2017 Week 10 Review: BACK FROM BONNAROO TO BULLY THE LEAGUE WITH BITING COMMENTARY BUT NOT REALLY CUZ I AM STILL KINDA TIRED EDITION

Bonnaroo Body Paint
All hail the body painting tent and its gifts……
WEEK 10 ALLEGEDLY JUST HAPPENED BUT I WAS IN SOME FIELD IN TENNESSEE TRYING TO RADIATE POSITIVITY OR WHATFUCKINGEVER BUT NO MATTER. BOTH THE LEAGUE AND THE MOONINITEZ WENT ON MOSTLY WITHOUT ME AND DID JUST FINE. LETS CHECK AND SEE HOW BOTH THE LEAGUE AND THE MOONINITEZ DID SHALL WE? NO JROLLS AGAIN!

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Manchester MooniniteZ MooniMURDER Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz And I Am Rusty On These Things But Yea This One Wasn’t Close  –  11-1-2

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MVP:  Gary Sanchez  –  El Gary got off to a slow start and then got injured and for a moment I kinda missed Yasmani Grandal but NOW…….now El Gary is back and back to doing his thing. Shall be the best fantasy catcher in the league by season’s end.  9/26, 9 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 13 RBIs, .393 OBP      ***MVP OF THE WEEK***     

LVP:  Carlos Santana    ‘Los socked a dinger but that’s about all he socked, other than that he socked sucked.  2/18, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .200 OBP     

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MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  Joey Votto also had a helluva week in Week 10 but quite frankly so did a good chunk of the team and we can’t name drop em all now can we (11/27, 8 Rs, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .448 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  When I say a good chunk of the team had a good week I am referring to the hitters, the pitchers were allllll hot garbage and were lead by the rook Dinelson Lamet regressing ALMOST IMMEDIATELY (8 IP, 14 ER, 9 Ks, 15.75 ERA).

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BDSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Marcell Ozuna gave me hell when this team was under previous ownership and he made a half-assed attempt to give me hell again but WAS NOT NEARLY GOOD ENOUGH sir (9/29, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .333 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Old friend JA Happ returned to baseball in Week 10 and gave Lacey Twp one bad start and then one good start (11.1 IP, 5 ER, 12 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 3.97 ERA).

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Well HOT DAMN the MooniniteZ didn’t need much checking up on from their owner this week, as this will go down as the most impressive victory-whilst-attending-Bonnaroo that this league of old people will ever see (I include myself in the group here doubt I make it back). But yes what can be said here whatttttt…..can be…..said here. Lacey had the fewest Runs in the league in Week 10 while the MooniniteZ tied for the most (ergo MooniniteZ won that cat 59-38). Lacey had the fewest HRs in the league in Week 10 while the MooniniteZ had the most (ergo MooniniteZ won 21-8). Lacey had the fewest RBIs in the league in Week 10, the MooniniteZ had the SECOND most because the Isotopes keep fucking this symmetry up (ergo MooniniteZ won 58-32). The BackdoorSliderz did manage to avoid the shutout by posting a less awful ERA than the MooniniteZ, whom had an awful and league-worst ERA (ergo BDSliderz won 4.765 to 5.444). So there you have it. The suddenly SLUMPING Lacey Twp BDSliderz will look to avoid their fourth straight loss in Week 11, as they have perhaps finally learned what a tough league this can be. The suddenly RED HOT MooniniteZ will be seeking a 5th straight win in Week 11 but I already warned you clowns I probably already started going on a little run here.

Next Week aka This Week:  MooniniteZ v. Morning Wood (First Place v. Last Place), BDSliderz v. Bad Dudes (NL RUNNER UP BATTLE) 

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Astoria Isotopes Give The River City Bad Dudes A Queens Beatdown Although I Am Not Sure That Is A Real Thing  –  8-4-2

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MVP:  Starlin Castro  –  Starlin Castro HOW BOUT THIS FUCKIN’ GUY HUH? I really don’t think there’s anything else I want to add on the subject of Starlin Castro right now. He had a real good week though.  10/24, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .440 OBP    

LVP:  Maikel Franco    Oh Maikel…….you continue to ride the struggle bus sir. Which is EXCELLENT cuz Lobman traded for you.  3/28, 1 RBI, .138 OBP     

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Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Aaron Judge continues to be a monster for the ‘Topes and the Bombers alike and the man was on base 60 goddamned percent of the time in Week 10 (12/24, 10 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .600 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  And heyyy Edinson Volquez had a nice game against the Pirates and I have already typed out his name more times than I expected to this season, baseball is wacky (7 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

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Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Odubel Herrera is a man that I know put together back to back LVP weeks which is impressive but he also hit 6 doubles in this matchup which is also impressive (8/20, 6 Rs, 6 2Bs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, .429 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And heyyyy Craig Kimbrel struck out every batter he faced last week and I will probably always highlight that sort of thing cuz Ks are kewl (2.1 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 2 Saves, 0.00 ERA).

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DON’T LET THE 8 CAT WIN FOOL YOU FOLKS, the Isotopes took it to the defending runner-ups in this particular battle, the latest entry in this long-standing alleged rivalry. I say alleged because I have seen the Bad Dudes (under previous names) win playoff games but I have never seen the Isotopes (under previous names) win a damn thing when it counts. But ANYWHO, the Bad Dudes submitted a power outage performance here as they failed to reach double digit HRs for just the second week all year and submitted their lowest total yet with just 8 Dongs. The Isotopes did not have this same problem, as their Dong Cup runneth’d over and they put up 19. The Isotopes are also the ones to fuck up the paragraph I had above by notching an impressive and league best 63 RBIs in Week 10, nearly double the unimpressive and nearly league-worst 36 RBIs posted by River City. The nicest thing I can say about the Bad Dudes is they amassed 7 Saves in Week 10 and that is more than anyone else can say so good for them. In Week 11 the SUDDENLY SLUMPING JUST AS HARD AS LACEY Bad Dudes will also look to avoid a 4th straight loss when they head to Lacey, how beautiful is that shit? One of them will likely end up with a 4th straight loss. Beautiful. Oh and also the Isotopes will look to win their 2nd in a row and climb back above .500 for the first time in a while I think.

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Next Week aka This Week:   Isotopes v. Banana Slugs (Isotopes goin for the season series sweep with Barnegat)Bad Dudes v. BDSliderz (I kinda wish they could both lose)

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Barnegat Banana Slugs Barnebeat The Toms River Titans And I Am Still Kinda Tired So Fuck You Why Do I Even Write These Things At The Top Like This In The First Place  –  8-4-2

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MVP:  Jake Lamb  –  Jake Lamb is just an RBI MACHINE out there in AZ currently, I believe he currently leads baseball and I recall more than one double digit RBI week on his ledger.  5/21, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, .407 OBP      

LVP:  Javier Baez    This is a sad juxtaposition with Starlin Castro’s MVP performance above but SOMETIMES THAT IS JUST HOW IT GOES, Baez still has plenty of potential but Week 10 was not necessarily a week where that potential was shown off. Also steal a damn base would ya?  2/20, 1 R, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .182 OBP     

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Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Salvador Perez giving the BSlugs some excellent production out of the catcher position, one has to be worried that it will eventually devolve into a “Was Salvador Perez Better Than Gary Sanchez This Week” segment (10/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .478 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?:  NOPE, neither set the world on fire but Aledmys was certainly the better of the 2 in 10. 

Current Tally: Trevor Story 5, Aledmys Diaz 5.

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Fuckin Ivan Nova mannnn, I am convinced if he was on the Yankees still he would have a 4.95 ERA right now but he is not on the Yankees and he is actually quite good and quite efficient with the pitches (12 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.25 ERA).

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Titans Hitter Of Note:  JT Realmuto the TOP RANKED catcher by whatever weird criteria ESPN uses for that ranking system, take that all the haters and losers (7/24, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .320 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  The Titans tried to pick up a post-hype success story or something with Kevin Gausman and they learned the hard way that he kinda just sucks this particular season (3.1 IP, 7 ER, 18.90 ERA).

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Barnegat battered the TR Titans a bit in Week 10, outclassing them on both sides of the coin which is a tough thing to do given TR’s stable of arms. The Banana Slugs had a lower ERA (3.232 v. 3.765), more QS (8 v. 6), more Ws (6 v. 4), and NEARLY more Ks but no they lost that one by one (85 v. 86). The Slugs paired the solid showing from their hurlers with good enough production on offense to take down a Titans squad that put up the second fewest Runs, second fewest HRs, and third fewest RBIs last week. If the Titans are scuffling that hard on offense they need their pitching to carry it home for them and the pitching came up just a bit short in most cats so they were in trouble here. I DUNNO HOW I COULD BETTER ANALYZE THIS ONE. THIS IS ALL WRAPPED UP. But also the Slugs will seek a second straight win when this week is all said and done in order to stay atop the American Division or American League or whatfuckingever we really need to change these names. The Titans will look to avoid a second straight loss as they don’t want to fall too far below .500. Both these teams started 12 pitchers.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Banana Slugs v. Isotopes (Barnegat goin for the season series split with Astoria), Titans v. X-Rayz (Titans are goin for that season series split)

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MLB: Spring Training-Kansas City Royals at Arizona Diamondbacks
X-Rayz Eek Out Close Victory Over Rojo’s Renegade Force, Whom Won Holds  –  6-5-3

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MVP:  Robbie Ray  –   Robbie Ray STAYS KILLIN IT and Odom trading to get him back after trading him away in the first place may be the move of the year when it is all said and done. Yea I said it. Without Robbie’s two QS minuscule ERA performance this one maybe goes the other way. Apologies to LoCain whom I originally had here before noticing Robbie’s line.  13.1 IP, 1 ER, 23 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.68 ERA   

LVP:  Michael Fulmer    I just wasn’t sure where to go with the blame on this one so IIIII dunno I guess let’s just blame Fulmer for getting rocked by the Trout-less Angels, a team he should have QS’d against. And that QS would have netted RRF a tie at least and possibly a W if it swung ERA. So bad job Michael.  4.1 IP, 5 ER, 1 K, 10.38 ERA   

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X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  And additional apologies to LoCain cuz let’s instead note Dee Gordon‘s performance, the guy crammed A LOT into a week where his OBP was ’bout 2 hundo (6/28, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 RBIs, 3 SBs, .207 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Jeff Samardzija also killed it and also was a crucial component to the X-Rayz victory just to a less impressive extent when compared to the above-mentioned Mr. Ray (13.2 IP, 4 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.63 ERA).

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RRF Hitter Of Note:  For those wondering Paul Goldschmidt remains very good (8/18, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .600 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:   And Masahiro Tanaka remains PRETTY BAD this particular season, because leave it to the Yankees to ruin every Asian pitcher they ever acquire (5 IP, 5 ER, 2 Ks, 9.00 ERA).

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The X-Rayyyyzzzzz and Rojo’s Renegade Force battled to the closest matchup that wasn’t undone by FUCKING ELEVEN START BUFFOONERY, I am not going to use this to springboard into calling the Holds Only Strategy buffoonery because that is a dead horse that I have thoroughly beaten and “tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground” like that Florence and The Machine song says. Florence maybe gave the best live performance I’ve ever seen at last year’s Firefly but that’s neither here nor there but yea that gal has moxie. ANYWAYYYYYYS, OF MOST NOTABLE NOTE in this matchup was the X-Rayz playoff style parlaying of a Saturday Rays-As double header into some reallll numbers for the squad. Ryon Healy was added and Steven Souza was added and Evan Longoria and Yonder Alonso were already there and those 4 combined for 7 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 HRs, and 10 RBIs in a matchup that would end up tied in RBIs (40-40). Hell Jerry Blevins was added for the Mets-Braves doubleheader and he provided the X-Rayz with an ultimately useless but still noted here Hold (RRF won Holds 4-1 cuz duh). WORK THOSE DOUBLEHEADERS PEOPLE. That’s really all I wanted to discuss here. The ALSO PRETTY DAMNED HOT Point Loma X-Rayz now find themselves winners of 3 straight and seeking a 4th straight in Week 11, Rojo’s Renegade Force will be aiming to avoid a second straight loss and remain in the playoff picture. Both these teams started 12 pitchers.

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Next Week aka This Week:   X-Rayz v. Titans (X-Rayz are going for that sweep), RRF v. OGTFC (Just whatever you do no more goddamned ties)

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2017 WEEK 10 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY ROYAL BLOOD

 

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Royal Blood rocked the hardest shit at Bonnaroo everyone listen to Royal Blood now……..

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OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Escape With Yet Another Lucky Tie Thanks To Q-Tip City Morning Wood FUCKING THE FUCK UP AND ONLY STARTING 11 GUYS  –  6-6-2

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MVP:  Sean Manaea  –  Sean Manaea has looked good lately and part of that looking good has included striking out people and he helped the OGTFC notch 3 more strikeouts than their opponent. ALBEIT WITH ONE FUCKING MORE START THAN THEIR FUCKFACE OPPONENT MUSTERED.  13 IP, 4 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 2.77 ERA

LVP:  Shane    GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND START YOUR TWELFTH FUCKING STARTER NEXT FUCKING TIME YOU FUCKING FUCKUP.  11/12 games started     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     

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OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mookie Betts was okay I guess but JUST okay (7/30, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .281 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  My boy Daniel Norris also helped get the OGTFC to a point where they had 3 more strikeouts than their opponent, ALBEIT WITH ONE FUCKING MORE START THAN THEIR FUCKFACE OPPONENT MUSTERED (11 IP,  5 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 4.09 ERA).

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Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Justin Upton had 10 RBIs, nice going Justin (9/26, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .346 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  THE FUCKING MISSING FUCKING TWELFTH STARTER (FUCKING NOTHING).

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ONLY ONE OF THESE TEAMS STARTED TWELVE FUCKING STARTERS AND BECAUSE OF THAT THEY WERE ABLE TO STEAL YET ANOTHER TIE IN THEIR PATHETIC TITLE DEFENSE BUT THIS ISN’T ABOUT THEM, THIS IS ABOUT THE FUCKING TEAM THAT COULDN’T FUCKING STREAM THREE FUCKING STRIKEOUTS IN ORDER TO FINALLY WIN A GODDAMN MATCHUP FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE FUCKING EARLY FUCKING APRIL. YOU HAD ONE JOB SHANE AND THAT WAS TO PICK ANY PIECE OF SHIT PITCHER OUT THERE ON THE WAIVER WIRE WITH THE ASSUMPTION THAT 85% IF NOT MORE OF THOSE PIECES OF SHIT COULD TOIL THEIR WAY TO THREE OR MORE STRIKEOUTS, CARLOS FUCKING RUIZ JUST STRUCK A GUY OUT AND HIS BATTING MUSIC IS “IN THE AIR TONIGHT” BY PHIL FUCKING COLLINS. OR AT LEAST IT WAS FOR A TIME, JUST LIKE YOUR TEAM FOR A TIME WAS CONSIDERED A THREAT UNTIL YOU GOT ALL FUCKING COCKY AND NOW LOOKATYAS HAVEN’T WON SINCE THE FUCKING ELEVENTEENTH FAST AND THE FURIOUS MOVIE HIT THEATERS OR WHATEVER. AND THIS ONE WAS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT AND NOT EVEN THE FAULT OF THAT PUNY KANSAS CITY ROYALS-ESQUE OFFENSE OF YOURS GODDAMMIT SHANE GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME. There I have successfully reviewed the error.

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Next Week aka This Week:  OGTFC v. Renegade Force (As the OGTFC continue their quest to shatter whatever ties record may exist), Morning Wood v. MooniniteZ (GOOD FUCKIN LUCK BUDDY)

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WE NOW FIND OURSELVES IN WEEK 10.9 PRETTY MUCH WHICH MEANS WE ARE ALMOSTTTTTT AT THE POINT WHERE WE CAN SAY TWO THIRDS OF THE SEASON HAS PASSED, I EXPECT THE LEAGUE TO RESPOND WITH A FLURRY OF TRADES RELATIVE TO YOUR TEAM’S CHANCES TO WIN IT ALL THIS YEAR………AND BE REALISTIC WITH YOURSELVES. REALLY REALISTIC.

oreillyti2

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2017 Week 10 Review: BACK FROM BONNAROO TO BULLY THE LEAGUE WITH BITING COMMENTARY BUT NOT REALLY CUZ I AM STILL KINDA TIRED EDITION

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