Here’s that LONG AWAITED blog post from our friend, Gregory Heroy:
(Lobman’s note: This was copy and pasted from many conversations Greggers had with the group. I am not even broaching editing this in any way, rather just give you guys what I was given. EH Maybe I’ll touch it up just like a bit so its slightly easier to read. Fuck off. Also Stanton’s going nowhere).
Lobman’s take for T
Astoria Isotopes receive Cody Allen and Cal Quantrill
Q-Tip City Morning wood receive Miguel Cabrera
I was given the distinct opportunity and pleasure to pick my buddy T, and a trade that should (AND COULD) be made to benefit his franchise. The trade I picked above is more of a symbolic move, allowing Miggy to live out the remaining days in a proper retirement home (get it?) and gives the Dopes I mean Topes a sturdy reliever to reinvigorate his bullpen. As a sweetener, I added the son of Paul Quantrill, who T recognizes from the last time he actually watched a baseball game. This trade I believe benefits both sides, and is very fair because Miggy is broken and declining. Editor’s Note: Miggy is also an alcoholic.
Dochney’s fake trade for Rojo
I have been chosen to make an imaginary trade for Rojo. What an honor for Rojo, he has the chance to get inside the head and receive free advice from the People’s Champ.
IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL WHAT THE DOCH…. IS COOKING!
Where do I start with Rojo’s team? The obvious glaring need is the lack of closers and saves on this roster. One might immediately look to have Rojo trade for a closer. But Rojo has stubbornly stuck to his strategy of punting the category of saves so we will not go that route for him. Instead we will look at his middle infield corps. He has Chris Taylor as a SS and the trio of Scooter Gennett, Asdrubal Cabrera, and Ben Zobrist to choose from for his 2B and 2B/SS slots. I am underwhelmed by these options so we will look around the league to see how we can improve here. I also have a lot of options at 2B, so I would advise him to look my way, but for the sake of this article, I am not allowed to make a trade with myself.
We also will need to look at strong spots on Rojo’s roster that he would be willing to give up and not be too hurt overall. Mr. All or Nothing Joey Gallo might be a good trade chip. He might bat around the Mendoza line and strike out 200 times a year, but there is value in 40 home runs still.
Trade with R mac
Rojo receives Yoan Moncada
Rmac receives Joey Gallo
I would say that Moncada has been slightly disappointing since coming over from Cuba. Hopefully, now with less restrictions in Cuba, we can get some better scouting and less Rusney Castillo bust type players (Victor Victor Mesa will hopefully be the last big bust out of the poorly scouted Cuba). All and all, Moncada is still only turning 24 years old this May, the former top prospect is still loaded with potential. Moncada still could reach 20/20 production and may be getting some protection in the White Sox lineup as soon as next week in Manny Machado. Eloy Jimenez is also on his way up for protection even if White Sox pull a Joey Gallo and strikeout on Machado. If Yoan can get on base, he will be scoring a lot of runs hitting in front of guys like Jimenez and maybe Machado
Why would R Mac make this deal? There is a lot of swing in miss in Gallo, but he is only going to be 25 this season and already has 2 seasons with 40 home runs. Gallo also has 1B and LF eligibility, which is nice to have flexibility. Moncada also strikes out a lot and had a similar on base percentage to Gallo last year as well. R Mac currently has Ian Desmond and Alex Verdugo slotted into starting 1B and OF slots. Gallo will slide in nicely to replace one of those two, which can be looked at as weak spots in his lineup. Ian Desmond kind of stinks and Verdugo may use up minors eligibility before he has an everyday role with the Dodgers.
R Mac may be inclined to try and squeeze a prospect out of Rojo in this deal. Overall, I believe Moncada will be a better player than Gallo, so it is going to depend on how these 2 owners value the almighty home run. R Mac may want to try to squeeze another Cuban prospect out of these deal in the form of Lazaro Armenteros, who has plenty of upside but still a few years away from fantasy relevance. Corey Ray or Michael Chavis may also fit here as a prospect Rojo is willing to give up as a sweetener in this deal.
And that is what the Doch is cooking.
Ryan’s trade for Lobman
Bad Dudes Trade:
Espinoza (submitted prior to being dropped)
X Rayz Trade:
Dudes get proven pitching/X Rayz get speed & upside
The Bad Dudes have never been known for their pitching but owner Mike Lobman understands the importance and is not one to shy away from a reclamation project which explains his interest in Archer. Archer is now a former Ray and some might say a former ace so X-Rayz owner Mike Odom was more willing to listen than he might have been in previous seasons. The Rayz were quick to ask for Reyes who could both help them now and in the future. Despite being injury prone the Dudes were reluctant to give up their young ace caliber arm without a more substantial return so the two teams decided to work on a larger swap. Knowing owner Odom’s perpetual love of speed, Lobman decided to make his shiny new toy Aldalberto Mondesi available and included him on his end of the deal. The Dudes roster Machado (untouchable) and Bogarts (a Red Sock) at SS so that made the talented but unpredictable Mondesi expendable on their end and an attractive MI bat to the Rayz. The ask from the Rayz was then the closer of Lobman’s former, or current, or uh possibly future favorite team the Mets. Diaz had been deemed untouchable in the past but the closer position is one of the more volatile and replaceable in fantasy. Odom has shown the ability to craft a strong bullpen from scratch and with Chapman still rostered his pen is far from that. To even it out Lobman included San Diego’s Anderson Espinoza, a young but promising arm in the Padres system who Odom can hope blossoms into a front of the rotation player that he can watch in his own “Backyard”.
Brian drew the Bell Road Bears. Let’s get wild.
Bell Road Bears: trade 2B Jose Altuve, RP Kenley Jansen to
Rojo’s Renegade Force for SP Madison Bumgarner and LF/1B Joey Gallo.
Alright alright, we know this is never happening, but hear me out. The Bears are a very good team built on sky-high OBP and better than you think pitching. I don’t care what happened last year; They’re very close to a championship, and the time is surely now. Altuve had a bit of a down year last year, and surely he’ll improve this year.. a bit. But he’s surplus to requirements in Bell Road. He’s always good for OBP, but the Bears already have that in spades . He’ll hit his XBH & dingers too. But the special thing about Altuve was always all of that pop with the speed. Those days may be drawing to a close. Altuve ran half as much last year- probably a smart move for his health- and the almost 30 year old in a lineup full of boppers has no reason to be tearing it up on the base-paths anymore.
Plus, Bell Road just made what I thought was an excellent trade to bring in speedster Jonathan Villar who now has zero competition for playing time and no reason not to do anything but run in what will be a bad Orioles lineup. 30 steals is the floor here. Could 500 AB send him north of 40? So between him and Zo Cain and Anderson, (and maybe Hampson too), Altuve’s speed isn’t really needed.
What is needed is a replacement for Joey Votto’s power, which has curiously declined… and while the OBP god will certainly have value, he seems a perfect match with the less selective eye but light tower power of Joey Gallo. Those were a quiet 40 bombs I guess? It’s weird that Gallo doesn’t get more love. He’s not the same old Joey Gallo – he’s learned how to go the other way and beat the shift, he’s closed some of the holes in his swing, and he’s making more contact than you might think. And for a guy like Gallo? Every ball he touches has a chance to of being launched into the stratosphere. Dude is gonna play all year and dude is gonna launch them into the stands. The Bears need those dongs and they’re better equipped than almost anyone to absorb the OBP hit, even though as I’ve stated above, I think that problem is on its way to being fixed. Joey Gallo’s power is special. It’s even worth trading an Altuve for.
Now comes the hard part. While it would take a highly unlikely total eclipse of the surgically repaired heart for Sean to trade one Kenley Jansen, I think deep down the Bears’ brass agrees with me that you ALWAYS TRADE THE RELIEVER. They can be replaced. Even great ones. The bears have always had a good statistical analysis team that is quick on the uptake. I have no doubt that they’ll find them some saves off the wire or through a trade. Rojo, on the other hand, needs to end this infernal saves punting strategy NOW and make a splash for Jansen to anchor the top of his pen. This league is too good to always start 1-0 down. The Renegades need the set it and forget it type of closer, and assuming his health issues are behind him? Jansen can be that guy for them.
The Renegade Force needs to take some gambles and could also use these exciting face of the franchise types. The consistency and high profile of Altuve and Jansen could be just what the doctor ordered.
Everyone wins- Rojo gets off the Holds bus and joins the modern game with a premier closer, gaining some much needed stability and status, while also betting on a big-time Altuve bounce back. Rojo does have a strong 2B in Scooter Gennett. But the acquisition of Jose Altuve would mean that the Force can stop playing around with Asdrubal Cabrera and Ben Zobrist at MI and proudly place Altuve into the heart of their lineup. Seeing as this might not be Rojo’s year, why not take the gamble and then if it doesn’t work out, flip one or both of these guys at the deadline to build up the middling Renegade minors ranks? If Altuve goes back to Mighty Mouse out-of-his-mind Altuve, then hell, maybe he leads the Renegades on a run and it is their year after all!
As far as Bumgarner? He’s been great, but he’s not getting any younger and he should be on a team that’s ready to win now. Rojo still has staff aces in the Klubot and obligatory RRF Asian Masahiro Tanaka. He should ship off Bumgarner while he can to a team that needs to make it happen nowish. Look, that injury was crazy but the Bum will be healthy this year and he’s always been a gamer. Whether or not he stays with the Giants it’s hard to imagine him not racking up the wins – wins that Sean desperately needs.
Sean gets the boost to the next level: The addition of Bumgarner to a staff that’s already pretty damn good, and the addition of Gallo’s prodigious power. In a tight Backyard race, owners will necessarily be in matchups that come down to the wire. The feeling that a guaranteed quality start or win is on its way, or that a hitter can go deep in any at bat to pull back a category and get you over the line is priceless.
The shine is off Altuve and Bumgarner a bit; why not cleanse the palate and swap them where they’d be better fits? They’re both going to provide quality. Both Jansen and Gallo are two of the best at what they do; racking up saves and tattooing baseballs respectively. Flip them and let them do their thing where it will help the most.
Doch’s trade for Greg
SMELL WHAT THE DOCH IS COOKING: Part Deux
Greg was sad that I drew Rojo as my random pick of teams to make a trade for. He thinly disguised this entire “article” just to get free trade advice from the People’s Champ. Heroy realizes how disappointing his team has been in the AD era, an era in which he has never made the playoffs. The guy only has Trout, Betts, Bryant, Rizzo, Trea Turner and Gerrit Cole on his roster, so I get how difficult it would be for a team of superstars like these guys to make the playoffs. Come on Heroy, even Shane could manage this team to the playoffs. Instead, Heroy has managed it to the ground. Da Fuck you doing over in Ocean Gate man?
Well I guess it is time for me to give him his free advice he so eagerly wants, and clearly needs.
Let’s look at Heroy’s roster. It appears to be pretty stacked on offense, and he has some good prospects waiting for their call ups. He should trade from this strength and help his pitching staff which has a lot of question marks after Gerrit Cole, even though I admit to liking the upside on a guy or 3 in there. He is going to be very fine up the middle of the infield for a long time. He has young studs like Corey Seager, Trea Turner and big prospects like Brendan Rodgers, Nick Senzel, Luis Urias, Willy Adames and Carter Kieboom. Seager and Turner aren’t going anywhere, but one of these prospects and a Dozier or Rosario is what he should be gauging a market on. Dozier has had success in the past and may still hold a little value in a trade playing for his new team in Washington DC. Amed Rosario was a big prospect who disappointed much of the year last year but ended the season strong and people may have some faith in him still outside of Greg.
Who can help out Heroy find some pitching? Well there’s plenty of guys with some good pitching like R Mac and Brian. R Mac has a pretty stacked squad, especially up the middle, and I don’t see him biting on any of the Fishing Club’s bait (see what I did there?). Brian and Heroy might have a blood feud going on and probably will never make a deal, so let’s count him out too. So, I don’t know, lets choose Shane to make a trade with, because he could use help in a few spots, including Shortstop.
Trade with Shane – Amed Rosario and Brendan Rodgers for Carlos Martinez
Heroy may not like this trade and may not want to give up Rosario and/or Rodgers for a pitcher with question marks around his elbow. Carlos Martinez is a very good pitcher if he is healthy and still only 27 years old. There are some question marks around that elbow of his right now, but it seems that the Cardinals believe he is healthy and will be back in the rotation this year despite finishing last year in the bullpen. He can still be the ace of that Cardinals staff and the Cards always find ways to be relevant so that will equal tallies in the dying stat we have as a category, wins.
Why would Shane do this trade? Well, simply put, no one should be off limits for Shane. He has 5 wins in the last 2 seasons, only 3 wins AD, considering I did not join the league until week 3 of 2017. Shane might have a tough time competing this season again and needs to be constantly looking to build for the future in this league. Rosario had a rough OBP last season, but the 23-year-old had 8 triples and 24 stolen bases while having himself a nice little last few months of the season. These are all things Rosario can build upon to become a solid fantasy contributor, especially if his steals and OBP numbers increase.
Greg received Brendan Rodgers as part of the Verlander deal, which was crucial in the Doch becoming the People’s Champ last season. Rodgers can be a good player for the Morning Wood franchise. He is a middle infield prospect with some good pop who will be calling the favorable hitting environment of Coors Field his home in the very near future. This is the type of player that Shane should be willing to roll the dice on.
Shane will be getting two young hitters that he can plug in his lineup for a long time while Greg will be helping his pitching staff while not sacrificing much at all from what should be a good hitting squad.
Sean drew his old fantasy partner Odom
The easiest way to explain Sean’s trade is to show you the groupme conversation (I really hope these pictures show up on the blog, it makes this entire article worth it)
haha meant to get back to you on this and looked at @Odom’s roster last night and it’s like GUTTED
not sure I would know where to begin really. Go get Carlos Santana from the Bonerz for a bag of balls or something, @Odom
I will be sure to include that part in the article sir
bag of balls……
@Shane MIGHT GO FOR IT
he could use those balls to hand out one to each of his thousand kids
keep them occupied
hahaha enjoy that line, keep the bag of balls in there for JUST that line. But also here I’ll give you some actual bleh prospects for an actual bleh trade: Santana for Seuly Matias and Christin Stewart
BLOCKBUSTER ALL AROUND
Odom picked Ryan aka The Unnamed Souljas
This man has crafted himself a FINE roster here and if you put a gun to my head (which you kinda did) and made me uhh “improve” on this stacked, deep roster FINE. Let’s get freakyyyy.
Unnamed Souljas Receive
Paul Goldschmidt, 1B
Giancarlo Stanton, OF
Bad Dudes Receive
Clayton Kershaw, SP
MAYBE all three of these players could use a Backyard change of scenery after extensive stints with their respective clubs (I know Kershaw and Stanton are homegrown, forget if he traded for Goldy). A stacked UNS lineup could (I stress merely COULD) use an upgrade at 1B and Paul Goldschmidt would be a huge boost. The Renegades add a bopping corner outfielder in Stanton to supplement an already powerful lineup in an attempt to mash teams to death, while the Bad Dudes go against their grain and take a chance on an aging yet still dominant ace in an attempt to secure an elusive 3rd BCS crown.
I had the pleasure of finishing the remaining three teams. So here is my trade for Shane
Shane receives Forrest Whitley, Gleyber Torres and James Paxton
Rmac receives JD Martinez and Carlos Santana
This deal obviously won’t happen, but it is something that would help Shane turn the page on two disappointing seasons and look forward to the future. If he wanted to improve that roster in a hurry, he would look to move JD for multiple young pieces. In this scenario, he receives one of the exciting young bats in a productive lineup, along with a pitcher who misses bats in Paxton and one of the most lively young arms in the minors. Not shabby for one guy, these deals are out there Shane, explore them.
On the other hand, Ryan gets help in the two positions he has question marks on offense (his offense is fine, but the closest thing to question marks), RF and 1B. Even though losing someone like Gleyber would hurt, he has so much talent in the middle IF positions with Moncada, Correa and Javy Baez that he can afford to take the hit. Paxton wouldn’t be much of a loss either with the stable of arms he has piled already. Hoping for them all to stay healthy is the bigger question mark.
My trade for Doch
Doch receives Miguel Andujar and Shane Baz
T receives Verlander
In all honesty, I should say that Doch trades no one, because well why should he deal anyone from a championship winning team that is spotless with no weaknesses. The reason is because I want to do this article, which causes me to make a trade, so why not. The almighty ruler of the backyard (just until Labor Day) is actually fairly strong in the pitching department. I know Kopech is out, and then you wonder how long Greinke may be around for, and same goes for JV. I want to trade him, because well its fun to see him traded for a third straight season at least. So Doch deals from a strength to bolster the offense with a young stud in the making. Andujar can slide right into the starting role left by Carpenter when age finally catches up to that great beard and turns it gray (plug for Walt Frazier Rogaine commercial, should be in the BY advertising budget). Baz is just a minor arm to make the deal look good, and we all know Doch loves them young….his fantasy players of course. But Baz is really just a high upside arm that is thrown into the deal as a low risk option for his Dochness. MAGA
On the other side of the deal is T who is known to shake up his roster quite often, and a known JV stalker. He moves on from Andujar at the right time with trade rumors swirling him like he was Steve Irwin after searching for stingrays. He adds a piece to a questionable rotation that includes Keuchel who is currently without a job. He could certainly use the boost from a man who defies the aging process.
My trade for Brian
Clearly saved the best for last, and no I will not be predicting a top prospect going to Brian for an OK player this year. I think we all learned our lesson at this point. Instead, let’s look at what Brian could get from every team for Vlad:
Odom: Jose Ramirez (not much to choose from over there on the X-Rayz roster)
Doch: Ozzie Albies, Tatis Jr., and Casey Mize
Sean: Muncy, Ke’Bryan Hayes, Sixto
T: Matt Olson, Andujar and Brady Singer
Lobman: Mondesi, Victor Victor, and Morejon
Rmac: Moncada, Adell and Darvish
Rojo: Devers, Robles and Paddack
Greg: Dozer, Adames, Rodgers
Shane: Starling Marte
But really, here is my fake trade for Brian……
Brian receives Jose Abreu
Lobman receives Patrick Corbin and Taylor Trammell
These two teams are known trade partners, so this isn’t something out of the ordinary. Even though Brian finished the regular season at the top part of the pile last year, he STILL has NOTHING to show for it. This year, he decides to make a move early and hope it pays dividends when it actually matters. His offense somehow seems to produce with the likes of Jesus Aguilar, Suarez, and the new Tulo an always injured J-Don. He looks to replace some of the question marks with a player who has been a model of consistency since he came into the league. With the possibility of a strong lineup surrounding Abreu, Brian puts his chips into the middle and makes the move for that solid bat he so desperately longs for.
I know Lobman will be the first one to say he would never make this deal, but good thing I already made it for him, in this fantasy blog article that exists for about two days before everyone forgets it’s there. The reasoning behind it for the lovable second place losers is simple. He has plenty of production at other positions on offense, while he also has Alonso waiting in the wings and believes he can make up for the loss of Abreu. Plus he has openly come out and stated he is looking to add an arm, I know he would aim a lot higher than Patrick Corbin, but this is my world and this is who he gets.
This concludes a fun article that just about everyone in the league helped with input. I appreciate those that sent in their opinions and hate those that didn’t, this includes you T, Rojo and Shane. We are not afraid of calling anyone out since this blog is losing sponsors and needs something to attract readers.