Week 19 Review – Ut Fucking Oh One Fucking Week To Go Edition

homestretch
If everyone attending the playoffs could please find your assigned seats and sit down that would be great.

WEEK 19 IS IN THE BOOKS.  By my math that leaves one week to go, and by my math we are alllll but set with our six potential 2016 champeens.  From where I am sitting (ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN [at least for now]), the Springfield Isotopes would need a series of blessings to somehow steal the 6th seed from the River City Cuban Missiles and those blessings would start with beating me so let’s end that there.  Perhaps there will be a quick hypotheticals article later in the week but FOR NOW, let us briefly review the week that just was……. 

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Who knew he would be this good? NONE OF YOU that’s who. Or else he might have been drafted before those ungodly late rounds when Odom finally got around to having draft picks…

Point Loma X-Rayz Defeat Some Sort Of Nonviolent Protest Of Mikey T’s Reign As Commissioner, A Nonviolent Protest Named The Pine Lake Punchouts  –  10-3-1

MVP:  Jean Segura (EDIT:  HE DIDN’T DRAFT HIM WHATFUCKING EVER NARRATIVE IS OVERRATED SENTIENCE IS AN ILLUSION)  SPEAKING of that Opening Day roster of Odom’s, Jean Segura is arguably its greatest success story.  Passed over by everyone else in the draft REPEATEDLY, and Mitch Odom snares him and it turns out and he puts up an insanely valuable fantasy season.  On a roster that changes a wholeeee fuckofalot Jean Segura has been a constant.  WHICH IS A MATH TERM.  I hate math.  13/27, 5Rs, 4 doubles, 1HR, 5RBIs, 5SBs, .500OBP

LVP:  Stephen Strasburg – I mean not that Ryan necessarily noticed but Stephen Strasburg would have put him in a realllllll hole were he trying to compete for the ERA cat this week.  And then Stephen Strasburg went and got himself put back on the 15 day DL.  Pine Lake fans have to wonder if A) Stras will ever be healthy and B) if management might get tired of the DL stints and trade him before that has the chance to happen.  1.2IP, 9ER, 3Ks, 48.60ERA

This one was pretty close final score wise but since it included such an absolutely beautiful tank job from Ryan’s Punchouts I figured I would get it out of the way early.  TAINTS THE LEAGUE and all, but I prefer to view it as a silent referendum on the way the league has allowed Cliff to operate with nigh impunity for oh so long.  The X-Rayz had a decent week and VERY MUCH DESERVE to grab themselves a bye for this year’s playoffs, especially given all the game of thrones-inspired flack they received for their mediocre opening day roster.  That being said, and I doubt you shall find Odom complaining about this, but the X-Rayz are clearly getting to close out their regular season against 2 teams that have just plain packed it in.  At least Ryan had the decency to wait until Week 19 and has a super duper pregnant wife to contend with at home, someone remind me what’s Cliff’s excuse for packing it in 5 years ago.  ANYWHOM, the Punchouts only started 5 pitchers and even left 2 QS on the bench sooooo…. yes.  That’s gonna be a loss pretty much errytime.  To their credit the X-Rayz pitched very well ( and to their credit (?) they also hit mediocrely okay-ish, the steals were there as always and they took the OBP cat .326 to .311.  And to Ryan’s credit he didn’t half-ass the tank job by starting 9 or 10 NO, he started 5 and cleansed his roster of all catchers.  Congratulations to both franchises!

X-Rayz hitter of note:  Nice to see Chris Davis remember that he’s supposed to be good and do things aside from strikeout and such (5/19, 6Rs, 5HRs, 5RBIs, .364OBP).

X-Rayz pitcher of note:  The X-Rayz may have found themselves a reallll gem (or just like a rich man’s Francisco Liriano) in Robbie Ray (12IP, 2ER, 18Ks, 1QS, 2Ws, 1.50ERA).

Punchouts hitter of note:  Let it be known that Ryan Braun is a good soldier and bought into the tanking wholeheartedly, except for all of those pesky RBI doubles (3/21, 1R, 2 doubles, 5RBIs, .143OBP).

Punchouts pitcher of note:  Real nice performance from Chris Sale here ON THE BENCH (8IP, 0ER, 8Ks, 1QS, 1W, 0.00ERA).

Next Week aka This Week:  X-Rayz v. Bulldogs (AKA the second team when I was referring to two two teams that packed it in up there, in case that was unclear in some way), Punchouts v. Trout Fishing Club (Seanstradamus predicts a Punchouts loss here).

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Jorge Posada passing the “greatest Yankee catcher of all time” torch to Gary Sanchez (I didn’t follow the Yankees before 1996 and have Jim Leyritz as 3rd best Yankee catcher of all time).

Main Street MooniniteZ RIGHT WRONGS,  Start A New Winning Streak, Officially Eliminate The Bad Drake Puns From The Playoffs, Etc. Etc. Etc.  –  10-2-2

MVP: Gary Sanchez – Best Yankee catcher ever?  Best Yankee catcher ever.  9/18, 3Rs, 2 doubles, 3HRs, 5RBIs, .571OBP

LVP:  Braden Shipley – Connor probably thought he was realllll slick when he picked up Braden Shipley.  Probably wanted to stream rookie starters because he saw the cool kids (Odom, Sean) doing it.  WELL YOU AREN’T COOL CONNOR AND BRADEN SHIPLEY BLOWS.  10.1IP, 13ER, 5Ks, 11.32ERA.

There is no greater feeling than getting to rebound from a frustrating/win streak murdering fantasy loss with a thorough beatdown of the Bad Drake Puns that also happens to officially eliminate them from playoff contention.  This one wasn’t close because of course it wasn’t, as a franchise we take pride in exacting revenge on Connor for handing me my lone/co-dynasty ending playoff loss two seasons ago.  After a WEAK performance in WEEK 18 the MooniniteZ came out STRONG on offense in 19, racking up 21 HRs, 58Rs, 64RBIs, and 6SBs with a tidy .365OBP.  The BDP put up respectable numbers of their own (49Rs, 22 doubles, 15 HRs, 42RBIs, 4SBs, .359 OBP) but these were no match for a determined-to-beat-Connor-every-single-fucking-time MooniniteZ squad.  At least for this year, they beat Connor every single fucking time.  Until next year, Bad Drake Puns (maybe).

MooniniteZ hitter of note:  An all around strong offensive week (no biggie ’round here) but Eduardo Nunez gets the HoN crown for having at least 1 of everything (9/27, 6Rs, 3 doubles, 1 triple, 1HR, 7RBIs, 2SBs, .379OBP).

MooniniteZ pitcher of note:  Danny Duffy is a motherfucking revelation (14.1IP, 2ER, 9Ks, 2QS, 2Ws, 1.26ERA).

BDP hitter of note:  Yea yea yea Jose Altuve is still the best player in the league this year whatfuckinever he couldn’t even steal a base last week (11/27, 4Rs, 4 doubles, 1HR, 9RBIs, .429OBP).

BDP pitcher of note:  I’m gonna highlight Tom Wilhelmsen just cuz I want to (0.1IP, 4ER, 1K, 108.00ERA).

Next Week aka This Week:  MooniniteZ v. Isotopes (the whole “Mikey T rallies for the playoffs” thing is so cute I haven’t even looked at his season stats to see if he’d have a chance through tiebreakers), BDP v. Banana Slugs (Bit of a must win for the Banana Slugs, bit of a who gives a shit you’re eliminated for the BDP).

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Goodnight, sweet Bulldogs. AND GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE (though not technically, that may take a few weeks).

Rojo’s Resurgence Beat Up On The Bulldogs, Whom Are Already Dead And Have Been Dead For Quite Some Time So Maybe Don’t Read Too Much Into It  –  9-3-2

MVP: Paul Goldschmidt – This was one of the weirder lines I have seen all season, at first I thought Goldy had 11RBIs last week but NO he had zero RBIs but 11 walks.  Feels worth noting.  So I ammmm noting it.  9/23, 10Rs, 2 doubles, 1 triple, ZERO RBIs, 11 WALKS, 2SBs, .588OBP

LVP:  Brandon Nimmo but mostly Cliff – Nimmo started Monday through Thursday for the mighty Bulldogs.  IS NOT IN THE MAJOR LEAGUES.  NO STATS AS ONE MIGHT EXPECT.

I am pretty tired of talking about Cliff’s team so let’s instead focus on the Resurgence, who have seized momentum after a narrow victory over the Punchouts and used that momentum to propel them to victory over a team that really requires no momentum….propulsion…..to beat.  The Resurgence paired a decently productive pitching week (75Ks, 7QS, 8Ws, 4.24ERA) with a decently productive hitting week (50Rs, 19 doubles, 13HRs, .358OBP) and that was enough to secure the victory over the other team, which again starts guys that are in the minors and stuff.  That other team also started 10, which was helpful, but not nearly as helpful as the Resurgence’s previous opponent only starting 11 and then narrowly losing on Ks.  With the win Rojo’s Resurgence finds themselves in third place, a far cry from their long reign as the top seed but still in position to grab a bye.  With the loss the Whitestone Bulldogs find themselves in the same spot they have occupied all season.  To grab the 2nd seed Rojo’s Resurgence will need to defeat the 2015 champs in Week 20, while also having this dead bulldog of a team defeat a dangerous Point Loma X-Rayz squad.  Good luck.  With that second one.

Resurgence hitter of note:  As much as I like calling out Ian Kinsler’s struggles (1/21), I should probably salute the ageless Adrian Beltre once again (7/22, 3Rs, 1 doubles 3HRs, 6RBIs, .423OBP).

Resurgence pitcher of note:  Kluuuuuuuuuuubez…..Corey Kluber (12.2IP, 3ER, 15Ks, 2QS, 1W, 2.13ERA).

Bulldogs hitter of note:  I’m gonna be negative with Cliff because negative is what Cliff deserves; is Miguel Sano even good (0/12, .077OBP)?

Bulldogs pitcher of note:  Is Vince Velasquez worn the fuck down (11.2IP, 10ER, 17Ks, 7.71ERA)? (yes)

Next Week aka This Week: Resurgence v. Cuban Missiles (Rojo attempts to put Lobman through a window, fantasy metaphorically speaking…  and just like the real incident essentially it will probably change nothing), Bulldogs v. X-Rayz (Odom so close to that bye he can TASTE IT….and it tastes like a dead bulldog).

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#EXPRESSMEN #tool

Ocean Gate Trout Fishing Club Reel In A W Over A Reeling Barnegat Banana Slugs Franchise  – 9-3-2

MVP:  Kris Bryant – It seems to have allllll worked out for Heroy with that whole “draft Kris Bryant and have him clog up a bench spot for an entire season” thing.  Which is a shame, but at least it very definitely helped cost him a playoff berth that season and we all got to critique it at the time.  Was probably worth it though. 14/29, 9Rs, 1 double, 3HRs, 11RBIs, 1SB, .531OBP

LVP:  Jake Lamb – Jake Lamb is slumping and slumping hard.  The Runner Up Curse ™ ?  Whom is to say.  Probably not though.  2/21, 3Rs, 2RBIs, 1SB, .200OBP

I will admit that “reeling” is a strong term given the fact that the Slugs have merely lost two in a row but if I didn’t try and shoehorn in as many references to The Runner Up Curse ™ as possible I WOULDN’T BE DOING MY JOB.  So there it is, there are your references.  The curse is all but broken seeing as how the Slugs are in the field o’ six HOWEVER that doesn’t mean I can’t point out that Gregory Heroy’s Fishing Club kicked the shit out of Brian Smith’s mollusks.  The Youth Movement is BACK baby, as the OGTFC employed some excellent work by MLB rookies Trea Turner, Reynaldo Lopez, and Alex Bregman to help dictate the pace of this matchup.  The Banana Slugs were able to take the HR cat thanks to 3HRs a piece from Ortiz and Brad Miller (and 2 a piece from LeMahieu and Forsythe) but that would be the only offensive cat nabbed by the boys from Barnegat, and their pitching was too mediocre overall to make up the difference.  For the Banana Slugs, this matchup cost them third place as the Resurgers were able to leapfrog them in the standings with one week to go.  And for the Fishing Club, this brought them to a virtual tie for third with the Slugs (albeit one back in the wins column so very much not tied at all) and they now have to hope for a Slugs loss coupled with a win of their own in Week 20.  Yanno if they give a shit about getting into 3rd place.  Who knows if anyone cares about seeding once a bye is out of the question.  Not a concern of mine  🙂

OGTFC hitter of note:  Heyyyy Alex Bregman is finally doing some good hitting stuff in the majors, congrats to him (11/28, 6Rs, 2 doubles, 3HRs, 9RBIs, .433OBP).

OGTFC pitcher of note:  Heyyyy Reynaldo Lopez had a real nice game, now do it against someone that isn’t the Braves (7IP, 1ER, 11Ks, 1QS, 1W, 1.29ERA).

Banana Slugs hitter of note:  I hope this DJ LeMahieu  DTD thing isn’t too serious for the sake of Brian’s delicate psyche towards Rockies injuries, but I don’t care enough to check up on it (14/24, 9Rs, 1 double, 1 triple, 2HRs, 6RBIs, .630OBP).

Banana Slugs pitcher of note:  Ervin Santana WHAT IN THE FUCKING FUCK (14IP, 1ER, 16Ks, 2QS, 1W, 0.64ERA)?!

Next Week aka This Week:  OGTFC v. Punchouts (Good news for Heroy here, as Ryan currently makes Cliff seem like a dedicated and involved team owner), Banana Slugs v. BDP (MUST WIN if the Slugs want a bye and yet maybe it won’t matter either way and maybe that’s life).

THE XANAX MOSTLY FORGETTABLE BUT ALSO MORE INTERESTING THAN ANY OF THE OTHER LOPSIDED MATCHUPS…… GAME OF THE WEEK

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Ian Kennedy as Mikey T sees him…..

Springfield Isotopes Continue Sad Playoff Push, This Time At Expense Of Sad Defending Champion River City Cuban Missiles – 8-6-0

MVP:  Ian Kennedy-  You are goddamned right I just gave Ian Kennedy a goddamned matchup MVP.  14.2IP, 1ER, 11Ks, 2QS, 2Ws, .0.61ERA

LVP:  Rougned Odor – The Cuban Missiles entire roster was so aggressively mediocre in Week 18 that it’s really hard to pick the one guy that was the worst, most of them just weren’t very good.  So I will just give this to Rougned Odor for having a stupid name.  Do better, Rougned.  4/20, 2Rs, 1HR, 2RBIs, .273OBP

THEY SAID IT COULDN’T BE DONE.  It still can’t really be done, but don’t tell that to Springfield Isotopes fans that are fucking FIRED THE FUCK UP over this 3 game winning streak.  Say what you want about Mikey T but he knows how to make an unimpressive team look less impressive, and going from 4-9-3 to 7-9-3 should help him do that once again.  This was really our closest COMPETITIVE matchup, coming down to a Sunday that saw the Springfield Isotopes racking up 16Ks which surpassed the Missiles 15 Sunday Ks (by 1K) and allowed the Isotopes to grab the all-important strikeout category (by 1K).  Remember to get your strikeouts, kids.  Other things for Lobman to feel ashamed about include losing HRs (14 to 12) and RBIs (51 to 44) to a team whose roster he took to task following their trade deadline (terrible) deals.  LOOK WHOSE ROSTER LOOKS AGED NOW.  With this win, Mikey T ends up one game back of Lobman with one to play and at least leaves the door open the tiniest of slivers for having the 4th tiebreaker (overall season numbers) determine the 6th seed.  But Mikey T plays me in Week 20 so it also doesn’t.  SAD!

‘Topes hitter of note:  My main man Lorenzo Cain, who is nowhere near as good as Joey Votto, actually had a good week for the first time this year (to the best of my knowledge) and good for him I say (11/26, 4Rs, 4 doubles, 5RBIs, 1SB, .484OBP).

‘Topes pitcher of note:  Cole Hamels continues to chug away despite Mikey T trying to trade him a hundred times (7.1IP, 1ER, 10Ks, 1QS, 1W, 1.23ERA).

Cuban Missiles hitter of note:  Mike can take solace in the knowledge that, at least for one week, Bryce Harper at least vaguely resembled the really good guy from last year (11/27, 6Rs, 2 doubles, 2HRs, 10RBIs, 2SBs, .529OBP).

Cuban Missiles pitcher of note:  Kendall Graveman stop throwing CGs and pretending to be good because I am not at all buying it (9IP, 0ER, 5Ks, 1QS, 1W, 1CG, 0.00ERA).

Next Week aka This Week:  ‘Topes v. MooniniteZ (Best of luck to you with that), Cuban Missiles v. Resurgence (LOBMAN’S PLAYOFF HOPES ON THE LINE… but I don’t know probably not really).

Last week of the Backyard 2016 Regular Season is upon us.  And for fucks sake these seasons take forever.  SO YEA MAYBE 18 GAMES GOING FORWARD.  BUT FOR NOW ONE MORE WEEK THEN PLAYOFFS.

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Week 19 Review – Ut Fucking Oh One Fucking Week To Go Edition

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