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BIG NEWS outta Week 5 and that is a new STRIKEOUT KING, improbably it is Greg Heroy and his mighty (mighty strugglin’) OceanGate Trout Fishing Club. Week 5 saw the OGTFC set a new Ks record at 113. It also saw two other teams over 100 Ks, lotta Ks going around these days. It also saw the three 3-1 teams all win and the three 1-3 teams all lose, creating further separation as we head into Week 6. Let us get to the “box scores” (my version) of those various wins and losses……















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Barnegat Banana Slugs Cruise Past Lacey Township Backdoor Sliderz Behind Rarest Of Power Displays  –  9-4-1


MVP:  Eddie Rosario  –  The Banana Slugs have not exactly been the premier power team in the Backyard in 2018 BUT ALL THAT CHANGED in Week 5, lead by Eddie Rosario of all people. I for one am happy to see Eddie keeping up his 2017 pace, although I cannot quite figure out why I should care either way. DAMN FINE WEEK EDWARD.  13/30, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, 2 SBs, .452 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Michael Comforto    Jose Altuve seemed to be catching a lot of heat in the chat (I skimmed it so I could have the context wrong) but it was COMFORTO that REYROLL’D across four games in Week 5. And that is good enough for me.  0/12, .077 OBP      


Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Another unlikely big bopper for the Banana Slugs was Eugenio Suarez, who is no longer injured in case you haven’t noticed Banana Slugs ownership mention him a thousand times [again going off the chat I skim more than participate in] (4/20, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .346 OBP).

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Another week down, another week where Max Scherzer was so lights out it is starting to bore me (12.2 IP, 3 ER, 23 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.13 ERA).


BackdoorSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Nobody was particularly good but nobody was too bad either so let’s just highlight Ronald Acuna‘s line in these circumstances going foward (7/27, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .259 OBP).

BackdoorSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  Walker Buehler was throwing a no-hitter and got pulled anyways and that is just fucking RUDE and that is why you are failing as a team, Dodgers (6 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 6:  Banana Slugs @ X*Rayz (4-1 @ 3-2),

                 Sliderz v. Babadooks (2-3 v. 1-4)





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Astoria Isotopes Make Fairly Quick Work Of The Q-Tip City Morning Wood I Imagine  –  8-5-1


MVP:  Nolan Arenado  –  ‘Nadooooo finally has awoken, seemingly for the first time since that ballyhoo above cost him 5 games. You know you think he is having a quiet season and you look up and he’s got 8 HRs and 21 RBIs and I guess this is just what it is like to not own Nolan Arenado. ;(  8/25, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .393 OBP

LVP:  Eduardo Nunez    Eduardo just CONTINUES to carve out meaningful ABs for both the Bonerz and the Red Sawks and I don’t know which one is more surprising. Bonerz I guess. Lot more options out there in the fantasy world versus up there in Bahsten.  4/22, 2 Rs, 1 RBI, .182 OBP     


Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Charlie Blackmon stays doing things that are good that the Isotopes appreciate him doing I would imagine (7/21, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 2 SBs, .517 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Same sentence as above but replace Chuck Naztee with Chris Sale (14 IP, 2 ER, 18 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.29 ERA).


Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  JD Martinez has been good and that’s a shame because I really wanted him to struggle with the Sawks for no apparent reason just cuz yanno, fuck them (12/29, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs, .469 OBP).

Morning Pitcher Of Note:  Anddddd Jacob Faria continues to work towards pulling his ERA out of the early season hole he put his ERA into (13.1 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 0.68 ERA).


Week 6:  Isotopes v. RRF (4-1 v. 4-1, BBOTW) 

                 MW v. Bad Dudes (1-4 v. 2-3)






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Garden State Warriors Defeat Bellcrest Park Babadooks With A Weird Score Because The Babadooks Can’t Catch A Fucking Break But Also And Mostly Because They Cannot Score Runs  –  6-2-6


MVP:  Francisco Lindor  –  Every time I seem to write about Lindor I seem to use that banner picture above that MLB.com will one day sue the blog over. And also every time the Warriors win Lindor seems to be involved. I am still confused as to how a supposed “glove-first” SS prospect is actually really good at hitting dongs, but here we are and he hit a bunch of dongs against us on the way to SEVENTEEN hits. Fucker.  17/40, 11 Rs, 4 2Bs, 4 HRs, 10 RBIs, .439 OBP

LVP:  Nick Pivetta    I could blame some of the kid hitters but REALLY that would be my fault for trotting out the kid hitters through struggles and struggles and struggles, so instead I’ll blame Pivetta. If Pivetta could have pitched like a man perhaps we could have broken some of those ties in the QS and W categories. And still lost but at least loss with less goddamned ties.  1 IP, 6 ER, 1 K, 54.00 ERA 


Warriors Hitter Of Note:  Let’s use this space to highlight some of the bad news in Warriors World, first off Yoan Moncada hit the DL with a hammy (7/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 SBs, .346 OBP).

Warriors Pitcher Of Note:  Second uhh off Clayton Kershaw once again hitting the DL, this time with bicep tendinitis and he joins Yu Darvish who is on the DL with like a cold or something (6 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 3.00 ERA).


Babadooks Hitter Of Note:  Might as well celebrate Edwin Encarnacion for doing a bit of damage all in one game basically, THANKS Edwin thanks a bunch it made no difference next time do it for multiple games (9/30, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 10 RBIs, .344 OBP).

Babadooks Pitcher Of Note:  Poor Aaron Nola trying to valiantly prop up my historically-terrible-at-QS team by tossing a QS in five straight (7.1 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).


Week 6:  Warriors v. OGTFC (3-2 v. 1-4)

                 Babadooks @ BackdoorSliderz (1-4 @ 2-3)






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Rojo’s Renegade Force Keep Rolling/Turning Over Half Their Roster At A Time, Beat Oceangate Trout Fishing Club  –  7-5-2


MVP:  Eric Hosmer  –  How about Eric Hosmer simply FILLING UP the stat sheet in Week 5, take THAT all you naysayers that said the Padres gave him a terrible contract. But no still probably a terrible contract. Nice Week 5 production, howevz.  8/22, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, .462 OBP     

LVP:  Amed Rosario    Amed Rosario stays bringing nothing to the table.  4/20, 1 R, 1 RBI, .200 OBP


RRF Hitter Of Note:  I would be remiss if I didn’t note the Renegade Force won this one despite Paul Goldschmidt being absolutely TERRIBLE (1/25, 1 R, .172 OBP).

RRF Pitcher Of Note:  Adam Ottavino has been filthy this year and I just want to note that cuz yanno, whatever (4 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 Save, 2 Holds, 0.00 ERA).


OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  JUST HAFTA NOTE I don’t think I have ever seen Trea Turner get on base so many times and NOT steal a base, the OGTFC ended up only stealing one bag as a team and could have realllly used at least one more (8/23, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, .444 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  OH YEA nearly forgot to mention the reviews thematic thread, which is simply noting that the OGTFC set the Ks record in Week 5 so good for them so Justin Verlander was a big help there (14 IP, 1 ER, 22 Ks, 2 QS, 0.64 ERA).


Week 6:   RRF @ Isotopes (4-1 @ 4-1, BBOTW )

                 OGTFC @ Warriors (1-4 @ 3-2)






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^ For Heroy only, Shane and I are dealing with our lot in (fantasy) life JUST FINE…..




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Mission Valley X*Rayz See To It That Recent Championship History Repeats Itself, Defeat River City Bad Dudes In 2017 BCS Rematch  –  7-4-3


MVP:  Jose Ramirez  –  Jose Ramirez continues to be the little engine that drive the X*Rayz O and thank goodness for that. The X*Rayz tied in Runs won 2Bs won SBs won OBP and damned if Jose didn’t do his part in each of those cats. Jose good.  11/30, 9 Rs, 5 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .457 OBP

LVP:  Matt Chapman    Matt Chapman with the REYROLL beneath the bright lights of the BBOTW stage. That gets you LVP of the week good sir.  1/21, .130 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***     


X*Rayz Hitter Of Note:  How about the POWER STROKE outta my main man Delino Deshields, we wish him all the very best (12/30, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 3 SBs, .438 OBP).

X*Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Chris Archer finally pitched like Chris Archer for a week for a change (13 IP, 3 ER, 12 Ks, 2 QS, 2.08 ERA).


Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  I was just thinking to myself where in the fuck have all the JROLLs gone and lo and behold, AJ Pollock JROLL (11/26, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 4 HRs, 8 RBIs, 2 SBs, .448 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And POOR Kevin Gausman finally starting to get his shit together and goes 9 shutout innings against the A’s and ends up with a no decision, tough break for River City there (9 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, 0.00 ERA).




Any discussion of this matchup really needs to START (and perhaps end) with a discussion of the X*Rayz Thursday light day performance. I don’t know or care what the matchup was at prior to this day, because on this day the X*Rayz really worked magic and it helped them keep a somewhat important tie in the all-important Runs cat. First let’s look at what the Bad Dudes did with their light Thursday, a pretty standard light Thursday line:  10/45, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .314 OBP. Nothing to write home about but certainly nothing to sneeze about. HOWEVER the X*Rayz countered with this bad boy:  28/55, TWENTY TWO RUNS, 6 2Bs, 4 HRs, 17 RBIs, 3 SBs, .578 OBP. That line amounted to basically HALF the total runs for the team (45) in Week 5, which helped them tie the 45 put up by River City. That line helped keep a healthy margin of victory for OBP (X*Rayz would win .3743 to .3295). That line helped the X*Rayz keep RBIs close (jk Bad Dudes won that cat by 17). Point is that Thursday onslaught was impressive and without it whom knows where the matchup ends up. Even if it didn’t affect it that much I am going to claim it was demoralizing or some vague concept like that. Overall the offensive cats would end up at a 3-3-1 deadlock, so the real margin of victory here was a 4-1-2 owning of the pitching cats by Mission Valley; the X*Rayz easily won ERA 2.761 to 4.679 but would win QS Ws and Saves by 1 each, lose Ks, tie in Holds and CGs. So really a very narrow margin of victory on the pitching side which I should probably detail but that ruins the Thursday offense narrative, and really that was likely the most interesting thing that happened in this matchup, so yea that is all I am giving you. Yangervis Solarte was the big shot on Thursday, going 8/10, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, .818 OBP in a doubleheader. So yep. Thursday. Thursday Thursday Thursday.



In Week 6 the X*Rayz head to Barnegat to take on the Banana Slugs in what will SURELY be a hotly contested battle both on the fantasy diamond and in the chat. These two teams lead the league in randomly pointing out their random players performances, so things could get ugly. The Bad Dudes, on the other hand, will head to Q-Tip City in hopes that a date with last year’s last place will be the perfect prescription to STOP THE BLEEDING (the Dudes have lost two straight or whatever).


Week 6:  X*Rayz v. Slugs (3-2 v. 4-1)

                Bad Dudes @ MW (2-3 @ 1-4)







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So there was Week FUCKING 5, the Babadooks continue to lose but also continue to churn out quality content and that is respectable. So respectable that surely the fantasy gods will look kindly upon it and start letting them score some fucking runs. Also other teams are doing good well also other teams are doing okay also other teams are doing bad poorly. And that is the season thus far, STAY TUNED FOR MORE.

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