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TRADE #1:

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The River City Bad Dudes trade [Low Minors] RP Frankie Montas and RP Francisco Rodriguez to Q-Tip City Morning Wood for [Low Minors] SS Gleyber Torres

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THE BAD DUDES  RETURN:

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A guy they are about to flip for another guy – SO WHY DISCUSS IT NOW REALLY

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THE RESURGENCE RETURN:

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RP Frankie Montas – 24 year old righty relief prospect for the Oakland Athletics, UNRANKED I am sure in most top prospect lists cuz yanno reliever and all. The 5th ranked prospect for the As according to Baseball America. Guy has already been traded 3 times in his career (Red Sox > White Sox > Dodgers > Athletics). Throws quite fast, with a fastball that can hit mid 90s as a starter and triple digits out of the pen. Because of the mid 90s starter heat the A’s seemingly will still want to try him as a starter, even though nasty reliever is CLEARLY the way to go here. At the same time he appears to be a candidate for the Opening Day bullpen, so the starter thing would be on hold a bit in that case.  And now for my favorite part when I compare the prospect to a major leaguer, and that majore leaguer isssssss:  Joel Zumaya, ideally with less arm issues. Note:  this reference will maybe make Shane sad.

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RP Francisco Rodriguez –  Here’s a thing I ALMOST wrote for a Bad Dudes team preview, but now had to go back and change.  SPECIAL SNEAK PEEK if you will.  But yea anyways it still applies:

Francisco Rodriguez should remain a capable veteran closer for at least a while longer, ALTHOUGH (cue critique) father time is clearly coming for him and if his peripherals continue to dip and he loses effectiveness there’s arms in the Tigers system waiting for the job (but just one really, it belongs to Joe Jimenez). With a 22% K rate in 2016 K-Rod is K-Rod no more is what I am trying to inform you people.

So yes the point is K-Rod is 35 but feels like he is 350, and Shane will now get to get an extra sense of joy when the Tigers win games that he saves.  Which should be the case for at least a few months, and then they trade him, and then I trade Shane Joe Jimenez. Fin.

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RETURN SEAN LIKES MORE:

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RIVER CITY BAD DUDES.  Even though their return here is just part of a LONG GAME to acquire a good closer, the fact remains that a top 5 prospect was acquired for nottttt much here. And a top 5 prospect on the Yankees in a league full of Yankees fans (full as in there’s like 2) no less. Evidently you could have just sent him straight up to the Isotopes for a better closer but THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN FOR UNDETERMINED REASONS. Generally when there’s essentially a 3 way deal there’s essentially a way to justify its necessity but here it was just a shady shady enterprise all the way around. But I am digressing. Poor Shane was dragged into it all as an unwilling and unaware participant, but he still gets judged for allowing himself to become a pawn in a sick and sad game.

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TRADE #2:

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The River City Bad Dudes trade [Low Minors] SS Gleyber Torres to the Astoria Isotopes for RP Craig Kimbrel

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THE BAD DUDES  RETURN:

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RP Craig Kimbrel – Just about 29 year old closer for the stupid fucking Red Sox. 2-6, 3.40 ERA (2.92 FIP), 31 Saves (2 BS), 83 Ks in 53 IP (14.09 K/9) in 2016. His highest K/9 since 2012, but also his fewest innings since his 20 IP debut in 2010. STILL REALLY GOOD even after all these years, and no more of an injury risk than any other pitcher on the planet. Should rack up a lot of saves for a good team (full of dicks), should be a top 10 closer easy with room for top 5 consideration.

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THE ISOTOPES RETURN:

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SS Gleyber Torres – 20 year old top prospect for the Yankees (#5 overall BA, #3 MLB.com, #15 Baseball Prospectus cuz BP is fucking weird). 9 HRs and 19 SBs across about three fitty ABs for the Cubs A+ affiliate last season. DIVIDES the scouts as to whether or not he can stick at SS but his bat is expected to play just fine just about anywhere on the field. Seen it claimed that he has “rare power” for a middle infielder even though his HR totals disagree. Will probably be good despite my slight negativity in this particular piece. Major Leaguer Comparison: Addison Russell (offensively, defensively someone shittier).

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RETURN SEAN LIKES MORE:

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RIVER CITY BAD DUDES.  It stands to reason that if the guy you trade for was literally JUST traded for, like the same day, for a much worse closer and a relief prospect, and then you trade for him and use a top 10 closer….. well then that means your side is worse. And I do not dislike Gleyber in any way and I think he might one day be a good player, but I do not see why in the fuck you had to jump through hoops just to give Lobman Craig Kimbrel. WEIRD MANEUVERING. And aside from that the Bad Dudes made their team better TODAY and basically just had to do so by using Frankie Montas to upgrade at closer. The Isotopes made their move looking towards some uncertain future, perhaps because we made fun of their First Year Player Draft and its inclusion of Mike Napoli. Play to win the championship every single season, kids.