Firstly let me just welcome the Dochness Monster to the league, we have definitely been in the same room together and have definitely been in the same room when one or both of us was under the influence of drugs and anyone I’ve shared a room with under those circumstances is A WELCOME ADDITION to the league. It’s how you trust a man. And I believe I’ve been under the influence of something while in the same room as like 8 of you at this point and that matters. YOUR MOVE SHANE….

THE TRADE:

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The River City Bad Dudes trade SP Jameson Taillon and CF Adam Jones to the NEW GUY, Operation Trumbo Drop, for 3B Maikel Franco and RF Kole Calhoun.

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THE BAD DUDES RETURN:

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3B Maikel Franco – 24.6 year old hot corner man for the Phillies, a somewhat MEH option and yet a NOTICEABLE UPGRADE from Yuli Gurriel (I can and may write a 900 word piece about the Bad Dudes dropping Yuli Gurriel). For Franco, .306 OBP, 23 2Bs, 1 3B, 25 HRs, 67 Rs, 88 RBIs, 1 SB in 581 ABs last season. EMERGING POWER some might say, but until it emerges a bit more consistently he’s probably a fringe top 15 fantasy 3B. Particularly in OBP leagues, which this happens to be. SMALL SAMPLE SIZE but he’s been abysmal thus far this year, a .148 AVG and .217 OBP that leaves a gross taste in my mouth just typing it out.  Even so I can say with certainty that I find him to be better than Yuli Gurriel. I can say that.

RF Kole Calhoun – 29.5 year old Angels RF, in a similar mold to Starlin Castro in that I just HATE his FACE. Just a shitty face. .348 OBP, 35 2Bs, 5 3B, 18 HRs, 91 Rs, 75 RBIs, 2 SBs across 594 ABs in 2016. Those numbers are actually a helluva lot better than I expected from him but AGAIN that face. I always liked that he was on the team run by THE FORMER OWNER THAT I SHALL NO LONGER MENTION ON HERE (lawsuits are pending) because he just fit the mold. And now he’s on fuckface Lobman’s team I guess. IT COULD WORK. Kole is off to a meh start of the .148 AVG and .217 OBP in 2017, with a homer at some point.

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THE TRUMBO DROP RETURN:

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SP Jameson Taillon – 25.45 year old excellent pitcher blossoming before our own eyes and before the eyes of Pittsburgh Pirates fans, a guy I tried REPEATEDLY to trade for only to be gently and not-so-gently rebuffed each time (so fuck you Lobman there’s no way you’re “winning” this trade on here).  5-4, 3.38 ERA (3.71 FIP), 85 Ks in 104 IP (7.36 K/9), 12 QS in 2016. BUT THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING, as Taillon has been through just about every injury imaginable so he has been working his way back a bit. This year he’s given up 2 ER in 20 IP and I expect a helluva year, he’s not 0.90 ERA good but he is very good.  I SUSPECT the Bad Dudes put him out there as available but credit to the OTD for picking him up and instantly improving a rotation in need of it.

CF Adam Jones – 31.7 year old guy CF for the Orioles, a man likely on the decline but also likely still more than fantasy serviceable. .310 OBP, 19 2Bs, 29 HRs, 86 Rs, 83 RBIs, 2 SBs across 619 ABs in 2016. His 2016 is most famous around here for that time when I accidentally discovered he was like the fucking worrrrrrst against left-handed pitching last season, by far the worst right handed hitter against them. Which is an interesting fun fact. That first scouting report is a freebie for the new guy. ANYWHOM some things may be trending in the wrong direction for Jones, his days of double digit steals are beyond dead and gone, but at least in the early going he has shown a newfound willingness to draw a walk (10.5% BB% this season, 4.6% for his career) and that has him sporting a .368 OBP that would easily be a career best. PERHAPS A REINVENTION AFOOT? Even without the reinvention Mr. Jones will likely be a good bet for 25 HRs or so and decent Rs and RBIs. He is no throw in.

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RETURN SEAN LIKES MORE:

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OPERATION TRUMBO DROP! Right off the bat he snags an all-important W in the all-important “Return Sean Likes More” category (note: does not affect actual league in any way). Jameson Taillon is on the precipice of studhood and as much as I malign Adam Jones and his terrible no good very bad numbers against lefties last season, he’s a good bet for 25 HRs and fuck Kole Calhoun. Maikel Franco jury is out, right now he would be convicted of awfulness but I shall not judge on 15 games. What this comes down to for me is it was just a real nice job by the Trumbo Drop grabbing AN EMERGING TOP 20 ARM YEA I SAID IT. With Pacman also coming back this makes for a nice dipping of the toes into the trade waters for the OTD. Also they have endeared themselves to me by opening with a Big Lebowski-themed logo. I declare them the victor.