Gonna take a brief break from the Troll Series to TALK SOME HOT FUCKING STOVE.  I think generally the way this might work will be this:  I shall use these little posts to talk about trades both rumored and already accepted (and thus already heavily critiqued by the entire rest of the league because that’s what we do here).  Rumored trade information will be reliant upon snitches within the negotiations tipping me off, so feel free to send me any info you may have  BOTH REAL AND FAKE.  I say this because I have already calculated that this could devolve into me being used like a WHORE, not unlike what Adam Schefter does every day of his life or not unlike when agents say they have “several teams” vying for their clients when in fact nobody wants their fucking clients.  The fact of the matter is I would probably be comfortable being a whore and writing up some smokescreens (unless I sniff them out super easily in which case I will yell at you, Mikey T, so RESPECT THE CRAFT), so feel free to do it that way.

The beauty of this first installment is that IT IS ACTUALLY PART TROLL (Troll Series B-Side) because I am one half of this trade, and it has been fully agreed upon, but I am still going to write about it in annoyingly speculative fashion as if I don’t know all the players involved.  But rest assured there are players and they are involved and I know all of them and it is a completed deal merely awaiting league re-opening (full analysis of the deal will likely follow the actual processing of said deal).

Let’s get our first rumor style hot stove post out of the way SHALL WE?!  Need to get my sea legs under me on these things.  Side note I think I am going to use even more caps lock than usual cuz that’s just good rumorin’……

The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club and the Main Street MooniniteZ ARE COOKIN’ FOLKS

A source inside these negotiations claims a deal has been struck, possibly (definitely) with as many as 6 players (and/or prospects?) changing hands.  THAT SAME SOURCE claims MooniniteZ ownership has long been weary of certain sections of their lineup (COUGHoutfieldCOUGH) and was seeking possible upgrades (COUGHupgradestotheoutfieldCOUGH) to their offense.  One doesn’t even NEED a source to speculate that there might be some uncertainty on OGTFC ownership’s behalf surrounding the pitching staff, due in part to an inability to keep their ace pitcher alive.  But also DO IN ANOTHER PART to the hard-hitting expose about the potential for every last one of the OGTFC’s young pitchers to not “put it all together” FEATURED ON THIS VERY SITE.  Combine those concerns with the fact that the Trout Fishing Club possesses a wealth of offensive talent pretty much across the positional landscape and it would certainly be fair to speculate, particularly as someone involved in the trade that doesn’t need to speculate at all, that some sort of swap of OGTFC’s offense for pitching is where these two teams have found a fit.  For the Trout Fishing Club there may also be an added incentive to avoid a sort of post-championship complacency when it comes to one evaluating one’s own roster, although recent teams have shown a willingness to tinker with championship rosters almost immediately FOR BETTER OR WORSE.  2015 champion Mike Lobman endured much criticism for a perceived teardown following his championship season, and then returned to the championship game the very next season in direct defiance of that criticism.  But still, I mean fuck Lobman right?  A source inside negotiations between Heroy and I said “fuck Lobman.”

IF NOTHING ELSE, give the Fishing Club some fishing credit for being willing to pull the trigger on a deal that sources inside the negotiations say could perhaps best be described as our league’s most recent champions dealing from depth in an attempt to shore up a relative (relative to the OGTFC’s impressive offense, to be fair) weakness.  Once deals are finalized there can be much discussion about the risk vs. reward that each club is calculating in the deal, but for now I think I speak for all owners when I just applaud Heroy and myself……..GIVE ME AND HIM YOUR APPLAUSE AND ADULATION. For we have officially fired up the HOT FUCKING STOVE* while the rest of you are sitting around and not reaching deals like a bunch of little girls.

*to see your team’s negotiations featured in the next edition of the Hot Fucking Stove, simply betray the trust of a potential trading partner by emailing some details (OR A LOT OF DETAILS!) about ongoing negotiations to *REDACTED*