WEEK SIX has come and gone. And I am FOCUSED AS LASER! Not on this review, I have no fucking desire to write this and I am actually planning on really just quarter-assing my way through it. But going to claim this is because this is DOCH WEEK, laser focused on Doch Week….but maybe it’s just cuz I don’t feel like writing this shit? But also CUZ THIS IS DOCH WEEK. Focused as laser!
If I defeat the dreaded BackdoorSliderz in the WEEK SEVEN BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK I promise I’ll write 5,000 words on it…..
River City Bad Dudes Roll Past Island Beach Bears, Who Were Obviously Just Looking Ahead To DOCH WEEK – 11-2-1
MVP: Kyle Gibson – Kyle Gibson above is me looking at my streaming luck of late. Look man absolutely NO ONE had an impressive week here, except for Andujar and the Bears starting staff and that was the “impressively bad” sort of impressive. So Bogaerts was okay (7 Rs, .379 OBP) but more importantly for the Dudes Kyle Gibson and whomever the fuck else they threw out there pitched pretty nicely. NOT THAT MUCH WAS REQUIRED OF THEM. 6 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA
LVP: Miguel Andujar – NAWT the finest of debuts for Miggy Andujar, I will say that much. Given the amount of ABs and the sheer nothingness done with them this may be your LVP of the YEAR. 1/27, .037 OBP ***LVP OF THE WEEK/PROBABLY YEAR***
PITCHING STUFF. This one was never as close as some of the #s may have implied it was (on the hitting side of thingz), and that is because the Bears pitching was ONCE AGAIN terrible (a MARK OF THE BEAST ERA, which leads to losses in other KEYCATS as one can probably infer). Credit to the Dudes for pitching pretty well, but yea nobody pitched worse than these assholes last week. I shall cut them all. I should also add the only thing sadder than the Bears starting pitching this season/this week was the way Lobman kept checking the fucking box score even though the matchup was in the bag PROBABLY since like Thursday but definitely before we even got to Citi Field. Just be PRESENT IN THE MOMENT, Mike. Especially if in that moment you are dancing on top of a ledge in a gay bar….
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: I should also add the only thing sadder than the Bears starting pitching this season/this week was the way Lobman kept checking the fucking box score even though the matchup was in the bag PROBABLY since like Thursday but definitely before we even got to Citi Field… Just be PRESENT IN THE MOMENT, Mike… Especially if in that moment you are dancing on top of a ledge in a gay bar… what else WHAT, ELSE… Uhh only two hitters per team with multi-HR weeks and by multi-HR I mean 2 HR (Alonso & Reyes for the Dudes, Encarnacion & Tim Anderson for the Bears)…
What’s Next (Week 7): RCBD v. RRF (3-2-1 v. 3-2-1)
IBB @ LTBS (3-2-1 @ 6-0, BBOTW)
Astoria Isotopes FINALLY Grab A Fucking Win, Unfortunately At The Expense Of The East Coast Kings Rather Than At The Expense Of Some Piece Of Shit’s Team (Like Lacey) – 8-6-0
MVP: Charlie Blackmon – If I wanted to just get this review done quickly (and I do) I would cop out here by saying Blackmon did his best Yelich impression (half his hits for the week left the yard) and Yelich did his best Blackmon impression and that’s that. ‘Nado was also good but yea, gooder job by Charlie I guess. 8/20, 9 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .520 OBP
LVP: Miguel Cabrera – Nobody was particularly BAD for the Kings, and there was certainly worse Miggys during this particular week, but Miggy was just kinda MEH in a nice opportunity to avenge his own POORLY HANDLED release (no respect). 26/22, 1 R, 2 RBIs, .333 OBP
QS. It tends to be tricky to OUTCLASS the Kings in certain pitching cats, particularly on a week when they pitch to a 2.72 ERA, but the ‘Topes were able to do just that in escaping with a 7-6 QS victory. The Isotopes were no slouched with their hurlers (3.40 ERA, 95 Ks) but still only went 3-4 on the pitching cats, so yea. FLIP THIS ONE and you have a disgusting tie
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: This was the first time all season that the Kings lost with an ERA under 5, interestingly enough… This was also the first time all season that the Isotopes won, in case that wasn’t covered… The Kings had the lowest RBI output but highest SB output in Week 9, somewhat of a classic X-Rayz formula…
What’s Next (Week 7): ‘Topes @ PBX (1-5 @ 0-4-2)
ECK v. BBS (3-3 v. 1-4-1)
Heroy’s Weird Ode To My Brother Of A Team Wins Beats The Barnegat Banana Slugs, Somebody Cue Up A Losing Streak For This Idiot So He Adopts An Actual Team Name – 7-5-2
MVP: Kris Bryant – KRIS BRYANT. Still out here,
let’s give him his first MVP of the week since like 2017 (probably) never mind forgot bout Springer. 8/25, 9 Rs, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 7 RBIs, .485 OBP
LVP: Christian Walker – “2019 Luke Voit” (I’m sure someone has said it) kinda followed Luke towards RELATIVE mediocrity in Week 6 (he did make his one XBH count I will give him that), which is a shame cuz the rest of the Slugs O was pretty toight. 3/22, 1 R, 1 3B, .269 OBP
OBP. This one likely stings a bit for the Slugs because on both sides of the ball they BASICALLY performed as well as they have all season. Yet they were matched up with an opponent that was performing just a bit better in enough categories. And that’s basically how you win or lose a week. ANYHOW this was exemplified best in OBP, where the Slugs would usually feel pretty good about their performance but were no match for a firing-on-all-cylinders uhh Heroy outfit (HEROY won .402-.351).
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: These were your top two Run totals in Week 6… Team Heroy was one of 4 teams in Week 6 to cross the 100K threshold (Bad Dudes, X-Rayz, BackdoorSliderz are your other 3)… Eugenio Suarez scored 10 Rs for the Slugs, which is NOTABLE I GUESS I dunno… phonin’ this one in remember…
What’s Next (Week 7): HEROY v. LL (4-2 v. 3-3)
BBS @ ECK (1-4-1 @ 3-3)
Pacific Beach X-Rayz Harness The Power Of Sharon Johnson To Tie The Pride Of Sharon Johnson’s Team, Rojo’s Renegade Force – 7-7-0
MVP: MOTHERS EVERYWHERE but specifically Sharon Johnson – ALLEGEDLY Mothers Day festivities are to blame for the Renegade Force being unable to get two extra starters (both of whom threw what would be matchup-winning QS) into their lineup. No word on what Sharon ordered or how that explains the other two starts the RRF failed to put forth (8/12 starts is only kewl if you win, kids). I respect both Mr. and Mrs. J too much to do something with the “stats” section here, as we all know I could…
LVP: Rojo – So tired of having to give this good friend and okay realtor LVP, and yet here it is happening for like the GOD KNOWS HOW MANY-eth time. Amateur effort. If it was against an opponent I actually enjoy seeing lose this would have been a longer paragraph. 1 Absent-minded Brunch (I’ll bet he didn’t pay)
QS. I’m honed in on the Mothers Day EXCUSE here but really the RRF only started EIGHT this week and starting any one of those extra 4 and having any one of them pitch a QS gets them a W (including the 2 QS thrown on Sunday by Ryu and Tanaka). What kinda MONSTER doesn’t set those 2 into his Sunday lineup like the day before or whatfuckingever?! Someone call Kevin Johnson (or Rachel <3) and see if he wants to take this outfit over. Anywhom the X-Rayz won QS 7-6 despite going a very pretty 0-2 in QS attempts on Sunday (Snell 5.2, 2 ER, 12 Ks Corbin Martin 5.1, 1 ER, 9 Ks), tie preserved.
Assorted Musings Should I Feel Like Musin’: Rojo your indifference here was both an inspiration (particularly when juxtaposed with some other owners) and a slap in the face of the very INSTITUTION of the Backyard and this carefully-crafted blog and it will be stamped out so help me god (jk I’m just speeding through this and didn’t know what else to write… ps George Springer (14/27, 10 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, .563 OBP) was the actual ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** (maybe shared with Sharon)…
What’s Next (Week 7): PBX v. ‘Topes (0-4-2 v. 1-5)
RRF @ RCBD (3-2-1 @ 3-2-1)
2019 WEEK SIX BACKYARD BATTLE OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THIS CLEVELAND ZOO BABY SLOTH BEAR NAMING CONTEST (that I feel is going somewhat poorly)
Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Easily Beat Lakewood Leviathans But Were Also No Doubt Looking Ahead To HUGE Matchup With Island Beach Bears In Week 7 – 11-2-1
MVP: Justin Turner – YEA, for all their sexy youthful talent and all their bluster fucking Justin Turner. 9/21, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, .455 OBP
LVP: Carlos Santana – Carlos is usually an OBP STALWART so he let the fam down herecan’t be the same Robinson Cano the ‘Topes keep dangling in trade talks CAN IT?!?! 4/26, 1 R, 1 2B, 1 RBI, .214 OBP
BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note: You know you’re rolling the fuck along when fucking Justin Turner and Gregory Polanco are the ones pacing your offense in an easy victory of a week (9/20, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .500 OBP).
BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note: To further illustrate that point, behold Lacey Twp’s SECOND streamed Zach Eflin CG (9 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).
Leviathans Hitter Of Note: The Leviathans may be backsliding a bit, perhaps falling into their old ways, but HEY at least Alex Gordon isn’t falling into his old ways (he tends to suck) he’s been a pretty solid hitter thus far (7/20, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .381 OBP).
Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: This is just so I can make a mental note to myself to try and trade for Matt Boyd he’s been swell (6 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).
Who give a fuck what happened this week, WEEK SEVEN IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
In Week 7 the undefeated Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz will take on THE MAN THEY THREATENED TO PUNCH IN THE FACE, and his Island Beach Bears. In what will surely be (possibly be) the most chat participation you get out of me all season. As I must defend my honor and my right, as a ‘Murrican, to be “pretentious” and “passive-aggressive.” This was where I should have had a photoshopped image of Doch as Odor and me as Bautista but we can add that in w/ post edits once Brian gets around to it. The blog is big on post edits now.
Also Shane is playing someone I’m sure, that’s how this league works we all keep playing people until it’s over….
What’s Next (Week 7): LTBS v. IBB (6-0 v. 3-2-1, BBOTW)
LL @ HEROY (3-3 @ 4-2)
Week Six Review, HALF-ASSED by me so I can focus on defeating FRAUDNEY. Works enough for me.