This came up in a “2018 happy new year” search and I am not sure why BUT I DO LOVE IT SO….



Oh how I dream of a day where I figure out a concise (yet FUN[!]) way of going about these trade reviews that I find acceptable, to me.  Because I am the only important member of my audience.  But for now NEW YEAR NEW FORMAT ATTEMPT, Rose-y and Thorn-y MLB Comps and me attempting to anger people by attempting to analyze their thought process and shit like that.  Winners are obviously my humble and correct opinion, your mileage may vary.

Let’s look at what January hath brought us thus far shall we?  [UPDATING]







The WHO?

Morning Wood Return

JAKE BAUERS, 22.25 year old Rays 1B/OF prospect of some repute. Most famous for hitting a lot of dongs in spring training last year and then not even SNIFFING the major league roster cuz the Rays are dicks. Hit 13 HRs, stole 20 bags, OBP’d at .368 at AAA last year. WHICH IS PRETTY SEXY WHAT WAS I DOING. These latest overall prospect ranks are from like July or some shit (except who knows what they are doing and they are as follows:  Baseball America Top 100- 66  , BP Top 50- N/R, top 100- 73.  Rose-y MLB Comp:  Brandon Belt     Thorn-y MLB Comp:  James Loney  

JACK FLAHERTY, 22.22 year old Cardinals SP whom probably deserves better than just getting tossed in deals all willy nilly but hey the Banana Slugs started it by dropping him. 8.96 K/9 and a 2.71 ERA (4.10 FIP) in 85 AAA innings in 2017 (he also did some stuff in AA but whatever), then 8.44 K/9 and 6.33 ERA (5.27 FIP) in a 21 inning cup of coffee. I suspect he is better than that debut and so does most of the prospect lists, albeit probably were prior to that debut (but whatever 21 inning ain’t shit). Baseball America Top 100- 57  , BP Top 50- N/R, top 100- 48.  Rose-y MLB Comp:  Sonny Gray     Thorn-y MLB Comp:  Ricky Nolasco


MooniniteZ Babadooks Return

JP CRAWFORD, all but 23 year old Phillies SS prospect whom has been their top prospect like 3 years running but has slowly fallen from grace everywhere else. To illustrate, BA had him in their top 15 in all of baseball from 2014-2016 and you can see where he is at now below. Hit 15 HRs and OBP’d .351 at AAA last season. Then came up and THAT ALL DISAPPEARED. Except the OBP that stayed (.356). Baseball America Top 100- 92  , BP Top 50- 20, top 100- 54.  Rose-y MLB Comp:  Xander Bogaerts     Thorn-y MLB Comp:  Freddy Galvis Plus OBP Minus Power


The WHY?

THIS ONE is pretty easy since I complete know half of the thinking. The MooniniteZ Babadooks were thinking Lewis Brinson might not be up to start the season and Scott Kingery probably gets held back til May or June and they wanted JP’s 60 High Minors ABs to bridge the gap until Kingery or Willy Adames or SOMEBODY steps up. There is also the chance JP turns out to be as good as he was supposed to be and then he can stay. May be one of those “better baseball player than fantasy baseball player” types however.

The Bonerz were thinking they weren’t too attached to JP when the MoonZ ‘Dooks came calling, and their asking price was minors folks and the MooniniteZ Babadooks just kinda willingly threw Flaherty in there so what the fuck. The Bonerz are pretty set up the middle but less so at 1B, hence Jake Bauers might fill that void as soon as May or June or even OPENING DAY who knows. I do have it on good authority they could have had Anthony Alford instead but chose Bauers, so yanno debate that amongst yourselves if that was right or wrong or what.



THE MORNING WOOD. As with most of my dealings with this franchise it wasn’t about winning or losing. It was about 60 measly High Minors ABs in April and freeing up a MI spot to an entire year’s worth of minors guys. #AprilWinsMatter





Also the Bad Dudes receive the Banana Slugs 2nd Round Spring Draft Pick WOO FUCKING HOO


The WHO?

Bad Dudes Return

JAKE ARRIETA, 31.77 year old SP WHO NOBODY EVEN WANTS RIGHT NOW. If you are the Bad Dudes you have to be concerned nobody signs him and he just quietly retires and fades into the ether. If he doesn’t do that, you might get a decent workhorse here. who knows what you are getting here.  8.71 K/9 and a 3.53 ERA (4.16 FIP) in an up and down 2017. Without such ups and downs the Slugs would never have parted with him, as he was dominant in 2014 and 2015 and pretty fucking good in 2016. What 2018 holds we shall I guess find out (assuming somebody signs him).

ZACH BRITTON, 30 year old Orioles closer that keeps fucking injuring himself. Logged 37 injured innings in 2017 and the Ks were all gone and he was all weird (6.99 K/9, 2.89 ERA, 3.40 FIP). Prior to last year’s mess he rode a nasty sinker to nasty numbers, including 47 Saves and a 0.54 ERA (1.94 FIP) in 2016. But now he ruptured his Achilles and will miss probably like six months if everything goes WELL. So again who knows what comes of this man in 2018.

JOE JIMENEZ, 22.9 year old Tigers reliever and likely future closer if he keeps it together. 12.96 K/9 and a 1.44 ERA (2.42 FIP) in 25 AAA innings in 2017, then 8.05 K/9 and LIT THE FUCK UP TO A TUNE OF 12.32 ERA (5.84 FIP) in a 19 inning MLB stint. He is probably better than that but yanno, gotta watch those walks and then watch those dingers following those walks  Rose-y MLB Comp:  Jeurys Familia     Thorn-y MLB Comp:  The list of flamed out relievers is long, so sure Bruce Rondon (low hanging fruit)


Banana Slugs Return

JIMMIE SHERFY, 26 year old reliever for the DBacks and HELL he might be the closer sometimes, I have no idea what they are doing there. 11.20 K/9 and a 3.12 ERA (3.62 FIP) in 49 AAA innings in 2017, then 7.59 K/9 and ZERO RUNS ALLOWED (2.03 FIP) in 10.2 innings for Arizona. 10.2 innings is not much to go off of, but I have seen AT LEAST one blog saying he should be Arizona’s closer and that counts for something around here because blogs tell the truth. Supposedly his mechanics used to be a mess with the walks to go along with it but now those have been smoothed out? Supposedly? Fastball Curveball Changeup pitcher, and in his short AZ stint through the curve more than the 93 mph “heat” (50.6 % CB 47.4% FB). NOT ON PROSPECT LISTS STOP ASKING.  Rose-y MLB Comp:  David Robertson (nailed it)     Thorn-y MLB Comp:  Justin Grimm (nailed it)

ERVIN SANTANA, 35 year old Twins SP who just put together the season of his fucking life. 211 IP, 16-8, 5 COMPLETE GAMES (3 CG SOs), 7.11 K/9 and a 3.28 ERA (4.46 FIP). Look man……every year some pitchers have this sorta year, they totally do not deserve to be good and yet they are good. OBVIOUSLY credit where credit is due, you have to have your shit working to throw 3 shutouts. I would not expect a repeat performance in 2018 (he is 35) but he is also economical with his pitch counts, and the Twins don’t care if his arm falls off anyways, so don’t rule out a few key CGs for the Slugs.

WADE DAVIS, 32.25 year old closer who has taken his talents to Colorado after a year with the Cubbies. 12.12 K/9, 32 Saves, 2.30 ERA (3.38 FIP). Look man…..over the past couple of years Wade Davis has been like 4th or 5th best reliever in all of baseball at worst. He is good. He is also headed to Coors and those issues, but I am going on record to say I think he can hack it. Gave up 6 HRs last year (58.2 IP) but none in 2016 (43.1 IP), 3 in 2015 (67.1 IP), none in 2014 (72 IP). He good.


The WHY?

For the Bad Dudes, the regular season is but a prelude to the postseason and I have to think this deal had a little bit of that in mind. Zach Britton won’t contribute until mid-summer if at all, perhaps there’s hope for Joe Jimenez to be established by then as well, Arrieta either is good at that point in time or he is gone. If Britton comes back and regains his pre multiple injuries form (a big IF) he is a better asset than Wade Davis (particularly Coors Wade Davis), and that’s the gamble of the Dudes here.

For the Banana Slugs, I gotta think they had heart eyes emoji for Sherfy first and foremost as they loveeeee their minors relievers (and sometimes their minors). There is also the allure of the potential for a few Ervin Santana CGs at a few opportune moments, and there is also the fact that Wade Davis is good and should still be good in Coors ONE WOULD THINK. I mean fucking Greg Holland pulled it off and Wade is better than that guy.



THE BANANA SLUGS. Give me the Banana Slugs here, though it was pretty even and there is significant risk on both sides. However the Slugs made themselves better immediately and the Bad Dudes might have only made themselves better down the line maybe. Also I am inclined to pick against people that receive draft picks in these things because I am anti-draft pick trading. Also I MEAN IS JAKE ARRIETA EVEN GONNA PLAY THIS YEAR?




Future January trades will be added as they appear MAYBE.  There is also a looming ESPN shutdown, my guess is first week of February. There is also potential for all sorts of preseason content, potentially (10 teams in 10 days feels like it will return at a minimum). You have been properly warned.








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