LIKE I SAID there may be some sort of more review-y review type format for Weeks 7-9 woven into June Power Rankings but in the mean time just want to keep the basic league results available. Call it QUICK NOTES call it BASIC RESULTS don’t even read it, I don’t give a shit. Just don’t want to lose track of the JROLLs tbh…

 

 

WEEK 8 VERY BASIC RESULTS: 

 

OGFC (5-3) over IBB (3-4-1)

BBS (2-5-1) over PBX (0-6-2)

ECK (5-3) over LL (4-4)

LTBS (8-0) over RCBD (3-4-1)

‘Topes (3-5) over ‘Gades (4-3-1)

 

 

 

 

 

WEEK 8 MVP OF THE WEEK: 

 

8/13, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, 1 SB, .600 OBP

 

 

 

 

WEEK 8 LVP OF THE WEEK: 

 

2/18, 1 R, .111 OBP

 

 

 

 

 

WEEK 8 JROLLS:    

 

 

NONE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week Eight Quick Notes Quickly Noted

---

 

 

 

FUCK THIS WEEK MANNNNNN. Not only did I NOT un-undefeat the evil Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, it also was just kinda a “meh” performance where we just generally did a little bit worse in all facets. Except for Doubles. A TRULY PATHETIC SIX DOUBLES.

In protest of the absolute bullshit that was Week 7’s results for my specific fantasy team, as well as in protest of ESPN’s epic-ally phoned-in performance this season….I am epic-ally phoning in this fucking review. And probably not even calling in for Week 8 or Week 9. EXPECT AN INTERESTING POWER RANKINGS beginning o’ June where I seek to combine 3 weeks of reviews into one June Power Rankings post in order to avoid yanno, reviewing this bullshit. Few quick news and notes prior to that:

 

 

 

Week 7 Very Basic Results: 

 

LTBS (7-0, FUCK) over IBB (3-3-1),

LL (4-3, A NEW SEASON RECORD CONGRATS SHANE) over HEROY (4-3 and MERCIFULLY converted back to the OGTFC [never thought I would miss that name] after learning that fantasy baseball, as in life, is just random chaos your name means nothing)

‘Topes (2-5) over PBX (0-5-2)

ECK (4-3) over BBS (1-5-1)

RRF (4-3) over RCBD (3-3-1)

 

 

 

 

 

Week 7 MVP OF THE WEEK: 

8/27, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 2 3Bs, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .321 OBP

 

 

 

 

Week 7 LVP OF THE WEEK: 

0/11, 1 RBI, .083 OBP

 

 

 

 

 

Week 7 JROLLs:    

 

 

Only ONE as these are a dying art, and that one came from:

 

 

6/26, 2 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .259 OBP

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week Seven Review, both done and not really done. And fuck you.

 

 

 

 

 

WEEK SIX has come and gone. And I am FOCUSED AS LASER! Not on this review, I have no fucking desire to write this and I am actually planning on really just quarter-assing my way through it. But going to claim this is because this is DOCH WEEK, laser focused on Doch Week….but maybe it’s just cuz I don’t feel like writing this shit? But also CUZ THIS IS DOCH WEEK. Focused as laser!

 

If I defeat the dreaded BackdoorSliderz in the WEEK SEVEN BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK I promise I’ll write 5,000 words on it…..

 

 

 

 

 

River City Bad Dudes Roll Past Island Beach Bears, Who Were Obviously Just Looking Ahead To DOCH WEEK  –  11-2-1

 

MVP:  Kyle Gibson  –  Kyle Gibson above is me looking at my streaming luck of late. Look man absolutely NO ONE had an impressive week here, except for Andujar and the Bears starting staff and that was the “impressively bad” sort of impressive. So Bogaerts was okay (7 Rs, .379 OBP) but more importantly for the Dudes Kyle Gibson and whomever the fuck else they threw out there pitched pretty nicely. NOT THAT MUCH WAS REQUIRED OF THEM.  6 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA

 

LVP:  Miguel Andujar  –  NAWT the finest of debuts for Miggy Andujar, I will say that much. Given the amount of ABs and the sheer nothingness done with them this may be your LVP of the YEAR.  1/27, .037 OBP    ***LVP OF THE WEEK/PROBABLY YEAR***     

 

 

 

PITCHING STUFF. This one was never as close as some of the #s may have implied it was (on the hitting side of thingz), and that is because the Bears pitching was ONCE AGAIN terrible (a MARK OF THE BEAST ERA, which leads to losses in other KEYCATS as one can probably infer). Credit to the Dudes for pitching pretty well, but yea nobody pitched worse than these assholes last week. I shall cut them all. I should also add the only thing sadder than the Bears starting pitching this season/this week was the way Lobman kept checking the fucking box score even though the matchup was in the bag PROBABLY since like Thursday but definitely before we even got to Citi Field. Just be PRESENT IN THE MOMENT, Mike. Especially if in that moment you are dancing on top of a ledge in a gay bar….

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  I should also add the only thing sadder than the Bears starting pitching this season/this week was the way Lobman kept checking the fucking box score even though the matchup was in the bag PROBABLY since like Thursday but definitely before we even got to Citi Field… Just be PRESENT IN THE MOMENT, Mike… Especially if in that moment you are dancing on top of a ledge in a gay bar… what else WHAT, ELSE… Uhh only two hitters per team with multi-HR weeks and by multi-HR I mean 2 HR (Alonso & Reyes for the Dudes, Encarnacion & Tim Anderson for the Bears)…

 

What’s Next (Week 7):  RCBD v. RRF (3-2-1 v. 3-2-1)

                   
IBB @ LTBS (3-2-1 @ 6-0, BBOTW)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Astoria Isotopes FINALLY Grab A Fucking Win, Unfortunately At The Expense Of The East Coast Kings Rather Than At The Expense Of Some Piece Of Shit’s Team (Like Lacey)  –  8-6-0

 

MVP:  Charlie Blackmon  –  If I wanted to just get this review done quickly (and I do) I would cop out here by saying Blackmon did his best Yelich impression (half his hits for the week left the yard) and Yelich did his best Blackmon impression and that’s that. ‘Nado was also good but yea, gooder job by Charlie I guess.  8/20, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .520 OBP          

 

LVP:  Miguel Cabrera  –  Nobody was particularly BAD for the Kings, and there was certainly worse Miggys during this particular week, but Miggy was just kinda MEH in a nice opportunity to avenge his own POORLY HANDLED release (no respect).  26/22, 1 R, 2 RBIs, .333 OBP

 

 

 

 

QS. It tends to be tricky to OUTCLASS the Kings in certain pitching cats, particularly on a week when they pitch to a 2.72 ERA, but the ‘Topes were able to do just that in escaping with a 7-6 QS victory. The Isotopes were no slouched with their hurlers (3.40 ERA, 95 Ks) but still only went 3-4 on the pitching cats, so yea. FLIP THIS ONE and you have a disgusting tie

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  This was the first time all season that the Kings lost with an ERA under 5, interestingly enough… This was also the first time all season that the Isotopes won, in case that wasn’t covered… The Kings had the lowest RBI output but highest SB output in Week 9, somewhat of a classic X-Rayz formula…

 

What’s Next (Week 7):  ‘Topes @ PBX (1-5 @ 0-4-2)

                   
ECK v. BBS (3-3 v. 1-4-1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Heroy’s Weird Ode To My Brother Of A Team Wins Beats The Barnegat Banana Slugs, Somebody Cue Up A Losing Streak For This Idiot So He Adopts An Actual Team Name  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Kris Bryant  –  KRIS BRYANT. Still out here, let’s give him his first MVP of the week since like 2017 (probably) never mind forgot bout Springer.  8/25, 9 Rs, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, .485 OBP            

 

LVP:  Christian Walker  –  “2019 Luke Voit” (I’m sure someone has said it) kinda followed Luke towards RELATIVE mediocrity in Week 6 (he did make his one XBH count I will give him that), which is a shame cuz the rest of the Slugs O was pretty toight.  3/22, 1 R, 1 3B, .269 OBP

 

 

 

 

 

OBP. This one likely stings a bit for the Slugs because on both sides of the ball they BASICALLY performed as well as they have all season. Yet they were matched up with an opponent that was performing just a bit better in enough categories. And that’s basically how you win or lose a week. ANYHOW this was exemplified best in OBP, where the Slugs would usually feel pretty good about their performance but were no match for a firing-on-all-cylinders uhh Heroy outfit (HEROY won .402-.351).

 

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  These were your top two Run totals in Week 6… Team Heroy was one of 4 teams in Week 6 to cross the 100K threshold (Bad Dudes, X-Rayz, BackdoorSliderz are your other 3)… Eugenio Suarez scored 10 Rs for the Slugs, which is NOTABLE I GUESS I dunno… phonin’ this one in remember…

 

What’s Next (Week 7):  HEROY v. LL (4-2 v. 3-3)

                   
BBS @ ECK (1-4-1 @ 3-3)

 

 

 

 

 

Pacific Beach X-Rayz Harness The Power Of Sharon Johnson To Tie The Pride Of Sharon Johnson’s Team, Rojo’s Renegade Force  –  7-7-0

 

MVP:  MOTHERS EVERYWHERE but specifically Sharon Johnson  –  ALLEGEDLY Mothers Day festivities are to blame for the Renegade Force being unable to get two extra starters (both of whom threw what would be matchup-winning QS) into their lineup. No word on what Sharon ordered or how that explains the other two starts the RRF failed to put forth (8/12 starts is only kewl if you win, kids).  I respect both Mr. and Mrs. J too much to do something with the “stats” section here, as we all know I could…     

 

LVP:  Rojo  –  So tired of having to give this good friend and okay realtor LVP, and yet here it is happening for like the GOD KNOWS HOW MANY-eth time. Amateur effort. If it was against an opponent I actually enjoy seeing lose this would have been a longer paragraph.  1 Absent-minded Brunch (I’ll bet he didn’t pay)        

 

 

 

 

 

QS. I’m honed in on the Mothers Day EXCUSE here but really the RRF only started EIGHT this week and starting any one of those extra 4 and having any one of them pitch a QS gets them a W (including the 2 QS thrown on Sunday by Ryu and Tanaka). What kinda MONSTER doesn’t set those 2 into his Sunday lineup like the day before or whatfuckingever?! Someone call Kevin Johnson (or Rachel <3) and see if he wants to take this outfit over. Anywhom the X-Rayz won QS 7-6 despite going a very pretty 0-2 in QS attempts on Sunday (Snell 5.2, 2 ER, 12 Ks Corbin Martin 5.1, 1 ER, 9 Ks), tie preserved.

 

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  Rojo your indifference here was both an inspiration (particularly when juxtaposed with some other owners) and a slap in the face of the very INSTITUTION of the Backyard and this carefully-crafted blog and it will be stamped out so help me god (jk I’m just speeding through this and didn’t know what else to write… ps George Springer (14/27, 10 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, .563 OBP) was the actual   ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** (maybe shared with Sharon)…

 

What’s Next (Week 7):  PBX v. ‘Topes (0-4-2 v. 1-5)

                   
RRF @ RCBD (3-2-1 @ 3-2-1)

 

 

 

 

 

2019 WEEK SIX BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS CLEVELAND ZOO BABY SLOTH BEAR NAMING CONTEST (that I feel is going somewhat poorly)

 

https://www.cleveland.com/news/2019/05/lali-nisha-or-shala-cleveland-zoos-baby-sloth-bear-needs-a-name.html

 

 

 

 

 

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Easily Beat Lakewood Leviathans But Were Also No Doubt Looking Ahead To HUGE Matchup With Island Beach Bears In Week 7  –  11-2-1

 

MVP:  Justin Turner  –  YEA, for all their sexy youthful talent and all their bluster fucking Justin Turner.  9/21, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .455 OBP    

 

LVP:  Carlos Santana  –  Carlos is usually an OBP STALWART so he let the fam down herecan’t be the same Robinson Cano the ‘Topes keep dangling in trade talks CAN IT?!?!  4/26, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .214 OBP          

 

 

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  You know you’re rolling the fuck along when fucking Justin Turner and Gregory Polanco are the ones pacing your offense in an easy victory of a week (9/20, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B,  2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .500 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  To further illustrate that point, behold Lacey Twp’s SECOND streamed Zach Eflin CG (9 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

 

Leviathans Hitter Of Note:  The Leviathans may be backsliding a bit, perhaps falling into their old ways, but HEY at least Alex Gordon isn’t falling into his old ways (he tends to suck) he’s been a pretty solid hitter thus far (7/20, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .381 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  This is just so I can make a mental note to myself to try and trade for Matt Boyd he’s been swell (6 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

Who give a fuck what happened this week, WEEK SEVEN IS ALL THAT MATTERS.

In Week 7 the undefeated Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz will take on THE MAN THEY THREATENED TO PUNCH IN THE FACE, and his Island Beach Bears. In what will surely be (possibly be) the most chat participation you get out of me all season. As I must defend my honor and my right, as a ‘Murrican, to be “pretentious” and “passive-aggressive.” This was where I should have had a photoshopped image of Doch as Odor and me as Bautista but we can add that in w/ post edits once Brian gets around to it. The blog is big on post edits now.

Also Shane is playing someone I’m sure, that’s how this league works we all keep playing people until it’s over….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week Six Review, HALF-ASSED by me so I can focus on defeating FRAUDNEY. Works enough for me.

 

 

 

 

 

Alrightttttt in the flow here now that I’ve shed another few layers from these fucking things, so let’s crank out another half-hearted review. That way I can eventually crank out Week 6 review. That way I can brainstorm a way to combine weeks 7-9. But lets not get ahead of ourselves. First this “review”….

 

Also the Astoria Isotopes will not be featured in the Week 6 BBOTW, rest my sweet prince…..

 

 

 

 

 

Rojo’s Renegade Force Steamroll A Hibernating Bears Squad  –  8-3-3

 

MVP:  Michael Chavis  –  I barely know who this dipshit is (jk I do), but fuck him. That’s the only intro he’s getting outta me.  11/27, 8 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP     

 

LVP:  Brandon Nimmo  –  Hoooooooooly shit I didn’t even realize how bad Nimmo was last week, or else I wouldn’t have had to debate him vs. Kepler this afternoon. Fuck Nimmo too, then.  0/18, 1 RBI, .182 OBP    ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     

 

 

 

ERA. The Bears pitched like a bag of dicks in managing a mere 2 QS for the 2nd time in the past 3 weeks (both of our uhh non-wins) but that is probably most succinctly expressed in the ERA matchup (RRF win 3.30 to 4.56). There’s some other blame I can throw around (mostly towards Dave Roberts), and I should probably be discussing the winner of the matchup more than the loser, but yea the loser in this case only had 2 QS and 69 Ks (nice).

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  This was the only matchup in Week 5 not to feature a Triple… The Bears had the week’s lowest K total, RRF were 2nd lowest…

 

What’s Next (Week 6):  RRF v. PBX (3-2 v. 0-4-1)

                   
IBB v. RCBD (3-1-1 @ 2-2-1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lakewood Leviathans Harness The Power Of Montezuma’s Mondesi’s Revenge, Defeat River City Bad Dudes  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Adalberto Mondesi  –  I was one of the many folks who called into question the underlying skillset of a one Adalberto Mondesi relative to his preseason ADP, and I DO still believe there is quite a floor here, but the view right about now is looking prettttty nice. He appears to be a better asset than the corpse of Carlos Martinez, I can declare that with some confidence. He’s also our early JROLL LEADA.  8/28, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs,  1 HR, 8 RBIs, 3 SBs, .355 OBP, 1 JROLL    ***MVP OF THE WEEK***     

 

LVP:  Rougned Odor  –  As impressive as Adalberto was in Week 5, Rougned was equally unimpressive. I don’t GIVE A DAMN SIR about your 3 run dong and your cute lil SB, you’re pretty much unrosterable in an OBP league and I shall continue to shout it from the heavens.  2/21, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 3 RBIs, 1 SB, .136 OBP

 

JROLLs:  Adalberto Mondesi (2, LL)

 

 

QS. The Bad Dudes actually outclassed the Leviathans on the hitters side (won HRs 19-12, etc. etc.) but it was the solid pitching of Lakehurst that helped deliver them this dub. Take for example QS (LL takes it 7–3). Now ya got that kinda lead and you’re thinkin’ you’re also gonna get the ERA win, okay? And with that you’re hoping for Ws and Ks, okay? And so yea that’s what happened. …..they also won Holds. But QUALITY STARTS is the focus here.

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  The Bad Dudes were one of 3 teams in the Backyard to post a sub-.300 OBP in Week 5… Archie Bradley gave up 4 ER without recording an out for the Leviathans… to settle the score a bit, a Brad Peacock start backfired horrendously for River City (3.2 IP, 7 ER, 2 Ks)… Marcus Stroman failed to go 5 for the Jays/Bad Dudes for the 2nd time this season (3.1 IP, 4 ER, 3 Ks), he’s been otherwise rather sensational (2.20 ERA)…

 

What’s Next (Week 6):  LL v. LTBS (3-2 v. 5-0, BBOTW)

                   
RCBD @ IBB (2-2-1 @ 3-1-1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

East Coast Kings Klobber (Kinda But Not Really) The Pacific Beach X-Rayz  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Noah Syndergaard  –  It’s debatable whether or not Noah was the MOST crucial component to this King’s victory (as if I do these things super scientifically) but what ISN’T debatable is this:  Throwing a CG shutout that you win 1-0, when the 1 is a dong you hit, is fucking badass and deserves to be recognized in these hallowed Matchup MVP chronicles.  9 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 CG, 1 W, 0.00 ERA

 

LVP:  Dee Gordon  –  “Speed don’t slump” but sometimes some of these speedy guys on the X-Rayz just sorta suck at hitting, yanno? Dee managed a steal but also sucked quite a bit.  4/20, 1 RBI, 1 SB, .200 OBP

 

JROLLs:  Kelvin Gutierrez (1, PBX)   (…..PS- WHO THE FUCK?!)

 

 

 

CG. Complete games are ALWAYS a key stat. ALWAYS I tell you. Cuz I mean you take this Syndergaard CG shutout away and replace it with ohhh I dunno Brad Peacock‘s Week 5 line and BOOM Odom wins or something. That’s a lot of jiggering around with stats but whatever, I said what I said.

 

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  I always find it FASCINATING when teams tie in traditionally non-tied cats and here our two combatants ended up knotted up @ 40 RBIs apiece, how bout them apples… Christian Yelich only got 5 ABs this week due to a back injury so he was only able to hit 1 HR, thusly opening the door for a non-Yelich MVP in a Kings victory… DISASTROUS start for Blake Snell vs. KC (3 IP, 7 ER)… Forreal though whom in the fuck is Kelvin Guttierez?

 

What’s Next (Week 6):  ECK @ ‘Topes (3-2 @ 0-5)

                   
PBX @ RRF (0-4-1 @ 3-2)

 

 

 

 

 

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz ABSOLUTELY STEAL A Victory From The Jaws Of Defeat, Break The Hearts Of The Barnegat Banana Slugs  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Alex Bregman  –  Bregman came within a few of matching the Slugs total HRs for the week, that sorta says more about the Slugs than it does about Alex but Alex is also rather sensational. Loved his work in the great Bauer v. Astros Twitter battle of 2018.  7/25, 6 Rs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, .357 OBP     

 

LVP:  Eddie Rosario  –  This, this was not Eddie’s best work. Which is a shame cuz I’m a fan. But he let us all down in Week 5.  2/23, 1 R, 1 RBI, .125 OBP        

 

JROLLs:  Whit Merrifield (2, BBS)

 

 

 

Strikeouts. OOF, this fucking tomfoolery here. The Slugs had Bauer and uhhh Paddack I think (?!) pushed back to Monday as I recall, but still entered Sunday in good shape to get a W and by the end of the day games they just needed 6 Ks between Quintana (Ks in previous 4: 2, 7, 7, 11) and Wainwright (Ks in previous 4: 5, 3, 3, 4). WELP they both had a “pitch to contact” fest and recorded 2 Ks apiece, LTBS ESCAPES with a K cat victory 80-79 and further escapes with an undefeated season still intact. 

 

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  These were your two lowest team OBPs of the entire season, the team with the lowest OBP and also the lowest Runs total ends up getting the W… The Banana Slugs are first in the Backyard in Ks but got out-K’s 14-11 on Sunday (2 Ks a piece from Quintana and Wainwright) to absolutely choke it all away… In a week won by ONE K and ONE QS and also ONE W I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the solid totals from the two old fucks in the BackdoorSliderz rotation that had 2 starts apiece (Verlander 14 Ks 1 QS 1 W, Greinke 11 Ks 2 QS 1 W)… Vlad Watch:  2/18, 1 RBI, .238 OBP in Week 5…

 

What’s Next (Week 6):  LTBS @ LL (5-0 @ 3-2, BBOTW )

                   
BBS v. HEROY (1-3-1 v. 3-2)

 

 

 

 

 

2019 WEEK 5 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE CHICAGO BEARS 8 MAN KICKING COMPETITION (currently wittled down to 2)

 

https://beargoggleson.com/2019/05/05/chicago-bears-go-from-8-to-2-kickers-after-poor-weekend/

 

 

 

 

 

Heroy’s Dumb Goddamned Team Sends The Astoria Isotopes Straight To Hell And Also To 0-5  –  9-5-0

 

MVP:  Anthony Rizzo  –  Retroactively adding the proper stats in here TURNS OUT I PHONED THIS IN AS WELL.  7/18, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .519 OBP    

 

LVP:  Robinson Cano  –  This can’t be the same Robinson Cano the ‘Topes keep dangling in trade talks CAN IT?!?!  2/18, 1 R, 1 2B, .158 OBP          

 

 

 

Heroy’s Hitter Of Note:  Michael Brantley cuz why not (10/22, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .478 OBP).

Heroy’s Pitcher Of Note:  Gerrit Cole cuz whoooo cares and also cuz he is v. good (7 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  In a season of VERY FEW silver linings, at least Nolan Arenado has been starting to get the power stroke back after a slow start but yea still this isn’t really much of a silver lining *WORKS TWICE* (12/30, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .419 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  In a season of VERY FEW silver linings, at least Chris Sale had a bit better of a week but yea still this isn’t really much of a silver lining *WORKS TWICE* (6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

ET TU, GREGGERS?! When the dust settles on the 2019 regular season and the Astoria Isotopes are (probably) watching the Backyard Bracket from home, we must all remember it was Team Heroy that sent them to a seemingly daunting 0-5. And I don’t FEEL LIKE it was particularly close, I didn’t pay a tremendous amount of attention to the chat this weekend but I don’t FEEL LIKE anyone was talking about the ‘Topes avoiding 0-5. Everyone was probably just talking about how the ‘Topes were about to be 0-5. And their PISS POOR PITCHING was to blame (there’s some sort of symbolism to Dallas Keuchel just hanging out there all useless). Cuz on the hitting side the ‘Topes had some pretty stats I gotta say (53 Rs, 25 2Bs, .376 OBP), all three of those were good enough to win their respective #cats and they also took HRs 13-12. So an overall 4-3 advantage on hitting alone. But Team Greggers threw up a pretty pretty pitching line:  100 Ks, 8 QS, 1 CG, 7 Ws, 6 Saves, 2.45 ERA. Won every damn one of those cats, didn’t get any Holds but DIDN’T NEED THEM. Kyle Hendricks provided an efficient CG, Gerrit Cole & Shane Bieber & Tyler Glasnow each had dominant starts, and hey all of a sudden the Fightin’ Greggers look like they have a great pitching staff. Team ‘Topes, on the other hand, has Keuchel sitting there collecting dust. And they ended up with a 4.85 team ERA. And they had to watch Cole Hamels have a nice 5 IP 7 K start for their opponent. Insult to injury I tell you.

Week 6 has Heroy and his frustrating team name taking on the STABLEST team name in all of the Backyard (and perhaps the least stable chatter), Brian & his Barnegat Banana Slugs. That one could get interesting in the chat folks, TUNE IN (I won’t). As for last year’s runner-up, they are running-out of fuckin’ time here. 0-5 and hosting a TOUGH East Coast Kings squad in what feels like a must win just in the sense that you wanna win eventually (not sure there is must wins in May). Good fuckin’ luck to them, but I’m tired of covering their ineptitude in the BBOTW so we are switching up to covering Doch’s quest for perfection. See ya there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week Five Review, CRANKED OUT. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Four point nine weeks in the books, and this new format is still more time consuming that I can justify SO. I’m tweaking it YET AGAIN (and then probably again again), and to save time I’m not gonna wax poetic too much about Week 4. Two of our three winless teams kept losing, two of our three undefeated lossless teams kept winning not losing, and that was that. If you need more information FINE READ BELOW….

 

Also it’s gettin kinda sad on the keep making the ‘Topes the BBOTW biz so I might only do that yanno, like one more time.

 

 

 

 

East Coast Kings Check Mate All Up On Rojo’s Renegade Force I Dunno That’s A Chess Reference I Didn’t Want To Think Too Hard About It  –  10-2-2

 

MVP:  Elvis Andrus  –  One of those guys in the above GIF doesn’t suck. HINT: It’s Elvis. Elvis had been kinda filling in for some MI injuries for the Kings and to his credit has done so admirably, and last week was a nice lil week for him. Congrats to Elvis.  9/24, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .483 OBP     

 

LVP:  Chris Taylor  –  Chris Taylor was QUITE GOOD for the Renegade Force last year but had been quite poor for them this year, resulting in a drop from the squad I think mid week here or some such fuckery.  1/9, 2 RBIs, .111 OBP

 

 

 

 

Key Category:  STRIKEOUTS. The Kings won this cat 95-65 and when THAT happens it is probably a safe bet that uhhh, the pitching matchup is gonna be a bit one-sided. And it ’twas, the Kings won it 5-1-1. They also won the hitting cats 5-1-1 but that’s neither here nor there.

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  MAYBE NEXT TIME…

 

What’s Next (Week 5):  ECK v. PBX (2-2 v. 0-3-1)

                   
RRF @ IBB (2-2 @ 3-0-1)

 

 

 

 

 

Island Beach Bears Island Beat Down Lakewood Leviathans, Whom’s Fans Now Must Worry About A 2-16 Season (OR MUST THEY)  –  9-2-3

 

MVP:  Rhys Hoskins  –  Just gonna say it is a real relief to the Bears that Rhys is legit and just gonna leave it…..at…..that.  7/24, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B,  3 HRs, 6 RBIs, .433 OBP

 

LVP:  CJ Cron  –  A productive 1-15 is still a 1-15, stop trying to make my job unpaid volunteer position difficult CJ.  1/15, 1 2B, 2 RBIs, .176 OBP

 

 

 

 

Key Category:  RUNS. The Kings Bears won this cat 51-32 and when THAT happens it is probably a safe bet that uhhh, the pitching hitting matchup is gonna be a bit one-sided. And it ’twas, the Kings won it 5-1-1 6-1. They also won the hitting cats 5-1-1 but that’s neither here nor there.

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  MAYBE NEXT TIME…

 

What’s Next (Week 5):  IBB v. RRF (3-0-1 v. 2-2)

                   
LL @ RCBD (2-2 @ 2-1-1)

 

 

 

 

 

Heroy’s Dumb Goddamned Team Beat The Pacific Beach X-Rayz  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Tyler Glasnow  –  It was narrow cat victories in Ks and Ws for the Heroy-lead team, and Glasnow provided some of both and YEA you may have noticed I’m playing a little fast and loose on these awards but that’s because nobody has been very good.  6.2 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.79 ERA

 

LVP:  Ryan Yarbrough  –  Yarbrough had been putting together some productive little lines for both the Rays and Rayz but then, AS ASTUTELY NOTED by Rayz ownership, the other Rays got too cute and used him one too many times against the same time over the course of like two weeks and it didn’t work out.  4.1 IP, 7 ER, 2 Ks, 14.54 ERA

 

 

 

 

TRIPLES. Always a shame when you lose the Triples cat despite notching more than one triple, but that’s what happened to the X-Rays as they lost triples 3-2. WORST OF ALL one triple just came from an Alex Verdugo 1-4 day.

 

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  CHANGE YOUR GODDAMNED TEAM NAME HEROY…

 

What’s Next (Week 5):  HEROY v. ‘Topes (2-2 v. 0-4, BBOTW)

                   
PBX @ ECK (0-3-1 @ 2-2)

 

 

 

 

Barnegat Banana Slugs Blitzkrieg The River City Bad Dudes GET IT CUZ BRIAN WAS IN GERMANY  –  7-5-2

 

MVP:  Trevor Story  –  Obviously Trevor and I have a COMPLICATED relationship, but also obviously he’s made some necessary changes after that tricky sophomore season. And he JROLL‘d and I don’t think anybody else did in Week 4 so regrettably here we are.  10/25, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .464 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

 

LVP:  AJ Pollock  –  AJ seemed JUST A WEE BIT off in Week 4 and it turns out his arm is all fucked up and infected or something so now he’s on the IL, and that’s just classssssic AJ Pollock.  3/19, 3 Rs, .200 OBP        

 

JROLLs:  Trevor Story (1, BBS)

 

 

 

XBH. This one ended up brutally close on the extra base hits front, as the Slugs would win 2Bs 18-17, 3Bs 3-2, HRs, and 18-17. So unfortunately yea Trevor Story really fucked up Lobman’s week here. Not to be confused with the time that Adalberto Mondesi fucked up Lobman’s week which                                                          is in the FUTURE.

 

 

Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’:  MAYBE NEXT TIME…

 

What’s Next (Week 5):  BBS @ LTBS (1-2-1 @ 4-0)

                   
RCBD v. LL (2-1-1 v. 2-2)

 

 

 

 

 

2019 WEEK 4 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY “Black bear caught in a hot tub in living its best life in Tennessee”

 

https://www.ktuu.com/content/news/509488902.html

 

 

 

 

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz vs. Astoria Isotopes Goes The Way I Expected It To Go  –  8-5-1

 

MVP:  Cody Bellinger  –  So APPARENTLY this asshole is White Barry Bonds. Apparently. WISH I KNEW, I would have considered asking for another player or four in that Altuve deal.  8/18, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP    

 

LVP:  Mike Tauchman  –  For some reason the ‘Topes gave 17 ABs to this asshole and damned if I don’t want it immortalized RIGHT UP TOP.  1/17, 1 R, 1 SB, .158 OBP    ***LVP OF THE WEEK***      

 

 

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Yepppp Fernando Tatis Jr. had his first JROLL, PERHAPS the first of many for him in his career, WHO KNEW he was going to be up on Opening Day this year lolololololol….o….l Good lord these have been sloppy I highlighted that Tatis JROLL like three times ANYWHO Juan Soto was good this particular week, and clearly I need to start diversifying the team in the BBOTW (8/26, 5 Rs, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .379 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Woulda like to have taken these guys down a peg by noting a deGrom injury but he seems to have dodged a bullet so WHATEVER Justin Verlander had a nice start meh MISTAKES WERE MADE, hey look here’s a Zach Eflin streamed CG (9 IP, 1 ER, 3 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 1.00 ERA).

 

Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  In a season of VERY FEW silver linings, at least Nolan Arenado has been starting to get the power stroke back after a slow start but yea still this isn’t really much of a silver lining (8/23, 6 Rs, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .444 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  In a season of VERY FEW silver linings, at least Chris Sale had a bit better of a week but yea still this isn’t really much of a silver lining (12 IP, 4 ER, 18 Ks, 1 QS, 3.00 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

I can likely just break this down by citing the OBP matchup up top, a la one of the reviews above with the totes adorbs cat keys (KEY CAT):  The BackdoorSliderz won the OBP cat here .373-.322. And .322 isn’t even a BAD OBP number at all (despite a few terrible performances, shout out to Justin Smoak in his audition to replace the ‘Topes GOAT Miggy Cabrera [Justin went 3 for 21]), and despite the disparity this matchup opened Sunday up as a bit of a toss up. BUT Sunday saw 6 HRs and 11 RBIs from the Sliderz to keep those cats out of reach, they’d go on to take the hitting uhh SECTION 5-2.

Things were a bit more back and forth on the pitching side and that woulda REALLY been where the Isotopes might have been able to squeeze out an upset here. 109 Ks from the ‘Topes is mighty impressive, as is a 3.72 ERA, but the ButtSliderz weren’t far behind at 3.75 and managed to take two cats narrowly (Wins 7-6, Holds 2-1, CGs 1-0). The CG there was an absolute DAGGER, as Doch sold his soul to the Philadelphia Phillies and was rewarded with a SUNDAY Zach Eflin CG shutout. I mean that nearly single-handedly clinched it, when ya think about it, but not quite, but close enough so whatever fuck you.

Week 4 will see the 4-0 BackdoorSliderz taking on sometimes chat foe Brian and the Barnegat Banana Slugs. The Slugs are fresh off their first W of the 2019 season/a German vacation let’s see if they feel invigorated and can HALT THIS WIN STREAK (pretend I’m not writing this on Sunday). The Astoria Isotopes, on the other hand, will take on longtime friend Heroy and his fucking team. This is the BBOTW because it has been fun to track the 2018 BCS runner-ups disastrous beginning to 2019, but also we are probably going to stop tracking it after this cuz it is getting kinda sad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week Four Review, MERCIFULLY OVER. 

 

 

 

Three weeks in the books, another 15 to go before we bet to #TheBracket. Unfortunately LEAGUE VILLIAN used some Sunday night Braves magic to remain undefeated, the only 3-0 team in the land (Bears and Bad Dudes are at 2-0-1). There’s also only one 0-3 in the land and that is last year’s BCS LOSERS the Astoria Isotopes (X-Rayz and Slugs at 0-2-1). So I mean that’s basically most of the records and stuff, you can either stop reading now or you can read the rest why would I give a shit either way…. WEEK THREE RESULTS DOWN BELOW, Keep On Steppin’ folks….

 

OH YEA ALSO WHY did I forget that I am s’posed to select the BBOTW ahead of time. We shall get back on track with that one, starting now.

 

 

 

 

Rojo’s Renegade Force THROTTLE The Lakehurst Leviathans, Leviathan Fans Urged To Not Get Too Nervous  –  11-2-1

 

MVP:  Joey Gallo  –  Gallo is still (for the most part) striking out a ton but he DID manage a .480 OBP in Week 3 despite only notching one walk so that’s….wild.  11/23, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .480 OBP     

 

LVP:  Jack Flaherty  –  Nobody was really standout shitty on O for the LL’s so we are just going to have to give this to the shittiest pitcher performance. This may be a theme this week, LVPs looked a bit *shrug* on my first pass through. Fret not we shall find a way.  2.2 IP, 5 ER, 4 Ks, 16.88 ERA

 

 

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  Here ya go, the only guy to register multiple HRs for the Leviathans was Jonathan Schoop so congrats to Jonathan and his family (7/24, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .320 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty  —  They may have hit 23 dingers but Chris Taylor hit none of those so SHAMEEEE to Chris and his entire bloodline (2/13, 1 R, .154 OBP).

 

Key To Matchup:  DONGS. The Renegade Force hit a tied-for-the-week-and-season-leading 23 HRs in Week 3. The Leviathans only hit 9. Never wanna be in single digits in the dongs AMIRITE?! So yea the rest of the stat cats that correspond to HRs went about as you’d expect.

 

What’s Next (Week 4):  RRF v. ECK (2-1 v. 1-2)

                   
LL v. IBB (2-1 v. 2-0-1)

 

 

 

 

 

River City Bad Dudes Casually Beat Up Astoria Isotopes In A Matchup I Expected More Out Of Quite Frankly, At Least In The Group Chat  –  9-4-1

 

MVP:  Bryce Harper  –  Buncha MEH #s this week, forcing me to write a MEH review. I find a lot of these numbers uninspiring, desperately waiting to get to Christian Yelich or whatever. But Bryce Harper was FINE I guess and Go Phils?  8/29, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .382     

LVP:  Khris Davis  –  I consider myself a big Khrush guy so this hurts me a bit but C’MON KHRIS, I know you need to keep things in .247 range but don’t have zero HR weeks that’s not right the ‘Topes are DYING OUT HERE.  3/15, 1 RBI, .250 OBP    

 

 

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  Charlie Blackmon put a little pep in his step for a fuckin’ change and boyyyyy will the ‘Topes need it if they wanna climb out of this lil hole (11/27, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 3Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .467 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty  —  I’m glad somebody rostered Touki Toussaint for that start cuz I had to roster Matz for that other start, and I’m also glad that somebody was Mike (1.1 IP, 7 ER, 2 Ks, 47.25 ERA).

 

Key To Matchup: HELL IF I KNOW. This matchup seemed very boring to me. I am bored. It’s possible I just wasn’t really reading the chat as per usual but uhhh, WHERE’S THE PIZZAZZ HERE? Last week of Miguel Cabrera‘s legendary ‘Topes tenure and his line pretty much sums up this entire box score (6/21, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 RBIs, .304 OBP). THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES MIGGY (Shane you are required to add him).

 

What’s Next (Week 4):  RCBD @ BBS (2-0-1 @ 0-2-1)

                   
‘Topes v. LTBS (0-3 v. 3-0, BBOTW )

 

 

 

East Coast Kings Ride Christian Yelich Past Heroy’s Stupid Team Name And Yea Yelich Hit More HRs Than That Entire Stupid Team So Take That, Stupid Team  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Christian Yelich –  Christian Yelich is a player on the East Coast Kings and NOT a player that is on Heroy’s team. Pay attention as this may come into play later. And it also comes into play right now because I am going to point out that Yelich outhomered the entire squad de la Heroy. He good.  10/24, 9 Rs, 8 HRs, 16 RBIs, .533 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK***   

LVP:  Willy Adames –  Thanks for nothing ONCE AGAIN WILLY.  2/12, 1 R, .167 OBP

 

 

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  Byron Buxton had six hits in Week 3 but they were all doubles and given Buxton’s entire goddamned CAREER to this point (not counting the 2nd half of ’17) that’s gotta be considering inspiring I s’pose (6/26, 3 Rs, 6 2Bs, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .286 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty  —  Uhhhh I mean I guess Noah Syndergaard was a bit shaky in Week 3, though it’s always good when a pitcher can have two shaky starts and still deliver 14 Ks for the squad (10 IP, 9 ER, 14 Ks, 8.10 ERA).

 

Key To Matchup:  HEROY’S TEAM NOT ACQUIRING CHRISTIAN YELICH. RUMOR HAS IT once upon a time Yelich was offered to Team Heroy as part of a package of players for some other fuckin’ guy, and that package was declined. And so Yelich went out in Week 4 and out-homered Team Heroy in its entirety. Seems like a Key To Matchup if I’ve ever written a Key To Matchup AND I HAVE, like 10 or 11 times in fact.

 

What’s Next (Week 4):  ECK @ RRF(1-2 @ 2-1)

                   
HEROY @ PBX (1-2 @ 0-2-1)

 

 

 

 

 

Island Beach Bears And Barnegat Banana Slugs Tie Each Other, I TRULY FEEL IT WAS THE BEST WE COULD DO OKAY The Pitching Was Historically Awful  –  6-6-2

(workshoppin’ here)

Whom Prevented Outright Losses:  Slugs Starters / Bears Speedsters  –  THOSE WHO TIE GET NO NAME RECOGNITION. But uh the reason the Slugs avoided a loss would be their SPs (11 QS with only one mixed-eye-colored fuck preventing a record tying week, THE record) and the reason the Bears avoided a loss would be their speedy fellas (key 3B on Saturday, 4 SBs on Sunday).    

Whom Prevented Outright Wins:  Bears Starters / Jesus Aguilar  –  Okay we’ll get one name in, and that name comes from the Slugs. For the Bears a REAL PROBLEM was their starting pitching, only 3 SPs made it through the 5th inning one asshole gave up 6 ER without getting a single goddamned out. For the Slugs, Jesus Aguilar is to blame. I declare him back to shitty and it’s only a lil bit cuz of trolling.  2/21, 1 R, .136 OBP    ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

 

What Should The Bears Have Done Differently To Prevent This Disgrace 🙂 —  Uhhhhh picked spot starters that weren’t so shitty? Rostered more SPs that weren’t shitty so they would then need less spot starters that could end up being shitty? I dunno man…

What Could The Slugs Have Done Differently To Avoid This Total Embarrassment 🙂 —  Uhhh dropped Aguilar? Coached up Ender Inciarte so he would have gotten more involved in the Braves Sunday Night Hit Parade? I dunno man…

 

(I dunno why I am acting so disgusted with ties but (at least for this week) I AM SO DISGUSTED WITH TIES, no Keys To Matchup those are for winners)

 

What’s Next (Week 4):  IBB @ LL (2-0-1 @ 2-1)

                   
BBS v. RCBD (0-2-1 v. 2-0-1)

 

 

 

 

2019 WEEK 3 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY A POLAR BEAR THAT GOT A CT SCAN AND A HANDJOB SEMEN EXTRACTION VIA NON-HANDJOBBY PROCEDURE.…

 

https://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/museums/ct-ent-polar-bear-exam-brookfield-zoo-0424-story.html

 

 

 

 

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Snatch Victory From The Jaws Of Defeat Via Sunday Night Braves Bats, Stun The Pacific Beach X-Rayz  –  6-5-3

 

MVP:  Freddie Freeman  –  Freddie had a fine week and remains far better than Trevor Rosenthal and whatnot but really this one’s about the 2 Rs, 2 RBIs, and .800 OBP that he put together on Easter’s FATEFUL (for this meaningless Week 3 matchup, all other matchups and everything else in the universe also meaningless) night game.  6/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .357 OBP    

LVP:  DJ LeMahieu  –  A lot had to fall apart for the X-Rays to lose this lead, mostly relating to the Indians serving up BATTING PRACTICE for the Braves on Sunday Night Baseball, but when it was all said and done the X-Rays lost OBP .354 to .353 and DJ went 0-8 so fuck you DJ.  0-8, .000 OBP 

 

JROLLs:  Fernando Tatis Jr. (1, LTBS)

 

BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Yepppp Fernando Tatis Jr. had his first JROLL, PERHAPS the first of many for him in his career, WHO KNEW he was going to be up on Opening Day this year lolololololol….o….l (8/23, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B,  1 HR, 2 RBIs, 3 SBs, .400 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Woulda like to have taken these guys down a peg by noting a deGrom injury but he seems to have dodged a bullet so WHATEVER Justin Verlander had a nice start meh (7 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).

 

X-Rays Hitter Of Note:  The X-Rayz continue to PLAY THE WIRE with a lot of the bats and they played the right card with Joc Pederson in Week 3 but yanno, he can’t hit lefties and he isn’t on their roster anymore and whatnot (8/23, 6 Rs, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .444 OBP).

X-Rays Pitcher Of Note:  Andddd they also pushed the right button on a Mike Minor streamed CG shutout SOMEHOW (9 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

OOF, Sunday Night Heartbreak strikes again in the Backyard and this time it’s the PB X-Rays left wondering just what…..went….wrong. What went wrong was Shane Bieber and the rest of the Indians were throwing bags of dicks across the plate on Sunday night but he isn’t on either roster so let’s discuss some guys who are.

The Rays were mostly cruising throughout the week but OH there were warning signs. Namely one:  a bullshit rain-shortened game CG by Jameson Tailon (5 IP, 1 ER, 3 Ks, 1 W, 1 CG) on Saturday that erased the Minor CG referenced above. That put the Douchney (his words, can’t believe I never thought of it) and the defending champeens within striking distance heading into Easter Sunday, and the Rays were able to maintain that distance (shout to Joc and his 3 Rs 2 HRs) alllll the way up until Sunday Night Baseball. And that’s when it fell apart: the BackdoorSliderz’ 3 Braves (Freeman, Albies, Acuna) delivered 4 Rs 4 RBIs and justttt enough OBP, the X-Rayz typical MVP (J-Ram) continued his atypically USELESS season, and when the smoke settled the champs had escaped via a +2 win in Runs, +1 win in RBIs, and +.001 win in OBP. Keeps Lacey undefeated keeps Pacific Beach winless. RATHER UNFORTUNATE IF YOU ASK THIS “BLOGGER”…

Week 4 will see the 3-0 defending champs in a BCS rematch with the 0-3 Astoria Isotopes, perhaps seeking to put a proverbial nail in Mikey T’s alarmingly light proverbial coffin. This is our first OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED BBOTW of 2019, not because I think it will be competitive more because it’s the BCS rematch and the ‘Topes are staring an 0-4 start dead in the face. Elsewhere the Pacific Beach X-Rayz will try and shake off the heartbreaker when they take on whatever dumb fucking name Heroy goes with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week Three Review, Fin. 

 

 

 

WEEK TWOOOOOO. In the books.  On the negative side of things I’m already reminded how much I hate April. Everyone discussing players performances both good and bad when I just wanna wait for like 100 goddamned at bats or 50 goddamned innings before we all start going nuts (even then it will be unfortunate). But HEY I’m handing out MVPs and LVPs based on weekly samples so I am no hero. And on the positive side of things look how gotdamned adorable that little sign language girl is above? She’s lovely. And the bullshit she’s referring to are April #s. LETS DIG INTO SOME APRIL NUMBERS…

 

 

 

 

 

HEROY And His Dumb Goddamned Team Names Absolutely Mollywhop Cliff’s Rojo’s Renegade Force  –  10-1-3

 

MVP:  Austin Meadows  –  I absolutely KNEW Meadows was gonna pwn for the Rays this year so I should have tried to acquire him in the offseason because Heroy probably didn’t know like I knew. So yea, I am declaring his hot start for real and quality data worth pointing out, but his and only his.  12/22, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, .630 OBP (THAT FEELS REALLY HIGH)    ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Rojo –  Nine starts in a win and I confuse you with Ryan. Nine starts in a loss and I confuse you with Cliff. DO BETTER.  JUST DO BETTER OKAY

 

 

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  I R L Marcell Ozuna made an absolute ass of himself going for that off the wall spring back catch thing but I F W (In Fantasy World) he had 4 dongs and that’s nice for him and for RRF (7/19, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .400 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty  —  I dunno the entire team with its dumb fucking name had a real fine week so maybe it’s rude of me to harp on Rojo’s FAILURES but this part is about a Heroy guy’s failures so uhhh, Luris Urias isn’t the next Altuve I lied (1/11, 1 2B, .091 OBP).

 

Key To Matchup:  TAKE YOUR PICK. The Heroy squad took 5 cats on both sides of the ball, I guess they more THOROUGHLY outpitched the RRF (with 10 starts to the Force’s 9) but they also managed like 15 more RBIs despite equal HRs so yanno. Sometimes that’s how the ball bounces and you think the ball is going over the fence so you try and jump off the wall but then it is falling short of the fence so you try to spring off the wall to catch it and in the end you’re just lucky you didn’t break your face.

 

What’s Next (Week 3):  HEROY @ ECK (1-1 @ 0-2)

                   
RRF @ LL (1-1 @ 2-0)

 

 

 

 

Lakehurst Leviathans TWO AND ZERO ONCE AGAIN, Barnegat Banana Slugs ZERO AND TWO Which Is Also Fun I Guess  –  6-3-5 (weird score ya weirdos)

 

MVP:  Mitch Haniger  –  FIRSTLY DO NOT LOOK AT THE GIF SCROLL PAST THE GIF. Particularly if you are Rojo, worried I’m gonna kill Rojo. Secondly HEY nice work Mitch, your Leviathans lapped the Slugs in Runs by like 21 and you contributed 9 of those so take a bow ya fuck (HOW BOUT THAT Ms O).  9/27, 9 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .345 OBP     

LVP:  Ender Inciarte–  ENDER, BUT I HARDLY EVEN KNOW HER?! sorry.  2/17, 1 SB, .167 OBP    

 

 

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  Hey I mean Eddie Rosario did just fine (7/16, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .471 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty  —  Shane’s inaugural season should inspire the modesty here but SHOULD THAT FAIL uhhh I dunno Michael Wacha got lit up I guess and he’s a Leviathan regular and also his ERA can remind Shane of his last two seasons so yea (3.2 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 17.18 ERA).

 

Key To Matchup:  BATS. The Leviathans won 5 hitting categories and tied the two they couldn’t win (3Bs and HRs) and that was 5 of your 6 cat wins right there. I dunno I think it’s a nice ADVANTAGE when you have a catcher that can hit like Yasmani Grandal (.600 OBP, 5 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs) can, he’s currently the #1 rated catcher in our league I think I traded him to Shane for Dan Vogelbach WHOM IS ALSO GOOD NOW. But yea Leviathans nice offensive week, Slugs O was a wee flat for the 2nd week in a row (33 Rs, fewest in league once again). COST EM.

 

What’s Next (Week 3):  LL v. RRF (2-0 v. 1-1)

                   
BBS @ IBB (0-2 @ 2-0)

 

 

 

 

Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz T….. (wait I’m not supposed to discuss this matchup and I’m going to take the opportunity not to because lazy)  –  7-5-2

 

 

 

 

JROLLs:  Ronald Acuna Jr. (1, LTBS) ; Elvis Andrus (1, ECK)  (JROLLs ENDURE)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Island Beach Bears Squeak Past Astoria Isotopes Via Slightly Less Shitty ERA  –  7-6-1

 

MVP:  Jose Altuve –  I think it’s RATHER FUCKING RUDE how Altuve was clearly dealing with injuries all year last year (he had a lil HBP on the top of the foot that seemed to cause some issues even before the knee) and yet folks this offseason acted like he was totally finished. I AM SURE he remains plenty good. Will have to see where the SBs end up at end of year and I have other concerns BUT it’s April and therefore I will both ignore those and not ignore the HRs and say he’s still the best 2B in fantasy folks.  10/25, 8 Rs, 6 HRs, 10 RBIs, .407 OBP     

LVP:  Kyle Freeland –  Really wanted to give this to Sale but Freeland gave up a run an inning over TWO starts and provided no QS or Ws and I DUNNO this is an inexact science. The Bears won by giving up 48 ER in 75 innings and the ‘Topes lost by giving up 49 in 75.2 so TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT KYLE.  10 IP, 10 ER, 8 Ks, 9.00 ERA    ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

 

 

 

 

Key Performer, For LOSER, to inspire HOPE 🙂 —  My main man Khris Davis aka Khrush Davis did his best (9/27, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, .333 OBP).

 

Key Fuckup, For VICTOR, to inspire modesty  —  Eat a dick Adrian Sampson I DIDN’T WANT YOU (4 IP, 7 ER, 4 Ks, 15.75 ERA).

 

Key To Matchup:  SUNDAY.  I mean I did in fact have the most dongs/RBIs in Week 2 and we DID have a pretty solid lead going prior to the weekend but that allll started evaporating, and it was a coin flip on Sunday. And had I lost I would be blaming the Angels rainout that forced the Bears to stream Adrian Fucking Sampson but I WON and that’s because despite Sampson’s Stinker and German Marquez‘ Sunday CG gem we were able to hold onto a slim and hideous ERA victory (5.76 over 5.83).

 

What’s Next (Week 3):  IBB v. BBS (2-0 v. 0-2)

                   
‘Topes @ Bad Dudes (0-2 @ 1-0-1)

 

 

 

 

2019 WEEK 2 BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS VERY TASTEFUL VERY SENSUAL VERY SEXY BEARS ALTERNATE LOGO.…

 

 

 

 

 

River City Bad Dudes & Pacific Beach X-Rayz Kiss Their Sisters And I Know I’ve Kissed One Of Them And I Assume Like Rojo Or Someone Has Kissed The Other  –  6-6-2

(It’s occurring to me this format somewhat withers (and always has) under a tie scenario so SINCE this is a BBOTW tie let’s do it this way, but I may figure out a way to address ties next time or hell I may not who gives a shit…)

MVP:  Julio Teheran  –  I mean PLENTY of things happened in this matchup I’m sure, as does all matchups, but a thing on Sunday that grabbed the Bad Dudes a tie was suck-ass Teheran throwing a QS so CONGRATS TO YOU JULIO!  6 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA     

LVP:  Jose Ramirez  –  The X-Rayz did perfectly fine on the batting cats (won 4 outta 7) but still need to point out Jose Ramirez what the fuck are you DOING this season? You’ve been terrible, Jose.  2/26 IP, 1 R, 1 2B, .111 OBP 

 

 

 

 

Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Jose Abreu both kinda sucked and also stole two bases and kinda didn’t, GO FIGURE (2/22, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 1 RBI, 2 SBs, .160 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Carlos Rodon was shit in one start and good in another and even in the shit start he struck out 9 and the Bad Dudes won Ks by 2 so this was important he is of note (10.2 IP, 6 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 5.06 ERA).

 

X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  50 total RBIs is a damned fine RBI total and Dansby Swanson somehow contributed NINE of them on FOUR hits, I cannot figure out the math there (4/20, 2 Rs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .261 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Blake Snell is the reason the Dudes needed every one of those Rodon Ks, Blake Snell is good (12 IP, 1 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 0.75 ERA).

 

BBOTW BREAKDOWN

 

THIS ONE WAS REALLY CLOSE. Which is what I can always get away with saying in a tie I guess, so I am saying it here. X-Rayz took the hitting cats 4-3 (+1 Rs, +4 RBIs) while the Dudes took the pitching cats 3-2-2 (+2 Ks, +1 Save, +2 Ws) but justtttt failed to get there in ERA (X-Rayz take it 3.83 to 3.89). Both teams QS’d in precisely half their starts, the X-Rayz utilized their “very few bats worth keeping” strategy to grab like 47 more ABs than their opponent, and WHEN THE DUST SETTLED we have a tie. What more can I say here really? Uhhh Josh James did the Dudes a real disservice by giving up 4 ER without getting an out. I will say…..that.

Week 3 will see the Bad Dudes hosting the Astoria ‘Topes in that ALWAYS ENTERTAINING matchup, expect some light banter this weekend folks. As for the X-Rayz they are taking on the defending champs and they haven’t lost yet this season and WHO CAN BE SURE if I can say more right now or if I will say more next week (I probably will I was just being lazy this particular time).

What’s Next (Week 3):  Dudes v. ‘Topes (1-0-1 v. 0-2)

                   
X-Rayz @ LTBS (0-1-1 @ 2-0)

 

 

 

 

 

This concludes Week Two Review. Thank you for tuning in for Week Two Review, be sure to privately message me my fuckups OR allude to them in the chat with some really dogshit attempt at “humor” (HEROY) OR ignore them and move on with your lives and I will notice them some other time and quietly update this post. Lotta options. Week 3 of 18 (and then the BYB), GOD FANTASY BASEBALL TAKES FOREVS……