Week 16 Review – Trade Deadline Crunchtime Edition

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“It’s Crunch Time Motherfuckers” — Captain Crunch’s famed last words (he has been dead for over 170 years).

So Week 16 happened, and if you only follow the MooniniteZ you would think to yourself “well hey they won JUST LIKE THE PAST SIX WEEKS”.  And if you only follow the Bulldogs you would have thought to yourself “hey they are gonna lose again JUST LIKE THE PAST SIX WEEKS” and then you would check later and realize they actually won.  And you would be like, “huh….ain’t that somethin”.  And then your life would continue on and nothing about it would really change at all.  But it would be weird to just follow one of those two teams so lets inform you about the other teams as well.  This review is going to mark a newfound attempt at brevity, mostly cuz I am tired of writing things today.  But also because whom knows at some point my job may actually require work.  To the review….. 

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Future Blue Jays reliever.  Which may or may not be useful in a fantasy sense but rest assured Heroy screws it up either way.

The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club put a hook right through the face of the Springfield Isotopes –  10-3-1

MVP:  Aaron Sanchez– Quite frankly I didn’t find anyone’s numbers that impressive for the OGTFC.  But Sanchez tossed 2 QS so…there you go.  14 IP, 2ER 10Ks 2QS 1W

LVP:  Chris Davis – For the second week in a row Chris Davis ABSOLUTELY DISAPPEARED and this time Mikey T promptly shipped him out for it.  3/17, 3 walks .300 OBP and that is it.  A bunch of zeros everywhere else, I shit you not.

The writing remains on the wall for the Springfield Isotopes, whom are all but eliminated from this year’s postseason no matter WHAT Mikey T says.  As mentioned in the August Power Rankings, the Isotopes have gone an astonishingly bad 1-7-2 in their last 10 so all Heroy and the OGTFC had to do in this one was uhhh not screw up.  Theoretically.  And theoretically not screw up they did; despite no real standout hitting or pitching performances they ended up with a .355 team OBP and a 2.50 team ERA, both easily besting the .318 team OBP and 4.65 team ERA of the Isotopes.

Fishing Club hitter of note:  Ian Desmond made the most of his .208 OBP (5 runs, 2 doubles, 2HR, 4RBIs, 1SB).

Fishing Club pitcher of note:  Jose Fernandez (13.1IP, 4ER 21Ks 2QS 1W 2.70 ERA).

Isotopes hitter of note:  Miggy, whom T should be fielding offers for AS WE SPEAK (9/21, 7 runs, 4HRs, 9RBIs, .500 OBP).

Isotopes pitcher of note:  Colin McHugh was notable for the wrong reasons (1.2 IP, 8ER, 1K).

SHOULD EITHER TEAM MAKE A TRADE THIS WEEK??:  YES in the case of the ‘Topes, whom should be looking to sell off win now assets wherever possible.  For the Fishing Club they can likely stand pat unless a great deal should present itself.  

Next Week aka This Week:  OGTFC v. BDP (Put the nail in his coffin, Heroy), ‘Topes v. Bulldogs (You two deserve each other).

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respect this man, even though he appears to be eating sunflower seeds like some sort of farm animal.

Point Loma X-Rayz turn on the lights at Club Bad Drake Puns  –  9-4-1

MVP: Yadier Molina – Yadi hit SIX doubles last week folks.  And more importantly Yadi just too often doesn’t get the respect he deserves.  Not on my watch. 11/23, 4 runs 6 doubles 2RBIs .478 OBP.

LVP:  Carlos Santana – Went 1 for 18.  The 1 was a HR but STILL.

As any true bar aficionado should know, turning on the lights doesn’t necessarily mean you need to leave da club but it DOES mean the party will soon be over and it DOES point out that the girl you thought was cute in fact isn’t.  So while Connor’s team isn’t eliminated from the playoffs yet by any means, the lights are on and their flaws are clear and last call is probably not that far away.  I feel like this analogy totally worked.  The X-Rayz put together an efficient performance in Week 16, won steals and triples as usual, and will be looking at a chance at seizing first place when they take on the H-O-T HOT Main St. MooniniteZ in Week 17.

X-Rayz hitter of note:  Jean Segura just CONTINUES to be good now that his child has been dead for an appropriate amount of time (7/29, 5 runs, 4 doubles, 1HR, 4RBIs, 1SB .313 OBP).

X-Rayz pitcher of note:  Rick fuckin’ Porcello went out and threw himself a CG W (9IP, 2ER, 3Ks, 1QS 1W 1CG).

BDP hitter of note:  Albert Pujols, whom Connor should be fielding offers for AS WE SPEAK (12/31, 3 runs, 1HR, 9RBIs, .406 OBP).

BDP pitcher of note:  Jared Eickhoff was okay I guess (12 IP, 1ER, 9Ks, 1QS).

SHOULD EITHER TEAM MAKE A TRADE THIS WEEK??:  Not necessarily, Odom already made his deal for Chris Davis BUT you can never rule out a flurry of moves with that one.  With Connor you can probably rule out a flurry of moves, although one hopes he’s at least entertaining offers.

Next Week aka This Week:  X-Rayz v. MooniniteZ (FIRST PLACE POTENTIALLY ON THE LINE, friendship not on the line 🙂 ), BDP v. OGTFC (Accept the nail in the coffin, Connor).

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This dude helped the MooniniteZ beat the Resurgence AT THEIR OWN HOLDS GAME

Main Street MooniniteZ do MooniniteZ shit, Defeat Rojo’s Resurgence  – 9-3-2

MVP: Raisel Iglesias – I don’t know what the fuck the Reds are doing with this man but AT LEAST he can’t be touched out of the bullpen.  At least that.  5.1 IP, 0ER, 7Ks 2 holds.

LVP:  Ian Kinsler – Ian Kinsler is one of those guys I just dislike in baseball, perhaps because he’s killed me in the past in fantasy or perhaps because he’s killed the Rays in real life or WHATEVER.  Point is I am glad he was bad last week.  4/25, 4 runs .192 OBP and nada thing else.

It took alllll the way to Week 16 but Rojo’s Resurgence has finally Regressed itself right the fuck out of first, after failing to slow down a PIPIN’ HOT MooniniteZ team.  The MooniniteZ came in having won 6 straight and the Resurgence came in having won just once in their last 5; the outcome was what would be expected when looking at those two facts, although this one stayed close through Sunday.  As is often the case when the Resurgence lose, they were beaten at their own game; the MooniniteZ tied the all time holds record with 8, giving them an 8-7 win in the holds cat.  Combine that with an uncontested W in the saves cat, yanno since Rojo’s Resurgence punt that every week, and mix in the fact that the men from Main St. have been PIPIN’ HOT and you end up with the Resurgence not in first…. for the first time since likeeee Week 3… or something.

MooniniteZ hitter of note: Ben Zobrist put together his first decent week SINCE LIKE MAY (9/25, 5 runs, 3 doubles, 1 triple, 4RBIs, .467 OBP).

MooniniteZ pitcher of note:  Lance McCullers, whom is good (6IP, 1ER 10Ks 1QS 1W).

Resurgence hitter of note:  Paul Goldschmidt, whom is good (11/28, 4 runs, 1 double, 5RBIs, 1 SB, .452 OBP).

Resurgence pitcher of note:  Steven Wright was notable for the wrong reasons and GOOD FUCK THE SAWKS (9.2 IP, 11ER, 7Ks).

SHOULD EITHER TEAM MAKE A TRADE THIS WEEK??:  The MooniniteZ may very well be taking an “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” approach this week, whereas Rojo’s Resurgence should probably take a “THIS APPEARS BROKEN” approach and attempt to upgrade where possible.  COUGHtradeSchwarberhe’soverratedCOUGH.

Next Week aka This Week:  MooniniteZ v. X-Rayz (WIN STREAK ON THE LINE, friendship still not on the line), Resurgence v. Banana Slugs (BIG TIME MATCHUP, RESURGENCE SEEKS TURNAROUND).

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Late RBIs by Addison Russell stole victory from the jaws of defeat for Clifford’s Bulldogs

The Whitestone Bulldogs SHOCK THE WORLD and probably even themselves with a late night victory over the Pine Lake PunchoutsRojo’s Resurgence Eke Out A Tie With The Bad Drake Puns – 7-7-0

MVP:  Addison Russell – Addi really wasn’t even that good, which has kinda been the story of his season.  But somehow he had 7 RBIs last week, and so did Jay Bruce, but Addi had the better OBP of the two.  And Addi’s OBP was .226.  4/28, 2 runs 1 double 1HR 7RBIs .226 OBP.

LVP:  Christian Yelich – BSomeone needs to take responsibility for this and I blame Christian Yelich.  Matchup MVP one week, scapegoat the next.  1/16, 2 runs, 1 RBI, .250 OBP.

The Pine Lake Punchout headed into Week 16 facing a CLASSIC trap game against a Whitestone Bulldogs team that had lost 6 straight.  And trap it was, with an Addison Russell 5th inning RBI ON A BASES LOADED WALK tying the matchup and an Addison Russell 9th inning RBI off of Ryan’s beloved Mariners’ bullpen winning the matchup in a shocker.  For the Punchouts, it could prove to be a fairly serious blow to a team that had to really build momentum if it wanted to reach the playoffs.  The last place Whitestone Bulldogs were by far the easiest game remaining on the Punchouts schedule, and it will be interesting to see if they are sellers at this week’s deadline.  For the Bulldogs, HEY THEY WON ANOTHER GAME.  They are already mathematically eliminated.

Bulldogs hitter of note:  Neil Walker rebounded kinda nicely from last week’s garbage performance (9/19, 3 runs, 1 double, 1 triple, 1HR, 4RBIs, 1SB .500 OBP).

Bulldogs pitcher of note:  BELIEVE IT OR NOT Cliff has Noah Syndergaard (12IP, 4ER 14Ks, 2QS).

Punchouts hitter of note:  Anthony Rendon, ON THE BRIGHT SIDE of things he looks good (8/22, 3 runs, 3 doubles 2HRs, 6RBIs, 2SBs, .440 OBP).

Punchouts pitcher of note:  Clayton Kershaw, he is still injured 😦

SHOULD EITHER TEAM MAKE A TRADE THIS WEEK??:  MAYBE in the case of the Punchouts, who will have to think long and hard about any offers that come in for their stars (particularly the OFs like Braun and CarGo that have perhaps worn out their welcome).  For the Bulldogs, I mean they should PROBABLY make trades but also fuck them they may be out of here.  Everyone keep an eye on Mike to make sure he doesn’t rob them blind, since he’s the only one Cliff answers anyways.

Next Week aka This Week:  Bulldogs v. Isotopes (BATTLE OF THE BANDS), Punchouts v. Cuban Missiles (Does Ryan commit to playing spoiler?).

THE HUGGIES “Little Snugglers” FUCK IT MAKE A BABY AND PRETEND THAT GIVES LIFE MEANING, MEANINGLESS FANTASY BASEBALL VICTORY OF THE WEEK

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Huggies: there is no meaning, there are no gods.

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Cincinnati Reds bullpen: there is no meaning, there are no gods.

River City Cuban Missiles Harness the Power of the Reds Bullpen and Use That To Defeat the Barnegat Banana Slugs – 7-6-1

MVP:  Adam Jones – Adam Jones had a nice week even if that nice week ultimately had a neglible effect on Lobman’s victory when compared to the Cincinnati Reds bullpen.  9/28, 5 runs, 1 double, 3HRs, 8RBIs, .406 OBP.  CORRECTION:  Justin Verlander.  Justin Verlander was the MVP.  See below.

LVP:  Logan Forsythe – Logan Forsythe had a poor week even if that poor week ultimately had a neglible effect on Brian’s loss when compared to the Cincinnati Reds bullpen (the OBP suckitude didn’t help though).  3/22, 2 runs, 1HR, 1RBI ,.174 OBP

Week 16’s clooooosest matchup AT FIRST seemed to come down to Mike rolling out some Reds relievers on Sunday.  And luckily for Mike NOT ONLY did the Reds have a lead but they turned to Michael Lorenzen to protect it, and then Tony Cingrani to protect it after that, and NOT ONLY did Michael Lorenzen load the bases with a one run lead but yanno…..then he got out of it.  Giving the Missiles a hold and a lead in Ks and eventually a save.  And then Edwin Diaz came out on Sunday night and took the holds lead and Ks lead right back but BY THEN, the Missiles had smartly benched Wilson Contreras and preserved a .001 OBP lead over the Banana Slugs.  And that slimmest of OBP leads and Verlander’s CG provided the difference in an entertainingly close matchup, and not just for people that find it entertaining to keep the Banana Slugs out of first place.  Not just for those people.  I could say more about this matchup, and I probably should given how tight it was and blah blah blah, but I won’t.  THIS IS ALL YOU TWO GET.

Cuban Missiles hitter of note:  DAVID DAHL DEBUTED EVERYBODY, in case Mike failed to make you aware (10/27, 6 runs, 1 double, 2HRs, 3RBIs, .393 OBP).

Cuban Missiles pitcher of note:  Justin Verlander hasn’t reverted to sucking yet but I am confident he will come playoff time (15IP, 3ER, 16Ks, 2QS, 1CG, 2Ws).

Slugs hitter of note:  Starling Marte was rather solid (8/18, 2 runs, 3 doubles, 1 triple, 2 RBIs, 2SBs, .545 OBP).

Slugs pitcher of note:  TYLER SKAGGS believe it or not (12.1 IP, 0ER, 13Ks, 1QS 1W).

SHOULD EITHER TEAM MAKE A TRADE THIS WEEK??:  YES in Brian’s case, lest the The Runner Up Curse ™ gets angry at his insolence for not taking it more seriously.  And also YES in Lobman’s case, for he has already made the worst trade this year so there is nowhere to go but up.

Next Week aka This Week:  Cuban Missiles v. Punchouts (Mike seeks to crush the playoff hopes of friend/fellow future father Ryan), Slugs v. Resurgence (Brian seeks to continue Rojo’s long slide towards the middle).

WEEK 17 (and more importantly the trade deadline) IS UPON US.  4 matchups left, plenty of potential buyers and sellers, EVERYONE UPDATE THOSE TRADE BLOCKS.  Or don’t, fuck if I care I CANNOT LOSE.

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Lately what we want is to win our matchups…..
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Week 16 Review – Trade Deadline Crunchtime Edition

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