Before I begin the process of badmouthing our new commish, LET ME FIRST BADMOUTH ALL OF YOU.  There is a fun joke thrown out here and there where I am given no credit for my role in the only dynasty this league has ever seen or probably will ever see, and I actually quite enjoy that joke.  That is a fun joke.  Good clean comedy.  The other and far sadder joke on this topic is the one where people try and asterisk the 3-peat by basically going with the line of thinking that you all couldn’t beat us, for three glorrrrrious years in a glorrrrrious row, simply because you didn’t have a co-owner.  Think that one through, is what I am asking of you people.  Follow that to its logical conclusion and it just sounds sadddddd, sounds sad every time someone says it.  Don’t admit in a public forum that you weren’t capable of winning a FANTASY BASEBALL CHAMPIONSHIP without somebody to help you make your widdle decisions and set your widdle lineup.  PATHETIC.  All of you.  Pathetic.  Affronts to the fantasy baseball gods.

Now, on to me taking credit for every championship and then blaming Odom for the death of the dynasty.  I don’t think anyone is ever going to win 3 in a row in this league ever again (apologies to the O-G-T-F-C but that shit is T-O-U-G-H) and I take as much pride as possible for a fantasy sport accomplishment for what Odom and I were able to accomplish.  Now indulge me while I point out why I deserve all the credit for our successes (the vegan part of this post) and Odom deserves all the blame for the failed 4-peat (the meaty part of this post)…..and possibly the death of Oscar Taveras.

TO THE YEARS >>>>>>

Year:  2011

Record:  9-11

Result:  FIRST CHAMPIONSHIP

Why Sean deserves all the credit:  I dunno I barely remember this one, IN ACTUALITY there was a pretty even split of personnel decision making particularly after the 3rd owner went by the wayside.  I must have come up with the Jimbo’s Vulcan Death Grip name though (later found out that move is more of a face mush than a choke but oh fucking well).  And for that, and for the fire it lit under the boys, SEAN DESERVES ALL THE CREDIT.

Year:  2012

Record:  11-9

Result:  SECOND CHAMPIONSHIP (Back 2 Back)

Why Sean deserves all the credit:  It was either this year or the previous year that Odom traded Brandon Beachy for David Robertson and I yelled at him about it.  But that trade super duper worked out.  But I dunno aside from that trade WHAT DID HE DO?  Surely you don’t remember.  I don’t remember.  Surely he doesn’t remember (drugs).  I definitely remember I picked up Edwin Encarnacion off the FA pool at the beginning of the year though, and voted to keep him over (2012 NL RBI leader) Chase Headley.  Also this was the year we cut Mark Trumbo during the playoff run because he was racking up DNPs, and I don’t think Odom was against it at all but for the sake of this post I am saying he was vehemently against it.  And that kinda move is the kinda move that brought us the championship.  And so, in the absence of any credible evidence to the contrary, SEAN DESERVES ALL THE CREDIT*.   

*Note:  On the last night of the playoffs matchup with Lobman I was definitely in a Folly Beach tequila bar trying to take home a pink-haired waitress so Odom was definitely physically making the moves with regards to sitting guys to preserve OBP leads BUT I stepped outside to take a phone call on the decision.  Which makes me even more deserving of all the credit, in my humble opinion.

Year:  2013

Record:  16-3-1

Result:  THIRD CHAMPIONSHIP (Back 2 Back 2 Back)

Why Sean deserves all the credit:  Now this year, IN MY RECOLLECTION, is one where Odom’s lifestyle (drugs) or lifestyle (I dunno liquore store managing?) kept him away from a lot of the day to day spot start picking up business and WHO PICKED UP THE SLACK YOU ASK?  I did.  I also put in the waiver claim for a one Matt Carpenter, he of the 55 doubles in 2014.  I also uhhhh, I dunno did some other stuff.  This was by far our most difficult (only difficult) championship matchup, credit to Heroy, and I most definitely streamed some closers and picked up Latroy Hawkins for some Mets-Marlins doubleheader in which he notched a crucial save.  What more needs to be said here?   SEAN DESERVES ALL THE CREDIT.

Year:  2014

Record:  14-6

Result:  FUCKING FAILURE

WHY ODOM DESERVES ALL THE BLAME AND POSSIBLY KILLED OSCAR TAVERAS:  This year started out much like the last two, with the supremely cocky and confident duo (that was us) seeking a fourth straight championship.  There was legitimate conversation about quitting the league if we won 4 in a row and declaring there was nothing left to accomplish, but ALAS.  Again I am going to make accusations that Odom’s lifestyle forced me to make the majority of the spot start moves, and again I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday (fake chicken I think, stylized as chick’n).

Probably the defining moment of our season, a symbol of all that went wrong, is when that CONFUSING minor leagues system put us in the situation as follows:  I was dropping Oscar Taveras from our majors roster thinking he was still protected by the safety net of our minors team, when in fact Odom had dropped him from our minors team (I never paid much attention to the minors teams) just to shuffle around some minor league dickheads.  And THEN after learning of our misstep and cruelly being barred from having a takesies backsies, we had to trade Addison Russell* to get him back.  One can see how all of this back and forth and added pressure on fantasy Oscar Taveras could have lead to real life person Oscar Taveras dying that offseason.  ONE CAN CLEARLY SEE THAT

*Fun fact:  Addi was the only minors guy I ever really picked up, to make up for me pushing the Profar-for-Zobrist trade so hard prior to the uhhh previous season I think?  And just LOOK how that turned out, yet another mostly mutual thing I feel I deserve sole credit for.    

While not the dominant season of one year prior, we entered the playoffs once again the #1 seed (Ryan probably a far superior team as the #2 seed) so CAN’T REALLY COMPLAIN.  Now allow me to complain about us blowing our matchup with out-of-work bridge ogre and then-named McGibblets team owner Connor, in bullet form:

• Prior to even beginning these points I want to point out that I am still flummoxed when I look over this box score, we had a pretty damn good week and it just was NOT ENOUGH
• My first and probably best point, if Odom is such a MASTER OF THE STEALS then how come our team lost steals 16-1?  RIDDLE ME THAT?
• My second point, we uhhhh.  We lost OBP, even though .3265 isn’t a bad OBP by any means, but we lost OBP and Odom’s teams since have historically yielded low OBPs so PROBABLY NOT A COINCIDENCE.
• We gave Yovani Gallardo a start?  And he gave up 5 runs in 5 innings and we lost ERA 3.249 to 2.710?  I dunno feels like Odom’s fault.
• We only had 79Ks that week and if you look since that time we have both fielded the strongest strikeouts teams, at least two in the top 3.  But last year I think my team was better (don’t worry about the year before) so Odom’s fault.
• We gave too many ABs to Matt fucking Adams for some reason and he murdered our OBP.  Makes ya think…..
• Oscar Taveras hit a two run home run that week.  Makes ya think…..
• read the tea leaves ODOM DESERVES ALL THE BLAME AND HIS SLOPPINESS VERY LIKELY POSSIBLY COST OSCAR TAVERAS HIS LIFE.

So there you have it, a take-down of that sad “yea well you had two owners” excuse you simpletons like to throw out there and an attempt to re-direct all the “Sean contributed nothing” jokes into “Odom contributed nothing” jokes.  Which will only lead to more “Sean contributed nothing” jokes.  REGARDLESS, I thank you all for tuning in to yet another excuse for me to point out that Odom and I won 3 championships in a row and in all likelihood nobody will ever do that again.