HOT FUCKING STOVE: HEROY IS A WHORE EDITION

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Official Hot Fucking Stove logo/what happens to team owners who back out of agreed upon trade deals.

Back one day later to once again talk some HOT FUCKING STOVE*.  Fair readers, the tips lines have been blowing up with additional reports of the OceanGate Trout Fishing Club working the trade wires BASICALLY WITH ANY OTHER OWNER WITH A PULSE.  No discernible restraint anywhere to be found, their team owner just trade chattin’ his days away as if there’s no sanctity in the idea of only negotiating with one partner at a time these days.  DISGUSTING.  Also rumors abound of a toolsy young owner that might make that loathsome oaf of an owner Connor expendable.  On to the rumor mill…..

THE OCEANGATE TROUT FISHING CLUB MIGHT AS WELL GO FISHING FOR DICKS LIKE THE WHORES THAT THEY ARE….

Sources inside negotiations tell me that MUCH LIKE THE ALREADY AGREED UPON TO THE POINT THAT NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO BACK OUT NOW uhhhh rumored deal between the OGTFC and The MooniniteZ of Main Street, MUCH LIKE THAT DEAL, discussions are ongoing between the Fishing Club and the Banana Slugs and these discussions are of a Slugs arm for a Fishing Club bat variety.  Now I don’t even NEED to question sources to know that the Banana Slugs are probably dangling their sham of a Cy Young winner in negotiations, because that’s what you do when you have a shame of a Cy Young winner.  Rick Porcello no doubt had a great year last year, nobody is denying this.  But you don’t get to buy Porcello’s 2016, you must instead buy his 2017 (and beyond).  And this writer thinks his 2016 was not a harbinger of great seasons still to come but rather a convergence of luck (wins are almost entirely luck, abnormally low BABIP, abnormally high strand rate) and shitty voting by baseball writers, whom excel at shitty voting.

Now this in itself might be enough to make another trade partner take a Louisville Slugger to both headlights BUT OH THERE IS MORE, sources confirm the Trout Fishing Club is also in active (although likely slow and methodical) discussions with the Springfield Isotopes as well.  Details are scarce beyond that, regarding these negotiations, but JUST GROSS.  JUST.  GROSS.  If Fishing Club ownership just wants to go TRAMPSING ALL OVER TOWN that is their business, I guess, let’s just hope FOR THE SAKE OF THE LEAGUE that the sanctity of a man’s word remains intact when the dust settles.  Or else someone else might have to get drunk and break a whole bunch of stuff and expose himself at said man’s wedding.

UNSEXY UNLOVED BY EVEN HIS OWN FAMILY CONNOR OUT, SHINIER SEXIER NEW OWNER IN?

In other HOT FUCKING STOVE* news, a source that I definitely didn’t make up claims New Commissioner Michael C. Odom might be strongly considering replacing children’s fairy tale villian and team owner Robert Connor (or whatever his fucking name is) with a tools-y young owner that in time could develop into a solid contributor at the Backyard League level.  Citing Connor’s non-participation in the (VERY FRIENDLY AND WELCOMING) league chat, as well as concerns that he might devour Mike and Ryan’s newborn children in their sleep, sources tell me Commissioner Odom has stated he will “explore possible replacements every singly day forever and that Connor (and by extension Mikey T) should never for one day feel comfortable with his place in the league because it is forever on notice and this is not at all a fake quote.”  End quote.

*TO SEE YOUR TEAM’S NEGOTIATIONS FEATURED IN THE NEXT EDITION OF THE HOT FUCKING STOVE, SIMPLY BETRAY THE TRUST OF A POTENTIAL TRADING PARTNER BY EMAILING SOME DETAILS (OR A LOT OF DETAILS!) ABOUT ONGOING NEGOTIATIONS TO SEMCLAUG19@GMAIL.COM       Note:  Latter portion of this week’s Hot Stove can also be filed under Troll Series B-Side (#TrollinMikeyT).
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Connor File Photo
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HOT FUCKING STOVE: HEROY IS A WHORE EDITION

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