2017 RECORD: 9-8-1
KNOW YOUR OWNER/KNOW YOUR TEAM!: DOCHNEY! CHAT RACONTEUR! RABBLE ROUSER! GUY WHO PLAYS DEVILS ADVOCATE WITHOUT BOTHERING TO EDUCATE HIMSELF ON TOPICS HE IS ADVOCATING! Dochney has a lot of dumb opinions but he also makes a lot of moves, as evidenced by the robust key additions I put together below (the term “key” sometimes gets applied loosely with these things), and that’s all we ask for around here. SOLID participation in league affairs, solid managerial acumen, solid chat participation, no accusations of sexual improprieties to date, this guy checks all the boxes. And the BackdoorSliderz had themselves a SOLID debut in 2017, nabbing the 5 seed in a tough playoff race before bowing out to the eventual 2017 champeens in Round 1. Will that success continue? I dunno maybe. BEST OF LUCK TO DOCH IN THE UPCOMING SEASON!
KEY ADDITIONS!: CF Ronald Acuna LIKE MIKE TROUT ONLY BETTER, SP Robbie Ray, RP Archie Bradley, LF Adam Duvall, C Mike Zunino, SP Jameson Taillon, 1B Matt Carpenter, RP Yoshihisa Hirano maybe, CF David Dahl if healthy and on the MLB roster (EVEN BIGGER MAYBES).
KEY SUBTRACTIONS!: SP Aaron Nola, LF Marcel Ozuna, SP Kyle Hendricks, 2B Jonathan Villar if I have my way, SS Fernando Tatis Jr. EVENTUALLY.
THE HITTERS!: WHATTA PAIR OF 2Bs I TELL YA. The BdSliderz feature top 2B and top two or top three fantasy dude in Jose Altuve, but they also have up and coming ABSOLUTE STUD (IF I AM TO BE BELIEVED) in Ozzie Albies. Those two lock up the 2B and MI spot for quite some time if you ask me. Consider 1B also all set with Freddie Freeman set to pick up right where he left off prior to last season’s wrist injury, and oh yea 3B is also pretty set with Justin Turner and Alex Bregman entrenched (Bregman with the added bonus of SS eligibility for 2018, giving the Lacey contingent some nice infield flexibility FOR NOW) (Note: I wrote this prior to Mr. Turner breaking his damned wrist so now uhhh FACTOR THAT IN, I guess the infield flexibility matters either less now or more now or something). Underrated if healthy 1B Matt Carpenter makes this a solid group in the infield, the OF drops off in terms of PROVEN talents but the unproven talents or the need to see it again just one more time talents will astound. RF Domingo Santana is a beast, again in my own humble opinion, if he can get ABs in a crowded Brewers OF and who knows how good David Dahl as he also finds himself in the same goddamned situation in Colorado. RF Michael Conforto joins Domingo in the probable beast category (these two are also in the need to see it again category) and then OH YEA some guy named Ronald Acuna, CF eligible youngster on the Braves. There is probably a gross amount of words already written about Acuna on the interwebs so I’m not gonna waste THE INK adding more. Let’s go to the ESPN projected HR charts shall we: 11 projected for 20+, but only three projected for 30+ (Freeman with 33 and two guys I didn’t even talk about with 30, Travis Shaw and Carlos Santana). Chicks dig the long ball but this team doesn’t need to rely on that bullshit, as chicks can also be paid for services 😉 Also the BdSliderz boast an impressive balance between speed cats and power cats, so yea…..I like the O I truly do. (ALSO PLEASE NOTE I VIEW THIS PARAGRAPH AS THE DEATH OF MY BEST BREVITY ATTEMPTS, WHY I FELT THE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS MANY GUYS I DO NOT KNOW)
1- Jose Altuve
2- Freddie Freeman
3- Alex Bregman
4- OZZIE FUCKING ALBIES
5- Domingo Santana
THE PITCHERS!: Look at that fucking asshole above. On one hand, Jacob deGrom seems pretty good and probably will continue to be good despite the lack of long hair. On the other hand, maybe he sucks now without long hair. Time shall tell. Behind him on the bump are talented K artists in Robbie Ray and Rich Hill, both can be really good but Ray isn’t gonna be as lucky in ’18 as he was in ’17 and Hill will undoubtedly get a bunch of blisters. so BOOM rained on that parade. Behind them you’ve got Red Sawks-stained schmucks in Jon Lester and Drew Pomeranz and a very solid CANCER SURVIVOR in Jameson Taillon. So that’s “bigger than fantasy” or whatever so that’s all I have to discuss I am sure. There’s also a chance Blake Snell gets his shit together and becomes a steal for Lacey as a guy picked up like 6 different times in 2017.
The bullpen is lead by last year’s SURPRISE SENSATION Corey Knebel, who will give you oodles of Ks and probably oodles of saves if the Brewers moves work out the way they intended. Behind him it is a bit murkier; Archie Bradley will give great ratios but likely as a fireman and not a closer, maybe Yoshihisa Hirano grabs that gig and the Sliderz find themselves with a nice little DBacks bullpen combo. Luke Gregerson is a bum.
1- Jacob deGrom
2- Robbie Ray
3- Corey Knebel
4- Rich Hill
5- Drew Pomeranz
THE PREDICTION!: 9-7-2, 4th place. The BackdoorSliderz have less than a year in the books with the Backyard and thus HAVEN’T REALLY FACED ADVERSITY. There’s always the chance that comes this year, but I think a very solid lineup and a solid pitching staff and a solid baseball IQ staves that off for just a wee bit. Playoffs once again for Lacey Twp.
THE COMMISH’S PREDISH! (Odom’s Prediction): 12-5-1, 1st place.