsession with holding onto useless Astros middle relievers.  Not dropping Giles only calls more attention to the fact that he was drafted in the first round.  YOU ARE MAKING IT WORSE.

8-  Pine Lake Jumpmen (4-7)

Where We Last Left Them:  A scuffling record of 3-4  had the Pine Lake Dots 7th in our rankings but I think we allllll knew they were bound to get it together……

Where They Are Now:  WHICH HAS YET TO HAPPEN.  A game was won somewhere in there but 3 others were lost, when really Pine Lake fans would like to have seen a .500 record in the last 4.  A .500 record the fans could have lived with.  But THIS?!  Fuck this mannnn.

Where They Are Headed:  To hell in a handbasket, at this rate.  Take a look at what Lobman and Ryan’s once mighty teams have become and learn the lesson folks:  don’t knock up your ladies.

9-  Springfield Isotopes (3-6-2) 

     Where We Last Left Them:  8th in our rankings with a record of 3-3-1.  Oh Mikey T…..

     Where They Are Now:  Say what you want about the Jumpmen, I will say I liked them better when they were the enigmatic  .    But at least the former  .    actually have won a game since these power rankings were last updated.  Eking out a tie to the Bad Drake Puns is the only bright spot of late for the ‘Topes, but face it there’s no small victories to be had in that and no small victories in an 0-3-1 record in your last 4.  Ick, Commissioner T.  ICK.

     Where They Are Headed:  To hell in a handbasket.  Regardless of that I stand with Mikey T and the rest of the LGBTQ community.

10-  Whitestone Bulldogs (3-8) 

     Where We Last Left Them:  Literally in the exact same spot they are in now, dead fucking last.

     Where They Are Now:  Dead fucking last.

     Where They Are Headed:  Probably staying in dead fucking last.

So uhhh there we have it.  A very comprehensive yet completely empty Week 11.57 Power Rankings.  Those of you (and me) outside of the top 5 only have yourselves to blame.  Also THE BLOG LIVES.  If only momentarily.  On to the 2nd half playoff push.

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Pictured: Pants for the classy MooniniteZ fans out there.  You know who you are.
(Post)Week 11 Power Rankings- THIS BLOG HAS GONE TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET EDITION

Week 8 Review – Fuck You Week 8, The Review (BUT SEANSTRADAMUS DID A GOOD JOB)

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WE AIN’T OUT TO MAKE FRIENDS

Before we get to this review, we need to talk about how good of a job Seanstradamus did this time around.  Mostly because Seanstradamus needs to fucking retire.  But he shall do so (relatively) ON TOP, picking four of the five matchups correctly in Week 8 and only being let down by Heroy.  Which is something other people in Heroy’s life probably could have warned Seanstradamus to expect.  Seanstradamus regrets ever trusting Heroy and will never do so again.  

So yes, 4 outta 5 matchups.  SWEET SWEET REDEMPTION/RETIREMENT.  I am out of the prognostication business.  On to the review….

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YOU PROBABLY HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHOM THIS IS (It’s Jose Ramirez though. He looks like a burnt marshmallow.)
Point Loma X-Rayz HUHWHOOP The Main Street MooniniteZ –  10-1-3

MVP:  Jose Ramirez – Rich Hill also had a fine week but putting Jose Ramirez here REALLY puts things in perspective, if you ask me.  And sadly this fuckin’ guy had a .500 OBP and 2 doubles and 2 steals and 2HRs and 4RBIs and 7 runs.  Jose Ramirez.  THE Jose Ramirez.  On the Indians.

LVP:  Vinny from Philly/My Entire Offense – The entire offense was terrible, I don’t want to single out just one.  But I can single out Vinny Velasquez, who had two non-ideal matchups and responded non-ideally.  8.2 innings, 10 earned runs, 8 Ks.  I forgive you Vincent, I am not mad I am just disappointed.

Let’s get this one out of the way early FUCKING SHALL WE?  Don’t let the not-terribly close final score fool you, this one was even less close than that.  Was Odom’s offense impressive?  No not really.  Did Sean’s offense fail to hit a HR until like Friday?  I believe that was how it shook out, yes.  Will this affect Odom/Sean’s friendship?  NO KEEP DREAMING.  Sentient marshmallow Jose Ramirez had a pretty good week, and apparently is having a pretty good season, but on the hitting side this week was more about what the MooniniteZ hitters didn’t do than anything anyone did…..do.  Yea.  The MooniniteZ bats weren’t shit in Week 8.  On the pitching side is where things have been interesting for at least one of these teams, as Odom continues to work some sort of voodoo magic with beautiful streaming efficiency.  What I mean by that strange phrase is that the X-Rayz are really only keeping like 4 starters and really only like 1.5 of them are pitching particularly well, and yet a deft touch on the streaming front allowed them to rack up 94Ks 10QS and a 3.10 ERA in Week 8.  Jeremy Hellickson and Pat fucking Dean each twirled 7 inning gems, and impressive sophmore pitcher Rich Hill continues to dominate OH WAIT HE IS LIKE 40 YEARS OLD (14.1 IP, 15Ks 2QS 2Ws).  Fuck that guy with a spiky one.  For a look at pitching gone wrong one needs only to look at the MooniniteZ, whom continue to work around pitcher injuries with little to none success.  LITTLE TO NONE.  In Week 8 it was 3 quality starts and a 5.09 ERA.  I continue to set the league floor for quality starts and continue to pick up pitchers that serve up walks like Odom serves up fish tacos.  I still

Next Week: The Point Loma X-Rayz will look to keep up the winning ways and will take all the help they can get from The Runner Up Curse ™ when they take on the Barnegat Banana Slugs.  The MooniniteZ will take their ALL TIME LOW CONFIDENCE out for a stroll in Ocean Gate when they take on the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club.  Note:  Nobody should ever live/take walks in Ocean Gate.  I say this having never been there and refusing to ever go there.  Suck it Heroy.

MLB: Spring Training-Colorado Rockies at San Francisco Giants
Johnny Cueto you beautiful bastard….

Rojo’s Resurgence Tear The Barnegat Banana Slugs A Third Asshole –  11-3-0

MVP: Johnny Cueto – Those looking for a “heeeeeres Johnny” line can LOOK ELSEWHERE.  But yea here he is, he seems more comfortable in the NL.  A Monday CG set the tone and he followed it up with another QS/W to boot. (15IP, 1ER, 11Ks, 2QS, 2W, 1CG).

LVP:  Max Scherzer – When a guy usually goes out there and dominate hitters and then goes out there and does the opposite of that it just seems cruel, and so this is what you get for your cruelness Max.  He gave up 5ER in 7IP and that line makes me want to puke and Brian should trade him while he still can.  For Melvin Upton.

Brian was prettttty pessimistic about this one from the very get-go and that turned out to be a wise way to cope with pain, which is always something Brian has excelled it (see:  his poetry, any of the Green Pennies songs about broads, etc).  Rojo kinda handed Brian his soon-to-be-operated on ass in Week 8 and the Resurgence continues ladies and gentlemen.  It is a testament to the BALANCED ATTACK of the Resurgence that nobody really stands out to me here, aside from Johnny’s gems.  He got 14 HRs with only 3 hitters having more than one (Beltre, Kemp, and BRANDON GUYER all with 2), he got 7 steals from SOMEWHERE, and he got 95Ks and 10Ws from a pitching staff that just went out there and did their gotdamned job (except for that Hills Have Eyes extra Julio Urias).  Evidently Steven Wright is legit and this also makes me sick and Tim Wakefield must be spinning in his grave.  Oh Gio Gonzalez got absolutely shelled though.  Just noted that.  Because I do my homework for these things.  On the Banana Slugs side, it was an okay week when “okay” just would not do.  David Ortiz certainly did his best and was better than okay (4 doubles, 2HRs, 9RBIs, fuckin .526 OBP) as did StarMar, the guy everyone will keep sending Brian trade offers for even if Brian swears on the lives of his children he will never trade him.  That guy had 5 steals in Week 8, and so hey the Banana Slugs won the steals category.  They only won 2 other categories and then lost the remaining 11. The Runner Up Curse ™?

Next Week:  Rojo’s Resurgence take on a fucking punctuation mark THE JUMPMEN! when they head to Pine Lake in what would be a battle of the Ryans if we allowed Rojo to keep his birth name.  But, we didn’t.  Is it ever a good move to change your team name/logo midseason?  WE WILL FIND OUT.  Worked for Odom/Me a few times.  Andddd, Brian is likely wearing a maxi pad as we speak.  Also he takes on Odom’s team as I previously mentioned.  I would say more but I don’t want to take the focus away from the maxi pad.

MLB: Colorado Rockies at Los Angeles Dodgers
Kershaw gonna Kershaw….

Pine Lake (Periods?!) End The Sentence Of The River City Cuban Missiles (that was a reach and a swing and a miss and I apologize) JUMPMEN LEAP OVER THE CUBAN MISSILES (beautiful)– 9-5-0

MVP: Clayton Kershaw – The Cuban Missiles met Clayton Kershaw on a 2 start week which is never really ideal.  Naturally one of those starts ended in a CG.  (16.2IP, 2ER, 17Ks, 2QS, 1W, 1CG).

LVP:  Michael J. Lobman – Just a WILDLY UNIMPRESSIVE title defense thus far.  Color us all unimpressed, Michael Jean.

In a battle between two suckers who will be far too busy eating shitty hospital cafeteria food come playoff time (IF THEY EVEN MAKE IT IN THERE), The Artist formerly Known as the Pine Lake Periods did just enough on offense to counteract the next to nothing that the Cuban Missiles done did.  Pitching-wise every category was close, with the two teams battling to a 4.53 to 4.54 advantage in ERA in the Missiles favor.  But the Punctuation Marks edged the Missiles by 3 in Ks and 2 in QS and 1 in the all-important CG category, and they also took advantage of an asleep Cuban Missiles offense and took 6 of 7 categories on the hitters side.  Aside from Kershaw (see above) and Strasburg (12.2IP, 15Ks, 2QS, 2Ws) all of the pitching in this matchup was kinda ew am I right?  Bright spots on the batters side for Pine Lake included Ryan Braun (2HRs, 2SB, .444 OBP), CarGo (1 triple, 3HRs) and Ozuna (2Hrs, .594 OBP).  I need to stop being so impressed by OBPs in one week sample sizes but DAMMIT I keep being impressed by them.  Bright sides for the Cuban Missiles?  Impending fatherhood maybe (debatable)?  Bogaerts 2HRs and upward trending exit velocity?  2HRs from Mazara?  Who cares fuck Mike.

Next Week:  The Pine Lake Jumpmen will try and jump over Rojo in the standings okay I get it that is already annoying.  Also that is factually inaccurate even with a loss the Resurgence would have a better record than the PLJM.  Lets move on.  Lobman’s Mediocre Missiles will take on A SCORCHIN HOT BULLDOGS TEAM.  Cliff will come for us all.  Maybe.

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SANO DONTCHA KNOW….

Whitestone Bulldogs Pee All Over The Springfield Isotopes’ Silk Hand-Knotted Oriental Area Rug – 6-5-3

MVP:  Miguel Sano – Sano is ALIIIIIVE… Update:  Sano is now dead and on the 15 day DL with hammy issues.  But for one week he was alive.  (4HRs, 7RBIs, 6 runs, .429 OBP)

LVP:  Prince Fielder – More like Princess Fielder AMIRITE?!  A couple of fellas did poorly for Team ‘Topes and got the boot because of it (Tomas, Castro, BYUNG HOOOO) but I am going to pick on the guy that is still rostered for some odd reason.  Prince Fielder hit one double and that’s literally all he did, cuz the Topes have resorted to benching his fat ass for weekends at a time.  You are a disgrace to the vegan/vegetarian movement in so many ways, Prince.

Cliff, mannnn.  CLIFF.  Cliff’s mighty Bulldogs must have gotten wind of the fact that I was mulling over an expose about how they kept losing with good stats, and you know what they did?  They continued to have those winning stats but now for two weeks in a row those winning stats are better than their opponents stats.  Which really has nothing to do with Cliff I suppose.  THIS GAME IS LIKE 70% LUCK.  But anyways, at least Cliff is burning up the waiver wire and mildly invested and we have Ryan’s Whatevers and T’s Topes to thank for that.  If one were to look at the numbers from this matchup, one would be unimpressed.  The Isotopes have a knack for playing these hideous matchups (See:  Week 5) but THIS TIME they failed to come out on top.  Some of the blame could go to Miguel Sano (4 HRs) but that would be a little silly as the Isotopes won HRs and HANDILY won RBIs.  Some of the blame should go to Nate Eovaldi and Edison Volquez for their Sunday QS contributions, which allowed the Bulldogs to tie the ‘Topes in said category.  Some of the blame can go to Marcus Stroman for Sing a D in his start.  But really what it came down to was a slightly active Cliff made a few moves in a week and edged out a victory in said week.  And now he’s out there waiver claiming Welington Castillo.  WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.

Next Week:  Cliff and his Bulldogs of Whitestone are coming for the Cuban Missiles and they are coming for blood.  Just my personal opinion on the situation.  The Springfield Isotopes will be taking on alleged non-Mikey T franchise “Club Mehhhhhh”…… go fuck yaself.

The Pizza Hut [NOW WITH WINGSTREET WINGS!] Honey Srirarcha Wings sweet taste of victory of the week

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Zombie Jonathan Lucroy back from the COT DAMNED dead…..

Bad Drake Puns Slap The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club In The Face With Their One-Eyed Blue-Veined Trouser Trouts (beautiful imagery), Win – 6-5-3

MVP:  Jonathan Lucroy – I shit you not, Jonathan Lucroy was the reason Connor squeaked this week out. (2HRs, 9RBIs, 1 double, 1 YUUUUUUUGE Sunday triple)

LVP:  Anthony Rizzo – Nobody played too terribly for the Fishing Club but when the margin is razor thin like this SOMEBODY needs to be blamed.  And I nominate Anthony Rizzo.  No extra base hits, a mere run, two mere RBIs.  (.348 OBP)

The conclusion of our Week 8 Pizza Hut (NOW WITH WINGSTREET WINGS) Honey Sriracha Wings Sweet Taste of Victory of the Week likely left poor Greg feeling the same way one might feel after ingesting “wingstreet” honey sriracha wings.  Insert poop emoji here.  The Fishing Club and the Bad Drake Puns (please do not mistake the fact that I type out Greg’s team name for an endorsement of said team name) were deadlocked in battle the entire week, from what this guy can tell, and on Sunday it came down to a few at bats here a few at bats there in sealing a loss for the fisher dudes and a win for the other dudes.  A Sunday triple from a fucking catcher of all things, and a douchey catcher at that, secured the crucial category for the Bad Drake Puns and that same douchey catcher’s 3 douchey RBIs contributed to a 1 RBI lead for the BDP that ultimately held.  Heroy’s squad headed into the Sunday night game needing a mere one RBI from Kyle Seager’s talented brother to tie, two mere RBIs to win.  But it was just not…..to be.  If you hate Connor’s team (and lets be honest who doesn’t) you can also hold a grudge against Kyle Hendricks for this one, as his CG proved crucial.  If you’re a fan of the Trout Fishing Club (and let’s be honest whom is) you can take solace in the fact that the offense looked pretty good in Week 8 AND LOOKS FUCKING PHENOMENAL early on in Week 9.  Eat a trouser trout, Heroy.

Next Week:  Bad Drake Puns v. T.  Fishing Club v. Me.

On to Week 9.  Which is also the number of HRs Heroy’s team has after two days.  I hate you all…

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Sit on ’em and rotate….
Week 8 Review – Fuck You Week 8, The Review (BUT SEANSTRADAMUS DID A GOOD JOB)