2017 WEEK TWO. I am sure everyone is overreacting even HARDER now in one direction or another even though I try and preach patience and point out shit like how 4 outta 5 or 5 outta the last 6 champs lost Week 1 yada yada all of this is in vain. We are still at under 50 ABs for hitters when really you should wait 100 before even glancing at them, but BY ALL MEANS everyone freak out and trade good players. I will cover those trades succinctly. First lets cover Week 2, also somewhat succinctly (brevity is the brother of brilliance).
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River City Bad Dudes Do Bad Things To Consensus #9 Pick Rojo’s Renegade Force, Win – 10-4-0
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MVP: Bryce Harper – Bryce will never again do 2015 because that was a career year of unrepeatable proportions HOWEVER, the Bad Dudes can take solace in the fact that he will be very good for a very long time and he looks poised to hit 30-40 dongers in 2017. 9/23, 7 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 8 RBIs, .517 OBP
LVP: Steven Wright – The Orioles massacred Steven Wright and Sawks pitchers gettin fackin wickedly walloped will always please me. 1.1 IP, 8 ER, 1 K, 54.00 ERA
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Bad Dudes Hitter Of Note: Fucking Mitch Haniger actually kinda living up to all that spring training hype HOW ANNOYING (9/23, 4 Rs, 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 7 RBIs, 1 SB, .500 OBP).
Bad Dudes Pitcher Of Note: Two gems by Jameson Taillon in Week 2 and I for one expect many more where those came (13 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 1.38 ERA).
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Renegade Force Hitter Of Note: NOT MUCH of note for the RRF as no hitter amassed more than 1 HR and only one hitter had 4 or more runs scored, but at least Nelson Cruz showed slight signs of life (9/23, 3 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, .462 OBP).
Renegade Force Pitcher Of Note: Holy shit the Rays need to send down Austin Pruitt HE HAS A WHIP OF LIKE 4 (4 IP, 7 ER, 2 Ks, 15.75 ERA).
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Just a TROUBLING week for the Renegade Force as the offense looked pretty punchless and the pitching somehow combined for 8 QS but also a 5.177 ERA (DAMN YOU PRUITT. AND WRIGHT. AND VARIOUS BAD RELIEVERS.)…. on the flip side of the coin the Bad Dudes did just enough on offense and pitched to a sub 3 ERA, including the all-important CG from Marcus Stroman. Maybe he will be an okay pitcher. Maybe.
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Next Week aka This Week: Bad Dudes v. Three-Eyed Fish (Fuck both of these teams really), Renegade Force v. Titans (BATTLE OF RYANS BATTLE OF 0-2s).
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Q-Tip City Morning Wood Continue To Defy Preseason Projections And Defeat Defending Champs (OGTFC) – 9-3-2
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MVP: Yoenis Cespedes – I still can’t believe the Mets actually kept a nice thing like Yoenis Cespedes and yet HERE HE IS still hitting dingers for them. Wise move by Shane to spare Yoenis from his Mets purging. 8/25, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 5 HRs, 9 RBIs, .400 OBP
LVP: Dexter Fowler – I love Dex but he had the 2nd most ABs for the OGTFC and did the least with those ABs, dragging down team OBP in the process. 3/26, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 1 SB, .148 OBP
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Morning Wood Hitter Of Note: I’m sure it always warms the heart of the Wood to see Justin Upton doing well, who fucking knows if it actually lead to Tigers victories though (6/19, 5 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 5 RBIs, .409 OBP).
Morning Wood Pitcher Of Note: Unfortunately Jon Lester starts haven’t devolved into these high art performances where people keep taking huge leads on him, but I have hope that they eventually will get there (13 IP, 1 ER, 10 Ks, 2 QS, 0.69 ERA [nice]).
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OGTFC Hitter Of Note: Kris Bryant was the only man on the OGTFC to hit multiple HRs in Week 2, maybe there was a league wide power shortage or something (4/22, 3 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .333 OBP)?
OGTFC Pitcher Of Note: On the brighter side of things for OGTFC fans, Dylan Bundy looks great in the early going (12.1 IP, 3 ER, 9 Ks, 2 QS, 1 W, 2.19 ERA).
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There is no denying that I predicted the newcomer to finish last in the league in 2017, and there is no denying the fact that the Morning Wood are off to a (somewhat surprising) 2-0 start. AND I LOVE IT. I don’t know if Cliff ever found himself at 2-0 so this is refreshing. Equally refreshing is the fact that the OGTFC would be at 0-2 if not for some Week 1 roster mismanagement by their opponent. In this one the Morning Wood seemed pretty much in control throughout, racking up an IMPRESSIVE 17 HRs (to the OGTFC’s 5) and 42 RBIs (to the OGTFC’s 24). Heroy’s men did put up a .3675 OBP in Week 2 and it won’t be very often that a high OBP on this team corresponds with a complete lack of power, so I wouldn’t be panicking in OG. Really this one just comes down to giving credit where credit is due to Q-Tip City. Whom I will now defeat in order to keep league balance in order. I KEEP THINGS IN ORDER.
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Next Week aka This Week: Morning Wood v. MooniniteZ (wherein your writer attempts to serve some comeuppance to this cocky young man), OGTFC v. Banana Slugs (wherein we all probably hope on some level that the OGTFC remain winless).
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MVP: Eric Thames – ERIC MOTHERFUCKIN THAMES. Perhaps he is a bit more for real than I anticipated, even factoring in SSSS. The guy only racked up 11 ABs for the X-Rayz but boy did he make the most of them. 5/11, 7 Rs, 4 HRs, 5 RBIs, .571 OBP
LVP: Albert Pujols – Sure he had a .292 OBP which isn’t the absolute worst but what did he really DO? He did mostly nothing. 4/21, 1 R, 2 RBIs, .292 OBP
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X-Rayz Hitter Of Note: Elvis Andrus is out here with a POWER STROKE all of a sudden and I am not sure I know what to make of it (9/26, 6 Rs, 2 2Bs, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs, 2 SBs, .346 OBP).
X-Rayz Pitcher Of Note: Andddd also of note, Ervin Santana went out there and CG Shutout’d the White Sox (9 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 1 W, 1 CG, 0.00 ERA).
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Titans Hitter Of Note: HEY at least Ryan Braun did great last week (5/21, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, 3 SBs, .407 OBP)!
Titans Pitcher Of Note: And HEY the Titans even get good pitching out of Michael Pineda because that shit is contagious or something (14.2 IP, 3 ER, 17 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 1.84 ERA).
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Another year in the Backyard, another year of the X-Rayz grinding out Ws with a team of speedy speedsters and grindy grinders. 2017 Week 2 saw the X-Rayz go 12/12 HRs/SBs, and while double digit SBs tend to be the norm with this roster double digit HRs used to be far less of a sure thing. Impressive pop out of the middle infield will be something to which going forward, as both Elvis Andrus and Jose Ramirez chipped in 2 HRs a piece. The week’s MVP was KOREAN LEAGUE MASHER Eric Thames and I am sure the X-Rayz are hoping his mashing ways continue, which will lend itself to a bit of bragging rights as he wasn’t added to the roster until the last pick in the 2nd round of the FYP draft. For the Titans this actually marks the 5th straight loss to Odom’s squad, as they can’t seem to put together a proper formula for victory against this opponent. The Titans dominated in Ks, QS, and ERA which is something they are poised to do fairly often, however a solid 6 Ws and 3 Holds were not enough to take either category and the offense lagged behind the X-Rayz nearly across the board. Again ONLY TWO WEEKS IN here but the Titans are likely happy to see the X-Rayz go for now.
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Next Week aka This Week: X-Rayz v. Isotopes (I demand this break out into a Simpsons meme war), Titans v. RRF (Either a Ryan will lose or all Ryans will tie).
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MVP: Marcell Ozuna – HOW FITTING that the guy the 3EF forgot to sit to preserve a win in Week 1 helped them to a win in Week 2. Kinda didn’t realize until now how badly Ozuna killed me last week, so fuck him he gets an unflattering photo. 10/23, 4 Rs, 1 2B, 4 HRs, 12 RBIs, .481 OBP ***MVP OF THE WEEK***
LVP: Aledmys Diaz – Aledmys did not do the “make a lot of contact” thing last week and frankly it is difficult for me to talk about. 4/22, 2 Rs, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, .182 OBP
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3EF Hitter Of Note: Typical Jose Altuve dickery here with his getting on base TWO THIRDS OF THE TIME (9/17, 7 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 RBIs, 4 SBs, .667 OBP).
3EF Pitcher Of Note: Jacob DeGrom is DeGood (13 IP, 4 ER, 16 Ks, 2 QS, 2.77 ERA).
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MooniniteZ Hitter Of Note: Of course Nolan Arenado never cheats me with effort, EVEN IF EVERYONE ELSE DOES, although it is getting rather annoying that all of his HRs and seemingly all of my entire team’s HRs are of the solo variety (9/26, 2 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs, .414 OBP).
Was Aledmys Diaz Better Than Trevor Story This Week?: NO, but it was close.
MooniniteZ Pitcher Of Note: These things for the losing side always seem like it is me trying to cheer the other team up and in this case I really am when I point out that at least James Paxton continues to be v. good (15 IP, 0 ER, 17 Ks, 2 QS, 2 Ws, 0.00 ERA).
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Perhaps “molest” is a strong term but the fact is the 3EF defeated me in Week 2, and I will have to live with that horror for the rest of my life. Things were fairly close heading into the weekend, and remained close even after a 5 start Saturday for the MooniniteZ IMPLODED (Odorizzi injured after 1 IP, Verlander and McCullers shelled, etc. etc.). EVEN STILL it came down to who would show up on Sunday and score some runs and hit some dingers, and the MooniniteZ scored 1 run and hit no dingers and that was that. Credit to the 3EF for scoring 11 runs and hitting 3 dingers on that same Sunday, but now equal amounts of SHAME to them because they should be 2-0 and instead they are 1-0-1. Will be a few more weeks before we are far enough past Week 1 to where I will stop bringing it up. A fewwww more weeks, indeed.
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Next Week aka This Week: Three-Eyed Fish v. Bad Dudes (ROOT FOR INJURIES), MooniniteZ v. Morning Wood (ROOT FOR ME).
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2017 WEEK 2 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK, SPONSORED BY BRAVO NETWORK
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MVP: Wil Myers – Myers had a sexy week in Week 2, A MERE STEAL SHORT OF THE JROLL. 10/22, 4 Rs, 3 2Bs, 2 3Bs, 1 HR, 4 RBIs, .480 OBP
LVP: Dansby Swanson – An LVP performance so nice it got him flat out DROPPED. 1/16, .118 OBP And that is absolutely it. ***LVP OF THE WEEK***
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Isotopes Hitter Of Note: Khris Davis continues to bring his dingers with him wherever he goes, and I do believe he is tied for the lead in alllll of baseball with 6 (7/22, 5 Rs, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs, .318 OBP).
Isotopes Pitcher Of Note: Michael Wacha pitched pretty solidly on Friday which is OF NOTE because maybe the ‘Topes hold him for a bit now and maybe he can still be “a guy” (6 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks, 1 QS, 4.50 ERA).
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Banana Slugs Hitter Of Note: Trevor Story hit his first dinger in Week 2 but also I am BURYING THE LEDE he has been quite bad (1/20, 2 Rs, 1 HR, 2 RBIs, .240 OBP).
Was Trevor Story Better Than Aledmys Diaz This Week?: YES, I guess maybe if you squint, but he only had one hit so let’s not give him too much credit.
Banana Slugs Pitcher Of Note: Rich Hill was wisely left on the Banana Slugs bench for his Sunday start but he STILL had that blister issue flare up and that deserves special recognition because that is fucking unreal (NO STATS).
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This one gets MOTW status (and this funky everything center aligned write up that I am demo-ing) almost entirely because it seems especially cruel to hit three triples in a week and end up tied in that category. TOUGH BREAK GAY BOYS. Anywhom, the Isotopes grabbed the W despite numerous close categories, largely due to an influx of power numbers that the Banana Slugs couldn’t keep up with. For the Slugs this week may may be remembered more for the injuries, as both Jon Gray and Zach Britton will be out for a bit if not a bit more than a bit. SAD! But yea, really almost all of the categories were in play here except for ERA (Kyle Freeland, Robert Gsellman, and Rick Porcello combined to murder that for the Slugs mid-week) HRs and RBIs. The ‘Topes offense performed a good bit better in Week 2 compared to Week 1 and they have their first win of 2017 to show for it.
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Next Week aka This Week: ‘Topes v. X-Rayz (Late night group chat could get a little sassy this week if T is out on a thirsty Thursday or something), Banana Slugs v. OGTFC (this one might also have sass but might also lead to one owner bitchily declaring he’s going to go watch soccer instead of following along)
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Backyard Views 
Such strong words in this review. Not sure I like your tone Mr. Author! If you keep this up we will have no one left in the league.
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