(Post)Week 11 Power Rankings- THIS BLOG HAS GONE TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET EDITION

handbasket1

I don’t even know where we last left off in these goddamn things.  I mean I do ‘cuz I can scroll down.  But the point is, we are like 3 weeks behind and DAMNED if I am going to live in the past and review all of those things.  I’ll take part of the blame here because for a time I was too preoccupied googling Molly fruit punch recipes or something.  But we all know the majority of the blame goes to Mike Lobman’s eating disorder.  In light of these events I decided to just jump right in with some  Power Rankings that shall briefly touch on where we last left our heroes, where they are currently, and where they are going.  Note:  This league is pretty much devoid of heroes.  Much like the beginning of the Dark Knight Rises.  Rojo is the hero we deserve but not the one we need right now.

TO THE POWER RANKINGS…..

1-  Rojo’s Resurgence (8-3)

Where We Last Left Them:  In our last Power Rankings, posted towards the latter portions of Week 7, Rojo and his Resurgence was sitting pretty at 5-2 and #1 in our rankings/hearts.

Where They Are Now:  Rojo’s Resurgence remains prettily seated, having gone 3-1 since the Power Rankings last posted to remain in the #1 spot in said power rankings.  Unfortunately, nobody likes a team that continues to do well so he is no longer #1 in our hearts.  He has been replaced by gays or alligators or something, I forget.  THE WORLD IS CHAOS.

Where They Are Headed:  ALL THE WAY TO TITLETOWN.  No I don’t at all feel comfortable saying that.  But all the way to the playoffs?  He probably will make the playoffs.  Barring epic collapse.

2-  Barnegat Banana Slugs (7-4) 

     Where We Last Left Them:  In our last rankings, Resident  “Runner Up CURSE ™” Bearer Brian Smith (and his curse) were third (4-3).  And this is an exact science so truly they were the third best team in the league at that time.  No more no less.

     Where They Are Now:  CURRENTLY the Slugs from Barnegat have slid their slimey way up to a spot in our rankings, having equaled the Resurgence with a 3-1 record since, like, the Thursday of Week 7.  A really meaningless and arbitrary point to split the season at but damned if it won’t be used for the rest of this thing, because that’s just where we are at with this “blog” right now.  Whereas the Resurgence is coming off a Week 11 loss, the Slugs have won 3 straight to close the gap and diminish Rojo’s accomplishments.  They only one back of first place, folks.

     Where They Are Headed:  ALL THE WAY TO……out of the playoffs.  You are still cursed sir.  Them is the breaks.

3-  Point Loma X-Rayz (6-4-1) 

Where We Last Left Them:  Way back when our West Coast affiliate was ranked fifth, sporting a 3-3-1 record.

Where They Are Now:  APPARENTLY EVERYONE HAS GONE 3-1 SINCE WEEK 7.  Seems mathematically impossible but here we are.  Odom’s 3-1 and has won his last two matchups and has moved up two power spots in the power rankings sponsored by powerade as a result.

Where They Are Headed:  Honestly who the fuck knows with this one.  Personally I consider Mike Odom far too wiley to miss the playoffs this year, he will drop his entire team to fill it with probable pitchers before that happens.  So book him down for a trip why not.

4-  River City Cuban Missiles (5-4-2) 

     Where We Last Left Them:  LAST TIME, the Cuban Missiles were a disappointing 4th in their season-long disappointing defense of their disappointing championship last year.  They were 3-2-2.

     Where They Are Now:  SAME SPOT, after a (disappointing) 2-2 stretch.  Disappointing is in parentheses back there because a beatdown of the first place Resurgence totally redeemed Lobman’s Latinos, possibly saving their season.  In Week 11.  Yep

     Where They Are Headed:  Some place disappointing.  I am sure they will throw a few nice BBQs though.

5-  Ocean Gate Trout Fishing Club (5-5-1) 

Where We Last Left Them:  IN HAPPIER TIMES!  Back in Week 7 it was decided that Heroy’s squads 4-3 record was the most impressive 4-3 record and for that reason they were ranked second.  Feels like a half-remembered dream.

Where They Are Now:  Because now the Fishing Club has run into its share of turbulent waters, going 1-2-1 over their past 4 to drop down to 5-5-1.  As usual the troops from Ocean Gate have the talent to climb the rankings in the future weeks, even if Andrew McCutchen apparently isn’t good anymore (he is probably still somewhat good).

Where They Are Headed:  NOT TO TITLETOWN.  Because Andrew McCutchen isn’t good anymore.  See I contradicted myself there.  It’s occurring to me that I have really nothing to say for these “where they are headed” parts, as my prediction days are supposed to be behind me and all.  And also cuz I don’t feel like saying much.  So let’s move on.

6-  Main Street MooniniteZ (5-5-1) 

     Where We Last Left Them:  ‘Twas dark dark times back in Week 7.75, as the MooniniteZ were playing uninspired fantasy baseball and sitting at 3-4.  For this they were ranked 9th.

     Where They Are Now:  A LITTLE BETTER!  A retooling of the pitching staff and a dropping of some disappointing keepers have made the Main Streeters (slightly) more competitive and a 2-1-1 stretch has them in a confusing 7th place in the standings.  I BEAT THE BAD DRAKE PUNS TWICE AND TIED HEROY.

     Where They Are Headed:  Evidently towards some sort of playoffs tiebreaker screwjob.  Back to divisions I say.

7-  Bad Drake Puns (5-5-1) 

Where We Last Left Them:  At 4-3, with an unfortunate winning record that unfortunately forced me to rank them sixth.

Where They Are Now:  NOW I CAN RANK THEM SEVENTH.  Feels much better.  Still not great by any means, really as a league you want your Bad Drake Puns below .500.  But it’s on the team’s below them on this week’s power rankings to get their shit together first and foremost.

Where They Are Headed:  Nowhere great until they fix their weird obsession with holding onto useless Astros middle relievers.  Not dropping Giles only calls more attention to the fact that he was drafted in the first round.  YOU ARE MAKING IT WORSE.

8-  Pine Lake Jumpmen (4-7)

Where We Last Left Them:  A scuffling record of 3-4  had the Pine Lake Dots 7th in our rankings but I think we allllll knew they were bound to get it together……

Where They Are Now:  WHICH HAS YET TO HAPPEN.  A game was won somewhere in there but 3 others were lost, when really Pine Lake fans would like to have seen a .500 record in the last 4.  A .500 record the fans could have lived with.  But THIS?!  Fuck this mannnn.

Where They Are Headed:  To hell in a handbasket, at this rate.  Take a look at what Lobman and Ryan’s once mighty teams have become and learn the lesson folks:  don’t knock up your ladies.

9-  Springfield Isotopes (3-6-2) 

     Where We Last Left Them:  8th in our rankings with a record of 3-3-1.  Oh Mikey T…..

     Where They Are Now:  Say what you want about the Jumpmen, I will say I liked them better when they were the enigmatic  .    But at least the former  .    actually have won a game since these power rankings were last updated.  Eking out a tie to the Bad Drake Puns is the only bright spot of late for the ‘Topes, but face it there’s no small victories to be had in that and no small victories in an 0-3-1 record in your last 4.  Ick, Commissioner T.  ICK.

     Where They Are Headed:  To hell in a handbasket.  Regardless of that I stand with Mikey T and the rest of the LGBTQ community.

10-  Whitestone Bulldogs (3-8) 

     Where We Last Left Them:  Literally in the exact same spot they are in now, dead fucking last.

     Where They Are Now:  Dead fucking last.

     Where They Are Headed:  Probably staying in dead fucking last.

So uhhh there we have it.  A very comprehensive yet completely empty Week 11.57 Power Rankings.  Those of you (and me) outside of the top 5 only have yourselves to blame.  Also THE BLOG LIVES.  If only momentarily.  On to the 2nd half playoff push.

athf-pants
Pictured: Pants for the classy MooniniteZ fans out there.  You know who you are.
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(Post)Week 11 Power Rankings- THIS BLOG HAS GONE TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET EDITION

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