2017 WEEK 8 REVIEW: THINGS ARE GETTING SPICY

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WEEK 8 SAW EVERY TEAM IN FRONT OF ME LOSE. GOTTA LIKE THAT. PERHAPS I WILL DISCUSS IN FURTHER DETAIL BELOW…….

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Cuz McCullers curveball GIFS are fun and also cuz HOW DARE YOU TRY AND USE ZOBRIST AGAINST ME BRIAN

Manchester MooniniteZ Beat Barnegat Banana Slugs Bigly (JK Not That Bigly)  –  8-4-2

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MVP:  Lance McCullers  –  Gotta be honest it doesn’t seem like anyone on my team was particularly impressive last week, HOWEVA Lance delivered 2 Ws and an important Sunday QS and kept the ERA low and did his best to catch the Slugs in Strikeouts and for that I declare his efforts good enough….for this thing.  11 IP, 2 ERs, 13 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 1.64 ERA      

LVP:  DJ LeMahieu    DJ LeMahieu LeMaybe could have done a better job last week. REALLY getting the hang of these name puns, guys.  4/26, 3 Rs, 1 RBI, .214 OBP     

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MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  Just want to make it clear here that Andrew McCutchen was DEFINITELY going to be blessed with LVP had I let this one slip away, especially cuz the fucker decided to go 2-3 with a HR and 3 RBIs on the one day I benched him (2/17, .118 OBP and that is fucking it for all the days he was actually in the lineup).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  Should note that Alex Wood has FINALLY been pitching the way I expected him to pitch back when I selected him as a keeper, 25.1 scoreless innings streak currently, and so of course a cruel and merciless god (or multiple baseball gods) promptly threw him on the DL (5 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

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Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  Jake Lamb continues to rake for the Slugs, so they at least have that (6/27, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .276 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?:  I s’pose he narrowly edged him out, yes. 

Current Tally: Trevor Story 4, Aledmys Diaz 4.

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  And now to take these bastards back down a peg, John Lackey has been bad and was bad twice last week and fuck him (10 IP, 10 ER, 11 Ks, 9.00 ERA).

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THIS ONE WAS NEVER IN DOUBT FOLKS. No I kid I kid, ’twas far from a sure thing and in fact when Brian’s birthday was upon us on Friday and I told him I got him a loss it was very much not a sure thing that I got him a loss. But now his birthday has passed and I did indeed hand him an L and time marches on. SUPERIOR ERA (3.170 v. 4.378) AND SUPERIOR OBP (.3230 v. .3084) were the keys to victory for the MooniniteZ this week, as a lower ERA no doubt helped contribute to their W in the Ws category (8 to 6) and a higher OBP no doubt helped them score more runs (40 to 32) and PERHAPS EVEN rack up more doubles (18 to 16). But again ignore the opening sentence, this one was close into Sunday when a clutch Keon Broxton triple and yet another Lance McCullers QS helped the double M pull away. The Banana Slugs also fell victim to the oleeee “all my holds guys have been thrust into the closers role” conundrum, which allowed them to win Saves (4 to 3) but also allowed them to lose Holds (2 to 0). On the bright side of things Barnegat welcomed back Josh Donaldson to the fold on the weekend, and going forward they will hope he turns around an offense that has struggled a bit through the first half of the season. For various reasons. In Week 9 they’ll hope to get back on track against Rojo’s Renegade Force, meanwhile the MooniniteZ will seek a third straight win and attempt to cement their claim to the #1 seed when they take on River City. IMPORTANT TO NOTE that we are now heading into the time o’ the year when teams will be facing teams for the second time (while interestingly enough some teams haven’t even faced each other for the first time), so we are officially in “season series sweep season”. #SSSS.

Next Week aka This Week: MooniniteZ v. Bad Dudes (BIG MATCHUP FOLKS, also fuck Lobman), Banana Slugs v. Renegade Force (Injury-prone team v. injury-prone man).

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RIP Trout (for 6-8 weeks)(OR LONGER)
OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Fucking Get A Second Win (BUT AT WHAT COST?!), Defeat Astoria Isotopes  –  7-4-3

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MVP:  Anthony Rizzo  –  Anthony Rizzo will be relied upon heavily in the coming weeks for the OGTFC, which is something I just decided. Off to a nice start with his Week 8 performance.eekly reminder that Mike Trout is very good.  8/25, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 6 RBIs, .393 OBP

LVP:  Jose Quintana    Way to bungle up the ERA, Jose! Nice Ks though.  4.1 IP, 8 ER, 7 Ks, 16.62 ERA

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OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Before going down with a bum thumb Mike Trout was playing baseball really good cuz he is really good at baseball and it is a shame that he has been temporarily taken from the sport but not a shame that he was taken from Heroy (6/23, 5 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, 1 SB, .433 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  On the bright side Danny Duffy had one good start, but OH YEA NOW I REMEMBER he followed that up with a bad start and is now out 6-8 weeks with an oblique strain CONGRATS ON YOUR UPCOMING WEDDING GREG (11 IP, 8 ER, 9 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 6.55 ERA)!

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Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Charlie Blackmon WITH THE JROLL and a pretty one at that (12/30, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 3 HRs, 12 RBIs, 1 SB, .419 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Pretty impressive 2 start week outta German Marquez, no doubt aided by the fact that the Phillies offense has been horrendous of late BUT STILL (11.2 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 2 Ws, 2.31 ERA).

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The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club won their second in a row in Week 8, and for just the second time all season, BUT AT WHAT COST?! I guess I already said that up there. But yes the mood was perhaps dampened a bit by a Mike Trout injury over the weekend, nevertheless the OGTFC now find themselves squarely in the playoff hunt and for that we should all be sad. In Week 8 they did it mostly on the offensive side of things, taking 5 of the 7 cats and tying in HRs (they lost RBIs badly despite said HR tie). From the pitching perspective they managed to steal ERA in a who can be less terrible contest (4.765 over 4.940) and put up 2 Holds to the ‘Topes 0 Holds and there you have it, there is your 7 categories. The ‘Topes valiantly carved out 7 QS despite the garbage ERA, which illustrates that they were essentially let down by Jose Quintana‘s piss poor start and Patrick Corbin‘s Sunday piss poor start (7 ER in 4 IP). One got cut but perhaps BOTH should have been cut? Perhaps. In Week 9 the OGTFC will seek a 3rd straight win despite the heart and soul and namesake of their team being RIPPED AWAY from them, meanwhile the Astoria Isotopes will try and stay above .500 and validate a polite (polite enough) profile that I put together for them in our Chris Cornell Power Rankings.

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Next Week aka This Week:   OGTFC v. BDSliderz (Greg’s Marriage Hangover Curse was getting antsy and started a bit early with the injuries towards the end of last week, let’s see what happens this week!), Isotopes v. Titans (with the Titans going for the season series sweep).

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Toms River Titans KO Current League Punching Bag (Q-Tip City Morning Wood) And This Header Would Have Worked A Lot Better With The Pine Lake Punchouts  –  8-4-2

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MVP:  Anthony Rendon  –  Anthony Rendonnnnnn is back to hitting again at like his 2014 levels, no doubt a welcome sight for Ryan after some up and down seasons mixed in there. Prior to the 2015 season I nearly offered Josh Donaldson for the guy, so if we use my player valuations as supporting evidence here then we can conclude that 2014 Anthony Rendon was a swell player (better with 2B eligibility but I digress).  9/21, 6 Rs, 3 2Bs, 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, 1 SB, .520 OBP     ***MVP OF THE WEEK*** 

LVP:  Odubel Herrera    Odubel Herrera did NOT in fact rebound from his Week 7 LVP performance, and got himself cut from Q-Tip City for it.  2/16, 1 2B, .125 OBP     

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Titans Hitter Of Note:  Two more HRs for Francisco Lindor give him 11 on the season and WHAT THE FUCK I thought this was supposed to be a glove first no pop prospect, THANKS Baseball America (7/19, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 3 RBIs, .455 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  Stephen Strasburg went out and got himself one of those vintage “starting against the Padres and striking all of them out” type performances that have become customary over the past 2 seasons or so (7 IP, 0 ER, 15 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

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Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  This is like the first time I noticed that Brian Dozier still existed and was on this team so that means TRADE NOW WHILE THE IRON IS HOT, that goes for both Boners and Twins (8/26, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, 2 SBs, .438 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  So yea at least Ervin Santana continues to mystify, all of his underlying stats are garbage and I say there is no wayyyy he keeps this up for all that much longer but WHATTA RIDE while it lasts (9 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).

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In a battle of teams trying to claw their way out of the Backyard’s Basement, uhhh one team clawed their way out a wee bit further while the other team just CONTINUES TO SINK DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE LEAGUE with their 6th straight loss. This one was relatively close but eventually the Titans of TR pulled away with superior offense and their trademark superior pitching (although ultimately Q-Tip City NARROWLY won ERA 2.967 to 2.976). Francisco Lindor prrrrrobably made the Before Breakfast Boners regret trading him just a wee bit as he had himself a week. Also THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, but no probably not but Matt Harvey put together two solid starts. Trade now I say. Also the MW wasted 2 CGs which is never ideal, you always just want one unless 2 are required (but what would I know I never get em). And in the end despite a pristine ERA the Dawnus Erectus were unable to win Strikeouts (lost 89-82) or Wins (lost 8-7) and the only cat they were able to grab on the hitting side was Doubles (17 to 14). A VALIANT effort to hang with the Titans pitching staff (goddammit has Michael Pineda been good or what) and perhaps something to build on for QTC, but in the end ANOTHER LOSS. The QTCMW will attempt to avoid losing their SEVENTH in a row in Week 9 when they head to sunny Point Loma, while the TR Titans will attempt to creep closer towards .500 ball by sending the Isotopes below .500.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Titans v. Isotopes (Look it is no secret Ryan hates Mikey T’s guts folks, no secret at all, and I bet he would love to sweep the season series and pull into a tie with tiebreaker situation with the ‘Topes), Morning Wood v. X-Rayz (Q-Tip City badly needs to stop the slide, one could argue if one were declaring things that people “badly need” with regards to people’s fantasy baseball teams).

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Round here we CELEBRATE our JROLLS……
Rojo’s Renegade Force FORCIBLY Slow Down The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz, Earn A Big (ish) Win  –  7-5-2

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MVP:  Paul Goldschmidt  –  PAUL GOLDSCHMIDT JROLL. He good.  8/23, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, 1 SB, .423 OBP   

LVP:  Jordan Zimmerman    Someone needs to be blamed for this and I dunno, Jordan Zimmerman? Jordan Zimmerman didn’t really contribute much to the efforts to try and win this matchup.  5 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 12.60 ERA 

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Renegade Force Hitter Of Note:  The RRF are a team that is never one to shy away from adding whatever baseball randos that happen to be hot at the moment, and Adam Frazier is the latest success story of the Renegade’s (attempted) Revolution (5/26, 5 Rs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .382 OBP).

Renegade Force Pitcher Of Note:  Will Harris sinnnnglehandedly won the RRF both relief pitching categories in Week 8 and that is a feat that shall not go unnoticed by this bullpen-lovin blog (4 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, 1 Save, 3 Holds, 2.25 ERA).

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BDSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Adam Duvall had himself a week AND IT MATTERS NOT (9/25, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs, .360 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  And poor Buck Farmer pitched the game of his life and it ALSO MATTERS NOT, as it didn’t help Lacey Twp win and didn’t help him NOT get sent back down the very next day (6.1 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

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RENEGAAAAAAAAADES. I find myself wanting to call this team the Renegades more often than that so maybe they should drop the “Force”. *Justin Timberlake in The Social Network voice* “It’s cleaner.” BUT I DIGRESS. Big win for RRF as they FINALLY slowed down the D train, like a homeless man that fell onto the subway tracks. This one required a bit of Sunday magic (these reviews ONLY CARE ABOUT SUNDAY MOSTLY) as the RRF racked up 21 Ks and 3 QS to steal those two categories from the BDSliderz (91 Ks to 84, 8 QS to 7) Ks and grabbed 2 SBs to knot that category 5-5. Lacey Township only had one start left for Sunday and that start (a Jordan Zimmerman 7 ER disaster) provided a mere 3 Ks and a mere 0 QS, allowing the wiggle room RRF required to storm ahead and stay ahead. The only cat Rojo’s boys took on offense was Triples (1 to 0, shout out to Paul Goldschmidt AND JROLL) so this really was a pitching-based effort, the Renegade Force were one of only two teams to post 90+ Ks in Week 8 and also snagged a crucial CG in a losing effort (shout out to Michael Fulmer). And now Dochney and his BackdoorSliderz have finally lost a week in which they had FULL CUSTODY OF THE TEAM FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK NO DISPUTES THERE, and the world can seem a little less crazy. Lacey Township will attempt to stop the losing streak at 1 in Week 9 while Rojo’s RenegadeForce will be seeking to avoid a series sweep at the hands of the Banana Slugs o’ Barnegat.

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Next Week aka This Week:   Renegade Force v. Banana Slugs (RRF coming off a big win and looking to cobble together their second in a row), BDSliderz v. OGTFC (Guy Not Invited To Other Guy’s Wedding Because They Have Never Met v. Aforementioned Other Guy That Is Getting Married Like A FOOL).

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2017 WEEK 8 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY GILLETTE

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Think you’re fucking SLICK with your viral ads just don’t ya Gillette…..go to hell (but also thanks for paying for my parking at the 2013 AFC Championship Game)……
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Point Loma X-Rayz Defeat River City Bad Dudes On Top O’ The 15th Inning HR Magic  –  7-6-1

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MVP:  Evan Longoria  –  Longo didn’t have himself the best of the weeks but cameeeee through when it mattered most, a la Game 162 in 2011, and ripped an extra innings HR to give the X-Rayz the win. MAGICAL!  5/28, 5 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, .281 OBP

LVP:  Maikel Franco    Maikel Franco Maikel Suckedo. Okay not my best work. WHATEVER I DO THIS SHIT PRO BONO, if you don’t count whatever Ocean County is paying me. Which. I. Don’t. But yea anyways, Maikel sucked harder than Odubel because at least Odubel was kind enough to throw in a double. Your 2017 Phillies offense folks.  2/18, .158 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***   

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X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Decent little week for Elvis Andrus aka the guy Odom always gives me shit for badmouthing but I STAND BY IT STILL (6/25, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, 3 SBs, .259 OBP).

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Chris Archer is just quietly out there in X-Ray Land and Ray Land striking out like 11 per 9, or in last week’s case 11 per 7.2 (7.2 IP,  2 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.35 ERA).

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Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Xander Bogaerts wasn’t man enough to pull off the JROLL which is a SHAME for the Bad Dudes because they could have used the 3 bagger (10/25, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 6 RBIs, 1 SB .423 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  Not every day that a team can say they streamed a Josh Tomlin CG but HEY, the Bad Dudes streamed a Josh Tomlin CG (9 IP, 1 ER, 3 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 1.00 ERA).

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SUNDAY MAGIC ALERT. And it has seemed like that would be what it would take to take down River City on this current uhhh non-losing streak of theirs, spanning every week but the first. The Bad Dudes offense scuffled jussssst enough to leave the door open a crack, as they failed to reach double digit HRs for the first time all season, AND THAT FAILURE WOULD PROVE COSTLY. I’ll set the stage: daybreak, Sunday morning. The Bad Dudes are leading in Runs, Doubles, RBIs, OBP, Wins while the X-Rayz lead in Triples, SBs, Ks, Saves, and ERA I guess? So the X-Rayz are narrowly winning I think is what I am implying, heading into Sunday. Then LO AND BEHOLD a Josh Tomlin CG and James Pazos Hold and HRs from Giancarlo Stanton and Wilson Contreras and now we are staring another Bad Dudes win in the face with him up 7-6-1. But the X-Rayz had an ace in the hole and that ace in the hole was the Rays-Twins game, the NINTH inning of which saw Evan Longoria scoring the game-tying and matchup-tying run. So now we are sitting here knotted up 7-7-0 like a bunch of clowns.  But the X-Rayz had an ace in the hole and that ace in the hole was the Rays-Twins game going FIFTEEN innings, and in the top of the 15th Longo stepped up to the plate against shitty junkball throwing Hector Santiago and just GROOVES the first pitch into the seats (as I am told) to help conclude a game that would end up going like 6 and a half hours. PANDEMONIUM IN POINT LOMA THE X-RAYZ GO UP 7-6-1! And then whatever, Josh Bell failed to hit a HR or score 2 runs in the night game. And I am sure a bunch of other stuff happened in this matchup earlier in the week but I have covered the stuff that matters so let’s MOVE IT ALONG. In Week 9 the X-Rayz look to get back to a .500-ish record with their first meeting with Q-Tip City, while the River City Bad Dudes look to put the emotional devastation of this loss behind them so that they may attempt to avoid a Season Series Sweep at the hands of the according-to-ESPN-in-first-place MooniniteZ.

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Next Week aka This Week:  X-Rayz v. Morning Wood (Battle of the formerly 2-0 teams that FELL BACK DOWN TO EARTH), Bad Dudes v. MooniniteZ (with the Bad Dudes trying DESPERATELY AND HOPELESSLY to avoid being swept in the season series by Manchester)

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WEEK 9 IS NOW UPON US AND ONCE IT CONCLUDES WE WILL OFFICIALLY BE HALFWAY THROUGH THE YEAR. NORMALLY I WOULD SAY YOU SHOULD ALL HAVE A SENSE OF YOUR TEAM BY NOW BUT THINGS ARE TOO BUNCHED UP (PRECISELY AS I PRESEASON PREDICTED) SO REALLY ANY AND EVERY TEAM IS STILL IN IT, EVEN THE ONES THAT KEEP LOSING. GIVE IT ANOTHER COUPLE OF WEEKS AND MAYBE WE WILL HAVE SOME SEPARATION, IN THE MEAN TIME LOOK OUT FOR THE JUNE POWER RANKINGS AND A MIDSEASON AWARDS POST AND A GREG HEROY WEDDING AND ME ESCAPING TO TENNESSEE FOR MOST OF WEEK 10. CUZ FUCK Y’ALL.

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2017 WEEK 8 REVIEW: THINGS ARE GETTING SPICY

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