Editor’s Note (APPARENTLY I FASHION MYSELF AN EDITOR NOW):  I, Sean McLaughlin, your front-runner for this year’s number one seed in the playoffs, did not write this article.  This article was CLEARLY written by Mike Lobman; you can tell because he really enjoys the word “postmortem” (dead bodies fetish?  who am I to decide).  But anyways somehow I can view any and all “drafts” that have been written for the site and have not yet been posted and I mean SHIT this looks pretty done to me, so fuck it get it up there.  Because I can never keep my opinions to myself I have added an “Editor’s Grade” below Mike’s grade.  And as with Odom’s uhhh THING that I threw up on here (literally vomited it onto here), all comments in italics are mine and everything else ain’t.  ON TO THE…..postmortem……..  

– Well, its been roughly an hour (Editor’s Note:  MANY HOURS HAVE PASSED SINCE) since our LEAST impressive and probably MOST damaging trade deadline of the league’s history happened, so it’s about godddddd damn time someone does a review of each team grade their trades for the deadline! Since I’m sitting around doing nothing in particular, that someone is ME. (Note: Key additions/losses are reflected in players currently on your team).

ONTO THE REVIEW:

Whitestone Bulldogs

Trades: 4

Key Additions: Vince Velazquez, Dansby Swanson, Carson Fulmer, BENJAMIN ZOBRIST

Key Losses: JA Happ

Remarks: Cliff has the worst record in the league, but somehow a lot of parts that one would deem “movable”, which he surprisingly did in a small way. The main idea for a team who’s in last place is to find a way to get better (maybe younger) for the future, and Cliff took those steps by acquiring Carson Fulmer, Dansby Swanson, Dan Vogelbach, and Vince Velazquez. All of this while dealing a few usable parts like Happ, Jeffress, and Zimmermann, which all in all was a pretty nice job. The Reyes for Ellsbury was kind of a joke, but its negligible anyways because Ellsbury ended up on the FA list shortly thereafter. Maybe he could’ve done a little better to capitalize on some desperate team’s need for pitching? Yea, but this wasn’t too bad.

Grade: B-

Editor’s Grade:  B.  In terms of what Cliff needed to do I would say he accomplished it, trading away an older starter like J.A. Happ at peak value for a few nice young pieces (and also a 35 year old 2B but yanno HAD TO TAKE ON THE CONTRACT, or something).  I am sure the next owner of Cliff’s team will appreciate some of the younger trade chips available to him.  lolz suck it Cliff YOU ARE OUTTA HERE.

Springfield Isotopes

Trades: 6

Key Additions: Adam Duvall, Freddie Freeman, Charlie Blackmon, Steve Piscotty, Craig Kimbrel (so I guess we are working in some trades that happened BEFORE the deadline as well.  This article lacks focus, Michael.)

Key Losses: Mike Napoli, Jon Lester, Chris Davis, Alex Colome, Carlos Beltran

Remarks: Ok, so on the surface, the +/- of the moves he made isn’t necessarily as bad as you’d think. The issue is: For a team that has a bunch of holes and an aging roster, WHY are you buying buying equally older players while not selling some of the more movable bigger names on your roster. Couple that with the PUZZLING (possibly colluding) deal of Lester/Napoli for Duvall, basically The ‘Topes didn’t do a thing to appease a fan base who’s ACHING for a rebuild. Big ups to T for pilfering Freddie Freeman from the Missiles for a broken closer.

Grade: C

Editor’s Grade:  C- (C+ if we are counting the Freddie Freeman deal).  Like the Lobman assessment below, this valuation is greatly affected by whether or not we are including THAT ABSOLUTE PILLAGING of Freddie Freeman.  The pillaging makes the trade work of the ‘Topes look much better, but to his credit he still manages to come out looking not great.  Two main reasons:  the failure to trade David Phelps before he became mostly useless and the UTTER FAILURE that was that Napoli/Lester trade.  Don’t even want to get into that one.  But at least he brought Charlie Blackmon home.  And if we go farther back Freeman was a GREAT pickup and Piscotty was also a pretty nice get for an SP-eligible closer.  

Pine Lake Punchouts

Trades: 2

Key Additions: Yasiel Puig

Key Losses: Odubel Herrera

Remarks: Not a whole lot to say here. R-Mac has been logjammed with an outfield crunch, and did a little to build for his future by dealing Herrera for Puig. Outside of that? Not a lot. One would’ve hoped that he could deal one of Upton/Braun/Ozuna for a little more roster flexibility, but that job wasn’t done at this deadline.

Grade: C-

Editor’s Grade:  D+.  I for one am NOT going to go quite as easy on this brother of mine.  I know this lack of action was probably due to him being barraged by AWFUL trade offers from every other member of the league, but I think with Benintendi on the horizon and the limitations imposed by the league’s roster construction made it sorta a NECESSITY to pick the OF he liked least and deal him for the package he liked best.  Perhaps frustrated by garbage offers, Ryan didn’t do that.  But he should have just accepted a garbage offer of mine.  I should have made one.

Bad Drake Puns

Trades: 0

Key Additions: None

Key Losses: None

Remarks: Maybe the Puns are currently in the mix for that last playoff spot, but to not make a move at all (adding or subtracting) shows a lack of care and attention to what his team needs in a either a playoff race or a selling for the future. It’s an uninteresting deadline from an uninteresting team.

Grade: F

Editor’s Grade:  F.  Yea who the hell knows with this guy.  Theoretically it is difficult to trade if you have to wait to have your tweeted questions about said trade answered by the CBS sports guys first, but Connor certainly could have made a move or two to put himself in better position to sneak into the playoffs.  Fuck ’em though.

River City Cuban Missiles

Trades: 10

Key Additions: Willson Contreras, David Dahl, Sonny Gray, Jameson Taillon, Roberto Osuna, Wade Davis

Key Losses: Kenta Maeda, Freddie Freeman, Zack Grienke, Edwin Diaz, Yasiel Puig

Remarks: The defending champs have had a very uneven season so far, yet find themselves on the cusp of a playoff berth, which really made the trade deadline especially difficult. One could argue that they got hammered by the INEXPLICABLE deal to send Freddie Freeman to the hated Isotopes for Trevor Rosenthal, who subsequently lost his job and was dropped shortly thereafter. The trades made were part building for the future, part building for a playoff run. It’s a risky strategy, but the Missiles have bought their fans at least a season of acceptance after a championship run last year.

Grade: C+

Editor’s Grade:  C+ (D- if we are counting the Freddie Freeman deal).  Lobman’s self-assessment really only works if we leave out the Freddie Freeman DEBACLE, which happened back in June.  That was possibly the worst trade this league will ever see.  But ANYWHO aside from that the Missiles had a pretty productive deadline, scoring potential young studs in Dahl, Contreras, and Taillon and scoring two real solid closers (although Wade Davis is so overdue for TJ surgery).  Sonny Gray is so fucking MEH at best that his name should be Sonny Meh.  But overall (NOT COUNTING FREEMAN DEAL) Mike had a nice deadline.  Docked him a bit for trading away the heart and soul of his team and decreasing his Cubans count.

Ocean Gate Trout Fishing Club

Trades: 3

Key Additions: Aaron Sanchez, Kenta Maeda, Jeremy Jeffress

Key Losses: Roberto Osuna, Willson Contreras, Dansby Swanson

Remarks: For a team that is STILL searching for their first championship in the league, you would’ve thought that they might of sold out a little bit for some top end pitching help. I mean, they more than had the prospects to do so, which lends a lot of credence to the idea that Trouts owner Greg Heroy just loves his prospects a little too much. Either way, The FC acquired Maeda and Sanchez from the Missiles in 2 separate trades, which will definitely help down the stretch (assuming they don’t die like every other pitcher he has).

Grade: B-

Editor’s Grade:  B-.  Sometimes it’s the moves you don’t make.  Heroy did good on adding Sanchez and Maeda, and Jeffress has been productive even after being traded to the Rangers and converted from a closer to a holds guy, but the best move Heroy made may have been picking up Dylan Bundy off the waiver wire the week of the trade deadline and then managing to not trade him that week.  Because Dylan Bundy has arrived folks, and good on Heroy for grabbing him for free and resisting the urge to flip him.  How a person feels about the Dansby Swanson for Jeffress swap earlier in the season is basically a litmust test for how a person feels about prospects that are several seasons away.  I say who needs ’em.

Rojo’s Resurgence

Trades: 0

Key Additions:

Key Losses:

Remarks: Another team that’s still searching for championship #1, you’d think he would’ve used some of his top prospects to get anything to upgrade his team. Unfortunately for the Resurgence fans, he stands pat with the squad he has. The problem is the current roster is 1-4-1 since Week 11, and currently getting trounced by the Banana Slugs this week. This is not a positive recipe for success. SAD!

Grade: F

Editor’s Grade:  F.  Harsh but fair.  The Resurgence have been in a BIT of a freefall in the 2nd half of the season, one that threatens THEIR VERY TEAM NAME, and it’s hard not to make the case that they could stand to use an upgrade at a position or two.  Flipping Kyle Schwarber at the deadline may have been one way to accomplish that, but even if Rojo was dead set on keeping that fat and overrated bastard he still should have explored a move or two.  The fans needed to see action and they got ZILCH. 

Point Loma X-Rays

Trades: Many

Key Additions: Many  (very low energy of you, Mike:  uhhhh Chris Davis, Odubel Herrera, Mike Napoli, Jon Lester, Brad Hand, Adam Duvall at or around the deadline.)

Key Losses: Many  (uhhhh Charlie Blackmon, Craig Kimbrel, Anthony Desclafani, Wade Davis at or around the deadline.)

Remarks: Fashioning himself as the league’s preeminent wheeler-dealer, X-Rays owner Mike Odom did some major work this deadline to re-shape his roster to a more balanced offensive team. The Rays made a lot of moves, and its hard to know exactly what the shell game will end up looking like down the stretch, but we could all agree that they added a ton of power, and STOLE Lester/Napoli from the Isotopes with a classic deadline steal.  One way or another, The X-Rays did NOT stand pat, and made moves which might give them a better chance against the powerhouses in the playoffs.

Grade: B

Editor’s Grade:  B+.  Mitch Odom has been called a lot of things, but he has never been called “unadaptable”.  At least I don’t think so.  I mean it isn’t even a word.  Ever the active trade deadliner, Odom saw a roster built for speed and speed alone and took a few opportunities to diversify a bit and add some extra pop.  As Mike notes above the Lester/Napoli deal was absolute robbery, but the Chris Davis and stuff for Charlie Blackmon and stuff deal was quite balanced.  In the end Odom added a slew of power bats to a lineup that could stand to work a few in, and a more well-rounded approach just might serve him well come playoff time.  Also Brad Hand is a nice little SP-eligible reliever, can’t argue against that.

Barnegat Banana Slugs

Trades: 3

Key Additions: Rick Porcello, Edwin Diaz, Zack Grienke, Rich Hill

Key Losses: Adam Duvall, Sonny Gray, David Dahl, Jameson Taillon, Adrian Gonzalez

Remarks: After losing in the championship last season and acquiring the Runner-Up Curse ™, The Slugs had no real interest in staying in neutral this deadline. In 3 separate trades, Smitty got himself 3 very good starters and maybe one of the most coveted pieces in the league going right now in Edwin Diaz. He paid a large price for these pitchers, but you always need to deal value to get value.  Will it be enough to make up for the loss of Trevor Store due to injury? That’s the million dollar question.

Grade: B+

Editor’s Grade:  B+.  I hate when I agree with Lobman’s grade but YEA.  Brian’s Banana Slugs did nice work round the deadline, scoring Diaz aka the highly sought after SP-eligible reliever whom you just knew would turn into the Mariners closer at a moment’s notice.  And turn into the Mariner’s closer he did.  SAWKS pitcher Rick Porcello was a nice pickup as he is in the midst of a very strong season, and the other hurlers added could prove valuable come playoff time even though Greinke is in the midst of a somewhat BLAH season and Hill is in the midst of dealing with the blister of his fucking life.  The Slugs felt the need to shake up their pitching core they shook it, though not without parting with some young talent in Dahl and Taillon.  Ya gotta give a little to get a little folks. 

Main St MooninitezZ

Trades: 5

Key Additions: Justin Verlander, JA Happ, Ryan Schimpf, Matt Bush (CUT!), BRANDON FUCKING MOSS

Key Losses: Alex Colome, Vince Velazquez, Ben Zobrist, AJ Ramos

Remarks: The Mooninitez knew they needed to tighten up that pitching staff a bit with an eye toward the playoff push, and he sure as shit did so by picking up solid pitchers Verlander and Happ.  The idea of losing Velazquez is made palatable by picking these two up, and the Addition of Matt Bush as a rookie eligibile setup guy was a nice move.

Grade: B+

Editor’s Grade:  A-.  I am just a fan of this guy’s work, personally.  The Velasquez move, like a tough-to-swallow in hindsight drop of Michael Fulmer earlier in the season, are the clearest indications that THIS GUY is trying to win THIS YEAR and not trying to deal with pitchers getting shut down mid-playoffs run.  Justin Verlander and J.A. Happ fit the bill for that purpose, and at least one of them became somewhat necessary after the loss of Lance McCullers.  This guy just gets it.