2017 Week 6 Review: AND ALSO (A Weak) TRADE REVIEW, HOW CARAAAAAAZAY

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2017 WEEK SIX HAPPENED, AND I HAVE EVERY INTENTION OF REVIEWING IT. BUT FIRST SOME TRADE REVIEWS. SOME ANNOYING TRADES ALSO HAPPENED. THEY WILL BE REVIEWED SUCCINCTLY IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS REVIEW IN AN UNPRESIDENTED MOVE. 

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WOOD traded Joe Jimenez, Det RP to JF16
JF16 traded Kyle Barraclough, Mia RP to WOOD
JF16 traded Rhys Hoskins, Phi 1B to WOOD

I literally have nothing to say about this. Barraclouch has walked 14 guys in 16 innings, I will say that much. Joe Jimenez might eventually be good but he’s pretty lame as a high minors guy at the moment. Rhys Hoskins has a fun name. I prefer the Joe Jimenez side ergo I prefer the OGTFC side. 

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WOOD traded Yoenis Cespedes*, NYM LF to RCBD
WOOD traded Jharel Cotton, Oak SP to RCBD
RCBD traded Vladimir Guerrero Jr., Tor RF to WOOD
RCBD traded Mitch Haniger*, Sea CF to WOOD
RCBD traded Carlos Martinez, StL SP to WOOD

In a better week this trade would likely be deserving of deeper analysis because SOME BIG PIECES changing hands here, but this isn’t a better week this is a busy week and trade reviews are starting to bore me and this is what you get. I think polls judging trades in the chat thing will be a nice new wrinkle though. Maybe that will reinvigorate me. ANYWHO I like the Morning Wood side better here, Cotton got sent the fuck down and C-Mart is an established top 20 or so arm and Haniger is seeming like a guy and Vlad Jr. WHO KNOWS maybe one day he is a guy. And all of that is a pretty big haul for Yoenis and a very-lost-looking-at-last-look Jharel Cotton.

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WOOD traded Yonder Alonso, Oak 1B to XYZ
XYZ traded Ervin Santana, Min SP to WOOD

What is to say here, Ervin Santana is the luckiest pitcher in baseball and due for some serious regression but so is Yonder I am sure. I like Yonder more. THEREFORE I PREFER THE X-RAYZ SIDE.

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Allllllrighty now onto the (vegan) meat and (vegan) potatoes of this post, THE REVIEW YOU HAVE ALL AWAITED WITH BATED BREATH

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Pictured: Paul Goldschmidt making a poo.

Rojo’s Renegade Force Kick A Team While It’s Down Like True Renegades, Defeat Q-Tip City Morning Wood  –  8-4-2

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MVP:  Paul Goldschmidt  –  Goldy is such a quiet stud that sometimes you kinda forget he is even in the league and then I look up and he fucking has 10 HRs 10 SBs already. Whatta stud.  7/23, 6 Rs, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 1 SB, .485 OBP     

LVP:  Eugenio Suarez    Eugenio Suarez Eugenio Sucked….ez.  4/26, 1 SB .214 OBP     ***LVP OF THE WEEK***

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Renegade Force Hitter Of Note:  I suppose this should go to the only other guy that managed multiple dongs on the RRF roster and that guy was Joey Gallo (3/19, 6 Rs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .360 OBP).

Renegade Force Pitcher Of Note:  Alex Wood pitched an absolute gem at Coors and I for one feel that should be commended in this here blog type thing (6 IP, 0 ER, 10 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

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Morning Wood Hitter Of Note:  Yasmani Grandal with some inspired hitting, JUST LIKE I TOLD ALL OF YOU HE WOULD PROVIDE HERE HE IS PROVIDING IT (13/22, 3 Rs, 4 2Bs, 1 HR, 8 RBIs, .625 OBP).

Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note:  Zack Greinke has been good and truthfully we probably all owe him an apology for turning him into a “NOT IDEAL” meme, or at least Lobman and I do (8 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1.13 ERA).

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RENEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADES. I don’t want to be too complimentary because I am currently engaged in battle with the RRF and they put a helluva Monday on me, but they have a bit of a rag tag misfits of fantasy baseball thing going and I LIKE IT. The RRF give currently give no fucks about throwing ABs to any old schmo and some of those schmos showed up in Week 6 (and again now in Week 7), the Tommy Phams and Ryan Schimpfs of the world. The RRF mixed and matched their way to 55 Runs and a .370 OBP, nearly doubling the boners and their 30 Runs. Aside from a 9-5 edge in QS for the RRF, who went a perfect 9 for 9 before coming undone on Sunday, everything stayed relatively close with just too many cats going narrowly in Rojo’s favor. OF NOTE would be Eric Hosmer pulling 3 SBs out of his ass to help the RRF take that category 7-3. Alright so I guess that one wasn’t that close either. OTHER ONES THOUGH. Close. SHANE SHOULD BE SUFFICIENTLY HUMBLED AT THIS POINT. And so he will look to snap a FOUR GAME losing streak in Week 7; the Renegades will look to beat me and win their second straight and that is just rude of them.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Renegade Force v. MooniniteZ (The RRF vs. both their biggest fan and biggest detractor, for it just pains me to see this holds strategy still in existence CONFORM OR DIE ROJO), Morning Wood v. Banana Slugs (Morning Wood surely desperate to stop the slide here, or about as desperate as one can be 1/3 through the season).

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Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz Continue Their Winning Ways, Show No Loyalty, Defeat Point Loma X-Rayz  –  7-3-4

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MVP:  Michael Conforto  –  Conforto continues to defy the will of the baseball gods by being on the Mets and not sucking, surely a lightning bolt will strike him down soon. Until that happens he will probably look pretty good.  8/21, 8 Rs, 3 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .458 OBP

LVP:  Jose Ramirez    Odom and I just had a discussion about how sexy Jose Ramirez has been and then I have to uncover THIS today? I feel cheap.  4/22, 3 Rs, .217 OBP

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BDSliderz Hitter Of Note:  Alex Bregman with the least impressive JROLL of the season BUT A JROLL IS STILL A JROLL (5/23, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 3B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB, .250 OBP).

BDSliderz Pitcher Of Note:  On the one hand  Jacob DeGrom had 18 Ks in 12 innings but on the other hand he had a 5.25 ERA but still THAT FIRST HAND THOUGH (12 IP, 7 ER, 18 Ks, 1 QS, 5.25 ERA).

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X-Rayz Hitter Of Note:  Brandon Drury have yourself a week, WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS CHRIS OWINGS (9/20, 3 Rs, 4 2Bs, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs, .476 OBP)?

X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note:  Robbie Ray had a chance to put up 20 Ks in a 2 start week and instead he put up 10 Ks which is only 1 more K than the runs he allowed so that is a bit disappointing I guess (9 IP, 9 ER, 10 Ks, 9.00 ERA).

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The dude out in Lacey done done it again, and he can now present the argument that he has yet to lose on a full week in the Backyard.  HE SHOULDN’T though because that’s a recipe for being humbled by the Backyard Gods and we have already seen what they are capable of (cough AM erections cough). But enough about erections, this one was actually a bit closer than the final score might indicate or maybe it was precisely as close as indicated HENCE the 4 ties. Lacey used superior power and superior strikeouts to take down THE MAN WHO BROUGHT THEM INTO THIS MESS, not that anyone should be thanked for such things. So yea I’m okay with it. The two squads battled to a 51-51 tie in Runs and that number would have been enough to defeat everyone except the Renegade Force in Week 6 but that is life in the NFL. Eric Thames came back down to earth a bit for the X-Rayz but yanno that has to happen from time to time this is a game of order. Jedd Gyorko (6 RBIs) and Jonathan Villar (5 RBIs) had fine weeks for the BackdoorSliderz but yanno Villar was due to turn it around a bit and whom knows what Gyorko’s deal is, that man has never been better. And the league has arguably never been better, so expect no easy weeks from here on out. Lacey will look to make it FOUR STRAIGHT in Week 7 while the X-Rayz will look to climb back to .500 and remain in the murky hurky jurky playoff picture.

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Next Week aka This Week:   BDSliderz v. Isotopes (MATCHUP OF THE WEEK if I were still picking matchup of the weeks ahead of time, which I am not), X-Rayz v. OGTFC (Here’s to hoping Heroy’s magical winless season continues).

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Gettin real tired of this guy’s face….

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River City Bad Dudes Continue Their Winning Ways, Batter The Battered Barnegat Banana Slugs  –  7-3-4

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MVP:  Bryce Harper  –  Getting tired of writing this dude’s name in here so blah blah blah pretty hair blah blah, putting an emoji symbol on your bat is stupid. Also why hasn’t he stolen a base yet? NO GRIT that’s why.  10/24, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 3 HRs, 7 RBIs, .481 OBP 

LVP:  Jake Arrieta    Hey Jake Arrieta hasn’t been too good huh?  9.2 IP, 9 Rs, 8 Ks, 8.38 ERA

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Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note:  Oh you mean ASIDE from Harper, uhhh I dunno Xander Bogaerts looked decent but fuck him (8/24, 1 R, 4 2Bs, 3 RBIs, 2 SBs, .407 OBP).

Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note:  And also Marcus Stroman continues to be fairly impressive as far as midgets pitchers go (12 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.50 ERA).

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Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note:  SIGNS OF LIFE FROM JOSE BAUTISTA EVERYONE, guy even swiped a bag (5/22, 6 Rs, 1 2B, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs, 1 SB, .393 OBP).

Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?:  NOPE and now he is all banged up, I think Aledmys wins any injury weeks by default so this thing is prepared to swing the other way….

Current Tally: Trevor Story 3, Aledmys Diaz 3.

But Also Was Trevor Story Better Than Chris Owings This Week?:  DOUBLE NOPE

Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note:  Max Scherzer definitely got boned on the Ws front in Week 6, which may partly explain the Slugs only racking up 3 Ws total (14 IP, 5 ER, 19 Ks, 2 QS, 3.21 ERA).

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BATTLE OF THE OLLLLLE HALF STOMACHS. Or something. And the one that makes himself sweet potato tacos and all this other healthy shit won the battle and I don’t want to read anything into it BUT……it happened. Read into it what you may (the Slugs need to eat more salad or else their entire team will hit the DL). Truthfully the Slugs battled valiantly in areas in this one, 8 QS and a .362 OBP are nothing to sneeze at. But pairing all those quality starts with a 4.46 ERA is a bit odd, and the hermaphroditic slugs from Barnegat also posted the lowest HR and RBI totals for Week 6. Meaning the Bad Dudes needed only modest totals in those categories, which is precicely what they got. The Dudes also did a much better job getting Ws with their QS (8 QS, 9 Ws for River City versus 8 QS, 3 Ws for the Slugs), and combined that with a good enough 78 Ks and a certainly good enough 3.74 ERA and THAT IS BASICALLY YOUR MATCHUP FOLKS. Praise due to the Bad Dudes for innings maximization, as they had plenty of guys get sorta blown up and gave up 36 ER total but did it in 86.2 IP. The Banana Slugs gave up 3 more runs in 8 fewer innings, finishing 4 Ks short of River City’s total. The Slugs will seek better results in Week 7, while the Bad Dudes seek to continue their NON-LOSING ways as they have not lost since Week 1. Best of luck to neither of them.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Bad Dudes v. Titans (Da Dudes looking to keep a firm grip on a first round bye, Da Titans looking to win their 3rd in a row after an 0-4 start), Banana Slugs v. Morning Wood (Battle o’ the in-laws).

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Cincinnati Reds v Colorado Rockies
Astoria Isotopes FLAT OUT ESCAPE With A W, Narrowly Defeat The Manchester MooniniteZ  –  6-5-3

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MVP:  Charlie Blackmon  –  This sonofabitch and his two triples. Sonofabitch.  6/21, 5 Rs, 2 3Bs, 1 SB, .348 OBP

LVP:  Edwin Encarnacion    This sonofabitch and his empty OBP, KEEP YOUR EMPTY OBP. I still love him though.  3/20, 2 Rs, .370 OBP   

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Isotopes Hitter Of Note:  Cody Bellinger continues to fuck shit up which is annoying cuz it is like THE ONEEE TIME T has stumbled into a top prospect, I have no evidence to support this but I believe it to be true (7/27, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .375 OBP).

Isotopes Pitcher Of Note:  Greg Holland has also been a bit of a destroyer of worlds and it is high time I acknowledge it in here, fittingly in the week I faced him since I dropped him for Blake fucking Treinen (3 IP,  ER, 6 Ks, 3 Saves, 0.00 ERA).

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MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note:  At least I get to proudly display a Keon Broxton JROLL, FIRST OF MANY FOLKS (10/25, 8 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 3B, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 2 SBs, .423 OBP).

MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note:  Somehow Trevor Cahill seems to be a guy somehow (11.1 IP, 3 ER, 14 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 2.38 ERA).

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Thissssss fucking matchup. THE SEQUEL. This time it was the MooniniteZ seeking to salvage a tie in the Sunday night game, and for the briefest of moments they had just that as Gary Sanchez crossed home in the bottom of the 9th to give the MooniniteZ a 39-38 edge in the runs column. UNFORTUNATELY the man that knocked him in (Starlin Castro) was on the ‘Topes, and even more unfortunately he strolled into second on fielder’s indifference, and most unfortunately yet another ‘Tope (Aaron Judgethen knocked him in, re-tying the Rs category and sealing the L for the MMz. Castro scored thrice that DAY due to the doubleheader but I am not mad, just disappointed. Truthfully the MooniniteZ DESERVED IT for coming in as the only other team failing to reach double digit dongs, although they finally hit a few with a few on base to give them a 2nd-to-only-the-OGTFC (more on them below) 46 RBIs in Week 6. Manchester was just one hold or one SB or one run or one triple short of tying this thing up, although it also could have easily been farther out of reach with Manchester edging Astoria in OBP .3372 to .3355. And to add insult to injury we came up JUST SHORT of the Ks record once again, recording a season-high (but not all-time high) 107 Ks. BUT I DIGRESS. Ultimately this one came down to the Yanks-Astros double header, as both Judge and Castro homered in the early game and Sanchez only played in the evening game. For those and other reasons the MooniniteZ head into Week 7 trying to avoid their first losing streak, while the Isotopes head into Week 7 seeking another W in a surprisingly effective early season campaign. Probably cuz they are filled with Yankees and the Yankees have been surprisingly effective. JUST PUT THAT TOGETHER ON THE SPOT.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Isotopes v. BDSliderz (A formidable test for the better-record-than-we-had-hoped-for-at-this-juncture Isotopes), MooniniteZ v. Renegade Force (ALREADY GOT COLLECTIVELY JROLLED BY THE RRF ON MONDAY THAT’S KEWL)

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2017 WEEK 6 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY THE 1982 BALTIMORE COLTS

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The Toms River Titans Keep The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club Winless And At This Point This Is Getting Pretty Funny  –  7-6-1

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MVP:  Carlos Correa  –  I don’t know if the Carlos Correa talk that I caught a glimpse of in the chat was in response to him having a good week or what but CARLOS CORREA IS GOOD. Let us all agree that he is good. No need for debate on that.  10/22, 7 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .519 OBP   ***MVP OF THE WEEK***

LVP:  Tyler Glasnow    And perhaps Tyler Glasnow is……bad? Maybe he isn’t bad but he is bad for now. A WHIP over 2 sure ain’t good and that is what he had when I wrote this so…..bad (2.08).  2.1 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, 27.00 ERA 

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Titans Hitter Of Note:  George Springer also had a nice little week so my deductive reasoning tells me the Astros had a nice little week, at least from a scoring runs perspective and I mean whom here is even paying attention to actual baseball team records aside from you sad Mets fans (7/24, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .393 OBP).

Titans Pitcher Of Note:  Alex Wood pitched a pretty nice game at Pitt as well, and HOW ABOUT THAT 2 Pitcher of Note shoutouts to Alex Wood for 2 different teams in the same week and now he is on a third team and that team is my team (5 IP, 0 ER, 11 Ks, 1 W, 0.00 ERA).

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OGTFC Hitter Of Note:  Mookie Betts had a fine week but now it has all been spoiled by Greg saying that “the mookman has delivered” thing the other day (9/24, 8 Rs, 4 2Bs, 3 HRs, 11 RBIs, 1 SB, .483 OBP).

OGTFC Pitcher Of Note:  THE COVETED Kyle Barraclough with a nice debut for the Fishing Club (0.1 IP, 4 ER, 108.00 ERA).

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Another week, another non-win for the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club. At this point I am comfortable admitting that I will be making Greg’s matchup the matchup of the week so long as he keeps not winning them so let’s keep ’em coming gentlemen. This week’s fiasco for the Fishing Club ended much like most of the other fiascos, with heartbreak arriving late on a Sunday evening. I am trying to piece this together forensically and it APPEARS what had happened was Anthony Rendon scored two runs in the Sunday evening game to give the Titans the edge in the runs category and thus the victory, BEAUTIFUL in that this game wouldn’t even be an evening game if not for the doubleheader situation the Nats and Phillies found themselves in. So now it seems like the fantasy gods are just toying with Greg. If not for the whole losing thing the OGTFC looked pretty good in this one, with a week-leading 20 HRs and 55 RBIs and 7 Saves. All great numbers, all not good enough for the W (as usual).  For the Titans, they were able to pull this one out with guts and guile and good pitching. Narrow victories in the Runs and Doubles categories were good enough thanks to the Titans hurlers ability to strike out guys while also limiting runs while also throwing a complete game while also collecting Wins while also grabbing a Hold here and there (84 Ks, 3.81 ERA, 1 CG, 7 Ws, 3 Holds, NO SAVES weirdly enough who does he think he is Rojo?). Obviously not all of those things happened in the same game, but all of those things happened and all of those things were better than OceanGate’s things in those categories (OceanGate did win QS 8-7, so congrats there?). IN THE END, as in all previous ends, the Trout Fishing Club move along to Week 7 sans their first victory. Meanwhile the Toms River Titans have won 2 straight heading into a big time battle with the Bad Dudes that share their same town (and neighborhood) but stylize it as River City #Geography #ShitLooksLikeManchesterToMeThough. All would be wise not to sleep on the Titans, feel free to sleep on the Trout Fishing Club fuck them and their terrible title defense.

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Next Week aka This Week:  Titans v. Bad Dudes (Would be a big early season W for the Titans here), OGTFC v. X-Rayz (Guy that probably uses the term “colored person” on his best days vs. a colored person).

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WE ARE NOW THIRTY THREE PERCENT THROUGH THE 2017 REGULAR SEASON. PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF IT. WE NOW BRING YOU TO WEEK 7, ALREADY VERY MUCH IN PROGRESS….
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2017 Week 6 Review: AND ALSO (A Weak) TRADE REVIEW, HOW CARAAAAAAZAY

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