Week 15 came and went with a bunch of people not going BALLS TO THE WALL on the streaming pitchers front, and make their little agreements and limiting their streamers out of fear…..and that fear is why America is in the toilet right now. And it is also why I keep winning and (some of you) keep losing, or at least not winning as often and as consecutively as I keep winning. Whatever let’s just get to the review…..
MVP: Joey Votto– I reallllly wanted to give this to Ryan Schimpf. Yes the SAME Ryan Schimpf that Mikey T was disgusted to see included in a deal for AJ Ramos. Since his callup on July 1st Ryan Schimpf leads baseball in slugging percentage. Schimpf hit 3 HRs while in my lineup and had another 2 and a triple while on my bench. Unfortunately Votto had the better numbers partly due to never being benched, and these are those. 15/29, 11 runs 1 double 3HRs 8RBIs 1SB and a fuckinnnn’ .650 OBP.
LVP: Bryce Harper – It is with great joy that I present Bryce Harper with an LVP. I hope this humbles that young man. 4/31, 3 runs 1HR 3RBIs 2SB .243 OBP.
HOW MANY STARTERS GOT STARTED??: MooniniteZ 21 😦 Missiles 24 🙂
In the first week post All Star break, this was our biggest beatdown folks. Lobman’s Cuban Missiles ran into an unstoppable force, a force that hasn’t lost a matchup since mid-May, and that force is me. SO YEA not much to say here, the Missiles can take pride in being the only team that managed to get to 24 starts I guess? WHICH AIN’T EASY, which I know because I wanted to as well, but at a certain point you just need to start planning towards next week (for me that point probably should have came on like Thursday). The Missiles kinda just played poorly for the entire week. But enough about how bad they were, let’s talk about how good some MooniniteZ guys were: RYAN SCHIMPF hit homers whenever in the lineup, Votto got on base 65% of the time, Shoemaker threw a 13K CG shutout, Encarnacion hit 4 HRs, MAX KEPLER hit 2 doubles 2 triples 2 HRs, etc. etc. etc. Okay two more pitchers of note and then we can move on: Lance McCullers in two starts (13.1IP, 2ER, 18Ks 1QS 1W) and Robbie Ray in two spot starts (12IP, 3ER, 17Ks 1QS 1W). It’s those types of performances that allowed the MooniniteZ to narrowly edge the Missiles in Ks despite having 3 less starters. And then of course they won a bunch of other categories. For the Cuban Missiles, Hanley Ramirez hit well (5HRs 12 RBIs) and Verlander (15IP, 2ER, 19Ks 2QS 1 W) and Gausman (13.2IP, 2ER, 13Ks 2QS 1W) pitched well across 4 starts. Everyone else should be ashamed of themselves, Mike in particular. Who cares fuck Mike. #WCFM
Next Week aka This Week: MooniniteZ v. Resurgence (BATTLE FOR 1ST AND/OR 2ND PLACE), Missiles v. Slugs (IF LOBMAN WINS THAT OTHER BATTLE IS THE BATTLE FOR FIRST).
Barnegat Banana Slugs vandalize the abandoned building that is the Whitestone Bulldogs – 10-3-1
MVP: Trevor Story – Ugh. He continues to make it difficult to get Brian riled up by suggesting he is due for regression. I mean I am sure his batting average balls in play (BABIP) was SUPER high last week but still, I guess he is good. He hit 6 balls out of the park so those weren’t “in play”. 13/30, 13 runs 1 double 6HRs 12RBIs 2SB .541 OBP.
LVP: Neil Walker but also Cliff – Neil Walker sucked fairly hard. Also Cliff’s roster management sucks the hardest. 2/27, 2 runs 1HR 3RBIs .138 OBP for Neil. ONLY TWO RELIEVERS for Cliff.
HOW MANY STARTERS GOT STARTED??: Slugs 18 :(( Bulldogs 16 :(((
Not gonna lie, The Runner Up Curse ™ really has its work cut out for it at this point. A dominant showing in an extended week has the Banana Slugs in excellent position to make the playoffs this year, which will allow the souls of Heroy’s failed 2nd place teams to finally rest. Brian’s Banana Slugs of Barnegat would have actually set several all-time records if this were a regular week, BUT IT WASN’T so they don’t count. But I will list them in the season records just so I can stop having to update some of the season records. Brian’s team scored 73 runs, ripped 30 doubles, knocked in 75RBIs, and saved 11 games and none of this was even remotely needed against Cliff’s sad monument to the Mets sputtering offense. For the Slugs, the STORY on the batters side apart from STORY just may have been Tyler Naquin (10/28, 6 runs 4 doubles 3HRs 8RBIs .419 OBP). Jonathan Schoop is also either good for an XBH or a strikeout these days (.220 OBP and 9 hits, but 4 were doubles 3 were HRs) and Starling Marte is just generally good (4SBs, .405 OBP). The Slugs pitching staff managed 11 QS in 18 tries, lead by Max Scherzer as usual (14IP, 3ER, 17Ks 2QS) and Jason Hammel which is less usual (11IP, 3ER, 11Ks 1QS 2Ws). If you were trying to be positive towards the Bulldogs (AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT?) you could point towards their 8Ws and 2.65 ERA across 16 starts, with plenty of credit due to Jon Gray (14IP, 1ER, 16Ks 2QS 1W) and Doug Fister (2Ws, 2.25ERA). If you were trying to be negative towards the Bulldogs it’s most amusing/appropriate to just list out the struggles of the Mets hitters (Neil Walker 2/27, Nimmo 1/7, Reyes 9/38, Cespedes 5/20). Conforto actually went 4 for 7 but that doesn’t fit my narrative so fuck him. The most important thing to note here is that, while I haven’t checked, I suspect Cliff is just starting these Mets that only play a few times a week and giving no fucks to the times they don’t play. Also he has only 2 relievers. BOUT SUMS IT UP.
Next Week aka This Week: Slugs v. Missiles (BATTLE BETWEEN THE TWO OWNERS MOST DELUSIONAL ABOUT THEIR OWN PLAYERS), Bulldogs v. Punchouts (A MATCHUP RYAN REALLY WOULD NOT LIKE TO LOSE, CUZ EMBARRASSING AT THIS POINT).
Pine Lake Punchouts Fracture The Skull of the Springfield Isotopes Season With A Vicious Left Hook – 8-6-0
MVP: Christian Yelich – This one came down to runs and RBIs and young Christian Yelich gave Ryan the most of any player in each. 16/42, 10 runs 3 double 3HRs 9RBIs .413 OBP.
LVP: Chris Davis – Chris Davis absolutely DISAPPEARED last week, evidently. Finding out things like this whilst doing the reviews makes it all worth it. 2/24, 1 run 1 double 1 RBI .214 OBP. Lolz.
HOW MANY STARTERS GOT STARTED??: Punchouts 14 :(((( Isotopes 14 :(((( (a PATHETIC agreed upon figure…..)
This matchup came down to Sunday, from what I could tell. So that is something. I dunno it was really hot out there during the Baseball HOF induction ceremony. Anyways this appears to have been a close one, with T taking OBP by .005 and Ryan taking runs and RBIs by 2 and 4 respectively. Batters of note for the Punchouts include the aforementioned Yelich and the two young ‘Stros studs, Carlos Correa (5 runs, 6 doubles 1HR 9RBIs 2SBs .487 OBP) and George Springer (9 runs, 3 doubles 2HRs 7RBIs .368 OBP). The Punchouts were no doubt energized by complete games from Adam Wainwright and Kendall Graveman, and I am unsure which of those two I find more surprising. The rest of the Punchouts pitching staff managed to keep it mostly together, save for a bad Strasburg start here a shitty King Felix performance there. This resulted in 10QS 10Ws and a 3.02 team ERA for the Punchouts, easily besting the 6QS 6Ws 4.05 team ERA of the ‘Topes. PITCHING WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS, is at least the thinking that prior to the start of the season had Ryan’s squad pegged by some as the top team. But it has not all been roses for the team from Pine Lake, leaving Ryan 5 weeks to right the ship and claw his way into the playoffs. For the Springfield Isotopes, their claws will need to be a bit sharper as this loss leaves them a full 2 games out of the 6th seed. No doubt the whispers that team owner Mikey T should sell off some pieces got louder after this week, no doubt I was at least one person half whispering/half typing in all caps about it. WILL THEY OR WON’T THEY SELL? I do not know, what I do know is that a few of their hitters had solid weeks (4HRs for Napoli, 10 runs for Pedroia, 10RBIs for Piscotty, 2 doubles 2 triples 3HRs for Longo, 2 doubles 2 triples 1HR for Freeman) and Cole Hamels (13.1IP, 0ER, 11Ks 1QS 2Ws) and Colin McHugh (12IP, 2ER, 16Ks 2QS 2Ws) pitched really well. I know that. BUT THAT WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH. And now here we are. (SELL!)
Next Week aka This Week: Punchouts v. Bulldogs (GREAT MATCHUP FOR RYAN TO JUMPSTART THE 5 GAME PLAYOFF PUSH), Isotopes v. Fishing Club fishermen people (GREAT MATCHUP TO MAKE MIKEY T COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT HIS TEAM IS NOT PLAYOFF-BOUND).
MVP: David Robertson – Blew a save on Sunday that spoiled a Quintana win and gave Rojo the tie.
LVP: David Robertson – Blew a save on Sunday that spoiled a Quintana win and cost Connor the win. PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING. This was a teachable moment for you all.
HOW MANY STARTERS GOT STARTED??: Resurgence 21 😦 BDP 21 😦
Rojo you lucky bastard (yanno aside from all the health issues and stuff). Late Sunday Jose Quintana seemed destined to clinch a W for the Bad Drake Puns, by getting a W which would tie the Resurgence in Ws. And then, just as he had come through for Yankees Fan Rojo time and time again, David Robertson came through for Fantasy Team Owner Rojo by blowing Quintana’s win and allowing Rojo to eke out a (PITIFUL) tie to Connor. In Rojo’s defense the BDP had a strong week: Jose Altuve continued to march towards the real life and fantasy MVP awards (8 runs, 2 doubles 1 triple 3HRs 9RBIs 2SB .575 OBP) and Albert Pujols continued to uhhhh have power (4HRs 12RBIs) and the Puns put up 5 triples, a .346 OBP and NINETEEN steals. So those are solid numbers across the board. Helping the Resurgence keep pace on the batting side were the 6HRs from Matt Kemp, 4HRs from Ian Kinsler, and 2HRs a piece from Adrian Beltre, Paul Goldschmidt, and Nelly Cruz. The true help for Rojo came on the pitching side however, where the Resurgence won 5 of the 7 categories. Which is even more impressive when you point out that they PUNT SAVES EVERY WEEK AND CONTINUE TO THINK THAT IS AN OKAY IDEA. Yu Darvish continues to work on raising his pitch count, and he struck out 20 batters in 10 innings. The Resurgence also got two great starts from Kluber (16Ks 2QS), Cueto (14Ks 1QS), Tanaka (11Ks, 2QS 1W) and Steven Wright (13Ks, 2QS 2Ws) and all of a sudden I am noticing the Resurgence pitching staff looks pretty strong. Yanno aside from the whole punting closers thing. For Connor’s pitching staff Kyle Kendrick (10Ks, 2QS 2Ws), Carlos Carrasco (9Ks, 2QS 2Ws), and Jose Quintana (11Ks, 2QS 1W) were all impressive. But that lack of that 2nd W for Jose Quintana loomed large. But also who cares, fuck Connor. #WCFC
Next Week aka This Week: Resurgence v. MooniniteZ (CAN ROJO STOP THE MOONINITEZ WIN STREAK? [no]), BDP v. X-Rayz (CAN CONNOR MAKE A PUSH INTO THE PLAYOFFS? [no]).
THE SOCAL HOLISTIC HEALTH MEDICINAL MARIJUANA-AIDED MASTERPIECE OF THE WEEK
Point Loma X-Rayz Snatch A Late Victory From The Jaws Of A Tie, Defeat The OceanGate Trout Fishing Club – 7-4-3
MVP: Billy Hamilton – Howie Kendrick may have had the late Sunday heroics but it was Billy Hamilton doing most of the heavy lifting this week. And by “heavy lifting” I mean he was running around like a got damned madman. 14/39, 10 runs 10SBs .405 OBP. Not an extra base hit or an RBI to be found and still dominated.
LVP: Mike Mayers – The Cardinals started this random asshole on Sunday night and he proceeded to give up 9 runs in 1.1 innings, giving Odom’s X-Rayz alllll the HRs and runs they needed to take this matchup. Alex Reyes would have done better.
HOW MANY STARTERS GOT STARTED??: X-Rayz 18 :(( Fishing Club 18 :((
Another week, another X-Rayz matchup coming down to the wire that X-Rayz owner Mike Odom goes out of his way to declare the most competitive matchup in league history and blah blah blah. BY THE WAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL ODOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Michael Odom will be celebrating his 30th birthday on 7/27 and we all wish him well in his endeavors as a 30 year old. Welcome to the club.
ANYWHO, soon-to-be 30 year old Mike Odom battled current 30 year old Greg Heroy in a COMPETITIVE matchup that seemed possibly headed towards a tie entering the last game o’ the week. Heroy could steal a win with a steal from Corey Seager and Odom had a chance if he was able to get a couple of runs and/or HRs out of Adrian Gonzalez, Howie Kendrick, Jedd Gyorko, and Yadier Molina. ODOM GOT PRECISELY THAT, thanks in no small part to the Cardinals starting some terrible guy named Mike Mayers. REALLY Heroy can make a case that he lost because Carlos Martinez had to be a bitch and require additional rest. Really that is what happened here. Aside from the Sunday excitement, the most interesting aspect of this matchup was watching the absolute WAR (not to be confused with wins above replacement) to win the steals category. The Point Loma X-Rayz, typically a lock to win steals in most of their matchups, found themselves down to the Fishing Club most of the week. However Billy Hamilton and co. helped them close ground day after day, and with zero steals on Sunday from the Fishing Club and two steals on Sunday by Billy and Charlie (Blackmon) the X-Rayz were able to STEAL………..the win in that category. 18 to 17. Here’s all of your stealers of multiple bases, since again that was kinda the most interesting cat: TEN for Billy Hamilton 2 for Blackmon 2 for Segura on the X-Rayz side, 3 for Trea Turner (and 1 on the bench on Sunday) 3 for Kris Bryant 2 for Trout 2 for Kipnis 2 for Jankowski on the Fishing side. As for pitching, both sides pitched well and deserve a tip of the hat but the X-Rayz pitched well-er pretty much across the board so they deserve a larger hat to be tipped. 117Ks, 11QS 9Ws 8 saves 7 holds and a 2.79 team ERA for the X-Rayz, really showcasing balance across the board there. 105 Ks, 11QS 7Ws 3 saves 6 holds 3.42 ERA for the Fishing Club across their agreed upon 18 start limit. WHICH IS FOR SISSIES. ANYWHO those pitching numbers for Heroy would have been competitive with just about anybody, but against a strong week for the X-Rayz they came up a little short. And I am all analyzed out. X-Rayz pitcher of note: Anthony Desclafani (14IP, 5ER 11Ks 2QS 2Ws 3.21 ERA). Fishing Club pitcher of note: Jose Fernandez (13.1IP, 4ER 21Ks 2QS 1W 2.70 ERA).
Next Week aka This Week: X-Rayz v. Bad Drake Puns (THIS REVIEWER IS TEAM ODOM ON THIS ONE), Fishing Club v. Isotopes (THIS REVIEWER IS MORE OR LESS INDIFFERENT ON THIS ONE).
WEEK 16 IS UPON US. 5 matchups left, a lot of teams still in the mix for them playoff spots (and a few other teams perhaps in denial). I believe this is the last week for trading so everyone needs to figure out if they are a wolf or a sheep…..