So in lieu of Midseason Awards this particular season (and to be honest in lieu of uhhh, at a MINIMUM ūüėČ probably the next month’s worth of possible blog bullshit outta me, CONSIDER ME ON HIATUS), just gonna post a couple pictures of Nala who passed away on Thursday and was my whole entire heart.¬† RIP Nala Bear.





















2018 Week 9 Review: “Halfway Home But Yea Don’t Worry About It” Edition

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AND WITH THAT, we are halfway home. We had a nice Sunday night showdown in our BBOTW that culminated in the Slugs getting SALTED BROCKED to a second loss, we also had the perennial BCS participants falling to a worst-start-ever record. We had all of these things. See those and other things below.……














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Rojo‚Äôs Renegade Force Hold On To The Night And Hold On To The Memories Of Defeating The Mission Valley X*Rayz In Week 9, Despite Losing Holds¬† ‚Äst 7-6-1


MVP:¬†¬†Chris Taylor¬† ‚Äst¬†Fantasy is a cruel mistress so the guy that did the most damage against the X*Rayz is the guy on the roster the X*Rayz have publicly pined for most. That is sometimes the way it goes sometimes.¬†¬†8/25, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .379 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†

LVP:¬†¬†Delino DeShields¬†¬†‚Äst Delino this HURTS ME to do this to you, but you have been bad sir. Very bad not good at all.¬†¬†1/25, 1 R, .200 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†***LVP OF THE WEEK***¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬† ¬†¬†


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Whoa Nellyyyyy, that was lame but nice to see Nelson Cruz back in the good graces of the Week Review (11/27, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .433 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Corey Kluber, still good (6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:¬†¬†Marcel Ozuna¬†goes 1-7 for the X*Rayz, gets traded to their opponent for peanuts towards the end of the week, and then proceeds to hit a HR on their bench and then a grand slam not on their bench cuz he’s spiteful (1/7, 1 R, .333 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  BLAKE SNELL HAS ARRIVED and as a casual Rays/X*Rayz supporter I say about goddamned time (11.2 IP, 0 ER, 19 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 10:  RRF v. MW (5-4 v. 1-8)

                  X*Rayz @ Warriors (4-5 @ 6-3)






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Bell Road Babadooks Wake The Fuck Up For A Week, Send River City Bad Dudes To Third Straight L¬† ‚Äst 8-2-4


MVP:¬†¬†Edwin Encarnacion¬† ‚Äst¬†A real fucking DASTARDLY act by Edwin to steal this one out from under Nimmo’s feet but yea, Eazy E is heating up with the average air temp as per usual. We entered Sunday ever so slightly close on the R and HR cats and Edwin helped see to it that was no longer too much of an issue and that, as they say, was that. Dare I say this one’s gonna grab MVP of the week.¬†¬†11/27, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, .448 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†***MVP OF THE WEEK***¬† ¬† ¬†¬†

LVP:¬†¬†Jose Abreu¬†¬†‚Äst I mean not the UGLIEST LVP I have ever seen but a slap in the face after I made sure to name drop Jose in the Power Rankings. A slap in the face that I will not forget.¬†¬†4/24, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 RBIs, .208 OBP¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  But yea also Brandon Nimmo was giving that CASUAL MET FAN of a Bad Dudes owner the biz all week as well (9/32, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 3 SBs, .410 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†Kenley Jansen¬†still ain’t really Kenley but I at least want to note a slight improvement in results, not outta the woods though folks¬†(4.1 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks, 3 Saves, 2.08 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Andrew McCutchen with a MEH kinda JROLL, might have been significant or something if the Bad Dudes won or something (8/24, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .346 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:¬† The Bad Dudes may have “won” ERA and Ks and stuff but most of their mains sucked (just less than mine overall),¬†Carlos Carrasco sucked the worst (3.2 IP, 6 ER, 2 Ks, 14.73 ERA).


Week 10:  Babadooks v. Slugs (5-4 v. 7-2, BBOTW cuz I was mean to him in the chat) 

                   Bad Dudes v. OGTFC (3-6 v. 4-5)






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OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Flop Around And Past The Q-Tip City Morning Wood¬† ‚Äď ¬†7-4-3


MVP:¬†¬†Brian Dozier¬† ‚Äst¬†Brian Dozier is one of those guys I’ve always wanted to acquire since back in the CLIFF days and never really got around to it and now I am sure I will get him when he is like 34. And actually, even typing that sentence out terrified me because now I fear a flood of bad trade offers from the OGTFC headed my way. But hopefully his FINE Week 9 will prevent that from happening.¬†¬†10/31, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .417 OBP

LVP:¬†¬†Brandon Belt¬†¬†‚Äst Brandon Belt has been damn near the best Boner but now he has ABANDONED THEM in their time of need, and also abandoned his appendix.¬†¬†3/14, 2 Rs, .267 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mike Trout, also still good ALSO JROLL (9/28, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .367 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†Justin Verlander¬†has a 0.72 WHIP right now and THAT, my friends……that is pretty disgusting (12.2 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.13 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  JD Martinez remains a bright spot in an otherwise dark season in Q-Tip City (7/25, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB .357 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†OH but also¬†Mike Foltynewicz BREAKIN’ OUT, see things are looking up already chin up you guys¬†(9 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks,¬†1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 10:  OGTFC @ Bad Dudes (4-5 v. 3-6)

                   MW @ RRD (1-8 @ 5-4)






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Garden State Warriors Give It To The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz¬† ‚Äst 9-4-1


MVP:¬†¬†Andrew Benintendi¬† ‚Äst¬†I hate crediting Red Sawks, PARTICULARLY youthful Red Sawks (I would be fine giving¬†Pedroia an MVP at this point), so here is Andrew Benintendi he is pretty solid he had a JROLL¬†his hair is pretty feathery fuck him.¬†¬†11/29, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .438 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†

LVP:¬† Travis Shaw¬†¬†‚Äst Travis Shaw is by most accounts, or at least by my account, better than he rightfully should be. But he was not that in Week 9, in Week 9 he was more in line with what I expect out of him. Could be the ex-Red Sawk thing.¬†¬†3/20, 1 R, .292 OBP


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Francisco Lindor just casually putting up .500 OBP weeks, and I will never forgive the scouting community for sending mixed messages about his bat (11/25, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†In a week where the Warriors shipped out¬†Dylan Bundy they quickly grabbed his possible replacement in my old friend¬†Vince Velasquez, a SIMILARLY SUSPECT hurler I don’t trust either of ’em¬†(12 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.25 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Nice little week out of Teoscar Hernandez, a guy who both intrigues me and worries me as a potential trade target (cuz maybe he is just Dominican Randal Grichuk)(6/19, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, .350 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†Poor¬†Jacob deGrom, pitchin’ lights out over his last three starts but the Mets can’t buy him a W¬†(14 IP, 2 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 1.29 ERA).


Week 10:  Warriors v. X*Rayz (6-3 v. 4-5)

                   Sliderz @ Isotopes (3-6 @ 7-2)







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Astoria Isotopes Take Down The Barnegat Banana Slugs As Was The Will Of The Fantasy Gods¬† ‚Äst 6-5-3


MVP:¬†¬†Nolan Arenado and/or Brock Holt¬† ‚Äst¬†I am not ACTUALLY gonna give it to Brock Holt you see, it was indeed his dagger of a triple late Sunday night that did the Slugs in but REALLY they did themselves in when they debated baseball’s win rules. Or when they debated baseball’s save rules. Or when they got TOO BIG FOR THEIR MAY BRITCHES. But anyways Nolan Arenado is having a typically excellent season, just no longer for me ūüė¶ .¬†¬†9/26, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .414 OBP

LVP:¬†¬†Charlie Morton¬†¬†‚Äst YOU BLEW IT ON SUNDAY NIGHT CHARLIE. Nice Ks though.¬†¬†11.1 IP, 9 ER, 17 Ks, 1 QS, 7.15 ERA¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:¬†¬†Mean¬†Jean Segura, the Isotopes had 5 triples for the second week in a row and Segura didn’t have any either week so really this sentence doesn’t tie into him at all¬†(9/23, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 SBs, .429 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  And Gio Gonzalez just CONTINUES to do this to me despite me INSISTING nay DEMANDING he cuts the shit before he makes the All Star game or something (14.2 IP, 3 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.84 ERA).


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:¬†¬†Eddie Rosario¬†SURELY would have grabbed that MVP if Salt didn’t let the Slugs down SHIT I just realized I missed a pun opportunity here (13/30, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .528 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†Ohhhh¬†Michael Wacha, your penchant for taking no-hitters into the 9th is a tragic one and also I think you are the same pitcher from last year NOT BUYIN’ YOU¬†(14.2 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.61 ERA).




SELDOM IS IT that I actually pay enough attention on a Sunday to be able to give a decent recap of the EVENTS of the BBOTW but on this particular Sunday, I dunno I paid a little bit of attention plus the NBA Finals kept me awake so I got the insights. So basically the Slugs and the ‘Topes had an epic battle for first place in the land allllll week,¬† one that culminated in a Sunday brouhaha. The ‘Topes had a pretty sizable advantage in the offensive cats earlier in the week that DISAPPEARED with a big Saturday out of Barnegat (9 Rs, 9 2Bs, 3 HRs, 13 RBIs) coupled with a wee Saturday outta Astoria (3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 RBI). so STAGE SET for Sunday. Eventually you are getting down to it and you got your couple pitching cats up for grabs right (with the Slugs also with a chance to grab HRs or some shit), Michael Wacha THREATENS a critical CG in a no hit bid but loses it in the 9th. Ouch #1 for the Banana Slugs. Ouch #1 for the Isotopes comes via an¬†Eddie Rosario 3 HR day (thus leading to the HR closeness), the last of the HRs also giving the Banana Slugs a W and a¬†6-5¬†edge in that cat. Ouch #2 for the Banana Slugs arrives when the Padres RALLY to grab¬†Tyson Ross a W, thusly knotting Ws at 6-6. Also around this time is likely Ouch #3 for Barnegat, a Chaz Roe¬†hold that TIES the holds cat @ 2-2 and gives the Isotopes a¬†6-5-3 advantage overall. So then yea SUNDAY NIGHT GAME and it is coming down to¬†Charlie Morton versus those pesky Sawks, if Charlie can QS/W the Slugs take the W and first place overall and if he just gets one they end up with a tie and first place overall. But what they really end up with is Charlie LABORING to get into the 5th, a win looking less and less likely but a QS still very much on the table. But NO the Fantasy Gods were reading Brian’s horrific musings on wins rules and combined that with his horrific understanding of saves rules to decide no, no this cannot stand. Morton unravels in the 5th culminating in a¬†Brock Holt 2 RBI triple while Brian’s satellite feed is down. A rare act of mercy from merciless gods. ‘Topes win, ‘Topes in first via H2H tiebreaker.

In Week 10 Astoria looks to KEEP ROLLIN’ when they host the Lacey contingent, neither of these teams have a multiple game streak to speak of. The Banana Slugs, meanwhile, will hope to regroup at the expense of the Babadooks. The Babadooks have won 3 straight but only the last win had any sort of impressiveness to it, really, when ya look at ’em. THAT ONE is your¬†BBOTW¬†because I really lead the charge on the ribbing on the wins thing and now surely Brian has vengeance in his heart.

Week 10:  Isotopes v. Sliderz (7-2 v. 3-6)

                 Slugs @ Babadooks (7-2 @ 5-4, BBOTW)







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Yes, Yes We Are….. 
2018 Week 9 Review: “Halfway Home But Yea Don’t Worry About It” Edition

2018 Power Rankings: June Edition

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SHIT that is a classy image. Really hoping they made a classy July image as well. We will find out in July. ANYWHO once again I write up Power Rankings for no real reason, none really at all. Just to keep this blog on life support a bit longer I suppose. Let’s see how these things look‚Ķ..

(All stats through June 1st or 2nd or something….)



1- Barnegat Banana Slugs (7-1)

Ahhh the age old question, is it better to pitch excellent or hit excellently in the Backyard? I am not even going to pretend like I am about to pull up some historical numbers on this, but the fact is the Banana Slugs have had an excellent pitching staff while the 2nd ranked team has out-hit them in just about every category (save for steals). We aren’t talking about the second team yet so let us check the numbers for the Slugs: ¬†Runs 6th, Doubles 10th, Triples 10th, HRs 9th, RBIs 10th, SBs 2nd, OBP 9th, Strikeouts 2nd, QS 1st, CG 2nd, Wins 1st, Saves 6th, Holds 8th, ERA 1st, MOVES 8th.¬†First thing you might notice here NOT A GREAT OFFENSE for the Slugs, I believe for the second year in a row they’ve been lagging in the power department and Josh Donaldson‘s inability to stay healthy can’t help there. Great work on the base stealing for this unit however, largely thanks to¬†Ender Inciarte¬†and¬†Whit Merrifield. Second thing you should notice though is REALLY FINE PITCHING, and that continues to be lead by¬†Scherzer and¬†Severino and¬†Morton and¬†Corbin and¬†Bauer and even a little bit¬†Michael Wacha sadly. ALSO,¬†Seranthony Dominguez is a beast so there’s that. So the Slugs continue to do very well with the pitching staff, and if you’re a fan of theirs you hope everybody is still healthy in August and if you are not a fan of theirs you note that pitchers get hurt a lot (everyone likely falls into this latter category). ALSO NOTE the Slugs are currently in a battle with our 2nd ranked team in Week 9, if they lose they’ll have the same record and this ranking looks murkier.¬†leader of the dong pack has been¬†Charlie Blackmon¬†but¬†Aaron Judge, Khris Davis,¬†and even¬†Mike Moustakas¬†and if you can fucking believe it¬†Paul DeJong¬†have been socking dingers for the outfit from Astoria.¬†Nolan Arenado¬†has barely gotten warmed up and has barely needed to. You‚Äôve also got¬†Chris Sale¬†being his typical self and¬†Gio Gonzalez¬†STILL insisting on being good and now even¬†JA Happ¬†has come on board and gotten into the act, the act of being old and good and on the Astoria Isotopes.¬†Add all that up and you have the current top team in the land. Darkest timeline.



2-  Astoria Isotopes (6-2)

The Isotopes fail to hold onto the top ranking for a second month in a row, perhaps partly because I didn’t want to give them the top ranking for the second month in a row but ALSO partly because yanno they have one more loss than the team above. And I am being a slave to the records somewhat for some reason. THE NUMBERS:¬†¬†Runs 1st, Doubles 3rd, Triples t-1st, HRs 2nd, RBIs 1st, SBs 7th, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 5th, QS t-9th, CGs t-6th, Wins t-5th, Saves 9th, Holds 3rd, ERA 7th, MOVES 5th. The ‘Topes are no longer top dog with the HRs but they are a close second and still have¬†Charlie Blackmon,¬†Aaron Judge, Khris Davis,¬†Nolan Arenado,¬†THEY ARE FINE on the hitting side do not worry about them. Pitching-wise you’re lead by¬†Chris Sale¬†and¬†Dallas Keuchel and riding goddamned¬†Gio Gonzalez¬†and¬†Tyson Ross. The ‘Topes very much have enough on that side of the ball, and remain a the premiere offense, and if I wait another day or so here maybe they are tied for best record and then have a better case at #1 overall. Which is why these rankings cannot wait a day.



3-  Garden State Warriors (5-3)

The Garden State Warriors dusted off after a 2-0 start became a 2-2 start and now they are 5-3 and looking like a team poised to be 6-3 and looking generally dangerous. Let’s see if the general numbers back up my general feelings there:¬†¬†Runs 7th, Doubles 4th, Triples t-1st, HRs 5th, RBIs 3rd, SBs 3rd, OBP 5th, Strikeouts 1st, QS 3rd, CGs 1st, Wins t-8th, Saves 2nd, Holds 8th, ERA 3rd, MOVES t-9th.¬†OH YES ABSOLUTELY, these numbers actually were way better than I even expected as the Warriors have some sneaky balance across the board here. Clayton Kershaw¬†may be dead and that is really sad if that is the case, and¬†Noah Syndergaard¬†and¬†Yu Darvish are on the DL and¬†Strasburg just had some forearm cramps but NEVERTHELESS the Warriors persist. If they’re getting all their pitcher DL stints out of the way now and still winning that is good, and also¬†Gleyber Torres is good and so is every goddamn other middle infielder on this team, they are all extremely good. And Austin Meadows looks legit and so do the Warriors, pitcher injury bug be damned.



4-¬†Rojo’s Renegade Force (4-4)

TYPICAL RENEGADE FORCE FASHION, take a 3-1 start and then up and go 1-3 immediately after to negate it. I am too frustrated with this team, as a fan, to possibly write any more up top here. Show the numbers:  Runs 5th, Doubles 2nd, Triples t-4th, HRs t-3rd, RBIs 4th, SBs 10th, OBP 7th, Strikeouts t-9th, QS t-3rd, CGs t-4th, Wins 2nd, Saves 10th, Holds 1st, ERA 8th, MOVES 3rd. So I mean still solid numbers, but demonstrating some of the slippage that would correspond with the record slippage perhaps? Perhaps. At least they have holds all to themselves once again. CONCERNING (mildly) = Paul Goldschmidt, ENCOURAGING = Scooter Gennett. CONCERNING = Injuries to Ryu and Cueto and ineffectiveness off and on from Tanaka (although perhaps not much new there), ENCOURAGING = Kluber still being Kluber and Bumgarner returning Tuesday and Ohtani actually looking pretty goddamned excellent. This is a glass half full or glass half empty franchise through and through.



5-  Mission Valley X*Rayz (4-4) 

Just as I dig into the PRs (NOT Puerto Ricans how dare you) the X*Rayz start shifting into their wackiest shift yets, with a zaney rotation of a real cast of characters. It wasn’t always this way but is this way now, let’s see how the guys now plus the guys before are faring:¬†¬†Runs 9th, Doubles 9th, Triples t-4th, HRs 10th, RBIs 8th, SBs 1st, OBP 8th, Strikeouts 7th, QS 5th, CGs t-6th, Wins 4th, Saves 1st, Holds 10th, ERA 4th, MOVES 1st.¬†SO the typical speed is there, but with a not excellent OBP the runs have not been the way they were last season. SEASON IS YOUNG however, or at least merely halfway, so¬†Billy Hamilton¬†has time to learn how to get on base so they maybe start hitting him 9th. And the weird thing is this team is getting EXCELLENT OBP performances out of¬†Nicholas Castellanos, Andrelton Simmons,¬†and Odubel Herrera¬†¬†as well as the typical overall excellence of¬†Jose Ramirez. SO I wouldn’t be surprised if the Runs numbers among others trend up with a core of good OBP performers. Pitching staff is a whole other thing, maybe¬†Dylan Bundy gets it together and maybe¬†Archer and¬†Happ maintain or improve while¬†Newcomb Snell and¬†Mikolas avoid heavy regression. And maybe these things happen a different way, who knows.



6-  River City Bad Dudes (3-5) 

The River City Bad Dudes potentialllyyyyyyyyy starting at a REAL situation. A situation they haven’t stared at in any recent first half that I can remember. But first that requires me to close out a week and that hasn’t at all happened yet so that is all I want to say for now. The Bad Dudes bullet points:¬† Runs 8th, Doubles 5th, Triples t-4th, HRs 1st, RBIs 2nd, SBs 8th, OBP 5th, Strikeouts 8th, QS t-6th, CGs 3rd, Wins 3rd, Saves 3rd, Holds 6th, ERA 10th, MOVES 2nd.¬†First in HRs 2nd in RBIs but EIGHTH in runs doesn’t really add up, and being last in ERA isn’t a great spot to find yourself in. But of course I will never consider this team truly in trouble until it is eliminated from the season,¬†Bryce Harper¬†and¬†Manny Machado¬†remain and Wilson Contreras¬†and¬†Jose Abreu are having fine seasons and¬†Giancarlo PROBABLY improves. Improving the pitching may take some maneuvering from this owner but he’s a pretty skilled maneuverer, which he shall need to be cuz yea nobody looks great on this particular staff. But also fuck him save any improvements until Week 10.



7-  Oceangate Trout Fishing Club (3-5)

Theseeee turds again, “rebounding” from a 1-3 start to go like 2-2 or whatever. LOOK OUT FOLKS. K the numbers:¬†¬†Runs 2nd, Doubles 6th, Triples 3rd, HRs 7th, RBIs 9th, SBs 4th, OBP 1st, Strikeouts 3rd, QS 2nd, CGs t-4th, Wins 10th, Saves 5th, Holds 5th, ERA 6th, MOVES 6th.¬†¬†So the OGTFC been a bit unlucky with the pitching Ws and a bit unlucky with the¬†Corey Seager injury (and¬†Mookie Betts recently landing on the DL) but also fuck them they still have¬†Mike Trout¬†and¬†Kris Bryant so boo fucking hoo. They also have Justin Verlander and¬†Gerrit Cole pitching disgustingly well and¬†Josh Hader being the best reliever in baseball so yea SAVE YOUR TEARS AMERICA. This team is always a threat but also always a threat to somehow underperform, everyone else lumped into this .500-ish playoff race should be hoping for the latter.



8- Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (3-5) 

The lads down in Lacey are hoping to once again dance in the Backyard’s postseason dance, and SURE that is still possible like I said everyone is kinda .500ish (apologies to those that aren’t) but the BackdoorSliderz are very much in that mix of shit and having some uneven showings. Let’s see if the numbers could possibly illustrate “uneven showings” whatever that means:¬† Runs 3rd, Doubles 1st, Triples t-7th, HRs 6th, RBIs 5th, SBs 7th, OBP 3rd, Strikeouts 6th, QS t-6th, CGs t-6rd, Wins t-8th, Saves 8th, Holds 2nd, ERA 2nd, MOVES 7th.¬†I mean I would say it KINDA¬†represents uneven, some uneven stuff in there but also some mostly middle of the pack type stuff things could trend either direction anything is possible the possibilities are beautiful. The BackdoorSliderz offense continues to go the way of its Braves and baby Braves, yes their PRECIOUS¬†Ronald Acuna¬†is up (currently injured) and¬†Freddie Freeman is great and¬†Ozzie Albies SOMEHOW EVEN GREATER.¬†Jose Altuve¬†and¬†Travis Shaw and¬†Alex Bregman¬†all quite good, the rest of the offense UNEVEN. Pitching staff appears to be a work in progress but a work with the potential to be PRETTY GOOD, Jacob deGrom¬†has been great as has been yet another rookie stud in¬†Walker Buehler and now¬†Joe Musgrove and¬†Ross Stripling might also be good?! Time will tell there, but there’s potential in the¬†BackdoorSliderz. No potential in Dochney though fuck that guy.



9- Bell Road Babadooks (4-4)  

IF IT ISN’T THESE UNDERPERFORMING PIECES OF SHIT ONCE AGAIN. The amusing part is we are both underperforming and overperforming, as once I unveil these numbers many folks might be asking how we are sitting at .500 rather than a few below. I would argue something about GRIT and knowing how to get just enough right in a matchup and something something something it would all be largely bullshit. NUMBERS UNVEILED:¬† Runs 10th, Doubles 6th, Triples t-7th, HRs 8th, RBIs 7th, SBs 9th, OBP 10th, Strikeouts 4th, QS t-9th, CGs t-6th,¬†Wins t-5th, Saves 4th, Holds 7th, ERA 9th, MOVES 4th.¬†YEP there we are, with Cody Bellinger¬†Joey Votto¬†I DUNNO IT FEELS LIKE EVERYBODY kinda underperforming,¬†Rhys Hoskins both underperforming and fouling balls off his own face. The nicest thing I can say about this team is it has¬†Brandon Nimmo and¬†Edwin Encarnacion is known for heating up once summer rolls around. So we got…..that. Also¬†Mike Clevinger has been very good and¬†Aaron Nola is very good. But yes this team is worse than several of the teams with better records, at least through the first half of the season (to both).



10-  Q-Tip City Morning Wood (1-7)

Goddammit Shane, I reallllly wanted to keep the Bonerz outta 10th place once again because they probably have numbers that don’t deserve this but the MAIN number is the 1 win. Only having 1 win is bad. Other numbers include:¬†¬†Runs 4th, Doubles 8th, Triples 7th, HRs t-3rd, RBIs 6th, SBs 5th, OBP 4th,¬†Strikeouts 10th, QS 8th, CGs t-6th, Wins t-5th, Saves 7th, Holds 9th, ERA 5th, MOVES t-9th. Still some pretty solid numbers mixed in here but AS ALWAYS the Morning Wood knowing how to do alllll the right things if “the right things” means losing the matchup. Didi Gregorius¬†cooled down fucking immensely, Brandon Belt just burst his appendix or some shit,¬†an absolute monster these days,¬†Lorenzo Cain¬†Mitch Haniger¬†JD Martinez remain very good this year but FOR WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT SERVE.¬†Jack Flaherty and¬†Mike Foltynewicz are killing it I will give them credit, on the pitching side of things, but yea. Welcome home, AM Bonerz.





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Thus concludes the June Power Rankings. In conclusion, this is the conclusion.

2018 Power Rankings: June Edition


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Don’t let my adorable friend above fool you, these trades are mostly meh. WHICH I GET. Season is young, deadline is not near, everyone is mostly .500 except for the few that aren’t. I get it. But I will be DAMNED if I cover these in much detail at all. Let’s get to it….

Note for these belated “reviews”:¬† all stats are current-ish, so not necessarily reflective of the numbers at time of trade, but still who really gives a shit….


Thu, May 31
11:14 PM


GSW traded Dylan Bundy, Bal SP to XYZ (for MacKenzie Gore, SD SP)

Bundy:  3-7, 68.2 IP (12 starts), 4.46 ERA (4.74 FIP), 83 Ks (10.88 K/9), 7 QS 1 CG

Gore:  8 IP and 9 ER and 10 Ks across 3 A ball starts.

MLB Comp:  Cole Hamels

GSW traded¬†Dylan Bundy, Bal SP to XY4.46 ERA Z Bundy has games where he looks unhittable (7 QS hint at that), other times he gets rocked. Worth the gamble sure, but Gore’s eventual upside likely surpasses Bundy’s. /¬†WARRIORS
Thu, May 31
8:19 PM


RRF traded Jordan Hicks, StL SP (and waiver claim spot) to XYZ
XYZ traded Marcell Ozuna, StL LF to RRF

Hicks:  2-1, 29 IP, 2.48 ERA (4.19 FIP), 16 Ks (4.97 K/9), 5 Holds

MLB Comp:  Mauricio Cabrera

Ozuna:  .320 OBP, 6 2Bs, 4 HRs, 21 Rs, 24 RBIs, 3 SBs

Hicks THROWS REAL FAST but that is about all he does, doesn’t get many swings and misses and walks more than he strikes out. Ozuna can rebound, this is better than dropping him but yea. /¬†RRF
Tue, May 15
8:40 PM


RCBD traded Marcus Stroman*, Tor SP to LTBS
LTBS traded David Dahl*, Col CF to RCBD

Stroman:  0-5, 37.1 IP (7 starts), 7.71 ERA (4.60 FIP), 32 Ks (7.21 K/9), 1 QS

Dahl:  .309 OBP, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 4 HRs, 8 Rs, 13 RBIs, 2 SBs

RCBD traded Marcus Stroman*, Tor SP to LTBS
LTBS traded David Dahl*, Col CF to RCBD
Hindsight has been unkind to this trade, cuz AT THE TIME I would applaud the Dudes giving up a pitcher I have always found to be mediocre for a potential 5 cat stud. Now that “stud” is out like 8 weeks and on waivers and starting to appear like he will always be out like 8 weeks. /¬†Bad Dudes
Tue, May 8
11:37 PM


XYZ traded A.J. Puk, Oak SP to RCBD
RCBD traded Brad Boxberger, Ari RP to XYZ

Puk:  He had TJ surgery in early April.

MLB Comp:  Andrew Miller

Boxberger:  1-2, 20 IP, 1.80 ERA (3.08 FIP), 27 Ks (12.15 K/9), 13 Saves

I do not have much faith in AJ Puk future starting pitcher, but future impact reliever might be plausible. MIGHT. Boxberger is helping out now though. / X*Rayz




2018 Week 8 Review: “Count…down To Halfway Point Of Season” Edition

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THE HALFWAY POINT IS NIGH. First I need to “discuss” Week 8 in my own succinct way but yea, we are almost into June and almost at the official halfway point of the regular season. Week 8 saw one matchup go down to just about the last ABs of Sunday night baseball (mine, as is customary) and also saw one team now finding itself ALONE atop the standings (the Slugs, which isn’t necessarily customary but isn’t necessarily not customary either [#2 seed in 2017]). Let’s see how all that went down, again SUCCINCTLY‚Ķ‚Ķ














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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Stop Three Game SLIDE, Defeat Rojo’s Renegade Force ¬†‚Äst 7-5-2


MVP:¬†¬†Jose Altuve¬† ‚Äst¬†Jose Altuve has actually taken a bit of flack from Lacey ownership in the early goings (could the picture above be an indication as to why?! YOU DECIDE..) but he is still pretty damn good don’t kid yourselves, and was probably at his best all season in Week 8. 50% of his season steals total and 25% of his season HR total and a¬†JROLL.¬†¬†12/28, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 3 SBs, .448 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†***MVP OF THE WEEK***¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†

LVP:¬†¬†Eric Hosmer¬†¬†‚Äst Flip sideeee of the coin we have Eric Hosmer, who has had a surprisingly effective season but who the hell really knows how effective he really shall be. Certainly the Padres don’t given the contract they threw at him. But yea Hosmer wasn’t really any good in Week 8.¬† 4/23, 1 R, .240 OBP¬† ¬†¬†


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:¬†¬†Here’s another good Astro in the BDSliderz possession,¬†Alex Bregman¬†(7/25, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1¬†HR, 6 RBIs, 2 SBs, .438 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†And THE YOUNG¬†Walker Buehler lookin’ pretttyyyy good in the early going¬†(14 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Scooter Gennett I still do not get what the FUCK there (12/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .519 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  And the RRF got a Daniel Mengden CGshutout, ALL FOR NAUGHT but impressive nonetheless (9 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 9:  Sliderz @ Warriors (3-5 @ 5-3)

                RRF v.  X*Rayz (4-4 v. 4-4)






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Barnegat Banana Slugs Bash River City Bad Dudes Brains In Kinda Sorta¬† ‚Äst 9-1-4


MVP:¬†¬†Eugenio Suarez¬† ‚Äst¬†Eugenio is currently THIRD in baseball in RBIs despite having like at least 50 less ABs than most other guys on that list. Which on one hand kinda points to how arbitrary RBIs can sometimes be (the Reds aren’t exactly offensive juggernauts) but on the other hand makes me kinda sad as a one time owner let’s move on.¬† 6/22, 2 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .346 OBP

LVP:¬†¬†Matt Chapman¬†¬†‚Äst Matt Chapman’s line makes me sad for different reasons, as that guy just LOVES putting up weeks like this. Loves it.¬†¬†2/21, 1 R, 1 RBI, .136 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†***LVP OF THE WEEK***¬† ¬† ¬†¬†


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Howz about Salvador Perez with a MATCHUP HIGH 3 dongs (7/31, 3 Rs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .250 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†Nick Pivetta¬†gave up 6 runs in an inning of work back on the 4th o’ May but since then he’s been v. good again GOOD FOR NICK (12 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  But yea Bryce Harper also hit three (7/25, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .321 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Sonny Gray sucks there I said it, KEEP YOUR Ks (3.2 IP, 5 ER, 7 Ks, 12.27 ERA).


Week 9:  Slugs v. Isotopes (7-1 v. 6-2, BBOTW) 

                 Bad Dudes @ Babadooks (3-5 @ 4-4)






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Bellcrest Park Babadooks Sunday Night Squeeeeeeze Past The Q-Tip City Morning Wood As We Are Wont To Do¬† ‚Äď ¬†4-3-7


MVP:¬†¬†Brandon Nimmo¬† ‚Äst¬†Look the stats were ugly in this one, kinda across the board. But somebody had to win (or tie) and somebody did and we will NOT apologize for that. But we will have a kinda hard time picking an MVP, so just gonna use this space to point out BRANDON NIMMO (of last year’s BCS infamy) has been the Mets best hitter and I demand they start him most of the time the rest of the way.¬†¬†5/14, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .438 OBP

LVP:¬†¬†JD Martinez¬†¬†‚Äst JD Martinez with the (relative) power shortage last week and good fuck him.¬†¬†2/19, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .190 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  Ronald Guzman was the ONLY MAN in this matchup to hit multiple dongs, like I said it was ugly (3/6, 2 Rs, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, .625 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Kenta Maeda went out there and dominated the Rockies last week and now this week he gets pulled with injury 5 outs in and now is dropped and that is life in the league (6.2 IP, 0 ER, 12 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Lorenzo Cain I will say did his relative best in this one, but they could have used a 3B Lorenzo (11/24, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 1 SB .536 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Also could have used Zack Greinke escaping with a W in one of his two starts either one really (12 IP, 6 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 4.50 ERA).


Week 9:  Babadooks v. Bad Dudes (4-4 v. 3-5)

                 MW @ OGTFC (1-7 @ 3-5)






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Garden State Warriors Gleyber The Astoria Isotopes To Death/A Second Loss¬† ‚Äst 10-2-2


MVP:¬†¬†Gleyber Torres¬† ‚Äst¬†You already knew.¬†¬†7/18, 5 Rs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .450 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†

LVP:¬†¬†Yolmer Sanchez¬†¬†‚Äst This is mostly to point out the the poor Isotopes (jk fuck ’em) got FIVE triples and it still wasn’t good enough to win the triples cat. For the Warriors also notched 5. Yolmer notched one Yolmer is a prolific three bagger bagger.¬†¬†4/19, 1 3B, 1 RBI, 1 SB, .211 OBP


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Austin Meadows JROLL, it only took the Pirates like a hundred years to finally promote him no biggie (10/22, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 2 SBs, .435 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†Anddd Jose Berrios also gave the ‘Topes a bit of the business, for fantasy poetic justice is the best poetic justice¬†(15.1 IP, 4 ER, 17 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.35 ERA).


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Silver linings would be that Aaron Judge is still mostly v good (7/20, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Anddd Chris Sale got lit up on Sunday, for fantasy poetic justice is the best poetic justice (12 IP, 7 ER, 17 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 5.25 ERA).


Week 9:  Warriors v. Sliderz (5-3 v. 3-5)

                 Isotopes @ Slugs (6-2 @ 7-1, BBOTW)







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Mission Valley X*Rayz Overcome OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Name-Calling, And Trout, In Victory¬† ‚Äst 9-5-0


MVP:¬†¬†Miles Mikolas¬† ‚Äst Mission Valley got this one done with pitching folks, leaving me NO CHOICE but to give this to a guy that once ate a live lizard on video and also once threw a CG (last week). I’m not thrilled with it either but here we are. Nature is brutal. Man even brutal-er.¬† 15 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 2.40 ERA¬† ¬†¬†

LVP:¬†¬†Josh Bell¬†¬†‚Äst Josh Bell, inversely, remains relatively disappointing this season.¬†¬†4/20, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .261 OBP¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Jose Ramirez remains a treasure, what more can I say here (6/22, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 SBs, 1 SB, .429 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:¬† JA Happ¬†very strong last week as well, no word yet on whether or not he’s eaten a lizard before (13.2 IP, 4 ER, 13 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.63 ERA).


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mike Trout back to being rather good, I am sure he has put that whole hitless streak behind him (8/20, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 2 SBs, .556 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  And Gerrit Cole blah blah something something (13 IP, 5 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 3.46 ERA).




This one wasn’t NEARLY as competitive as the bitchfest in the chat that one day over misinterpreted comments LEAKED from private conversation roughly 5 months ago (or whenever). But yea, TECHNICALLY was still kinda in play on Sunday but the X*Rayz never seemed to sweat this one out all that much in part due to uncharacteristically EXCELLENT pitching numbers:¬† 97 Ks, 10 QS, 1 CG, 5 Ws, 8 Saves, 1.730 ERA. That gave Mission Valley a 6-1 advantage in pitching cats, from there it’s as simple as not fucking up too hard in hitting cats. And not fuck up too hard they did, going 3-4 in those guys for their final 9-5 advantage. Credit the X*Rayz pitching staff for really getting it done in Week 8, credit the OGTFC staff for not exactly making it close on that side o’ the ball (5.143 ERA). And that dear readers is how the BLOOD FEUD shook out.

In Week 9 Mission Valley will head to the Land Of The Hold to take on Rojo’s Renegade Force, they just set the all-time holds record the X*Rayz have the fewest holds in the league I have a good guesstimate on how that cat will shake out. The OGTFC, meanwhile, will be looking to lick their wounds at the expense of our lovable 10th place team out there in “Q-Tip City.” SHOULD BE A GOOD ONE, or something.


Week 9:  X*Rayz @ RRF (4-4 @ 4-4)

                OGTFC v. MW (3-5 v. 1-7)







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Week 8 Is Done Move On People…..¬†
2018 Week 8 Review: “Count…down To Halfway Point Of Season” Edition

2018 Week 7 Review: “Se7en” Edition

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WHAT’S IN THE FUCKING BOX SCORES?!¬†Is what he means. Week seven felt a lot like Se7en in that I felt like it rained every goddamn day. Same as Se7en. And then Sunday ended with sunshine, same as Se7en. And when it ended we ended up with some teams NARROWLY escaping the Sunday night game with victories (‘Topes, ‘Dooks) and some teams NARROWLY falling short (‘Dudes, ‘Rayz) and now we have a league with more teams below .500 than above. As Above So Below. Let’s look at the boooooooox scores or at least my version of such fuckery‚Ķ‚Ķ















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OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Trounce Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Whom Slide All The Way Down To Ninth Place¬† ‚Äst 10-2-2


MVP:¬†¬†Mookie Betts¬† ‚Äst¬†TROUNCE is a strong word but a 10 cat win is a pretty good-sized win in this parity-filled league, and that is what we had here and Mookie Betts helped in a bunch of areas. As per usual. Pretty annoying that the OGTFC have him I’ll say that much.¬†¬†12/41, 6 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 4 SBs, .424 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†¬†

LVP:¬†¬†Jaime Garcia¬†¬†‚Äst I tell ya what most people mostly did their job for the ButtSliderz in Week 7 and sometimes that mostly happens and you still lost 10 cats. Wouldn’t say anybody was all that “good” but nobody was “bad” enough to make this an easy choice so really it just made my job harder and I resent that. Jaime Garcia had the worst ERA and is now on the DL as punishment.¬†¬†3.2 IP, 6 ER, 3 Ks, 14.73 ERA¬† ¬† ¬†¬†


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  I guess CJ Cron is good this year but nobody let me know that CJ Cron was good this year so I am a bit taken aback, THE RAYS DO IT AGAIN (8/30, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .333 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†Justin Verlander with the CG shutout, I forget what I did when I got rid of him but I clearly did not get value back but also fuck him stay outta¬†Robbie Cano‘s business man¬†(9 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:¬†¬†Ozzie Albies¬†bravely JROLLing aboard a sinking ship, no they’re probably fine but Ozzie is BETTER than fine I want him¬†(9/23, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .462 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And heyyyy they let Jacob deGrom pitch beyond the first inning this week, good things seem to follow when they do that (7 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).


Week 8:  OGTFC @ X*Rayz (3-4 @ 3-4, BBOTW cuz that cute chat fight),

                 Sliderz v. RRF (2-4 v. 4-3)





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Barnegat Banana Slugs Bully The Q-Tip City Morning Wood Because Family Means Nothing (Doubly True For Family Via Marriage)¬† ‚Äst 9-4-1


MVP:¬†¬†Nick Pivetta¬† ‚Äst¬†A pretty SUBDUED effort for the Slugs in Week 7, seemingly knowing exactly what they needed to do to get the W and just uhhh doing that. So without any real standouts on O let’s just give this to Nick Pivetta, a guy a couple of different teams took a turn with earlier this season and then I had him last and he pissed me off and so I dropped him and now him and¬†Wacha will likely put up fine and full seasons for the Slugs. Which is bullshit. The pickoff attempt above is funny howevz.¬†¬†7 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA

LVP:¬†¬†Ryon Healy¬†¬†‚Äst Ryon Healy was HOT I think for a second there but he has course corrected if you will. Also Ryon is a tremendously stupid way to spell Ryan.¬† 2/23, 1 R, 1 2B, .125 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Yasiel Puig with 75% of his 2018 dongs in Week 7, do the math at home kids (5/18, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .409 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  In the interest of FAIR AND BALANCED REPORTING I do need to point out while Trevor Bauer DOES need to stop using the Twitter, he also decided he wanted to play for $6,420,969.69 this year and is giving away the difference between that number and the $6,525,000 he settled on to various charities and those are both good things (8 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  The poor Bonerz probably deserve a better record than they have and certainly no blame could be placed upon Haniger (.640 OBP) or Brandon Belt last week or this season, blame the cruelties of math (12/27, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 11 RBIs, .500 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†CAN’T BLAME Jack Flaherty, that kid can pitch and I do believe I threw him into a deal for fucking¬†JP Crawford¬†(13.1 IP, 2 ER, 16 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.35 ERA).


Week 8:  Slugs @ Bad Dudes (6-1 @ 3-4) 

                 MW v. Babadooks (1-6 v. 3-4)






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Bellcrest Park Babadooks Sneak By Mission Valley X*Rayz Via Sunday Night ShitOBP Showdown¬† ‚Äď ¬†7-5-2


MVP:¬†¬†Cesar Hernandez¬† ‚Äst¬†In a week that came down to a battle of really bad OBPs and which OBP would be less bad (partly cuz¬†McCullers couldn’t strike out one more guy LIKE A MAN), I must give this to the man that did the most for my putrid OBP. Cesar has a great eye and see above for him drawing a 5 ball walk in 2015.¬†¬†8/21, 7 Rs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, 2 SBs .435 OBP

LVP:¬†¬†Franmil Reyes¬†¬†‚Äst Franmil with the¬†REYROLL, sometimes I don’t like highlighting High Minors guys because they are more or less FREE ABs but it was either this or highlight¬†Ozuna‘s ugly week and I don’t want to affect X*Rayz trade negotiations.¬† 1/14, .071 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†***LVP OF THE WEEK***¬†


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  How about the High Minors Stylings of a One Johnny Field in Week 7, generic The Show players can get hot in one week sample sizes too folks (6/15, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .438 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†Lance McCullers¬†could have cost me a W by falling a K short of what was needed on Sunday night but he didn’t and also he helped us get to PERHAPS A TEAM RECORD 9 QS (13 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.38 ERA).


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Jose Martinez appears to be over that sandy vagina that plagued him earlier in the year (10/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .444 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:¬† And¬†JA Happ carved up a pretty HAPP-less ūüėČ Mets lineup the one day, congrats to Jerry Arnold¬†(7 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks,¬†1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 8:  Babadooks @ MW (3-4 @ 1-6)

                 X*Rayz v. OGTFC (3-4 v. 3-4, BBOTW)






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Garden State Warriors Humble Thy (Rojo’s) Renegade Force, For Being Humble Is The Way Of The Warrior Or Something Or Something¬† ‚Äst 9-4-1


MVP:¬†¬†Andrew Benintendi¬† ‚Äst¬†I mean sureee the Warriors mostly accomplished this one on the pitching side (won 6 pitching cats, 3 hitting cats) but pitchers are boring fuck them. If I am choosing to highlight a Sawk over the pitching then I must really feel strongly about not wanting to put a pitcher here. And that is what I am doing. Nobody said these all make perfect sense.¬† 12/27, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .484 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†

LVP:¬†¬†Paul Goldschmidt¬†¬†‚Äst Startin’ to become a bit worrisome here Paul. Paul is having an off year. This isn’t the LVP-est of lines but it isn’t great and for a guy (that used to be?) as great as Goldschmidt DISGRACEFUL. He is currently hitting .201 on the year.¬†¬†4/23, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .208 OBP


Warriors Hitter Of Note:¬†¬†JT Realmuto¬†not caring enough about the Marlins (heavy speculation) to risk his health “stealing bases” is what stood in the way of a JT JR in W7¬†(6/17, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .421 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  The Warriors threw a 2018 RECORD TWO complete games in Week 7, and they were both identical lines so this is James Paxton but could just as easily be David Price (9 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 2.00 ERA).


RRF Hitter Of Note:  I mean at least Eric Hosmer is ALL OVER the basepaths for SD/RRF (7/23, 5 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .385 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Jordan Hicks just threw like the four fastest pitches of the season or whatever which, yea notable, BUT really I want to point out he throws that heat yet only has struck out NINE batters in 22 IP which sickens me the (1 IP, 3 ER, 1 W, 27.00 ERA).


Week 8:  Warriors @ Isotopes (4-3 @ 6-1)

                 RRF @ Sliderz (4-3 @ 2-5)







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Astoria Isotopes Avoid Tie With River City Bad Dudes Because Carlos Carrasco Couldn’t Get One More Fucking Batter Out¬† ‚Äst 7-6-1


MVP:¬†¬†Jean Segura¬† ‚Äst The Isotopes with NOT ONE but TWO¬†JROLLs in Week 7 so I shall grab the prettier one here. I mean the other one was fucking¬†Dustin Fowler people.¬†¬†12/29, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 4 SBs, .419 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:¬†¬†Rougned Odor¬†¬†‚Äst Rougned Odor remains absolute murder on team OBP, also remains on pace to be fondly remembered as the worst hitter to ever hit 30+ HRs.¬†¬†3/24, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 RBIs, .160 OBP¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:¬† Just to point out how QUICKLY fortunes can change for a previous week’s matchup MVP,¬†Aaron Judge couldn’t muster a hit in Week 7 look upon that¬†REYROLL¬†(0/15, .167 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Jose Quintana with one good start and one shit start in Week 7 but nobody else did anything too standout one way or the other so GOOD ENOUGH (11.2 IP, 6 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.63 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:¬† If you’re a Dudes fan (gay) looking for silver linings here uhhhhh¬†Matt Chapman appeared to look good at the plate (gay) for the first time in a while¬†(10/23, 7 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, .519 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Carlos Carrasco is a very good pitcher but also got pulled at 106 pitches with 1 out to go on Sunday night in order to secure a CG L and a Bad Dudes tie HOW UNFORTUNATE FOR THEM (14.1 IP, 6 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 3.77 ERA).




SUNDAYS CAN BE CRUEL TO US ALL (well not me I’ve kinda won off the last two of them but still). Sunday nights even crueler. What was a mostly in-the-bag seeming victory for the Astoria Isotopes (due in part to a not great offensive showing for the River City Bad Dudes) became close, as matchups sometimes become close, late into Sunday evening. And then IMPROBABLY the Dudes stood one out away (and one avoidance of Tito playing the “matchups’ [poorly]) from grabbing a CG loss from Carloss Carrasco, one that would have made this matchup a 7-7-0 tie. That wasn’t what happened cuz Tito brought in Tyler Olson (promptly gave up a run scoring ground rule double) and with that this one ended up a 7-6-1 ‘Topes victory. ‘Topes leaned heavily on the hitters side, going 6-1 in those cats and 1-5-1 in the hitting cats. It was the lowest HR output of the year (10) for the Backyard’s best HR team but that was plenty enough compared to the Bad Dudes, who put up the second lowest total of the week. Bad Dudes outpitch the Astoria outfit but get little-to-nothing on offense and that’s your breakdown folks, PRETTY MUCH WHAT HAPPENED. I feel satisfied with this one.

In Week 8 the Isotopes will take on the pitching-heavy Warriors and would likely take the same result as above if they can get it. Meanwhile, the Bad Dudes do battle with the Banana Slugs in a matchup that would MAYBE have been BBOTW if not for that brief little Heroy-Odom spat that tickled me pink last week. So oh fucking well.


Week 8:  Isotopes v. Warriors (6-1 v. 4-3)

                Bad Dudes v. Slugs (3-4 v. 6-1)







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Week 7 down. Week 8 to follow. June Power Rankings To Follow Some Time After That. 
2018 Week 7 Review: “Se7en” Edition

2018 Week 6 Review: “One Third Through” Edition

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Wellllll it is just what it goddamned says really, Week 6 is behind us and so we are now officially one third of the way through the regular season. The good news for the teams that are SCUFFLING is there’s still two thirds of a season to turn it all around. The good news for the team’s that are technically in the playoffs right now is they just need to hang onto their MEAGER spots for another 12 games. Maybe less if you can really run ahead of things and clinch early. This season we may have some early clinchers. Anywho onto the Week 6 box scores and breakdowns and bullshit. Out of respect for Dochney’s fresh political perspective I will try not and mention that fucking BRUTAL Sunday night defeat too much. He is saved by me picking BBOTW in advance, is what happened here‚Ķ‚Ķ















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Barnegat Banana Slugs Beat Mission Valley X*Rayz In Battle Of Biggest Stat Pointer Outers¬† ‚Äst 9-3-2


MVP:¬†¬†Trevor Story¬† ‚Äst¬†Look nobody hates Trevor Story more than I do, I mean I hate him with every fiber of my being. And why do I hate him? I do not even know it just became my gimmick at some point. But yea he had a good week. But fuck him.¬†¬†7/19, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, .480 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†

LVP:¬†¬†Jarlin Garcia¬†¬†‚Äst Honestly nobody really had a standout bad week per se, Jarlin’s aside.¬†Billy Hamilton has been a weird asshole this year but even he had a 3B and HR on the week, and stole 3 bags during a Sunday benching (no official steals for him though). So yea, Jarlin gets this just by virtue of being the worst overall but how much it mattered into the bottom line is questionable. X*Rayz just lost a tough one.¬†¬†4 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 15.75 ERA¬† ¬† ¬†¬†


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Eugenio Suarez, he was very good again and now I am forced to stare at my roster and figure out who I decided to drop him for (10/29, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .355 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:¬†¬†And who in the world is this fuckin’ guy this Fernando Romero fuckin’ guy with the strikeouts and whatnot, either he was good enough or¬†Sev was good enough SOMEONE was good enough for me to not reprint a¬†Scherzer line here¬†(11 IP, 1 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.82 ERA).


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:¬†¬†He has been going out of his way to show me his numbers so HERE feast your eyes upon Odubel Herrera‘s somewhat improbably nastiness, guy’s gonna be an All Star and shit and he spent the first month bouncing around the Backyard¬†(10/19, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .640 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Sean Newcomb with the NASTINESS himself, nastiness that at least Lobman (and probably me a little) has been waiting on for a while now (12 IP, 0 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.00 ERA).


Week 7:  Banana Slugs v. MW (5-1 @ 1-5),

                 X*Rayz @ Babadooks (3-3 v. 2-4)





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River City Bad Dudes MurderPunch The Q-Tip City Morning Wood And They Are The Sole Arbiters Of Last Place Once Again¬† ‚Äst 12-1-1


MVP:¬†¬†Wilson Contreras¬† ‚Äst¬†HOW ABOUT this Wilson Contreras JROLL,¬†a most peculiar feat for a catcher and something I would only possibly expect out of¬†JT Realmuto. And I would be wrong cuz Wilson Contreras just had himself one. And a two triple¬†JROLL at that. Continue to feel yourself, Wilson.¬† 11/23, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:¬†¬†Didi Gregorius¬†¬†‚Äst SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS for Didi Gregorius, as he went from being perhaps the hottest hitter in baseball to a guy that barely mustered a .100 OBP last week. FORTUNATELY for the Yankees it doesn’t seem like they need him to rake in order to win. UNFORTUNATELY for the Bonerz they probably do.¬† 1/27, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, 1 SB .103 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Manny Machado stays crushing baseballs, maybe the Yanks or the Bonerz (HAHA) can get him to replace Didi (10/27, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .433 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Also Carlos Carrasco pitched himself a fucking gem, and I really like him a lot (9 IP, 2 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 2.00 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  A positive for the Wood was a nice little week from Justin Upton, although a negative might be this served only to remind them Justin Upton is no longer a Tiger (9/25, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .407 OBP).

Morning Pitcher Of Note:  A second negative would be that Carlos Martinez hit the DL with some sort of lat thing (5 IP, 2 ER, 2 Ks, 3.60 ERA).


Week 7:  Bad Dudes v. Isotopes (3-3 v. 5-1, BBOTW) 

                 MW @ Slugs (1-5 v. 5-1)






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Bellcrest Park Babadooks STUN The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Late Through A Comedy Of Tragedies And Really Tragedy Makes The Best Comedy And Really No Amount Of Summary Could Do It Justice So There Won’t Be Much Summary¬† ‚Äď ¬†7-6-1


MVP:¬†¬†Joey Votto¬† ‚Äst¬†ULTIMATELY this one came down to a .3363 to .3362 OBP advantage for the Babadooks. Which isn’t entirely true, this also came down to (in no particular order):¬† Archie Bradley‘s lack of strikeout stuff, Jacob deGrom‘s lack of grit and/or Mickey Callaway’s lack of faith in him, Dave Martinez’s lack of understanding of pitch counts and the dangers of going to a bullpen too early, the weather’s lack of cooperation with this year’s MLB schedule, etc. etc. etc. BUT ALSO it came down to OBP, so I am just going to lazily give this to the guy with the best OBP over the most ABs and that is usually Joey Votto (Please also note Gary Sanchez had a .478 over 15 ABs but who can do¬†wants to do the math with this shit).¬†¬†7/25, 5 Rs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 1 SB .438 OBP

LVP:¬†¬†Archie Bradley¬†¬†‚Äst You could point to some of the issues lightly referenced above but perhaps the BIGGEST issue is Archie couldn’t muster one fucking K on Sunday night, and also couldn’t must one fucking K in 2 other appearances, and also hasn’t mustered one fucking K in his last 5 appearances. Came back to bite the ButtSliderz.¬†¬†3 IP, 2 ER, 1 Hold, 6.00 ERA¬†


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:¬†¬†I am sure Kyle Seager will come up with his typical Kyle Seager-y numbers this season and I will just have to compare those to Eugenio’s numbers at year’s end to see just how badly I may have miscalculated that position battle¬†(7/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .393 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  And Aaron Nola continues to be the light of my life in terms of fantasy baseball pitching staff guys, now 7 straight QS (13 IP, 2 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.38 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  I took note very early on in this matchup of the fact that Carlos Santana was absolutely killing me, which is just as annoying as it sounds (8/25, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 14 RBIs, .346 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:¬† Jeremy Hellickson probably earned himself at least one more inning on Sunday night, but DIDN’T GET IT and that is the sort of thing Doch should write Dave Martinez angry hate mail about for the rest of time¬†(11.2 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.77 ERA).


Week 7:  Babadooks v. X*Rayz (2-4 v. 3-3)

                 Sliderz @ OGTFC (2-4 @ 2-4)






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OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Put On An OBP And Run Scoring Clinic In Narrow Victory Over Garden State Warriors OceanGate Trout Fishing Club¬† ‚Äst 7-5-2


MVP:¬†¬†Trea Turner¬† ‚Äst¬†This one turned from a tie to an OGTFC victory on a Trea Turner Sunday night game 5th inning dong, so why not give Trea MVP. That is how we are doing things this week, gents.¬†¬†6/25, 8 Rs, 3 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .406 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†

LVP:¬†¬†Ryan Braun¬†¬†‚Äst Ryan Braun nobody likes you because you lied about the steroids pee test thing and broke A-Rod’s heart (both A-Rods, probably).¬†¬†2/19, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 RBI, .182 OBP


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  As mentioned above the Fishing Club but on an OBP/Rs clinic and nearly broke both all-time records and Kris Bryant was a rather large part of that (7/20, 11 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .536 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:¬† And now just to knock Greggers down a bit let’s point out another person his team needed to drop weeks ago but hasn’t,¬†Danny Duffy¬†(8.2 IP, 10 ER, 7 Ks, 1 W, 10.38 ERA).


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Even in narrow defeat, Francisco Lindor refuses to cool the fuck down even one bit (12/20, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .652 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  I feel like Stephen Strasburg is a bit of a forgotten ace for the team with a bunch of aces but he is PLENTY GOOD, maybe with all of the other aces dropping like flies that will become more apparent (13.2 IP, 4 ER, 14 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.63 ERA).


Week 7:   OGTFC v. Sliderz (2-4 v. 2-4)

                 Warriors @ RRF (3-3 @ 4-2)







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Astoria Isotopes Bests Rojo’s Renegade Force In Potential BCS Previ Just Kidding I Kid¬† ‚Äst 9-3-2


MVP:¬†¬†Aaron Judge¬† ‚Äst¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*¬†*gavel emoji*.¬†¬†9/23, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, .533 OBP

LVP:¬†¬†Joey Gallo¬†¬†‚Äst Joey Gallo’s line was too similar to the same line that got Matt Chapman LVP of the week last week so…..LVP of the week.¬†¬†1/21, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .130 OBP¬† ¬† ¬†***LVP OF THE WEEK*** ¬† ¬†¬†


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:¬† Robinson Cano dontcha know he hit the DL with a broken hand, if you didn’t know well that is why I am fucking noting it in my patented “of note” section (7/23, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .346 OBP).¬†¬†[AMENDMENT:¬† He was also BEING A CHEATING CHEATER all this time which may be the more pressing issue for the Isotopes and their “legacy”.]

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Dallas Keuchel, long-time fan favorite of whatever fans the Isotopes have, with a nice two start week (15 IP, 1 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.60 ERA).


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Scooter Gennett, PERHAPS IMPROBABLY, still being a very good hitter (13/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .591 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  It takes a special sort of team effort for a team to put up a 6.361 team ERA, even so and with all due respect to Ian Kennedy (9 ER in 4 IP) we will be highlighting Jason Hammel here (3.2 IP, 9 ER, 1 K, 22.09 ERA).




This one was likely billed as a battle between the two HEAVYWEIGHTS of the Backyard, or at the very least a battle between the top two teams from the first edition of the 2018 Power Rankings. IN SOME WAYS it would have likely lived up to said billing, as the matchup was closer than the final score might indicate. In other ways I am disappointed. ANYWHO, the ‘Topes take this one by getting things done on both side of the coin with a 4-2-1 advantage for batters and a 5-1-1 advantage for pitchers. The batters side stayed close, the two teams tying in dongs and the ‘Topes taking two baggers by a mere….two. The pitchers side not so much, as the Renegade Force pitched to a very unintimidating 6.361 ERA that betrayed the intimidation of their team name.¬† You can blame all the bums they spot started but you CANNOT blame Shohei Ohtani (1.42) or¬†Corey Kluber¬†(2.08, 2 starts) so at least there is that. The Isotopes, on the other hand, pitched to a respectable 3.544 ERA,¬†credit due to¬†Dallas Keuchel (0.60, 2 starts) and¬†Chris Sale (3.00) and really just about anyone that wasn’t¬†David Robertson (27.00) or¬†JA Happ¬† (18.90) or¬†Drew Steckenrider (54.00) or¬†Trevor Williams¬†(7.20). And with that superior pitching (at least out of most of the starters) came superior #s in QS and FAR superior #s in Ws and Ks and there you have it that’s a big part of this matchup’s final outcome. Who needs to name names on the offenses NOT I.

In Week 7 the Isotopes head into a BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK showdown with a playful nemesis of theirs, the River City Bad Dudes. I only really ever see the Bad Dudes winning playoff matchups but apparently this is still some sort of “rivalry”? Something to do with the Backyard’s dead-ball era. Also in Week 7, the Renegade Force head into a still-tough matchup against the wounded Garden State Warriors (Sano, Moncada, Darvish, Kershaw all on the DL).


Week 7:  Isotopes @ Bad Dudes (5-1 @ 3-3, BBOTW)

                RRF v. Warriors (4-2 v. 3-3)







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So there was Week 6. Two Thirds To Go. One Dook Down Two Dooks To Go, If You Will.
2018 Week 6 Review: “One Third Through” Edition