2018 Week 13 Review: “Andddd We Are Back” Edition

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GOOD TO BE BACK, WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR PICKING UP THE SLACK DURING MY HIATUS. I am still very very very depressed but the show must go on, perhaps badmouthing some of your player performances will help me heal. And with that, let’s look at Week 13……









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Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz Deal Yet Another Blow To River City Bad Dudes Playoff Odds  –  8-3-3


MVP:  Alex Bregman  –  Alex Bregman was good. And yet HE WILL STILL DIE THE SAME WAY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE WILL SOME DAY DIE. So yanno maybe think about trading him or something.  13/28, 7 Rs, 5 2Bs, 5 HRs, 10 RBIs, 2 SBs, .516 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Sonny Gray    Sonny Gray sucked and yet in the end he will be reduced to dust and forgotten by time, same as people that didn’t suck (this whole thing may have a bit of a “nihilist Arbys” feel to it I am afraid).  2.1 IP, 6 ER, 23.14 ERA


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Matt Carpenter is good again WHOOP DE FUCKING DOO WORLD, but nah I would certainly take him back whenever Doch is ready to send him back (10/20, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .583 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Actually let’s just streamline this whole “review,” if I don’t add in too much of my own commentary this will get along just fine Zack Greinke was just fine (7 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Addison Russell RBI’d up a storm so good on him (10/25, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .429 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Kevin Gausman exists, weak K numbers and all (14 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.93 ERA).


Week 14:  Sliderz v. Slugs (6-7 v. 8-5),

                   Bad Dudes @ X*Rayz (4-9 @ 6-7)





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Astoria Isotopes And OceanGate Trout Fishing Club RUIN EVERYTHING, Record League’s First Tie Of 2018  –  5-5-4


MVP:  NONE  –  None.

LVP(s):  ‘Topes and OGTFC ownership, respectively    Not trying to name names but yea….     ***LVP(s) OF THE WEEK*** 


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Aaron Judge (7/20, 7 Rs, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .435 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Cole Hamels and this one I especially mean because it feels better to me to point out bad performances because I am flawed in very human ways (10 IP, 11 ER, 12 Ks, 9.90 ERA).


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Mookie Betts (7/20, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HRs, 1 RBI, 1 SB, .519 OBP)

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  Way to NOT lead your fantasy franchise to either victory or defeat Kyle Hendricks again yea this feels better (2.2 IP, 6 ER, 1 K, 20.25 ERA).


Week 14:  Isotopes v. MW (9-3-1 v. 1-11) 

                   OGTFC @ RRF (4-8-1 @ 8-5)






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Mission Valley X*Rayz Continue What Has Been An Impressive Follow Up Performance Outta The Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Nicholas Castellanos  –  I really like this player. Good little player, racks up a shit ton of triples in that ball park. Although he didn’t rack up any in Week 13. That is all I have to say.  11/28, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, .452 OBP

LVP:  Dansby Swanson    Dansby switched back to 2017 Dansby for a hot sec here, let’s see if it continues. That guy was fucking awful.  4/29, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .194 OBP 


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Billy Hamilton now goes entire weeks without stealing even a single base, FALL FROM GRACE BILLY HAMILTON (5/20, 3 Rs, 1 RBI, .286 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Blake Snell good LAWD, quick note about Blake I listen to more WFAN than anyone really should and asshole Yankees fans CONSTANTLY call in there and casually mention that the Yankees should just casually offer some slop and pick up Blake Snell as if that is something the Rays would do and these fucking calls from morons make me dislike the common man more than I already did which was already a whole lot (14.1 IP, 1 ER, 20 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.63 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  MOSTLY a one man show out there in QTC, and that one man is JD Martinez (7/23, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .370 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Behold Luke Weaver‘s last Boner start for the foreseeable future (4.2 IP, 8 ER, 5 Ks, 15.43 ERA).


Week 14:  X*Rayz v. Bad Dudes (6-7 v. 4-9)

                   MW @ Isotopes (1-12 @ 9-3-1)






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Bell Road Bears Don’t Beat Rojo’s Renegade Force At Their Own Game (Holds), Do Beat Them  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Rhys Hoskins  –  Rhys Hoskins’ post-fouled-ball-off-face numbers suggest that all struggling hitters should just foul a ball off their own fucking face.  6/27, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .290 OBP     

LVP:  Chris Taylor    Chris Taylor should foul a ball off his own fucking face.  2/15, 1 R, 1 2B, .188 OBP


Bears Hitter Of Note:  Ian Desmond contributing on our roster just like he has been doing this entire time ever since we traded for him (6/23, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .261 OBP).

Bears Pitcher Of Note:  Freddy Peralta I like this guy THUS FAR (12 IP, 3 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.25 ERA).


RRF Hitter Of Note:  Evan Gattis quietly producing in what may be his last year of catcher eligibility for at least a hot minute if not forever (7/26, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .321 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Dylan Covey also produced, just for me and not for Rojo (2.1 IP, 8 ER, 30.86 ERA).


Week 14:   Bears @ Warriors (8-5 @ 10-3, BBOTW)

                    RRF v. OGTFC (8-5 v. 4–8-1)






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Garden State Warriors Keep Rolling, Barnegat Banana Slugs Keep Losing, That Is How This One Shook Out  –  7-6-1


MVP:  Javier Baez  –  Javier Baez ABOUT FUCKING TIME. Was starting to think he would never quite vanquish the playing time competitional stylings of a one Ben Zobrist. I think he has done that now though.  14/29, 10 Rs, 6 2Bs, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, .467 OBP

LVP:  Salvador Perez    Catchers can be tricky.  3/24, 1 2B, .125 OBP


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Francisco Lindor is very good, far better than Tim Beckham (7/24, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .370 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  James Paxton is very good and STRANGELY UNINJURED and under no circumstances should the Warriors trade him in a deal involving Tim Beckham (15 IP, 2 ER, 21 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.20 ERA).


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Jesus Aguilar who fucking knows what’s going on here but here it is, he’s up to 19 HRs or something kooky like that (8/19, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .476 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Andddd Charlie Morton really went K-razy last week, he had a lot of strikeouts SOMEONE CHECK THE SPIN RATES (13.2 IP, 2 ER, 24 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.32 ERA).




I think historically this is the point where I break down the matchup throw in a couple jokes some pertinent statistics WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?? Motivation remains low is my point, it’s amazing we’ve gotten this far. The Warriors took all of the hitting cats 7-0 and merely lost the pitching cats 6-0-1 and that is your synopsis, pretty cut and dry. Pretty bad pitching week for a team with a lot of pretty names in their pitchers in the Warriors, pretty bad hitting week for a team that’s definitely not being carried by their hitters in the Barnegat Banana Slugs. Anddd the end result is a SEVENTH STRAIGHT victory for the Garden State Warriors and a defeat for a Barnegat Banana Slugs team that has now lost 4 outta 5. They got a widdle big for their britches methinks.

In Week 14 the Garden State Warriors will go for 8 straight at the expense of me and the Bell Road Bears, Monday was a nice start for them and for that.  At least from a W-L perspective that’s your two best teams over the past two months or so, so that is your BBOTW. The Barnegat Banana Slugs, meanwhile, shall try to right the ship a bit against a Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz team that’s looking to sneak into the back of the Backyard Bracket.


Week 14:  Warriors v. Bears (103 v. 8-5)

                   Slugs @ Sliderz (8-5 @ 6-7)







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THERE, another fucking review done by me and me alone. It’s almost like you people don’t even care about the Backyard’s legacy. Get it together. And start keeping an eye on those playoff tiebreakers, perhaps I will even get them on the blog in some fashion at some point for a lil refresher.
2018 Week 13 Review: “Andddd We Are Back” Edition

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