2018 RECORD: 8-7-3
PROJECTED 2019 RECORD: 8-8-2, 8th place. And YANNO WHAT it’s gonna be a crucial loss or a crucial tie due to the whole Punting Saves Thing, that’s what’s gonna happen. I’ve criticized it for far too long to turn back now.
BEAR MINIMUM BLOVIATION: The Renegade Force and their ragtag group are BACK AT IT AGAIN folks, and it sounds like you all are trying to pry players from said ragtag group. Nevertheless at press time this team still has its Joey Gallos and Corey Klubers and Nelson Cruz is still playing bless his heart. Rojo also continues to triple down on the “to hell with closers” strategy BLESS HIS HEART. So quit offering him closers people, is what I am saying. Anywho there’s some good players here I’m just thinking maybe….there ain’t…..enough of ’em.
PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE STUD HITTER: CF Victor Robles – I mean is it going to be SURPRISING if Robles finally gets the chance to contribute for the RRF and does that very thing? PERHAPS not, but it still sorta feels that way to me because I feel like I traded Robles seven seasons ago. BUT YEA Victor is speedy and I can see him triplin’ and stealin’ for this squad and sporting a good enough OBP and being a nice little player. fucking finally.
PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE DUD HITTER: RF Nick Markakis – Markakis is old as shit and spent the first half of 2018 being really good, which is confusing if you really think about it. He spent the second half of 2018 being mostly shitty and that is more like it Nick. Even money that he’s found in the FA pool at year’s end.
PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE STUD PITCHER: RP Ryan Brasier – LOOKIN’ LIKE this Ryan Brasier character may turn out to be a nice lil player for the ‘Gades (I welcome the lawsuit, Mikey T), at least in the sense that he seems all set for a high leverage role on a Sawks team that unfortunately will win its fair share of games. Which pains me. Not as much as it shall pain the ‘Gades if Brasier ends up the de facto closer on the Red Sox, which I assume would mean he instantly gets his walking papers. I assume.
PROJECTED BACKYARD SURPRISE DUD PITCHER: SP Rich Hill – SURPRISE, Rich Hill is always hurt. He is hurt right now he will be hurt later on, the Dodgers should euthanize him. None of this is really a surprise but that’s the gimmick I’ve chosen for these team previews and here we fucking are.