TRADE #1:

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The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz trade [High Minors] 1B Dan Vogelbach to the Barnegat Banana Slugs for [Low Minors] SP Josh Hader.

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THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

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[Low Minors] SP Josh Hader – 23 year old lefty starter for the Brewers, 60 grade hair with a 40 grade goofy face. Brewers 2nd ranked prospect according to Baseball America (#33 overall BA, #38 MLB.com, #19 Baseball Prospectus). Anddd I’m realizing now I’ve already written shit about these people because we trade prospects a lot. 1-7, 5.22 ERA (3.81 FIP), 88 Ks in 69 (nice) IP (11.48 K/9) in AAA in 2016. ROUGH GO OF IT. Fared much better in AA, 0.95 ERA (2.14 FIP) and 11.53 K/9 across 57 IP. Allegedly has a funky arm slot WHICH IS FUN. Also has occasional issues with control, and those issues are rearing their ugly head in 2017 with 14 BBs across 20 IP. Fastball Slider Changeup. The fastball can hit around 95 MPH and if you’re a lefty and can hit around 95 MPH YA GOTTA SHOT. The prospect rankings hint at the potential and if he gets the control in order there’s a good chance he debuts in 2017 at the major league level.  Major League Comparison:  NOT CHRIS SALE. How about taller Brandon Finnegan.

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THE BANANA SLUGS RETURN:

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[High Minors] 1B Dan Vogelbach – 24.33 year old fat sonofabitch of a “first basemen” for the Seattle Mariners, came over in the Mike Montgomery trade that single-handedly propelled the Cubs to a World Series victory. .410 ish OBP, 25 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 23 HRs, 79 Rs, 96 RBIs, across 459 ABs between the Cubs/Ms AAA affiliates in 2016. So yes he has established himself as a AAAA slugger BUT SO DID SHELLEY DUNCAN. I have no idea how he hit those two triples but they are likely interesting to watch. Has shown nothing across 23 major league plate appearances, but that is just 23 major league plate appearances. The book on him says he can end up as a league average ish DH, first base is probably not in his long term future cuz of the fatness and all. Could end up a .270ish or .270+, 18 or 18+ HR bat, could end up sucking throughout his High Minors eligibility and ending up dropped before it even expires.  Major League Comparison:  Billy Butler? Homeless Man’s Kyle Schwarber? Someone Else Fat?

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RETURN SEAN LIKES MORE:

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BACKDOORSLIDERZ. Both these guys have potential to contribute I just think Hader has potential to contribute MORE, eclipsing his Brandon Finnegan comparison. Vogelbach will probably be stuck being compared to a fat guy and may struggle to hit enough to stick around beyond his minors eligibility.

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TRADE #2:

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The Lacey Township BackdoorSliderz trade RF JD Martinez and [Low Minors] 3B Nick Senzel to the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club for 3B Alex Bregman and [High Minors] SP Jose De Leon.

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THE BACKDOORSLIDERZ RETURN:

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3B Alex Bregman – 23 year old ‘Stros 3B that was the apple of everyone’s eye last season, and now the OGTFC just THROW HIM AWAY. .313 OBP, 13 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 8 HRs, 31 Rs, 34 RBIs, 2 SBs across 201 ABs in 2016. Looking solid in the early going in 2017, upped his OBP to .366 by trimming the K% 8 points and upping the BB% 4 points. Guy was suuuuuuper hyped prior to last season and can very much deliver on that hype to the tune of being the best player in this deal by far (though he hasn’t passed JD just yet). Still feels young enough that I can give a Major League Comparison:  BUT I WON’T. HE IS HIS OWN MAN NOW. I THINK HE WILL BE VERY VERY GOOD.

[High Minors] SP Jose De Leon – I wrote about this guy back when I traded him in like February, LETS CHECK IN ON WHAT I HAD TO SAY THEN:

Jose De Leon:   Jose De Leon is the piece here with the widest range of possible outcomes, for he is a 24 year old SP that dominated the minor leagues for several years and then struggled mightily across 17 major league innings in 2016.  If he blossoms into a true major league strikeout artist, for the Rays no less, the MooniniteZ will be sad to have parted with him (particularly with the recent Alex Reyes NATIONAL TRAGEDY).  If he never PUTS IT ALL TOGETHER (like the rest of Heroy’s rotation, see Troll Series Vol. 2 for details) well then he was kinda just a throw-in anyways.  I still think he can be a really solid fantasy starter, he can also end up some version of like a poor man’s Francisco Liriano (<3) or worse.  The point is I don’t think the Fishing Club will lose sleep over it if Jose never amounts to nothing, but as a loose supporter of Rays baseball I hope that is not at all the case.

De Leon is the Rays 2nd ranked prospect according to Baseball America (# 29 overall BA, #30 MLB.com, #38 BP). 7-1, 2.61 ERA (3.23 FIP), 111 Ks in 86.1 IP (11.57 K/9) AAA innings in 2016. Got smacked around across 17 IP in his major league cup of coffee, 6.35 ERA (6.97 FIP). But that is just 17 IP. Major League Comparison: STILL Francisco Liriano

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THE TROUT FISHING CLUB RETURN:

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RF JD Martinez – 29.75 year old slugger for the Tigers. .344 OBP, 33 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 38 HRs, 93 Rs, 102 RBIs, 1 SBs over 596 ABs in 2016. Perhaps the godfather of this whole “uppercut swing plane improved launch angle yada fucking yada” movement that everyone and their mother is trying out these days. But a legit power bat when healthy, which he currently isn’t, but he should be back soon and it was just a foot injury so not necessarily something one would be concerned about affecting his power output. Once healthy he possibly becomes the biggest HR threat the OGTFC has, or yanno top 3 or top 5 or whatever because they have a lot of good bats. Fuck them, though.

[Low Minors] 3B Nick Senzel – 21.75 year old top prospect for the Cincinnati Reds (#9 BA, #24 MLB.com, #20 BP). .415 OBP, 23 2Bs, 3 3Bs, 7 HRs, 38 Rs, 36 RBIs, 15 SBs over 210 A ball ABs in 2016. I know I just said up there Bregman might be the best player in this deal but SENZEL MIGHT ALSO BE. The steals are intriguing but he isn’t exactly a burner, however the hit tool is projected to be well above average. Ceiling isn’t necessarily considered to be as high as Bregman’s was and still is, but he could hit for a good average with high teens HRs and provide a bit extra on the base paths at the peak of his powers. Which would make for just a really swell fantasy baseball package. Major League Comparison: Anthony Rendon

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RETURN SEAN LIKES MORE:

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OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB. THIS ONE WAS SUPER CLOSE. And maybe I just don’t want to declare His Dochness the winner in every goddamned trade he makes right off the bat, but I really like this trade for both parties and damn near wanted to call it a draw. What it comes down to is JD being PROBABLY the best piece in the deal RIGHT NOW , with the addition of Senzel possibly making up for any sting if and when Bregman is raking by the end of the year. JD gives the OGTFC a slightly improved chance at a repeat and flags fly forever.