2019’s 10 teams in 10 days: #1 Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz

2018 RECORD:  8-9-1

PROJECTED 2019 RECORD:  11-7, 1st place.  Theseeee fucks, fairly loaded for the present and future so I’m just taking solace in the fact that it’s REALLY hard to win B2B championships in this damn league (don’t get us started on B2B2B).

BEAR MINIMUM BLOVIATION:  Let’s just get this outta the way up top: I’ve given them Acuna, Tatis Jr., and Bellinger. I also blame myself for not holding onto Matt Carpenter (FORTUNATELY that season isn’t happening again)I think Heroy traded them Bregman or whatever. They fell into Soto and Albies and I failed to pry the latter away. LOTTA GOOD PLAYERS on this particular franchise. Haven’t mentioned the pitching yet but they’re in pretty good shape there as well (fingers crossed for the old guys to start showing it). Point is, on paper this is the best roster in the Backyard and it ain’t even particularly close. Therein lies the BEAUTY of H2H, the only team that ever won twice in a row did so with like the 7th best roster so there’s plenty of room for maneuvering and plain old luck (good or bad) to take these guys down in their title defense season. That’s why I can project 7 losses (I mean they lost 9 last year with a similar roster) and that’s why I can sleep at night (I can’t). I probably shouldn’t have given Tatis Jr. back though…

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE STUD HITTER:  RF Domingo Santana – The LAST thing we need is this team to have a little “surprise stud” hitter but unfortunately uhhh there was really no reason for the Brewers to give up on ole’ Domingo the way they did last year and NOW, now he’s got a starting role on the Ms/ButtSliderz. Domingo has already contributed a double, grand slam, and steal in limited/Japanese action and he can probably go 30/15 again easy and all of this is unfortunate.

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE DUD HITTER:  2B Ozzie Albies – SOME GOOD NEWS, folks. After a real hot April Albies was basically average or worse the entire rest of the season (158 wRC+ in April, 67 wRC+ 2nd half). MAYBE HE ISN’T ALL THAT GOOD AFTER ALL! Normally this would make me sad as I genuinely like Albies as a player, but in this case and given this roster I think we need to take what we can get and root for him to be Lacey’s Rougned OdorAs always, fuck Rougned Odor…..

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE STUD PITCHER:  SP Joey Luchesi – I may not respect the majority of Doch’s opinions or his physique or his gay little nephew but I can respect the man’s ability to build a roster, and scooping up Luchesi was a shrewd move. Guy got really hammered by the long ball last season but also had a nice 18.6% K-BB % that really hints at some underlying upside, should he find a way to cure the dong issue. Rumors that he’s been toying with a cutter and DARE I SAY he might provide the BackdoorSliderz with a nice little mid 3s ERA, over a strikeout an inning, diamond in the rough type. Which would be unfortunate but here we are.  

PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE DUD PITCHER:  SP Robbie Ray – The good thing about Robbie Ray is he can really implode at any time, when walks get the best of him or the humidor ain’t quite humidor-ing enough (the guy gives up a lot of hard contact). Underlying metrics point to it requiring a bit of luck just to get him to a 3.93 ERA, so with any luck things realllly get away from him and he ends up in the 4.5s and rarely sees a sixth inning.

I realize a lot of this “preview” was me wishing poor performances on BackdoorSliderz personnel but that should be viewed as the ultimate sign of respect, as I consider this team the biggest threat to go back to back that we’ve had since that team that went back to back to back.

THAT’S WHY THEY DON’T PLAY ‘EM ON PAPER OR ON THIS SHAKY FANTASY APP, FOLKS.

Best of luck to none of you.

Image result for bear middle finger

2019’s 10 teams in 10 days: #1 Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz

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