And finally we get ourselves to some SOMEWHAT SUBJECTIVE but also maybe completely accurate Power Rankings. That was last year’s first line so fuck it, it is this year’s first line as well. However LAST year we were only through four and this year due to an earlier start to the MLB season (this is a lie) and me probably forgetting to do these, we are through five. Mercifully. TO THE RANKINGS…..
NEW FEATURES ALERT: Shall be noting Top Hitter and Top Pitcher for each squad, and shall be withholding my unnecessary commentary for the teams I currently deem outta the top 6 and thus undeserving of said commentary. Embrace change in life people…
(All stats through Cinco de Mayo….)
1- Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz (5-0)
THESE LUCKY FUCKS. The defending champeens take the first top spot o the year on the strength of winning a buncha coin flips, none more shenaniganny than their Week 5 victory. Let’s check the numbers and see if they support the POTENTIAL UNDEFEATED SEASON (this won’t happen): Runs 5th, Doubles 9th, Triples 9th, HRs t-3rd, RBIs 3rd, SBs 3rd, OBP 1st, Strikeouts 6th, QS 4th, CG 1st, Wins 1st, Saves 5th, Holds 8th, ERA 3rd, MOVES 3rd. SO yea I mean ultimately the #s kinda support it, the vaunted young O in Lacey is lagging in two of the 3 XBH cats but more than holding their own in most others (and leading OBP seems important in an OBP league). Really the only guy I would NEED to mention would be Cody Bellinger who has been fuckinggggg otherworldly (.486 OBP), but also the trio of Braves are sorta quietly getting it done (is it me or has baseball just been kinda over Acuna Jr. even though he has his OBP @ .396). The pitching will be more than sufficient all year long so long as Verlander and Greinke don’t rapidly age (fingers crossed), the BDS have been able to weather a tough start from young Walker Buehler and I think he will turn that around so yea fuck this team. Certainly the early favorite for a BCS appearance, where perhaps they’d win on another gotdamned Sunday coin flip (usual caveats apply about how difficult it is to repeat in this crapshoot league)(I’m really gonna lean into the parenthesis shit here because I don’t believe this blog deserves any better).
Top Hitter: Cody Bellinger (49/119, 32 Rs, 7 2Bs, 1 3B, 14 HRs, 38 RBIs, 6 SBs, .486 OBP)
Top Pitcher: Justin Verlander (50.1 IP, 16 ER, 60 Ks, 6 QS, 5 Ws, 2.86 ERA)
2- East Coast Kings (3-2)
I bet you PLEBEIANS thought this would just be a paint by the numbers run through the current standings but THINK AGAIN. And honestly you could flip the two Ryans and probably be able to argue it either way, but THIS is the current configuration I’m going with and you just have to deal with it and I think it is the correct configuration. The numbers for the Kings: Runs 3rd, Doubles 3rd, Triples 8th, HRs 2nd, RBIs 2nd, SBs t-4th, OBP 3rd, Strikeouts 2nd, QS 3rd, CG t-2nd, Wins t-3rd, Saves 7th, Holds 10th, ERA 5th, MOVES 8th. In many ways your most balanced club in the BY @ the moment (maybe), apart from the lagging bullpen (which is probably the easiest need to fix). I likely noted several times that I felt Javier Baez would regress drastically in 2019 and for that I currently owe the man an apology, he’s been as good as advertised. And then you have Christian Yelich whom has been the best hitter not currently named Cody Bellinger in 2019 (Trout remains the best hitter uhhh ever). Hurlers have been the calling card of this squad for years and Kershaw remains the GOAT (4 QS in 4 GS), if there’s a cause for concern it’s that Paxton has his first injury and Darvish and Carrasco have ERAs in the high 5s (Carrasco likely just unlucky but Darvish looks fuckin’ COOKED) (UPDATE: Price now also hurt). With the Kings you have to imagine the pitching will carry them through; if their hitters can keep it up on the other side this team may rival the ButtSliderz as most dangerous foe in all the Backyard..
Top Hitter: Christian Yelich (37/107, 27 Rs, 4 2Bs, 15 HRs, 36 RBIs, 6 SBs, .450 OBP)
Top Pitcher: Clayton Kershaw (26 IP, 8 ER, 27 Ks, 4 QS, 1 W, 2.77 ERA)
3- Rojo’s Renegade Force (3-2)
AND WOULD YA LOOK AT THEESEEEE GUYS. The Force are a divisive bunch year after year, as the definitive Cat Punter of the group (categories not cats, cats would be fucked up) but a quick glance at their overall numbers shows they have a case to be made for top 3 despite me viewing them more as a top 4. Allow the numbers to illuminate what I mean: Runs 1st, Doubles 7th, Triples 10th, HRs t-3rd, RBIs 4th, SBs 6th, OBP 2nd, Strikeouts 10th, QS t-8th, CG t-7th, Wins 10th, Saves 10th, Holds 2nd, ERA 2nd, MOVES 7th. Now maybe I’m placing a bit too much emphasis on Runs as the be all and end all fantasy category but TOPS IN RUNS LOOK AT THAT. Renegades hitters are hummin’ right along on the strength of a resurgent Ozuna campaign, strong numbers outta Springer and Goldy, etc. etc. If there’s a red flag here (AND THERE IS) it is that the pitching numbers have been not…..great. Not great at all. Rich Hill is returning to action for yanno at least a few starts, and Charlie Morton has been great, but Kluber was off and is now injured and yada yada. My dream for the 2019 RRF is their pitching holds them back JUST ENOUGH to make them consider trading for a closer and not punting a category every single gotdamned week (although Diego Castillo has been vulturing saves for those wacky Rays so maybe I can’t make this argument this year)(making it anywayz)(PARENTHESIS).
Top Hitter: Marcell Ozuna (32/120, 28 Rs, 7 2Bs, 11 HRs, 30 RBIs, 3 SBs, .353 OBP
Top Pitcher: Charlie Morton (39.1 IP, 11 ER, 48 Ks, 3 QS, 3 Ws, 2.52 ERA)
4- River City Bad Dudes (2-2-1)
The Bad Dudes may have been cursed by Mondesi’s Revenge last week but their overall numbers paint the picture of a team that doesn’t look ready to cut short it’s playoffs appearance streak. Take a look: Runs 2nd, Doubles 1st, Triples t-6th, HRs 1st, RBIs 1st, SBs 10th, OBP 5th, Strikeouts 5th, QS 5th, CG t-7th, Wins t-3rd, Saves t-3rd, Holds t-7th, ERA 6th, MOVES 2nd. MIND YOU those hitting stats are being accomplished with an injured Stanton and a bit of a subdued performance outta Machado; these are being offset by the emergence of a one Pete Alonso but what I’m saying is there’s room for improvement here. Also Marcus Stroman is good now (ALL OF A SUDDEN), and Arrieta has been fine, but that’s about all you can say about the staff (Bad Dudes management have high hopes for something outta Carlos Martinez but “the worst of all deceptions is self-deception”). This is your most-active on the markets owner on the East Coast so we expect the Bad Dudes to address some holes as they go along, likely headed towards yet another Backyard Bracket appearance. UNFORTUNATE NEWS for Banana Slugs fans.
Top Hitter: Pete Alonso (35/125, 21 Rs, 8 2Bs, 1 3B, 10 HRs, 27 RBIs, .364 OBP)
Top Pitcher: Marcus Stroman (41 IP, 10 ER, 39 Ks, 4 QS, 1 W, 2.20 ERA)
5- Island Beach Bears (3-1-1)
TYPICALLY this team waits til around July to climb up higher in the rankings (and I should know) so this feels about right. And even when they DO climb higher that’s just to set up a fade that culminates in losing yet another playoff matchup, OR if they really wanna spice it up losing 5 or 6 in a row to close the year and hand the last playoff spot to the eventual BCS champ. But yanno not going to get into that right now in MAY, lets instead get into the #s for the Beach Bears: Runs 4th, Doubles t-5th, Triples t-6th, HRs 5th, RBIs 6th, SBs 7th, OBP 8th, Strikeouts 8th, QS t-8th, CG t-7th, Wins 2nd, Saves t-3rd, Holds 1st, ERA 9th, MOVES 5th. FRAUDS. Absolute frauds. About the only thing that can be deemed overly positive in these rankings is my besting of Rojo in the Holds cat currently, but yea I think the Bears have alternated some pretty solid weeks with some abysmal weeks and shake it all up and out pops this. Feeling hashtag blessed to have banked 3.5 wins already, and very happy that Rhys and Edwin and El Gary are all having excellent seasons, but they will need some more help behind them. Also pitching has been (mostly) entirely trash and the Bears would really like to have both Mike Clevinger and Jimmy Nelson slotted in and performing at their pre-injury levels. That’d be swell for us.
Top Hitter: Rhys Hoskins (34/117, 22 Rs, 8 2Bs, 1 3B, 10 HRs, 31 RBIs, .424 OBP)
Top Pitcher: Domingo German (!!!) (38.1 IP, 10 ER, 39 Ks, 4 QS, 6 Ws, 2.35 ERA)
6- Heroy’s Stupid Team (3-2)
This guy I don’t know what to say about, keeping a weird team name due to a mild like 2 week win streak is not…. it…. Chief. But also yanno LIVE YOUR LIFE I GUESS. Lets take a look at the stats for this perennially disappointing franchise, this year perhaps mostly in name: Runs 8th, Doubles 2nd, Triples t-4th, HRs 8th, RBIs 7th, SBs t-4th, OBP 6th, Strikeouts 3rd, QS 2nd, CG t-2nd, Wins 5th, Saves 2nd, Holds 9th, ERA 1st, MOVES 9th. So Trout and Betts continue to be really really good, Brantley has been good, Austin Meadows was a revelation before injury (Trea Turner keeping him company in said IL). STILL ALOTTA GOOD PLAYERS. And on the pitching side this team all of a sudden has the best ERA in all the Backyard and here’s why: Tyler Glasnow has been equally as revelatory as his Rays teammate Meadows, in fact more revelatory, in fact surpassing pretty much all other revelatory pitching in baseball. He’s been super good, Max Fried is weirdly excellent right now, Shane Bieber ain’t a fluke, Cole Hamels got his shit together as one of the last rats off the sinking SS ‘Topes. I’ve name-dropped enough folks but you get the idea; I’m sure we are all eager to see how these guys squander all their talent in 2019.
Top Hitter: Mike Trout (29/100, 21 Rs, 6 2Bs, 7 HRs, 20 RBIs, 4 SBs, .471 OBP)
Top Pitcher: Tyler Glasnow (!!!) (43 IP, 7 ER, 46 Ks, 5 QS, 6 Ws, 1.47 ERA)
7- Lakehurst Leviathans (3-2)
Runs 6th, Doubles 8th, Triples t-4th, HRs 10th, RBIs 10th, SBs 2nd, OBP 4th, Strikeouts 9th, QS 6th, CG t-2nd, Wins t-5th, Saves 9th, Holds t-4th, ERA 8th, MOVES 4th.
Top Hitter: Adalberto Mondesi (39/139, 21 Rs, 9 2Bs, 6 3Bs, 4 HRs, 30 RBIs, 10 SBs, .316 OBP)
Top Pitcher: Mike Soroka (!!!) (23.2 IP, 3 ER, 27 Ks, 2 QS, 3 Ws, 1.14 ERA)
8- Barnegat Banana Slugs (1-3-1)
Runs t-9th, Doubles 10th, Triples t-1st, HRs 7th, RBIs 8th, SBs 8th, OBP 9th, Strikeouts 1st, QS 1st, CG t-7th, Wins t-8th, Saves 6th, Holds t-6th, ERA 4th, MOVES 10th.
Top Hitter: Luke Voit (!!!) (32/123, 23 Rs, 3 2Bs, 9 HRs, 27 RBIs, .377 OBP)
Top Pitcher: Trevor Bauer (47.2 IP, 13 ER, 55 Ks, 5 QS, 4 Ws, 2.45 ERA)
9- Point Loma X-Rayz (0-4-1)
Runs 10th, Doubles t-5th, Triples t-1st, HRs 9th, RBIs 5th, SBs 1st, OBP 10th, Strikeouts 4th, QS 7th, CGs t-2nd, Wins 7th, Saves 1st, Holds t-4th, ERA 7th, MOVES 1st.
Top Hitter: Hunter Dozier (!!!) (hahahaha for a chuckle I encourage everyone to look at Hunter Dozier’s transaction list…) (37/108, 17 Rs, 7 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 8 HRs, 18 RBIs, 1 SB, .446 OBP)
Top Pitcher: Caleb Smith (!!!) (ditto for ole’ Caleb here…) (36 IP, 8 ER, 45 Ks, 5 QS, 3 Ws, 2.00 ERA)
10- Astoria Isotopes (0-5)
Runs 6th, Doubles 4th, Triples t-1st, HRs 6th, RBIs 9th, SBs 9th, OBP 7th, Strikeouts 7th, QS 10th, CG t-2nd, Wins t-8th, Saves 8th, Holds 3rd, ERA 10th, MOVES 6th.
Top Hitter: Paul DeJong (!!!) (45/134, 29 Rs, 14 2Bs, 1 3B, 6 HRs, 15 RBIs, 3 SBs, .403 OBP)
Top Pitcher: German Marquez (52 IP, 20 ER, 53 Ks, 4 QS, 3 Ws, 3.46 ERA)
Thus concludes the May Power Rankings. Gripe about them all you want but the bottom line is the best way to change things for the better for your team’s particular ranking is to go out there and win some got damned matchups. Or I guess you could like do rankings of your own and ask the blog to put them up or something. But that would be silly, PLENTY of writing to be done on things that haven’t already been written. Like someone should summarize all the shitty April trades in some fashion, tired of lookin at y’alls trades. ANYWHO YEA MAY POWER RANKINGS THERE YOU HAVE IT.
^^^^^^ 2018’s conclusion but yanno…. remains relevant in 2019. Fin.