2018 WEEK 16 Review: “First They Came For The Seans, And I Did Not Speak Out” Edition

In Week 16 they came for the Seans on Sunday. Sean Newcomb blew a no-no with two outs and two strikes in the ninth fucking inning, and then learned things were even worse for him because he tweeted as a youth. Also he got disrespected by his fantasy team and benched for said near no-no. Dochney lost an important matchup despite a Saturday night lead. Me lost (but kinda wanted to) but also LOST A LIMB (temporarily allegedly). So yea tough Sunday. Let’s have a look around the league, playoff picture A MESS….…













Related image

OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Help Soil Playoff Picture, Cling To Delusional Dreams, Whoop Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz  –  10-2-2


MVP:  Mike Trout  –  Mike Trout is a very talented piece of driftwood, only with less personality than an actual piece of driftwood.  7/19, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 4 SBs, .594 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***        

LVP:  Kyle Seager    Dirty little secret here but uhhhh Kyle Seager has had a down year and fuck him for it.  2/18, .158 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***       


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Trea Turner PROBLEMATIC and also fucking lame JROLL (7/28, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs, .276 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Luis Castillo put it together for one week and perhaps one week only, but I’m rooting for the kid (12.1 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.73 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Gregory Polanco LESS PROBLEMATIC JROLL (10/27, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 3 SBs, .414 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Someone please liberate Jacob deGrom from his fresh hell of being unable to buy a fucking win (15 IP, 5 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 3.00 ERA).


Week 17:  OGTFC v. X*Rayz (5-9-2 v. 7-9)

                   Sliderz @ RRF (7-9 @ 8-7-1)





Image result for jonathan schoop
Barnegat Banana Slugs Do The Thing That Teams Are Supposed To Do Against The Q-Tip City Morning Wood WHICH I SAY NOW DOT DOT DOT  –  8-4-2


MVP:  Jonathan Schoop  –  I honestly nearly forgot Jonathan Schoop was alive. Honest to god. So that is how THAT particular season is going for that particular player, and the Orioles at large. Nice week however.  11/29, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, .379 OBP

LVP:  Ian Happ    Anddd Ian Happ is still alive as well, and I am hesitant to criticize any Bonerz players with a Bonerz matchup staring me in the face. A boner staring me in the face.  4/19, 1 R, 1 2B, .286 OBP     


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Salvador Perez stays giving the Slugs these little weeks where the power is clicking and that is HELPFUL outta the C position, surely they are hoping he saves one for the postseason (12/29, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .452 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Here’s our real story Luis Severino was BAD twice in a row, lets all overreact to it just to trigger an equal and opposite overreaction to our overreaction (9.1 IP, 12 ER, 13 Ks, 11.57 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Yasmani Grandal UNDERRATED DEADLINE TARGET that nobody targeted except me for maybe a sec until I realized he’s in a platoon (7/24, 4 Rs, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .370 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Andddd Rick Porcello was good enough to grab 2 Ws on a Sawks team that just hands those shits out to their pitchers like Halloween candy (11.2 IP, 4 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 3.09 ERA).


Week 17:  Slugs v. Bad Dudes (11-5 v. 7-9) 

                   MW @ Bears (1-15 @ 8-8)





Image result for christian yelich
Garden State Warriors Have Won Ten In A Row And Everyone Is Just Sort Of GOIN ALONG WITH IT, This One At The Expense Of Rojo’s Renegade Force  –  8-5-1


MVP:  Christian Yelich  –  Christian Yelich is really startin’ to fill out that uniform out there in Milwaukee. Now there’s a guy that looks good in the uniform.  15/29, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .548 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Eric Hosmer    Alternatively you have Eric Hosmer and his mostly EMPTY OBP, do fucking something Eric.  7/22, 2 Rs, .375 OBP          


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Honestly not tooo many HONs here and yet they still cruised to a W and that is the scary part reader, Wil Myers had 5 doubles though (8/24, 1 R, 5 2Bs, 7 RBIs, .333 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  Jose Berrios is still quite damned good and don’t let the smear campaigns of bitter former owners convince you otherwise (11.2 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.31 ERA).


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Paul Goldschmidt is back to mostly being good but WHERE ARE THE STEALS PAUL, cuz they ain’t here (10/29, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .441 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Masahiro Tanaka MasaHERO balled his way to a CG shutout, didn’t help RRF win won’t help the Yanks win the division but still nice to see (9 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 17:  Warriors v. Isotopes (13-3 v. 11-4-1, BBOTW)

                    RRF v. Sliderz (8-7-1 v. 7-9)





River City Bad Dudes Kick Astoria Isotopes (And Their Bid For Top Seed) In The Face, With Cleats On  –  6-5-3


MVP:  Matt Chapman  –  And so now someeee fuckin how someeee fuckin way the Bad Dudes are threatening to drag their carcasses back into the playoffs, and so it is only fitting that I reward Matt Chapman for a nice performance. Matt Chapman is an LVP STAPLE but this week he was not LVP, he was MVP.  12/26, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .548 OBP     

LVP:  Matt Olson    Alternatively you have the lesser Matt in Matt Olson, a disappointment to himself and anyone that’s ever dared to love him in Week 16. I mean maybe he wasn’t that bad but he also wasn’t that good and I wanted to go with the Matts thing.  5/28, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .281 OBP


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Jose Abreu also a nice lil week (10/28, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .419 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  HUH HOHHHHHH Carlos Rodon sighting, now I have seen it all ladies and ladies (I only write for the ladies I’m like Californication) (15.1 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.35 ERA).


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Khris Davis dinged 5 dongs but the reallll hitter of note is Aaron Judge and his potentially troublesome wrist injury, could SAP the power I say (3/13, 2 Rs, .400 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Tyler Skaggs LITERALLY the only pitcher on the ‘Topes I find interesting now that Tyler Anderson is gone, let’s look at the Skaggs Line (6 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).



Week 17:  Bad Dudes @ Slugs (7-9 @ 11-5)

                    Isotopes @ Warriors (11-4-1 @ 13-3)













Image result for david fletcher
Mission Valley X*Rayz STAY ALIVE, Slip Past Reeling Bell Road Bears Franchise  –  6-4-4


MVP:  David Fletcher  –  NO IDEA who David Fletcher even is but I mean shit, he helped the X*Rayz win Runs and 2Bs give the man his gold star.  10/26, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs .433 OBP

LVP:  Scott Kingery    UNFORTUNATELY I am far more familiar with Scott Kingery, a poor man’s David Fletcher if you will. Scott Kingery is going to suck precisely until I cut him.  3/18, 1 R, 1 2B, .167 OBP     


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Just wanna point out Jose Ramirez scored 5 runs and stole 3 bases without getting a single goddamned hit, not sure I’ve seen this particular line yet in all my years o’ bloggin’ (0/15, 5 Rs, 3 SBs, .360 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Not gonna CELEBRATE known Problematic Person Sean Newcomb so instead gonna highlight Marco Gonzales, whom danced into and out of danger all Sunday long but preserved the ERA lead that seemed important at the time (6 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.00 ERA).


Bears Hitter Of Note:  Rhys Hoskins was certainly eyeballin a matchup MVP but ya gotta win for that Rhys, ya gotta win for that (10/29, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .424 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  And the Bears had realllll difficulty tossing even a single QS in Week 16 and what better way to illustrate that then to point out Aaron Nola did not toss a QS (5 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks, 5.40 ERA).





WELL PHEW. Not that the Bears don’t want to miss the playoffs but the Bears also didn’t want to formally eliminate the X*Rayz so that was a bit o a bind. But they did not, and this isn’t about them this is about the X*Rayz STAYIN’ ALIVE. They did so by doing just enough overall, 3-3-1 deadlock in the hitting cats but a 3-1-2 advantage in the pitching cats for a sort of ho hum but NEEDED victory. Honestly I don’t think anything was that exciting, ERA hung in the balance a bit on Sunday but not only did the X*Rayz end up slightly more mediocre than the Bears there but they also added 3 Sunday Saves (to 1) to tie that cat. And that was how this one went down. An uninspired review of an uninspired performance.

In Week 17 the Mission Valley X*Rayz will attempt to STAY CLIMBIN’ towards a berth in the #BackyardBracket, they probably need to win out but are certainly aware of that. On the flip side the Bell Road Bears will attempt to halt a season high 3 game losing streak in a matchup with the HILARIOUSLY 1-15 QTC Morning Wood. They do not deserve to have just one win and maybe that sort of thing evens out this week, that would be bad for a Bears team that no longer feels like a safe bet for postseason play. THERE’S ONLY LIKE THREE SAFE BETS FOR POSTSEASON PLAY.


Week 17:  X*Rayz @ OGTFC (7-9 @ 5-9-2)

                   Bears v. MW (8-8 v. 1-15)







Image result for bear too close
Bear TOO CLOSE. And we are very close to the conclusion of this particular regular season and the last like THREE playoff spots are all bunched up. What more can you ask for what more can I say. 
2018 WEEK 16 Review: “First They Came For The Seans, And I Did Not Speak Out” Edition

The 2018 Backyard Hall of Fame Class Induction

Congratulations to the three members of the 2018 Backyard Hall of Fame class. They make up the inaugural HoF class and will forever be revered for their Backyard accomplishments. Without further adieu, your 2018 inductees.

Starting Pitcher Roy Halladay

Backyard career: 2008-2013

Total HoF Votes: 9 out of 10

Enters Hall with a Garden State Warriors cap

Backyard career numbers

Wins: 92

Quality Starts: 116

Strikeouts: 1036

Complete Games: 36

ERA: 3.06

The CG remains the crown jewel of any pitching stat line in the Backyard. and Halladay’s 35 complete games between 2008 and 2011 is likely a run we won’t see duplicated.

First Baseman/Designated Hitter David Ortiz

Backyard career: 2008-2016

Total HoF votes: 8 out of 10

Enters Hall with a Barnegat Banana Slugs cap

Backyard career numbers

Runs: 681

Doubles: 317

Triples: 7

Home Runs: 275

Runs Batted In: 888

Stolen Bases: 8

OBP: .376

Ortiz was THE Green Monster personified during his Backyard career. He hit 28+ dongs in 7 out of 9 seasons, ending his tenure with a run of 30,35,37, and 38 homers. Oh, and he also led the league in doubles and RBIs during his final season.

Closing Pitcher Mariano Rivera

Backyard career: 2008-2013

Total HoF votes: 7 out of 10

Enters Hall with an Orlando Stunnaz cap

Backyard career numbers

Wins: 20

Saves: 209

Strikeouts: 209

ERA: 1.80

Mariano was the best closer in baseball playing on a perennial contender. His 1 pitch repertoire was dominant, evident by his 8.6 K per 9 rate during his Backyard tenure. His only blemish is the injury shortened 2012, which saw him make his way towards the Two Time Offendaz after being dropped by the Stunnaz. Mariano took home a Backyard championship in 2013.

Nominees that failed to receive required votes

Cliff Lee: 6

Prince Fielder: 3

Alex Rodriguez: 2

Jose Fernandez: 2

Carl Crawford: 2

Josh Hamilton: 1

The 2018 Backyard Hall of Fame Class Induction


Related image



The trade deadline will soon be upon us, ESPN is yelling at me on my team page about this fact, and I voted for it to come much sooner than this but the democratic system felt otherwise. NEVERTHELESS when it arrives we will be in a unique position in the league, as this is the first second year of the shortened season format and the second third year where all players will be kept into the offseason. Ergo, the deadline is going to be CLOSELY followed by the playoffs and ERGO 4-for-1 trades aren’t useless in the way that they might have been for teams in a pre-dynasty format. Certain teams no doubt have their eyes on the prize for 2017 2018, certain teams might be all but mathematically eliminated (or actually mathematically eliminated) from contention for 2017, and certain teams might be somewhere in between. What follows is a brief preview of what are IN MY HUMBLE OPINION the Buyers, Sellers, and In-Betweens in the Backyard this season. Will also dig in a bit about possible trade targets, areas of weakness or strength, etc. etc. etc. for each. Just fucking read it or fucking don’t what do I care……..

So that was mostly just regurgitated from last year but whatever still mostly works…..






POSSIBLE NEEDS:  Perhaps an upgrade on offense (power numbers ain’t great, steals ain’t either), perhaps another reliable starting pitcher, CATCHER I GUESS.

POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS:  High Minors SS Willy Adames, a going-through-growing-pains SS Scott Kingery, a where-does-the-true-talent-lie OF Brandon Nimmo, Rights Player 3B Nolan GormanLow Minors OF Fernando Tatis Jr. JK NO….

ANALYSIS:  The Bears went from the second hottest team to one of the league’s coldest, having dropped 3 outta 5 for A VARIETY OF REASONS. They still are in decent shape to grab the 4 or 5 seed but also could run the risk of falling out of the playoffs ENTIRELY if a 2 game losing streak continues on to three or four games. When in such a position it is prudent to not ignore the trade market, and perhaps the Bears could decide they don’t want to sit through some of the growing pains on some of their younger players and package them for something of a bit more consistency.





POSSIBLE NEEDS:  Perhaps an upgrade at closer or a speedster to help out in the SBs cat.

POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS:  Rights Player SS Keston HiuraRights Player SS Royce Lewis, Rights Player SP Casey Mize, Low Minors SP Michael Kopech, Low Minors OF Heliot Ramos, I dunno just about any prospect…..

ANALYSIS:  The BackdoorSliderz reallllly don’t have a tremendous amount of weaknesses at this time, they only make the buyers list due to their precarious playoff positioning. An impact closer or an impact steals guy (perhaps the X*Rayz have grown tired of Billy Hamilton‘s struggles?) could provide justttt enough of an edge to assure this team of a playoff spot, while also improving their odds of making noise once settled into said playoff spot. One never really knows how attached other owners are to their particular prospects but the BDSliderz would certainly have some interesting names both in their minors and their rights system, should they show a willingness to deal any of them.





POSSIBLE NEEDS:  Some steals help, some rotation help, a closer if they’re feeling froggy (they never are).

POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS:  SP Julio Urias, Low Minors 1B Brendan McKay, High Minors OF Victor Robles, Low Minors OF Corey Ray, High Minors OF, again just basically check their minors system and cross out the untouchables (of which there should be none most of the time, is generally what I say)….

ANALYSIS:  The Renegade Force is positioned fairly okay in terms of their chances of punching a ticket to the Backyard Bracket, however they also haven’t won since mid-June so TIME TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR. And should they look in said mirror they just may discover some vulnerability in pitching and in speed, some of their older ace types are struggling mightily in the dog days o’ summer here and they currently roster only one player that’s stolen more than one base in the last 30 days (Kipnis with 2, team leader is Springer with 6). So yanno FAR BE IT FOR ME to ever try and convince the RRF to not punt categories, that is not something I do, but generally one shouldn’t punt steals in the playoffs (see last year’s champeen for confirmation bias) particularly if they are also punting Saves. That’s like a QUICK 0-2 hole and that could be trouble. Worth. Looking. Into.   







POSSIBLE NEEDS:  PITCHING AND PROSPECTS. They have a few pieces on offense, of course they could use a few more who cannot, but pitching has been big foible this season for the Bonerz. Also they could use a bit of a restocking of the minors system they’ve gutted a few times over at this point.

POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS:  Honestly they’ve been KINDA picked clean but uhhhh OF Lorenzo Cain, 1B Carlos Santana, perhaps OF Justin Upton or 2B Daniel Murphy or some shit, OF Starling Marte if they wanna capitalize on the recent stretch o’ dongs....

ANALYSIS:  Oh, BONERZ. Not to be outdone by his inaugural season, Shane has somehow managed to improve his team’s overall stats while decreasing his team’s winning percentage. VERY IMPRESSIVE. Less impressive is the prospects this team has amassed in a reaction to all of the talent that has made its way out of town in a short amount of time. Vlad Guerrero Jr. would have been a real crown jewel but instead he got stolen by an evil in-law, and the prospects aren’t particularly promising. Not that there’s an automatic need to stock a non-playoff team with prospects but THIS TEAM could perhaps use an additional one or two, unfortunately THIS TEAM has already given away most of their biggest trade chips. And so here we are. A franchise picked all but clean.





POSSIBLE NEEDS:  Better management, better pitching, better balance in a rather top-heavy lineup.

POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS:  OF Michael Brantley, 2B Brian Dozier, 1B Justin SmoakYadier Molina if I get desperate…..

ANALYSIS:  OceanGate is once again set to miss the playoffs DESPITE HAVING THE GREATEST PLAYER IN BASEBALL HISTORY. It is a team sport folks. They also have Betts and therefore NO EXCUSES, blame your ho-hum Cubbie seasons and Trea Turner seasons all you like. Unlike our other seller the OGTFC minors system is actually in okayish shape, and like our other seller most of the OBVIOUS sell candidates have already done been sold (mostly thinking of Verlander). So yea tough deadline market is the entire point of this pointless article.








POSSIBLE NEEDS:  A longterm 2B worth a goddamn, starting pitching cuz I kinda say that for everyone except Ryan and Brian and Doch at this point.

POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS:  SP Jake Arrieta, SP Carlos Carrasco based on rumors and innuendo, all da prospects if they decide they are GOIN’ FOR IT….

ANALYSIS:  On one hand the Bad Dudes are PERILOUSLY CLOSE to missing the playoffs and not being able to cite that dumb statistic about making the playoffs every season as if anyone gives as hit. ON THE OTHER HAND, they will not be interested in anything resembling a “rebuild” of any kind and won’t be formally eliminated by our trade deadline. So tough to say if the Bad Dudes look to move any more pieces, having already parted with some deadline currency in SP-eligible holds fellas and 2018 breakout Max Muncy. Should they see an opportunity to unload a guy they’ve grown tired of they may do so, particularly if the Backyard landscape looks cold to them and their playoff chances look particularly fleeting by Saturday AM. But also maybe they’re done dealing.





POSSIBLE NEEDS:  Hard to look at this team and not think they could stand to upgrade here and there on either side of the ball, so take your pick.

POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS:  SP Jordan Hicks, SP Kenta Maeda, SP JA Happ but not really…..

ANALYSIS:  The X*Rayz TOO find themselves in a tricky position, needing to win out for a chance to make the Backyard Bracket and avoid snapping their own slightly smaller playoffs streak meh. A team outside of the playoff hunt RARELY has need for an SP-eligible holds guy unless they think he’s gonna make a fine RP only, jury absolutely out on Hicks there. And aside from that it is a matter of either attempting to add a piece or two or attempting to unload a guy that you think is sorta peaking in value, and that guy may be Kenta Maeda and the team that desires him may be mine.   




POSSIBLE NEEDS:  Fresh bodies to cover all these damn injured players and/or extra DL slots.

POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS:  Low Minors SP Sixto Sanchez, Low Minors SP Forrest Whitley, Low Minors SP MacKenzie Gore, Low Minors SP Jason Groome, all the Low Minors SPs pretty much, also a couple Rights Player OFs (BaddooAdell) they are willing to deal…..

ANALYSIS:  Look the Warriors are fuckingggg cruissssssingggg so far be it from me to act like they need to make a deal, however The Baseball Gods have been doing their best to knock them off their perch and they currently have like eleventee DL’d players. Couple that with a looming matchup with the Isotopes in Week 17 that very well may have the #1 seed on the line and you have at least the POTENTIAL for the Warriors to at least be CONSIDERING dealing from a position of strength to shore up some injury-created holes. And that position of strength would be a stacked system of Low Minors pitchers waiting to graduate to a stacked rotation. Warriors could probably spare one or two or three if a deal made sense, though a 9 game win streak likely means there is no impetus to do so at this time. FEEL FREE TO ASK THOUGH, other teams. Otherwise this deadline is shaping up to look dead.




POSSIBLE NEEDS:  Pitching, one can never have too much pitching and behind Chris Sale and Keuchel there’s the surprising Tylers (Skaggs/Anderson) and then crickets.  

POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS:  1B Miguel Cabrera (Bonerz written all over it), 2B Robinson Cano,  Low Minors OF Leody Taveras,  Low Minors SP Justus Sheffield, Low Minors SP Shane Baz, Low Minors SP Michel Baez, High Minors SP Corbin Burnes…..

ANALYSIS:  Another team cruising towards the Backyard Bracket and a possible bye, the Isotopes also have the interesting wrinkle of being able to possibly trade AGING DL’d or suspended stars to a team that believes they still will have real value in 2019. Trading players at their lowest possible value has been a bit of a theme in 2018 let’s keep it going. ALTERNATELY the ‘Topes could choose to part with some prospects if there’s pitching available that provides a clear upgrade to their staff. That is. The if. However. Or just ship out a prospect to upgrade the team in general (SP holds guy?) because flags fly forever and I haven’t seen the Isotopes win a playoff matchup in seemingly forfuckingever. See also this “flags fly forever” thing as the reasoning why I am suggesting they need pitching while also suggesting they trade some pitching that is just around the corner, THE ‘TOPES HAVE NEVER FELT CLOSER TO A TITLE.





POSSIBLE NEEDS:  Power hitting to kinda fill in after the beautiful moment when Jesus AguilarMax MuncyTrevor Story, and Eddie Rosario all regress ever so slightly at precisely the same time.

POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS:  Rights Player OF Brandon Marsh, Rights Player 3B Alec Bohm, Low Minors OF Kyle Lewis, Low Minors OF Taylor Trammel, Low Minors SS Bo BichetteHigh Minors SP Mike SorokaLow Minors 3B Vlad Guerrero Jr. I KID I KID I KID…..

ANALYSIS:   Barnegat is a team I almost threw in the “Buyers” section above because they could be a little luck and a little hot streak away from grabbing themselves a bye, yanno the bye they acted like they had clinched after a 7-1 start and have subsequently choked away by going 3-4 since? That bye. BUT I mean the Banana Slugs are still comfortably in the playoffs and nobody loves projecting their prospects more, so getting them to part even with the washouts (looking at you Kyle Lewis) could be tricky. I am confident Slugs management shall be doing its due diligence however.



I am also confident I am mostly out of things to say in this, BORING DEADLINE last year’s felt like it had more promise. See below for last year’s closing commentary when I felt the world was still full of wonder and possibility, I do not remember how many teams had ERAs over 4 at that time but we currently have 5 so that may be tied or topping it.





2017 closing statements – So there you have it. A bit of a preview of where IN MY HUMBLE OPINION all of your teams fall, and then an attempt to spice up the deadline by identifying possible trade chips and team needs and then just floundering and declaring everyone could use pitching. CUZ EVERYONE CAN, this is the most ERAs over 4 that this league has ever seen (probably a juiced baseball issue but still). So there. You have it. Happy Trading everybody….


Image result for in between bear



2018 Week 15 Review: “But Three Weeks Left But Still A Few Tickets Left To Punch” Edition

Image result for 15 gif
Truthfully I thought about naming this thing just after “Matt Carpenter Edition” cuz that guy was ALL THE FUCK over me last week. Allllll over me. All over me like Dochney on even the mildest critique of the current presidential administration. Let’s discuss Matt Carpenter and perhaps other things as I see fit….…




Image result for eddie rosario

Barnegat Banana Slugs Gravely Injure Mission Valley X*Rayz Playoff Aspirations Like Dicks – 8-4-2


MVP: Eddie Rosario I dunno when you count up the things Eddie Rosario seemed to do the most thing, coupled with a nice OBP. And that is a succint way of me explaining Eddie Rosario’s presence in this particular section of the review. 16/43, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 9 RBIs, .426 OBP

LVP: John Hicks Similarly but in the opposite direction, John Hicks did not do many things despite getting more ABs than you would think a non-HM John Hicks should be able to get. 2/17, 1 R, .250 OBP


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Any time you can get double digit RBIs from your catcher position that is uhhh helpful, and Salvador Perez did that thing and with a shit OBP to boot (10/37, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, .282 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Max Scherzezr in two start weeks is a nice thing for the Slugs even when he is shaky by his own lofty standards and it kinda feels redundant for me to have to point that out every time (13 IP, 5 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 3.46 ERA).


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note: One thing is for certain and that thing is that nobody can accuse Jose Ramirez of being to blame in any way for the precarious playoff positioning of the X*Rayz at this juncture also extended week JROLL and a beaut (15/37, 10 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 6 HRs, 13 RBIs, 1 SB, .488 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Shoutout to Chris Archer for actually being good-ish in a start for a gotdamned change (13.2 IP, 7 ER, 23 Ks, 1 QS, 4.61 ERA).


Week 16: Banana Slugs @ MW (10-5 @ 1-14),

X*Rayz v. Bears (6-9 v. 8-7, BBOTW cuz must-win time in Mission Valley)





Image result for carlos carrasco
River City Bad Dudes Slip Past An Offensively Potent Yet Mostly Impotent Q-Tip City Morning Wood Franchise – 7-6-1


MVP: Carlos Carrasco The Bad Dudes rode pitching to steal the victory here so uhh here’s a guy that pitched pretty well. This shit isn’t rocket science I AM SURE someone else can handle it on occasional occasions. 11.2 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 2.31 ERA

LVP: Rick Porcello Sticking to the theme, the QTCMW lost cuz their pitching failed them and Rick Porcello failed most spectacularly cuz he is a turd. 2 IP, 8 ER, 36.00 ERA


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Manny Machado finally got traded so that is an interesting thing so let’s look at what Manny did during All Star game shitshow week (14/39, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .457 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: Forgot Sean Manaea even existed but LOOGATTHISGUY his WHIP is under 1 that is sexay (16.2 IP, 7 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.78 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: Starling Marte somehow hit 5 HRs during this matchup so THAT is peculiar I guess (15/47, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 5 HRs, 11 RBIs, 3 SBs, .347 OBP).

Morning Pitcher Of Note: Any time you can give up 9 runs in a matchup as a team’s closer I am going to consider that impressive and point it out, kudos to you Cody Allen (4 IP, 9 ER, 5 Ks, 2 Saves, 20.25 ERA).


Week 7: Bad Dudes @ Isotopes (6-9 @ 11-3-1)

MW v. Slugs (1-14 v. 10-5)




Image result for matt carpenter
Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Matt Carpenter The Bell Road Bears To Death Which Is Extra Rude – 8-4-2


MVP: Matt Carpenter See above for Matt Carpenter I just donged in six straight games O face. Basically says it all. 15/34, 12 Rs, 4 2Bs, 8 HRs, 12 RBIs, .558 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP: Sean McLaughlin Not really sure who to blame for this one so just gonna blame MYSELF, never a good look agreeing to a start limit and then losing categories that could have possibly flipped had you started more guys and double-crossed the start agreement. Gotta be better than that, Sean #1. Or yanno just start the max every time. 18 starts ***LVP OF THE WEEK***


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note: Should also point out that Gregory Polanco also homered 5 times for the Buccos (JROLL to boot) cuz I mean what has gotten into the WATER down there in Pittsburgh AMIRITE (11/40, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 5 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .318 OBP)?!

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Should also point out I am annoyed at the OGTFC for giving the ButtSliderz Justin Verlander (18 IP, 5 ER, 29 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.50 ERA).


Bears Hitter Of Note: Should also point out Ian Desmond is finally producing some fantasy WAR for this franchise a mere two years or so after the trade that first brought him here that was followed by sending him away but now he is back also yet another suspect-due-to-extra-games JROLL (15/35, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, 3 SBs, .459 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note: Should also point out we’ve been as pleased with Aaron Nola as we have ever been with any pitcher in all our years in this forsaken “Backyard” he is a gem (13 IP, 2 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.38 ERA).


Week 16: Sliderz v. OGTFC (7-8 v. 4-9-2)

Bears @ X*Rayz (8-7 @ 6-9, BBOTW)




Image result for christian yelich

Garden State Warriors Roll To NINTH STRAIGHT FUCKING WIN, Defeat OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Who Are Probably Eliminated From The Playoffs But Who Wants To Get Into That Math Right Now – 6-4-4


MVP: Christian Yelich CHRISTIAN YELICH SIGHTING/JROLL, he is having a better season than I thought go figure. 20/49, 7 Rs, 6 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 11 RBIs, 2 SBs, .431 OBP

LVP: Trea Turner This feels like LAZY WORK outta Trea Turner by Trea Turner standards and for that I blame management and the pervasive toxic culture within the Fishing Club organization. 5/35, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .189 OBP


Warriors Hitter Of Note: Anthony Rendon is a guy that puts together nice weeks sometimes and this was one of those sorts of weeks (12/36, 9 Rs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .385 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note: The Warriors literally have three guys who pitched last week for them now on the DL, joining a bunch of other DL’d guys, but yea so they continue to roll anyway but yea so Noah Syndergaard is obviously your funniest injury here (10 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks, 2 Ws, 1.80 ERA).


OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Mookie Betts JROLL, this officially being the jroll that makes me annoyed by all the extended week jrolls I have pointed out to you today dear reader I mean the man came up to bat like 46 times (17/40, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .500 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: In other news the Astros rotation is v good and Gerrit Cole is one of the people in said rotation (11.2 IP, 1 ER, 19 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.77 ERA).


Week 16: Warriors v. RRF (12-3 v. 8-6-1)

OGTFC @ Sliderz (4-9-2 @ 7-8)






Image result for chris sale
Astoria Isotopes Make The BBOTW Not Really Close, Handle Rojo’s Renegade Force Pretty Easily IMHO – 8-2-4

MVP: Chris SaleChris Sale had a good enough week to where there are assholes writing “Chris Sale might be pitching better than ’99 Pedro” articles so I guess that is good enough to get MVP of the matchup here. 13 IP, 0 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.00 ERA

LVP: Eduardo Nunez I used to enjoy Eduardo but he has been a Sawk for far too long now, ergo fuck Eduardo. 3/17, 1 R, .176 OBP


Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Nolan Arenado, good little player that is what I always say about Nolan Arenado (12/34, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, .450 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Not sure whom Tyler Anderson thinks he is twirling three straight gems in Coors but here we are in that particular timeline (12 IP, 3 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2.25 ERA).


RRF Hitter Of Note: Shohei Ohtani guy that just DHs sometimes is a no fun Shohei Ohtani and I am going to use my forum here to declare that very thing (4/13, 2 Rs, 3 2Bs, .400 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note: Look at this Lou Trivino fuckin’ guy thoug (8 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks, 4 Holds, 1.13 ERA).



This one was a chance for the Renegade Force to try and chase down a ‘Topes team with its eyes towards a first round bye and uhh, yea they didn’t do that. I am sure they tried though. The Isotopes built up a COMMANDING lead in the Runs cat (75-54) and that lead likely hinted at a team that was performing far better than its opponent offensively, and so it was with the ‘Topes taking the hitting cats 4-1-2. Unfortunately for Force Fanz the ‘Topes also pitched better, a fairly easy win in ERA (3.651 to 5.172) again pointing to a ‘Topes team that either won or tied just about every cat they were expected to (HOLDS ASIDE). So yea Astoria came out on top on that side as well with an identical 4-1-2 margin of victory. And THAT is how you get to an 8-2-4 W, the two teams APPARENTLY not agreeing to any sort of starts limit and the RRF APPARENTLY allowing the Isotopes to even start one additional SP (20-19). Not sure any extra starts on Rojo’s side make enough of a difference anyway but yanno, I have to write something in this part so I am writing that.

In Week 16 the Isotopes return to an always (usually) entertaining rivalry as they host a River City Bad Dudes team attempting to somehow find its way into the back of the Backyard Bracket. Rojo’s Renegade Force, meanwhile, find themselves in a tough matchup @ a winners-of-9-straight Garden State Warriors team; the RRF are looking to stave off anyone coming for their current #4 seed but likely feel like they are in good shape to nab a 2018 playoff berth, AND HELL MAYBE THEY ARE.


Week 16: Isotopes v. Bad Dudes (11-3-1 v. 6-9)

RRF @ Warriors (8-6-1 @ 12-3)




Image result for angry bear
So that was Week 15. And look at this angry fucker. BEARS!
2018 Week 15 Review: “But Three Weeks Left But Still A Few Tickets Left To Punch” Edition

Looking Ahead: 2019 Spring and 2019 ASB Draft Announcements

2019 Spring Draft

The outline and structure of the 2019 Spring Draft has been announced. The draft will consist of one round, order based off regular season record with the worst team picking 1st. Also, picks 9 & 10 will be runner up and BCS champion respectively. All player types are eligible (Major League FA, High Minors FA, Low Minors FA, Rights Players) so as long as your squad has the coinciding room to fit the player type. All Rights Players selected in the 2019 Spring must be signed to a Major League team by the 2019 All Star Break or the owner must surrender said players right. The draft will be held in GroupMe with no pick time limit. The event will be held ASAP once the 2019 ESPN fantasy database updates.

2019 All Star Break Rights Draft

The 2019 All Star Break Draft will consist of three rounds, with the order decided by season record. The worst team selects first and the semi finalist and BCS champ pick 9 & 10. You must have the coinciding room in your rights slots to make a selection. All players selected in the 2019 All Star Break Draft must be signed by the 2020 ASB draft or the team loses that players rights. The draft will be held either on Futures Game Sunday OR the Wednesday after the All Star Game.

Looking Ahead: 2019 Spring and 2019 ASB Draft Announcements

Second Annual ESPN Player Rater Backyard All Stars

Due to the potential idea of constant restructuring of the divisions, the All Star teams shall be reduced to a single team. ONLY THE CREAM OF THE CROP from here on out. Also note, James Paxton would qualify for the team but is DL’d soooo he is DQ’d.

C: Willson Contreras, Bad Dudes, Cubs

ESPNPR: 6.96

33 R, 19 Doubles, 5 Triples, 7 HRs, 34 RBIs, 3 SB, .369

Despite the drop in dongs, Willson has been a lovely cat killa for a catcher in the Backyard format. FIVE triples is eye popping from this position, and at 26 he is the leading candidate to be here annually, barring a return of the Kraken in 2019.

1B: Freddie Freeman, BackdoorSliderz, Braves

ESPNPR: 12.89

59 R, 25 Doubles, 3 Triples, 16 HRs, 61 RBIs, 6 SB, .405

One of the more underrated players in MLB and BYB, Freeman is the old head of the Baby Braves Movement in Lacey. He’s stuffing the cats across the board, mixing in a healthy 3 triples and 6 steals from the usual post to post first base position. That .405 OBP really jumps off the page.

2B: Javier Baez, Warriors, Cubs

ESPNPR: 15.78

61 R, 25 Doubles, 6 Triples, 19 HRs, 72 RBIs, 18 SB, .326

It all came together for Baez in 2018, and the Warriors are reaping the benefits. Their dedication to long term commitments to ubertalented players has paid off, seeing Baez lead the Warriors to the best record with his 5 tool ability. His arrow is still pointing up in our format, indicated by his 19 HR/18 SB line.

SS: Trevor Story, Banana Slugs, Rockies

ESPNPR: 14.38

50 R, 27 Doubles, 5 Triples, 20 HRs, 68 RBIs, 12 SB, .353

SPEAKING OF long term commitment, how ’bout those Slugs sticking to their story? Listen to their official theme song here. The Coors Field Factor not withstanding, Trevor has taken all Brendan Rodgers hype and knocked it out of the park. That .353 OBP is the real icing on the cake to this fairy tale.

3B: Jose Ramirez, X*Rayz, Indians

Second ESPNPR All Star Appearance

ESPNPR: 18.32

68 R, 26 Doubles, 2 Triples, 29 HRs, 70 RBIs, 20 SB, .401

OH YEAH…this guy. After finishing the season 7th in ESPNPR last season and winning the BCS MVP, Ramirez has somehow continued to improve and is now in the top tier of Backyard players. Tied for the highest score at the break, his 148 XBHs are the most in the majors since the beginning of 2017.

LF: Andrew Benintendi, Warriors, Red Sox

ESPNPR: 15.75

68 R, 25 Doubles, 5 Triples, 14 HRs, 57 RBIs, 17 SB, .380

The Warriors and their damn youth movement. Another top prospect turned top player, Benintendi is stuffing the stat sheet across the board. That .380 OBP is oh so sexy for a guy that turned 24 earlier this month.

CF: Mike Trout, OGTFC, Angels

ESPNPR: 17.59

71 R, 18 Doubles, 3 Triples, 25 HRs, 50 RBIs, 15 SB, .454

After missing out on making the squad last year due to being DL’d during the ASB, Trout makes his debut on this ILLUSTRIOUS team. Expect him to rack up plenty more appearances here, as that 17.59 player rating score could improve if the players around Trout in the lineup pick it up.

RF: Mookie Betts, OGTFC, Red Sox

Second ESPNPR All Star Appearance

ESPNPR: 18.32

79 R, 25 Doubles, 3 Triples, 23 HRs, 51 RBIs, 18 SB, .448

The Betts/Trout duo may have seen their fantasy team fall on hard times since its 2016 title run, but there is no denying Mookie has maintained his spot among the Backyard’s best. Tied with Jose Ramirez for the best score at the ASB, there is no reason to think Betts will slow down any time soon.

1B/3B: Alex Bregman, BackdoorSliderz, Astros

ESPNPR: 13.31

67 R, 31 Doubles, 1 Triple, 20 HRs, 64 RBIs, 8 SB, .389

The first big trade addition to the BackdoorSliderz way back when in 2017, Bregman has proven to be the best young player on a team full of diaper dandies. Being locked into the stacked Houston lineup is one of his juiciest fantasy features, but his age (24) is his sexiest trait.

2B/SS: Francisco Lindor, Warriors, Indians

ESPNPR: 14.29

85 R, 30 Doubles, 0 Triples, 25 HRs, 62 RBIs, 13 SB, .367

How do you make up ground in the triple-heavy weighted ESPNPR score with ZERO three baggers?Go out and score 85 runs but of course. Lindor is one of the most talented young shortstops you’ll find, but isn’t even the best 2B/SS on the Warriors according to ESPNPR: that’s Javy Baez. That just goes to shows how young and talented the Garden State boys are.

OF: J.D. Martinez, Morning Wood, Red Sox

ESPNPR: 13.36

72 R, 23 Doubles, 1 Triple, 29 HRs, 80 RBIs, 2 SB, .393

Lo and behold, a Q-Tip City representative! While there is no denying his lack of contributions in the speed cats hold back his overall Backyard value, he is bopping with the best of them over the last 1.5 seasons and should continue to do so in the batter friendly Fenway Park/Boston lineup. Considering he’s the oldest player to crack this list from the batting position AND plays for the last place Morning Wood, he could be wearing new BYB threads by the 7/28 trade deadline.

UTIL: Starling Marte, Morning Wood, Pirates

ESPNPR: 12.17

52 R, 16 Doubles, 4 Triples, 13 HRs, 44 RBIs, 25 SB, .333

Yeah yeah, we all know how I feel about this trade. But there is no denying Q-Tip City took a chance on a player coming off a PED suspension marred season and it has paid off. Well, as much as it could pay off, which is him making this ESPNPR All Star team. As the SECOND oldest batter to make the 2018 team and also playing for the last place Morning Wood, one must wonder if he stays with the team past the trade deadline.

UTIL: Nolan Arenado, Isotopes, Rockies

Second ESPNPR All Star Appearance

ESPNPR: 11.86

63 R, 21 Doubles, 2 Triples, 23 HRs, 68 RBIs, 2 SB, .395

The headline blockbuster deal of the offseason saw the Isotopes land the Rockies 3B for 3 young, up and coming players. While Arenado is well behind the pace of 7 Triples he set in 2017, there is no denying he’s one of the most consistent and deadly power bats in the land.

SP: Max Scherzer, Banana Slugs, Nationals

Second ESPNPR All Star Appearance

ESPNPR: 16.25

12 Ws, 17 QS, 182 Ks, 1 CG, 2.41

Max being Max, continued. He remains the unquestioned ace of both the loaded Nationals AND Slugs rotations with his elite K numbers and consistency. He is always a threat to go 9 and/or strike out 15+ batters in any given start.

SP: Luis Severino, Banana Slugs, Yankees

ESPNPR: 15.28

14 Ws, 14 QS, 144 Ks, 1 CG, 2.31

This is what I meant by loaded Slugs rotation in the previous entry. Barnegat boasts the two highest rated SPs in the Backyard and neither show any signs of slowing down. The big difference between the 2 aces: Severino is only 24 years old. The Slugs staff is in good hands for years to come.

SP: Justin Verlander, BackdoorSliderz, Astros

ESPNPR: 15.22

9 Ws, 17 QS, 172 Ks, 1 CG, 2.29

In a dynasty league that’s so infatuated with youth and upside, Verlander has maintained amazing trade value. Flipped only briefly before the ASB in the Backyard, the Astros ace has mowed down the opposition with 172 in 137.2 IP. Lacey hopes to ride his arm deep into a postseason push.

SP: Jose Berrios, Warriors, Twins

ESPNPR: 14.79

9 Ws, 12 QS, 127 Ks, 2 CGs, 3.68

Behold the power of the complete game to the ESPNPR formula. Despite only modest numbers in the other catz, Berrios makes the team at the ripe ole age of 24. Considering he was merely a piece in the package the Warriors acquired when they traded Chris Sale, management should be pleased with his progress.

SP: Gerrit Cole, OGTFC, Astros

ESPNPR: 14.48

10 Ws, 14 QS, 177 Ks, 1 CG, 2.52

Those zaney Astros and their magic strikeout dust they sprinkle on their new pitchers continues to astound. Not that Cole wasn’t filthy in Pitt, but he’s achieved a new level of K ability upon his arrival in H-Town. He’s also one of the longest tenured members of his Backyard franchise.

RP: Edwin Diaz, X*Rayz, Mariners

ESPNPR: 7.59

36 SV, 79 Ks, 2.25

After the defending champion X*Rayz sent Aroldis Chapman packing in an offseason deal, there was no question they had fully invested in Sugar Diaz as their #1 RP. He has rewarded their faith, becoming the top closer in the Backyard/MLB this season. The only question now is: how good will he end up being?

RP: Blake Treinen, Bad Dudes, Athletics

ESPNPR: 7.23

24 SV, 5 Ws, 61 Ks, 0.94

The only player drafted in the 2018 Spring Draft to become an ESPNPR All Star, Treinen has dominated the backend of the Athletics and Bad Dudes bullpen. That sparkling sub-1 ERA goes beautifully with his 24 saves and 5 wins. Going off of previous trades and the current record of the Bad Dudes, it’d be no surprise to see Blake moved before the deadline.

P: Corey Kluber, Renegades, Indians

Second ESPNPR All Star Appearance

ESPNPR: 14.45

12 Ws, 17 QS, 132 Ks, 1 CG, 2.76

The Klubot continues his robotic like success, maintaining a sub-3 ERA and anchoring an otherwise injury ravaged Renegades rotation. There is no denying he remains among the top pitchers in the Backyard.

P: Craig Kimbrel, Warriors, Red Sox

ESPNPR: 6.72

30 SV, 2 Ws, 62 Ks, 1.77

An underrated move by Garden State management in fortifying their bullpen late in March has brought us to this point. Kimmy maintains his spot among the premier MLB/Backyard closers and should be a contributing factor to their 2018 run. The saves should continue to come with both the Red Sox and Warriors in a playoff run.

Second Annual ESPN Player Rater Backyard All Stars


Image result for june


You should have the general feel down by now, I simply listicle all the trades in the month in ESPN transaction summary form and fill in some bullshit for each. So LETS……do that. And maybe should these ever get interesting or should the deadline get crazy this will be tweaked but yanno……who even knows what the deadline is at this point. JULY TRADES…. 

Note for these belated “reviews”:  all stats are current-ish, so not necessarily reflective of the numbers at time of trade, but still who really gives a shit….


Mon, Jun 18
10:25 PMWOOD traded Arodys Vizcaino, Atl RP to XYZ
XYZ traded Hunter Greene, Cin SP to WOOD
Vizcaino:  2-2, 31.2 IP, 1.71 ERA (3.19 FIP), 33 Ks (9.38 K/9), 15 Saves (2 BS)

Greene:  (AAA) 3-7, 63.1 IP (16 GS), 4.69 ERA (3.49 FIP), 80 Ks (11.37 K/9),   , Cin SP to WOOD

MLB Comp: (a real rosy one)  Noah Syndergaard

Hunter Greene has the chance to be prettttty special and Vizcaino is yanno just a closer and stuff, so gonna give this one to the team that got a potential top tier SP / MORNING WOOD AND ABOUT TIME
Mon, Jun 11
12:14 PMOGFC traded Addison Russell, ChC SS to RCBD
RCBD traded Luis Castillo, Cin SP to OGFC
Russell:  .351 OBP (272 ABs), 17 2Bs, 1 3B, 5 HRs, 41 Rs, 32 RBIs, 4 SBs

Castillo:  5-8, 98.1 IP (19 GS), 5.58 ERA (4.72 FIP), 94 Ks (8.60 K/9), 5 QS 

Addi is CERTAINLY having his best year to date despite the middling power numbers, Castillo is struggling mightily, but still SHOULDN’T SELL LOW in this particular sitch IMHO OGTFC
Sun, Jun 10
1:10 PMWOOD traded Zack Greinke, Ari SP to LTBS
LTBS traded Carlos Santana, Phi 1B to WOOD
LTBS traded Mitch Keller, Pit SP to WOOD
LTBS traded Yoshihisa Hirano, Ari RP to WOOD
Greinke:  9-5, 114 IP (19 GS), 3.39 ERA (3.60), 117 Ks (9.24 K/9), 10 QS  

Santana:  .365 OBP (302 ABs), 17 2Bs, 1 3B, 14 HRs, 53 Rs, 51 RBIs, 1 SB

Keller:  (AA) 9-2, 86 IP (14 GS), 2.72 ERA (3.73 FIP), 76 Ks (7.95 K/9)  (AAA) 0-1, 8.2 IP (2 GS), 13.50 ERA (5.39 FIP), 13 Ks (13.50 K/9)  

MLB Comp: I don’t knowww howz about Kevin Gausman

Keller might one day be pretty good but uhhh even if so, not the best of hauls here for Greinke and sneaky nice piece in a one Carlos Santana. At least he won the other one up there / BackdoorSliderz
Thu, Jun 7
7:33 PMLTBS traded Austin Riley, Atl 3B to XYZ

(and I am sure some freaking draft pick was involved but whatever)

Riley:  (AAA) .345 OBP (102 ABs), 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 10 Rs, 18 RBIs, 1 SB  (AAA) .394 OBP (99 ABs), 10 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 6 HRs, 17 Rs, 20 RBIs

MLB Comp: Slower Nicholas Castellanos sure why not.

I will just make this easy on myself and go with the non-draft pick side…. / X*Rayz

2018 Week 14 Review: “A Playoff Picture Taketh Shape Maybe” Edition

Image result for 14 gif
Do NOT look at this GIF too long it kinda hurts your eyes. Also blah blah blah intro intro fucking intro, gonna skip the intro and throw up the tiebreakers for those that FORGOT and then get right into this thing……



1st Tiebreaker  –  Head To Head Record  –  Pretty self explanatory, if you won the season series against a team (PERHAPS BY SSS, SEASON SERIES SWEEP) then you obviously own the tiebreaker over a team. So since everyone plays everyone twice that refers to going 2-0 or 1-0-1 against an opponent.


2nd Tiebreaker  –  Division Record  –  BEHOLD CURRENT DIVISION RECORDS:


‘Topes –  5-2

RRF –  2-3

Bears –  4-2

X*Rayz    2-4

BackdoorSliderz –  3-3



Warriors –    4-3

Banana Slugs –  4-2

Bad Dudes –  4-2

OGTFC –  3-3

Bonerz –  a flaccid 0-5


3rd Tiebreaker  –  Wins  –  Less ties this year so this one’s less an issue, let’s hope we don’t even get to it.



4th Tiebreaker  –  Total Season Stats As Matchup –  Should mostly make sense, you take the two tied teams and look at who would win if you look at the entire season as one H2H matchup. That will teach you pussies that are afraid to stream to 18 starters in the extended weeks, is what that will do.


5th Tiebreaker – Record Last 9 Games  –  Yep we go all the way to 5.
















Image result for eugenio suarez


Barnegat Banana Slugs Bounce Back, Past Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Eugenio Suarez  –  Somehow the Reds have scored the 4th most runs in the NL and so also Eugenio Suarez is second in baseball in RBIs. The Banana Slugs are 9th in the Backyard in RBIs and baseball is a majestic and mysterious game, is what it is.  9/21, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .571 OBP      

LVP:  Marcus Stroman    I’ve always thought Marcus Stroman has mostly sucked so I am just going to give this to him, still not really aiming for PEAK ANALYSIS or PEAK NON-TYPOS here. So yea fuck you Marcus Stroman I’ve known about you for years.  4.2 IP, 6 ER, 2 Ks, 11.57 ERA     


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Another unlikely big bopper for the Banana Slugs was Eugenio Suarez is Jesus Aguilar, who is no longer injured in case you haven’t noticed Banana Slugs ownership mention him a thousand times has been hitting dongs [again going off the chat I skim more than participate in] [ADJUSTED FROM WEEK 5] (7/25, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, .367 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Another week down, another week where Max Scherzer was so lights out it is starting to bore me JUST OKAY (13 IP, 7 ER, 12 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.85 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Ozzie Albies still did his part, JROLL‘d right into your heart and I feel like it has been a while since one of those so this is “of note” (11/32, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 1 SB, .364 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Robbie Ray u bum (9.1 IP, 10 ER, 14 Ks, 9.64 ERA).


Week 15:  Banana Slugs v. X*Rayz (9-5 v. 6-8)

                   Sliderz @ Bears (6-8 @ 8-6)





Image result for aaron judge steal
Astoria Isotopes Do Enough To Beat The Q-Tip City Morning Wood, As Many Have Before Them  –  8-2-4


MVP:  Aaron Judge  –  Look at Aaron Judge stealing two bases in a single game. TWO OF EM. ONE GAME. Good for him.  7/24, 6 Rs, 3 HRs, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs, .433 OBP

LVP:  Brandon Crawford    Look at Brandon Crawford regressing a wee bit because he knows he isn’t supposed to hit .300.  2/21, 2 Rs, .208 OBP     


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Charlie Blackmon kinda got back to actually being noticed in a fantasy week, which must be nice for T (9/26, 6 Rs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .357 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  And the ‘Topes said goodbye to TEAM STAPLE Jose Quintana in Week 14, so let us say goodbye to him and his not-good-enough-for-T QS on here as well (6 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.00 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  JD Martinez still collecting ribbies and such (8/19, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .421 OBP).

Morning Pitcher Of Note:  Anddddd Carlos Martinez back on his craft after the slightest of bumpy stretches (13 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.08 ERA).


Week 15:  Isotopes @ RRF (10-3-1 @ 8-5, BBOTW) 

                   MW @ Dudes (1-13 @ 5-9)






Image result for xander bogaerts
River City Bad Dude Set Sights On Late Postseason Push, Start With Victory Over Mission Valley X*Rayz  –  8-5-1


MVP:  Xander Bogaerts  –  Xander Bogaerts remember this guy? ME NEITHER FUCK HIM.  6/15, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .600 OBP

LVP:  Sean Newcomb    Seansy Newcomb with a POOR two start performance in Week 14, besmirching the good name of the X*Rayz pitching staff and its ERA.  6.1 IP, 10 ER, 5 K, 14.21 ERA 


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Jed Lowrie likely putting the Dudes in a downright conundrum over whether or not they should try and ship him outta town, same as any other team he ever plays for (5/17, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .455 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And shout out to Elieser Hernandez for perhaps putting together what will be the worst start of the year in the Backyard [not researched particularly thoroughly] (2.1 IP, 10 ER, 38.57 ERA).


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  SILVER LININGS ALERT, at least Billy Hamilton finally had a week where he was on base and stealing bases and doing his fucking job which is to steal bases (8/18, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 RBIs, 6 SBs, .500 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Blake Snell not an All Star and therefore not #elite (7.1 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 15:  Bad Dudes v. MW (5-9 v. 1-13)  

                   X*Rayz @ Slugs (6-8 @ 9-5)






Image result for tie


Rojo’s Renegade Force Get Sucked Into The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club’s Bullshit, Tie Em  –  6-6-2


MVP:  Chris Taylor  –  Really NOBODY should receive such an award but I guess uhhh props to Chris Taylor for triplin’ and homerin’ and shit which helped the RRF eek out the TIE.  9/24, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .423 OBP     

LVP:  Anthony Rizzo    I suppose I shall decide to give the OGTFC an LVP (rather than giving Eric Hosmer LVP which would have been groundbreaking Week Review type shit) because I do in fact blame Heroy for all the ties inflicted upon this league. But yea Hosmer sucked but Rizzo also wasn’t all that good, and for a greater number of ABs than Ahmed Rosario (who always sucks).  3/19, 3 RBIs, .200 OBP


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Nice to see Paul Goldschmidt back to having his shit together after a piss poor uhhhh May (13/29, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .515 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Also nice to see Madison Bumgarner alive and uhhh okay (11.1 IP, 6 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.76 ERA).


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mookie Betts is good at baseball which is a good thing because he is also black so Bahsten would turn on him SO quickly (10/27, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .452 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Justin Verlander is also good at baseball and was traded for his troubles, I don’t know about you guys but I hadn’t even heard he was available (7 IP, 1 2 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 2.57 ERA).


Week 15:   RRF v. Isotopes (8-5-1 v. 10-3-1, BBOTW )

                    OGTFC v. Warriors (4-8-2 v. 11-3)





2018 WEEK 14 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY A BEAR SINGING JOHN MAYER…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Image result for bear gif




Image result for wil myers
Garden State Warriors Mollywhop The Bell Road Bears, Much Like They Have Mollywhopped Pretty Much Everyone Of Late –  8-5-1


MVP:  Wil Myers  –  The Warriors carried out this mollywhoppin’ with the help of not one but TWO JROLLs but Wil’s was the slightly flashier of the two.  7/20, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .480 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Delino DeShields    TAKE YOUR PICK REALLY, the Bears O came out a little flat in Week 14 (a la a Rex Grossman offense). And unfortunately Delino came aboard and gave me absolutely nothing and I had to set him free which breaks my heart every time but is also a part of life.  1/14, 1 R, .133 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  And here is your second JROLL, this one a career first (I presume) for Yoan Moncada (11/32, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .364 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  AT LEAST USING MY OLD FRIEND Tyson Ross AGAINST ME BACKFIRED (2 IP, 8 ER, 2 Ks, 36.00 ERA).


Bears Hitter Of Note:  IN CONTRAST to the slumping Rangers that have inhabited my roster, Shin-Soo Choo gets on base a lot and just generally does a nice job of things (9/20, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .500 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  Also GENERALLY doing a good job is a one Andrew Heaney and we generally thank him for it (14 IP, 6 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.86 ERA).




What can I sayyyyy really, ran into a real GWS BUZZSAW and they have now won 8 in a row ladies and gents. In Week 14 they nearly set the season’s runs record which would have been HARDLY necessary, the Bears O S’d a D and only mustered 5 HRs. So yea CLEAN SWEEP of the hitting cats for the Warriors (7-0) and then they outsaved the Bears by 1 save, so they conceded the pitching cats 1-5-1 and it didn’t even goddamned matter. Neither team pitched great but at least the Bears racked up 107 Ks. AT LEAST THAT.

In Week 15 the Garden State Warriors will go for magic number nineeee on their win streak, taking on the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club on OG turf. The OGTFC are still just a game or so outta the playoffs, I dunno I haven’t checked but they ain’t dead yet I am pretty sure. Speaking of not dead, the Bell Road Bears will host the not-dead Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz and I I think a W would justtttttt about clinch a #BackyardBracket spot for the Bears and make the remaining 3 weeks a couple team race for the 6 seed. I think that’s just about how that would work. Let’s just see what happens.

Week 15:  Warriors @ OGTFC (11-3 @ 4-8-2)

                    Bears v. Sliderz (8-6 v. 6-8)







Image result for bear cocaine
2018 Week 14 Review: “A Playoff Picture Taketh Shape Maybe” Edition


Image result for july bear

HAPPY FOURTH! Also it is now the 5th so fuck off. Also we need to get some July Power Rankings in here just for HISTORICAL CONTEXT, they may be lighter on commentary than months past but they will not be wrong. To the Ranks…..which is a cooler way to say “Rankings”…..kinda like the “cats” instead of “categories” thing…..TO THE RANKS, COMPLETE WITH THE CAT RANKS….

(All stats through July 4th)

1- Garden State Warriors (10-3)

The Garden State Warriors were a solid 5-3 ’round the time of last month’s rankings and they ain’t…..lost….since. So now they are 10-3 and looking dangerous DESPITE a whole heap of fucking injuries, with the league’s best collection of middle infielders (Lindor, Correa (currently DL’d), Torres (currently DL’d), Moncada) and a team that keeps winning despite its CALLING CARD pitching staff still trying to work its way back from injuries (Strasburg, Darvish, Syndergaard have all been on the DL for at least a month and it ain’t much mattered) .

The Cat Ranks: Runs t-2nd, Doubles 2nd, Triples 1st, HRs 5th, RBIs 2nd, SBs 3rd, OBP 8th, Strikeouts 2nd, QS 4th, CGs 1st, Wins t-7th, Saves 2nd, Holds 9th, ERA 4th, MOVES 8th.

Why They’ll Win It All: They’ve won 7 in a gotdamned row, they have solid numbers across the board, lotta pretty names in their SP and MI slots.

Why They Won’t: PITCHING IS VOLATILE, always tough to trust certain arms to be health come playoff time and even if they are yanno…..even Clayton Kershaw gets blown up here and there. But this team is good so they’re likely my current favorite so that’s another reason why they won’t.

2- Astoria Isotopes (9-3-1)

The ‘Topes had a good claim at the top ranking for a good portion of the season but I do not think anyone can fault me for dropping them down to 2nd here, not in the same way that someone might fault me for the last time I did it (deservedly so). They remain a trio of excellent bats (Judge, Blackmon, Arenado) complimented by several more very good bats, and one excellent pitcher (Sale) complimented by not much else. Let’s see how it shakes out for them, I think they have a good shot at a bye and an even better shot that I talk about their spotty playoff record of late immediately following that bye.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 1st, Doubles 4th, Triples t-2nd, HRs 3rd, RBIs 4th, SBs 6th, OBP 3rd, Strikeouts 5th, QS 8th, CGs t-7th, Wins 9th, Saves 9th, Holds 3rd, ERA 6th, MOVES 5th.

Why They’ll Win It All: I dunno they’re just maybe DUE at this point (it has been decades), their bats can out-bat any other collection of bats in the league, I haven’t beaten them in like two years (FIREFLY ASSISTED MAYBE BUT NOT REALLY).

Why They Won’t: Lots of aspects of the pitching don’t inspire a ton of confidence, they haven’t won a playoff game in DECADES (seemingly), I have them ranked 2nd and not 1st, etc. etc. etc..

3- Barnegat Banana Slugs (8-5)

THE SLUGS. The Slugs may not lead the league in slugging percentage but they can slug a lil bit and can pitch a lot bit and therefore they cannot be slept on. A dominant pitching staff (Scherzer, Severino, Morton, Corbin, Bauer all dealing) has given the Slugs the luxury of not even having to make allll that many moves, and they’re slowly stockpiling a few 2018 breakouts (Aguilar, MAX MUNCY, Suarez and Rosario to an extent though I liked those guys in 2017), so the hitting could be plenty provided those surprises continue surprisin’. The Slugs have fallen on slight hard times since the last Power Rankings went to their head and that is why nobody should comment on their place in the Power Rankings.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 7th, Doubles 7th, Triples t-9th, HRs 7th, RBIs 8th, SBs 2nd, OBP 9th, Strikeouts 1st, QS 1st, CG 2nd, Wins 1st, Saves 5th, Holds 6th, ERA 2nd, MOVES 10th.

Why They’ll Win It All: Guys like Scherzer and Severino can win playoff matchups all on their own with 2 start weeks and CGs and Ks and the like, they’ve got jusssttt enough 2018 breakout bats littered throughout the roster to get by, maybe Josh Donaldson isn’t toast.

Why They Won’t: SEE WARRIORS about pitching volatility, see also their record across their last 5 after gettin’ reallll sure of themselves just waltzing on into a bye (still might end up with a bye but my point remains).

4- Bell Road Bears (8-5)

IF IT ISN’T THESE STILL KINDA UNDER-PERFORMING PIECES OF SHIT. One thing you note when you type out all these cat ranks is that it’s kinda hard for teams to move too far up and down these things, so the Bears numbers still look pretty awful from a time back when they weren’t known as the Bears. THAT BEING SAID there’s only one team that’s been better over the past two months or so (#1 up there), the BRBs have found ways to win. There’s also hope for a Votto 2nd half surge, Bellinger and Hoskins are getting their shit together, we aren’t dead last in QS for the first time in ages, etc. etc. Do not hibernate on the carnivoran mammals from the family Ursidae is what I am saying.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 10th, Doubles 6th, Triples 4th, HRs 8th, RBIs 6th, SBs 9th, OBP 10th, Strikeouts 3rd, QS 3rd, CGs t-5th, Wins 4th, Saves 3rd, Holds 7th, ERA 5th, MOVES 4th.

Why They’ll Win It All: Done it before can do it again, kinda feel due myself, kinda feel willing to drop just about anybody to get a goddamned playoff W at this point, now named in tribute to the all-time weenie dog GOAT.

Why They Won’t: That potentially reckless approach to the playoffs I alluded to above might not work out, numbers still ain’t great, a few teams seemingly HAVE our number, etc. etc. etc.

5- Rojo’s Renegade Force (8-5)

This lovable force, these renegades for whom’s defining strategy I love to critique without really knowing if I am right or wrong. As long as the RRF don’t win a championship I am right, but THIS YEAR I feel the least sure of that because these dudes are mashin’ (Cruz ❤, Gallo, Goldschmidt, Gattis all at 15+ dongs). If the old and/or oft-injured dudes of the pitching staff (Bumgarner, Cueto, Tanaka) can be effective come playoff time whommmm knowwwwws. The all-holds strategy will probably screw them over though.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 3rd, Doubles 3rd, Triples t-2nd, HRs 1st, RBIs 1st, SBs 10th, OBP 6th, Strikeouts 9th, QS t-5th, CGs t-3rd, Wins 2nd, Saves 10th, Holds 1st, ERA 7th, MOVES 3rd.

Why They’ll Win It All: THEIR INNOVATIVE HOLDS GUYS ONLY/DROP SIX GUYS AT ONCE LIKE WE ARE DOING A HOCKEY LINE CHANGE STRATEGY, also they lead the league in dongs and ribbies everyone loves dongs and ribbies.


6- Mission Valley X*Rayz (6-7)

Our defending champs have had a bit of an up and down season but are treading justttt enough water to currently have themselves in the playoffs, I think, so can’t rule out this crafty owner once he gets his hand on one of them top 6 seeds. A very muted performance from Billy Hamilton and yet the X*Rayz are still comfortably ahead in the SBs cat, Jose Ramirez is great, Jose Martinez has been very good. Oh yea and somehow this collection of weirdos is leading the entire Backyard in ERA.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 6th, Doubles 9th, Triples t-5th, HRs 10th, RBIs 8th, SBs 1st, OBP 7th, Strikeouts 6th, QS 2nd, CGs t-7th, Wins 3rd, Saves 1st, Holds 10th, ERA 1st, MOVES 1st.

Why They’ll Win It All: They did it last year, they’ve achieved a bit more balance in their lineup construction, they inexplicably have the league’s best ERA.

Why They Won’t: I am not entirely sure that balance is an entirely good thing and I am not entirely sure I believe this team will continue to lead the league in ERA and I am not entirely sure anyone should listen to me anyway.

7- Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (6-7)

These unassuming blokes down in Lacey are somewhat forgotten in the Backyard shuffle (unless a Trump thing happens) but LO AND BEHOLD, some very fine offensive cat numbers for the BDSliderz. Part of that should be expected on a team that features Freddie Freeman, Jose Altuve, and Ozzie Fucking Albies but impressive nonetheless. They also have a nice looking ERA and I am now taking notice of this particular franchise. GOTTA MAKE THE PLAYOFFS first but if they do yanno, crazier things have happened.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 4th, Doubles 1st, Triples t-7th, HRs 4th, RBIs 5th, SBs 8th, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 7th, QS 7th, CGs t-7th, Wins t-7th, Saves 8th, Holds 2nd, ERA 3rd, MOVES 6th.

Why They’ll Win It All: They are the only team WHOMS “why they’ll win it all” section i forgot to do that is why.

Why They Won’t: Their roster if you squint a bit in the right spots resembles the new “Youth Movement” and those fuckers never won much of anything until they got older, their contrarian politics upset my delicate libtard sensibilities, they are harboring AN ABUSER OF WOMAN despite campaigning as the league’s moral compass, etc. etc. etc.

8- River City Bad Dudes (4-9)

Oh boy, everyone’s favorite runner-up is FUCKIN UP. Alotta the River City Bad Dudes #s are still pretty solid but they’ve just found the perfect balance of doing just enough to lose to whatever opponent they happen to be playing, yanno most of the time. Like just about 70% of the time. If they manage to sneak into the Backyard Bracket they will be feared appropriately but yanno, gotta do that first. Manny Machado Bryce Harper Giancarlo Stanton all three of those guys are at 20+ dongs yet two of the three are kinda having “down years” and that sort of encapsulates everything, and encapsulates nothing, life is meaningless please continue to enjoy Arby’s.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 8th, Doubles 5th, Triples 8th, HRs 2nd, RBIs 3rd, SBs 7th, OBP 5th, Strikeouts 8th, QS 10th, CGs t-3rd, Wins 5th, Saves 4th, Holds t-4th, ERA 10th, MOVES 2nd.

Why They’ll Win It All: Well I mean they’ve been to like 3 straight BCS rounds or whatever, so if they keep going to those they should win another one eventually.

Why They Won’t: Work stresses, we are starting to veer into the territory where making the playoffs gets trickier (I IMAGINE, I AM NOT A MATHEMATICIAN), we are overdue for a horrifically underachieving Dudes roster missing the playoffs so they can shut up about “playoff streaks,” they are going to die on Defending Rougned Odor Hill, etc. etc.

9- OceanGate Trout Fishing Club (4-8-1)

Fishing Club ownership basically CONCEDED their season just because they couldn’t pull out in time or whatfuckingever, so yea technically their record is better than the guy above them (by a half game) but also technically they’re lucky I didn’t just make em 10th. Also this team has arguably the top two fantasy players in all of baseball (Mike Trout, Mookie Betts) and you could make a case for A GOOD AMOUNT of the top 10 or top 15 or whatever and they still put up a bunch of shit numbers somehow, in spite of having the top OBP in the league. I do not get it. Now I am mad. Next team.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 9th, Doubles 10th, Triples t-5th, HRs 9th, RBIs 10th, SBs 4th, OBP 1st, Strikeouts 4th, QS t-5th, CGs t-5th, Wins 10th, Saves 6th, Holds t-4th, ERA 9th, MOVES 7th.

Why They’ll Win It All: Uhhh I mean they still have Mike Trout and all those other “first rounders,” they won two years ago (seems like 200), also they’re only like a half-game out of the 6th seed.

Why They Won’t: NEW DADDY stresses, we are still in that territory where making the playoffs gets trickier (I IMAGINE), chronic underachieving roster or negative mWAR (managementWAR)or whathaveyou, their team name annoys me cuz they can’t fit “Ocean Gate” as two words, etc. etc.

10- Q-Tip City Morning Wood (1-12)

Shane, Shaneeee Shane Shane Shane Shane. The Bonerz probably aren’t as bad as their ONE AND TWELVE record might lead you to believe but, Reader, the Bonerz are not good. If the Bad Dudes took a master class on doing justtt enough to lose a matchup, Shane was very likely the professor for that class. And the Half Past 9 AM Hard-Ons do not always make good choices. And sometimes they get unlucky, but that is just life reminding them to make better choices. JD Martinez is their best player and second best might be like a tie between Brandon Belt or Mitch Haniger or something and I DUNNO, just seems like this team once had a lot more talent and now has very little talent to show for all that talent’s departure. As for Shane, GREAT GUY. I am a fannnnn of the mannnnnn. The chat is a better place when he is in it and I have no doubt at least some of his many many children love him. If I was a Bonerz fannnnnn though we would be well past the “burning all my jerseys” phase. Not that I think grown men should own jerseys, that’s a whole separate thing though.

The Cat Ranks: Runs 5th, Doubles 8th, Triples t-9th, HRs 6th, RBIs 7th, SBs 5th, OBP 4th, Strikeouts 10th, QS 9th, CGs t-7th, Wins 6th, Saves 7th, Holds 8th, ERA 8th, MOVES 9th.

Why They’ll Win It All: Readers, they will not.

Why They Won’t: Cuz they won’t, blame math.

Related image

Thus concludes the July Power Rankings. In conclusion, this is once again the conclusion.


2018 Week 13 Review: “Andddd We Are Back” Edition

Image result for bear laptop gif
GOOD TO BE BACK, WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR PICKING UP THE SLACK DURING MY HIATUS. I am still very very very depressed but the show must go on, perhaps badmouthing some of your player performances will help me heal. And with that, let’s look at Week 13……









Image result for alex bregman


Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz Deal Yet Another Blow To River City Bad Dudes Playoff Odds  –  8-3-3


MVP:  Alex Bregman  –  Alex Bregman was good. And yet HE WILL STILL DIE THE SAME WAY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE WILL SOME DAY DIE. So yanno maybe think about trading him or something.  13/28, 7 Rs, 5 2Bs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, 2 SBs, .516 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Sonny Gray    Sonny Gray sucked and yet in the end he will be reduced to dust and forgotten by time, same as people that didn’t suck (this whole thing may have a bit of a “nihilist Arbys” feel to it I am afraid).  2.1 IP, 6 ER, 23.14 ERA


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Matt Carpenter is good again WHOOP DE FUCKING DOO WORLD, but nah I would certainly take him back whenever Doch is ready to send him back (10/20, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .583 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Actually let’s just streamline this whole “review,” if I don’t add in too much of my own commentary this will get along just fine Zack Greinke was just fine (7 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Addison Russell RBI’d up a storm so good on him (10/25, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .429 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Kevin Gausman exists, weak K numbers and all (14 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).


Week 14:  Sliderz v. Slugs (6-7 v. 8-5),

                   Bad Dudes @ X*Rayz (4-9 @ 6-7)





Image result for tied knot
Astoria Isotopes And OceanGate Trout Fishing Club RUIN EVERYTHING, Record League’s First Tie Of 2018  –  5-5-4


MVP:  NONE  –  None.

LVP(s):  ‘Topes and OGTFC ownership, respectively    Not trying to name names but yea….     ***LVP(s) OF THE WEEK*** 


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Aaron Judge (7/20, 7 Rs, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .435 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Cole Hamels and this one I especially mean because it feels better to me to point out bad performances because I am flawed in very human ways (10 IP, 11 ER, 12 Ks, 9.90 ERA).


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Mookie Betts (7/20, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HRs, 1 RBI, 1 SB, .519 OBP)

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Kyle Hendricks again yea this feels better (2.2 IP, 6 ER, 1 K, 20.25 ERA).


Week 14:  Isotopes v. MW (9-3-1 v. 1-11) 

                   OGTFC @ RRF (4-8-1 @ 8-5)






Image result for nick castellanos
Mission Valley X*Rayz Continue What Has Been An Impressive Follow Up Performance Outta The Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Nicholas Castellanos  –  I really like this player. Good little player, racks up a shit ton of triples in that ball park. Although he didn’t rack up any in Week 13. That is all I have to say.  11/28, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, .452 OBP

LVP:  Dansby Swanson    Dansby switched back to 2017 Dansby for a hot sec here, let’s see if it continues. That guy was fucking awful.  4/29, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .194 OBP 


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Billy Hamilton now goes entire weeks without stealing even a single base, FALL FROM GRACE BILLY HAMILTON (5/20, 3 Rs, 1 RBI, .286 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Blake Snell good LAWD, quick note about Blake I listen to more WFAN than anyone really should and asshole Yankees fans CONSTANTLY call in there and casually mention that the Yankees should just casually offer some slop and pick up Blake Snell as if that is something the Rays would do and these fucking calls from morons make me dislike the common man more than I already did which was already a whole lot (14.1 IP, 1 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.63 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  MOSTLY a one man show out there in QTC, and that one man is JD Martinez (7/23, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .370 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Behold Luke Weaver‘s last Boner start for the foreseeable future (4.2 IP, 8 ER, 5 Ks, 15.43 ERA).


Week 14:  X*Rayz v. Bad Dudes (6-7 v. 4-9)

                   MW @ Isotopes (1-12 @ 9-3-1)






Image result for rhys hoskins face


Bell Road Bears Don’t Beat Rojo’s Renegade Force At Their Own Game (Holds), Do Beat Them  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Rhys Hoskins  –  Rhys Hoskins’ post-fouled-ball-off-face numbers suggest that all struggling hitters should just foul a ball off their own fucking face.  6/27, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .290 OBP     

LVP:  Chris Taylor    Chris Taylor should foul a ball off his own fucking face.  2/15, 1 R, 1 2B, .188 OBP


Bears Hitter Of Note:  Ian Desmond contributing on our roster just like he has been doing this entire time ever since we traded for him (6/23, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .261 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  Freddy Peralta I like this guy THUS FAR (12 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.25 ERA).


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Evan Gattis quietly producing in what may be his last year of catcher eligibility for at least a hot minute if not forever (7/26, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .321 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Dylan Covey also produced, just for me and not for Rojo (2.1 IP, 8 ER, 30.86 ERA).


Week 14:   Bears @ Warriors (8-5 @ 10-3, BBOTW)

                    RRF v. OGTFC (8-5 v. 4–8-1)






Related image





Image result for javier baez gif
Garden State Warriors Keep Rolling, Barnegat Banana Slugs Keep Losing, That Is How This One Shook Out  –  7-6-1


MVP:  Javier Baez  –  Javier Baez ABOUT FUCKING TIME. Was starting to think he would never quite vanquish the playing time competitional stylings of a one Ben Zobrist. I think he has done that now though.  14/29, 10 Rs, 6 2Bs, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, .467 OBP

LVP:  Salvador Perez    Catchers can be tricky.  3/24, 1 2B, .125 OBP


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Francisco Lindor is very good, far better than Tim Beckham (7/24, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .370 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  James Paxton is very good and STRANGELY UNINJURED and under no circumstances should the Warriors trade him in a deal involving Tim Beckham (15 IP, 2 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.20 ERA).


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Jesus Aguilar who fucking knows what’s going on here but here it is, he’s up to 19 HRs or something kooky like that (8/19, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .476 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Andddd Charlie Morton really went K-razy last week, he had a lot of strikeouts SOMEONE CHECK THE SPIN RATES (13.2 IP, 2 ER, 24 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.32 ERA).




I think historically this is the point where I break down the matchup throw in a couple jokes some pertinent statistics WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?? Motivation remains low is my point, it’s amazing we’ve gotten this far. The Warriors took all of the hitting cats 7-0 and merely lost the pitching cats 6-0-1 and that is your synopsis, pretty cut and dry. Pretty bad pitching week for a team with a lot of pretty names in their pitchers in the Warriors, pretty bad hitting week for a team that’s definitely not being carried by their hitters in the Barnegat Banana Slugs. Anddd the end result is a SEVENTH STRAIGHT victory for the Garden State Warriors and a defeat for a Barnegat Banana Slugs team that has now lost 4 outta 5. They got a widdle big for their britches methinks.

In Week 14 the Garden State Warriors will go for 8 straight at the expense of me and the Bell Road Bears, Monday was a nice start for them and for that.  At least from a W-L perspective that’s your two best teams over the past two months or so, so that is your BBOTW. The Barnegat Banana Slugs, meanwhile, shall try to right the ship a bit against a Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz team that’s looking to sneak into the back of the Backyard Bracket.


Week 14:  Warriors v. Bears (103 v. 8-5)

                   Slugs @ Sliderz (8-5 @ 6-7)







Image result for bear typing gif
THERE, another fucking review done by me and me alone. It’s almost like you people don’t even care about the Backyard’s legacy. Get it together. And start keeping an eye on those playoff tiebreakers, perhaps I will even get them on the blog in some fashion at some point for a lil refresher.
2018 Week 13 Review: “Andddd We Are Back” Edition