June is in the books and it is time to do the monthly power rankings for the start of July.  To take a more objective approach, I tried to quantify the category rankings to help with the Power Rankings.  I did this by simply adding up a team’s rank in all the categories and dividing by the number of categories to find what I am going to call a team’s rating, just so I don’t use the word ranking 600 times in this blog entry.  I did this new rating system through the categories for offensive, pitching, and overall.  Obviously, the lower number rating the better, since every team would want to be first in every category.  This is by no means a perfect system, but if teams are close in record, their overall rating will be looked at to give a more objective approach to how they are ranked in the Power Rankings.  All stats for the rating system were done as of the afternoon of Monday, July 1, so week 14 stats will not be counted toward the rating system.

#1 Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz 13-0

Runs (1), 2Bs (6), 3Bs (t-6), HRs (2), RBIs (3), SBs (3), OBP (1)        

Ks (2), QS (3), CG (1), WINS (3), SVs (3), Hs (t-6), ERA (2)                 

Offensive Rating 3.14 (1^st)

Pitching Rating 2.85 (1^st)

Overall rating 3.00 (1^st)

Well the reigning champion Backdoor Sliderz remain undefeated and have clinch the number 1 seed for the playoffs before the all-star break.  As you can see by the category ratings, this is no fluke.  This is a complete, well balanced team that is rated first in offense and first in pitching in the league.  Their team has been known to devastate opponents to the point that they need to call out of work.  There’s a lot of young talent on this roster that should help them compete and make people call out of work for years to come, that is if they don’t break the league this season.  They already have 4 players with over 20 HRs (Bellinger, Freeman, Bregman, Acuna).  Albies and Domingo Santana are 2 other young hitters having themselves real nice seasons.  Santana has over 60 RBIs. 

We already saw what some of the young prospects they have can do last year in Soto, Albies, and Acuna, now we are seeing what Tatis Jr. and to a smaller sample size Keston Hiura can do.  Tatis Jr. looks legit if you ask me, which makes me love the Altuve trade for him and Bellinger even more.  A trade that caught Dochney some flak last year from most, not all though.

The pitchers don’t quite have as much youth as the hitters on Dochney’s Diaper Dandies.  They are led by the ageless wonder Justin Verlander as well as veterans like Greinke and deGrom.  Walker Buehler is the young gun of the group who is putting together a nice season with his 3.43 ERA and 104 Ks in 97 IP.  Robbie Ray is very serviceable because of his K rate but not quite as heralded as the rest because of his inconsistencies and inability to go deep into games.  I am sure everyone around the league would take a guy with 129 Ks in 98.2 IP. 

Relievers look solid for the Sliderz.  Osuna, Holland, and Colome all have firm control over their closer roles while putting up good numbers.  D Backs and White Sox need to hang around those Wild Card spots long enough for Holland and Colome not to get traded into setup roles at this year’s MLB deadline though, which is a lot to ask for.

#2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club 6-6-1

Runs (4), 2Bs (3), 3Bs (2), HRs (5), RBIs (6), SBs (4), OBP (2)            

Ks (4), QS (2), CG (t-4), WINS (6), SVs (2), Hs (9), ERA (1)                 

Offensive Rating 3.71 (3^rd)

Pitching Rating 4 (3^rd)

Overall Rating 3.86 (2^nd)

The Fishing Club currently sit tied for 4^th place in the standings but they make it to number 2 in the Power Rankings.  This is the first team that gets bumped up in the Power Rankings based on their ratings from the new imperfect system that was just created.  They are only a half game out of 2^nd place anyway so it’s not a huge leap.  They have the 3^rd rated offense and the 3^rd rated pitching, but overall, they are the second rated team.  We all know what their core of can do.  I am talking about Trout, Betts, Rizzo, and Bryant, who is having himself a nice little come back campaign.  They also have some young players who are breaking out in a big way like Josh Bell, who has 25 HRs, 77 RBI, and 65 Runs as of July 2.  Austin Meadows is also enjoying himself a nice little breakout season as well, although he has been plummeting down to Earth over his last 30 days with 0 HRs and .267 OBP over that span.  Heroy may have missed his chance to trade Meadows at this point, especially now that I am blasting his last 30 on the blog.  The rookies are looking solid.  Senzel is doing just fine in his first taste of the big leagues, while Yordan Alvarez and Eloy Jimenez look like they will be legit power threats for a long time in this league.  Eloy

The pitching was a question mark heading into the season for Ocean Gate, but they have been phenomenal.  Luis Castillo has bounced back in a big way with a 2.56 ERA and 115 Ks in 98.1 IP.  We all knew Gerrit Cole was a stud, he has 161 Ks in 109.2 IP.  Tyler Glasnow was looking like another breakout star before being going down with a forearm injury.  Heroy probably won’t get him back before the end of the Backyard season, but I guess there’s still hope. 

His bullpen is solid with Iglesias, Vazquez, and Hader.  Hader hates to give up hits to minorities so he decides to strike them all out instead with his.  He is probably the best reliever in all of baseball and has a ridiculous 16.8 K/9.  Iglesias and Vazquez are prime trade candidates if the Reds and Pirates fall out of that Wild Card Contention, so the Fishing Club better be rooting for the Pirates and Reds to stay relevant in July.

#3 East Coast Kings 7-6

Runs (3), 2Bs (4), 3Bs (3), HRs (3), RBIs (5), SBs (2), OBP (3)

Ks (7), QS (4), CG (t-4), WINS (2), SVs (6), Hs (10), ERA (5)               

Offensive Rating 3.28 (2^nd)

Pitching Rating 5.43 (6^th)

Overall Rating 4.36 (4^th)

R Mac has put together a nice a little squad for himself.  When I first came into this league, he was a pitching first team, but now he has a lot of young stud hitters while his pitching staff is more than formidable.  Let’s get Yelich talk out of the way since he is challenging Trout as best baseball player on the planet currently. Yelich only has 30 HRs, 65 Runs, 66 RBIs, 18 SBs, and a .428 OBP this season so far.  Still has a week to pad those stats prior to the all-star break.  He just traded for Rhys Hoskins in what I thought was a great move for R Mac.  Sold high on Ketel Marte in that move, good job.  Gleyber Torres is a stud buried down at the bottom of the Yankees stacked lineup but that’s ok because there’s still plenty of run producing opportunities down there.  Javier Baez continues to carry over his success from last year.  Yoan Moncada is finally playing up to his potential as well.  Saying finally seems harsh when he’s only 24 years old, but that’s what he gets for signing a huge contract at 19.

On the pitching side of things, the Kings look great on paper.  They have Paxton, Kershaw, Berrios Strasburg, and Syndergaard.  Paxton and Syndergaard have been mildly disappointing though, especially Thor for me personally being a Mets fan.  You can throw 99 all you want but when you leave it down the middle, big leaguers are going to catch up on it.  If the pitching stays healthy and clicks like they are supposed to, this will be a very dangerous team come playoff time.  Let’s not forget 2-way player Brendan McKay just getting called up by the Rays ready to contribute minors eligible innings and at bats for the Kings. 

In the bullpen, Doolittle and Hand are good options that I do not think stand to much a risk to be traded.  Kimbrel finally signed with the Cubs and that is great place for him to be and R Mac could not be happier after enduring those 2 long months of dead space on his roster.

#4 Astoria Isotopes 7-6

Runs (5), 2Bs (5), 3Bs (1), HRs (6), RBIs (7), SBs (9), OBP (4)            

Ks (5), QS (5), CG (3), WINS (8), SVs (8), Hs (t-1), ERA (7)                

Offensive rating 5.29 (6^th)

Pitching Rating 5.29 (5^th)

Overall Rating 5.29 (5^th)

The IsoDOPES just had their impressive 7 game win streak snapped by the top team in the league and fell to 4^th in the Power Rankings despite being tied for 2^nd in the standings and just getting Judge back from injury.  T might have a legitimate gripe with the blog for his 4^th place ranking, especially considering they were just in the championship game like I don’t know, 10 months ago.  But screw it, I have the rankings power now, and I am putting too much stock in my nowhere near perfect rating system, a system in which T is rated 5^th in offense, pitching, and overall.  So, don’t @ me with your gripes bro, if anything you’re overrated in the power rankings.

The Topes have some good hitting.  Mike Moustakas, who I have a personal bias against I guess because I don’t think he is that good, has an Isotopes leading 23 HRs before the all-star break.  Those 23 HRs make me look real silly for making my previous statement.  Arenado and Blackmon have been a dynamic 1-2 punch as the Colorado edition of the Isotopes.  Each have 20 HRs, and OBPs north of .380.  DJ LaMahieu may be the hottest hitter in all of baseball currently, he has over 60 runs and RBIs before the all-star break.  He is another player I once doubted and questioned how he would hit away from Coors Field.  I am eating my words once again on that one.  Matt Olson has 16 HRs while missing the first like 6 weeks of the season or something like that, which is impressive.  This team’s offense is just going to get deadlier as they are just getting Judge back. 

Pitching is just so-so on paper for the Topes.  Chris Sale is a stud, I don’t feel like talking about him.  Mike Minor is a revelation this season with his 2.40 ERA and 110 Ks in 112.2 IP.  They have the ever-valuable SP eligible pitchers picking up saves for them in Sergio Romo and Ian Kennedy.  Both of which could be traded and out of closers roles by the end of the month though, because the teams they play for stink. 

#5 Rojo’s Renegade Force 6-6-1

Runs (7), 2Bs (10), 3Bs (10), HRs (4), RBIs (4), SBs (6), OBP (6)       

Ks (10), QS (t-6), CG (t-4), WINS (10), SVs (10), Hs (t-1), ERA (3)    

Offensive Rating 6.71 (7^th)

Pitching Rating 6.29 (7^th)

Overall Rating 6.5 (t-7^th)

Rojo Rojo Rojo.  Fan favorite of the league.  Winner of the superlative “most likely to not start 12 in a week.”  I probably should have given him a lower rank for his lack of commitment, but I was more impressed that he sits in a playoff spot even with that lack of commitment.  He doesn’t exactly go by the Rays Ways philosophy that Odom does, but he does go by the full line changes and I do not need a closer philosophy.  Don’t leave the league Rojo!!! You’re the only non asshole out of your group of friends, don’t leave me with all these other losers next year.

Let’s start off by talking about another player I have openly ripped in the chat or blog before.  Eric Hosmer has a Force leading 60 RBI this season.  That just upsets me, because I guess I have a personal bias for no good reason against the guy because I always say he stinks and I guess I was wrong, again.  Rafael Devers having himself a fine season in Boston.  Joey Gallo is not shocking anyone with his 20 HRs, but he has a .426 OBP!!!!!! Goldschmidt has been slightly disappointing, while Chavis has been a rookie sensation.  Also, Springer is a stud, but we knew that.  And Shohei shoheiing us that he is valuable even when he is not being a 2-way player.

On the pitching side of things, Ryu has been a boss (1.83 ERA, 94 Ks, 103 IP, 13 QS, 9 Ws).  Bumgarner looking to have a Verlander like resurgence if he could get traded to a contender by the end of the month.  But I know Bummy has a weird no trade list that I do not feel like looking up right now but recall there being some contenders on that list.  Maybe just a ploy to get them to commit long term to Bummy before trading for him.  Let’s not forget about fan favorite Charlie Morton, who has been unstoppable for Tampa this year (100 IP, 120 Ks, 2.43 ERA).

#6 Barnegat Banana Slugs 5-7-1

Runs (10), 2Bs (9), 3Bs (6), HRs (10), RBIs (9), SBs (8), OBP (8)       

Ks (3), QS (1), CG (t-4), WINS (7), SVs (7), Hs (5), ERA (4)                 

Offensive Rating 8.57 (10^th)

Pitching Rating 4.43 (4^th)

Overall Rating 6.5 (t-7^th)

The Slugs currently are tied for 6^th place with the Island Beach Bears.  I have no idea who would win the tie breaker if the season ended today, but we have a few weeks until we need to worry about that junk, if we need to worry about it by then.  This Slugs team is built on their pitching.  They are rated 4^th currently, and sport quite an impressive rotation.  Simply put Max Scherzer is the best pitcher in the game and he is doing it again this year.  He owns a 2.43 ERA to go along with 170 Ks in 122.1 IP, 15 QS, and 8 Ws.  Yeah…. Um, he’s good.  The pitching doesn’t end with Scherzer, Trevor Bauer has 134 Ks while Patrick Corbin and Jon Gray each have 111.  Rookie sensation Chris Paddack looks very legit and being sent down to the minors for those few weeks might have been the best thing to happen for the Slugs if he avoids being shut down for the Backyard playoffs.  Oh yeah, there’s this other guy named Severino sitting on the IL for the Slugs.  Unfortunately, he may not be healed in time to make in a difference this year in the Backyard.  Also, Kirby Yates has 27 saves for the Padres, that’s good for most in the league by the way. 

The Slugs offense is a work in progress.  They are 10^th in the category ratings, which basically equates to them being hot garbage (if you put stock in the irrelevant ratings that is).  Not ideal, but there’s potential here.  Luke Voit and Eddie Rosario both just landed on the IL, fortunately it doesn’t appear to be serious for either player.  Story, Eugenio Suarez and Jorge Polanco are all having good years as well.  Puig’s 17 HRs and 13 SBs are pretty good despite a .289 OBP and only 35 runs scored (this is considered having a monster season if you have a team with a shitty offense like the Slugs do).  Vlad Jr. has big time potential and we certainly haven’t seen him anywhere near his best. 

#7 Island Beach Bears 5-7-1

Runs (6), 2Bs (8), 3Bs (9), HRs (7), RBIs (8), SBs (7), OBP (9)            

Ks (8), QS (10), CG (10), WINS (5), SVs (4), Hs (3), ERA (10)             

Offensive Rating 7.71 (9^th)

Pitching Rating 7.14 (9^th)

Overall Rating 7.43 (9^th)

As previously stated, the Island Bears are currently tied with the Slugs for the final playoff spot.  They rated 9^th in all 3 of the categories.  Gary Sanchez is the best fantasy catcher in baseball with his 23 HRs.  Altuve has been banged up a bit and disappointing in general during his Bears tenure, but who knows, he could be healthy and back to his MVP like form any day now.  Edwin Encarnacion is another ageless wonder as he just keeps hitting bombs everywhere he goes and is now part of a modern-day Murderer’s Row.  Max Muncy and Dan Vogelbach have been having very good years as both have 20 HRs so far.  Possibly their good play and three mashers with first base eligibility is why the Bears traded Hoskins for Ketel Marte. 

Aaron Nola is the Bears best pitcher and set a pretty high bar for himself last year.  So, his 4.22 ERA this year is disappointing to say the least.  He still has 110 Ks in 96 IP, and he will be fine over the long run.  After Nola the Bears staff gets a little dicey.  Domingo German was amid a breakout season before getting injured.  Started pitching like dogshit in his last 3 starts before landing on the IL, but the Bears are hoping he gets back to his form in the first 10 starts when he comes back this week.

#8 Lakehurst Leviathans 5-8

Runs (9), 2Bs (7), 3Bs (5), HRs (9), RBIs (10), SBs (5), OBP (7)          Offensive Rating 7.49 (8^th)

Ks (9), QS (8), CG (t-8), WINS (9), SVs (9), Hs (4), ERA (9)                 

Offensive Rating 7.49 (8^th)

Pitching Rating 8 (10^th)

Overall 7.71 (10^th)

Shane’s 5 wins so far is the same amount of wins Shane had in his first 2 seasons in the league.  In fact, Shane’s squad is sitting a half game out of the final playoff spot with 5 weeks left in the Backyard season.  A playoff birth is very attainable for the fan favorite Leviathans.  He is rated 10^th overall in the category ratings, but that rating is probably meaningless anyway. 

My main man Carlos Santana having a hell of a season back in Cleveland (55 Runs, 18 HRs, 50 RBI, .411 OBP).  Adalberto Mondesi is leading the league in SBs with 27 and 3Bs with 8.  Grandal is one of the few catchers worth rostering and has 18 HRs this year with a .379 OBP. 

Pitching hasn’t gone quite according to plan for the Leviathans.  Soroka has been a stud with a 2.13 ERA and 9 Wins for the Braves, but his 67 Ks in 84.2 IP is unimpressive.  Jack Flaherty’s 94 Ks in 85.1 IP is impressive, but his 6 QS and 4.75 ERA is not.  Matthew Boyd having a great year for Shane’s favorite team and I feel his 129 Ks is slightly out of nowhere.  His 11.4 K/9 is a dramatic increase from his career 8.4 K/9 and he’s not sacrificing control with a 1.8 BB/9 on the year. 

#9 Pacific Beach X-Rays 3-7-3

Runs (8), 2Bs (1), 3Bs (4), HRs (8), RBIs (3), SBs (1), OBP (10)         

Ks (1), QS (t-6), CG (2), WINS (1), SVs (1), Hs (8), ERA (6)                 

Offensive Rating 5 (5^th)

Pitching Rating 3.57 (2^nd)

Overall Rating 4.28 (3^rd)

Another team that has been struck by some bad luck this season.  The category ratings justify the Rays Ways philosophy that Odom has implemented as they are the 3^rd overall rated team in the league, even though their record has them tied for last.  They throw bulkers at you on a regular basis, constantly get to the 100 K mark during a week and have tied the Ks record twice this year.  The saves and stolen bases are there, just like every year for the Rays, but now their RBI numbers are way up to 3^rd in the league.  6^th in ERA is not bad either considering he’ll throw any bulker at you seemingly going against any team.

Tough to talk about individuals on a team that has literally made 1243 moves so far this year.  Lourdes Gurriel Jr and Austin Riley each look like they’re sticking around, and each have 14 HRs in under 200 at bats this season.  Jose Ramirez is supposed to be their best player but has struggled a whole lot this season, at least he has 18 SBs.  Speaking of steals, I know Odom is happy about rostering Mallex Smith these days and his 21 SBs. 

The pitching side of things is tough to track as well for the X-Rays.  They love to stream their bulkers, especially their Tampa Bay Rays bulkers.  Outside of the bulkers, Snell has taken a step back, but still has an insane 117 Ks in 85 IP.  Lucas Giolito has been a stud this season for the White Sox with his 115 Ks in 96 IP with a 2.72 ERA and 11 wins.  They also grab a lot of saves out of Chapman, Greene, and even Edwin Diaz.  Diaz is now a Met though so naturally his ERA has gone up 2 runs.

#10 River City Bad Dudes 3-7-3

Runs (2), 2Bs (2), 3Bs (8), HRs (1), RBIs (1), SBs (10), OBP (5)         

Ks (6), QS (9), CG (t-8), WINS (4), SVs (t-5), Hs (t-6), ERA (8)           

Offensive Rating 4.14 (4^th)

Pitching Rating 6.57 (8^th)

Overall 5.36 (6^th)

This is a very unfair ranking for the Bad Dudes, the category ratings say he’s much better than last in the league.  Lobman and Odom should both probably be in the top 6 and not the bottom like they currently sit in the standings. Lobman has been struck with a lot of bad luck this year if you ask me.  His lineup has a ton of power and run producing evidenced by his recent record setting 28 HR and 87 RBI week, but he was only rated the 4^th best offense because it does lack some speed.  This lineup boasts the likes of Pete Alonso, Manny Machado, and Matt Chapman who all have at least 20 HRs.  Bryce Harper and Willson Contreras are both good players, although it could be said Harper, the former prodigy and MVP has been disappointing this season.  All this is forgetting to mention that Giancarlo Stanton only has 31 at bats this season.  In a Stanton related note, I heard Stanton just signed a sponsorship deal with Herr’s to name a potato chip after him…. AJ Pollock has a deal with Lay’s.

The pitching is where this team seems to fall apart.  Alex Reyes is currently wasting a roster spot with his 53 career IP currently sitting in the minors.  Brandon Woodruff is really the only pitcher of note for this team with his 3.79 ERA and 120 Ks in 102 IP.  The Bad Dudes have a few prospect pitchers who can not make it to the majors soon enough for Lobman. 

 

 

And finally we get ourselves to some SOMEWHAT SUBJECTIVE but also maybe completely accurate Power Rankings. That was last year’s first line so fuck it, it is this year’s first line as well. However LAST year we were only through four and this year due to an earlier start to the MLB season (this is a lie) and me probably forgetting to do these, we are through five. Mercifully. TO THE RANKINGS…..

NEW FEATURES ALERT:  Shall be noting Top Hitter and Top Pitcher for each squad, and shall be withholding my unnecessary commentary for the teams I currently deem outta the top 6 and thus undeserving of said commentary. Embrace change in life people…

(All stats through Cinco de Mayo….)

 

 

1- Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (5-0)

THESE LUCKY FUCKS. The defending champeens take the first top spot o the year on the strength of winning a buncha coin flips, none more shenaniganny than their Week 5 victory. Let’s check the numbers and see if they support the POTENTIAL UNDEFEATED SEASON (this won’t happen):  Runs 5th, Doubles 9th, Triples 9th, HRs t-3rd, RBIs 3rd, SBs 3rd, OBP 1st, Strikeouts 6th, QS 4th, CG 1st, Wins 1st, Saves 5th, Holds 8th, ERA 3rd, MOVES 3rd. SO yea I mean ultimately the #s kinda support it, the vaunted young O in Lacey is lagging in two of the 3 XBH cats but more than holding their own in most others (and leading OBP seems important in an OBP league). Really the only guy I would NEED to mention would be Cody Bellinger who has been fuckinggggg otherworldly (.486 OBP), but also the trio of Braves are sorta quietly getting it done (is it me or has baseball just been kinda over Acuna Jr. even though he has his OBP @ .396). The pitching will be more than sufficient all year long so long as Verlander and Greinke don’t rapidly age (fingers crossed), the BDS have been able to weather a tough start from young Walker Buehler and I think he will turn that around so yea fuck this team. Certainly the early favorite for a BCS appearance, where perhaps they’d win on another gotdamned Sunday coin flip (usual caveats apply about how difficult it is to repeat in this crapshoot league)(I’m really gonna lean into the parenthesis shit here because I don’t believe this blog deserves any better).

Top Hitter:  Cody Bellinger (49/119, 32 Rs, 7 2Bs, 1 3B, 14 HRs, 38 RBIs, 6 SBs, .486 OBP)

Top Pitcher:  Justin Verlander (50.1 IP, 16 ER, 60 Ks, 6 QS, 5 Ws, 2.86 ERA)

 

 

2-  East Coast Kings (3-2)

I bet you PLEBEIANS thought this would just be a paint by the numbers run through the current standings but THINK AGAIN. And honestly you could flip the two Ryans and probably be able to argue it either way, but THIS is the current configuration I’m going with and you just have to deal with it and I think it is the correct configuration.  The numbers for the Kings:  Runs 3rd, Doubles 3rd, Triples 8th, HRs 2nd, RBIs 2nd, SBs t-4th, OBP 3rd, Strikeouts 2nd, QS 3rd, CG t-2nd, Wins t-3rd, Saves 7th, Holds 10th, ERA 5th, MOVES 8th. In many ways your most balanced club in the BY @ the moment (maybe), apart from the lagging bullpen (which is probably the easiest need to fix). I likely noted several times that I felt Javier Baez would regress drastically in 2019 and for that I currently owe the man an apology, he’s been as good as advertised.  And then you have Christian Yelich whom has been the best hitter not currently named Cody Bellinger in 2019 (Trout remains the best hitter uhhh ever). Hurlers have been the calling card of this squad for years and Kershaw remains the GOAT (4 QS in 4 GS), if there’s a cause for concern it’s that Paxton has his first injury and Darvish and Carrasco have ERAs in the high 5s (Carrasco likely just unlucky but Darvish looks fuckin’ COOKED) (UPDATE: Price now also hurt). With the Kings you have to imagine the pitching will carry them through; if their hitters can keep it up on the other side this team may rival the ButtSliderz as most dangerous foe in all the Backyard..

Top Hitter:  Christian Yelich (37/107, 27 Rs, 4 2Bs, 15 HRs, 36 RBIs, 6 SBs, .450 OBP)

Top Pitcher:  Clayton Kershaw (26 IP, 8 ER, 27 Ks, 4 QS, 1 W, 2.77 ERA)

 

 

3-  Rojo’s Renegade Force (3-2)

AND WOULD YA LOOK AT THEESEEEE GUYS. The Force are a divisive bunch year after year, as the definitive Cat Punter of the group (categories not cats, cats would be fucked up) but a quick glance at their overall numbers shows they have a case to be made for top 3 despite me viewing them more as a top 4. Allow the numbers to illuminate what I mean:  Runs 1st, Doubles 7th, Triples 10th, HRs t-3rd, RBIs 4th, SBs 6th, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 10th, QS t-8th, CG t-7th, Wins 10th, Saves 10th, Holds 2nd, ERA 2nd, MOVES 7th. Now maybe I’m placing a bit too much emphasis on Runs as the be all and end all fantasy category but TOPS IN RUNS LOOK AT THAT. Renegades hitters are hummin’ right along on the strength of a resurgent Ozuna campaign, strong numbers outta Springer and Goldy, etc. etc. If there’s a red flag here (AND THERE IS) it is that the pitching numbers have been not…..great. Not great at all. Rich Hill is returning to action for yanno at least a few starts, and Charlie Morton has been great, but Kluber was off and is now injured and yada yada. My dream for the 2019 RRF is their pitching holds them back JUST ENOUGH to make them consider trading for a closer and not punting a category every single gotdamned week (although Diego Castillo has been vulturing saves for those wacky Rays so maybe I can’t make this argument this year)(making it anywayz)(PARENTHESIS).

Top Hitter:  Marcell Ozuna (32/120, 28 Rs, 7 2Bs, 11 HRs, 30 RBIs, 3 SBs, .353 OBP

Top Pitcher:  Charlie Morton (39.1 IP, 11 ER, 48 Ks, 3 QS, 3 Ws, 2.52 ERA)

 

 

4-  River City Bad Dudes (2-2-1) 

The Bad Dudes may have been cursed by Mondesi’s Revenge last week but their overall numbers paint the picture of a team that doesn’t look ready to cut short it’s playoffs appearance streak. Take a look:  Runs 2nd, Doubles 1st, Triples t-6th, HRs 1st, RBIs 1st, SBs 10th, OBP 5th, Strikeouts 5th, QS 5th, CG t-7th, Wins t-3rd, Saves t-3rd, Holds t-7th, ERA 6th, MOVES 2nd. MIND YOU those hitting stats are being accomplished with an injured Stanton and a bit of a subdued performance outta Machado; these are being offset by the emergence of a one Pete Alonso but what I’m saying is there’s room for improvement here. Also Marcus Stroman is good now (ALL OF A SUDDEN), and Arrieta has been fine, but that’s about all you can say about the staff (Bad Dudes management have high hopes for something outta Carlos Martinez but “the worst of all deceptions is self-deception”).  This is your most-active on the markets owner on the East Coast so we expect the Bad Dudes to address some holes as they go along, likely headed towards yet another Backyard Bracket appearance. UNFORTUNATE NEWS for Banana Slugs fans.

Top Hitter:  Pete Alonso (35/125, 21 Rs, 8 2Bs, 1 3B, 10 HRs, 27 RBIs, .364 OBP)

Top Pitcher:  Marcus Stroman (41 IP, 10 ER, 39 Ks, 4 QS, 1 W, 2.20 ERA)

 

 

5-  Island Beach Bears (3-1-1)

TYPICALLY this team waits til around July to climb up higher in the rankings (and I should know) so this feels about right. And even when they DO climb higher that’s just to set up a fade that culminates in losing yet another playoff matchup, OR if they really wanna spice it up losing 5 or 6 in a row to close the year and hand the last playoff spot to the eventual BCS champ. But yanno not going to get into that right now in MAY, lets instead get into the #s for the Beach Bears:  Runs 4th, Doubles t-5th, Triples t-6th, HRs 5th, RBIs 6th, SBs 7th, OBP 8th, Strikeouts 8th, QS t-8th, CG t-7th, Wins 2nd, Saves t-3rd, Holds 1st, ERA 9th, MOVES 5th. FRAUDS. Absolute frauds. About the only thing that can be deemed overly positive in these rankings is my besting of Rojo in the Holds cat currently, but yea I think the Bears have alternated some pretty solid weeks with some abysmal weeks and shake it all up and out pops this. Feeling hashtag blessed to have banked 3.5 wins already, and very happy that Rhys and Edwin and El Gary are all having excellent seasons, but they will need some more help behind them. Also pitching has been (mostly) entirely trash and the Bears would really like to have both Mike Clevinger and Jimmy Nelson slotted in and performing at their pre-injury levels. That’d be swell for us.

Top Hitter:  Rhys Hoskins (34/117, 22 Rs, 8 2Bs, 1 3B, 10 HRs, 31 RBIs, .424 OBP)

Top Pitcher:  Domingo German (!!!) (38.1 IP, 10 ER, 39 Ks, 4 QS, 6 Ws, 2.35 ERA)

 

 

6-  Heroy’s Stupid Team (3-2)

This guy I don’t know what to say about, keeping a weird team name due to a mild like 2 week win streak is not…. it…. Chief. But also yanno LIVE YOUR LIFE I GUESS. Lets take a look at the stats for this perennially disappointing franchise, this year perhaps mostly in name:  Runs 8th, Doubles 2nd, Triples t-4th, HRs 8th, RBIs 7th, SBs t-4th, OBP 6th, Strikeouts 3rd, QS 2nd, CG t-2nd, Wins 5th, Saves 2nd, Holds 9th, ERA 1st, MOVES 9th. So Trout and Betts continue to be really really good, Brantley has been good, Austin Meadows was a revelation before injury (Trea Turner keeping him company in said IL). STILL ALOTTA GOOD PLAYERS. And on the pitching side this team all of a sudden has the best ERA in all the Backyard and here’s why:  Tyler Glasnow has been equally as revelatory as his Rays teammate Meadows, in fact more revelatory, in fact surpassing pretty much all other revelatory pitching in baseball. He’s been super good, Max Fried is weirdly excellent right now, Shane Bieber ain’t a fluke, Cole Hamels got his shit together as one of the last rats off the sinking SS ‘Topes. I’ve name-dropped enough folks but you get the idea; I’m sure we are all eager to see how these guys squander all their talent in 2019.

Top Hitter:  Mike Trout (29/100, 21 Rs, 6 2Bs, 7 HRs, 20 RBIs, 4 SBs, .471 OBP)

Top Pitcher:  Tyler Glasnow (!!!) (43 IP, 7 ER, 46 Ks, 5 QS, 6 Ws, 1.47 ERA)

 

 

7-  Lakehurst Leviathans (3-2) 

Runs 6th, Doubles 8th, Triples t-4th, HRs 10th, RBIs 10th, SBs 2nd, OBP 4th, Strikeouts 9th, QS 6th, CG t-2nd, Wins t-5th, Saves 9th, Holds t-4th, ERA 8th, MOVES 4th. 

Top Hitter:   Adalberto Mondesi (39/139, 21 Rs, 9 2Bs, 6 3Bs, 4 HRs, 30 RBIs, 10 SBs, .316 OBP)

Top Pitcher:  Mike Soroka (!!!) (23.2 IP, 3 ER, 27 Ks, 2 QS, 3 Ws, 1.14 ERA)

 

 

8- Barnegat Banana Slugs (1-3-1) 

Runs t-9th, Doubles 10th, Triples t-1st, HRs 7th, RBIs 8th, SBs 8th, OBP 9th, Strikeouts 1st, QS 1st, CG t-7th, Wins t-8th, Saves 6th, Holds t-6th, ERA 4th, MOVES 10th.

Top Hitter:   Luke Voit (!!!) (32/123, 23 Rs, 3 2Bs, 9 HRs, 27 RBIs, .377 OBP)

Top Pitcher:  Trevor Bauer (47.2 IP, 13 ER, 55 Ks, 5 QS, 4 Ws, 2.45 ERA)

 

 

9-  Point Loma X-Rayz (0-4-1) 

Runs 10th, Doubles t-5th, Triples t-1st, HRs 9th, RBIs 5th, SBs 1st, OBP 10th, Strikeouts 4th, QS 7th, CGs t-2nd, Wins 7th, Saves 1st, Holds t-4th, ERA 7th, MOVES 1st. 

Top Hitter:  Hunter Dozier (!!!) (hahahaha for a chuckle I encourage everyone to look at Hunter Dozier’s transaction list…) (37/108, 17 Rs, 7 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 8 HRs, 18 RBIs, 1 SB, .446 OBP)

Top Pitcher:  Caleb Smith (!!!) (ditto for ole’ Caleb here…) (36 IP, 8 ER, 45 Ks, 5 QS, 3 Ws, 2.00 ERA)

 

 

10-  Astoria Isotopes (0-5) 

Runs 6th, Doubles 4th, Triples t-1st, HRs 6th, RBIs 9th, SBs 9th, OBP 7th, Strikeouts 7th, QS 10th, CG t-2nd, Wins t-8th, Saves 8th, Holds 3rd, ERA 10th, MOVES 6th. 

Top Hitter: Paul DeJong (!!!) (45/134, 29 Rs, 14 2Bs, 1 3B, 6 HRs, 15 RBIs, 3 SBs, .403 OBP)

Top Pitcher:  German Marquez (52 IP, 20 ER, 53 Ks, 4 QS, 3 Ws, 3.46 ERA)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thus concludes the May Power Rankings. Gripe about them all you want but the bottom line is the best way to change things for the better for your team’s particular ranking is to go out there and win some got damned matchups. Or I guess you could like do rankings of your own and ask the blog to put them up or something. But that would be silly, PLENTY of writing to be done on things that haven’t already been written. Like someone should summarize all the shitty April trades in some fashion, tired of lookin at y’alls trades. ANYWHO YEA MAY POWER RANKINGS THERE YOU HAVE IT.

 

^^^^^^ 2018’s conclusion but yanno…. remains relevant in 2019. Fin.

TOTALLY FORGOT to do Power Rankings, and on one hand who gives a shit no way I write this much on this blog next year and on the OTHER hand well then I might as well make this year as complete a performance as possible….So without further adieu, August Power Rankings complete with categorical stats (that don’t budge much) and my humble and correct opinions on each team’s best and worst personnel in ’18 (full time-ish players only) because fuck it needed to write something in there……

(All cat ranks through 8/7/18 or 8/8/18 or who knows)

1- Garden State Warriors (13-4)

The Cat Ranks: Runs 1st, Doubles 1st, Triples 1st, HRs 5th, RBIs 2nd, SBs 2nd, OBP 6th, Strikeouts 5th, QS 4th, CGs 1st, Wins 6th, Saves 2nd, Holds 10th, ERA 4th, MOVES 9th.

2nd Half Record:  7-1

Best Player / Worst Player:  Francisco Lindor / Yu Darvish 

 

 

2- Astoria Isotopes (12-4-1)

The Cat Ranks: Runs 2nd, Doubles t-5th, Triples 6th, HRs 4th, RBIs 4th, SBs 8th, OBP 4th, Strikeouts 4th, QS 9th, CGs t-9th, Wins 8th, Saves 8th, Holds 2nd, ERA 5th, MOVES 5th.

2nd Half Record:  5-2-1

Best Player / Worst Player:  Nolan Arenado / Cole Hamels

 

 

3- Barnegat Banana Slugs (12-5)

The Cat Ranks: Runs 8th, Doubles 7th, Triples t-9th, HRs 6th, RBIs 7th, SBs 4th, OBP 9th, Strikeouts 1st, QS 1st, CGs 3rd, Wins 1st, Saves 4th, Holds 6th, ERA 2nd, MOVES 10th.

2nd Half Record:  5-3

Best Player / Worst Player:  Max Scherzer / Jonathan Schoop

 

 

4- Rojo’s Renegade Force (8-7-2)

The Cat Ranks: Runs 3rd, Doubles 4th, Triples 10th, HRs 1st, RBIs 1st, SBs 10th, OBP 7th, Strikeouts 10th, QS 7th, CGs 2nd, Wins 2nd, Saves 10th, Holds 1st, ERA 9th, MOVES 3rd.

2nd Half Record:  3-3-2

Best Player / Worst Player:  Corey Kluber / Marcell Ozuna

 

 

5- Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (7-9-1)

The Cat Ranks: Runs 4th, Doubles 2nd, Triples t-7th, HRs 3rd, RBIs 5th, SBs 7th, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 7th, QS 2nd, CGs t-5th, Wins 9th, Saves 9th, Holds t-3rd, ERA 1st, MOVES 7th.

2nd Half Record:  4-3-1

Best Player / Worst Player:  MATT CARPENTER / Robbie Ray

 

 

6- River City Bad Dudes (7-10)

The Cat Ranks: Runs 5th, Doubles 3rd, Triples t-7th, HRs 2nd, RBIs 3rd, SBs 6th, OBP 3rd, Strikeouts 8th, QS 8th, CGs 4th, Wins 3rd, Saves 5th, Holds t-3rd, ERA 8th, MOVES 2nd.

2nd Half Record:  4-4

Best Player / Worst Player:  Manny Machado / Marcus Stroman

 

 

7- Mission Valley X*Rayz (7-10)

The Cat Ranks: Runs 9th, Doubles 10th, Triples 5th, HRs 10th, RBIs 9th, SBs 1st, OBP 8th, Strikeouts 6th, QS 3rd, CGs t-9th, Wins 4th, Saves 1st, Holds 9th, ERA 3rd, MOVES 1st.

2nd Half Record:  3-5

Best Player / Worst Player:  Jose Ramirez / Chris Archer

 

 

8- Bell Road Bears (8-9)

The Cat Ranks: Runs 10th, Doubles t-5th, Triples t-2nd, HRs 9th, RBIs 8th, SBs 9th, OBP 10th, Strikeouts 2nd, QS 5th, CGs t-5th, Wins 7th, Saves 3rd, Holds 7th, ERA 7th, MOVES 4th.

2nd Half Record:  3-5

Best Player / Worst Player:  Aaron Nola / Gary Sanchez

 

 

9- OceanGate Trout Fishing Club (6-9-2)

The Cat Ranks: Runs t-6th, Doubles 8th, Triples t-2nd, HRs 9th, RBIs 10th, SBs 3rd, OBP 1st, Strikeouts 3rd, QS 6th, CGs t-5th, Wins 10th, Saves 6th, Holds 5th, ERA 6th, MOVES 6th.

2nd Half Record:  2-4-2

Best Player / Worst Player:  Mike Trout / Amed Rosario

 

 

10- Q-Tip City Morning Wood (2-15)

The Cat Ranks: Runs 7th, Doubles 9th, Triples t-9th, HRs 7th, RBIs 6th, SBs 5th, OBP 5th, Strikeouts 9th, QS 10th, CGs t-5th, Wins 5th, Saves 7th, Holds 8th, ERA 10th, MOVES 8th.

2nd Half Record:  1-7

Best Player / Worst Player:  JD Martinez / Sonny Gray and I don’t even care how long he’s been rostered

 

 

 

 

 

 

And there is your 2018 POWER RANKINGS FINALE. September Power Rankings are one champeen and then a whole bunch of losers. Thank you for your time.

HAPPY FOURTH! Also it is now the 5th so fuck off. Also we need to get some July Power Rankings in here just for HISTORICAL CONTEXT, they may be lighter on commentary than months past but they will not be wrong. To the Ranks…..which is a cooler way to say “Rankings”…..kinda like the “cats” instead of “categories” thing…..TO THE RANKS, COMPLETE WITH THE CAT RANKS….

(All stats through July 4th)

1- Garden State Warriors (10-3)

The Garden State Warriors were a solid 5-3 ’round the time of last month’s rankings and they ain’t…..lost….since. So now they are 10-3 and looking dangerous DESPITE a whole heap of fucking injuries, with the league’s best collection of middle infielders (Lindor, Correa (currently DL’d), Torres (currently DL’d), Moncada) and a team that keeps winning despite its CALLING CARD pitching staff still trying to work its way back from injuries (Strasburg, Darvish, Syndergaard have all been on the DL for at least a month and it ain’t much mattered) .

The Cat Ranks: Runs t-2nd, Doubles 2nd, Triples 1st, HRs 5th, RBIs 2nd, SBs 3rd, OBP 8th, Strikeouts 2nd, QS 4th, CGs 1st, Wins t-7th, Saves 2nd, Holds 9th, ERA 4th, MOVES 8th.

Why They’ll Win It All: They’ve won 7 in a gotdamned row, they have solid numbers across the board, lotta pretty names in their SP and MI slots.

Why They Won’t: PITCHING IS VOLATILE, always tough to trust certain arms to be health come playoff time and even if they are yanno…..even Clayton Kershaw gets blown up here and there. But this team is good so they’re likely my current favorite so that’s another reason why they won’t.

2- Astoria Isotopes (9-3-1)

The ‘Topes had a good claim at the top ranking for a good portion of the season but I do not think anyone can fault me for dropping them down to 2nd here, not in the same way that someone might fault me for the last time I did it (deservedly so). They remain a trio of excellent bats (Judge, Blackmon, Arenado) complimented by several more very good bats, and one excellent pitcher (Sale) complimented by not much else. Let’s see how it shakes out for them, I think they have a good shot at a bye and an even better shot that I talk about their spotty playoff record of late immediately following that bye.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 1st, Doubles 4th, Triples t-2nd, HRs 3rd, RBIs 4th, SBs 6th, OBP 3rd, Strikeouts 5th, QS 8th, CGs t-7th, Wins 9th, Saves 9th, Holds 3rd, ERA 6th, MOVES 5th.

Why They’ll Win It All: I dunno they’re just maybe DUE at this point (it has been decades), their bats can out-bat any other collection of bats in the league, I haven’t beaten them in like two years (FIREFLY ASSISTED MAYBE BUT NOT REALLY).

Why They Won’t: Lots of aspects of the pitching don’t inspire a ton of confidence, they haven’t won a playoff game in DECADES (seemingly), I have them ranked 2nd and not 1st, etc. etc. etc..

3- Barnegat Banana Slugs (8-5)

THE SLUGS. The Slugs may not lead the league in slugging percentage but they can slug a lil bit and can pitch a lot bit and therefore they cannot be slept on. A dominant pitching staff (Scherzer, Severino, Morton, Corbin, Bauer all dealing) has given the Slugs the luxury of not even having to make allll that many moves, and they’re slowly stockpiling a few 2018 breakouts (Aguilar, MAX MUNCY, Suarez and Rosario to an extent though I liked those guys in 2017), so the hitting could be plenty provided those surprises continue surprisin’. The Slugs have fallen on slight hard times since the last Power Rankings went to their head and that is why nobody should comment on their place in the Power Rankings.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 7th, Doubles 7th, Triples t-9th, HRs 7th, RBIs 8th, SBs 2nd, OBP 9th, Strikeouts 1st, QS 1st, CG 2nd, Wins 1st, Saves 5th, Holds 6th, ERA 2nd, MOVES 10th.

Why They’ll Win It All: Guys like Scherzer and Severino can win playoff matchups all on their own with 2 start weeks and CGs and Ks and the like, they’ve got jusssttt enough 2018 breakout bats littered throughout the roster to get by, maybe Josh Donaldson isn’t toast.

Why They Won’t: SEE WARRIORS about pitching volatility, see also their record across their last 5 after gettin’ reallll sure of themselves just waltzing on into a bye (still might end up with a bye but my point remains).

4- Bell Road Bears (8-5)

IF IT ISN’T THESE STILL KINDA UNDER-PERFORMING PIECES OF SHIT. One thing you note when you type out all these cat ranks is that it’s kinda hard for teams to move too far up and down these things, so the Bears numbers still look pretty awful from a time back when they weren’t known as the Bears. THAT BEING SAID there’s only one team that’s been better over the past two months or so (#1 up there), the BRBs have found ways to win. There’s also hope for a Votto 2nd half surge, Bellinger and Hoskins are getting their shit together, we aren’t dead last in QS for the first time in ages, etc. etc. Do not hibernate on the carnivoran mammals from the family Ursidae is what I am saying.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 10th, Doubles 6th, Triples 4th, HRs 8th, RBIs 6th, SBs 9th, OBP 10th, Strikeouts 3rd, QS 3rd, CGs t-5th, Wins 4th, Saves 3rd, Holds 7th, ERA 5th, MOVES 4th.

Why They’ll Win It All: Done it before can do it again, kinda feel due myself, kinda feel willing to drop just about anybody to get a goddamned playoff W at this point, now named in tribute to the all-time weenie dog GOAT.

Why They Won’t: That potentially reckless approach to the playoffs I alluded to above might not work out, numbers still ain’t great, a few teams seemingly HAVE our number, etc. etc. etc.

5- Rojo’s Renegade Force (8-5)

This lovable force, these renegades for whom’s defining strategy I love to critique without really knowing if I am right or wrong. As long as the RRF don’t win a championship I am right, but THIS YEAR I feel the least sure of that because these dudes are mashin’ (Cruz ❤, Gallo, Goldschmidt, Gattis all at 15+ dongs). If the old and/or oft-injured dudes of the pitching staff (Bumgarner, Cueto, Tanaka) can be effective come playoff time whommmm knowwwwws. The all-holds strategy will probably screw them over though.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 3rd, Doubles 3rd, Triples t-2nd, HRs 1st, RBIs 1st, SBs 10th, OBP 6th, Strikeouts 9th, QS t-5th, CGs t-3rd, Wins 2nd, Saves 10th, Holds 1st, ERA 7th, MOVES 3rd.

Why They’ll Win It All: THEIR INNOVATIVE HOLDS GUYS ONLY/DROP SIX GUYS AT ONCE LIKE WE ARE DOING A HOCKEY LINE CHANGE STRATEGY, also they lead the league in dongs and ribbies everyone loves dongs and ribbies.

Why They Won’t: THEIR STUPID FUCKING HOLDS GUYS ONLY/DROP SIX GUYS AT ONCE LIKE WE ARE DOING A HOCKEY LINE CHANGE STRATEGY.

6- Mission Valley X*Rayz (6-7)

Our defending champs have had a bit of an up and down season but are treading justttt enough water to currently have themselves in the playoffs, I think, so can’t rule out this crafty owner once he gets his hand on one of them top 6 seeds. A very muted performance from Billy Hamilton and yet the X*Rayz are still comfortably ahead in the SBs cat, Jose Ramirez is great, Jose Martinez has been very good. Oh yea and somehow this collection of weirdos is leading the entire Backyard in ERA.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 6th, Doubles 9th, Triples t-5th, HRs 10th, RBIs 8th, SBs 1st, OBP 7th, Strikeouts 6th, QS 2nd, CGs t-7th, Wins 3rd, Saves 1st, Holds 10th, ERA 1st, MOVES 1st.

Why They’ll Win It All: They did it last year, they’ve achieved a bit more balance in their lineup construction, they inexplicably have the league’s best ERA.

Why They Won’t: I am not entirely sure that balance is an entirely good thing and I am not entirely sure I believe this team will continue to lead the league in ERA and I am not entirely sure anyone should listen to me anyway.

7- Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (6-7)

These unassuming blokes down in Lacey are somewhat forgotten in the Backyard shuffle (unless a Trump thing happens) but LO AND BEHOLD, some very fine offensive cat numbers for the BDSliderz. Part of that should be expected on a team that features Freddie Freeman, Jose Altuve, and Ozzie Fucking Albies but impressive nonetheless. They also have a nice looking ERA and I am now taking notice of this particular franchise. GOTTA MAKE THE PLAYOFFS first but if they do yanno, crazier things have happened.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 4th, Doubles 1st, Triples t-7th, HRs 4th, RBIs 5th, SBs 8th, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 7th, QS 7th, CGs t-7th, Wins t-7th, Saves 8th, Holds 2nd, ERA 3rd, MOVES 6th.

Why They’ll Win It All: They are the only team WHOMS “why they’ll win it all” section i forgot to do that is why.

Why They Won’t: Their roster if you squint a bit in the right spots resembles the new “Youth Movement” and those fuckers never won much of anything until they got older, their contrarian politics upset my delicate libtard sensibilities, they are harboring AN ABUSER OF WOMAN despite campaigning as the league’s moral compass, etc. etc. etc.

8- River City Bad Dudes (4-9)

Oh boy, everyone’s favorite runner-up is FUCKIN UP. Alotta the River City Bad Dudes #s are still pretty solid but they’ve just found the perfect balance of doing just enough to lose to whatever opponent they happen to be playing, yanno most of the time. Like just about 70% of the time. If they manage to sneak into the Backyard Bracket they will be feared appropriately but yanno, gotta do that first. Manny Machado Bryce Harper Giancarlo Stanton all three of those guys are at 20+ dongs yet two of the three are kinda having “down years” and that sort of encapsulates everything, and encapsulates nothing, life is meaningless please continue to enjoy Arby’s.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 8th, Doubles 5th, Triples 8th, HRs 2nd, RBIs 3rd, SBs 7th, OBP 5th, Strikeouts 8th, QS 10th, CGs t-3rd, Wins 5th, Saves 4th, Holds t-4th, ERA 10th, MOVES 2nd.

Why They’ll Win It All: Well I mean they’ve been to like 3 straight BCS rounds or whatever, so if they keep going to those they should win another one eventually.

Why They Won’t: Work stresses, we are starting to veer into the territory where making the playoffs gets trickier (I IMAGINE, I AM NOT A MATHEMATICIAN), we are overdue for a horrifically underachieving Dudes roster missing the playoffs so they can shut up about “playoff streaks,” they are going to die on Defending Rougned Odor Hill, etc. etc.

9- OceanGate Trout Fishing Club (4-8-1)

Fishing Club ownership basically CONCEDED their season just because they couldn’t pull out in time or whatfuckingever, so yea technically their record is better than the guy above them (by a half game) but also technically they’re lucky I didn’t just make em 10th. Also this team has arguably the top two fantasy players in all of baseball (Mike Trout, Mookie Betts) and you could make a case for A GOOD AMOUNT of the top 10 or top 15 or whatever and they still put up a bunch of shit numbers somehow, in spite of having the top OBP in the league. I do not get it. Now I am mad. Next team.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 9th, Doubles 10th, Triples t-5th, HRs 9th, RBIs 10th, SBs 4th, OBP 1st, Strikeouts 4th, QS t-5th, CGs t-5th, Wins 10th, Saves 6th, Holds t-4th, ERA 9th, MOVES 7th.

Why They’ll Win It All: Uhhh I mean they still have Mike Trout and all those other “first rounders,” they won two years ago (seems like 200), also they’re only like a half-game out of the 6th seed.

Why They Won’t: NEW DADDY stresses, we are still in that territory where making the playoffs gets trickier (I IMAGINE), chronic underachieving roster or negative mWAR (managementWAR)or whathaveyou, their team name annoys me cuz they can’t fit “Ocean Gate” as two words, etc. etc.

10- Q-Tip City Morning Wood (1-12)

Shane, Shaneeee Shane Shane Shane Shane. The Bonerz probably aren’t as bad as their ONE AND TWELVE record might lead you to believe but, Reader, the Bonerz are not good. If the Bad Dudes took a master class on doing justtt enough to lose a matchup, Shane was very likely the professor for that class. And the Half Past 9 AM Hard-Ons do not always make good choices. And sometimes they get unlucky, but that is just life reminding them to make better choices. JD Martinez is their best player and second best might be like a tie between Brandon Belt or Mitch Haniger or something and I DUNNO, just seems like this team once had a lot more talent and now has very little talent to show for all that talent’s departure. As for Shane, GREAT GUY. I am a fannnnn of the mannnnnn. The chat is a better place when he is in it and I have no doubt at least some of his many many children love him. If I was a Bonerz fannnnnn though we would be well past the “burning all my jerseys” phase. Not that I think grown men should own jerseys, that’s a whole separate thing though.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 5th, Doubles 8th, Triples t-9th, HRs 6th, RBIs 7th, SBs 5th, OBP 4th, Strikeouts 10th, QS 9th, CGs t-7th, Wins 6th, Saves 7th, Holds 8th, ERA 8th, MOVES 9th.

Why They’ll Win It All: Readers, they will not.

Why They Won’t: Cuz they won’t, blame math.

Thus concludes the July Power Rankings. In conclusion, this is once again the conclusion.

 

August 1st. One day into Week 17, the week before the final week of the regular season. SEVERAL teams all bunched all over the fucking place, which gives me a bit of creative licensing with the rankings here. And everyone recovering from the dust that hath settled following the trade deadline. We will acknowledge any deadline deals made and acknowledge what I think the current Power Rankings are and they will realllly skew from the current standings cuz fuck y’all and we can just get that started right now let’s do that…….

 

(All seasonal rankings from press time here, games through July 31st)

 

 

1- Manchester MooniniteZ (10-3-3)

YEA IT IS ME, I HAVE LOCKED UP A BYE WHILE MOST OF YOU FUCKERS HAVEN’T EVEN LOCKED UP A PLAYOFF SPOT SO DEAL WITH IT. The MooniniteZ maintain a grip on the top spot because they maintain a grip on the #1 seed and have lost a precious few games to a precious few opponents (and only one current owner, DAMN YOU TURTORAAAAAAAA), an 8 week stretch of uhhh not losing helping them wrap up the aforementioned bye. And let’s see how they did it, usually I just highlight a few cats here but fuck it this is the grand finale let’s get ’em all in there (NOW WITH MOVES!):  Runs 2nd, Doubles t-6th, Triples 6th, HRs 4th, RBIs 3rd, SBs 4th, OBP 3rd, Strikeouts 1st, QS t-10th, CG t-8th, Wins 1st, Saves t-5th, Holds 5th, ERA 6th, MOVES 4th. So a bit of a balanced attack although we have CERTAINLY lost some ground in some cats relative to last month, which may explain that ugly run of Ties is what that may explain. But still competitive through and through. Except for those FUCKING Quality Starts, something we have been cursed to never be even competent at. Joey Votto has been masterful and Justin Smoak has been a SURPRISE REVELATION and Nolan Arenado leads the league in both RBIs and handsomeness by a healthy margin and even Andrew McCutchen is back to basically being Andrew McCutchen, minus the steals pace that is gone forever (9 AIN’T BAD). This team has been in command of a bid for a bye for many weeks now and CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF their owner is aware of how one wins a playoffs matchup without having to consult the owner of the Point Loma X-Rayz. ALTHOUGH I MAY DO JUST THAT IN ANY MATCHUP THAT DOESN’T PIT ME AGAINST HIM.

DEADLINE DEALS:   ONE if you count the earlier int he week flipping of Alex Reyes for Felipe Rivero. Much maligned by people that wanted me to add more future pieces but WE ARE TRYING TO GET THIS DONE NOW and Reyes is useless til like 2019. I promise there will be less caps lock going forward.

 

2-  Barnegat Banana Slugs (10-5-1)

Can’t. Deny. A current five week win streak. As much as I would like to and work in some Trevor Story digs (he’s been bad though), the Slugs have overcome all challenges and now have tied the season high win streak achieved separately by each half of the former dynamic dynastic duo (with a chance at setting a new season high win streak should they get past one of them in Week 17 SEE ABOVE). The Slugs might be masters in doing just enough to get past their opponent, for here are the ranks:  Runs 7th, Doubles 8th, Triples 7th, HRs 9th, RBIs 9th, SBs 7th, OBP 6th, Strikeouts 3rd, QS 4th, CGs t-2nd, Wins 7th, Saves 3rd, Holds 3rd, ERA 5th, MOVES 9th. So A LOT of poor production on offense, perhaps propped up by prettier pitching numbers which are perhaps propped up by their bullpen optimization and uhhh Max Scherzer. The Slugs have to hope Josh Donaldson gets back on track towards the end of the season here, which would help the O a lot, and they’ve gotten quietly excellent seasons out of Jonathon Schoop, Jake Lamb, and Brett Gardner (this one got less quiet for a second there)….and also Starling Marte is back and maybe he is really good even without the cheating. But I mean fuck the point is this team has won 5 straight and who am I to criticize that. I am merely the guy scheming to stop it at 5, is who I am.

DEADLINE DEALS:   NONE

 

3-  Astoria Isotopes (8-7-1)

And we first break from standings here, as the ‘Topes are technically seeded 6th but somebody forgot to tell their offense that. It’s all built on the backs of Aaron Judge and Charlie Blackmon and Cody Bellinger and let’s see those numbers and all the rest of the numbers:   Runs 5th, Doubles 10th, Triples 3rd, HRs 1st, RBIs 1st, SBs 8th, OBP 4th, Strikeouts 8th, QS 8th, CGs 7th, Wins 4th, Saves 2nd, Holds 6th, ERA 8th, MOVES 5th. FACKIN POWAH NAWMBAHS is what people from Boston would exclaim upon seeing that. The ‘Topes have reached double digit HRs in 16 of 18 weeks and have 20 more HRs than any other team and THAT is what can make them rather dangerous come playoff time. HRs are the only guaranteed uhhh 4 cat contributions (if you count OBP) and the Astoria Isotopes have em in spaaaaaaades. Also they’re the only team to beat the MooniniteZ twice and the only current owner to beat them at all and WHAT A FEAT THAT MUST BE. Perhaps for the first time in ages I am not 100% confident the Isotopes will bow out in the first round, is what I am saying here.

DEADLINE DEALS:   NONE

 

4- River City Bad Dudes (9-6-1)

The Bad Dudes have themselves in position to once again make the playoffs and potentially make some noise in said playoffs, as they will tell you about at length if you ask “hey have you guys ever missed the playoffs and do you want to also talk about whether or not you’ve always made the 2nd round or whatfuckingever mehhhhh”. Anywho, the numbers:  Runs 6th, Doubles 2nd, Triples t-4th, HRs 3rd, RBIs 4th, SBs t-10th, OBP 8th, Strikeouts 2nd, QS t-4th, CGs 5th, Wins 3rd, Saves 1st, Holds 8th, ERA 6th, MOVES 1st. TYPICAL RIVER CITY (I really haven’t tamped down on the caps lock much) with their typically solid offense, as usual not much of a threat to steal a base but a threat in most other spots. Bryce Harper and Manny Machado are no longer flirting with SBs that can be part of it, in Machado’s case he is flirting with no longer being a top talent. But he has still been okay, and Harper has been very good, and Giancarlo Stanton has been very good, and even the long-yearned-for AJ Pollock is doing enough to maintain Mike’s chub for him I am sure. So that is good. And the Bad Dudes are always a threat to get to the BCS once they reach the playoffs, so that is bad for other playoff teams. Let’s hope they fail in Round 1, because we don’t need teams reaching the BCS 3 seasons in a row ever ever ever again. Unless it is one of my teams.

DEADLINE DEALS:   NONE

 

5-  Point Loma X-Rayz (8-6-2) 

Business as usual out in Point Loma, as the X-Rayz close in on yet another playoff berth using the same tried and true speed kills approach. THE NUMBERS PLEASE:  Runs 4th, Doubles 5th, Triples 1st, HRs 10th, RBIs 10th, SBs 1st, OBP 9th, Strikeouts t-4th, QS 3rd, CGs 6th, Wins 5th, Saves 4th, Holds 7th, ERA 2nd, MOVES 3rd. An interesting new wrinkle here with the X-Rayz pairing elite speed with PRETTY ELITE pitching, shout out to Chris Archer and David Price and Robbie Ray. And now here is the bad news, the last two just hit the DL and who can really say for how long. And now here is the good news, Brad Peacock should slot back into the rotation following some Astros injuries I don’t want to discuss. And the other good news is uhhh that Dee Gordon and Billy Hamilton still steal a lot of bases, and the X-Rayz actually have some guys that can put up good HR/RBI numbers in any given 7 week stretch, and if the pitching holds up the speed kills strategy could propel the X-Rayz to their first playoff victory (ASIDE FROM YANNO THE MANY PLAYOFF VICTORIES WE ALREADY ACHIEVED BEFORE BEING FORCED TO DISSOLVE).

DEADLINE DEALS:   NONE

 

6-  Rojo’s Renegade Force (7-8-1) 

Rojo’s Renegade Force have some eye-popping offensive numbers, and prior to their recent run-in with yours truly they had not lost in their last 4 weeks (3-1-1 in their last 5). Which ain’t bad. So yea…..those numbers: Runs 1st, Doubles 3rd, Triples 2nd, HRs 2nd, RBIs 2nd, SBs 5th, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 6th, QS 1st, CGs t-2nd, Wins 6th, Saves 10th (eye roll emoji, Holds 1st (eye roll emoji), ERA 2nd, MOVES 2nd (WHOAAA). So the Renegade Force didn’t take my advice at picking up a closer to keep other teams honest (lost Saves last week 3-0, tied in Holds 4-4 AHEM) but they do have a SUPAH FACKIN STRAWNG AWFENSE and are even currently employing a bit of an island of misfit toys vibe ONCE AGAIN, utilizing guys like Chris Taylor and Scooter Gennett and Paul Goldschmidt and Joey Gallo and Nelson Cruz and George Springer (some of these guys aren’t misfit toys, Springers DL’d though so CLOSE). They also have Corey Kluber and an improving-of-late Masahiro Tanaka and a newly-acquired top 5 pitcher (MadBum). WIN AND THEY ARE IN, and if they get in perhaps they can once and for all go on a run and get me to shut up about the closer thing (very very unlikely that I would).

DEADLINE DEALS:   ONE, acquiring Bumgarner and CarGo for Puig, Schwarber, David Phelps, and Michael Fulmer. Gotta give talent to get talent friends.

 

7-  Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (8-7-1) 

The non-struggling new guy impressed out the gate, then dropped a bunch in a row, but has now rebounded to go 3-1 in his last 4 and find himself firmly in the playoff conversation. The numbers for Lacey for the year (and I am not referring to meth busts or home abortions or anything of that sort):  Runs 3rd, Doubles 1st, Triples t-4th, HRs 5th, RBIs 5th, SBs 3rd, OBP 5th, Strikeouts 9th, QS t-10th, CGs t-8th, Wins 8th, Saves 7th, Holds 9th, ERA 7th, MOVES 10th (but NO WORRIES here this isn’t another Cliff situation, very active owner both in trade negotiations and farm stocking).  LOOKIN’ PRETTY GOOD with the bats, competitive in absolutely every category. Jose Altuve remains himself and Freddie Freeman has gotten back on track after the wrist injury and Marcel Ozuna and Travis Shaw have been great. LOOKIN’ PRETTY BAD on the pitching side of things. Which is strange because Jacob DeGrom has been good and Rich Hill tends to be good when he pitches and Aaron Nola was a really smart pickup. STREAM BETTER, I guess. The reality is the BackdoorSliderz are precariously clinging to a playoff spot and should they get in I don’t even KNOW what kinda managerial style they’ll employ, inaugural season and all. We have seen first year teams go on a playoff run that takes them all the way to the BCS before, and this team certainly has the talent to do that. First they gotta get in.

DEADLINE DEALS:   ONE, trading Brian Dozier for Justin Turner and Brendan Rodgers. Which I think was a nice little deal.

 

8- OceanGate Trout Fishing Club (4-6-6)

Ohhhh this sad sad title defense. Mercifully we seem pretty close to it being all over and done with, because WHAT IN THE FUCK KINDA RECORD IS THAT?! Let us gaze with horror upon whatever numbers might birth such an atrocity:  Runs 8th, Doubles 4th, Triples 8th, HRs 6th, RBIs 7th (WITH 666 RBIs WHICH MAKES PERFECT SENSE), SBs 2nd, OBP 1st (interesting), Strikeouts 10th, QS 7th, CGs 10th (only team in the league without a CG this season), Wins 9th, Saves 8th, Holds 4th, ERA 9th, MOVES 6th. I mean you look at a lot of the numbers, and at THE MARK OF THE BEAST RBI total, and you can kinda see how the OGTFC found themselves in this predicament. Just the classic championship hangover coupled with the occasional extended injuries to Mike Trout, Trea Turner, Jason Kipnis, Gregory Polanco coupled with the trading of the heart of the team, Buster Posey. I MEAN THEY CURRENTLY DON’T EVEN HAVE A CATCHER. Somebody tell them that Mejia is not coming up this week please. Also their pitching hasn’t been all that great outside of like Andrew Miller, and sometimes Gerrit Cole. I could waste a bunch of time writing extra words about how they could be dangerous if they make the playoffs but WHATS THE POINT, I don’t see it happening. Officially calling it a 7 teams for 6 spots race. And really its like 4 teams for 3 spots or something. #MATH

DEADLINE DEALS:   FOUR, in a desperate attempt to reach the playoffs that probably falls short 😦  the four are the two I already discussed with other teams PLUS trading away their heart earlier in the week for Josh Bell and Clint Frazier PLUS picking up Verlander for Ian Happ. The first two deals were mostly pretty justifiable, the last two here a bit less so but still…. meh.

 

9-  Toms River Titans (5-10-1) 

Ohhh this franchise, coming up on 3 years removed from one of the most impressive championship seasons I think this league has ever seen that wasn’t one of mine. Back in a time when pitching did indeed win championships….this year that will not be the case for the Titans. Remember the Numbers: Runs 9th, Doubles 9th, Triples 9th, HRs 7th, RBIs 6th, SBs 6th, OBP 7th, Strikeouts t-4th, QS 2nd, CGs t-2nd, Wins 2nd, Saves 9th, Holds 2nd, ERA 1st, MOVES 7th.  The pitching staff has done mostly what it was asked to do, even as it has endured injuries off and on to Kershaw and Syndergaard and Strasburg (AND EVEN….Pineda). However the pitching has not been enough to overcome a lower tier offense that has struggled outside of Carlos Correa (now also injured) and Lindor and Sano and Rendon. There is still a strong core within this team, they’ve traded away George Springer but have also added Buster Posey and Yu Darvish. And they will be closely watching Yoan Moncada throughout the rest of the season, and probably hoping he amasses as few ABs as possible in a lost year. THE TITANS WILL RISE AGAIN is what I am saying. But for now they toast so fuck em.

DEADLINE DEALS:   ONE, astutely trading Josh Bell and Clint Frazier for (perennial top catcher that isn’t nearly as close to being done catching as people seem to believe) Buster Posey.

 

10-  Q-Tip City Morning Wood (2-13-1) 

And last but not least, the struggling new guy. Who is nevertheless an active and valuable member of the league and one should be allowed to shape his roster however he pleases in his inaugural season, even if that shape ends up resembling a turd sandwich. Let’s check out the numbers for that sandwich:  Runs 9th, Doubles t-6th, Triples 10th, HRs 8th, RBIs 8th, SBs t-10th, OBP 10th, Strikeouts 7th, QS 6th, CGs FIRST (THANKS Ervin Santana, whom has since been traded), Wins 10th, Saves t-5th, Holds 10th, ERA 10th, MOVES 8th. As is well known by now, this team ain’t won a single game since starting out 2-0 and you can certainly sorta see why here; important to note they are last in Runs by FIFTY ONE currently. Perhaps they can recapture some magic out of the gate next year, but MIGHT BE TOUGH considering all the talent they shipped outta Q-Tip City. Pretty much all that remains is like, JD Martinez and Justin Upton and to a lesser extent Brandon Belt and to even less of an extent you can hope the gains are for real with Logan Morrison and Corey Dickerson and even perhaps Aaron Altherr but YEA. Not too pretty of a sight on offense, and with pitchers it is Carlos Martinez and hoping that Zack Greinke ages gracefully and hoping that Alex Reyes eventually returns from TJ and reaches his full potential. LIVIN’ ON HOPES AND PRAYERS IN  AM BONERTOWN.  

DEADLINE DEALS:   ONE, for we are counting the early week flipping of   Felipe Rivero for Alex Reyes that helped boost up their farm system.

 

 

 

So there you have it ladies, one man’s correct interpretation of the Backyard Championship League’s current Power Rankings. EXCITINGLY ENOUGH the new wrinkle of the 18 game schedule means the champion will be decided in the first few days of September, meaning this will also serve as your Power Rankings finale for this season. If you are itching for a Power Rankings in September just do as I stated last year:  1- Wait for the champion to be crowned ’round Labor Day.  2- That team is #1 in the Power Rankings.  3- Every other team is #10 because they FAILED. Best of luck for all of you trying to not fail and best of luck in 2018 for all of you that have failed already, maybe you will grab a decent spot in the 2018 preseason Power Rankings if you play your offseason cards right or something.