2017 Week 15 Review: ATTACK OF THE AL EDITION (not that I want to encourage naming the leagues AL and NL, I encourage renaming them every goddamned year)

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Week 15 saw the AL SWEEEEEEEP the matchups, which is unfortunate. It also saw the league get all bunched the fuck up, as the 3-5 seeds all currently share the same record and ditto for the 6th and 7th seeds. So we are currently relying on our zaneeeeeey tiebreakers to sort out that mess, like I told you people earlier division matchups should have mattered to you more at the time. And now here we are with your division records being what they are. Go back and pull up the Week 13 review if you wanna see ’em. While you are doing that I will review this stupid goddamned Week 15…..

 

 

 

 

 

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Rojo’s Renegade Force Roll Over Q-Tip City Morning Wood, As Many Have Before Them As Some Probably Will After Them  –  11-2-1

 

MVP:  Adam Jones  –  Adam Jones HOLY SHIT YOU ARE STILL PLAYING?! Adam Jones is still playing and he had himself a very solid week. Let us use this moment to check in on his numbers against lefties this year. Adam Jones is slashing .242/.306/.394 against lefties this season, not great but MUCH BETTER than last year. Way to go Adam.  13/31, 11 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .455 OBP      ***MVP OF THE WEEK***     

LVP:  Jeff Hoffman    I dunno who is ever to blame here? We can just blame Jeff Hoffman and move on, I mean THIS WAS A GUY that was a return in the Brian Dozier trade and here he is just dropped now following his Week 15 start. It is almost like that wasn’t a good trade or something.  3 IP, 7 ER, 2 Ks, 21.00 ERA     

 

RRF Hitter Of Note:  Chris Taylor JROLL, who the fuck even isssss this guy AMIRITE (13/24, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .542 OBP)?!

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Just need to keep pointing out that Corey Kluber is fucking onnnnnn one and has been for the past like 2 months at least (7.2 IP, 1 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.17 ERA).

 

Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Whit Merrifield had a damn fine Week 15 and is having a damn fine season and that is kinda weird as well AMIRITE (9/23, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .483 OBP)?!

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Felipe Rivero had 3 Saves last week but mostly I just want to shout him out cuz as of writing this he’s sitting on a 0.70 ERA and 0.70 WHIP and that is both impressive and interesting AMIRITE (3.1 IP, 0 ER, 4 Ks, 3 Saves, 0.00 ERA)?!

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  Just HOW did this result occur you ask? Glad you asked. GOOD ENOUGH numbers for RRF defeated piss poor numbers for QTC. That is how. The Bonerz put up the worst totals for the week in Runs, HRsRBIs, and Strikeouts and uhhhh the Renegade Force did better than them in other stuff too. The Bonerz did put up an impressive 7 Saves from their trio of solid savers but yanno, this is also the matchup where 7 Saves is pretty much 5 or 6 Saves too many. A MORE COMPETITIVE FRANCHISE might have not even had enough closers active in the week to amass such a Saves total. What I am saying is that I am playing the Renegade Force this week and I will use less than 3 closers probably the whole time. Is what I am saying. After two straight 11 category victories (and a record of 3-0-1 in their last 4) Rojo’s Renegade Force find themselves in the playoffs as the #6, they now head to Manchester to take on the top-seeded MooniniteZ. As for the Q-Tip City Morning Wood, they still haven’t won since starting out 2-0. KINDA IMPRESSIVE AT THIS POINT. I do not foresee another victory for them and they are in need of wholesale changes if they want to win a 3rd game next season.

 

Next Week aka This Week:  RRF v. MooniniteZ (#6 or #7 v. #1), Morning Wood v. Banana Slugs (#10 v. #2) 

 

 

 

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Toms River Titans Take It To OceanGate Trout Fishing Club  –  10-3-1

 

MVP:  Michael Wacha  –  Whoaaaaa Michael Wacha has been good, which might help to keep the Titans pitching stats all nice and pretty as they endure ace injury after ace injury after ace injury no just two ace injuries at the moment. OH but also Syndergaard and Pineda but I don’t want to declare Pineda an ace so just the two fresh ace injuries and then Noah. We can all barely remember when the Titans traded for Noah. But ANYWAYS yea Wacha was good in one of his 2 starts last week.  15 IP, 5 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 3.00 ERA    

LVP:  Ian Happ    Rookies gonna rookie sometimes.  4/18, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .222 OBP         

 

Titans Hitter Of Note:  Miguel Sano has been good everyone take note he is officially good now (7/24, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .333 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  UPDATE to the aces injured stuff, Stephen Strasburg is probably fine and he had one great start last week and might have had another if not for a pesky stiff forearm (9 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.00 ERA).

 

OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  I dunno Mike Trout was okay but by Trout standards he sucked so it was just THAT KINDA WEEK out there in the OG (4/17, 5 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .381 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Tanner Roark finally put together a nice start for a goddamned change (7 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.57 ERA).

 

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  And this sad championship defense saddddddly rolls on, as the OGTFC suffer a very bad loss at a very bad point in the season to the 9th ranked Titans. This one knocked the OGTFC out of the playoffs, for the time being, and also deprived us all of getting to see an ugly yet symmetrical 5-5-5 record. Not much went well for the Trout Fishing Club, as they swatted their way to a tied-for-worst-in-Week-15 8 HRs and scored a would-have-been-worst-if-not-for-Bonerz 35 Runs. The Titans did better in these categories and also pitched to a pretty 2.403 ERA, which helped them grab a 5-2 advantage on the pitching side of things. For the Titans the playoffs may be a longshot, in fact they may be mathematically impossible given all of the different matchups and yada yada, but they can at least play spoiler for a bit. They will look to do just that in Week 16. AND FOR THE FISHING CLUB, they will continue to try and be the first team in I dunno a while to win the title and then fail to make the playoffs the following season. And now that I look it up it has never happened. So there you go. THE OGTFC CHASING HISTORY.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   Titans v. Bad Dudes (#9 v. #5 or #4 or #3)OGTFC v. X-Rayz (#8 v. #3 or #4)

 

 

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Astoria Isotopes HALT THE NON-LOSING STREAK OF THE Manchester MooniniteZ SAD!  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Charlie Blackmon  –  Fucking Charlie Blackmon killing it for THE THIRD WEEK IN THE ROW, goddamn this guy. He’s good though and I am a fan but also fuck him for this one.  12/22, 12 Rs, 1 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .571 OBP      

LVP:  Chris Owings    Chris Owings YOU GAVE ME NOTHING. Thanks for pretty much nothing, Chris Owings.  2/22, 1 R, 1 2B, .091 OBP     

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Mark Reynolds also did a number on me, fucking Rockies homestands for ya (6/22, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .333 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  How about German Marquez giving the ‘Topes two excellent Coors starts with 9Ks a piece, IMPRESSIVE WORK for German and he gets dropped for his troubles (13.2 IP, 5 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 3.29 ERA).

 

MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  Keon Broxton went 0-9 and kept getting sat for Brett Phillips and now he is demoted to AAA and I am REALLY QUITE SAD ABOUT IT (0/9, .100 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  Also Lance McCullers has failed to get through the 5th inning 3 starts in a row but THIS IS FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE WE ARE FINE (9.1 IP, 10 ER, 8 Ks, 9.64 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  I just do not really wanna talk about this one all that much. But if I were to repeat the theme from a matchup from above and ask just HOW this one turned out this way the answer would be DONGS. All the dongs. This one was neck and neck heading into the last 2 days of the matchup, MooniniteZ may have had a narrow edge even, and then the Isotopes just up and socked 13 HRs and knocked in 18 Runs over those final two days. The ‘Topes tied their season record with 24 HRs and would have actually exceeded it had they not sat Paul DeJong on Sunday night, in fact they sat a bunch of players just to preserve their margin of victory but I said I wouldn’t criticize it and I WON’T. Smart managing from a tough team, which is what I will call this team because it features the only current owner to have defeated my team in 2017. Speaking of my team, they pitched like shit in Week 15. NOT ALOTTA QUALITY AS USUAL (3 QS, 5.629 ERA), and the Isotopes also pitched pretty poorly but at least had some Wins to show for it and that’s how all of this went down. The Isotopes will now head to Lacey having won 2 straight, in one of the more important matchups in a time where all matchups are fairly important. The MooniniteZ have had their NON-LOSING STREAK snapped at 8 and will now have to take on a tough-in-every-category-but-Saves RRF squad. I think our “Magic Number” is kinda like ONE to clinch a bye if not the outright #1 seed but that is too math-y to talk about right now check back after I grab this next dub.

 

Next Week aka This Week:  Isotopes v. BDSliderz ( #4 or #3 v. #7 or #6), MooniniteZ v. RRF (#1 v. #6 or #7)

 

 

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Barnegat Banana Slugs Cheat Again And Win Again, This Time Defeating The River City Bad Dudes  –  8-4-1

 

MVP:  Jonathon Schoop  –  Jonathon Schoop had a lot of RBIs.  13/30, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 16 RBIs, .438 OBP

LVP:  Nomar Mazara    As suggested by Lobman himself, and BOY was he right on this one.  0/21, .192 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Jake Lamb had a lot of RBIs but not as many RBIs as Jonathon Schoop (6/19, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 5 SBs, .294 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Brent Suter with a CHEATING QUALITY START OF LIES on Saturday (10.2 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 2.53 ERA).

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  On the bright side of the Bad Dudes News AJ Pollock looked good last week so he can overhype (fake word) and overrate him in the chat or whatever, he will probably do something like that (9/22, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 3 SBs, .409 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Jon Lester was good twice last week and I hate that I am always writing his name on this thing, only the worst people spell it J-o-n (15 IP, 3 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.80 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  Once again displaying a “win at any cost especially if that cost is merely cheating a little bit attitude”, the Banana Slugs continued their assault on the standings and on integrity with yet another tainted W that rockets them up to the #2 seed with really the ONLY decent shot I see of dethroning the #1. Brent Suter tossed a quality start on Saturday, and I feel oddly compelled to point out Starling Marte‘s stats for reasons I can’t fully articulate: 9/27, 6 Rs, 2 RBIs, 3 SBs, .379 OBP. Not a bad week, on the base paths at least, for the recently-returned cheater.  Nor for the Banana Slugs team as a whole, as they posted an impressive 65 Runs and 69 RBIs and I think 60+ in those two categories is just flat out tough to beat. And maybe that is why the Bad Dudes flat out failed to beat em. The Bad Dudes can take solace in a league-best 91 Ks, one better than the X-Rayz and two better than the Titans and they are the only one of these three teams that didn’t win last week FUN WITH NUMBERS. ANYWHOM, the streaking/rule-straddling Banana Slugs now arrive in Q-Tip City having won four straight, one W away from tying the season high 5 week win streaks of the former 3PO. The River City Bad Dudes, on the other hand, head into Week 16 having stumbled a bit (2 straight losses, 3-5 over their last 8). And uhhh yea that’s where these two teams are at.

 

Next Week aka This Week:   Banana Slugs v. Morning Wood (#2 v. #10), Bad Dudes v. Titans (#5 or #4 or #3 v. #9) 

 

 

 

 

2017 WEEK 15 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE CGI GREAT WHITE SHARK THAT WHOOPED MICHAEL PHELPS’ ASS IN A RACE LAST NIGHT

MLB: Boston Red Sox at Baltimore Orioles
Point Loma X-Rayz Grab Crucial Victory (Via Grichuk) Over Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Trey Mancini  –  NICE LITTLE WEEK for Trey Mancini and he deserves more respect than he was given from this rude ass league following his trade to the X-Rayz on the 10th of July. Shame on all of you.8/26, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, .357 OBP

LVP:  Jonathon Lucroy    Jonathon Lucroy what has BECOME of you this year, last year you were somethin’ special.  1/19, 1 2B, 1 R, .182 OBP

 

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Billy Hamilton got back to being a fantasy asset this week, after scuffling a bit here and there, and I say good for Billy (10/26, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 2 RBIs, 4 SBs, .370 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  And also BRAD PEACOCK, everyone should be paying more attention to Brad Peacock he’s going deep into games now and everything (7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).

 

BDSliderz Wood Hitter Of Note:  Michael Comforto is back to slugging after taking the month of June off from slugging (12/28, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, .484 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And also JULIO TEHERAN with two strong starts in which the Braves failed to find him any goddamned run support (12.1 IP, 5 ER, 11 Ks, 2 QS, 3.65 ERA).

 

ASSORTED MUSINGS/ANALYSIS:  RANDAL GRICHUK nearly grabbed himself MVP on this one despite being a worthless FA. That is how this one shook out. Truth be told it went well down to the wire, with the BackdoorSliderz grabbing the temporary tie thanks to an IMPROBABLE 9th inning Matt Adams dong that allowed Freddie Freeman to score the 40th run for Lacey Twp. However the X-Rayz still had a one Yadi Molina in the Sunday night game and he promptly singled to lead off that game’s 2nd inning and then Grichuk promptly put one in the seats, giving the X-Rayz their matchup-winning 41st Run. This one was equally close in the RBIs cat with both teams posting sub-40 RBI weeks, which is a new line I just decided to denote a serviceable or good RBI week vs. a not that serviceable or bad RBI week. Anyways the X-Rayz won the not that serviceable RBI week 37-36, credit due to Mancini and weirdly Andrelton Simmons and even weirdlier Nick Williams. GRABBING PRODUCTION WHEREVER THEY CAN. With the victory the X-Rayz improved to 6-2 over their last 8, and they will now head to OceanGate and attempt to put a nail or two in a coffin. With the loss the BackdoorSliderz slide out of the playoffs, at least temporarily, as they’ve now gone 2-6 over their last 8 in a bit of a reverse Odom. They will take on a REALLY TOUGH Astoria team in Week 16, toughest I’ve faced I’ll say that much.

 

Next Week aka This Week:  X-Rayz v. OGTFC (#3 or #4 v. #8)BDSliderz v. Isotopes (#7 or #6 v. #4 or #3)

 

 

 

 

WEEK 15 OVER AND TRADE DEADLINE THIS SATURDAY AT NOON. THAT IS PROBABLY THE ONLY NEWS WORTH NOTING HERE. I REPEAT AGAIN TRADE DEADLINE THIS SATURDAY AT NOON. ALSO THREE WEEKS LEFT FOR ONE OF YOU FUCKS TO TRY AND PULL OFF SOME SORT OF MIRACLE AND STEAL MY #1 SEED.

 

 

 

 

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2017 Week 15 Review: ATTACK OF THE AL EDITION (not that I want to encourage naming the leagues AL and NL, I encourage renaming them every goddamned year)

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