YEA I DON’T really have much to say here. My team continues to be bad, there’s that OTHER TEAM that continues to be good, uhhhh everyone that won in 10 did so fairly breezily. Yea that’s all I got. It is called Quick Hitters people. ON TO Week 10 Quick Hitters…
WEEK 10 QUICK RESULTS:
BackdoorSliderz (TEN AND OH) 11-3-0 over Fishing Club (5-4-1)
Renegade Force (5-4-1) 10-2-2 over Banana Slugs (2-7-1)
X-Rayz (2-6-2) 10-3-1 over Bears (4-5-1)
Kings (6-4) 9-1-4 over Bad Dudes (3-5-2)
Isotopes (5-5) 11-2-1 over Leviathans (4-6)
WEEK 10 QUICK NOTES:
Pretty much alllll massacres in Week 10. The Kings were the only winners not to take double digit cats, and they weren’t exactly engaged in a nailbiter (9-4-1).
A NEW ALL-TIME RECORD for two-baggers set by the Fishing Club (32), but even with that fortune those schmucks couldn’t defeat that team that’s also defeated everyone else in the league thus far. A team The Blog officially Does Not Respect.
In other record news the X-Rayz tied the all-time Wins record whilst CLOBBERING me and my Bears. So that’s somethin’ to note. Shout out to Adrian Sampsonfor his 7 K CG, partly cuz I was told to and partly cuz he’s weirdly good all of a sudden? news, being halfway through the season also means our evil defending champeen
And SINCE I’m shouting out records shout out to the Banana Slugs for a truly abysmal offensive showing, a (possibly all time but possibly not but definitely in my eyes) record low .254 OBP. Gross stuff.
Also the ‘Topes have now won 5 straight after losing their first five so that’s uhhh QUITE THE TURNAROUND. There’s possibly another team with a stronger win streak but who really gives a fuck, about that…..or about ANYTHING, when you really think about it.
AND LO, I have more to write this week. And so I shall write it right now. And it shall be right. We gotta get to the June Power Rankings but ALSO I should get some Mid-Season Awards in here but ALSO I don’t feel like predicting which owner will die before the season ends (Doch) or which team will win the championship (maybe Doch’s) or whom has the hottest relative (definite not Doch) and all that shit. Awards shall be all business because I am a mature, non-pretentious, adult man. Let’s do those real quick:
(All stats through 06/03/19 I think….)
FIRST HALF ROY: Pete Alonso (RCBD) – 56/213, 34 Rs, 12 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 19 HRs, 44 RBIs, .335 OBP
honorable mention: Chris Paddack (BBS)
FIRST HALF ROLAIDS RELIEVER OF THE YEAR: Kirby Yates (BBS) – 26 IP, 3 ER, 45 Ks, 22 Saves (0 BS), 1.04 ERA
honorable mention: Roberto Osuna (LTBS)
FIRST HALF IMMODIUM BEDSHITTER RELIEVER OF THE YEAR: Craig Kimbrel (ECK) – HE’S JUST SITTIN’ THERE…
honorable mention: Pedro Strop (RCBD/PBX/AI/RCBD/LL)
FIRST HALF LVP (Pitcher): Mike Foltyniewicz (LL) – 38.1 IP, 26 ER, 32 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 6.10 ERA
honorable mention: Corey Kluber (RRF)
FIRST HALF MVP (Pitcher): Justin Verlander (LTBS) – 87.1 IP, 22 ER, 103 Ks, 11 QS, 9 Ws, 2.27 ERA
honorable mention: Christian Yelich (ECK), Adalberto Mondesi (LL)
AND LO, there’s your MIDSEASON AWARDS. They are a better effort than last season because last season’s MIDSEASON AWARDSwas just a bunch of pictures of a dead dog so at least I’ve improved since then. We must always strive to be a bit better than our last shitty attempt at something. Write that down. And ON TO THE JULY POWER RANKINGS:
NEW FEATURES ALERT: Shall be noting Top Hitter First Half MVP and Top PitcherFirst Half LVP (never mind ESPN kinda kills LVP with no active stats #TeamFantrax) for each squad, one for Hitters and Pitchers which is generous of me because I don’t want to stare at your fucking teams for too long I have other things to stare at (projected starters because half my bats sit against lefties). AGAIN shall be withholding my unnecessary commentary for the teams I currently deem outta the top 6 and thus undeserving of said commentary. Deal with it dog.gif…
#1 – Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (9-0)
So I s’pose they’ve won a couple more coin flips since I last called them lucky fucks for winning a few coin flips, and by THAT I mean they’ve mostly rolled through ever since. Let’s see the numbers: Runs 1st, Doubles 6th, Triples 9th, HRs 2nd, RBIs 2nd, SBs 5th, OBP 1st, Strikeouts 2nd, QS 2nd, CG t-1st, Wins 1st, Saves 3rd, Holds t-8th, ERA 1st, MOVES 3rd. PRETTY DOMINANT GODDAMN LINE THERE (through 9 weeks), one that certainly backs up the flawless record and one that can be thrown in Doch’s face whenever he creeps into your DMs talkin’ all sorts of “always room for improvement” nonsense. There isn’t much room for improvement here, on either side. The staff is anchored by Verlander but getting great #s from Greinkeand deGrom, Buehler is rounding into form, Osuna probably did that shit but all three closers (Holland, Colome) have sub-1 ERAs and double digit Saves (lets just round up with Holland, the passage of time is an illusion). So all of this is unfortunate. The offense discussion can basically begin and end with Cody Bellingerso THAT is what I am going to do. This league wasn’t around for Bonds so the only thing that compares to this was Bryce Harper‘s bonkers 2015 season, whom’s first 2.5 months were sorta similar actually (18 HRs, 42 Rs, 43 RBIs) but still cannot….quite….compare…..to….this: 50 Rs, 13 2Bs, 1 3B, 20 HRs, 52 RBIs, 7 SBs, .462 OBP. The most dominant first 9 weeks The Backyard has ever seen I’m quite certain. WHO WOULDA THUNK IT.
So yea this team is CLEARLY the team to beat, don’t feel like I need to point that out but here we are once again. Fuck them, though.
First Half Team MVP (Pitcher): Justin Verlander (87.1 IP, 22 ER, 103 Ks, 11 QS, 9 Ws, 2.27 ERA)
#2 – Ocean Gate Fishing Club (5-3-1)
Well well well…..IF IT ISN’T, the team I’ve claimed should re-brand as the “LessWithMores”….yanno doing a little bit. At least enough of a little bit to claim the 2nd bye if the BYBracket broke today. Show me the rankings: Runs 7th, Doubles 2nd, Triples t-4th, HRs 5th, RBIs 6th, SBs 4th, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 4th, QS t-3rd, CG t-3rd, Wins 6th, Saves 2nd, Holds t-8th, ERA 2nd, MOVES 10th. The offense is weirdly low in Runs and middle of the pack in most other things, I say weirdly because they STILL carry the two best fantasy hitters on the planet (maybe two of the three now, see above) in Mike Troutand Mookie Betts. Even rosier, their dynamic Cubs duo (Rizzo/Bryant) is back to actually being pretty goddamned dynamic after a few up and down campaigns. Josh Bell and Austin Meadows are all of a sudden both awesome and YANNO WHAT now I am mad at these underachievers once again let’s switch to pitching. Pitching is in many ways what sets this team apart from previous Fishing Clubs, as they now have a BUNCHA legit young arms (Glasnow RIP for now but also Luis Castillo, Shane Bieber, Max Fried, Griffin Canning) to pair with Gerrit Coleand a mildly resurgent ColeHamels and a perhaps even more resurgent Kyle Hendricks. If this team makes some noise this season (and they can start by stopping this ButtSliderz win streak) the resurgent pitching will be behind it, methinks.
I still don’t know how this franchise hasn’t won multiple championships, would require some sort of blog DEEP DIVE, and maybe one day I get to that (very very unlikely) but for now yanno….there’s worse teams to bet on this season (the Banana Slugs).
First Half Team MVP (Hitter): Mike Trout (57/188, 43 Rs, 14 2Bs, 14 HRs, 37 RBIs, 7 SBs, .468 OBP)
First Half Team MVP (Pitcher): Gerrit Cole (77.2 IP, 34 ER, 116 Ks, 9 QS, 5 Ws, 3.94 ERA)
#3 – East Coast Kings (5-4)
APROPOS that I just kinda sorta gushed about a pitching staff for the #2 in the rankings (get it? cuz Greg is a piece of shit) and we now arrive on the team that spent years YEARRRS I TELL YOU as the gold standard pitching staff in the Backyard. Almost to a fault. Well this year they’ve fallen off that a bit, father time being undefeated and all. Well here’s the #s: Runs 6th, Doubles t-4th, Triples t-6th, HRs 3rd, RBIs 3rd, SBs 2nd, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 7th, QS t-3rd, CG t-3rd, Wins 5th, Saves 7th, Holds 9th, ERA 4th, MOVES 8th.Hey good thing Yelich is out here absolutely raking huh? Cuz the pitching, while still good, ain’t what it once was. But the hitting has been pretttttttty special, lead by the NL MVP in a world where Cody Bellinger doesn’t exist and by weirdly excellent middle infielders (Gleyber Torres, Ketel Marte, Javier Baez but a lil more expected outta him). Much like the Ravens at the height of the Joe Flacco offense, THE SCRIPT HAS FLIPPED and now hitting is carrying the pitching (really bad reference that offense was terrible). Which isn’t to say that pitching has been TERRIBLE, just perhaps not tops in the leage no mo’. Kershaw Paxton & Price (the world’s sorest law firm) are still good when healthy, Stephen Strasburghas been good in general and THUS FAR healthy. But Darvish is toast, Carrasco was unlucky and now has mono or something, Syndergaard has been a bit unlucky but also a bit worse than he’s ever been (HE IS HARVEYING). Mix that all together with a LAZY bullpen that’s carried by Brad Hand and you have a pitching staff that is vulnerable, which is a shame because the offense doesn’t appear to be.
All in all the East Coast Kings display a balance most teams can merely dream about, so don’t let some negativity over pitcher health make you think I don’t think this team can win it all cuz I do think that so you shouldn’t think I don’t think that I don’t want you thinking that I think that you think that I don’t think they can. I believe in this team more often than not, even when they miss the playoffs and win like 5 games so….yea.
First Half Team MVP (Hitter): Christian Yelich (60/192, 46 Rs, 8 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 22 HRs, 49 RBIs, 12 SBs, .425 OBP, 1 JROLL)
First Half Team MVP (Pitcher): Stephen Strasburg (79 IP, 28 ER, 98 Ks, 8 QS, 5 Ws, 3.19 ERA)
#4 – River City Bad Dudes (4-4-1)
WHAT can I really say about the Dudes this time? They’re always in it, their offense has been great despite some great players being injured, blah blee blah blee blee blew. STATS ME: Runs 2nd, Doubles 1st, Triples 8th, HRs 1st, RBIs 1st, SBs 10th, OBP 7th, Strikeouts 6th, QS 5th, CG t-5th, Wins 3rd, Saves 6th, Holds 7th, ERA 7th, MOVES 2nd. So yea just LOOK at that offense. Actually look at everything. Actually there’s a case they should probably have more wins but they don’t and fuck Mike. All those bombs and RBIs are coming with a hurt Stanton and a hurt Pollock (if these are shocking to Dudes ownership that says more about them than anything, though) and also a bit of a ho-hum campaign from Manny Machado. But Pete Alonso ain’t hurt and Matt Chapman ain’t hurt and Xander Bogaerts is having a helluva year and Bryce Harper hasn’t been ho-hum okay he’s actually been a little bit ho-hum. The pitching rankings are actually most impressive here because I don’t find a single pitcher of theirs impressive. Won’t even talk about them. Marcus Stroman is trash.
ALL IN ALL there is some nice numbers in River City and they probably find a way to make it into the playoffs and after that WHOM KNOWS, like all of these teams on this list it’s more about how everyone is playing in August than how everyone played in May. Also it looks like there will be no Banana Slugs for them to knock out, so that may be a motivational problem.
First Half Team MVP (Hitter): Pete Alonso (56/213, 34 Rs, 12 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 19 HRs, 44 RBIs, .335 OBP)
First Half Team MVP (Pitcher): Marcus Stroman(76 IP, 24 ER, 59 Ks, 8 QS, 3 Ws, 2.84 ERA)
#5- Rojo’s Renegade Force (4-4-1)
This is one of my FAVORITE rosters in all the Backyard, partly because #FORCE ownership declared in pre-season they would trade their roster for any other roster in the leauge. And now look at em, ACTUALLY KINDA GOOD! Here take a look see: Runs 3rd, Doubles 10th, Triples 10th, HRs 4th, RBIs 5th, SBs 8th, OBP 4th, Strikeouts 10th, QS t-7th, CG t-5th, Wins t-9th, Saves 9th, Holds 3rd, ERA 3rd, MOVES 7th.Weirdly low energy stuff on the doubles and triples markets but everything else looks fairly lovely to this guy, fair reader. Marcell Ozuna has been downright great and Gallo and Springer were great and are now injured and I believe they can be great again. And Devers just seems to benefit from being a Red Sawk and Goldy should be better and they’re FINALLY getting something out of Victor Robles(i traded him to Rojo 9 seasons ago). KEWT lil offense. And KEWT that they have Hyun-Jin Ryu out there dominating and Charlie Morton being very serviceable and are working through it a bit despite a rough year from Corey Kluber and a seemingly aging Bumgarner and meh Tanaka. Alright the pitching may actually be a problem. But AT LEAST they have SP-eligible Diego Castillo out there getting Saves, THE RRF ARE NOT LAST IN THE LEAGUE IN SAVES NOR ARE THEY FIRST IN THE LEAGUE IN HOLDS.
THE RRF ARE NOT LAST IN THE LEAGUE IN SAVES NOR ARE THEY FIRST IN THE LEAGUE IN HOLDS. This isn’t a typo I just wanted to hit on that point again. Apart from that though, the pitching could ultimately end up being a problem. Also fuck this guy for taking my childhood home away?
First Half Team MVP (Hitter): Marcell Ozuna (53/216, 42 Rs, 12 2Bs, 16 HRs, 51 RBIs, 4 SBs, .324 OBP)
First Half Team MVP (Pitcher): Hyun-Jin Ryu (73 IP, 12 ER, 69 Ks, 9 QS, 1 CG, 8 Ws, 1.48 ERA)
#6 – Astoria Isotopes (4-5)
UGH, these PIECES OF SHIT that sort of prevented me from writing about the Lakehurst Leviathans because I had this weird code about trying to accurately nail down Power Rankings and also this new weird rule to prevent me having to write 5000 word opuses about your stupid little teams and their stupid little rosters. The 2018 FIRST LOSERS were well on their way to an epic run at the once-fabled BCS curse and now they’ve won 4 in a row and I just don’t know. Their numbers, please: Runs 5th, Doubles 7th, Triples 1st, HRs 7th, RBIs 9th, SBs 9th, OBP 6th, Strikeouts 5th, QS 9th, CG t-5th, Wins 7th, Saves 8th, Holds 2nd, ERA 8th, MOVES 5th. So Nolan Arenado is obviously someone that is very good that can anchor an offense (not BELLINGER GOOD, but good) so obviously that helps. What also helps is fucking Eduardo Escobar consistently begging me to give him MVP o’ the week honors. Eddy Escobar, forreal. So that’s good and fine, and Khris Daviswill ultimately be good and fine, and they’ll be getting Blackmon back soon after a quick lil DL sting and Aaron Judge back soon and he has missed FOREVER. So those are important pieces that could dictate a matchup or two in the ‘Topes future. Also important will be Chris Sale continuing to shake off an awful April, German Marquezuhhh idk avoiding pitching at home somehow? Zach Wheeler finding dat positive regression would also be nice for Astoria, as would Wade Miley avoiding the LIKELY SIGNIFICANT NEGATIVE REGRESSION. It will likely be somewhat significant. But idk I’ve seen like Ervin Santana and Jason Vargas avoid it for long stretches so idk mannnnn. Also the ‘Topes were smart enough to be the team that finally picked up Ryan Pressly setup man extraordinaire so that is good. Also the ‘Topes currently have two SP eligible relievers (Gant & Romo) in their RP slots while they await Robertson & Betances returns like fucking puds. So that is bad.
I could see this team coming out the gates now and losing another 5 in a row and I could also see them winning another 4 in a row. Definitely one or the other though. so WHO KNOWS.
YANNO WHAT like all things in this blog I’ve just been slapping shit together and I’ve decided I am far too busy to be writing long Week Reviews, so THE WEEK REVIEW IS DEAD. Long live the Week Review. It’s a shame I only got like one or two weeks in with those adorable little cat key pictures but here we are.
ANYWAYZ welcome to WEEKLY QUICK HITTERS, where I quickly(ish) recap the week that was and also try and find speedy players with uniform #s corresponding to the week that….was. One for one in that department. Week 9 in the books, month of MAY also in the books, so there will be a June Power Rankings at some point this week and possibly a brief midseason awards baked into THAT but yanno… I’m not gonna live my life on these deadlines mannnnn *angrily strums acoustic guitar* Also the JROLLbobblehead has been recovered so expect that to be awarded to the team rostering the 2019 JROLL AWARD winner… again at this point these things, and my entire existence, are mostly about tracking those increasingly elusive (but a little less so this week) JROLLs…..
WEEK 9 QUICK RESULTS:
Bears (4-4-1) 7-6-1 over Kings (5-4)
X-Rayz (1-6-2) 9-4-1 over Leviathans (4-5)
Bad Dudes (3-4-2) 6-6-2 TIE Fishing Club (5-3-1)
Isotopes (4-5) 6-3-5 over Banana Slugs (2-6-1)
BackdoorSliderz (9-0) 9-4-1 over Renegade Force (4-4-1)
WEEK 9 QUICK NOTES:
Officially halfway through the Backyard regular season, so why not have a quick gander at the #BackyardBracket IF IT STARTED TODAY: #1 BackdoorSliderz & #2 Ocean Gate Fishing Club would have your two byes, #4 Rojo’s Renegade Force would host #5 Island Beach Bears, and #3 East Coast Kings would host the SIXTH SEED LAKEHURST LEVIATHANS.
That’s right, if the season ended today Shane would be in the playoffs folks. Granted that’s based off victories over the ‘Topes and ‘Dudes and granted they all currently have the same win percentage and granted they all have to play again, still a real accomplishment for an owner that was typically all but Gone Fishin’ by now.
In sadder news, being halfway through the season also means our evil defending champeen has now gone one turn through ye ole’ schedule unscatched. Not UNPRECEDENTED per se (Ryan’s squad last year won 10 in a row, league historians may recall a certain dynasty that won 14 straight then tied in the last week of the regular season then steamrolled through the playoffs on the way to their 3rd straight championship, etc. etc. etc.) BUT perhaps a record for most wins to start a season, who fucking knows. Sounds about right. Will just make it sweeter when they DON’T win back-to-back championships AMIRITE?! (*Groupme pulling at collar emoji*)
In other intriguing news the Astoria Isotopes have come ROARING BACK after an 0-5 start, could also be some sort of historical bullshit should they make the Bracket I DON’T KNOW MAN I haven’t been in the league since inception. But we are getting ahead of ourselves. But the Astoria Isotopes have won 4 straight after starting 0-5 and so that, is of note, I guess.
Also the Pacific Beach X-Rayz won their first matchup of 2019. Congrats to the Pacific Beach X-Rayz and their delightful ownership group (one individual).
LIKE I SAID there may be some sort of more review-y review type format for Weeks 7-9 woven into June Power Rankings but in the mean time just want to keep the basic league results available. Call it QUICK NOTES call it BASIC RESULTS don’t even read it, I don’t give a shit. Just don’t want to lose track of the JROLLs tbh…
FUCK THIS WEEK MANNNNNN. Not only did I NOT un-undefeat the evil Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, it also was just kinda a “meh” performance where we just generally did a little bit worse in all facets. Except for Doubles. A TRULY PATHETIC SIX DOUBLES.
In protest of the absolute bullshit that was Week 7’s results for my specific fantasy team, as well as in protest of ESPN’s epic-ally phoned-in performance this season….I am epic-ally phoning in this fucking review. And probably not even calling in for Week 8 or Week 9. EXPECT AN INTERESTING POWER RANKINGS beginning o’ June where I seek to combine 3 weeks of reviews into one June Power Rankings post in order to avoid yanno, reviewing this bullshit. Few quick news and notes prior to that:
Week 7 Very Basic Results:
LTBS (7-0, FUCK) over IBB (3-3-1),
LL (4-3, A NEW SEASON RECORD CONGRATS SHANE) over HEROY (4-3 and MERCIFULLY converted back to the OGTFC [never thought I would miss that name] after learning that fantasy baseball, as in life, is just random chaos your name means nothing)
‘Topes (2-5) over PBX (0-5-2)
ECK (4-3) over BBS (1-5-1)
RRF (4-3) over RCBD (3-3-1)
Week 7 MVP OF THE WEEK:
8/27, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .321 OBP
Week 7 LVP OF THE WEEK:
0/11, 1 RBI, .083 OBP
Week 7 JROLLs:
Only ONE as these are a dying art, and that one came from:
WEEK SIX has come and gone. And I am FOCUSED AS LASER! Not on this review, I have no fucking desire to write this and I am actually planning on really just quarter-assing my way through it. But going to claim this is because this is DOCH WEEK, laser focused on Doch Week….but maybe it’s just cuz I don’t feel like writing this shit? But also CUZ THIS IS DOCH WEEK. Focused as laser!
If I defeat the dreaded BackdoorSliderz in the WEEK SEVEN BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK I promise I’ll write 5,000 words on it…..
River City Bad Dudes Roll Past Island Beach Bears, Who Were Obviously Just Looking Ahead To DOCH WEEK – 11-2-1
MVP: Kyle Gibson – Kyle Gibson above is me looking at my streaming luck of late. Look man absolutely NO ONE had an impressive week here, except for Andujar and the Bears starting staff and that was the “impressively bad” sort of impressive. So Bogaertswas okay (7 Rs, .379 OBP) but more importantly for the Dudes Kyle Gibson and whomever the fuck else they threw out there pitched pretty nicely. NOT THAT MUCH WAS REQUIRED OF THEM.6 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA
LVP:Miguel Andujar – NAWT the finest of debuts for Miggy Andujar, I will say that much. Given the amount of ABs and the sheer nothingness done with them this may be your LVP of the YEAR. 1/27, .037 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK/PROBABLY YEAR***
PITCHING STUFF. This one was never as close as some of the #s may have implied it was (on the hitting side of thingz), and that is because the Bears pitching was ONCE AGAIN terrible (a MARK OF THE BEAST ERA, which leads to losses in other KEYCATS as one can probably infer). Credit to the Dudes for pitching pretty well, but yea nobody pitched worse than these assholes last week. I shall cut them all. I should also add the only thing sadder than the Bears starting pitching this season/this week was the way Lobman kept checking the fucking box score even though the matchup was in the bag PROBABLY since like Thursday but definitely before we even got to Citi Field. Just be PRESENT IN THE MOMENT, Mike. Especially if in that moment you are dancing on top of a ledge in a gay bar….
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: I should also add the only thing sadder than the Bears starting pitching this season/this week was the way Lobman kept checking the fucking box score even though the matchup was in the bag PROBABLY since like Thursday but definitely before we even got to Citi Field… Just be PRESENT IN THE MOMENT, Mike… Especially if in that moment you are dancing on top of a ledge in a gay bar… what else WHAT, ELSE… Uhh only two hitters per team with multi-HR weeks and by multi-HR I mean 2 HR (Alonso & Reyes for the Dudes, Encarnacion & Tim Anderson for the Bears)…
What’s Next (Week 7): RCBD v. RRF (3-2-1 v. 3-2-1)
IBB @ LTBS (3-2-1 @ 6-0, BBOTW)
Astoria Isotopes FINALLY Grab A Fucking Win, Unfortunately At The Expense Of The East Coast Kings Rather Than At The Expense Of Some Piece Of Shit’s Team (Like Lacey) – 8-6-0
MVP: Charlie Blackmon – If I wanted to just get this review done quickly (and I do) I would cop out here by saying Blackmon did his best Yelichimpression (half his hits for the week left the yard) and Yelich did his best Blackmon impression and that’s that. ‘Nado was also good but yea, gooder job by Charlie I guess. 8/20, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .520 OBP
LVP:Miguel Cabrera – Nobody was particularly BAD for the Kings, and there was certainly worse Miggys during this particular week, but Miggy was just kinda MEH in a nice opportunity to avenge his own POORLY HANDLED release (no respect). 26/22, 1 R, 2 RBIs, .333 OBP
QS. It tends to be tricky to OUTCLASS the Kings in certain pitching cats, particularly on a week when they pitch to a 2.72 ERA, but the ‘Topes were able to do just that in escaping with a 7-6 QS victory. The Isotopes were no slouched with their hurlers (3.40 ERA, 95 Ks) but still only went 3-4 on the pitching cats, so yea. FLIP THIS ONE and you have a disgusting tie
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: This was the first time all season that the Kings lost with an ERA under 5, interestingly enough… This was also the first time all season that the Isotopes won, in case that wasn’t covered… The Kings had the lowest RBI output but highest SB output in Week 9, somewhat of a classic X-Rayz formula…
What’s Next (Week 7): ‘Topes @ PBX (1-5 @ 0-4-2)
ECK v. BBS (3-3 v. 1-4-1)
Heroy’s Weird Ode To My Brother Of A Team Wins Beats The Barnegat Banana Slugs, Somebody Cue Up A Losing Streak For This Idiot So He Adopts An Actual Team Name – 7-5-2
MVP: Kris Bryant – KRIS BRYANT. Still out here, let’s give him his first MVP of the week since like 2017 (probably) never mind forgot bout Springer. 8/25, 9 Rs, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, .485 OBP
LVP:Christian Walker– “2019 Luke Voit” (I’m sure someone has said it) kinda followed Luke towards RELATIVE mediocrity in Week 6 (he did make his one XBH count I will give him that), which is a shame cuz the rest of the Slugs O was pretty toight. 3/22, 1 R, 1 3B, .269 OBP
OBP. This one likely stings a bit for the Slugs because on both sides of the ball they BASICALLY performed as well as they have all season. Yet they were matched up with an opponent that was performing just a bit better in enough categories. And that’s basically how you win or lose a week. ANYHOW this was exemplified best in OBP, where the Slugs would usually feel pretty good about their performance but were no match for a firing-on-all-cylinders uhh Heroy outfit (HEROY won .402-.351).
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: These were your top two Run totals in Week 6… Team Heroy was one of 4 teams in Week 6 to cross the 100K threshold (Bad Dudes, X-Rayz, BackdoorSliderz are your other 3)… Eugenio Suarezscored 10 Rs for the Slugs, which is NOTABLE I GUESS I dunno… phonin’ this one in remember…
What’s Next (Week 7): HEROY v. LL (4-2 v. 3-3)
BBS @ ECK (1-4-1 @ 3-3)
Pacific Beach X-Rayz Harness The Power Of Sharon Johnson To Tie The Pride Of Sharon Johnson’s Team, Rojo’s Renegade Force – 7-7-0
MVP: MOTHERS EVERYWHERE but specifically Sharon Johnson – ALLEGEDLY Mothers Day festivities are to blame for the Renegade Force being unable to get two extra starters (both of whom threw what would be matchup-winning QS) into their lineup. No word on what Sharon ordered or how that explains the other two starts the RRF failed to put forth (8/12 starts is only kewl if you win, kids). I respect both Mr. and Mrs. J too much to do something with the “stats” section here, as we all know I could…
LVP:Rojo– So tired of having to give this good friend and okay realtor LVP, and yet here it is happening for like the GOD KNOWS HOW MANY-eth time. Amateur effort. If it was against an opponent I actually enjoy seeing lose this would have been a longer paragraph. 1 Absent-minded Brunch (I’ll bet he didn’t pay)
QS. I’m honed in on the Mothers Day EXCUSE here but really the RRF only started EIGHT this week and starting any one of those extra 4 and having any one of them pitch a QS gets them a W (including the 2 QS thrown on Sunday by Ryuand Tanaka). What kinda MONSTER doesn’t set those 2 into his Sunday lineup like the day before or whatfuckingever?! Someone call Kevin Johnson (or Rachel <3) and see if he wants to take this outfit over. Anywhom the X-Rayz won QS 7-6 despite going a very pretty 0-2 in QS attempts on Sunday (Snell 5.2, 2 ER, 12 Ks Corbin Martin 5.1, 1 ER, 9 Ks), tie preserved.
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: Rojo your indifference here was both an inspiration (particularly when juxtaposed with some other owners) and a slap in the face of the very INSTITUTION of the Backyard and this carefully-crafted blog and it will be stamped out so help me god (jk I’m just speeding through this and didn’t know what else to write… ps George Springer (14/27, 10 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, .563 OBP) was the actual ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** (maybe shared with Sharon)…
What’s Next (Week 7): PBX v. ‘Topes (0-4-2 v. 1-5)
RRF @ RCBD (3-2-1 @ 3-2-1)
2019 WEEK SIX BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS CLEVELAND ZOO BABY SLOTH BEAR NAMING CONTEST (that I feel is going somewhat poorly)
Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Easily Beat Lakewood Leviathans But Were Also No Doubt Looking Ahead To HUGE Matchup With Island Beach Bears In Week 7 – 11-2-1
MVP: Justin Turner – YEA, for all their sexy youthful talent and all their bluster fucking Justin Turner. 9/21, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .455 OBP
LVP:Carlos Santana – Carlos is usually an OBP STALWART so he let the fam down herecan’t be the same Robinson Cano the ‘Topes keep dangling in trade talks CAN IT?!?! 4/26, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .214 OBP
BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note: You know you’re rolling the fuck along when fucking Justin Turner and Gregory Polancoare the ones pacing your offense in an easy victory of a week (9/20, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .500 OBP).
BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note: To further illustrate that point, behold Lacey Twp’s SECOND streamed Zach Eflin CG (9 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).
Leviathans Hitter Of Note: The Leviathans may be backsliding a bit, perhaps falling into their old ways, but HEY at least Alex Gordon isn’t falling into his old ways (he tends to suck) he’s been a pretty solid hitter thus far (7/20, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .381 OBP).
Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: This is just so I can make a mental note to myself to try and trade for Matt Boydhe’s been swell (6 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).
Who give a fuck what happened this week, WEEK SEVEN IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
In Week 7 the undefeated Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz will take on THE MAN THEY THREATENED TO PUNCH IN THE FACE, and his Island Beach Bears. In what will surely be (possibly be) the most chat participation you get out of me all season. As I must defend my honor and my right, as a ‘Murrican, to be “pretentious” and “passive-aggressive.” This was where I should have had a photoshopped image of Doch as Odor and me as Bautista but we can add that in w/ post edits once Brian gets around to it. The blog is big on post edits now.
Also Shane is playing someone I’m sure, that’s how this league works we all keep playing people until it’s over….
What’s Next (Week 7): LTBS v. IBB (6-0 v. 3-2-1, BBOTW)
LL@ HEROY (3-3 @ 4-2)
Week Six Review, HALF-ASSED by me so I can focus on defeating FRAUDNEY. Works enough for me.
Alrightttttt in the flow here now that I’ve shed another few layers from these fucking things, so let’s crank out another half-hearted review. That way I can eventually crank out Week 6 review. That way I can brainstorm a way to combine weeks 7-9. But lets not get ahead of ourselves. First this “review”….
Also the Astoria Isotopes will not be featured in the Week 6 BBOTW, rest my sweet prince…..
Rojo’s Renegade Force Steamroll A Hibernating Bears Squad – 8-3-3
MVP: Michael Chavis – I barely know who this dipshit is (jk I do), but fuck him. That’s the only intro he’s getting outta me.11/27, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP
LVP:Brandon Nimmo – Hoooooooooly shit I didn’t even realize how bad Nimmo was last week, or else I wouldn’t have had to debate him vs. Kepler this afternoon. Fuck Nimmo too, then. 0/18, 1 RBI, .182 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK***
ERA. The Bears pitched like a bag of dicks in managing a mere 2 QS for the 2nd time in the past 3 weeks (both of our uhh non-wins) but that is probably most succinctly expressed in the ERA matchup (RRF win 3.30 to 4.56). There’s some other blame I can throw around (mostly towards Dave Roberts), and I should probably be discussing the winner of the matchup more than the loser, but yea the loser in this case only had 2 QS and 69 Ks (nice).
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: This was the only matchup in Week 5 not to feature a Triple… The Bears had the week’s lowest K total, RRF were 2nd lowest…
What’s Next (Week 6): RRF v. PBX (3-2 v. 0-4-1)
IBBv. RCBD (3-1-1 @ 2-2-1)
Lakewood Leviathans Harness The Power Of Montezuma’s Mondesi’s Revenge, Defeat River City Bad Dudes – 8-5-1
MVP: Adalberto Mondesi – I was one of the many folks who called into question the underlying skillset of a one Adalberto Mondesi relative to his preseason ADP, and I DO still believe there is quite a floor here, but the view right about now is looking prettttty nice. He appears to be a better asset than the corpse of Carlos Martinez, I can declare that with some confidence. He’s also our early JROLL LEADA. 8/28, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 3 SBs, .355 OBP, 1 JROLL ***MVP OF THE WEEK***
LVP:Rougned Odor – As impressive as Adalberto was in Week 5, Rougned was equally unimpressive. I don’t GIVE A DAMN SIR about your 3 run dong and your cute lil SB, you’re pretty much unrosterable in an OBP league and I shall continue to shout it from the heavens. 2/21, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .136 OBP
JROLLs: Adalberto Mondesi (2, LL)
QS. The Bad Dudes actually outclassed the Leviathans on the hitters side (won HRs 19-12, etc. etc.) but it was the solid pitching of Lakehurst that helped deliver them this dub. Take for example QS (LL takes it 7–3). Now ya got that kinda lead and you’re thinkin’ you’re also gonna get the ERA win, okay? And with that you’re hoping for Ws and Ks, okay? And so yea that’s what happened. …..they also won Holds. But QUALITY STARTS is the focus here.
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: The Bad Dudes were one of 3 teams in the Backyard to post a sub-.300 OBP in Week 5… Archie Bradley gave up 4 ER without recording an out for the Leviathans… to settle the score a bit, a Brad Peacockstart backfired horrendously for River City (3.2 IP, 7 ER, 2 Ks)… Marcus Stromanfailed to go 5 for the Jays/Bad Dudes for the 2nd time this season (3.1 IP, 4 ER, 3 Ks), he’s been otherwise rather sensational (2.20 ERA)…
What’s Next (Week 6): LL v. LTBS (3-2 v. 5-0, BBOTW)
RCBD @ IBB (2-2-1 @ 3-1-1)
East Coast Kings Klobber (Kinda But Not Really) The Pacific Beach X-Rayz – 8-5-1
MVP: Noah Syndergaard – It’s debatable whether or not Noah was the MOST crucial component to this King’s victory (as if I do these things super scientifically) but what ISN’T debatable is this: Throwing a CG shutout that you win 1-0, when the 1 is a dong you hit, is fucking badass and deserves to be recognized in these hallowed Matchup MVP chronicles. 9 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA
LVP:Dee Gordon– “Speed don’t slump” but sometimes some of these speedy guys on the X-Rayz just sorta suck at hitting, yanno? Dee managed a steal but also sucked quite a bit. 4/20, 1 RBI, 1 SB, .200 OBP
JROLLs: Kelvin Gutierrez (1, PBX) (…..PS- WHO THE FUCK?!)
CG. Complete games are ALWAYS a key stat. ALWAYS I tell you. Cuz I mean you take this Syndergaard CG shutout away and replace it with ohhh I dunno Brad Peacock‘s Week 5 line and BOOM Odom wins or something. That’s a lot of jiggering around with stats but whatever, I said what I said.
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: I always find it FASCINATING when teams tie in traditionally non-tied cats and here our two combatants ended up knotted up @ 40 RBIs apiece, how bout them apples… Christian Yelichonly got 5 ABs this week due to a back injury so he was only able to hit 1 HR, thusly opening the door for a non-Yelich MVP in a Kings victory… DISASTROUS start for Blake Snellvs. KC (3 IP, 7 ER)… Forreal though whom in the fuck is Kelvin Guttierez?
What’s Next (Week 6): ECK @ ‘Topes (3-2 @ 0-5)
PBX @ RRF (0-4-1 @ 3-2)
Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz ABSOLUTELY STEAL A Victory From The Jaws Of Defeat, Break The Hearts Of The Barnegat Banana Slugs – 7-6-1
MVP: Alex Bregman – Bregman came within a few of matching the Slugs total HRs for the week, that sorta says more about the Slugs than it does about Alex but Alex is also rather sensational. Loved his work in the great Bauer v. Astros Twitter battle of 2018. 7/25, 6 Rs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, .357 OBP
LVP:Eddie Rosario– This, this was not Eddie’s best work. Which is a shame cuz I’m a fan. But he let us all down in Week 5. 2/23, 1 R, 1 RBI, .125 OBP
JROLLs:Whit Merrifield (2, BBS)
Strikeouts. OOF, this fucking tomfoolery here. The Slugs had Bauerand uhhh PaddackI think (?!) pushed back to Monday as I recall, but still entered Sunday in good shape to get a W and by the end of the day games they just needed 6 Ks between Quintana (Ks in previous 4: 2, 7, 7, 11)and Wainwright (Ks in previous 4: 5, 3, 3, 4). WELP they both had a “pitch to contact” fest and recorded 2 Ks apiece, LTBS ESCAPES with a K cat victory 80-79 and further escapes with an undefeated season still intact.
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: These were your two lowest team OBPs of the entire season, the team with the lowest OBP and also the lowest Runs total ends up getting the W… The Banana Slugs are first in the Backyard in Ks but got out-K’s 14-11on Sunday (2 Ks a piece from Quintanaand Wainwright) to absolutely choke it all away… In a week won by ONE K and ONE QS and also ONE W I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the solid totals from the two old fucks in the BackdoorSliderz rotation that had 2 starts apiece (Verlander 14 Ks 1 QS 1 W, Greinke 11 Ks 2 QS 1 W)… Vlad Watch: 2/18, 1 RBI, .238 OBP in Week 5…
Heroy’s Dumb Goddamned Team Sends The Astoria Isotopes Straight To Hell And Also To 0-5 – 9-5-0
MVP: Anthony Rizzo – Retroactively adding the proper stats in here TURNS OUT I PHONED THIS IN AS WELL. 7/18, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .519 OBP
LVP:Robinson Cano – This can’t be the same Robinson Cano the ‘Topes keep dangling in trade talks CAN IT?!?! 2/18, 1 R, 1 2B, .158 OBP
Heroy’s Hitter Of Note: Michael Brantleycuz why not (10/22, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .478 OBP).
Heroy’s Pitcher Of Note: Gerrit Cole cuz whoooo cares and also cuz he is v. good (7 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).
Isotopes Hitter Of Note: In a season of VERY FEW silver linings, at least Nolan Arenado has been starting to get the power stroke back after a slow start but yea still this isn’t really much of a silver lining *WORKS TWICE* (12/30, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .419 OBP).
Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: In a season of VERY FEW silver linings, at least Chris Salehad a bit better of a week but yea still this isn’t really much of a silver lining *WORKS TWICE* (6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).
ET TU, GREGGERS?! When the dust settles on the 2019 regular season and the Astoria Isotopes are (probably) watching the Backyard Bracket from home, we must all remember it was Team Heroy that sent them to a seemingly daunting 0-5. And I don’t FEEL LIKE it was particularly close, I didn’t pay a tremendous amount of attention to the chat this weekend but I don’t FEEL LIKE anyone was talking about the ‘Topes avoiding 0-5. Everyone was probably just talking about how the ‘Topes were about to be 0-5. And their PISS POOR PITCHING was to blame (there’s some sort of symbolism to Dallas Keucheljust hanging out there all useless). Cuz on the hitting side the ‘Topes had some pretty stats I gotta say (53 Rs, 25 2Bs, .376 OBP), all three of those were good enough to win their respective #cats and they also took HRs 13-12. So an overall 4-3advantage on hitting alone. But Team Greggers threw up a pretty pretty pitching line: 100 Ks, 8 QS, 1 CG, 7 Ws, 6 Saves, 2.45 ERA. Won every damn one of those cats, didn’t get any Holds but DIDN’T NEED THEM. Kyle Hendricksprovided an efficient CG, Gerrit Cole & Shane Bieber & Tyler Glasnow each had dominant starts, and hey all of a sudden the Fightin’ Greggers look like they have a great pitching staff. Team ‘Topes, on the other hand, has Keuchel sitting there collecting dust. And they ended up with a 4.85 team ERA. And they had to watch Cole Hamelshave a nice 5 IP 7 K start for their opponent. Insult to injury I tell you.
Week 6 has Heroy and his frustrating team name taking on the STABLEST team name in all of the Backyard (and perhaps the least stable chatter), Brian & his Barnegat Banana Slugs. That one could get interesting in the chat folks, TUNE IN (I won’t). As for last year’s runner-up, they are running-out of fuckin’ time here. 0-5 and hosting a TOUGH East Coast Kings squad in what feels like a must win just in the sense that you wanna win eventually (not sure there is must wins in May). Good fuckin’ luck to them, but I’m tired of covering their ineptitude in the BBOTW so we are switching up to covering Doch’s quest for perfection. See ya there.