Wilson Contreras (Bad Dudes), Week 6: 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 1 SB AND ALSO IS A CATCHER
UGLIEST JROLL OF THE SEASON:
Whatever Dustin Fowler did ‘cuz it was Dustin Fowler (Week 7)
AND NOW, YOUR 2018 JROLL AWARD WINNER…….
YEA UNFORTUNATELY IT IS MOOKIE BETTS. The Sawks hater in me hopes this curses him for 2019 because last year’s JROLLwinner, Charlie Blackmon, did not have a SINGLE JROLL in 2018. But yes came down to Betts vs. Albies vs. Polanco and uh see chart below:
Mookie Betts: 89
Ozzie Albies: 69 (nice.)
Gregory Polanco: 57
Makes it pretty clear sadly, so CONGRATS TO MOOKIE BETTS. Now if only management could get you into the Backyard Bracket more. If. Only.
MVP: Edwin Diaz – Edwin Diaz was the most impressive man in this matchup and I do not even care if 5 saves against RRF is entirely unnecessary. 5 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 5 Saves, 1.80 ERA
LVP:Evan Gattis– Rare is the week I see a guy fail to reach base even once in 15 ABs so I’m calling it out. 0/15, 1 RBI, .000 OBP
RRF Hitter Of Note: I almost forgot how Nick Markakis is having that career year for whatever fucking reason, and next season he will be unrosterable and lose his spot in the Braves OF and all that fun stuff (12/26, 6 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .448 OBP).
RRF Pitcher Of Note: Might as well shoutout CC Sabathia for still CHUGGIN ALONG in his 27th season, for he is now on the DL and may chug no longer for all we know (6 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).
X*Rayz Hitter Of Note: Billy Hamilton finally getting around to the whole stealing bases thing A LITTLE LATE, the rest of his production tends to be a bit unpalatable so you really want your B-Ham up around 40 SBs around this time (7/21, 2 Rs, 2 RBIs, 5 SBs, .333 OBP).
X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Just need to note that Blake Snell was pulled at FORTY SEVEN pitches in this game cuz Rays, really not what one wants in a must-win Week 18 sitch (5 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).
BBR1: RRF v. Sliderz (#4 v. #5)
X*Rayz @ HOME
MVP: Mookie Betts – FAREWELL Mookie Betts, for this is yet another season where the OGTFC will not be taking your talents to the Backyard Bracket. The OGTFC love missing the playoffs the way OGTFC ownership loves making 30 year old brides-to-be cry about their age. And strippers. And inappropriate comments in public settings. Also JROLL, maybe I’ll tally these up again who knows 13/29, 10 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 2 SBs, .556 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***
LVP:Evan Longoria– Evan Longoria has pretty much looked old and borderline unrosterable just about every week except Week 17 against the beloved Bears, which, rude. 4/23, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .240 OBP
OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Lets also wave goodbye to Trea Turner because he is another very talented OGTFC player and he deserves better, BLOW IT ALL UP(10/29, 5 Rs, 1 2Bs 1 3B, 2 RBIs, 2 SBs, .406 OBP).
OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: They can keep Zack Godley if they want I guess, Zack had a good week but sometimes has bad weeks (14 IP, 3 ER, 13 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).
Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: Almost wanted to point out Mitch Haniger because I point out JD Martinez every GOTDAMNED week but yea here’s JD’s line once again, those two are the bright spots on a dark-ish season in Q-Tip City (13/28, 7 Rs, 5 2Bs, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .531 OBP).
Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: And imho they might as well hold onto Dereck Rodriguez cuz I think he looks KINDA GOOD and they’re pitching was KINDA BAD in 2018 (14 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.64 ERA).
BBR1: OGTFC @ GONE FISHIN’
MW @ HOME THIS HAS BEEN KNOWN SINCE LIKE MAY
MVP: Ronald Acuna Jr. – Welllll well well if it isn’t wunderkind Ronald Acuna Jr. waiting til precisely the right point in the season to start mashing dongs. This kid may end up being pretty good, along with all the other BackdoorSliderz kids, and now I am worried I might have helped create a monster going forward. MAGA TRAIN MOTHERFUCKERS. 8/27, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .321 OBP
LVP:JT Realmuto– The Warriors sorta lazily made their way into the playoffs, bye already in hand, and even TOP-RANKED FANTASY CATCHER ACCORDING TO ESPN PLAYER RATER JT Realmuto sorta took the week off. 3/21, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .182 OBP
BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note: Matt Carpenteralso still hitting dongs in case anyone was wondering, and MAN was this the wrong year to part with Matt Carpenter they even played him at 3B a bunch when they said they wouldn’t I HATE YOU MIKE MATHENY (5/25, 5 Rs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .310 OBP).
BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note: When the Mets actually win for Jacob deGromyou just know everything is coming up ButtSliderz (6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).
Warriors Hitter Of Note: I for one think the Warriors will be just fine when they come out of the bye week and one reason for that is Francisco Lindor (9/32, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 3 SBs .343 OBP).
Warriors Pitcher Of Note: And another reason is a shrewd acquisition of a one Carlos Carrasco(13.1 IP, 3 ER, 17 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.03 ERA).
BBR1: Sliderz @ RRF(#5 @ #4)
Warriors v. BYE (#2 seed)
2018 WEEK 18 BACKYARD CO-BATTLES OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY A BEAR PAIR
MVP: Miguel Andujar – AND A CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM. Really annoying that the ‘Topes straight up DROPPED Andujar at one point but then realized the gravity of their error and picked him back up on waivers. That made me sad. 9/28, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .387 OBP
LVP:Whit Merrifield – The Slugs blew their chance at the bye and they should very much blame Whit Merrifield, ironically. ONE ASSUMES Vlad Jr. will eventually heal this wound FUCK YOU SHANE. 2/24, .154 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK***
Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Paul Dejong SIGHTING, apparently the Isotopes still have Paul DeJong (7/24, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .320 OBP).
Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: They also have a Cole Hamels that looks a wee bit REJUVENATED with the move back to the NL, so that could be helpful potentially (13 IP, 3 2 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.38 ERA).
Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Well JESUS (not Aguilar, who had 3 dongs) David Peralta where did this power stroke come from, usually this guy hits an annoying amount of grounders but also a good amount of triples but this year he’s getting that bitch a bit higher in the air (12/27, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .483 OBP).
Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Trevor Bauer was goooood and then took a liner to the ankle so we shall see, he perhaps could have used a bye week to rest up 😉(12.1 IP, 1 ER, 19 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.73 ERA).
In a CARAAAYYYYYZAY “Winner Takes Top Seed Loser Doesn’t Even Get A Bye” matchup the drama just wasn’t….quite…..there, aside from the what’s at stake part. Credit where credit is due to both of these teams but particularly to the Isotopes of Astoria, whom outclassed the Banana Slugs in a few pitching cats that are the Slugs’ bread and butter (or whatever a slug equivalent to bread and butter would be, bananas and banana byproducts?). The Isotopes impressively grabbed both Ks and ERA en route to a 4-2-1 advantage on the pitching cats, and then they handled business on the hitting side as well to the tune of a 4-2-1 once again. Even with a sub-.300 OBP the ‘Topes stuck to their game of dongs and ribbies and the Slugs couldn’t quite keep pace, despite a solid offensive showing for a team that sometimes lacks on that side of the ball. Not sure this one had much drama despite stretching the possibilities into the Sunday night game, I don’t think ‘Topes ownership was livetweeting every second of that game so HOW AM I TO KNOW? How am I…..to know.
In the Backyard Bracket’s First Round the Astoria Isotopes will take a well-deserved break from action as the Backyard’s #1 seed overall. Meanwhile the Barnegat Banana Slugs (#3), for their troubles, have to take on a particularly dangerous #6 seed in the River City Bad Dudes. Yanno the team looking to make it to a fourth straight BCS, that one.
BBR1: Isotopes v. BYE (#1)
Slugs v. Bad Dudes (#3 v. #6)
MVP: Giancarlo Stanton – Giancarlo Stanton has stayed healthy for the Bad Dudes and ONE CAN CRAFT AN ARGUMENT had he not they’d miss the playoffs. Because like four teams were within a hair of the last playoff spot so one can craft an argument about just about anything. Is muh point. 8/27, 8 Rs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .424 OBP
LVP:Rhys Hoskins– FAR DIFFERENT from his performance ’round this time last year, Rhys let us down in Week 18 and has Sophmore Meh’d. We still very much believe in the skill set. 1/21, 3 Rs, .200 OBP
Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: NATCH Rougned Odor hit a triple and JROLL‘d in the one week in the past like 9 that I couldn’t muster a triple, that won’t fix his ears though (9/30, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .400 OBP).
Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: And also Kevin Gausman twirled a gem cuz again NATCH (8 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.13 ERA).
Bears Hitter Of Note: I honestly have nobody to really commend here so let me just say I am confident a healthy Edwin Encarnacion would have hit 11 dongs over the weekend, he never lets me down come playoff time (2/14, 1 R, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .235 OBP).
Bears Pitcher Of Note: And for the last time just want to thank Aaron Nola for nearly singlehandedly willing us out of the depths of the league on the QS leaderboard, and for teaching me how to love (a pitcher) again(6 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).
And so the reasonnn the Slugs find themselves in a tough Round 1 matchup has a lot to do with a lot of different factors, the final spot in this year’s #BB truly coming down to some crazy tiebreakers and factors and yada yada. One of those factors was certainly an absolute COLLAPSE by the Bell Road Bears, which I cannot die is INTERESTING from a seasonal recap standpoint but also cannot deny not at all giving a shit about. BAD TEAM would have made no noise in the playoffs. The River City Bad Dudes however are poised to make noise, on the strength of a basically wire-to-wire Week 18 victory that gets them back in the dance (which they’ve been in every single time mehhhh). 4-3 advantage in the hitting cats and a 4-2-1 in the pitching stuff, shit pitching and injuries kinda robbing this one of much drama a Freddy PeraltaFriday disaster sorta sunk the battleship longgggg before a Tyler Skaggs Saturday disaster had the chance to. And that was all she wrote for a team with numbers that likely should have stuck them with a Bonerz-esque record, and the team with slightly better numbers moves on and grabs the 6 seed. 3 teams from each division in the Backyard Bracket NICE SYMMETRY.
The River City Bad Dudes will enter the Bracket yet again, a 6 seed taking on the 3 seeded Barnegat Banana Slugs. The Bell Road Bears will miss the playoffs for the 2nd time in four seasons, book-ending two straight seasons of 1st round byes that lead to NOTHING and so questioning EVERYTHING about existence (jk I’m fine but feel free to try and trade for all my dudes of value, I want to join the MW @ the bottom SEEMS PEACEFUL DOWN THERE).
BBR1: Bad Dudes @ Slugs (#6 v. #3)
Bears @ HIBERNATING
BACKYARD BRACKET ROUND 1 PREVIEW
Now that we have looked at how we arrived at this #FieldOfSix, let’s take a look at the matchups that will determine which two teams will advance to Round 2 and a date with our top two seeds aka the fuckers below…..
FIRST ROUND BYES: #1 ASTORIA ISOTOPES (13-4-1, .750)
#2 GARDEN STATE WARRIORS (13-5, .722)
#3 BARNEGAT BANANA SLUGS (12-6, .667) VS. #6 RIVER CITY BAD DUDES (8-10, .444)
The Barnegat Banana Slugs enter the 2018 #BackYardBracket having jusstttttt missed out on a bye, and it kinda stings this year as now they have to face a very capable six-seeded River City Bad Dudes franchise. The Slugs find themselves with the season-long advantage in every pitching cat outside of CGs (3-2 Dudes) and Holds, however the Bad Dudes have the advantage in every hitting cat outside of Steals. These things don’t exactly play out along those lines in a 7 day sample size BUT this will be an interesting matchup nonetheless, damn good pitching vs. pretty good hitting and all of the SSS craziness in play.
One thing working in the Banana Slugs favor is a pretty convincing season series sweep of the Bad Dudes, with a 9-1-4 victory in Week 8 and a 7-5-2 in Week 17. The Bad Dudes will be the first to remind you that the playoffs are a different animal altogether howevs. Also please everyone support local artists and save the Brian skateboarding GIF to your phone for use 4e.
WHAT TO WATCH FOR: DONGS. The Slugs will feel good about their advantages on the pitching side of things, most likely, but what would realllllly help ’em, out is a powerful week for the Barnegaters coupled with a bit o’ a dry spell for the Bad Dudes. While River City grabbed a 10-2 RBI lead after Monday’s festivities they only did so on the strength of 1 dong, and everyone knows it is gonna take more dongs than that. Dong dong dong dong dong.
#4 ROJO’S RENEGADE FORCE (8-7-3, .528) VS. #5 LACEY TOWNSHIP BACKDOORSLIDERZ (8-9-1, .472)
The matchup that was only allowed into existence because the higher seed here acted SOFT in Week 17, I could really end this here but I will continue. IRONICALLY ENOUGH Rojo’s Renegade Force leads the league in the power cats (HRs/RBIs) BUT if we are being honest here the BackdoorSliderz have just been fucking solid pretty much across the board, all cats they hold their own. Also if we are being honest here RRF don’t deserve to win another game this season. MIGHT be why the BackdoorSliderz just put up perhaps the greatest Monday batting line in Backyard Bracket history. Let’s highlight it here: 17 Rs, 4 2Bs, 7 HRs, 20 RBIs, 1 SB, .4366 OBP. In the words of Noob-Noob:
In the regular season the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz won the first meeting between these two teams back in Week 8 (7-5-2). And THEN in Week 17 the Renegade Force started 11 and basically did that thing where dogs roll over as an act of submission, and so these two teams tied (6-6-2). So now you have the matchup that you have, with the BDSliderz taking a 1-0-1 regular season record into battle with these WIMPS.
WHAT TO WATCH FOR: THE WILL OF THE FANTASY GODS. Life is all chaos and it is very unlikely there are “fantasy baseball gods” but also NO LESS LIKELY than any actual “God” so if there IS fantasy baseball gods (no way there’s an actual God) they are displeased with the RRF. And that is why they just got mollywhopped on a Monday in the hitting cats. These Bracket weeks they are long ones so this thing’s far from over, but if the BackdoorSliderz absolutely BLOW THE DOORS OFF this matchup I will certainly try and claim it is divine intervention of some sort. You should NEVER play for the tie, despite how pretty Rachel is.
(RECYCLED CLOSING PARAGRAPH ALERT) AND SO THE STAGE……….HAS BEEN SET. BUT FOR REAL THIS TIME, THE BACKYARD BRACKET HAS BEEN COMPLETED AND THE BACKYARD CHAMPIONSHIP LEAGUE’S (BCL) 20178 PLAYOFFS ARE UNDERWAY AND WHO WILL MAKE THE BCS (BACKYARD CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES)? I KNOW I HAVE MY GUESSES. APOLOGIES TO THE FOUR LOSERS THREE LOSERS AND ME WHO ARE ALREADY GUARANTEED NOT TO MAKE SAID BCS, YOU HAVE ONLY YOURSELVES AND THE CRUELTY OF FANTASY SPORTS AND RANDOM CHANCE AND LUCK TO BLAME (AND ALSO ROJO AND AROLDIS CHAPMAN IN MY CASE. FUCK Y’ALL EVERYTHING. BYBR1 TUNE IN……………….
TOTALLY FORGOT to do Power Rankings, and on one hand who gives a shit no way I write this much on this blog next year and on the OTHER hand well then I might as well make this year as complete a performance as possible….So without further adieu, August Power Rankings complete with categorical stats (that don’t budge much) and my humble and correct opinions on each team’s best and worst personnel in ’18 (full time-ish players only) because fuck it needed to write something in there……
(All cat ranks through 8/7/18 or 8/8/18 or who knows)
MVP: Justin Verlander – Norrrrrmally I don’t like to point out MVPs in tie situations (I mean not normally but at least a couple times this season) but in this scenario, since they deadlocked at 93 Ks (SINCE ROJO SAT HIS TWELFTH STARTER) I will have to point out that Verlander struck out 14 in but one start. 7.2 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.17 ERA
LVP:Rojo– BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS MAN. 1 Benched Masahiro ***LVP OF THE WEEK***
BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note: With apologies to the AcunaJROLL I wanna instead note that Matt Carpenteris still having his best season ever at 32.66 years of age because that gives me hope (11/26, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .543 OBP).
BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Another guy that pitched well and racked up Ks was a young fellow by the name of Walker Buehler (12.1 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.19 ERA).
RRF Hitter Of Note: Nelson Cruz still CRUZIN (sorry) towards yet another 30+ HR campaign at 38 and that also gives me hope, LOVE THESE TWO HITTERS OF NOTE (7/26, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .326 OBP).
RRF Pitcher Of Note: HUH that’s weird I coulda sworn Masahiro Tanaka was lined up for two starts in Week 17 HOW PECULIAR (6 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).
Week 18: Sliderzv. Warriors (7-9-1 v. 13-4)
RRF @ X*Rayz (8-7-2 @ 7-10)
MVP: Trevor Story – GROSS I KNOW, but in the battle of middle-infielders-whom-I-enjoy-trashing-to-their-owners Story had uhhh one more RBI than the other guy. And PERHAPS that made all the difference, one could incorrectly claim. 7/26, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .296 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***
LVP:Jon Lester– Jonny really let the squad down with a two start performance that did no favors for a Bad Dudes team that needed to try and steal ERA. 2/21, 1 R, 1 RBI, .136 OBP
Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Howz about Salvador Perez with a MATCHUP HIGH 3 dongs (7/31, 3 Rs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .250 OBP).
Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Nick Pivetta gave up 6 runs in an inning of work back on the 4th o’ May but since then he’s been v. good again GOOD FOR NICK (12 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).
Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: But yea Bryce Harper also hit three (7/25, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .321 OBP).
Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: Dylan Covey also TECHNICALLY let the squad down but the Bad Dudes trotted Dylan Covey out sooooo (4.1 IP, 4 ER, 1 K, 8.31 ERA).
MVP: JD Martinez – JD Martinez had no business getting up in the 9th inning of that game but SURE ENOUGH he did and sure enough he took down the Bears on the very first pitch, credit to that guy but also fuck that guy THIS WAS KARMIC RETRIBUTION for all the Sunday night games I stole JD is but a tool…..a tool of destiny. 7/23, 4 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .429 OBP
LVP:Aroldis Chapman– Aroldis Chapman simply needed to close out a goddamned 3 run save and perhaps not give up a run and instead he did the opposite of that and turned what was headed for a 7-7 tie into an 8-4-2 loss. Aroldis Chapman will be traded this offseason. 2 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, 9.00 ERA
Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: Didi Gregorius put together his best week since like April I am gonna say, without checking one bit(8/24, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .385 OBP).
Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: And also Rick Porcello you mother….fucker (9 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 1.00 ERA).
Bears Hitter Of Note: Elvis Andrus hit two triples which was very kind of him, even if ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS (10/29, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .345 OBP).
Bears Pitcher Of Note: Freddy Peralta wildly efficient enough in Week 17 for me to keep him beyond his High Minors status, we now fully expect him to be wildly inefficient in Week 18 (10 IP, 3 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.70 ERA).
Week 18: MW v. OGTFC (1-7 v. 3-5)
Bears @ Bad Dudes (8-9 @ 7-10, CO-BBOTW)
MVP: Brian Dozier – THE DOZEMAN. Or whatever. 7/19, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .455 OBP
LVP:Magnerius Sierra– Unfortunately for the X*Rayz the X*Rayz had like three different guys I could have given this one to. Gonna go with Magnerius because he has the funnest name but don’t think I didn’t see you Dee (2/19) and Nicholas (3/21), REAL DISAPPOINTMENTS you two…were….here. 2/16, 1 R, .125 OBP
OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Howz bout Willie Calhoun actually appearing and contributing in a Backyard season, LONG TIME COMIN’ folks (6/18, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 RBIs, .400 OBP).
OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: Howz about Zack Godley apparently back to being good after taking most of the season off (7 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).
X*Rayz Hitter Of Note: Silver linings for X*Rayz fans, they still own Jose Ramirez and he is probably the Backyard’s best player in 2018 (10/22, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 3 SBs, .538 OBP).
X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Sucky linings for both X*Rayz fans and fans of the actual Rays SHAKIN THINGS UP, Ryan Yarbrough struggled to follow the “openers” last week (10.1 IP, 11 ER, 10 Ks, 1 W, 9.58 ERA).
Week 18: OGTFC @ MW (6-9-2 @ 2-15)
X*Rayz v. RRF (7-10 v. 8-7-2)
2018 WEEK 17 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY A BEAR THAT DON’T CARE
MVP: Khris Davis – Khris Davis is absolutely the forgotten man in both the Backyard and all of baseball and I for one am SICK OF IT. I mean HO HUM no biggie he’s just on his way to his third straight 40 HR season, the year before these 40 HR seasons started he had 27 in 121 games. HO HUM. Khris Davis deserves some RESPECT. 7/22, 4 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .407 OBP
LVP:Wil Myers – Tough start to the week for Big Wily and then he went on the DL to save face, or due to a legit injury, or something. 1/14, 1 R, .071 OBP
Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Nolan Arenado remains good but I mean EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS (9/30, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .364 OBP).
Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: The ‘Topes went back to their Tylers well and it failed so lets at least point out their failures, AND I LIKE Tyler Skaggs (3.1 IP, 10 ER, 3 Ks, 27.00 ERA).
Warriors Hitter Of Note: I for one am super happy that Javier Baez finally fucking arrived, damn fine season for Javy B and Cardi B alike (10/24, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .481 OBP).
Warriors Pitcher Of Note: David PriceGerrit Cole got screwed out of a win on Sunday night a good hour before I got screwed out of a win and GOOD I AM GLAD but also what a shame cuz it helped the ‘Topes (14 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 1.93 ERA).
USUALLY I break this thang down with at least some level of detail but since Mikey T wouldn’t shut the fuck up about a matchup that didn’t budge the standings one bit you can just refer back to his running commentary. Isotopes tied the hitting cats 2-2-3 and “won” the pitching cats 3-2-2.
In Week 18 the Astoria Isotopes face the Barnegat Banana Slugs WITH A BYE ON THE LINE, so if he talks a lot about this one at least it will make slightly more sense. In Week 18 the Garden State Warriors take on the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz NOT WITH A BYE ON THE LINE they seemingly locked one up but yea. Certainly the one seed will be on the line and certainly they will have the chance to send the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz to the depths of hell and/or the offseason.
Week 18: Isotopes v. Slugs (12-4-1 v. 12-5, CO-BBOTW)
Warriors @ Sliderz (13-4 @ 7-9-1)
In the first of our unprecedented CO-BACKYARD BATTLE(S) OF THE WEEK, the Astoria Isotopes host the Barnegat Banana Slugs with the winner guaranteed to grab a bye. There’s also the opportunity for one (or both) of them to grab the Backyard Brackets top seed (if the Warriors lose, more on that later) so I guess that was perhaps why ‘Topes ownership was acting all hot and bothered all Sunday evening, but still fuck them.
In the second CO-BBOTW, the River City Bad Dudeshost a reeling Bell Road Bearsfranchise in what amounts to a play-in game for the Backyard Bracket. The Bears could get up the 4 seed with a win coupled with a RRFloss, the Bad Dudes seemingly can’t get higher than 5 but their PRECIOUS playoffs streak is at stake in this one.
Those top-seeded Garden State Warriors head into Week 18 comfortably locked into a bye BUT uncomfortably still able to lose the top seed, with a loss coupled with an Isotopeswin. As discussed that hasn’t mattered since the great McLOdom/Heroy #1 seed vs. #2 seed BCS ties of 2013 BUT yanno, still would like to hold onto top seed I s’pose. This matchup is more important because pretty much every team from the 5 seed to the 9 seed will be watching the fate of the Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, a loss for them opening up all sorts of possibilities both above and below.
One team looking to cash in on those possibilies is the Mission Valley X*Rayz, who need to defeat Rojo’s Renegade Forceand get wins out of the Bearsand Warriorsin order to grab a spot in the Bracket and have a chance to properly defend their title. The 2017 OGTFC are as of right now the only defending champeen to fail to make the “playoffs” (yuck) the following season. As for Rojo’s Renegade Force, MAYBE THEY WANNA TRY AND WIN FOR A CHANGE as a loss coupled with a Bearswin drops them down to the 5 seed on account of the crazy like 4th tiebreaker or whatever WINS. And having a lower seed in Round 1 can bite a team in the ass, as the RRFare aware (they lost to the eventual champion #4 seed OGTFCon a 6-6-2 tie in 2016).
And LAST BUT NOT LEAST, even the goddamned matchup with the goddamned 2-15 team has some intrigue. Q-Tip City Morning Wood are looking to match their wins total of 3 from last season, apparently that has some sort of significance to them and I consider that truly admirable. The OceanGate Trout Fishing Clubon the other hand are looking for some sort of 2008 Philadelphia Eagles sneak into the playoffs shenanigans. A win over the Bonerz coupled with losses by the X*Rayz, BackdoorSliderz, and Bad Dudes and RATHER IMPROBABLY the OGTFC are in the Backyard Bracket as your 7-9-2 #6 seed.
JULY WAS A SPICY ONE, as trade deadline months tend to be.
(Note: All stats updated through August 1st, only highest level or largest sample size or both shown for the prospects cuz fuck you. Also note MLB Comps are lazier than ever and no longer limited to active players because laziness I have become thee. Also note I may forget a Rights Player trade or waiver order trade or draft pick trade or blah blah fucking blah and almost certainly have, but in my defense I never really give a shit whom you drafted with some pick you acquired for trading Jon Lester….)
DATE / TRADE
CURRENT #s / MLB COMPS
NOTES / WINNER
Sat, Jul 28
WOOD traded Daniel Murphy, Wsh 2B to BBS
BBS traded A.J. Minter, Atl RP to WOOD
BBS traded Michael Soroka*, Atl SP to WOOD
BBS traded Michael Wacha*, StL SP to WOOD
Soroka: 2-1, 25.2 IP (5 GS), 3.51 ERA (2.85 FIP), 21 Ks (7.36 K/9)2 QS
MLB Comp: Tim Hudson. HOT START.
Wacha: 8-2, 84.1 IP (15 GS), 3.20 ERA (4.22 FIP), 71 Ks (7.58 K/9), 7 QS
I think Wacha is probably the same shit he has always been, I also think Murphy is a broken down homophobe, I also think THE BONERS DID PRETTY GOOD HERE Soroka could be a guy Minter is a guy already I LIKE THIS ONE FOR THE BONERZ YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY / Morning Wood
Sat, Jul 28
BEAR traded Willy Adames, TB SS to OGFC
OGFC traded Justin Smoak, Tor 1B to BEAR
Gonna MOSTLY decline to comment on my deals, other than to comment a bit. I think one of these guys may one day be good I think one of these guys is good now, I also blame my High Minors bats for AT LEAST 5 of my team’s losses this year they’ve been piss poor.
Fri, Jul 27
BEAR traded Cal Quantrill, SD SP to WOOD
WOOD traded Lorenzo Cain, Mil CF to BEAR
Quantrill: (AA) 6-5, 117 IP (22 GS), 5.15 ERA (4.25 FIP), 101 Ks (7.77 K/9)
Again here, one MAY be good in time (although there’s likely better options in FA as we speak in terms of prospect ranks and such) and one is good now. Particularly in an OBP league. And we needed a playoff push clearly.
Fri, Jul 27
RCBD traded Carlos Carrasco, Cle SP to GSW
GSW traded Miguel Sano, Min 3B to RCBD
GSW traded Sixto Sanchez, Phi SP to RCBD
Carrasco: 13-5, 123 IP (20 GS), 3.66 ERA (3.26 FIP), 138 Ks (10.22 K/9), 12 QS 2 CGs
Sanchez: (A+) 4-3, 46.2 IP (8 GS), 2.51 ERA (2.68 FIP), 45 Ks (8.68 K/9)
MLB Comp: Either Pedro Martinez or Antonio Bastardo.
I certainly GET this one for both sides, the Warriors were trying to combat injuries plus feel you can never have too much pitching plus Sano was sucking and down in AAA. The Dudes wanted to move along from Carrasco roster constructionally and likely thought Sano was better than his #s and would be back soon, plus Sixto looks gooooood. The amount of Os I just put in “good” there means I prefer the Sixto side o’ things. / Bad Dudes
Thu, Jul 26
BEAR traded Cody Bellinger, LAD 1B to LTBS
BEAR traded Fernando Tatis Jr., SD SS to LTBS
LTBS traded Jose Altuve*, Hou 2B to BEAR
Good chance this looks GREAT for Doch in a few years, particularly if Tatis Jr. arrives and rakes or if age/injury robs Altuve of his value (off to a HOT START there). Lotta swing n miss in the games of the two kids here but that is perhaps just the game these days. I regret nothing though.
Wed, Jul 25
RCBD traded Jed Lowrie, Oak 2B to LTBS
LTBS traded Kevin Maitan, LAA SS to RCBD
I suspect there was something else involved in this too, but I mean maybe there wasn’t? Either way Kevin Maitan is a chubby piece of shit. / BackdoorSliderz
Fri, Jul 20
XYZ traded Jon Lester, ChC SP to RCBD
Lester: 12-4, 125.2 IP (22 GS), 3.22 ERA (4.66 FIP), 99 Ks (7.09 K/9), 10 QS
Look I hate Jon Lester as much as the next guy BUT it is very possible he outpitches the FIP all year somehow and gives the Dudes a couple clutch starts on a playoffs push. And who gives a fuck about those goddamned draft picks or whatever, ergo. / Bad Dudes
Thu, Jul 19
XYZ traded David Dahl, Col CF to WOOD
WOOD traded Brandon Crawford, SF SS to XYZ
TRULY there are no winners here, this was some sort of weird procedural thing and I am annoyed I even typed it out. BUT also Dahl’s teeny line there hints at the massive upside should he ever get it together so I meannnn if you’re comfortable with the roster dead spot (he wasn’t Dahl is an FA), but also Crawford has been decent this year soooo… / X*Rayz
Wed, Jul 18
OGFC traded Josh Naylor, SD 1B to XYZ
XYZ traded Justin Smoak, Tor 1B to OGFC
Quantrill: (AA) 6-5, 117 IP (22 GS), 5.15 ERA (4.25 FIP), 101 Ks (7.77 K/9)
MLB Comp: The aforementioned Ryan Madson
Amir has suckedddd since he’s been acquired and even if he had NOT sucked he’s a one year rental, turning Quantrill into LoCain is nice but I like Urias a lot an Kieboom could end up being a steal eventually so fine declaring a victor here / Trout Fishing Club
Sat, Jul 7
OGFC traded Justin Verlander, Hou SP to LTBS
LTBS traded Brendan Rodgers, Col SS to OGFC
LTBS traded Dylan Cease, CWS SP to OGFC
Verlander: 10-6, 148.2 IP (23 GS), 2.24 ERA (2.87 FIP), 190 Ks (11.50 K/9), 18 QS 1 CG
MLB Comp: Troy Tulowitzki or Alex Bregman or Trevor Story or JJ Hardy or a guy that never makes the league cuz PROSPECTS, JJ Hardy was rude though.
Cease: (AA) 2-0, 34.2 IP (6 GS), 2.34 ERA (2.87 FIP), 49 Ks (12.72 K/9)
MLB Comp: Keone Kela if he gets bullpen’d, for I do not see color. Perhaps more of a Vince Velasquez if he does not.
I absolutely get the OGTFC deciding to ship out Verlander in what looks to be a lost year, and Rodgers+ certainly ain’t a bad package and Lacey may grow to miss him, but also Verlander has been oh so good this year so I’ll give it to the guy pushing his chips into the middle we are suckers for that sorta thing. / BackdoorSliderz
Wed, Jul 4
BBS traded Estevan Florial, NYY CF to RCBD
BBS traded Alex Reyes*, StL SP to RCBD
RCBD traded Max Muncy, LAD 3B to BBS
RCBD traded Austin Gomber, StL SP to BBS
RCBD traded Robert Gsellman, NYM RP to BBS
Gomber: 1-0, 22.1 IP (1 GS), 3.22 ERA (4.46 FIP), 18 Ks (7.25 K/9), 1 QS
MLB Comp: Jordan Montgomery
Robert Gsellman: 6-2, 59 IP, 4.27 ERA (4.35 FIP), 54 Ks (8.24 K/9), 10 Holds 5 Saves (5 BS)
I kinda love Max Muncy also kinda think Gsellman can still be a useful 2018 piece also kinda VERY skeptical as towards what Alex Reyes becomes and Florial doesn’t make it twitch for me, therefore I like this one for the Banana Slugs and I am unapologetic about it fuck you Mike. / Banana Slugs
MVP: Mike Trout – Mike Trout is a very talented piece of driftwood, only with less personality than an actual piece of driftwood. 7/19, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 4 SBs, .594 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***
LVP:Kyle Seager– Dirty little secret here but uhhhh Kyle Seager has had a down year and fuck him for it. 2/18, .158 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK***
OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Trea Turner PROBLEMATIC and also fucking lame JROLL (7/28, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs, .276 OBP).
OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: Luis Castillo put it together for one week and perhaps one week only, but I’m rooting for the kid (12.1 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.73 ERA).
BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note: Someone please liberate Jacob deGrom from his fresh hell of being unable to buy a fucking win (15 IP, 5 ER, 15 Ks, 2 QS, 3.00 ERA).
Week 17: OGTFCv. X*Rayz (5-9-2 v. 7-9)
Sliderz @ RRF (7-9 @ 8-7-1)
MVP: Jonathan Schoop – I honestly nearly forgot Jonathan Schoop was alive. Honest to god. So that is how THAT particular season is going for that particular player, and the Orioles at large. Nice week however. 11/29, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, .379 OBP
LVP:Ian Happ– Anddd Ian Happ is still alive as well, and I am hesitant to criticize any Bonerz players with a Bonerz matchup staring me in the face. A boner staring me in the face. 4/19, 1 R, 1 2B, .286 OBP
Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Salvador Perez stays giving the Slugs these little weeks where the power is clicking and that is HELPFUL outta the C position, surely they are hoping he saves one for the postseason (12/29, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .452 OBP).
Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Here’s our real story Luis Severino was BAD twice in a row, lets all overreact to it just to trigger an equal and opposite overreaction to our overreaction (9.1 IP, 12 ER, 13 Ks, 11.57 ERA).
Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: Yasmani Grandal UNDERRATED DEADLINE TARGET that nobody targeted except me for maybe a sec until I realized he’s in a platoon (7/24, 4 Rs, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .370 OBP).
Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: Andddd Rick Porcellowas good enough to grab 2 Ws on a Sawks team that just hands those shits out to their pitchers like Halloween candy (11.2 IP, 4 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 3.09 ERA).
Week 17: Slugsv. Bad Dudes (11-5 v. 7-9)
MW @ Bears (1-15 @ 8-8)
MVP: Christian Yelich – Christian Yelich is really startin’ to fill out that uniform out there in Milwaukee. Now there’s a guy that looks good in the uniform. 15/29, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .548 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***
LVP:Eric Hosmer – Alternatively you have Eric Hosmer and his mostly EMPTY OBP, do fucking something Eric. 7/22, 2 Rs, .375 OBP
Warriors Hitter Of Note: Honestly not tooo many HONs here and yet they still cruised to a W and that is the scary part reader, Wil Myers had 5 doubles though (8/24, 1 R, 5 2Bs, 7 RBIs, .333 OBP).
Warriors Pitcher Of Note: Jose Berriosis still quite damned good and don’t let the smear campaigns of bitter former owners convince you otherwise (11.2 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.31 ERA).
RRF Hitter Of Note: Paul Goldschmidt is back to mostly being good but WHERE ARE THE STEALS PAUL, cuz they ain’t here (10/29, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .441 OBP).
RRF Pitcher Of Note: Masahiro Tanaka MasaHERO balled his way to a CG shutout, didn’t help RRF win won’t help the Yanks win the division but still nice to see (9 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).
Week 17: Warriorsv.Isotopes(13-3 v. 11-4-1, BBOTW)
RRF v. Sliderz (8-7-1 v. 7-9)
MVP: Matt Chapman – And so now someeee fuckin how someeee fuckin way the Bad Dudes are threatening to drag their carcasses back into the playoffs, and so it is only fitting that I reward Matt Chapman for a nice performance. Matt Chapman is an LVP STAPLE but this week he was not LVP, he was MVP. 12/26, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .548 OBP
LVP:Matt Olson– Alternatively you have the lesser Matt in Matt Olson, a disappointment to himself and anyone that’s ever dared to love him in Week 16. I mean maybe he wasn’t that bad but he also wasn’t that good and I wanted to go with the Matts thing. 5/28, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .281 OBP
Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Jose Abreualso a nice lil week (10/28, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .419 OBP).
Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: HUH HOHHHHHH Carlos Rodon sighting, now I have seen it all ladies and ladies (I only write for the ladies I’m like Californication) (15.1 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.35 ERA).
Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Khris Davis dinged 5 dongs but the reallll hitter of note is Aaron Judgeand his potentially troublesome wrist injury, could SAP the power I say (3/13, 2 Rs, .400 OBP).
Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Tyler Skaggs LITERALLY the only pitcher on the ‘Topes I find interesting now that Tyler Anderson is gone, let’s look at the Skaggs Line (6 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).
Week 17: Bad Dudes @ Slugs (7-9 @ 11-5)
Isotopes @ Warriors (11-4-1 @ 13-3)
2018 WEEK 16 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS FRIGHTENED RABBITS SONG THAT I’M REMINDED OF NOW THAT MY FOOT’S ALL FUCKED (RIP SCOTT HUTCHINSON)
MVP: David Fletcher – NO IDEA who David Fletcher even is but I mean shit, he helped the X*Rayz win Runs and 2Bs give the man his gold star. 10/26, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs .433 OBP
LVP:Scott Kingery– UNFORTUNATELY I am far more familiar with Scott Kingery, a poor man’s David Fletcher if you will. Scott Kingery is going to suck precisely until I cut him. 3/18, 1 R, 1 2B, .167 OBP
X*Rayz Hitter Of Note: Just wanna point out Jose Ramirezscored 5 runs and stole 3 bases without getting a single goddamned hit, not sure I’ve seen this particular line yet in all my years o’ bloggin’ (0/15, 5 Rs, 3 SBs, .360 OBP).
X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Not gonna CELEBRATE known Problematic Person Sean Newcomb so instead gonna highlight Marco Gonzales, whom danced into and out of danger all Sunday long but preserved the ERA lead that seemed important at the time (6 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.00 ERA).
Bears Hitter Of Note: Rhys Hoskinswas certainly eyeballin a matchup MVP but ya gotta win for that Rhys, ya gotta win for that (10/29, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .424 OBP).
Bears Pitcher Of Note: And the Bears had realllll difficulty tossing even a single QS in Week 16 and what better way to illustrate that then to point out Aaron Nola did not toss a QS (5 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks, 5.40 ERA).
WELL PHEW. Not that the Bears don’t want to miss the playoffs but the Bears also didn’t want to formally eliminate the X*Rayz so that was a bit o a bind. But they did not, and this isn’t about them this is about the X*Rayz STAYIN’ ALIVE. They did so by doing just enough overall, 3-3-1 deadlock in the hitting cats but a 3-1-2 advantage in the pitching cats for a sort of ho hum but NEEDED victory. Honestly I don’t think anything was that exciting, ERA hung in the balance a bit on Sunday but not only did the X*Rayz end up slightly more mediocre than the Bears there but they also added 3 Sunday Saves (to 1) to tie that cat. And that was how this one went down. An uninspired review of an uninspired performance.
In Week 17 the Mission Valley X*Rayz will attempt to STAY CLIMBIN’ towards a berth in the #BackyardBracket, they probably need to win out but are certainly aware of that. On the flip side the Bell Road Bears will attempt to halt a season high 3 game losing streak in a matchup with the HILARIOUSLY 1-15 QTC Morning Wood. They do not deserve to have just one win and maybe that sort of thing evens out this week, that would be bad for a Bears team that no longer feels like a safe bet for postseason play. THERE’S ONLY LIKE THREE SAFE BETS FOR POSTSEASON PLAY.
The trade deadline will soon be upon us, ESPN is yelling at me on my team page about this fact, and I voted for it to come much sooner than this but the democratic system felt otherwise. NEVERTHELESS when it arrives we will be in a unique position in the league, as this is the first second year of the shortened season format and the second third year where all players will be kept into the offseason. Ergo, the deadline is going to be CLOSELY followed by the playoffs and ERGO 4-for-1 trades aren’t useless in the way that they might have been for teams in a pre-dynasty format. Certain teams no doubt have their eyes on the prize for 2017 2018, certain teams might be all but mathematically eliminated (or actually mathematically eliminated) from contention for 2017, and certain teams might be somewhere in between. What follows is a brief preview of what are IN MY HUMBLE OPINION the Buyers, Sellers, and In-Betweens in the Backyard this season. Will also dig in a bit about possible trade targets, areas of weakness or strength, etc. etc. etc. for each. Just fucking read it or fucking don’t what do I care……..
So that was mostly just regurgitated from last year but whatever still mostly works…..
BELL ROAD BEARS: 8-7, CURRENT #5 SEED
POSSIBLE NEEDS: Perhaps an upgrade on offense (power numbers ain’t great, steals ain’t either), perhaps another reliable starting pitcher, CATCHER I GUESS.
POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS: High Minors SS Willy Adames, a going-through-growing-pains SS Scott Kingery, a where-does-the-true-talent-lie OF Brandon Nimmo,Rights Player 3B Nolan Gorman, Low Minors OF Fernando Tatis Jr.JK NO….
ANALYSIS: The Bears went from the second hottest team to one of the league’s coldest, having dropped 3 outta 5 for A VARIETY OF REASONS. They still are in decent shape to grab the 4 or 5 seed but also could run the risk of falling out of the playoffs ENTIRELY if a 2 game losing streak continues on to three or four games. When in such a position it is prudent to not ignore the trade market, and perhaps the Bears could decide they don’t want to sit through some of the growing pains on some of their younger players and package them for something of a bit more consistency.
LACEY TOWNSHIP BACKDOORSLIDERZ: 7-8, CURRENT #6 SEED
POSSIBLE NEEDS: Perhaps an upgrade at closer or a speedster to help out in the SBs cat.
POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS: Rights Player SS Keston Hiura, Rights Player SS Royce Lewis, Rights Player SP Casey Mize, Low Minors SP Michael Kopech, Low Minors OF Heliot Ramos, I dunno just about any prospect…..
ANALYSIS: The BackdoorSliderz reallllly don’t have a tremendous amount of weaknesses at this time, they only make the buyers list due to their precarious playoff positioning. An impact closer or an impact steals guy (perhaps the X*Rayz have grown tired of Billy Hamilton‘s struggles?) could provide justttt enough of an edge to assure this team of a playoff spot, while also improving their odds of making noise once settled into said playoff spot. One never really knows how attached other owners are to their particular prospects but the BDSliderz would certainly have some interesting names both in their minors and their rights system, should they show a willingness to deal any of them.
ROJO’S RENEGADE FORCE: 8-6-1, CURRENT #4 SEED
POSSIBLE NEEDS: Some steals help, some rotation help, a closer if they’re feeling froggy (they never are).
POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS: SP Julio Urias, Low Minors 1B Brendan McKay, High Minors OF Victor Robles, Low Minors OF Corey Ray, High Minors OF, again just basically check their minors system and cross out the untouchables (of which there should be none most of the time, is generally what I say)….
ANALYSIS: The Renegade Force is positioned fairly okay in terms of their chances of punching a ticket to the Backyard Bracket, however they also haven’t won since mid-June so TIME TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR. And should they look in said mirror they just may discover some vulnerability in pitching and in speed, some of their older ace types are struggling mightily in the dog days o’ summer here and they currently roster only one player that’s stolen more than one base in the last 30 days (Kipnis with 2, team leader is Springer with 6). So yanno FAR BE IT FOR ME to ever try and convince the RRF to not punt categories, that is not something I do, but generally one shouldn’t punt steals in the playoffs (see last year’s champeen for confirmation bias) particularly if they are also punting Saves. That’s like a QUICK 0-2 hole and that could be trouble. Worth. Looking. Into.
Q-TIP CITY MORNING WOOD: 1-14, CURRENT #10 SEED
POSSIBLE NEEDS: PITCHING AND PROSPECTS. They have a few pieces on offense, of course they could use a few more who cannot, but pitching has been big foible this season for the Bonerz. Also they could use a bit of a restocking of the minors system they’ve gutted a few times over at this point.
POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS: Honestly they’ve been KINDA picked clean but uhhhh OF Lorenzo Cain, 1B Carlos Santana, perhaps OF Justin Upton or 2B Daniel Murphy or some shit, OF Starling Marte if they wanna capitalize on the recent stretch o’ dongs....
ANALYSIS: Oh, BONERZ. Not to be outdone by his inaugural season, Shane has somehow managed to improve his team’s overall stats while decreasing his team’s winning percentage. VERY IMPRESSIVE. Less impressive is the prospects this team has amassed in a reaction to all of the talent that has made its way out of town in a short amount of time. Vlad GuerreroJr. would have been a real crown jewel but instead he got stolen by an evil in-law, and the prospects aren’t particularly promising. Not that there’s an automatic need to stock a non-playoff team with prospects but THIS TEAM could perhaps use an additional one or two, unfortunately THIS TEAM has already given away most of their biggest trade chips. And so here we are. A franchise picked all but clean.
OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB: 4-9-2, CURRENT #9 SEED
POSSIBLE NEEDS: Better management, better pitching, better balance in a rather top-heavy lineup.
POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS: OF Michael Brantley, 2B Brian Dozier, 1B Justin Smoak, C Yadier Molina if I get desperate…..
ANALYSIS: OceanGate is once again set to miss the playoffs DESPITE HAVING THE GREATEST PLAYER IN BASEBALL HISTORY. It is a team sport folks. They also have Bettsand therefore NO EXCUSES, blame your ho-hum Cubbie seasons and Trea Turner seasons all you like. Unlike our other seller the OGTFC minors system is actually in okayish shape, and like our other seller most of the OBVIOUS sell candidates have already done been sold (mostly thinking of Verlander). So yea tough deadline market is the entire point of this pointless article.
RIVER CITY BAD DUDES: 6-9, CURRENT #7 SEED OR #8 SEED OR WHATFUCKINGEVER
POSSIBLE NEEDS: A longterm 2B worth a goddamn, starting pitching cuz I kinda say that for everyone except Ryan and Brian and Doch at this point.
POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS: SP Jake Arrieta, SP Carlos Carrasco based on rumors and innuendo, all da prospects if they decide they are GOIN’ FOR IT….
ANALYSIS: On one hand the Bad Dudes are PERILOUSLY CLOSE to missing the playoffs and not being able to cite that dumb statistic about making the playoffs every season as if anyone gives as hit. ON THE OTHER HAND, they will not be interested in anything resembling a “rebuild” of any kind and won’t be formally eliminated by our trade deadline. So tough to say if the Bad Dudes look to move any more pieces, having already parted with some deadline currency in SP-eligible holds fellas and 2018 breakout Max Muncy. Should they see an opportunity to unload a guy they’ve grown tired of they may do so, particularly if the Backyard landscape looks cold to them and their playoff chances look particularly fleeting by Saturday AM. But also maybe they’re done dealing.
POINT LOMA X*RAYZ: 6-9, CURRENT #8 SEED OR #7 SEED OR WHATFUCKINGEVER
POSSIBLE NEEDS: Hard to look at this team and not think they could stand to upgrade here and there on either side of the ball, so take your pick.
POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS: SP Jordan Hicks, SP Kenta Maeda, SP JA Happ but not really…..
ANALYSIS: The X*Rayz TOO find themselves in a tricky position, needing to win out for a chance to make the Backyard Bracket and avoid snapping their own slightly smaller playoffs streak meh. A team outside of the playoff hunt RARELY has need for an SP-eligible holds guy unless they think he’s gonna make a fine RP only, jury absolutely out on Hicks there. And aside from that it is a matter of either attempting to add a piece or two or attempting to unload a guy that you think is sorta peaking in value, and that guy may be Kenta Maeda and the team that desires him may be mine.
GARDEN STATE WARRIORS: 12-3, CURRENT #1 SEED
POSSIBLE NEEDS: Fresh bodies to cover all these damn injured players and/or extra DL slots.
POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS: Low Minors SP Sixto Sanchez, Low Minors SP Forrest Whitley, Low Minors SP MacKenzie Gore, Low Minors SP Jason Groome, all the Low Minors SPs pretty much, also a couple Rights Player OFs (Baddoo, Adell) they are willing to deal…..
ANALYSIS: Look the Warriors are fuckingggg cruissssssingggg so far be it from me to act like they need to make a deal, however The Baseball Gods have been doing their best to knock them off their perch and they currently have like eleventee DL’d players. Couple that with a looming matchup with the Isotopes in Week 17 that very well may have the #1 seed on the line and you have at least the POTENTIAL for the Warriors to at least be CONSIDERING dealing from a position of strength to shore up some injury-created holes. And that position of strength would be a stacked system of Low Minors pitchers waiting to graduate to a stacked rotation. Warriors could probably spare one or two or three if a deal made sense, though a 9 game win streak likely means there is no impetus to do so at this time. FEEL FREE TO ASK THOUGH, other teams. Otherwise this deadline is shaping up to look dead.
ASTORIA ISOTOPES: 11-3-1, CURRENT #2 SEED
POSSIBLE NEEDS: Pitching, one can never have too much pitching and behind Chris Sale and Keuchel there’s the surprising Tylers (Skaggs/Anderson) and then crickets.
POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS: 1B Miguel Cabrera (Bonerz written all over it), 2B Robinson Cano, Low Minors OF Leody Taveras,Low Minors SP Justus Sheffield, Low Minors SP Shane Baz, Low Minors SP Michel Baez,High Minors SP Corbin Burnes…..
ANALYSIS: Another team cruising towards the Backyard Bracket and a possible bye, the Isotopes also have the interesting wrinkle of being able to possibly trade AGING DL’d or suspended stars to a team that believes they still will have real value in 2019. Trading players at their lowest possible value has been a bit of a theme in 2018 let’s keep it going. ALTERNATELY the ‘Topes could choose to part with some prospects if there’s pitching available that provides a clear upgrade to their staff. That is. The if. However. Or just ship out a prospect to upgrade the team in general (SP holds guy?) because flags fly forever and I haven’t seen the Isotopes win a playoff matchup in seemingly forfuckingever. See also this “flags fly forever” thing as the reasoning why I am suggesting they need pitching while also suggesting they trade some pitching that is just around the corner, THE ‘TOPES HAVE NEVER FELT CLOSER TO A TITLE.
BARNEGAT BANANA SLUGS: 10-5, CURRENT #3
POSSIBLE NEEDS: Power hitting to kinda fill in after the beautiful moment when Jesus Aguilar, Max Muncy, Trevor Story, and Eddie Rosario all regress ever so slightly at precisely the same time.
POSSIBLE TRADE CHIPS: Rights Player OF Brandon Marsh, Rights Player 3B Alec Bohm, Low Minors OF Kyle Lewis, Low Minors OF Taylor Trammel, Low Minors SS Bo Bichette, High Minors SP Mike Soroka, Low Minors 3B Vlad Guerrero Jr.I KID I KID I KID…..
ANALYSIS: Barnegat is a team I almost threw in the “Buyers” section above because they could be a little luck and a little hot streak away from grabbing themselves a bye, yanno the bye they acted like they had clinched after a 7-1 start and have subsequently choked away by going 3-4 since? That bye. BUT I mean the Banana Slugs are still comfortably in the playoffs and nobody loves projecting their prospects more, so getting them to part even with the washouts (looking at you Kyle Lewis) could be tricky. I am confident Slugs management shall be doing its due diligence however.
I am also confident I am mostly out of things to say in this, BORING DEADLINE last year’s felt like it had more promise. See below for last year’s closing commentary when I felt the world was still full of wonder and possibility, I do not remember how many teams had ERAs over 4 at that time but we currently have 5 so that may be tied or topping it.
2017 closing statements – So there you have it. A bit of a preview of where IN MY HUMBLE OPINION all of your teams fall, and then an attempt to spice up the deadline by identifying possible trade chips and team needs and then just floundering and declaring everyone could use pitching. CUZ EVERYONE CAN, this is the most ERAs over 4 that this league has ever seen (probably a juiced baseball issue but still). So there. You have it. Happy Trading everybody….