2017 WEEK 8 REVIEW: THINGS ARE GETTING SPICY

May 31, 2017June 1, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

WEEK 8 SAW EVERY TEAM IN FRONT OF ME LOSE. GOTTA LIKE THAT. PERHAPS I WILL DISCUSS IN FURTHER DETAIL BELOW…….

quickcleanfallowdeer — Cuz McCullers curveball GIFS are fun and also cuz HOW DARE YOU TRY AND USE ZOBRIST AGAINST ME BRIAN

Manchester MooniniteZ Beat Barnegat Banana Slugs Bigly (JK Not That Bigly) – 8-4-2

MVP: Lance McCullers – Gotta be honest it doesn’t seem like anyone on my team was particularly impressive last week, HOWEVA Lance delivered 2 Ws and an important Sunday QS and kept the ERA low and did his best to catch the Slugs in Strikeouts and for that I declare his efforts good enough….for this thing. 11 IP, 2 ERs, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 1.64 ERA

LVP: DJ LeMahieu – DJ LeMahieu LeMaybe could have done a better job last week. REALLY getting the hang of these name puns, guys. 4/26, 3 Rs, 1 RBI, .214 OBP

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note: Just want to make it clear here that Andrew McCutchen was DEFINITELY going to be blessed with LVP had I let this one slip away, especially cuz the fucker decided to go 2-3 with a HR and 3 RBIs on the one day I benched him (2/17, .118 OBP and that is fucking it for all the days he was actually in the lineup).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note: Should note that Alex Wood has FINALLY been pitching the way I expected him to pitch back when I selected him as a keeper, 25.1 scoreless innings streak currently, and so of course a cruel and merciless god (or multiple baseball gods) promptly threw him on the DL (5 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Jake Lamb continues to rake for the Slugs, so they at least have that (6/27, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .276 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?: I s’pose he narrowly edged him out, yes.

Current Tally: Trevor Story 4, Aledmys Diaz 4.

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: And now to take these bastards back down a peg, John Lackey has been bad and was bad twice last week and fuck him (10 IP, 10 ER, 11 Ks, 9.00 ERA).

THIS ONE WAS NEVER IN DOUBT FOLKS. No I kid I kid, ’twas far from a sure thing and in fact when Brian’s birthday was upon us on Friday and I told him I got him a loss it was very much not a sure thing that I got him a loss. But now his birthday has passed and I did indeed hand him an L and time marches on. SUPERIOR ERA (3.170 v. 4.378) AND SUPERIOR OBP (.3230 v. .3084) were the keys to victory for the MooniniteZ this week, as a lower ERA no doubt helped contribute to their W in the Ws category (8 to 6) and a higher OBP no doubt helped them score more runs (40 to 32) and PERHAPS EVEN rack up more doubles (18 to 16). But again ignore the opening sentence, this one was close into Sunday when a clutch Keon Broxton triple and yet another Lance McCullers QS helped the double M pull away. The Banana Slugs also fell victim to the oleeee “all my holds guys have been thrust into the closers role” conundrum, which allowed them to win Saves (4 to 3) but also allowed them to lose Holds (2 to 0). On the bright side of things Barnegat welcomed back Josh Donaldson to the fold on the weekend, and going forward they will hope he turns around an offense that has struggled a bit through the first half of the season. For various reasons. In Week 9 they’ll hope to get back on track against Rojo’s Renegade Force, meanwhile the MooniniteZ will seek a third straight win and attempt to cement their claim to the #1 seed when they take on River City. IMPORTANT TO NOTE that we are now heading into the time o’ the year when teams will be facing teams for the second time (while interestingly enough some teams haven’t even faced each other for the first time), so we are officially in “season series sweep season”. #SSSS.

Next Week aka This Week: MooniniteZ v. Bad Dudes (BIG MATCHUP FOLKS, also fuck Lobman), Banana Slugs v. Renegade Force (Injury-prone team v. injury-prone man).

mermaid-ariel-dead-fish-reaction — RIP Trout (for 6-8 weeks)(OR LONGER)

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Fucking Get A Second Win (BUT AT WHAT COST?!), Defeat Astoria Isotopes – 7-4-3

MVP: Anthony Rizzo – Anthony Rizzo will be relied upon heavily in the coming weeks for the OGTFC, which is something I just decided. Off to a nice start with his Week 8 performance.eekly reminder that Mike Trout is very good. 8/25, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .393 OBP

LVP: Jose Quintana – Way to bungle up the ERA, Jose! Nice Ks though. 4.1 IP, 8 ER, 7 Ks, 16.62 ERA

OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Before going down with a bum thumb Mike Trout was playing baseball really good cuz he is really good at baseball and it is a shame that he has been temporarily taken from the sport but not a shame that he was taken from Heroy (6/23, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, 1 SB, .433 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: On the bright side Danny Duffy had one good start, but OH YEA NOW I REMEMBER he followed that up with a bad start and is now out 6-8 weeks with an oblique strain CONGRATS ON YOUR UPCOMING WEDDING GREG (11 IP, 8 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 6.55 ERA)!

Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Charlie Blackmon WITH THE JROLL and a pretty one at that (12/30, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .419 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Pretty impressive 2 start week outta German Marquez, no doubt aided by the fact that the Phillies offense has been horrendous of late BUT STILL (11.2 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 2.31 ERA).

The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club won their second in a row in Week 8, and for just the second time all season, BUT AT WHAT COST?! I guess I already said that up there. But yes the mood was perhaps dampened a bit by a Mike Trout injury over the weekend, nevertheless the OGTFC now find themselves squarely in the playoff hunt and for that we should all be sad. In Week 8 they did it mostly on the offensive side of things, taking 5 of the 7 cats and tying in HRs (they lost RBIs badly despite said HR tie). From the pitching perspective they managed to steal ERA in a who can be less terrible contest (4.765 over 4.940) and put up 2 Holds to the ‘Topes 0 Holds and there you have it, there is your 7 categories. The ‘Topes valiantly carved out 7 QS despite the garbage ERA, which illustrates that they were essentially let down by Jose Quintana‘s piss poor start and Patrick Corbin‘s Sunday piss poor start (7 ER in 4 IP). One got cut but perhaps BOTH should have been cut? Perhaps. In Week 9 the OGTFC will seek a 3rd straight win despite the heart and soul and namesake of their team being RIPPED AWAY from them, meanwhile the Astoria Isotopes will try and stay above .500 and validate a polite (polite enough) profile that I put together for them in our Chris Cornell Power Rankings.

Next Week aka This Week: OGTFC v. BDSliderz (Greg’s Marriage Hangover Curse was getting antsy and started a bit early with the injuries towards the end of last week, let’s see what happens this week!), Isotopes v. Titans (with the Titans going for the season series sweep).

9996670-mlb-miami-marlins-at-washington-nationals-850x560

Toms River Titans KO Current League Punching Bag (Q-Tip City Morning Wood) And This Header Would Have Worked A Lot Better With The Pine Lake Punchouts – 8-4-2

MVP: Anthony Rendon – Anthony Rendonnnnnn is back to hitting again at like his 2014 levels, no doubt a welcome sight for Ryan after some up and down seasons mixed in there. Prior to the 2015 season I nearly offered Josh Donaldson for the guy, so if we use my player valuations as supporting evidence here then we can conclude that 2014 Anthony Rendon was a swell player (better with 2B eligibility but I digress). 9/21, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .520 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP: Odubel Herrera – Odubel Herrera did NOT in fact rebound from his Week 7 LVP performance, and got himself cut from Q-Tip City for it. 2/16, 1 2B, .125 OBP

Titans Hitter Of Note: Two more HRs for Francisco Lindor give him 11 on the season and WHAT THE FUCK I thought this was supposed to be a glove first no pop prospect, THANKS Baseball America (7/19, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .455 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note: Stephen Strasburg went out and got himself one of those vintage “starting against the Padres and striking all of them out” type performances that have become customary over the past 2 seasons or so (7 IP, 0 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: This is like the first time I noticed that Brian Dozier still existed and was on this team so that means TRADE NOW WHILE THE IRON IS HOT, that goes for both Boners and Twins (8/26, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 2 SBs, .438 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: So yea at least Ervin Santana continues to mystify, all of his underlying stats are garbage and I say there is no wayyyy he keeps this up for all that much longer but WHATTA RIDE while it lasts (9 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

In a battle of teams trying to claw their way out of the Backyard’s Basement, uhhh one team clawed their way out a wee bit further while the other team just CONTINUES TO SINK DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE LEAGUE with their 6th straight loss. This one was relatively close but eventually the Titans of TR pulled away with superior offense and their trademark superior pitching (although ultimately Q-Tip City NARROWLY won ERA 2.967 to 2.976). Francisco Lindor prrrrrobably made the Before Breakfast Boners regret trading him just a wee bit as he had himself a week. Also THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, but no probably not but Matt Harvey put together two solid starts. Trade now I say. Also the MW wasted 2 CGs which is never ideal, you always just want one unless 2 are required (but what would I know I never get em). And in the end despite a pristine ERA the Dawnus Erectus were unable to win Strikeouts (lost 89-82) or Wins (lost 8-7) and the only cat they were able to grab on the hitting side was Doubles (17 to 14). A VALIANT effort to hang with the Titans pitching staff (goddammit has Michael Pineda been good or what) and perhaps something to build on for QTC, but in the end ANOTHER LOSS. The QTCMW will attempt to avoid losing their SEVENTH in a row in Week 9 when they head to sunny Point Loma, while the TR Titans will attempt to creep closer towards .500 ball by sending the Isotopes below .500.

Next Week aka This Week: Titans v. Isotopes (Look it is no secret Ryan hates Mikey T’s guts folks, no secret at all, and I bet he would love to sweep the season series and pull into a tie with tiebreaker situation with the ‘Topes), Morning Wood v. X-Rayz (Q-Tip City badly needs to stop the slide, one could argue if one were declaring things that people “badly need” with regards to people’s fantasy baseball teams).

anigif_enhanced-buzz-5164-1376490674-3 — Round here we CELEBRATE our JROLLS……

Rojo’s Renegade Force FORCIBLY Slow Down The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, Earn A Big (ish) Win – 7-5-2

MVP: Paul Goldschmidt – PAUL GOLDSCHMIDT JROLL. He good. 8/23, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .423 OBP

LVP: Jordan Zimmerman – Someone needs to be blamed for this and I dunno, Jordan Zimmerman? Jordan Zimmerman didn’t really contribute much to the efforts to try and win this matchup. 5 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 12.60 ERA

Renegade Force Hitter Of Note: The RRF are a team that is never one to shy away from adding whatever baseball randos that happen to be hot at the moment, and Adam Frazier is the latest success story of the Renegade’s (attempted) Revolution (5/26, 5 Rs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .382 OBP).

Renegade Force Pitcher Of Note: Will Harris sinnnnglehandedly won the RRF both relief pitching categories in Week 8 and that is a feat that shall not go unnoticed by this bullpen-lovin blog (4 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 1 Save, 3 Holds, 2.25 ERA).

BDSliderz Hitter Of Note: Adam Duvall had himself a week AND IT MATTERS NOT (9/25, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .360 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note: And poor Buck Farmer pitched the game of his life and it ALSO MATTERS NOT, as it didn’t help Lacey Twp win and didn’t help him NOT get sent back down the very next day (6.1 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

RENEGAAAAAAAAADES. I find myself wanting to call this team the Renegades more often than that so maybe they should drop the “Force”. *Justin Timberlake in The Social Network voice* “It’s cleaner.” BUT I DIGRESS. Big win for RRF as they FINALLY slowed down the D train, like a homeless man that fell onto the subway tracks. This one required a bit of Sunday magic (these reviews ONLY CARE ABOUT SUNDAY MOSTLY) as the RRF racked up 21 Ks and 3 QS to steal those two categories from the BDSliderz (91 Ks to 84, 8 QS to 7) Ks and grabbed 2 SBs to knot that category 5-5. Lacey Township only had one start left for Sunday and that start (a Jordan Zimmerman 7 ER disaster) provided a mere 3 Ks and a mere 0 QS, allowing the wiggle room RRF required to storm ahead and stay ahead. The only cat Rojo’s boys took on offense was Triples (1 to 0, shout out to Paul Goldschmidt AND JROLL) so this really was a pitching-based effort, the Renegade Force were one of only two teams to post 90+ Ks in Week 8 and also snagged a crucial CG in a losing effort (shout out to Michael Fulmer). And now Dochney and his BackdoorSliderz have finally lost a week in which they had FULL CUSTODY OF THE TEAM FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK NO DISPUTES THERE, and the world can seem a little less crazy. Lacey Township will attempt to stop the losing streak at 1 in Week 9 while Rojo’s Renegades ~~Force~~ will be seeking to avoid a series sweep at the hands of the Banana Slugs o’ Barnegat.

Next Week aka This Week: Renegade Force v. Banana Slugs (RRF coming off a big win and looking to cobble together their second in a row), BDSliderz v. OGTFC (Guy Not Invited To Other Guy’s Wedding Because They Have Never Met v. Aforementioned Other Guy That Is Getting Married Like A FOOL).

2017 WEEK 8 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY GILLETTE

1305563147_evan-longorias-amazing-baseball-catch — Think you’re fucking SLICK with your viral ads just don’t ya Gillette…..go to hell (but also thanks for paying for my parking at the 2013 AFC Championship Game)……

Point Loma X-Rayz Defeat River City Bad Dudes On Top O’ The 15th Inning HR Magic – 7-6-1

MVP: Evan Longoria – Longo didn’t have himself the best of the weeks but cameeeee through when it mattered most, a la Game 162 in 2011, and ripped an extra innings HR to give the X-Rayz the win. MAGICAL! 5/28, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, .281 OBP

LVP: Maikel Franco – Maikel Franco Maikel Suckedo. Okay not my best work. WHATEVER I DO THIS SHIT PRO BONO, if you don’t count whatever Ocean County is paying me. Which. I. Don’t. But yea anyways, Maikel sucked harder than Odubel because at least Odubel was kind enough to throw in a double. Your 2017 Phillies offense folks. 2/18, .158 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note: Decent little week for Elvis Andrus aka the guy Odom always gives me shit for badmouthing but I STAND BY IT STILL (6/25, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 3 SBs, .259 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Chris Archer is just quietly out there in X-Ray Land and Ray Land striking out like 11 per 9, or in last week’s case 11 per 7.2 (7.2 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.35 ERA).

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Xander Bogaerts wasn’t man enough to pull off the JROLL which is a SHAME for the Bad Dudes because they could have used the 3 bagger (10/25, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 1 SB .423 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: Not every day that a team can say they streamed a Josh Tomlin CG but HEY, the Bad Dudes streamed a Josh Tomlin CG (9 IP, 1 ER, 3 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 1.00 ERA).

SUNDAY MAGIC ALERT. And it has seemed like that would be what it would take to take down River City on this current uhhh non-losing streak of theirs, spanning every week but the first. The Bad Dudes offense scuffled jussssst enough to leave the door open a crack, as they failed to reach double digit HRs for the first time all season, AND THAT FAILURE WOULD PROVE COSTLY. I’ll set the stage: daybreak, Sunday morning. The Bad Dudes are leading in Runs, Doubles, RBIs, OBP, Wins while the X-Rayz lead in Triples, SBs, Ks, Saves, and ERA I guess? So the X-Rayz are narrowly winning I think is what I am implying, heading into Sunday. Then LO AND BEHOLD a Josh Tomlin CG and James Pazos Hold and HRs from Giancarlo Stanton and Wilson Contreras and now we are staring another Bad Dudes win in the face with him up 7-6-1. But the X-Rayz had an ace in the hole and that ace in the hole was the Rays-Twins game, the NINTH inning of which saw Evan Longoria scoring the game-tying and matchup-tying run. So now we are sitting here knotted up 7-7-0 like a bunch of clowns. But the X-Rayz had an ace in the hole and that ace in the hole was the Rays-Twins game going FIFTEEN innings, and in the top of the 15th Longo stepped up to the plate against shitty junkball throwing Hector Santiago and just GROOVES the first pitch into the seats (as I am told) to help conclude a game that would end up going like 6 and a half hours. PANDEMONIUM IN POINT LOMA THE X-RAYZ GO UP 7-6-1! And then whatever, Josh Bell failed to hit a HR or score 2 runs in the night game. And I am sure a bunch of other stuff happened in this matchup earlier in the week but I have covered the stuff that matters so let’s MOVE IT ALONG. In Week 9 the X-Rayz look to get back to a .500-ish record with their first meeting with Q-Tip City, while the River City Bad Dudes look to put the emotional devastation of this loss behind them so that they may attempt to avoid a Season Series Sweep at the hands of the according-to-ESPN-in-first-place MooniniteZ.

Next Week aka This Week: X-Rayz v. Morning Wood (Battle of the formerly 2-0 teams that FELL BACK DOWN TO EARTH), Bad Dudes v. MooniniteZ (with the Bad Dudes trying DESPERATELY AND HOPELESSLY to avoid being swept in the season series by Manchester)

WEEK 9 IS NOW UPON US AND ONCE IT CONCLUDES WE WILL OFFICIALLY BE HALFWAY THROUGH THE YEAR. NORMALLY I WOULD SAY YOU SHOULD ALL HAVE A SENSE OF YOUR TEAM BY NOW BUT THINGS ARE TOO BUNCHED UP (PRECISELY AS I PRESEASON PREDICTED) SO REALLY ANY AND EVERY TEAM IS STILL IN IT, EVEN THE ONES THAT KEEP LOSING. GIVE IT ANOTHER COUPLE OF WEEKS AND MAYBE WE WILL HAVE SOME SEPARATION, IN THE MEAN TIME LOOK OUT FOR THE JUNE POWER RANKINGS AND A MIDSEASON AWARDS POST AND A GREG HEROY WEDDING AND ME ESCAPING TO TENNESSEE FOR MOST OF WEEK 10. CUZ FUCK Y’ALL.

mooninites1_by_adult_swim_club

TRADE REVIEW(S) KINDA: BACK TO WHAT WORKS

May 23, 2017May 23, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

c-bffw6uqaaetni — This is more for that first trade than that second trade, I want plenty of things from the second one…

s

THE FIRST TRADE THAT I SAID I WON’T REVIEW:

WOOD traded Dominic Smith, NYM 1B to BBS
BBS traded Antonio Senzatela, Col SP to WOOD

s

POLL RESULTS: Did people actually vote on this thing? TURNS OUT THEY DID. 3-3 which is the proper way to vote here, we all lost for it happening.

AGAIN……I will not review this travesty.

S

THE SECOND TRADE THAT I WILL ACTUALLY REVIEW:

RRF traded Matt Kemp, Atl RF to rmac
RRF traded Yu Darvish, Tex SP to rmac
rmac traded George Springer, Hou RF to RRF
rmac traded Yasiel Puig, LAD RF to RRF
rmac traded Rafael Devers, Bos 3B to RRF

POLL RESULTS: 5-4 Say RRF “Won” The Trade

MY VOTE: Went to the Toms River Titans

Let’s go back to what works here……

THE RENEGADE FORCE RETURN:

RF/CF George Springer – 27.66 year old RF for the Astros, and a HELLUVA young player. .318 OBP, 7 2Bs, 9 HRs, 28 Rs, 24 RBIs in 158 ABs thus far this season. 29 HRs last season with a .359 OBP, has really been maximizing HR output given his low fly ball rate. Pulling the ball just about 50% of the time this season, which might further maximize HR output but can also lead to him rolling over more grounders hence a lower OBP. NITPICKING here though, he is an excellent OF with eligibility at 2 spots and will likely continue to be excellent for the forseeable future.

RF Yasiel Puig – 26.4 year old HEADACHE/RF for the Dodgers, about 3 years removed from his last standout season. .320 OBP, 4 2Bs, 8 HRs, 21 Rs, 24 RBIs, 5 SBs across 149 ABs thus far in 2017. The steals and HRs uptick has to be considered encouraging, as Puig ended up with 11 HRs and 5 SBs in 334 ABs last season. Not a bad buy low candidate but also not a sure thing to be any better than some of the pieces already present amongst the Renegade Force (Aaron Hicks, Aaron Altherr, some other Aaron). There’s a reason the Cuban Missiles turned their back on the face of their franchise folks.

3B Rafael Devers – 20.5 year old Dominican prospect 3B in the Sawks system, their best non-Benintendi prospect according to Baseball America and everyone else (#18 overall BA, #14 MLB.com, #13 BP). Already has 7 dingers in 128 ABs in his first taste of AA this season. “Elite bat speed” as I hear it, and raw power that should play even when he is forced to transition to first base. As I also hear it. The comp I kept seeing due to the nature of the swing is Robinson Cano (RUDE). Soooo….. Major League Comparison: Robinson Cano ASSUMING HE PUTS IT ALL TOGETHER WHICH IS ALWAYS A BIG ASSUMPTION FUCK THE RED SOX.

THE TITANS RETURN:

SP Yu Darvish – 30.75 year old righty pitcher for the Rangers, and likely the “best player in this deal” so if that is how you judge all trades stop here. “But but but George Springer is really good too!” YEA I KNOW I JUST FIND YU SLIGHTLY BETTER AND GOOD PITCHING IS GETTING HARD TO COME BY. Ahem. 5-2, 2.83 ERA (3.80 FIP), 68 Ks in 63.2 IP (9.61 K/9), 7 QS thus far. The FIP says there will be ERA regression mostly because the walks have ticked up a bit and the BABIP is down, but contact wise everything else looks pretty much in line with the sameee Yu as always. If he stays healthy he should give top 10 #s to the Titans, who already have plenty of pitchers that should give top 10 numbersgood BUT THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING, as Taillon has been through just about every injury imaginable so he has been working his way back a bit. This year he’s given up 2 ER in 20 IP and I expect a helluva year, he’s not 0.90 ERA good but he is very good. I SUSPECT the Bad Dudes put him out there as available but credit to the OTD for picking him up and instantly improving a rotation in need of it.

RF Matt Kemp – 32.66 year old RF for the Braves who feels about 10 years older than this and whom I have always been an outspoken critic. FUCKING .378 OBP currently which is something else, 13 2Bs, 8 HRs, 21 Rs, 25 RBIs, across 135 2017 ABs. Look what can I say here, the guy is hitting the ball pretty well. He has a .404 BABIP which is fourth highest in all of baseball and almost certain to drop, taking a lot of OBP with it. BUT he is also hitting the ball rather hard and seems relatively healthy. A healthy Kemp likely outperforms a healthy Puig YEA I SAID IT. Who knows what the Braves plan on doing with him but for now he is raking to the point that you can’t just call him a throw in, which is unfortunate because now it seems like I was only criticizing him when he was on Rojo’s team. HEY MATT KEMP IS GREAT NOW EVERYONE USE A FIRST ROUND PICK ON HIM IF YOU GET THE CHANCE.

S

RETURN SEAN LIKES MORE:

TITANS! I already cast my vote above. I don’t need to justify this for you. The fact of the matter is in spring training Yu and Georgey boy would likely have been drafted right around the same time, so it comes down to personal preference and maybe how you see Darvish aging there. I can certainly see the argument for both sides and I s’pose if Devers becomes A GUY it could swing more in the RRF’s favor but right now I see the Titans added another top 10 arm and if you are going to commit to a gimmick this is how you wanna do it. The loss of Springer hurts, the loss of Devers might eventually hurt, but Puig is so MEH that I would rather have Matt Kemp. And I hate Matt Kemp. Or something.

2017 WEEK 7 REVIEW: SADLY THE OGTFC FINALLY WON A GAME EDITION

May 23, 2017May 24, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

WEEK 7 IS IN THE BOOKS. BEFORE WE BEGIN LET ME JUST ADD THAT THERE WAS A TRADE LAST WEEK (EDITOR’S NOTE: AND NOW TWO TRADES! THE SECOND ONE I WILL PROBABLY REVIEW THOUGH) BUT IT WAS POINTLESS AND UNNECESSARY AND I WILL NOT DEMEAN MYSELF OR THIS BLOG BY ACKNOWLEDGING IT ANY MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE DONE IN THIS VERY SENTENCE. NOW LET US REVIEW SOMETHING THAT IS ACTUALLY WORTHY OF REVIEW…….WEEK 7

Banged Up Barnegat Banana Slugs Pitch Past Plummeting Q-Tip City Morning Wood – 9-3-2

MVP: Jake Lamb – Jake Lambbbbbchop really paced the Slugs sluggers in Week 7, as the only guy out there THAT I KNOW OF that put up double digit RBIs last week. Nice work Lambchop, now do the right thing and get strep throat this week. 7/17, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .565 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP: Odubel Herrera – I feel like the Morning Wood keep losing by the largest deficit and also keep having the LVP of the Week and I dunno maybe these things are somewhat related? 3/24, .125 OBP and thatttt be it. ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Jose Bautista to his credit also did a fine job in Week 7 as the only other Slugs regular with a +.500 OBP (12/26, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .548 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?: NO, via injury.

Current Tally: Trevor Story 3, Aledmys Diaz 4.

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Fucking Clayton Richard threw a CG at a point when this matchup was probably wrapped up anyways but still CLAYTON RICHARD CG PEOPLE (9 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 1.00 ERA).

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: At least Eugenio Suarez put his LVP week behind him, gives hope for Odubel in Week 8 (8/22, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .423 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: BACK TO REALITY for AJ Griffin (3.1 IP, 9 ER, 24.30 ERA).

Another week in the Backyard League, another week where the Morning Wood lose the hardest. At this point it may be time to rechristen them the Morning Flaccid Penises. This one was actually closer than it would appear to be with the 2 tied cats ending up HRs and RBIs, typically categories where a victor is crowned. But it isn’t like these two teams dominated to a draw here, the 10 HRs 37 RBIs each were the second lowest totals in both categories. ONE COULD ARGUE the Slugs offense has been pretty sub-par this season but I wouldn’t want to dive too deep into that, as it would be just asking for them to go off in their Week 8 MooniniteZ matchup. So instead let’s look at the area where the Slugs have excelled in their victories, the pitching game. The BBS put together a nice and balanced overall week on that side in Week 7 with 68 Ks, 1 CG, 6 Ws (despite only 4 QS), 5 Saves, 2 Holds, 3.600 ERA. Across the board solid numbers that will keep you competitive in your fair share of matchups, and against the struggling AM Engorged Genitals these numbers were enough to take every one of those damned categories. So you couple 6 Ws on the pitching side with an OBP of about .360 and a pair of triples, and all of a sudden you’re up to 8 cats in Barnegat’s flavor. Then throw in the fact that the Bonerz only stole a single solitary base and Barnegat tripled that production, and you have your entire margin of victory. NEITHER SQUAD WAS ALL THAT IMPRESSIVE. The Banana Slugs will look to be more impressive and win their second in a row in Week 8; the Morning Wood will look to avoid a (Cliff-like) 6th straight loss.

Next Week aka This Week: Banana Slugs v. MooniniteZ (INSERT SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT BRIAN AND/OR AND/OR TREVOR STORY HERE), Morning Wood v. Titans (Just a couple of guys in last place looking to win a matchup, is all this is).

animated-rainbow-trout-fish

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Fucking Finally Get A Win (Sadly), Defeat Point Loma X-Rayz – 8-4-2

MVP: Mike Trout – Weekly reminder that Mike Trout is very good. 6/18, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .552 OBP

LVP: Lorenzo Cain – LoCain had a LoOBP this week but he still chipped in two steals but that is all he chipped in so LVP! 4/22, 3 Rs, .217 OBP

OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Eduardo Nunez came into the week with zero HRs on the season and left the week with 2 HRs on the season (9/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .375 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: Danny Duffy is a guy I still root for and everyone always watches his velocity, and it is indeed down, but he is still mostly getting the job done so take that velocity watchers (7 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note: Chris Davis SIGHTING, fuckin’ guy came into last week with only 11 RBIs which is sort of ridiculous BILLY HAMILTON HAD MORE (6/20, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .310 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Up and down week for Chris Archer, rebounded from a 5 IP 6 ER start against Cleveland to post a QS and strike out 12 against the Yanks (11.1 IP, 9 ER, 18 Ks, 1 QS, 7.15 ERA).

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. The OGTFC were finally able to overcome their owner and get a W, and the entire league is worse for it because that W in fact puts Greg in the playoffs at this juncture. Nobody wants that, title defenses are much more fun when they die in the regular season (not sure that’s ever happened before, but it probably has). Unfortunately this one wasn’t even a cheapie, as the Trout Fishing Club amassed some eye-popping numbers on offense and even threw in 80 Ks for good measure. But yea on offense: 62 Rs, 21 HRs, 60 RBIs, 9 SBs, .3922 OBP. The X-Rayz of Point Loma were ill prepared to compete with that production, as one of the two teams that failed to produce an OBP north of .300 and the only team that failed to amass 30 RBIs. Things were so not going Point Loma’s way that it took a 4-1 Sunday rally just to win steals, THEY ALMOST EVEN LOST STEALS PEOPLE. Just think about that. And aside from that the offense let them down, they ended up tied in doubles (17-17) and lost Ks by one and pitched their way to an unfortunate 5.288 ERA (but pitching sucked baseball-wide last week it seems JUICED BASEBALLS). A few things breaking a few different ways and maybe we are celebrating yet another non-W for OceanGate, but their offense was due to carry them to a W all on their own for quite some time. And now they have that elusive first W and now we are left to root for them to miss the playoffs. STEP IT UP TEAMS DOWN THERE. THE WINNING SQUAD HERE WAS IMPRESSIVE. And now the Trout Fishing Club will be looking to win two in a row for the first time in aaaaaaages, while the X-Rayz will be looking to steer out of their skid (0-4-1 after starting the year 2-0) and remain in the playoff picture.

Next Week aka This Week: OGTFC v. Isotopes (Soon To Be Married [WHAT A MORON] Man v. Best Man), X-Rayz v. Bad Dudes (X-Rayz looking to make a statement, stop a bit of a stumble).

MLB: Spring Training-Boston Red Sox at New York Mets — We FINALLY get Harper’s dumb mug off the weekly reviews and unfortunately I have to replace it with a dumb Red Sawk mug

River City Bad Dudes Fucking Keep Winning (Sadly), Defeat Toms River Titans – 8-4-2

MVP: Xander Bogaerts – Getting tired of writing this dude’s name in here so blah blah blah pretty hair blah blah, putting an emoji symbol on your bat is stupid. Also why hasn’t he stolen a base yet? NO GRIT that’s why. 10/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .481 OBP

LVP: George Springer – Bit of a down week for Springer in Week 7 but he will have more uhhh up weeks than down, just gotta dust off the uniform and MOVE ALONG Georgey. 3/21, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .182 OBP

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Jose Abreu continues to be a solid contributor ever since being called out on the Twitter, the team that called him out has not won since CURSE OF JOSE (10/32, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .333 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: And also Eduardo Rodriguez is improbably rattling off QS after QS after fucking QS these days, provided 2 for the the Bad Dudes in Week 7 (14 IP, 6 ER, 13 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 3.86 ERA).

Titans Hitter Of Note: Just about nobody on the roster was really “of note” in a positive way for the Titans, and that is usually a sign of trouble and so I present to you Javier Baez having an okay week (4/11, 3 Rs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .417 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note: Pitching has still been reliable for the Titans and yet PITCHING ISN’T ALWAYS ENOUGH, and so I present to you Stephen Strasburg (13.2 IP, 5 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 3.29 ERA).

The Bad Dudes continued their winning ways in Week 7, having last lost in their season opener and at this point looking extremely hungry to return to the BCS (Backyard Championship Series, still trying to make it a thing) for the 3rd straight season. This time the Bad Dudes relied on a balanced attack, combining 91 Ks and 8 Ws with impressive offensive numbers to best a Titans squad that produced a mere SIXTEEN extra base hits…..easily the lowest in the league. It would have taken a lot more than that to make a run at the batting cats, with the Bad Dudes tying the season record with 23 2Bs and adding 4 3Bs (SAVE SOME FOR WHEN YOU NEED THEM) and 11 HRs to boot. The Titans simply couldn’t keep up with the bats, their calling card of a high QS total (10) and low ERA (3.080, best ERA in a week of mostly terrible ERAs) doing little to keep pace in the matchup. The Titans simply had a punchless offense, despite winning OBP, and that lack of punch put them at a severe disadvantage and cost them a chance at a third straight victory. They will look to return to their winning ways in Week 8, as they currently sit amongst a 3 way tie in last place. The Bad Dudes will look to continue NOT LOSING, I for one hope they don’t continue that. I hope they lose. Their owner is a bad dude (pun unintended).

Next Week aka This Week: Bad Dudes v. X-Rayz (Always a fun matchup, expect these two chatting by themselves at 11 PM next Sunday night), Titans v. Morning Wood (A “must win” I have seen it termed despite the fact that the three teams tied for “last place” are only 0.5 games out of the 6th seed).

500758007_16996445_8col

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Win A-Goddamned-Gain, This Time At The Expense Of The Astoria Isotopes – 7-5-2

MVP: Corey Dickerson – I don’t know if the Carlos Correa talk that I caught a glimpse of in the chat was in response to him having a good week or what but CARLOS CORREA IS GOOD. Let us all agree that he is good. No need for debate on that. 8/18, 7 Rs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .500 OBP

LVP: Manuel Margot – Feels kinda dirty giving an LVP to a guy that notched an all-important 3 bagger but that was literally the only thing he did across 27 ABs. 4/27, 1 3B, .179 OBP

BDSliderz Hitter Of Note: A LITERAL tough break for the BDSliderz here as Freddie Freeman shall be out for a good bit of time with a broken wrist, POSSIBLE TRADE DEADLINE CANDIDATE ALERT (3/10, 5 Rs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .462 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Fucking Marco Estrada mannnn, I knew Dochney was legit when he beat me to a waiver claim on Marco Estrada because that was a waiver claim I didn’t expect anyone in the league to put in (13.2 IP, 6 ER, 17 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.95 ERA).

‘Topes Hitter Of Note: Just need to point out that Aaron Judge had a week where the power wasn’t really there and so he decided to steal 2 bases, now has 4 SBs on the year (8/23, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, 2 SBs, .423 OBP).

‘Topes Pitcher Of Note: Jose Berrios with his best start PROBABLY EVER, might finally be becoming a guy (7.2 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

TEAM THAT MIGHT BE FOR REAL ALERT. These BackdoorSliderz might be for real, don’t let the name fool you. Dochney took over this team in the middle of a week against a legit Bad Dudes squad and was unable to pull out a victory, but he hasn’t failed to pull out a victory since then and now has Lacey Township sitting pretty as the 2nd seek with the Backyard nearing the regular season’s halfway point. The BDSliderz had to earn this one against a tough ‘Topes team, and they earned it on the hitters side of things by comfortable taking 6 of the 7 cats (and losing SBs 3-2). From there it was simply a matter of edging the Isotopes 76-74 in Ks in order to squeak by with the victory, a victory it would seem they owe to Marco Estrada and his 12 K Sunday performance (the BDSliderz would win the Sunday Ks battle 13-8). Estrada’s gem allowed the BDSliderz to escape with the only cat they would need on the pitching side, sidestepping a league-worst 5.927 ERA and 3 QS in the process. MORE THAN ONE WAY TO WIN A WEEK FOLKS, and now the BackdoorSliderz head into Week 8 having won 4 straight and seeking a 5th. The Isotopes will look to get back to their winning ways and avoid dropping down to .500, #KeepGregMostlyWinless2017.

Next Week aka This Week: BDSliderz v. Renegade Force (As the Sliderz seek their fucking 5th W in a row, IMPRESSIVE), Isotopes v. OGTFC (Best Man v. Soon To Be Married [WHAT AN IDIOT] Man).

2017 WEEK 7 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE 1987 RICHARD MARX SONG “HOLD ON TO THE NIGHT”

soria-opt

Manchester MooniniteZ Outhold And Outclass And Outlast Rojo’s Renegade Force, Win – 7-6-1

MVP: ROYALS RELIEVERS – It might be a bit disingenuous to act like I was able to stream my way to a holds victory (even though that’s pretty much what I will do below) as Matt Strahm has been on the team for quite some time and Joakim Soria was added relatively early into the week (Tuesday) BUT the fact is not having to worry about saves allowed us to take our shots downfield, from a holds standpoint. If you pick up what I am putting down. Whatever we won holds. A combined: 3.2 IP, 1 ER, 3 Ks, 4 Holds, 2.81 ERA

LVP: Julio Urias – ERA was suuuuper ugly on both sides, but was actually a relatively close category until Urias came in late Saturday night and blew it all to hell for the RRF. 2.1 IP, 6 ER, 23.14 ERA

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note: Joey Votto having a far better first half than what he put together last season, and I am hoping he has the exact same second half (7/27, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .375 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note: For some reason Derek Holland keeps putting together good starts, and he is now available on a waiver wire near you folks (8 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.13 ERA).

Renegade Force Hitter Of Note: Avisail Garica is out there killing it right now, I bet Figs is super pumped (11/25, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 9 RBIs, .462 OBP).

Renegade Force Pitcher Of Note: Yu Darvish both dazzled and disappointed, a fine week overall but his failure to garner a QS Sunday evening cost the Renegade Force a tie (12 IP, 3 ER, 16 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 2.25 ERA).

I can honestly say that it was most important to me that I won Holds this week, more important than winning the week itself. Because now I can write 300 words blasting the Renegade Force’s SLOPPY strategy, a strategy that I will argue cost them a W on a week in which their offense was on fucking fire. First let’s credit the offense: 62 Rs, 20 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 18 HRs, 61 RBIs, 3 SBs, .3918 OBP. The RRF slapped together a team-cumulative JROLL for the ages on Monday with 16 Rs, 7 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 14 RBIs, 1 SB, .556 OBP and really that start alone should have put them in good position to take the week here. BUT both pitching staffs sucked with theirs sucking more AND the MooniniteZ were able to turn all of their bullpen attention towards Holds after grabbing 2 Saves (ONE WOULD DO) AND the Royals actually won a few games last week. These factors combined to cost the RRF the matchup, in possibly the greatest offensive performance that group of misfits could ever hope to muster. And I hope to see some closers finding a home in Rojo’s outfit in the near future is all I can really say. It’s allll fun and games until your group of BAD holds guys only garner you 2 Holds, ya schmuck. <3. The MooniniteZ will look to make it two in a row this week while the Renegade Force will look to avoid a second straight loss in a TOUGH matchup. I think we can all agree that matchup is a tough matchup these days.

Next Week aka This Week: MooniniteZ v. Banana Slugs (8 combined Ws here, tops for all matchups), Renegade Force v. BackdoorSliderz (7 combined Ws here and a tough test for the RRF, GRAB SOME CLOSERS OR SOMETHING)

A BRIEF PROGRAMMING PLUG BEFORE WE GET ON TO WEEK 8, REALLLLLLY CLOSE TO THE OFFICIAL MIDPOINT OF THE SEASON. WHICH MEANS REALLLLLY CLOSE TO A MIDSEASON AWARDS POST, BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE INVENTED IN MY HEAD. IF ANYONE HAS ANY INTERESTING SUGGESTIONS FOR CATEGORIES FEEL FREE TO VOICE THEM IN WHATEVER FORMAT YOU ARE MOST COMFORTABLE VOICING THEM IN. OKAY ON TO WEEK 8….

TRAAAADE REVIEW: BACK WITH A VENGEANCE/WITH ME WORKSHOPPING FOR A NEW FORMAT

May 19, 2017May 19, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

NEW FORMAT

We here at the blog are all about typing less and copy and pasting more, ERGO I am just going to rip the trades straight from the ESPN page’s mouth (insert deal with it dog or deal with it owl or deal with it Briana here).

WOOD traded Addison Russell, ChC SS to JF16
WOOD traded Franklin Barreto, Oak SS to JF16
WOOD traded Madison Bumgarner*, SF SP to JF16
JF16 traded J.D. Martinez, Det RF to WOOD
JF16 traded Aaron Sanchez, Tor SP to WOOD
JF16 traded Julio Teheran, Atl SP to WOOD

POLL RESULTS: 5-2 SAY THE MORNING WOOD “WON” THE TRADE

s

MY VOTE: I am pro Morning Wood (weird sentence) I am pro Fishing Club despite my poll vote (anti fishing)

ANALYSIS:

WELL…..a good bit to unpack here. You have an injured yet top 5 pitcher trading hands, traded by a team that is not necessarily in the thick of the race (BECAUSE IT IS ONLY WEEK 7) to the point where you can see them needing to acquire pitching NOW RIGHT NOW. You have a scuffling yet supremely talented shortstop being acquired by a team looking at him as more of a future piece, because that team is winless and feeling like acquiring future pieces, but again IT IS WEEK 7 and nobody is really running away with playoff spots quite yet. You also have some other guys. I can sit here and run through all of their stats and maybe I will get back to that in future trades but in this trade I just want to defend my ~~vote~~ change in opinion from my vote. JD Martinez > Addison Russell, at least for this season, I feel fairly comfortable in that. More power better OBP yada yada. However Addi could possibly blossom more into his power, possibly improve his approach at the plate, THE MAN IS ONLY 23 and last year he put up 21 HRs 95 RBIs and chipped in a modest 5 SBs. This year has been a bit messy yes, and everyone is right to point out that he hasn’t proven all that much just yet. But there have been certain encouraging signs in his swing profile (namely, swinging at less pitches outside of the zone) and again he is 23 and also he is in the best lineup in baseball. I don’t think it would be all that surprising if he put together a monster 2nd half and if he does so he is doing it at a more premium position for the OGTFC. They also pick up Franklin Barreto and uhhh, whatever let’s find what I wrote about him months ago:

Barreto is the A’s best prospect according to BA (#40 overall, #52 MLB.com) and is also according to what IIIIIII have heard, more of a future CF than a future middle infielder. Which changes things in fantasy now does it. Barreto hit 10 dingers and swiped 30 bags across 462 AA ABs last season, numbers that would play at CF if that is where his eventual future lies. The speed is for real but, as with most prospects, how the hitting progresses through the higher levels remains to be seen (he did go 6 for 18 with a triple and a homer in 4 AAA games last year so credit for that I guess).

If Barreto ends up useful then GREAT that helps bridge the gap with Martinez and Addi currently, but my hypothesis is that maybe Addi ends up bridging it all on his own in which case this won’t even matter.

So now we have Aaron Sanchez and Julio Teheran for an injured Madison Bumgarner. Obviously this entirely hinges on Bummy coming back and being the same Bummy, I guess preferably this season but at that point it might not matter for the Fishing Club anyways ( 😉 ). The point is Q-Tip City didn’t want to wait around on Bummy and dealt him in the best package they felt they could get and that is FINE. However I am going to point out that healthy Bummy is the best player in this deal and if he gives OceanGate top 5 performance for years to come they won’t be sad about parting with any of the players involved in this deal. Sanchez was excellent last season but has taken a few steps back in the early going (even if the ERA doesn’t show it) BUT he has only thrown 18 innings to this point so judgments withheld. Teheran has been up and down his whole career and is VERY MUCH down currently, borderline unrosterable at the moment and I’m not sure his track record gives him the benefit of the doubt as a guy you need to hold. He isn’t quite 27 so there is time for him to turn it around, just not sure he should be on a roster until he does for he is most certainly pitching the worst he ever has in the early going in 2017.

So THERE IT IS, a long winded review that Heroy definitely did not pay me to write. When I wanted to write something shorter. Remind me to go back to that weird haiku stats review thing going forward. This was. A mistake. But so is trading Bumgarner when he’s hurt? That is my thesis.

2017 Week 6 Review: AND ALSO (A Weak) TRADE REVIEW, HOW CARAAAAAAZAY

May 18, 2017February 25, 2018 AnActualBearLeave a comment

2017 WEEK SIX HAPPENED, AND I HAVE EVERY INTENTION OF REVIEWING IT. BUT FIRST SOME TRADE REVIEWS. SOME ANNOYING TRADES ALSO HAPPENED. THEY WILL BE REVIEWED SUCCINCTLY IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS REVIEW IN AN UNPRESIDENTED MOVE.

WOOD traded Joe Jimenez, Det RP to JF16
JF16 traded Kyle Barraclough, Mia RP to WOOD
JF16 traded Rhys Hoskins, Phi 1B to WOOD

I literally have nothing to say about this. Barraclouch has walked 14 guys in 16 innings, I will say that much. Joe Jimenez might eventually be good but he’s pretty lame as a high minors guy at the moment. Rhys Hoskins has a fun name. I prefer the Joe Jimenez side ergo I prefer the OGTFC side.

WOOD traded Yoenis Cespedes*, NYM LF to RCBD
WOOD traded Jharel Cotton, Oak SP to RCBD
RCBD traded Vladimir Guerrero Jr., Tor RF to WOOD
RCBD traded Mitch Haniger*, Sea CF to WOOD
RCBD traded Carlos Martinez, StL SP to WOOD

In a better week this trade would likely be deserving of deeper analysis because SOME BIG PIECES changing hands here, but this isn’t a better week this is a busy week and trade reviews are starting to bore me and this is what you get. I think polls judging trades in the chat thing will be a nice new wrinkle though. Maybe that will reinvigorate me. ANYWHO I like the Morning Wood side better here, Cotton got sent the fuck down and C-Mart is an established top 20 or so arm and Haniger is seeming like a guy and Vlad Jr. WHO KNOWS maybe one day he is a guy. And all of that is a pretty big haul for Yoenis and a very-lost-looking-at-last-look Jharel Cotton.

WOOD traded Yonder Alonso, Oak 1B to XYZ
XYZ traded Ervin Santana, Min SP to WOOD

What is to say here, Ervin Santana is the luckiest pitcher in baseball and due for some serious regression but so is Yonder I am sure. I like Yonder more. THEREFORE I PREFER THE X-RAYZ SIDE.

Allllllrighty now onto the (vegan) meat and (vegan) potatoes of this post, THE REVIEW YOU HAVE ALL AWAITED WITH BATED BREATH

paul-goldschmidt-bat-glove-cleats-batting-gloves-sunglasses — Pictured: Paul Goldschmidt making a poo.

Rojo’s Renegade Force Kick A Team While It’s Down Like True Renegades, Defeat Q-Tip City Morning Wood – 8-4-2

MVP: Paul Goldschmidt – Goldy is such a quiet stud that sometimes you kinda forget he is even in the league and then I look up and he fucking has 10 HRs 10 SBs already. Whatta stud. 7/23, 6 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .485 OBP

LVP: Eugenio Suarez – Eugenio Suarez Eugenio Sucked….ez. 4/26, 1 SB .214 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

Renegade Force Hitter Of Note: I suppose this should go to the only other guy that managed multiple dongs on the RRF roster and that guy was Joey Gallo (3/19, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .360 OBP).

Renegade Force Pitcher Of Note: Alex Wood pitched an absolute gem at Coors and I for one feel that should be commended in this here blog type thing (6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: Yasmani Grandal with some inspired hitting, JUST LIKE I TOLD ALL OF YOU HE WOULD PROVIDE HERE HE IS PROVIDING IT (13/22, 3 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .625 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: Zack Greinke has been good and truthfully we probably all owe him an apology for turning him into a “NOT IDEAL” meme, or at least Lobman and I do (8 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.13 ERA).

RENEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADES. I don’t want to be too complimentary because I am currently engaged in battle with the RRF and they put a helluva Monday on me, but they have a bit of a rag tag misfits of fantasy baseball thing going and I LIKE IT. The RRF give currently give no fucks about throwing ABs to any old schmo and some of those schmos showed up in Week 6 (and again now in Week 7), the Tommy Phams and Ryan Schimpfs of the world. The RRF mixed and matched their way to 55 Runs and a .370 OBP, nearly doubling the boners and their 30 Runs. Aside from a 9-5 edge in QS for the RRF, who went a perfect 9 for 9 before coming undone on Sunday, everything stayed relatively close with just too many cats going narrowly in Rojo’s favor. OF NOTE would be Eric Hosmer pulling 3 SBs out of his ass to help the RRF take that category 7-3. Alright so I guess that one wasn’t that close either. OTHER ONES THOUGH. Close. SHANE SHOULD BE SUFFICIENTLY HUMBLED AT THIS POINT. And so he will look to snap a FOUR GAME losing streak in Week 7; the Renegades will look to beat me and win their second straight and that is just rude of them.

Next Week aka This Week: Renegade Force v. MooniniteZ (The RRF vs. both their biggest fan and biggest detractor, for it just pains me to see this holds strategy still in existence CONFORM OR DIE ROJO), Morning Wood v. Banana Slugs (Morning Wood surely desperate to stop the slide here, or about as desperate as one can be 1/3 through the season).

michael-conforto-49196f4a47976e2d

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Continue Their Winning Ways, Show No Loyalty, Defeat Point Loma X-Rayz – 7-3-4

MVP: Michael Conforto – Conforto continues to defy the will of the baseball gods by being on the Mets and not sucking, surely a lightning bolt will strike him down soon. Until that happens he will probably look pretty good. 8/21, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .458 OBP

LVP: Jose Ramirez – Odom and I just had a discussion about how sexy Jose Ramirez has been and then I have to uncover THIS today? I feel cheap. 4/22, 3 Rs, .217 OBP

BDSliderz Hitter Of Note: Alex Bregman with the least impressive JROLL of the season BUT A JROLL IS STILL A JROLL (5/23, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .250 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note: On the one hand Jacob DeGrom had 18 Ks in 12 innings but on the other hand he had a 5.25 ERA but still THAT FIRST HAND THOUGH (12 IP, 7 ER, 18 Ks, 1 QS, 5.25 ERA).

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note: Brandon Drury have yourself a week, WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS CHRIS OWINGS (9/20, 3 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .476 OBP)?

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Robbie Ray had a chance to put up 20 Ks in a 2 start week and instead he put up 10 Ks which is only 1 more K than the runs he allowed so that is a bit disappointing I guess (9 IP, 9 ER, 10 Ks, 9.00 ERA).

The dude out in Lacey done done it again, and he can now present the argument that he has yet to lose on a full week in the Backyard. HE SHOULDN’T though because that’s a recipe for being humbled by the Backyard Gods and we have already seen what they are capable of (cough AM erections cough). But enough about erections, this one was actually a bit closer than the final score might indicate or maybe it was precisely as close as indicated HENCE the 4 ties. Lacey used superior power and superior strikeouts to take down THE MAN WHO BROUGHT THEM INTO THIS MESS, not that anyone should be thanked for such things. So yea I’m okay with it. The two squads battled to a 51-51 tie in Runs and that number would have been enough to defeat everyone except the Renegade Force in Week 6 but that is life in the NFL. Eric Thames came back down to earth a bit for the X-Rayz but yanno that has to happen from time to time this is a game of order. Jedd Gyorko (6 RBIs) and Jonathan Villar (5 RBIs) had fine weeks for the BackdoorSliderz but yanno Villar was due to turn it around a bit and whom knows what Gyorko’s deal is, that man has never been better. And the league has arguably never been better, so expect no easy weeks from here on out. Lacey will look to make it FOUR STRAIGHT in Week 7 while the X-Rayz will look to climb back to .500 and remain in the murky hurky jurky playoff picture.

Next Week aka This Week: BDSliderz v. Isotopes (MATCHUP OF THE WEEK if I were still picking matchup of the weeks ahead of time, which I am not), X-Rayz v. OGTFC (Here’s to hoping Heroy’s magical winless season continues).

ybsxdfpv_400x400 — Gettin real tired of this guy’s face….

River City Bad Dudes Continue Their Winning Ways, Batter The Battered Barnegat Banana Slugs – 7-3-4

MVP: Bryce Harper – Getting tired of writing this dude’s name in here so blah blah blah pretty hair blah blah, putting an emoji symbol on your bat is stupid. Also why hasn’t he stolen a base yet? NO GRIT that’s why. 10/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .481 OBP

LVP: Jake Arrieta – Hey Jake Arrieta hasn’t been too good huh? 9.2 IP, 9 Rs, 8 Ks, 8.38 ERA

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Oh you mean ASIDE from Harper, uhhh I dunno Xander Bogaerts looked decent but fuck him (8/24, 1 R, 4 2Bs, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs, .407 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: And also Marcus Stroman continues to be fairly impressive as far as midgets pitchers go (12 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: SIGNS OF LIFE FROM JOSE BAUTISTA EVERYONE, guy even swiped a bag (5/22, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .393 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?: NOPE and now he is all banged up, I think Aledmys wins any injury weeks by default so this thing is prepared to swing the other way….

Current Tally: Trevor Story 3, Aledmys Diaz 3.

But Also Was Trevor Story Better Than Chris Owings This Week?: DOUBLE NOPE

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Max Scherzer definitely got boned on the Ws front in Week 6, which may partly explain the Slugs only racking up 3 Ws total (14 IP, 5 ER, 19 Ks, 2 QS, 3.21 ERA).

BATTLE OF THE OLLLLLE HALF STOMACHS. Or something. And the one that makes himself sweet potato tacos and all this other healthy shit won the battle and I don’t want to read anything into it BUT……it happened. Read into it what you may (the Slugs need to eat more salad or else their entire team will hit the DL). Truthfully the Slugs battled valiantly in areas in this one, 8 QS and a .362 OBP are nothing to sneeze at. But pairing all those quality starts with a 4.46 ERA is a bit odd, and the hermaphroditic slugs from Barnegat also posted the lowest HR and RBI totals for Week 6. Meaning the Bad Dudes needed only modest totals in those categories, which is precicely what they got. The Dudes also did a much better job getting Ws with their QS (8 QS, 9 Ws for River City versus 8 QS, 3 Ws for the Slugs), and combined that with a good enough 78 Ks and a certainly good enough 3.74 ERA and THAT IS BASICALLY YOUR MATCHUP FOLKS. Praise due to the Bad Dudes for innings maximization, as they had plenty of guys get sorta blown up and gave up 36 ER total but did it in 86.2 IP. The Banana Slugs gave up 3 more runs in 8 fewer innings, finishing 4 Ks short of River City’s total. The Slugs will seek better results in Week 7, while the Bad Dudes seek to continue their NON-LOSING ways as they have not lost since Week 1. Best of luck to neither of them.

Next Week aka This Week: Bad Dudes v. Titans (Da Dudes looking to keep a firm grip on a first round bye, Da Titans looking to win their 3rd in a row after an 0-4 start), Banana Slugs v. Morning Wood (Battle o’ the in-laws).

Astoria Isotopes FLAT OUT ESCAPE With A W, Narrowly Defeat The Manchester MooniniteZ – 6-5-3

MVP: Charlie Blackmon – This sonofabitch and his two triples. Sonofabitch. 6/21, 5 Rs, 2 3Bs, 1 SB, .348 OBP

LVP: Edwin Encarnacion – This sonofabitch and his empty OBP, KEEP YOUR EMPTY OBP. I still love him though. 3/20, 2 Rs, .370 OBP

Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Cody Bellinger continues to fuck shit up which is annoying cuz it is like THE ONEEE TIME T has stumbled into a top prospect, I have no evidence to support this but I believe it to be true (7/27, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .375 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Greg Holland has also been a bit of a destroyer of worlds and it is high time I acknowledge it in here, fittingly in the week I faced him since I dropped him for Blake fucking Treinen (3 IP, ER, 6 Ks, 3 Saves, 0.00 ERA).

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note: At least I get to proudly display a Keon Broxton JROLL, FIRST OF MANY FOLKS (10/25, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .423 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note: Somehow Trevor Cahill seems to be a guy somehow (11.1 IP, 3 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.38 ERA).

Thissssss fucking matchup. THE SEQUEL. This time it was the MooniniteZ seeking to salvage a tie in the Sunday night game, and for the briefest of moments they had just that as Gary Sanchez crossed home in the bottom of the 9th to give the MooniniteZ a 39-38 edge in the runs column. UNFORTUNATELY the man that knocked him in (Starlin Castro) was on the ‘Topes, and even more unfortunately he strolled into second on fielder’s indifference, and most unfortunately yet another ‘Tope (Aaron Judge) then knocked him in, re-tying the Rs category and sealing the L for the MMz. Castro scored thrice that DAY due to the doubleheader but I am not mad, just disappointed. Truthfully the MooniniteZ DESERVED IT for coming in as the only other team failing to reach double digit dongs, although they finally hit a few with a few on base to give them a 2nd-to-only-the-OGTFC (more on them below) 46 RBIs in Week 6. Manchester was just one hold or one SB or one run or one triple short of tying this thing up, although it also could have easily been farther out of reach with Manchester edging Astoria in OBP .3372 to .3355. And to add insult to injury we came up JUST SHORT of the Ks record once again, recording a season-high (but not all-time high) 107 Ks. BUT I DIGRESS. Ultimately this one came down to the Yanks-Astros double header, as both Judge and Castro homered in the early game and Sanchez only played in the evening game. For those and other reasons the MooniniteZ head into Week 7 trying to avoid their first losing streak, while the Isotopes head into Week 7 seeking another W in a surprisingly effective early season campaign. Probably cuz they are filled with Yankees and the Yankees have been surprisingly effective. JUST PUT THAT TOGETHER ON THE SPOT.

Next Week aka This Week: Isotopes v. BDSliderz (A formidable test for the better-record-than-we-had-hoped-for-at-this-juncture Isotopes), MooniniteZ v. Renegade Force (ALREADY GOT COLLECTIVELY JROLLED BY THE RRF ON MONDAY THAT’S KEWL)

2017 WEEK 6 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE 1982 BALTIMORE COLTS

AstrosDbacks

The Toms River Titans Keep The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Winless And At This Point This Is Getting Pretty Funny – 7-6-1

MVP: Carlos Correa – I don’t know if the Carlos Correa talk that I caught a glimpse of in the chat was in response to him having a good week or what but CARLOS CORREA IS GOOD. Let us all agree that he is good. No need for debate on that. 10/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .519 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP: Tyler Glasnow – And perhaps Tyler Glasnow is……bad? Maybe he isn’t bad but he is bad for now. A WHIP over 2 sure ain’t good and that is what he had when I wrote this so…..bad (2.08). 2.1 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 27.00 ERA

Titans Hitter Of Note: George Springer also had a nice little week so my deductive reasoning tells me the Astros had a nice little week, at least from a scoring runs perspective and I mean whom here is even paying attention to actual baseball team records aside from you sad Mets fans (7/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .393 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note: Alex Wood pitched a pretty nice game at Pitt as well, and HOW ABOUT THAT 2 Pitcher of Note shoutouts to Alex Wood for 2 different teams in the same week and now he is on a third team and that team is my team (5 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Mookie Betts had a fine week but now it has all been spoiled by Greg saying that “the mookman has delivered” thing the other day (9/24, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .483 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: THE COVETED Kyle Barraclough with a nice debut for the Fishing Club (0.1 IP, 4 ER, 108.00 ERA).

Another week, another non-win for the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club. At this point I am comfortable admitting that I will be making Greg’s matchup the matchup of the week so long as he keeps not winning them so let’s keep ’em coming gentlemen. This week’s fiasco for the Fishing Club ended much like most of the other fiascos, with heartbreak arriving late on a Sunday evening. I am trying to piece this together forensically and it APPEARS what had happened was Anthony Rendon scored two runs in the Sunday evening game to give the Titans the edge in the runs category and thus the victory, BEAUTIFUL in that this game wouldn’t even be an evening game if not for the doubleheader situation the Nats and Phillies found themselves in. So now it seems like the fantasy gods are just toying with Greg. If not for the whole losing thing the OGTFC looked pretty good in this one, with a week-leading 20 HRs and 55 RBIs and 7 Saves. All great numbers, all not good enough for the W (as usual). For the Titans, they were able to pull this one out with guts and guile and good pitching. Narrow victories in the Runs and Doubles categories were good enough thanks to the Titans hurlers ability to strike out guys while also limiting runs while also throwing a complete game while also collecting Wins while also grabbing a Hold here and there (84 Ks, 3.81 ERA, 1 CG, 7 Ws, 3 Holds, NO SAVES weirdly enough who does he think he is Rojo?). Obviously not all of those things happened in the same game, but all of those things happened and all of those things were better than OceanGate’s things in those categories (OceanGate did win QS 8-7, so congrats there?). IN THE END, as in all previous ends, the Trout Fishing Club move along to Week 7 sans their first victory. Meanwhile the Toms River Titans have won 2 straight heading into a big time battle with the Bad Dudes that share their same town (and neighborhood) but stylize it as River City #Geography #ShitLooksLikeManchesterToMeThough. All would be wise not to sleep on the Titans, feel free to sleep on the Trout Fishing Club fuck them and their terrible title defense.

Next Week aka This Week: Titans v. Bad Dudes (Would be a big early season W for the Titans here), OGTFC v. X-Rayz (Guy that probably uses the term “colored person” on his best days vs. a colored person).

WE ARE NOW THIRTY THREE PERCENT THROUGH THE 2017 REGULAR SEASON. PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF IT. WE NOW BRING YOU TO WEEK 7, ALREADY VERY MUCH IN PROGRESS….

2017 Week 5 Review: That One Got A Little Out Of Hand

May 9, 2017June 1, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

2017 WEEK FIVE WAS CRAAAAAAAAAZAYYYYYYYYY. TWO MATCHUPS HUNG IN THE BALANCE UNTIL THE LATEST STAGES OF THE SUNDAY NIGHT GAME THAT WOULD NOT DIE, AND THE TOMS RIVER TITANS FINALLY WON A MATCHUP. THE TROUT FISHING CLUB STILL HAVEN’T THOUGH. THIS ABOUT SUMS UP THE CRAZINESS BUT I WILL GO INTO IT IN (SLIGHTLY) MORE DETAIL BELOW…..

wcpo_reds_adam_duvall_1464906471709_39488659_ver1-0_640_480

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Claim Title Of Most Feared New Guy, Soundly Defeat Q-Tip City Morning Wood – 10-3-1

MVP: Adam Duvall – It pains me to give this to Mr. Duvall because this blog has always prided itself on being very anti-Adam Duvall, often with little to no facts to back the opinion up. And now here he is putting up a week that was but a single stolen base away from a JROLL. 9/24, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .429 OBP

LVP: Carlos Gonzalez – CarGo had himself A Week To Forget in Week 5, similar to that A Walk To Remember movie but way more depressing (I’ve never seen it but I am assuming Shane has). 1/16, .118 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

BDSliderz Hitter Of Note: Michael Conforto had a very nice little week so it is now fair to speculate on just how the Mets are going to fuck that up (8/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .467 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Corey Knebel‘s work out of the bullpen impressed me here, as a respecter of fine bullpen work (4 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 3 Holds, 0.00 ERA).

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: Jay Bruce certainly did his damnedest to make this thing go a different way for the Boner Squad, but alas it ’twas not to be (6/25, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 9 RBIs, .345 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: Amir Garrett rebounded nicely as a young kid coming off a disastrous outing against the Brewers, and now his biggest issue is only having 14 IP left of minors eligibility and a fastball that impresses nobody OH AND ALSO the fact that he just got sent down for innings management purposes (13 IP, 4 ER, 6 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.77 ERA).

BATTLE OF THE NEW GUYS. This one amounted to not much of a battle at all, as Q Tip City got swept across the board in the offensive categories which makes it hard for one’s team to win one’s week. The BackdoorSliderz set the tone early in this one racing out to 14 Rs, 7 HRs, and 16 RBIs on Monday night. And they just never looked back folks. INTERESTINGLY the Sliderz ran out to 17 total HRs yet only one man on the team had more than 2 HRs and that guy only had 3 (Marcel Ozuna). As for the Engorged Penii, well they got 7 QS on the week and that ain’t bad? Not much more to be said here. SHANE CONTINUES TO BE HUMBLED.

Next Week aka This Week: BackdoorSliderz v. X-Rayz (Dochney attempts to thank Odom for bringing him in with an ass whoopin’), Morning Wood v. Renegade Force (Shane attempts to win another gotdamned week before the season ends).

Barnegat Banana Slugs Hand Rojo’s Renegade Force a Healthy Huwhoopin’, Win – 9-3-2

MVP: Rick Porcello – Unfortunately Rick Porcello has not regressed enough this season to where we could trigger Brian over it but GIVE IT TIME I say, all I need is like a mildly rough June or something we are fake news anyways. 13 IP, 3 ER, 13 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.08 ERA

LVP: Salvador Perez – Salvy chipped in 3 RBIs but was mostly just a minus out of the catcher position, which in his defense is often just a minus. 3/21, 3 RBIs, .174 OBP

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: The Slugs O had some pretttttty pathetic HR and RBI totals in Week 5, meaning Ryan Zimmerman accounted for precisely 33% of their HRs and 20% of their RBIs here (10/20, 6 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .545 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?: NOPE

Current Tally: Trevor Story 3, Aledmys Diaz 2.

But Also Was Trevor Story Better Than Chris Owings This Week?: I dunno maybe

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: But hey at least Max Scherzer did typical Scherzer things (7 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).

Renegade Force Hitter Of Note: I don’t know why I keep feeling compelled to point out when Hunter Pence doesn’t do well but it has basically been all season and HERE I AM pointing it out again it must be something against the swing (5/24, 3 Rs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .200 OBP).

Renegade Force Pitcher Of Note: That is moreeee like it Johnny Cueto (14 IP, 5 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.21 ERA).

The Banana Slugs rebounded from a whiny Week 4 victory to put up another impressive and I think less whiny victory? I will have to check the chat logs, BUT YEA I think that was the case. And truly the Slugs have been the most snakebitten via injury team in all the league this year so credit has to be given for Brian steering them to a 3-1-1 record, tied with a bunch of other teams for first in all the land and in sole possesion of first in the (badly in need of a renaming) American Division or whatever. The Slugs got it done in Week 5 by putting up a tight 8 QS and being the only team to post a sub-3 ERA (2.842), always a commendable feat as it has only happened upon 3 other occasions in 2017. Good-lookin’ pitchin’ numbers across the board mixed with a high OBP and two all-important triples helped make up for an absolute POWER OUTAGE in Barnegat, as they racked up a mere 6 HRs and 25 RBIs. Nevertheless, they persisted. The Renegades of Rojoville actually put up fairly great power numbers (15 HRs, 49 RBIs), lead by Joey Gallo, Paul Goldschmidt, and Josh Harrison somehow. However they continue to be the only team openly punting a category and it continues to be the wrong category to punt of the two relief categories and they are not good enough to punt a category because just about nobody is good enough to do that in this league. BACK TO NINTH PLACE WITH YA.

Next Week aka This Week: Slugs v. Bad Dudes (Brian attempts to maintain a civil matchup with Lobman but not for very long), Renegade Force v. Morning Wood (Rojo attempts to be taken seriously with that fucking name and its corresponding record).

Toms River Titans Get On The Board Folks, At The Expense Of The Astoria Isotopes – 6-4-4

MVP: Clayton Kershaw – Bet you thought I was gonna give this to Baez, BUT THE PICTURES DON’T HAVE TO MATCH THE MVPS ALWAYS THESE DON’T HAVE TO BE SO FORMULAIC. In a matchup that hinged somewhat upon Ks and QS in the end, Clayton had more Ks than anyone not named Chris Sale and 2 of the 4 QS the Titans put up. Good enough for me. 13.1 IP, 4 ERs, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.70 ERA

LVP: Khris Davis – Khris Davis, a man whom has given the ‘Topes so much in ’17, went out and gave them mostly nothing in (Week) 5. 5/26, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .222 OBP

Titans Hitter Of Note: Javier Baez did in fact have himself a JROLL though, and ‘ROUND HERE WE CELEBRATE JROLLS particularly when they come against former owners (11/29, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .400 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note: But also Chris Sale was pretty damn good and had his own case for MVP with all the Ks and such (14 IP, 6 ER, 21 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 3.86 ERA).

Isotopes Hitter Of Note: CODY BELLINGER JROLL, this young man has a bright future folks (9/21, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .455 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Jeff Samardzija tossed himself a gem (but the Giants couldn’t grab him a W cuz they’re the Giants) in Week 5, which is annoying because then I have to type out his annoying last name and then I get sad when I realize I have memorized how to spell it (8 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 0.00 ERA).

FINALLY THE TITANS HAVE TASTED THE SWEET TASTE OF VICTORY. And one can only assume they like the taste, perhaps sweetened by coming at the expense of those uppity Astorians. The ‘Topes represented this as being one of those matchups that came down to Sunday night but DID IT EVER REALLY? I say no, miracle Aaron Judge triples aside. And that is perhaps the most interesting aspect of this matchup, as both squads ended up with 4 triples a piece and MAN must that be annoying to get 4 of those things and still not take the category. The ‘Topes dominated in HRs (17-12) but still came up 2 runs short against the TR Titans, and the Titans went 3-1-3 in pitching categories despite not exactly displaying the dominant pitching they were known for coming into this season (probably because the staff has been ravaged by injuries). For those scoring at home, Javier Baez outdueled Starlin Castro in a battle of mediocre middle infielders that were traded for one another. It seems Ben Zobrist might be fading away into nothing so keep an eye out for Javy going forward, kid’s got talent SO THEY SAY. Anyways the Titans are still in the Backyard Basement but at least the door to the upstairs has cracked open a bit. FEEL THE WARMTH OF THE LIGHT UPON YOUR FACES, TITANS.

Next Week aka This Week: Titans v. OGTFC (Titans attempt to keep the OGTFC sans wins and I think we can allll admit we want them to), Isotopes v. MooniniteZ (T attempts to avenge his fallen comrade).

Point Loma X-Rayz Rally Via Yankee Reliever, Tie The Manchester MooniniteZ – 6-6-2

MVP: YANKEES RELIEVERS – AThe two-headed monster of Dellin Betances and Aroldis Chapman came on late Sunday night to claw the X-Rayz back to a tie, a particularly cruel twist since the MooniniteZ have owned both of them in the past as recently as last season I think. A combined 5.1 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks, 1 W, 2 Saves, 2 Holds, 5.29 ERA

LVP: Yasmany Tomas – This sonofabitch gave me nothing over 13 ABs, plus I already had Yasiel Puig in this spot from last week’s review so the laziest move would be to turn Yasiel to Yasmany. 1/13, .294 OBP

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note: Billy Hamilton HAD HIMSELF THE WEEK OF HIS LIFE and while I didn’t even award it MVP performance of the matchup, this is your ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** (11/31, 11 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 9 SBs, .429 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Jason Vargas continues to astounddd and amazeeee me with how not terrible he is all of a sudden (12 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.75 ERA).

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note: Matt Carpenter finally woke the fuck up, hitting more HRs last week than in alllll the other weeks combined to give him a serviceable 7 big flys on the season (7/21, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs BECAUSE PRETTY MUCH EVERY HR THIS TEAM GETS IS A SOLO SHOT, .533 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note: Most of my pitchers were pretty fucking MEH last week but not Lance McCullers my precious (13.1 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1.35 ERA).

Thissssss fucking matchup. It would be beneath me and contrary to the respect I have for my opponent here if we were to just go back and count missed opportunities for strikeouts or whatfuckingever, particularly because of the following sequence experienced by the X-Rayz: Zack Wheeler goes 3 innings while only giving up one run against the Braves (who the fuck can remember how many Ks), then the game gets postponed and that start gets wiped away. In a reactionary move (I think) the X-Rayz turn to Wade Miley, a K artist this season for whatever reason, and he only makes it two outs into his Friday start before getting drilled by back-to-back comebackers and ending up forced out of the game. SO THAT puts to rest any talk about tough breaks one way or another (wahhhh Trevor Cahill got rained out), and so with that backdrop we ended up upon the Sunday night game. If the Cubs can yanno BE GOOD as they are supposed to they probably handle the Yankees at home and the X-Rayz two-headed NYY bullpen monster never sees the game, but the Cubs were not good and Dellin Betances appeared in the 8th inning with the X-Rayz needing 4 Ks to tie the MooniniteZ and 5 Ks to outright win the damn thing. And with the two Yankees relievers 5 Ks is DOWNRIGHT PROBABLY, which you really can’t say for any other relief duo in baseball outside of maybe those guys in Cleveland. ANYWHO Betances has a rocky inning but gets his 2 Ks, the Yankees fail to tack on an insurance run that might take this thing out of save territory, and in comes Aroldis Chapman in the 9th needing 2 Ks to tie 3 to win and Odom not giving a damn how many runs he gives up to get there. Chapman ends up being EQUALLY ROCKY and unfortunately that not giving a damn part has its limits; Chapman goes BB, single, K (now needs 1 to tie), single (run scores), single (2nd run scores), K (and we are now tied folks), eventual intentional BB, and then HITS Rizzo with the bases loaded to force in a 3rd run tying the game. Now if the Yankees leave him in it’s very possible he gets a 3rd K fucking EVENTUALLY and the X-Rayz win, but he was too shaky so he ends up leaving with a hold and this matchup ends up tied AS IT WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE. I’ve already spent too much time talking about this one but just want to end by saying Billy Hamilton maybe had the best line I have seen all year, without his many many runs the X-Rayz take the L before Sunday night starts and all that drama is wasted. BILLY FUCKING HAMILTON. Billy fucking…….Hamilton.

Next Week aka This Week: X-Rayz v. BDSliderz (X-Rayz attempt to jump back above .500 at the expense of the guy they brought into this mess of a league), MooniniteZ v. Isotopes (I attempt to avoid pedophilia jokes because they are just out of line)

2017 WEEK 5 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY BROOKS BROTHERS

2mc7jiv — Brooks Brothers………. SO MANY FUCKING TIES

fbb4yzca_400x400

The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Rally To Continue Their Magical Winless Season, Steal Tie From The Jaws Of Defeat, Tie The River City Bad Dudes In One Of The Craziest Matchups I Have Ever Seen – 6-6-2

MVP: Mike Montgomery – Matchup MVPs are a funny thing, especially in the way that I can award them to some random reliever who just managed to pitch two scoreless innings with 2 Ks in an 18 inning Yanks-Cubs game. 2 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks, 0.00 ERA

LVP: Patrick Corbin – If one is to assign blame one might assign it to the person most detrimental to the Bad Dude’ ERA’s health and that person was Patrick Corbin BUT I MEAN HE WAS IN COORS. 4 IP, 8 ER, 3 Ks, 18.00 ERA

OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Not gonna lie to ya, most of the OGTFC hitters floated between “bad” and “fucking bad” and he probably deserved to lose but he tied instead and I guess Kris Bryant helped in that endeavor (10/29, 4 Rs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, .457 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: Pitching was okay though, lead by Gerrit Cole and his fine two start performance (13 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 2.08 ERA).

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Manny Machado spent the beginning of his week just angrily bashing taters against the Red Sox in between dodging bean balls (8/29, 7 Rs, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .323 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: Rather than point out a good performance by sayyy Alex Cobb let’s point out another shit performance that helped cost the Dudes the ERA cat, Marcus Stroman everyone (3 IP, 5 ER, 2 Ks, 15.00 ERA).

It is with great pleasure that I present to you, in 3 parts, the Bad Dudes snatching a victory from the jaws of a tie and then snatching a tie from the jaws of a victory.

ACT 1

The Bad Dudes head into the Sunday night game with ALOTTA OPTIONS thanks to a Xander Bogaerts triple earlier in the day, now they simply need to avoid any flukey triples outta Anthony Rizzo and Kris Bryant and hope they scuffle enough at the plate to cost the OGTFC the tie (OBP was very close, and let me just COMMEND Heroy for playing for the W here fuck ties). Fast forward a bit to that Aroldis Chapman nightmare sequence above and at that time River City is still stuck in a tie and hoping for an unlikely Chap meltdown, PRECISELY WHAT THEY GET.

ACT 2

Wade Davis enters in the top of the 10th and promptly strikes out the wholeeee fucking side, tying the Bad Dudes with the OGTFC and giving them the slim lead in ERA. Rejoicing in the streets of River City. A win that would give them sole possession of the (stupidly named) National Division or whatever firmly in their grasp, so long as this game gets over and done with in a prompt fashion. The game does not get over and done with in a prompt fashion.

ACT 3

TWO POINT FIVE more innings go by. You would think at this point if Rizzo or Bryant had gotten out a few more times in this game OBP might have swung River City’s way once and for all, but Rizzo will end up with a .556 OBP on the day and Bryant a .333 and those won’t cut it. After going through Carl Edwards and Koji Uehara the Cubs are downright FORCED to go to Mike Montgomery, miraculously hanging out in one of the OGTFC’s SP slots. Montgomery fires two scoreless innings with 2 Ks (the game goes on another fucking 3 innings after that) and with those innings both ERA and Strikeouts return to the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club, and this mess ends in a tie. Your fair writer isn’t even sure if Lobman watched the whole thing at that point but your fair writer likes the mental image of it and thinks that mental image will be enough to keep your fair writer warm on the coldest of nights. WHATTA JOY. I only wish it happened later in the season with greater playoff implications, but we will get to later in the season soon enough. For now let’s all just savor this. Fuck both these teams though.

Next Week aka This Week: OGTFC v. Titans (Heroy maybe attempts to win a matchup? Not even sure he is even attempting to at this point), Bad Dudes v. Banana Slugs (The Bad Dudes attempt to beat the Banana Slugs badly and don’t let them tell you any differently with “love you Bri” messages in the chat and shit).

WEEK 5 WAS OUR CRAZIEST WEEK YET BUT IT IS OVER NOW AND IT IS TIME FOR EVERYONE TO MOVE ON WITH THEIR LIVES. WEEK 6 YOU ARE UP.

2017 POWER RANKINGS – MAY EDITION

May 2, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

HERE ARE YOUR POWER RANKINGS FOR MAY. Rankings will focus on observations as well as a perusing of the season stats up to this point, even if I don’t necessarily discuss them for every team because SMALL SAMPLE SIZE. W-L is obviously a factor, H2H is a factor, but none of these are the SOLE FACTOR and if anyone disagrees with that then fucking make your own rankings what do I care. TO THE RANKINGS….

1- River City Bad Dudes (3-1)

I hate this because I beat this team but maybe this is just an excuse to point out that I beat this team? 4-D CHESS. The fact is that River City hasn’t lost since Week 1 and none of the matchups since then ended up very close. Couple that with their 2 straight BCS (Backyard Championship Series for you newbies) appearances and you have a deserving # 1 as we head into May. BUT FOR HOW LONG????? And this is actually where I am going to cut out and Let LOBMAN HIMSELF cut in with his own versions of the rankings, cuz see it REALLY IS that easy to just write your own. (Scroll to the bottom for my 1-10)

2- Astoria Isotopes (WHAT) (3-1)

HEY GUYS, Lobman now manning the mic here. SO anyways, the Topes are good now, I guess. After losing the opening week, T’s boys took down 2 playoff teams (Brian & Odom), then edged out the RESURGENT resurgency resurger force in a close one. Really the only thing worth mentioning is the idea that Aaron Judge is A GUY, and Dallas Keuchel is quite a pitcher again. However far this team may go, these are the two guys who will cut the path. ALL IN ALL, a very solid start from a team who’s now added some youth along with the age and experience.

3- Manchester Mooninitez (3-1)

As the only team (so far) to beat the #BADDUDES, the Mooninitez really piss me off. That being said, they narrowly beat the defending champ OGFTC to keep him on pace with the top 2 in the 3-1 record crew. The Mooninitez boast potentially the best balance in the league, production wise, so its really no surprise that they’re in the running for best record at this point. Its still early, and its LIKELY that Sean makes a boneheaded mistake to ruin this balance I was speaking on. Anyways, good start!

4- Barnegat Banana Slugs (2-1-1)

I just wanted to be different from Sean’s power rankings (below), but MAN this guy deserves some plaudits for keeping the ship afloat while amassing some of the more devastating injuries this season. ALTHOUGH its clear that some of his DL guys could be dropped rather easily, the loss of Donaldson, Eaton, and I guess Jon Gray could potentially send many teams to the bottom of the standings. Big ups to Brian for making the moves to stay toward the top of the leaderboard.

5- Lacey Twp Backdoor Sliders (2-1-1)

New guy Sean, who took over from an alleged pedophile (I just report the facts), has invigorated life into the formerly named 3 eyed fish or whatever. A quickfire trade to land Adam Jones and Jameson Taillon to start his career could bode well for his team’s roster construction, and a narrow victory over the TR Titans keeps the new guy in the middle of the standings for the time being. Things will get tougher in time, but early results have been overwhelmingly positive.

6- Point Loma X-Rays (2-2)

The X-Rays decided this year that they were going to add more power to compliment their major speed. So far? Last in homers/RBI, first in 2B/SB. While their .500 record wasn’t the intended target for our commish, adding more balance to your team is never a bad thing, assuming you’re still the best at the thing that made you great. You could only assume that as the season wears on, the X-Rays will continue to shape their team in an effort to get up to the top spot come playoff time.

7- Q-Tip City Morning Wood (2-2)

Our second new guy, Shane, started off very well with a beatdown of both the Topes and Fishing club to start the year. If we did a WAY TOO EARLY power rankings, he may of topped the whole DAMN thing. The problem: We don’t. Also, he played two of the tougher teams in consecutive weeks, after playing two equally tough teams the first two weeks. One WHOM does these sorts of things could argue that the Wood’ has had the toughest first 4 weeks in the league to date. I also did no research to back that up, so.. Anyways, the QTC are coming off getting beat up by the ‘Dudes, and will hope to right the ship and now fall behind the pack here as we start the summer months.

8- Ocean Gate Trout Fishing Club (0-0)

I could’ve given the Renegade Force this spot here, but the truth is its only a matter of time before Heroy’s defending champions wake up and begin their ascent to the top of the standings. You know it, I know it, we all fuckin know it. May even begin this week in a “Re-Match” (Greg’s word), but whenever it is, the OGTFC hope it happens soon. We all know how things start to get crazy toward late July, when even the best of teams could miss out on a playoff birth, depending on how they start the season.

9- Rojo’s Renegade Force (1-3)

The former Resurgence will hope to actually be resurgent in the near future, especially in the pitching area. Their arsenal of “aces” are comprised of 4 ERA’s and higher, along with their innovative strategy of dominating holds landing them 3rd most holds this year. That is not quite the return you want if you’re punting a category to dominate another. I’m just saying. ANYWHO, Rojo’s pitching will improve probably, and his bats have not been bad. Better times are coming the Renegade Force.

10- Toms River Titans (0-4) 😦

Ohhhh 2 time champion TR Titans, why do you run into such horrendous luck? Outside of the week 2 loss to the X-Rays, the remainder of the Titans’ losses have been narrow and painful. Injuries and ineffectiveness on the pitching end, followed by the insistence to roster Byron Buxton (who is awful) have led to a really painful start for a team that would rather not have another painful start. You can still make the argument that they’re one of the more talented teams in the league tho, so a comeback is not out of the question.

MOONINITEZ MANAGEMENT’S MAY 1-10

1- River City Bad Dudes

2- Astoria Isotopes

3- US, Manchester MooniniteZ

4- Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz

5- Barnegat Banana Slugs

6- Point Loma X-Rayz

7- Q-Tip City Morning Wood

8- OceanGate Trout Fishing Club

9- Rojo’s Renegade Force

10- Toms River Titans

2017 Week 4 Review: APRIL IS OVER FEEL FREE TO PANIC

May 2, 2017May 8, 2017 AnActualBearLeave a comment

975

2017 WEEK FOUR HAPPENED, and now it is May and you are all free to freak the fuck out. First let us summarize….

River City Bad Dudes Welcome The Other New Guy To The League With An L And A Side Of Humble Pie, Top Q-Tip City – 10-2-2

MVP: Bryce Harper – Unfortunately this is becoming a bit of a theme, as Bryce is currently R-O-L-L-I-N-G. ROLL. ING. ROLLING. So fuck him he gets his fat 12 year old picture left up there. 10/27, 10 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .469 OBP

LVP: Hunter Renfroe – Renfroe came into this week with a chance at revenge against a former owner that turned his back upon him, and promptly sucked a whole lot. Renfroe is also now over the minors ABs limit and I dunno if the Morning Wood are in full compliance but am also too lazy so check but SOMEONE SHOULD LOOK INTO IT. 2/21, 2 Rs, 1 2B, .095 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Jose Abreu must follow the Morning Wood on the Twitter because he promptly went out there and had his best week of the season after having his effectiveness called into question, again this was on the Twitter (10/18, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .619 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: All Jesse Hahn did was go out there and throw TWO GEMS and then get dropped for his troubles (14 IP, 2 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 1.29 ERA).

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: You could craft an argument that Justin Upton was maybe the ONLY MW hitter of note and that is never a good thing for your fantasy week, to have one hitter of note (7/22, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .400 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF IT ALL Zack Greinke has mostly set aside his non-ideal velocity and is off to a pretty damn good start to the 2017 season (12 IP, 4 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.00 ERA)?

Don’t look now gents but the Bad Dudes have rattled off 3 Ws in a row since dropping their opener, with all of them falling into the “not particularly close” category. IN FACT speaking of categories, a quick review here tells me that the Bad Dudes have been the only team in 2017 with double digit victories (aka 10+ categories won) and they have achieved that feat in 3 straight weeks. SO I dunno I guess that sounds pretty good for them. Don’t want to dish out much praise to Mike. In Week 4 it was an impressive 96 Ks and an impressive 8 Saves in addition to solid stats across the rest of the board, up against completely not solid stats all the way through for the Morning Wood. The Bad Dudes are no doubt benefiting from Bud Norris SP-eligible closer extraordinaire, who racked up 4 Saves and 8 Ks without allowing a run. Sometimes baseball makes no sense I tell you. SHANE CONTINUES TO BE HUMBLED.

Next Week aka This Week: Bad Dudes v. OGTF (#KeepOGTFCWinless), Morning Wood v. BackdoorSliderz (#BattleOfNewGuys).

MLB: Atlanta Braves at Washington Nationals

Barnegat Banana Slugs Display Their East Coast Bias, Beat The Point Loma X-Rayz – 9-3-2

MVP: Ryan Zimmerman – Fuckin Ryan Zimmerman man, gettin all into the uppercut swing craze so it seems and it is sure as shit working out for him thus far. A lot of Nationals had crazy weeks with their trip to Coors and their massacre of the Mets and he was certainly one of ’em. 13/26, 11 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, .500 OBP. ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP: Jose Peraza – REAL TIGHT RACE here between Peraza and LoCain but Peraza gets the nod for failing to score a run and stealing but one base. That is bad Peraza-ing. 5/19, 1 RBI, 1 SB .263 OBP

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Ender Inciarte gave the Slugs about the beset Inciarte a team can get, showing the potential value of a guy I deemed unworthy of keeping after having him thrown into a trade and a guy that might be extra valuable to the Slugs in the wake of Adam Eaton‘s injury (7/23, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 RBIs, 5 SBs, .360 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?: PROBABLY, I barely recall Aledmys being on my team this past week.

Current Tally: Trevor Story 3, Aledmys Diaz 1.

But Was Trevor Story Better Than Chris Owings This Week?: NOPE

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Ivan Nova delivered A REAL NICE MOMENT for Brian and his Slugs with his Saturday night CG shutout, the finale of which was streamed in a Brooklyn shuffleboard bar SHOUT TO BOB (9 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note: Eric Thames continues to hit the baseball really hard and really far and really doesn’t make outs terribly often and so really at this point one has to wonder how often the X-Rayz consider selling high and how often they then decide they should probably just keep him forever (6/20, 7 Rs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .481 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Taijuan Walker had an encouraging start in his tricky home park YEA IT WAS THE PADRES, still encouraging (8 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.25 ERA).

The sad part is I want to give the Banana Slugs a bunch of credit here for overcoming injuries time and again this season, but that has been slightly overshadowed by what was by all accounts an embarrassing display in the chat on Friday evening following the news of an Adam Eaton injury. Every team deals with injuries and the # of DL spots has been JUST FINE for many seasons now and until I see evidence of 10 day DL abuse (which could only be seen after a full season and not just after a fucking April) I don’t believe there should be any talk of additional DL spots. Punishment for whining is that I only talk about the whining and not about the matchup. CONGRATS ON THE VICTORY THOUGH.

Next Week aka This Week: Slugs v. Renegade Force (Brian attempts to take it to a team name he likely doesn’t approve of/attempts to make it through the week without whining in the chat like that of a female 2nd grader), X-Rayz v. MooniniteZ (bittersweet battle between besties that once co-owned the greatest team this league has ever seen).

Astoria Isotopes Defeat (Rojo’s) Renegade Force(s) Stationed At Their Border In A Display Of Might Similar To The Might Displayed By Drunkenly Hoisting Your Author Over Their Drunken Shoulders Even Though That Is Like 50 lbs Above Their Body Weight They (He) Are (Is) Like (An) Ant(s)! – 7-5-2

MVP: Aaron Judge – COURT IS NOW IN SESSION. And yanno, like 600 other bad Judge puns. But like .600 was like Judge’s OBP last week so he had himself a fucking week. 6/17, 9 Rs, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .609 OBP

LVP: Hunter Pence – I think the whole Giants offense has been pretty bad thus far and Hunter Pence is PROBABLY contributing to that issue. At least last week he was. Also he’s kinda getting old. 4/26, 1 R, 2 RBIs, .214 OBP

Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Will Myers had a good week with a .206 OBP and I don’t know how I should feel about this (7/34, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .206 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Wellllll it seems Dallas Keuchel is good again, so at least T has that going for him in addition to a newfound appreciation of the modern strip club (16.2 IP, 3 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 W, 1 CG, 1.62 ERA). ACTUALLY HE IS PROBABLY MVP BUT TOO LATE NOW

Renegade Force Hitter Of Note: NELSON CRUZ, I like to congratulate Nelson on a fine week whenever possible because I miss him (9/19, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .500 OBP).

Renegade Force Pitcher Of Note: And HEY Yu Darvish looks pretty good and Rojo made sure to bring that to the attention of everyone as if that makes up for drafting a guy out with TJ in the 3rd round of a draft (6 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.00 ERA).

The Isotopes and RRF were one of a few matchups that went down to Sunday, as matchups sometimes go, and the RRF just came out FLAT. In need of some clutch Sunday pitching in order to stave off the ‘Topes and they came out and delivered 0 QS and 0 Ws from their 2 starters, while the ‘Topes responded with 2 QS and 2 Ws from their 4 starters. The 2 point shifts in those categories allowed the ‘Topes to win each cat by 1 and BOOM that’s how you get the result you got here. T’s ‘Topes also got an explosion of power that should be noted here, with 21 HRs and 60 RBIs in Week 4 (both league highs for this season, check the records at the top of the page for additional info or don’t I couldn’t give a shit).

Next Week aka This Week: Isotopes v. Titans (In which law of averages states ya gotta think the Titans need to win AT SOME POINT so maybe this point?), Renegade Force v. Slugs (Gotta root for Slugs injuries first and foremost, THE EMBARRASSING WHINING IS ENTERTAINING TO ME).

The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Slide On By The Reeling Toms Reeler Titans (and now I have learned about this sad phenomenon, MUTANT MICE) – 6-5-3

MVP: AJ Pollock – AJ had a 7 SB week last week, I mean APPARENTLY he only needed 2 to defeat the Titans in that particular category but I find it impressive nonetheless. 10/27 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 RBI, 7 SBs, .433 OBP

LVP: Yasiel Puig – THIS IS TWICE NOW Yasiel, at least in Week 4 he hit a dinger but so the fuck what. 3/19, 1 R, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, .200 OBP

BDSliderz Hitter Of Note: Freddie Freeman was good as usual (8/21, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 2 SBs .458 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Kyle Hendricks was also good which is somewhat new this season but yanno SSS (12 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

Titans Hitter Of Note: Anthony Rendon had possibly theeee most ridiculous line I have ever seen on Sunday, going 6-6 with 5 Rs 3 HRs 10 RBIs (11/25, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, .500 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note: Noah Syndergaard of note for allllllllll the wrong reasons as he basically pitched with a torn lat muscle and sucked while doing it and is now out for god knows how many months (1.1 IP, 5 ER, 2 Ks, 33.75 ERA).

ANOTHER TOUGH BREAK OF THEIR OWN DOING for the Titans, as they again start 12 and again lose Ks by a teensy tiny number that they likely would have lapped with an additional 2 starters. Shame on them I don’t want to give them too much print either (the theme this week is I don’t want to give anyone too much print). But for the LACEY BACKDOORSLIDERZ this is win #1 in their first full week in control of their roster, which gave them the freedom to do things like not start Jordan Zimmerman if they don’t want to. I for one think it will be the first win of many for this club as they start to mold the roster more to their liking, and the fact is they inherited a 1-0-1 team so they have every opportunity to succeed here. SO SUCCEED I GUESS. If I was being a Negative Nancy I would point out that Lacey was one of only 2 squads with single digit HRs and had the fewest RBIs and likely would have had the fewest Ks if the Titans had started 12 and really just have to feel like they got some beginner’s luck on this one but I am not being a Negative Nancy. CONGRATS ON THE FIRST OFFICIAL VICTORY, BACKDOORSLIDERZ!

Next Week aka This Week: BDSliderz v. Morning Wood (After seeing Shane wear a Pikachu backpack my sense is that his team will not win another game but WHOM KNOWS what the future holds), Titans v. Isotopes (Ryan needs to get one here….he just….needs to, partly cuz who wants T at 4-1)

2017 WEEK 4 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE 1998 FLORIDA MARLINS AKA THE OTHER WORST DEFENDING CHAMP IN BASEBALL HISTORY

Manchester MooniniteZ Give The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club The Winless April They Very Much Wanted To Give Them As An Early Wedding Present, PREVAIL – 6-5-3

MVP: Chris Owings – I have now awarded Chris Owings two more matchup MVP awards than I expected to award him this season, and this one he very much deserved. ONLY 25 YEARS OLD FOLKS, don’t let Heroy act like he is 31. HEROY IS 31. Or 30 or something. 8/25, 5 Rs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, 3 SBs, .370 OBP

LVP: Jason Kipnis – ~~WELCOME BACK JASON KIPNIS, and thank you for sucking. The MooniniteZ were displeased to see a relative return to health for the OGTFC but Mr. Kipnis put those concerns at ease with his performance~~. JK Mookie Betts maybe sucked harder and fuck Boston. 4/18, 1 R, 2 2Bs, .263 OBP

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note: Matt Wieters came through with a clutch performance that was GOOD ENOUGH TO PUT Gary Sanchez ON THE BLOCK but also probably not really (8/18, 4 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .545 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note: My wish would be to pitch James Paxton, but I settled for just the one last week and will certainly take the two this week (7 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

OGTFC Hitter Of Note: I mean YES Trea Turner is very good but I think that has already been established and don’t see why I need to write a bunch of words about it; also he was one of TWO players to pull off the JROLL (Mike Trout) for the OGTFC and they still lost so nana nana boo boo (14/35 FUCKING FOURTEEN, FUCKING 13 Rs, 5 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .432 OBP). (Editor’s note: I should point out that really this would probably be the “MVP OF THE WEEK” line but here in the Backyard we don’t give MVP awards to losing teams, not now not ever)

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: ALL OF THE ONES THAT GOT INJURED, I think the OGTFC had four starts cut short due to injury (Dickey, Manaea, Sanchez, Kuhl) and I appreciate all of them equally (a combined 12 IP, 7 ER, 9 Ks, 1 W, 5.25 ERA).

It is with great pleasure that I present to you my victory over the defending champs, not only because they eliminated us from the playoffs last season but more importantly because this seals a win-less April for the OGTFC that will MOST ASSUREDLY be mentioned at some point during the May Power Rankings. SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRESEASON #1 SEED GREG, you have made a fool of us all here. This was one of those come down to Sunday matchups so again let us just hone in on that: 10 RBIs 3 SBs for the MooniniteZ, 3 RBIs 1 SB for the OGTFC and HEY LOOK AT THAT the MooniniteZ win RBIs +7 and SBs +2. Gotta admit I was mostly focused on just a general sleep deprivation issue on Sunday and didn’t notice this much, but surely OGTFC ownership did and was looking for some SBs or a 3B out of the late-night trio of Mookie Betts, Anthony Rizzo, and Kris Bryant. That trio only provided a useless HR and the not good enough RBI that went with it, and VOILA zero wins for the defending champ in our season’s first month. I am going to go out on a limb and say that hasn’t happened before and going to not go very far out on a limb at all and say it is FITTING that it happens to this team, one that I have petitioned in year’s past to change their name to the LessWithMores. The LessWithMores will look for their first win as the calendar turns to May.

Next Week aka This Week: MooniniteZ v. X-Rayz (THE GREATEST TEAM…..THIS LEAGUE…..HAS EVER SEEN), OGTFC v. Bad Dudes (WILL GREG….EVER…..WIN?).